#I’ve been up since 6 pm yesterday

[harryhandstan]

good morning let’s play a game of am I dizzy or sleepy?

#both I think #I’ve been up since 6 pm yesterday #but like the dizziness just hit me out of nowhere? #i feel a bit nauseous now too #I was gonna stay up for a little while longer #but I might just sleep #lindsey rambles

[ask-obt]

Place your orders here! Or, get the digital version here! At last, the physical copies for OBT's first book have arrived! It was really exciting getting to open up this package today, I'll never get over how special it feels to hold all of the effort I've put into this project right in my hands. I was quite overwhelmed with the immediate support when I opened the first wave of pre-orders- I've actually already sold out of the first wave of books! I'll be holding a second wave immediately, and will place orders for the next wave in about a week or so as I estimate how many copies to get. Like with the previous announcement, this is for pre-orders of this next wave, so books will be about 4-6 weeks out depending on production/shipping times! I also finally set up the ability to purchase physical prints through Gumroad, so I'll be redirecting new purchases there instead of the Google Form since it'll be more convenient so y'all don't have to wait for me to process your invoice! (It'll also be nice so I can put a limit on copies available once pre-orders are finished!) Already placed your order through Google Forms? I've contacted all buyers with payment information at this time! Books will be shipped the following business day after payment has been received. It appears I forgot to post information from the previous announcement on Tumblr, oops! Anyway, I’ll post all of that below the cut, but it should also be on Gumroad’s product page.

This book includes all of OBT's current chapters all the way through Chapter 6 (yes, including the pages that haven't released yet)! In addition to that, it also includes concept art, extras, gameplay notes, trivia, and features the beautiful Fan Art Feature section so many folks participated in! All in all, it's about 320 pages of juicy OBT content. This print run will be not-for-profit, meaning that the cost of each book is relegated strictly to what it takes to produce and ship. I, the artist, will not be receiving any revenue from this. OBT is a derivative work, and I don't wanna risk getting in hot water legally. But I do get the satisfaction of holding a physical copy of something I made, so that's more than enough payment for me! (Though if you'd like to tip me as an artist, consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Patreon!) This first print run will be ongoing as supplies last, though more waves may be held depending on interest. You are also welcome to order copies of Born Yesterday outside of the print run, but please note that prices substantially increase for print-to-order copies vs bulk (not my choice obviously lmao, just what the supplier charges). I'll update this post if the bulk copies run out of stock. I'm also willing to hold books for folks who can't pay right away, though ready-to-pay customers will get priority. Unlike Dielle's Wish, these orders are pre-orders, so I can more accurately gauge how many copies to order (these books cost a decent amount more than Dielle's Wish, so I'd like to avoid overstocking as much as possible haha). As such, delivery estimates can range from 4-6 weeks depending on duration of production time. I'll be sure to notify buyers when their order ships! Prices During Print Run Paperback: $38 Price includes production/shipping within the US, and books will be shipped via USPS media mail. Outside of Print Run Paperback: $75 Price includes production/shipping within the US, and books will be shipped via USPS media mail. Price of print-to-order copies varies with number of copies ordered. For non-US countries and territories, the production cost of each book during the print run is $35.67 per book, and shipping estimates start at $20 and can reach up to $35. Buyers are also welcome to DM me for a private invoice! Feel free to PM or comment with questions!

#on borrowed time comic #ooc #print

[chromatic-lamina]

LawBin vs LawSan Shipping War Polls

(screencaps of ongoing poll results below the cut). If you want to vote first and then check this post out, then: Link to the poll

40% for LawBin (for me) is the goal! Anything over that is a bonus! Link to the poll.

Below are screencaps, not a clickable poll.

Screen shot from August 19, 10:31 am (UTC+9).

Lawbin has risen a percent since yesterday, so not too far off the 40% mark (it's gone up by 0.3% since an hour ago too, dropped now).

But!!

A gain of 1.5%. Haha. That was from August 19, 12:58 pm (UTC+9).

