#I'm also very very sorry for late reply

[mi-corazon]

You remind me of the color blue because I picture you looking up at the night sky and wishing for everyone else to live happily but blue makes me think of vulnerability too and you always pour your heart out which isn’t always heard of today. You are such a good person. Also. Blue ba da dee :)

Thank you 🙏🏼✨💙

#that's a wish I've actually made more than once tbh #✨✨✨ #and not just on a star #which stargazing does happen to be a favorite thing of mine to do #not as many here in the city but enough to keep me constantly amazed 🔭 #as for the vulnerability #that's something I've been learning to be more of and I have a few friends on here that have allowed that side of me to grow #they've allowed me to be open with my feelings without feeling judged in the least and i can't thank them enough for that welcoming space #💙 #a part of me really wants to know who this is but I'll respect the option of going anonymous #another smaller part hopes this might be a certain someone :) but it doesn't make a difference when i #thank you again #🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 #this was so kind and thoughtful and i appreciate you so much for sending this #💕💕💕 #beautiful #sweet nonnie #asks #I'm also very very sorry for late reply #i saw this last night at midnight. posting now around the same time i believe this was sent hoping to catch you so you'd see it #fingers crossed you do🤞🏼🤞🏼

[zariyen]

Do you have any art tips for beginner artists?

hi! i'll do my best to list the most useful ones for me from the top of my head! but if you're asking about something specific, lmk too!

always use references! this is 100% the fastest way to improve quickly! and don't forget if you're posting artworks using references, to always ask for permission if needed and to credit the reference! here's a very good post with links to various art tutorials and references :) try to do things out of your comfort zone!

i remember my sister drilling this into my head as a kid lmao: if you're going to draw people, make it a habit to draw the whole body, not just a face or bust. this way you can improve drawing the face and body at the same rate, rather than perfect the face and have like. a shoddy body HAHAHA (<- speaking from experience - my sister warned me but i still did not listen) here's an example from when i was 12 lol i went so hard on the eyes but my anatomy wasn't great so the drawing looks kind of goofy

if i'm being honest nothing has really changed even now HAHAHA you can still tell i spend too much time on the faces and neglect my anatomy studies a lot 🥲

3. don't worry too much about building a signature art style if you're a beginner! experiment and imitate art styles that you like, and it'll eventually develop into something you're comfortable with

4. speaking of art styles, Naoki Saito-sensei does very in-depth art videos for people looking to develop and improve their art, and he covers a variety of different topics! the link i provided is for his new YouTube account, since his first one was unrightfully terminated :( since it's new, there aren't a lot of videos up yet but he'll be re-uploading all his old ones soon

5. this video by tppo is also a useful tutorial/explanation for style breakdowns, using Mika Pikazo-sensei's artworks! also another good reference for building art and colouring styles

6. unless you're going for a specific art style, try not to use black colours for shading. Instead, try using a darker version of your base colour with the hue slightly adjusted. it's a little difficult to explain so i made a tiny diagram underneath:

it makes the colours pop a lot! Kurahana Chinatsu-sensei and Akiakane-sensei are really good at doing this 😭💖 that can also apply to lineart! but again, only if you're going for this kind of colourful art style :') do what feels right to you!

7. lastly try to enjoy drawing! if you do what you enjoy, learning and improving will come so much easier to you :) i can understand the urgency to improve (it's like my default state of mind 🥲) but if you keep focusing on that, drawing will eventually just start to overwhelm and frustrate you. try to combat it by doing something self-indulgent! i like to draw my ocs whenever i start getting burnt out :')

8. actually i lied this is the last one!! never give up!! it's so easy to feel bad or frustrated about your art no matter where you are in your art journey, so what i like to do to try and fight that is to look at my old art and compare the improvements! here's one of the earliest oc drawings i could find from my childhood vs my most recent oc drawing :pensive:

#this is a tiny psa to please dont bully me for my incredibly early 2000s core naruto oc i was a victim of the times #/lh #i hope this helps a bit! i'm really bad at making these lists im so sorry 😭 #but from the top of my head these are the most helpful tips that have rlly stuck with me since i first started drawing #also confession #i'm actually very guilty of rarely using references bc im lazy #thats why my art sucks!!!!!!! dont be like me #also i'm so sorry for this incredibly late reply #! #ive been thinking for the longest time on how to answer it and this is the best i could come up with 🥲 #za answers #Anonymous

[gothamcityneedsme]

Trick or Treat! Do you have anything featuring Arkhamverse Jason? 👻

@thesandsofelsweyr sorry for the lateness!!! I hope you don't mind second-day candy.

