#I hurt when you hurt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tamelee · 9 months

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Hi, Tamelee❤, I absolutely adore your art and your analysis.

Do you think Kakashi's choice of words regarding Sakura's feelings towards Sasuke "She's hurting from loving you" is a forshadowing? Is there any chance that both Sasuke and Naruto are fully aware that Naruto's "I hurt whenever you hurt" is a shonen-appropriate version of ILY? And in general,to which extent do you think Naruto is aware about the nature of his feelings for Sasuke post-vote2?

Hi @lilasskickergrimes !! thankyou so much! 💕 I apologize for this being so late. This post went into a different direction at first and then it was sitting in my drafts for a long time >.< sorry!! Hope you're doing well 🥹

Very long post, 🍵

Was Kakashi’s “she’s hurting from loving you” about Sakura to Sasuke basically Kishimoto telling the reader that if hurting because of the other person means they love them, then that is the same for Naruto and Sasuke? Since they hurt for each other, do they then love each other too? I mean, in a way, Kakashi's words can be used as another clue. It came up before and with other characters too (Sai), but I believe with anything- context matters.

Oh, Sakura was hurting alright, but why was she hurt?

Why was Sasuke? Or Naruto?

Kishimoto often uses parallels, but I feel like some don’t realize that a parallel doesn’t mean something is the same thing. That’s why storytellers use alternate timelines or universes to explain a parallel, but it is in the name, right? “Alternate”. They go in the same direction and are similar in nature but never touch. A comparison of sorts. That’s why it always matters why a parallel is linked to the alternate element and why it never touches- thus is different.

So, Kishimoto has shown what he values in romantic relationships for which he writes before. Like Dan/Tsunade, Minato/Kushina or even in earlier works like ‘Mario’. He always was able to convey a romantic relationship well if he chose to do so and if it was his intention. The same sorta clues are shown in earlier chapters where Naruto projects onto Sakura as she explains why she likes Sasuke and then he says that he understands her (pain) very well. A shonen-appropriate version (in your words) of “I completely understand how you feel Sakura, because if that's what it means, then I like Sasuke too and I feel the same way”. It is enhanced in the way he visualizes his art and message that Sakura is used as a tool (red herring) in order to mislead and yet have enough surface-level ammunition against criticism to make it seem like its otherwise. Unfortunately, those were the circumstances, but we wouldn’t have the story we do now if it weren’t for this..

However, Sakura hurting for “loving” Sasuke is not the same as Naruto and Sasuke hurting for the other. Kakashi even literally said that Sakura was hurting because she wanted to save Sasuke and she wanted him by his side.

Which means, Sakura is hurting because of selfish reasons. (Kishimoto’s words.) It is always about her and her wishes or what she thinks is best for another character without bothering to understand them first. (Note Naruto's expression as well.)

Sakura can’t hurt because of Sasuke.

Sasuke, apart from him and Sakura being teammates, never bothered with her and legitimately during the War couldn’t give a f- whether she lived or died. He didn’t have a personal bond with her, she was just part of team 7 and one he broke off the same way as everyone else excluding Naruto. She was never special nor precious as an individual. He reacted only to her intention of wanting to stab him in the back after she lied and had to knock her annoying ass out twice so she would stop following him because she selfishly thinks for some reason she’s more important to Sasuke, Naruto or even her team and the Shinobi world in general than she really is. But that is part of her character arc. Wanting to be included and then go beyond that so people will look at her back as she is insecure about the contrast between herself and Naruto/Sasuke, not just in terms of ability, but also the strength of their bond as said right before VotE2 where she points out what she lacks compared to Naruto. That she isn’t on equal terms in regard to Sasuke. Where she stops believing in both Naruto and Sasuke which she said she would after the bridge-scene, but then, yet again tries to interfere...

I mean... I have to give it to her, Sakura also does not give up when it comes to this.

That’s why Sakura fans, the very hardcore ones, that see Sasuke as some price that only belongs to her, blame him for her pain. They favor Sakura and her selfish wish and want Sasuke to repent and live a life full of guilt and regret for all he’s done to her. For all the pain he has caused their favorite character even though that’s totally unbefitting to all that happened. Which is kind of why that scene with Kakashi is mostly criticized because he sounds like an irrational fan. (I don’t believe that’s exactly why that was put there, but alas.) Her pain is her own. And as much as people dislike Kakashi defending her, I understand why Kishimoto put it there, especially amidst all the contrast and especially because it was placed right before VotE2 and it continued with a talk about love/hate with the Hermit. What usually is the ending of a story, is where Naruto and Sasuke’s journey still only begins... really.. considering the entire Shinobi world and what they were supposed to do :/

Sakura doesn’t know or understand anything about Sasuke that’s why she also can’t hurt for him.

She didn’t even try. And when Sakura did pick up on things here and there, she never bothered questioning those words like Naruto did and just went with the general narrative that Sasuke is a mindless criminal or that he’s changed for the worst. Therefore she stopped believing in him, his intentions and abandoned this version of Sasuke she didn’t like. She even had the time during the time-skip to do some research (as she did) as she had access to Tsunade’s notes, yet never, ever, once bothered to learn more about Sasuke to see if she could understand him. She only learned that Itachi is the one he wants to kill which was used as a moment to show that “she was going to do this whole thing with Naruto together” (and then failed multiple times). Like??

