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maximoffcarter · 5 hours

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Is it over?

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Summary: Set on 6x18: Lauren. If the team noticed Emily acting weird, they didn’t say anything about it. For the last two weeks, Emily had been acting strange, kind of off which was weird about Emily. Reader was the lucky person who could say that she knew Emily more than anyone else in the team, but this time...she was not sure about it anymore.

A/n: So...just like when I asked when I posted my first Calex fic; is my blog gonna turn into Marvel, SVU and Criminal Minds? Maybe so🫢 I'm obsessed with criminal minds right now (yes, a bit late, I've seen some of it before but I've always been an svu girly) and I am deeply in love with Emily (not new that I found Paget Brewster gorgeous😮‍💨). Anywayyyy, first Emily fic✨ Yes…I’ll be taking requests🫢 I dunno if some things are accurate or not so bear with me but hope you enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

If the team noticed Emily acting weird, they didn’t say anything about it. For the last two weeks, Emily had been acting strange, kind of off which was weird about Emily. Every once in a while, she’d crack a joke or even make fun of Morgan or Reid or anyone on the team, but nothing had been done. The cases they’ve had had been a bit of a pain, which could possibly be the reason why Emily had been acting so weird. Garcia was the first one to really say something to Emily, she had been teasing and trying to get information in case she had a secret boyfriend for the times she had been late to work, but Emily had stopped her from keep going and they just forgot about it for that moment. Reid then had asked her if she was okay and Emily had said that she was, even if she had started picking on her nails again and it was something that Reid had noticed she did when she was stressed, but again, Emily brushed it off.

The only person who could truly see Emily off work was Agent Y/n Carter, the one person that was the closest to Emily, who had always been there with Emily and for Emily, the one person that could really say that she knew more about Emily than anyone in the BAU. What they didn’t know is that y/n was not only the closest person to Emily in a friendly way, but they had been dating for the last year. No, it’s not that they didn’t trust the team, they loved them, they would do anything for them, but if they said anything about their relationship, which meant that there was a chance that they could be used against each other in case they got threatened or were hostages -which of course they hoped it never happened-. But they still wanted to keep the secret to themselves for as long as possible, and either way, they were able to enjoy it and have a relationship for them and only them.

“Hey, P! Leaving now, you need a ride?” Y/n walked to Penelope’s room and offered a smile.

“Ah, no sweet cheeks. Car is fixed, I’m driving myself now.” Penelope smiled as she grabbed her things.

Y/n nodded. “See you tomorrow then.” She was about to leave before she was stopped by Penelope’s voice.

“Hey honey?” Penelope asked softly.

Y/n turned to look at her and smiled. “Yeah?”

“Have you uh…have you talked to Emily?”

Y/n furrowed her brows as she stared at Penelope. “Uh…I mean…she was mostly with Morgan in the case so…not really. Why? Something wrong?” She tilted her head as she walked back to Penelope.

“I just…I’ve noticed that she’s been acting a bit odd.” Penelope shrugged. “I even asked her if she was preggo.” She chuckled.

Y/n chuckled softly as she shook her head. “Do we even know if she’s got a boyfriend?”

“Well, she brushed it off when I mentioned it, but…you know…she’s been late these past few days and that’s not common of her.”

Y/n nodded softly and offered a smile. “I’ll try to talk to her tomorrow when I see her. But I’m sure she’s okay, P. Just…maybe stressed.”

Penelope nodded and smiled. “She trusts you more than she trusts anyone here, honey. I’m sure she’ll let you know if somethings going on.”

“I know.” Y/n smiled. “Night love.”

“Goodnight pretty girl!”

Y/n walked to the elevator and sighed softly as the doors closed. They had been busy with the last few cases that she hadn’t really paid any attention to Emily’s attitude or behaviour, which now that she thought about it, was really wrong of her, and she felt bad about it. As she got in her car, she decided to make a few stops before she stopped by Emily’s apartment. The whole ride, she thought of what exactly she was going to tell Emily, because she knew better than to get to her and be all like ‘oh you’ve been acting weird so I thought I could come and figure out what’s wrong with you’. As much as Emily loved y/n, Emily was not exactly an open book. She finally got to Emily’s apartment and decided it was better to use her key instead of knocking on the door. She walked inside the apartment and was greeted by Sergio, she closed the door softly and as she turned, she found Emily walking out of her room with her gun in hand.

