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discluded · 2 years

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Hi, what is your pov on some of these comments about mileapo fans being “delulu” and naive bc it’s “just fake bl fanservice”?

Because idk if I’m going crazy but like as a gay person this shit seems borderline homophobic? On the one hand I kinda get where they’re coming from with like the concert “plot” (idk what else to call it 😭), but otherwise seeing how they interact with each other in off-screen/stage moments and their chemistry and the huge ass difference with the entire cast, how they interact with each other vs others, the side couples energy with each other, it’s not that big of a leap… and to imply that it’s dumb or naive for ppl (lots of them queer themselves) to perceive that smells like homophobia to me… idk

I’m not even trying to be mad abt the mileapo thing bc frankly i don’t give a shit what people do or don’t believe about two actors but it’s the dismissive tone of such comments that pisses me off, and I was wondering if maybe you or any of your followers have some thoughts about this too.

Hello friend.

Thank you for trusting me with this delicate ask. Hopefully I can do a good job with it.

I'm hearing a couple of things in your question, part of which I'm guessing is just being able vent (glad to provide the space!) but the crux of which is commenting on the irony of homophobia in Kinnporshe / BL fandom. And yeah. You're not imagining it.

CW: Homophobia. I'm serious, this is your only warning. Some of this really upset me today and I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing.

I saw this after I got your ask and already spent some time thinking about how to respond, but these comments were in response to Tong coming out at KPWT Manila on Tiktok. I hate looking at them, but I'll embed them in case the tweet ever gets deleted as a reminder that EQUALITY IS NOT REAL IN THIS WORLD.

I won't lie, this hurt my feelings a lot and it's not even about me. I spent half a second being mad before just being sad about this for hours.

I've been into BL for so long, I am tired of this round-about argument we keep having over women, many of whom are queer or questioning, enjoying queer stories where the characters are male. There are culturally-adept literary and queer studies scholars who do research on this.

That being said, a not-small proportion of the fan base is made people who are genuinely homophobic and use BL as their fantasy. Just like watching lesbian porn doesn't make straight men allies, neither does watching BL make straight women allies. I am too exhausted to explain why they do but it's basically a mix of misogyny in not wanting to see other female actors opposite an actor you like but also using queer men as placeholders for your fantasy. Sometimes in fiction, but other times in reality.

I'm with @mirrorofprinces, we need to attack more homophobes for this. 😒😒😒 no more fighting over gay rights, time for KPTS-inspired gay wrongs and gay violence on the gaygenda.

The "delulu" and "it's just fanservice" comments are...indeed kind of homophobic. I respect people who don't want to comment on or interpret their relationship, like you said, or interpret it differently. And it kind of sucks to be like "well some people will be homophobic and you have to share a space with them" in fandom about a queer story, but how do you confront people, some of whom are happy to be openly homophobic, about homophobia that is more nuanced?

But I think one thing that undermines MileApo's authenticity is that BibleBuild do so much fan service despite also claiming not to. Fan service is a Thai BL industry standard with other actor pairs. And as a reality check to myself, I have looked at some of those pairs interacting and yeah. Definitely brotherly or fan service there.

The other part of the problem is young people, especially after the pandemic, genuinely do not seem to know what normal human interaction looks like, including the difference between what's fake and what's real AND what's platonic vs. what's flirty or romantic affection.

As for what my friends/moots think, here's @mellowroxy and @cookiedoughfiesta's thoughts from August about Mile saying he was in love with Apo about the "delulu" comments. (Though let's be real... sometimes the fandom is also... a bit much 🤣🤣🤣)

When I talked to Yams (@mellowroxy) about this earlier, here's what she had to add on to the point:

Me: fans were freaking out when Tom called Zendaya 'my MJ' on his birthday wish to her, and that's way more subtle than what Mile and Apo are doing

Yams: There wouldn’t be this much push back if it was a guy and girl. Most people would be like “oh another on set romance” and call it a day. On the Zendaya and Tom topic, if this was decades back when interracial couples were taboo as fuck then they wouldn’t come out as well.

A conscious reminder equality has always been hard-fought for.

But trust me, this paradox of people who watch BL who are homophobic have not escaped Mile and Apo's notice either.

"Equality isn't real in this world."

Apo's comment at KPWT Bangkok day 2, which many people have noted was likely about complaints over them reenacting Kinn and Porsche's first kiss live. I'm not going to look for it but @soft-husbands mentioned she saw a fancam that blurred the kiss out on Youtube 😑 (Why did you watch KPTS in the first place then.)

"People say that they are open minded, But they are actually not."

And isn't that the crux of it.

As I always say, you haven't have an opinion on the truth. So in the end, no one's opinions on the situation matters except for Mile's and Apo's. But it does suck to bear the brunt of people's negativity doesn't it.

Hopefully this didn't make you feel more sad... but you're not alone in noticing it at least.

#cw homophobia #mileapo #kpwt #kpwt bangkok #kpwt manila #mileapo and pride

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janiedean · 3 years

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I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anonymous #ask post #anti-jonsa #anti jonsa #anti-jonerys #anti jonerys #both of them for equality

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dukeofonions · 3 years

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hi so i.found ur blog and its honestly like a breath of fresh air to look at so if its ok i might just fuckin,,vent here.

so. ik a lot of other people have been talking abt how pof was really straining to watch and i am.very late to the party but i need to talk abt it bcz holy fuck. when i first watched it i was in a way better place mwntally, also the general excitement of wow,content kinda overrode the headache and the eye hurty and the just. bad. but i was rewatching it recently because i was basing a fic off it and i just. i couldnt finish it because all of it was just so much and there was no fuckin warning?? so that was pog ig

next thing because i have. a lot of thoughts. ive been in the fandom for not-very-long, i joined in the middle of 2019 or something.and it just kinda sucks because im only still here for the fandom. i love the series but i can only watch dwit and compilations of logan/roman being sad so much before i can basically recite them off the top of my head. but i reallyreally love writing for the fandom!! it makes me so happy to do the writing, its just the fact that im not as invested with the series that makes me feel,,idk man guilty ig?? anyway thats too deep for a rant so im.a move on

god so tw me not liking post aa virgil and me talking abt toxic friends but hoooly fuck man. i just. pre aa virgil was fun because he was snarky and sarcastic and i could actually stand the nagst because his character made sense?? he was the 'bad guy' and he wasnt as woobified back then and he was honestly a solid vibe. but post aa virgil gives off the vibe of that one friend who fuckin, gets angry at you when you bring up any of your mental health issues and then blames their outburst on their mental health issuea and its like?? no i hate that character dynamic. people say bad things when the feel bad, sure, ik i have, but its the vibe of 'im gonna threaten you and then blame it on my mental health but if you so much as look at me wrong while ur having sensory overload or something i will smite you with the force of one thousand suns' and i am just.so tired. also ithink someone else said this but we should just call the series 'virgil sanders and the rest' because thats what it is now ksbdjqkbsq

also (all ofthese are my opinions btw and im not trying to say im rigbt im just tired honestly) the way. in pof the way patton's whole thing is 'you need empathy' is not funky fresh for both people with low empathy and high empathy 😎 bcz ppl with too much/too little empathy are always told theyre 'cold' or that theyre 'oversensitive', the whole 'there is an average amount of empathy and if u dont have that fuck you actually' is icky and bad and gross. i do think patton's character is really well done in the series but that episode jjust personally. ick.

and finally the moment uve not been waiting for bcz this is probably really tiring to read but the moment youve been waiting for-fwsa.just. why. its cute and stuff and i love nico. nico is a vibe. also bathroom man john is great. but shouldnt roman still be on shit terms with thomas?? like lk we're just gonna sweep away the whole 'i thought i wad ur hero' shizz? cool cool, glad to know romans arc still aint happening. also i get it, we needed to cement that virgil is a light side now. but like..did we?? actually bcz this is so long im gonna send in a second ask (im sososorry if this clogs up ur ask box if u tell me to stop i will i just. many thoughts) abt how even though i hate virgil, his arc should have been done. so differently. just gonna put like,, a mushroom emoji here so u can put the 2 asks together if u want 🍄

You’re always free to vent here! Sorry it took so long to respond but life has a cruel habit of getting in the way of things I need to do.

So for starters, the POF problem should be talked about more so I can assure you that you’re not late to the party. It never really got the amount of attention it deserved so I am more than willing to bring that back up and trust me, you’re not alone.

And again, you’re not alone in this either! Plenty of people still enjoy creating content for these characters. You don’t have to feel guilty for not finding the actual series interesting because honestly, I’m kinda losing interest too. But I still love these characters and I love that the fandom is still creating stories with them through different mediums.