I DO have one very rough premise for Arkhamverse so far, but I haven't developed it much yet! Here's a few of my notes for fun!

Premise: Post Arkham Knight Jason goes back in time. He rebrands himself as the Arkham Knight once he realizes his goal is accessible--to break into Arkham and save his own goddamned self.

"Why didn't Batman come?" "He thought you were dead. Joker sent them a video of him shooting you in the chest, then mailed them the bullet in a box. Then blew up a hospital--your missing teeth implanted into a burned up body. You have a grave." Why was he defending them? Justifying their actions? Their failure to see through the Joker's tricks?

"Are you him?" "What?" The Knight asked--two sudden bad feelings warring in his stomach. "Bruce. Are you so afraid I'd hate you that you've come to me with another face?" "No." he said under what felt like the toxic waters of Gotham Bay. "I'm not him. He couldn't find you."

I really like this premise, definitely want to write it out more eventually. (I've basically decided to practice with some more Batfam character stories before I launch myself into this one--it would be quite intense, I think)

#shitpost #thesandsofelsweyr #my writing #the title of this is SAVEYOURSELF as of rn #in my head its like. Jason runs into Batman and like #just basically evades him during Arkham Asylum. and then grabs himself. #and then sort of just. drops his young self off at wayne manor. its fine #I'm not sure what made the time travel possible but I'm thinking it should be impossible for him to go back so he's just stuck here #so he just starts doing what he does. As the Arkham Knight though. As a part of this I wanted him to reclaim the Knight identity #becoming the Arkham Knight specifically to save Robin!Jason #i dont know theres something poetic in it for me. #so either this Jason drops the Red Hood identity or he goes back before he's adopted it. #This story is VERY malleable so far LOL #also sorry for late reply i think you sent this after i was off my computer for the night LOL

[m4niackkyun]

Hi. (Announcement in the tags)

#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this... #so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately #mostly our relationship with our step father #there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well.. #money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support. #i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where— #I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did #i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it— #—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others. #no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him. #my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness #that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel— #nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget. #they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but— #I won't be able to be active all that much either. #without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account #I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time #maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and— #—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you. #I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for— #—the better or worse. #if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here. #I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms #but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God. #I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle. #and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith. #that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah... #yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.

[loregoddess]

Frederica Aesfrost or Cordelia Glenbrook for the ask game?

Oh, I'll do both, they're both great!

First impression: For Frederica, it was something along the lines of "Oh, she seems cool, I bet I'll like her" when I was watching the early trailers. For Cordelia, after meeting her for the first time in the game I didn't...actually have much of an impression of her, she seemed very bland "youngest sister, most gentle-hearted princess" and nothing more (I was very wrong).

Impression now: Love them both lots! Frederica went well beyond whatever I was expecting of her characterization, she's really interesting and I love how she comes into her own and really starts standing up for herself and her ideals as the story progresses. And I was SO wrong about Cordelia, she's literally one of the most interesting and complex characters in a "royalty" role I've ever come across in fiction, and I love her so much for it. She's got an incredibly strong will, she's very intelligent, and she was actually shaping up to be a really extraordinary leader. I'm sad she gets sidelined in the story as soon as Roland's able to reclaim Glenbrook Castle, because she had all this budding potential to be one hell of a powerhouse of a character.