And it's so interesting how consistent the voting patterns seem to be, cos the voting numbers are going up. Yesterday's figures from about the same time as the first screen cap above (August 18, 09:40 am (UTC+9):

Anyway, 6 days to gain 2% (or more 😉 )

Edit in! Sunday, August 20, 02:41 (UTC +9) Might not look like big news, but they were 39.8 about half an hour ago (and 40% before that). Maybe we can reach 45%?

On the rise again (there was a bit of an up-down-up-down). August 20, 14:09 (UTC +9)

Also, I'm writing limericks for percentages gained here! Send me an ask with your one piece character/ship (or leave it as reply to that post), and I'll spin a limerick if things progress further!

🐯🌺

Aug 22: It’ll probably drop back down to 41.5% again, but LawBin are at 41.7% at the moment. 42% seems so close, yet hasn’t been reached, that I’ve seen. Last time I publicly got excited it was 41.2! 41.5 seems to be the holding pattern at the moment. 271 votes for LawBin. Not bad 🐯🌺. I’ve got a screencap of 41.8% somewhere!

Aug 22, 07:05, UTC +9

Also, they hit 42% about 2 hours after this. It dropped again, but I have proof that it existed! Heh!

Aug 22, 09:23, UTC +9

#one piece #one piece shipping war polls #lawbin #trafalgar law #nico robin #lawsan #blackleg sanji

[p-perkeys]

I’ve been dealing with on and off intense nausea since Wednesday. Gave in yesterday and got a prescription of Promethazine since ondansetron didn’t seem to be cutting it. Took Promethazine around 11:45 am. Struggled to stay awake until I clocked out at 5:45 pm. Got home by 5:50 pm. Laid on the couch around 6:30 pm. Woke up a few minutes ago around 7:15 am in my bed (somehow - don’t remember waking up and walking to bed) and STARVING. I think I’m gonna survive now.

#personal #God bless medicine #God bless doctors #God bless the pharmacy #and it’s the weekend so if I do nothing it’s totally okay

[sirensplayhouse]

Hey siren, i hope all is well with you 🩵, okay so I need a little help. I manifested sp back in may our relationship has been great every since we used to be toxic and argue like 3 times a month but we haven’t argued once yet and everything is different in a good way. so about 4 days ago idky but I lurked on his page and he posted something that rubbed me the wrong way, mind you I don’t use social all my pages to all my social medias have been disabled for a year, I go on facebook from time to time to lurk but not specifically for sp just in general .. so that really made me feel some type of way & I low key got depressed then a day after that I was scroll on my backup tiktok account and saw he posted a tiktok of him self over the weekend and it went viral and the comments set me off again honestly so I was even more depressed until I decided I wasn’t going to be and i’m not going to take that. he’s also been distant lately normally he’s busy so he doesn’t text back for a few hours but he texts me in between or right after he’s done with what he’s doing and he always tells me what he’s doing and where he’s going or where he was at and shows me pictures and stuff so he doesn’t lie. but recently he got a new job he goes in at like 2 - 4 pm and doesn’t get off until like 10 - 10:30 pm and he goes to practice at 7:30 am til 10:30 pm so I try to give him the benefit of the doubt but we barely talked and he hasn’t texted back since like 6 pm yesterday and it’s 4 pm today and he was active on facebook at 12:00 am yesterday, Ik all I have to do is decide that he’s the version of himself that I want him to be but it’s still a little hard because i’ve been spiraling every since sunday with doubts and negative thoughts and thoughts of a 3p im over it now but i’m still a little sad idk what to do about my emotions ik they don’t manifest but I hate feeling like this do you have any suggestions ? thank you in advance 😭🥰

take your focus off of it, whenever I’m in a bind or feeling a certain way I immediately do something to take my mind off of whatever and go to my happy place. if you don’t have a happy place MAKE ONE do something that bring a you joy and peace. also don’t keep all those negative thoughts and emotions inside you let them out (hence why I mentioned finding a happy place).

another thing you can do is talk to your sp communication and understanding is key to any relationship clearly there’s something bothering you so why not share it with him ? whenever my sps do something to piss me off I bring it up and it takes pressure off of me because it’s like “ok I bring it up now it’s not eating at me anymore” regardless of the response that they give because if they say something I don’t like I can always just ignore them LMFAOOOOO ignore this😭

but I hope I could help you love 🫶🏾come back and update me I’ll be waiting ❣️oh ! and I hope all is well with you too🥰

