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urdepressedslut · 10 months

Note

Hello lovely,

I saw your post that your requests are open, so I will give it a try =)

Imagine Bucky and reader are best friends but they have a huge argument and now they don't talk to each other for days. She's feeling really bad, missing him. He is her most important person and now without interacting with him for days, she's feeling lost and lonely and heartbroken. Maybe she has not a super power and is only a normal human, helping the Avengers with IT or something. Due to the argument with her best friend and not talking to Bucky (Bucky ignores her completely) she begins to feel it not only mental but also physically. She can't eat probably and at the end falls deathly sick.... With a fluffy happy ending and a worried and protective Bucky

Please. That would be nice.

Take care honey

oh my goodness— my heart 😭❤️ the angst is gonna hurt, but i’m such a sucker for it. i had so much fun writing this one, thank you for requesting and i hope you like it🥰

Love Hurts

♡ Pairing: Beefy!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: You and Bucky get into a heated argument, things are said and done and now he won’t speak to you. You don’t think you can handle him ignoring your existence.

♡ Warnings: language, mentions of bucky’s trauma, heavy angst, malnourishment, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, minor injuries, hospitalization, suicidal ideation, self hate, literally hurt just writing this

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MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | MATURE CONTENT 18+

Your nails bit into your palm, denting the flesh— threatening to pierce the delicate skin. It was all to hold yourself back, distract you from the words that wanted to burst out.

It was becoming a sickening routine, Bucky was reckless and had yet another near death experience on his recent mission. The anxiety and the nerves stopping your body from functioning— the dreaded wait for his jet to arrive back at the compound. You shouldn’t have to be used of receiving the call that he had yet again made a reckless move— but you were starting to discover a pattern.

It did nothing to ease the panic that swirled in your chest every time he left for missions. You’d sob, throwing up everything you had eaten that day— unable to stomach anything with the idea that Bucky was on a mission. You never found your anxiety to be so severe— but when Bucky was even mentioned about going on a mission… it spiked.

That’s where you found yourself in his room, watching him pace the space— avoiding your frustrated stare. You weren’t angry at him per say— you were angry that he didn’t value his life.

“Seriously (Y/n)— you get so worked up over nothing. I’m here and alive— isn’t that enough?” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.

You pressed your nails tighter to your palm, yet the pain couldn’t stop your thundering thoughts.

“You’re here and alive now, until you do some stupid shit like this again and are dead!” You hissed, trying to keep your voice low but you didn’t know how much longer you could control yourself.

He glared at you, squinting his eyes in anger and then rolling his eyes.

“Oh for fucks sake— can you stop fucking babying me? I can handle myself!” He raised his voice, his metal arm whirring.

“I’m not babying you— I’m just scared you’re gonna get yourself killed. Do you care about your life at all?” You asked him aggressively, your voice raising just a tad.

He took a long pause, staring at you with his face void of emotion— only annoyance.

“Not really.” He admitted.

You were taken back, although you had these conversations with him a time or twenty. It was an ongoing process to get him to slowly love himself— his past as The Winter Soldier torturing his soul. He was so convinced he wasn’t deserving of anything, not even a roof over his head. It was a struggle to help him, but you weren’t going to give up on him.

“You realize if anything ever happened to you I—” Your voice broke, needing a breath, “Buck I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You thought you saw his eyes flash with guilt, but before you could linger on the look for too long— his face was hardening again.

“That doesn’t sound like my problem.” He mumbled out, making your eyes widen.

You were extremely taken back from those words, your chest aching painfully— him not knowing what effect those words had on you.

“Are you fucking serious?” You asked him, your face morphing into a hurt expression, mixed with anger. “Can you just do your job without trying to kill yourself?”

His face grew red with rage and he was stomping up towards you— his face inches from yours.

“I am doing my job— very well in fact. Unlike you who just fucking sits here doing nothing!” He defended himself, his breath hitting your face in warm pants.

“Doing nothing? Buck— why are you like this?” You puffed your chest, not backing down from his towering form.

But your words seemed to have hit a nerve, as he shrunk back slightly, narrowing his gaze at you.

“Like what?”

You furrowed your brows, slowing your racing heart from the shouting— you weren’t sure you had said anything bad. Did you?

“What?” You squeaked out, nervous now.

“You said, why am I like this… like what?” He pushed, stepping closer to you now, his face still red with anger but you could see the hurt in his eyes.

You swallowed and wondered how to convince him you didn’t mean anything bad by what you said. But you were almost positive it would be an impossible task to get Bucky to listen.

“Buck, I didn’t mean anythin—”

“What— you think I’m not capable of doing my job? You think I’m still the monster hydra made me?” He spat, his chest rising and falling quicker.

“No, no Buck listen—”

That was definitely not what you meant, you could tell he was spiraling and you were still confused as to why. You would never make him think that.

“After 70 fucking years I finally have a job that I like— that I enjoy doing— I fucking help people! I’m finally doing some good and now you’re telling me I’m not capable of doing it?” He boomed, his chest puffing into yours and your stumbled back slightly. “You think I’m only capable of being a monster? Huh? Is that what you fucking think?”

You were growing scared now, the look in his eyes wild with something and you didn’t like how close he was to you— you knew he’d never hurt you but your fear overwhelmed your senses.

“Friday— call Steve and Sam in here now!” You shouted into the room, and Bucky’s eyes squinted painfully— his metal arm whirring again.

Bucky only saw one thing— you didn’t reassure him that he was thinking irrationally. You didn’t correct him that he wasn’t the monster. Instead you called for help, that you were clearly scared— because you thought he was a monster.

He was at a loss for words and just stared at you, almost through you— as his breathing was only getting heavier at the sight of your fearful eyes.

Not even minutes later, Steve and Sam were busting through the door, taking in the scene and separated you and Bucky.

“Hey— what’s going on?” Steve asked in between the two of you. “Buck, what’s wrong man?”

You couldn’t seem to find the words and just stood speechless as well— the fight startling you. This was one of the worst ones, and it was also one that still left you confused. You cursed yourself for not being careful enough with your words— but it was almost impossible to get through to him when he was on the brink of having an episode.

Sam walked closer to you, his facing morphing into concern as he took in your shocked expression.

“(Y/n)? You okay? Did he hurt you?” Sam whispered, keeping his words only between you two.

You slowly shook your head but still didn’t respond verbally.

“Okay, okay that’s good. You wanna go get a drink from downstairs? Why don’t we take a breather okay?” Sam suggested softly, big brother mode kicking in at the sight of your frazzled state.

Without another word, you left the room with Sam— missing the devastated look from Bucky.

Steve waited until the door shut, then his attention was back on Bucky.

“Buck, you gotta talk to me man— what happened?” He asked softly, watching his friend slowly relax, but it wasn’t from being in a relaxing mood— his body and mind were just exhausted from the argument.

“I fucked everything up. That’s what happened.” He mumbled, turning away from Steve to sit on the edge of his bed.

Steve followed behind but stood in front of him, shaking his head— ready to argue.

“You didn’t mess anything up, arguments happen. You guys will work it out. I know how much you mean to each other.” Steve pointed out, watching Bucky’s face unchanging.

“You didn’t see the way she looked at me— she’s scared of me I—” He shuttered, his breath shaky as he remembered your look, “I fucking scared her.”

Steve’s chest ached, the state of his friend breaking his heart. He knew Bucky meant no harm, and he almost for a fact knew that you knew that too. But Bucky for sure didn’t believe that himself.

“I didn’t see what you saw, but I can guarantee you that she’s not afraid of you. This is (Y/n) we are talking about. You are her world Buck.” Steve tried to convince him.

Bucky shook his head, running his flesh hand through his hair.

“I think I just need to stay away from her for awhile.” Bucky came up with instead.

Steve immediately started shaking his head, knowing that was the last thing he needed.

“Bucky I—”

“Please Steve… I just need some space.” Bucky pleaded, his body sagging in exhaustion.

Steve couldn’t find it in himself to argue with him anymore about this. Maybe he did need some time to himself, to cool down and gather his thoughts. Also Steve wasn’t going to force him to anything ever. After the years his pal went through— he would never make him do anything. He had enough things decided for him, and Steve wasn’t about to stoop to hydra’s level.

Meanwhile down in the kitchen, Sam was getting you a glass of water— standing across from your seated form at the island. He slid the cup across, sending a worried glance at you.

“(Y/n)?” Sam snapped his fingers getting your attention.

You were shaken from your state of staring, but even snapped out of the trance— the anxieties still swirled within you.

“Yeah sorry… I’m here.” You whispered, grabbing the glass and taking a tiny sip.

Sam gave you a quizzical expression, watching you start to slip back into a mindless stare— so he spoke up.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” He asked, genuinely curious what had went down.

He knew— hell everyone knew you and Bucky were extremely close. Best of friends, always there for one another— dancing on the line of strictly friends to lovers. Truthfully, Sam found it completely obnoxious and just wanted you two together already.

“I don’t really know… I think I said the wrong thing— I didn’t mean to make him upset.” You confessed, keeping your eyes on the countertop, not risking a glance to Sam.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up— mistakes happen. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Sam told you.

You shook your head, gripping the cup tighter.

“God I hope so… I don’t know what I’d do without him.” You whispered pathetically, tears welling in your eyes.

Sam reached out to rub your arm comfortingly, trying to relax you so you didn’t start crying. He hated to see you cry— made his heart hurt.

“It’s been a long day for everyone, why don’t you go head upstairs and get some sleep. I’m sure things will have blown over by tomorrow.” He suggested and you finally met his gaze, smiling weakly and nodding.

Without saying goodbye, you stood up and headed to your room. Taking Sam’s words and playing them on repeat in your head.

Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow would be better.

God had you hoped that was the case— it only was the beginning on the torment.

You had slept in longer than usual, but overall felt refreshed. The first thing that came to mind when fully waking up was Bucky. Immediately you headed downstairs to find him— needing to talk with him— apologize.

Making it down to the kitchen, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in at the sight of him sitting at the island— sipping at his coffee. You furrowed your brows, thinking he'd be done with his coffee by now, since you had slept in. Your chest ached with guilt with the possibility that he didn't sleep well.

You took a deep breath before making yourself known, although you were sure be could sense you in the room— considering he was a super soldier.

"Morning Buck." You announced, walking around the island so you could face him.

He kept his gaze down at his coffee, finding the cup more interesting than you.

Okay, that’s fair. You thought, you most probably deserved that reaction.

“You sleep okay?” You asked again, picking at the skin on your nails nervously.

Again— he didn’t even lift his head. In fact, he wasn’t even acknowledging you. You waited several minutes for a response, the silence becoming thick with tension and you couldn’t stand it.

“Bucky?” You tried, and this time he lifted his head.

Your heart twinged in your chest at his bloodshot eyes, clear evidence that he hadn’t gotten good sleep. You hated yourself for causing him the stress, especially knowing he was just starting to actually get hours of sleep. It was huge progress compared to his nights either screaming awake or just staring at the walls. But now you had to go and ruin all that progress. You felt sick to your stomach— disgusted with yourself.

“I’m really sorry about last night… I didn’t like how ugly it got and I’m sorry if I said something to upset you— you know I’d never intentionally hurt you.” You told him, picking more aggressively at your nails, causing to nail beds to bleed.

You swallowed nervously when he didn’t answer right away, instead staring at you with… what was that? Disgust? You didn’t know, but you hated the look altogether.

“Bucky, please say something.” You pleaded.

Bucky lowered his gaze to his coffee again, taking a minute before he stood up and looked your way.

“I just need some space.” He told you quietly.

You were relived to have him finally talk to you, but to hear him suggest space between you two— you could almost feel the knife digging into your chest. You tried to keep a neutral expression but otherwise felt your bottom lip quiver.

Without giving you time to respond, Bucky was walking out of the room— leaving you standing there speechless, lungs begging for air. You didn’t want your mind to go immediately to that thought, but you couldn’t ignore it either— he hated you.

“Hey babe, I need you to help me out in the lab tod—” Tony came busting into the room, but immediately shut up once he saw your broken expression. “Honey, what’s wrong? You alright?”

You nodded your head, lying to him and yourself and started waving him off with the fakest smile.

