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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 1 year

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Azul, Jack: An Honest Effort

The first thought I had about the Groovy is… MAN’S BARELY OFF THE GROUND (as expected). I imagine that Azul aggressively insisted to the photographer they should lie on the ground to get a high angle shot of him on the broom just to give the false impression of him being higher up than he actually is.

I wanted to write about Azul coming to terms with accepting who he was, as well as shed a light on how hardworking he is. He didn’t just take the easy way out, he actually worked his ass off in all that he does. There’s many instances of Azul going above and beyond go improve, even for things he sucks in or for inconsequential things (flying in his P.E. Uniform vignette, rolling the dice in his School Uniform vignette). He deserves recognition for that.

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What do you do on your days off?”

“I don’t much like to be idle. Time is money, and I would prefer to not waste either,” Azul expelled a breath. “If you must consider it a ‘day off’, then... I wake up early, prepare myself a drink, and peruse the papers. When there is no work to be done, it’s all about self-maintenance.”

“I agree it’s important to take care of yourself, but... You’re basically still working at that point.”

“You could put it that way, yes. However, sharpening one’s mind is not just busywork. It’s also like a kind of training to strengthen the brain, similar to how one would train to strengthen their muscles.”

“Now that, I get.” Jack nodded. “There’s nothing like the burn after a good, honest workout.”

At this, Azul winced. “I fail to see the appeal of such a thing. It’s hardly a sensation that I’d call pleasant. However, I suppose it can be nice to physically feel the results of rigorous effort.”

“You should try it sometime then. You’d appreciate training the muscles if you worked up a sweat yourself.”

“... I do.”

The effect on Jack was immediate. The beastman’s eyes popped, jaw hanging open and fur standing on end.

“HUH?! Azul-senpai, you... train?! Seriously? I never thought I’d hear the word from your mouth!”

“Yes,” Azul replied, bristling. His voice was set in frost. “Is that really so difficult to believe?”

“It’s just--” Jack stopped himself and reconsidered. “You’re not the type of person I picture doing that kind of thing.”

“What does it matter if I am or not? Anyone is capable of exercise, and it is well within my right to do so.”

“Er… yeah, you’re right.” The shock quickly turned to shame, and Jack’s ears flattened, tail dropping. “Sorry. I got caught up in the moment and said something careless.”

“As your benevolent upperclassman, I will overlook your transgression and accept your apology made in earnest.”

Jack gave a small smile. “So tell me more about your training. What kind of exercises do you do? What made you want to start?”

“I try to work a little of everything to ensure that my body is evenly toned. As for what motivated me to begin… I suppose you could say that I was, in your own words, looking for a ‘good, honest workout’.”

“But unlike me, you’re not in an athletic club. You don’t like P.E. class either. When you talked about it earlier, it didn’t sound like you enjoyed training. I don’t think you’d go out of your way to do it for fun.” Jack folded his arms and furrowed his brows. “If you only wanted to get stronger, wouldn’t it be easier for you to make a deal and take someone’s strength?”

“Is that truly what you think of me?” Azul frowned. “You miss the point. What use is it to steal what you desire most rather than earn it for yourself? Would I really be able to call those traits my own? There is no pride to be had in that.”

“You didn’t have an issue with it before winter break.”

“Well…” A complicated look clouded the birthday boy’s features. “I was a different person then. Those things don’t have the same value as they once did. They’ve depreciated.”

In spite of the coldness of his words—the pointed truth of them—there, too, was a soft sadness slipping past his lips. Acknowledgement, and painful sympathy.

Azul was looking at Jack, but not clearly seeing him. His eyes seemed to be trained on something else, someone else, far off in the distance.

A sad little boy curled up in a pot, clouds of inky black tears coloring the water.

“… I was a different person then,” Azul repeated, this time more firmly. “I endeavor to be someone worthy of admiration through my own efforts. If I can be satisfied with my abilities, then it will steer me from walking along that dark path again.

“Be it flying, strength, or luck of the draw… I have always been aware of those shortcomings, in life, but what good comes out of it were I to stop there? What good comes from wallowing in doubt? That is why I will make something for myself, and why I must find my own strength through honest effort.”

I will accept the past and use it to guide me to the future. The “me” I wasn’t able to accept then… Someday, I will become strong enough to embrace him.

Jack stared at him hard. “Are you being honest with me?”

Azul chuckled faintly. “Why wouldn’t I be? What would I hope to possibly gain by deceiving you about my personal ambitions?”

“Towards the end, it didn’t sound like you were…” Jack paused, cocking his head to one side. “Are you even still talking about your Overblot anymore?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I was referring to that incident. What else would I be talking about?”

“You’re dodging the question again,” Jack sighed. “It’s good that you’re motivated to keep up that training though. With that kind of attitude, I’m sure you can reach the heights you’re dreaming of.”

“Urk! Must you phrase it like that?” He hurriedly glanced away, mumbling to himself under his breath. “And here I was, so carefully redirecting the conversation away from that!”

“Heh.” Jack allowed himself a smirk. “So even Azul-senpai has this kind of side to him, huh…”

“Wh-What side?!”

“You know, like a point of weakness. Vulnerable. Kind of squish—”

“AHHHH, DON’T SAY ITTTT!!” Azul pleaded, his volume and pitch spiking into a loud whine.

Jack deadpanned. “Yup. There it is, the squishiness.”

“A-Ahhhh… You went and said it anyway…” the birthday boy groaned, a hand to his forehead. He took a deep gulp of air and slowly exhaled. “… Excuse me, forget you heard that.”

“Why? Isn’t it good to be aware of your weaknesses? That way, you can find strength from them.”

Azul warily eyed him. “You’ve got some bite in you after all.”

“You keep me on my toes. Wouldn’t want you catching me off-guard someday.”

“My, I’m honored to hear that. I’ll have to work hard to keep up with that strong moral character of yours.”

“Good luck. You can work on that along with the muscles. Maybe I’ll see you at the gym or on the field sometime. Until then… show me what you’ve got.” Jack nodded at Azul’s broom.

