#I go because my mom and grandma go there

[rubbish78]

My Christian guilt is something I can never shake off tbh

#like it’s always going to be there #I feel bad wanting to skip church but I’m not even sure if I like this particular church #I go because my mom and grandma go there #also I’m unsure what to believe in rn #I do believe in god but every is so muddy to me #they say this and they said that #I believe in the gist of Christianity and loving thy neighbors and trying to be good person and help ppl in distress #yo this is wild but I used to pray to god that if I could have a girlfriend first because I’d be more comfortable with girl #and hello he answered it so yeah I know god isn’t homophobic #he is love #they are love #guardian Angel and rock #i pray and talk to them all the time

[pastafossa]

Me, to friend: don't you hate it when you have those days where your heart is just mad and it beats REALLY hard at random moments, even when you're just sitting there, like not FAST but really hard and it is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE for no reason? Friend: you know that's not normal right??? Me: you mean that doesn't happen to you? Friend: NO, IT DOES NOT. Me: ...please hold. *five minutes later* Me: so I talked to my mother and this might in fact be a highly hereditary genetic issue that both her and my grandma and my great grandma all had, who knew??? Anyway I need to see a doctor and I might need heart medication. Friend: YA THINK?

#it's discovering my nut allergy all over again #me as i'm munching snowball cookies with walnuts in them: 'ha ha don't you guys hate that weird burn walnuts give your mouth?' #friends: DROP THE FUCKING SNOWBALL THIS INSTANT YOU HAVE A NUT ALLERGY #apparently the heart doing this is not actually normal #i just thought everyone had days like this #like don't worry i'm not going to keel over but internet was like 'yeah you need to watch for this if it's in your family' #mom was only diagnosed like 2 years ago and my grandma had it too and it apparently goes undiagnosed usually #because of *exactly* what i was doing #which was going #'well. it's not painful just uncomfortable so I'll wait and see if it goes away' #and then it does the next day so you forget about it #and consider it just a Weird Thing That Occasionally Happens

[lexkent]

I got into grad school!

#me applying was supposed to be a secret but then my mom told my aunt who told my grandma #and i asked my grandma to keep it a secret because otherwise she'd tell everyone #and when i called to tell her the news she kept asking ''when are you going to come out??'' #😭 #text

[itspileofgoodthings]

one time my mom was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she said “have you ever known the poverty of having nothing to say?” and when I say nothing has ever punctured my heart quite like that statement

#I don’t even fully know why. also I don’t think she even meant it how I took it #but there is just some part of me that does believe that that is the greatest poverty #when there are no words in your mind or heart. no phrases—nothing to rely on or fall back on #and you just have to struggle with the human condition and be able to express none of it #and I know that not everyone uses words like I do or relies on them that way but people need some words. they need something #this is why a) I never make fun of those Instagram accounts that are all cheesy inspirational quotes or whatever because people are trying #they are REACHING #also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry #because it’s just like—-yeah I can understand turning to violence if I didn’t have expression #if I couldn’t get anything out #also also this is not related but I watched some movie or tv show the other day (and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was) #but there was this couple on a date and the girl asks him to complete all these proverbs after she gives him the first half #because ‘a man who knows his proverbs can’t be all bad’ and it shook. Me. To. My. CORE. #also also!! this is why I teach! it’s the heart of it for me!! And why I make them memorize poetry. like. #and put quotes on the board every day. like. You will have words and images in your mind and your heart from my class if I have anything #to say about it #anyway sometimes my mom says things and casually devastates me #and I think (I think) she was just talking about the poverty of having no news because nothing is going on #and so you have nothing to share with someone. and she was talking about my Grandma and how sometimes she was just so sullen and quiet #but it’s just because there was nothing to say #anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much #because she never really said anything. words were not her thing and she never quoted anything #and suddenly her saying this line of scripture that said more than any words I’d ever said —one of the defining moments of my life #tbh. anyway this is very long I’m sorry. I have woken up this morning crying about this. idk.

