#I do not have the brain capacity to write an insightful post so don’t expect that this week

[hvenart]

ISTG the last couple of minutes of ep 6 of the eighth sense GAVE ME THE BIGGEST WHIPLASH EVER LIKE WHAT???

No cus WTF??!! IT’S EP 6 PEOPLE

So I’m gonna rewatch that and try to figure out what the hell just happened…

the beginning of ep 5 was very cute tho I love Ae ri she’s my queen. Jaewon’s male friend (I can’t even SPEAK OF HIS NAME) can die in a fucking ditch.

#the eighth sense #the eighth sense the series #im so confused #like is my boy dead #but what if it’s a dream #ISTG IT BETTER BE A DREAM #mmhhhmhhhh I’m fine #its ok baby boy is in the hospital #idfk dude #I do not have the brain capacity to write an insightful post so don’t expect that this week

[johannas-motivational-insults]

K so I might get a little too real here but I want to be transparent about what’s going on with me so people know what to expect. Some of you might have noticed I haven’t been as active lately on Tumblr or YouTube or the AO3/FFN, haven’t been posting much of my own new content or even reposting other people’s. I seem to have hit a wall. I’ve had a rough few months in terms of my mental health, but the last 2-3 weeks I’ve been especially down and in particular having a hard time with concentration, energy levels, and feeling ahedonic. Needless to say, that has made content creation and engaging with fandom in general difficult. I haven’t lost interest in it, no more than I have lost interest in everything else, but trying to force myself to write (which sometimes helps) isn’t working right now.

I’ve also just been extremely busy and haven’t had much time for creative stuff in the first place, part of why attempting to create content has been frustrating. I have a packed week ahead but then I work less around the holidays, so I’m hoping to get back to it then with a full tank and fresh eyes. I just wanted to let everyone know not to expect anything new from me for a while. On top of my usual work stress (which has really taken a toll this fall), in the last couple weeks one of my sisters was in a car accident and my grandma had a mild stroke. Both of them are fine but needless to say my emotional capacity is spread a little thin right now. I really appreciate everyone supporting me with comments and kudos and even tips on Ko-fi, but I think trying to work on fandom stuff when I’m pretty incapable of production is just going to make things worse. I’m giving myself permission to take a little break so I can store up some enthusiam and energy for it, and I hope you all understand.

(Btw those of you I beta for, I can still totally do that! Editing is way easier than writing/building a vid in the first place.)

Honestly if I could even explain... maybe I don’t have to, I think a lot of you can relate, but my depression is a bitch right now. There’s been some spirals lately and like I said a general lack of pleasure/interest in anything, a lot of feeling worthless and unloved even when I logically know that’s not the case. There’s a reason why this is the second most deadly mental illness. It’s almost like an autoimmune disease for the brain, really fucked up, and I don’t know why it’s so bad right now but I sure wish my brain wasn’t broken from trauma and genetics and neurodivergence. It’s just a burden I wish I didn’t have to have, you know? And maybe it gives me some valuable insight and helps me to he a better person in some ways but that’s no good if I’m dead, inside or out.

Anyway I need to go, my other sister’s got her birthday party tonight and I need to put on a slightly less sad face. Thanks for your patience, guys.

#personal #creatives #writing problems #mental illness #depression

[inhalareexhalare]

Dianne Is so Awesome but She Might Freak If She Saw Me Post About That/Whatever the Hell Is Happening to Me

I managed to speak with more confidence over the phone with my boss, Dr. Seth. And then I initiated a long conversation with Ms. Dianne that lasted for almost an hour until my boss arrived so we each had to return to our work hahaha

So many stories! I admire her capacity to be patient with people and her capability to keep conversations bright without sacrificing her own feelings. She is driven to be truthful to people, and not just the if-I-am-asked kind; she has the initiative to tell you things that she feels bothered about in you, but with genuine compassion that you don’t feel attacked at all.

She knows how to balance yourself with other people. She knows how to balance teamwork with self-improvement. Most of all, she never allows an external, material, temporary thing to be a basis of motivation. She believes in having a real sense of purpose.

She is the kind of girl who lives in the company of people. She thrives in it.

I admire how she can balance the energy of a conversation (I made sure to let her know this). She doesn't extinguish the negative parts, but she balances it out with her own positive energy. Allowing other people to remember to heal themselves in the process. Spreading a remembrance of hope.She does all this, and she does it without knowing. I can tell she enjoyed trying to really answer why and how she does it.

I don’t have to thrive in it, but I’d like to be able to at least develop it as a skill, so I can also bring people up.

She believes in positive reinforcement, in motivating people to get better by themselves, rather than punishment that might work short-term but in the end kills what matters most.

That is true. I should do my best too.

2019-01-15 10:08 Philippines Friday

To Karu:

i have a letter for you and it contains a bigger perspective to whatever the hell it is that is happening to me

i'm so sorry

After sleeping alone two nights in a row, (the first night with my blood vessels boiling, figuratively, from who knows why, after Karu announced he’ll be away to a beautiful place) I just heard from him (he called me just now) and I felt so...cold. Like, dead cold. I was bitter. Monotone. Indifferent.

I can very easily tell you about my loneliness, reader, and although I won't expound on it I can very easily give some trusted friends a primer about it, but Karu is different. Somehow I feel so restrained to do that, and it's something I'm doing to myself.

I feel so desperate to hide it. It reminds me of how I maintain an icy poker face when others used to bully me (and gave up soon enough because I was indifferent). Is Karu a bully to me? I don't think so. But it's there. The fear of revealing more than I am comfortable to.

So here’s what I found out, in letter form for Karu to read (o my lord i am so sorry you ended up with a person like me who has low understanding of her own emotions):

Why am I so bitter to you

when we speak?

It’s like I don’t want to show

the loneliness inside me

in front of you

I fully enjoy everything

else that is happening

but your voice reminds

me too much of something that I long for

and, in self-dialogue, the second part:

that makes sense.

bitter is a plant

that is taken cared of poorly

but you’re not a plant, are you?

you’re the number one care you have

so be okay with being lonely

be kind to yourself

water yourself as often as necessary

you don’t need to fear yourself 

anymore

Also me, to Karu:

(he needs help to prepare gig clothes for tomorrow, so i’m probably the one available to do just that. he also said he’d be there with me tonight, but even that possibility is something i’m avoiding right now. i’m too scared to hope when i’m on bitter/sulk mode.

 i usually enjoy doing stuff for him but i’m still transitioning from feeling bitter... it takes work. i won’t give up!)

is it oki if [lobo] gets some snack later? i know it's not good to indulge but i might get pissy and stuff doing laundry and getting pissed for no reason haha

From Karu:

Yassss! Although the only thing that needs manual washing is the white button down

To Karu:

unless i get too lazy to bring laundry bags to the laundry shop of course hahaha i honestly think that's more likely to happen XD

my sulky mode needs a lot of working on, and i won't give up, so that might change but this is my mood right now haha still trying to transition properly

From Karu:

It's okay. I can take the stuff to the shop. If I get home early, I should also be able to cook

[Karu] gonna take care of sulky [Lobo]

Will gib hugs toooooo

  To Karu:

:< thanks

From Karu:

It all gud. I just have to get home hahaha 

That’s exactly the hope I’m avoiding right now I’ll just let him read this entry later...

From Karu (cont’d):

Do we haz laundry funds?

[Karu] is gonna get paid tomorrow ehehe

We will also try to start surviving on 200 pur dei

To Karu:

yes

okiii

From Karu:

Awesome heeheehee

Pork steak, yes?

To Karu:

....*•-•* nod

To be honest, I only ever use this awkwardly-self-made-but-too-accurate emoji with Karu. My poker face has zero capability to do this face (or any other emotional face) but the feeling tends to only apply to Karu.

From Karu:

I'll go see if we can go that route today  If not, I'll just think of something else hahaha

Upper limit for food is 250 and lower limit is 150. So I guess we eat less now when we get carinderia food hahaha

Lez get you some art materials and get me some goddamn lessons and yaw yan

Would you like some paint to play with?

Oh fuck I gotta change my strings soon btw. Maybe April or June :)

To Karu:

let's find pout i guess. eating less will probably help me appreciate food more. anything in excess makes us feel sick.

Yaw Yan's good.

painting materials are crazy expensive though

From Karu:

Pout?

To Karu:

out

punintended

freudian slip

lof yu

From Karu:

We can save up for art stuff :)

To Karu:

morp

I notice that Karu isn’t using the “:))” today. Change of brain?

or maybe it’s just the mood.

I’m stopping here, it seems to be irrelevant now lol

2019-01-15 10:50 Philippines Friday

Feeling these things, I was about to do a last-minute ditch a.k.a. escape from my (previously initiated) informal lunch date with the big group of secretaries today, until Dianne reached out her hand to me.

She actually didn’t, but I swear, that was what it was like to me. All she did, really, was beckon. I don’t even think she did it consciously/purposefully. But that. That evaporated all the doubt that I had left of joining them for lunch. 

Her hand in my mind, reaching out for mine. And I took it.

It is good to have good friends. She knows a little about my social anxiety since I told her about it this morning to celebrate and explain my celebration, of my progressing confidence in front of Dr. Seth.

That was what led to us having a long conversation. Halfway, I was almost losing attention, but I willed it on. It was just my fear that was trying to pull me out.

And I made it okay. We made it okay. Her hand, my hand.

I can’t give up now.

This is also training so I can reach out to people who might have similar struggles as myself.

2019-01-15 13:49 Philippines Friday

Aaand he's not home.

Well, I expected as much. It still stings a little though.

It seems he forgot it's Friday again. I get out of work an hour earlier than usual every Friday.

Actually, I don't even think he's coming for dinner tonight. I'm tired.

Guess I'm getting my own food and doing the laundry, then play some mind fucking games later. That should prep me up for tomorrow's story writing.

2019-02-15 18:04 Philippines Friday

Then again, life is only filled with uncertainties.

If I can't even embrace this, I've no right to pursue something as weird as psychology.

(Though I'd only apply this mindset to myself. Tough love works with myself most of the time. If it's my own voice HAHA I'm such a prideful creature.)

Speaking of psychology, what if I happen to unconsciously use Karu at this point in time as a hiding place from myself? My bitter/sulk mode as well as my nighttime separation anxiety are both based on fear of being alone to myself.

Alone with my thoughts. My ultimate chaos. My infantile order. I can't escape order for too long and hide in my mess of chaos. Order is in order. It won't do to just have chaos. I have to systemically know myself.

I didn't know Karu before, but I already had these things a long time ago. I always knew it never was Karu's fault or mistake, but could this be something closer to the truth?

I truly love him, but sometimes I feel weir. Maybe in those "sometimes," I use the warmth of our togetherness as a form of escapism.

Remember the letter I wrote earlier today?

"You don't need to fear yourself anymore."

The last line. I was worried at first that it didn't fit in my poem, especially that my head and hand just sort of spat it out there unconsciously. I seriously considered whether to delete it,

but I couldn't.

A slip of the pen?

I feel like I am closer to my personal truth. If you feel or think though, reader, that something's amiss or inconsistent with my observations and analysis, by all means please share your insight.

For now, I'll keep note of this.

To begin with, when I first was infatuated with Karu, my intention was just all him. He interested me very much. He is my first love. (I'm really lucky to be with someone as willing and patient as him. He isn't patient at all for most things, but he is when it matters.) (I always had a hard time being in love with others. I was indifferent a lot before. I had a sexual crush on my adopted older brother at age 5, and then a mutual crush with a high school close friend that I turned down because I got bored when he confessed. I know, I'm fucked up. But those are tales for another day.) Annnyway. And then I transitioned into the kind of sober love, where it felt like a deep ocean where my infatuation before was just a puddle.

But it never changed the fact that my intention was to make him happy. To love him. To give him affection, attention, and care.

I mean, who enters a relationship thinking, "I want to be with you to become a better person."

NO ONE does! But we all should!

With the all-for-the-other mindset we have, we risk destroying ourselves and even the other in the process.

It's all very romantic and courageous and admirable to have so much passion in caring for another, but forgetting yourself is setting both of you up in a pretty ugly loop.

Point is, getting into any kind of relationship just so you could celebrate not being alone anymore... Sends quite an important message.

You're uncomfortable with being alone with yourself.

You are who you end up with until the end of your life. Might as well learn to love this self.

It's important to take care of your social life, but you need to be doing it for the right reasons.

But don't worry, and don't punish yourself. It wastes time. When you find yourself in misalignment, reconfigure, and start over.

It's never too late, as long as you have breath and you have mind.

Stay Alive, everyone! Never stop learning.

I have feelings. That are unpleasant. That I look for other things that might take it away. But they're never taken away. Only hidden.

It's only now I realize (again), I've been trying to banish something important in me. These unpleasant feelings were treated poorly by myself. I didn't give them enough time. I'm too impatient, too afraid.

But now I remember. To let things go, you've got to let them in first.

Change usually involves more of involvement rather than stepping back.

And besides, learning to be comfortable with who you really are? I'd think that's the true, real love.

2019-02-15 19:13 Philippines Friday

I got to open up a bit about how I am sad to Karu last night.

Also, it's been a while, so I knew he was bursting. I helped him release.

Of course, that made it easy to thaw my ice. But I'd like to be able to learn how to show him more of my loneliness with more willingness.

#chrono7 #social #dianne #balance #self #reflection #quote #progress #mission #marriage #poetry #bitter #sulk #sad

[4plus20-blog]

i can't believe i never noticed my cptsd. from the outside it was plain; some of you nicknamed me 'mouse'. i thought it was because of the way i ate? and never gave it much consideration.

this makes me feel angry--when i realize things like this. why is it that the people who supposedly care about you can notice things like that about you and not think there's something wrong? not ask you about why you do things? but they state things; and when they state things they feel more like criticisms.

these thc sessions are going well. i wish i had a therapist to direct me, but while i wait to see one (and hope they're as good as AH), i still feel like i'm having breakthroughs. things take shape in the visual space of my brain--patters, connections (which I think describes a bit of what many experience on mushrooms)--and they teach me to see my patterns. this is a tad bewildering, because all i'm visualizing is the backdrop of my patterns--the process for patterns to pass through.

i've just realized something about the patterns though: they're fast, black, directional squiggles. like little cryptic roadrunners of edged, triangular, long patches of black paint. and i don't know if they're mine or not. who owns what occurs in the synapses? it isn't me (or at least so far from intentionally me that i can barely access it), but it isn't you either. when we speak of fault...i actually think that's apt, and i'm now much more comfortable with the word. a fault in a system; a failure in a function... it's a moment that you can choose to take ownership of, to lessen the burden on another (although it is not clear to our immediate consciousness that the final fault (and indeed, it is the final fault that we most quickly jump to; reverse chronological memories and all) is the fault that is solely responsible for the crash, is said to have 'the fault'), and we must have a very limited capacity of that, which makes it a very beautiful and vulnerable thing to share with another. yet is so easily abused.

i wonder if john barth wrote while high.

what's striking about reflecting on one's own writing is to reach a place, disconnected from it, yet drawn into it, where you can pick out the peculiarities that may make up 'a voice', that another can praise for being so unique (why do we value uniqueness so much in writing anyway?), where we can appreciate each piece of linguistic delight as you think fondly on the building blocks that created and stored that space in one's mind. though my judgment will likely change when i am sober (and that's another thing: judgment can be a temporally fluid thing, you know), and struggle to follow these insights. barth, sorkin...bits of high fantasy (or high fantasy?)...they all come together to be this voice. this voice that may be part of me, and yet is not all of me? like the holy trinity of myself, assuming only three. it feels like more than three. i feel like i discover places within the nooks and crannies of my consciousness that have contributed to my thoughts but were hiding behind whatever was most obvious before. and by places, i mean people; i mean me. 15, 11, 12, 22... i don't even know the difference between the years 19-22. i know there was one big event in there (i'll refrain from posting identifying information), but i can never remember quite which year it happened.

why did no one check in on me then? or maybe they did but i couldn't hear them. because it was always phrased as 'let's get together', and not as 'are you okay'. cut through the bullshit; it's literally exhausting for me. i can't pretend to be happy to see you. i'm not. there are things in me that dislike you even though logically, i know you've been nothing but supportive. but that's not true either. you weren't any more perfect than i was. you just had your own expectations that i could never meet. you acted like a parent, but you weren't my parents. your shame for my failing to meet your expectations was very damaging. i had enough of that on my own. i only accepted your help because i felt i had no choice. if i'd been able to drive myself around, i would have done it myself. if the bus had been better, i'd have done it myself. and what's with your equivalent in town #2 looking at me with near-disgust as i say i'll take the bus? that church had never seen poor people. people that struggled. setting an example is a bad excuse. i can't believe i didn't realize this. i was so angry then. i questioned everything. why would this place i chose to belong to get rid of those i'm closest to right before i get there? and when i think of who it was...it was the openly less than perfect people. who believed they still embodied the spirit of the sacrament, even if they couldn't live up to it themselves. because what kind of movement is abstinence-only? and i don't mean sex-ed; i mean abstinence from some of the joys of life. maybe what'll save addicts is community that communicates. maybe they were trying to foster that. but getting it out in the open that they're struggling gets them labeled a habitual sinner, and for some reason that means he's not fit for leadership.

recently i had a dream that kept me from... thought too far to access (interrupted).

i also feel my writing is part robot. and i'm fond of my time at nerd school. moreso the first year. maybe i was dissociating less at that time? i did have a lot of fun matching my outfits and accessories; that seems like something a child would appreciate more (on average) perhaps.