“Hmph, very well. Prepare for me to deft your expectations, and bear witness to the fruits of my labor!!”

The merman mounted his broom, tensely straddling the handle between both legs. It was a posture he has practiced for hours on end—perfected and polished like a mirror, if not a little too stiff.

The moonlit air around him heated with magical energy, sparkles flickering among the flowers. Very slowly, his bouquet—and his feet—lifted from the ground.

And…

… Azul sluggishly chugged forward, only a few centimeters off of the ground.

“Uh… good job? … I think.” Jack searched for a compliment. “It definitely ‘defied’ my expectations like you said it would.”

Azul flushed.

“… N-Not a word of this to anyone, Jack-san!!” He sputtered back. “Solemnly swear to me that you will not share this with a single soul!!”

#twst #twisted wonderland #Azul Ashengrotto #Jack Howl #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenarios #disney twisted wonderland #spoilers #something no one asked for #Azul birthday takeover

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katsukikitten · 3 years

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Wholesome Frat AU, Clearly aged up, college au, main characters are Bakugou, Kirishima, Denki, Sero, Jiro, Mina, and of course you my dear reader. Sexual themes, mentions of drugs and booze through out.

AHEM

Chapter 1

Denki lies upside down off his bed, staring at his phone when another invite to a party comes through. It's from a classmate he shares notes with and one of the few non toxic dudes on campus. A smile forms on his face, his fingers ready to fly across the screen to confirm his Friday night to be golden and one to remember.

Or maybe wish to remember as alcohol and maybe some weed numb his senses.

But then the location comes through, a frat house that's notorious for ignorance and low key rape culture. He turns it down claiming to study and sighs. Staring at his shared four walls from the top bunk.

"What's going on with you? No one wants you to keep their bed warm tonight?" Sero teases passing him up a beer before starting the next round of his game. Preferring to get buzzed and troll in Apex lobbies than find somewhere to be tonight.

Their phones buzz at the same time, Kirishima coming through on the group chat.

Big Red 🦈 : Any plans tonight boys?

Boomboi 💣 : Fuck off, busy.

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Apex

Zaptos ⚡: got invited to a party but location is sus af. You bro?

Big Red 🦈 : Yikes 😬 Keepin some ladies safe. Don't like the scene here…

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Same

Zaptos ⚡: Same

Boomboi 💣: FUCK OFF!

Denki and Sero both smirk at their phones before moving on with their Friday night with small talk of Instagram stories and received risque snapchats. As the beer fridge gets dwindles their thoughts seem to grow.

"Okay, listen. Here me out!" Denki says as if Sero would ever come off defensive. He finishes his eighth beer before continuing.

"What if we started our own frat? Like...like a fucking wholesome one."

"Dude not only does that sound impossible but what would we call ourselves?" Sero chuckles nursing his seventh beer. Denki pauses for a moment, trying to think of something, anything great.

"Alpha Kappa Wholesome." He smiles, "Yea that's it!"

Sero laughs from his bottom bunk earning an angry faced Denki to put half of his body over the side of his bed.

"I'm serious man! We could kick out whoever doesn't match our values. This college is supposed to be about making 'lasting connections' with fellow heroes! How are we supposed to do it when we are cooped up in our tiny dorm!" He gestures to their cramped room. A set of bunk beds and desks with their TV and shared dresser on the far wall. Sero looks around, this sure as hell wasn't like the dorms at UA that's for sure.

"Okay well two people isn't enough for a frat, man." Sero lets the dream die before it can bloom, running a hand through his raven hair. Denki scrunches up his face before he remembers where his crush stays. It's as if a light bulb lit up atop his upside down head. He jolts himself falling from the top bunk crashing into the empty beer bottle. They clink in protest but thankfully non break, just roll beneath the bottom bunk.

"But there is a sorority of only four and we have four friends in our group!"

Denki decides now is a good time to face time them. Kirishima answers first with a shout that he's gonna step outside, the roaring party and flashing lights die behind the shutting door while Bakugou is illuminated by the light of his screen glaring into the camera while a meek looking girl hides.

"This better be fucking good." Bakugou growls.

After an hour and a half of screaming Denki finally convinces Bakugou that sharing a house with the three of them as opposed to a rando was a much better idea. Reminding him that he had done it for three years in highschool surely he could last two more. He agrees but refuses to help argue with the dean meanwhile Kirishima is GLOWING with excitement over the idea formulating with his sober mind the best way to handle the notorious harsh Dean.

It takes petitions, several meetings and almost til the spring break to come down to this, the final meeting. Bakugou, who has attended every meeting and true to his word has said nothing. Denki nervous as a sinner in church, Sero who's sweating bullets and Kirishima all sit in the room with the board, treasury and the Dean in a final meeting of sorts.

Kirishima gulps and before he can explain the benefits the frat will have to offer the Dean stops him with a simple show of his hand. Taking a report from the secretary of treasury to look over, he just needed the monetary excuse to back up his favorite word.

"No." He clears his throat, "Unfortunately funds are too low to be able to support another fraternity." The Dean leaves it at that not even bothering to offer they join something preexisting.

Three of the four men accept defeat, mentally communicating that they did a good job trying. But the fourth man dreamed of his own room, of his own space to do as he pleased. And all without threat of being charged with murder. Although the fourth man would never admit that the reason he spoke up wasn't totally about the room, it was the look of defeat, anguish on his friends faces that had the room heating up a degree or two and smelling heavily of boiling sugar.

"Oi, toupee." The hot head let's his seat fall back to all fours, fixing the Dean a withering look, "You said something about not enough money huh?"

The Dean swallows thickly carefully thinking out his next sentence.

"Why, Yes its…." Bakugou interrupts before the Dean can even finish his thought.

"Pretty sure I'm the reason this campus is gonna be swarming with fucking no name extras next year." Katsuki's smile widens as his hand pops, "If you deny this request with the money I'm making you then I'll participate in the university sports festival with another college's across my fucking chest."