Favorite moment: Hmm, it's been a hot minute since I played TriStrat, so my memory of the story isn't as sharp, but I really enjoyed the scenes where Frederica fights against Thalas and Erika (in her route of Ch13, "Born of Strife and Sadness" specifically, although her battle dialogue with them in Roland's version "Time to Say Goodbye" is good as well). It marks an interesting turning point in her character growth, and it was really nice to see her finally oppose them without fear.

For Cordelia, I'd...have a harder time combing the wiki for the specific chapter, but all of her cutscenes from her father's death to Ch13, where we get to see how she starts to come up with a plan to retake Glenbrook, and how she's able to inspire Avlora to her side, those were really interesting scenes, and I had a new appreciation for her character after watching them because I simply wasn't expecting her to deal with the grief of loosing her entire family (as she didn't know Roland was still alive at this time) to be "well, I'm the only one left and I am Not going to take this lying down, I will be queen of my people in my own right". Just, mm, really interesting character growth, I would have loved to see the type of leader she would have become if things had gone differently.

Idea for a story: Well, I'm always interesting in post-game type narratives that explore how the characters and world begin to heal after all is said and done, and I think that type of story would be really interesting to explore for both Frederica and Cordelia, but in different ways. For Frederica, exploring how her life as the official Lady Wolffort is, and what work she does to help the Rosellen people after the war while also balancing her new married life would be really interesting.

For Cordelia, I think there's a lot of potential to explore the intricacies and power dynamics behind the scenes of Glenbrook's restoration, as I'm sure she ends up doing a lot of work to help Roland even if she isn't the official ruler (again, all that potential she showed as a leader, you can't tell me she doesn't take up some sort of important position in helping to lead the country)--all this while she also settles in to learning that Serenoa is her half-brother (I like to think she learns that at some point), and her life with Avlora as her knight, and just, stuff in general for her since she has a lot to recover from and grieving she can finally go through.

Unpopular opinion: I don't think I have any wildly unpopular opinions about Frederica. For Cordelia, I guess I'm not keen on the Cordelia x Avlora ship, I just...can't see it as romantic (and the age gap doesn't work for me, I'm fairly certain Avlora is in her thirties at the youngest due to in-game dialogue about when Svarog took her in), although I am partial the idea of the platonic knight-liege friendship between the two, but platonic stuff isn't as popular in most fandom spaces.

Favorite relationship: I'm really fond of Frederica's canon romance with Serenoa, like, normally I'm kinda neutral on canon romances, but the way this one was written was so, so good, and I loved seeing her interactions with the other House Wolffort members. I also like her friendship with Geela a lot.

For Cordelia, her familial relationship with Roland is very interesting (somewhat bittersweet at times), and I would have loved to see and know more about her relationship with Frani and their dad. As I mentioned above, I really like her friendship with Avlora, because it was so unexpected but it makes a sort of weird sense. Would have loved to see more of her interactions with the House Wolffort members, and also would have loved to see how she reacts to learning Serenoa is her half-brother and how that shapes her relationship with him and Frederica after the game's events.

Favorite headcanon: Hmmm, I don't have as many headcanons for TriStrat in general but, I guess for Frederica that in Benedict's ending she eventually ends up breaking away from and opposing Serenoa so she can take up defending the Roselle (probably sometime shortly after Benedict's death), and that in the Golden Ending she grows into an excellent leader for both the Wolffort Demense and Roselle people alongside Serenoa, and the two are fondly remembered by their people in histories later on.

For Cordelia, it would be that her capability and tact for government makes her vital to ensuring Roland's rule is successful in the Golden Ending, and also that she eventually becomes very close with Frederica and Serenoa after learning she's related to Serenoa (catching up on family time), enough that if the two ever had kids she'd be the favorite aunt (she'd be their only aunt technically, but she probably spoils them more than Roland would).

