#I am NOT built for society

[sarumint]

pop!

#hunter x hunter #kurapika kurta #leorio paladiknight #leopika #hxh fanart #art #i was a hardcore leopika fan back in 2020 and now I’m back in the pit #1999 had me screaming and crying #and the drama cds⁉️ #even looking back at my leopika art from 3 years ago had me maniacally laughing in my room #I have so much old hxh art in my little shoe box it was mentally HEALING looking through them again #it was clear how much I loved hxh and honestly I’m so glad I got into it again #I was just 15 when I drew all those silly things but why does it feel like it was just yesterday #I started this acc when I was 16 so most of my oldest drawings on here was made when I was just 16 #and now I’m 18??this is so weird idk why I’m rambling about my age rn but life just flies too fast #I don’t like it #I just wanna be in my room drawing away my self indulgence #and daydream about stories I’ll write later #and decorate my silly room and dress myself up in the mirror #I am NOT built for society

[teethcore]

crush: uh... hey!

me: hello.

him: you're mad at me.

me: yes i am.

him: okay. i think... i know why, but just so i'm sure... um. what did i do?

me: well you walked away from me while i was in the middle of a sentence and left me standing there calling your name like a bad romdrama, and it made a bit of a scene. so that was pretty rude.

him: i'm sorry.

me: i'm sure you are.

him: okay, this is a "stop talking before i make it worse" mad?

me: good idea.

him: okay.

#KICKING AND PUNCHING AND BREAKING BONES A #i want to go live in the woods #the smallest little interactions like this make me so!!!!!!! unfathomably angry #i am Not built for society

[rongzhi]

not a day goes by that i don't think about the old white guy from my college internship who used to rant about how he was oppressed for being left-handed and catholic

#text #i am also lefthanded and he'd get so >:| whenever i was just like 'i've never noticed' re: society not built for left handed ppl #he had a perfectly timed youtube playlist he'd play during the lunch break and the last song was alone again by gilbert o'sullivan #i have that song on my phone bc of him lol #he took 10001 '10 minute smoke breaks' #shout out to chuck 🫡 he was so funny for all that

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent lounging babey images

#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy #a beauntifulle boye... #cats #STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going #on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit #so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T #Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the #main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things. #Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've #now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do #and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and #everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over #the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many #potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all #seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o #cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat #ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together! #and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams #together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and #am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper #focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not) #even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern #age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu #I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb #AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3 #I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol

[cyberpunkboytoy]

My DID-having ass is experiencing so much world-envy for the fictional country of Vaugarde I'm going to throw up

#Didn't realize how much I needed a society built around the concepts if change and reinvention but holy shit I do. I need it so bad. #The legally normal concept of being given multiple names to transition between or change to... #the societally accepted and easy ways to craft a new body... #the traditions built around reinvention and throwing away aspects of your old life that you wish to discard #that also acknowledge that reinvention involves the destruction of something else. & the grief from yourself or others that comes with that #literally have never resonated with anything to this level and I am YEARNING #like. my life would literally be so much easier in that society #the fact Vaugarde also highly values queerness of all kinds only helps #going insane over this world-building tbh konda wanna overthrow my government & rebuild my country in its image tbh #I am Decidedly Not Normal about this fake country #no spoilers if you respond to this btw. Not done with the game #In Stars And Time #hi dev I know you have a tumblr so if you see this: I love you #thank you for creating this world and letting me have a peek into it #they say we can't build a better world if we can't imagine what that world would look like and #now i can. I know what my ideal world looks like. #textpost

[maddyshome]

Ok so a lot of yall are pissed off by my critique of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. Some of you who have read my posts (mostly the incest proshippers) think I am sensible to mature subjects so my critique is just based on the fact I'm against the ship between Andrew and Ashley.

I am really not sensible to mature subjects. Fear & Hunger is one of my recent fav games.

The themes present in Fear & Hunger are muchhhh worse than twisted incest. Trust me. Or I guess you can check out the game if you can't trust me. There is cannibalism, csa, sa etc. A lot of bad things are happening there.

I dislike The Coffin of Andy and Leyley because its meaningless and boring. There is nothing complex or complicated in this game. The story is simple. The world is underdeveloped and everything in this game is about Andrew and Ashley. That gets boring very fast.

I am against shipping Andrew and Ashley and I do think (with proof mind you) that it is UNNECESSARILY fetishizing the incest aspect of the game. But the fact that their society is literally nonexistent because we barely have any details is still true.

Miro doesn't really "hide" the gruesome themes in his games. In fact there is a scene in the first Fear & Hunger game where your character gets SA.

The difference is that one game has a developed culture, religion, characters. And the other game is just repeating itself.