The Dean visibly sweats, Bakugou really was a hard student to land. His brash attitude and unapologetic behavior was popular among the younger generation bringing with it an influx of applicants and donations. It hadn't even been 24 hours since his announcement did it crash the admin and donation site. He panics, not even sure if there is any real estate available on or around campus in order for him to legally allow this fraternity to flourish. As if reading his mind the secretary of grounds offers him a file, an old run down home within a decent walking distance of the main campus. The Dean exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Let's not act so rash. It has just come to my attention that we have some extra funding to be able to purchase a place for you all…" He looks over the file, he hopes this is enough to placate the hot head, "But it will need some old fashioned sweat equity, if we can secure it. The town has been kind enough to offer us first dibs to real estate within a certain radius of campus and if they like our offer you hardworking men will have your 'Alpha Kappa Wholesome home."

"They better like your offer." Is all Bakugou says before standing, "We get the keys in a month, got it?"

He doesn't give the Dean time to rebuttal, he just leaves while the other shocked three follow suit. It isn't until they are in the courtyard does their excitement hit them all at once.

"HOLY SHIT BAKUBRO ALWAYS COMING IN ON THE FUCKING KLUTCH!" Denki shouts, tackling Bakugou into a hug, Sero and then Kirishima wrap their arms around the yelling hot head who threatens to blow them up.

"I owe you a fucking drink!" Kirishima shouts lifting the group and twirling them

"OI OI OI SHITTY HAIR PUT ME DOWN!"

After that promised drink and a month of waiting the four musketeers stand before their new home. The house is trashed, easily a short sale of a foreclosure as the rent went higher but their wages stayed low. The amount of work to make this place semi decent was going to be astronomical at best.

Bakugou is thoroughly unimpressed, scoffing as Denki runs up the porch. The vision is clear in the electric blonde's head. The massive porch is clean, with a swing and some chairs, string lights hanging from the wooden ceiling while the half wrapped around, second story porch is draped in endless artificial star light cloaking the house in cozy warmth.

Dneki opens the front door and plume of dust rushes out around him, the other two follow suit. Taking the steps two at a time as they rush into the house. Harsh garnet stares after them before glancing at their luggage. He decides to leave it all stepping inside.

Their imaginations run rampant as they stand beneath the large archway to the main living room while Bakugou begins to second guess opening his mouth. That or getting more money from the Dean. Before displeasure can leave the hot head his friends turn to face him, their eyes shining and smiles stretched wide, wide enough it begins to hurt Bakugou's own cheeks. They encourage him to step into the home more, telling him what will go where. For a moment his smile is soft, tender as he looks at these three idiots seeing the bright side of everything before he steels back into his normal self.

"Oi! Quick acting all googly eyed. We've got a lot of work to do and a lot of fucking money to raise."

The four friends spend majority of their spring term picking rooms and doing basic cleaning. Bringing only one of the two full bathrooms up to par, trying their best to keep up with the old big house. Even after all of them picked their rooms there were still three bedrooms and a den with a door left. They brain stormed adding recruits but Bakugou shot the idea down despite Sero being elected the president of the frat.

Spring boils into summer, bringing with it the promise of cold hard cash. Bake sales and lunch deals thanks to Bakugou's cooking skills brought in a large amount of income, so did the odd jobs Kirishima, Denki, and Sero found themselves doing. Still they find themselves short.

"Shirtless carwash!" Denki announces earning a glare from Bakugou. Kirishima pipes up before the idea is blasted sky high.

"Think of the money man. The community around here is soccer mom's and freshly graduated college kids and I don't know about yall but when I go for a run or hit up the corner store after a good run I'm being stared at."

"That's a valid point Bakugou. I've seen how they flock to you for baked goods, they've been staring at your arms and eyes man." Sero adds voting yes to the idea making it three to one.

Just as Kirishima said, woman and even some men, flock to the area for a car wash. Some even coming back twice in one day! The cash flow is good but still a bit lacking. Denki wipes the sweat from his brow as he wonders how they will get enough to be able to get decent light fixtures and a working fridge in the dorm. Let alone anything aside from a blown up mattress and folding chairs in the living room. He scrolls through his social media on his break and comes across the miracle he has been asking for.

A lovely summer picture of four women in bikinis, three of them his housemates have lived with before. Mina Ashido, Jiro Kyoka, Ochako Uraraka, and then there is the new woman, you.

But what makes the picture that much sweeter isn't even the content itself, no it's that gorgeous caption just beneath it.

"BASIC BITCH CAR WASH! Help us raise money for an apartment so our sorority doesn't get disbanded!"

An idea formulates in the electric blondes head so quickly he thinks sparks fly from his ears. A dangerous smile forms on Denki Kaminari's lips.

#bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha au #bnha college au #bnha wholesome frat au

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lovesnightwriter · 3 years

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Monica and Darren - Epilogue

Epilogue

Monica closed the last box of dishes that lay open on the kitchen floor. The sun shined brightly across her slim brown face as she looked up from sliding the final strip of packing tape across the box marked “kitchen”. She could feel the beads of sweat forming on her hairline as she finished her work and silently cursed herself for not remembering to tie her hair down before she started packing. As she moved about the small kitchen floor she couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment from the scattered mini mountains of small boxes. All of these boxes meant a move was finally coming.

She got a job offer four weeks after finishing grad school and was leaving Columbus for the Chocolate City and all of the adventures it would bring. Not only was she starting her dream job but her finance, Darren, agreed to make the move with her. The timing couldn’t be better since he just finished law school and they were waiting on bar exam results to be released any day now. The paces of moving was a welcome distraction for both of them. Monica smiled with pride thinking about how Darren managed long nights in the library studying for the bar exam, working a part time job as a youth football couch and helping her maintain a sense of sanity through grad school.

“It’s all coming together,” Monica beamed and said to no one in particular.