[reddiess]

[stan_the_man messaged you]

For the anon who wrote:  "stenbrough social media/college au where person A is an instagram model and person B is a fan who has a friend that forces them to follow and comment, and !! person A notices him!!!!" i’m so sorry something was wrong with the connection so i either didn’t post it or deleted it but shoot me a message if you liked it op! you can also find this on my AO3 Requests are open, shoot me a prompt for a fic or headcanon!! Summary:  Stanley Uris has an undying crush on Instagram model Bill Denbrough. Which is fine, until Richie Tozier goes and messages him. * The moment Stanley Uris spots his best friend with his phone in his hand, suspiciously only tapping once on the screen and with purpose, is the moment he knows Richie Tozier is fucking dead. "Richie," he draws the word out as if to question his friend's entire existence. "What are you doing with my phone?" The traitor looks up and has the audacity to smile innocently, like he doesn't know what Stanley is talking about. "Um... Nothing?" "Nothing my ass," Stan murmurs under his breath before sizing the situation up and jumping into action. He throws himself over the back of their leather couch but Richie is already out of the living room, wheezing as he bolts towards the kitchen door. Stan stops and crosses his arms in front of his torso, waiting for the inevitable— CRASH! He watches with perverse satisfaction as his flatmate trips over the ironing board standing in the entrance to the kitchen, toppling to the floor. "There's something in the way," he deadpans. "Watch out."

"Fucking bitch." Richie pushes himself up. Somehow, there's still an unnerving grin splitting his frog face in two. "I still messaged him though."

Stanley's eye twitches. "Who exactly, again?" He stomps over to the monster he calls his best friend and rips his phone out of his hand. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

*

DING!

stan_the_man followed you

DING!

stan_the_man mentioned you in a comment: @billyboy boi fuk me up u fiiiiiiine

Bill Denbrough's eyebrows draw together in confusion, his stare almost piercing holes into the touchscreen of his phone; what kind of language...?

DING!

stan_the_man messaged you: dam boi are u a pair of ray bans bc ud look great sitting on my face ;);););)

The line is so out of the blue and bizarre that Bill actually bursts out laughing. He sits up and quickly screenshots the ridiculous message to send to the groupchat with his closest friends.

Out of pure curiosity he clicks on stan_the_man's profile and is surprised to find that the guy looks fairly normal – handsome, even – and not at all creepy like he would've expected. There's also no trace of the attitude or the, um, grammar he used in his direct message to Bill. He actually just looks like a regular guy who's nice and hot and therefore way out of Bill's league.

He goes back to the direct message to type in a reply but changes his mind pretty quickly. Should he even address something as childish and weird as this message? Should he even...

DING!

He almost drops his phone in surprise.

stan_the_man: Oh God, sorry. That was my roommate, this is so embarrassing. He thinks he's funny.

No emojis, no pickup lines. But at least the guy has good grammar. That's more than what he normally sees on Instagram these days.

*

Stan tries to forget all about the most embarrassing event of his life, also known as the time Richie dm'd his Instagram crush with a godawful fuckboy one-liner. He doesn't unfollow Bill Denbrough though because why would he?

He does still spend a good majority of his free time stalking the guy's profile. What can he do when Bill is literally perfect with all his black and white photoshoots and colorful model shots in European countries and mirror selfies with his dog? What is Stan supposed to do, ignore it? Yeah well, not today - and not only because he's a photography major and the shots make his heart weep but also because Bill is ridiculously perfect.

So here's the brief story of how he found the guy: He was exhausted after a long day of work and was in search of a movie stupid enough for his mushy brain to absorb. In this state of mind, a person's brain capacity is not exactly at its full potential, and so that's his excuse for clicking on a Buzzfeed article titled "21 Hottest Male Models We Shamelessly Follow On Instagram". Go figure.

All of them were hot, of course. But Bill Denbrough was... something else. All Stanley could think about was photographing him. Most of the models were these muscly, handsome machos with chiseled jawlines and messy hair - your typical, well, douchebag look. None of them were Stan's type by far, so he was ready to close the article but then he saw number 21, Bill Denbrough aka @billyboy. Bill was... stunning, to say the least. For starters, he didn't have any facial hair, one point for him. He was not buff, more of a tall and lean type, another point. Not the average face that's considered universally attractive but more of a unique charm and he seemed to have a dog; more points. His bio said:

Bill Denbrough 23yr old model based in New York, loves dogs, books, nature and tv shows. Advocate for LGBTQ+ and homeless youth. For business inquiries, please contact...

His pictures all matched with his bio, Stan realized as he scrolled through his profile. He really was a dog and nature lover, liked to read and was actively helping the LGBT and homeless youth - infinite points and there went Stanley Uris' heart.

So that was then. Now is now, and now... Stan is getting a message from him.

What!?

Stan clears his cache, force stops and restarts the Instagram app and cold boots his phone but it's still there:

billyboy: Haha, no problem man. I know a lot about annoying roommates. I like your work btw!

What. The. Fuck. He doesn't know if he should smack Richie or kiss him.

stan_the_man: Wow, thank you! I'm a photography & imaging major so they're mostly my assignments, but some of them are just for fun. Are you still studying?

Lame, but kind of okay. Acknowledged Bill's compliment, gave a bit of insight related to the topic, asked to show he's also interested in having a conversation. That's normal, right? He waits a couple of minutes before sending it just so he doesn't seem desperate but gets a reply almost instantly.

billyboy: Yeah, I'm studying creative writing, it's my last year though. Can't wait to be out of uni tbh.

stan_the_man: same, I'd sell my soul at this point for it to be over

Bill laughs, or at least sends a laughing emoji so Stan guesses he does. That's how he starts talking to his Instagram crush.

*

It doesn't help much with his crush, talking to Bill. If anything, it makes him like the guy even more, which in turn just makes his heart hurt when he thinks about how he doesn't have a chance. Sometimes he has a flicker of hope, like when Bill says something especially flirty or compliments his new picture. He doesn't post many selfies but the one he does Bill ends up commenting on ("What a handsome curly man #crying") and Stanley ends up gaining 300 followers overnight.

And his infatuation with the model just keeps growing and growing. He's certain Bill is not perfect, he can't be but what can a man do when it sure seems like he is? Stan has no chance. So he does the stupidest thing he can do and invites him out for coffee. As soon as he sends the message he throws his phone across the room, the childhood habit of biting his fingernails making a short but threatening return. Get your act together, Stanley thinks. He's just a guy.

He's Bill Denbrough, he's not just some guy! His mind helpfully supplies.

You're arguing with yourself again. Stop it.

I do whatever I w--

DING!

That has to be Bill. It has to be. Stan carefully rounds his bed and reaches for his phone, pushing the home button so he sees his lockscreen. The preview of Bill's message starts with Sure! When are you... and then it's cut off.

Stanley looks around to see if Richie is in hearing distance, and when he finds he's in the clear, he does a dance of celebration.

He really should give a present of gratitude to Richie now.

*

It goes well. Coffee, that is. They hit it off right away because as normal as Bill comes through in his messages, his humour actually aligns with Stan's in that dry, passive aggressive, death loving kind of way. Which is fine. Amazing.

What's not amazing however, is how perfect he actually is. Stan sees his clear skin and perfect hair and amazing body proportions and red lips every day on Instagram but it has nothing on the real thing. There's just no way any camera could ever capture the charisma the guy has.

(Stanley is going to try though. Even if Bill wouldn't have agreed to it, he would somehow bribe him into modeling for his portfolio. He did agree though, and without any extra convincing too so Stan is going to make the most of that promise.)

It turns out that Bill's favorite tv show is Supernatural, bless his soul, but his favorite movie is Edward Scissorhands, which Stan also loves. They also realize they go to the same university and actually took a course together last semester – some bullshit class where attendance wasn't mandatory – except Stan never realized it. Bill traveled a lot last year due to his modeling career and Stan literally never was there so there was little to no chance of them meeting; which is nice because he would have had an aneurysm on the spot.

When he gets home that afternoon Richie is already sitting in the armchair in their living room with crossed legs.

"I see you've had a fun day," he waves his phone at Stanley, who has to squint to see that Bill has uploaded the selfie they took together to his Instagram.

"None of your business," Stan replies and automatically turns to leave. Well, he would if Richie Tozier didn't jump on his back the next second and really, how is he that fast?

"Tell me EVERYTHING Stan the man, don't you even think about sparing me any juicy details!" Richie booms in his ear before he manages to shake him off enough that only his arms remain locked around Stan's neck. "Come oooon, I hooked you guys up!"

"What the fuck do you mean you hooked us-" DING! "Excuse me, I have to go." He unceremoniously bites Richie in the forearm until he has no chance to let go with a yelp.

"At least tell me later!" his best friend shouts after him but he's already halfway to his room. He plops down onto the light blue bedsheets he changed just yesterday, and the faint smell of the detergent kind of reminds him of how Bill smelled when they half-hugged while saying goodbye.

billyboy: Thank you for the coffee today! I actually have a confession to make.

billyboy: Tell me if I got the wrong message or anything but I had a very hard time not kissing you after we met. I just thought it would be fair to tell you.

Stan turns so his face mushes into the pillow and screams.

*

("When were you going to tell me this?!" Richie shouts, pushing his phone screen into Stan's face. "HUH?"

It's a picture Bill took on campus of them kissing - he uploaded it onto his Instagram story which in turn spiked hundreds of fans to raid Stanley's DM's – mostly with positivity – and Richie to, apparently, have a mental breakdown.

"Just die," Stan replies, pushing the oversized phone out of his face, but he is smiling. "I was going to tell you later, maybe when we're not in the library? You're making a lot of noise."

He's pretty sure he can see Richie's face turn purple with how much he's trying not to scream.

He is going to buy him a present, don't worry. But for now, he has to work on his assignment so he can go meet his boyfriend.)

#stenbrough #stan uris #bill denbrough #fanfic #it #it 2017 #it movie #stenbrough fanfic #djskjfsdjfk i love this pairing so much im gonna kms #hope this doesnt suck lmao

[zanytimetravelenthusiast-blog]

ReelApps Review

ReelApps Review

How to Begin With Video Advertising And Marketing (Component 1)

So, you intend to get associated with video advertising.

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There's simply one minor concern.

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If you're totally unfamiliar with video clip advertising and marketing, you're bound to make plenty of errors in the process.

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Do not hesitate to hop around the listed here if you see anything that you're bothered with especially.

As soon as you've done that, I advise you return as well as read the whole write-up from the start.

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Make a plan (and track it)

Choose what you understand

Beginning producing

Browse matters

Coordinate with influencers

Usage advertisements to their complete capacity

Okay, sufficient small talk. Allow's get going!

Make a strategy (as well as track it)

Prior to you dive into the globe of video clip advertising and marketing, it is necessary that you start with a strategy.

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As well as exactly how the hell are you expected to determine development if you're not tracking your progression?

That's right, it's not enough to simply list your goals. You need to hold on your own liable.

Did you accomplish those objectives? Superb! Yet can you inform me why your video content worked?

If it really did not function, do you know why it tumbled?

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Is this goal certain? General objectives like "obtain more customers" or "increase website traffic" don't give you much insight in the long run.

Is this goal attainable? There's absolutely nothing wrong with aspiring, but anticipating to obtain 1 million subscribers on YouTube in your very first 6 months could be a bit much.

Is this goal trackable? The sweet place of goal-setting is a reasonable goal that you can track. Whether you accomplish it or not, you'll wind up with useful data by the end.

ReelApps Overview

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Particular niche: Video

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Apps

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ClipsReel is totally cloud-based application that instantly creates 100% unique traffic obtaining video clips in secs. You just need to get in an url or paste an item of web content right into the software, and also ClipsReel will automatically draw the highlights of your material, as well as develops the interesting video in seconds. (Click here to see my ClipsReel Review).

ScriptReel

ScriptReel is a cloud-based video transcription and video clip translation software program. When you publish a video, ScriptReel making use of machine learning to draw out the sound from the video, convert it right into text, lets you equate it and then create auto-captions that are burned on the video. You can additionally transform the sound into a various language sound and also change it in the video. (Visit this site to see my ScriptReel Review).

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[metaformers]

Megatron and Abuse

I’ve spent months emotionally gearing myself up to make this Megatron meta post. It will contain mentions of real life abuse--verbal, emotional, physical, sexual--from my own life, as well as links to sites that discuss said topics. There will be a focus on emotional and narcissistic abuse, as that is the kind I have the most experience with--and the kind I most see Megatron perpetuating in More than Meets the Eye.

I understand that many people identify with Megatron. It may be best for you to skip this post if you count yourself among them. I want to be clear that this is my reading of the character, and I do not fault others for reading him differently; I’m not going to go after anyone for liking him or shipping him with people. It’s fiction. Do what makes you feel safe and happy. I can guarantee you are not the first to block me for saying I believe Megatron is abusive.

If you are interested in reading about why I, personally, view Megatron in this light, I would like to make one final request. This subject matter is extremely personal. I have spent four and a half years in therapy, but this still affects me powerfully. If you find yourself getting the urge to argue with me, please keep in mind that I will not be responding to comments for my own health.

So why am I posting? Because I have seen no discussion of this in fandom. When Megatron’s abusive behavior is described, it is invariably treated as a thing of the past, not the present. And I think that multiple views of a character in fandom lead to richer interpretations in fanworks and other meta.

And, with that, we’re off to the races.

(Note: This post is over 18k words long and contains over 70 images. If you would prefer to read this as a Google Doc, use this link. I recommend going to the View dropdown and un-toggling Print Layout if you do so. If you would rather read this as a Tumblr post, please use the read more below. The Google Doc may be better if you would like to use a functional outline navigation system or if Tumblr’s habit of stretching images bothers you.) 

***

First things first: abuse is cyclical. An abuser is not always going to be abusing someone--if they did, no one would ever tolerate the mistreatment. When times were relatively good, my mother and I would crack jokes. My ex would hold my hand and tell me cheesy pickup lines. This is known as the ‘honeymoon’ or ‘idealization’ stage of the abuse cycle, and it is as much a fixture of abuse as the tension-building and abuse phases.

If an abusive relationship never left the abuse stage, no one would ever tolerate it. No one would stay. So violence must be rationed, and after each new outburst, the abuser is likely to promise that--this time for sure--it will never happen again. They then ‘prove’ it with a honeymoon period and the cycle turns anew.

As a result, there is no way to point at one instance of kindness and say that someone isn’t actually abusive. It is likewise not generally possible to point to one instance of cruelty and call it abuse. Abuse is almost never a one-time thing. As a result, I’ve gathered examples from throughout season two of MTMTE and from the latest issue of Lost Light.

Since it’s the most clear and unambiguous example of Megatron’s abuse, I’m going to be singling out one particular relationship--the one between Megatron and Rodimus.

RODIMUS

To help me structure the problems I have with Megatron’s treatment of Rodimus in the time since the Lost Light left Cybertron, I’m going to borrow text from Psych Central’s “Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” article as well as tactics mentioned in their “Signs of Emotional Abuse” article and my own experiences.

Degradation

This is perhaps the most obvious type of abuse Megatron commits. He constantly belittles and demeans Rodimus. On the surface, it may at times seem justified. A minor comment on a fair annoyance.

Here he calls the Rodpod a vanity project, for instance. Getaway does much the same. But we know--and he likely has been told--that this wasn’t a vanity project. This was a gift from the crew to Rodimus.

It’s easy to forget. There’s no clear origin for the Rodpod before it was rebuilt, and, frankly? It’s not important. Whether it was a gift or something he had built, this is a privately owned ship, and this is a possession that clearly means something to Rodimus.

I grew up in the 90s, and I had a lot of tacky plushies and furbies and beanie babies--all extremely easy to mock, especially as I got older and they remained sentimental. Even when I wasn’t a kid anymore, I wanted to hold onto these things, and I think that’s understandable. If I’d lost my neon purple stuffed frog and had gotten a replacement as a gift, it would have been an easy avenue of casual attack. As it was, I mostly got, ‘Are you seriously keeping this ratty old thing?’ about anything that reminded me of happier times. It was always a coded jab at me, a deliberate forgetting of where a gift had come from or why I might want to remember.

This hits me especially hard since everything Megatron says here? Is an uncharitable lie. But believable lies have a way of spreading and turning into a commonly held ‘truth’--and Getaway later cites the Rodpod as a reason that Rodimus deserved to lose everything.

Which, ultimately, is the goal of abuse--start small and build until you can justify anything because of their ‘bad behavior.’

But, of course, this particular comment is targeted at a different audience, intended to undermine Rodimus’ standing with the crew and change the story to something that makes it seem as though Rodimus is squandering quest resources on trivial items.