Honestly I agree with just about everything you said about Virgil and I do eventually plan on tackling a lot of this in a future post. You know, if I ever force myself to just sit down and write the dang thing...

Oh my gosh I’ve been waiting for someone to talk about this because that whole thing about empathy in POF really ticked me off because you’re absolutely right, not everyone is 100% empathetic, and some people can be empathetic to a point where it hurts themselves. Like I get what they were trying to say but it came across as, well, like you said. “If you’re don’t have this exact level of empathy then eff you I guess you’re a bad person.” Maybe that actually wasn’t their intention but it sure came across that way and maybe I’ll go into it a little more in another post because now that I’ve been reminded of it again I kinda wanna talk about it more.

Okay yes, FWSA on its own is a good episode. Heck, it’s one of my favorites. It feels closer to a season one episode than ATHD that’s for sure. The problem with this episode isn’t the quality but the fact that it comes right after POF. And I’ve basically gone over this in my “Problem With Asides” post and how it affects both Roman and Virgil’s current arcs so I won’t go into much more detail here but just know that I pretty much agree with all of this.

Also don’t worry about cluttering up my inbox. It’s here for people to share their thoughts and that’s exactly what you’re doing! Hope to see your part two soon mushroom anon!

#dukeofasks #ts criticism #virgil criticism #pofaffair

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ihatebnha · 3 years

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I just know the people who only write any having pink nips are the same people who only write about girls being 3 feet tall. They'll be like "Izuku Midoriya, your new classmate, towered over you" and I'm over here at 5'10 like 🧍‍♀️ are you sure. Are you sure he even reaches my chin. And then when you ask for tall reader stuff you're not allowed to be cute you gotta be some kind of intimidating warrior monster. Like just admit you only think that short, petite, pale white women can be "cute." Admit it and move on.

I know it's not exactly the same as the nipple thing but like it's just another example of how a lot of people can't write reader inserts without it being inclusive to any type of reader. There's always gotta be some type of physical descriptor and it bugs me as someone who's never really felt like they fit any sort of beauty standard

i know EXACTLY what you mean.... even though it’s a bit different, it’s just another example of using the most desirable/cutesy traits instead of something that allows for everyone to participate.

Like, ofc it’s one thing for someone to leaning down/leaning up (because thats inherent to a scene)... but it’s another to be reading some random fic that focuses on your traits or out of no where for one to be like.... “___ loves how small you are!!!”

like obviously... i guess i can just ignore it.. but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t ruin the mood and i don’t feel bad about it for a little bit, either? esp since this also applies to bodyshape too, and happens all. the. damn. time.

and yea, when ppl do request tall!reader things its always like..... “___ was sooo intimated by you at first!!” or “he gets used to it quickly...” as if thats literally not the problem in the first place and people don’t get judged and bullied right off the bat for being taller or bigger than others, too..

i don’t even really think its that these authors are really trying to say that its only short and pale white ppl who are cute... its just that its so deeply ingrained in their minds that they don’t KNOW anything different.... as well as think that the only real way to write “erotic” fanfiction is by including these weird... details...

like literally.... what the hell. you can write porn without making everything abt being small and cute and pink.

i totally relate tho... like im not extraordinarily tall because i’m only 5′7, but i was this height when i was fucking 12... so i have such a twisted relationship with being considered tall/big because i was teased for being huge my entire childhood lmfao... by kids and grownups... so even tho i’m basically normal now, i’ll never really feel small (esp since a lot of boys r my size anyway LOL)...

its just annoying bc its like... ppl cant even feel good about themselves reading fiction thats supposed to be inclusive. idk.

#tbh idk how ppl can look at the bnha and think they give a crap abt looks #like i know those boys dont give a single f*ck abt ur traits or how u look lmfao #they boys first of all #and second of all... theyre heroes... too busy to be worried abt whether their wife wears a dress or not or whether shes short or tall #tbh tho this is why i literally just always imagine everyone as like.... 6'5 #i cant do it with the small man thing #don't worry tho bc they all fuck with tall girls regardless #hopefully my writing captures all this!!#ask #anon #caitie chats #Anonymous #drama

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sotorubio · 3 years

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Please show me where I can find your list about which skam pairings are going to marry?

(and if you haven't done it, I would love to see this list with little reasons also maybe why other popular couples won't marry in your opinion?)

hii! i think i have talked abt it sometimes in the past but i don't have a proper list or anything so i'll do one now!! in no particular order btw

davenzi: they just fit so well together n ive always loved their vibes it feels like they're in love but also best friends n have so much fun together. those couples always tend to last imo n i like to think they have a small private farm wedding or smth w just a few loved ones present :)

spiderwitz: they have become one of my fave skam couples so i'm a little biased but also i think the texts we saw from nora's pov this season n the way josh was there for her in her own season rly highlights how willing they r to work for their relationship in times of crisis & they also have the best friend vibe especially judging by their casual ig posts

kieutou: the whole season has such soulmate energy for them n they also showed the work they put into the relationship! u simply cannot parallel a romeo & juliet romance w/o having everlasting love!

og evak: the blue print, i have come to prefer some remake evaks over them but i just know they aren't going anywhere :)

then i also think og yousana & amira x mohammed have smth rly special! i think it's abt the way their love is so tender n their story line is a good slow burn they deserve a happy ending

other than that i don't rly know any others that i believe will make it unfortunately smfjks however just bc i think the other couples won't marry doesn't mean i don't like them! i just think there's a time n place for relationships n for some couples the time is now n it's v meaningful for them currently but maybe not in the future

for example crisana is my second favorite evak of all time but i think they might be in a happy relationship for a few years n maybe break up on good terms n stay friends in like uni or smth OR if i want a happier ending i think they might stay together n grow old together but never get married. i just don't see them as the type to do things a traditional way

for other ships: i cannot stand a single noorhelm couple n i think every single noora deserves to realize how fucked up the premise of their relationship is n free themselves (especially og noora who's a lesbian anyway 💆‍♀️) only exception for norandro bc they didn't even get the noorhelm story n i love them. on their part it's hard to tell whether they'd marry or not tho bc i haven't thoguht abt it that deeply but if they Don't it'll be for different reasons than the other noorhelms

for the remaining evaks i just don't rly see it either i just don't get those vibes or the canon writing has ruined their dynamic (cough france) i think their relationships r important to them for the time being but probably not in the future

for the jonevas of the universe i absolutely hate the story line where they get back together in s4 (or s6 if ur skam france 🤡) bc it takes so much meaning away from the s1 so i don't rly see them continuing their relationships (jorge & eva r on thin ice i think maybe they can date now n then break up again later Or not officially get back together now n reunite in their 30s or smth that'd be cool)

magnuses & vildes i just can't rly see lasting that long in any remake or the og even tho i rly like viri & hugo maybe not even them. tho kiki & carlos r basically living the married life already so i guess i can hand it to them for being sweeties in s5

i can't think of other popular ships idk if i covered them all but for the more original couples such as mayla/arthur n whoever lol/max & tiff i think it just isn't the right timing for them. usually one or both characters have a lot going on in their lives n i don't think they would manage a long term relationship atm

a lot of it is also just bc they're teenagers! sure there r ppl who marry their high school sweethearts n good for them but i personally refuse to believe that every teenage couple in skam history who say i love u in less than 3 months from meeting each other is destined to be 💔

#inbox #anon #but no hate! i don't think breaking up or not getting married is a bad thing or undermines the importance of what the couples had #it's just like No this 16 year old has not found true love in their second year of high school they have a math test tomorrow go study

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daz4i · 3 years

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💜

ty legend!!!!!! 💜

my brain is like “if i don’t talk abt how much i love sakusa right now i WILL cry” so guess i’ll just ramble abt my boy. i don’t have anything interesting to say that isn’t just deconstruction of canon in a sense and very different from my usual rambles so uuuuuh tldr i love omi and chapter 394 means a lot to me

manga spoilers under the cut

ok. so. one very cool and sexy thing about him is how he remembers everything???? literally the first time he met hinata when he joined msby he talked abt something that happened 6 years ago and he barely had any reason to remember in the first place. like damn

also i think the whole thing about how he thinks abt hinata and hoshi like “they didn’t get lucky with their body types” is partially bc he really took ushijima’s “i got lucky” words to heart, and he feels that way about himself too! and he’s right. self aware king

i think in addition to the whole being lucky thing ofc he worked hard. like. we see him do intense and super long spiking drills to make sure he’s doing his best, and his nature never half-assing anything definitely played part in it

speaking of. his thing with having to finish everything. relatable king. one of the reasons i hc him as autistic and i won’t be surprised if it’s one of the reasons ppl hc him to have ocd. solidarity