“Yeah— yeah I’m good. Just need to uh— need to get some things done.” You told him, your eyes darting all around the room, the familiar feeling of panic seeping into your being.

Tony gave you a ‘really?’ look and stepped closer to you.

“(Y/n) I’m not blind— I can see you’re upset. Talk to m—”

“Seriously Tony— I’m fine! Just leave it alone!” You told him a little too aggressively.

His face was taken back and you felt guilty immediately, cursing yourself for hurting everyone.

Why are you such a fucking issue? Your mind screamed at you.

You didn’t waste another second and sped walked out of the room, needing to calm yourself down before you ran into any one else. You were spiraling and you needed to just relax— take a deep breath. Maybe you just needed one more day and things would be back to normal.

Yeah… just one more day.

You had hoped that was the case as well… but as always— things only got worse.

Bucky refused to talk to you or even look at you. He’d given you the cold shoulder for almost two weeks now. He would get up and leave the second you entered the room. He couldn’t stand you it seemed.

You couldn’t keep hiding your hurt. At first, you had done a good job at hiding how you were really feeling. Saving the sobbing and attacks for when you were alone in your room. As the days lingered on, you found yourself weak and drained— you didn’t have enough energy to put up a charade anymore.

The whole team were sending you worried looks, and attempted to talk with you. But the second they’d try— you’d bolt. The subject was too sensitive, too raw. You didn’t want to talk to anyone but Bucky— and he hated you.

You had missed so many meals, forgetting to eat with your mental struggles throughout the days. You had been getting no more than two hours of sleep. You were so stressed, so stuck in your own mind that you couldn’t function. Even when you had managed to remember to eat, your stomach would knot up to the point that you were throwing everything up. You were gaunt, basically a real life zombie. You needed help— but you needed Bucky more.

You were laying in bed staring unknowingly into space, it had been hard to focus with no food or sleep in your system— so you had only managed to lay here. Even that was exhausting, no matter how much you laid around— your mind wouldn’t stop the assault. Your anxiety had never been this bad, you were a prisoner to it.

Knocking at your door had you jumping, your heart racing— and for a moment you forgot where you were.

You’re in the compound… yeah that’s right.

You slowed your breathing and swung your legs sluggishly over the edge of the bed to answer it. You weren’t prepared for the sudden dizzy spell, your vision spotting with black and white specks. You tried to blink it off, but suddenly you were toppling to the ground.

You fell to the floor with a loud thump, luckily landing on your front, your hands somehow catching most of your fall— you could already feel the throbbing in your palms.

You didn’t hear the persistent knocking, or the door open. You didn’t even hear the voice speaking from the doorway. It was when a hand landed on your shoulder that you were gasping, forgetting your surroundings once again.

Your eyes met Steve’s and you swore your heart was about to beat out of your chest.

“(Y/n) are you alright?” He asked you, hovering his hands over you— not sure what you had hurt.

You furrowed your brows, looking him over.

“Steve what are… what are you doing here?” You asked genuinely confused.

You watched Steve’s eyes widen and he swallowed nervously— his expression growing more concerned.

“(Y/n) it’s okay… I’ve got you.” Steve hushed, and he was pulling you into his chest, hugging you protectively.

You were still confused but then you tasted one of your stray tears, and you immediately came to your senses. You were crying in Steve’s arms… but why? You were having gaps of time missing from you, this wasn’t the first time this had happened— you just didn’t seem to care.

“Steve… my head hurts.” You slurred into his chest, sagging against him.

You were grateful that he was here, you desperately needed someone around. You were just hoping that someone would’ve been Bucky.

“Okay, let’s get you to Helen. She’s gonna take care of you, okay?” Steve asked you, and you could only give a weak nod.

He knew there was no way you were walking there, so he hoisted you up into his arms, and cradled your head as he started to the med bay.

You just stared blankly at his chest, not really caring if Steve were to throw you off the roof of the building. You just didn’t care.

Steve had gotten you down to her, and she checked you out. Alerting Steve that you were extremely malnourished, dehydrated— an insomniac. She kept listing off all the things Steve was afraid to hear. The whole time he was sure you didn’t hear a thing, although you were in the room— you were just checked out.

Helen eventually left, and Steve took his opportunity to speak with you. He pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed and grabbed your hand.

“(Y/n), what’s going on? You can talk to me— you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Please… just talk to me.” Steve whispered, pleading with you that you would stop torturing yourself.

“He hates me.” You mumbled.

Steve’s eyes widened and he frowned, knowing what you meant. He knew he let this go on for too long.

“(Y/n) he doesn’t hate you. He just needed time to himself, so he co—”

“I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, I don’t even know what I said to hurt him but I—” You rushed out, the heart monitor beeping frantically, “I’m a horrible person, I didn’t mean to— I didn’t mean to!”

You wheezed out, clutching your chest as you couldn’t catch your breath. Your cheeks glistened with a steady stream of tears, your wheezing only growing by the second.

“Okay, okay (Y/n)— I need you to slow your breathing. You’re okay, he doesn’t hate you. Just take deep breaths okay— even if you can’t just try. I’m here.” He tried to coach you, but this wasn’t his thing.

Now he was starting to get mad at his friend, Bucky shouldn’t of let this go on for this long.

You followed his chest rising and falling, staring at him as he tried to calm you down. Your breaths were heavy and painful sounding. Steve was about to say something but stopped himself when he saw your eyes look behind him.

He turned and saw Bucky standing in the doorway— his face paled. Truthfully, he looked like he was going to be sick.

“(Y/n)?” He whispered, his heart breaking at your state.

He had ran into Helen in the kitchen and was informed of your condition— he didn’t believe it and had to see for himself. He was shocked to find you like this.

Your tears only edged on from his appearance and you shook your head in shame.

“I’m sorry Bucky! Whatever I did, I’m sorry!” You sobbed and Bucky ran to the bed, kneeling down and taking your hands into his.

“Doll it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here— I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you… I’m sorry.” He rushed out, shushing your cries, watching you slow your breathing at his words. “There we go, just keep breathing with me. I’m here, you’re okay.”

He kept repeating himself, making sure you knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

Steve knew you were in good hands and slowly snuck out of the room— knowing you two needed to talk.

Bucky tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers trail down your cheek to your jaw. You couldn’t help the way your face leaned into his touch, it felt like it had been forever since the last one.

Your breathing had slowed down, and now you just stared up at him— eyes glossy with more tears. You felt so many emotions. You felt relived, but also angry and hurt. Above all— you needed to know what you did to upset him. The guilt still ate away at your heart, and even just the memory of the argument had your chest aching.

“What did I do?” You whispered, making his eyes shoot up to yours, concern painting his face.

“You didn’t do anything.” He told you, and you furrowed your brows.

You were still anxious— he hadn’t answered your question. Even more so— if you didn’t do anything then why did he ignore you?

“Then why?”

“Why what (Y/n)?” He dared to ask, and you scoffed— ripping your hands out of his.

The anger was approaching.

“Why did you shut me out?” You wondered, and he only let his eyes cast down to the bed— making you angrier. “You ignored me for two weeks! Two fucking weeks you just acted as if I didn’t exist! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?”

You were breathing heavy again, but this time it wasn’t from panic— it was the full force of all your anger bursting out.

He lifted his eyes to you, and you saw how broken he looked. How your state had affected him.

“I could never do that to you Buck— I would never do that to you! You’re my everything! I don’t trust anyone as much as I trust you!” You raised your voice, while he stayed silent. “If I didn’t do anything then why would you— why—”

You broke out into a sob, covering your face with your hands. You felt good getting all the built up anger out— but now you felt extremely guilty. The pitiful face of Bucky staring at you, causing your heart to hurt all over again. It didn’t matter what happened, you always ended up hurting others.

“(Y/n) I’m so sorry I— god I fucked up. I didn’t ever mean to hurt you, please know that. You’re my other half, and no one has ever been there for me like you have.” He spoke through a tight throat, swelling with emotion.

You uncovered your face and just stared at him a little longer, still incredibly hurt from his actions— but you knew you couldn’t stay mad at him. You so badly wanted to forgive and forget— and just wrap him in your arms like you both needed.

“It’s hard to explain what’s wrong with me to someone when I don’t even understand what’s wrong with me— I just know I’m fucked up. I’m broken beyond repair.” His voice broke, his own eyes welling with tears.

You didn’t have it in you to keep up an angry facade, and so you reached out and took his hand in yours. His face almost immediately lit up, his breathing slowing at your touch.

“Try me.” You whispered, watching Bucky take a deep breath before he spoke again.

“The night of our fight…” He started, and you swallowed in having to remember that night. “I had never seen you look at me like that.”

You stayed silent, afraid to open your mouth and have a sob escape. You could feel it bubbling up— the memory playing back through your mind.

“You looked at me like you were scared. You looked at me like I was a monster.” He confessed and it all made sense to you now.

It wasn’t about what you said, it was your reaction that disturbed him to no ends. Even if you couldn’t control your reaction in the moment— you still felt guilty for causing him pain of remembering the hydra days.

“Oh Buck…” You whimpered, trying to pull him close— but he pulled away before he could reach your embrace.

“No— you don’t get to be nice to me after what I did. I promised I would never hurt you and I did— you’re in here because of me! I don’t deserve your forgiveness!” He raised his voice, and you weren’t scared of him— just concerned.

“I wasn’t scared of you Bucky, you just caught me off guard. Things were heated— I’m not afraid of you and I most definitely don’t think you’re a monster.” You tried to convince him.

“I really hope you’re not lying because if you were afraid of me… god I don’t know what I’d do. If you never wanted to see me again— that’s fine. Whatever you want, but I can’t live knowing you’re afraid of me.” He whimpered out.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

He nodded his head, knowing damn well you’d never lie. That was one thing he loved about you— you were so honest. Keeping it real with him, even if he didn’t wanna hear it. He could count on you for the truth.

“I still don’t deserve your forgiveness.” He argued.

“Well too bad, I’m forgiving you anyway.” You finally told him and he felt his chest expand.

Like he could finally breath.

“Why?” He wondered.

You knew it was the line you two had been dancing on forever— but you knew if there was ever a time to say it. It was now.

“Because I love you.” You admitted quietly.

His eyes widened just slightly, and his breath stuttered. He had always had a feeling what you two had was more than friends, he just never spoke up about it. Of course he loves you too— god he loves you so much. That’s why the thought of you being scared of him was enough to pull him away. He couldn’t bear being around you if you were frightened by him. He couldn’t live with himself. More importantly he now discovered, he really couldn’t live without you.

“I love you so much.” He confessed back as your tears leaked down your cheeks.

You pulled his arm, and he let you pull him to the bed— close enough where you could cup both his cheeks.

“Don’t ever do that to me again, please. I need you Bucky— life is not livable without you.” You cried, kissing his forehead to which he leaned into your lips.

“Never again— I promise.”

This time, he wouldn’t break it.

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enjoltrwolfstar · 2 years

Text

#I need to vent for a bit but I don't want to make a post cause somehow I'm more comfortable in the tags idk whdjsjs #I might start doing this kind of post from now on just ignore them if you want it's just gonna be personal stuff mostly #But I really need to vent cause like some stuff have happened today and i hate twitter #And tumblr tags always seem more appropriate for psychological deep™ thoughts idk #Basically my mental health has been to an all time low for the last 2 years but I didn't do anything about it #Cause I don't like leaving the house even if it's for a medical exam #But lately I had some symptoms that added to some other physical symptoms I had could be the sign of a really BAD disease #So I freaked out and I convinced myself I had it so I convinced my mom to go to the hospital to check with a neurologist #Basically 5 minutes in the room with the neurologist and she not only excluded it was that disease #But she also after talking for a bit about other stuff in my life she understood it was all psychological #Basically bad bad anxiety that is ruining my life #Which I already kinda knew but I didn't really wanted to do anything about it cause self hate and self sabotage #Basically now she prescribed me antidepressants and Xanax for start #But I also have to start a journey with a psychiatrist and then once I'm a bit more stable also with a therapist #And idk now I'm low key freaking out mostly because I'm scared sh1tless of the side effects of the antidepressant #Especially gaining weight and extreme sleepiness #I can't afford to sleep too deeply cause I need to be on guard in case my dog isn't feeling good #Which happens a lot at night and it's the main reason I haven't slept well for the last 2 years #And my body is like the only thing I don't actively hate about myself #And when I say the only thing I mean it cause the self hate is strong about EVERYTHING #Also idk if it makes sense but I'm kind of used to feeling like sh1t all the time I wouldn't know how to feel any other way tbh #I kinda find comfort in being miserable cause I feel like I deserve it so like feeling bad makes me feel comfortable idk if it makes sense #But anyway I'm scared and I just needed to vent a bit so yeah #Might do this again writing in the tags is free therapy yay

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hamiltonaf · 9 months

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Hi! I’m so excited you’ve open your requests, can I ask one with Lewis where you work with Toto and are like his little girl, so you get along and are close.