“Woah, Em! It’s me!” Y/n raised her hands as she looked at Emily.

Emily sighed heavily as she put her fun on the back of her jeans and walked to y/n. “What are you doing here?”

Y/n cleared her throat. “Uh…” she looked down at her hands and had a bag of desserts and in the other hand, she had flowers. “I uh…well…I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself, I thought you were tired and exhausted, so I decided to…bring something.” She offered a shy smile as she looked at Emily.

Emily’s heart warmed as she stared at y/n, smiling softly as she walked to her, grabbing the flowers, and smelling them. “They smell wonderful.” She looked up at y/n and smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” Y/n leaned in and pecked her lips softly. “I also brought your favorite.” She smiled.

Emily chuckled softly as she nodded. “Thank you.” She walked to the kitchen and took a deep breath. She grabbed a vase to put the flowers in and filled it with water. She hated that she had to tell y/n that she couldn’t stay, all she wanted was to be held and to have y/n with her, but she couldn’t put her at risk.

The thing was her nemesis was in the city. Just a few hours ago, she had met with the person she never thought she’d ever see again, the person that she had left in her past and that had been nothing but another case for her. Ian Doyle was looking for her, and she had now put everyone at risk, and the last thing she needed, was for Ian to find out that y/n was more than just a friend and a colleague, he had no idea about her, he thought that the most important thing for Emily was her life, and the team was her family, so in a way, y/n was still very much at risk, but at least he had no idea that she was more than just a friend.

Emily walked back to the dining room and smiled at y/n. “I’m sorry…I hate to do this but I just…” she sighed. “I think I’m getting that flu that Garcia’s been talking about.” She huffed a chuckle as she stared at y/n.

Y/n tilted her head as she pouted. “So you want me to go?”

Emily smiled sadly. “I’m afraid you’ll catch it, and it’ll be a fun thing to explain to the rest of the team why we both have it.” She grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and nodded. “I guess you’re right.” She sighed as she stared at Emily, walking to her. “Em…are you okay?”

“I am.” Emily smiled.

Y/n squinted her eyes and raised her brow. “You’re not getting tired of me, are you?”

Emily felt her heart sinking as she stared at her girlfriend. She smiled softly and walked to her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, and resting her forehead against hers. “I love you too much to do that.” She whispered softly as she smiled.

Y/n smiled widely as she wrapped her arms around her waist. “I love you too.” She furrowed her brows. “You’re really getting sick, Prentiss. You’d have joked about it.”

Emily shrugged. “I also like to tell you that I love you, because I really do.” She smiled softly, leaning in, and kissing her lips softly.

Y/n smiled against her lips and held her as close as possible. “Thought you didn’t want to give me the flu.” She whispered against her lips once they pulled away.

“A kiss won’t hurt.” Emily chuckled softly as she looked at y/n. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Y/n nodded. “Sure will.” She smiled. “Save me my dessert, I’ll come eat it when you feel better.” She grinned as she walked to the door, she petted Sergio before she finally left.

Emily sighed again and felt her eyes getting watery. She hated that she had to do this, she hated that she was pushing the one person she trusted with her whole heart…but again…that sounded pretty hypocrite since y/n had no idea about her past with Ian Doyle. No one could know. She preferred to lie about it than put them more at risk.

********************

Y/n stretched as she got up from bed and yawned. After the exhausting days that they’ve had at the BAU, she had returned home and gotten herself in bed, trying to get herself to get some rest before whatever event was going to happen the next day. But right at two am, there had been a knock on her door, which woke her from her beauty sleep. She walked to the door and looked into the small hole, furrowing her brows as she noticed Emily standing right in front of the door. She opened the door and smiled sleepily.

“You lost your key again?” Y/n raised her brows as she stared at Emily.

Emily smiled softly. “I forgot it at home.”

Y/n nodded. “And you forgot your keys too?”

“I just wanted to see you.” Emily said softly.

Y/n furrowed her brows but said nothing, grabbing Emily’s hand and pulling her inside the apartment, closing the door behind her. “What’s going on, Em?” She said softly.

Emily took a deep breath as she shook her head. “I’ve just been having a hard time sleeping.”

