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tiny-tigers · 5 months

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✨ Ahh bless you! You must feel so restless when your mind is ready to get doing stuff but your body still needs to heal properly! *sending love* Also not ridiculous at all - caffeine is crazy addictive so two weeks is pretty impressive tbh! (cravings should start getting easier soon) And I've found that small changes at a time have helped me! no thinking about the end goal too much but rather enjoying the process of improving slowly? 🙈💖

Umm without giving too many personal details - crazy work busy but in a good way, home improvements underway (tiring) & maid of honour duties in full swing (all happy things obv but stressful in their own way) *I told you I'm a perfectionist right* 😭😆🙈😅🩷

[None of what I'm about to say is meant to cause any offence btw - you just made me genuinely wonder how I get over crushes semi-quickly and this is what I've realised]: I think it may be a self esteem issue tbh - cos no matter what kind of crushes I've had, I've never (and will never) put someone's wellbeing above my own? It's like that old plane metaphor of "you've got to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else" so I honestly think the second you start putting YOU first, your feelings toward Jacky will inevitably change a bit? Because it's difficult to prioritise someone else when your thoughts are so focused on you and your own self improvements! 🥰💪🏻It may not be what you want/need right this very second but I do actually think it will happen for you one day! 💖 Your life is yours, not his 🩷

Forgot to reply to your 'no bday posts' yesterday - they for sure will be posting that shit on closed stories *tehe I'm not crying you are* 😆🤣🤣

Ooooh tigers messed up with players during covid howww?! 😬👀🫨

(also I need to know what dirt Anthony Watson has on giraffe because their relationship is jokesss) 😆😅

Cute pic 🥰

P.S really hope I haven't offended with anything I've said? 🙏🏻🩷

Yeah I feel a bit stuck and so my mind is a roundabound, so many improvements to make oulala ... good lord. Nurses said they worked well because scarS will be little.

Ooooh Nice !! Congrats on those it looks thrilling but also tedious.

No it doesn't sound patronizing don't worry, I mean my peeps told me "if it is the time for you to finally realize you need to stop doing it that it is now " because I wanted to go while I couldn't even walk properly. I STILL feel like I could have done it with loads of difficulties and would have been super sad at things going wrong along the way because I would have done a lot of efforts just to go.... I did lost some money in the process but was able to reschedule my hotels so at least there is that. I still need to write about what happened because even if I am okay now it still is an open wound as well. I still feel like the icon of that blog little smol bean kind of depressed. I want to rebirth almost and take all lightly and get back to back to my old self even perhaps retake my old username and give it all. It is gonna be difficult because I have based my identity on living with intensity and all is deep and final. When I want it to be in motion and to be light. I have looooooads of problems to fix starting with recognition. Validation by others. Idk where to start to be honnest but I do want the change. I cannot live that way anymore it hurts too much.

I feel super annoyed to know what is wrong without being able to fix it by myself only.

You are super right and it is not the first time you tell me that but if being self confident was easy to achieve I think the world would be indeed a better place.

I don't think they are that clever for closed stories I think you also see when it happens because it said this story isnt available. They have Whatsapp group and that awful bereal......... 🙄 that I never understood but sounds like a dream to have daily content. I dont even want to think about Snapchat.

They have been awful with wages management cutting money out of their players and big part in the decision of why Ellis left including his wife missing bristol.

I Guess it is better not to know some stuffs uh.... I hate To know it is gonna be sunday christmas party 😭😥😥😣 just to think about it 🤢

You did not, I am aware I may sound stupid crazy and obsessive sometimes.. I am not mental but I do know it seems insane to be that much intense. It is super difficult to quit on something / someone / a feeling that kept you alive for so long. I have seen that in him, my crutches like you said. Therefore when it happens to stick and you being so entitled with what make you feel real and good for even a moment...You are afraid that if you let go you will actually die. Better a little something even bad than nothing at all.

It is pretty egocentric as my intentions are not totally pure, if they were I would do anything for him to be happy including deleting my work if he was asking for it to be deleted or never to see him again if he wanted me to take distances but I am not sure I could do it totally. I do not know how to love properly, quietly. I am persuaded I am not a good person sometimes because good people know how not to be an embarassement for themselves and how to love correctly, polietly. I am a bit broken isnt? Am I crazy to you ? Or just lost ?

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dameronology · 3 years

Text

to all the pilots i've loved before {poe dameron} - 2/4

part two: laughter lines on tired eyes

summary: you’re in love with poe dameron. it’s both the most complicated and most simple thing in the galaxy - and it’s all shoved into a shoe-box under your bed, in the form of a thousand love letters. here’s to hoping he never finds them. (series masterlist)

warnings: this one's pretty angsty - mentions of death + loss

enjoy :)

- jazz xx

Poe had always been terrified of losing you. It came with the territory of his job, but a lot of it stemmed from the fact you were person who he was closest with.

Dear Poe,

He tried not to think about it, really. Why would he? There was no point in pondering upon depressing scenarios when you brought enough excitement to his real life. He'd always known to some extent that there was a chance you could be lost in battle but that was a thought he shoved to the back of his head. It was locked away in a chest in a dark corner - another thing he didn't need to think about.

It occurred to me today that I'm probably in love with you. At first, I thought I was always just really happy to see you, but then I realised this morning, a MONDAY morning when I normally despise everyone including you, that I actually really wanted to see you.

But some things in life were unavoidable, and being dragged into a meeting room with a solemn looking Leia Organa was one of them. For Poe, it was an uncomfortably similar scenario to one he'd faced 25 years earlier. The General was more tired now, though - tired of fighting, tired of the war, tired of having these fucking conversations.

I'm never going to tell you, but as you know, I am famously bad at containing my emotions and I had to put this....somewhere.

They always started the same.

"I'm sorry."

Poe frowned. "What's happened?"

I'm sure it'll pass. I've had loads of random crushes in the past but they all went away. Do you remember Larry, the guy from the hangar, who I fancied for like a week last summer? And that very brief crush I had on Han Solo? Huh, maybe I have a time.

"(Name)'s squadron was flying back from Coruscant when the fleet took a hit," Leia's voice was shaky. Worlds away from her normal authoritative tone. "Three jets disappeared from our radars, including theirs."

"But you've found them, right?" He pushed. "You have to have found them-"

"- we've sent out several search parties," she cut him off. "They haven't found any wreckage on nearby planets, but that's good news, because it means they might have not been knocked down. It might be that they diverted to another planet to lay low for a few days."

I think it's the way you smile at me. You might not notice it, but you have these little creases by your eyes, and your lips always upturn even when you try to resist laughing. I really like your hugs too.

Poe sat up in his seat, heart rate suddenly picking up to a speed that almost beat that of his X-Wing. Clammy hands, sweaty palms, little black dots beginning to form at the edges of his peripheral vision. Suddenly, he was eight years old again, gripping the sides of his chair, throat as dry as the desert on a hot summer's day; brown eyes filled with sorrow and tears, feeling like a punch to her goddamn throat. She hadn't shaken that vision out of her head, not ever - and now, here it was all over again - the same face, the same creased brown, the same eyes. They were more tired now, with laughter lines etched around the sides, brown irises a little darker and more sunken. But Poe's eyes had never lost that spark - it had dimmed a little bit, but it was still there. Whether it would be after all this was hard to say.

And just...well it's you really, isn't it? It's the way you go out your way to make me smile when I'm sad and the way you'll fight anyone who makes me mad.

"Let me lead a search party," he begged. "Please, I'll find them in now time-"

"- Poe, you're too close to the matter," Leia replied. "You can help, though."

"Anything," Poe said. "I'll do anything."

"We've been trying to locate the back-up plans that (name) prepared for the mission - they should include a list of potential safe spots," she explained. "If you can find that list, we'll begin searching them."

"Have you tried their quarters?"

"I didn't want to invade their privacy," Leia said. "But if you happen to have a key, then-"

It's everything. It's your resilience and your humour and the way you see the best in everyone. The way you're never afraid to fight for what you believe in or stand up for what's right.

She was cut off by the sound of Poe's chair legs screeching against the floor. He was up in a split second, flying out the room without another word. His fists were balled up as he stormed down the corridor, nails digging into the palms of his hands - the pain of them piercing his skin was merely a reminder that all this was real. It wasn't a nightmare. He wasn't going to wake up and find you asleep in your room, safe and sound.

If Leia was right, and you were just laying low, would you not have said something to him? Found your own way to pass the message on? It wasn't like you to just disappear without a trace. You were always the organised one; the one who carried band-aids for when he inevitably burnt himself on a soldering iron, and the one who stitched him up every time he came staggering back from a mission, covered in minor scratches that he had heroically labelled battle scars.

You're amazing and I'm so lucky you're my best friend. This war is fucking awful but having you by my side makes everything a little less fucking awful.