You’ve been secretly in love with him for a while so you try to help and been there for him now that Merc is struggling with the car, so after one race weekend like this one (😪) you try to confort him but he takes his anger on you.

The following week at the factory you’re distant and he starts to miss you…

The end is on you.

Thanks 🙌🏾❤️

Confession | Lewis Hamilton

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Slight angst but fluff

A/N: Hi loves ! Slowly recovering from being ill for over a week so bare with me. Thanks anon for requesting. Hope you babes enjoy. Requests are still open .xx

The Monza race weekend was here… is it hypocritical of me to say it’s one of my favourites if I’m working for Mercedes ? You can’t deny that the vibe and energy of tifosi doesn’t hype you up even if you’re not a fan of Ferrari.

I couldn’t wait to start posting content for the weekend, I mean it is my job anyway - social media admin. It’s a fun job, not gonna lie. I think it’s quite evident that I spend most of my time posting about Lewis’s paddock outfits than anything Mercedes related. For starters, it’s valid to post Lewis because he’s obviously part of the team and secondly, who isn’t waiting to see the Sir Lewis Hamilton fashion week every race weekend ? Am I right..

I think trying to hide my crush or love should I say for Lewis isn’t working considering that some fans have even commented that it’s ‘quite obvious that admin has a soft spot for Lew’. I’m really exposing myself on main. As extroverted as I am, I can’t help but get shy and quite around Lewis, still bold enough to compliment his outfits everyday on race weekends - if I don’t comment, it’s obvious that something is wrong.

I’d like to think that Lewis and I are somewhat best friends considering we spend more time off-track than on-track. However, I’m starting to re-think that seeing how he’s keeping his distance from me. I eventually just had to work up a nerve to just march over to him and ask him what’s wrong. He finished his interviews and he came back into the hospitality. I approached him with a soft smile, “Hey, are you okay ?” I asked softly. “I’m fine” he abruptly said and brushed my shoulder with his as he walked past. I followed behind him and waited till we were in the hallway to speak up again. “I know something is on your mind. You know you can talk to me Lew, I’m always here for you” I said softly.

“(Y/N) I really couldn’t care to talk to you right now ! Can you just leave me alone ?” He said harshly. Thank god no one was around because I probably would’ve died of embarrassment. My smile fell and I felt a pain in my chest. “Sorry” I said lowly and walked away in the opposite direction.

I avoided him for the rest of the day as he asked. This was the first time he ever raised his voice at me and I was quite hurt to say the least. Usually post-race we’d meet up and go out for dinner or just spend the evening talking in either one of our rooms. I didn’t bother waiting for him after I stuck around for the team briefing, I went straight to the hotel and I was ready to go back to England. So much for thinking we could celebrate him racing for 2 more years.

Luckily I didn’t have to change my flight since I was already scheduled to leave for my flight back home at 8PM. Once I was back home and to myself, I noticed Lewis had posted on his Instagram. Low-key saddened to not receive a message from him yet. I guess it’s a sign I need to get out of my deluded space and get over him.

At a time like this not gonna lie that I hated my job because so much for trying to get over Lewis, posting about him on the teams social media is part of the job.

It’s Wednesday and we have a team meeting at the factory. I really wish I could sit this one out but unfortunately I can’t. I smiled at all the familiar faces as I clocked in and was so relieved to see Toto. “Ahh (Y/N) ! I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, you’ve been distant lately” he said as he pulled me in for a hug. “Toto, it’s only been 3 days since the race” I reminded him. “I know, but usually you’re always around after the team briefing on Sundays and even on off days, I hear from you. Everything okay ?” He asked concerned as he had an arm around my shoulder and lead the way.

“Oh yeah everything’s fine, the travelling and the energy from Monza just drained me this weekend. I just needed to de-stress these past few days” I sighed. “Of course, I suggest maybe taking an early holiday to Singapore” he suggested. “Sounds good to me, why don’t you and Susie join me ?” “I’ll let her know and get back to you on that” he smiled as he pats my back. Almost as if on cue, Lewis approached us. “You finally made it” Toto joked. “Sorry I’m late, uncle duties” he shrugged.

I felt so uncomfortable, I wish I could’ve been swallowed up into a hole. “No worries, (Y/N) kept me company” he smiled at me. I glanced up at Toto before stealing a glance at Lewis who was already looking at me with a soft smile.

“Oh, would you look at that, George is here ! Let me just go greet him” I excused myself and walked over to George. “Hey you !” I cheerfully said. “(Y/N/N) ! So good to see you. Carmen and I missed you on Sunday” he said as he then pulled me in for a hug. “Aww sorry I had to take off suddenly, had some things to sort at home” I sighed. “Ahh well we always have the next race weekend” he suggested. “Yeah of course. How’s my bestie doing..where is she ?” I asked. I could literally feel a pair of eyes burning at the back of my head. “She’s at home. You should stop by later if you have time” he smiled. “Aww that’s sweet. Thanks for the offer, I’ll try” I smiled back and just then we were disrupted to gather everyone for the factory meeting.

I don’t know why my brain told me to look back…and I actually did. Of course, it’s Lewis looking right at me. I ignored him and walked past him with George by my side.

After the factory meeting, both George and Lewis practiced ahead of Singapore on the simulator. Our team photographer, Steve, had then sent me the pictures he took for today for me to post onto the team socials. I was in my own cubicle, organising posts and captions until I heard a “hey !” from behind me. “Heyy !” I enthusiastically replied. I turned around on my chair to be faced with Lewis.

“Oh. It’s you” I said as my smile dropped. “Ahh you’re never this disappointed to see me and you’re so distant lately” he said causally. “Are you forgetting what you told me on Sunday ? You said and I quote I couldn’t care to talk to you right now, leave me alone !” I whisper yelled. “Can we talk somewhere more private ?” He motioned to the room a few metres away. I rolled my eyes and followed behind him. “Look (Y/N/N)..I’m really sorry for the way I acted. It was immature and uncalled for. I should’ve never taken my anger out on you... It’s unfortunate that I hurt those that I love and care for, you deserve better” he said as he took a step closer and held my hands in his.

I sighed, “Lew, it’s okay.. I get it. It’s normal to get upset, no one is expected to be happy all the time. You had a bad race, and it is what it is…you’re forgiven” “Those words just made my day. I didn’t know how to message you because I felt bad, and I needed to see you in person to get everything off my chest” he cleared his throat and had a more serious expression. “You made me realise a lot in these few days we were apart… I’m in denial about my feelings” he huffed. “Okay ? Lew I’m not getting you” I raised a brow in confusion. “Life isn’t complete without you in it. Not hearing your laugh or seeing you and that beautiful smile that lights up the room made me realise what I’m missing… I’m falling in love with you (Y/N)” he softly said with a smile.

My heart was racing. I could feel my hands getting clammy. I was at a loss for words. “Please say something” he softly said. “I’m sorry I’m just speechless. This is so surreal. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been in denial about my feelings for a while, I tried to convince myself that the less I see you then the better… but I couldn’t. You made it so hard for me when you look so fine, and I have to post pictures of you -“ I rambled. “Did you just call me fine ?” He smirked and raised a brow. “Did I ? Oh my god. I- ugh you’re making this hard” I pouted as I noticed his eyes went from making eye contact to subtly switching to my lips.

I didn’t even have time to realise what was going on until I felt the butterflies. He cupped my cheek and placed his lips on mine. I kissed back and placed a hand around his neck to pull closer. “Lewis, have you seen-“ the door burst opened by George. I broke away and felt embarrassed by getting caught in the act. “Found her. Uhm sorry to interrupt, was going to ask if you’re coming over (Y/N/N) but seems like you already have plans” George winked. “Righttt see yourself out mate” Lewis motioned to the door. “Lew !” I playfully hit his chest. “See you love birds around” George said lastly before leaving. Momentarily, Lewis and I turned to look at each other. “So, your place or mine ?” He smirked

#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #lewis hamilton #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton fluff #f1 fluff #lewis hamilton oneshot #lh #lh44 #ricciardoaf oneshots

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maxknightley · 3 months

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Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

#touhou #touhou project #crossposted from cohost after i spent like an hour on it.

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wings-of-sapphire · 6 months

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HELLO THERE LOVES I MADE A WISH REWRITE

I watched Wish twice (once on early screening day and once on the offices release date) and I fuckin loved it. But I feel like while this was a great movie, it was Disney’s 100th anniversary one and it needed like twenty minutes more or so to develop the characters and make it a truly spectacular celebration of 100 years of Disney.

I recently read about the concept pictures for Wish— Asha being the daughter of Magnifico, Star taking a human form and having a relationship with Asha— and I liked the idea of changing up the “quirky main character” idea as well. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with girls like Rapunzel or Mirabel. They’re fun, they’re optimistic, they’re hardworking and determined. Buuuuut as more of a pessimist myself I found my favorite character to be Gabo. The short pink sarcastic side friend based off of Grumpy. Yes, the friends are based off of the seven dwarfs. But ANYHOW— I thought maybe a return to the Classic Disney Princess attitude would be nice. So I chose Kusco. Because he’s the best Disney Princess out there.

I’ve been rambling long enough. Full rewrite under the cut! Will explain more in future posts! Ask any and all questions you’d like! Now, presenting my Wish rewrite~

💫 Asha is the princess of the kingdom of Rosas. Her parents, Magnifico and Amaya, built Rosas after Magnifico’s old kingdom was burned by greedy Wishers who used magic to give them whatever they wanted, which led to their own destruction.

Asha grew up in her kingdom learning that because her father kept the magic in check and only he granted wishes, Rosas could stay safe and happy. Asha gives tours of the city to people who sail in, and as they give their wishes to Magnifico, Rosas grows stronger and safer.

Welcome to Rosas

(Though she’s on carpets and stuff and there’s servants swarming her and she’s comfortable while giving the tour— we see Asha being kind to the child of the tour group)

Asha puts on a happy face for the tourists. But the people of Rosas say they know the “real” her. They hate their princess, truthfully. But they love her parents.

Asha doesn’t really have friends. She’s above that. She’s a princess and her parents founded this kingdom that literally granted people’s wishes. Sure, she sometimes lingers in the kitchen to hang out with Dahlia, the head chef. And sure, sometimes she wished wanted to hang out with them. Dahlia and her six friends whom Asha could never remember the names of. She calls them nicknames based on their characteristics. Easy and efficient. Dahlia is Doc, since she always patches her friends up. She said Asha couldn’t call her friend Stoner, so his name is Dopey (Dario). There’s Happy (Hal), Sleepy (Simon), Sneezy (Safi), Bashful (Bazeema), and Grumpy (Gabo). They’re all close-knit and trust each other with everything.

Asha doesn’t have that.

But she’s their princess. And she remains that way. Untouchable. Unbreakable.

Until one day, Grumpy Gabo says she’s not above them for any reason other than her title. That if ranks were stripped away, she’d be talentless and left behind.

Of course Asha can’t have that.

Soooooo she sneaks into her father’s study to get some of his magic.

What? He has a ton of it.

But then stuff goes awry. Asha tampers with Magnifico’s forbidden books and… nothing happens.

Grumpy laughs at her and Asha threatens to have him imprisoned if he doesn’t treat his princess with respect. Dahlia and the gang stand up for Grumpy and Asha storms off.

Amaya tries to comfort Asha when she runs to her room and throws herself on her bed and cries, princess-style, and Amaya and Asha talk about how Asha dreams of a group of friends she can have fun with and trust, and Asha says her brain knows what her wish was, and it was to become the most powerful sorceress princess in the lands just like her papa. Amaya says that a dream is a wish your heart makes, and Asha’s heart didn’t want to be the untouchable princess of Rosas. Her head may tell her that, but everyone needs connections.