Much of the time, the audience for Megatron’s comments is Rodimus himself--wearing at his already thin self-esteem and feeding the self-hatred we’ve seen him manifest throughout the series. (If you doubt either of those assertions, I plan to write meta about Rodimus later on. For now, I ask that you remember that he self-harmed by carving the results of the vote into his palm--explicitly so he would always know how many people didn’t want him there.)

Actually, for further confirmation, let’s take it to canon:

While he ‘admits’ to thinking he’s better than everyone else after having a very direct cry for help shot down with an insult, I hesitate to say this indicates in any capacity that his self-esteem is fine.

You see, I’ve been accused of the same. Literally--to the point where this exchange with Ratchet made me sick the first time I read it. How else is Rodimus supposed to respond to this kind of jab, especially when he’s in the middle of handling a crisis?

To me, the willingness to accept as ‘true’ something that directly contradicts his own experiences, especially coupled with the reassurance-seeking behaviors and low self-esteem, makes him especially vulnerable to emotional and verbal abuse.

And so, let’s turn our focus to Rodimus himself and answer the questions posed by the article to see how well Megatron’s behavior holds up.

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Without any warning of what to expect, Rodimus was presented with his own corpse--which has half its brain sliced out. They specifically didn’t tell him why they were calling him in, which I can’t imagine helped soften the horror. He’s in a very reasonable state of shock.

And there’s Megatron calling his reaction tiresome, even though his eventual reaction when faced with the spectre of his own death is to scream and punch Perceptor. Rodimus is just quietly attempting to come to grips with an upsetting situation, not hurting anyone by taking a moment to process.

But, of course, he isn’t allowed to process. Megatron is the captain of this ship, and he expects everyone else to handle their feelings quickly and efficiently, even if he never does.

This is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse--considering one’s own feelings bigger, more important, more valid than those of others. And it’s fully in line with the dynamic, too, to attempt to invalidate said feelings by emphasizing one’s role as an authority over the victim.

“Don’t you think, as your mother, it’s fair to expect a little consideration?” might have been fair if the consideration hadn’t involved her demanding things I’d already done for her--which she promptly pretended I hadn’t done, or that I’d done them improperly, or that I hadn’t adequately managed my emotions while doing them.

It’s patronizing enough from a parent. From someone who shares the same rank as you? It’s condescending in the extreme--not to mention entitled.

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

But, of course, Megatron doesn’t respect Rodimus’ rank. Rodimus owns this ship--Drift purchased it as a neutral vessel and I would be genuinely shocked if he didn’t insist on signing it over to Rodimus after convincing Rodimus to let him take the fall. This ship? This is his ship. Optimus had no right to set Megatron up as captain; he didn’t even have the right to forcibly install him on the crew roster.

In fact, if you’ll pardon the brief aside, Rodimus had very fair misgivings about allowing Megatron onto the Lost Light.

Rodimus points out that Megatron is dangerous--this is undeniably true, no matter what your stance is on his character. And Ratchet responds by lying to Rodimus to convince him to let a powerful criminal aboard. Which is, ironically, the same thing that kicked off season one--only this time it’s Megatron instead of Overlord.

Personally, I think that this shows Rodimus has learned his lesson and is trying to avoid a repeat of that particular disaster.

He also offers a great insight into why Optimus is cooking up this outrageous plan:

And, although this is just conjecture, I think that this is part of why Megatron targets Rodimus. He can be insightful--especially when it comes to people and their motivations. This makes him a threat to Megatron’s otherwise nearly unchecked power as captain of this ship. However, he is also susceptible to manipulation, as we saw with Prowl.

Megatron is extremely intelligent and very good at manipulating others; he plays a long game, as Ravage walked us through at the end of DotL. And with the idea that Rodimus tried to bar him from his ‘rightful place’ at the helm of this ship, with the idea that Rodimus was the one chosen by the crew to be captain, I would like to return to the panel at hand...

Here we hear Megatron say--exasperated, belittling--“How many times?” As if this argument should be concluded by now, and Rodimus is being childish to keep forcing the issue.

I’ve heard this exact line in this exact tone too many times from multiple abusers. How many times would I dare to defy them? I wasn’t trying to be defiant; as Rodimus just did, I reminded them of an inconvenient (for them) fact, one they wanted to convince me wasn’t true. I doubt I could list every iteration of this I’ve seen in real life.

This is not something you say to an equal when discussing something that is objective fact. Rodimus is the co-captain, much as Megatron wishes to deny it.

And he continues to deny it. It’s not a real rank. It’s a made-up rank. He is the one true captain, and Rodimus is a recalcitrant second-in-command in denial. Megatron doesn’t have the best track record with those--which Rodimus would be fully aware of. I refuse to believe that the Autobots never saw footage of Starscream’s treatment at Megatron’s hands.

So I think that it makes sense that, rather than push farther when Megatron has already raised his voice, Rodimus redirects. This was a tactic I, too, used to avoid moving from the tension-building phase to the abuse phase in my own relationships.

Do they regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

This is a pretty obvious example of ridiculing someone’s feelings--and it’s another dig following right on the heels of the last two. Although all three are relatively small, the fact that they come one after another, basically coloring every statement Megatron makes, feels uncomfortably familiar to me.

Even if these are justifiable complaints--which I don’t believe they are, but I recognize they may be open to interpretation--the steady build-up is worrying.

My mother did much the same thing. One mild example was that she would tell me to go wash my face--I had acne, so this could have been reasonable advice. However, it slowly escalated until every time she saw my face, she would suck her breath in between her teeth and cringe. “Go wash your face!” If I complied immediately, there was no reward beyond, “See, isn’t that better?” (Which it wasn’t--the repeated scrubbing made my acne substantially worse.) And even then, within an hour, she would repeat the comment.

And if I didn’t comply? She would keep cringing and insisting until she brought acne pads over to physically drop on top of me before walking off with a smug smile. This despite the fact I was bathing twice a day and scrubbing with one to four of those pads a day. (No wonder my acne got worse, right?)

So when I see these types of minor but incessant insults--nothing big enough that any onlookers would feel comfortable defending Rodimus, nothing serious enough to justify lashing out--it rings alarm bells in my mind.

Furthermore, Rodimus turns away, but Megatron looms right behind him. I find the body language of this interesting--even when Rodimus approached previously, he left roughly an arm’s length between them--enough to not really be getting into Megatron’s bubble despite his frustration. It may be an angle thing, but it seems as though Megatron is closing that distance, subtly physically intimidating Rodimus. He’s closer still in the next panel:

Much less than the almost-arm’s length that Rodimus gave him--and he’s much larger than Rodimus, not to mention more powerful, which means that his physical presence alone can be a weapon. Healing Abuse Working for Change, an abuse prevention group founded in the 70s, specifies “looming over you, getting ‘in your face’ or blocking a doorway” as a variety of physical abuse (source).

Rodimus may have approached Megatron, but he respected Megatron’s space. Megatron did not return the favor--particularly when escalating his ridicule and getting increasingly aggressive in terms of tone and expression.

I’ll discuss other aspects of this panel in a later section--for now I want to focus on the intimidation and the way he insists that it is impossible for Rodimus to do something as adult as ‘take stock’--he is capable of it, but clearly Rodimus is not.

Why? He doesn’t need to state it explicitly; his previous comments are explanation enough. Rodimus is childish for not tailoring his emotional reaction to a traumatic scene to suit Megatron’s needs--and for not conceding the argument to Megatron and arguing about facts.

And when Rodimus turns back to look back at his own corpse?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Rodimus’ head is bowed, and he looks resigned to me. Another red flag, since that was usually how I reacted to that particular brand of abuse, particularly when my ex or mother got into my personal bubble. If I didn’t shut down and comply, I ran the risk of inciting something worse.

Especially coupled with yet another dig at his emotional maturity and sensitivity, this conclusion to their altercation leaves me queasy.

If you have never been in a relationship where this is the norm, it can be hard to fathom exactly how taxing it is. You think that, if it were bad enough, you would notice. You would leave. But none of these comments are quite unreasonable enough to prompt a full-blown fight; none of them are hills worth dying on, particularly for someone who already has (hidden) self-esteem issues.

I’ve heard a metaphor for situations like these. If you place a frog in a boiling pot, they’ll jump out immediately. But if you place them in cool water and gradually turn up the heat, they get used to it. Eventually, they boil--because they were trained to tolerate minor abuses along the way.

Over time, in an environment where nonstop digs are normalized, they become background radiation. Rodimus turns away, unable to fight back against any single point aside from the few attempts at fact-checking and explanation he already made. It’s not worth fighting. It’s not worth pushing. If he pushed harder, maybe--but Megatron knows what he’s doing. He knows how far to push.

He wrote the script, after all: attack, withdraw, isolate.

Of course, if this scene were the only such example in the series, I would put it down to Megatron waking up on the wrong side of the bed and Rodimus not wanting to deal with the grumpiness. It’s the context of the entire series that informs the cycle.

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

Because this panel--containing a very similar dig--takes place a full year later. Instead of encouraging Rodimus or bantering back at him, he dismisses him.

‘But doodling is a sign of inattention and Rodimus should focus!’ you might say. And you would be wrong. As Time reported, doodling helps people focus. So, while teachers and other authority figures demean it, it’s largely because of the lack of respect they (falsely) believe it implies.

Furthermore, even though no one was aware of it, Rodimus was doodling the lost map to Cyberutopia. It’s possible that he was compulsively driven to carve it--and I do mean compulsive in the true sense of the word.

(An aside: I have obsessive-compulsive disorder and, when unmedicated, perform up to six hours of compulsions a day, so I think I’m qualified to make that call.)

He had merged with the matrix--it reformatted him, in fact. It seems reasonable that having the map lodged in his processor would itch like having a word on the tip of his tongue. His doodling in this case would have been more like filling a genuine physical need.

If you have never experienced a genuine compulsion, I can’t explain the visceral need of it. Fighting it down is much like holding your breath--if you hold out too long, it becomes intolerable. You feel like you will die. Like you are actively dying.

Of course, this is conjecture--it’s entirely possible that his doodling serves only the usual purpose: increased focus. And you know what’s a helluva lot more disrespectful than doing what you need to do to focus? Disguising verbal abuse as jokes.

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

This example is super upsetting to me. On the surface, yeah, haha, Megatron made a joke, good one, Megs.

But...Rodimus was literally turned inside out. He was left in a dark hallway, alone and in pain, unable to move, unable to speak, for an indeterminate amount of time. Someone violated his mind to remove knowledge so basic it’s fundamental to them as a species.

To make sure not to understate things, let’s ask the psychiatrist who has the most experience with the procedure:

The most painful thing a Cybertronian can ever experience. A mental violation followed by incredible pain.

And that painful-looking mess of organs there in the brig?

That’s Rodimus. Who apparently rushed ahead to shut off the lights and protect the mechs in the brig--mechs who were trapped in place and likely targets for a criminal who likes to feast on ‘sin,’ wouldn’t you say?

Meanwhile Megatron and the others are far enough behind that Sunder has come and gone--turning Rodimus inside out, but not prisoners like Getaway, who were left safely in the dark. The timing, to me, makes it look like Rodimus barely got there in the nick of time.

Which, of course, only gets a disparaging comment from Megatron, who won’t even get off his moral high horse to fight back against Sunder and protect his crew.

Rodimus may or may not be able to hear this condescending comment, but when he comes back to work, fresh out of the medbay? Megatron kicks off by making fun of the experience. Rodimus counters humorlessly--clearly not digging this particular joke--and Megatron follows up with, oh, by the way, the only mech you probably count as a friend these days? Helped me come up with this terrible joke at your expense.

Making fun of your own trauma can be cathartic. Making light of someone else’s trauma, particularly when they’re literally leaving their hospital bed for the first time after the fact? No--that’s cruelty. That’s another example of convincing Rodimus that he’s too sensitive. Can’t he take a joke?

And he does take it--with only a minor dodge. Hence the barbed follow-up.

I would say that this is just an example of a tasteless and poorly thought out joke, but Megatron knows people. We see him manipulate the DJD masterfully--and those are mechs who know him, mechs who know the ins and outs of manipulation and abuse. So I’m inclined to believe that this is deliberate rather than a misstep, especially in light of his follow-up...

He cuts off Rodimus’ attempt to move away from the unpleasant subject by literally talking over him (note the overlap of the speech bubbles) in order to make a ‘joke’ about Rodimus resigning. Which--as we saw in the first scene, as we see in many scenes--is a continual point of contention between them.

Megatron is taking advantage of a moment of probable vulnerability by priming him with a ‘joke’ followed by a comment meant to make him feel alone, and then another ‘joke’ meant to indicate the desired behavior.

This is a pattern I’m familiar with, as you might expect by this point. In the case of my ex, he would use this pattern--making light of something traumatic that had happened to me, following up with a non-apology that referenced the fact that no one wanted to put up with my issues, and then bringing it home with an unsubtle joke about things he wanted to do to me to ‘make me feel better,’ no matter how I tried to indicate my own discomfort.

And I, personally, don’t think that this is any less bad here, even though that was really awful and--after enough rounds of it--inevitably succeeded in getting me to give him what he wanted to make it stop. Because, even if Rodimus seems to be in good spirits, trauma can present itself in different ways. And an experience like that, especially given the complete lack of emotional support he experienced before, during, and after? Yeah, no, I’m not prepared to believe that he's actually unbothered instead of coping by acting tough, not when he tries twice to dodge the ‘joke’.

And I’m also not prepared to believe that Megatron can't see right through that act, especially in light of the fact that he also makes a habit of making fun of Rodimus in front of everyone he can.

Do they make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Megatron continually puts Rodimus down in front of the crew.

In case the screenshot ends up too small to read, he says, “I hope this puts paid to the notion that I ignore everything my ‘co-captain’ says on the grounds that he’s lazy, petulant, and pathologically ill-suited to command…”

From the air-quotes around ‘co-captain’ to the specific insults he uses, every word of this is supposed to cast himself as the responsible, capable captain and Rodimus as the immature usurper. He maintains a formal voice for his own actions--he’s being magnanimous by agreeing to Rodimus’ rendezvous plan on the planet below. Why, if he doesn’t, Rodimus will probably be petulant and whine about it, so really, any inconvenience is on Rodimus’ unstable emotional state.

Which seems over the top, but look at what he said. He starts by heavily implying that Rodimus shouldn’t be respected as a leader, then follows this assertion with three ‘reasons’ for this.

Lazy - Rodimus goes out of his way--literally--in season one to go on side-quests that help people. He’s always personally willing to go to the frontlines of any conflict he’s willing to risk his crew in. And when the co-captains are each presented with the opportunity to risk their lives for the sake of saving others (Rodimus in #21 and Megatron in #33), they have two very different reactions.

We are shown no panels of Rodimus balking; he immediately allows Perceptor to wire him to the anti-killswitch. When told it might kill him and will certainly destroy the matrix, he says, “There goes our map.” And after spending what might be his last moments telling Minimus the truth about Overlord, he says, “Self-sacrifice, Magnus--it’s cheap. It’s a cheap way out. I need to live so I can make amends and--” before the anti-killswitch cuts him off.

We go on an entire hunt while Megatron avoids coming clean about being able to mass-shift; it’s how we find out Brainstorm is a Decepticon. It takes five pages. And although Megatron agrees in the end, his quote on the matter is, “Oh, I could’ve said something earlier, but here’s a survival tip: when everyone’s lining up to make sacrifices...always get to the back of the queue.”

Which maybe doesn’t qualify as laziness--but it still paints a very different picture than Megatron is doing here.

Another point of fact is that even though Megatron has said in this arc that Rodimus has spent the time since launch hiding, Ravage points out later in the arc that he’s observed the same behavior in Megatron. More on that later--under Double Standards and Projection--but worth noting here to undermine the ‘honesty’ in the lazy point.

Petulant - This particular insult is set up to make Rodimus look emotional and childish. This is a pretty common tactic in abuse--it makes it hard to believe anything the person in question says. After all, they’re a child, do they really know what they’re talking about? Surely they just misremembered. Surely it’s safe to ignore their petulant demands unless you feel like indulging them.

Which is exactly what Megatron is implying he’s doing here. Indulging the whimsy of a child instead of working with the mech who shares his rank.

This particular brand of trivializing is a favorite when setting up for gaslighting, which I’ll talk about later. After all, if you can convince someone they’re immature--that they’re too inexperienced or emotional or downright crazy to trust their own perceptions--then they need to turn to someone with the authority to tell them what the truth is.

And if you can also convince those around the victim that this is true--as the villain does in Gaslight (1944), which gives us the technique’s name--by slandering the victim and undermining their authority, you have others who can ask, ‘Are you sure you didn’t imagine that?’ even when you aren’t around to enforce the reality you want.

The air-quotes around ‘co-captain’ are small, and words like ‘petulant’ are minor--but as Psychology Today’s article on Gaslighting points out, it always starts out slow. These words are weapons--and words have always been Megatron’s weapon of choice.

Pathologically Ill-Suited to Command - The final nail in this sentence’s coffin is this one. As I mentioned above, prepping for gaslighting is easier when you can convince your victim and their would-be support network that the victim is crazy--and here we see Megatron pull out that argument. Pathologically ill-suited to command.