Your room was just as you'd left it; tidy, but lived in. The jacket you'd stolen from him two years ago was strewn across your desk chair; the desk itself was piled high with random papers and forms, and there was a photo beside them of you, him, Finn and Rey. Some of your clothes were tossed on the bed, and your spare pair of boots was dumped in the middle of the floor.

Poe quickly scanned the room, before rifling around the sheets on your desk - but, to no avail. They were just random notes, and what looked like a letter from your father. He tried to recall any thing that might point to where you kept your mission plans - there had been the time you'd leant him your X-Wing maintenance guide, which was in a box under your bed.

This is probably something I'll take to my grave. Maybe I'll tell you about it in like 20 years when we're married to different people and meet up for Life Day. And I'll be all like 'hey, Poe! This one time when we younger, I was in love with you' and we'll laugh about it.

Falling to his knees onto the floor, Poe flipped your duvet up and began to peer underneath. Dust bunnies, a maintenance kit, your old blaster, the book he leant you nine months ago, and a box full of papers. After pawing about for a minute, he pulled the shoe box out and tore it open.

Now, it should be said that you had never considered the possibility that Poe would ever look under your bed without you knowing. Why would he? Unless he was creeping about, of course - but he'd never do anything like that. It wasn't in his nature, and you'd put the fear of god into him more than enough times for him to be clever enough not to do that. This was different, though; it was literally a matter of life and death.

I guess that means I think we'll still be friends in 20 years. And 40 and 50 and 60 and until we're old and wrinkly and too senile to fly a jet. I love you now and I'm sure I'll still love you then.

Tipping the papers out onto your floor, Poe crossed his legs and began to search through them.

He didn't see it at first.

All the letters that said dear Poe, I love you.

When he did, his heart stopped. Like, that full on, gut clenching, air-stealing, pulse pausing stomach drop. It only further added to his theory that this whole fucking terrible day was just a dream - but maybe, just maybe, this bit was a little less terrible.

Hands shaking (now for a different reason), Poe grabbed the first letter from the pile. It was dated to just over a year ago.

Love, (name)

There was a lot to unpack; firstly, you'd been in love with him for a fucking year. And you'd brought up the secret crush on Han Solo that you swore to never talk about - and did you really think he'd ever be too senile to fly a jet? Poe would have been insulted if that first revelation hadn't reduced his entire thinking capacity down to one, tiny brain cell.

Clutching the letter in his hands, Poe fell back against the bed. All this information - your disappearance and the declarations - was much too complicated for him to process all at once. The worst part was that you'd said you were going to take it to your grave and now...well now, you actually might have.

But there was still a chance - a chance that you were still out there, trying to find your way back to him. To your best friend.

You had to come back.

tags: @neverlandlibrarian @asphyzzz @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @ubri812 @taina-eny @dessinemoiunehistoire @fangirl-316 @princessxkenobi @brandyllyn

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron angst #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron reader insert #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars imagine #star wars fluff #star wars angst #star wars imagines #star wars reader insert

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meichenxi · 3 years

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Obsession, ‘productivity’ and habits vs routines: starting learning in a healthier way

cw: perfectionism, obsessiveness, allusion to eating disorders, depression, anxiety (very non-explicit) I’m going to be writing a series of posts from some asks I’ve had waiting for me, on how to build a cohesive language learning routine, but I wanted to preface that first with something we talk about less than we should in the language learning community: obsessiveness, perfectionism, recovery from mental health, and how to approach language learning in a better way. If the personal stuff bores you, feel free to skip the first two paragraphs.

I have been trying to ‘be more productive’ - in healthy ways, and unhealthy ways - since I was about ten. If you don’t fit in, for whatever reason, hobbies - and especially creative or ‘productive’ ones - are a wonderful escape. They make you feel that it’s ok not to have friends; they let you look down on all those other stupid children with all the misplaced arrogance of every single bored, clever pre-teen. When I was twelve, I realised there was no point eating with people that didn’t like me and went to the library instead, because that was ‘dead time’. When I was fourteen, I realised getting the bus was ‘dead time’, and started doing Anki for two hours a day. When I was sixteen, I realised walking was ‘dead time’, and started either listening to podcasts or talking out loud. By the time I was eighteen, I was doing four A-levels in school, an EPQ, teaching myself an extra Latin GCSE, and taught myself the Spanish A-level in 3 months right before the exam. I also worked out for two hours a day - because eating lunch was ‘dead time’, and sleeping was ‘dead time’ - trained martial arts four evenings a week, tutored twice a week, had a part-time job as a waitress, played the flute in a prestigious orchestra, and was 150,000 words deep in the first draft of a very gay, Norse-mythology inspired fantasy novel.

I had it all under control. My marks were excellent; I was a well-rounded person, musical and sporty and already decently on the way to becoming a polyglot, I was training to be a teacher, and I had plans to publish my novel. My home life was painful, but I was painfully independent with what I now like to call the ‘Elsa complex’. Or, actually, like Zuko: I could look after myself, by myself. It was all under control.

I guess everyone can see where this is going. School ended, and with it came endless, open days. I fell apart.

With endless surprise, I can now say that, four years later, I think I’ve come through the worst of it. I still have tendencies to get obsessive, but my anxiety and perfectionism are a lot better, I don’t dissociate, and I have - gasp! shock! - actual interest in life again. I never wrote that novel, but I’m still gay and still love Norse mythology, so I’m slowly finding my way towards writing again. What people don’t tell you about getting better, though, is that trying to define yourself, trying to find yourself, as a person who exists without mental illness, is very, very hard. Many of the things that you used to identify as core components of your personality or important values may have changed, and you may be hesitant about trying to take up hobbies that you used to enjoy because you recognise - and rightly so - that the incessant drive to be doing something, all the time, didn’t necessarily come from anywhere healthy. That those things which you clung to and which protected you may actually have ended up harming you in the end. A lot of figuring out old patterns of unhelpful thoughts involves realising that the things that you defended or framed as helping - weren’t. That’s a hard thought, especially because those mechanisms developed to try and protect you, one that’s immeasurably sad.

Seperating your reasons for doing something obsessively and your love of it in the first place, before it became unhealthy, is difficult. And it means that when you feel - finally, finally - ready to start tackling something like language learning again, you end up sorting of approaching it sideways, shiftily, as if you’re hoping to trick yourself into it. It’s a delicate thing, like a baby bird, and it’s dangerous too, because if you do everything which you did before - the only thing you know how to do - it’s not going to work. And every time it fails is personal, because being able to do it again represents getting better, and reclaiming parts of your identity mental illness stole, and it hurts.

I’m writing this post because somebody asked me about my approach to creating a successful language learning routine. And I do have a lot of thoughts - but I wanted to preface that post with this one, to say:

If you are reading this to be more productive, if it is becoming obsessive, if you want to fit the most possible language learning into the tightest schedule possible, STOP. Take care of yourself. These tips for ‘productivity’ are for people who want to learn a little bit more about organising their time, and are in the right space to add more learning to their life. If you are only defined by what many hours you get done a day, if that’s what motivates you, these tips are not for you. Look after yourself.

And on that note, here’s a confession: I don’t have - have never had - a successful language learning routine. Because of what happened, the only way I can keep going and prevent myself from falling into bad habits is if I approach it sideways, if I pretend I’m not taking it seriously, because I know if I don’t things will go wrong. But I want to be honest and upfront because I know a lot of people read my posts for advice and say that this doesn’t work for me. It might not work for you either. I especially know there are a lot of conceptions of successful langblrs with 7, 8, 9 etc languages in the title - that that we spend 5 hours a day on Anki, fall asleep to Glossika, and so on. And it’s especially important to mention now, because I feel like my language learning habits have only started being healthy in the last year or so - essentially since I started actually enjoying Chinese media. I could teach you how to cram every spare second with language learning, or how to successfully pass an A-level in 3 months with no teachers. I was good (and arrogant, and cocky, and needed bringing down a peg or two). But I won’t.

What I do have are succesful language learning habits. Apart from being a generally more flexible appraoch for all learners, the advantage of building successful habits over a fixed routine is that it allows for learning according to different in energy levels, how busy you are, what you find difficult and what else is going on in your life. Most crucially for me is that it is always a much healthier approach, because what I do is not based on number of hours, or number of units a week, or anything quantifiable that allows me to get obsessive again or frustrated that I’m not doing enough.

Routine is important, especially when it comes to routinising daily tasks. The only thing I have is that sometimes - on good weeks, and once or twice even shockingly on good months - I have a decent Anki streak going. That’s it. I don’t listen every day - I don’t read every day - I certainly don’t do grammar every day. There’s nothing specific I do every day, though I usually rack up a good few hours of immersion or study - to be honest, I fail at Anki probably at least 60% of the time. Everything else - all these tips I have written about - I do as and when. Framing it in such vague terms makes it sound like I must have an extraordinary amount of motivation to keep going, that maybe I’m just lucky to be interested etc, but that’s really not the case. What I have done to keep learning regularly and somewhat successfully (I hope!!) without limiting myself to a routine which I know I will starting obsessing over is tying specific language learning behaviour to certain moods or levels of concentration.

