#I feel this too keenly

[vvelegrin]

i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.

well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.

but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.

i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.

#sorry to be the quintessential 'guy who played pathologic and now doesn't stop thinking about pathologic' #i'm having a lot of fun trying all of the different things in marble nest though #i do worry in general that the inclusion of sprinting and fast travel will really fuck up my flow #the walking feels SO much slower now so while i was content to plod along in the original i feel like there's not a middle ground #so it feels a bit contrary to it all that i'm sprinting everywhere and just chugging bottles of water and calling it good #though at the very least it does seem like it will take some of the weight off of the 'route planning' aspect of the original #which was. honestly a load bearing part of... gestures vaguely #and i understand why people don't like it! i think that's a very reasonable thing to not like #having a game on a time limit that requires you to walk slowly across the map multiple times #i don't know what brainworms it activated in me but i quite enjoy it #on paper i should not like this game but here we are #that's not true. i play a lot of Bad To Play games for the story. #but 'guy who has no sense of time' playing 'time limit: the game' is... well i'm not arguing at the results #so that's my main Thing that i 'dislike' but even that word is too strong #i don't dislike it as much as i am keenly aware that i will have to play the game differently and i Don't Like Change lmao #that said these are preliminary impressions as i'm only about 4-5ish hours into the main game #pathologic

[mamawasatesttube]

aoejznajwuzgVw. OKAY SO

This is gonna be such a ramble, I apologize in advance, but first off, yes Nightwing Kara does indeed pair with Flamebird Kon (or Supernova. You’ve converted me wjejshwhs)

So the idea is literally born from just like, her and Karen’s brief time as the Flamebird and Nightwing of Kandor, and it got me thinking about what it would be like for that concept to have been more expanded upon. And the ways that it could keep in theme with the Superfam and the immigration story, especially with Kara and Clark as first generation, and then Kon as second gen.

Then that got me thinking (as always) about Kryptonian culture and what it means to Kara and Kon. Like, Kara does struggle with keeping her Kryptonian heritage alive and staying true to it atop of assimilation, and how she just can’t blend in with humans in the way that Clark and even Kon can. And then there’s Kon who doesn’t always have a reason to want anything to do with Krypton, despite being Kryptonian himself. Like, the way the three of them are so so interesting to me in the ways that they just never fully feel like they belong. Also like, parallels! While some of Kon and Kara’s story’s are obviously meant to be throwbacks to Clark, it means that they (Kara and Kon) end up paralleling each other in ways that are so delicious, but completely accidental. For all their differences, they’re also so similar in a lot of ways that are completely different from Clark , namely their tempers.

Which brings me back to Nightwing and Flamebird! It would be such an interesting way to like, really explore Kon and Kara’s dynamic, and what they mean to each other. Like, Kara is a nonbeliever. She doesn’t believe in the Kryptonian gods (which is funny af considering Thara became the Flamebird vessel in canon), and I like to think that after crash landing on Earth and seeing that gods to in fact exist, there’s more than a bit of bitterness on her part. I think it would be such a good opportunity to have Kara, technological prodigy of the science guild, be the vessel of one of the gods and really confront what that means.

I have more, but I’m already making this message so long qoejzbwhehehw

ARTHUR THIS IS SO GOOD. WAIT A MINUTE IM YELLING I LOVE THIS CONCEPT SO MUCH ?!?!?!?!???

firstly i do still think its so funny re: kara and flamebird/thara like. no gods arent real dont be silly. yeah thats my bestie theres a god using her as a vessel but like. its probably nothing. something here along the lines of that joke about edward elric meeting god and then deciding he's an atheist anyway.

but also YES......... science guild kara vs the idea of faith and also like, the way gods can and do exist in the dc universe, but not as the untouchable and lofty ideals that a lot of real-world religions tend to posit godly figures as (which is not in any means saying all real world religions do that, as i primarily have experience with only 3 out of A Lot of those, but. yknow.) i think that adds a different flavor to that kind of conflict. like, they're immensely powerful but also just as flawed as anyone else, oftentimes. interesting and fun potential to toy with there (ofc id come at it from a specific angle personally bc haha religious trauma but. lol!)

but kara and wanting to keep her culture alive and then doing so in this very literal way while still grappling with what facets of that culture she wants to represent and support. that's FUN. very real immigrant story in that.

#answers #clarkkent-irons #YESSS SUPERNOVA KON ALSO. HEHE #the kara vs clark vs kon immigrant story is so compelling augh #like. clark is technically first gen but has no memories of krypton. everything he knows is secondhandish info he got from the fortress etc #he's too alien to be fully human but too human to be fully kryptonian #and then there's kara who keenly feels too kryptonian to be human (but questions kryptonian culture after living on earth some too) #and kon who keenly feels too human to be kryptonian. (ofc he also feels too alien still but ykwim) #<- culturally. i do not mean any sort of 50/50 bs to be clear. entirely culturally speaking skjdhadjk #and clark is just like. straddling that line so finely. he's literally in both camps at any given time #the immigrant metaphors are fuckimg tasty. augh #kara #kon

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

things that really suck: when a fucked up fictional dynamic is genuinely upsetting to you in a way that'd normally be much easier to engage with and process if you dead doved it, except the ship in question has been ruined for you by Bad Associations so that is a no-go and you're left to deal with the upsetting shit raw. ugh