And also thought then it was okay to deliver Naruto to Akatsuki knowing he was a target if it meant “getting close to Sasuke-kun”.

Tbf, Naruto deliberately kept her in the dark about certain information and didn’t want to wait for her, hence his reactions when he finds out Sakura knows a few details too. Even later when Sakura asks him when Akatsuki started targeting him, he’s not fully honest.

When Sai later says that Naruto is also hurting because of Sakura, (for a different post) there is some truth to that as part of Naruto’s fear is letting people down.

That was the pain of the promise. It had nothing to do with Naruto wanting to keep it for her sake.

Sakura reacted very fake while ignoring Naruto completely who was bandaged all over, when she visited him after VotE1 to hear about Sasuke. Not a "hey Naruto how are you doing?" was heard or anything, but guilt tripping him in regards to the promise making even Shikamaru angry because he understood the hell Naruto went through.

Naruto didn’t take that well as you can see throughout the story. Maybe it looked that way at the moment because he’s somewhat of a people pleaser and hides his emotions well and he reacted with that Naruto-confidence, but it certainly did damage to their.... uh, friendship? Camaraderie? But that’s a different pain, yes? It stems from Naruto’s own character which made her treatment towards him worse just like Sakura’s insecurities and fantasies about romance aren’t Sasuke’s fault. At all. But because of it, they do clash, sometimes more subtle than other times.

I guess it was okay to Naruto as long as she could keep up. In times where she did, sorta help. But Sakura didn’t keep up, made her own resolve to get rid off the thing in her life that hurt her because she couldn’t stand seeing it, therefore tried to kill Sasuke and didn’t bother to understand, question or rely again on Naruto because she thought for some reason she was important enough to get through to him. Or rather lie to him as she did with Naruto. She failed what? 4?? 5??? times? Embarrassing. It just hurt her too much to not see that ideal image of Sasuke. That’s not love.

All those misconceptions that she holds hurt her too because it doesn’t reflect that ideal image she has of herself or Sasuke because her fantasy romance doesn’t exist. Not even Jun Esaka, her number one fan, can make it believable. Not even the sequel shows how rewarded Sakura was because even if "she got Sasuke", she never got his heart. She never received that love from him, but she can fake it.

Her ideal Sasuke is the one that stays by her side because otherwise she’d “just be as lonely as Sasuke was after the genocide of his family/clan” 👀 even though she made fun of orphans and then was willing to throw away her own friends and family even after Sasuke defended Naruto, all for this fantasy. She’d be willing to make light of Sasuke’s trauma by not giving a shit about her bonds as long as she would be together with him. It is the Sasuke she hopes that admits thinks of her in his heart as she preached about before VotE2, one she hopes she can be relevant enough to save even though she was never able to reach him. She didn’t go through some character assassination, it was always like this. The contrast was deliberate. Naruto said to her and Kakashi that after Pain’s attack, he understood why his words during VotE1 didn’t reach Sasuke. That’s because Naruto went through growth and development. Sakura never cared to find out and her plea is completely irrelevant and focussed on herself. And watch this!! We have a cover of Chapter 231 “a special power” with Naruto where the side text says:

“I won’t look away. I won’t give up. I am fighting for you.”

Which is about Sasuke as this is a Chapter during VotE1.. and then the very next Chapter is Sakura with these words:

“Straight ahead. I think. I wish. I believe. I am.”

Naruto faces what's coming but Sakura is stuck in this me-me-me fantasy. Come on!!!! If anyone doesn’t think any of Kishimoto’s author-narration is deliberate either then I dunno man. This is back-to-back contrast. All the other covers around them look different. There is a lot more of this but the point is, Sakura’s always been the same. Her pain is based on lies for which people blame Kishimoto it to be bad writing even though this is just her character. And that’s not me hating on Sakura, that’s just what it is. If anyone’s going to blame something, blame her lack of development, but that’s not always bad writing if it was a choice that Kishimoto made with a purpose... her selfish love was contrasting to Naruto for a reason. I hope the day exist where people can accept at least that.

It is okay to not like how an author portrayed a character, but don’t blame it on something else when it is a consistent thing, lol. She constantly wants to try and prove herself in a way that would make Naruto and Sasuke (even Tsunade by making fun of her age or her oh-so-dear-friend-Ino that she ditched) less, by putting them down or wanting them to look at her back out of insecurity. She wants to keep up, yet portrays herself as better- ...then fails. Badly. So of course, Sakura is hurt. But no one is to blame but herself and its completely based on her own persistence to be relevant.

___

Sasuke and Naruto share a history of similar pain even though they’re very different, opposites even.

Before that, Sasuke yells at Naruto that he doesn’t understand what it means to lose bonds with the people who are precious to you. And that is true.

But Naruto is scared, confused and about to lose Sasuke. As well as losing Sasuke to Orochimaru whom Naruto very much knows that he wants Sasuke’s body only (as he learned during his fight with Kimimaro too). And Sasuke, to Naruto is a precious bond as established in LoW who also just admitted that Naruto is his closest friend! Not only have they shared secret smiles before they even talked to each other, but Sasuke already sacrificed his own goals twice for Naruto and his body moved on its own to protect him and cushion his falls. Sasuke showed his vulnerable self (what he calls a weakness) to Naruto by showing he cared more about him than his own life. Hence them being so awkward with each other after LoW. Next to Iruka it is the first bond he’s ever had and it’s more than just a bond. Of course he fights so f- hard and would not give up even he didn't quite understand what it meant. Sasuke understands what Naruto means here though as his third tomoe awakens at the thought of breaking that bond with Naruto. Because it hurts.