[deer-with-a-stick]

The more time I spend explaining Tolkien lore to my brother the more I realize that Tolkien was just batshit insane

#yes the world is flat and a globe at the same time #and yes if you go off the edge you fall into the void with Satan 1.0 (assuming the Straight Road doesn't just railroad you) #he calls Valinor “The place under some trees where everyone smokes weed” and honestly I wish they would do that instead #bilbo and frodo bring weed to valinor quick #i tried to explain the miriel-finwe situation and he's so confused #“so they died and they were all sad even though they didn't have to stay dead?? but she couldn't come back because he remarried??” #“but then he dies and says 'yo ill stay dead instead' and she's find now??” #does the big God just keep making elf and human souls or do they just. appear #i told him about Gil-Galad Son of Plothole #he is quickly realizing that yes #the valar are a bit incompetent #its fine #elrond's dad is a star his mom is a bird and his great great grandma is an angel #my sister gave up two seconds in despite sparking this by asking me about elf lore #apparently she actually just wants to know about legolas but not legolas' father because of the hobbit movies #let me rant about feanorian politics it'll be interesting i promise #shut up about your elf backflips you wanna hear about nirnaeth arnoediad and the kinslayings #tolkien #lotr #lord of the rings #silmarillion #the silm #is this a shitpost? idk #he's batshit insane but the world is great i love it #we still don't know where hobbits come from #they appeared one day #like potatoes #i had one tidbit of legolas lore and that was #the guy showed up several years late in a homemade boat with a dwarf #incomprehensible screaming

[yohankang]

not to be emotional on main but my granparents are on their first ever trip abroad they could afford on their own and they sent me a picture from the airport and okay maybe i am emotional

#i said first ever they could afford bc they were on one trip before but my mom and uncle paid for that #they've been living off my granpa's pension only for so many years. and they've never had a lot of money anyway #because our dear country told my grandma her work doesn't count and she won't get any pension <3 but my mom fought hard for it #and my grandma was granted pension this year!!!! so their income doubled and that's like. mindblowing for them #and we convinced them to go on a holiday and now they're on a plane to italy with my uncle :') it was their dream to see rome #and i'm sitting here like. I LOVE YOU YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH PLEASE TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES #AHHHHHHH #yeah i got teary eyed :') #also my other grandma!!! just texted me saying she loved the japanese book i gave her and also clowned our government in one message lmao #i'm just full of love for them tonight #k.txt

[hamartia-grander]

Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south

#Cw gun mention I guess #I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers #And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses #And NO curtains or blinds because she's old #And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE” #In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot #And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard #But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold #Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us #Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid #It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn #But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid #And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot #Literally what the fuck is this. #“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US #Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like #I fuuuuucking hate it here

[mxwhore]

learned a very valuable lesson today

#for each DICKHEAD you encounter there will always be a kind person waiting for you :) #i was flabbergasted that everyone had decided to be an asshole towards me. a stranger #first scenario: i was in the train watching my phone and this older guy comes up to me and starts going off on a 'kids these days!!' rant #he basically told me that i was BEGGING to get my ass beaten and my phone stolen and he wouldnt come console me when i cried abt it #me being used to this treatment from my grandma i just went ok. and put my phone away #and obviously that pissed the guy even more so he continued to rant until it was his stop #i wasnt too pissed because i was going to HAVE A BURGER!! but still. what?? #so i went to get that burger and wait for my mom so we can go to the farm #and the burger guy was extra niceys to me :) we joked around and stuff #AND THEN. scenario number two #i had my delicious burger and i was looking for a table when i saw two ladies sitting with and empty table next to them #and so i went! i was just about to sit down when a random lady SNATCHES the chair i was about to use #i was like WTF??? #the two old ladies saw this and instantly went like wtf are you ok??? and starting having a go at the random woman #she ofc in good karen fashion didnt care. so the ladies let me have one of the chairs so i could sit next to them #the woman decided to sit right in front of us and so we started shit talking her between us. it was very fun tbh #i was genuinely bummed at these interactions till i realized that there were lots of strangers that were niceys to me #and have me extra ketchup #anyway!! im off to see my dog now #love u