All routine is just habit. Habit, with a ribbon and packaged nicely. But allowing yourself to adapt your learning to the circumstances gives you more flexibility than any strict routine, and is more sustainable in the long term. What building habits rather than a specific routine does is allow you to learn what works best when, what works when you’re tired, and what is best to do when you have energy, or when you want to watch a show, or talk to people. It puts you at the centre of your language learning, rather than framing language learning as a central part of you.

So how can we build healthy habits? How can we utilise ‘dead time’ whilst keeping it light, and fun? How can we adapt our language learning for times when we are tired, and stressed? Or what about when we don’t have time to give 100% of our attention or concentration? How can we identify our own strengths, our own weaknesses, and unite these with our personal goals to figure out what to prioritise in active studying, and what to do when we don’t have the energy for that?

I’ll give my thoughts on all of these over the next couple of weeks, in what I hope will be a comprehensive overview of how best to practice, addressing everything from how to practice speaking to how to start as a complete beginner. If you have any thoughts or interim questions, or if you’d like to add your own experience to anything I have said, please feel free to!

In the mean time -

chenxi out.

#chinese #learning chinese #langblr #depression #anxiety #perfectionism #obsessiveness #mental health #recovery #I actually wrote the next post about building habits first #but it didn't feel right because personally I don't reeeeeeally have a successful routine #and giving advice about that - though I do have a lot of ideas - without acknowledging that seems hypocritical at best and unhelpful at wors #I'm lucky enough at the moment that chinese is my **special interest**#so I just sort of...do it without organising it and without much external motivation #but then again my way of learning is also a complete mess #I just look up words in things I'm reading and add them to Anki and learn them SOMETIMES #there's no structure #I really admire people who can sit down with a textbook and do a certain number of things per week #THAT is how you're going to proceed #I write so much about what I'm going to do and my plans and never ever do them #could it BE that I have adhd? who would have guessed #so many promises and I never do them AHHHHHH #anyway #actuallyadhd #excuse the personal Dramatic Backstory as ever but I feel it's important to give my own perspective and humanise the blog a bit #don't do what I do folks lmao

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halfusek · 6 years

Text

BATIM SPOILERS AHEAD

SECRET MESSAGES FROM CHAPTERS 1 - 5

With a sort of analysis/shitposting on my side? Yea.

Chapter 1

There is like two walls with these, that’s a lot. Is he... aware from the beginning now? I mean someone’s crossing this and Henry is implied to be leaving these messages so...?

Choose your fighter.

Ok wow harsh. Haven’t you seen all these cool AUs in his house?

Also can I just point out how... Joey... literally... drew... the Studio...

Oh, my bad.

He drew STUDIOS. Because the damn thing keeps happening over and over again.

Oh fuck if that’s the case then that is clever. I made puns about him drawing the studio before, wish I did something with it before Chapter 5 dropped, that would be hilarious to look back at fvdfjkvnfkj

That’s just depressing. But like... yeah...

Wow Henry you must be a proud mom now

Hey remember when DAGames played Chapter 4 and was interrupting Alice Angel’s monologue by telling her to stop watch him poop

It spells “There never was a choice.” (never underlined)

Those messages are either hilarious or straight up depressing.

It’s... kinda sweet how Henry from the past (pasts) helps his future self (selfs). And encourages.

I’m pretty sure she’s got many hearts in her stock.

STOP WATCHING ME POOP

Henry what the fuck

The falling human made out of the two Ls, the Y and the splatters above it-

Fuck.

GASPS NO WAY

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He is not the creator of the cartoons. He is the creator OF THIS WHOLE FUCKING STUDIO AND EVERYONE IN IT. Like it’s maybe a sort of obvious thought but when you let it sink in... damn

Rest of the chapters under the cut because it’s really long

Chapter 2

ARE THOSE IRL BODIES? YES? NO? SYMBOLS OF THEIR SOULS BEING TRAPPED HERE? WHAT???

Do you remember that? Or only slightly? Oh man. “I should have warned him” thoughts and then you get a pissed off boy in Chapter 5.

COME ON NOW

Ok. How. How did you write anything there. When. The only time he’s aware would be right after Sammy hits him with the dustpan. So is he like fainting and writing it? So he wouldn’t be able to write anything else like SAMMY IS GOING TO KNOCK YOU OUT WITH A FUCKING DUST PAN because yeah he’s passing out so it’s just... OUCH! Also to confirm this he is facing the way he’s facing when he’s on the floor. God that’s both shitposty and depressing. Nice.

Henry don’t be a dick

So you do sing 👀

I wonder how Henry figured out walking backwards to not trigger the Demon here and write this specific message. Also is Joey behind those closed doors because there’s the whistling.

Is he cooking

Chapter 3

Oh, hi.

Excuse me what

Henry is a Jacksepticeye fan confirmed

Joey is a man of ideas... and only ideas.

Which is why he created a studio, an OC based on a person he has a one sided crush on (me) from who he stole and claimed their OC as his, also made that stolen OC a thing and then made both of the OCs fight in an infinite loop in the massive studio which is behind his kitchen.

This both has a literal meaning but is also like a deeper general thought Henry do you want Joey to create a therapist OC you seem to have some problems

Why do these coffins hurt so much

Who are you asking Henry because Alice sure won’t fucking read that And why won’t you just write it with regular ink why you gotta do it like this

Why does he keep this thing secret? Did he make it? Probably since he’s the one leaving the messages Hmm

I fucking wheezed.

But also imagine Alice just giving her speech and Henry writing something on the wall with his finger Unless he doesn’t write that in a literal sense but like... spiritually Huh

THEY HAD DRINKS TOGETHER AND JOEY WAS PAYING FOR THEM AWW

He’s so fucking gay I swear to fucking gods.

Let’s hop on the existential crisis train, choo, choo.

How can you be kind to people who try to murder you

But this. This. Is such a good fucking work/life thought like damn. I love this game for those.

But are those just some thoughts Henry wanted to get out of his head or does it have something to do with the game because I’m kinda getting pacifist/neutral/genocide route vibes from this. But it it’s not the case it’s still pretty neat, we do meet them, we just don’t have the choice to treat them in some way most of the times.

It’s on level 14 and damn you game damn you yet again. I guess it can also be applied to that moment when The Projectionist is reaching out for Henry who is hidden in the Miracle Station? Like we don’t know what to expect of him because he had that small moment of realisation of... something. And he is also one of Henry’s “old friends”.

Is Is Ink Demon killing The Projectionist a symbol of Joey’s jealousness like Norman: *reaching out in curiosity, maybe to help* Joey: >:( my fren

Chapter 4

Thanks. Roll credits. So Chapter 4 is intentionally pointless in the terms of Henry trying to save Boris. THAT’S FUCKING SAD STOP IT

NOT. MY. DOG. YOU. BITCH.

So Henry is catching up. Joey does regret all that shit he did. I wonder how exactly does it tie here, with Bertie. Maybe that theory I had about Bendy Land being Hell for Bendy? :0c I don’t really think so but that’s a thought.

I’m losing my shit.

Okay that seems like another woke thought.

Henry can’t change not being able to save Boris.

Joey can’t change all of his mistakes. But Joey is the one making it happen over and over again so it might be slightly pointed at him?

Like, pal. Stop dwelling on your mistakes. Move on. Let me the fuck out.

This game is really heavy with this problem:

Move towards your goal, hope, believe, dream, don’t give up. Well actually do if it’s like super hard.

????? This is such a deep uuhhh analysis of this like one of most basics functions of how we people fucking work and live, what keeps us going. Holy shit I am IN LOVE with that.

But oof yeah Henry was and IS the one good at pushing Joey to do the right thing. Man...

Instead of trying to cheer you up lemme just write this message you can’t read real quick.

THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING WAS POINTLESS AND I’M LOWKEY MAD

;_; holy lord sweet baby jesus

Can Henry like be fine fun concept Meatly please

I suggest giving this a read if you as I weren’t familiar with that expression https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/09/23/heels/

Of course it’s a pun on “Time heals all wounds” expression. The word “heels” there refers to contemptible people. Earliest citation: 1934 and it got more popular around that time till something around the 50s-60s according to that website at least. Neat.

That is interesting. I guess we can associate the door with Joey as well since Henry warns himself not to go through them? And the Demon drags Projectionist’s corpse through them. Sorta against his will, heeeeeeh.

They look like they could be interactive but I dunno :0c

Oh, yeah. That two-faced motherfucker. That’s my bitch.