For years she dreamed of having a career as a high powered lobbyist, a fine husband and beautiful babies. All of the boxes were getting checked and while things weren’t always fireworks with Darren she knew he was a solid guy. He was hardworking and committed. Dutiful and loyal to his family, friends and teammates. His loyalty was chief among the traits Monica loved about him.

Darren being a football phenom in the midwest regularly had ESPN pundits discussing his performance on the field. It helped that he was likeable with a magnetic personality and didn’t indulge in off-the-field antics like other high profile players in the Big 10 division. While he excelled on the field and earned notoriety for his powerful arm, off the field he laid low. He attended the occasional campus party and participated in program sponsored events, but other than that he was unusually focused on being a student athlete with hopes of playing in the NFL. That was the dream and the ultimate goal. And nothing came between him and the dream. Many of the other players, accustomed to the attention and privileges that being a star football player offered would secretly tease Darren about his straight and narrow ways when he wasn’t around. Nobody teased him or dared to bully him to his face because as a leader on the squad and one of the few students held in high regard with the coaching staff, being on his good side meant more playing time. He attended classes, never asked for any extraperks with professors and stayed away from the temptations that plagued other athletes. For years he planned on his ticket out of Ohio getting punched on draft day and he navigated the collegiate landmines with precision to ensure that it happened.

Tall and handsome Darren was the star quarterback at Ohio State but a career ending knee injury against Penn State ended his football dreams his junior year weeks before he was to declare for the NFL. Monica was in the stands for the powerful blindside that ended his football career and wanted to run to the field when she saw him laid out on the turf surrounded by coaches and team doctors. He had to be taken off the field in the medical cart since he was unable to walk. With a towel draped over his face to hide his tears of pain and knowledge of what had just happened, he didn’t need x-rays or doctors to tell him he was done playing football. The silence of the stadium was unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. Thousands of fans watching their star player’s career ending and all Darren had to hide his fear and tears was a small white towel.

Monica was there to help him figure out what life after the game looked like. After several late nights spent crying from shame and depression to Monica, he bought into her dream of them being a high-powered couple moving and making deals. Him as a lawyer and her as a savvy lobbyist. Thankfully his diligence in his course work would allow him to easily get into the University’s law school. With Monica’s masterminding, he released a statement officially retiring from football but remaining an active member on campus with hopes of graduation from the prestigious law school once he finished undergrad. He said he hoped to bring pride to the school in a different way and that he would need the support of the entire campus to help him get through these next few years as he transitioned from player to fan. University administrators ate it up and all but ensured his entrance into the law program.

That wasn’t so long ago, but seemed like a lifetime. Classes, hustling to keep money in their pockets, landing internships and graduating from their respective programs kept them busy. Over the years they’d had their fair share of disagreements when times were tense, but always came back together, literally and figuratively.

Speaking of coming back together, Monica could see his muscular frame just on the other side of their one bedroom apartment. He looked like a giant in the small one bedroom apartment and was making quick work of moving all of their boxes from inside to the moving truck two floors below. She wanted to go to him and make-up after this morning's dust up over misplaced toiletries but figured it best to wait until all of the packing was done.

While he wouldn’t say it, Monica knew he was excited about this move also. The days leading up to today had been strained, but Monica remained laser focused, avoiding potential arguments like active landmines and ensuring she kept Darren in a good mood or else they would start one of the countless “discussions” on why he should stay in Columbus for a little while longer until he was able to save money and “figure things out”. Any discussion with Darren, was the equivalent of arguing a case to Monica. He was always ready with a rebuttal and while his LSAT days were long behind him, Monica felt like she was the one having the logic games played on her whenever they had a difference of opinion. In retrospect, his constant need to defend his logic made her laugh often because he initially questioned a career in law. Monica always saw the qualities of a great lawyer in him, even if he couldn’t. To her, there wasn’t much to figure out. The odds of finding a law position were much higher in D.C. than Ohio, plus the experience would be invaluable to the trajectory of his career. He could always come back to Ohio after he stacked his resume with high profile D.C. positions. She had enough money from her bar waitressing gig to get them through the month it would take for her first payroll check to come through from her new job. The plan was already in motion and like a true mastermind Monica just needed Darren to move as she instructed.

Once the kitchen was packed, Monica walked out through the french doors and across the living room. All that remained was a small brown loveseat that was being left for her little sister, and two duffle bags of clothes with odds and ends to get them through the five hour drive comfortably.

“We had some good times in this place”, said Monica looking around the 800 square foot space.

“Oh, now you want to get all nostalgic on me,” Darren said back to Monica rolling his eyes.

“When we first moved in here you hated this place. You used to put toilet paper down to pee in your own apartment, no matter how many times I cleaned it” Darren stated not wanting to participate in her stroll down memory lane.

Monica chuckled, “Wow I forgot all about that, I just had to get comfortable in the space. You know how picky I can be about my space.”

Darren’s response was a simple passing glance and “hmph” as he lifted two boxes from the kitchen and made a beeline for the front door.

He was right. Monica hated the apartment when he first showed it to her online and even more when they looked at it in person. It was small and had very little natural light. The building smelled old and the place was a magnet for dust since there was no forced air ventilation system. But it was close to school and within their modest budget.

“Is this the last of it?,” Darren asked, doing a sweeping glance of the empty space of what used to be their home.

“Yep, that’s it” Monica replied with an eager smile.

The place felt barren, and while it was small Monica had worked hard to make it feel more grander than the humble bare bones apartment that it was when they moved in. All of the framed posters featuring replicas of fine art by Bernie Casey and Lois Mailou Jones had been taken down and gently wrapped for the journey to D.C.

To Monica the place didn’t even smell the same. The candles she left on warmers in various areas of the apartment were also packed, taking with them the familiar scents of warm spicy clove and mandarin orange. Darren used to complain about all of the different smells but eventually he let it go. He never said much about the effort Monica put in to decorate or make the space feel cozy. Monica often walked into their bedroom in the mornings to find the throw pillows on the floor or the duvet scrunched up at the foot of the bed with him long gone in the shower or getting ready for the day with little thought to put things back in order. The thought made Monica roll her eyes as she took stock of what little was left to pack. They were leaving this place as they found it. It was time for someone else to put their mark on the space. Monica felt hunger pain and snapped out of her thoughts of leaving the space.