It’s Magnifico that ends up cheering Asha up by bringing her to see the wishes of Rosas again.

At All Costs

Asha calls Magnifico “Papa” and Amaya “Mama” by the way

That night, Asha tosses and turns, and we see the magic swirls from the book start to gather around her, then shoots into the sky as she shoots up, panting.

Turns out she accidentally ripped a star out of the sky. Asha runs after the giant comet fall, where a young man is floating in a crater in the forest.

The star had taken the shape of a young man. Who can fly. And bring objects to life for a bit.

He’s glowing yellow and wears a dark teal-blue velvet cape and his glow turns pink when he spots Asha.

When Asha freaks out and grabs the boy— she’s calling him Star— and hides his glow with her pajama cloak, and asks how the heck did this happen?

Star shrugs and says he was just chilling in space when the force of someone’s dream pulled him down to land.

Asha quietly excitedly stims, saying she can’t wait to rub Star in Grumpy’s face, and Star is like please don’t rub me in someone’s face, sweetheart.

Sweetheart?

Asha glares at Star, who smirks.

Asha exclaims that anyways— she knew she was a powerful sorceress, and Star says he senses no magic on Asha.

Asha says she must’ve had magic in her, or else how could she have ripped a star from the sky?

Star says people can learn magic but right now, Asha was inexperienced. It was probably because of her connection to the stars.

That means—

No, it’s not just you. All people are connected to the stars.

You’re a Star

Asha takes Star back to her room and says they can’t let her dad know she used his books to summon Star— but maybe Grumpy would need more proof. Maybe she could sneak a peek at his book again, and summon more stars to prove to Doc and the gang that she has talent and she was sooooo qualified to be their fr— sorcerer princess.

She tells Star to stay put in her room, and she’d sneak out and take a quick look.

Star asks if he can come with.

He just got ripped from the sky and needs some more exposition than “I don’t know.” And he’s too impatient to wait for Asha to come back.

Asha says he’ll have to learn and Star magically locks the doors until Asha explains something about how he was brought here.

“You made trees dance the hula and we rode here on a singing deer.”

Star gives Asha a look.

Asha pinches the bridge of her nose and explains that her papa’s whole family was killed because of the greedy wishmakers. With him in charge, he gets to choose, and people are safe.

Star says that the people deserve more, and Asha snaps that get family decides what everyone deserves because they’re the rulers of Rosas.

Star smirks at her and says she’s adorable when she’s mad. But, she’s wrong. The people deserve a chance to get their wishes returned so they can become dreams that can be achieved by pure hard work.

Asha says they’re the same thing, and Star shakes his head. “A wish you give away. A dream you keep with you to work hard and achieve your heart’s goal.”

“Wow, you have a great personality.”

Asha rolls her eyes and says Star can come, but he has to be quiet.

In Magnifico’s study, Asha sees Star heading to the wish room, and before she can grab him, he opens the doors and sees the wishes of Rosas.

Star is amazed and Asha sighs and walks up next to them. She looks up and closes her eyes and bathes in the feeling.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yeah… they are.”

Star quickly turns to look at the wishes above them, his glow pink.

They end up arguing again because Star wants to return the wishes to the people so they can become dreams once again and Asha says her father worked hard on protecting them

Out in the hallways, Asha ends up shoving Star into a nearby room when she hears Doc and her friends come by

Asha smooths down her skirt and holds her head high as she walks by and calls to Grumpy. She smirks and says unfortunately, they were incorrect about her being talentless. In fact, she was so powerful, she ripped a star from the sky.

Behold.

She opens the door (which turns out led to the chicken coops) where Star was chilling in the sunlight where his glow looked normal.

“You brought us all here to check out your boyfriend?”

“Hal!”

Asha rushes to explain that no, Happy, he was the star. She orders Star to step out of the sun.

Star crosses his arms.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

Dahlia and her friends all gasp and start planning Star’s funeral.

“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m a star. If you ever want your dream to come to fruition you have to be nice to people you want to befriend. Go on. Apologize and then ask me nicely.”

Dahlia and friends are now forgoing that funeral, there will be no remains left to bury.

But then Asha flares her nostrils, taps her foot, then glances at Doc. She averts her eyes and mutters, “sorry for being mean to Grumpy. Star, can you… can you please show them?”

Jaws: dropped. Wigs: snatched. Princess Asha of Rosas, apologizing and saying “please”? Sure, she cared for her people. But she never apologized if she accidentally ran into someone for walking in their way! It was her way! She was the only one who’s way mattered!

Star smiled and thanked Asha, then steps out of the sun to reveal his glow.

Jaws: even dropped-er. Wigs: even snatched-er.

After the initial “ooh”s, [something something]

Asha tells everyone that because she’s a star, she was able to be this powerful. They should all be impressed.

Star then corrects her by saying everyone was made of stardust and therefore had a connection to the stars and magic.

When Gabo laughs, Asha throws a fork at him and tells him to do that to himself.

Magnifico is calling Asha for a family meeting, and she says it’s probably about tonight’s wish ceremony. Dario’s Sabi who’s turning 100 today wants to get his wish picked. He doesn’t remember what it is as all wish-givers forget, but he knows it has something to do with his sickness. Asha tells everyone else to keep quiet about Star, or else. And with that, she leaves the room.

Star opens his arms and asks which of the group wants to help him commit a crime.

“What?”

He wants to break into Magnifico’s study and return the wishes to the people of Rosas.

Gabo snaps at him that they can’t just steal from the king and queen, and everyone else agrees. But Dahlia purses her lips. “Why?”

Dario asks if he wants to betray his girlfriend like that, to which Star turns pink and rolled his eyes saying they were not dating, in fact, they were enemies! She was uptight and didn’t care about anything but her title, scoff!

“Uh huh. Sure, buddy.”

“Gabo, stop talking.”

“Yes Bazeema.”

Star explains that losing people’s wishes made them lose a part of themselves. The most beautiful part, their heart’s dream. He tells Simon that his heart is sad.

He asks that if he returns Simon’s wish back to him, and it does make him whole again, then would they believe him?

Dahlia shakes her head and says they wouldn’t be part of this. But… they wouldn’t mention anything to Magnifico or Amaya. For the time being.

Star thanks Dahlia, and she says this was for Simon. And if Asha also changes her mind, then that’s a bonus. Then she smiles. “Good luck, kid.”

Magnifico called Asha to talk with her and Amaya about a threat that’s happened to the kingdom. Last night, someone harnessed the magic of a star and ripped it from the sky, which disturbed the wishes and his magic. Someone has threatened him, and this was a warning that something was to come. He couldn’t let that fire happen again.

Amaya and Asha calm his worries, and Magnifico says he doesn’t want the people to lose faith in him. Amaya says she will explain to the people about the giant light last night since they were asking questions, but they shouldn’t let it worry them.

“Thank you, darling.”

“You’ve got this, papa. I’m sure whoever bashed that light meant you no harm.”

“Thank you, Asha.”

Star asks Asha to spend the day with him, to which she agrees until the wish ceremony that night. The two have a day in Rosas, Tangled-style. Romantic montage, beautiful moments, Star sneaking glances at Asha when she isn’t looking and Asha doing the same for him.

Star shows Asha how to be messy and see the beauties of life while Asha shows Star how she actually does have good in her and cares for her people, truly. Star gives Asha a small wand to practice some small magic as a gift. While she shows him the study, he sneaks into Magnifico’s office and steals Simon’s wish.

Star returns to the seven and gives Simon back his wish. His dream was to become the kingdom’s best knight— and now he could achieve that! They show Asha how much happier Simon is with his whole self again, and while Asha is happy for Simon and that the seven are being kind to her (after she’s been kind to them), she asks Star to promise not to steal stuff from her papa without running it by her first.

“I promise, sweetheart.”

Safi asks Asha if she can get her papa to grant his Sabi’s wish, or at least return it so he could have a chance at fulfilling his dream like Simon now can. Maybe it would reveal a way Sabino could live longer.

Asha hesitates.

In her room, Asha paces. Her papa said that if people kept their wishes, they’d be dangerous and bring another fire to burn down their kingdom. But Simon seemed so happy. She didn’t know what to do.

Later, in the wish ceremony, all her friends are happy and excited for Safi’s Sabi. Sabino only has a few weeks left to live, and if this month his wish is granted, Safi can keep his Sabi with him.

Asha did talk to Magnifico but Amaya reminded her of the dangers of people chasing wishes in the wind. They showed Asha that Sabi Sabino’s wish was too dangerous, his heart’s dream was live forever. Sure, he was sick now, but once he gets better from that, who knows what immortality will do? Magnifico revealed the true story of their home using magical glass shards—

Backstory details that’s tragic and sad

Basically a king wanted to be immortal and it led to him going insane which led to the destruction of his kingdom

He sent his son away before the whole place burned to ashes

Magnifico was that son

A Wish Worth Making (?)

Asha agrees with him that that can never happen, and Sabino’s wish must never be granted and only the royal family can keep Rosas safe.

At the ceremony

Magnifico doesn’t grant Sabino’s wish and Amaya makes a public statement about how wishes were kept with him to stay safe and anyone who tried to oppose that rule was a danger to everyone in Rosas and a traitor to the crown.

Star calls them out for this and while Simon hides his glow with his huge body, the seven create a ripple effect through the crowd with questions that question the king and queen’s authority. They bring up how Amaya reassured them but this contradicted her words. Magnifico ends the ceremony and storms up to the royal master room with Amaya.

Asha and Star have an argument, with her saying her parents were good people and him saying that Safi’s Sabi will die because her parents were scared, and with that Asha flares her nostrils and says that she is the princess, and as their superior, they should watch their tone before something bad happens.

Safi is heartbroken. Without that wish, his Sabi will die.

Dahlia comforts him, and Star steels himself.

Star tells the group that they’re going to steal all the wishes. And return the dreams of the people back to them. Especially Safi’s Sabi.

“But Asha—“

“I’ll tell her when she comes back. We need to do this now.”

Back at the castle, Magnifico is pacing angrily in his room with Amaya. How dare these people question them? They’re doing everything in their power to prevent that (points to a burned tapestry of young Magnifico and his family) from happening again!

This is the Thanks I Get?!

Amaya also joins in

Cutscenes of the seven + Star breaking into the wish room again

Meanwhile, Asha goes back to talk to her parents. Maybe talk to them about Sabino again, maybe tell them everything, who knows—

Wait. There’s a noise in the wish room.

Asha uses her magic wand to open it and sees Star using his magic to lift the roof open to free the wishes. But it isn’t enough. They need more people; the roof is too heavy.

There’s a small magic scuffle with Asha and her wand against Star and his magic, and Asha ends up beating Star (much to his surprise and he’s totally not turned on by this which is why he’s bright red he’s not at all attracted to powerful women). Her heart breaks and she yells at him and all the seven and says if they ever show their faces around her again she’d banish them from Rosas.

“Sweet—“

“Don’t call me that name! Just— just go!”

“Asha, please. Safi’s Sabi—

“Go!”

Star stays and says he’ll be back to free the wishes and return them to the people. Sabino’s sickness has gotten worse, and he can’t wait another month for Magnifico to turn him down once again.

Asha snaps and yells at him a lot and blames him for everything that’s happened lately, the chickens, and the chalk drawing, and the dancing in the city square, and especially that sticky feeling in her chest when Star’s giving her those sad looks. So she doesn’t want to see him again.

She goes to snitch then sees the Epic Celestial Villains her parents had shifted into. Both of them used forbidden magic in the other section of the book Asha used. She asked if she had forbidden magic in her too, but they tell her she wasn’t powerful enough to handle this magic.

Their magic swirling fog is telling them via shapes that Asha was the one that ripped a star from the sky.

They’re acting different— they barely acknowledge Asha and demand that she tells them where Star is.

They crushed wishes to give them power, and Asha is of course horrified.

She saw how happy Simon was, and now those people…

Her parents weren’t survivors.

They were just power-hungry.

And now this forbidden magic was changing them.

They demand Asha tells them where Star was so they could siphon his galaxy magic and become the supreme rulers of Rosas— no one would never question them again.