[regular-lord-reckoner]

since i have started this whole therapy/unmasking thing i have had the worst time getting myself to focus on work and get done what i need to get done

it’s like a switch has flipped and one minute all i ever do is work and try to get caught up on work and stay on top of everything to where now i just had to finish up what i didn’t get done during the week because i just...could not

i even the other day tried to set aside the first half of my day just so i could focus on work and get all the important stuff done, but by the time i finished all the work from yesterday that absolutely needed to be done plus the work for the next day it was almost 2 in the afternoon

still, i stopped and took a break, did a little work out, took a shower, all of that and naturally as i’m like, “see, now we can just take the rest of the day nice and easy and still get everything done without stressing” i see an email that’s like, “oh, btw everyone needs to be logged off by 6:45 pm today, IT needs to do something”

so then i had to scramble to get shit done instead of being able to take my time and ended up getting all stressed out again anyway

i’ve heard a lot of people say that while going through this process they take time off work for a while and i really wish that i could, but i just don’t know how, i already have to be a week ahead on all my charts just to take a week off, i can’t imagine how much work i’d have to do to take two weeks off or even a month

my last vacation was spent being so sick i could barely even walk so i really, really, really could use some kind of break i just feel like i haven’t even had a second to stop and think about it

and on top of that, i think my dad’s getting sicker

one of his doctors is really concerned about his test results lately and wants him to make these urgent appointments with his other doctors for next week so i guess we’ll see what comes of that, i’m hoping it doesn’t end up being, “yeah, so the cancer’s starting to win now, sorry” but we were already playing with borrowed time as is, i guess so i’m just mentally trying to prepare for that

and while all of this is just...happening, yesterday i’m sitting outside trying to enjoy a little sliver of free time, turn my brain off and just not have to think about anything, i hear my parents calling for the dog

and normally that’s not too unusual, sometimes when he’s outside he’ll run a little too far and they have to yell for him to come back, but he always does

this time, though, they just keep calling and calling and calling so i go downstairs to see what’s up and he’s missing. the dog is missing.

i’m trying to ask like, “where did he go missing, did you see him run off? front yard or backyard?” but nobody knows, he just took off while they were outside apparently 

so...awesome.

my mom’s been drinking and my dad’s too tired so i have to get in my car and drive up and down the road looking for him.

i’ve got my windows rolled down, squeaky toy out the window calling his name and trying to lure him to me to no avail

i go back to the house and we spend some more time yelling for him and walking all around the property for him, but nothing

we finally go back inside and something tells me to just check his crate. seems like a long shot, but just check it

so i do and you’ll never fucking believe what i found in there!!!

the dog!!!

the dog we just spent well over an hour looking for!!!!

the dog who was there the entire time just snug in his bed, all settled in for the night

i’m not sure who put him to bed, my dad swears up and down that he didn’t, but my mom clearly had no recognition of having done it, but someone did because i know it wasn’t me and he can’t get himself in there and close it on his own soooooooooooooooooooo

i think she probably did it and with everything going on (plus drinking, of course) she didn’t remember and as much as i’m sure i should be like...i dunno, mad about it or at the very least frustrated i just feel tired

i feel really, really, really fucking tired

everything is so fucking exhausting all the time and nothing ever stops and i just want it to fucking stop

i’m trying to basically re-learn myself and what my limits are for just existing which is so fucking hard because i feel like i don’t know anything anymore

but i think the cherry that really is sitting on top of this bitch ice cream sundae, though, is that i had made a post on facebook a week or so ago, i think, basically just like, ‘hey, i’m autistic’ and this guy i went to high school with messaged me because he just found out too a couple of years ago so did i want to be friends and i was like, “yeah, of course!”

how nice, y’know, someone who’s just been through this process sorta offering a helping hand and i’ve isolated myself pretty badly so sure, let’s make a friend!!

now, maybe i’m being unfair here because i’m clearly going through a lot but i just get the impression that this is exactly like every other time i get randomly approached by some guy i went to school with where it’s like, “hey, i’m having a tough time but you’re a woman so can you take care of me??’

because he keeps dropping all these hints like yeah, he used to have a girlfriend who was really good about helping him understand all this stuff and yeah, it’s just been kinda hard lately and now he’s just sending me videos of what i’m guessing is his kid and i’ve just completely tapped out at this point

again, maybe i’m being unfair and even outright mean, but it really does seem like every single time i’m going through something hard in my life here comes some fucking guy holding emotional baggage in one hand and a baby in the other going, “Hey, do you want to listen to me talk about myself at great lengths while skimming over the things you say and can you also take care of me? Thanks!!”