“I was gonna go to Fernando’s to grab a pizza for dinner, figured we would end this how we started. A nice romantic dinner of pizza on the floor”, Monica said with a chuckle as she grabbed her keys and gave Darren a quick peck and walked out their apartment door.

As she walked out of the two-story building she realized she would miss this place. It was nothing fancy, and needed a lot of love but it was the start of she and Darren’s adult relationship. A place and space all their own.

*****

When Monica returned she smelled Darron’s body wash in the air and heard the stream of the shower. She set the pizza down in the kitchen and quietly walked to the bathroom where she found a naked Darron covered in soapy suds.

Thankful for her stop at the local beauty store to get a new bonnet and scarf on her way back from grabbing dinner she would need them sooner than she thought. Quietly she undressed, wrapped up her hair and covered it with the bonnet. It wasn’t the sexiest look but Darren grew accustomed to the site years ago and dared not ask her to remove it and potentially mess up her silk pressed tresses.

Monica slowly entered the shower behind Darron and caressed his back, making a mmmmm sound as she worked her hands over his broad shoulders.

He jumped briefly then realized it was Monica, “you can’t be walking up on people like that,” Darron said, only half joking.

“Well, I wanted to wash your back. May I?” Monica extended her hand for his soapy rag.

Monica scrubbed in an exaggerated fashion at first, earning her a low laugh and “alright now” from Darren. Then she turned him around so their bodies were front to front. She saw Darron’s gaze fall to her 34C breast and knew he wanted to touch them.

Darron was a body man. Most men had a preference between breast or butt on a woman. He liked to say he preferred ample amounts of TNA, tits and ass. Thankfully Monica’s 5’6 , 140 build gave him just enough of both to be satisfied.

Before Darron could reach out and begin fondling her, Monica dropped into a squat balancing on her toes, careful to keep Darron’s body in front of the hot stream of the shower head and to avoid getting her hair wet. She took Darren’s semi erect penis in her mouth and groaned in pleasure. Within seconds Darren was fully erect and Monica could taste a small trickle of pre-cum in the back of her throat.

Monica loved how Darren tasted, loved how the head of his dick would fill the back of her throat as she sucked him off. Slowly, Monica started to take Darren further into her mouth, while she sucked she made sure to use one hand to massage his sack and the other to stroke his dick as she sucked. Monica could feel Darren’s body relax. That was the goal, she knew he was stressed about the move and wanted to take his mind off of things. All of the “what if’s” and questions about how it would all come together. Once Darren was nice and hard Monica looked up and asked Darren, “What do you want to do?”

“How would you like to cum.”

The words dripped off of Monica’s lips like thick syrup. Eyes locked in on Darren she smacked his dick on her outstretched tongue and let a pool of saliva sit on her tongue creating the perfect “splash” so spittl would land around her mouth as she softly bobbed him up and down on her tongue.

Hearing no request she decided for him, pearl necklace it is.

Monica went from a squatting position to a full two-point kneeling position. It was tricky in the tight shower but she made it work.

She started to suck harder, using both hands to massage Darren as she sucked, being mindful to put on a show as her head bobbed up and down his hard shaft. Monica gagged and her eyeliner began to run as she massaged and sucked. Monica secretly relished being on her knees, or back or any other position that allowed her to have his hard dick in her face. Several times she wondered if she was obsessed with him but chalked it up to him being the person she’d ever been with. She didn’t know anyone or anything else.

As the saliva gathered in the corners of her mouth, Monica continued to suck until she could feel Darren’s body tense.

“Ugh, I’m not done yet”, Monica thought to herself.

Down on the floor of the shower she was an ameature pornstar, staring in her own dirty flick. She wasn’t a polished and buttoned up co-Ed. No, in these moments she wanted to be his fantasy. She wanted to go further, get nastier. In her mind, Darren would grab her face and fuck her mouth making her gag and hold the shower wall to keep from falling as he rammed himself into her hungry mouth. Or maybe rub his hard dick all over her face asking her if she deserved a taste—make a mess of her minimal makeup while cum and gag tears ran down her chin from the act. Any form of him taking control of her, showing her how he wanted to meet his release. But none of that happened.

Monica massaged and sucked until she felt the hot stream of cum in the back of her throat. Darren quickly pulled himself from the warmth of Monica mouth and emptied himself into the stream of water at the bottom of the tub.

“What a waste,” said Monica. “ I was hoping for a new pearl necklace.” She quipped with a naughty smile.

After Monica stood she washed herself, dressed in a nightgown from one of the two duffle bags and made a picnic style set-up while Darren blew up the air mattress they would sleep on in their last night in Ohio. While Darron wasn’t looking ,Monica pulled out a bottle of Darren’s favorite wine from her duffle bag, and two paper cups. While she wasn’t particularly fond of the bold red wine, it was his favorite. His taste in fine wine was compliments of many of the University Boosters. It seemed a crime they were drinking such a fine blend out of paper cups but this was a moment to celebrate.

“To us!” Monica proclaimed as she thrust a cup into Darren’s direction just as he finished working with the mattress.

“What’s this?” , Darren asked with a curious look.

Monica showed Darren the bottle of Catena Zapata Nicasia Malbec. The look she received took some of the wind out of her celebration.

“Monica, I really hope that fell off the back of a truck and you didn’t spend unnecessary money on this wine.”

Monica didn’t let the question bother her, she told a little white lie to avoid it. “Well I purchased it when you first passed the bar and forgot I hid it. I found it when we were packing and thought it was a great time to open it.”

“So what do you say? Cheers to new beginnings.”

#romance #interacial #lovestory #romancenovel

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mollyphoria · 4 years

Text

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

#twenty eight #agust d #october #time #sadnees

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emulatingrizal-blog · 6 years

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A Farmer in San Diego

Ni C.Q.