Asha tells them she doesn’t know, and Magnifico uses his magic fog on Asha to make her tell them that Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Doc probably did know.

Amaya tells Asha she was grounded. She says Asha should sit down in her room and wait for the new era to rise.

Asha runs back to her room and cries, princess-style, and speaks out to the sky, to Star, that he was right. He was telling the truth, her parents weren’t good. And now she didn’t know what to do.

This Wish

Yeah she says she’s the first to stand in line but she’s been told that all her life okay

Magnifico makes an announcement to the people of Rosas that the entity that came from the sky was named Star, and he, along with Simon, Gabo, Hal, Dario, Safi, and Bazeema were conspiring to commit treason. He says to find them all and get him Star’s powers do he can grant all of their wishes!

Asha runs after the seven and sees them arrested by other citizens, with Gabo cursing everyone out. Magnifico waves his hand and mutes Gabo. Asha commands the soldiers to give her the satisfaction of imprisoning these traitors and interrogates them in the carriage driving them to the prison with guards posted by.

She asks all of them where Star was, and they refuse to listen to her. They’re cold because she sort of beat them up with her magic. She says as their princess, they have to tell her.

“You all are underneath me. I am your future queen. Tell me where Star is. This is important.” She turns to the shortest in the carriage. “My parents are looking for him. Gabo, if you know where he is, you have to tell me.”

Gabo’s eyes flicker up at her saying his actual name. He glances at Dahlia, who sighs. She says that even if they wanted to, they couldn’t hand Star over, because he was already gone. He was at the place Asha first starting falling in love with him.

The guards raise an eyebrow at Asha, and she says the fools were so simple-minded that they believed her lie. Then she tells Sabi to shut up and stop sneezing.

She says the forest was where she first found Star, and Magnifico creates a dark fog horse to ride out and find Star.

Once she’s sure he’s gone, Asha whips out her magic wand and blasts the doors open. She apologizes to the seven and says nothing could make up for imprisoning them and lording her title over them, but she needed their help to help Star.

Asha and the seven run back to the Rosas town square where Star is rallying the people and telling them the truth about Magnifico and Amaya. The crowd gathers to help pull open the roofs to free the wishes.

Knowing What I Know Now

Asha joins in and leads the people

Asha apologizes to Star for yelling at him and he apologizes to her for going behind her back. He says she deserved to know. Before they go, Asha tells Star to wait.

“That… feeling. That I mentioned before? I think… I think they’re feelings. For you.”

Star’s glow slightly turns pink. “Like, do you mean…”

“Yes. Feelings of affection. I just… wanted to let you know.”

“Sweetheart, you should know I feel the same. Have since I first laid eyes on you.”

“I am pretty beautiful.”

“The beautiful-est.”

Asha laughs. “That’s not a word.”

“She’s right, it’s not,” Dahlia quips.

The two pull back and laugh awkwardly.

The seven lead the people of Rosas to help lift the roofs, but Amaya catches them and there’s a magic battle where Amaya turns into a dragon a la Malifacent. Star helps Asha suck out the evil magic, and Amaya falls to the floor. The roof is opened, and the wishes began to flow out.

Then Star is grabbed from the back by a fog hand and Magnifico tuts, telling Asha he’s disappointed in her. But now that he has the power of a Star, no one will ever question him again.

He ties down every single person and closes the roof, draining Star’s essence into his magical staff.

Asha yells and uses her magic wand against him, and the two have a giant blast of magic against each other, but the energy is draining Asha while Star’s is giving Magnifico more strength.

Star weakly whispers to Asha to remember where she came from.

Magnifico snarls do Asha that she is nothing, and Asha remembers.

“We… are… stars.”

Asha’s blast of magic is battling Magnifico’s but he’s still stronger.

Asha cries out a plea to the people, these stars just like her, and Dahlia responds.

This Wish (Reprise)

The strengths of these stars give Star enough energy to break free from Magnifico’s staff and fly over to Asha’s side, and the magic blast shines bright and blasts Magnifico back, burning away the evil magic.

When the dark clouds clear and the night sky is sparkling once again, Magnifico isn’t moving. Amaya and Asha run to him, and Amaya cries over his body. She apologizes to Star for what they did, and asks if she can help her husband.

Star sadly tells her that his powers weren’t strong enough for that.

Amaya cries, and kisses Magnifico’s lips. Then, her star soul orb thing in her chest glows bright, and Magnifico’s does too. His body glows that shimmering yellow and he’s lifted into the air and the last bit of evil magic is burned away.

Asha asks Star what he’s doing and Star says he’s not doing anything!

Suddenly, Magnifico’s eyes open and he gasps, then falls.

Amaya and Asha rush to catch him, and Magnifico asks what happened.

Star shrugs and says some sort of True Love’s Kiss.

Magnifico and Amaya walk up behind Asha and address the people of Rosas. They apologize for what they did and they know nothing could ever make up for it. But… they promise to keep working to be the best king and queen they can be. If the people will still accept them. Also, they should have what’s rightfully theirs.

Magnifico uses his magic to lift the roof and release the wishes of Rosas back to their people. Amaya tells them that now they have a chance to fulfill their dreams, and she and Magnifico will be behind them every step of the way.

Dahlia steps foreword and thanks them for apologizing.

Basically they can still remain king and queen but they start a council of representatives where people can address them directly about problems and stuff

Then, Asha turns to the seven and says she has to apologize to them. For treating them all so poorly in the past.

They forgive her, and when she asks how they can do something like that so easily, Dahlia smiles. “It’s what friends do.”

“…friends?”

“Do you have a hearing problem, or something?”

“Gabo!”

“Sorry, Bazeema!”

Asha laughs and turns to Star who spins her around.

“I have friends!”

“You have friends!”

Meanwhile, Gabo whispers to Simon how they ever feared the princess. She was just a sad, lonely, friendless girl.

Asha turns to her wand and discovers it broken in half when she was blasted backwards.

Star restores her wand, and she says she’s going to be the most powerful sorceress in the history of ever and Gabo says she looks like a stupid fairy.

Asha glares.

“A fairy godmother,” Gabo smirks.

Star laughs and says that sounds amazing and Asha groans and bites back a smile.

Star smiles at the family, but he looks sad still. Asha holds his hands and he rubs her thumb.

“You have to return to the sky, don’t you?”

“If I had a choice, I’d choose to stay by your side.”

“I’ll keep on wishing on stars. I’ll find a way to bring you back.”

He tells Asha that they’ve learned that sending your greatest desires into the universe in hopes that they’ll be answered doesn’t do anything. It didn’t work for Magnifico, and it didn’t work for Asha. Instead, the people of Rosas should work to achieve their dreams.

Asha says she’ll work to achieve a way to find him again, then. Since she was going to be the most powerful sorceress—

“Fairy godmother~”

“Shut up Gabo.”

—she’d find a way.

Star smiles and says she’s his dream girl, and Asha jokes that’s he’s got to work to achieve her.

Star flips his cape and says it’ll be easy since he’s so absurdly handsome, and Asha snorts as she pulls him down and raises an eyebrow at him. Star turns a bright pink, then rolls his eyes as he smiles and pulls Asha up in the air with him by her waist, and the two kiss.

When they finally separate, Star is vibrating happily and he accidentally shoots out a magic blast at a nearby chicken, which makes it grow big and lay a giant egg on Gabo.

Star winks at her and returns to the sky.

EDIT BC I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO ADD THIS BUT

ASHA DOES END UP USING HER FAIRY GODMOTHER POWERS TO HEAL SAFI’S SABI

MAYBE SHE MAKES A MAGIC FLOWER FROM A SUNDROP AND DAHLIA COOKS A PETAL INTO A COOKIE THAT HEALS SABINO

THEN BEFORE STAR LEAVES HE PROMISES TO HIDE THE GLOWER IN A FAR AWAY KINGDOM EHERE NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO EXPLOIT IT FOR IMMORTALITY (*side eyes Gothel*)

HE DOES END UP GETTING HEALED OK THE PEEPAW DOESN’T DIE

#disney wish #princess asha #wish asha #wish movie #asha wish #wish disney #wish 2023 #king magnifico #queen amaya #wish #disney #disney 100 #disney anniversary #walt disney animation studios #rewrite #au #rewriting #writing by sapphire

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bloodyodyssey · 24 days

Text

COMM POST IS BACK UP YAYYYY 🎉🎉🎉 This time with up to 8 slots at a time, 3 for busts, 3 for half body, and 2 for full body! Each listing also allows for up to one extra character to be added on at half price!

***If you don't want to commission me that's also fine i'd apreciate just a regular kofi dono or just sharing this around bc my finances are maybe extremely worrying right now. i will also be considering opening a google doc or some other order form to allow payments via cashapp. Anyways heres a general breakdown of the pricing system and my will's/wont's under the cut:

So how do I (you, the buyer) choose what I want?

SO when you open up the request form it should look something like this!

We're using the bust order as our example here. At its base price, $15, it is set for the black and white option. If this is what you would like, then you don't have to worry about the add ons at all and you go straight to submitting your request! Now, if you're choosing add ons, it'll look something like these:

The first would be an example of an order of a flat color bust + an extra character bust with flat coloring as well. The color option adds the extra $10 (to match the listed price on the poster for $25), and the extra character with flat coloring adds half of that $25 to the order (well a little less bc i knocked off the .50 cents) which is why it comes out to $37.

The second would be an example of a black and white bust order with an added black and white bust character. This just adds an extra $7 to the price totaling $22.

What will you (the artist, me Brutus) draw?

If you want me to draw your oc or fanart of your favorite character I GOT U!!!

I'm also comfortable drawing blood and gore though I'll have to keep it on the lighter side (I enjoy blood if it isnt obvious by my url though so depending on what you want we might be able to go a little further with that).

I can do characters with armor as well, however I will require a reference of some sort from you, the client, as I'm frankly not going to attempt armor off the dome. I won't design armor myself either.

Pinups (not full nsfw due to how much of a struggle it is to navigate different site policies) and other suggestive works are also a-ok! a tity does not bother me if that wasn't made clear by my commission card 👍🏽

What will you (the artist, me Brutus) NOT draw?

Im not comfortable trying to draw real people as of right now sorry! I'd hate to mess that up and have somebody clown me for messing up their beloved's features so that is off the table right now but it's subject to change.

I also won't do furry/anthro just because that isn't my forte as I haven't practiced drawing animalistic characters. There r plenty of talented furry artists for you to choose from and I could talk to someone to guide you to a few

(I can do more humanoid fantasy characters however. like mermaids, satyrs, etc)

More extreme gore and body horror is also off the table.

I may love mecha but as it is like armor and a bit more extreme, I'm not drawing it sorry. And also as stated above I'm not drawing armor regardless without a good reference.

Certain fandoms are a no-go for me due to my own comfort. A quick list would be: mogeko games, omori, south park, hetalia, attack on titan, mcyt, hazbin hotel/helluva boss. if you're not sure just ask!

I reserve the right to decline any comission request for any reason. Getting paid is nice but my comfort is nicer yknow.

And that should cover everything! If you still need to ask me anything, my main is @odysseys-blood (since you cant recieve messages on a side blog). Thank you so much for reading and a little extra thank you if you decide to commission me ❤️

#artists on tumblr #black artist #im hoping this isnt too long i tried to keep it brief but i wanted to make sure i made everything clear!#but if you have any questions feel free to shoot me a message!

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jeons-catalyst · 12 days

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I don't ship jikook or talk about them being together on main and I don't try to convince people they're together but they sometimes do something that just makes me pause. For sometime I made myself watch other ship edits and theories because I felt I must be becoming biased from watching too many jikook edits. I was hoping I would get the sense that they all act like that with each other and I just never noticed or that seeing a bunch of ship edits with people I know aren't together would make me realise that jikook are the same. But they hit different. I will still never be fully convinced they're together but I also don't think it's crazy to think they might be.

I still don't really like the concept of shipping though. Some people portray them really weirdly online and this alpha-omega stuff is really disturbing to me.

Well i feel like none of us can really be sure that Jikook are 100% together but the truth is that, they make you wonder.

You can watch as many ship videos of other pairs as you like but Jikook’s charm to me is in how realistic they are. I have seen so many people try to debunk jikook by claiming that all ships in kpop act like them but when i ask them to show me other ships in their fetus years acting like jikook, it is crickets. There is something that is extremely different about Jikook.

