#long fucking post

[urlocallesbiabs-reblog-sideblog]

so, i remember seeing a red dwarf tumblr post about how if you leave your universe, it's almost impossible to go back, because there's trillions upon trillions of them, and every minute decision branches off a new one

so what if our original rimmer spent maybe a few months genuinely being ace and enjoying the hero status, then decided it's too dangerous and scary and tiresome and wanted to go home, and spent the entirety of those nine years (between s7 and s9) looking for his home universe?

and he kept saving people along the way of course, ace duty is ace duty (half of those heroic acts were accidents anyway), but his heart wasn't in it anymore; he's found many a universe where there were still people, where he could theoretically fit in and settle and live as close to a normal life as he could hope for, but he could never stay for long, he longed for *his* home, for lister, *his* lister

and wise people told him "you'll never get there. there are too many universes, and every day that you wake up and make a choice to continue looking for home, that choice creates a new one, setting you back. you're dooming yourself.", and he answered "shut up, you stupid goit, you don't get it! get smegged to hell!"

and i imagine a scene:

it's close to the end of the 9 year gap, kochanski's already gone, lister's Not Doing Well, and it's another monster-of-the-week life-or-death situation aboard the red dwarf, a particularly nasty one: all is shit, end is near, how will our heroes get out of *this one!* this is probably it! this is it! they're all gonna smegging die! and then outta nowhere ace pops out, hair billowing in the air and all, shoots some bullets that bullshitly ricochet and perform miracles, and saves the day

after that he asks to spend the night there, because even heroes need to sleep a bit, and of course he's welcome!!

lister doesn't quite know how to approach the subject, so he goes for subtle bordering on undecipherable: asks how long has it been since this ace got the flame passed on to him? what was it like? ace deflects with a charming non-answer and a fun adventure story, and lister thinks well, that's not him, then. must be a new one. that means that his rimmer passed on the flame, that he... died.

lister doesn't know how to process the idea, so he doesn't.

he tries to stick around and listen to the stories that's gotten kryten (and even cat, a little bit!) enthralled, but quickly grows bored and goes off to wander the ship and entertain himself on his own. at some point few hours later, he notices ace out and about as well, measuring doorways with tape, comparing wall paint with color swatches, counting the rooms and making notes in his little notebook; ace doesn't notice him. kinda sketchy behaviour, lister thinks, but doesn't confront him just yet. who knows, maybe the guy just went a little bit space crazy, maybe he's preparing for some impending disaster; would be rude to accuse him of nothing, wouldn't it?

as lister returns to his quarters in the evening, he sees ace briskily walking out from about the same corridor that lister is headed to, throwing him a shining, but somewhat strained smile; ace is going to the room he's claimed for the night, which is on the officer's deck, literally on the other side of the ship (makes sense to lister that he doesn't share the room with him, since this isn't really his bunkmate. smeg knows him, maybe in his universe he actually was an officer and slept alone, not like lister cares). this feels *really* sketchy, but none of lister's things seem to have been messed with on closer inspection, so he can't really prove shit. he feels kind of paranoid, but also tired, and decides he'll talk to ace in the morning.

lister sleeps badly and fitfully, and wakes up in the middle of the night. he can't fall asleep again, and decides to go and grab a bite; maybe visit krissie in the observatory, watch stars together, have some time for himself.

the lights are on in the drive room. ace is there, talking to– *interrogating* holly and kryten, swiveling on a chair back and forth to face either of them, whisper-barking rapid-fire questions; lister is Alarmed (what is this? mutiny? a hostage situation? a threat?), so naturally he hides and eavesdrops.

ace runs them through a bunch of questions that vary wildly in immediately obvious importance, seemingly nonsensical (what fuel does this ship run on? when did the leak happen? who was assigned to fix it? how many irradiated haggies were in the ship's hold at the moment of disaster? has lister ever passed an officer's exam? on what day and what ship did they find kryten? and so on and so forth), growing more and more agitated and focused, determination so passionate it's almost angry. at last, he takes a deep breath, clenches fists, and says "now, i did notice this ship's crew lacks a usual, i'd say indespensable member, namely one arnold judas rimmer. where, pray tell, did you put the bugger?"

"arnold died in 3,002,386 from a vending machine related incident, arnold," says holly.

ace's face falls, and he laughs like someone died. "ah, of course it's like that, of course. it's always like that. well, good chat, gentlemen, thank you for humoring me." he gets up, even though it obvious his legs are weak.

noticing his distress at the information, kryten hurries to clarify, "it was the second one, though! the first one died a few months before that!"

ace falls back into the chair. "what do you *mean* the second one?!"

"the one my nanobots ressurected!" kryten clarifies with mostly pride, partially guilt.

"what smegging nanobots? what on io has happened here?" ace rimmer has to forcibly hold his horses, pulling a palm down his face. "no, forget it, doesn't matter, not right now. the other one, the first one — how did *he* die?"

"well, physically it was the cadmium 2 leak in 2181" holly helpfully explains. ace rimmer makes a dying groan. "but his hologram form was destroyed by an escaped knight from an AR camelot game."

the man perks up. "was me — well no, not exactly me, but — ugh, was ace rimmer there?.."

they confirm that yes, even though he left soon after. rimmer goes slack in his chair and puts a hand over his eyes. "so this is it?" he whispers. "so many years, and... this is it. i'm here. i can't believe it."

after a minute in weird silence, he gets up and staggers out.

lister's a few paces down the corridor, having been unsettled by the exhange and made the decision to leave.

rimmer calls out to him, loudly, with intense gravitas, "lister!"

"rimmer," he responds, shocked and disbeliving, eyes open.

"lister!" he exclaims urgently, desperately.

"you're my rimmer, aren't ya," lister states a question, incredulous.

"of course i'm yours, you stupid git!" rimmer cries out and lunges at him, crushing him in a hug. "you gimboid, you imbecile, you smeg for brains smeghead," he chatters on, out of breath, cradling him.

"i've missed ya," lister sobs. rimmer doesn’t manage to respond, only hugs him even harder.

(rimmer didn’t want to throw himself at the guy until he'd made sure it's *his* guy, didn't want to make himself vulnerable only to later make a fool of himself; too many times he let himself hope and get drunk on that hope and then had his stupid heart broken by some tiny little thing being off, inviting a flood of other little things, suddenly finding himself in an embrace with a stranger wearing his best friend's face. he just couldn't bear it anymore, not again. he needed to make sure first.)

however, this headcanon poses a problem of reconciling this with late series rimmer claiming to have saved red dwarf from the corrosive virus back then. because if our rimmer only returned during the 9 year gap (closer to end of it), he couldn't have been there at the end of s8, right?

to which i propose this: the alternative ending to "only the young" is canon, and it was nanobot rimmer who saved (or rather tried to save) the day; then he was killed by a rouge vending machine. they couldn't bring him back as a hologram though, because the holo-suite was heavily damaged by the corrosion virus and they didn't have the intricate spare parts needed to fix it. so, his memory disk stayed unused, carefully kept in the hopes of someday fixing the holo-suite (never found a suitable derelict though, not with their shit luck). then our rimmer came along, learned of the entire situation, fixed the suite using details taken from wildfire, and asked holly to merge the info from this disc onto his (because for smeg's sake, it's at least 1 year out of those hellish 9 that he can remember having spent home; he can Not pass it up). the merge was successful, but majorly jittered his vibes (since he remembered two different versions of being 32, and in one of them lister was 8 years older than in the other, and he became aware that in the same year as he was 32 for the second time he also was 40 and in another universe) and gave him lifelong memory issues. he's still happy as a clam about the result, though!

that's why other's disagree when he claims having saved the day back then — he figures that if he has that guy's memories, he *is* that guy, because that's how holograms work, but others want to argue that the alive nanobot rimmer technically wasn't exactly him; you Don't wanna be there for all of the smeg-throwing that occurs during the argument.