In the eastern part of San Diego, where the land and lake are rich in crops and fishes, while the common people are poor who are mostly farmers. Among the farmers in the land, there is a lady who is well-known and –loved for her generosity and simplicity. She is freely gives a portion of her bountiful harvests to the needy and is one of the few farmers owning a barong-barong. Aside from helping her neighbors, she is also a Catholic devotee who attends the mass and faithfully gives her tithes. Though she understands and speaks Spanish, no one suspect that Elena, the twin-sister of Elias, came from a wealthy family.

It is already 4AM in the morning and Elena immediately wakes up to make a breakfast, which usually contains two pandesal and a cup of coffee. After grabbing her tools and hat, she goes in the field hastily. The hardworking Elena works early in the morning, avoiding breaks, and finishes her duties at around 10AM in the morning. Unlike the other farmers who start working at 8AM, takes breaks, and leaves in the afternoon for a siesta, Elena wants to get her work done in order for her to be able to go home before the sun rises too high and it becomes to hot.

At around 4:36AM, Elena is already in the field. The sun slowly rises, giving-off a few sunlight and enabling her to till the ground. She has her long, black hair tied neatly. Drops of sweat can be seen in her forehead slowly falling to her long eye lashes. She closes her eyes and wipes her face. When she opens her eyes, her light brown pupil can hold the attention of anyone. Her golden tan also makes her stand-out among the farmers currently tending the farm of Capitan Tiago. Some farmers arrive, see Elena working, and they know that they cannot disturb her. They admire her for her work ethics, personality, and, of course, beauty. Among the women in the field, her inner glow coming from her sincerity for love of farming makes her unique. Though many men had courted her but were politely rejected, there are still suitors who want to take her hand from Don Fernando, the nephew of Capitan Tiago, whom people thought is her lover.

At 9:36AM, Elena sighs heavily as she already finished her job. She bids her co-workers farewell as she returns home. She greets her neighbors and a few passers-by whom she made acquaintances. It is a long walk but Elena excitedly walks home, thinking about her plans for tonight, her second job. There are rumors that she is a prostitute at night, but her second job is actually far more dangerous.

Arriving at her tiny barong-barong made of bamboo, she takes a deep breath. She goes around her simple garden and harvests some ripe crops. She also checks her chickens and is able to harvests some eggs. She climbs the stairs and lays her harvests in the table. She divides the harvests for herself, Elias, and for the needy people near the church.

Elena grabs the ingredients that she need when she sees a woman looking at her. Though they look similar, the woman has a few white hair strands, wrinkles in her forehead, uneven tan, muscular shoulders and big hands. She drops the ingredients in her hands and screams in fright. It took her a few minutes to realize that she is seeing herself in the mirror. It is her reflection that she is actually afraid about. She weeps and whispers to herself which no one in the world can hear or fully understand. She realizes that sooner or later she will become the person she does not like to be – an ugly woman. She wipes her face, picks up the ingredients, and stands up.

Elena has always dreamed to become a farmer, especially when they were wealthy and were overseer of farms. She wants to live a simple life surrounded by the people she loves. However, she it is already too late when she realized what she really wanted – a luxurious lifestyle, which she is used to. Though Elena is hurt to see herself in the mirror, her memories of her experiencess as the granddaughter of a wealthy familygives her hope. It might be too late to live again as a rich granddaughter, but Elena believes that she can live that life again, especially now that she makes a lot of money in her second job.

The sun has already set and Elena is prepared to work again but not as a farmer this time but as a messenger of Don Fernando Rodrigo de Los Santos. She has put on make-up and braids her hair. Wearing a long dress makes it difficult for Elena to climb down her house. She then walks a few minutes away from her house and sees the carriageof Don Fernando. A few neighbors see Elena riding the carriage and confirm their suspicion of her either being Don Fernando’s lover, mistress, or, simply, prostitute.

“Good evening, Elena! How have you been? Here are the packages that I would need you to deliver. Miguel will escort you to them. I’ll meet with you at the hall right after to discuss another offer that I have to make with you,” Don Fernando says while handling seven packs of powdered substances that had no label on it.

Elena immediately grabs the packs and places them underneath her long skirt. “Ican’t wait to hear your offer, Fernando. I’ll ensure that these packages be delivered safely.”

The carriage stops in the house of Capitan Tiago, where a party is being held. Elena steps down and is escorted by Miguel. There were a lot of people in the house, but mostly notable men who were busy discussing about politics. Elena reaches the room and sees her customers.

“We have been waiting for you!” one of the men says.

Elena turns back, lifts her skirt, takes the packages, and distributes it to her very rich clients, who immediately left the room right after receiving their packages. After counting and keeping her tips, Elena leaves the room and is escorted by Miguel towards the hall, where she sees Don Fernado.

Among the women that night in the house of Capitan Tiago, no one stood out like Elena. Though she is wearing a simple dress, she looks elegant and composed. A few men tries to approach her but upon seeing Don Fernando walks away. Don Fernando and Elena are about to reach the door when a couple entered. He is a handsome man much taller and handsome than Don Fernando with a gorgeous woman clinging into his arm. He stops, looks shocked, and stares at Elena, who is also unable to move and speak. Realizing of what is going on, Don Fernando breaks the silences, “It’s been a while, Capitan Juan! I did not expectthat you will be here in my uncle’s house. It’s sad that Elena and I would have to leave early. We’ll see you somewhere at sometime then!” Don Fernando holds Elena carefully, guiding her to the door until they are able to ride the carriage. Capitan Juan follows outside and desparately looks at the carriage which is headed to the house of Elena.

Inside the carriage, Elena burst into laughing. “Have you seen what happened?” A few tears fell from her eyes as she cannot stop laughing.

“I actually thought you were about to cry that is why I stepped in. You know that I do not like seeing those things. And besides I have a matter that I need to discuss with you immediately,” he says.

“I was actually a little startled a while ago. I thought I still have a few feelings for him, but right now I do not feel anything, even jealousy. It is as if I just do not care about him anymore. Thank you for saving me from embarrasment.”