In all my years of being a BTS and kpop fan, i have never seen any other duo being accused of hating each other as much as Jikook. Many people take this negatively (and it is negative) but this to me is all the proof you need to know that Jk never had the same relationship with Jimin as he did with the rest of the members. Jikook’s fetus days is a sour topic for most Jikookers but nothing has ever convinced me more about Jikook than how they both behaved with each other when they were younger.

We had an annoyingly clingy Jimin who kept questioning himself on why he liked Jk so much, a jimin who you could tell has no experience in dating and that was probably his first time having a crush too and he didnot know what to do with himself. He basically just let his heart lead him into looking like the biggest simp (said this in the most loving way) for Jk. Asking Jk for kisses and dates on the beach holding hands only to get rejected but still not relenting his efforts. He liked Jk and nothing was going to stop him from following his heart (and we literally see this aspect of Jimin in how he doesn’t stop until he has achieved his dreams) he wanted Jk and no amount of “rejections” or being shoved into walls was going to change that. (I know this sound sad but it’s the truth)

Jk on the other hand was your typical teenage boy with a crush.

These are a few characteristics of teenage boys with a crush. Can you tick how many of these things apply to Jungkook and Jimin that we know of?

1: Nervousness: Till this day, Jk is still not very able to look Jimin in the eyes and it was worse when they were younger. On my older account i posted a video compilation of Jk looking at Jimin and immediately looking away when Jimin looked his way. (Tbf, not many people can look Jimin in the eyes). The only time you will see Jk stare Jimin down is when he is determined to make him flustered and then you see Jimin fold like a lawn chair.

2: Attention seeking/ teasing: There was no other member….scratch that. There is no other member that Jk teases as much as he teases Jimin. He has found all the possible ways on earth to tease Jimin and many people unfortunately took that to mean he hated Jimin but the truth is, nobody takes all that time to tease someone they don’t like. When you really don’t like someone, you generally just avoid them, you don’t continuously go up to them to tease them about different things. This is what you do when you want their attention but don’t want to seek it in a way that makes it obvious that you like them and this is very common in adolescent or teenage crushes.

3:Protectiveness: We didn’t really see alot of this is fetus Jungkook but as he grew older, he became extremely protective of Jimin. He would speak up for Jimin, defend Jimin, warn other members not to fling things at Jimin, charge at people with frying pans, warn his hyung to not make fun of Jimin but instead make him feel better, take the blame for things Jimin did and the list goes on. It’s no wonder Jimin has said several times that he feels safe when he is with Jungkook. He wouldn’t say this if it wasn’t true.

4: Shyness: Till this day, many people pull out those shoving videos or videos of Jk “rejecting” jimin’s kisses or dates and they use them as proof that Jk hated Jimin. What they don’t release is that Jk probably acted sometimes to such extremes because Jimin flustered the hell outta him. All his hyungs dotted on him and loved on him but not once did Jk ever say he ignored or was cold towards any of the other hyungs because he was shy. If you really thing about this statement he made, what did he have to be shy about? If Jimin was to him the same way the other 5 hyungs were, why did he get shy with his hyung just trying to be affectionate? You would see Tae cuddle and hug Jungkook and will just bask in it. You will see Jin literally put Jk in between his legs and pat his head like a baby and Jk would sit there enjoying every second of it. You will see Hobi give him kisses and hugs and Jk will savour every bit of it but the moments he sees Jimin coming from his periphery, he states shaking like a pair of old underwear. Why? What was it about Jimin’s affection that made him so “shy” to receive it if Jimin was the same to him as the others?

I understand that Jimin could be intense but most people would react to that intensity with annoyance if they don’t like it, instead of saying that they are shy.

5: Mirroring: Do i even need to explain this one. Other than the fact that Jk copied Jm so much that even he noticed it, watching some fetus jikook videos will make you laugh because of how much copying and Mirroring Jk did. Most of then were done subconsciously too.

6: Trying to impress: I don’t even want to remember the fact that Jk never stopped flexing his muscles or acting “manly” around Jimin the moment Jimin mentioned that he liked those things about Jk. I don’t know if many of you have noticed but if you look at the way Jk behaves with all the other 5 hyungs, you will see moments of him just letting them dote on him like the maknae he is but that is something i have never seen him do with Jimin. The funny thing is, Jimin always tries to just dote on him and treat him like a baby sometimes but Jk doesn’t let him. You don’t hear Jk calling any of his other hyung “baby” (not in a romantic sense but the literal sense of the word). You don’t really see Jk drop formalities with any of his other hyungs like he does with Jimin. All these things are probably his ways of acting “manly” because he knows that Jimin likes that about him.

It is also kinda funny to me how people used some of those videos from fetus Jikook’s days to debunk the idea that these two could ever like each other like that forgetting that we will see Jk shove Jimin at walls infront of the camera but we later hear that he has gone to cuddle Jimin in his sleep, or has piled clothes in his bed to go sleep in Jimin’s bed or has put blankets outside the room to sleep with Jimin on the floor or you are hearing making taking a video of Jimin while saying “i want you”3x or you are hearing him say that out of all the members he spends most of his nights with Jimin and he apparently doesn’t know what they do🤨.

This is why i had once mentioned that it takes a good reasoning faculty, life experience and some level of physical and emotional maturity to understand jikook. You need to have discernment to know what to take at face value and what to look at a little closer.

I know i digressed alot anon, but to me, no other ship in BTS will ever come close to what Jikook have. It doesn’t matter how many slowed down videos of eye contact or touches or of Jk just being a good friend and human being i watch, i will never see this level of reality that i see when i watch jikook. Other ship videos may give me more butterflies because of how almost every moment is wholesome but Jikook gives me a reality check.

#jikook #jungkook #jimin #fetus jikook #jikook dynamic

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starlight-writer · 1 year

Text

Randomly Cuddling Them

A/n: Hahaha hiiii (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠）it's meeeee I'm baaaaack In all seriousness, I've been dealing with a shit ton of stuff and summer depression is kicking my ass. I'm sorry I haven't posted in ages even when I promised I would, I just haven't been able to motivate myself to write. I won't promise you guys a schedule or another fic anytime soon, but I will say that I have no intentions of deleting this blog or stopping writing all together. Just be patient with me and to those who have requested things, I'm sorry I haven't answered them. They'll all come in due time :) In the meantime, have some fluff to make you forget about your depression.

Warnings: none, fluff, slight angst(?)

Gn Reader Masterlist

Steven

Welcomes the cuddle with open arms

He'll ask if you’re ok a few times, just wanting to make sure his darling is feeling well

He'll pet your hair and start talking about his day or a new book he's read to fill the silence

"You wouldn't believe the ending though! The main character has to sacrifice his "

Just sort of talks about anything to fill the comfortable silence, hoping it'll distract you from anything that's stressing you out

Definitely playfully brags to Jake and Marc in the headspace during and after the cuddles

"They wanted to cuddle with me :D"

Once you're ready to pull away, he'll give you a kiss on the forehead and continue reading or whatever it was before, but keeps an eye on you

He isn't sure what brought on the cuddles, and while he loves them, he wants to make sure you're ok

If you start looking upset or frustrated with a task, he'll gently pull you away from whatever you're doing and sit you on the couch

"Lovey, you can finish it later, just sit with me for a bit yeah?"

He'll pull you into his chest and read aloud from his book or ramble about something to distract you

He'll play with your fingers, interlacing them and kissing your finger tips before holding your hand to his face

"Love you, darling"

He'll say in the sweetest voice, you'll forget all about the stresses of the day or the stresses of tomorrow

Mission accomplished

Marc

He's a little caught off guard, but pulls you into his arms eagerly

He'll never turn down cuddles (cough touch starved cough)

He'll run his fingers through your hair or rub his hand up and down your back

He'll ask if you're ok, but won't push past that

He'll stay silent unless you ask him to talk

"Uh... I saw a lizard earlier today. It reminded me of you cause it was cute :)"

He's trying his best

If you stay in his arms for a long period of time, he'll start to think something might be wrong so he'll start making really really bad jokes

"I went to the deli earlier and the sausage they gave me was the wurst :D"

He won't stop until you laugh and he's not above tickling you until you pee your pants

It's like he unlocks a little box inside his head of terrible jokes and playfulness just for the purpose of seeing you smile

After the cuddles session, he'll watch over you carefully

If you start looking stressed or tired or anything but relaxed, he'll pop off with another joke

"Ya know, babe, I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me."

Is that a frown on your perfect lips? Not on his watch

"I don't think I told you this before, but I used to be able to play piano by ear. Now I have to play it with my hands."

Eventually, if you start looking too stressed, he'll just pull you into another cuddle session

"Can't have my baby getting stressed."

He'll explain, kissing you on the forehead and shushing you if you try to leave

He'll carry you to bed or the couch, locking you underneath him with his head on your chest

"So comfy, might just fall asleep here."

He snores loudly, trying to coax a giggle or two out of you

And when you fall asleep from the warmth he gives off, he'll watch you with love in his eyes

"Goodnight, babe. I love you."

Jake

There're two ways this could go depending on how he feels

He could be very smug about it, hold you tightly to his chest, mutter things like 'poor bebito/a, so needy for their Papi~' and make sexual or teasing jokes to lighten the mood

Or he could hold you securely in his arms, run his fingers across your back, occasionally kiss your head, and ask in a hushed voice 'what's wrong, mi amor?'

He thrives on physical affection, so either way he's incredibly happy to give it to you

Whether it be a quick kiss, setting his hand on the small of your back as he walks by, resting his hand on your thigh as he drives, or just touching your knee with his in a crowded space, he loves all of it

And depending on why you suddenly held onto him, he'll be very attentive

If he's making jokes when you just want to be held, he'll pick up in it right away and mutter a small apology with a kiss

He'll hum a song he heard on the radio, he'll keep his breathing long and slow to help calm you down if needed, he'll even read you one of Steven's 'boring' books

He's like Marc in a way, they'll both do absolutely everything in their power to make you smile or laugh if the situation calls for it

If you've gotten your fill of cuddles and start to pull away, he'll pout and pull you back down, muttering something about feeling cold without you on top of him

Which is a lie, they run extremely hot which has cancelled many cuddle sessions in the summer because 'It's too hot, Jake! And don't give me those puppy eyes!'

He refuses to let you go until you explicitly tell him you want him to

He'll act all sad, but he lets you go after a passionate kiss

Openly watches you closely afterwards, determined to see any slip of annoyance or frustration so he can whisk you away to your shared room and cuddle the stress away

And the second your brow twitches in frustration, he's coming up behind you and hugging you

"Bebito/a, dance with me."

He'll say, already swaying to the music playing in his head

He'll spin you around and subtly drag you away from the chore or work you were doing with a charming smile and his swaying hips

When you've rested your head on his chest and sigh softly, following the shuffling of his feet and sway of his hips, he knows he's succeeded in calming you down

#marc spector x reader #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #marc spector #marvel #jake lockley #moon knight #steven grant #jake lockley x gn!reader #marc spector x gn!reader #steven grant x gn!reader #starlight writes

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unknowinglydeceasedlol · 3 months

Text

idk who needs to hear this but you *can* relate to someone’s struggles with a specific disorder without having said disorders

it’s honestly one of my biggest frustrations when you’re venting about a disorder you have or see people talking about it online and then you see people chime in “omg I didn’t think I had this but I relate to this so I have it!” and i don’t mean those people who have genuine concerns about having a specific disorder. (fyi, if you have genuine concerns regarding a specific disorder you may have, this isn’t about you!! it’s perfectly valid to stumble upon a disorder you didn’t know existed that explains your situation perfectly and have questions about it <3)

i’ll use this as an example but if someone is currently struggling through cancer and they vent to you about extreme exhaustion and fatigue, most people wouldn’t be like “omg I feel exhausted and fatigued too!! i must have cancer!” but would probably say something along the lines of “ive struggled through exhaustion and fatigue myself due to other reasons so i can understand what you’re going through and how you feel.” it’s okay to have questions about disorders and want to know more to maybe better situations you’re going through/ are in but just seeing one thing you relate to and claiming a whole disorder because of it can be very damaging to the people who have said disorders.

as someone with a cluster b personality disorder, there’s already so much stigma around them and that’s excluding all my other disorders/ problems. i’ve seen people who have no idea what BPD is, relate to a small portion of it, claim it as something they have with no research into it or professional advice, and then unknowingly play into stereotypes or spread more stigma about it. there’s so much more to a disorder than one or two things you see someone posting about. there’s also a lot of other things someone could have that also change how disorders present themselves in different people.

a person can have disorder A and vent about it but what you don’t know is that they also have disorder B, C, D, and E. although their main post is about disorder A, disorder C, D and E can also be big factors in it without you knowing. you might be relating more to the disorder C and E aspect of it over the “main” disorder A part of it than you really realize.

the purpose of me saying all this is not to be hateful, “gatekeep”, discourage people who genuinely have concerns, want to participate in genuine conversations about these topics, or for any other malicious reason. im just coming at this as a person to who’s genuinely really exhausted. it’s already so hard living with certain disorders and then you see people online who glorify, romanticize, or even fetishize certain disorders while cause harm to those people who genuinely suffer from it.

i stumbled upon someone’s post on a different platform and her whole shtick was “i have BPD but I’m uber normal abt it and not bat shit insane like literally everyone else who has it + having FPs is totally amazing and not super draining and exhausting” and it was honestly heartbreaking. her whole reasoning for having bpd was that she got obsessive over people she was in love with so therefore it was her FPs and got depressed if they didn’t spend time with her.

if you’re genuinely curious and have real concerns, please do your hardest to research it and/ or seek professional advice if possible. don’t put others who have the disorder down when they don’t meet or work with your agenda. thank you.

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ultralightpoe · 9 months

Text

Lavender Haze - Jake Seresin

Authors Note: I have been trying to find any sort of energy to post and get out of bed. Got so close to giving up on life itself and I'm barely back, please bare with me as I try to find my way out of my depression hole I have dug for myself everyone. I know it's been a minute but life has been kicking my ass. Be patient with me - Ultralight

Word Count: 5024 (and i hate every bit of them)

Warnings: poorly written smut.

Apart of my MIDNIGHTS EVENT. (Next Event is Sour by Olivia Rodrigo. Requests closed. Event following yet to be decided)

SOUR EVENT

MAIN MASTERLIST

Enjoy!

Meet me at midnight

Starin' at the ceilin' with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

The bar was long forgotten behind them, both bodies merged into one as they clung to each other, leaning against the car behind them as their lips refused to separate. Moans slipped from both parties and buttons were being toyed with as both parties did their best to separate.

It was a struggle, one that neither could really fight, but finally they pulled back to breathe. Eyes gazing into each other as they panted to catch their breath, bodies pressed to each other.

“This is a really bad idea.” He mutters. “We should stop.”

“We should.” You mutter back, nodding slightly as you both stare back at each other. Then in a split your lips are back on eachother, trying to eat eachothers faces off.

“I am so happy you came to see me.” Your brother smiles, hugging you tightly in the baggage check of the airport, spinning you around. “I have so much I want to show you.”

“Is there a bathroom and maybe a taco truck on the itinerary?” You joke, pulling back to stare at Bob with a small smile.

“Oh! Yeah! Let’s go!” Your brother laughs, snatching your bag quickly and leading you through the airport as he talks your ear off about his new station. “And tomorrow I can show you around the flight pad.”

“Will I get to meet all the handsome pilots?”

“Yes.”

“Can I marry some of them?”

“Some?”

“I like to keep my options open.” You laugh, watching your brother's face fall into one of disgust. You were so incredibly thankful that your brother was letting you live with him while you started your new job out here, it was one less thing to worry about. “But all jokes aside I am excited to meet all your friends.”

I've been under scrutiny (yeah, oh, yeah)

You handle it beautifully (yeah, oh, yeah)

All this shit is new to me (yeah, oh, yeah)

Somehow you had both made it into his car, him driving as you stared at him silently, your hands fidgeting in your lap from the nerves until he reaches over to hold one of your hands in his own.

“You want me to drop you home?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road until you don’t answer and finally moving to look at you. “If you are uncomfortable I can drop you off-”

“I’m fine.” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss him again as your heart races. He smiles, kissing you back before the light turns green and he turns back to the road. You were beginning to silently beg him to run the red lights.

“Okay so this is my desk, but I’m not here often-” Bob explains, fixing his glasses as you follow him around with a small smile. “And that is Natasha’s desk. Our desks are always by each other.”

“That’s fun.” You smile, leaning forward to pick up one of his pens. “Can I have this-”

“No.” Your brother mumbles, slapping it out of your hand and moving you in another direction. “This is Rooster, and you remember Phoenix-”

“Good to see you, Natasha!” You smile, leaning to hug her.

“We use our callsigns here, Y/n.” Bob corrects, making you roll your eyes. “Got it bob.”

“It’s great seeing you Y/n.” Natasha smiles, following Rooster out. Your brother takes you around to meet more of his team, introducing you nervously until you got to him.

“Who is this here?” The voice drawls out as the man smiles at you, dropping the bag he was carrying easily to reach his hand out. “I don’t believe I have ever met such a beauty before-”

“Come on, Y/n.” Your brother mumbles, slapping the other guys hand away as he turns you to walk away. “That was Jake, stay away from him.”

“Oh?” You laugh, following your brother while risking a glance back to Jake, seeing the man already staring back at you.

I feel the lavender haze creepin' up on me

Surreal, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

By the time you both make it into his apartment you are conjoined again, chest to chest as you melt into each other, the heat of your skin taking control as he shoves you against the door to shut it, his hands traveling down your sides past your ass until they get to your thighs.

“This is a terrible idea.” He whispers against your lips, biting down on your bottom lip making you moan out.

“Shut it, Jake.”

“Your brother is going to kill me, Sugar.” Oh that nickname, that terrible terrible nickname that did terrible things to you.

“Let’s not talk about my brother right now, yeah?” You giggle out, reaching a hand to struggle against the buttons of his shirt before you grow frustrated and just tear at it making the buttons fly across his floor.

“Fuck.” He gasps, lunging for your lips again.

“So I don’t get it.” You start, staring at your older brother across the table after you get home from your first day of work that evening, watching him scoop you up the food he made. “You love your team, but not him?”

“No, he is included.”

“Then why do you talk about him like you hate him?”

“Because he is kind of an asshole. And he goes home with a different girl every night, so going out to drink with him basically means you are going out by yourself and watching him flirt with some tramp all night.”

“Right because females living their best sexual life makes them tramps.” You scoff making your brother blush.

“Good point.”

“I just don’t get why you hate him so much.”

“On the team? Lucky to have him. In everything else? Biggest tool I know. Just stay away.” He warns, using a spoon to threaten you.

“Will do four eyes.” You scoff. “I don’t even think he is that attractive.”

All they keep askin' me (all they keep askin' me)

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)

Is a one-night or a wife

“I think you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever fucking met.” Jake mutters, dragging you away from the door and picking you up by your thighs, your nails dragging across his skin in a way that makes him groan. “Do that again.”

You giggle, leaning down to kiss him as he carries you across the room, a tight hold on you when he trips over his own shoes in an attempt to tear them off. “Shit- sorry.”

“Anyone ever tell you how hot you are?” You were sure many people had, but you still admired the way his cheeks flamed up at your praise, his lips moving down your neck as he kissed and sucked in an effort to please you.

Before you know it he had you set upon his kitchen table, reaching an arm out to knock everything off before he reached to lift your dress above your head. “I’ve been waitin’ for this since I met ya, Sugar.”

“Then hurry up.” You bite out, reaching to nip at his collar bone.

“This is such a terrible idea.” Bob mutters, fixing his shirt for the hundredth time that day as you look around the room.

“I think it looks great.”

“They are going to think it’s stupid.” He blushes, scratching the back of his neck before bringing a hand up to fix his glasses. “Make fun of me.”

“If they think it’s stupid then they are assholes, yeah? I think it looks great.” You snap, reaching to answer the door when the bell rings out.

Your brother had thrown a western party for the premiere of a show they all watched, and had even roped you (pun intended) into dressing up and joining them even though you never watched the show and always thought it to be stupid and cheesy.

But this was your brother so you wore a stupid country getup and put on a smile, answering the door like you were so excited to see all his friends. “Come on in! Welcome!”

They had all dressed up as well, a fact that made your heart swell when your brother saw the effort they had put in, showing them where he had laid out all the snacks.

“Any of your friends comin’?” Jake Seresin, the one your brother warned you about, asks when you turn back to him in the doorway.

“Oh! No, I haven’t really made many friends yet. New and all.” You shrug, trying to fight the embarrassed heat that travels your neck at the thought. It had been months since you moved out here, and the only people you saw were your brother and your coworkers……and your coworkers hate you.

Well, it’s not that they hated you but more so the fact that they were all a lot older and had been going out for their friday drinking nights long before anyone else got there, and they weren’t too keen on inviting the new kids. Not that you’d ever want to go out drinking with a bunch of bitchy 60 year olds who brought up how they thought abortion was murder even though you had been discussing crayons. (AN: This actually happened to me. I still to this day cannot figure out how she managed to change the conversation so quickly)

“You should come out drinking with us some time then.” He smiles, nodding his head to Bradley as the man passes. “It’s loads of fun.”

“Loads of fun watching you tackle the conquest of the night?”

“Ah, so you’ve been warned about my ways.”

“Sadly for you.” You tease, smiling when your brother walks up. You can see the hesitation on his face, and already know your brother thinks he is about to be made fun of.

“Thanks for coming Hangman.”

“Hey, you’re house your nicknames. Bagman will do just fine under your roof.” Jake smiles, and everyone whips their heads to watch. “I brought some twizzlers and black licorice. Figured the licorice would match the wild west theme and the twizzlers would actually taste good.”

“Thanks Bagman.” You brother smiles, grabbing the bag from him and moving to set it with the snacks. When Jake passes by he risks a look at you, and you can’t stop the smile that spreads across your face when he blushes at your wink.

“Let’s get this show started!” Fanboy laughs, clapping his head as they all rush to the couches. You take your chance to head upstairs, knowing your brother would be fine.

I find it dizzying (yeah, oh, yeah)

They're bringin' up my history (yeah, oh, yeah)

But you aren't even listening (yeah, oh, yeah)

(Ooh-whoa)

Both of you were left panting as he struggled with the zipper of his pants, stuck in an intoxicating glow, your hands rubbing along the exposed skin as he finally shoved his pants off, kicking them and his boxers to the side.

“You sure?” He mutters, his nose pressing against your cheek in a soft manner and he pulls you closer to the end up the table by your hips.

“Like no other.” You whimper, legs wrapping around him as you move to kiss him. He nods, making sure you are ready before entering you in one swift motion, grunting into the kiss as you moan out.

“And here I was worried about no foreplay.” He gasps out, watching your eyes flutter beneath him.

“Shut it.” You snipe, biting down on his lip as you move your hips in an effort to make him move. Your stomach clenches and you gasp out, enjoying the way his hands tighten on your hips to keep you close for a moment.

“Not being a dick, Sugar, just admiring.” He mutters, taking a second to kiss down your chest before he begins his movements.

“What an asshole.” Natasha mutters, stabbing at her froyo with the cheap plastic spoon they gave her at the froyo shop.

“Because he charged you for the m&ms you ate while we were in line?” You laugh, watching her glare.

“No. I’m talking about Jake.”

“Ah, slutty bagman.” You giggle, already picturing him in your mind. Not that you would ever admit this to your brother or his flight partner but ever since you saw him in Uniform he had been running through your mind all day and night, then in the country getup and it was like a romance novel brought to life.

You, sadly, had been reading nothing but country romances since. You seriously missed having friends.

“That what Bob calls him?”

“No, it’s what I’ve named him after everything I have heard. What did he do?”

“Stole my spot.”

“How so?”

“He’s……..”

“If you are about to tell me that he got that spot because he is a man I will shred his fucking throat out.”

“No, and that’s the annoying part. I know I can beat just about anyone, especially with your brother at my 6. But Jake is an amazing pilot and he deserved the spot but I had been working for it since I started, you know?”

“Does he know?”

“No, talking to him is like talking to a mean parrot. He mocks and repeats, but never really understands.”