#the coffin of andy and leyley #fear and hunger #i dont expect any of you to understand what i mean so i will not bother to explain more than this. #just know: fear & hunger has a whole ass society built and the coffin of andy and leyley is just some game about twisted siblings #someone even said i am not familiar with dark fantasy #LMAOOOO??? my thesis was based on the portrait of dorian gray wtf u on

[katyspersonal]

God, I am finally free from a really heavy burden

#personal #I am just not built for keeping emotions to myself #like... i can't even begin to explain how much stronger my feelings are than average #and how sensitive I am #at the very least my brain has one less way to torment me #now that I am free and also more sure about my place in society and the whole thing

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[birdmenmanga]

LAUGHTER IN THE END OF THE WORLD IS SOOOO GOOD I CRIED BC IT WAS JUST A ONE SHOT IN MY HEART IT SHOULDVE BEEN LIKE . IT SHOULDVE HAD THE PLACE AND LOVE DEMON SLAYER HAS. IT TRULY FEELS LIKE IT HAD THE POTENTIAL FOR THAT. SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOCK

LMAOOOO LITERALLY... one shot in my heart as well... I KNOW it was 5 chapter I KNOW it was a whole ass volume but it just FELT like a oneshot you know?? like it was only the tiniest glimpse inside this huge huge world...

It's not even like it was a self-contained story that had no more story left in it either. There was a CLEAR thing that the narrative would have eventually built up to, which is that if their way of living is hunting down the demons they'd eventually collect all the mouths... and then what? it really begs the question y'know???? the demon's coming back?? what's going 2 happen to haru and luca?

I have never watched or read demon slayer so idk how the two measure up but yeah. where I live anyways demons slayer has so much hype. it genuinely sucks (to ME) that miss tanabe's works are always so underrated </3

#asks #anonymous #laughter in the end of the world #I guess they both have guys with a little sister who's cursed in some way? #I will say that just based on my impressions haru seems to have much more agency than that other girl. nezuko? #like just in fanarts it seems like she's either depicted as 'girl who is seen but not heard' #or 'going feral and losing control of herself entirely' #I have so many feelings about haru specifically. I think it she really began the age of completely unfuckable girls for miss tanabe #good for her #like it is SUCH a good subversion of the 'girl who looks young but is much older than she seems' #because like. genuinely. her character design is unsexy. it veers so hard into abstract symbolism there's nothing there to sexualize #and like I think it's such a good depiction of kids too #like you know she's acting but these 'old but younglooking girls' often act childish in a cute way you know!! #but haru's like childish in a 'I have not yet learned self-control and I am going to pull your hair out for saying mean things :(((' #which again. completely unfuckable. it's so great #but also the setup between the siblings is so crazy... they're literally built to be codependent #they actually can't live without the other and they will never be able to form longterm meaningful relationships with other people either #just the two of us we can make it if we try type beat #like haru will look like a kid forever. she will literally never be respected and will always need a chaperone in regular society #and then luca committed so hard to the bit that he also can't just... go back to being a normal person either #in my mind if it became a longer series I imagine it'd be a bit like mushi/shi... like standalone stories of a wanderer

[dormouseinatrenchcoat]

What I would give to be able to only work part time, still be able to afford health insurance and a place to live, while also having the time for learning languages and traveling and all my fiber arts hobbies without needing to turn anything into a side hustle!

All I desire is to sit in the grass in a secluded place and make things with my hands and watch the earth exist!

Alas! I am instead indoors, staring at a screen until I go cross eyed, listening to incessant beeping, and I will be held here contractually for the next 4.5 hours

#fuck capitalism #i just want to experience the beautiful things in the world more and also have time to study #i am autistic and society was not built for me

[leonardcohenofficial]

having a brief emotional breakdown over phil ochs and antonin artaud and the ways the pathologization of what we call madness and the failures of capitalism doomed these men yeah the writing process is clearly going well 

#most of this emotionality can be blamed on being on my period but van gogh the man suicided by society is a text that continues to haunt #me and like. as much as i am very proud of my research and am compelled to dedicate hundreds of hours of labor to exploring these #topics i just. sometimes the heaviness of my work really gets to me. which is hard to explain to my committee and hard to actually #acknowledge in my chapters themselves #thinking a lot about desiring production (in the D&G way) and foucault's madness and civilization and brecht and artaud being two sides of #the same coin and the fact that phil and artaud were both extremely haunted individuals but their attempts to explode their way out of what #haunted them failed and the fact that during his final performance of all time phil wore the hat that bob dylan wears on the cover of #desire and the artaud quote from van gogh that states 'no one has ever written or painted sculpted modeled built invented except to get out #of hell' #anyways! #*~more to talk about in therapy~*

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i just realized setrákus is just ra ra rasputin But Evil and it took an inch off the front of my skull