No!!!!!! I can’t!!!!!!

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can barely take care of me anymore and still have so much other shit on my plate and i have no idea when i’ll ever get a break from any of this, please stop!!!!!!!

i want connection with other people and i know that’s important and i know i should be trying to foster it as much as i possibly can whenever given the chance but i just feel right now like i’m curled into a ball on the floor screaming, “please stop!!!” and yet there are all of these hand continuously reaching out at me and pulling at me and i don’t know what else i can possibly give, i feel so fucking empty

i want to be able to pour back into other people and be fun and generous and kind and all of those amazing things and i have tried to approach this whole thing with a big smile and optimism that does not naturally occur anywhere in my being because i thought maybe if everyone saw how i hard i was trying while trying to be a good sport about it all that maybe the universe would finally give me a fucking break but no!!!

my therapist gave me the warning this week that as i continue on through this process that it’s likely going to get harder simply because the more relaxed and at peace i feel, the more my mind is going to want to go, “okay, hey so now that we’re in a safe place i have some things i’d like to go over with you”

we even discussed what potential sleep meds i might need to go on because of sleep terrors and shit like that, so like...i’m trying to be as brave as i possibly can be about it and put this shit off for the longest because i was so fucking scared of it and now that i’m finally doing it, it’s like, “hey, did you want more bad things? it seems like you want more bad things, is that right? and more responsibility? wait, did you want both or...y’know what, you can have both, how’s that?”

i hate it and i want it to stop

i just want a fucking break, that’s all i want

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I can't seem to fall asleep, but it's only 3:30 AM, which I think is a lot like the time period I generally go to bed at, anyway.

What's frustrating is that I'm really, really sure that it's a lack of sleep, because I was just perfectly tired, but now the lack of sleep is somehow still present.

This isn't new. I've always been able to fall asleep after being really tired. I've always just always been able to fall asleep no matter what time of day it is, even at 10 PM. Why is this suddenly no longer the case now, when I was previously always able to fall asleep even on 10 PM? Why am I getting sleepy now, when I already get sleepy on 8 PM (or 11 AM)? And when I was able to fall asleep on 8 PM (or 11 AM) yesterday, I'd been up since 6 AM, so that isn't exactly a new sleep deprivation fact.

#blah blah blah #hmmm #a bias to interpret ambiguous information in a threat related manner

[hscpxr]

Today I have a friends birthday and I’m sure I’ll eat some stuff, I’m cooking some appetizer for the party so my plan is walking to buy the stuff I need get those steps in and fast till my bf comes pick me up at 6 pm

I’ve been fasting since 2 pm yesterday so it’ll be a longer fast than I’m used to but I think I’ll made it

#⭐️vation goals #body ch3ck #⭐️ve #⭐️ ing motivation #⭐️rving #b0dii chexx #tw thinspi #anorecyx #an0rex1c #tw ed meme #tw ed thoughts #tw ed stuff #tw ed sheeran #tw ed but not sheeran

[docnomore]

Off for a week. Habit still has me waking before 5 AM. Wednesday, I disassembled the excavator looking for a hydraulic leak. Found it, fixed it, then left it disassembled while the “glue” dried over night. Mowed the back yard then drove to Ricky’s and finished the work on his boat.

Yesterday, got up and lounged around until 8 AM (as to not risk disturbing neighbors), then went out, checked the repair work then reassembled the excavator. Drove it to the back of the property, got it buried crossing the creek (twice!), then prepared the proposed new fence line. Was hand digging fence posts when approached by a fly by night outfit wanting to pave my driveway. Showed the guy my driveway (not the neighbor’s) and told him what I’d like done. He wasn’t fully honest with me and kept pushing for more. We’d agreed on $40 a yard. He then turned it into using the entire dump truck load (still at $40/yard). Refused to tell me how much the truck carries. Then pushed for me to accept a second truck load. I refused. Half the driveway cost me $6,700. Paid cash.

