#I refuse to believe they are adults

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[oceanwithouthermoon]

thinking about kusuke being a "leave me alone, get out of my room" preteen and kusuo being just a kid, still with that hopeful sparkle in his eye and not fully aware of his burdens yet, just wanting to have a brother..

i just. really want to know more about the transitional period between when kusuo was happily participating in their silly little games -> when kusukes resentment got to be too much for either of them to handle and kusuo came to the mindset he has now about being almost fearful of him..

#yea. sorry. yea. #i love the saiki siblings i need them to be happy. i also want to torture them with everything in me. #im not gonna bring up the sa thing again because i dont want to hear people complain abt it but i def think that had to do with ir #i mean. its also the fact that it used to be silly harmless things in the comfort of their home #and now kusuke is like. an adult with nukes LMAO #i just refuse to believe that everything changed JUST because they got older #kusuke has literally tried to KILL kusuo.. theres no way there was no significant turning point #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #saiki kusuke #meows post

[gertritude-art]

putting these two anons together and watching them fight

#I can't defend the main p5 storyline but I refuse to believe that p4golden is miles better than p5royal they gotta be at least equal #P4's most homophobic scene going toe-to-toe with P5's worst adult woman romance #The smoke clears and from the sidelines steps the third contender: p3's romance with a 10-year-old

[benrybenrybenry-chr]

"the empty house is actually just a cover story for Watson beating the shit out of Holmes-" bad take. sorry not sorry.

#*LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER SOUNDS* #I cannot fathom the idea that people think Watson settles his issues like a child #he can be a civil adult and have a conversation #I refuse to believe he would hurt Holmes #especially not like that #sherlock holmes #acd canon #acd holmes #acd sherlock holmes

[imagone]

ah yes, a full list of the most problematic people on earth

#this is so unserious #yall can’t be real adults I refuse to believe #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojohime

[driftingballoons]

So I can accept dusknoir is an absolute unit, but this

This is appalling

#Dusknoir #dusclops #Another upsetting session of looking at official pkmn heights #I REFUSE to believe this thing is nearly my height 😭😭 #I mean it’s fairly intermediate between duskull/dusknoir but that’s not the point #It shouldn’t be allowed to be taller than many adults

[bylertruther]

some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."

#stranger things #mike wheeler #<- tagging and then disappearing into the mist again bc i don't like it here lol. #girls when they love stranger things because they finally see characters just like them with the same exact experiences written with such #care and respect for those that have been Deemed Other but people who have not had those experiences refuse to believe that they're #realistic and STILL happen to people bc if they're fortunate to have not gone through that then clearly that means that it doesn't exist #and if it does then it's not Traumatic Enough or a good enough plot to cause such inner turmoil in the characters who experience that #💥🛼 #i got bullied for being a nerd in the 2000s and 2010s. you can absolutely get bullied for being a nerd and being a nerd is enough reason #for social exile in some places. when dustin said that no one was nice to him or mike? when lucas said that girls laughed at them? and it's #all because they're deemed freaks and satanists for liking fantasy things? that's Real and it doesn't hurt any less just because you think #it's not a good enough reason to bully someone. #i was called a satanist to my face by adults. people acted like i was some Creature or whatever just because i liked fiction and wasn't #interested in what the majority was interested in and wore dark clothing sometimes. like.. hello. school shooter jokes? the way #that neurodivergent people get treated when they're visibly ''different'' and enjoy things passionately? the way that liking star wars was #a thing to ridicule until it suddenly became Acceptable and Popular to like? i feel like i'm living in a different reality than so many #people here with the way that they talk about certain things in this show. and don't even get me started on the way people approached #the angela and el situation.... #maybe just be glad that these things did not happen to you and stop acting like it's lesser or a bad story bc of that? just a thought.

[blujayonthewing]

more dnd and adjacent media should be run and written by people who think dwarves and elves are boring but care very sincerely about halflings and gnomes

#me it's me they should put me in charge #welcome to my campaign. all of the halfling and gnome NPCs are richly developed and well-rounded. maybe sometimes a dwarf will exist #actually I almost left elves out of this post because imho they're more interesting than anyone ever bothers to remember or implement #and I don't think they're boring and I would give them loving and meaningful worldbuilding-- but I DO think most people run them boring #'oh they're like humans but better. they're like beautiful humans who are old' that's IT?? I am ASLEEP!!! #anyway why do people just flatly refuse to engage with the small races at all!! #are they boring or are you just writing them off for no reason!! #I have one(1) dnd friend and DM who Gets It-- oh no sorry I forgot Justin is also my DM and dnd friend dfkjhgdfj. TWO DMs who get it #so halfling and especially gnome NPCs actually get to 1) fucking exist at all and 2) feel like real people but also distinct from humans #I think people just don't know what to do with them. which is a bummer and also boring. #I dunno like. as a reasonably intelligent and fully realized adult who is also playful and silly #I have pretty strong feelings actually about gnomes getting to be real people and ALSO culturally value goofiness and whimsy #and very strong feelings about how hard that is for most people to understand or believe (: #about me #gnome stuff #worldbuilding

[kazz-brekker]

i know was kind of inevitable because of the span of time the show takes place over and also all the actors are of course doing great but the more i watch of hotd the funnier the age discrepancies caused by the time skips get. criston cole has been in his twenties for 20 years. alicent hightower’s eldest son is now played by an actor 1 year younger than olivia cooke. the makeup department spent 8 episodes skillfully aging viserys so with every passage of time he looked closer and closer to the grave but the only changes in his younger brother are his hairstyles. aemond targaryen aged something like 10+ years during a 6 year time skip but his nemesis is still in middle school.