ANYWAY one thing i see ppl maybe kinda misinterpreting abt him is how they think he hates people? which. i guess if you really simplify things you could phrase it like that. but it’s not exactly right

we know he grew up p lonely, not much family around to show him proper affection i’m assuming, and no friends other than his cousin which def contributed to that

also, mixing in his fear of germs, obviously it’s hard being in places with lots of people, or touching them, or interacting with anyone who doesn’t take care of their hygiene or with people who won’t respect his boundaries (bc like. saying this as an autistic person. i totally get that last part, and we even know more or less what a good chunk of sakusa’s boundaries are bc of his fear of germs)

sooooo you end up getting a man who might pass off as “rude” and “unsociable” but really he’s just taking care of himself yknow? he’s perfectly valid to hate crowds, to wear a mask in public, to be disgusted by people leaving the bathroom without washing their hands etc etc

but! that’s a big but! most of it is related to strangers, not his own friends (and that’s also why he befriended people like ushijima and iizuna!! bc he knew they’re “safe”)!! like one fanon pet peeve i have is when ppl make him to be rude to his own teammates for example when. listen

one scene i see used as example of him being ~cold~ or ~mean~ is the first time we see him post timeskip, in the monster generation reunion, the whole “you’d better have gotten your flu shots” thing. part of why he might pass this way is atsumu’s dramatic reaction to it if anything tbh

idk if nts get this but. this is him showing concern/worry? 3 of his teammates are there so obviously he doesn’t want them to get sick, also his long-time friend (ushijima) whom he obviously cares for. there’s no malice in what he says. he shows that he cares through making sure these people are okay and healthy

other occasions is when,, what? he calls people out on doing something dumb? i def don’t think he’s trying to be rude, only adhering to rules of basic manners and trying to keep them from embarrassing themselves and through it the entire team

like. he’s just direct! that’s a good thing!!!! pls leave my man alone he’s not rude he’s just different from you

(also other ppl pointed this out before but. the scene where he lies on the ground with hinata next to him! is a good example that he feels comfortable enough with other people, as long as they respect his boundaries!! hinata isn’t touching him or sitting too close, but they’re still together! and some time later he’s trash talking with atsumu so they’re clearly friends too! like he doesn’t hate people he just shows love, kindness, and caring in his own unique way!!!!!! real king shit!!!!!)

one aspect of him that i noticed i personally fixate on a lot when it comes to characterizing him is his need for control, if anything

the go-to scenes for that is p much any time we see him behave according to his fear of germs really. but they’re not the only ones!!

it’s like what i mentioned, teammates about to do something embarrassing for example. unless he stops them in time, he’s losing his control over the situation.

his whole thing with never leaving anything unfinished, definitely playing part in it. i totally get it too tbh. if you leave, for example, a puzzle unfinished, people can come and touch it, move things around from where you last left them, put in pieces before you do, etc.

if he’s got a goal he decided on ahead of time - 1000 spike drills? - and he reaches it, he’s had full control of the situation from start to finish.

it’s a good coping mechanism tbh, esp when you’re going to inevitably feel out of control (which is very likely when you’re touch averted but still interact with people, hate crowds but obviously have to go through them, etc etc)

that’s also probably another reason why itachiyama’s loss in nationals left a mark on him, i think? like. he’s thinking about it 6 years later in the middle of a game during his professional career. and ik it’s bc it’s a story device but shhhh.

but yeah! the whole “even though we practiced everything like we were supposed to”, and seeing a captain he admired crumble and cry over this unexpected loss too. these are both rough things to go through, i think. still, as he said, he didn’t have anything to regret about it because there was not much else he could do anyway. still, i doubt it didn’t hurt

but i think that’s what makes that special thing™ about him all the most interesting and symbolic! his flexible wrists and the way he uses them! such a good way to have more control than others in this game!!!! he can control parts of himself that others can’t!!!!! he’s got full control!!!! woah!!!!!!! yeah this counts as symbolism bc i said so :D

but this is also part of where his behaviour is coming from! like, it’s hard to keep control over a situation that involves more people. you can’t control other people. they behave in unexpected ways, some of these ways may not align with your personal needs. ofc you’d be cautious in those situations if control is something you need!

aaaaaah anyway yeah, this isn’t going anywhere nor is there a point, i just love him omg. stan sakusa kiyoomi for a clear skin and a good 2021

#there may be some connections and parts that don't make sense aksfhjd i'm sleepyyyyy #and yet i wrote 1200 words about the fact i love kiyoomi. ok. i'm normal.#dan rambles #again sorry for any typos!!!! :')#living up to my pinned post. this is an omi omi love blog #thestarsshone

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dkettchen · 4 years

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Today we’re having our first Ally Book Club! This fortnight we watched Disclosure (2020), the new documentary about trans representation in Hollywood starring Laverne Cox, among many others.

I’ll ask you all to focus primarily on the black trans representation discussed (and other links between how trans/gender diverse people as well as black people were othered since the dawn of cinema f.e.) rather than the trans aspects primarily, as we are focused on black lives matter and anti-racism at the moment. (And also cause I’m trans and nonbinary and I had a lot of feelings abt that whole aspect of it and this is not the place to discuss that (this is for allyship only and I will not be an educator about my own stuff today), I already made a post about that if any fellow nonbinaries would like to go vent about it over there lol) However if you are cis and would also like to share some trans stuff you learnt, you are welcome to ;)

This post is a space to share what you learnt from the media we watch, stuff it’s made you think about, and any progress you feel you’ve made in your own personal allyship journey following it.

It is meant to be a positive space for allies to support each other in their learning, so trolling, harassment, hate/discriminatory behaviour (related to our subject’s group(s) or otherwise) or shaming will not be tolerated. (Read: I am not afraid to ban anyone from my blog who doesn’t follow these rules) This doesn’t mean you can’t discuss the demons and biases you’re fighting with on this journey, it merely means ‘don’t be a dick about it.’ I know it’s the internet, but there’s other ppl with feelings and deserving of empathy behind those screennames and this is an exercise in empathy to begin with, so be a decent human being, please. (This also goes for the defenders of the innocent out there, there’s two sides to any argument gotten out of hand.) We’re here to encourage and learn, not to argue and alienate.

I’ll go first!

The thing with documentaries (and video essays (I would know lol)) is they love to present themselves as factual and unbiased, when, really, anything is biased always. And in a society where they’re usually made by the people with privilege/the majority, it’s always the same status quo POV and we stop questionning it at some point, until a documentary made by disadvantaged/minority voices comes along and scews it in a new direction that we’re not used to.

Because I was paying Extra Attention to the black representation, and because I work in several London trans spaces, I noticed the disparity between numbers of black trans folks I saw on screen vs the ones I know irl (not as many as there were in this doc), and like- my numbers might be scewed by my own experience too, ya know, I prolly know less trans POC than a trans POC would, just like I prolly know more nonbinaries than a trans binary would (also idk what differences in ethnicity groups’ percentages there are between the US & UK population in the first place). But because the documentary presented itself as talking about representation in media at large, I was expecting a similar lack of black voices that I know happens irl in a lot of the world and that I know happens in media, and like- they talked about the lack of representation, but at the same time, they made sure to HAVE representation in their actual film.

I already think way too much about representation in media in general, but basically there’s a few different schools of thought on how you can approach it in any given media:

-you can represent reality by representing the percentages of different groups among the population, so f.e. in this case you would try and match the percentage of POC and binaries/nonbinaries in the real life trans community to represent it (the BFI’s current diversity goals follow this principle f.e.). In practice though, this tends to lend itself to tokenism and ultimately minorities still end up with less or lesser-quality rep than the majorities, because we are minorities.

-alternatively you can represent reality by the clusters that happen irl. People of a given minority group tend to flock together so if you have one of them it’s highly likely that there’ll be more of the same group in their immediate social circle, so representing a bunch of them together makes sense and accurately represents reality.

The issue my brain ran into here was that I was expecting the former and it ended up being the latter. Representing the way trans people are portrayed in Hollywood would’ve implied the population overview approach, but Laverne (as one of the producers) and the bunch, instead of kind of- rehashing the depressing statistical reality of how little rep trans people of colour get, they focused on their own experience as trans people of colour, and how they experience representation, whether it’s black rep or otherwise. They left out a lot of white trans rep that is around, because it’s not much different from the examples they used (you can have an argument about also leaving out a lot of what little nonbinary and other genderqueer rep we have in the process, and the unexplored stereotypes associated with that rather than trans binaries, as well as the generational thing where The Youth today prolly would pick different examples of media that impacted them, but still). It is very interesting and refreshing to see a format that is usually very white-cishet-normatively scewed instead being scewed toward the experience of a middle-aged black trans woman. (wow I didn’t know she was in her 40s, I thought she was like a good 10 years younger, good on you Laverne (@cis ppl: yes, even me, who literally works with trans ppl can’t fucking tell what age anyone is, it’s like a 20 year gap of a guess usually x’D))

Please write your own thoughts & stuff you learnt from the doc in the replies! (note: you don’t all have to write half an essay like this lol) Be nice to one another, my banning hammer and I will check in on the responses later :P

Last post <<<>>> Next post

The next piece of media we’ll watch is the first season (or as many episodes you can manage, but we’ll suppose the whole first season so spoiler alert! :)) of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, a fun cartoon show with an all-POC (and mostly black) main cast (characters as well as their voice actors)!