#lorien legacies #setrákus ra #LL tag #shitposting #RA RA RASPUTIN BUILT AN ELDRITCH MINE MACHINE #HE DIDN'T QUIT THEY WANTED HIS HEAD #i don't have words to describe how i feel about this knowledge #especially given that i made the connection via realizing that most of the first series' cast would legitimately find it deeply triggering #like my brain immediately went into taking-it-seriously mode because god that would suck so much #and from there it occurred to me that given the world events five years beforehand the meme would have VERY different #themes and connotations; and reactions from society at large; if it got popular at all #but also. oh my god. #oh my god? #[spongebob 'that's fcking hilarious/that's horrible' meme] #people being triggered by it isn't funny but the fact that it's fcking ra ra rasputin. and it FITS #to the point where it would have significant and serious individual and cultural impact #i don't know how i am ever going to recover from this

[no-one-hears-me]

I've spent too much time on the verge of suicide to be here today

#suicide tw #that's genuinely embarrassing #why haven't I done it yet. what am I staying here for #the truth is that I am a hopeful person deep inside and I want a decent future #I don't want to die in misery without ever knowing anything different #but the realistic part of me knows that I will never live a peaceful life #my hope is built on the fact that much of my misery stems from my environment and therefore I think that leaving will make me happy #and there is so much truth to that. I would be happier in different circumstances #but that doesn't change the lifetime of abuse and social isolation that has fundamentally damaged me as a person #I will carry the past with me wherever I go and it's impossible for me to escape #I will never be someone that was equipped to function in society and that is no fault of mine but I alone carry the burden #which really upsets me. why is my life ruined over someone else's choices? it's so easy to destroy someone #and so I know I will never truly change #I've had an ed for over 5 years I've been casually suicidal for like 10 years. also this happened during important formative years #I'm never gonna be mentally healthy. why do I keep holding on to the future #I wanna do something drastic #I wanna cut people out of my life. like past friends that are somewhat current #I'm easy to take advantage of bc I'm so lonely and desperate for a friend #and I wanna stop talking to the people that don't value me bc I know they don't care and it makes me sad all the time #but the problem is that I am desperate for a friend. and I don't wanna lose anyone even if they are shitty #unfortunately I still love them even if they don't care about me #that's so pathetic tbh but I can't help it. I love everyone #Sera

[crazycoven]

bro I go t too fucking high now I'm spiraling over how fucking stupid of a concept gender roles are like wow

like we're human bro and that's beautiful why are we still confining ourselves to these stupid boxes

#I was wathcing a video making fun of the 'not like the other girls memes' and I transcended space and time like wow why does anyone care abo #about those things at all ever #why is everything so gendered I wasn't built for a world like thisifd #I just feel like we should be at a point in our society where men and women and everyone in between can just mix and match and nobody fucki #cares thats my perfect world whens that one comin #idk what exactly I'm trying to say but I get so mad when someone who completely will identify with their birth gender- #and they like to dress as the opposite and present heavily into the opposite gender as themselves and ppl shout NOO U MUST BE TRANS OR NB- #LIKE STOPP STOPP IT ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE WHAT WE ARE A HUMAN WE ARE ALL HUMANS WE GOTTA DROP THE ACTS #good lord what am I saying anymore idk #hayden.txt

[amazingdemigodstuff]

I know I've said before that it doesn't matter if you dislike the BNHA villains, and that idc if you want them to die

However

I am so fucking smug rn lmao. How does it feel to be wrong? How does it feel to have such little reading comprehension that you are genuinely suprised that the character beloved for his kindness, the character who said he sees himself in his brother, the character that talked about getting lunch with his big brother, how does it feel knowing you were so incredibly wrong that you thought he'd kill his brother? How do you feel? Because I feel VINDICATED

#my post #HE WAS NEVER GOING TO KILL HIM #IT WOULD UNDERMINE THE CORE THEMES OF THE SHOW & SHOTO'S CHARACTER ARC #society built their villains so now they must save them #the damage cannot be undone but they can try to heal the wound #these villains went unsaved & ignored so the logical conclusion is that the OPPOSITE would happen #the current predicament is caused by the faults of the previous generation #SO WHY WOULD THEY REDO THOSE MISTAKES??? #you cannot burn everything to the ground to start anew #it's unjust to those burned and there'd be nothing to build from #bnha #bnha 352 #bnha spoilers #touya todoroki #dabi #shoto torodoki #my hero acadamia #boku no hero acadamia #mha #I AM VINDICATED #when the clearly laid out narrative fulfills itself #like WHY ARE Y'ALL SUPRISED #IT WAS ALWAYS GONNA END LIKE THIS #because death is not justice #and the core problem with this society is that it lacks justice #people are prescribed roles based on quirk status then society punishes them when they fulfil that role #but also punishes them when they go against it

[ilthit]

Not really sure how I feel about Finland releasing a big action movie about fighting Nazis in the same year the country votes the populist right wing anti immigrant party into the government.

#I am Finnish #i have read people on forums making passionate arguments that the Finns party is not fascist #nazis were a socialist party ahah gotcha #the reason nazism was bad was not that they called themselves socialists #it was the building of separate categories of citizen that allows you to dehumanize some members of society #that is evil #and that is what the Finns party have built their entire success on