Today is a day of rest - sort of. Expecting delivery of fence panels. Agreed upon delivery sometime between 8 and noon. They changed it to 9-1 PM. So while I wait, doing the last three chapter of the book I’m using to teach on Sundays. That’s fine. My back needs the rest. Weighed myself this morning. Since a week ago when last I stepped on the scale, I’ve lost 6 1/2 pounds. That’s good because sitting on that tour bus for a week was NOT good for my waistline.

I’ve been enjoying my time alone (she’s in NYC for the week). No hearing aids. Nothing and no one to remind me that I cannot hear - except for yesterday’s fly by night paver from Louisiana. I might have let him do the entire driveway if he’d have been straight up honest with me. Full disclosure with direct answers goes a long way with me. He was not, so I did not.

Spent the entire morning sitting on my front porch. First, drinking coffee, now, lemonade. My view: walkway to the front door, circular drive, and the fire pit in the middle of the circle.

[romantic-reveries]

Today is wearing on me and it’s only 10 AM.

Yesterday, we left work early to spend TWO HOURS at the vet for an annual appointment. In what fucking world should we have had to wait that long? Anyway, whatever, fine. We leave. We make it to my craniosacral therapy appointment in the nick of time. Somehow we accidentally double booked for the same day, but being that the vet was at 3:30 and my appointment was at 6, that seemed, in theory, like plenty of time.

So we leave, and it’s 7 pm. We need to eat. We decide on Chili’s, where they seat us, and no joke, not one server even acknowledges us as we sit there for twenty minutes, not even with drinks. Not a “I’ll be with you in a moment!”, nothing. I totally understand that places are short-staffed, I get food taking awhile to come out, but to have MULTIPLE of them walk by, to have the hostess who seated us walk by us repeatedly to clean tables and not once notice that we didn’t even have DRINKS? Crazy. So we leave, and she’s like “oh, bye! Thanks for coming!” Fucking weirdo??

So we go somewhere else, finally get food, go home. Great, cool. Except it’s like 8 pm. So we eat. I shower. I stay up until almost 1, thinking surely that’s enough time to digest, right?

Except I wake up this morning and the back of my nose is stuffy and burning from reflux. Hurts worse than it ever has, and I start the morning crying.

And all that, really, having a late therapy appointment on a weekend when I usually do them on Sunday, so I can spend this weekend with my boyfriend who I know loves me—I know. And I try to be rational and logical. I don’t truly believe anything has changed. But I’ve known him for a few months shy of a year, and suddenly it’s become an issue where when he has his kids every other week, they apparently hog his phone in the evenings until it dies, so I feel like we’re not even talking that much anymore, which is frustrating to me? We don’t HAVE to talk every evening, but we did for ages. He was so consistent about calling every single evening, barring him falling asleep on the couch or something. And I like having the option of talking to him if I want to. Talking about our days. And I’ll call, and it rings, which means it isn’t dead yet. So either they have it, see me calling and ignore it so they can talk to their friends (they literally both have laptops and a tablet??) or he’s lying. Which I don’t think he is, and again, it’s fine if he doesn’t want to talk everyday, but it feels like this almost intentional unavailability. If he WANTED to talk to me that bad, he’d go be like “hey I need my phone” or he’d ask his company for a new one, since he needs one anyone. It’s old and doesn’t even hold a charge for a whole day anymore. Or he’d get his kids a landline or one of those cheap cellphones that only have a calling feature so they can talk to their friends or whatever. And then I get in my head about how maybe he just doesn’t care as much now about talking to me often. I dunno—time moves on and novelty wears off, right?

And then I just feel like I’m being a petty whiny baby and I’m probably just tired and I’m sick of not feeling good again lately and I hate this stupid country and everything it’s been doing and that we all just have to march on like everything is normal and I get that it’s probably not actually the stuff I’m fixating on, but still.