HE GAVE THEM FUCKING NAMES

Chapter 5

I feel like it was kinda exaggerated. Henry they like saved your life twice or so, how salty can you be

OKAY LET ME TELL YOU ONE FUCKING THING

AT FIRST WHILE PLAYING I THOUGHT JOEY WROTE THOSE BECAUSE

I mean why the fuck would they drop this star outta nowhere AND HE IS EXTRA LIKE THIS

But then again there’s this “Don’t go through the door”

Unless Joey did contact him through this as well? But I’m assuming it only because of the stars vfnjksd Idk I like when symbols actualy uhhh symbolise something

ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT’S INTERESTING

This is pointing at ANOTHER way. Without the boat. Possibly the Valued Employee (take the long walk) achievement?

I would check it right fucking now but my saves are fucked and I would have to replay everything again and I’m just too tired hhhh

Also Valued Employee does sound like someone who listens to their boss right?

And I’m getting the impression it’s not all Henry’s writing because it seems as if there is a different personality present? Idk

That sounds like sort of both of them. Joey is cheering for Henry, even if he’s planning to make him go through all of this again. Does he... have to make him go through it? That’s a bit odd. Joey nani the fuck.

I like the idea of Joey saying this ok lemme dream vskjvnskjvs

But it could be Henry (past/present/whatever) trying to cheer himself up like he did with the “Don’t be scared” message (if that was also him)

Oh, Henry...

Once people That implies that real people got somehow affected, right?

I love the halo and the bone, also you can see the bone only if you give it to Boris in Chapter 3

Wait It is The whole fucking Ink Machine Is inside Holy

A cooking gay.

Ink Demon/Joey parallel implication. I don’t think he is Bendy in a straight up sense though. He is/was a soulless boss, just how soulless Bendy was/is. I wonder if there is a studio version of him or HHHHHH complicated stuff

Is it like When people create something good but they just don't know when to stop it eventually ends up really bad And the Demon took The End so his cartoon couldn't be finished and it all had to keep going, Joey had to keep going Hm?

So like there is no message on Henry’s second desk

But it does trigger the same dialogue AND IT HURTS

Actually a lot of people missed the arrows so just so you know

But I thought we don’t like doors

Also it’s the last hidden message so I do believe it has a special meaning

CONCLUSION get Henry outta here and give him loads of therapy

Is his fucking last name Stein because he made monsters via the Ink Machine by powering it goddamnit Joey don’t trick people into creating that shit

#bendy and the ink machine #batim spoilers #bendy and the ink machine spoilers #chapter 5 spoilers #halfpost #long post #long fucking post #oh my

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jj-ktae · 6 years

Text

Game Three : Thinking

Title : Survival Games Genre : AU, Angst, Fluff, Romance Pairing : Taeyong x You (reader) Summary : A deserted island and no hope left. There is only despair and this boy, Lee Taeyong, who seems to be the only survivor. You both were on the flight KAL134, from Auckland to Seoul.

- Teaser - Discovering - Sharing -

Game 3 : Thinking

You’re depressed. If you had to describe your state of mind, you’d say you had enough of this place. It’s not like you were okay with the situation initially, but this storm got you all gloomy and down, with no motivation and a strong will to give up.  You spend your days walking and waiting for the sun to set, then sleep – when you can even, fall asleep – and get up. You barely eat, your throat too tensed to even swallow anything. This survival thing is a lost cause and you know it, but you can’t let yourself die either, so you just let things be, because you have no other choice.

Taeyong notices the way your behaviour changes. He doesn’t say anything about it, but he doesn’t need to ask. He knows too much about this feeling of fear and the moment you realize you have no way out. He sees you wandering the jungle behind him, too tired to complain and too depressed to talk. He doesn’t know how to deal with this so he lets you be. You don’t want him to act like he should take care of you so you’re thankful for his silence and simply follows his lead, discovering the island with unsteady steps.

Your knee still hurts but you don’t care anymore. A knee is nothing next to what you’re living, and you have no way of treating it anyways.

It’s just how life goes, and somehow you must accept it and let it be for the best or worst. You thought of stopping this mad race around the jungle, you thought of telling Taeyong that you don’t want to keep on walking around with no goal and go back to the beach in hope of seeing a boat, maybe.

You tell him one afternoon, when the rain is back and you’re soaked again.

“Going back to the beach? Why?” He looks puzzled, his face sweaty and head tilted to the side like you said something incomprehensible.

“I…I’m done running around the jungle. Maybe there are boats passing by, maybe I could find someone.” It’s a probability. These things happen in the movies, and the survivors even use branches to write the word H E L P in big letters, on the sand. Taeyong looks at you, eyes narrowed and he doesn’t know if he should stop you or not.

You have nothing do to with him and you’re free to do whatever you want.

Still, he doesn’t want you to end up badly, seeing the way you gave up on your life recently. “I doubt there would be anyone. This island is deserted and there’s nothing around. Even if a boat passes by, it wouldn’t come that close and you’d have no way of showing yourself from the beach.” He tries.

You’re not convinced. Taeyong does great in the jungle, but you’re not like him. You’re tired of mosquitos and ants and bugs that eat you alive while you’re starting to look like a stick. “Still. I’m tired of this.”

“Tired of what?” Taeyong wants to understand. He isn’t someone who can speak a thousand words like a philosophe, and while he shouldn’t be bothered by the idea of you doing your thing on your own, he doesn’t get what is so bad in the fact that he is pretty much doing everything for the both of you.

What could be so upsetting that you’d rather stay alone and starve to death?

“Tired of wandering the island. I’m tired of waiting for my own death and walking for no reason.” You don’t mean to sound annoyed because you’re grateful, but it sounds like you’ve had enough of this when Taeyong has been providing everything you both needed. You feel guilty, but you can’t do this anymore. It’s adding pressure on you when you need everything but stress, right now.

“And what are you going to do on the beach? You’ll have no food and nothing to drink. You want to die by yourself?” Taeyong doesn’t know about gentleness in these types of situation. He speaks the way he thinks, his honest side somewhat disturbing.

“I just want to get out of here, Taeyong,” You sigh, already tired by the probability of a fight with your saviour. “I’m grateful for what you did, but this whole…thing, it’s making me want to give up on my own life and I have too little strength left to fight for this.” You conclude in a whisper, because it’s exhausting.

“So you’re telling me you want to die on the beach, because you’re tired of actually trying to save yourself?” He finds it unbelievable. No matter how hard the situation is, giving up was never an option in Taeyong’s book. He blames it on his own experience and his strong-willed personality. He just doesn’t get how you’d rather stop trying rather than find a real way out of this.

And this annoys you more than you’d admit. “Well, yes. If you want to think of it that way, then so be it. I’m tired and I’d rather die on one of these bloody beaches. Happy?” You don’t know why you argue with him. It’s ridiculous, you barely know each other yet you must explain yourself? You should just walk away and do your thing.

Taeyong scoffs, his big eyes closing so slowly he looks like he is also done with you. “Alright. Do your thing. I shouldn’t even have asked if it’s what you want.” It’s frustrating for him, mostly because it’s a waste. He knows enough about survival to act like he doesn’t care, because this isn’t a game. It’s not a movie where you end up being saved after one hour and half-assed struggling. He wants to shake you, to make you get a grasp of the situation you’re both in and grab you by the collar to follow him but he doesn’t move.

He has absolutely no right to tell you what to do, no matter what.

“Well...thank you, then.” You try to smile at him but his face is too unreadable to understand what’s on his mind. He only stares at you, a judging look on his face and his hands on his hips, like a father when you came back after curfew.

“Stay safe.” He sighs, already regretting his lack of conviction when you limp away, aiming for a direction that would hopefully lead you to the beach.

And like this, you’re left alone, in the middle of the day, in a jungle with too much danger and too little knowledge of how to handle yourself on such a situation.

It feels lonely. It feels like you’re the only person alive. You walk, struggling to carry your hurt limb yet sad enough to forget about the pain. The day goes slowly, and no matter how much you walk, it feels like Taeyong is still behind you.

God, you’re so slow.  The beach must be so far. You walked for god knows how many hours and you don’t even know if you’re walking straight, but you have to try. This storm made you realise how insignificant you were and how useless it was to fight, so you’re going to give up on fighting before you even throw the first punch.

It doesn’t matter, nothing really matters right now.

When the night comes, you have no fire and end up in the dark, not even caring enough to be scared.

But maybe you should.

You fall asleep. Exhausted and uncaring of your surroundings. You feel something sting your arm and simply scratch your skin, too busy to care. Life is nothing. Life was never something.

The first day on the jungle is unusual. You walk pass things you never saw and it worries you a little bit. You hope to find that waterfall but it’s nowhere to be seen and you don’t even see a trace of the places you supposedly stayed with Taeyong. Maybe you actually took a shortcut. Maybe you’re so clever you found a way out easily.