It’s not poor baby Roddy’s fault, you see--his brain isn’t wired for command. He doesn’t have the intelligence of the True Captain. He doesn’t have the stability. He might like to pretend, but these are delusions.

As someone with several mental illnesses (primarily anxiety disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, but also depression), I heard this one a lot. A lot. I tried for years to take crazy as a point of pride; sometimes I still want to. But it’s been used as a weapon against me for years. “Are you insane?” prefaced a lot of furious dismissals of innocent requests I made when I was young, but it sometimes still happens when I try again to interact with my family. I also had panic attacks that got called ‘tantrums’ to trivialize them.

Rodimus likely has PTSD--he’s a veteran with a traumatic childhood, after all--and I’ve seen headcanons that he has ADHD. We also know for a fact that he self-harms--and so do all the people Megatron is addressing, since the cuts were visible all the way until the morning of the day this issue began. (It was even commented on when they were looking at Rodimus’ corpse.)

Casually pathologizing someone who visibly self-harms is an easy way of isolating them. Making it an indication that Rodimus is unfit for command? Easier still. It’s also a ready-made dismissal whenever someone doesn’t like your argument. I could offer examples, but this blurb has gone on long enough as it is--and I think every mentally ill person I know could likewise offer examples of it.

This is far from the only time Megatron publicly insults Rodimus in ways that undermine his credibility as a leader. In fact, he does it often enough to have become an in-joke among the crew between Dark Cybertron and the first arc of season 2:

This is the first arc in season 2. The first arc. And yet they’re already saying that Megatron always says this.

Which...isn’t really fair. Rodimus isn’t an engineer. If you review the scene in issue one, he gives the order to jump, and no one tells him that the engines aren’t ready until after they’ve malfunctioned, and even then they can’t tell him why. He immediately has them set down and refuses to take off until they’ve figured out exactly what went wrong--which seems responsible to me.

But, of course, anything that goes wrong can become Rodimus’ fault, even if he wasn’t the one responsible.

Megatron also deliberately insults Rodimus in front of Ultra Magnus, the mech who was, once Drift left, probably the closest thing to a friend Rodimus had on the ship:

Note the way he frames it: “a crisis in morale precipitated by his own woeful captaincy.”

We know people actually liked the Rodimus Stars, even though they were ridiculous. Maybe because they were ridiculous. We saw that in the Trailcutter Spotlight, where the entire story revolved around characters like Trailcutter and Swerve trying to get Rodimus Stars.

Yes, it’s silly. He doesn’t have a great system for passing them out. But that’s not what Megatron focuses on--instead he once again targets Rodimus’ supposed ineptitude.

Am I boring you to tears yet? It’s five hundred insults that all make the same point, one after another, to everyone he can get to listen, for over a year.

Until eventually…

Even the mechs that once supported him are instead convinced that Megatron is correct. Rodimus is incompetent, incapable of leadership--Minimus is comfortable joining Megatron in mocking Rodimus after he took a long weekend off to do something he enjoys.

Something I find interesting about this is that they accuse him of disappearing when there’s work to be done, but he has no idea whatsoever what the work they’re doing is.

In fact, he doesn’t know anything about the situation at all. He’s been gone three days, and they clearly hadn’t started decorating before he left. He even makes the reasonable suggestion of maybe just maybe avoiding the death zone, even if he goes with Megatron’s reasoning in the end.

This implies to me that he didn’t know there was work to be done. Either it came up after he left, or he wasn’t properly informed before he left.

As for the ‘not returning their calls’ bit--I suspect that meteor storms might interfere with comms. I’m fairly sure that’s a repeated subplot in most sci-fi I’ve seen, and the Lost Light’s comms aren’t especially robust at the best of times, let alone whatever handheld or internal unit Rodimus might’ve had.

Leaving things in the hands of Megatron and Minimus for three days--just a long weekend--isn’t irresponsible. Everyone deserves to be allowed to have hobbies. Everyone deserves to have a long weekend now and again, no matter their job. But Megatron has turned this--along with a laundry list of things he himself does--into a way to justify isolating Rodimus.

Isolation

How isolated is Rodimus? Since season two started, there have been no scenes of Rodimus spending downtime with anyone--until Drift returns, the one friend who hasn’t been exposed to months of Megatron’s unending degradation and insults.

It’s possible I missed a scene in my reread, but even though every other member of the group who ends up on the Necroplanet in Dying of the Light has at least a panel of casual or friendly interaction with others, the closest I found for Rodimus was the scene when he was fresh out of the medbay and Megatron made fun of him. Not promising, to say the least.

From all the available evidence, I’d say that Rodimus is an extrovert. He seems more energized in front of crowds, he was so charismatic he was partly responsible for short-circuiting the personality ticks, and he does things like naming his favorite crowd the Rod Squad. He likes people, clearly--and he’s shown repeatedly to care about protecting his crew, as well as total strangers.

He also habitually seeks external validation because of his low self-esteem. Without this kind of support, he resorts to self-harm (see the numbers he carved into his palm) and other unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Again--planning to do a Rodimus meta at some point. For now, let’s roll with the idea that he’s a social mech who craves being around others and needs external validation to function, which I don’t think is particularly difficult to believe.

The lack of interpersonal interaction in season two--alongside the belittling comments he faces when he does interact with others--indicate that he’s isolated. He’s a charismatic mech; that’s part of how he helped to kill off the personality ticks. And yet by the time they leave for the Necroplanet, he’s receiving no external validation, no interpersonal support, nothing. He’s alone.

He may not be the best at friendship--but neither are Whirl, Cyclonus, or Swerve, all of whom end up with strong friendships and support networks. Considering the previous section and Megatron’s clear attempts to isolate Rodimus, one can only surmise that he was ultimately successful in cutting him off even from Minimus.

So what does Megatron accomplish by shutting out all sources of external validation, anyone who might rebuild Rodimus after Megatron verbally tears him down?

In my experience, he’s setting himself up to have power over Rodimus. Remember--Rodimus is so full of self-doubt even before the beginning of the series that he reaches out to Ratchet, only to get shot down there. (“Beneath my cocksure exterior I have terribly low self-esteem.”) No longer able to lean heavily on Drift for emotional support and cut off from any positive reinforcement, he’s put in an extremely vulnerable place.

I, too, am an extrovert. Sometimes I’m fairly sure that it makes me intolerable to be around, especially since I do the same reassurance-seeking behavior as Rodimus. If I go too long without interacting with friends, my depression makes a bitter comeback.

Yes, it would be awfully nice if I could go without social interaction or reassurance or positive external feedback in general, and certainly no one is obligated to provide such things for me. But the fact of the matter remains that without these things, I’m left vulnerable and hungry for any scrap of affection I can find.

And, in my experience? My abusers have deliberately starved me from outside attention to put me in that vulnerable state. It was easiest for my mother, which isn’t surprising; she already had absolute power over where I went and who I saw. What she didn’t have--and what she wanted more than anything--was my undivided attention and affection.

So when I displeased her--and there were quite a lot of ways to upset her--one tactic she used was cutting me off from other sources of support. People who could verify that she’d said one thing on Tuesday morning and something radically different by Wednesday night. People who could help me cope with the nonstop insults, the micromanaging, the unbearable pressure.

Without them? I crumbled. I did anything my mother asked--and I apologized when I did it ‘wrong,’ or if I had ‘misunderstood’ the order she’d changed halfway through my obeying it, or if she’d simply forgotten that I had, in fact, obeyed her already. She was the only one who could arbitrate the Truth; I didn’t have anyone else to turn to.

My siblings and I banded together sometimes to stave this off, but at other times they behaved more like Minimus--going along with Mom to keep the peace, to keep her focused on me instead of them, or just because they actually agreed with her, I can’t quite be sure. In the end, I’m not sure that it matters.

For a specific example--I was required to hug my mother and tell her I loved her before I went to bed every night. One night, I could tell she was sleepy when I hugged her, but she said, “I love you, too,” so I thought I was safe.

No such luck--she woke up at two in the morning convinced that I hadn’t hugged her good night or said I loved her. She burst into my room, sobbing and shouting, and I had to stumble out of bed and try to calm her down.

I’m fairly confident that she didn’t cite that as the direct reason for the ensuing silent treatment and enforced ‘family time’ that meant I couldn’t see friends for a while, but the timing was suspicious.

We see this general pattern a few times with Megatron and Rodimus, as well, the most recent of which was in Lost Light #4. I’ll cover other aspects of that later, but, for now:

Transgression: Rodimus asked about teleporters.

Warning: “Hush.”

Withdrawal: “Not now, Rodimus.”

Isolation: Public humiliation.

And that pattern--do something ‘wrong’ to earn punishment, an initial outburst, pulling back with the silent treatment, and then isolating them from others as a way to build tension for a final blowout? Uh...

That’s a script Megatron wrote a long time ago, and he knows exactly how effective it can be.

Ultimately, what Megatron gets out of setting himself up as the only one to interact one-on-one with Rodimus is a lack of oversight, a lack of outside influence, and--if he presses hard enough, if he twists Rodimus around for long enough, if he sways the opinions of enough of the crew--eventually he might succeed in becoming sole captain of their merry band. With Minimus in his pocket? It’d be a recipe for total control over not just Rodimus, but the entire group.

Rage

“This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere… It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.” (“Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC)

This is what most people think of when they picture abuse--the most violent of the symptoms. It’s also the one that Megatron has deliberately been keeping in check, pulling it out only when the long game he’s playing is at risk of being cut short.

I have said before that abuse can only be viewed in a pattern--one instance of shouting doesn’t necessarily make an abusive relationship. In the context of an abusive relationship, however, even one instance of rage is a powerful tool for controlling someone. Even if someone never again takes it ‘that far,’ the victim remembers. And they know that the threat is always going to be present.

When I was fifteen, I did something to upset my mother. To this day, I have no memory of exactly what I did wrong. What I do remember is my mother taking a book and slamming it against my temple so hard that it knocked me to the floor. She then grabbed me by the hair and dragged me up to scream in my face. I remember being held high enough that my knees weren’t on the floor, but my legs were still bent--the only point of contact I had with the world was my toes. I remember being so terrified that I had no idea what she was saying other than the tone, the way spit hit my face. She then stormed out of the house and blamed me for it.

The older of my two younger sisters tried to run away that night, and I nearly jumped off the roof of our house. I remember very clearly that the only reason I didn’t was because I was convinced that I would only break my legs, and she would use it as an excuse to trap me at home with her.

Beyond that, my memories blur. I remember that either that night--or perhaps another night--my littlest sister caught our mother’s attention. I remember making an attempt to distract our mother. Was that why she attacked me? I don’t remember. Did I make her more upset? I don’t remember, although I recall fearing I had. What I do remember is the moment that she grabbed my seven-year-old sister and threw her--physically threw her--out of the way. My sister landed wrong--on her wrist--and broke a bone. I remember her crying. I remember my mother telling her to shut up. I remember that it took a while before Mom took her to the hospital, and then that we were all ordered not to tell anyone how she’d broken the wrist.

Aside from these instances, my mother never laid a hand on any of us.

She never had to. It’s been twelve years--almost thirteen years--and I still feel it every time we interact. I remember that she’s capable of it. I remember that she was willing to shift her rage onto the more easily accessible target despite my best efforts. All the way until I moved out--and beyond then, and into the present--it’s kept me from being willing to confront her about some of the worse things she says and does.

It’s been over a decade and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that fear. For a while, I was so deeply afraid of even sharing the story--after being ordered to be silent about it--that I think I’ve only told a few of my closest friends and my therapist. The only reason I’m sharing it now is because I’m posting this anonymously. Because, at heart, I am still afraid.

Now, I could cover the handful of examples of Megatron hitting characters here. I could make conjectures about how Rodimus cares more about the wellbeing of others than his own, and threats of violence against characters like Trailcutter, Perceptor, and Minimus would be more likely to keep him in line than violence against his own person. I know that was true for me.

But none of those were done directly in front of Rodimus, even though he would have heard about them later. That makes it harder to draw conclusions about without wandering a bit too far off panel. So I’ll be discussing physical violence in those characters’ subsections--and for now, I’ll be looking at the times Megatron has threatened violence directly at Rodimus.

In context, Rodimus respectfully said that he and the others were reporting for duty; he even saluted. Megatron then ordered all of them to carry Ravage back to Ratchet, and Rodimus objected.

What was his objection? Was it, ‘but this is only half of Ravage, and even Ratchet probably needs both halves to repair him’? Was it, ‘but there are a lot of us, and probably we don’t all need to carry Ravage, so maybe some of us could stay and help’? We don’t get to find out, because Megatron doesn’t accept any objection to his orders, no matter how softly or respectfully put.

In this scene, with the DJD nearby, his long game is, as I said, at risk of being cut short. So he breaks out the rage to terrify Rodimus into unquestioning compliance.

What’s more, it worked. They all fled.

Maybe this doesn’t look like violence to some of you. But his expression and the way he towers over Rodimus as he screams? Looks almost identical to my mother’s face in the anecdote I shared above. And to me, that screaming was violence.

In fact, screaming like that was the only kind of violence my abusive ex-boyfriend perpetrated against me. He was physically larger than me; he would get me cornered in a bus seat and loom over me exactly like this while screaming insults. And I know for a fact that some people don’t think this counts, or believe this behavior can be justified--when I reached out to the older of my two younger sisters about how he kept doing this, she told me that I deserved it, and she wasn’t the only one.

As a result, in the context of Megatron’s treatment of Rodimus, and in the context of this being a tool that worked to control him, I would personally count it as an abusive tactic--one that I believe was deliberate. Especially since he never apologized.

And then, almost immediately after Rodimus risks his life to save Megatron…

Rodimus is standing directly behind Ratchet as they try to convince him to pretty please put down the gun, as we can see in the next panel:

And, of course, Megatron pulls the gun on them--all of them. And Rodimus, the one who brought him through the portal, the one who rescued him, is looking down the barrel of a fusion cannon over Ratchet’s shoulder. This group of mechs--the Rod Squad, his favorite people--are all being threatened.

And then Megatron says that it’s time he left, and it’s hard not to think, under the circumstances, that he means he’s done playing at being an Autobot, done being nice. He’s wearing Tarn’s mask as a deceptibrand, for goodness’ sake! For all intents and purposes, at this moment, it looks like Megatron is through with the quest and has no intention of going to trial.

A few days later--or however long it takes them to build the Den and end up on Functionist Cybertron--you can see that Rodimus is still thinking about this:

There are other potential explanations, of course, but--in context? I find it both telling and worrying that Rodimus’ instinctive reaction when Megatron shouts his name is a full-frame flinch. Not with battle prep or defensive stances or anything that would indicate he learned this response from being ordered around in battle. Just the same sort of flinch I still sometimes get when my mother raises her voice.

And, although it’s been a bit since I used this format, let’s answer another question from the checklist:

Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

This is the last example I’m going to use for rage--and a tirade like this is an example of out-of-nowhere fury used to shock Rodimus into silence.

The thing is? Megatron pulled all of this out of his tin-plated ass.

In this scene, Rodimus did not once mention the Lost Light. He only tries to ask about the teleporters, and then Megatron derails him with this.

Now, I’m going to give JRo the benefit of the doubt, here. Instead of assuming he’s forgotten about Nyon--the core of Rodimus’ backstory--and abandoned Rodimus’ main driving force as a character by having him sacrifice others to get what he wants instead of, y’know, literally being willing to risk his life saving people at every single opportunity he’s ever had… Instead of pinning writing that terrible on JRo, I’m going to assume instead that Megatron cut off and then derailed Rodimus before he could suggest what he actually had in mind. Misunderstandings and assumptions being thwarted both play a role in JRo’s writing, after all.

And, with any thought at all, it actually makes perfect sense that Rodimus might need teleporters for a plan--for saving the people of this Cybertron, not for tracking down the Lost Light. These mechs aren’t safe on Cybertron, even in this supposed ‘sanctuary city’--and there’s no way to transport all of them offworld. There are too many of them--we see veritable thousands in the streets.

So how do you save everyone? Do you start another war to rise up against your oppressors--because the first one went so well--or do you get everyone the hell off the planet?

Sure, maybe Rodimus wants to use the teleporter after the fact. I’d be surprised if he didn’t--he left half the crew he still has on a distant planet with a bunch of potentially dangerous strangers.

As for why Rodimus responds to this accusation the way he does instead of by saying what he actually intended--have you ever been accused of the worst thing? Something that is so antithetical to your character that you feel like the person accusing you of it has never interacted with you? How could you have given this person the idea that you would ever, in a million years ever, consider doing what they’ve just accused you of?

Well, you see, that confusion? That disorientation? The scrambling to find any common ground to argue on and finding that you have no footing because you don’t even know what to expect--what’s real and what you’ve made up? Leaving you floundering to counter a point in a way that at least connects to their reality?

That’s another abuse tactic. And it’s called gaslighting.

Gaslighting

“Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

I have more experience with gaslighting than literally any other form of abuse, to the point that I still struggle to believe that my memory isn’t just faulty, that I’m not just overreacting, that these things really did happen, that I’m not the one making things up. That’s why I extensively cite every point I make: I feel as though no one will trust me or my word, but maybe if I bring in enough data points--enough hard facts--it’ll make up for the fact that I’m the one writing it.