#personal

[bunnygirl678]

You know what they don’t tell you about having a kid? Your period will change after more under the cut lmao

So before I had princess periods were easy, they were super irregular (I’d go like 6 months without one or have one every two weeks, it was a pain I think the longest I ever went was 13 months without one?? They put me on bc to even them out but that gave me a blood clot and permanent lung damage lmao), after my clots I’d maybe get a small cramp in my calf (would just feel like I ran too hard) of my bad leg but that was it! Might have gotten a little horny the day or two before and maybe a singular pimple, but overall nothing. After I started blood thinners the actual period was heavy and I’d get anemic cause you know blood loss but that’s cause of the blood thinners not my body.

Then I had princess, holy shit…

It’s been 6 years since I popped her out and I get the worst pms now. Cramps that feel like contractions (I’ve had blood clots in my lungs and childbirth hurt worse ngl), Charlie horses on my bad leg, pimples, emotional as hell, really the cramps are the worst. Especially if my back is out at the same time cause the cramps go from my upper stomach all the way to my knees and the back pain makes it feel like I’m in active labor, the first time it happened I almost went to the er thinking I was going to end up on that show I didn’t know I was pregnant, then my period started and my doc was like you pinched a nerve dumbass.

Anyway felt like that yesterday started this morning lmao.

I would like to go back to my period pre princess please

#periods #tw periods #bunny lore

[mehnomae]

i’m collaborating with this girl on a grant proposal and it’s due on friday i said yesterday that i would finish the part about community engagement but i couldn’t. and now today….im so tired i’ve been up at 6 and working at this gig until 5 pm every day since last weds coming home and cooking dinner with my bf for 5 ppl plus lunch and bfast the next day (food prep bc i.m can’t go out for lunch with ebt) cleaning up everything and then laundry like. it’s 10:22 and i’m still putting away clothes and i was seriously planning on writing the section tonight lmaooo

#i just had a nice bath though #it was either grant or bath and i got convinced to take care of myself ^__^

[rawrsatthetree]

I’ve been trying to download Baldur’s Gate since yesterday at 2:09 pm. It finished at 9:00 pm last night only to tell me my disk was corrupted. So I fixed the disk and it started all the way over at the beginning. So I was like fuck it I’m going to bed hopefully it’ll download over night. But no! My computer forced an up date cause no one was supervising it! So I resumed the download and you’ll never guess how much it had. 1% reserving space. It’s not 6:36 am and it’s been stuck at that 1% for 30 minutes. I’m in Spain with out the p ;-;

#baldur's gate 3 #Baldur’s gate #steam games #steam #gamer #video games

[lifewithoutmeds]

june 19, 2023

monday, june 19 (juneteenth), 3:33 p.m.

things have been feeling sliiiightly better than the usual of terrible (progress.)

have had/have a pretty busy schedule.

past saturday, june 17 am: brunch with matt and alex in santa monica, followed by 3 games of monopoly deal and extended conversation saturday, june 17 pm: comedy show (alingon mitra) with anjali, followed by about two hours of chitchat sunday, june 18: father’s day lunch with dad. picked up $81 worth of groceries at whole foods, then went to his place where i made creamed spinach and mashed potatoes (from scratch and did i mention WHOLE FOODS ingredients,(, and he grilled up two WHOLE FOODS rib eye steaks that were just over a pound each.

future monday, june 19 pm: early bday dinner with mom at a local japanese place (that does not look good, but oh well, her choice.) tuesday, june 20: possible (unconfirmed) lunch with amy at tam o’shanters wednesday, june 21: early bday dinner  for esther with esther and gy friday, june 23: fishing with huy (dependent on weather, specifically wind) saturday, june 24: kbbq dinner with tracy and her wife (my place)

that’s something almost every day. looks like i have thursday (off), which will be a nice reprieve to my stomach/bank account. also, huy wants to get to the lake (castaic) right at opening so i think that means 5 a.m.? which would mean an early thursday to sleep/prep anyway.

on the other hand, i suppose it’s good for me to “get out” and “socialize” and “see people/maintain friendships” etc., so i ought not complain and i’m not. it’s just a lot in a short time is all.