Kishimoto spends 8(!!!!!!!!!!) pages visualizing how much Sasuke is in pain because of this and then some more. I want everyone to know how absolute insane that is. Not panels, PAGES.

Then, in order to avoid breaking that bond "on a whim" (okay Sasuke), Sasuke sets a resolve to gain power his own way by sacrificing years of his life to go to a man that only wants him for his body because of the resentment towards his brother, but mainly because he couldn’t kill Naruto. And the only way you can do something like going to Orochimaru willingly, knowing what his intentions are even if you’re afraid... is the Shinobi way, to kill your emotions as much as possible (at least not show them which is different, yay to subtext), but when it came to Naruto... Sasuke couldn’t get rid of his emotions and feelings. The only way to break off that bond, his past completely was by getting rid of all of Naruto. All he had left was Naruto. (Sakura who?) And no matter what he said afterwards, his actions speak louder than words. Throughout the story, despite his front, Sasuke is in a lot of pain.

Naruto spends majority of part 2, ‘pining for Sasuke’, which hehe yes, but it’s way more than that, right?

Naruto fought tooth and nail to hold onto his bond with Sasuke and when he was fed information about Sasuke having changed and him just being a mindless criminal, he fought against that too. He constantly questioned whether things were true and didn’t just blindly trusted the people that told them things as Naruto rightfully already doesn’t trust people that well, but despite his limited view, he trusted Sasuke. He never once abandoned him regardless of anything. No matter what he heard or saw, he knew what he felt and he knew that Sasuke would be able to look in his heart (bumping fists through fighting) where his resolve lied which completely contrasts Sakura’s. Naruto wanted to bear Sasuke’s burden together and if it came to it, die. To not be Jinchuriki or Uchiha, to not be pained with the burdens or see Sasuke hurt by them because of it..

Helloooooo~~~

Pain is a large chunk of that understanding between them that ultimately mutually happens as Sasuke says:

.. that they’ll now be able to share the pain in each other’s hearts. Among many other things. That not only did they look inside each other’s hearts, they accepted it all. That Sasuke too will open up to Naruto’s pain, that he accepted him fully, including their shared feelings. And with that, hope and dreams. Naruto and Sasuke in this kind of future where they are Ninja and peace is not certain, will most likely stumble upon conflict but then willingly hurt for the other as they share their burdens since they are able to live and work towards a future they both wished for in a way that doesn’t include self-sacrifice or people-pleasing. That was part of the promise of this chapter....

Naruto and Sasuke.

Not Sakura who decided on her own while lying to everyone to bear the Shinobi burden to kill the one she thinks she loves but doesn't believe in and painted as a changed-for-the-worst criminal because it is too painful for her. Then got brushed off with a brotherly forehead-poke. Wtf. Like actually? Lmao.

"And in general,to which extent do you think Naruto is aware about the nature of his feelings for Sasuke post-vote2?"

Naruto is very aware of his own feelings and it is for sure love. But what else can you say about it with an open-end (699) like that? I'm genuinely not sure but I feel like any more than what we got would've been perfect for a blank period story 🥲

#asktamelee #naruto talk #sns #long post #not for... dedicated sakura fans lets say #I hurt when you hurt #lilasskickergrimes

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sp0o0kylights · 6 months

Text

Whole thing on A03

It didn't matter how much Steve explained. Not one member of the Party was going to get it.

Tommy and Carol would, but then, they were no longer on speaking terms. A fact that hurt even if it was for the best--particularly in times like these, because they got it.

They understood how he had been ensnared with the very same wealth people mocked him for. What it meant when his parents demanded Steve drop everything and go on vacation, his own plans be damned.

They knew, because their families had done much the same, and so the lives they led also were tethered to leashes made of their parents' design.

Dustin, whose mother bent over backwards to try and better her kid’s life, didn’t even have a frame of reference for this kind of thing, let alone sympathy.

"Do they not understand you have a job?" Dustin asked incredulously, and Steve didn't have the emotional bandwidth to explain that his parents didn't consider working at Family Video to be a real job.

As far as they were concerned, Steve could quit if he had to, and then go find another job when they were done using him to play the nice, All-American family.

Likely for business purposes.

"They aren't the type to care." Steve said instead.

It was easier than getting into it.

(Easier than explaining the BMW wasn't in his name, but his parents.

How his money went into a bank account they had access to.

That practically everything he owned was actually owned by Richard and Stella Harrington, and both were quick to remind him of that fact the second they felt Steve was acting out of line.

And boy, had he been acting out of line.

Getting into fights.

Turning their punishment of working a job they picked specifically for the humiliating outfit, into the far worse public embarrassment of being involved in a mall fire--an embarrassment because Steve had "lost" the keys to the BMW, had "put himself in danger" playing hero instead of letting the perfectly capable firefighters do it, then “paraded around” with bruises all over his face, racking up medical bills.

Truly a sin for someone who hadn’t made it into college.)

So no, this vacation they demanded Steve drop everything for was not anything close to a reward, or even something they were doing to spend time together. There was a reason they needed Steve, and as far as they were concerned, Steve was at their beck and call until he shaped up and got his life back on track.