#reply's a bit late bc I got Very Sleepy partway through #to be fair I started writing this all Very Late At Night after I got up Very Early for a morning shift at work #so I'm probably forgetting a lot of details from the game so uh...yeah sorry 'bout that #ALSO I STILL HAVEN'T PLAYED THE SPECIAL CHAPTER THING THAT GOT ADDED #so I know I am missing some post-game details #but anyhow I love these two a whole lot #TriStrat was a really excellent game and I loved all the characters so much but god do I love these two #whenever I do replay the game I think I'm gonna pay extra attention to things so I can figure out how Cordelia would like #interact with all the other characters #I think it would be neat to explore how she gets along with everyone actually #anyhow yeah I love TriStrat a lot #kelbunny #ask game #I still don't have an ask tag

[frankenfossil]

for the space related asks, ⭐️ & 🛰?

whee!! thank you!

⭐️ Star - Do you have a favourite character? If so, why are they your favourite?

Oh no a very hard question actually... Probably the answer is evidently Emily and Dee since I spend more time thinking and writing about them than any of my other characters. POSSIBLY if I had to choose out of the two of them I'd pick Dee because I am kind of a sucker for a sad sack loser with emotional problems and I deeply enjoy thinking up situations to make him happy and/or traumatised. I also enjoy overthinking his powers and what kinds of things I have to tweak about physics for him to exist with the functions I've given him. (Such as recently I've thought of new objections to the plausibility of time travel but I think I've also thought of a way to resolve them storywise which I personally think is very funny, but if I learn more about physics before it comes up it might change.)

I love Zoe a lot but she is much harder to write and to draw for some reason? I feel like she is clear in my head but never comes out right somehow. It's weird.

I have other characters from other stories that I love too... another favourite who is unrelated to this story is a guardian angel whose first guardee died prior to the story beginning; clearly the angel fucked up a bit with that but gets a second chance, but then is pretty lousy with the second person too!! Trying to push them to fill the shoes of the first person.

Recently I found out that the person who inspired my first 'canon nonbinary' character (I didn't know that was a thing at the time tho) has since come out as for real nonbinary, which obviously makes a lot of sense lol. It was mostly about this one very cool jacket they owned. But that character was a strong fave for a long time... the story was terrible and really problematic lolol but ah well. Probably all the good parts of that character have gone into Dee and Zoe anyway.

I LOVE THEM ALL ;_;

🛰 Satellite - Do you have a character who is very dependent on another character? Is it healthy or unhealthy?

WELL. Again... Emily and Dee are each other's most emotionally intimate relatinship... Dee again is more dependant on Emily than vice versa, and less healthy about it, although I would say it's overall good for them both (but I would say the healthy/unhealthy balance varies over time and may be affected by external factors...).

Zoe is still on the periphery a bit but.............. well there are/will be some dynamics of questionable health there. She doesn't have particularly healthy attachments and is still not exactly over her previous friendship dynamic of being the second best friend of two besties who were shitty to her, and is still kind of stuck in the mode of 'trying to be exactly what the other person wants so they will like me'. Which Emily is not really aware of because she doesn't ever do that. Although the kinds of things Zoe plays up to try to be friends with her probably aren't as bad as what she has done to get OTHER people to like her, and she's relatively confident that Emily isn't going to use any of the stuff she knows against her.

Again, in terms of OTHER characters I have a couple where they are both disabled in various ways but one has more problems with mobility and communication than the other, and also had to be rescued from a kind of slavery by the other, which naturally gives the rescuer some pause for thought about the power dynamic there and whether she's ~taking advantage~ by falling in love with her at the same time (I mean by the time she even gets aware enough of her feelings lolol, gotta sort of pine without realising first!!)... but I'm trying to write that one as pretty healthy tbh, they're just trying to support each other through a difficult world yknow. And anyway the one who used to be a slave deliberately tried to square that debt immediately so it wouldn't be hanging over them both and is now mostly consumed with a quest for revenge lol. But also love.

I am going to.... stop rambling for now lol!!

#ask games #tysm for sending me some!! #sorry for late reply i tried answering on mobile desktop but either tumblr or my phone doesnt work very well #or a team effort to make me unable to type #so had to wait for laptop time #fun fact i looked up codependent because i always thought i knew what it meant but suddenly was like 'what if i've been using it wrong' #and SURE ENOUGH the definitions that came up did uhh... not align with how i thought it was used!!!! #i don't know if people want to hear about my other stories; gappy plotted and unfinished beasts that they are #anything i write outside of a given story text is subject to change #also tbh my 'word of god' doesn't even really count... this is like. my reading of the dynamics and what i'm more or less aiming for but #i'm super interested in how other people read it #they all live in my head full time i don't always have the clearest perspective #like when people were like 'that was a huge dick move for dee to not tell emily that markus liked her' #rly interesting to find out what other people make of their goings on!