“Then stay here with me.”

“I can’t.” Emily sighed softly. “Sergio…he’s been a pain in the ass. He hates that I leave him alone.”

Y/n grinned softly. “I’m gonna start to be jealous of him, getting all your attention.”

Emily rolled her eyes playfully. She then cupped y/n’s face in her hands, bringing their lips into a sweet and tender kiss. Emily could feel her eyes getting teary, but she stayed close to y/n and kept kissing her softly. Y/n wrapped her arms around Emily, her hands going up and down her back, her fingertips delicately touching her as she kissed Emily back. Even if Emily had this tough, bad girl persona, everyone knew that Emily had a soft spot because she was also a complete nerd, and y/n was lucky enough to say that she was able to experience it. They both pulled away slowly, resting their foreheads against each other’s, smiling softly.

“You know I love you, right?” Emily said softly, smiling at y/n.

“I know.” Y/n pulled away to look into her beautiful brown eyes as she nodded. “And I love you. A lot.” She whispered softly as she kissed her nose softly.

Emily smiled as she ran her fingers through her hair. “This whole stress will end soon.”

Y/n furrowed her brows slightly but nodded. “It will. Maybe you should consider what Rossi said about taking a vacation.” She grinned softly.

Emily chuckled softly as she nodded. “Go somewhere far away from here, no cellphones or technology…just us.”

“Well, he meant only for you.” Y/n teased.

“But I’d take you with me.” Emily smiled lovingly as her other hand stroked her cheek. “I want you with me.”

“And I’ll always be here, Em.” Y/n smiled as she leaned in to kiss her lips again. “Always.”

Emily nodded softly as she kissed her lips again, smiling sadly. “Hey uh…” she reached on her pocket and smiled softly down at her hands. “I got you something.” She looked back at y/n.

Y/n furrowed her brows and tried to look at what Emily had in her hands. “What is it?” She grinned softly.

Emily smiled softly and then opened her hand to show y/n what she had in hands, raising her brow softly. “You always mention you like it.”

Y/n’s lips parted and soon after turned into a smile, looking back up at Emily. “Em…you…you wear this necklace more than anything.”

Emily chuckled softly as she grabbed the heraldic rose pendant and moved behind y/n. She moved y/n’s hair to the side and placed the necklace delicately. “You always mentioned how you liked it…loved it, actually. And I thought maybe you should have it.” She smiled softly as she leaned down to kiss her shoulder. “It’ll look better on you anyway.” She then moved back to face y/n.

Y/n looked down at it and smiled softly. “I do love it.” She looked back at Emily as she held it. “Em-“

“Consider it an early birthday gift.” Emily grinned.

“Still two months to go, though.” Y/n raised her brow as she grinned.

“I like spoiling you, and you know it.” Emily smiled as she wrapped her arms around her and kissed her lips softly. “I gotta go, it’s late.” She whispered softly as she stared at her.

“And Sergio is gonna kill you.” Y/n grinned playfully.

Emily chuckled as she nodded. “Yes.” She looked into y/n’s eyes and smiled, leaning in to kiss her forehead softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” Y/n smiled.

Y/n stared at her until Emily closed the door and then she was gone, her hands still in the necklace. She sighed softly as she locked the door, her mind spinning as thoughts started to cloud her whole mind. There was something going on, but y/n couldn’t figure out what it was. Emily was definitely not herself, but if she pushed, Emily would only brush it off and she’d say nothing was going on, but the more she focused on Emily, the more worried she was about her. But she was right, this would soon end, and they would be able to go back to their lives.

********************

The whole time they were at the BAU, y/n kept an eye on Emily, trying to focus on what Hotch and the rest of the team was saying about this whole case, but she couldn’t help but see every move that Emily made. She was quieter than usual, which was not normal of her, she always had so much to say about the cases, y/n always found Emily being the best profiler in the team, of course they had their own thing, and she didn’t just think about it because she was her girlfriend, but she truly admired Emily so much, it surprised her when Emily gave her attention and actually wanted to be with her, even with the slight age difference, Emily still had her eyes on y/n. So yes, y/n knew Emily better than anyone in that room, but lately, it seemed like what she knew meant nothing.