Gaslighting seems so minor, and it is so hard to point to examples when you’re living in it. Even the extensive trauma I described above doesn’t hold a candle to the scars left by decades of gaslighting. I cannot overstate how deeply emotionally scarring it is, the way it can change the entire way you see the world, the way it makes trusting yourself and others almost impossible at times.

This is a hard section for me to write. Perhaps the hardest, in fact, and I say that despite the fact that writing the last section gave me flashback nightmares so intense I couldn’t sleep for three days. To get through the experience, I’m using the framework offered by the article linked in the above description and referencing other sections of this meta post. Any brevity in this section is a result not of a lack of evidence in canon but of an overabundance of my own trauma.

And with that disclaimer, let’s dig in.

They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

“You know they said they would do something; you know you heard it. But they out and out deny it. It makes you start questioning your reality—maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do this, the more you question your reality and start accepting theirs.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

I would personally amend this to say that they deny they ever said or did something, even if you have proof. This can range quite a lot:

“Mom, you said that you’d already picked up the stuff for my school project, but I can’t find it anywhere. Where is it?”

“You never even told me you had a project! This is what happens when you leave everything to the last minute.”

“But I have your text message right here?”

“Let me see that. No, no, that’s not what I meant at all, why would you think that was what I meant? Are you stupid?”

Which was a pretty staple ‘misunderstanding’ in our house, but less frustrating than the times my mother’s reaction to evidence was to say, “I swear to God that I never said that, and if I’m lying, may He strike me down where I stand!” Which was, unfortunately, at least as common--more common, actually, when we were in public. And when God didn’t smite her, she gave us a smug smile and considered herself proven right.

As this escalated--gradually, over the course of my entire childhood--eventually she built to a moment so big and so obvious that I actually realized what she was doing. That it wasn’t forgetfulness. That it wasn’t a case of repeated misunderstandings. That she was reconstructing reality as it suited her, and I was powerless to stop her.

What moment could possibly have been jarring enough to open my eyes to that? I talked in the rage section about the night my mother knocked me to the ground and hauled me up by my hair. What I didn’t tell you is that after she dropped me back to the floor again, I looked up at her and, still sobbing, asked her why she’d hit me in the head with her address book.

“I didn’t,” she said, still towering over me as I lay curled on the floor. “I would never.”

“Then--” Maybe it was her hand, I thought. Maybe I was confused. I felt so disoriented and terrified and I didn’t understand what was happening. “Then why did you pull my hair?”

“I didn’t,” and she looked angry enough to do it all over again. “It must have gotten caught in the zipper.”

The zipper, of course, being on the address book she’d just denied smacking me with.

When I tried to point out this logical flaw, she redirected--and then stormed out of the house, blaming me for the fact that she needed to abandon us. Even though she came home a few hours later, the guilt worked--and I was too afraid to bring up the incident ever again.

And here’s where I’ll be frank--I said that that incident opened my eyes. And it did--but not that night. That night, I was terrified I’d imagined the whole thing. I had no evidence. She’d hit me, but it hadn’t left a mark. She’d pulled me up by the hair to bellow in my face, but I couldn’t even remember what she’d said.

If my siblings hadn’t been there to question her with me--to reaffirm it had actually happened--to be honest? I might to this day believe it was a nightmare. That she’d never actually laid a hand on me. And that’s what long-term, slow-build gaslighting does.

So--a few small denials, a pointed redirection whenever holes get poked at, all of that seems trivial in comparison, I’m sure. But it builds. It has to start small if the abuser hopes to normalize it. Because, at first? You question them. You start hoarding evidence. But if it goes on long enough? You start to question yourself. You start to question any evidence that you, personally, collected. Eventually you’re left questioning yourself so often that you stop questioning them.

Which is why even minor instances of gaslighting--if they’re part of an abusive pattern--should be noted as soon as possible.

In this case, Megatron asserts he’s been saying something when Rodimus has proof that he hasn’t even been around to say it. He says it both to belittle Rodimus and to set up a reality where he’s been dutifully doing his job instead of secretly doing prep work for the ultimate supervillain device in his habsuite (I’m talking, of course, about the antimatter he spends months channeling, almost certainly in violation of his parole).

Before you doubt Rodimus--and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did, because another goal of gaslighting is to make others doubt the perception of the victim--I’ll point out that Ultra Magnus also comments on Megatron hiding himself away.

So Megatron was lying to begin with--he hasn’t been saying that for weeks. He hasn’t been in a position to say anything to Rodimus for weeks. And when called out on it, he neither apologizes for the lie nor even allows time to address the fact that he did so. Instead, he picks something we know to be a sore point--and therefore a good distraction.

Taking stock, not sulking. Because, as Rodimus clearly remembers:

And from the way Rodimus reacts? Especially given my own experiences? I would guess that this wasn’t the only time Megatron said it--just the only time caught on camera, so to speak.

Also, yes--in the next panel, Megatron claims that he’s been working, something that both Ultra Magnus and Rodimus have both confirmed isn’t true. The truth is that he’s channeling antimatter for his own purposes--regardless of whether he eventually uses them to benefit the others, with no one aware he’s setting this up, he has no oversight.

They tell blatant lies.

“You know it's an outright lie. Yet they are telling you this lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they're setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a huge lie, you're not sure if anything they say is true. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

These lies, in my experience, can range from nearly inconsequential to the extreme. My mother would routinely tell me that I hadn’t said something that my siblings later confirmed I said, but that could be dismissed as forgetfulness or poor hearing. She would also tell me that I’d promised to do something when we’d never discussed the matter in the first place, then tell me that I was the one forgetting. That was a little harder to handle--my siblings didn’t listen to every conversation between me and Mom, so I had no one to back me up. It’s much more difficult to prove you never discussed something than to prove that you did.

But, like I said--minor. Hard to prove or disprove. These tiny lies make it hard to trust reality and harder to trust your memory or judgment. These are also almost impossible to point to when discussing abuse with those who have never experienced it, because they look like misunderstandings at worst. It’s insidious and frustrating and only when you get to a big lie--the kind you build up to over years (or after more than twenty issues)--that you can point to it and say, “See? I have proof. I can prove this time it isn’t true!”

Megatron is claiming--genuinely daring to claim--that he was the one to first suggest stopping to help people along the way. When he’s been complaining about Rodimus’ so-called “side-quests” since day one. In season one alone, we saw them stop on the DJD homeworld so Ratchet could help cure a plague, Temptoria to rescue prisoners being used as batteries, and, eventually, the Big Hero moment when Tailgate uses a semicolon to save them all.

Except something that nobody seems to talk about in season two--as far as I’ve found, at least--is the fact that Rodimus is actually the one who saved all the constructed cold mechs with the help of Perceptor. Tailgate shutting off the suggestion beam and shutting down the Legislators was also critical to the operation’s success, of course, and I’m hardly going to say that Tailgate doesn’t deserve his due credit, but Rodimus was also fully ready to die for a universe of strangers.

I covered this above when talking about how Megatron called him lazy, but let’s pull in the panels for comparison’s sake.

Here we see Rodimus getting hooked up without a single panel of hesitation. As soon as they were ready to wire him in, he went.

He asks if it’ll kill him and has no qualms when he’s given a decided maybe.

And when he does save the CC mechs, you would expect, wouldn’t you, that he would never let anyone else forget it. After all, everyone (especially Megatron) insists he’s a self-centered jerk. But he lets Tailgate take full credit, and the only mention of Rodimus’ role in the proceedings after the fact comes when Optimus gets angry at him for destroying the Matrix.

Meanwhile Megatron drags his feet for five pages as the foam gets progressively worse and more dangerous, hoping they’ll find Brainstorm’s shrink ray so that someone else can go in his place.

But it was Megatron--who stays on the ship, who sends mechs to do battle but spares himself from the dirty work that would strip him of his self-righteous high horse--who first had the idea to help people. Right. One hundred percent his idea, and Rodimus should have told him they were saving organics so he could leave them to die.

It’s a lie. It’s a big enough lie that anyone could point to it and objectively prove that it’s not true. But Megatron says it, and Rodimus placates him instead of fighting him on it. He’s just happy that lives are getting saved; he doesn’t try to take any of the credit.

I find it unpleasantly relatable that Rodimus’ first reaction is no longer to correct Megatron, as he once did--in fact, as he did in the last example where we caught Megatron out in an obvious lie--but instead to offer him something to calm him down. Something to mitigate fallout. Something I, myself, have done countless times.

Their actions do not match their words.

“When dealing with a person or entity that gaslights, look at what they are doing rather than what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing; it is just talk. What they are doing is the issue.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

I want to write a separate meta post about Megatron’s bullshit redemption arc because I don’t want my opinions on that to distract from the primary point I’m trying to make with this meta. However, it also fits this point to an almost ludicrous degree.

Rather than break down Megatron’s entire character arc, I’ll focus on a few relevant points and save the rest for another post.

What Megatron says: “I am on this quest to make amends by finding a new world for our people after destroying our original planet.”

What Megatron does: never apologizes to the people he wronged using his own words, takes control of a privately owned neutral vessel with the help of a mech who holds no democratically appointed position nor has any kind of oversight, deliberately sends them three jumps off course to the necroplanet for the express purpose of derailing the quest.

What Megatron says: “I’ve renounced violence.”

What Megatron does: continues to send others into battles he’s not willing to fight, refuses to act even when it means that his crew will likely suffer casualties, orders acts of violence from behind the protective distance of a screen.

What Megatron says: “It’s not about me! I am taking a vow of pacifism because, if I were to pick up a weapon again, I would be unstoppable.”

What Megatron does: continues to reach for the dark matter that would make him unstoppable (even at the cost of shirking his duties--note that he missed Brainstorm’s trial), continues to risk the lives of others--apparently, by this logic, for their own good.

I could go into greater depth--I hope that someday I will get to tear this particular topic open--but, for now, I’ll leave it at this. What Megatron says can be very pretty, particularly if you ignore the overblown narcissism hidden in the message, but in practice it’s functionally worthless. He does virtually nothing to actually advance the honorable goals he’s espousing--only enough to make himself look good and noble.

This is something my mother and ex excel at. My mother can talk anyone into believing she’s a good and loving person who gives everything she has for us kids, tailoring how she frames her beliefs to most please whoever her audience is. Growing up, I heard a lot about how lucky I was to have such a loving and wonderful mom. My mom has even been able to talk me in circles--‘I only threatened you with a pray-away-the-gay camp because I wanted you to know you had other options! I didn’t want you to be bullied, so I had no choice but to completely isolate you from your DFAB friends any time your sexual orientation came up!’

Only, uh, of course I’m not framing that the way she did. That’s just what all the pretty talk amounted to. I only picked it apart years after moving out of the house.

Actions speak louder than words--because in situations with this brand of abuse, words are just tools to further the abuse, not tools for honest communication. With gaslighting, especially, words are meant to confuse.

They know confusion weakens people.

“Gaslighters know that people like having a sense of stability and normalcy. Their goal is to uproot this and make you constantly question everything. And humans' natural tendency is to look to the person or entity that will help you feel more stable—and that happens to be the gaslighter.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

Gaslighting has profound effects over time. In “Identifying Victims of Narcissistic Abuse” on Psych Central, the provided list offers some idea of the scope of the damage that victims endure.

What I find most interesting about that list in the context of this meta post, though, is that it increasingly describes Rodimus as season two of MTMTE and then Lost Light each progress. From second guessing and increasing difficulty concentrating and making decisions to being highly strung and irritable to fear responses when Megatron says his name, this all actually adds up to a potentially realistic picture of how trauma can affect someone.

It’s not pretty. In fact, it can leave people looking and feeling unstable, which adds further fuel to the gaslighting fire.

I can’t say for sure whether JRo intends Rodimus’ increasingly erratic (and, at times, desperate and out of character) behavior to be read as a response to this prolonged abuse. I hope he does--it makes more sense to me than the alternatives.

Especially since this particular article on gaslighting goes on to cover many of the points I’ve already addressed in this meta, which I think hammers home their severity.

They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

“They know how important your kids are to you, and they know how important your identity is to you. So those may be one of the first things they attack. If you have kids, they tell you that you should not have had those children. They will tell you'd be a worthy person if only you didn't have a long list of negative traits. They attack the foundation of your being.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

I could rehash this point--but I’ve already spent several thousand words on it. From mocking the Rod Pod to tearing down Rodimus’ identity as a leader and a hero to rattling off reason after reason why he’s worthless, the entire degradation section could fit under this bullet point.

They wear you down over time.

“This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective. It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

Once again, a point I covered in previous sections. Abuse builds up bit by bit, allowing the abuser to skate by without being called out. What would have looked like a vicious and unfair tirade at the beginning of the abuse--uncalled for and baseless--eventually looks like a righteous ‘dressing down’ of a petulant child.

They tell you or others that you are crazy.

“This is one of the most effective tools of the gaslighter, because it's dismissive. The gaslighter knows if they question your sanity, people will not believe you when you tell them the gaslighter is abusive or out-of-control. It's a master technique.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

This is the reason I homed in on that particular choice of words by Megatron in the degradation section. It seems like it’s no big deal--all varieties of this abuse seem like they’re no big deal. Until they build and build and suddenly everyone believes--both in the comic and in the fandom--that Rodimus deserves the treatment he receives at Megatron’s hands and should not be trusted with any serious task. Everyone immediately believes the worst of him in every situation.

They try to align people against you.

“Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding the people they know will stand by them no matter what—and they use these people against you. They will make comments such as, "This person knows that you're not right," or "This person knows you're useless too." Keep in mind it does not mean that these people actually said these things. A gaslighter is a constant liar. When the gaslighter uses this tactic it makes you feel like you don't know who to trust or turn to—and that leads you right back to the gaslighter. And that's exactly what they want: Isolation gives them more control.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

And here we have the final critical point I covered above--the result of all the dismissive comments, the intention behind the isolation. No one trusts Rodimus’ judgment. No one trusts Rodimus to even have good intentions anymore.

It’s a personal hell for someone as extroverted as Rodimus--and it could all end if he ceded power to Megatron. And wouldn’t that be easier?

They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.

“This person or entity that is cutting you down, telling you that you don't have value, is now praising you for something you did. This adds an additional sense of uneasiness. You think, "Well maybe they aren't so bad." Yes, they are. This is a calculated attempt to keep you off-kilter—and again, to question your reality. Also look at what you were praised for; it is probably something that served the gaslighter.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

This seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? If you’re spending months or years breaking someone down, why would you ever throw in a compliment?

The thing is, this particular brand of abuse--this variety of manipulation--makes the victim especially susceptible to praise as a weapon. When starved of praise, it’s natural to crave it. And in two rereads of season 2? I found exactly one instance of someone praising Rodimus. In issue 43, Rodimus says that Swerve called him the best dancer he’d ever seen. Other than that? Nothing. I reread twice specifically looking for positive comments about Rodimus, and there was absolutely nothing for him.

I was lucky enough to have friends who told me that I was worth something even when I was being abused. And even then, I craved praise from my mother more than anyone--both because she’d conditioned me to look to her above all the others, and because she was the one who was the hardest to please.

Of course, when she did praise me, it was either performative--‘look what a good mother I am’--or it was to get me to do something that I desperately did not want to do. “You’re such a good daughter, (name)--I know you actually do love us. That’s why you’re looking forward to this three month trip (where you’ll have no contact with any of your friends and no means of escape), right?”

And I went. So help me, once she pulled out that card, I honestly believed I had no choice but to go. Every summer, I fell in line.

If I’d been as starved of praise as Rodimus had--if my mother had succeeded in fully isolating me as she so often tried to do--I don’t think I could have pushed back on any subject at all.

At the start of Lost Light, the issue summary indicates it’s been five years since the ship first took off. Assuming half of that was during season two, that’s two and a half years--during which we only have evidence of a single, passing compliment. Especially for someone like Rodimus, that’s downright devastating.

And then Megatron drops this bomb during their most critical argument:

It works.

Rodimus stops pushing. Rodimus stops fighting him. Stops begging him to help them not die by standing with them instead of watching them fight from a screen, directing them in how to die. (Which he doesn’t do, by the way--he makes no contact with the group once they leave until he strides out onto the battlefield.)

This is the antithesis of everything Megatron has said for the last two-ish years. This is everything that Rodimus has wanted to hear.

It’s pure manipulation, of course--Megatron goes back to doubting Rodimus’ leadership and judgment without a single pause. He doesn’t hear Rodimus out on the battlefield or on functionist Cybertron. If this compliment had been genuine? He would have.

But no. It was a means to an end, and it worked. Rodimus did exactly as Megatron wanted. As Megatron knew he would.

The final point the article on gaslighting brings up is one I want to address separately--projection and double standards.

Projection

“They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.” (“Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC)

“They are a drug user or a cheater, yet they are constantly accusing you of that. This is done so often that you start trying to defend yourself, and are distracted from the gaslighter's own behavior.” (“11 Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship” by Stephanie Sarkis Ph.D.)