#whosebaby talks #personal stuff #people try to claim Shipping Bad Things(tm) is self-harm and i'm like man in my case that is the literal exact opposite of the truth #dead doving triggering fictional stuff i'm trying to process is a near instant release valve to make it less of an emotional minefield #and i feel the lack of that safety valve *keenly* when i need to engage with something in fiction to process it #and would be greatly helped in the long run by doing so; but i'm either not *interested* in shipping it #or it's been ruined for me in a way that i really am not ready to reclaim yet if ever; and would do me more harm than good if i tried #i have to be so *so* much more careful and it is *so* much easier for it to tip over into self-harm without rigorous work and safety nets #especially if the framing of the fucked up dynamic is awful in canon #it is still definitely possible for something i'm dead doving to be Too Much and in need of a time out #or to be a thing i am just squicked/triggered by in such a way that dead doving it would not help #but my threshold for the former is W A Y higher; and it is so much easier for me to identify the latter in comparison #anyway yeah i have feelings about the whole thing and it is a real damn shame when this happens. sighs

[variousqueerthings]

watching MASH and having the niggling feeling it might be a tragedy masking ever less as a comedy as the story progresses lads

#alan alda you know what you did #MASH #im watching MASH #truthfully i don't know it might just be the middle segments #i was told the last few seasons are different to these which are different to the first #(by the way i don't actually mind whatever genre it falls under -- or indeed as it more does really -- all the genres it falls under #im just keenly feeling the tragedy right now -- projecting themes of grief and profound exhaustion so hard onto s4 #but maybe it's less projection and more reflection) #(considering how hawkeye literally says out loud how tired he is) #(anyway... we'll see... i am perfectly amenable to a tragedy as long as it's funny too)

[the-physicality]

pwhl teams as chappell roan songs I would dedicate to them:

Montreal: red wine supernova

Boston: super graphic ultra modern girl

Minnesota: femininomenon

New York: after midnight

Ottawa: hot to go

toronto: my kink is karma

#I want to be very clear this is me saying to Toronto I like to see you lose #not Toronto likes to see other ppl lose #also pls don’t read too much into this I learned what a parasocial relationship was in school not on twitter so I’m keenly aware #this is not that #that’s not what I’m saying it’s bc Montreal has maroon jerseys #and sonically it fits #I know that she has a song called naked in manhattan but I thought this one fit ny better #also I’m sorry Boston you didn’t give me much to go off of #I feel like I might be giving the wrong impression of my age here: I do not identify as gen z #but I do like to stay up to date on the culture #honestly again I don’t feel like tagging this #this is about hockey

[softquietsteadylove]

For the Agents AU, what if Gil was moved in different station for what he did? Or he would be working for a different boss temporarily (*whispering* a boss that is a rival of Thena on agent team or something and ON GILGAMESH, a boss that Thena would be jealous of🤫).

Gil visited her in the hospital and that's when he informed her that he was assigned to a new boss temporarily, but also assured her that he would be back on her team and will be always on her side. At first she was about to make a call to have him back on his agency (we all know she would never allow this) but Gil refused, he told her that he would be back to her in no time. She thanked him for protecting her and she wished him luck. And once he left her she was furious and I could imagine her throwing a tantrum of course having to know that he had been transferred to a supervisor who is a rival of hers, and he will be spending his time working for that boss.

Thank you!!! :3

Thena turned, sensing the presence in her doorway. "Hey."

"Hey," Gil smiled, although she could already feel something wasn't right. He seemed downtrodden, and he was hunched in on himself like a guilty kid. It was always an easy way to tell he had bad news.

"How did it go?" she asked as she sorted away the last of her things. She was finally cleared to come back to the office, although field work was another two weeks away. But at least she could find out how Gil's assessment hearing had gone.

"Well," he smiled and winced simultaneously, dragging himself inside her office with his go-bag slung over his shoulder. "I'm not fired."

"That's," she measured him with her eyes, tracking any indicator of what had him so uneasy, "good?"

"I'm not suspended either," he mumbled, "technically."

Thena set down the files she was trying to catch up on, pushing away anything that wasn't Gilgamesh. "Gil, what is it?"

"They're, uh," he looked down at his shoes, "transferring me."

"What?!"

"Temporarily," he was quick to amend, but it did nothing for the rapidly growing ache in her chest. "They're putting me in Minerva's unit for a month."

Minerva was a very competent, and bizarrely friendly, team leader who ran an aggressive extrication unit. They specialised in breaking in and retrieving, and every member needed to be nothing if not resilient.

"They're moving you to extrication?" Thena blinked as if he hadn't just told her that. She was still processing the 'Minerva' part.

He nodded, though, his mouth caught between a frown and a snarl. "I think they just want to know that I can behave if I'm on a tighter leash."

"And they think Minerva's leash will be tighter than mine," Thena assessed, to which Gil shrugged in reluctant agreement.

Gil shifted on his feet, no more comfortable with the position they were in than she. "Didn't you two come up in the ranks around the same time?"

Yes, she had worked with Minerva plenty before they became their own unit leads. Minerva was very warm in nature, very pleasant, but also exceedingly calm under duress. She had no temper to her, no buttons to push. In a lot of ways, she was a balance to Thena's own colder, more aggressive method of handling things.