His own plans be damned.

"That's not fair though!" Dustin burst out and Steve sighed in relief, because here at least, he knew what to do to distract his younger friend.

“We planned our trip months ago!” Dustin continued, looking two seconds away from giving in and stomping his foot.

The kid might have been smarter than Steve--smarter than most people really--by a hell of a lot, but he was still fourteen.

Smarts, Steve knew, didn't exactly equate to emotional intelligence, and it definitely didn't stop rampaging hormones.

Ice cream on the other hand, was a great aid in both areas.

"You better be making this up to us." Dustin threatened thirty minutes later, spoon wedged deep into a sundae. “We can’t do, like, half the stuff we were going to do without you!”

“I'm sure you guys didn’t need me to play ghost runners or whatever.” Steve said, but was quick to back down when Dustin nearly threw his spoon at him.

Rather than antagonizing him more, Steve dutifully raised his hand to put over his heart. "I swear on your mom that I’ll make it up to you.”

Dustin rolled his eyes, but otherwise, finally, let the whole thing go.

Stupidly, Steve thought this meant the worst was over.

He was wrong.

xXx

Mike hadn’t cared.

El and Will hadn’t really either, though both expressed some sadness that Steve wouldn’t be participating in the camping trip that the Party as a whole had been looking forward to for the past few months.

Erica had simply snapped at him, making him promise much the same as Dustin had that he would be making it up to her sometime in the future. Likewise, she had been bought off by ice cream (even if she insisted it didn’t count because Steve owed her ice cream anyways.)

Max was the surprising emotional standout.

"You can't tell them no?" She demanded, arms crossed over her chest.

Lucas was hovering awkwardly at her shoulder, shooting "what can you do?" vibes as hard as he could at Steve as his (currently on-again) girlfriend outright dressed the elder boy down; her shoulders creeping up higher and higher until she seemed to realize she was visually giving away her upset and forcibly relaxed them.

Unlike Dustin and Erica, her tirade was very out of character and Steve was growing more concerned by the second that something was wrong the more she spat at him.

“I mean for fucks sake, didn’t you tell them you had plans!?” She finished, eyes narrowed in rage.

Which was rich coming from someone whose stepdad had Billy Hargrove running all over town before he’d run off after the guy’s death, but then, Steve knew better than to bring all that up.

(The image of Max, unresponsive in the hospital with casts on almost every limb, was still too fresh.

Even now he didn’t like to push her, even if the Party as a whole did their best to take notice when one of them was isolating themselves again.

Max, though she was down to one crutch, was still inclined to use it as a weapon and very much enjoyed practicing her swings on people’s ankles.)

“I did indeed. They don’t care and they’re not giving me a choice, but for what it’s worth I am sorry.” Steve tried to keep his voice even and out of angry-shrieking range, and vaguely prayed it was working. “I swear, I will make it up to you guys, even if we have to go on a second camping trip.”

This was clearly not the correct thing to say.

Though judging by the murderous rage being aimed his way, Steve was pretty sure nothing short of “You know what you’re right, let me go tell my parents to fuck off!” would make Max happy.

“So you’re seriously just going to drop everything, all our plans, your job, us,” She took a very threatening step forward and despite her being a full foot shorter than him, Steve had to fight not to take a responding step back. “So you can go play rich boy in the Bahamas?”

“We’re not going to the Bahamas--” Steve tried, but was interrupted with a loud “ugh!” of disapproval.

“Whatever makes you happy, Steven.” Max spat, and then turned on her heel, storming off towards the rest of the Party (who had taken one look at Max’s face and fled into the arcade so she and Steve could “talk.”) “I’m sorry us peasants weren’t good enough to hang around!”

“Sorry man.” Lucas apologized quietly, on his way to run after Max.

Steve just scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed.

xXx

“The kids are mad at you.” Nancy announced, appearing across the Family Video counter like a phantom.

Steve swore, nearly dropping his stack of VHS’s, while Robin (who had clearly seen Nancy approach) cackled at his fumble.

“Yeah, I did get that memo.” Steve said, after he stabilized his stack, safely moving them from his arms to the counter.

Nancy peered around them, her face giving away nothing. “It is kind of shitty to cancel at the last minute like that. We were relying on you to drive.”

An old fury shook itself awake in Steve’s chest, taking an interest in the conversation the second Steve realized what Nancy was here to do.

He took a deep, shuddering breath, and pressed it down, back into the box he’d slammed it in all those years ago.

“I’d leave the keys to Robin here, but unfortunately, someone failed their drivers test.” Steve said instead, jamming his finger over his shoulder and blatantly attempting to pass the buck.

Robin, who absolutely knew that was what he was doing, faked a gasp and kicked at his ankles.

“That crotchety asshole failed me on purpose!” She protested, spinning to face Nancy. “He made like, three misogynistic comments before we even got in the car!”

“Pointing out that he knew the car wasn’t yours wasn’t misogynistic, he was just surprised to see me letting you use the Beemer.” Steve shot back, rolling his eyes. “I don’t exactly let a lot of people drive it.”

Unspoken was that Steve’s BMW was one of the town’s more unique cars, and thus easily identifiable by the locals at large.

“How is that better!?” Robin returned, but Nancy cleared her throat before they could successfully get the Steve-and-Robin show on the road.