[adustoflove]

Lately, I've been thinking of my cat that passed away a few years ago and the fact that we brought his ashes on the train with us because we knew we'd never see them again if we left them with my parents

#personal #the fact that my grandma helped us get a picture in that box within one week too #something my parents couldn't do in a year... #the fact that my dad tried to argue that THEY should have his ashes when they know damn well #me and my sibling spent more time with him #my dad still says he died of a heart attack . it was heart failure dumbass. didn't even care to know what he died of #and still wanted to claim the ashes #even though I also paid half of the bill for them when I wasn't even working #$400 for his ashes. my mom wasn't going to get them until I said I'd split it with her 😭😭 #I assume it was more because he was an emergency patient too #my dad wasn't even there for the euthanasia he died in MY arms

[lesbiciousbeginnings]

Being so sentimental about objects is actually the worst

#mine #I do Not have room for all of this stuff! I don’t even use it! but because it was my grandma’s or my mom’s or whatever I physically cannot #get rid of it. almost everyone in my family has these hoarder-like tendencies where we can’t get rid of something unless it’s going to a #family member or someone we’re close to.

[moongothic]

#Moon posting #There's a lot to be said about FF7's themes and Cloud's character arc and how a lot of it ties into toxic masculinity #And like. The scene in VIIR where you play as Aerith when Cloud comes out of the bar in a dress and he's absolutely MORTIFIED by his get up #That fucking out-of-body horror and distress Cloud is going through even though there isn't anything for him to be ashamed of? #How humiliated he felt and how the compliments on how he was looking didn't make him feel any better? #That was me when my mom forced me to wear a skirt to my grandma's funeral back when I was in high school #(The last god forsaken time I wore a fucking skirt) (And even at that point I hadn't worn those things for YEARS) #That scene with Cloud? Yeah. Big ''I'm in this picture and I don't like it''-energy. #So this whole thing of Cloud wanting to live up to a horrible twisted idea of masculinity (a Shinra Soldier(/Sephiroth)) #And realizing that he never can but(/and?) doesn't have to. That his masculinity is already good enough. That's wonderful. #Also Cloud is just kinda gender leave me alone #Sure wish I had a PS5 because I sure would like to play Rebirth but I am not dropping 700€ to play a single fucking game #Already feel bad enough about getting a Switch last year just for TOTK #Can't even watch my fave Tubers play it because I wanna experience it on my own too #Woe is me

[council-of-beetroot]

no polish christmas for me :(

#im so upset rn #polish christmas was so wonderful #but we can't go because #we have to go to my other grandma #who would treat my mom badly for going to her other family #we were only able to go last time because we pretended we couldn't go to her house because of covid #im so upset #i finally liked christmas #and now i don't get it #celebrating hanukkah alone was better than going to my grandma's house for christmas

[comet-wire]

Hey! I hate to ask for handouts and don't mean to come across as such, as that's not what this is for necessarily. I've been meaning to work on commissions, as in actually setting it up and working on the info itself and with the unexpected passing of my father on Jan 30th, I'm going to try to do just that when I have time or if it comes down to it, if we're stable before or as I'm getting a job it'll be different, there's a hiring freeze at the place I'm trying to get into so the guy will get back to me whenever he can. Right now I'm spending time with family during this time as my mom and I figure stuff out during our free time. My dad was the one who covered the mortgage payments so I just want to help my mom pay for it so we have a roof over our heads, I don't have a job yet and am waiting for a slot where my parents worked and my mom is taking time off and using vacation/sick time to be paid before she has to go back. Issue is, her last paycheck is coming up. We're also trying to figure out stuff with a grief counselor, but I digress. It's only my mom, me and two cats now. The mortgage is a little over $700 a month and I don't want her to do everything by herself and be alone. So, if I open commissions and I'm still drained as it's been hard for me to even pick up a pencil I will start off with small things (like sketch comms, MLP comms, etc) just to get things started. I still have to figure out if I want to open a shop of my own or mess with sites like redbubble, I'm still figuring out Kofi for tips and payments there. I will update with the full information soon once everything is settled if I can. I'm just tired and mentally exhausted, possibly still going through shock, so I haven't felt the energy to keep up conversations so if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not! I apologize if it's ever come off as such, things have been hectic. Anyways, I wish you all the best and hope all is well!