The last time she spoke with Minerva they were both fighting to attain a certain Agent on their teams.

"It's just a month," Gil shrugged again, his voice going thin as a whisper. His throat was tight. "I'll be back before you know it."

Wrong; she was going to feel every second of his absence. Maybe it was a good thing she was being forced onto desk duty for two weeks. She would have more mind-numbing paperwork and less time to think about Gil working under Minerva.

"Hey," he moved around the side of her desk and closer to her. They had become closer naturally since their little rescue operation. And this was exactly why he was being transferred out from under her in the first place. He leaned his head down to hers, "one month."

"One month," she whispered back to him.

"Then I'll be right back here," he smiled, hoping to get one in return.

Thena made the effort--the attempt. It wasn't great, but he appreciated it all the same. "Right back here."

He leaned in, hand on her shoulder as he pressed his lips to her temple. "Where I belong."

"Where you belong," she repeated faintly as she felt him pull away. She held his eyes as he dragged himself back to the door. "One month--and not a second later."

He grinned at her, giving her a sharp nod (and a wink?). "Yes, Ma'am."

Thena waited until her office door was closed behind him. She counted to ten before picking up her thick stack of files and slapping them down on the desk and throwing herself into her chair. She breathed out a rough sigh, slapping the back of her head against her chair.

"This a bad time?"

"That door is closed for a reason."

Kingo walked in anyway, hands in his pockets. "So...Gil told you the news."

Thena toyed with her pen in her hand. "He should be grateful they didn't resign him to desk duty for a year."

"That doesn't mean extrication is the better answer though," Kingo raised his eyes to hers, "does it?"

She avoided looking at him. Kingo was a master of reading people, and she - somehow - was not exempt from that rule. She just didn't think Gil would like working in extrication. She didn't think it was a good fit for him, and it was never a smooth procedure to just insert a new team member into any specialty division.

Minerva had said she thought he'd be a great candidate. Thena had fought tooth and nail to have his application given to her instead.

"Well, I'm sure he'll like it in special ops," Minerva had smiled so blithely at her, not an ounce of malice in her petite little body. "I was looking forward to having such a handsome subordinate, though."

"Boss?"

"It doesn't matter what we think, Kingo," she muttered, finally. She tossed her pen onto her desk. "All that matters is that we all get through this next month."

Kingo pursed his lips, and she immediately knew he was about to say something borderline outrageous. "Are you worried about Gil working under Minerva? Or...are you worried about him being under-"

"Kingo!"

He snapped back physically, scrunching his shoulders and holding his hands up. "Don't mind me. Just...talking to myself."

She huffed; how was she supposed to endure Kingo without Gil to balance him out?

"Don't think like that, Boss," he grinned at her, as if he could read her disparaging thoughts right off of her. "I promise I'll be the perfect right hand. You won't even have time to miss the big guy!"

"Kingo-"

"You can count on me, Boss Lady!" he snapped his wrist in a crisp - and also mocking - salute before heading right out the door again.

Thena hung her head in her hands, groaning. She missed Gil already.

#Thenamesh Special Forces AU #Kingo immediately is like you can count on me Boss! #Thena: I can't read suddenly #but really Kingo knows how keenly she's going to feel Gil's absence #he knows what's going on with those two #obviously #and was the first one to see and hear how angry Gil was about the transfer in the first place #he's a worry wart over Thena even when he's on her team #the next month is going to be unbearable as far as Kingo is concerned #he's going to have hundreds of texts from Gil asking about if Thena is okay #all hours of the day #how is Thena doing? #is she okay? #has she eaten yet? I told you to remind her to eat every three hours #and don't let her stay too late #drag her out of her office if you have to #Kingo here like: YOU STILL WORK IN THE SAME OFFICE BUILDING ROMEO JUST TAKE THE ELEVATOR AND COME SEE HER #Minerva runs into Thena and makes light conversation #Thena definitely doesn't think about sawing her way out of the elevator to scale her way up the shaft to avoid her #she asks how Gil is doing in extrication #Minerva says he's doing well at least #Thena makes a light comment about him staying if he's happy there #Minerva: oh no darling all he talks about is getting back to you #Thena: ❤️❤️❤️

[arcaneyouth]

this shit really makes it hard to want to do anything to distract myself

#vent post #negative #want to play a game to calm myself down? yeah that's not going to help. that's a nice reminder of everything. #want to work on my comic? keenly aware of how much i need to code my own website before webtoon and tumblr fuck themselves over for good #want to watch youtube? keenly aware of how much youtube wants its creators dead too #ok maybe i'll cross stitch. but i'm aware i'm only doing it because its one of the few things available to me anymore #read a book? guess what industry ALSO wants its creators dead! #i can't enjoy any of this because i feel sick #can't even go outside and enjoy myself there's nothing out there for me to even do #that doesnt stave anything off i'm just going to have a breakdown but i'm outside now #the world gets smaller. #i know it will get better. as everything burns a better life will come out of it. #but i don't know how to be ok with experiencing the now while i wait for the better to come #even as i try to look into 'the good industries' so maybe i can survive in this world with an ok job #there's nothing there #i know better than to expect anything perfect but Everything Wants Me Dead #i want the bare minimum of Doesn't Want Me Dead and it doesn't exist #what do i even do. all i can do is keep going while hoping for a miracle.