[katandsquad]

.

#i'm just so tired and angry about everything #i'm late on my period #that could explain why i'm feeling like that #i'm just hurt and annoyed by my irl friends #lately i'm always the one that reaches out to them #except for 2 people #and even of they reach out to me ots just because they wanna know something that would benefit them #i know they are not doing that on purpose #shit still hurts #i'm just so tired of saying “oh dont worry its fine” #its not fine if you take 2-4 weeks to reply to something #especially if you asked me something and i gave you an answer immediately #its not fine when you havent messaged me in a month just to ask where you can buy something specific #i'm tired of people asking me how i am and when i tell them that i'm fucking depressive #they just go “oh sorry to hear that. i'm here for you. anyway did you know.” #or “anyway look at these tiktoks” #i'm just angry and tired today #i dont want to talk to anyone #i'm also very upset that havent found a new job yet #the unemployment center hasnt paid me my money yet either #i'm losing it

[baymaxmuses]

I am so sorry.

#your friendly neighborhood baymax! (ooc) #i've been so tired lately and mood has been very low #other drama is also dragging me really down #i want to come back and interact a bit more but things are going to shit;; #i'm so sorry to everybody who's still waiting on a reply from me

[drabsyo]

Hey. Are you doing okay rn? I hope so. I have this idea for a fic that I REALLY want to write, but it's my first one and I'm scared that it won't be good enough and that it won't get much attention. Do you have any advice?

Hey anon! I told myself once I get back on here, you're going to be the first anon I answer because this is a big deal, or at least it is to me. I'm sorry for the super late reply, but here goes!!

There's no right or wrong way of writing your first fic. Do what you gotta do, write the fic you know you would LOVE to read and get lost in. Think of it this way, the story you want to write will someday inspire others to make a story of their own. It may not be perfect, or it might be. @waxwing-saint told me once to be the fic writer you want to see in the world. It sounds like you have a lot of ideas already buzzing in your head, and all it needs is to be heard---or in this case, read ;)

Just go for it, anon. It could be the start of something amazing and even perhaps the first of very many. And I'm doing alright, thanks for asking :) I hope you're doing good too ❤

#anon #i hope this helps!! #but honestly i dont think i'm the best person to ask advice from because i'm really not that good at writing #also i've ever only finished writing two fics in my life and one of that was a chat fic so i dont think the second one counts ;_ ; #i guess it's time to change that now AHEM if i can lol #i'm back on tumblr now and i'm very sorry for replying super late!!! #i hope you're writing to your heart's content dearest anon <3 #drabstuff

[wa-royal-tea]

Cheers to Rainny! Their engagement party looks lovely.

They made it here after so many years! 🥂

Also, that's just a family get-together! The Fredericks does this every few months and catch up with each other during that time 🤭

The engagement party would be later with Rainier's side of the family as well hehe

#WRTAsk #Thank you for the ask! ^^ #also. I'm very sorry for the late replies #I've gotten 10x busier lately 😭

[3-aem]

hi babe, thank u sm for gracing this world with ur art. ur literally one of my favorite artists

AHDJSKDD 😭😭😭 i really don't think it's gracing anything from my perspective tbh. I'm honestly very thankful you guys like it. You all have always been gracing me with support and allowing me to keep making pieces in return 💜💜💜💜

#i dislike even thinking about it but i went through the slow success route #and i always resented that tbh #felt jealous of other creators who had rapid success #but i think it's tempered me very well #I'm certain i would have stagnated if i had been outright given everything #i really do try now to make sure i keep improving and find juicy things to present #i want everyone to be happy #ask #suguruenjoyer #also horribly sorry for the late reply #and also also if i delete this it's bc my fear of vulnerability got the better of me #i still very much appreciate this message ;-;

[300iqprower]

The people who want Chaldea Anastasia to interact with Kadoc make me think wow. This boy is gonna fucking die if that happens. Anastasia wants nothing to do with her lostbelt version and that also means Kadoc. For the man's own good keep them at a distance unless you want him to die sooner than fgo wants him to.