things have felt sliiightly better. i was very productive at work last wednesday and semi-productive thursday and friday (which are significant strides considering the last two weeks’ worth of productivity or lack thereof) i’ve still been pretty unable to go out for my morning/noon walks. still watch youtube/instagram for way too many hours a day. haven’t worked out in weeks or hit my 15,000 step goal. but i am and have been reaching out more regularly to my friends and did a bit too good of a job calendaring things to force me out.

yesterday i was really groggy and in a bit of a mood when i saw my dad for father’s day. he was whiney and complainy about my mom and teared up a bit talking about uncle bill and i was snappy at him before we both chilled out and managed to have some neutral chit chat before i headed out and functionally just laid down the rest of the day, unable to even properly unload my car of various groceries he had given to me/my mom. today has been the most productive day in about three weeks. i woke up around 6 or 7, forced myself out for a roughly 30 minute walk, came back and napped for two hours, then got up and made myself some coffee which gave me the energy and motivation to do other things.

i’ve been able to (checklist): take meds make bed AM walk wash dishes (2x) run vacuum (3x) water plants clean at least 50 minutes start a new book and (now) journal the place looks cleaner than it has since returning from camping late may and the only few things to do are empty the bbq items from my car and wash up some of the dishes in my camp box and i’ll be back to the cleanliness-level of pre-camping. i need to journal more and walk more. about midway through my walk i suddenly felt something akin to like, relief? like a big sigh and the mildest flicker of something positive, something akin to hope.

i think i also need to journal with a few prompts, things to consider in addition to just describing incidents in my life and the feelings i have about it, for example, what does kristal3.0 look like to me? what do i value in others/myself, and what qualities would i like to see in myself?

i’ll just brush on 1 or 2 at this time, but if i want to take this year as self discovery and self-love, then i need to be more deliberate about it.

kristal3.0 is: thinner/fitter saves money/increases self worth, but is also generous to others clean. showers regularly. doesn’t smell. minimalistic. doesn’t have useless shit piled around everywhere. keeps to the year’s resolutions gets out of the condo at least once a week (excluding work)

i think a newer thing i’ll add to my daily activity is 50 minutes’ dedication of cleaning/organizing any given room. so within a week i will have gotten to each room at least once. lately after about 5pm all i do is lie down and stare at my phone. if i tack on a 30 minute walk and 50 minutes cleaning plus either reading or journaling, i should be in a better place in a multitude of ways.

mood: 4/10

[miaslame]

Journal Entry #1

Dear Journal,

I am going to start to keep a diary of my life from this day forward. Even, if it’s nothing more than a few short sentences a day. I think it’s always better to write things down than to keep it in my scrambled brain.

Yesterday was the first official day I have off from work until March 5th. I asked to take time off initially because I wanted to take a trip to Japan but I never got the flight/accommodation stuff in order. I’ve just been so busy and my *** took most of my money anyway.  Anywho, today is Tuesday and my now boyfriend spent the night with me last night (after a rough start to the night but I won’t go into detail regarding that - it wasn’t anything bad and also didn’t have anything to do with me) but, nonetheless he ended up coming back to my house late last night and we went to bed right away. He had work this morning so we had to get up at 5:30 AM, brush our teeth, and he had to head out the door. I ordered him coffee and breakfast from Starbucks to pick-up on the way (because that’s how much I like him) and he darted out the door and I went back to my very warm and (now) lonely bed. I thought I would be able to go back to sleep for a little while but I was up and so we just texted throughout the morning while I laid in bed and watched tiktoks and some netflix.