“I do not fully understand what you are trying to say.”

“To cut the long story short, Juan is my ex-fiance whom I told you about, and the woman clinging in his arms is my friend Sophia. I do not know what to say. Have you seen how desperate she clings unto him, especially when he looks at me? He definitely loves me still!” she laughs.

Don Fernando smiles upon hearing the confession and immediately grabs Elenas hands to plead, “Now, I understand why my uncle forced me to make this offer with you. You are the only person who can help me right now!”

Elena stops laughing and wonders what offer he might make. Don Fernando lets go of her hands and takes a deep breath. His tone and gaze becomes more serious.

“The visitador is arriving within the week and no one knows when and where exactly. My uncle fears that he had arrived already unbeknownst to us,” Don Fernando takes another deep breath.

“Someone wants to expose our business to the visitador. Do you understand what this means?”

Elena is shocked to hear of the news. She cannot imagine losing her second job where she has earned a lot of money to leave for Europe and achieve her dreams.

“NO! This cannot be happening!” Elena exclaimed in shock.

“This man had already set a meeting with the visitador and will not just expose us but also our clients, especially those members of the peninsulares and insulares. If we do not do something about this man then we will definitely lose everything!”

Capitan Tiago is one of the wealthiest drug dealers of the country and Don Fernando, his nephew, is one of his partners. Elena on the otherhand delivers these illegal drugs to wealthy clients in exchange of a huge sum of money and tips.

“What are we going to do then?” Elena asks.

“We can’t do anything but get a hold of that man, and silence him right after gaining information about the visitador,” Don Fernando replies.

“We have to do this immediately! We cannot let him expose us. What is your offer then?”

“It is difficult to trap this man. He has a lot of connections and he is being protected by his wealthy family. But now that we have you, we have hope. As you can see, this man is Juan. All you need to do is help us kidnap him in order for us to gain some information. If he is hesitant then we can just finish him off like what we did to Leandro a few months ago.”

At first Elena becomes hesitant of the plan but changes her mind. “What will I get in return then? You know that I have plans of going to Europe in a few weeks.”

“Your pay will be tripled. And, also, my uncle had told me that he will be shouldering your travel expenses to Europe as well as your accomodation. He has connections in Europe. If you have other requests, he’ll surely grant it since you have been working with us for years now.”

Elena wants to jump upon hearing the offer. She did not expect that she will be able to live the life she has always been dreaming of. She thinks that she had endured a lot already and have to leave the country in order to have a fresh start.

“Count me in then. What is the plan and when are we going to start then?” Elena asks.

“We’ll discuss tomorrow. I’ll be sending a new carriage infront of your house and discuss with you about our plans. For tonight I want you to rest. We have a long battle tomorrow.”

The carriage stops in the street a few minutes of walking away from her house. She steps down and bids farewell to Fernando. She walks happily and stops to gaze at the moon whose reflection can be clearly seen in the lake. She feels joy and a little anxiety.

The chicken announces that the sun is already rising. Elena plans to skip work today as she has an important meeting in the afternoon. This is her last task and she will be able to achieve her dreams. She prepares herself. When a carriage stops at her house, she immediately climbs down and rides the carriage.

Upon looking at the man, whom she did not expect seeing, Elena is shocked and can only greet him with, “Juan.”

Juan on the otherhand is also startled but managed to regain some composure. “It’s been a while, Elena. You still look as the same as before. Nothing has changed.”

“If that is a compliment, thank you. You actually have not changed at all too.” She replies.

Elena tries to distract herself in order to regain some composure. “I did not know that you and Sophia are actually a couple.” She says.

Juan suddenly laughs and covers his mouth. Though Elena is annoyed to see his expression, her heart softens as she sees her engagement ring in his fingers.

“Capitan Tiago asked me to escort Sophia in the party. Nothing more than that. It hurts to hear such assumptions from you.” Juan stopped laughing.

“Why are you still wearing that ring? You don’t mean...” Elena points out.

Juan looks at the ring and is unable to answer. There is a long moment of silence in the carriage, which already stops upon reaching its destination. Capitan Juan steps down first and assists Elena. After being drop in the forest of San Diego, the carriage immediately left. There were various trees whose height can only be reached by birds and the lake can be seen from afar. It is a beautiful view to see and Elena remembers clearly how Juan proposed to her in this exact place.

“Why are we here?” Elena asks whose reddened face made Juan smiled.

“You are the only woman whom I love and proposed to. When you left without leaving a word, I thought I will not see you again. You avoided me so much that even though both of us are living in San Diego, we seem so far from each other. I am just so happy right now, but...”

Elena begins to be confused. She still cannot comprehend what is happening. She knows that she has no feelings left for Capitan Juan but she cannot say anything to him.

“I do not understand what is happening. I am supposed to meet with Fernando in that carriage but then I met you. Now, we’re here and I do not even know what is happening. I am even supposed to have you killed!” Elena is shocked to have blurted out those words, especially the last sentences. However, there is no more turning back.

“I know. This is a trap set by Fernando. But, Elena, I believe in you and I want to help you. I know the type of person you really are.”

“You don’t know what you are saying! Stop talking to me as if we are still close. I have forgotten about you already and I will do anything for my dreams. I will do everything even if I have to kill you! I have already killed people. What difference would it make if you die by my hands?”

“You want to know about the visitador. He’s here in the forest with us, watching. I’ll expose Capitan Tiago’s illegal business that had destroyed the lives of a lot of people. It even made you a person whom you never wanted to be.”

Elena is shocked to know about the visitador. She cannot imaging being jailed and living as the poor and hated by people, especially by the church.

“Elena, help me. If you help me now, I’ll make sure that you will be given a lighter charge. Let me help you!” He tries to hold her hands to beg.

“Let go of me!” She pushes his hands away. She sees a group of people with their heads covered slowly approach them.

“Run.” Elena feels something is wrong and tells Juan.

Juan sees the group approaching and straighface waits for them.