Megatron has claimed--first to Optimus and later to everyone who would listen--that he would find success where Rodimus found failure. It was part of his sales pitch to avoid imprisonment until his retrial.

So he said then, when they had no map and their only plan was to track down Thunderclash, who was having visions to guide him toward Cyberutopia. And, once they’d found him, the map he’d carved was destroyed in the fight with the personality ticks, leaving them rudderless once again.

Or so it seemed.

Up until this point, Megatron has disapproved of Rodimus taking supposedly pointless sidequests. However, as soon as Rodimus produces a hand-carved map to Cyberutopia, he changes his tune.

Rodimus has just very reasonably expressed that Cyberutopia is in the opposite direction and given his position as co-captain: they need to stay on task and find the Knights. Here, Megatron overrides him without even acknowledging that, technically speaking, he doesn’t have veto power. Of course he gets the final say even if they share the same rank. Why shouldn’t he? Co-captain is a position made up for Rodimus’ ego; if Megatron decides that it’s time for a literally pointless sidequest, then it’s time to start getting the quantum engine jumping.

He looks so smug as Rodimus arches an optic ridge in the background. No one questions Megatron’s authority to make the executive override here, though, including Ultra Magnus, who would be the one in the best position to point out that the captains share a rank and Megatron can’t just arbitrarily ignore the chain of command. Ultra Magnus is also probably the closest thing Rodimus has to a friend on the ship, and he still doesn’t speak in Rodimus’ support here.

Even though, by the terms of the quest and Megatron’s parole? Rodimus is the one clearly in the right.

Megatron has been accusing Rodimus of shirking responsibility, of laziness, and at one point of not having the steel to face his own death (in the form of his corpse). And yet, when they can finally actually get on the right path--when Rodimus has hand-delivered a map--his first action is specifically to derail the quest.

And for what possible reason?

Because of character flaws he’s been accusing Rodimus of since day one.

Of not facing his death quickly enough.

Of not even being able to start the quest--when, of the two of them, Megatron is the one who sent them deliberately off course as soon as he could.

Of vanishing when work needs to be done.

This is all par for the course with projection. It can look coincidental; it can even on occasion look well-intentioned. But it ultimately comes from a self-centered place where the one doing the projection can have a few possible motives.

Self-Centered Motive 1: Being unable to conceive of motives separate from those they would have.

Self-Centered Motive 2: Being unable to conceive of being wrong about someone’s internal motivations--or, indeed, about any assessment they make.

Self-Centered Motive 3: Deliberately using the projection to cover for one’s own behavior. (This isn’t necessarily indicative of shame or guilt; it can be done to draw attention away from behavior they believe they will face repercussions for when they would like to continue perpetrating said behavior.)

Self-Centered Motive 4: Deliberately using the project to confuse and disorient an abuse victim, putting them on the defensive. (After all, “No, you,” is an argument that could be regurgitated by a ‘petulant’ two-year-old and therefore easy to dismiss, particularly when you habitually tell others that your victim is just childish and overly sensitive.)

The first and second motives are unlikely to be the case for Megatron, who is a master-class strategist used to dealing with schemers. He wouldn’t be able to remain several steps ahead if he was unable to read intentions behind other people’s choices. He also wouldn’t have lasted particularly long as leader of the Decepticons if he couldn’t infer the motivations of others.

Meanwhile, motives three and four would serve him extremely well, particularly in this situation. If he spends sixteen issues convincing the crew that Rodimus is the irresponsible one holding back the quest, if Rodimus tries to counter by saying, “But you’re the one trying to keep us off course!”--well. Can you imagine anyone taking him seriously?

Oh wait. You don’t have to--they had that argument in Lost Light #4.

And, as Megatron knew would happen, even Minimus Ambus believed his lie. No one--no one at all--believed Rodimus or took his side.

Great bit of misdirection, isn’t it? It also has the benefit of leaving Rodimus doubting himself--questioning whether he actually is working hard enough. That’s the gaslighting aspect of the technique; it destabilizes your reality and makes it harder to question what your abuser says about you or asks of you. Because if you and you alone think that something is true? Peer pressure is likelier to silence you.

It won’t always--the Asch conformity experiments are an interesting place to begin for further research, if you’re interested--but in those experiments, even though it was clearly objective reality being described, only one in four participants consistently fought majority opinion. When it’s something more nebulous--personality traits, personal failings--it seems likely to be a little harder to fight.

And when you’re already being conditioned not to fight this particular person (with bouts of rage and the other abuse techniques I’ve described here), it can be hard to convince yourself that it would be worth fighting in the first place.

Mix this with Rodimus’ already present self-worth and guilt issues? And it’s frankly stunning to me that he contradicts Megatron as often as he actually does. I know that I didn’t have it in me that often--it’s almost unspeakably exhausting to have this kind of fight, particularly when you have no one on your side and no hard evidence to point to.

This is still relatively early into the abuse, admittedly--six months after the trial. But Rodimus is still trying to assert his own reality in the face of Megatron projecting.

And he is projecting. Need proof? Ask Ravage an hour or two later in this arc:

He’s been sitting in his room for six months, the same as Rodimus. But to distract others from that fact, he loudly accuses Rodimus of it--publicly, purposefully. “I ‘take stock.’ You sulk. You’re sulking now.”

As the second blurb says, it puts Rodimus in a position where he must defend himself against the accusations, distracting from the fact that Megatron is also doing this.

And it works: Rodimus goes on the defensive, and no one questions the narrative that Megatron is setting up.

This narrative allows Megatron to twist situations (and facts) to suit himself with relative impunity.

Twisting

“When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.” (“Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC)

Megatron avoids apologizing like the plague. He apologizes exactly once in the series--and then leaves without trying to get the injured party to the medical bay or calling a medic, which makes it more than a bit hollow. Beyond that? He never apologizes for his actions during the war--for Grindcore, for setting up the DJD, etc--and he also never apologizes for things like decking Perceptor and nearly sending him through a computer screen. He certainly never apologizes for his behavior toward Rodimus.

Instead, he twists the situation so that he’s justified in his awful behavior or so that the blame falls on someone else. He does this, too, when something threatens the narrative he’s been building or Rodimus ‘disobeys’ him. For example, when Rodimus overrides his condescending hush command that Megatron had no place issuing...

Rodimus is offering a potential counter-strategy that Megatron hasn’t approved: evacuation and escape. It’s something they discussed while Megatron met the ‘troops’ instead of coming to the briefing:

A solution Rodimus brought up at the time, using the same language he describes the teleporter with above:

So he’s trying to work out, it seems, whether there’s a possibility of rescuing the mechs already teleported away--and whether there’s a chance they could get all of these civilians to safety.

I discussed this possibility in rage, but I’d like to look at a different panel for the lead-up to that, where Megatron twists the narrative:

See how he turns his controlling and dismissive behavior (“Hush, not now.”) into an attack that invents a sinister motive Rodimus is clearly supposed to apologize for? This being despite the fact that all Rodimus asked about was teleporters--something that would be absolutely vital in evacuating a civilian population off-planet.

It’s a successful twisting of the situation--successful enough that even I bought it on my first read-through. Despite everything, despite all logic and circumstance and evidence, Megatron convinced even me that his narrative was the right one.

But when I read again? It was groundless. Megatron describes Rodimus as being obsessed; if he’s referring to the paint job, then Drift pointed out it lends itself to multiple interpretations--including mourning. Other than that, all Rodimus has done is organize a plan to get them home. Nothing about his behavior reads as obsessive to me.

But let’s stick to these panels and break it down:

Rodimus attempts to participate in the conversation. Considering that he and Rodimus share a rank and the group is currently planning what to do, it’s perfectly appropriate for Rodimus to try to pitch in, especially since he was the one at the briefing while Megatron met the ‘troops’ in another area. He knows more about the situation than Megatron in some ways, and he’s trying to use that information to help.

But Megatron gets visibly angry and tries to shut the attempt down. Based on his behavior through the series as well as my own experiences, I think I can guess why.

Rodimus ‘disobeyed’ him, which undermines the vision Megatron has of himself as the ‘real’ captain. The image he’s been trying to sell the crew. If he can spin this as Rodimus being childish, he can salvage the situation and maintain his narrative. Scolding him like a child sets that up.

It’s technically also possible that he’s somehow forgetting Rodimus’ experiences with Nyon and nonstop heroism despite being present for both, although that seems like an awfully large and uncharitable lapse on his part.

This implies to me that this isn't the first time Megatron has dismissed Rodimus like this--but before Rodimus can call him out further, Megatron twists the narrative, and now it's not about teleporters or exit strategies. It's a personal attack on Rodimus.

This comes, frankly, out of nowhere. It's an unprovoked attack against someone who shares his rank and is trying to contribute to the planning process--you know, trying to do his job.

Here's the thing. I'm familiar with these derailing types of attacks--where anything I do can get twisted and turned into something that requires an apology when I'm (a) trying to help, (b) doing my job, and (c) trying to do it respectfully but also efficiently due to time crunches. And, like Rodimus, I've been baited into shouting back at my abusers.

It's a win-win for them. Sure, they derailed first--they shouted first--but since I fought back, it can't be abuse. Since I got distracted from the point I wanted to make, I proved them right. I'm too sensitive. I deserve to be ‘taken to task’ or ‘put in my place’ or whatever euphemism you care to use. Because I stop looking like a crying victim on the floor, it stops counting as abuse.

If you think I'm exaggerating, I can assure you I'm not. Read any comment thread about abuse or assault and see how long it takes for people to find reasons why this person wasn't really a victim. Why they deserved it.

I should have talked above--under almost every section--about my abusive ex-boyfriend. Really, it's painful how much is relevant. But I haven't, because… Fuck me, this is the sixth complete rewrite of this section, and I'm still tearing up. I haven't, and it's because experience has convinced me that no one will take my side because I wasn't a good enough victim.

I'll keep it simple and relevant--just a single example that I feel parallels the above scene. It happened within a week of when my mom hit me; I was 15. My ex was failing a writing class, and he showed me his homework. I thought he was asking for feedback, since, y'know, he was failing. But I only got as far as saying he'd misused a comma before he told me to shut up.

I say he told me. That sounds so mild. We were sitting near the front of the school bus together; I was trapped between him and the window. He had eight inches and fifty pounds on me, and he used it to loom over me like Megatron continually looms over Rodimus. I say he told me to shut up; he got in my face and screamed it in front of a bus full of our peers.

He then proceeded to scream insults at me until he was red in the face. I wasn't qualified to judge his commas, I was an idiot, on and on. He had a bad habit of yelling at me in 1337-sp34k--yes, out loud--because it made him feel intelligent when I couldn't understand it. To be honest, I think that parallels with Megatron’s consistent condescending use of ‘big words’--the point of communication is to communicate, not to feel smart about our superior vocabulary.

Like Megatron, he would get loud and condescending and demeaning and use speech I couldn't understand to prove that I wasn't as smart as he was. Like Megatron, he would loom over me, using his height and bulk to intimidate me when I started getting ‘uppity’ or otherwise ticked him off. Like Megatron, he mostly did this when we had an audience--it was other types of abuse he perpetrated in private.

And, like Rodimus, sometimes I backed down--but sometimes I shouted back.

Not often. Usually I kept it to a few incredulous statements. But there were times when he said something so shocking, so untrue, I had to defend myself--like Rodimus does in this scene. And--once again, like Rodimus--I got so ‘het up’ that I would lose my point, forget my words, and find it impossible to actually figure out how to fight his points. Partly because they were so groundless it felt like there was no evidence I could pull to counter them.

I told my sister about it, once. And she said that since I yelled back sometimes, I deserved it.

She wasn't the only one to say that, but it hurt the most coming from her. And it hurts again when I read posts about Megatron and Rodimus where people talk about how great it is that Megatron finally put Rodimus in his place, how much Rodimus deserved to be screamed at. It's just fiction, true, but in the back of my mind, I always think, ‘If I told you that this happened to me, would you say I deserved it, too?’

Because I've seen very little recognition of the fact that victims do sometimes fight back. They often pay for it, but when you're driven into a corner you don't lie down and take it every time.

No one looks like a Hollywood victim all the time--crying and ‘weak’ and only staying because of fear. Anyone of any personality type can be abused. And abusers are experts at seeming like good, upstanding people; they need to be able to build a narrative that casts them as the hero or anti-hero. You need to see a whole pattern to recognize them for what they are--and they're invested in hiding that pattern by any means necessary so they won't lose that control, that power over both their current victim and other future victims.

Some abusers apologize going into the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle as part of perpetuating that narrative. Others avoid taking blame at any cost, refusing to take responsibility for their actions. Megatron makes excuses rather than apologies and never does the work to make amends; like my abusive ex, he thinks experiencing any guilt at all absolves him of the hard work of fixing things. It doesn't; feeling bad is meaningless. It accomplishes nothing. And excuses relieve that guilt--the false high of unearned absolution.

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

It’s not his fault, you see! This murder squad he personally trained massacred two hundred of his crew members (the theory at the time of this panel was a ‘near future’ scenario, not parallel quantum shenanigans), but really, he knew this would happen the moment Optimus made him say sorry. These are natural consequences of making him do something he didn’t want to do.

Now, it’s true that Megatron didn’t order them to do this, but immediately putting the blame on Optimus making him vocally renounce the cause he was already claiming he’d renounced… When, y’know, these are his hand-picked and hand-trained assassins who he used to terrify his troops into abject obedience to all Decepticon beliefs… It’s just mind-boggling to me.

To explain another way: he just entered a ship full of two hundred mutilated corpses, all but a few showing signs of extreme torture. And he makes it about him. And he does that while still trying to dodge all blame. It’s a natural consequence of him reading the speech Optimus wrote for him, but it’s not because he trained a team of murderers in the art of violent murdering, no, that part has nothing to do with anything. They didn’t answer to him, he says, when he’s the only one who has Tarn’s comm number. When Tarn personally credits him with shaping him into the person he became.

The DJD are responsible for their own actions, certainly, but that doesn’t mean that Megatron isn’t responsible for giving them a list of traitors and turning them loose on his troops--and on innocent bystanders.

This would be a good opportunity for a sparkfelt apology. We could have seen Megatron mourn these dead and regret training the DJD and tell the survivors that he’ll find a way to talk to the DJD and make sure this never happens again (something he could have done at any time--he does have Tarn’s number, after all). We could have seen him start making reparations six months after saying he’d changed.

Instead we see him give a self-righteous little speech about how he’s totally blameless.

This may not be directed at Rodimus, but Rodimus numbers among the dead--he was the first corpse they found. And he cares not one bit that his living co-captain and second in command have vanished, with only gray and disfigured corpses to replace them. No, the most important thing in this situation is to twist the narrative and make sure everyone knows it’s not his fault.

This is what happens when he’s made to do things he doesn’t want to do. There are consequences; he doesn’t need to make reparations because the consequences are natural and right.

Living for millions of years with the DJD as real boogeymen who could appear and wreak this kind of devastation without warning if Megatron gave a single word? It’d be hard not to see those natural consequences as a threat.

Manipulation

“A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their spouse fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with ‘No.’ This is a control tactic to get her to agree to do something she wouldn’t.” (“Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC)

All of the above is manipulation, without question. But I’m including this as a separate bullet point because it allows me to address a particular tactic that doesn’t fit neatly under any of the other sections.

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

Megatron has no respect for Rodimus’ personal space, particularly when he’s being ‘defiant’ in some way. Paring away text to focus on body language, it becomes even more abundantly clear.

From the beginning of season two, he towers over Rodimus, jabbing a finger less than a hand’s breadth from his face.

When he wants to be obeyed, he physically gets in Rodimus’ face--snarling and huge.

And as a new arc begins, he’s once again looming and jabbing fingers in Rodimus’ personal space.

If I listed every panel where Megatron was shown leaning physically over Rodimus, I’d be including almost every panel they share. And before anyone says it’s because of Megatron’s size, and he can’t help but loom--he doesn’t do it to other characters unless they, too, are ‘misbehaving.’ He’s perfectly capable of keeping a straight back and relatively professional distance with most mechs, even when being threatened, even with extreme height differences:

Straight back, no leaning over Tailgate, no snarl. It’s the same with other crew members. With Rodimus, however, his nonverbal cues are constantly screaming dominance fight.

Now, I’m a small person, so maybe I’m especially sensitive to this--I’m just barely five feet tall and not muscular in the slightest. When much-bigger people get in my space the way Megatron gets in Rodimus’ space, it’s terrifying. Respectful people don’t do those things, and you can’t convince me that it’s merely a product of his size. My boyfriend of almost ten years now is eleven inches taller than I am, and he’s never once loomed over me or used his size to intimidate me.

I might be willing to call it thoughtless rather than an abuse tactic, since it is possible to loom unintentionally--except he singles Rodimus out for this treatment.

And it works.

After the first example above, Rodimus is visibly cowed while Megatron practically presses himself against his back:

Note the lowered spoilers on Rodimus’ back, the lowered head, the expression on his face.

And after the second panel, he literally transforms and obeys Megatron without further question.

Constant physical intimidation has unfortunate effects on a person, particularly when used alongside verbal and emotional abuse tactics like the ones I’ve been describing. This is a documented aspect of physical abuse--of which physical intimidation is a part--but I also know it intimately.