“The point is that we--but really, the kids, were counting on you.” Nancy said, dipping into her patented “I’m upset with you” tone.

A year ago it would have cut Steve to the bone, even if he didn’t show it.

Now he just stared tiredly at her back.

“I’m sorry, Nance, but it is what it is.” He said simply, hoping the apology (even if he knew it wasn’t so much a real apology as it was something he said to keep the rage from breaking out and wrecking havoc via his mouth) would soften his ex. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”

Given the abrupt narrowing of her eyes, it very much did not help his case.

“For someone who was so vocal about trying to change I have to say this is pretty disappointing.” Nancy said simply, but with just enough of a tone that Steve had to close his eyes for a second.

Feel the way that old anger, the one that had powered King Steve, hit the bars of its cage.

Robin stilled immediately next to him, her head ping-ponging between Steve and Nancy both as she too, clocked that Nancy was pissed, and here to chew Steve out about it.

“Um.” She said, voice going high in discomfort.

Steve grit his teeth. “I don’t exactly get a say in these things, Nancy. You know that.”

He had to work to keep his voice even, fighting against the ice that wanted to sharpen his own tone.

It was just---Nancy did know.

Steve had told her all those years ago, in the safety of her arms, about his parents' expectations. Their predetermined path, the way they dictated large swathes of his life.

How they’d allowed him to pick which sports he played, but required that he play a sport no matter the time of year.

That the pool they had installed wasn’t for him, he just got to use it as much as he did in part because he’d joined the swim team, and the kind of mental mind games he and his parents played about things like that.

Apparently either Nancy had forgotten, or simply hadn’t taken it in to begin with because she wasn’t backing down.

(Not that Steve had ever seen Nancy Wheeler back down.)

“I know you have trouble juggling your parents' plans with your own.” Nancy said, and her tone was absolutely icy now. “I certainly remember waiting for a date that never happened.”

Steve sucked in a breath through his teeth, knowing immediately what Nancy was referring to.

“I told you they came home unexpectedly.” He said, arms now crossed against his chest, nails digging into his arms as a way to help himself stay grounded. “They wouldn’t let me use the phone until the next day and I apologized.”

“And I recall having a lovely conversation with your mother where she said otherwise.” Nancy said, her words punctuated by another high pitched “Uhhhh.” from Robin.

“Funny how you believe my mom over me.” Steve said and whoops, yup, he definitely sounded mad now.

So much for all the effort he’d put in to staying calm.

“Because I look at actions, Steve. Patterns. The same ones you kept repeating.” Nancy was clearly about to escalate, and Robin, bless her, had had enough.

“He-eeey.” She said, wedging herself in between Steve and the counter Nancy was starting to lean over. “I totally get it, you’re both upset, but this maybe isn’t the venue to fight about it? There are customers in the store and--sorry Nancy--but I do kinda need Steve for work, so…”

She trailed off, glancing nervously between the two of them.

Nancy took a breath, blasting it out of her mouth like an academically inclined dragon. “You’re right. I’m sorry Robin.”

She then turned on her heel, making her way to the doors. She paused before them, and Steve prepared himself because he knew whatever she was going to say next, it was going to hurt.

“I wouldn’t care if it was just me, Steve, but the kids don’t deserve you pulling this shit. Not after all they’ve been through.” With that, Nancy pushed through the door, head held high as she stormed to her car.

As was typical for Nancy’s aim, she scored a direct hit.

Steve, somehow, resisted throwing things.

“Can you believe her!?” He said, the second the doors were closed and Nancy safely out of eyeshot. “Coming in here like that!?”

He ran his hand through his hair, once, twice.

A third time for good measure.

“Yeah, that was seriously public for her.” Robin agreed, sliding up next to him. “Like really public.”

Steve shrugged, because well. Not really.

Not anymore.

But Robin didn’t know that, just like Robin wasn’t entirely familiar with the depths Steve’s parents went to save face. They hadn’t exactly had time to really dig into it all, given how fast the Vecna situation had hit after Starcourt and the sheer PTSD both incidents had caused.

Most nights they spent together was spent trying to avoid reliving nightmares, not discussing ones they were currently still living in.

A fact that Steve was more than happy to bring her up to speed on, but to do so involved a lot of backstory, and backstory involved Nancy, and God, he was fucking pissed at Nancy.

Soon it was an hour into his rant and he hadn’t actually gotten around to the sheer level of shit his parents would pull, too busy with Nancy and old echoes of ‘bullshit.’

He only stopped when Robin put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him ever so slightly.

“Dingus. You know I love you, and I know you’ve changed, but you do gotta admit, canceling at the last minute is kinda shitty and I get why they’re upset.”

It was like the carpet had been pulled right out from under Steve, yanked so quickly he’d have to pinwheel to keep his feet.

“What?” He said, eyes round in sheer surprise.

“I just mean like, I get your parents are dicks but,” Robin’s face screwed up, looking like she’d sucked a lemon. It was her “I’m going to say something you don’t like face” and it hit Steve like a punch to the gut.

“Our shift’s almost over and no offense, you’ve started to repeat yourself about Nance, and I get it! I do, memory shit is hard!” Robin’s hands moved as she talked, her bracelets jingling as if punctuating her point.

“But I also think admitting you double booked yourself on accident and just taking responsibility for it would help smooth things over. Middle ground, you know?” Robin waggled her hands in a gesture that, for the first time in a long time, Steve didn’t understand.