#comet rambles #does this need a mutual aid tag #i genuinely dont know #because its just a post prior to anything i set up because we're still going through financial stuff like insurance #so im waiting to figure stuff out before absolutely anything/gen #this will be in queue so idk when it'll post #but i genuinely just dont want my mom doing stuff alone and if i have to set up commissions for scrap money before #or even during getting a job then i will #i have been looking for a job for a while its just that a bunch of shit keeps having hiring freezes or is only seasonal #and im not doing seasonal to be possibly be laid off of a job #one of the two places in question i have to wait to even attempt to be hired for is in the summer if anything #putting in queue to deploy later #note my grandma is helping us i just dont want to be too sure that we are financially stable or not so if i have to open comms then #im mostly worried about my mom rn

[littlegoldfinchh]

it's so wild to realize that other people actually love spending time with their (extended) families during Christmas

#like we got invited after two years (because we had beef with my cousins last year so we didn't go) to the family christmas dinner and uGGH #i don't want to go #is it rude to not go and ask my mom to pack me some food in secret or something #not like she would let me stay home but hgGHGGgh. fuck #i don't want to talk to them!!!!!!!!!!! and my grandma is going to be there too

[slutdge]

I dont really think ive processed just how badly my dads behavior has effected me this year its really the worst it has ever been and i think im avoiding thinking too hard about it cause i know im a danger to myself if i do lol

#multiple times this year he told me that my disability is “killing mother'' on my moms behalf when she never #asked him to say that and never expressed that #like yeah my moms not great but she never said me being disabled was ''killing her'' #he physically assaulted me the night before my grandmothers funeral and i had to show up and face him the next day like nothing happened #every time i was unable to do something because of my disability after my grandmothers diagnosis #he would really lean in to telling me i wasnt ''that bad'' and basically just say i wasnt allowed to suffer because my grandma was dying #like i was supposed to suddenly stop being disabled because of that #and on multiple occassions he implied that i didnt cate she was dying despite me going to see her a hundred times more #than he did after she was diagnosed #he lied to a judge and got a court order to have me arrested and institutionalized #during which i was slammed face down into concrete by police while they were ''apprehending'' me #and then i had to spend 6 hours talking to psychoatrists trying to make them understand that he is doing this maliciously #for them to just tell me to ''calm down 🙄'' like it was unreasonable to be upset #and also be mocked by the cops who arrested me the entire time i was in police custody #i hate him i hate him he deserves to kill himself not me

[tcustodisart]

I need to draw her more often...

#oc #oc:robin #and i need to draw more in general #this week has been CRAZY #beside going to work i was also going to my parents to switch my mom in taking care of my grandma #who has to lay in bed 24/7 after she broke [idk how it's in english and i don't want to google it right now] #on top of everything my whole apartment is a mess because i found bedbugs on monday #so everything went to the washing machine #and i disassembled my bed and had to look and clean everywhere/everything #besides two bugs (one adult and one larva) I didn't find a nest #so it's either good or bad idk #good that there's no nest or bad that there is one but hidden very well #(mind you i checked even behind wallpaper) #(my whole bedroom was empty for 4 days) #(i even borrowed a pressure washer from my neighbor a #and used it on any small slit/gap/idk which one #where the bugs could hide) #it's been crazy #tomorrow I'll be building a new pc on top of everything #so fingers crossed that i'll have a working pc after that... #sorry you had to read it