#ally book club #Disclosure (2020)#Laverne Cox #black lives matter #trans #(update: added a header image!)

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rogueshipagogo · 4 years

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ppl have been asking me my opinions on space channel 5 vr... and i guess since i bought a vr headset off craigslist just so i could play it and speedrun it before work the day it came out... i should talk abt it now... i dont rly think i’ll be able to separate it into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things i think i’m just going to do a rambly stream of consciousness bc i have a headache... but i DO have good things to say abt this game... so st.... sta stay t tune d

right off the bat, the thing i appreciate most abt this game- i like that space channel 5 vr doesnt have cash grab vibes. i Do genuinely believe that they Wanted to make this game For the people who are still obsessed with it, and that they ultimately did what they set out to do when they intended to scale certain aspects of the series up conceptually to match the way the fandom perceives it nowadays. but like i’ve said before... i’m not going to Disagree with the very common conclusion that it Needed to be longer, or at Least more intricate plot-wise. one of my fun and fresh excuses for sc5vr being as short as it is is because you arent really supposed to be playing vr games for too long anyways, its really disorienting and kinda painful, but even that doesn’t account for why so much of the game that we got is a rehash of old settings, concepts, songs, and characters. [i dont even have a problem with reusing old songs, i just think the ones they chose ended up being misleading]

for example i think it makes sense that the first report is a remake of the first games first report on the surface, it’s meant to take you back to the way the first game felt and give you an idea of what it means that the games classic scenery can be rendered in actual high quality detail now [same with the recurrence of events like encountering the space pirates in the asteroid belt/the last battle against a villain being singing to it about what it’s done wrong], but i really thought, like, report 1 was going to end up being a simulated scenario for the benefit of lou and kee’s training... which i dont think ended up being the case??? i think they really did write ‘ok here you are in the first game’s setting again, fighting the old enemies again, because... :^) ok have fun playing report 2!’

and then whats report 2... you fight another old boss from the first game... but theres Still no clear villain or motivation for anything thats happening... and there wont be until like... basically the end of the game...

like, glitter is a really cute character, but its kind of underwhelming that shes just a random citizen who was kidnapped by an entity that we NEVER LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT... like part 1 was extremely notable for being about corporate greed and corruption, part 2 honestly wasnt that political in comparison but at least made you do a think wrt purge’s motivation and his methods, and this game just has a plot device that feels like it’ll do smth but then ends up not doing anything beyond what we already learned about it from the information on its character bio before the game was out. if it turns out that cell x is actually relevant again in a future entry in the franchise and they do have a more developed concept for what cell x Is in mind, i’ll do an entire backflip, but for now its just chalked up to being the result of More Space Hijinks that dont need to be explained

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE ALLUSIONS TO CELL X BEING AN ENTITY THAT FEEDS OFF OF DANCE ENERGY... it had me thinking that there would have to be some New Method of fighting it off that didn’t just lend it more power in the process, but nah apparently just tacking on the disclaimer ‘*this dance energy is not for glitter’ is enough to turn it from smth it can consume for power into big attacks you can use to kill it... like honestly it sounds like im asking for a lot from a game that has Never made too much sense, but considering that in part 2 they could add details like ‘oh didnt you know purge can open pocket dimensions? ulala is capable of manifesting tangible dance energy and the only other person who can do that is purge???’, its not like they havent come up with weird new shit for dance energy to do within the plot before. they just didnt do it in this game fsr

like did anyone else think that cell x/glitter was going to be the result of tossing purge out into deep space and him encountering the sc5 universe’s equivalent of an eldritch alien creature, smth more bestial than morolians?? even if purge wasnt part of it, when you say ‘uh oh, this guy Eats this society’s only source of energy!!!’ i expect the stakes to get HIGH, and i want the ramifications of it to be kinda STARTLING, because blank wanted money and purge wanted to ritualistically end the world but something this near to an ecological disaster that would force an entire paradigm shift hasn’t occurred yet in the series?? its totally new!!! there’s a lot they could do with this but OH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT EVERYONE ulala knows how to make dance energy kill cell x instead of feed it she’s got this we’re good no need to investigate more into all that

i can’t explain why the game is like this. and i dont expect grounding to address it in any meaningful way either. i’m sure they’re Aware of these complaints by now- the game reviewing community has Not been kind to sc5vr specifically due to all of these shortcomings [i didnt even touch on the issues with motion sensing and how many of the games mechanics were removed in favor of smth presumably easier to program yet much less satisfying, like Secret Moves just being mini quicktime events and Turning Your Ratings Into Stars just being replaced with the standard Three Strikes You’re Out method of scoring], but the pr team still seems very enthusiastic abt the game and is still promising dlc and potentially even more games in the series after this one- heres hoping that they’ll at least take these grievances to heart and consider making the experience not only more accessible [aka it will... go back to being a rhythm game with controller input.... and not... an exclusive vr experience...], but also as immersive and detailed as the old games, with less reused plot beats. i can let some of it off the hook in this game simply because i’m aware that it began its life as a tech demo that was only supposed to be that initial first report from the first game But Happening All Around You!, but i Really dont think they could get away with doing this little to expand upon the groundwork set by the first two games again. not with the way people remember part 2 being such a vast upgrade from part 1... the bar had been set so high that this just felt like a huge backslide into something even sillier and harder to take seriously than part 1 before we had any idea what kind of staying power the franchise would have as a hallmark of sega’s quirky antics. like... this game is what i think space channel 5 looks like to people who don’t understand the appeal of the first two games. and that scares me

but i guess for the most part, aside from wishing they had done more to revitalize the setting and the lore of the sc5 universe itself, im kind of glad it didnt do a lot to change the existing storylines the characters have kinda forged for themselves- here i was stressing out that they would pull out some plot development that would utterly and drastically change the way we talked abt the series for the rest of time, but so little happened and so little was added to the bank of sc5 lore that we can kind of all just carry on as usual and keep having the same headcanons we always had.

BUT!!! there ARE a lot of cute little details here and there that make the experience feel wholesome and like i said not an utter cashgrab- like so many of the character profiles referencing previous games [all of the references to npcs in this game being relatives of the npcs of the last games made me lose it] and how often ulala changes her expressions up and looks right at you and talks to you. the new music they wrote for the game also all slaps and everyones redesigns [if they got a redesign... rip pudding] are stunning

one of the most important things they did in this game was give a nice sort of Update to every character.... for example explaining that ulala isn’t a rookie reporter any more like she was in the first 2 games, that she’s moved up to being in charge of training new channel 5 reporters, and that while pudding is still somewhat stuck on her rivalry with ulala her career isn’t stagnant either, she was just cast in a romcom series as the lead... which is really nice considering how in the past she was portrayed as somewhat of a loser with almost no remaining fans left from her idol years

and you knew i was going to bring up jaguar at some point HES ALL OVER THIS GAME AND IT LITERALLY MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WAS WORTH POWERING THROUGH THESE LAST FEW YEARS AND ALSO LIKE IM A GENIUS FOR SPENDING SO LONG POSTING EVERY SINGLE DAY ‘NO REALLY, HE’S THE SECONDARY PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY, ITS ABOUT CHANNEL 5 AS A COMPANY AND THEIR IMPACT ON EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER ENCOUNTERED THEM AND THAT INCLUDES JAGUAR AS WELL AS ULALA HES INTEGRAL TO THE PLOT BC SHE WOULDNT BE ALIVE IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIM’ i feel like it’s really incredible how in this game he has genuinely nice energy and doesnt withhold praise from ulala just to be helpful in a mysterious way later and he like HAS FRIENDS now. like consider how he went from disgraced former ch5 employee who got mad every time he saw them, to kidnapped robot henchman kinda humbled by the fact that now the turns tabled and ulala had to rescue Him, and now 3 years later his bio is all about how he has a new tv show thats super popular and he has a new entourage of ladies who he considers his '’’’’’comrades’’’’’’’ within the station he founded??? AND AFTER 20 YEARS THEY WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GIVE HIS MODEL JUICY ASS CHEEKS??????????????? NO MORE PANCAKE BOOTY???? THE BOY HAD A GLOWUP AND NO I WONT STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

WHEN I SAY MEOW MATCH THE POSE MOTHERFUCKERS THIS BLONDE BASTARD GETS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE HUNDRED STAGE BATTLE NOW TOO THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE SPACE PIRATES BAYBEE

#its almost 4 am. idk i will probably have more to say tomorrow. my head still hurts #the galaxy depends on my funky moves

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xcziel · 4 years

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After seeing your tags abt CQL vs MDZS, I wanted to throw my 2c in. MDZS is a 18+ book tagged with bourgeois tragedy. The horror aspects and hypocrisy of the characters is very much part of the point. WWX was *not* a hero. Censorship in China forbids all depictions of moral ambiguity, violence, resurrection/necromancy etc. and CQL is a product of that; relying heavily on the audience also knowing the novel, so it's extremely frustrating to see ppl bag on MXTX for "not knowing" her own characters

Yes, I've seen some posts in reaction to that sort of thing, and I can see that that kind of entitled assumption would be infuriating? And kind of ... bonkers? I guess I don't go in the tags enough because I've never actually seen the posts judging MXTX, just the more reasoned responses on blogs I follow.