You scoff to yourself but almost trip on something. It’s stinky and big, and you take a moment to believe you walked on excrements. In the middle of a jungle.

It’s not human.

You never met any animals here, at least not one that was bigger than a squirrel. It’s weird to think that there might be dangerous stuff surrounding you, but it’s only excrements, and you can’t stop walking because of that, not matter how deep your foot planted itself into it.

So you’re now exhausted, full of poop, and scared. Great. This jungle is slowly starting to get on your nerves, but you can do nothing about it, just hope you’ll stay alive. Come to think of it, even if you die, your only worry right now is that hopefully you won’t suffer too much.

You scoff at the strong smell and when you feel large leaves moving behind you, your heartrate accelerates. It’s not dark yet, and it makes the whole situation scarier than ever. The deep green leaves move but there’s no wind, and a particularly loud noise makes you widen your eyes in fear. You freeze, torn between the will to run away and the incapacity for your legs to move.

Your lips part and whisper a subtle “help…” while you turn ever so slowly around and find yourself in front of two eyes, dark, covered by the huge nature.

“No…no...” You speak but your mind goes blank, and when another strange rumbling finds your ears, you try walking away. You don’t know how adrenalin works, but you can’t feel the pain anymore. You skip through the forest, hitting branches and getting hurts by thorns. It doesn’t matter, no insect or plant could make you stop as you run and jump, too scared to turn around. The noise is everywhere around you, but you refuse to believe this thing is running after you. You run, and run, and run until you can’t breathe, until your legs start to hurt again and you fall, like a bag of sand.

This is when you give up on everything. You tried your best, ran away, but maybe this is where you die. It’s not like there is a way out of this crappy situation, but you would rather die of something else than a beast munching on your now bony body.

You close your eyes when you hear more noise coming your way and you don’t even find the force to cry. This is how it-

“Get up!”

You scream when two hands grab you, lifting you up with too much ease and pulling you away from danger. You look behind you, not even focused on the person literally dragging you away and see nothing but nature.

You feel yourself being pulled behind a large tree after an endless race, and you can only stare back at Taeyong, whose face is sweaty and breath raged. “How the hell did you end up being chased by a wild boar?”

You blink at him, thinking that maybe it was a dream and that you were dead already. What was he even doing here?

“…what?”

“The animal. It was a wild boar.” Taeyong leans against the tree and takes a deep breath, closing in eyes. “What did you think it was? A tiger?”

He snorts and it takes all the patience in the world not to beat him up. You’re supposed to cry and be traumatised and he is supposed to go all “Are you okay” while being worried but this guy right here is plainly mocking you.

How shitty is your life even?

“The beach is not even this way, you turned in circle in the jungle all this time.” Taeyong sighs like you are the stupidest girl on earth and it makes you snap because you don’t need this when you technically almost got crushed by a stupid wild boar.

“What is wrong with you? Why would you even bother saving me from this situation if you’re about to be a jerk?” You don’t know what is wrong with this boy, but one thing is for sure, you’re certainly not going to stay around him.

“A simple ‘thank you’ would be enough.” Taeyong gets up and check behind the tree, before offering his hand. “Get up, we need to go away from here.”

“No!” You frown and try to sit on your own, your leg even more painful than it already was. “I said I would go back to the beach.”

Taeyong opens his mouth, his hand still hanging, before crossing his arms over his chest. “You can’t even walk. You almost got killed and did a terrible job running away. Why do you want to die so badly?”

“Why do you even care? We will never make it out of this alive! It’s about time you register that in your apathetic brain!” You spat the words because it’s your only way to make him pay back for acting this way, but you don’t expect him to feel hurt by it.

But it works. He is hurt. You can see it.

“I saved you. I did everything I could so you would survive. Stop acting like I don’t care about anything but me.” Taeyong doesn’t like it. He can bear with a lot of things, but he hates when people imply he is cold or only cares about himself.

It has always been about this. All this time.

“I didn’t mind helping you, and I don’t mind helping you again, but you don’t want to die. Before you know it, you’ll be dehydrated, you’ll starve to death, you’ll suffer from hallucinations, you will throw up and slowly feel yourself die in incredibly high pain. Believe me, you don’t want any of these.” He extends his hand again and this time, his eyes are determined, and you understand he isn’t playing anymore. “You either grab my hand and let me carry you through this jungle, or limp your way god-knows- where. Your choice.”

You hesitate. For a solid minute, your brain can’t focus. He did say convincing things, and maybe you’re just freaking out. Maybe he can find a way out.

Taeyong looks so determined he leaves no room for doubt.

“Alright,” You sigh, forgetting about your anger and taking his hand. This was silly. There’s no way you can survive. There’s no way you will let yourself die.

You’re too much of a coward for that. You’ll regret leaving him. You know it, your pride knows it. It’s ridiculous.

Instead of his usually arrogant face, Taeyong looks at you, and a tiny smile blooms on his face. “I’m glad you survived.” He mumbles, before pulling you close to him to help you walk.

---

“How do you know all this?”

It’s night when you both stop. Taeyong made a fire with two pieces of wood and is now planting insects on a thin branch, ready to roast them. Nothing new happened that day, except that Taeyong must be exhausted from carrying your body.

“Hmm?” He hums, busy looking around for more proteins. “All this?”

“The survival knowledge. Building a fire, finding food, knowing fruits.” You explain, your hand still massaging your sore feet.

“It’s common knowledge.” Taeyong tries, still focused on your diner.

Your laugh makes him look at you, and the hint of a smile appears on his face.

“I don’t think we have the same definition of the word “common”, then.” You muse, laying on the floor. It seems he doesn’t want to talk about it so you don’t push it. You know for sure that no one would know how to survive if it wasn’t for a good reason. Taeyong wants to keep his life personal and you respect that.

“I was in the army.” He says out of the blue and it makes you sit back up in surprise.

Your eyes grow big “I knew it had to do with something like this!”

Taeyong snorts at your sudden enthusiasm. “Ever heard of The Foreign Legion? This is where I learnt about this.”

“I think I did. They make documentaries about how tough is it to pass the entrance examinations.” Taeyong being part of it doesn’t surprise you that much. Despite his frail appearance, he does have the strength and endurance on top of an incredibly high self-control.

“The entrance examination is a survival test. They make you carry heavy furniture and throw you in the jungle for three days.” Taeyong doesn’t know why he shares such personal information. He never talked about this to anyone except his close friends. “Isn’t that a bit too harsh?” Most importantly, who would even volunteer for that?

“That’s the easiest part.” Taeyong concludes before getting up and handing you a freshly made leaf full of grilled insects. “This is partly where I learnt ‘all this’.”

“But, why would you do that instead of going to the regular national army?” It doesn’t make sense. This Taeyong boy was either in need of thrill, or plain stupid.

“I wanted to do this the hard way. Struggles give strength.” Taeyong goes back to the fire and yawns, stretching slowly. “Never thought I’d use this knowledge ever again.”

“How long were you a soldier?” You lay back on your side and pick at the insects, still not used to the fact that this is your only source of protein.

“Around five years.” He explains, not bothered by the food and munching on his own insects like they’re potato chips. “Enrolled when I turned eighteen.”

You nod slowly, lips pursed. “That means you were sent on missions all over the world?”

At this Taeyong stops moving, hesitant. It seems he doesn’t like your questioning anymore, because he puts his food down and coughs before nodding.

“Yeah,” This is all you got from him so you don’t insist. “You?” he tries to change the subject and it takes you by surprised. Now that he shared a bit of his life, you feel obligated to do the same.

“It’s not as epic as your story. I moved to New Zealand to live with my boyfriend.” You don’t talk about the part where your father is sick and your family poor. You also don’t talk about how you ran away because you’re selfish.

“What did you wanted to prove?” The question makes you hesitate for a second, and Taeyong feels it from how uneasy you look suddenly.

He remembers the part about you running away instead of dealing with things and wanting to prove yourself to your family.

“That I am reliable, I guess.” It’s the only thing you can say because you’re not so sure of it yourself. What could you prove after you left your family in despair to live with a man coming from a filthy rich family?

“We all want to be useful.” He concludes, not pushing it either and you hum in response before shivering. You approach the fire slowly and place your palms over it, whispering about moody weather and wet clothes.

“The temperature has been dropping a lot during the night.” Taeyong looks up to the cloudless sky and sighs. “I’ll get you large leaves to cover yourself with.” He gets up and it doesn’t take long before he is back with enough leaves to cover the both of you. He puts them next to you and keeps some for himself. “Don’t get too close to the fire with it.”

You continue munching on the almost forgotten insects in hope it’d fill you up a little bit and thank him silently.