Once Emily and Derek were back, y/n couldn’t help but keep her eyes on Emily, but this time, her full attention was on her. Every reaction, every movement, every facial expression, she was trying to get anything she could. As they continued to talk about the case, y/n noticed the way Emily became more tense about it and the way she kept fidgeting with her hands. Before anything else could happen, once the team was a bit more distracted, y/n pulled Emily with her and pulled them inside the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

“What are you doing?” Emily asked, brows furrowed as she stared at y/n.

Y/n crossed her arms as she looked at Emily. “What is going on, Emily?”

Emily shook her head. “I don’t-“

“You do know.” Y/n said, trying not to sound upset or worried. “Emily, I can see the way you’re acting. You never get to work late, even when we have spent the night together. You have barely eaten anything, you’ve barely been sleeping, I can notice. You haven’t been yourself, Em.”

“Baby…I don’t really wanna talk about it.” Emily rubbed her hand on her face as she looked down at the floor.

Y/n shook her head. “I know you don’t. But Emily…you’re not okay. I can tell. I’m here, why won’t you talk to me?” She walked close to Emily and placed her hands on her shoulders, sliding them down to grab her hands. “Please. I’m worried about you, Em.” She whispered softly.

Emily shook her head. “I just…” she sighed as she looked back at y/n. “…I’ve been having these nightmares, I’m exhausted. I want this to end. I need it to end.” She felt her eyes getting teary as her hands landed on y/n’s cheeks, stroking them softly. “I’ll be okay.”

Y/n shook her head as she sighed, wrapping her arms around Emily’s waist. “I’ll stop pushing…but Em, seriously…I’m here.” She looked into her eyes as she smiled. “Come to me. Talk to me.” She whispered softly.

Emily nodded as she leaned down to kiss her lips. “I love you.” She whispered softly against her lips.

Y/n smiled softly. “I love you too.” She kissed her nose softly and then her lips again.

Emily sighed as she pulled away and smiled softly. “We should get back.”

Y/n only nodded and then walked out of the bathroom with Emily, making sure that no one had seen them. As they went back with the rest, y/n still had her attention on Emily but said nothing more. As for Emily, she knew that sooner or later, y/n would figure out what was going on, the whole team would figure it out and there was nothing that would stop them, so she had to act fast. Things were only getting worse, more people were dying, and it was on Emily, and the thought of it was eating her alive. If she didn’t do anything now, he’d soon get to all of them. He’d get to y/n.

********************

Y/n furrowed her brows as she walked around the halls, looking around. After they had mentioned the profile of Ian Doyle, they had gathered around to make a plan and see where they could go next and that’s when she noticed that Emily was nowhere to be found. She saw her once she arrived back with Morgan, she had a worried look, her face had entirely changed and y/n was sure this had something to do with this whole thing, but if she pushed, she knew that she wouldn’t get anything anyway. Once Hotch dismissed everyone, that’s when she noticed she was gone. What was she doing?

“Guys, I cannot find Emily anywhere.” Y/n walked to them and stared at all of them. “What?”

Rossi sighed. “We believe Emily is involved with this case.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “What?” She shook her head. “No…she would’ve said something. What do you mean involved?”

“Years ago, she was undercover. Weeks ago, she mentioned a name, Lauren Reynolds. Saying she was gone. I believe that was her undercover name.”

Y/n felt dizzy for a moment as she stared at them, not sure what was going on. Emily would’ve told her the truth, as much as she had wanted to protect them, she wouldn’t have lied to her. But she did…that’s why she had been acting weird, she had been pushing her away, she didn’t even let her stay at her apartment. That visit at two a.m., the necklace, Emily repeatedly telling her that she loved her…Emily was hiding it so y/n wouldn’t find out. Emily was a hopeless romantic, that was not a secret, but the way she had been acting, the way she had spoken to y/n…it all made sense now. She was trying to protect her, Ian was after them, and Emily was going to deal with this alone.

It was like her body was acting on its own once they moved to review the information JJ had. She didn’t even know when JJ had arrived, but she was there, she was there to help with the case. Y/n only sat there and tried to focus on everything about which they were talking. Emily had been undercover…she had been one of Ian’s lovers…his lover. She had been involved with him and she was one of the reasons he had ended up behind bars. She had never actually asked much about Emily’s past jobs, Emily always told her about her life, she knew the nerd she was, the silly movies she loved to watch, the books she read, she knew her routine in the morning and at night, what annoyed her and what she liked. She knew Emily. Right? She knew her, she just…didn’t know this part. Emily trusted her. Or maybe not.