[these-are-the-first-steps]

I just wanted to come on and apologize for my spotty activity. One of my favorite musicians, who I've loved dearly for at least the past 20 years, faded away suddenly on stage in October and I get hit with the sorrow in waves. It's still a gut punch.

Those of you who have figured out my main blog and follow over there have seen streams of posts of him at odd bursts- like sticking your hand repeatedly into the fire expecting the outcome to somehow be different. I can't help going into the tags sometimes even though I know it's a mistake.

Time is ruthless, and entropy is slowmotion disaster we cannot escape. All we can do is pick ourselves up best we can and keep struggling for that next step forward until we finally crumble to dust and pass through the veil to meet everyone again. The struggle is worth it, because fuck time and fuck entropy. Leave marks of yourself behind and win against the both of them. Sounds easy enough, right?

#is this too dark? #sorry #i just can't seem to dig myself completely out of this place #i feel time passing so keenly i might as well be already 90 on my death bed #i hate it i wish i could live like normal people blissfully ignorant sometimes #he was only 57 he was too young #one of the most beautiful men to ever walk this earth if not the #i cant fathom and yet am so grateful to technology because we can keep those captured facimilies forever if we play our cards right #beauty and talent and feeling and words don't have to be lost necessarily forever now and he gave us 36 years of his life #i'm stopping here because I'm just rambling now

[mariatesstruther]

I imagine Maria being so open in talking about Kevin was probably jarring for Tommy at first because Joel never mentions Sarah after her death so Tommy has essentially had to grieve alone and he’s shocked and impressed she’s able to talk about him, she’s obviously haunted by it and sad but it doesnt consume her and she can smile about him which Joel never has and so the first time in years, Tommy talks about Sarah.

It’s a little detail that I love that it’s Tommy who does the memorial because neither of the kids are his but he mourns for them both. Imagine Maria is so open about Kevin and can speak about him that Tommy can almost picture a kid he never met and almost mourns for a kid he never met so when the death anniversary comes around, Tommy’s priority is making sure she’s ok, but there’s a part of him that feels like he’s lost Kevin too because he’s keenly aware he should have a young man around the house who would’ve looked to him as a father figure

bestie YES. YES. so true on all fronts like i don’t have anything to add (i did in fact add some stuff in my tags. as always but still) no notes i don’t wanna touch this. this is perfect

thank you so much. i love u

#love asks like this like this was so beautiful #he feels like he lost kevin too because he’s keenly aware he should have a young man around the house calling him daddy??????????? #ouch?????????????? #imagine talia asks a question abt kevin and tommy answers before maria can because he knows the answer #and shes like??????? #later he tells her he tries his best to remember everything she tells him #sometimes he writes them down #he shows her a couple pages in his architecture sketchbook with lil notes like #kevin favorite color blue #kevin allergic to: strawberry #maria allergic to: grass #kevin born at 8 lbs 3 ounces april 3rd 2000 #maria cries and kisses him through the tears #best husband tommy #not me just now realizing kevin and i have the same birth year 😭😭😭😭😭 homeboy is gen z down

[technovillain]

Reading your Delphine thing, I have two thoughts. First, I don't like some of your explanation for why they divorced, because smart woman who has ideas to fix the Psychonaut's finances is what Hollis is already doing, and Truman mostly seems to want her in charge, so it's hard to imagine him being that resistant to help from his wife.

But I do really like the idea of Delphine trying to involve herself in Truman's work, because it could mean that when Lili says "the Psychonaut's aren't what they used to be" she could be parroting things her mother says, maybe because Delphine is bitter, and views Truman's more casual style as being a bad way to run an organization.

I wasn't thinking that it was Delphine's involvement in helping in finances that he didn't like, just the decisions she was proposing and sometimes beginning the process of acting on without his behalf. Like fighting for MORE government involvement in the project which she overtime started to reveal she thought needed some serious reform because it was just a bunch of old people sitting on their hands after a disaster. They needed another big grant and to work more like a real government organization for a while otherwise they were going to go under. Because Truman wasn't any good at finances. It wasn't that Truman didn't want to relinquish control of the financial department it was that he didn't want to be asking for any more help because he didn't want to bring in any additional eyes from the gov. looking at how they were running their program. There had never been talk of defunding the Psychonauts and he just wanted to keep flying under the radar. Delphine scheduled a call with a connection she had anyways and there was a big argument about her trying to make that call despite what Truman had said.

She had taken his agreement that the Psychonauts were currently inefficient and needed some reform as an invitation to bring in the big guns in terms of money. She probably could have found a way to really help them but Truman was tainted by nostalgia and family ties I think and wanted it to stay the way it was, at least for now. I kind of think he'd be the type to string things along in general, and he probably did that with his marriage. That he wouldn't act on things until they'd already become a big problem. When he fired Bob, he had already became a much bigger problem than if he would have tried and help with the situation sooner. When his marriage started to fall apart due to both of their constantly busy schedules and disagreements on whether or not the Psychonauts needed more help, he just tried to limp it along forever, thinking that it would get better at some point. Because that's sort of how he grew up, just struggling through one thing for a long time before eventually you exhaustedly get to the other side and things turn out "okay" right? The arguments stopped but so did conversation with Delphine. She'd still let him speak to Lili on the phone, but stopped wanting to talk herself. She didn't dislike Truman by any means, but they just couldn't make a long distance marriage work. Especially when both of them spent every waking hour thinking about their jobs and neither of them was willing to give up the opportunities and responsibilities their jobs offered.