He found himself suddenly struggling to breathe.

“Are you--are you saying you think I didn’t tell them I had a trip already planned?”

Steve wasn’t sure how he managed to get it out. Wasn’t sure how he was doing anything, given the heat that was shooting through him, a hot mix of confusion and betrayal as Robin fidgeted to his left.

“No! Okay well,” The lemon face got worse for a second. “I’m just saying you did kinda forget to pick me up that one time, and you do kinda blame your parents when stuff like that happens.” She bit a nail, peering at him out of the corner of her eyes.

“I don’t--” Steve said, completely knocked adrift. “I…”

Robin didn’t believe him.

His Robin.

Who wasn’t--wasn’t exactly siding with Nancy, but wasn’t saying she was wrong either, or that she understood that this shit was out of his control, and in fact, was kind of implying that Nancy was right more so than Steve was and---and--

There was a ringing in Steve’s ears he wasn’t sure actually existed.

“I’m sure a lot of it is your brain injury. The doctors said your short term memory can take a while to fully come back and I totally get why you don’t wanna say that, I just, I think it would be better if--Steve?” Robin jumped back as Steve finally found his footing, swiping his jacket and punching out before she could catch how badly his hands were shaking.

“I’m leaving.” Steve told her, his own words a million miles away, entirely uncaring if Keith fired him.

Keith was likely going to fire him anyway, given Steve was about to ask for a week-long vacation not even four months after the whole Vecna ordeal.

“Wait, Steve, hey--Dingus! I wasn’t done, I mean, I had more to say I, dammit Steve--!” Robin called after him frantically as Steve bolted for the door.

Steve ignored her, aiming for the Beemer and swinging himself numbly into the driver's seat when he got it open.

Put the car in park and avoided Robin’s face entirely as he backed it out, punching the gas far harder than he needed to.

The Beemer roared in response, nose rising as it shot forward.

Robin was his best friend. His fucking--platonic soulmate, as she kept calling him. The very idea that she agreed with Nancy in general was a blow but in this?

Against his parents?

Nausea rolled angrily in Steve’s stomach, matching the sudden wetness that coated his eyes.

Angry and needing an outlet, Steve stomped hard on the gas, taking the next corner far too sharp and making the beemer fishtail, tires squealing .

He didn’t know where he was going.

He figured he’d find out when he got there.

xXx

Given what Steve knew about the universe at large, (nevermind Hawkins) it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to hang around the Quarry at night.

But then, summer was in full swing. Kids were home from college and itching to find a place to party without parental overhead.

Deep to the left side of the water, around a few bends and tucked oh so neatly out of sight, was a place where one could do just that.

Party.

This stretch had long been claimed by the college kids of Hawkins, and guarded zealously for it.

With the sheer number of drunk people whooping and hollering around the bonfires below the ridge where everyone parked their cars, Steve figured he was safe enough.

Even if he was up with said cars, sitting alone.

Not like it mattered. If a demodog or demogorgan or demo-fucking-dragon decided to come along, Steve had half a mind to just let it have him.

It felt easier than trying to fix the current mess his life was in.

So he sat up here, blowing through the alcohol he’d purchased from the one gas station that never carded, drinking his problems away.

(That also wasn’t the best course of action but with his parents home to spring the whole “vacation” ordeal on him, it wasn’t like Steve had a choice.)

He hadn’t grabbed a lot--had been so damn upset and struggling to hide it that he’d picked up a four pack of wine coolers instead of the intended beer he’d wanted. It was all he had though, and so he chugged the last bottle with a wince and wished he was a hell of a lot drunker than he felt.

Then promptly caught sight of the person walking towards him, and wondered vaguely if he was drunker than he felt.

Of all the people to come and offer him a can of beer, Steve would have never expected Tommy Hagan.

He eyed it and his old friend both, before slowly reaching out and taking the can.

“Heard you and your parents are doing CoHo this year.” Tommy said casually, leaning up against the front of the Beemer like it was old times.

“Yup.” Steve replied, drawing the word out.

“Angie Tideman’s parents are going, they’re bringing her ith .” Tommy said it casually, and had the good graces not to grin when Steve audibly groaned.

“Oh god.”

Tommy sucked on a lip, nodding absently. “Yeah.”

Then; “It gets worse.”

Steve, who now knew what this conversation was about, instantly began tearing into the beer can. “How can it get worse? You know what Angie’s like.”

Angie, whose full name was Angelina, lived a few towns over. Born to wealthy parents who doted on their beloved only child, Angie had more in common with your average shark than she did her fellow humans.

A comparison that, frankly, was unkind to sharks.

She was without a doubt the most selfish person Steve had ever had the misfortune of encountering, and the mere idea of being trapped in a room with her made his skin crawl.

Their parents were business buddies though, and god forbid he ever insult a business buddies kid,

“She goes to Purdue, you know, with me and Carol.” Tommy said, instead of answering directly. “We cross paths a lot, party wise.”

Steve stayed silent.

Knew how Tommy talked, how his stories meandered. Especially the juicy ones.

“She’s been talking a lot recently. Given you don’t look all that informed, I’m gonna assume the one person she hasn’t talked to is you.”

Steve gripped the can of beer, a sudden, sick fear blooming in his gut.