My abusive ex boyfriend never hit me, but he used physical intimidation tactics like these on a daily basis. He sat between me and the aisle on the bus and got in my face and snarled at the least provocation, but he also just--loomed. He was always--always--in my bubble, to the point that sometimes my friends would literally push him out of it. He would stand behind me like that, and when I have nightmares I can still feel his hard-on pressed against my lower back, his hands on on my hips or shoulders to keep me where he wanted me, the heat of his breath on me as he curled above me, around me, cutting off every exit until he was physically my entire world.

Which brings me to the panel that finally set me off enough to write the meta post I’d been mentally composing for over a year:

I feel sick when I look at this panel. When I look at the hand on his back and the way Megatron curls around him and the way the hand that’s always jabbing fingers in his face is caging him in. When I look at the way Rodimus is hugging himself, pulling in and away from Megatron--because in is his only escape route, because Megatron has cut off everything else. Verbally isolating him, then emotionally, then physically.

Rodimus doesn’t have any friends here to shove Megatron out of his bubble. Rodimus has the certainty that Megatron could be screaming at him (again), could be threatening him with hands in his face (that we can see are the size of Rodimus’ torso), could actually be injuring him--which we haven’t seen, but, honestly? “Whenever you shout my name I expect to get shot,” uh, isn’t a ringing endorsement of what might be happening behind closed doors, where most actual violence plays out.

Even if Megatron hasn’t hurt him--and I haven’t got enough proof to conclusively say one way or another--the threat is still there. As I said, my abusive ex never hit me. But I knew--every time he screamed, every time he got in my face--that he could. That he was capable of it.

He didn’t have to hit me. Like Rodimus, my defiance never lasted--without support, with too much fear, I decided that I needed to pick my battles. And, one by one, he pushed through my boundaries. Because if it wasn’t worth picking a battle over him stroking my inner thigh outside my shorts, was it worth fighting him on stroking the inside of my waistband? With that boundary demolished, was it really so unexpected--really worth challenging--when he went past the waistband?

After all, it was my fault he was so riled up. I’d done this to him. Didn’t I owe it to him to fix the problems I’d caused? But I guess that particular bit of nastiness comes from the next section--the victim card.

Victim Card

“When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.” (“Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses” by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC)

At every point in Megatron’s “redemption” arc, he casts himself as a tragic figure. Poor Megatron, made to stand trial! Poor Megatron, asked to provide evidence to expedite the trial! (optional; he didn't consent to mnemosurgery and they immediately left) Poor Megatron, asked to read a speech renouncing the cause he already said he'd renounced! (optional; purely a get-out-of-jail-free card) Poor Megatron, surrounded by incompetence on this privately owned neutral ship he was given captaincy of in place of his prison stay! Poor Megatron, forced to drink ‘poison’! (optional; again, he made the choice himself) Poor Megatron, having to share the ship with the mech who owns it! Poor Megatron, faced with the knowledge that some people wish the war had never happened! Possibly even the knowledge of how many mechs he killed! What terrible knowledge.

Poor Megatron, indeed.

All of these situations are fair and reasonable for him to encounter. He's not a tragic figure for facing any of these things; in fact, the last two are hardly even about him. Billions died, and we're supposed to feel sorry for him surveying the field of flowers? For having to face the facts of what he did when he still doesn't face any negative repercussions for his choices?

This is entitlement, but it's also an abuse tactic. My ex used this trick to guilt me into roleplaying sexual situations I was really, really not comfortable with, while my mother used it to get me to do...well, in retrospect, basically anything she felt like I owed her.

Used on the wrong party, this tactic is just grating--case in point, Getaway and his mutineers. He specifically cited this overall strategy in his last call with the crew on the Necroplanet. But on someone who already has a guilt complex--someone who's easily manipulated by authority figures telling him it's his duty to do one thing or another, insisting nothing he does is enough and he owes more than he can give--the sort of person who carves into his hand the number of people who wanted him gone? Yeah, that's a different story.

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Prior to this panel, Rodimus just informed Megatron that Brainstorm seemed to have jumped through time. Rodimus specifically gives him time to process the info, too.

He's beings downright nice about it.

And, yes, it's absolutely fine to need time to process or to freak about things not going according to plan. That's natural! I say this despite the fact that Megatron--a mech made of black holes--isn't exactly unfamiliar with weird science. In fact, one of the thirteen ores seeded by Shockwave had time properties, and they literally just met quantum doubles of their entire ship. I'm a little dubious about his claims of a minor breakdown here, but the freak-out itself isn't the real problem here.

What's not fine is taking that as an excuse to once again lean in over Rodimus (note the angle Megatron shifts to once he starts yelling), jab a finger in his face, and personally insult him. What's he done to warrant the “You are ridiculous” line and accusatory tone, other than tell Megatron something he didn't want to hear? How does keeping him briefed and patiently waiting for him to process lead to the conclusion that Rodimus is his own, personal punishment?

Well, keeping a level head while publicly briefing Megatron means undermining some of that narrative he’s so carefully constructing, where Rodimus is rash and rude and impulsive and irresponsible. Unsuited to command. Because in this scene? Rodimus looks and acts like a capable and considerate commander.

There's also the fact that Rodimus is treating him like a peer rather than a superior here.

Now, that might not be why Megatron lashes out. He might genuinely be disturbed by the idea of time travel and instinctively target his current favorite (emotional) punching bag. But I think it's telling that he immediately turns something going wrong into being Rodimus’ fault when he's actually doing his job quite well in this scene, not to mention respecting Megatron as co-captain. It's also telling that he breaks out the same physical intimidation tactics I described in the last subsection the moment he gets agitated.

So why do I think this is an abuse tactic and not poorly-handled panic, aside from Megatron's extensive experience with various types of weird science? Because Rodimus doesn't try to contradict him. He doesn't fight the point or defend himself. And, sure, that could be a sign of maturity--but it can also be a sign that he's beginning to internalize Megatron's message, especially when looked at in the context of everything else I mentioned in this post.

In fact, let’s cover his motivations and intentions a bit more directly.

INTENTIONALITY

Assessing whether abusive behavior is deliberate can be nearly impossible when you’re living in it. For example, I highly doubt that my mom is any kind of mastermind with an ultimate end goal of control over me. I’m not actually sure what she was thinking for any of that--she insists most of it never happened and has a different justification every time I ask about the parts she doesn’t deny (although she sometimes denies those, too, depending on her mood).

Even if Megatron’s behavior wasn’t intentional, it would still be unacceptable, dangerous, and traumatic. But I do genuinely believe it’s deliberate--partly because of the following scene:

This is coming from Ravage--a spy with extensive experience that goes all the way back to the day of the Senate. He’s seen a lot. And he makes a compelling argument:

Ravage points out numerous occasions where Megatron played the long game--planning ahead, setting up for what he might want someday as well as what he wants today. Reaching for the dark matter, delaying his trial with sidequests as soon as the opportunity presented itself--those, too, are examples of this.

So it stands to reason that all of this manipulation could serve the fairly straightforward goal of setting himself up to be sole captain of the Lost Light--or some other goal we haven’t yet worked out that requires tearing down Rodimus’ reputation and isolating him from the rest of the crew.

IN CONCLUSION

Megatron is abusing Rodimus. Emotionally and verbally at the very least, but possibly other forms of abuse. He’s certainly threatening physical abuse with his nonverbal cues--and, by some definitions, is in fact perpetrating physical abuse by bodily intimidating Rodimus.

The evidence is overwhelming, and I think that this interpretation gives greater depth and meaning to JRo’s characterizations of both Rodimus and Megatron. Through this lens, Rodimus’ increasingly erratic and seemingly out-of-character behavior as the series progresses can be viewed as a response to gaslighting and other abuse. Meanwhile, for Megatron, this interpretation serves to connect his current behavior to his wartime behavior in a way that feels more in line with IDW’s past version of him instead of a sudden and hollow change.

Ultimately, though, this interpretation is important to me as an abuse survivor. I don't fault those who want to write their own version of Megatron, but, if I'm being honest? I never again want to see another post insisting that Megatron can't be written as abusive. (and if you think this is vagueblogging about someone in particular, I swear it's not. I've seen multiple posts and tweets echoing this sentiment. This isn't some vague callout post; it's an alternative interpretation that runs counter to the dominant fandom narrative as I've encountered it.)

You can keep your interpretation of Megatron. He is a fictional character who has been written by dozens of different people in numerous canons. If you don't want to write about him as an abusive and manipulative jerk, by all means, don't. The only request I make is that you not condemn those who do.

Multiple interpretations of canon lead to more varied and interesting fan works. And I think that's good for everyone.

Additional Reading

In case you want to do further reading, here are some links to other articles I looked at while making this post. I may add to this if I find any others that feel relevant.

15 Types of Verbal Abuse in Relationships

10 Signs You Are in a Relationship with a Narcissist (first part in a series)

#maccadam #mtmte #transformers #transformers idw #transformers meta #that's five tags so it SHOULD be safe to add #megatron #rodimus #hopefully those won't prompt this to show up in the tags #i just want them for blog post archiving purposes #should i tag this as #character hate #just to be safe? #please let me know if i missed any tags #warnings are included in the disclaimer at the top of the post

[seoexpert332]

Speaking Plainly, What Is a Psycho-Educational Assessment?

People may ambition a psychological assessment for many reasons; learning, behaviour, injury, health, emotional problems or spread concerns to post just a few. A psycho-educational or scholarly assessment is clearly one nice of psychological assessment. For example, an university assessment investigates learning potential and academic capacity development. A psychological assessment of any nice must be completed by a licensed psychologist or psychological associate who is registered considering the teacher of Psychologists in their province.

g360talent.com

In simple terms, during an university assessment a psychologist must determine a person's abilities and then look if their academic triumph is at a comparable level. It is common sense to predict that a person once an average shrewdness will solution math, spelling, reading, writing and further academic tasks within the average range. A psychologist will locate out whether a client's academic be in is equal to their insight using testing, clinical observation and statistical analysis.

OK, what happens if you have an average shrewdness but some academic area is far-off weaker than predicted? Now, comes the fascinating part.... What is keeping the individual from the theater at their level of intelligence? It could be problems later than visual or verbal memory. It could be that their brain cannot track and scan written text as speedily as most people. Perhaps they have been told they don't pay attention but actually their brain cannot process verbal information as efficiently as extra people. Alternatively, a person may locate it extremely hard to start a task, scheme and organize and, monitor their feat as they exploit along. The final is there are many reasons that a person is not meeting the cognitive potential they were born with.

Why would a person need an school assessment?

The answers to this question are fairly simple. An speculative assessment completed by a approved psychologist or psychological belong to could formally acknowledge a obsession for an academic program at intellectual that is specifically tailored to the student's learning style. If you know a person's potential for learning and their gift level of achievement, you know the academic strengths and needs of that student at that moment. The answer of the concern is that a scholarly psychologist is often the key to accord the initiation of the student's difficulties as competently as holding the approach of gate-keeper to special facilities and academic retain within a public theoretical system.

When will I know if I, or my child, need an scholarly assessment?

Sometimes delays in some areas of develop are obvious categorically early. For example, if your child is developing language or fine motor skills more slowly than further children, he may compulsion an school assessment at some point. If he has complexity similar to directions or routines at house or daycare you may adjudicate watching his spread more carefully. If your child begins university and experiences profundity learning numbers, the alphabet, days of the week, colours and shapes, preserve close gain access to when his literary to monitor his progress. If your child seems no question restless, easily inattentive and/or has bother interacting with peers it is reachable that he has some attentional or behavioural problems that may require assessment at a later stage.

Perhaps a parent has noticed their child is struggling at school. Often, it is a studious who has alerted a parent that their child has been experiencing mysteriousness keen at the thesame level as further children in their class even though they are aggravating their best. At times, it is the child who goes to the bookish or parent and lets them know that they are finding intellectual do its stuff extremely difficult. Crying exceeding homework, repeatedly asking a university to go more than the thesame work, signs of low self-esteem because they distress signal they are "not smart" are every signs that a child's academic accomplishment should be monitored.

It is important to note that a person seeking an scholastic assessment is not always a child. Sometimes, an adult decides to unmodified academic upgrading or apply as a get older student to educational or academe even if acknowledging that he or she experienced some earlier learning difficulties as a child. Many adults in this matter adjudicate to probe their learning style because there is more broadminded scientific knowledge more or less learning disabilities now and they hope that more far along encourage will be available. As children, these individuals knew they were intellectual and clever but just couldn't entry as speedily as further people in their class or had mysteriousness past math or writing. This adult has made a decision that they could succeed if they could find out more roughly the showing off they learn.

One step at a time........

Find a psychologist who completes university assessments in your area. You can find a psychologist upon the internet, the scholarly of Psychologists of Ontario or out of the ordinary provincial regulatory organization. Your child's instructor or pediatrician may be adept to make a within acceptable limits referral for an assistant professor assessment. create an taking office to meet subsequent to a psychologist who has experience in literary Psychology and consult like them at their office. It is best for parents to meet for a one-hour interview to determine whether their child needs an literary assessment or not. It is inadvisable to take your child in imitation of you to this first meeting. Parents will always speak more plainly about their concerns if their child is not present. More importantly, the child will not be victimized by their parent's concerns or assistant professor reports. If the taking over is for an individual 18+ years they generally attend an intake interview on their own.

What do I tell my child or teenage approximately having an assistant professor assessment?

It is important for any client, youngster or old, to understand that an theoretical assessment can identify strengths that can back up the client tote up academic weaknesses. speak positively very nearly the upcoming experience. For example, say, "you are going to meet a person who likes people locate out what they are in fact fine at. gone they do, they assist you enlarge on a subject that is essentially tricky and challenging for you".

What can I expect subsequently I, or my child, start an school assessment?

Expect that you or your child will attend a number of psychotherapy or assessment sessions soon after the intake session. Most often, a psychologist will ask that test sessions be set earlier rather than cutting edge in the day. The excuse for this is that people are at their best earlier in the hours of daylight hastily after a good sleep. This is particularly real if attentional problems are suspected.

Remember, a psychologist wants to locate out about your abilities or intelligence. This is an important step. So, an penetration exam that compares your full of life to additional people exactly your age is an obvious beginning. later this has been completed, the psychologist will want to learn more approximately the habit your brain processes information. For example, if you listen a savings account could you repeat it? How more or less the thesame story after 30-minutes? What practically a picture or pattern? Could you recall that as competently as the story, or better? Could the client's brain process what he or she heard easily or not? Eventually, the psychologist will want to find out how and what you have bookish at school. Math, spelling, writing, listening and, reading tests will surely follow.

[publichealthjurnal-blog]

Write For Us 10 WAYS WRITER’S BLOCK

This post was at first posted without any other person blog.

Ever had a by chance uncooperative identity as of now? I'm certain everybody who makes has been down that street previously. You take a gander at your workstation/PC/type maker for a long time attempting to consider the words or sentences write for us health for whatever it is you're shaping right now. Each sentence made is deleted until the moment that the minute that your eyes are exhausted looking, hair's a hazardous situation and your confirmation decreased.

Photograph by on Unsplash

Dread not, as I've experienced a practically identical thing interminable of times and I'm here to reveal my own extraordinary part 'remedies' — for nonattendance of a pervasive word — to help you in the midst of need.

On the off chance that you feel that a section of my systems might be unhelpful to you, by then have a go at altering it to your own unique needs — and in the event that you have better considerations, do tell me and I'll solidify it here similarly for others to get some expect to kick-begin their square.

The quick overview that I have is in no progressive interest.

1. Discover Music You can Write to

My recommendation is to discover music that doesn't have words in it — in various words, not tunes, but rather music. What causes me consistently are epic music, instrumental/standard music, establishment bustles shorelines or tornado.

Photograph by woo yi on Unsplash

Tunes are an imperative no-no for me as I tend to toll in and I can't get novel words to leave my head, rather I'll be combining the holds back onto the thing that I'm making. One story I framed on my Watt pad had an entire scene concentrated on a Good Charlotte's tune since I was looking at the social event on rehash. It's not by any stretch of the innovative capacity ace to have tune abstains joined into your records, yet even most exceedingly appalling in the occasion that you're making an article or non-roundabout stories. As I shape this I have the epic music playlist occurring of sight and it's truth be told exceptional if you're utilizing it to consider some epic experience story — but I utilize it similarly as monotonous sound I can't work with quietness.

2. Making Prompts

When I'm in a hang to frame for my blog, I check for making prompts on the web. There are different sorts of making prompts you can discover on the web. I rejected a site page here in light of the manner in which that you can simply Google 'influencing prompts for web journals' and thousands will to show up. I'm so extraordinarily appreciative to individuals who set aside the opportunity to make these prompts that assistance a mental obstacle.

Photograph by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I'm utilizing a course of action actuate right now as well — it has one for the entire year and a touch of the centers don't identify with me so I can't utilize it, yet I change a piece of the subjects for me to utilize. One of the centers was to form a list — and here I am. Apparently about it decidedly has any sort of impact.

You don't just need to utilize the prompts for shaping regions, as it assists with preliminary making also.