That's why I think the marriage ended in a civil way. Not like a "we always fight about money and I don't want your help" way, just in a "you didn't grow up around this organization and lack the proper emotional connection to the project to fully understand that I don't think this is the best way to help my project" way.

As far as Hollis goes, her talk of finances comes off as fully pinching pennies, because she's working with the small budget that they already have. Truman doesn't want to touch the budget, and he trusts Hollis' judgment on it. Hollis shares the same "there's probably things that it would be best not to share with the people funding us so I'd prefer if there wasn't any more government meddling in the project" mindset, especially considering her inciting incident to join the Psychonauts with Dr. Potts.

I think Delphine's help could have helped the Psychonauts be a lot better off financially but could have changed how the management there worked. Hollis would probably be a lot less stressed out about it. Part of me likes to think that the Psychonauts eventually changes pretty drastically as an organization on account of them essentially running out of money, and the project has to be continued in a different sort of way.

#i chose not to go too in depth on the other post but this is what I had in mind #idk there isn't a lot to work with on truman's character but #i like to view him as a keenly nostalgic individual. i feel there's a bit of evidence for that #.txt #ask #hcs #oc tag #delphine feng

[snickerdoodlles]

its never enough to save one thing physically or digitally. i must save it in at least 3 electronic formats on two different hard drives and 3 storage sites and then finally print it to stay safe in my bookcase and i still worry i might lose them

#baby cookie thought they were doing pretty okay saving a few pdfs of some beloved stories to a flashdrive a few years ago #i have since LOST THAT FLASH DRIVE #and many of those stories appear to have been scrubbed off the internet #i am DISTRAUGHT #does anyone have copies of deviantart user metal magpie's stories? #i was able to recover maybe 90% of them thanks to the wayback machine? #but there's still a handful of posts that have since ELUDED me 😭 #alt did metal magpie officially publish??? #and if so where can i support her #ik her deviantart's been missing for a few years but i still read her stories and YEARN #and im feeling that missing 10% rn KEENLY #there's some ffn fics ik im missing too but i cant remember their titles or anything searchable for the life of my rip #q*

[noxtivagus]

i will never shut up about ffxiv huh

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #after finishing that emotional quest i am. #just afking a bit in the doman enclave to sell things as usual n. bro. i #peak 1 am i get emotional v easily #listening to cyan's theme brings back memories hehe. stormblood n hien.. i enjoyed that very much #oh n.. ah i just remembered an old friend sorry. that was last year. sigh #that aside i'm just really happy to play ffxiv again rn :( #i'll reply to one of my other friends later bcs she hasn't been doing well lately so i wna. offer some more words #now i'm just afking in sharlayan rn n it brings back so many memories #i remember very keenly. like emet-selch i really am a slave to sentiment #hehe going to sharlayan for the first time w apollo. christmas break. we finally bought endwalker. started msq #it was nighttime when the cutscene ended. we took pictures n marveled at the new sight. the music #the first time i heard the ost n then yk the chorus motif of flow in it.. i'd remember that first moment forever #how.. magical it was. a new adventure. heart filled with hope n love i was really happy then #fast forward i remember afking here a lot while waiting for pf to fill up for raid. i remember afking while waiting for frontlines queue #i remember everything in msq too. i remember doing that all still while we were in our old house #i remember walking around sharlayan a bit while talking to my friends in our lil cwls #i remember months ago earlier this year of how anxious i was. the burdening need of feeling like i have to catch up.. #the dread of falling behind. and then moving to materia from twintania i remember how lonely i felt #that lasted for a while. i'd miss the past so much. i miss ffxiv aaaa #i haven't really played actively in months now the thought of it makes me rather sad.. but i treasure every moment i have here #this game will always be here for me to return to. i have a new friend now on ravana yeah. we'll be making that fc in a few days #soon. more friends plan to play. hopefully. i love them all so v much :( i'm emotional rn ohgod ffxiv just. enables me to be vulnerable /po #i've had anxiety bcs like yk returning to the game after. not keeping up w so much content is so daunting.. it's scary #but i've already done so much. i'll continue to do what i can. endwalker's been out for nearly a year n it feels so weird #so much has happened since then but time's going by so fast it's really weird. but just. relaxing in this quiet moment is #it's enough for me right now. i promised myself many things. the least i could do is. do what i can for that #just like my wol here yk looking at her white rose :< i'll hold unto my youth. i shouldn't have to let go of it #flow's lyrics oh my god i remember earlier this year i wld listen to it when i was sad n stressed n it wld bring me to tears. comfort

[sage-nebula]

Each of my romances in the three Dragon Age games has been like:

Lyra Mahariel/Zevran Aranai: Decided to use sex as a distraction from trauma, caught feelings by accident

Briar Hawke/Isabela: Heard “be gay, do crimes” and took it very literally

Devana Lavellan/Josephine Montilyet: Oblivious lesbians having their first real romance