“Carter…did you know about this?” Derek snapped as he looked back at y/n, making her snap out of her trance.

Y/n furrowed her brows as she stared at him. “W-What?”

“You’re the closest to Emily. You spend more time with her than with any of us. Did she tell you any of this?” Derek stood up and kept his eyes fixated on y/n.

“Derek…no. I had no idea…I-“

“Please.” Derek scoffed. “You always say it, you know more about Emily than any of us. Why should I believe that you didn’t know any of this?”

“Morgan.” Hotch warned as he stared at him.

“No!” Derek looked at everyone and then went back to y/n. “You and Emily have been hiding this from us for days. She’s now on the run and we have no idea where she could be. So enlighten us, Carter. Tell us where she is so this ends now.”

Y/n stood up from her seat, feeling anger growing in the pit of her stomach. “I have no idea…where she is, Morgan.” She felt her eyes getting teary as she stared at him. “I didn’t know anything about this. She never told me. Trust me, I’m not stupid. If I knew where she was, I wouldn’t be sitting here listening to your crap. I wouldn’t have let her leave. You were the last one with her, what did she tell you?”

“She said nothing. Because she doesn’t trust us. Apparently, you included.” Derek snapped.

“That’s enough.” Rossi said as he stared at both of them.

“Why should I believe you? Why should I believe that you’re not covering for Emily? You’re best friends. You two are literally glued to each other, and you want me to believe that you’re not hiding anything from us? Emily put you up to this, but this has to end now, Carter!” Derek yelled as he walked to Carter. “You’re the person she trusted the most, huh? If she’s your best friend, then you’ll tell us whe-“

“She was more than my best friend! I love her!” Y/n snapped as tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at Derek. She sobbed softly as she took a step back, feeling everyone’s eyes on her. She looked down at the floor as she shook her head. “We’ve…we’ve been dating for a whole year…we didn’t say anything because…we didn’t want anyone to use us against each other in case something went south on a case.” She said between sobs. “She didn’t tell me anything, Morgan.” She looked back up at him. “You’re right. Maybe she didn’t trust me. Maybe she just wanted to protect me. I don’t even know what to think. I don’t know what’s going on. So please…back off, and let’s focus on finding Emily.”

Everyone in the room said nothing more about the subject, Rossi and Morgan decided to go to Emily’s apartment and y/n went over her bag and handed them the key, staring at Morgan as she did and then leaving the room. She could’ve offered to go with them, she could’ve said that she would be the one going, but she knew that if she did, she wouldn’t want to leave, and she was now a bit afraid of what she might find there. She wasn’t upset…she wasn’t mad…at least not at the moment, she was just…confused.

********************

Y/n felt like she was numb at that point, only focusing on what they had to say about the case and following them around, barely saying anything. She was hoping that she’d wake up from this nightmare, that maybe, just maybe, everything was in her head, that she was actually asleep, and this would end soon. For a moment, she tried to go and clear her mind for a bit, deciding that Penelope could help at least a little bit, but as she walked to her office, she heard her talking and then she figured out what she was doing. She tried to swallow back her tears as she walked to her, offering a small as she turned on her chair.

“Hey, sweet girl.” Penelope said softly as she offered a small smile.

“Hi.” Y/n smiled softly and crossed her arms. “So…we figured out if Emily had a boyfriend, huh?” She chuckled softly.

Penelope nodded as she smiled. “I always thought you guys looked cute. I’m happy you’re actually a couple.”

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “Any luck with the phone numbers?”

Penelope shook her head. “No…I’ve left a message in all of them.”

Y/n nodded as she sighed. “Do you think I could uh…could you…give me at least one to try it out?”

Penelope smiled as she turned her chair and wrote down one of the phone numbers, and then turned to look at y/n, handing her the post it. “I just tried this one, is the last one I found.”

Y/n grabbed it and stared at it for a moment, smiling softly as she looked back at Penelope. “Thanks, P.” She nodded before she left.