Later, around 9:30 AM I decided that I wanted to go to the library and see if any books I put on hold might be available for me to find today instead of waiting on them to be found by the librarian. I, have 4 in total that I would like to read and so far none of them are available. I did, however,  check out a  book by a writed I have read in the past. The book is titled, “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell. So far, I have only read about 6 pages but I am not sure how interested I actually am in the story. I just picked something to get me along until the books I actually want come in. Lastly, I just needed something to do today since it’s a weekday, everyone’s working, and I now have so much free time on my hands I think I am going to drive myself insane. I wanted this time to decompress and take a breather but I also forgot how much it sucks when you have nothing to do all day without any since of a plan. I guess I will see how I hold up for these next few weeks on my own.  I really just want to talk to E all day but he’s working and he can’t text me back every second. I wanted to distract myself and get outside so I am just proud that I pulled myself out of bed, went somewhere, and even checked out a book.  I think I am going to head home around 4-4:30 PM since it will be the end of the day, the sun will set soon, and it will get cold. I also still need to cook some chicken katsu that I didn’t make yesterday that I need to cook today otherwise it will go bad and then I wasted 2 perfectly goof pieces of chicken cutlet. Also, pre-cut some potatoes and carrots already. So, that is my dinner. I will also be patiently waiting until Friday since my grandmother is sending me some money for my birthday(the 27th) but it’s via (western union) shes very old. I am grateful for her and the fact that she is sending me anything at all since I never get anything from my friends (except my sister) but I doubt I will be getting anything from her this year as she is not doing so well financially. (but that’s not my story to tell)  Anyway, back to me. I hav a boyfriend, my birthday is next week, I currently have my period (and cramps) and I decided to get outside and go to the library just to feel something. Overall, my mood is a 7/10 today. I don’t feel bad but I don’t feel great. 

Here’s to hoping one day, someday, I will feel at a 10. 

#journal #thoughts #relationships #boyfriend #library #losangeles #vacation #dear journal #dear diary

[hocusbogus]

Journal Entry: 6 Feb 2023 Monday

I’m writing less and less these days, but I’m learning to not punish myself for it. Writing is an outlet for me and it makes me feel good and unloads a lot of my thoughts and emotions, but at the same time it's not just an outlet, I also wanna get better at writing, and I wanna write as much as I can.

It’s a replacement public holiday today for Thaipusam which was yesterday. Blessed to be a Malaysian with so many public holidays due to our diverse culture and demographic.

I watched two Ghibli movies after I woke up, I am on a Ghibli movie marathon, just because. I’ve been thinking about canceling Netflix hence I tried to find a reason not to, and for now, the Ghibli movies made me keep it. That thought has been lingering in my head for quite some time however what prompted me to seriously consider it was because of that ‘error’ message that Netflix ‘accidentally’ shared regarding the anti-password sharing policy, since my account is shared by the rest of my family I just don’t see the point of having it since I’m not watching anything on Netflix for months! But the Ghibil movies made me keep it, so lucky you Netflix.

I’ve watched Kiki’s Delivery Service, From Up on Poppy Hill, Ocean Waves, When Marnie was There, and The Cat Returns and made a thread on Twitter rating it, just little things I do to continue ‘writing’ with the limited characters offered by Twitter. Ghibli movies’ cinematography never disappoints, I can’t wait to visit the theme park soon!

Two days ago on Saturday, I caught up with Rochelle, I haven’t seen her since her wedding last September 2022 and a lot has changed since I last saw her. Had quite a meaningful conversation with her and I realized that we all have coping mechanisms, some are physical and some are emotional but at the end of the day we are suppressing something, and we are dealing with it the best way we could and know how. We are human just trying our best out here on a floating rock.

I also went to watch Yet To Come in Cinemas with Latun and had an absolute blast, I can’t wait to see BTS live one day, I know they miss performing together more than anything else, I’m so proud of them as artists and as human beings. It’s really hard not to be proud of them, they’re so humble and talented beyond imagination and I’m just so thankful to be existing in the same timeline as them.

I haven’t written ‘titles’ from my journal prompt lists, I don’t know why I’ve been avoiding it, I feel like I wasn’t ready to write them well when in reality I don’t have to write them well, it is called a prompt after all.

But there is one title that I’ve been wanting to write, it’s not part of a journal prompt, it’s something I thought of while scrolling Tik Tok, which is “Female Friendship”, I lost the Tik Tok that inspired me to write about it, but I’ve been putting it off awhile now.

Today was fine, it’s 4.40 pm as I am typing and I’ll work out in a bit since I was on rest days for the weekend, I am also having my period so all the pain in the body is amplified, and will need to take it easy with some low-impact workouts.

It’ll be a four-day work week this week, I’m at least thankful for that, looking forward to the weekend as well.

#journal entry #personal