“Parrots understand actually, they can have whole conver-”

“That was your takeaway from that?”

“Why don’t you just ask him for lessons?”

“Because he would brag. And then it would start a fight and we would all be stuck doing 500 pushups on the flight pad again.” The image of Jake all sweaty from pushups and sun flashes through your mind and you nearly drop the cup you were holding, choosing to set it down with shaky hands.

“I think you guys all just don’t really give him a chance.”

“Yeah, well……he is an asshole.”

“So I have heard.”

I feel the lavender haze creepin' up on me

Surreal, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

That lavender haze

The kitchen table slid against the floors as Jake grunted out, one hand flying to the table for better traction while the other slipped up your side until he was cupping your cheek in his hand. “You good, Sugar?”

Good? That barely began to describe the feeling you were in right now. This man knew exactly what to say, where to touch, your stomach was clenching and you could barely catch your breath under his gaze. “pleasedon’tstop .”

He smiles as you gasp out, leaning to catch your lips on his own as the hand that had been placed on your cheek reaches down to pinch and roll at your breasts. “Never.”

It came out as more of a growl than an actual word but you were just fine with that, moaning loudly as your hands tried to grip on for dear life, listening to the sound of the table scratching on the hardwood.

He seems to recognize how loud it was, stopping his movements to pick you up and take you over to the couch, smiling widely when you whine out at the lack of contact. “You said you wouldn’t stop.”

“Yeah, but I’d have to stop if we got a noise complaint.” He smiles, bringing you in for a kiss as he leads you to lay on the couch, his lips dragging down your jaw until he reaches your collarbone and adjusts himself. “Ready?”

“Obviousl-” You don’t get to finish the sentence, gasping out when his hand finds purchase on your clit as he pushes his hips into yours, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Are you seriously playing card games at church?” He laughs, making you jump out in surprise when he scares you, some of the cards flying from your hold as you whip around to face him.

“What are you doing here?!”

“You mean, going to church with the rest of the flight crew?” Damn, that one was kind of obvious. “You?”

“I had the day off and Bob said if he had to come then so did I.” You scoff, still obviously irritated that your brother dragged you out of bed like you were teenagers arguing over who had to leave with mom again.

“So you hid in the dark hallways and played cards with yourself.” Jake mumbles, moving to sit criss crossed from you, pulling the deck from our hand and shuffling it. “I like it.”

“I got bored.” You shrug, watching his expertly shuffle. “And all the older women keep asking me when I plan on getting married.”

“Ah, when do you plan on getting married?”

“When I meet the right person.” You snap, snatching the cards from him. “We’re playing goldfish.”

“With two people?”

“Fine, we are playing garbage.”

“You only know kid games, Sugar?”

“Feel free to go back in if you don’t like it.”

“Easy easy, just a question.” He laughs, holding his hands up in surrender as you deal out the cards. “Loser has to buy drinks tonight at the hangar.”

“That doesn’t work because I don’t plan on going out.”

“Now you do.”

“I have really important plans.” You lie.

“Yeah? Some smutty novel got your heart?” He teases and you feel yourself flush under his gaze, making him smile more. “Loser buys a round at the hangar tonight, then you can go home.”

“Fine.” You smile, getting ready to play.

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk (get it off my desk)

“Fuck fuck fuck.” He gasps out, feeling you fall apart under him before he stops for a second, forehead resting on your collarbone to breathe. “I hate you- right now I hate you.”

“That’s fair.” You smile, scratching his back some more to draw out a groan. His hips begin moving again, his forehead dragging along your skin until it rests against your own, his hands on either side of your head trapping you in.

“You are very intoxicating.”

“So are you.” You admit, legs tightening around his hips once more as he eases you into another high with barely any movement, sweat clinging to both your bodies.

The only problem with the bet you made this morning? You hadn’t known Jake was an expert at cheating at cards.

Which led you to the Hangar later that night, wearing your favorite party dress as your brother disappeared in the club lights to find his friends, leaving you at the bar to order drinks. You already missed the nice warmth of your bed and the ability to go to sleep early as you watched everyone move around you while you waited for the bartender.

“What can I get ya?” The tender asks the tall gentleman that had been beside you, raising a brow that obviously said he wanted to get going already.

“Just a coors and whatever this young peach would like!” At that request the tender turns to you with a bored expression while you shake your head.

“Oh, no thank you. I’m getting drinks for me and my friends. Thank you though.” You smile, shaking your head quickly to the guy while he shrugs.

“I don’t mind buying a round for pretty ladies. What do you want?”

“Really, I am fine.” You smile, moving to look around the club and try to find your brother under the lights, suddenly you feel a hand rubbing at your shoulder in a gross manner.

“Sweetie, how bout you let a gentleman treat you well for once?”

“How bout you get your hands off her, yeah pal?” Jake’s voice sounds out from behind you, pushing the hand off your shoulder and turning to the bartender. “Two shots of her choice on this pervs tab?”

“You got it.” The bartender smiles, watching you point to your favorite liquor as grabby douche shakes his head.

“I’m not buying drinks for you and your boyfriend!”

“But I thought you wanted to treat me well?” You ask, blinking at him with a fake dumb look that has him sneering at you until the bartender comes back and hands you both shots. “Have a great night, thanks for the round Sweetie.”

Jake lets you walk in front of him, keeping an eye on the asshole just in case, easing up when you both make it to the table with the shots. You slide one to him, smiling from ear to ear.

“To assholes not knowing no.”

“To people who don’t know how to play card games.” He clinks the shot to your own in cheers before throwing it back, laughing when your face pinches up.

“You cheated!”

“Did not!”

“Did to!”

“By the way this does not count as the round you owe me!”

“Does so!”

“Does not!”

“I hate you!”

“That’s fair, sugar.”

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

(Ooh-whoa)

Three highs later you both are laying on his rug in the living room, side by side as you try to catch your breath, blinking slowly.

“For such a bad idea that felt great.” You blurt, voice scratchy and worn out, watching as he tiredly sits up, moving to drag you back onto the couch from where you had fallen, wrapping his arms around you as the cushions engulf you both.

“Bad ideas always turn out the best in my opinion.” He mutters, pulling the blanket down to cover both your figures.

“You are so dead if Bob finds out.”

“Shhh, I’ll worry about my funeral after we get some sleep.”

One round turned into four rounds which turned into you and Jake staying long after everyone else left, laughing your asses off as the night descended into chaos. Suddenly you both were playing a drunken game of two truths and a lie, cackling at every little thing possible.

“Okay okay. 1.) I cheated at the card game. 2.) My name is Jake and 3.) I drive a jeep.”

“I saw your truck on the way in here dumbass.” You snort before the words process fully. “YOU ADMIT TO CHEATING!”

“Nuh huh, it’s your turn.” He snorts, poking your cheek.

“Okay. 1.) I am bobs sister 2.) I hate my new job and 3.) I know how to fly a plane.”

“You hate your job?” He asks seriously, face falling a bit as he watches you. “But Bob said you seem to love it.”

“That’s because I want him to think I love it so he doesn’t feel bad.” You admit, watching him closely. “He already has enough stress.”

“What do you hate about your job?”

“The old people I work with, the basic tasks they give me when I am supposed to be learning an entirely new field not to mention I just really miss my friends at my old job. I can never seem to catch a break with this crew, not that I would want to since they are all kind offf…..” You trail off when you realize how close to him you had gotten, a haze coming over you and for a moment the only thing you can think of is closing the gap and kissing him.

Jake takes the chance, leaning forward to capture your lips on his own, both of you trapped in a heated liplock for a moment before he tears away breathless. “Bob can never know I just did that.”

“Agreed.” You whisper, blinking up at him for a moment before lunging for another kiss the same time he does, your hands flying to his shirt to pull him close.

Before either of you know it you are both stumbling to his truck, tripping and stumbling on the way.

It was a struggle, one that neither could really fight, but finally they pulled back to breathe. Eyes gazing into each other as they panted to catch their breath, bodies pressed to each other.

“This is a really bad idea.” He mutters. “We should stop.”

“We should.” You mutter back, nodding slightly as you both stare back at each other. Then in a split your lips are back on eachother, trying to eat eachothers faces off.

I feel (I feel) the lavender haze creepin' up on me

Surreal, I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say (oh, yeah)

No deal (no deal), the 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

The shrill sound of his alarm clock at 5am wakes you both up quickly, snapping awake in a panic as he lunges to turn if off. “Sorry,”

You can barely hear him over the pounding in your head, throwing your face into the throw pillow on his couch to block out the sun while he struggles to find his boxers, slipping them on and shuffling over to you. “Alright, come on.”

“Are you kicking me out?” You whine, looking up at him with a heartbroken face as he pushes one hand under your thighs and the other behind your back.

“God no, I’m taking you to bed.” He smiles sleepily, tripping over one of your shoes as he pads to the room, keeping his hold on you tight. “That couch sucks.”

The second he sees the bed is within limits he throws you on, shuffling to grab one of his shirts and throws it at your face before moving to climb under the blankets. Watching you slowly dress into the shirt before holding the comforter up like a tent while you crawl into the embrace, and before you both know it you are snoring again. Missing the dozens of messages left by your brother.

It’s the pounding that wakes you up next….okay well not the pounding but Jake getting up to go investigate the sound and you missing the warmth the wakes you up, but the second you hear the sound you sit up to watch him disappear from sight.

You hear the door creak open before you hear the voice. “Do you know where my sister went last night? Because she is not answering her phone and she didn’t come home-”

“About that. Listen Bob she-”

“And I am really worried since she always at least messages me-”

“She’s in my room..” Jake says it so naturally, and by the time you reach the doorway wrapped in his comforter you can hear the thud of your brother's fist bashing into Jake's face, gasping out when he falls harshly.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” You scream, rushing up to help Jake off the floor as Bob glares.

“I told him to stay away from you- I told you to stay away from HIM!” Bob yells, rubbing his forehead. “Y/n he is a-”

“Not to me.” You scoff, wrapping the blanket tighter. “You talk crap about him all the time but he’s nice to me!”

“Nice? He was just trying to get you into bed-”

“I was…. Jesus, I was going to take her out after we woke up today.” Jake sighs, rubbing his cheek. “I had this whole plan that just didn’t work out so now I am-”

“No no no. I don’t want to hear it.” Bob sighs. “You go get dressed. I’ll wait outside.”

He storms out after that, leaving you and Jake side by side in silence. “Told you it was a bad idea.”

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

That lavender haze, I just wanna stay

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

Four months later and you are sitting in Jake’s truck, decked out in purple as you try your best to get off the phone with your brother, watching Jake glare at the car in front of him.

“Oh, Bobby it looks like I am losing service-”

“You are such a liar. Just promise me you will send me pictures of Jake from that concert, everyone wants to see them.” He laughs and Jake sends a glare in your direction, obviously having heard your brother. “I need to see him in the getup.”

“No.” Jake snaps, shaking his head. In your opinion he looked amazing, decked out in a purple outfit for the Taylor Swift concert that he had brought you to. It had all gone amazing until the traffic afterwards hit and you were getting glitter all over his car.

“I think he looks great.” You mumble into the phone. “Okay I reallygottagobye.”

Your brother tries to argue but you are quick to hang up, reaching to turn the radio up only to be stopped by Jake. “Nuh uh.”

“What? Why?” You scoff slapping his hand before he slaps yours back.

“We were just at her concert. I love you…..and I love her but I think I just need a Taylor Swift break.” He mumbles, eyes widening when yours narrow. “Nevermind, I didn’t mean it.”

“What. Did. You. Say?” “I didn’t say anything. I love you so much, and I would never say anything against Taylor- ye OW!” He yelps when you pinch his arm.

“Take it back, say you are sorry!”

“NO!”

“TAKE IT BACK JAKE!”

“-LAVENDER HAZE CREEPIN OVER ME-” He ignores you, reaching to turn the song up as you scoff.

“I hate you.”

“That’s fair.” He smiles, leaning over to kiss your lips. “I love you too.”

(Authors Note: I have been trying to find any sort of energy to post and get out of bed. Got so close to giving up on life itself and I'm barely back, please bare with me as I try to find my way out of my depression hole I have dug for myself everyone. I know it's been a minute but life has been kicking my ass. Be patient with me - Ultralight)

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