Y/n looked around the hallway and noticed no one was there, so she for her phone out and dialed the number. She bit her lip softly as she waited, part of her hoping that she’d answer and the other part just waiting to be sent to voicemail. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she heard the voicemail tone. “Hey Em…it’s me, y/n. Uh…Penelope gave me this number, we’re not even sure if you have it anymore or not…” she huffed a chuckle. “…I don’t even know what to say. I just want you to know that…I love you. I won’t ever stop doing that.” She sniffled, biting her lip softly as she tried to swallow back her sobs. “Just come back, Emily…please. We can fix this together. I just need you back with me.” She let out sobs as she looked shook her head. “Come back to me.” She sighed as she ended the voicemail and closed her phone, putting it back in her pocket.

Emily sighed as she closed her eyes for a moment. She was exhausted, she was tired, she wanted this whole thing to end, and the worst thing about this, was that she had no idea how this would end. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she felt helpless but she knew she had a reason and purpose, she needed to put an end to this; he wasn’t going to win, not as long as Emily could stop him. She looked down at her phone and furrowed her brows as she noticed two voicemails. Her heart stopped for a second as she heard Penelope’s voice, her eyes getting teary. She hated so much that she was doing this to them, she knew maybe they’d hate her, but she was doing this for them.

She opened the last voicemail and she felt her heart sank, for a moment, her whole world had stopped. It was y/n. She was sure Penelope had given her the phone number. She closed her eyes as she felt l tears rolling down her cheeks. She never meant to hurt y/n like this, she never wanted to lie to her, she never meant to hide this from them, but she thought she’d be able to live with it and that nothing would ever happen, he’d stay in jail forever and no one in her life would know about it. But she was wrong. And she hated it. She wanted to drive back to her lover, hold her and kiss her, but she had to protect her, she had to protect her family.

“I love you…I’m sorry.” Emily whispered softly before she turned off her phone and took a deep breath.

********************

The whole ride to the Warehouse, y/n tried to keep her head clear, thinking that they would be able to find Emily and that this whole thing would finally end, that she’d be able to bring her home and both of them would work on this together. For a moment, as she heard more and more about Emily’s undercover and Ian, she felt herself getting angry at the whole situation. It was clear everyone was upset at the thought of Emily getting involved with someone like him, and she was not gonna lie, it upset her too, but then all she could think about was Emily; was she okay? Was she safe? Y/n knew Emily was a fighter, she could protect herself, but what if Ian had hurt her badly? She couldn’t help the negative thoughts that filled her mind. She grabbed onto her necklace and kissed it, trying to swallow back her tears. She flinched a bit as she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to look at Derek, who offered a small smile.

Y/n decided she’d go in with Derek, she followed them around and her heart started racing as she walked through the warehouse. For a moment, she tried to think that this was just another victim, she wanted to try to concentrate the best she could and not lose her posture. She could almost hear Strauss yelling at her for getting involved even though she knew she should’ve stayed behind. When the lights went out, she felt like she was in a nightmare, following Derek as she kept looking around us, making sure to not miss any door or room. At some point, Derek told y/n to go first to have her back, and just as she walked into the very end of the warehouse, her heart dropped at the sight of Emily on the floor…bleeding.

“Emily!” Y/n dropped to her knees and placed her gun on the floor. “Derek, call an ambulance!” She placed her hand on Emily’s and looked at her, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Emily? Em…please answer me. I’m here.” She said almost in a whisper.

Emily opened her eyes weakly and stared back at y/n. “Y/n?” She whispered weakly.

Y/n nodded and smiled through her tears. “Yes. It’s me. I’m here.” She placed her hand on Emily’s cheek, stroking it softly. “C’mon, baby. I need you to stay with me, help is coming.”

Emily’s breathing was weak, she tried to keep her eyes opened to look at her lover, but it was becoming harder. “Love…I’m…msorry.”

“Help! Please!” Y/n turned to look at Derek with tears in her eyes and then went back to Emily. “No, Em. I know why you did this. I love you, okay? I’m not mad, I’m not upset. I’m here. Just please, please stay with me. I need you, my love. Please.” She cried out as she leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Please, Em…”

“I…love you.” Emily breathed out and closed her eyes.

“Emily! Please! Hurry up!” Y/n looked down at her and sobbed. “Emily!”