“RUN!” Elena begs Juan. “Please. If you really care for me, please run! They are going to kill you if you don’t.” Elena pleads.

Juan let goes of a smile and kisses Elena in the forehead. “I always believe in you. Do not worry. The visitador has an armed men with him. They’ll be arriving here soon.”

The group of men surrounded them and fought with Juan. Elena tries to scream. They immediately ties and questions him for the whereabouts of the visitador. Capitan Juan remains silent and accepts all the blows. Blood filled his face and Elena can no longer take seeing the torture.

“Who are those people?” one of the men pointed out to the armed soldiers approaching them.

Realizing it was a trap for them, Fernando removes his mask and tries to stab Juan. Elena jumps in front of him and takes the stab. Elena feels the sharp knife go though her abdomen, cutting her organs and blood rush out. She turns behind to see Capitan Juan who screams her name. The sounds fade and her visions blurred.

It is 4AM in th morning and Elena wakes up from her sleep. She cries upon remembering what happened a few weeks ago. The death of Capitan Juan is still a mystery for her as she becomes unconscious afterwards. Aside from losing her lover, she also loses the offer of Don Fernando. As Elena prepares her breakfast, she hears someone knocking at her doors. She opens the doors and sees a carriage outside. Don Fernando waves his hands and Elena immediately climbs down her tiny barong-barong and rides the carriage.

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dillaibtida · 7 years

Text

On Privilege

Dear, Millenial Generations I saw in a (relatively pricey) coffee shop one breezy-drizzling morning.

You don't realize how highly privileged you are.

I heard you complained about being unable to extend your stay after your exchange program in....what? Korea? I didn't hear it so clearly. But you whined because your PARENTS did not allow you (read: did not give you the money) to stay longer after the program.

Then, you whined because your (re: your parents') money could not suffice to pay for a better hotel when you had a holiday in Bangkok. You had to stick with three starts hotel, but your parents later on gave you more money, just because. And here, you still whine.

And you talked about traveling in a backpack. But then you said that you just would not be able to stand a dirty toilet. So backpacking is not an option.

I couldn't help but observing and analyzing (re: judging) you from another table. Behind my laptop. I observed what you wear (H&M loafers, black trousers and blouse that I assumed also from H&M, and those hipster huge glasses). I observed things you have on your table (iPhone 6 plus with cute transparent cases, car keys). I listened to, not only what you talked about, but also how you said it. Which, I'm sorry, sounds superficial. And based on the fact that you have brunch here, I know your parents give you way way more than enough.

And the only conclusion that came to my mind was that you guys are... spoiled. Just another whiny, ungrateful, needy, spolied speck of brats of this generation.

I just really wanted to drizzle your hair with my 24k++ Iced Cappuccino and let you know how spoiled you are.

Or, rather, swap your college life with mine. Your college life with what I had five-six years ago.

You don't know how it feels like to not be able to join programs you deadly wanted because your parents could not afford the fee and you did not have any ability to earn that much just yet. You don't know how it feels like to see your friends go here and there making achievements(that required a buttload of money) without any needs for scholarships or sponsorships because they just could. You don't know how it feels like to not be able to go on holiday because your parents could only give you money (daily) that only sufficed for transportations and you need to work your ass off to be able to buy lunch and other stuff. You did not have any courage to ask for more because you were afraid they don't have more budget. And you have little brother and sister who needed some serious amount of money as well.

You don't know how it feels like to be told by your OWN FATHER not to have any dream because it is selfish and it will require too much money.

I hate that you guys have it too easy. You never need to ask, your parents are in the more stable financial status so they would know what you need and what you want and provide them already.

I hate that you are highly provided with facilities. Convenience. Privileges. You just need to study right, not making any trouble, and lead a happy-full-of-vacation life.

Even I, right now, after I am able to save sufficient amount to save for a long holiday abroad, I still think not once, not twice, not three times, but a hundred times about using my money for vacation, not for a more tangible things like house or gold or stocks and bonds.

That's after I am able to earn my own money. Imagine how I felt and how long my thinking proccess was going when I only relied on small allowance from my parents and tiny paycheck I earned from teaching and busting my ass off every single fucking day.

You. Don't. Realize. How. Fucking. Privileged. You. Are.

I don't know. It's nothing new that life is unfair and God never put equal, let alone fair, burdens and trials for everyone. Based on their initial capacity, maybe? Who knows. Perhaps He thought I have huge capacity, so He gave me more awareness towards reality, so much so that I think deeper and more frequently and sometimes examining all things too much till my chest hurt so much and my head feels like going to explode all the time. Maybe He assumed I was smart enough to be able to start from scratch, so He did not give me more financially-stable parents to build a supportive system for me to rely on. Probably He made me tough, so I always have full drive to start all over again everytime I failed.

But being a strong warrior is hard and I have had enough contemplation about it. I don't wanna turn suicidal just because I realized that God has been overestimating me since I was born. I mean like, if He underestimated me, maybe my life would be much easier.

But... have I ever wanted things to be easy?

The more I think about it, seeing those millenial kids with brand new iPhone and car and (relatively popular) branded stuff and a lot of paid vacations, I realized how far I have gone. I might be able to afford all that on my own just this year. Without asking any money from my parents. Or anyone else, for that matter.

And one more thing: I also have earned the ability to value my hardwork. My sweat and tears. My money.

I have just learned to save some serious percentage of my paycheck. Even though I don't have enough just yet to buy more tangible assets like land or property, I have been starting to acquire more informations on that. I read, a lot, about money management. Frugal life. What to and not to buy. Do's and don'ts. Works from home that you can do to earn extra bucks. In short, how to take control of your life so you can make your earning more sustainable.

Oh well. I haven't got my master degree or travelled the world yet. But I have come this far.

Those hardships pushed me this far.

So now I realize, this is another form of previlege. The previlege of capacity. The previlege of ability. The previlege of never have anything easy so you can be more and more unbreakable no matter how much life throws you shits and bricks.

It's not them. It's me.

I should realize how fucking privileged I am.

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