“Tommy.” He said mildly, not loud enough to really interrupt, but with enough force to let his former friend know to get to the point, now.

“Got all super fancy right before we left for summer break. Hair done, whole new wardrobe, nails, you know.” Tommy waggled his fingers playfully, but dropped them when Steve just stared. “Went full whore on us. I swear she was making out with any guy who even looked at her--”

“Tommy.” He repeated, this time a hell of a lot firmer.

Done pushing, Tommy let go of the proverbial bombshell. “Apparently you’re planning on proposing to her this summer. She’s gonna return next year as an engaged woman, with you in tow, because apparently, you got into Purdue. Congrats by the way.”

Tommy clapped him on the shoulder, right as Steve’s mouth went dry.

For the second time that day, he found himself fighting the burning heat of embarrassment and fury as it rolled through him.

“I’m proposing.” Steve said, as if saying it out loud would scare the very idea away. “To Angie.”

“Yeah we kinda figured you didn’t know.” Tommy said with a snide little grin. To the average outsider it was mocking, but Steve knew better.

Tommy was uncomfortable, because Tommy had understood what Steve’s parents had done.

“What I’d like to know is just how much Angie’s parents paid to get you into Purdue. That’s gotta be a minimum fifty thousand dollar donation at least.” Tommy removed his hand, to instead lean his shoulder against Steve’s. Like this was the old times, before they’d fought. “ I didn’t think they had that kind of money to throw around.”

A past conversation with his father struck Steve, running through the front of his mind like a bad horror movie.

“They sold the estate.” Steve said vacantly, the implications not quite hitting. “The one they’ve been trying to get rid of forever, over in Cape Cod.”

“Oh shit.” Tommy said, blinking as he too, recalled what was likely his father telling him the very same news.

“They sold the place on Cape Cod, and they used part of the funds to fucking buy me like a toy.” And yeah, saying it out loud, it definitely sounded bad. “I didn’t think Angie even liked me.”

“Does Angie like anyone?” Tommy asked, incredulously, but nudged Steve’s shoulder again when his joke didn’t net him the laugh he wanted.. “I mean, you had to know your old man had plans to straighten you out. He keeps getting mad at my dad, because the ass won't stop making jokes that I’m going to take over the company instead of you.”

“And this is it. Attaching me to Angie.” Steve said vacantly. “Because they know if I get married…”

He’d put his wife first. His family, first.

The one he’d wanted, dreamed of, since he first realized he didn’t have one.

He’d been playing checkers the entire time, too busy fighting fucking monsters and Russians to realize his parents had upgraded to chess.

In a dizzying array of mental connect-the-dots, Steve replayed the last years worth of conversations. All the odd little things they’d said. All the dumb things Steve had just ignored.

They’d warned him.

Had told him he better shape up, or they’d be forced to do something drastic.

That his parents hadn’t wasted all this time, effort, money on him, for him to throw away his life like he was.

“You better start acting right and figuring out how to get your life back on track, because you won’t like what happens if I have to fix it for you. You get a month Steven, and after that? Well. Just remember you forced my hand, Steven.”

They knew. They knew him, and what made him tick.

“I think the real question is what Angie’s parents see in you.” Tommy teased, but then they both knew the answer to that puzzle.

For all that Steve’s mom complained about her husband, the guy was a shrewd and calculating businessman. Those weekends, then weekdays, then more and more time away hadn’t just been so he could go screw his secretary.

Richard Harrington had fast tracked his business to the point where it was now getting attention. The business journal, ‘Top 50 Companies to Watch’ kind.

Even if Steve fucked up entirely, he was set to inherit a fortune and a business that would continue adding to it, for some time to come.

Provided he did what his parents wanted.

Such as marrying Angie.

Thing was, if his parents did what they always did, and held their wealth (his car, his home, his life and all the little things in it) against him like a gun to his head, if Angie got that ring around her finger?

Steve would bow to their whims.

Because they could fluster him into proposing so he didn’t embarrass Angie, and her parents and anyone else who’d undoubtedly be watching. They’d make a spectacle of it.

Because once he did propose, they wouldn’t let him back out, burying him under guilt trips and veiled threats until he was marched down the aisle in a groomsman suite and told to stand.

Because against all common sense, Steve wanted a family who loved him so desperately he’d chase it like a dog if he was presented with the opportunity and told to make it work.

It didn’t matter that Angie was selfish.

Steve would try anyway.

His parents were maneuvering him as easily as they had back when he was a kid, using love as a tool to get him to do what they wanted and even seeing the nose hanging from the rafters, they knew just the right words to get him to place it around his neck.

“Thought you’d wanna know.” Tommy finished, pushing himself off Steve’s car. “Before your parents sprung it on you.”

“Sonofabitch.” Steve hissed angrily, a million thoughts racing through his head, the heat of being caught in a trap blasting down his spine.

“Yeah.” Tommy added, rather unhelpfully. “But hey, given that you’re about to go on vacation to propose, why don’t we consider this,” here Tommy swept his hand, gesturing to the party below, “your proposal party?”

It was a downright horrible idea.

But then, Steve didn’t exactly have a better one.

Not when the world itself seemed against him, grinding its heel into his back and laughing about it.

He knew the drill. If he went down there, arm in arm with Tommy, then it wouldn’t matter that half those kids were from a few towns over, driven in by new college buddies.