The time stopped as y/n kept yelling Emily’s name, and as she felt Derek’s hands on her trying to pull her back, y/n kept yelling and trying to get away from Derek. The paramedics arrived and were all over Emily, y/n could only feel Derek’s arms wrapped around her trying to stop her from moving, and y/n could not do anything else than let herself cry and scream in Derek’s arms. This was not happening. This was not supposed to happen. At some point she felt Derek picking her up and helping her walk so they could follow the ambulance, y/n was sobbing uncontrollably so they didn’t let her go in the ambulance with her.

The whole way to the hospital seemed like a movie, y/n felt like she was not there, she was just numb, and she had gone completely quiet. She could feel JJ and Derek holding her, but she only sat there, her eyes glued to the ambulance in front of them. And then, as if she had transported, she was in the visitors lounge with the whole team. She didn’t know when or how they had all arrived there, even Penelope. She had sat down alone, only staring down at her hands as she fidgeted with her fingers. She thought that she had ran out of tears because none were coming out of her eyes, she could feel her head throbbing, her eyes were swollen and her whole body was trembling. If this is a nightmare, just wake up. Wake up now. She kept repeating in her head over and over again. In the corner of her eye, she saw a figure moving, making her turn her face to find JJ and she stood up rapidly to walk to JJ.

“JJ?” Y/n asked in a whisper as she walked to her. She furrowed her brows when she didn’t say anything. “JJ…say something.” She made a pause and shook her head as there was still silence coming from JJ.

“No…” Penelope whispered softly, her voice breaking.

“Say something!” Y/n’s bottom lip trembled as she sobbed quietly. “Please…”

“She never made it off the table.” JJ said softly, but rapidly, as if she had pushed herself from saying those words.

Y/n felt her like time stopped once again as JJ’s words kept replying in her mind. She could hear Penelope and Spencer crying, she could hear them in the background, but all she could do was sit back down, just staring into nothing as her mind processed JJ’s words. She felt someone touching her shoulder, but she couldn’t make up the words that were coming out of their mouth, her mind had shut down entirely and her body couldn’t react. At some point she felt something wet on her face and she processed in her mind that she was crying and then her mind registered where she was. She looked up and found Penelope by her side, wrapping her arms around her and that’s when she felt her whole body giving up and she started sobbing again, screaming loudly as Penelope tightened her grip on her. She was living in the nightmare.

********************

“I really wish you would’ve told me, Em…I could’ve probably helped you.” Y/n whispered softly, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I miss you terribly.” She sobbed quietly.

“Y/n?” Derek asked softly as she stood beside her.

Y/n cleared her throat as she smiled sadly. “She gave me her necklace. The day before, she came to my apartment at two a.m. I guess she thought that…maybe if she went that late, maybe they wouldn’t be watching her or something.” She shrugged softly as she looked down at the grave. “She seemed so…worried but she was reassuring me that she was okay.” She huffed a chuckle. “I knew she was not, but I didn’t push. I let her have control. She kissed me and left.” She shook her head as more tears rolled down her cheeks. “I should’ve pushed.”

“We know she wouldn’t have told you anything anyway.” Derek sighed. “She wanted to protect us. Protect you.”

Y/n nodded. “I hate her for that.” She shook her head. “I should be upset that she didn’t tell me anything, that she got involved with him.” She sighed. “But I’m upset that she let this happen and I couldn’t be there to save her.”

Derek nodded. “We did what we could.”

Y/n looked up at Derek as she cried. “Did we?” She cried out.

Derek stared at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him and kissing her forehead softly. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you.”

“I forgive you.” Y/n whispered softly as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry too.”

Derek shook his head. “We’re good, princess. And I’m here.”

Y/n nodded. “I know. I’m here too.” She sighed as she let more tears roll down her cheeks.

“So…wanna tell me how it all began?” Derek grinned as he looked down at y/n.

Y/n huffed a chuckle as she wiped her tears. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I do too.”

Y/n turned to look at Penelope and smiled softly. “You’re still here.”

Penelope smiled through her tears. “I didn’t want to leave you, sweet cheeks.”

Y/n smiled as she extended her hand for Penelope to take it. She then looked back at the grave and smiled. “I think Emily would love for me to tell you guys about how it all started.” She nodded softly as she knelt down and sat on the grass, followed by Penelope and Derek.

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