#i like that all 3 have had very different flavors tbh. it fits w/ the different personalities of all 3 #Lyra & Zevran are both traumatized in different ways + are keenly aware how close to death they are at all times so they're like #''nothing matters! let's just work out restless energy + distract ourselves!'' #and then they caught feelings & were like ''well fuck (and not the fun kind)'' #(but kind of went w/ it bc it was the end of the world so like . . . why not right) #Briar & Isabela had instant attraction & chemistry & both use sass & humor to deflect things so they also got along great on that front too #+ both being rogues + both being criminals etc etc just a ton of things in common tbqh #the feelings came along organically & though Briar was the first to admit it to both herself & Isabela she also never pushed #bc she was fine with just seeing how each day unfolded (esp since wild shit happened every other day so. why try to plan) #so they just kind of live in the moment & the chaos & go w/ with it. with feelings involved despite Isabela's best efforts #and then Devana & Josie are just . . . hopeless. literally took Leliana intervening to get them to go anyway smdh #Devana at least has never had a romance before ever & honestly despite Josephine's fury at Leliana saying she's innocent in love #I'm pretty sure the same goes for her. she is oblivious too. but since it's a first romance they are so sweet & soft & fluffy #just cuddles and handholding & kisses for the time being. feels scandalous even though it is anything but #so in a way it went from like - most angsty (Lyra/Zev) - balanced (Briar/Bela) - fluffy (Devana/Josie) #something for everyone tbh #dragon age

[thinkingaboutbees]

quarter-century birthday is on the horizon and I'm feeling feelings about all the friendships I let slip away, about all the possible lives I haven't lived, all the versions of myself that never were, and at the same time a profound joy at the life I have built for myself, and am building, and the person that I'm growing in to despite everything

#is it too late to reconnect #I regret the fallings out in high school and the stupid things which made me lose people I was really close with #maybe it's the neurodiversity which makes me feel these compound regrets so keenly #maybe I should reach out #I always feel shit on my birthday #growing is changing is destroying is building

[coming-of-age-witch]

today , i had such an ghost-like experience, its almost as amazing as it makes me feel a tinge of sadness. i wanted to sit with a girl in my class, do girly talks, relieve all the stress ive stored up, she's so experienced with those girly talks it makes me feel validated for once. i was looking forward to it. she did sit with me , but in the period where the teacher is one who never lets one utter an word, it was dull. i proposed sitting in another period, which guaranteed would be fun. but she had other plans (we're really good friends omkie) , kinda felt bad but i sat with my bsf, but she had to go for that auditioning too. and like this friend i initially wanted to talk to, went about sitting with another girl (they've bonded recenetly) (they're both good , i can't blame them), its funny cause the teacher pointed out how they talk quite a bit (that one teacher who aint letting us speak) and asked me to change their places, the evil thought that if i had no one to talk in class, others shouldn't arrived. but that momentary thought doesn't define me, i could care less about others and enjoy my soltitude for a moment can't i? i can. the entire time i sat alone, it was FUN, i obsereved people, different duos in the class, some trios, a guy sitting 2 seats behind me was staring everyone with his big eyes. i have this black watch, which reflects so well, i can easily look at people without having to turn my head, i saw certain people glancing at me from time to time. i heard a terrible thing today and was pissed , so i believe that time i sat by myself greatly calmed my head AND I ALSO STUDIEDD , i had free time, i utilized it, it was productive to me, as it should be. i just miss MY irl friendgroup and bsfs in these times (we're all in different sections) , we could study and talk without problems but it was time for me, a 3person pov time, like an omniscient narrator, almost like there was a illusionic glass and i could see purposefully behind it.

a random bittersweet experience i had at 1:17pm in a biology class.

#random rant #its embarassing to talk about this irl #i feel bad for wanting someone to talk to me #erm #but the good things count too #i revised #i got free time #i had soltitude #i studied #i observed keenly #noticed stuffs #overall it was such a hollywarm experience

[pseudowho]

Yet Another Nanami Kento Sex Pollen Fic, Part Two

The reader encounters an aphrodisiac diffusing Curse...which she brings home to Nanami Kento.

Read Part 1 first HERE!

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

When you had looked up through the billowing steam of your shower, and seen Kento's broad figure filling the doorway, your conscious thought had juddered to a halt, and you became all compulsion and instinct.

Nanami Kento stood, his weight shifted slightly forward on one leg, as one hand reached up to grab the doorframe, and the other squeezed his cock, which was hardening rapidly under his hand. He was exactly as you had left him; shirt splayed open with all the buttons ripped off, and trousers shunted down at the front, clinging to the jut of his hipbones, trail of honey-coloured hair pathing the way to his hand, which was stroking himself so keenly.

I suppose he didn't think to leave my clothes alone, you thought, but...I owe him.

You met Kento's eyes and tried to read him as your mind stuttered, and your heart leapt into your mouth as Kento crossed the room in three long strides. As you grasped the shower door and began to open it, the glass banged and rattled as Kento's shaking hand gripped it and slammed it closed.

"...Kento? It's okay, I know how it feels. Come on, I can he--"

"No," he spat. Kento held the door closed, but his hand was quaking, at war with itself. You felt your heart pound as noticed his other hand, gripping his throbbing length, the tip now an angry red-purple.