I'm not sure if it's just the posts in the generic fandom tags (which I mostly avoid) or if some of these takes are coming from twitter, but my only experience with MXTX criticism is literally just these reaction posts. My preference for CQL is just that, a personal preference, not any literary criticism of the source material or its author.

I've seen many posts from people with deep experience of the novel, the genre, and c-fandom in general explaining why judging source material from another culture by western media standards is inappropriate and often disrespectful, and that MXTX's writing is both indicative of its genre and cultural climate, while also being substantially an intentional deconstruction of expected tropes.

Of course it's frustrating to see people with limited understanding (and seemingly little desire to acquire any) quip away with their "hot takes" and I sympathize. But I'm not sure why I'm being pulled into this - I'm not reblogging or participating in posts that are attacking the original novel or MXTX herself. I don't have any contact with people judging MXTX or MDZS in a negative light. I'm in the tags, in my feelings about people posting on my dash who seem disdainful of fans who prefer CQL because they consider ignorance of information covered in the novel to be some kind of ... scholarly lack? that the newer fans should be eager to rectify immediately, preferably, I can only infer, by reading the novel themselves. So I do have an untagged post where I try to explain why that's not happening for me personally.

All I've been trying to say in the previous tags is that, for myself, CQL is more engaging - as you point out, a lot of things were left out of the TV version for censorship reasons or just adapted for the realities of live action media production. And many of those things also just happened to be things that I personally don't care for or about - leaving out many of Wei Wuxian's darker moments for example, doesn't damage the narrative as far as I'm concerned. And the other aspects that are appealing to me have little to do with the source novel - the actors, the costuming, the sets, the music - these are what drew me personally to CQL, not necessarily the depth of the writing, aside the love story.

And I'm really not looking at it as a _ vs. _ situation? To my mind, it's two different canons and I'm basically advocating treating them as such. It's the opposite of say, Harry Potter, for me: I've never seen even one of the movies, only read the books, so book-canon is where I lived, while still being able to read fanfic that incorporated aspects of both. I'm not preferring CQL only because I dislike the MDZS novel. Without CQL I wouldn't even be aware that there was a novel. And if I had been aware, even in english, that most likely wouldn't have been a novel I would have chosen to read.

Definitely there are aspects of CQL that must have a deeper resonance with an informed and savvy Chinese audience, but I think the surge of international fans makes clear that it does also work as a piece of media without that more intimate knowledge of the source material? It may not be interpreted the same way (obviously) but it's still an enjoyable work and I think people are allowed to be fans of the more superficial view where, indeed, Wei Wuxian is not a "hero" - he's the protagonist of a romance: not specifically good or bad, but necessarily Loved.

In a way it's kind of a Death of the Author thing - I'm not criticizing MDZS, because I will never experience the novel in its raw form, without the interference of a translation process. Just as I cannot make any value judgement of MXTX herself, knowing nothing about her personally, nor enough about her works' place in, and reflection of, the larger culture of Chinese online fandom and entertainment to be able to form a valid opinion. So I accept that my experience of the TV show is basically independent of the original authorial intent. For me and many others, it's just a xianxia show, a very pretty one.

I can only rely on what I've been told by others with more knowledge, and the translations that I've seen, and I'm not fool enough to think that either is sufficient to give me a true grasp of the source work itself. So I find it simpler to rely on the parts that I can judge for myself - the visual elements of the CQL adaptation. I mean, no one seems to be able to come up with a single, holistic english translation for "Jinlintai", nevermind being able to somehow explicate or encompass all of the Chinese cultural and linguistic/literary associations embedded in the written text, or even just the dialogue of the tv show.

I lost my way in here somewhere, but I just wanted to iterate that no reasonable person will ever give credence to some weirdo claim like an author "doesn't understand their own characters" or any other delusional stance hot take fandom twitter mavens are advancing about non-western cultural mores being "abusive" or "regressive" (I have seen twitter bad takes - whoo boy is all I can say there), or whatever else they're saying here on Tumblr that is causing c-fans to feel they need to jump to defend both MDZS' source webnovel and its author.

So ... yeah. I get that the source novel is more sophisticated and transgressive than is represented in the television series, but on a personal level I really do care more about Wang Yibo's microexpressions than I do about debating cultural morality or societal hypocrisy, so I'm definitely gonna stop talking now.

#answered asks #not so much answered as rambled at #i cannot word you guys #tags are where i talk #bc the space is limited #and i can't go on so long i lose track #of my train of thought #also this oncoming migraine is not helping #but it's like 'great literature' ok?#yeah there are themes and all kinds of references #that you don't get if you read at the surface level #but that's still okay #as long as you're not willfully misinterpreting #what you can get to #like gulliver's travels is packed with #cultural and classical referents of the time/place it was written #it's still an okay story without knowing all that though #some people read like that watch movies like that #seeking out the deeper understanding #i feel like i absorb what i absorb #i soak up the general 'vibe' of a piece of media #and ghosts and horror stories are not a vibe i really enjoy #the point got away from me again dang it #i get that some people are being dismisive AND appropriative of chinese culture in all of this #but i don't know what to do about it other than call it out and refuse to tolerate it when i see it #and i can acknowledge the issues while still preferring cql that's all #ooh dang i would put a cut but ofc i can't edit one into a post made on mobile #self tag

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that��s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties.

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol.

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

#imsocatastrophic

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lcvemoon-blog · 5 years

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< byun jungha, cisfem, she/her, 24 > welcome to the witching community of chicago, FLORENCE KYO ! you’re a LUNAR WITCH right ? some of the locals around here have described you as being MOODY and POSSESSIVE, but others have said you’re CAPTIVATING and VIVACIOUS. i guess i’ll have to see for myself. now, being a type of witch, i hear you excel at LOVE MAGIC. the chicago witching community prides itself on having skilled witches so make sure to keep practicing !

good evening lovely people !! i’m bee and this here is my witchy babe florence !! i’m sosososo excited to be here <3 pls give this a like if you wanna plot and i’ll shoot you a message ( or you can shoot me one. on here or on discord @ big uwu energy#2323 ). anyways, here’s my girl !!

name : florence selene kyo

florence, of latin origin, meaning flourishing or blossoming.

selene, of greek origin, meaning moon goddess.

kyo, of korean origin, meaning cooperation.

date of birth:

july 2nd, 1994

astrology:

sun in cancer

moon in aries

ascendant in pisces

info:

florence is a born and raised chicago native, born to immigrant parents

comes from a long line of lunar witches on her fathers side that dates back hundreds of years

the tradition was always that a kyo must have children until a lunar witch is born into the family, so as to carry on the magical legacy.

for five generations, the kyo line was nothing but boys

florence was the first daughter to be born into the kyo family in almost two hundred years, and she just happened to carry the magical gene.

from a very early age, florence was educated in the ways of lunar witchcraft by her father and grandfather.

her fam never rly got involved w/ witch society and preferred to keep to themselves. they would occasionally work w/ other lunar witches if they needed help super badly but hundreds of years of magic running in your veins can make one quite proud and unwilling to ask anything of others.

she was a horrible student lmao. always very off in her own world and totally uninterested in the stuffy and rigid ( how ironic given how much of a flaky muse the moon can be ) Kyo Brand(tm) moon magic.

defs the kind of girl to forget it’s the full moon and be like oh shit and chuck all her crystals onto her windowsill to charge nd then just dip out to go soak in a milk and rose petal bath