During the night, the leaves feel incredibly cold and the soft wind doesn’t warm your damp clothes at all, which makes you shiver uncontrollably. You wake up three times, and Taeyong is unfazed, face hidden by the nature and body relaxed like he is in a hotel.

You envy him so much.

You sit and rub your hands against the remains of the fire but nothing works, and every movement is enough to make you feel uncomfortable and frozen. You get up entirely at some point, still wary of your surroundings. You grip your clothes to wrap yourself into them, body trembling. How can you feel so cold when your head is burning?

“Can’t sleep?” Taeyong’s tired voice makes you jump in surprise and you turn around, only to be greeted by his eyes, barely out of dreamland.

“It’s too cold, but I think I have a fever?” You say, rubbing a hand against your damp forehead.

Taeyong frowns at your words and gets up too, approaching you. When his hand falls on your face, he instantly gasps. “You’re burning. How are you still so damp?”

Your body is indeed burning from the inside, but you can only feel the chilly air of the jungle, harsh on your skin. “I don’t know.”

Maybe sleeping in wet clothes wasn’t the best idea. Maybe eating more insects would have been smarter. You’re on an almost empty stomach with a cold and have no way to treat it.

“No matter what, stay warm. Take that sweater off.” Taeyong orders, aiming for your zipper to pull it down. “It’s too wet.” He explains, hands soft when they pull on the sleeves to take the disturbing clothing off.

“But I’m cold.” You mumble, not even caring enough to make him stop.

“I’ll make it dry.” He explains, taking the sweater and searching for more leaves. He puts them on the tiny embers around the fire and lets the clothing rest on it. “it’ll slowly dry without burning.”

You grab your arms and rub them hard, not pleased with the fact that you feel even colder now. “What do I do while it dries?”

Taeyong thinks for a minute, and when an idea hits him, he seems conflicted. “I have an idea.” He starts, warming his own body. “There’s only one way you give you warm.”

“Yeah?” You ask, legs hitting the ground to keep your body temperature somewhat high.

“Come here.” He tells you, making you lay down and doing the same, right next to you. “I’ll warm you up.”

This fever is so high you actually think you heard Taeyong say he was going to warm you up.

You chuckle to yourself but stop when the brown-haired boy pulls on your arm. He lets no time for you to think and swiftly pulls your body close to his, before taking you in his arms.

“This should do the trick.” He whispers against your ear and he is right.

He is very, very warm.

It’s surprising coming from the boy that always seem so cold and detached from any emotion. He gently rubs your back and pushes on your head so it rests against his neck. Your arms are trapped against your bodies and you don’t need that much more to already feel warmer.

Taeyong doesn’t speak anymore after that, and concentrates on your body, not even caring about the fact that you started sweating because of the fever.

“I’ll get you some more water tomorrow.” He says in your ear and for a second, it feels like he is worried.

And if he is worried, the situation is indeed worrisome. You catching a cold and getting a high fever now is not helping at all. You’re no expert, but you know enough to understand you will be very dehydrated after all that water loss.

“Thank you.” Your hazy state can only say simple words before you fall asleep.

Taeyong stays up the whole night.

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theanatomyletter · 5 years

Text

here is a perfectly sane response to the climate emergency

Right so like 3 days ago once everyone found out a couple weeks too late that the literal amazon rainforest is on fire I went into a sort of anxiety/depressive spiral and it was terrifying!!! I was scared and shocked out of doing anything and kept thinking of all the bad things that are happening and how we are all going 2 die and kept thinking of how to make more ppl understand that climate destruction is part of the same racist project as white imperialism and I’m !!! Stressed !! And I was scared and freaked out!!! I remember as a kid one of my favourite things ever was the book Journey To The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson and I s2g that book made me a person it taught me so many things about what it means to love a place and to be alive in the world and how to sustain a sense of self and community in meaningful connection with that it means to be alive and here and breathing and it’s a book about the rainforest and the river and so I’ve just been,, thinking of it a lot, little blue butterfly from the cover floating thru my brain and all that. It’s hard!!! I thought I was afraid of not saving/earning enough money to do a masters next year but I was actually afraid of the consequences of the climate emergency. Pay more attention to your emotions and honour them for what they are and figure out what is at stake for you, what does it make you feel that the world is in crisis. I think that’s important

Depressing chat aside after I panicked and felt radicalised (what does that even mean?) I found this twitter thread which was basically like these are all the terrible things that can happen and here is how we stop them and at first I felt SO SCARED because there’s NO WAY we can actually organise mass strikes at this scale!!!! We have never had to organise at this scale before, I panicked and got really scared and went on a rant about how we have to use existing structures to fix things because we don’t have the time or resources to organise at this scale but like. I now think we actually do, I found this resource for organising strikes globally from 20TH TO 27TH SEPTEMBER and like, we have the Internet and we have a month to plan and prepare and if you are able to strike you absolutely should !!!!!! There are people smarter than me speaking to the urgency of this, I’m just having some feelings and writing this on my phone notes, but like. Read about strikes in your area. If there aren’t any, find resources to help organise one. Text your friends your colleagues your family whatsapp group the people you went to school with, spread the word and organise how you will sustain your community in that time

As a side note after I went on panic rants all over my social media I think I realised that terrifying people into frenzied action won’t work because it’ll often just scare them into inaction (that’s what it did to me) and I felt better only once I found that resource for actual organisation, the mass general strike felt like an impossible project until I found out it’s already being planned. So like, don’t be helplessly scared, we have multiple years to fix things, and I think this is important: REMEMBER TO BE ALIVE AND HERE AND BREATHING, it’s important to actually feel the absolute miracle that is consciousness otherwise all of the saving the world will have been for nothing. Take photos of your friends and give hugs to your pets and get drunk and go dancing and remember that what matters is that feeling of being so achingly alive and aware of your existence in the world when you look at the sky and feel dizzy with how small you are and how yet the whole universe is inside of your brain, remember to breathe and feel glorious and loud and bright and reckless.

On that note, I was having a hard time giving a shit about much but I copped on a bit after I talked to my friend Naoise Dolan (buy her book it is out soon !!!) I felt like calmer and more like I was allowed to enjoy things and write things (that’s why I finally pulled it together enough to do this) and so I LISTENED TO THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM ON REPEAT and I’ve decided I love it, here is my ranking of all its songs from worst to best, I have so many thoughts, the lyrics are golden, I’m so happy to be alive in the world at a time we can make things better and listen to music like this that’s tailor made (sorry) for us to forget about any guilt we may feel from bopping to boardroom produced songs about corporate feminism

18. Miss Americana and whoever the fuck

Idk what this obsession is with high school motifs (shout out Mike Dolan for pointing this out) like it’s just weird for a 29 yr old to use school as a metaphor for her love life. The “you win stupid prizes” bit sounds nice though. It’s like a low-key creepy obsessive song like why is she doing that funny voice? Is it meant to sound vaguely haunted? What’s going on

I’m also just tired of “America” (the white kind) as a cultural construct and it being used as an expression of identity in popular culture like we get it you built a nationalism out of “gas stations” and “hallways” and “whatever” but you’re still racist, Stop. Like it’s just an inherently violent construct and nobody white is reckoning with it responsibly so at least maybe stop romanticising it or just shut up. Heck yea I’m reading too much into this. I do what I want

17. You Need to Calm Down

This song is bad. It’s so bad. The lyrics are pointless, the ohoHHHH is annoying, her voice is irritating, it’s also just gross and patronising and tries to do twelve things at once (are we leading a parade to pat ourselves on the back for telling homophobes to “take several seats” or are we saying we “all have crowns” wtv that means?)