"I don't want to hurt you," Kento forced, "This is...different. I could stop you, but you...you couldn't stop me...if you wanted to."

Your heart clenched for him. You knew the desperate need he was experiencing, and he had helped you. But, as you took him in, ostensibly huge, all raised planes of muscle over strong bones, you knew he was right. But still--

"I trust you, Kento. I know you wouldn't hurt me." Kento looked at you darkly, hungry and wolfish, teeth bared.

"I wouldn't be so sure," he pressed, and the way his eyes lingered on your body, naked breasts heaving and wet under the steam, Kento thought of breaking you underneath him, the effects of the pollen having made your wellbeing completely second to his need, he felt like he'd surely die unless he used your body to relieve his own.

Forcing himself to look away from you as you pressed your hands against the glass, looking at him with such tender concern that he could have wept, Kento felt every thread of his nervous system on fire.

With a sinking nausea as Kento felt this...this...substance working through his synapses, his body and brain were getting hotter and hotter and his grasp on rational thought and decision-making were reducing. His brain was no longer working. He panted, hand letting go of his cock to run through his hair. Kento shivered at how erotic his simple touches to himself felt. After tugging his hair sharply at the roots, nearly groaning aloud with the pleasure, Kento's fingers trailed to his lips, ducking two fingers past them to suck on his own fingertips. He moaned around them, and you watched him, fascinated and terrified at how animalistic Kento had become.

His skin felt too tight, every sense piqued, and his hand on the shower door shook harder as he heard you switch the water off; as if detached from the rest of his body, this hand squeezed the door closed, but his other hand pressed, with his forehead, feverishly against the glass as he stared you down. Looking into his eyes, you saw less and less Kento there as he struggled to contain himself. Kento breathed out shakily.

"I'm going to open the door," he spoke, each word pained and deliberate, "and you're going to run, and lock yourself in our room. Are you ready?" You stared at Kento, speechless.

"Are you ready?" he barked and you jolted, nodding frantically. His white knuckled hand swung the door open and you leapt past him, rounding the corner as you ran to your bedroom, hearing quick footsteps approaching behind you and you got inside the room, slammed the door and locked it--

A fist banged on the outside of the door as Kento roared, and you fell back onto the bed, still drenched, hair dripping down your back (or is it cold sweat?). You heard footsteps, flat, heavy and pacing.

Kento ran his fingernails up and down the back of his head and neck, pacing furiously, ashamed of how quickly he nearly hunted you down after he had let you out of the shower. Reaching down, lifting his legs one by one, he wrenched his slippers off and lobbed them across the room where they bounced meekly off the high windows. Throwing his shirt and trousers to the sofa, he sat hard on the floor with his back to your door, face in his hands as he genuinely worried he may die from the heat and desire pooling in his stomach and coiling outwards through him.

Kento's cock sat, heavy and throbbing against his belly, pressed upwards by the waistband of his boxers. The hair on his stomach was wet with pre-cum. Pushing his boxers fully down, with one arm draped over his eyes, Kento began to stroke himself, squeezing hard, desperate and chasing relief.

She felt better after she came, he thought, panting as his hand stroked fast, wet strokes from tip to base, she felt better, you will too. Kento continued to work on himself, feeling tears prick in his eyes and growling when he felt absolutely no relief.

On the other side of the door, you tentatively knocked. "Kento?" You heard a low groan in response. "Look, I...I know you're trying to keep me safe, which I love, but...I know you're going to need something other than your own hand."

Silence. You continued, "So, you can come in here and I promise I can take it, or we can call Shoko?"

"We are absolutely not calling Shoko about this," Kento forced, low and angry. Your lower belly twisted, and you knew you needed to force Kento's hand. He needed this. He needed you.

"Or, I could just..." you started, sounding braver than you felt, leaning your back against the wall beside the door, "touch myself, and you can cum in your hand to the thought of me."

Kento was revealing in his silence. You continued, moaning softly as your fingers began to rub small circles around your clit, and you heard a heavy weight shift against the door. "I'm wet," you gasped softly, "you'd barely need to do anything, just hold me down and sink straight into me." Kento growled on the other side of the door.

"Stop it," he barked, "I'm warning you."

"I can take it," you pressed, continuing to pleasure yourself, moaning sweetly, folds wet and glistening now, "Please come and fuck me...daddy."

The door flew inwards off its hinges with a bang, wood splintered, and you squealed as Kento reached around the doorway and gripped you hard by the throat. Using his other hand to strip his boxers completely away, he pulled you nose to nose by the throat, your tiptoes scraping against the floor as you gasped, lightheaded.

"You can take it, can you?" he rumbled, pupils blown with lust, his cock hard against your belly. Pressing a hard kiss, all teeth and tongue, to your mouth, he threw you onto your bed where you bounced, face down, "Let's see, shall we?"

You squealed again as Kento grabbed you by the waist and threw you up the bed. Lifting your face from the pillows, you moved to turn to Kento, "I'm sorry, I just--" You were cut off with a cry as Kento grabbed your hair by the roots, forcing your face forwards. Kento began to position you like a mannequin, pressing your tummy down and your arse up, and finally grabbing both of your hands where he made your fingers clasp to the headboard of the bed. Stretched and quaking, you felt Kento's hands grip you firmly by the hips.