HOWEVER

she does have a rly deep appreciation for the Old Ways of lunar magic, as boring as they were to learn about

it was all a very good foundation for honing the craft and making it her own, which was all she was truly concerned abt

as u can probably tell, flo likes to march to the beat of her own drum

she found a passion for love magic very young, and has always been very in love with the idea of loving somebody

she still fondly remembers her first love spell !! it Did Not Work but it wasn’t for lack of trying, it was just because she was like seven and rly had no business making all the neighbourhood boys fall in love with her

as she got older and got more into love magic it kinda .... ruined her own perception of love ??

just knowing how easy it would be to whip up a love spell nd have whoever you want made the whole idea of it less appealing. for all she knew, every great love in the world could be an inorganic product of magic and that made her Quite Upset

but love in general is very self-sacrificing which is quite the opposite of her and conflicts w/ who she is as a person so it rly isnt that much of a loss. sis isn’t interested in tying herself down anyways.

but she hasn’t stopped doing love magic

she mostly does generic love spells. like rekindle the flame in your relationship or call a new lover from the void type stuff.

one of her fave ways of channeling magic is through charms. she’s pretty crafty and sells a lot of jewelry spells.

for the right price she can do some more mind-screwy manipulation junk, and she definitely isn’t above it, but as a general rule of thumb prefers not to force a love that isn’t already starting itself

always wears a moonstone necklace bc she’s extra

also fucks pretty hard with selenite

only wets her beauty blender using water that has been charged under the full moon

the Moodiest lady alive, because not only is she spiritually connected to the moon which comes w/ it’s own emotional issues ( empath alert ), but she’s also a cancer

( yes she believes in astrology. let her live. )

she can go from being incredibly upbeat and lively one moment to feeling completely distraught and despondent for no reason

the feelings of others around her have a particularly intense effect on her. she’s working on controlling this a little more bc it’s annoying as hell when u feel like all ur feelings are someone else’s and not ur own

a defensive and jealous woman for sure. doesn’t rly tend to get close to people other than family bc she was basically raised to be asocial, but when she does she’s that friend who is Great most of the time but gets kinda pissy if you hang out w/ someone who isn’t her

and then denies it and gets passive aggressive lol

i swear her personality has good aspects

yes high empathy sucks sometimes but it’s also rly helpful when u wanna relate to people !! and it’s helped her come out of her shell some and start working towards being a people person

quite lively

loves running through fields barefoot and doing cartwheels and all that jazz

but just like the moon she wanes and waxes ( as all ppl do !! ) and has her good and bad days

please love her !!

that’s all for now folks. thanks for reading this ridiculously long mess :)))

#haze:intro #[florence]

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lookwhatilost · 6 years

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it’s hard to articulate without sounding as though i am blowing air up my ass, sure, but bear w me for a second...

it’s rly, rly difficult for me to feel anything for anybody at all. usually warm indifference is the best you’re going to get. & it’s not something i think is cool or edgy, i’ve jst kind of grown accustomed to detachment and it’s my default state. i dnt even love my family members. i like spending time w my friends but i’m kind of “whatever” abt pretty much all of them. i lack enthusiasm and investment a lot of the time and it’s rly hard for anyone to break through that. i can count the ppl that i’ve felt Anything for on one hand, and when i mean anything, i mean anything. for someone to occur to me without them being right in front of my face, like, at all, is something that happens once every few years at best.

but every once in a blue moon, someone will, and at that point i’m willing to provide everything i am capable of for them, bc it’s so rare for me to even feel like that, and it’s something i want to preserve. so i feel like i need to convince them that it’s special too. it’s rly jst me bribing people to stick around, honestly, but who is keeping track? isn’t that jst what all of our interpersonal relationships are? but basically i’ll give everything i have, emotionally, financially, whatever, and my threshold for that person’s bullshit increases like 6 fold. it’s not very healthy in general and borders on self-sacrifice sometimes, and it coexists in a rly weird way w my staunch belief that my attachment is the worst thing i can inflict on another person, but it’s also rly easy to take advantage of if the wrong person is on the receiving end of it. bc i will literally let these ppl shit all over me and be vying even harder for their approval than i was before.

and i think someone like my ex (consciously or not) identified this and leveraged it as much as possible, and then took it for granted and bounced for good... then he goes out, does whatever he’s been doing for the past few years, realizes that most ppl do not exert themselves like this, and wants me to dote on him like that again. my theory at least.. it makes me worry that i’m only worth what i can give to ppl, which feeds this cycle of me wanting to buy someone the universe bc i like them and i want them to like me too. it’s such a mess lemme jst say. i dnt know how to fix it and i dnt feel like spending money on a therapist. so i guess this is jst a life sentence 😜lit

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regalia-of-wisdom · 6 years

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Why Vanitas and Marluxia can come back if they want to and Nomura didn’t retcon.

‪Ok so on twitter I said that I wasn’t gonna write this bc I didn’t wanna be called a KH3 apologist but then my friends were like “you’re a kh3 apologist anyways just do it” so I did it. I love KH and theorizing and analyzing everything and it’s great, but also it’s 2 am, and also Nomura really needs to consider writing these things down somewhere before releasing these games. Also stop recycling villains, dammit.

Sorry that I can’t line break. I’m writing on mobile rn :/ it’s a long post.

‪Ok I’m too lazy to go on the wiki or something and re read these but on the very first KH (or maybe it was in the Secret Ansem Reports in KH2...?? ANYWAYS IN ONE OF THOSE) it is stated that, according to the metaphysics of the Kh universe, a person is made up of a body, a heart‬, ‪and a soul. Bc the main lore of kh doesn’t mention it much not many players seem to remember or know what the “soul” is, especially since it’s clearly not supposed to be the same thing that westerners think of as a soul (that would be a heart in KH-metaphysics)‬.

‪So all we ever get in the series is people losing their hearts, which is synonymous to someone going fucking catatonic and emotionless bc they don’t have a soul (think Kairi in KH1), or just overall disappear bc of darkness related hijinks that cause complications.‬

‪Like, Kairi in KH1 was alive, y’all. She had a breathing pattern and open eyes and everything, she just didn’t have a heart. She’s the only example we have of this (unless you want me to include Aurora in BBS lol), because she’s the only one whose body wouldn’t react to darkness related hijinks (Darkness, as you all know, is quite annoying).‬ This means that, clearly, not having a heart doesn’t mean you’re a corpse. It’s probably more like you going in a coma. Nobodies in Org XIII aren’t walking corpses. They’re just ppl without a soul. (AKA a heart). They’re like, psychopaths? Sam in that one season of Supernatural? you know, just a bunch of ppl that don’t have to deal with pesty issues like guilt or ethics.

(If you’re wondering why Kairi’s catatonic body in KH1 isn’t a Nobody it’s bc Nobodies are dependent on Darkness. Only hearts that have turned to heartless (darkness) create Nobodies, and Nobodies are born with the ability to open dark corridors and control heartless and do whatever they want. Like, they technically have access to both light and dark (and. Void? I guess?) but they’re very obviously leaning more towards the side of darkness. Not that they’re inherently dark creatures, but that they are just yet another life form in KH that owes its existence to Darkness. Kairi, as we all will never forget, has no darkness bothering her and complicating her life. Sora’s the one that had enough darkness and body and soul to spare to create two nobodies out of thin air. What the fuck dude.)

Of course if you played DDD you’d be like “uh, but Xemnas said that Nobodies can grow hearts uhhh” and id be like yeah he did and it makes a lot of sense especially if you had watched/Played Re: Coded and payed attention to the juicy lore bits instead of the main plot like I’ve been saying forever. However unimportant the plot is, Re: Coded’s storyline literally exists to say that anything with a Body and a (what KH calls a) Soul (Like, say, the person made out of data that you’re playing as throughout the game) has the ability to grow a heart and become a person. The entirety of Jiminy’s Journal becomes a world a la Winnie the Pooh, obtaining its own heart. Like, it’s a book and it was made and it’s kind of fake but it developed its own sense of self, and developed a heart. Like, it was literally pointed out to us. Data Sora lives beyond his programming (just like, hey, Tron.) bc he developed a sense of self. A personality. A heart. He even makes his own Keyblade, that’s how much heart he mad. With a lesson like that being thrown at us, why wouldn’t the Organization XIII Nobodies eventually be able to develop their own sense of self? To go beyond what they thought their “original” selves were like, and become able to feel? Not to say they do, mind you. I think a lot of them, or all of them, like Axel in the beginning of Days, were so stuck on what they thought their original self was like that they were just following through the motions and doing what a data program would consider its “programming”. Axel only began to grow a heart once he stopped trying to be Saïx’s friend, and started to go beyond what his memories were telling him he should act like and do what he felt like he needed to act like.