This song is actually just gross and it doesnt even SOUND GOOD

16. ME

It’s less problematic than you need to calm down and that’s the only reason it’s slightly less bad. It’s a garbage song idk why it exists i’m so mad at it

15. Paper rings

IM SORRY tHe mOoN is HIGH like your friends were the night that we first met I’m sorry WHAT miss swift we get it you have been near drugs, Jesus CHRIST this song is a juvenile childish self important mess. The lyrics r awful and her voice is sneaky and weird and she does weird noises and the chorus is dumb like the “uhuh that’s right” makes me want to give CHITTAR. Also she says darling WAY too much in this album like we get it you’re dating a Brit. It’s not The Worst song because if you pay zero attention to the lyrics or her voice it’s kind of fine sounding? It’s so bad tho lol, I remember when she wrote Mine and the video came out I was like wow wild this is weird and adult and why are you pregnant but this one is even MORE weird. I also HATE every time she says dreary mondays and “baby boy” (GROSS) and I hate that she keeps repeating it lol. The I hate accidents line is kind of fine

14. I forgot that you existed

I hate the lyrics and I hate the premise (we get it you’re indifferent that’s why you wrote a whole song about it) BUT it’s such a bop, it’s very /this feels like a perfect night to make fun of our exes/ vibes and I would be LYING if I said I didn’t enjoy that. Yes we exists

We are pretending her fake laughter and starting to talk in the middle of songs things isn’t real though. It wasn’t cute in we are never ever etc and isn’t cute now

13. I think he knows

I love the 16th avenue bit, it fills me with giddy happiness, the rest of the song is shit, and also lazy. Also stop being obsessed with being 17, it was weird in starlight and is weird now

The bridge is also sort of nice but not nice enough to redeem the rest of it

12. London Boy

Im sorry I promise I know this song is bad. It is bad. I hope it’s ironic? But it’s bad. It’s a weird colonialism complex fetishisation of posh brit whiteness and its even more gross when it’s like “btw IM american, DOUBLE whiteness”, it’s icky and bad. It is a bad song. I apologise for enjoying it and I promise I am ashamed but also u know what, if you ignore the lyrics entirely and pretend you’re 15 and un-enlightened about the violence inherent to the fetishisation of an english identity……….maybe a fun tune. I know. I know. I am sorry. I promise I enjoy it only ironically

11. The man

Corporate white lady feminism? With the word HUSTLE in it? In this economy? Yes obviously

The lyrics are a bit ehhhh but some of them are quite clever and I think she’s quite honest in this song in a rare sort of way without trying to exaggerate it for shock value and it’s a very like, this is my life, here you go, sort of tune, it doesn’t do anything for women’s rights but I think it sounds nice and is probably fun to dance to, and “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” and “if I were a man, I’d be the man” are fUN lines !!! Idk how wild this comparison is but like, I feel this song is trying to deal with similar things as I know places (a very privileged rant, if you will, without much self awareness) but I think The Man does it better because it’s less self important and has less ambition about it solving or expressing the world’s worst problems.

10. False God

Ok, so, what is it with the religious motifs in this album, i don’t get it, though it kinda works a lot in this song? I wanted to rank this higher but after a few listens it got slightly grating, the beginning is a bit unecessary too? Like it’s trying to create this weirdly artificial aura of glamour and sophistication, it’s quite an unnerving and haunting song and I quite like that about it and it makes me a bit surprised and startled. This thing she’s doing with like slow, building, repeating tunes i think has worked the best in this song (we might just, get away with this, religion’s in your lips e-,ven if its a False gOd) also, THE ALTAR’S IN MY HIPS, OOF, the chorus does the trick honestly and i love when she’s like slightly laughing but in a wry sort of way. Love it tbh, something about it just makes me a bit stressed though and not in an intentional way (i think)

9. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Miss taylor who gave you the RIGHT, to shove your hand into my chest and grab my heart and step all over it. I love it and it makes me cry and it’s so soft and sweet. Zero complaints abt it it’s a beautiful song. There r just MULTIPLE EXTREMELY GOOD SONGS that’s why it’s not like my absolute fav and im confused too as to why it’s so low but like. Idk. it is a very soft and sweet song. I love it. If anything maybe it’s a bit uncreative n lazy but i think that’s slightly on purpose so doesn’t rlly constitute a criticism

8. Death by a thousand cuts

I like this song a lot a lot. The lyrics are SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY SHES DOING GOOD LYRICS AGAIN. I love the “one for the agEs” line and i’m generally a slut for any mention of chandeliers in music or poetry (dont ask), her voice is delicate but proud and wild and i’m a fan, honestly, cannot wait to bop to this. The My my my bit is annoying tho

7. The archer

I HATE the bit where she says CoMbAt but otherwise this song is soft and lovely and gentle and I love it !!!!! I love the lyrics and I love her gentle restraint of how she slowly unfurls them and then let’s go in “help me hold onto you”, there is such a commanding frankness to it, it’s an ask for collaboration, an ask for honesty, an ask for I want to do this with you

I think it’s one of the strongest tracks lyrically and she also shows like great skill vocally which has been annoyingly missing from so much of what she’s recently produced. I feel like there’s a bunch of annoying stylistic choices (the they see right thru me bit is grating) but like the song overall is lovely, I think you can feel in her voice she knows she’s created something good and it’s not the usually insufferable IM A GENIUS vibe. WHO COULD EVER LEAVE ME DARLING, BUT WHO COULD STAY !!!

6. Soon you’ll get better

Made me cry. We’re not talking about this one

5. Lover

This song is soft loving, slow whispers, careful realisations that you can build a life with whatever you like and love will save everything, I love it, I love it I love it I love it, “can I go where you go?” moves me to tEARS it is such a soft and gentle expression of care, it is such a kindness, it’s such surrendering, such reckless care, I love it so much, it’s so hopeful and also sure, it’s so frightful but also unafraid. I think this is one of Taylor’s most earnest songs ever and it does the thing of combining that earnestness with brazen daring that doesn’t turn into embarrassment only because she commands her lyrics with such certainty, and that’s rare and often I think that daring has ended badly for her (LOL most of reputation) but here it’s done so beautifully and w so much happiness and LOVE, this song is truly just a beautiful lil piece of art with so much happiness dripping thru it

4. Cornelia Street

This song. This SONG. It builds up so beautifully with this ever so slightly hesitant fascination with its own emotions, i’m so obsessed with it, the lyrics are lovely and perfect, i was expecting it to feel slightly forced and oddly specific because wtf is a cornelia street anyway, but it WORKS. I think it wants me to think of like a glowy streetlighty street and it DOES THAT, “filling in the blanks as we gooooo” sounds so gorgeous and does that thing with her voice which literally is just showing off that Yes She Does Know How To Sing and it’s so certain and sure and restrained and open and bare (again in “i thought you were leading me onnnnn”). Also, “the city screams your name” should be a tired cliche but its just an excited expression of abandon im,, in love. The song is so shaky and uncertain but completely confident and relaxed at the same time and it FEELS EXACTLY LIKE COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING IT TO LAST FOREVER, also like, when did she learn how to write good bridges again because yEs

3. Daylight

Solely for the lines “i’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye // i don’t want to look at anything else now that i saw you” she deserves a grammy it actually pierces my emotions and makes me want 2 explode, this song is sooooo lovely and it has the vibe that makes me feel like i’ve already heard it years ago (but maybe thats because ive had the album on repeat 2 days straight) but it’s just,,, very good and it feels like sunset and glitter and i think is a perfect ending to a great album i love how it builds intensity and then strips it down and just,,, love it.

2. Afterglow

This is i think, one of the most beautiful things this woman has ever produced, one of the loveliest and most powerful songs ever made, i love it so very much. She finally learnt how to do autotune properly lol, this song is like, a crescendo of emotion, everything is falling down around it and it’s like a little haven of bare, frank honesty and complete surrender, of complete vulnerability, the whole song sounds like an act of care and an act of expressing pure emotion, it’s so gorgeous. It moves so softly and doubles in on itself and she’s sorry and sad but so proud of this love and so certain of its importance, “i’m the one who burnt us down”, it’s such a zooming in on a very specific emotion and it’s done so well, i love it

1. Cruel summer

I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SONG. The lyrics are flighty and exciting and shivery, WHAT DOESNT KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE- plug that shit into my VEINS. This song makes me feel like it’s 2015 and nothing is real yet and I’m living inside a YA novel and my biggest problem is my crush being mean to me and I’m RELISHING in that freedom and indulging every last drop of emotion because being alive and paying attention to it is incredible and Extremely Cool Actually (I DONT WANT TO KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU, dead right gal)

That said. Organise for the climate strike. Read up on what’s going on so you can answer questions in your family whatsapp group. Field those conversation, DO THAT EMOTIONAL LABOUR (again, what even), spread the word. But take care of yourself !!!! Listen to Taylor swift and remember that we are an absolute joke of a species, we went to the MOON, we can do this, I love you

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powerfulpositivethinking · 4 years

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Ending procrastination and putting action into your life

It does not have to be like that. You might be a laid back person, but that does not necessarily mean that you are lazy – there is a difference and I will talk more about that later. The major problem is procrastination – putting off things that really deserve immediate action.

Sadly, the biggest procrastinators rarely realise what they are actually doing and the damage they cause – and this is why they find it so hard to succeed in everything they do. At work they are “Business Prevention Officers,” in relationships they are “Mr or Ms no commitment” and in life they are “Maybes.”

There is something very descriptive about the word procrastination – I believe it says exactly what it does on the tin. Some even have difficulty pronouncing the word. Do it right now - PRO-CRASS-TIN-ASHUN - and you will see what I mean. It could well sum up why so many people will do, or try anything to put off or delay the job in hand – the things that really matter.

Procrastination can apply to any part of your life, your work, your marriage and all your other important relationships. It stems mostly from a fear of failure which in turn creates inaction – after all, if you do nothing then there is an assumption, consciously or unconsciously, that it is impossible to do wrong.