"Hold onto something," he growled, before bottoming out inside your dripping pussy in one sharp thrust. You cried out, hips trying to scoot forwards up the bed as you adjusted to his size, seeming bigger than usual with how thick and aroused the pollen had made him; Kento slapped the side of your thigh hard and you squeaked, the pleasure sharp and bitter.

Kento slapped your sex back onto his cock one, two, three times and came with a shout, the orgasm bursting along his skin, his moaning a ragged, injured sound. Time stood still as he poured cum into you, feeling it drip down his balls and your thighs, carrying on and on until his moans turned to low pants, continuing to thrust slowly into you.

Kento waited for the desperate clawing at the back of his neck, the itching at the base of his brain, to pass...his stomach swooped, like falling at the start of a dream, to recognise that he felt no better. Furious, devastated, Kento grasped you by the hair to pull you upright, his chest feeling like a brick wall against your back, as his cock remained throbbing and hard inside you. Still holding you by the hair, he tipped your head sideways, biting deeply into the soft skin above your pulse point.

Kento felt sickly delighted to feel you shaking in his arms, and thrust upwards into you, cock gliding effortlessly along the tight wet slick of your pussy. His tongue and teeth ghosted along the shell of your ear, and he whispered low and dangerous, as he splayed his huge, fine-boned hand across your lower belly.

"How deep am I?" He thrust again, harder, letting go of your hair as your head fell back against his shoulder. You squeaked as his knees batted yours aside, forcing you to fall deeper around his lap. "Can I get any deeper?" His freed hand gripped the side of your hips, pressing you down onto him. You gasped, mewling and writhing as you felt his cock bully against your cervix, and as he pressed your belly inwards and downwards, you twisted, squeaking as you saw stars, both hands reaching back to clasp desperately round the back of Kento's neck.

Kento buried his nose into you, sniffing deeply. "Are you ovulating?" he intoned, continuing his relentless assault on your limp body as he lifted you, pressing you up and down slowly and deliberately, stretching you, as you felt that if he went any deeper he'd surely thrust past your cervix and into your womb. You almost sobbed, voice muffling as his hand left your hips and clasped over your lower face, shushing you, almost tenderly.

"I know you are...I can smell it," he groaned, slamming you down hard, enjoying your hot little breaths behind his huge hand, "It's...delicious." You wanted to tell him how close to finishing you were, but were totally voiceless with his hand over your mouth. Your pussy fluttered tellingly around him, and Kento chuckled.

"Don't worry, you'll get your turn. Shit, this stuff is...it's..." Kento felt the urgent need to orgasm begin to burn through him again, and he rumbled his displeasure, throwing you back onto the bed and flipping you, overwhelmed by the urge to breed you, and keep you home so he could fuck you all day if he wanted to.

Pressing your knees up to your chest, your face burned with pleasure and pain as Kento slammed into you again, his hips snapping wetly against yours at a relentless pace. He grabbed your hands and brought them around your knees, forcing you to hold your legs in place as he lifted your arse off the bed, dragging your pussy back and forth along his cock on time with his thrusts.

A dam broke inside you, feeling Kento so deeply that it felt like he owned your whole body, and you came with a sob, wounded by the pleasure as you trembled, completely used as Kento continued to drag himself in and out of you, soft splatters of his and your cum dripping into the bed every time he thrust into you.

Kento chased his high, needing release or he'd surely perish, and he revelled in the tight squeeze of your plush walls around him, grunting and moaning unashamedly as you squirmed, babbling his name, which could be another language as far as Kento was concerned as his brain sank into the primal urge to keep cumming inside you until you were round and beautiful, full of him. The thought spurred him on, and he leaned over you, caging you in with his arms, your thighs crunched against your abdomen, and Kento took your nipple between his teeth, whining around you.

You grasped the back of his head, pressing it into your breast, feeling his pubic bone slam against your clit, your second orgasm hypersensitive and painful, your hands shaking as they tugged Kento's hair, your lips trembling with easy praise for him.

Kento tasted the bitter tang of blood and metal along the sides of his tongue as he came again, his skin electric, and dying stars in his eyes, and growled a bestial growl of relief as he began to feel the itching desire ebb away, finally satiated.

Pulling out of you, he looked down at the mess between your legs, puffy folds covered in a pinkish mix of blood and semen, and Kento groaned into his hand.

"I'm so...I'm so sorry," he panted, shaking and exhausted, reaching up to stroke your forehead, pulling your arm from over your face. You smiled weakly at him, bruised, aching and completely spent.

"It's okay," you reassured him, stroking his abs softly, in small circles, "but we really should get rid of those clothes. And have a bath." Kento nodded, swiping his sweaty hair back off his head. He glanced behind him, blushing faintly.

"And...fix that door."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Would it have been sexier if he'd kept the slippers on? Uncertain.

#jjk #kento nanami #jjk nanami #kento nanami x you #jujustu kaisen #nanami fluff #kento nanami x y/n #jjk fluff #nanami kento smut #kento nanami x reader #nanami smut #kento nanami smut #nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu nanami #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami x y/n #nanami x you #nanami x reader #jjk season 2 #jujutsu kaisen #nanami headcanons #nanami #pseudowho #P