Anyways now at this point you’re probably like, “what does this have to do with Villains in KH always coming back…” and I’m gonna get to that jeez hold on a minute, I just felt like I needed to explain what a heart was for this to be clearer to people. What are the functions of a heart, and what it ultimately serves. I needed to explain this, because losing a Heart does not mean you are dead, losing your Soul does.

The Soul in KH should probably be referred to as Spirit, as I think it reflects the idea better, while keeping basically the same word. (Unfortunately we already have things called Spirits in KH, and they’re adorable darkness creatures, so.) It’s supposed to be the energy that makes something move. It’s the Will to Live. The fact that the soul seems to be synonymous with will is important, bc only people with a “Strong Will”, that become heartless, create Nobodies. The Will in this case is clearly the energy source that provides a body with sustenance. With life. Pinocchio was given a soul by the blue fairy so he could move (the heart, I think, he made himself due to Geppetto's own feelings). The love of children give the toys in Toy Story a will to protect, love, and be played with. Terra’s will was so damn strong, it reanimated his armor. Terra’s Will to live makes his armor move on its own. Look, it’s even called The Lingering Will. What does this mean? That only a body and a heart that has lost its soul, that loses its energy source (its lifestream, I suppose) undeniably dies.

No one, absolutely no one in KH, has lots their soul. Ok, not true, obviously there are some exceptions, particularly regarding the Disney villains, but I’m talking abt the story original characters that Nomura loves to recycle so much. No one has lost it bc pretty much almost no one we fight is ever a complete human being. They’re always missing vital parts of themselves. Ansem the Seeker of Darkness was humanoid Heart walking around. Xemnas and the Organization were a few bodies and souls walking around with maybe a mini heart or two. Vanitas is literally the most incomplete being I can think of. He’s literally half a heart, half a body, and half a soul. The dude is a mess. Master Xehanort… MX is clearly using loopholes and luck to keep himself surviving this long. By now, he’s made a complete and utter mess of Terra, who got literally split into 3 entities for 10 years, while he himself is really only a floating heart and a soul ruining everything. Young Xehanort is a complete being that should probably watch out for decapitation or something, but we can certainly rule out that Riku would kill him because I mean. Y’all have met Riku, right? Also he’s just obviously alive lmao.

The fact that these beings are incomplete is important bc the keyblade, our weapon of choice, is a mysterious artifact that serves very specific functions. It opens and locks anything, specifically the hearts to a world and the pathways that lead to other worlds. It seems to exist to bring balance and stability to… anywhere it’s at, really. It’s a magical item with magical intentions. Now, I’m not gonna sit here and say what I’m about to say as if it’s proven fact that I read in an interview or deduced myself or something, I will admit that my next point is in theoretical territory, but that doesn’t make it any less likely or probable. And that is that the Keyblade can not kill people. That is to say, it can not kill a soul. It can only break apart, or reunite parts of a person, but not destroy them. “Killing” heartless restores them to their original state: a heart, and killing nobodies does the same. Xehanort and Sora stabbed themselves to get their hearts out of their bodies and created heartless and nobodies in the process. It’s like the laws of thermodynamics or something. It seems to me that that is the nature of a keyblade.

So, inclusion, nobody has died in KH. The end. This is unnecessarily long but I get like that sometimes. There is one last point that I have to address but I might do that tomorrow, if anyone gives a shit by then. Good night!

#KH #Kingdom Hearts III #kh3 #kingdom hearts meta analysis #long post #why do i always have something to rant about #all the time #GOD

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survivor-mountmerapi · 3 years

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Ep. 11: “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” - DeNara

Madi

omfg instant tribal -> ginny gone:( it was sad bc she cried and I rly rly like her as a person but she is just too messy to play with raffy out next? lets see if I can finesse that.... also, THE ONE NAME IS GET IN TOUCHY TOPICS IS WHO IS PLAYING MORE THAN YOU THINK?????? sounds like me

DeNara

Oh my goodness, I am glad I had immunity for that tribal. It was pretty clear cut it was going to be Ginny but still sad to see Ginny go. Now that Julia and Ginny are gone, I am excited and nervous to see what is coming next. I have no idea who will be going next. Also, I love that I was voted more trust worthy, but being voted most likely to flip on their alliance is a big oof and puts a big target on me.

Raffy

DeNara, Steven, and I hopped on a call after that emotional tribal council. We've come to the conclusion that a newbie needs to go in this next tribal council or it's going to be a mess. The newbie we have decided on is... Madi. Yes. We do plan to betray one of our closest allies at the moment. She's been playing an excellent game and she needs to be voted out sooner rather than later. Additionally, she is the one we suspect of having the idol. So, this needs to be a complete and utter blindside. For now, the plan is to tell Madi and Gian to target Rachel. Then, we get Elle to vote with us to target Madi. That would make the vote 4-3-1 which would lead to Madi being voted out. This plan has a lot of risk, but i's not Survivor if it isn't risky.

DeNara

Okay so here is how things would go down if I had my way right now (even though I know that is unlikely). I would love to start by flipping on my alliance of 5 and working with Elle, Steven and Raffy to get Madi out and then Gian since they are the biggest newbie threats. After that I would then flip with the girls (and hopefully Steven) to get Raffy out of the game. That would leave Steven, Elle, Rachel, Anastasia, and myself in the game. Since Rachel has a relationship with Anastasia I would take her out next, leaving Steven, Elle, Anastasia, and myself in the game. I would then hopefully go to the end with 2 of those three. I feel like because I get along best with Steven and Elle right now I would like them to be in the final three with me even if I lose. My biggest concern right now is if Raffy is playing me since I got voted "most likely to flip on my alliance". So Raffy is someone I am paying close attention too.

Elle

Im kinda sad to see Ginny go :( But hey! Final 8✨ [I sent this to DeNara and then VL already but it works as a confessional and I only have so many things to say lol]

Well it's nice to know no one on my tribe's rooting for me 😂😂😂 lol my wins in the touchy subjects basically told this story: "she's honest, someone people can really root for, too bad she's never gonna win" which tbh im okay with 😅 my only goal starting this game was to make it to merge and then it was to avenge James so if i make it to F3 just to lose I'll be doing WAY better than i planned 💖 And honestly at least ppl don't think I'm a villain 😅 it's funny that Raffy got villain and I got hero since we're super close in this game (I feel the need to add 'I think' here lol)

Raffy

I want either Elle or myself to win. If Elle wins, that forces Gian and Madi to target Rachel this round which would go perfectly with the plan I've laid out. If I win, I can fully go for this plan without any hesitation. That's why I am going all out for this challenge. I apologize in advance to Jay who will have to go through all the submissions, but I have to do what I gotta do considering I cannot go outside due to a snowstorm.

Rachel

Man, this is such a tough game. The immunity challenge was hard, but i think as long as our majority newbies stick together, we will have control over the vote and who goes home. i'm glad to see elle won though! she is a great competitor. i still love that i got most honest and most likely to lie. i guess it shows how crazy of a game i'm playing socially

Gian

OK, so in order for this Raffy blindside to work PERFECTLY. He can’t catch wind of this plan because he’ll play his safety without power, which is a huge no no. We’ll be able to pull in Elle for this. If that happens, we fear DeNara might be a bad back up bc she’ll have something OR Elle won’t vote with us. So in this scenario of options, Steven is a great back up option. This works to my advantage because that means if for some reason, my alliance tries to retaliate against me, Steven won’t be here for numbers.

Elle

I won immunity again 😅 ugh in hindsight I regret it. I wasn't really thinking gameplay-wise, more just "I have been given a challenge, time to go ham" 🔥🔥🔥 I should've maybe talked to my alliance abt it, though 😭. I might give Raffy my immunity?? idk I'm worried about tonight. 😅I'm just gonna trust Raffy's plan, but I am stressed✨I think I'm realizing for the first time kinda that I'm pretty far in the game and I don't wanna lose now 😂

Anastasia

So I just made an alliance with DeNara and Steven and my newbies alliance is wanting DeNara out. Our main target is Raffy but if Raffy plays an idol we will try to split the vote to DeNara which wouldn't be good for me if DeNara went home. I need the newbies and DeNara to fight so the attention is off of me. So I want her here. Hopefully Raffy will just not have an idol for one second

Raffy

I've confirmed the plan with Elle to take out Madi. The Wild Faes alliance (Elle, Steven, DeNara, and I) are fully down to take out a newbie this round. That newbie will be Madi if all goes well. Madi and Gian seem to believe that the vote will be Rachel tonight. They confirmed it in the alliance chat. Additionally, they told me that Rachel wanted to target Steven this round. I believe that Steven is a bigger shield for me than I am for him. It has always been his name thrown out than mine since merge began. Last night, I confirmed a Final 2 deal with Steven. It is my belief that I do not have a shot if Steven isn't there so they cannot use the excuse of "well, he already won before." We discussed that, ideally, Anastasia would be our third in the Final 3. This is because Anastasia is the biggest goat around while Elle/DeNara could make a really strong case for themselves. Finally, Elle offered to give me her immunity necklace tonight, but I had to decline. If that happened, that would make Madi and Gian shift their gears to Elle which wouldn't work for the plan. Additionally, it would let them know something is up which we do not want.