It is another link in the chain which you probably learned from a well-meaning adult or from your parents and it needs to be broken before you pass on the same level of inaction to your children. It is the lack of faith in your own abilities which gets worse when you are under pressure to deliver.

Clever procrastinators have even been known to invent a huge range of additional activities which are designed to hide their inactions, but sooner or later the inevitable will happen – the main task they have been dreading has to be completed – and they have probably run out of time.

That means you are then going to upset people who were relying on you. You have let them down and it was probably not the first time and they are now thinking that you are no longer up to the job, no longer the partner or friend they trusted – it is like a self-fulfilling prophecy which has come to pass.

Those who procrastinate frequently fail in their careers and personal relationships and the sad thing is they have no idea of the kind of people they have become. Procrastinators are not lazy or uncaring, quite the reverse, they just lack focus and commitment when they perceive or imagine that something is a little more challenging than normal.

Every warning bell in their body then unconsciously decides that this is one job too far and urgent evasive action is now required. It will occur again and again until you accept that just maybe you might be a procrastinator and look to do something about it.

But for the moment, let’s first focus on positive thinking and set about changing the basics. It starts with that fear of failure that has always held you back and prevented you from making solid work and relationship commitments. It’s also worth mentioning that some procrastinators also fear success – worried that if they do too good a job they will be asked to do more – different problem but same solution.

Check back in your life and start to ask yourself a few difficult questions – as explained earlier, few procrastinators recognise that they even have a problem to begin with so you have to be honest with yourself particularly if you are finding it difficult to hold down a job or sustain a relationship.

Were you discouraged by parents or other authority figures not to get out of your depth? Was there an occasion when it really did go wrong and you are now afraid of a repeat? Do you find it difficult to make decisions? Successful entrepreneurs recognise such challenges or failures as experience building and you must do the same. Where do you think it all went wrong, why do you find this aspect of life so difficult and most importantly, what can you do now to correct the situation?

It frequently helps if you are prepared to tackle the problem in an analytical way – not easy for a serial procrastinator, but as there is no pressure and everything to gain then please believe me when I say it is worth a few minutes of your time.

It starts by recognising that you might just be a procrastinator. C’mon, it is not so hard - this is your opportunity to be a powerful positive person and get rid of all that indecision and start your life afresh – ready to tackle anything that comes your way. When you become that person you will then begin to experience material success, your relationships will improve and a whole new way of life is yours for the taking

Find a piece of paper and a pen and write down that you are a procrastinator. You need to admit that you could be a ditherer and indecisive – you get the idea because we are going to set about correcting all those things. As you spell out the problem you must also add the solution. Write down that you now intend to be more decisive and that if you are having problems you will not be afraid to ask for help. Assert that you will not invent other tasks as a substitute for failing to complete projects.

When you are satisfied that your specification is just right then destroy that piece of paper as it will help to reinforce the ideas you have sown in your head. You have metaphorically sent a message to the Universe that you are ready for change and it only needs to receive it the once.

You are effectively writing your own personal message and you must state that that the new you is going to be a massive success - decisive, strong, a leader and someone who others will gravitate to for advice. You will be the one who tackles the bigger problems and hardest projects first. You will recognise that if you run into difficulties you will be quick to correct them before it is too late – and you will not be worried about asking for help, safe in the knowledge that it is not a reflection of failure on your part.

Use your imagination to see that you are a huge success, delivering incredible projects. See yourself as receiving praise from bosses and colleagues for a job well done. Visualise relationships improving with more and more attractive people coming into your life. Most importantly – please do not confuse procrastination for laziness.

This is of course how many people will always view procrastination – but that could not be further from the truth. None of us are the same – there are always going to be people more motivated, more dynamic and more driven than you. It does not mean that you are less committed or care less – and it certainly doesn’t mean that you are lazy.

You might be more laid back than most and you might like to take time to consider what needs to be done – that doesn’t mean that you are lazy either – so welcome the type of person you are and let’s move on, but be ready to give yourself a break because there could be other things that are holding you back right now.

Could be that you are feeling very tired at the moment. Maybe it’s been a bad week, month, year or even longer when everything has gone wrong. It’s your problems we are talking about here – anything from divorce, ill health, finances, depression – so an understandable lack of motivation is probably OK right now and we will talk more about that later because these things will pass.

The real problem is procrastination because some people will avoid action of any kind by looking for distractions. This also has nothing to do with laziness as we have already discussed – so could it be that you are simply unwilling or unable to do a particular job or you have no idea what action to take. May be you could be worrying about the potentially embarrassing consequences of a failure on your part.

Depression is also the direct route to inaction. When all you can think of is how bad you feel and how bleak the future looks then it’s not surprising that you feel demotivated. In such circumstances, the last question you need to ask is why am I so lazy?

Feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem are massive factors for inaction. Add them to all the other reasons already stated – and if these apply to you – then you are not a lazy person, just someone who needs to think differently.

That could mean turning to mindfulness or meditation which is known to correct thoughts and can be very powerful in cases of negativity, but most people have no idea how to go about this and they do not have the time or the inclination to make it work.

There is really nothing new about Mindfulness. It has been around for thousands of years, practiced and passed down through the generations by Buddhist monks and it works by keeping people in the NOW – focussing on things at this precise moment.

The practice has been clinically proven to fight depression and anxiety – and according to some medical reports, up to 20% of individuals taking part in trials have benefitted - and there are a growing number of organisations willing to offer courses and advice.

Does it work – yes? Is it good for your mind and body – without doubt? So what are the downsides of Mindfulness? The short answer is time. You must be willing to invest part of your day – you will need, according to the experts, at least 15 minutes to meditate, some say up to one hour. This allows your thoughts to be put into perspective in a non-judgemental way - and in a modern fast moving world, most of us are sadly unwilling to make that investment.

It’s the very same reason why most people fail to get the results they need from self-help books, particularly those that involve daily exercises and affirmations and why most New Year resolutions fail by mid-January. You will be pleased to know that we do not recommend such things – because you do not need them.

That doesn’t mean to say that you cannot introduce Mindfulness into your life and daily routine and you can do it on the go, as you travel to work, during you lunch hour, as you tidy up the house, clean the car or whatever it is you are doing at that particular moment.

The secret is learning to control your thoughts and living in the now, enjoying this precise moment accepting that everything is how it should be. Let the dozens of thoughts coming into your head pass into the ether without comment or analysis – they are random and however pressing they may seem you can choose to return to them when you are ready ensuring that you dominate the agenda.

A good start is to forget about the past mistakes – there is nothing you can change as much as you might want to beat yourself up over it. Simply vow to learn from the experience however painful it was because it is now in your past and only causes you distress when you relive it. That simple process of acceptance alone will take you forward into the process of mindfulness.

As for the future – if you are practicing Powerful Positive Thinking then you will already have a strategy to take care of what comes next or you will have by the time you finish this article – so all you have to do is concentrate on what’s happening now.

Enjoy the moment and if you are sitting on a train or a passenger on a bus or simply lounging in a café, take the opportunity to look around, smell the coffee if you like, metaphorically and literally, look at the surroundings, take notice of colours and textures and as you do, thoughts will stream into your head and you will have an opinion about what your senses are telling you.

To achieve mindfulness you must control these opinions. It doesn’t matter whether you hate the colour of someone’s curtains or whatever else you are looking at. It doesn’t matter what you think about anything really at that particular moment – stop being judgemental, acknowledge the thoughts without any additional mental comment and let them drift away.

This is the lazy way to mindfulness because without realising it you will be in a mild state of meditation, it’s doing you good and you can do it any time it takes your fancy. Analyse it a bit further and you have probably allowed yourself unwittingly to relax in the same way on numerous occasions. It is just common sense – another key part of Powerful Positive Thinking.

You can do this during even the busiest of days and here comes the good bit. Because you have not locked yourself into a rigid programme of meditating at a certain time then mindfulness becomes a pleasure when you are ready to switch off and not another chore or duty you have to include as part of your 24 hour schedule.

This way you will slowly learn how to control your thoughts, you will become less judgemental, gradually you will learn to let go of the past and slowly – step by step – you will be living in the NOW – and that’s exactly where we all should be.

By living in the now you can correct your thoughts away from procrastination or laziness and focus on what needs to be done immediately. You will see the way ahead and the task in hand, you will not be afraid to ask for help if it is required.

Do not feel you have to practice all the time, just take a moment to relax, the odd few minutes here and there and slowly but surely you will become more positive, more incisive and you would have made another step forward towards personal and material success – so chill. You have vowed to be less of a procrastinator and most importantly, you have taken another step towards a more positive you.

The post Ending procrastination and putting action into your life appeared first on Powerful Positive Thinking.

from Powerful Positive Thinking https://www.powerfulpositivethinking.org/ending-procrastination-and-putting-action-into-your-life/ via https://www.powerfulpositivethinking.org

#Powerful Positive Thinking

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