#i can only assume that criston cole is kept young by his hatred #i guess with alicent is does sort of thematically make sense since she was waaaaay too young when she had her kids #for the record i did try to google how old aemond's adult actor is #only to discover he is a man of mystery who releases 0 info about himself to the public which is energy i have to respect #allegedly he is 20 but i REFUSE to believe that there is no way that actor is a full year younger than me #anyway! it's one of those things that's a bit inevitable unless you want to recast every single actor during the time skips but still #pie says stuff #pie watches hotd #hotd #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #criston cole #viserys targaryen #aemond targaryen

[maxemilianverstappen]

I can't believe I had a mutual who insistently tried to tell me that seeing people die in droves in the Mediterranean has become a daily occurrence so it is normal for people to care less about it and more about a submarine accident and me being more angry and sorry for the lives of 600 people compared to 5 is not humane. Wow.

#i actually can't believe this shit #refusing to see my point and then blocking me #what an adult

[stupidsexpotflanders]

Teenaged Logan Echolls is a naked Chaotic Neutral.

Adult Logan Echolls is a Lawful Neutral LARPing as Lawful Good.

#veronica mars #logan echolls #shitpost #character alignment #chaotic neutral #lawful good #lawful neutral #we see him having lawful good speech and aesthetic #but no signs of him being an actual good guy #i can't believe a guy like logan being a paladin type would go without at the very least one #to be lawful or good #kind of conflict considering how proactive driven and intelligent he's #but canon adult logan never questioned his morality despite working in the armed forces #nor do we see him going out of his way to do charity or activism #or heck even commenting on the neptune corruption #as someone who is somewhat knowledgeable about enviromentalism and had an enviromental discipline at uni with a hardcore professor #i refuse to believe one guy riding a bicycle is helping the planet #besides 35-40 yo logan is extremely athletic so it's not even much of a sacrifice for him to cycle #i know the writers had the intention of making logan to be a fully good guy #but good at a noir world is often complicated and the writers ignored it #i know logan as a simplistic good guy is #bad writing #but the idea of him playing hero and getting comfortable at standing idly by while bad things happen and even make some of said harm #is much more interesting of a turn to his character #vm rant #vm meta

[balfiere]

do we know what year infinite wealth is set in? if it takes place in 2024 we could see a 28yo haruka and an 8-9yo haruto 😭

#this just dawned on my after rewatching the trailer 43582068 times #my daughter becoming an adult ;;;; haruto almost the same age as haruka when she first met kiryu ;;;;;;;; someone hold me im gonna throw up #i refuse to believe we don't see her again after rgg remodeled her for that 5s snippet instead of reusing y5 footage like they did in y6 #<-me inhaling world's biggest dose of copium #melissa talks to herself #yakuza

[phoenix-rising-starbird-one]

Today at work: you know you’re old when all the new hires are younger than your own kids by two or three years.

#mthrfkr #the newest hire is younger than my SON #my son is 22 #the new guy is 19 #I wanna cry #and I’m like to the new guy you’re a literal baby #I refuse to believe you’re an adult #lmao #poor guy #but still #ahahahhaha #🙃🙃🙃🙃

[olimise]

NO NO STOP IT I'M NOT THAT OLD STOP

#i refuse to believe I'm a Proper Adult #disgusting of me really

[atomicsuperrobot]

Yo guys check it out

Joker stimmy real??

(Also peep the Genie's Lamp that Hachi is using as a teapot; iirc that was the chapter right before this one? Not sure bc I took a bit of a break before picking this back up hh)

#Kaitou Joker #Mun Post #also I know that he didn't have a set age here yet... but I firmly believe that Joker is precisely the type of goober #who would drink nonalcoholic beverages in things like wine or martini glasses or champagne flutes #bc he thinks it looks cool/makes HIM look cool; or because it feels fancier #never actually did this sort of thing myself until I was an adult but I kind of wish I had done it as a kid #(yes I can legally drink. but alcohol tastes fuckin nasty to me so I Refuse. put the cheerwine into that wine glass‚ boys.)

[junonreactor]

hm

#one of the other things that annoys me about soulmate stories and not-canon-rooted aus in general is the way so many of them discount the #idea that two people can be perfect for each other at one point in their lives but an extremely bad match at another point. #sometimes you grow into people who would be good for each other and sometimes you grow apart #and i think it's an important part of understanding a character to understand how they got from point A to point B and what makes up a #'core' of their character and how they've changed as a result. i refuse to believe that you all Want to believe that people are static #'souls' from birth to the grave. #''if these two characters had just met earlier they would have been the perfect team and half the plot would never have happened'' #if those two characters had met as teens/younger adults they would have torn each other to pieces because they lacked the perspective given #to them by the life experiences they had as individuals. #''if only this person had confessed their feelings at this point in the plot everything would be fixed'' #the reason they did not do that is because of who they are as a character and this experience and regret is what pushes them to #pursue a relationship more earnestly later in the plot #''these two would have been best friends as kids!'' #again if you read the portions where they were respectively children you can imagine that actually they would have publicly #uninvited the other one from their 'bff only' birthday parties #'these two characters were perfect for each other in [flashback arc] why weren't they endgame' #because they grew into people who couldn't coexist without hurting each other and weren't willing to change those parts of themselves so #they split ways (violently) #all of this is in some ways subjective character interpretation and in others very obvious #but i came across another post today about how someone is frustrated that a couple 'didn't just meet sooner' #and with these two characters it's like. they genuinely would have killed each other. like they would have driven each other to kill themse #to delete #ein babbles #and another thing about people who get smug/mad at characters for being 'stupid' for what ultimately is 'not knowing that they are in a #[genre] story' is th [dragged away from the laptop and wrapped in several layers of blanket burrito where i suffocate to death]