DeNara

Well....it is going down. Raffy, Steven, Elle and I are targeting Madi and Madi, Gian, Rachel and Anastasia are targeting Raffy. It could potentially be a show down tonight. I don't think I will flip though, I think it would be bad for my game. I need to get some newbies out before I flip on Raffy.

Madi

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VhQNVbLwBcJlyYbIElS9iQ_ZW99uWw76/view?usp=drivesdk

Raffy

Elle told me earlier that Madi had came to her with a plan to vote me out this round. Elle declined it with a little aid from me, and Madi seemed to have backed off. It seems like the smart play to get rid of her now. I am just going to continue acting dumb to them and keep preaching Rachel. Hopefully, with Elle's rejection, Madi will decide to not go for me this round and bide her time a little longer.

Steven

https://youtu.be/ZjewoAwraOM

DeNara

I am getting nervous for tribal tonight. I hope we don't go to rocks, that would suck a lot. Rachel is saying she wants to vote for Steven, so idk if I should play into that or just flat out turn it down. I don't want Madi to get suspicious of us turning on her and Gian.

DeNara

What the heck!?!?!? It is an hour before tribal and we are stressed af. Anastasia wanted to get Raffy out and I had to convince her not to vote that way and to vote for Rachel.

Raffy

This tribal has just became a giant mess. So, Gian and Madi were fully comfortable trying to 4-4 tie it between me and someone else. Meanwhile, DeNara got tea from Anastasia and has "exposed" Gian/Madi to her. Now, Anastasia wants to flip and vote out Rachel. But, the Faes alliance has decided not to tell Anastasia the actual vote is Madi. And I want to use my SWP because now is the time to use it since Anastasia confirmed it's between me or DeNara for the newbies so Steven would be safe in that scenario. So, if everything works out, it should be a 3-3-1 vote with me not voting between Madi, DeNara, and Rachel. In that case, we get Anastasia to vote for Madi under the pretense that we just couldn't trust her yet but now we do. Apparently, Madi doesn't like DeNara and Gian doesn't like one of Steven or I. That's kind of sad cause I like them, but whatever. And if DeNara does end up the vote because Madi uses an idol, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because Anastasia says she wants to flip so in the process of all this I gain a number and have a 4-3 majority next round guaranteed. Wish me luck y'all

DeNara

oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!!!!!!! Raffy is using his safety without power tonight so that means that Madi, Rachel and Gian are going to write my name and Elle, Steven and I are going to vote for Madi. Which leaves Anastasia as the swing vote to vote off either myself or Madi. I don't know if I have a close enough relationship with Anastasia for her to vote Madi. So I may be going home tonight!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

My only hope is to come clean to Anastasia about the plan and pray she votes for Madi instead of me. It may be my funeral tonight :'(

Elle

OKAY. So we think Anastasia is going to vote Rachel with us except we're not going to vote Rachel we're going to vote Madi and I'm going to give Raffy my immunity necklace so that at worst its a tie and then we use Raf's bargaining chip to Rach or anastasia before we go to rocks. Cool writing this JUST before tribal

DeNara

I may have screwed myself over tonight. I told Anastasia we were voting Madi so if she told Madi then I could be going home and it would be my own fault.

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tmabutlesbian · 3 years

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this is a kinda personal post and I’ll be talking about my own mental health but because of covid i cant see my friends, we all know we talk better to each other when in person, we’re all kinda waiting to spill the tea and dump everything on each other when we next meet, so. I need a place to. Place. My thoughts?? To vent. I’m gonna vent so. This is your warning.

(VERY LONG POST ahead so. Yeah.)

Some time ago, I asked a blog that I won’t tag cause. I feel like, i have to be on my best behavior around this person? But um, basically I asked them about like, adhd and stuff and they decided not to answer (which very much fair, mistake on my part truly) but! They did help me get like a little help to talk about it, because I’ve been learning more n more abt neurodivergency and I just felt like every adhd post just hit way too close to home too regularly to be normal so! I got help and then... because of other very useful developments with my family, I got to see a therapist!!

And i love her to bits!! She’s so fun, sometimes a bit too energetic for me but she’s very cool! Our first session isn’t very useful for this post so let’s skip over to session 2. I wanted to go to therapy for my possible adhd, right? And i told her that and she told me that she has been diagnosed with adhd! Which is so nice!! I was afraid of not being able to explain it? Mind you, our country doesn’t have english as the primary language so i was afraid she wouldnt know about it or something. But she did ofc.

So then we started talking, I tolde her some stuff, she did the same, and her symptoms were very ‘severe’ (i guess its the word? we used that word so im gonna use it). Like stiches and getting hurt all the time and bruises and. I dont have that. She told me it doesnt change anything, adhd is a spectrum so its gonna be different for everyone. So anyways, she ends up saying she can see some things that could be adhd, but she needs more stuff, so she gives me a task of writing down stuff that i think may be weird stuff that i do that may be adhd or smth else.

And. I did it? But it was HARD like so hard to do it, cause so many things repeated themselves (like everyday), i would be like ‘oh ill remenber afterwards!’ and then i wouldnt so it was a mess. Combine that and im inability to fucking explain myslef and youve got a big load of shit.

But i did have some stuff there that i thought could be smth so. I just went with it, was honest with her, and in our session 3 we got to reading my stuff.

And it was. Very unhelpful? Just, useless i guess for a ton of reasons. Like, every single one or the majority of things that others talked about and said they were symptoms or things that ppl with adhd do/have or just other stuff really, she kept debunking them? And lots of shit was said and i get very weird thinking abt it so basically...

She told me that I’m probably not adhd, just hyperactive. And very tense, thats why my chest hurts all the time n stuff. I run around a lot, i move a lot, so im hyperactive. She told me that if i do have adhd, then its so... light? That it doens’t even affect me much and i can just live my life normally with it (we’re still working to see if my chest pains r rly tenseness or smth else but yh).

And it’s. Weird. Because i dont wanna have adhd, if i can help it i prefer to live with any disorders/illnesses/whatever. But i guess i just felt very lost? I kinda just, didnt wanna read anyhting i had anymore because, what was the point? Everything boiled down to me being: hyperactive, tense, and weird. And that’s it. Idk why i feel so bummed out for, what, not having adhd???? like??? thats great! I just feel so lost and confused. Everytime i see a post abt adhd and i relate im like ‘do i rly relate to it? this person suffers everyday with adhd, you probably dont even have it, why are you relating to this person if you can live normally, only with some weird quirks here n there?’. Idk. Its so weird, weirdly discouraging.

I just think that a lot of what i read abt these things i dont rly get!! What if what i thought i related to is nothing like that at all? What if im misreading everyhting?? Do i even relate to this really? Do i truly feel like this, and this, and this???? I’ll read smth and ill get what that person is saying but, like!!! For example: breakdowns, mental breakdowns. I understand what they are. But do i really?? Have i had them before?? Wouldnt i know?? How does it feel like?? And its not like i can just ask these questions like these because theyre so personal!!! I dont understand all the medical stuff, fuck!!

Another thing is that, apparently, i already have ways to help myself?? Like me jumping around and running around my house helps my tenseness (i dont think so but we shall see), which in turn means im helping my hyperactiveness??? I dont understand. If im already helping myself, if im already so good at managing this shit, if im so. ‘stable’. Why do i feel like smths wrong with me?? Just not right. i dont fucking know. I dont know anyhting i feel like, it stresses me out so much.

What if ive been bothering these ppl with my questions when there wasnt anyhting to worry about?? I feel so stupid. Talked to my friends abt if ffs. Fuck.

This genuinely makes me so upset and i cant rly breathe right, right now? my chest’s feeling tight again so i dont fucking now. Im bitter abt it which is so stupid too. She’s helping me ffs. Fuck.

I dont knwo what to do with this post but ill keep it up. I dont care about reblogs, do it dont it, its same shit just dont be a dick in the tags/comments. This is upsetting to me, but im hoping somebody may know. smth??? idk. Im just lost rn.

#tmalesbeen talks #personal #ok to reblog #dont know how i feel abt this yet i just. dont wanna bother anyone with this shit if im not even like. part of the community yknow?#makes me feel like a fucking asshole #its not like 'oh i dont wanna be a normie cause i guess mental disorders r cool n fun' or some dumb shit like that #i just dont feel very. right most of the time. not wrong per say but not right either.#idk idk idk

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