it all could be a fake episode (or maybe a fake two-episode special), where the first half's main gag/storyline would be lister slowly growing convinced that ace is actually evil and is in the process of brewing some Sinister Plans, and the second would be about rimmer going peculiar from the merge and randomly glitching between various remembered stages of his life (thinking he's still ace and this is isn't his lister; thinking he's nanobot rimmer and wondering what happened to the crew; a throwback to an early episode or two; thinking he's a fresh hopeful enlist on red dwarf [kinda painful in a hindsight way, but also pathetic and hilarious]; thinking he's a small child [very silly and funny, mostly cute even if a bit weird because that's a grown man's body, also an epic Rimmer Trauma Lore moment as usual]; etc), to the point that lister worries they've smegging broken him and he'll never be alright, only for him to finally cope and appear sane, only to reveal last second that parts of his memory are still kinda jumbled.

i'd call that fake episode:

"H Stands For Home"

and i imagine a scene from the second half:

rimmer sees the destroyed holo-suite (god, i really can't leave you bastards alone even for a day, let alone a decade), and finds the memory disc for the other him (wait, what is this? i clearly remember taking mine with me when i left...), and gets filled in on the whole nanobots, ressurected rimmer, corrosive virus debacle (he needs to sit down.)

naturally, he decides to fix the hologram-projecting hardware (obvious turn of events) and merge the discs' data together (man, what??)

he pops out, promises to be back in a jiffie, and returns from the hangar with a bunch of circut boards, unconneted wires and the likes, immediately getting to work

"whatcha doing?" lister asks, clearly entertained but also genuinely curious

"having a smegging picnic, what does it look like?!"

"...can you fix it, though?"

"i've serviced my own ship for a decade straight, i've prevented all kinds of disasters on dozens of red dwarves, i've saved countless city-states from technological ruin, of course i'm perfectly capable of fixing this ship's holo-suite!" (this very moment, he connects something wrong and gets a shower of sparkles right to his face, which startles him and causes him to bang his head rather hard against an open latch)

when lister's done laughing, he asks "where on smeg did you even get the details? i've meant to patch it up all these years, but just... never could find 'em." (here his voice voice grows distant and sad; he had lost rimmer *twice* in one year, and it was just unfair. it just hurt.)

"good ol' baby racehorse wildfire," rimmer slaps one of the circuit boards with pride; something falls off of it. "presume it got the upgrade sometime since the original ace kicked the bucket; something needs to keep all of us holograms going."

"wait, you tore these from your ship?"

"what, was i supposed to pull them out of my arse?" rimmer is getting annoyed by the pointless conversation

"it's just... how will ya fly it, then?"

"it's still perfectly spaceworthy, i'll let you know!" rimmer preens. "sure, no more having my arse fall asleep after one week straight in the cockpit, hauling vaccine to pluto or some such (would not recommend), but i can still give it a good run as long as my lightbee's got charge! not all that different from our other off-the-ship missions — now what are you, stupid?"

"you won't be able to travel for long," lister clarifies apprehensively. "you won't be able to have your... space smeg adventure. you won't be ace."

rimmer looks up at him like he's crazy. "of course i won't be ace." he gets up, walks weirdly close to lister. "i'm not leaving. what — what did you think this was? that i'd spent all these years looking for you, for this dimension, only to have some tea and smeg right back off?!"

"...i don't know what i thought," lister admits, half-laughing and weirdly upset and relieved.

rimmer gripes him by the shoulders very, very hard. "i'm not leaving. never."

also, he wears his hair in the classic long and free ace style until the proper Reunion, then as soon as he fixes the holo-suite and hookes his projection to red dwarf he asks holly to chop it all off (he wanted to do that immediately after confirming that this is his home universe, but he was still connected to wildfire's holo-hardware and the ship's ai wouldn't let him bc ouughhh houghhh ace but your hair is So Beautiful, i simply Can Not); between the two points, he wore a tight neat ponytail to keep all his golden locks out of his smegging face, and he looked Hot doing it

***

and another thought, that isn't directly connected to this imaginary two-episode special, but still has to do with rimmer, lister, and the 9 years gap:

(though i'm not sure if it's canon to my personal headcanonverse [...i'm not even sure i've got a personal headcanonverse here. i love the idea of them getting together in early series when he's still soft-light, or later when he's hard-light and they can touch, or after the reunion, or post-tpl; too many possibilities!] because i feel like it gets rimmer off the hook of his internalized homophobia way too easy, but anyway, just imagine.)

it's rimmer's ace years, and it's not only beautiful young birds throwing themselves at him for his sexy heroics, but beautiful young studs as well; he switches many a dimension, and what happens in a reality stays in that reality, right?; he meets many a lister, some of them openly queer, some of them in a relationship (past or ongoing) with their rimmer; he sleeps the night away with some of them. long story short, 9 years of both excessive human attention and crushing loneliness are ample time to confront one's sexuality. he's still got his hangups though, so in his mind "i am gay" and "lister is my best ever friend whom i miss terribly" don't quite cross together, not immediately.

either way, he finally gets back, they have their happy reunion, and then rimmer learns while he was off adventuring, lister had a wife and a child and loved her deeply and then she died; obviously, lister still needs some space to process all that. rimmer will talk to him about his soul-search some other time (no, he doesn't feel like he'd been replaced, he's not jealous, jeez!). lister just needs some time to move on, yea? and then it'll all be back to how it used to be, just the four of them.

and then s9 happens, and lister is obsessed with getting kochanski back, and rimmer feels as insecure as in s1 but ten times worse — there's the woman who'd been by lister's side for the last decade, there's his wife, there's the love of his life, and there's, well, just some guy. there's rimmer.

he longs desperately to be the most important person in lister's life, but he just isn't, and that's driving him mad. that's what (partially, together with all his lifetime-accumulated trauma) fuels his tpl insistence that nobody aboard red dwarf (read: lister) likes him: he knows lister doesn't love him back, and that is killing him.

#vikarambles #long lost #LONG FUCKING POST #red dwarf #rimster #arnold judas rimmer #dave lister

[smollangrycat]

Ikran, Pt 4

(Avatar: WOW Oc)

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4

Quick Note - FINAL CHAPTER! Hi, thank you to everybody who has been enjoy this fic it has ment the world to me to see that you guys are enjoying my story’s. So here we are part 4 - 9,205 words later. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this as I have really loved writing it 😁🥹🥰

Summary

(Pre Avatar: WOW) When 12 year old Alue’k is told by her parents that they don’t feel she’s ready for her Iknimaya she feels the need to prove them wrong … in a rather stupid way.

Warnings

Slight gore/mention of injury

Language

Mention of premature birth/ difficult brith (There is a TW so u can skip that part it’s not essential)

If you think anything else needs to be added leave a comment. 

——————————————

Alue’k basked in the warmth of her brothers hug, just enjoying the comfort and company.

Lo’ak smiled, he remembered so clearly how a younger Alue’k would claim hugs can make anything better and she would rather eat Ikran shit than admit otherwise.

Eh, what can you aspect from a girl that a carbon copy of her (extremely stubborn) father. 

The moment was quickly disturbed as the sound of an Ikran landing caught their attention. A figure dismounted the Ikran and made his way over to the group. As he grew closer a knot started to twist itself in Alue’k stomach as her grip grew a little tighter on her brothers.

It was their father. 

Lo’ak and Neteyam shared a concerned look, which wasn’t helping with Alue’ks growing worry at all.

The man in question all but charged at his children but at a calm pace trying to keep some level of composure. 

It wasn’t working very well.

Once Jake had reached his children he stood tall, towering over them. Alue’k stared at her feet worrying on her bottom lip and wringing her hands, she could practically feel her father burning gaze on her.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she nervously let go of Neteyam and Lo’ak. Slightly lifting her head to give them a small smile showing that’s she would be ok … probably.

Both boys have small reassuring smiles before turning to face their father. Neteyam stood tall matching Jakes posture while Lo’ak stood slightly slouched looking more comfortable but the way his tail flickered in agitation and worry betrayed his facade.

Neteyam met his fathers gaze Jakes eyes were strong and determined but right now they seemed dazed and … tired. 

Who wouldn’t be? He’s been up for hours searching for his little girl who has a history of reckless behaviour. For all Jake knew his baby could have been laying broken and dead at the bottom of the floating mountains. 

Neteyam tried to ease his dads worries, he always looked out for his siblings, making sure they were safe. However Alue’k was … different. She didn’t back down, wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to prove her worth … which normally lead to her doing something stupid.

Even if she never had to, she struggled to see her worth. Her size and stature often acting as a  hindrance to her … adventurous activities.

 her entire family valued her they couldn’t imagine a life without her. Neteyam couldn’t understand how someone who is loved by others so much could feel so … alone.

He can’t even imagine what life would be like without his baby sister who’s always trying to make others laugh and smile. He can’t imagine what life would be like without any of his siblings but again Alue’k is just … different. 

Who would make there dad laugh, lighten his mood when there in trouble and would bring out their fathers goofy side when she declared a tickle fight.?

Who would make their mom smile when she looked at the way her arrows were entangled with pretty flowers and colourful plants or bring out the smile their mother reserved for when she was being bombarded with story’s of all the funny things Tonôwa had managed to do in just one day?

Who would Lo’ak spend hours joking around with, causing all sorts of trouble?

Who would kiri have to share her secrets, a confidant who would give the best advice? 

Who would wait behind with Tuk so she didn’t feel left out from the big kid games, who would always find a way to cheer her up when she was sad or know the right words to say when Tuk felt inadequate? 

And finally he thought who would hug him the hardest when he was struggling with all the pressures of being his parents golden son, to show him it was ok to mess up and make mistakes. To not have the weight of his sibling on his back at all times?

Alue’k. 

Neteyam looked at his father and watched as he sighed, pulling his hand own his face.

Jake looked at Neteyam jerking his head to the side signalling to him that he was to go home. He nodded, gently but firmly grabbing his brother by the arm and dragged him back to where their Ikran were waiting.

Once they had mounted their respected Ikran, Lo’ak turned to his older brother.

Lo’ak - She’ll be ok, right?

Neteyam met Lo’aks eyes which were filled with worry, he gave his brother a reassuring smile.

Neteyam - She’ll be fine.

That’s what he hoped. With that the brothers flew back home to wait for their father and sisters return. leaving Alue’k to her fate.

The thick silence that followed the brothers as they left was … intimidating.

The younger of the two Na’vi was still focused on her hands as she all but nearly dislocate her fingers with the force she was putting into fiddling with them.

Jake let out a long dawn out breath. Not a sigh but … yeah it was a sigh. He looked at his daughter a frown growing onto his face as his brows knitted together. Jake folded his arms all the while staring at his daughter. 

His baby girl. Who he almost lost … again! At this point he was starting to lose count of the amount of time his child has endangered herself and almost died. He was exhausted. Not of his child but the worry and fear that was weighting on him. 

When he woke up this morning to find her missing it felt as if his hart had stoped right there and then. Waking up Neytiri with shaking hands and calling out a search party to find his little girl who hopefully hadn’t joined Awa in the time it took him to find her missing.

He took in the sight of his little girl, watching her fidget and not making eye contact. He noticed the makeshift turner kit on her arm noting how the wound looked deep and might even need a few stitches … that’ll be fun.

Jake was just staring at her and Alue’k felt so nervous and some other emotion she couldn’t name.

Yeah, she new what she had down was reckless and stupid but she needed to prove herself … she had to … right.

Is that why she couldn’t look at her dad … was she ashamed, embarrassed? No, thats not it. She was proud of her accomplishment, of her victory but if that wasn’t it … what was it?

Jake - What were you thinking? You could have been killed, is that what you want? To leave this family broken so you can have a joy ride?

Jake didn’t mean his words … well not all of them. He was angry and he wanted to get his point across to his daughter. He didn’t want to loose his baby, why was that so hard for her to understand?

Alue’k stoped fidgeting instead focusing all her energy of the ground and if willing Awa to swallow her hole.

Jake - What you did was dangerous and reckless. Awas sake, and for what? To prove that your grown, that your ready for the responsibility of being a hunter? 

Alue’k stood still with bated breath, eyes still glued to the ground. Tears had started to grow in the corner of her eyes as she stops a silent sob from escaping her throat.

Fuck. She couldn’t do anything right. She had completed her Iknimaya, she had earned an Ikran so for the love of Awa why was her father still not proud of her. Why dose he still not believe in her, is she truly that hopeless that her accomplishment mean nothing?

Jake, not noticing his daughters change in dementor continues, only one thing going through his mind. His baby could of died today.

Jake - All you’ve done is prove that your not mature enough, that your not ready! Do you know how stupid this was, how recklessly life endangering your actions where? We could of lost you today!

Silent hot tears had started to make there was down Alue’ks face. Why couldn’t she be better? Why … why couldn’t she just do it right? Wait. She had done it, maybe not conventionally but she had done it, damit! So why was her dad so pissed?

Alue’k looked at her dad a new ferocity hitting her like a wave hitting a cliffs edge, she hissed angrily as her fathers ears twitched.

Alue’k - Why can’t you just be proud of me! I know I’m not perfect, I know I came out wrong but the least you could do is let me at least think you believe in me!

Her voice came out as a yell, voice hoarse from holding back sobs. Jakes eyes widened in shock … what?

Alue’k took his expression as one of being caught out and continued as hot tears ran down her face.

Alue’k - I know that you don’t believe in me, I’m nothing, I’m useless and I can’t do shit! I’m slower than Neteyam, I’m not as smart as kiri, I’m not as brave as Lo’ak, I’m not as helpful as Tuk! I’m not good enough, I know! 

Her yelling continues, she had wrapped her arms around herself growing desperate for any form of comfort. 

Jake looked at his daughter the weight of her words pressing down on him. Is this what she though? Is this what his baby had been carrying around with her since who in the hell knows how long? Had he truly failed as a parent this much, had he failed his baby girl?

Alue’k had went back to staring at her feet, her feeling had brought on a new exhaustion she didn’t know existed. 

Jake sighed for what felt like the millionth time today as he moved closer to the girl and lifted his daughters chin up so she was looking him in the eye.

Jake - Alue’k, I see you.

Jake found his daughters words harte breaking. He couldn’t believe what he had heard, his baby girl had been suffering and had no idea. He was so focused on the idea of protecting her from the outside world that he didn’t realise what was happening to her on the inside.

Alue’k sobbed clinging onto her father as he brought her in for a hug. He held her tight almost as if she would disappear if he loosened his grasp. 

Jake sat on the ground, pulling his daughter to sit on his lap as he made a comforting rumbling noise from his chest. Alue’k leans into her fathers hug as her sobs slowly turn into sniffles. 

The older Na’vi looked down at his daughter in his lap, a gentil smile gracing his face as he slowly rocked her back a forth in a comforting motion. Just like he had when she was a baby. (Well she was alway going to be his baby, no matter how old she was).

Jake - Have I ever told you the story of the day you were born?

Alue’k shook her head, her outburst of emotion had tiered her out and now she couldn’t muster the energy to talk.

Jake - You came into this world very early, you were too impatient to wait an extra a month. You just had to come out and meet everyone.

Jakes comment made the girl smile a soft chuckle leaving her chest, it was met by a smile from her father who was just happy to see his baby laughing … and alive, safe in his arms where he could protect her.

Jake - Your mother and I were so happy to meet you but you were so small, I could hold you with one hand. 

Jake looked away for a moment as it it physically hurt him to say his next sentence … which it did. Nobody want to talk about their child almost being taken away from them, especially when they’ve bearly had the chance to get to know them.

Jake - When you were born you didn’t cry, you were completely silent. Your mother and I begged Awa to let you breathe, begged you to breathe then Awa answered us and your chest started to breathe. You started to cry and after that I never wanted to feel like I was losing you again. 

-TW- (Mentions of difficult birth/ baby struggling to breath)

Jake didn’t mention some parts of the story as he didn’t think they were fit for a 12 year old. 

He didn’t mention how Neytiri had spent hours in labour struggling to gain any progress in delivering her baby. 

He didn’t mention Neytiris heartbroken cry’s at the realisation that their baby wasn’t breathing. 

He didn’t mention how he had broken the newborns ribs doing CPR trying to get blood flowing through her body and air to her brain as her lungs seemed to fail her. 

He didn’t mention that in his story as he still had nightmares about it.

(-End of TW-)

Jake - I see you Alue’k. You’re my baby girl who can do anything she sets her mind to. You always find a way to go on, you’re a tough kid. I believe in you. I’m just scared of losing you.

The tears that had subside only moment ago resurfaced as she clung to her father, mumbles of I’m sorry tumbling out of her mouth.

Jake just held her close shushing her, gently rocking her back and forth.

Jake - It’s ok baby girl, daddy’s here. I’ve got you, your safe I promise.

After about an hour or so Alue’k calmed down and just sat comfortably in her dads arms. She finally mustered the strength to sit up a looked him in the eyes.

She understood now. While her insecurities where still there, she knew her father believed in her. He didn’t think she was not enough. 

She smiled at him and he smiled back just enjoying each others silent company.

Jake - Your grounded.

Alue’k taken aback by the ruined moment looked at her father.

Alue’k - Daddddddddd!

Jake just chuckled a small bemused huff leaving his chest.

Jake - Don’t “dadddd” me baby girl, you snuck out and nearly got yourself killed. That’s fair ground for getting grounded.

Alue’k - Uhggg.

She slumped over, laying on her father while Jake just laughed stroking her hair out of her face.

An’ri who had sat patiently while her Na’vi … finally dealt with her unresolved emotions had decide that it was time to make an appearance.

She made her way over to the Na’vi and laid her head on her friends shoulder who erupted in giggles as it somehow managed to tickle her.

Jake cocked his head and gently held his hand out to the Ikran who looked at him wearily. An’ri turned to Alue’k and watched as she hugged him showing that he was not a danger. 

So An’ri accepted his offer allowing the older Na’vi to stroke down her neck. 

Alue’k - She’s death, so she can’t hear me when we’re not bonded so I’ve got to show her I’m safe in a different way.

Alue’k explained anticipating her fathers question, Jake only nods not expecting that answer but of course it was his daughter who managed to bond with the only death Ikran he had ever heard of.

He smiled to himself watching his daughter cuddle and coo to her Ikran, reminding him so much of the girls mother who had once done the same to her own.

Once again noticing the wound on his daughters arm her pulled her to him and inspected it. He looks at her asking a silent question of what happened.

Alue’k sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck with her other hand, chuckling nervously.

Alue’k - I kinda forgot the leather tie so I had to use my … arm instead.

Jake shakes his head in disbelief.

Jake - your going to be the death of me kid.

She drew in closer to her dad, cuddling close to him.

Alue’k - I know.

A mischievous smile crossed Alue’k face as she turned back to her dad.

Alue’k - Wanna race back to high camp?

A matching smirk crossed Jakes face.

Jake - Ok baby girl but I’m not going to go east on you.

Alue’k snorted as she picked up a sleeping Tonôwa and mounted her Ikran.

Alue’k - I was hoping you’d say that.

Jake just shook his head in amusement as he mounted his Ikran making the bond.

Jake looked at the fine young women his daughter was turning into … determined, strong, funny, caring he was so proud, he didn’t think there was a word for how much pride he had for his baby. For all his children.

Jake - Ready? 

Alue’k smiles in agreement as she hold on to Tonôwa as she edges toward the cliffs face. 

Jake smiled doing the same.

Alue’k - On 1. 3, 2, 1.

With that they took of racing each other through the floating mountains back to their home, back to their family.

Laughter filled the air as Alue’k did a flip, it was as if she was made to ride Ikran … maybe she was.

Once they finally reached home Alue’k was met with a very pissed Neytiri who cuffed her on the back of her head before bringing her into a bone crushing hug.

Alue’k - … Ow.

Neytiri - Foolish girl. Never again, don’t scare us like that again.

Alue’k pulls her mom closer cuddling into her.

Alue’k - I’m sorry mama.

It was almost a whisper but Neytiri heard it, she looked at her middle daughter cupping her face and smiled. 

Neytiri - Oh my sweet girl.

She pulled Alue’k closer (If possible) to her and they just stood like that for a moment until Tuk joined.

Then kiri who laid her head on Neytiris shoulder and stood close to Alue’k (Kiri’s not a huge fan of hugs). 

Lo’ak and Neteyam soon joined cuddling close to their sisters and mother.

Finally Jake joined in the group hug as well, his large arms engulfed the entire family, holding them close.

This is when Alue’k realised something very important. No matter what, this is where she always would want to be. Wrapped in her family loving, warm … safe embrace.

Alue’k smiled enjoying the warmth and thanked Awa for her breath … for her family.

The End.

#avatar #avatar way of water #avatar 2 #oc #daughter oc #teen oc #avatar oc #avatar 2 oc #avatar way of water oc #jake sully #Neytiri #Neteyam #Lo’at #kiri #Tuk #fanfic #semi-long #oc fanfic #long fucking post #long fanfic #long fic #4 part

[fawfulydoo]

do the rest of the lethal league players(like the community as a whole or any notable people) know what happened to henry? You mentioned before that he was one of the most well known players and was taken out to scare the rest of them, so how did they react then? did people know he was taken specifically by the safety league? did people get scared?

and what happened when he returned as candyman? did they know who he used to be? what do they think about his mutation and goofiness?

(i love your lore and art a lot!!!! im very glad you've drawn a lot and im very excited to ask you about your lore)

I would think most of the other players know that he went missing, but only a select few actually know the truth. A lot of people would just assume he was murdered given he isn't heard from for 4 years after that but I think there would also be a lot of theories on what happened to him floating around the league. Some people might say he was simply killed, just kidnapped and not killed, arrested and kept away from the public eye, etc. Given the setting of a futuristic dystopia there would be a lot of distrust from the public.

The other players would probably be very intimidated and scared at first, but most of them would probably come to the conclusion that the safety league is trying to do just that: scare them out of playing the game. They were a new organization when that stunt was pulled but they were quickly found out.

I think after Candyman returned to the public eye a lot of people would make the connection that that's actually Henry. Aside from his face they look identical and dress the same. I think a lot of people would just assume he's wearing a costume to conceal his identity but over time people would figure out its a mutation and that's literally just his face lol. He's a lot more spacey and less talkative than he used to be but I think he'd still get along with all the people he used to be friends with before his mutation. Dice would probably be freaked out by his ability to change chemical compositions of random objects and his ability to go through walls at first, he'd probably be shown that ability with no warning lol

#long fucking post #ask #lethal league candyman #lethal league dice #henry #lethal league blaze

[48787]

I've learned just how much I appreciate "Decentralization" Not the shitty fucking crypto bro "Yooo dude if we just do the fetishization of capital harder it'll surely be decentralized, surely we just need to do it harder bro" kinda shit But the idea that like, even if the systems that maintain the standards that maintain social power/value of certain things we care about goes under (Whether through bankruptcy, lack of resources, lack of userbase, etc) I will still be able to maintain the personal value I find or have already found through relying on those systems. So it would be better if those systems were more easily able to be opted out of to make that transition smoother if/when it happens and so I can maintain my own personal standards!! (Not fetishizing individualism, just saying that I am an individual person who wants to be able to force my own standards to be applicable to my own life. This very much is in support of giving power to the workers forced to use these systems the power to more easily destroy the systems they work within if they need to and force their own social standards to become the new system. All my posts are attempts at corrupting your mind with commie brain washing, you must understand this because once you do you might begin to accept this as well)

I've been thinking about swapping from Discord over to Matrix for a little while now for this exact reason but didn't know just how far reaching it applied. It contextualizes why I wanted to swap over to firefox much more aptly rather than just doing it because I simply hated chromium. I wanted more. It also makes be better appreciate tumblr, and why I felt so able to actually commit to a social meda for once. It's because the blog is my own and I always have the export button right in front of me. If I don't like my blog, I can make a new one. If I don't like tumblr I can leave tumblr and still have my blog (just without the value of being able to reach a wider audience... which I didn't even want to begin with!!! I just wanted an audience and I already have that with my friends and current mutuals!!! I don't care about audience growth, I'd rather deeper entrench the social investments I already have made in the social entities I enjoy). And since I'm no longer worried about this being my entire being (No longer fetishizing social media), I am no longer worried about this being my own shot at having a blog, I can take more risks!!

I can see posts my wife sends me where she's like "I don't know if I can reblog this or not" and say "No you totally can if you want, in fact I want to so I'm going to reblog it right now" and it pushes both me and her to be more honestly depraved with each other, which is lovely!! It lets me show off that honest depravity with people who are okay with seeing it more easily too!! It's just super liberating and I would only be able to feel this way if escape was possible and I have a safety net insuring I can make sure that net continues to exist and continues to widen. Sure, it requires a certain amount of tech literacy, a certain amount of economic literacy, a metric shit ton of political and class literacy, and at least one other person willing to help me, but hey I have all those things so I know my net will work for me!! Anyway, this was just more agency-posting. If you are empathizing, sympathizing, or are envious I'd recommend starting by figuring out what you want your safety net to capture, why you want that to be able to be captured, what happens if you're wrong (not if you're wrong, just what would happen first), and then whether or not your current net actually does or doesn't already capture what you want it to so you know where to put your focus into!!

And if you want advice for where to start on that I highly recommend at least skimming Das Kapital (Or just Capital or Capital: A Critique of Political Economy or whatever you know it as, labels are meaningless beyond the meaning we want them to have, as long as you know that I'm talking about Marx's economic analysis book that's fine) and coming to an understanding of what value is and what money is and how they are not linked. That's what allowed me to get this far, and I think if more people were able to not only unlink their personal value from money but also take steps to limit their own desires and pursuing of capital to better focus on their "real" value more and more people would be able to be "this far" as well!

#pretentious wannabe art student posting #long fucking post #yippie peace through tyranny!! #for my wife #Not all these tags fit but they *kind of* fit so I want to use them as what tags are actually for (Sorting and fetching later) #rather than using tags to shy away from making posts!! #Fuck you!! This entire website is for me!!! HAhaAA!!!

[darubyprincx]

which one? :)

#amys' tag #long post #long fucking post #for all yalls sanity i pray you have that tag blocked #i'm sorry for dumping all this on the new followers but this is a one off thing. i had to. #color of the sky

[altalii]

hey nyamimi nation ft. belle

#pop'n music #pop'n #nyamimi #my_art #yeah my account is just those two doing gay stuff #yeah the last one was indeed supposed to be nyami #long fucking post #my art

[coffee-wineandalways-cryin]

Here's a story time about how I realised that I would burn myself down if that was what was required, to see my best friends do well.

I had many friends who I really connected with throughout my schooling. We were inseparable, everybody knew everything about the others, could not find one without the others kind of connected. But as time flew and the years passed, there was no real effort anyone of us was ready to put to maintain the friendship through a distance when we didn't see each other daily. So 5 years of friendships went down the drain. And it kind of broke my heart how easily we all gave up.

It had a lot of impact on me when the people who I had thought to be my ride or dies went on without me but were maintaining the other group friendahips. I still have no clarity till this date on what really happened. Now I've accepted that life happens and people move on, but back then I was in a dark place wondering what I had done wrong or what I was lacking.

And so me trusting people in college became almost 0%.

But then came these two very beautiful people, plowing through every goddamn wall I had put up. They weaseled their way in and now I'm very happy they did.

And recently, it's been a hard time for me as I deal with caring for my ailing grandpa. I badly needed a cry. So naturally I call one of them, he calms me down, takes me on a ride and he said something that made me realise that both of them had come to mean so much to me that I would do almost anything to see them happy. And I know they will do the same for me too.

#friends #friendship #trust #ride or die #story #beauty of life #life story #long fucking post #random #platonic love

[pokimoko]

OH DUDE YESSS I love behind the scenes looks at fics Ohh my god 👁👁 What are some of your favorite details/parallels/moments from in memory of that you would love to talk about? (And if they end up tying into other stories feel free to infodump ab that as well I am all ears)

Oh, I'm so glad you asked. *thumps book binder bursting with notes onto table* Get ready, this is gonna get long. Oh, and don't let this folder fool you, this is far from organised. For anyone else following me who hasn't read the story and would like to, warning, there are spoilers ahead:

Okay first of all, there's the 'sunny morning hello' / 'cloudy afternoon goodbye' parallel that you pointed out in your comment. Originally, I put more of a focus on the fact the sun was going down in the last part, because in 'The Ode to Remembrance' there's the line "at the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them", so I wanted to make a subtle reference to that. And also originally it actually started raining after Randall was gone, and Marc took the time to admire it rather than shy away from it; there was a little rainbow and everything.

But! But then my brain was like "why don't we have the story start with Marc meeting his brother, so that the story acts as a chart of Randall from beginning to end, and to give the reader some time with Randall before the cave so they're sad when we inevitably lose him" and welp, couldn't refuse that idea could I? I've always loved first and last lines being a reflection of each other, it scratches an itch in my brain. In the last scene, the sun's still on the process of going down, but I decided to have the clouds part and to have the sun shine of him to represent him making peace with his past, and to show he was allowing himself to move on from that rainy day. I am not immune to pathetic fallacy. (I'll admit, I listened to 'Más Allá Del Sol' a few times while writing the final scene. Thanks to episode 5, I now have a kneejerk reaction to get upset when I listen to it. And also, y'know, the sun motif.)

I personally am very in love with the height chart part. I was trying to think of an image for the header and that came to me with no warning or lead-up (I was in the middle of hugging my mum at the time and gosh, the fact I had to continue acting normal after getting hit with that idea was definitely something. And yes, I do think about my fics while doing normal things. The only problem is that it leads to conversations like this: "oh crap, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear a word of that, I kinda zoned out, I was thinking about Mayan gods" "...Why were you thinking about Mayan gods?" "Uh" *sweats nervously*).

But anyway! The height chart. They mark the passing of time, but they also act as a preservation of what has come before. And of course they're associated with childhood and growing up. Eventually you reach the point where you stop measuring, because you've grown as much as you ever will, and then it remains simply to act as a reminder. Marc's chart is like an old journal entry; you don't remember writing it, or even the context for it, but you know it's your words, written by someone you used to be. But Randall's chart is like an unfinished sentence, (or one that in its shortness tells you everything...'for sale: baby shoes, never worn'). His chart will never be finished, but the indents remain, a reminder of where his story came to a stop.

This is where the Peter Pan inspiration came in. I didn't take inspiration from the story itself, but rather its own inspiration. When J.M. Barrie was 6, his 13 year old brother David died, a day before his 14th birthday. His mother was distraught, having always favoured David, but she took comfort in the idea that he would remain a young boy forever, never growing any older. This concept stuck with Barrie, and he eventually went on to write a story about a boy who would never grow up. In a way, it was his way to cope with what had happened.

For Marc, Randall's youth is a haunting reminder. Marc will grow older, but his brother will always be the same. The distance between them grows with each passing year. As a teenager, there would have come a day that Marc realised his brother had been dead longer than he'd ever been alive. Then that Steven had been around longer. That he'd known Layla longer than he ever knew his brother. Times goes on, and Randall's life in comparison to his own grows smaller and smaller, until it is only a tiny portion, barely a blip. But the marks remain. The distance that time brings only makes it harder for Marc to reach out for who left them in the first place.

The name of the fic was another idea that hit me in the head like a dodgeball to the face (and trust me, I know what that feels like). The working title for a long time was 'to weigh the heart of an albatross', to allude to ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’. In the poem, the titular Mariner shoots down an albatross for really no reason and then, either as a coincidence or as a result of him killing the bird (it's a matter of interpretation), everything goes to shit. The rest of the crew blame him and he is forced to hang the dead albatross around his neck as punishment (and then the crew all die and the Mariner is cursed by Life-in-Death, and is forced to keep living on and suffer as the only survivor, surrounded by the crew's dead bodies, and, well, y'see the connections, yeah?), and I wanted to be like "but see, Marc is the Mariner AND the albatross. He is the guilty man and the one enforcing the guilty. He is burdened, and the burden itself." (The fact Marc was a Marine certainly helped with the idea.)

I also originally wanted the epigraph to be a line from the poem (one contender: 'And they all dead did lie: / And a thousand thousand slimy things / Lived on; and so did I.' Because, survivor’s guilt and all that, and the complete self-hatred in comparing yourself to a ‘slimy thing’. Which as you know in the story, Marc hates..) but none of them fit the way I wanted. I did manage to sneak a sly reference to the albatross with KHONSHU BEING A BIG FUCKING WHITE BIRD HANGING AROUND UNWANTED LIKE A WEIGHT AROUND HIS NECK ENFORCING THE GUILT EVEN FURTHER AND STIFLING JAKE’S FREEDOM. And like, the actual bird Marc sees at the end, flying high.

But then 'in memory of you' came to me, thanks to me thinking about obituaries and such, and since the story is about memory and loss, I thought it was more fitting. I then shortened it to 'in memory of', to make it more open, to have it allude to all the things Marc lost that day. His brother, his innocence, his family. He's living his life in memory of what came before. Around the time of the getting that new title, I also rediscovered the Hill House quote (from an episode aptly named 'Steven Sees a Ghost') and knew it was a perfect fit.

The scene where Marc and Layla are talking about the meaning of their names was in there simply because I found out Layla means "night" and I was like "they really went and called her 'night', huh, in a show called 'Moon Knight...well, I can't let them get away with that, everyone must know." But it is sweet when you think about it, that the Avatar of the Moon god fell in love in with someone named after the night sky. Afterall, the moon shines brightest at night...

Wait. Shit. Oh shit. If that concept shows up in a future fic of mine along with some 'She Walks in Beauty' references you know fucking why.

Anyway. This next detail is actually one I picked up when rewatching the Field of Reeds scene (so many times; I do not particularly enjoying novelising scenes but I knew it was important to explore that scene within the fic itself, as it's an important step towards Marc's self-forgiveness). The way that Taweret says that there is "no danger" there and Marc immediately asks about Steven. Because of course, "when danger is near" and all that. Marc doesn't associate Steven with danger, but rather his safety from it. And when you find safety in something, you keep it close, even when there is no danger near. Because safety is comfort, and comfort is peace. The Field could only offer absence from all things bad, rather than the presence of that which is good, and so of course Marc left. He was never going to find true peace there. He would rather deal with the good and the bad than nothing at all.

Another detail: the movie night choices, because I can't ever just pick a random movie or song and be fine with that, no, no, I have to pick one with meaning. Silly writer brain. Anyway, the movies! If you seen 'The Bridge to Terabithia', I think you'll know why I chose that one; the synopsis literally has '(the imaginary world) helps Jess to escape and cope with a tragedy.' And like...the tragedy itself. 🙃 It's been years since I first watched and I'm still not okay. And 'The Lion King'...well, *gestures at the scene where Simba finds his dad's dead body* *gestures at Scar blaming Simba* *gestures at the years Simba spends trying to escape his past*. Guilt is a very huge part of that movie. Not that Steven would've picked up on that. Just like in 'Absent Place', he does a lot of things subconsciously; using muscle memory he can't remember forming, crying over things he can't remember hurting him, seeing the ghost of a boy he doesn't recognise. There's a blindfold around his eyes, but he keeps swinging the bat anyway, trying to hit the piñata, not knowing where it is or even why he's doing it at all.

Speaking of Steven, I wanted to make his interactions with the ghost distinctly different, to highlight the impact that Marc's guilt has on how he perceives things. With Marc, Randall is very much the epitome of a ghost, lurking in corners and doing nothing but watching. Marc has come to the conclusion that the ghost shows up to remind him of his pain, rather than realising the ghost shows up because he's in pain. But with Steven, Randall acts more natural, almost like a very quiet but kind child. Steven doesn't try to push him away, and he doesn't see him as a source of guilt, but rather comfort and companionship, so Randall acts accordingly.

(I kinda explored the idea of ghosts being shaped by our perception of them once before in a Lucifer fic I wrote a few years back which has, uh, well, a lot of thematic similarities to 'in memory of'. Like, a lot. Grief, guilt, ghosts, hiding in a fantasy, the past lingering. So, yeah, I don't get new ideas, I just pull out my old ones and put new clothes on them.)

But eventually, with the help of Layla and Steven, Marc slowly but surely starts to see past the wall of guilt his mother forced him to build up, and to remember his brother for who he truly was. That's why, by the last scene, when Marc sees him, Randall is swinging his legs and staring up at the sky, acting more like the child he is. Because Marc no longer sees him as something to dread, like you would a ghost, or as a condemnation. He sees his little brother, he sees him crying, and he goes over to give him one last word of comfort: I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. You can go now. Thank you for keeping your promise too.

Jeez, wow, okay, I told you this would be long but I wasn't expecting it to be this long. If you've made it this far, great job. Why don't we tie this whole ramble up with the most behind-the-scene detail of all: the notes I wrote when the idea first came to me, on the 23rd of July. Back when I thought it was really was just going to be 10 scenes.

My notes are usually more...coherent, but it was late at night and I just needed to get the thoughts down. Still, it's fun to see what stayed and what evolved through the writing process, and obviously everything that got added in, because there was a lot that was added in. I salute you Past Me, for ever thinking this would be a short enough story to have roman numerals denoting each part.

Alright, that's definitely enough rambling. I hope you've enjoyed me dumping all my brain's contents onto you. It was fun verbalising some of my thought processes to you and having the chance to explain some of stuff that wasn’t really made explicit in the writing itself. Thank you for the ask! :D

#ask #moon knight #meta #this counts as meta right? #long post #long fucking post #i told you you'd regret asking #when you get me going i fucking go i am an unstoppable object #especially about my writing #i am a child jumping up and down and pointing at my painting and going #did you see did you see #and you are the teacher patting me on the head going #yes dear it's lovely why don't you tell me why the curtains are blue #i love explaining symbolism and writing choices. so much so i had three english classes in my senior years of high school. shocking i know #and i was the only person in my entire year to take those classes too #that's right i had the awful nervewracking privilege of sitting alone in a classroom with no one else but the teacher #if they asked a question i had to answer #but at least the questions were about books and movies #those extra english classes are why i know so many bloody capital R Romantic poems anyway #i literally went back to my old school notes to gather some ancient mariner symbolism for the story #and uh if you ever see me writing about Jake and his kinship to Frankenstein's monster and how he's been treated....you know who to blame #the absent place had many underlying influences from things i learnt: the yellow wallpaper. plato's cave allegory. edgar allan poe's stuff #smoke and mirrors alternatively was inspired by media with magic mirrors: 'football' adventure time. sorceror's apprentice. infinity train #i like to hoard stories in my mind until i can steal them for parts #they are the foundations upon which i build #ANYWAY #thank you again for the ask i am sending you even more hearts #( ○w○)_💜💜💜💜

[bxlldog]

i personally really enjoyed the first season of the exorcist tv show. far far more than i enjoyed the movie. it's just nice to watch a show made by competent people.. ymmv on the religious core but as a viewing experience it was amazingly tense. what shows would you recommend?

i think i saw that 50000 years ago...think its worth a rewatch?

i honestly haven't seen very many good tv shows recently which is why i'm asking. actually i've been watching pretty much only terrible tv (meaning gotham, which is ASS but a lot of fun when the cops arent on screen. i poked around at dexter and torchwood for a while but neither really held my attention... torchwood because everything but burn gorman's character is borderline unwatchable. burn gorman's character is brainkillingly attractive to me)... it took me forever to get around to watching the bear but it completely blew me away. barry is also crazy awesome, and i'm sure you've seen the interview with the vampire tv show. i saw a few episodes of yellowstone with my mom about a month ago and it was crazyyy. its like the cowboy mafia. lots of eye candy. i've been watching star trek tos recently just because i was into it in high school and i find something about the scoring and mid-atlantic accents to be really calming.

i've already mentioned succession, severance, and hannibal tonight.... also years ago i watched some of vikings, which i liked (big guys long hair tattoos is all i remember because i was like 15, so it could be terrible), and also some of black sails, which i keep meaning to get back into and finish. i liked glow when i saw it a couple years ago. i also really want to watch the terror at some point

in terms of cartoons, the shivering truth is like the bad trip alternative to midnight gospel. i'm not really an anime person but i did really enjoy death note and also i was super charmed by smiling friends :)

#LONG FUCKING post

[96percentdone]

Fic Writer Interview.

thanks for the tag @juudaimes-true-form. the @ is. not working. sorry kjnbhvbhj

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

30.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

245,076, apparently.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oumasai Oneshots: 1,297

A Fragile Bridge of Trust: 710

Lost Souls: 593

History Maker: 433

Game Over: 417

All of these are old and older. One of them isn't even finished. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

Please read my newer works o(╥﹏╥)o

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Nearly always yeah. I like the people who read my work and overcome whatever anxiety they might feel to know that I appreciate anything they have to say, and I'm grateful.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I enjoy angst a fair bit but rarely do I ever write something that ends with angst. Obviously, Game Over was expressly written as a bad end to a v3 au i was working on, so it's the easy answer, but there are a few in the oumasai oneshots that I think count, namely Chapter 22, Chapter 24, Chapter 26, and in more ambiguous turf Chapter 19 and Chapter 15. I still like the ambiguous ones a fair bit even now, the first 2 not-ambiguous ones just do not hold up with my interpretation of the text anymore (and also i wrote worse), but 26 is fine. Game Over could have been better, but hey I was a different writer then.

That said I have a lot of stuff I consider heavy on angst, but since they have happy endings I don't think they count for this. But I enjoy that kind of fic the most.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

the ones I haven't finished yet--/gets shot. Nah, probably Le Chasseur et le Démon (The Hunter and the Fiend), because it's a fairytale. It gets a fairytale ending. But I like happy endings so it's pretty hard for me to pick.

7. Do you write crossovers?

No because I tend not to like them and find them obtuse, UNLESS said crossover is between dangan ronpa and Higurashi. No I could not explain why these two things in specific inspired me this much. But also I'm SO right and one day I'll get back to those. But mostly crossover concepts exist in jokes in dms with my friend Cass.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep lmao. A couple times. It's been pretty lackluster though like solid 2/10 hate comment y'all can do better.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No? Okay so I did orphan a series of fics that had smut in them, but that smut was kind of poetic and deliberately vague, and it's probably the most I plan on committing to in the future for the fics I'm working on rn.

I think people who write pwp or other hard smut are very impressive and have a set of skills I lack, namely....the ability to express physical intimacy in any capacity, including through words! I honestly like. Still struggle with kiss scenes sometimes, but for me all this comes down to my visceral irl discomfort with people existing within 3 feet of me, nevermind touching me.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I sure the fuck hope not. 

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't remember if this happened with a fic, but iirc I think someone translated that long ass DR meta I wrote about Ouma and Komaeda into...Russian? I don't remember very well. Also that meta is being majorly overhauled spoilers I guess.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not for fic no. All my fic belong solely to me, as do my original works, and its what I prefer. I've done volunteer writing on other people's original projects however, even right now. @clusterfuck-au is something I work on with my friend Wren, but I do all the writing, and they do art stuff, so its not the same lmao.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Idk how I'm supposed to have one of these when I can't really pick a fandom over a fandom. So I'll just name some fandoms I like, and the ship I currently like the most for it.

Ace Attorney: narumitsu (there are a couple close runner ups tho)

Dangan Ronpa: komahina

AITSF: ryudate

Higurashi: keimii

Spy x Family: Twiyor

There are other I fandoms, and other ships, but it'd take forever so take these.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I HAVE SO FUCKING MANY MY GUY, AND I REALLY WANT TO FINISH THEM, BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN IF EVER I'LL GET TO EM. HERE WE GO. I will not be including the WIP I'm working on right now! That's happening! fuck you @ self

The Long Way 'Round: This is supposed to be an extremely long narumitsu Ace fanfic about their relationship through the years from their time together in childhood to after Apollo Justice. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about their relationship, its ups and downs, and the character development they undergo together and seperately. The fic would not feature anything actually shown in canon, and doesn't include DD or SoJ because I hate them and think they're bad and disowned them from canon. This fic is next on my list of things to work on.

Exoneration AU and the LCC rewrite: aus that only makes sense to anyone who has ever read the visual novel Chaos;Child and is in fandom (maybe 100 people) and ALSO is gay enough to ship Takuru, the main character of a bishoujo game, with Shinji (his token best friend). Also has to be gay enough to ship the girls together. also has to be based enough to think Kawahara deserved better and are mad about the writer's gaslighting. I'm not going to explain the plot of these any further; y'all aint gonna get it.

The Cries of Hope's Peak Academy: AKA, clusterfuck AU. What if I took the higurashi cast and put them in a pre-despair dangan ronpa setting (also the v3 kids are here too). Also. What if I shipped. Mion with Keiichi, Hinata, and Ikusaba, Keiichi with Ouma, Kamukura and Saihara, Ouma with Kamukura and Saihara, Kamukura with Komaeda, Komaeda with Hinata, and Hinata with Saihara. This is the titular clusterfuck; they are a polycule in progress. Its not even the only ship. The plot though is inspired by all that I wished Dangan Ronpa 3: Despair Arc was, with Enoshima taking advantage of vulnerable people via manipulation and HPA's inherent powderkeg, but with higurashi's thematic core.

Higurashi: When They Cry - Uso (Lies) and what would be its answer arc counterpart I haven't named yet: The other crossover fic. This one is just. What if I yeeted Ouma into the Higurashi setting like it was where he belonged. What would happen. It's Higurashi, so it borrows a lot from its overarching story and arc ideas, but every arc would be a unique twist based on the existence of a new guy in there! I still like this a lot. I still think of every character in dangan ronpa, Ouma feels the most like the one who would belong in Higurashi, and stands the most to gain from it.

The Klav/Seb enemies to lovers fic: it's exactly what it sounds like. I just think they have a lot in common but their themis years would absolutely be filled with PETTY beef because seb is a nepotism baby which pisses Klav off, and seb doesn't know he's a nepotism baby so he doesn't understand what the fuck his problem is. Also Apollo is there later. Klavier has 2 hands.

Pewter in a timeloop for aitsf and he gets a buddy cop dynamic with Iris on his looping quest to save renju. yeah that. that's the jist. also includes REHABILITATING THE OKIURA HOUSEHOLD AAAAAAA

I have some oneshots I haven't written yet, but those don't count. If you're aware of a long fic/series I was working on that isn't listed here....sorry but I think I've grown past those ideas.

I have two WIPs that are original, but I still work on those. They're both visual novel concepts I came up with, and they both mean everything in the world to me.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Fanfic specific strengths, I'm great at being in character. Translated more broadly, strong dialogue and internal narration coupled with actions and behaviors that reflect their emotional core.

I think my narration is at its best when it's just sitting inside some messy bitch's head and living out their entire thought process, and I think my background in poetry really adds to that. I like using line breaks and font sizes/alignments/effects to express intensity or disarray, etc. I do that for dialogue too. Also I'm pretty fucking funny in both places when I want to be. I think it adds to the charm, and I think my authorial voice adds to that.

Also tbh I'm so good at structuring and pacing frankly I think I'm a natural at it. I think my scenes are as long as they need to be, my stories hit every necessary beat, every scene and story ends and begins on the correct note, and readers learn things when they need to. Pacing and structure is not really something people think a lot about when they get asked this question, but I think it's the most important element to any story. If your pacing, your narrative structure is broken, no amount of metaphor and poetic description can save you.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

God forbid I have to describe a physical thing. Forget it. Not actions per se (although sometimes yeah those too, but more like clothes, settings, sounds, smells, tastes--that's a real struggle. I always think its the weakest thing I have to offer, and a lot of my writing process is desperately trying to put the image in my brain into words that make sense and sound good. Definitely the biggest weakness I have no fucking contest holy shit.

Other smaller struggles is a tendency to overuse words like just/maybe/really/still/etc; the problem with having a strong voice is that some of the quirks from my way of TALKING don't actually add anything to narration or the dialogue, so I've been training myself to cut back and cut things out. It can lead to things being repetitive.

Also, while I believe I have a lot of killer ideas that slap 10/10, and I'm a very creative person, the ADHD makes it hard to keep working on ideas even when I love them. The smallest thing stumping me, or boring me, or just kind of draining my sole, can get me not writing for weeks. I guess this is an ADHD problem, but it affects writing, my one true love, and in some ways that makes it the real biggest issue.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it's fine depending on how you do it. If you put a note at the end translating all the lines in other languages, or fit the translation smoothly within the narrative, I think that's completely legal.

With that said, I do kinda cringe when instead of writing Japanese someone types out just. romaji. I get that you want your audience to know how to read it, but they're likely not to know what it means anyway even IN romaji, so just commit. Go for authenticity. You can put the pronunciation in your footnotes too.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon in my spiral notebook in 5th grade. It's still pokemon online cause I made an illegal ffn account and moved it there at age 11. You can't read it; I literally don't even remember what the account was.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Mmm....I guess spy x family? I haven't written full fic for it yet, and it'd be nice to. The list of ships is longer, and I'm not going to bother with that, but needless to say I have a lot of passions lmao.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

The ryudate fic I'm revising right the fuck now. No, okay, that's illegal, it doesn't exist in full yet, although you can read its revised first chapter here <3. That said, I find this decision kind of hard, so I'll give you a few that I've finished: Yours, Le Chasseur et le Démon (The Hunter and the Fiend), A Rational Man, The "Death" of Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth and a fic for a Pandora Hearts zine that hasn't come out yet!

Um. I will tag. @generalherasyndulla, @queenshroorn, and anyone else who reads this whole thing and considers themselves a writer.

#hope.txt #long fucking post #but no read more fuck you

[hamletthedane]

I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.

What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.

What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.

What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.

The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.

And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.

But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.

I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.

#shut up e #long post #Saturday thoughts #this has been in my drafts for a week haha #also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong #forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong #because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation #even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it #unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

#art #twisted wonderland #(sort of atemporally somewhere between episodes 6 and 7?) #(i - i wanted that lilia joke okay) #long post #tumblr went 'you can post up to 30 images now :)' and i was like well okay then #anyway once again i'm sorry #i'd say i don't know why i did this but actually it is because i wanted kalim to scandalize everyone #i tried to keep it...you know...tasteful. a tasteful amount of fucks. #hey remember how the framing premise for the original birthday interviews was that yuu worked for the school paper #because i have never forgotten. in my head they are still getting up to all kinds of wacky reporting hijinks.

[fanficmemes]

Love when writers do an insane amount of unnecessary research for their fics. I follow an author that did like 8 months of intense research into 14th century Scotland so they could write smut about it, and guess what. It was some fucking incredible porn AND I learned about old Scottish politics

#personal tag #and I’ll stand by them!!!! #author of this fic I summon thee to this post #I love your intense research and I don’t give a FUCK how long it’ll take to post a chapter #take your time I’ll be here :):)

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them. #hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore. #but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

[ozlices]

another super insulting part of the watcher situation i haven't rly seen ppl addressing much

ryan deadass saying smth like "nobody else on youtube has made tv quality content"

like... i really feel like it's important to highlight that bc not only do they obviously have no respect for their audience, but that statement shows they have no respect for their peers in the industry, either.

not to mention it is a shining example of bleeding arrogance to such a high degree, you will straight up fucking lie bc you're truly convinced you're that special when you're anything but.

there's been NUMEROUS online creators who were recognized by entertainment industry workers BECAUSE they made tv quality content & even full stop blockbuster quality content.

bo burnham started on youtube & is now one of the most wellknown & loved standup comedians of our generation, with numerous netflix specials & even a movie he wrote & directed under his belt.

the try guys, fellow ex-buzzfeed employees, had their own tv specials on food network (based off their youtube shows, btw) & a documentary made about them as well

rosanna pansino has also been on numerous food network shows both as a host & a judge

quinta brunsun, another fellow ex-buzzfeed employee, went on to create her own whole ass sitcom that has been highly praised

matpat cameo'd in the fnaf movie because of his theories & multiple other fnaf creators had small cameos through the employee of the month board easter egg

markiplier made multiple high-quality shows on youtube & is now working on a highly anticipated movie (he was also planned to cameo in the fnaf movie but couldn't due to conflicting schedules with his own movie)

hot ones got their own tv gameshow due to their popularity & they are still one of the most wellknown, beloved & respected internet shows

many short films made on youtube went on to premiere at film festivals & even in theaters

the hit horror film "talk to me" was created by youtubers rackaracka

webseries of actual fucking tv shows have also existed for literal decades

the list goes on.

to seriously think that overproduced bullshit is all you need to make "tv quality content" is not only tone-deaf, but shows they do not even know what they're talking about. many tv shows & huge blockbuster movies are made with absolutely microscopic budgets & small teams, & they still get praised & awarded for the passion, dedication, & creativity that shined brightly under those restrictions.

the blair witch project is probably the most wellknown & highly praised example of this, but it is far from the Only example

it is a whole other slap in the face, again ESPECIALLY when puppet history is one of their most popular shows, to spit in the face of internet history. to see the success of their predecessors, even ppl they fucking worked with at buzzfeed, & deny them of all their success & efforts to get where they ended up.

no, y'all are not the first people to make "tv quality content" on the internet. FAR from it. because your crap isn't even genuine "tv quality".

but you are the first ones to ever disrespect not only your audience, but your own fucking industry & your peers on this level.

& you are the first & i sorely hope the only fuckwads dumb enough to pull a stunt this fucking stupid, out of touch & utterly tone deaf.

#mine #watcher #sorry this is hopefully my last post but this pretention grated me #& im floored nobody has mentioned it #like sincerely how fucking dare you? what the fuck is wrong with you? #how far up your ass is that building long stick??? #not to mention youtube is 18 fucking years old. #it is literally statistically impossible for a website as huge as youtube is to exist that long #& never have any 'tv quality' content on it. be mother fucking serious. #many ytbers were recognized by entertainment industry marvels BECAUSE they made content that was already tv quality #fuck off.

[doctorguilty]

bruh people ID'd the estrolabs person it's a known neo-nazi

People figured it out by matching domain registry stuff and the fact that his name was connected to the paypal account being used on his site

#seth speaks #long post #fascinating to watch unfold and see him get absolutely fucked