3. Make Something Else

In case you're stuck on a blog area which can't go past the principal line, desert it and basically make something unique. In the occasion that you're stuck on a story that is just the key zone, surrender it and work on something intriguing.

Photograph by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

It is certainly not something to be thankful for to leave things lacking, yet by backing off out there, you're not advancing. On the off chance that you stop that, possibly you could make something remarkable that is clearly better.

You don't comprehend what number of blog point contemplation has been left as draft in my blog page and finally I just surrendered and made something else — which I really do understand how to wrap up.

There are interminable of stories I've left lacking in my workstation as well — I'm not happy with it, yet rather continually end, I understands how to finish different stories and I don't feel exorbitantly upsetting about myself by at that point.

4. Fundamentally Keep Writing

In the occasion that you're the kind of individual who doesn't trust in betraying a story or a post, by then fundamentally continue making. Like Dory's 'Simply continue swimming' tune, I'd prepare you to 'simply continue making, basically continue framing, making, making'.

Really, you've hit a square and nothing innovative comes up, yet by proceeding, as time goes on you will achieve a point where something looks great and your creative energies will begin spilling.

You would then have the ability to return and demolish each and every one of those parts you formed endeavoring to ensure deadness of being stuck and have a spic and length story before you.

Photograph by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

5. Change of Environment

On the off chance that you generally write in a specific place, have a go at moving elsewhere to shape. Besides, I don't mean clearing and leaving your home — although that may work — what I recommended looks like on the off chance that you write in your room, by then have a go at writing in the parlor or another piece of the house. In the event that changing rooms in your home doesn't work, by then go to a bistro close-by and shape there?

From time to time the sound of individuals mumbling and espresso being made is a regular wellspring of motivation.

Photograph by Dylan Gillis on Unsplash

Moving spots to discover a place that enables you motivation ought to need to kick begin that square.

Besides, have a go at finding shaping packs in your area. I am aware of a maker's look at accumulate here in Pena and I'm expecting to oblige them one of nowadays. These are a get-together of contiguous authors who get together and make and after that rebuke each other's works — constructive feedback works.

This partner as you're sitting inside a region stacked up with inventive vitality and who comprehends that will help in making new contemplation.

6. Consider What to Write as You Go To Sleep

I comprehend that you have to get your brains free before resting, yet attempt this now and again when you're in a hang for what to make.

In the occasion that you're making a story, conceptualize the going with couple of parts outline similarly as it's played out like a film in your cerebrum. When you get up, you ought to be able to proceed ahead from the stuck section.

Photograph by Chris Abney on Unsplash

This is an attempted and worked procedure for me. I don't know whether it works for everybody, except rather it's obviously worked for me. I'd consider a section I'm stuck on and what may I have the ability to do to propel the plot and I'd play the entire scene in my mind as I skim off to rest.

Before you know it, the following morning I wake up new with new insights and my fingers shuddering to get on my PC and begin making.

Try that and let me know whether it works for you too.

7. Make at Different Times

I appreciate that I get the vast majority of my motivations late into the night — usually after 2 or 3 am. There are times I oversee without my rest just to complete a full part, or a full blog entry up. Possibly some extraordinary individuals have specific occasions that works for them. Possibly at a young hour toward the beginning of the day as you get up? Possibly toward the night.

Have a go at framing at various times from when you all things considered make and check whether the motivation goes through.

On the off chance that it's at odd hours like mine, utilization the terminations of the week to spend the night making. I can't do that well ordered since I have work the following day, at any rate I spend my completions of the week resting late to shape.

Photograph by methods for Carolyn V on Unsplash

I all over write in focal point of my working hours, in light of the way that the motivation kicks in just by at that point. Fundamentally make the vital strides not to get captured.

8. Disregard the Waiting Task and Do Other Things

Once in a while it gets to a point of bafflement that you can't finish your story or blog area or article and the best development is to disregard it and surpass desires with life.

Butcher that PC, go to a store, go to a shopping center, go to the shoreline, paint, draw, locate another side interest or basically rest. It's no point moving yourself on the off chance that you can't push forward.

Every so often while doing different undertakings, your dream will discover it's approach to manage you. Besides, a while later you can begin making over again.

Photograph by Cody Black on Unsplash

On occasion, driving yourself an unreasonable proportion of doesn't bolster much, so it's more astute to make a stroll back and begin once more.

9. Take the necessary steps not to Plan; Just Write

A part of the time having an arrangement of what you need to make works, yet on top of it just makes it difficult to push ahead. What I have a tendency to do when I'm clung is to simply make whatever that navigates my brain, not transforming them until the point that the minute that I'm set. On occasion when you frame without heading, you tend to look for after a substitute way from where you anticipated that would go in any case.

Photograph by Fabian Sara on Unsplash

I once lost such a broad number of portions on a story I was making and it was the most exceedingly horrendous time as I anticipated that would fix up the entire thing and it turned out for the best in light of the manner in which that the story turned out superior to the key draft with a substitute course.

On occasion, noteworthy heading gives us better motivation.

10. Try not to think about the Critics

Once in a while, thinking about savvy people smothers me and makes me feel like I ought not utilizing all methods consider framing as a longing as I'll certainly be detached to shreds and from the blue the

Click Here: Write For Us Writer's Block

#health blogs accepting guest posts

[alisonfloresus]

Step Outside Your Usual Way Of Thinking And Make A Breakthrough

Our brains are amazingly elastic … when we choose to stretch them. Here’s an example: Researchers wondered what would happen if college students were given glasses that made the world appear to be upside down. Those given the unusual perspective struggled at first. But in about a month, the students could do everything just fine upside down … including reading their text books and writing their papers.

Most people, by contrast, choose not to stretch their brains … even when they can gain something valuable. When no stretching happens, old ideas turn into tendencies … which become comfortable habits of walking in the same paths … and our footsteps wear the paths into familiar dry moats so deep that we cannot see any other choices.

When we stick with what we’ve been doing without further thought, we likewise often experience stalls, ways of thinking and operating that keep us from making important breakthroughs.

If you are in such a dry moat, making it deeper as you cover the same ground again and again, how can you develop the vision to escape? People have another trait that can help that’s often described as: Monkeys see and other monkeys do. People are fortunately great imitators.

But what should you imitate? It’s obviously easy to pick a bad model when trying to improve. Don’t depend on the advocate’s confidence: Everyone is typically convinced that his or her way is the only way.

How can you correctly judge the value of one alternative practice versus another? Professional experts in making breakthrough know that the proof of the pudding is in the eating: What are the results that are gained from one practice versus another?

By looking carefully at what others do, how much effort and how many resources are involved, and what the results are, breakthrough advisors learn that some practices are much more productive than others. Next, such advisors encourage starting with a small-scale, low-risk test to see what’s possible. From the results, the practice can be confirmed or invalidated.

Here’s where it gets interesting: Most people are convinced that no one outside of their field or area of endeavor could possibly make any contributions to creating a breakthrough. The truth is just the opposite: Breakthroughs are most likely to come from people outside the field.

It’s because they don’t know all of the rules of why this “couldn’t” or that “shouldn’t” work that makes outsiders open to seeing what’s missing and what should be deleted from the current ways of operating.

Rocketry provides one such example. The American military wanted to reduce the weight of one of its high-performance rockets by several hundred pounds. Engineers couldn’t see any way to do it. Make the rocket casing any thinner, and you might have fiery leaks that would result in disaster. Use a different propellant and you might blow up the rocket through unstable ignition.

One day while the engineers worked on the problem, a janitor came in to sweep up and empty the waste baskets. The janitor overheard their conversation and thought about the problem. Before leaving, the janitor interrupted the engineers to suggest that the company simply not paint the rocket.

Voila! That suggestion provided almost all of the needed weight reduction. The opportunity had been in front of the engineers all the time, but they couldn’t see the solution due to their habitual focus on the technical details of rocket science. But as they sometimes say, solving a problem may not be rocket science after all.

Sometimes, the breakthrough solution entails a wider body of knowledge than a non-expert (such as the janitor in the example) can supply through simple inspection of the situation. In those cases, it’s enormously valuable to look beyond the current discipline that’s guiding the thinking to consider the perspective of another problem-solving discipline.

For instance, the food industry learned new ways to improve quality and safety by studying the ingredient mixing methods that engineers in the chemical industry had been using for years to ensure reliable chemical reactions. The insights that led to this solution came from applying physics rather than biology, the science which food technologists are quite expert in and usually focus on.

For major problems of identifying ways to gain vastly better results, a kind of breakthrough most of us would like to have more often, any discipline involving well-developed analytical and decision-making processes can help.

As an example, athletes improved their performances a lot by applying what neuroscientists had learned about breakthrough physical performance: Take half your training time to change psychology and rehearse success mentally, and performance is much better than if you only train to be stronger and faster.

After you learn to apply a number of other disciplines to make breakthroughs in your area of interest, you will also begin to see new ways to create hybrid solutions that combine the best of both worlds.

An example of that thinking can be seen in the ways that physicians have learned about employing the principles of manufacturing quality-improvement processes to delivering high-quality health care to design processes that lead to a lot fewer errors and delight patients.

As an example, several people now have to independently verify what surgical procedure is to be done before anyone makes an incision, beginning with the patient and ending with the surgeon’s staff.

Learn from enough helpful disciplines, and you can gain a more encompassing perspective: Draw breakthrough principles from lots of examples where individuals and groups of people perform difficult, important tasks almost perfectly every time. Then, apply those near-perfect principles to the situation at hand.

When such an application occurs, it’s not unusual to improve results by 20, 30, or even 40 times while still spending the same amount of time, money, and effort.

Let’s look at an example to help you appreciate how such an exciting, important conceptual journey can begin and develop. My colleague, Professor Al Hennon, originally became a teacher because he wanted to help kids.

Due to his educational acumen, he was drafted into various administrative roles, rising eventually to become the superintendent of schools for the city of Massillon, Ohio where he led 750 employees and managed a $ 40 million annual budget.

In that role, he began to wonder if another perspective would make him a more effective educational leader: “Can public schools be run with a business philosophy?” He was intrigued to see if educational leaders could balance nurturing students and accomplishing all tasks in more effective ways.

Having long wanted to earn a doctorate, Professor Hennon decided to go a nontraditional route and study how business leadership principles could be adapted to improving educational administration. He chose Rushmore University for his studies. Here is what he learned:

“I have found in my study that business and education are not dissimilar. The terms we use and the processes we engage in may be different. However, the fundamental way we approach our businesses and the foundation that guides our organizations are very much the same. The principles of management and leadership are the same; only the wrapping is different.

“If I can raise expectations, build capacity to improve, and improve results, I can be a success in private enterprise or public education. I am now able to take the principles of management, leadership, and consulting from the business perspective and articulate them in the language of education.

“I have found how critical it is to be able to take information from a little-known source, to learn it, and then to translate it into useful knowledge in order to help other organizations.”

New opportunities soon presented themselves. After graduating in 2005, Professor Hennon agreed to serve as Rushmore’s professor for educational administration. He also gained a glimpse of many other career opportunities through his doctoral studies.

As a result, he changed careers and now works as an educational consultant for an architectural firm that designs schools. In this new role, he combines three disciplines in new ways to advance education: architectural principles, educational administration, and business efficiency.

In these two new roles, Professor Hennon has been able to help other educators to step outside the four walls of their educational disciplines to draw on other disciplines to serve students and their communities better.

Professor Hennon is very encouraged that such multidisciplinary training will be valuable to current and future generations of educational administrators as greater economic fluctuations and shifting demographics present new challenges that require being more flexible.

The educational discipline will help to pick the right activities to emphasize, and the business discipline will provide tools for adjusting resources in those areas where costs need to be cut back.

Imagine how much better our world will be when each of us learns at least one additional way of improving performance and adds that much more perspective to what we do now.

Where will you gain that knowledge and experience?

from JournalsLINE http://journalsline.com/2017/05/30/step-outside-your-usual-way-of-thinking-and-make-a-breakthrough/ from Journals LINE https://journalsline.tumblr.com/post/161228791720

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Metal Jam: An Introspective on "Brittle" Diabetes

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Metal Jam: An Introspective on "Brittle" Diabetes

A friend in the health business recommended this book. (Thank you, Matthew!) I googled it, and found it was written back in 1985 and fits this description:

"A young Englishwoman grapples with a singularly unstable type of diabetes."

Based on those few facts, and mainly on the title, I was expecting a helping of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll with my diabetes reading for a change. Turns out Metal Jam is named after the metallic taste of the marmalade they made for diabetics in the UK back in the mid-'80s. OK, so no Spinal Tap action. But what I found in this book was something almost equally captivating for a PWD: an introspective from someone as "as spirited and quirky as her condition is exasperating and erratic," as one Kirkus reviewer puts it. I couldn't put it down.

The book begins with Teresa's diagnosis while in her '20s, an intellectual student and lover of cricket who was off to India to "work off her conscience" helping in one of Mother Teresa's hostels. She tells her story of dragging around in a zombie-like state of exhaustion, drinking and peeing to excess, until her ankles swell up purple and she lands in the hospital. Over and over again. Even after she gets home to Britain, where doctors are supposed to understand diabetes better.

Some little windows on another time and place made me smile: she repeatedly leaves the hospital on her bicycle.

Teresa retells, in her quintessentially British dry-humor way, how she doesn't fully understand the implications at first, has to hit rock bottom to fully grasp it, and then begins over time to suffer scary, dangerous bouts of severe hypoglycemia — or "the beast," as she calls it.

She's clearly a cheerful person, lacking in self-pity. But the way she describes near-death experiences of waking up half paralyzed, only able to move her mouth to barely scream for help are enough to make any PWD shudder. Thank the Lord that we live in the current era of medical tools Teresa could have barely dreamed of, a mere 20+ years ago. She lived in the era of a strict routine of injections — with huge needles — that had to be taken 30 min. prior to eating. And we all know how that can go. She had no way to test her glucose at home, and even hospital tests took hours to return results.

When it comes to hypoglycemia, I've personally been fortunate so far (knock on wood). I've gotten quite fuzzy and even panicky at times, but never had a low that shut my brain down completely. Yet I know this happens to many in the DOC, who've lived with "the beast" much longer than I. It's just that I always thought you get irrational, and then you just pass out. Unconsciousness doesn't sound nearly as terrifying as the purgatory Teresa McClean describes: lying consciously immobilized with your mind scattered, sinking into misery as you struggle to call for some sort of assistance you cannot grasp.

And still, she remains upbeat, describing herself as a "lover of life" who appreciates it all the more after every ugly hypo episode.

Some other things that struck me about her tale:

* How much has changed — Teresa describes visiting a diabetes clinic:

"You queue up in a line of other diabetics... You hand a urine specimen across the counter for a girl to test for sugar. Then you climb on the scales and wait while they slide weights up and down the arm of the scales until in clangs down like the guillotine and they proclaim your weight maxima voce to the assembled multitude."

Geez, so much for privacy. Makes me appreciate HIPAA.

* How much has stayed the same — Teresa asks a Pharma company why insulin is not packed in shatter-proof bottles, at least coated it plastic to protect this expensive resource. The Pharma rep's reply?

"He shrugged... Maybe it suits the manufacturers for bottles to get broken, so they can sell more, but it seems to me a needless and expensive waste."

* Interesting diabetes trivia:

Did you know that famous writer H.G. Wells founded the original British Diabetic Association (BDA)?

"In January 1934 twenty-four doctors and diabetics met in Wells' London flat to form the BDA, which was the first self-help organization in Britain and model for many more."

* Insights into public perception of diabetes vs. what it can do to even the sunniest of psyches:

"The public face of diabetes is made up of diabetic foods and forbidden foods on the one hand and diabetic personalties and the BDA on the other, with the horrors of insulin murders, suicides and therapy appearing every so often. But the dreary everyday prison of diabetic restraint and watchfulness remains a wasteland known only to insulin-dependent diabetics and the beast who lives there with them."

Still, she writes: "I have a huge capacity to be happy and despite the diabetes, despite the beast, I quite often am."

It's an old book now, out of print. The copy I have is marked in the front and back flaps with the word "DISCARD" — which itself made me shudder. Oh, the irony!

But so worth reading, if you don't mind wading through a bunch of British-isms (bedsit, etc.)

St. Martin's press, January 1985; USED copies are still available on Amazon for about $9 for a hard copy.

The DMBooks Giveaway

Once again we're giving you the chance to win a free copy of our latest book reviewed. If you'd like to win a (used) copyof the 1980's patient narrative Metal Jam, here's what to do:

1. Post your comment below and include the codeword "DMBooks" somewhere in the comment (beginning, end, in parenthesis, in bold, whatever). That will let us know that you would like to be entered in the giveaway. You can still leave a comment without entering, but if you want to be considered to win the book, please remember to include "DMBooks."

2. This week, you have until Friday, April 6, 2012, at 5pm PST to enter. A valid email address is required to win.

3. The winner will be chosen using Random.org.

4. The winner will be announced on Facebook and Twitter on Monday, April 9, 2012, so make sure you're following us! We like to feature our winners in upcoming blog posts, too.

The contest is open to anyone, anywhere. Best of luck, Dear Readers!

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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