They’d see him as a reason to get wild, absolutely uncaring that they didn’t know who the hell he was.

Steve needed that.

People who weren’t mad at him, buying into the easy lies his parents wove, or who didn't understand the games played against him.

“Fuck it.” He announced, standing up from the hood of his car as Tommy’s grin morphed into something he used to see in the days of old, back when they were sneaking drinks from their parents' alcohol cabinets. “This way at least I get a party.”

Not like his parents were going to let him have an engagement party. Or a bachelor party, or likely let his ass back into Hawkins.

No matter how long the engagement.

Tommy cheered, raising his arms to the sky and Steve grinned wildly with him.

He’d figure out how to get out of all this later--but for now, he wanted just a few damn hours where he didn’t have to think.

Not about his parents, or Angie, or possible attempts to force him into marriage, like this was the yee olden days and Steve was a Victorian maiden who needed to be brought to heel.

Likewise he didn’t want to think about the Party, or Russian torture, or how Nancy could be so damn smart in some things and downright stupid in others.

He absolutely didn't want to think about Robin.

“Hey boys and girls, look who I drug up!” Tommy yelled as they approached and soon, word had spread.

This was Steve’s proposal party, and he was here to get absolutely smashed (while encouraging everyone else to do the exact same, in his honor.)

Which would be how Eddie found him a few hours later.

Still at the quarry, crossfaded off his ass, a forty in one hand and a lawn dart in the other.

“Are you kidding me, Steve?” Eddie grit out, desperately trying to wrestle the lawn dart out of his hand. “You’re fucking partying with Tommy Hagan!?”

Steve blinked at him a few times, finally catching on that Eddie was in fact, actually there.

“When did you show up?” He asked, though given the wince on Eddie’s face and just how hard it had been to move his lips, Steve correctly assumed he’d slurred the shit out of the question.

Somehow, Eddie understood him anyway.

“Robin called me a while ago, gave me a list of places you might be. Almost skipped this one until I stepped out of my van to take a piss and heard the party.” Eddie explained, and somehow while doing so, he’d successfully gotten a hold of the dart.

He was now working on removing the 40 ounce.

Steve frowned, using his newly freed hand to grip it closer to his chest.

“Harrington.” Eddie warned, and oh, wow, they were back to last names huh?

Well why not, it wasn't like his night could get worse.

“This is mine, Munson.” Steve fired back, putting as much vitriol into Eddie’s last name as he could.

This did not detour the metalhead.

“Come on man, give me the bottle.” Eddie said firmly.

Steve shook his head stubbornly, enjoying the way his hair whipped at his face. “No.”

Another man stumbled over, a guy Steve absolutely did not know. He frowned, looking between Eddie and Steve.

For two seconds, Steve thought they might have trouble, and given the way Eddie was tensing, he clearly thought so too.

Instead, New Guy just kind of rocked on his heels. “Hey, shove off it, buddy. It’s this guy's bachelor party, let the man drink!”

Eddie’s face did something complicated then, pulling the sort of expressive looks only he could manage.

It was both adorable and hilarious, and if Steve hadn’t just been reminded of the very reason he was drinking, he’d have told Eddie so.

“Yeah!” He said instead, raising his hand in the air, toasting his bottle of forty against the other guy’s red solo cup. “It’s my proposalengagmentbachelor party!”

Given the second, adorable-slash-hilarious look on Eddie’s face, Steve assumed those words hadn’t come out right either.

“Okay.” Eddie said hands on his hips in a stance Steve was pretty sure Eddie had gotten from him. “Here’s what's going to happen. You’re going to put the bottle away. Then you’re going to give me your car keys, and then the two of us are going to my house to sleep whatever is happening here, off.”

At least, that's what Steve thought he heard. It was a pretty un-Eddie like speech, and Steve maybe, might have been the one to say it, because he maybe, might have been mocking what Eddie had actually said.

Maybe.

It was hard to know, given that Steve’s thoughts were a thick soup on a bit of a time delay, and he was having a hard time figuring up from down, let alone what Eddie had been actually saying.

Speaking of;

“When did I get into your car?” Steve asked, blinking as the van’s passenger seat appeared before him.

“Just now.” Eddie said, helping him in.

“Huh.” Said Steve, and then he maybe passed out a bit, because once again, he found himself awake and alert at a place that wasn’t where he’d just been.

“Come on.” Eddie said gently, one of Steve’s arms over his shoulder as Steve leaned heavily into him, guiding the jock up the stairs and into the small house he and Wayne now called a home.

The guy might have muttered a few things about bachelor parties along the way, but Steve was too focused on walking straight to really take notice.

Part Two

#lol remember when I said I wasnt posting parts to stuff until they were finished #THAT SURE LASTED LONG #pre steddie #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #0o0 fanfics #This is very Steve focused #TW his horrible parents #VERY hurt #comforts later #with eddie!#I really wanted to explore Steves Parents #in proper Rich Asshole Controling fashion #TW forced marriage #or mentions of #I also wanted to explore a lot of how the kids #and Nancy and Robin (who are also STILL kids #would react because sure they came up against monsters and the government #but neither of those things want you to like them #theyll let you know theyll eat you #Steves parents #like many rich dicks #want to isolate #want you to think theyre amazing #and its often the inner circle who knows whats up but are also caught in their own chokechain #hence the title of this fic #whiiiich is chokechain #stranger things #tw drinking

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