Ya gotta admit though it'd be hella poetic. Kadoc had to twist his own version of Anastasia to accomplish what he wanted, but the cruelty of his actions not only undid all those accomplishments, it meant the person he loved so much had become someone who would be undone as well. Just like his lostbelt, that version of Anastasia no longer exists, and if he ever wants to move on, he'll have to accept that she's gone just as much as he has to accept his own failures as a person that were embodied by his lostbelt.

The person he did all those horrible things for no longer exists because of the horrible things he did, and he has to move on from her as much as he does from himself if he wants to find lasting happiness. It's cliché but it's still beautifully tragic.

#fgo #fgo anastasia #kadoc zemlupus #never thought i'd get an ask #sorry for the late reply anon #kinda been inundated with asks lately and only now took the time to search for what fell through the cracks- #also hey i dunno they could start over #do something with the idea of what he loved most about her was something no amount of corrupting could remove from her and the idea that #Ana's interlude touches on where the two are still inherently the same even if they went down completely different paths #i'm still midway through Olympus and i've been very careful not to spoil anything regarding the crypters but #oh god I can see this boy's death coming I mean there are so many red flags at this point I can only pray he goes out meaningfully :( #Same goes for Pepe... #fate grand order spoilers #just in case #character analysis

[coollyinterferes]

“Oi, you don’t look too good...”

“Are you okay?”

#;ic #[silence and low activity seem to be the default here nowadays but i promise we're here still!!!] #[life has been kinda ass lately between some personal stuff and some minor health issues] #[every time i say i'm going to be active here some shit happens and it keeps me away for a while...] #[my rp curse remains as strong as ever it seems ;o;] #[anyways.. i'll try to be active here today] #[won't promise much in regards to replies to threads but an attempt will be made] #[especially for shorter ones as not to get too overwhelmed for now while i get back into the swing of things ;v;] #[i will also be getting to the asks in the askbox] #[sorry y'all for the wait with those!!!] #[and pls by all means feel free to send in more stuff if you'd like to!] #[hope everyone's doing great and having a wonderful day/afternoon/night! <3] #;speedwagon says (( ic )) #[also. yes. post be a si/len/t hi/ll reference in celebration of the very big news sh fans got this week o:]

[aanemos]

uwu

#i'm sowwry. i had rlly bad week before my vacations at work. #and i lot of work also! very very tired. #i'm going away for few days (at mountain / snowy ) and i'm very happy about it ! i hope i can recharge energies. #i'm sorry for the late replies and inbox / ask stuff. i been only playing the msq / ganshu earned a house! small house in shirogane <3 #// ooc.

[ao3screenshotss]

it's a worried kissy face. like it's sending their husband off to war

wait no i really like that it's so cute!!!!! i definitely see it and while i'm not sure about the vibes (i keep on forgetting where the eyes are) i still think it's adorable

#ahh thank you for answering!!! #also very sorry about the late reply #oh!! and if you're the anon who sent me the bsd fic recs ask (or if they're reading the tags) i'm sorry that one's taking a while #i'm working on it!! it's a bit fiddly to do on my phone so im probably gonna do it on my laptop when i have the time #but i have a test tomorrow so i'll need a bit more time to complete it im sorry (＞人＜;) #replies #anonymous

[noxtivagus]

evening has come again huh

#🌙.vent #i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that #i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me.... #last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time' #she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too #i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you #i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices #i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously #what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance #n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry #& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n #it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating #:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv #but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it #& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come #but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur #i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment. #for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change. #wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too. #this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming #n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me #i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life #i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway #crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be #soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent #struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again #i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive #am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know. #it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me. #it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired