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#Im trying so hard not to engage I feel like a bomb
teethbomb · 9 months
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alador blight fan mood board
#Im trying so hard not to engage I feel like a bomb#I know his arc was handled badly but the shortening of the owl house should be the give away#And I personally think that the boards weren’t only cut for time!!#People are really mad he was redeemed at all but I think we forget that this guy was intended to portray a victim of abuse#Abuse shouldn’t have to be physical for it mean something#No I am not excusing what he did what he did was shitty but what I am saying is I don’t think he knew that#He thought what he was doing was in the kids best interest and when amity confronted him his eyes opened#I’ve seen people call him spineless and “woobified” and that is lost on me entirely#He stood up to Odalia and broke everything when he found out about her goals#He still has his temper he’s just not lashing out on his kids#Claims of him being turned soft don’t make sense to me because he’s been chasing butterflies the whole time! He was under Odalia s thumb#Until he learned it was hurting his kids and he stood up.#His arc isn’t perfect it’s far from it but the guy was in an abusive relationship for most of his life#I Can see the disconnect some are having but I think we’re really focusing too hard on some cut scenes#I Can see people getting upset with him especially those who relate to amity but I think it’s ironically pushing blame#Not everything can be pinned on Odalia but I think we should let abuse victims grow no matter their age#I guess it just makes me sad to see a character I see so much of myself in being dragged like this lol#Alador blight
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ivanzplaid · 2 years
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hi can you do the grabber x reader where he kidnaps you and the first or second night (he was shirtless...) you decided to bring the plate and tray back upstairs to hand it too him instead you scared the hell out of him, thinking you were escaping causing the plate to slip out of your hands smashing on the ground and he realizes what she was doing and apologize?
awe, i want this to be cute, but it might take a slight turn :) this one is super creative, a responsible reader even in times of unprecedented danger💪💪
also, thank you so much for the requests!! i think I have fouurr in the works?? its been a slower few days since i went to urgent care yesterday, still feeling a bit tired, so im sorry fir the slow days :)
but still, the engagement means so much to me and im grateful for it, ilysm <3 i don't do x fem readers, but I will do The Grabber x Gn Reader for this!!
Warnings: Inferred harm, The Grabber, Slight direct harm, Kidnapped reader
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Your eyes felt staked open, the unfamiliar aura of the room made your hair stick up. It hadn't been long since you were taken, everything was still impacting you from the past days, and even with your captors strange nature, he was staying true to his word, he hadn't hurt you yet. Your interactions were down to him giving you food, and him watching you. You found that when he gave you food, he'd normally return within the hour to take it, which to you was pleasant, you didn't like clutter, thats just not how you preferred things in life. So when the time came, and you saw that the tray of your breakfast still in your space, you felt obliged to do something.
It was obviously in the night now, the light faded from day and left you alone and isolated in your new little home. The door in front if you taunted you, begging you to just deliver the tray up, leave the place you've been grounded unwillingly in. In your mind, you weren't thinking of leaving, that ended up being all the justification you needed. You silently picked up the tray, two hands gripping it just for precaution before you officially stepped onto the cement stairs. Dread accompanied you, along with doubt as you made it to the wooden door, kicking you forward to just get it over with.
The wood seemed so hard to push open, but seeing as you made it this far, you rationalized your feelings, even in times where you knew your fate could end with a push of a door. With a firm tap, the door opened, displaying him. You firstly looked out of both sides of the door frame, your eyes skimming the room, appearing to be the kitchen. The mask uncomfortably stared back at you as you walked towards the man, you could see he was asleep, the eyes behind it were shut soundly, you found that this was the only way he appeared even slightly calm, which made you tense, your nerves starting to make you sweat.
A hand reached out to him, gently tapping his shoulder, with just a small action you felt your heart beating harder in your eardrums. You didn't want to frighten him, just wake him so he could take it, letting you retreat back safely, you preferred unharmed.
The air froze as your hand made contact, the silence became so loud and you braced yourself, like a bomb about to explode. And as soon as your hand made contact, it was like a trigger went off. His eyes shot open, keeping you in place, and swiftly taking your wrist, pulling you down to his level. The anger was evident in his eyes, and from his breathing livelier, a low growl emitting from him. You, obviously, yelled at this reaction. Your face contorting to a fearful and confused mix, giving no time to orally explain yourself, but your dishes did it for you. From the force of his grasp, your soda clinked to the floor, and the plate just barely managing to stay on.
You tried to explain yourself among your panicked breaths, hiccups now starting to consume you, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I- I was just trying to give you- you your dishes back, I promise," . Pleading wasn't your proudest moment, but it did make him pause to look down, which evidently did support you. His hand still latched on you, and his hard eyes glanced from the floor to you, making sense of what was happening. After maybe thirty seconds of silence, he let go of his posture and leaned towards you, bringing you towards him in return. Terror coursed through you, it wasn't your fault it broke, he scared you! But of course, now wasn't the time to argue, you couldn't tell what he was feeling in the moment.
"Listen, thank you for being peachy and bringing my plates back, I truly appreciate it, but next time, stay down there. I don't want to have to hurt you for disobeying me."
A sigh came out after, looking you up and down, the minimal sleep starting to become noticeable. You were frozen in fear from his words, they left a bad taste in your mouth the more they lingered. You noticed that he didn't put the belt down, or back in its place, and he caught on to your gaze faster than you could stop. A smirk appearing on his face as he grunted at you,
"You nervous? Ahah, its for later- don't think about it too much till then, the pain will only feel worse, alright?"
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i didd ittt🙏 again, so sorry for the wait, not feeling 100% better yet, but i am having fun writing these :)
i hope yall r having good days, and as always, thank you for the request <333
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rockange · 2 months
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† ROCKANGE - Indie, Private and Selective blog for Adam from Hazbin Hotel. Primarily canon-divergent and also very much headcanon based. 20+ to interact & rules beneath the cut.
BLOGROLL (wip) : @cherribcmb (cherri bomb), @sinstagramd (velvette)
AFFILIATES : @videoaux, @alastors-radioshow, @r-adio, @xluciifer, @cardedsoul, @timelostobserver, @hellshoard
CARRD / PROMO / PLAYLIST
I.
there will be triggering content on this blog, but will be tagged as such. such things are but not limited to : religious imagery, abuse, misogyny, genocide, substance abuse (moreso mentioned). if you know the show then you should know what to expect. all things are tagged ('trigger /') but please let me know if you need anything tagged! I try to tag anything that can be upsetting to the best of my ability. this includes nsfw, which will always be marked and tagged properly beneath a read-more!
II.
I follow who I want. I am not here to police what someone writes and know how to use the block button if it upsets me enough. I hope the same courtesy is applied to me. onto other things I do not wish for anyone to tell me who I can and cannot follow, as I like to make my own decisions in regards to a person instead of whatever drama a whole group of people are involved in. speaking of drama I dislike it and won't engage in it.
if you see me interacting with someone who is GENUINELY HARMFUL (ie a predator, abuser, irl thing) then please let me know with proof. otherwise I do not care for dni lists, as I feel they do more harm than good. I also do not answer anon hate, as it goes unread and the sender blocked and the anon deleted. don't waste your time. if you have an issue with me come to me in my IMs or you may ask for my discord if it is easier.
mainly : curate your own space.
dni bigots, racists, or anyone against the lgbtqia+ community. I don't like you. as for what I refuse to write it is rape, underage and incest. thank you.
III.
I am normally mobile bound and replies come very slowly. I have issues with my mental health that make writing difficult sometimes, but please know it is rarely ever because I don't like you. I have a lot going on irl and tumblr is legit a hobby to me. that being said onto more important things. I normally hardblock if I break a mutual because softblocking can be tricky given how glitchy tumblr can be.
Rarely is it because you have done something. it's normally because we haven't interacted and I like to keep my follower count low and my dash clean for my own mental health.
IV.
I love shipping but know it is not my top priority. neither is smut. I value also chemistry between muns and talking ooc because of it to get an idea of things! Adam is a hard character to ship with given he is egotistical, narcissistic, and a misogynistic villain. please keep that in mind when interacting. know that mun does not equal muse and I do not have the same beliefs as Adam does.
onto trivial things. I write novella length replies but do not care if you match length so long as I have something to work with. I do not care if you reblog memes / aesthetics / etc from me. the only thing I ask is to not reblog posts that are threads or things specifically tagged with 'do not reblog'. I post A LOT of ooc content but know it normal pertains to adam or my mutuals, and the occasional blog update.
V.
my name is iggy and I have been writing for a very long time. I've been in multiple rpcs and you may know me by my other pennames (tolya, viktor) and if so hello, it is nice to see you again! tysm for reading my rules, and if you made it this far I am giving you a cupcake or sweet of your choosing.
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Stay for the Sunrise [Sabal x Astarion] [m/m]
Heyyy guys! this is the first draft of my Tav/Astarion fic, its also a character study of my Drow Elf Monk, Sabal. I haven't edited it, its a first draft, but Im wondering if anyone is interested in reading it. If so, I may post to A03.
Eventually, it will be 18+/explicit but not in the first couple chapters.
"So... this is where we are stopping? ah, 'turning in for the night' as they say?"
 The question was spoken with light hesitation, an undercurrent of vulnerability behind the attempt to remain casual. Sabal looked idly over at the uncertain High Elf before him, noting how he twisted his fingers together in front of him with nerves before releasing them to swing at his sides, restlessly shifting from foot to foot. 
Astarion. The "magistrate" from Baldur's gate. Wholly convinced of his own charm and deceptions, but somehow severely lacking in the capacity to convince anyone else around him. But who was he, a Drow, to judge? they knew nothing of each other. Had met today, in fact, after falling from the sky and into each others lives in a manner that none would have ever been able to predict. If he wanted to lie (poorly) in an attempt to seem in control, then he could. It mattered very little to Sabal. 
"... For tonight, yes. " He said slowly, calmly. Sabal had spent the last fifteen years on the Surface, wandering the Wilds and Civilization without much care for direction. In all that time, he had learned much about sleeping rough and making what you could out of what you could gather. Astarion was very obviously... what did they call it? 'fresh off the boat'. He knew this uncertainty well. It was a harsh thing, to have silk bedding and servants to feed you and brush your hair one day, and to be alone in the dark with nothing but your clothes the next. 
He was... sympathetic. 
Astarion's lips twitched as he chewed over how to respond to that. "It's funny- the night time usually means bustling streets, bursting taverns..." his voice took on a heady, heated tone as he spoke, obviously picturing the nights to which he was accustomed. 
"This is.... a little novel, uh- to say the least." Their eyes met, and Sabal saw vulnerability. Questions that pride disallowed Astarion from asking. He didnt want to seem useless, or incapable - that much was obvious-  but he was out of his element and about as lost as a man could be out here in the woods. 
Sabal stood from his crouched position in the grass, casually sorting through the herbs he had just gathered as he considered how to handle the situation. Shadowheart and Gale were nearby, he noted, trying very hard to look like they werent listening in. What a mess this was already. 
"What begins as novel can become quite natural in time. Today was rough on all of us, it is most natural to feel out of ones element. It is not every day that you get dragged through Avernus on a Nautiloid run by Illithids who have impregnated your mind with a life-ending time bomb in the shape of a toothed-worm." This blatant explanation was received easily, and Astarion snorted, crossing his arms over his chest protectively.
"Indeed." But he wasnt loosening up at all, if anything, it seemed the elf was regretting his decision to engage in conversation at all. Sabal tried again:
"A creature of the night, are you?" he asked lightly, trying to lighten the mood by drawing attention to how the high elf had spoken about Baldur's Gate and its bustling nightlife. To his surprise, Astarion looked gutted at this question, immediate panic flaring on his face. Sabal cringed inwardly and followed up as quickly as he could:
"What I mean to say is that you sound like you enjoy being out in the evenings. Are you used to staying up late?" 
Relief. Immediate slumping of shoulders, a held breath let loose from his lungs in an audible huff. 
"Ah, yes- I do so enjoy the taverns. Look, what I meant was- what is- what is expected of us this evening? do we simply bed down in the dirt like dogs?" Astarion's guard was way up now. Sabal had made some kind of grievous mistake in the last few moments, and he could see the white haired man starting to visibly back away from the conversation, no longer meeting his eyes but instead scanning the area for an easy and convenient escape opportunity. 
".... Gale is tending to the fire, which will be in the center of camp. We scoured the beach quite thoroughly before finding you, and found it well supplied. We have food enough for us all, and a pot to cook it in once the fire is hot enough. We will place our bedrolls around the fire for warmth. It may not allow for privacy, but it will take a few days to gather enough resources to build proper transportable shelter." Speaking as one would to a spooked horse or wild animal with its leg caught in a trap, Sabal let himself over-explain the situation in a voice both soft enough to soothe and loud enough that their other camp mates would overhear easily. 
"Shadowheart will sort through what we have liberated from the victims of the crash, so we can have an inventory of resources before we pack up tomorrow. There are enough bedrolls and packs that we should all be functional in the days ahead. Perhaps it may seem like sleeping 'in the dirt', as you say, but a bedroll is much preferred to the dirt itself. However... it has been quite a long day. These herbs," neatly sorted in his nimble hands, the flowering herbs smelled beautiful as he raised his hand and waved them in front of Astarion,
"Will make a calming tea to soothe the nerves. I was just waiting for the fire to be ready before I brewed some. Would you like a cup?"
Again, somehow, this was the wrong thing to say. Astarion eyed the herbs like they were feces, wrinkling his nose.
"Not my drink of choice, honestly. No."
"Alright. Well,  I shall continue with my task regardless. Perhaps, since there is really only one job left, you could take it?"
Distrust and suspicion lingered in those crimson eyes as they flickered back to Sabal for a brief moment. He didnt trust whatever was about to be asked of him.
"And what job is that?"
"Night watch. Stay up, wander the perimeter. Keep us safe as we rest." *take time to yourself, decompress, process things, and get the space that you so obviously want from the rest of us*. It was an olive branch of a task, as they did not truly require a dedicated watch person in a camp this small with experienced travellers like himself who only meditated for a few hours a night. However, finally, he seemed to have said the right thing. That made for once, today, with this twitchy man.
"Ah! yes. You all get some much needed rest. I'll keep watch." Astarion was pleased, and thoroughly convinced that Sabal was giving him an important job that was going to be criminally easy as it already aligned with what he was intending to do for the night. Gale and Shadowheart both seemed to be nodding to themselves, happy to hear that their new camp mate was contributing to the team this evening.
Finally. All was settled. For tonight, at least. 
As the velvety darkness of night descended upon the surface world and his human and half-elven companions took to their slumber, Sabal settled into a cross-legged position upon his bedroll, preparing for his nightly meditation. Many chose to lay on their backs for this, an illusion of sleep, but he was a Monk, and had no troubles taking a more wakeful pose. His muscles would hold his position well for the four hours required to rest and process through his memories, and he would subconsciously flex and stretch them in minimally-noticable ways so that when he finally roused it would be the same as if he had been supine all evening. 
Tonight, his mind wandered through the events of the day only briefly before being dragged to the past. He walked the path of his past with calm, measured mental steps. Though Sabal was unable to drag himself away from his own story, he was no longer as troubled by its pains as he used to be. He was no longer the man he used to be. 
His mind, attuned to the rhythmic pulse of the natural world and the internal functions of his body at last, drifted back into the abyssal depths of memory. It was a night etched in the shadows of Menzoberranzan, a city where treachery danced hand in hand with the spider goddess Lolth's whims.
In the recollection, Sabal was not the free elf beneath the moonlit canopy but the second son of House Zavrinn. The memory unfolded like a tattered tapestry, revealing the struggles within the labyrinthine corridors of power.
He saw himself, a young drow with silver hair and penetrating amethyst eyes, navigating the intricacies of a society where males were but chess pieces in a game of queens. His sisters, Ilvaria and Zira, stood tall in the hierarchy, their destinies woven into the fabric of Menzoberranzan's ambitions.
From a young age, Sabal was taught the harsh realities of drow hierarchy. Males, like him, were considered mere pawns in the intricate game of power. His elder sister, Ilvara, was the chosen heir, destined to carry the family's name to greater heights. His younger sister, Zira, was a jewel in the eyes of Lolth, displaying the rare gift of sorcery that promised to bring favor to their house.
Despite being relegated to the shadows of the matriarchal society, Sabal harbored dreams of rising above his predetermined station. His cunning and intelligence set him apart, but the rigid traditions of Menzoberranzan stifled his aspirations.
Ilvaria... Sabal felt his mind touch upon her. His grand and noble sister. Well, noble as in nobility, not so much in the spirit of the word. She had always seen her brother as useful, though, and that had been to his benefit. He had received martial training as well as pleasure-house training, dual wielding the life of a courtesan and a warrior with the grace of a tightrope walker. She had given him many missions into the tunnels, away from the city, and for that he likely owed her his life. Without that experience under his belt, the wild, twisting, deadly network of the Underdark tunnel systems would surely have been his death.
The memory's hues darkened as whispers reached Sabal's ears – the serpentine hiss of betrayal. He was pulled back to House Zavrinn, teetering on the edge of oblivion, facing the malevolent schemes of rivals. Loyalties crumbled like ancient caverns, and Sabal, with the keen instincts that marked him different from the pleasure-servants that most males were forced to become, felt the tremors of impending doom.
A clandestine ally emerged from the shadows, sought out in a moment of pure panic. A rogue untethered by house loyalties. Bargains were struck in the dimly lit corners, and Sabal, the pawn, became a player. The price for salvation was steep – the illusion of death.
In the memory, Sabal felt a very real and very painful, disfiguring slash across his handsome face. Part of the price. They had to see him taken down. The blood had to be real, for an illusion would fade. That part couldnt be faked. Then, the tickling touch of an illusionist's magic covering him as servants and family fell to poisoned blades around him. A life saving illusion of death draped over him like a shroud and he was discarded into the trash pit beneath the family's home, a deep hole leading down into the depths of the Underdark. His body, seemingly lifeless, came to rest near a concealed cache of survival.
In the blackness of the abyss, Sabal had awoken, disoriented and permanently scarred, but undeniably alive. He retraced the path in his memory, navigating the treacherous tunnelsof the Underdark for nearly a month until the cool night air of the surface kissed his face.
As Sabal watched this memory unfold in the sacred space of his elven meditation, the scars on his face tingled with phantom pain. The moon above him witnessed the duality of his existence – the memory of a past ensnared in darkness, and the present, where he sought solace beneath the silver light.
With the memory's conclusion, Sabal opened his eyes, his elven meditation complete. Sabal, the second son of House Zavrinn no more. Now, nearly fifteen years later, embarking on an unexpected journey where the shadows of Menzoberranzan were but a distant echo. Who would have thought that something MORE treacherous than his childhood home could exist in the overworld? then again, Illithid invasions werent particularly common. He just had a knack for finding trouble, it would seem. 
The fire had burned down to nearly nothing, but the sun was still many hours from rising in the sky. Checking the bedrolls around him, he found the two faces he expected to see... and yet the third was still missing. Sabal stood, walking the perimeter of camp. He could see the tracks of Astarion's feet in the damp, dew-wet grass. Pacing. Wadering. Restless. But for this moment, at least, the pale elf was nowhere to be found. 
He took his time finding the largest space of clear ground that he could, unobstructed by boulders or saplings, bushes or rabbit holes. It took some work to briefly clear a few small rocks, and soon, he was content. Time to start the day. His well-worn, simple shirt hit the ground with narry a sound, and his soft leather shoes soon followed. Bathed in moonlight and dressed only in his pants, the drow cracked his joints along his neck, hands, hips. There, ready. Slipping into a familiar routine, Sabal's breath synchronized with the ebb and flow of his movements, grounding him in the present moment. His muscles rippled beneath the moonlit skin as he transitioned into a series of advanced poses, finding balance and clearing his mind of the cobwebs of his past. 
The moon bore witness to the drow-turned-monk, a creature of the Underdark adapting to the overworld's vastness. His movements were fluid, a dance of strength and grace that spoke of years spent mastering both the physical and mental aspects of his being. Each stretch, each controlled breath, was a testament to his resilience, learned patience, learned calm. None of these qualities had come naturally to him, but had been hard won instead over many years of determination and practice.
Sabal reached the conclusion of his exercises. His breathing came out with mild labour, heart pumping blood to each muscle with increased speed from his exertions. It was only then that he sensed a presence, a subtle shift in the air that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. Turning slowly, he faced the shadows where Astarion lingered half-hidden by the trunk of a tree.
The pale elf stepped into the moonlight, his features sharp and ethereal. His eyes met Sabal's gaze with a mixture of curiosity and interest. Astarion's expression, previously severely guarded, betrayed a hint of something a little more enigmatic.
"Quite the show you put on just now. Planning on saving any energy for the rest of the day?" 
Though it was quippy and almost a barb, his drawling tone held no malice. Sabal heard interest, curiosity, and a little bit of 'Im impressed'. Despite his desire to remain cool and composed, the monk felt himself preening a little.
That was odd. He did not tend to preen. But then again, it had been well over a year since he last had a travelling companion. He was lonely, and despite the nature of their circumstances, he found himself struggling to be upset at suddenly having a team of people around himself. It was... nice, to feel those sharp eyes mapping him like a piece of meat. He liked it. 
"Such movements provide energy. They help me focus my Ki, balance my mind. I am sharper, faster, and more capable for keeping them up. You have not yet rested?"
The so-called magistrate stepped soundlessly forward, moving with a very not-a-magistrate grace that clearly belied a more subtle, stealthy trade. Sabal was left to wonder, not for the first time, how he thought he was fooling anyone with his words about having lived a simple life. Surely today, when they inevitably ended up in battle, he would drop the act.
"I did, some. Enough."
"Then let us begin our day. I have a feeling it will be a long one."
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retrievablememories · 6 months
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Cherry bomb was so good!! Finding horror fics like these on tumblr is so hard, there are only yandere fics when it comes to horror, but ugh we need more fics like yours. I actually dont watch horror movies but i do like reading them. Anyways, it was so well written, very cinematic. Im still sus about jk and do have several theories. Thank you for the work, very eager for part 2!!
thanks so much for this message! 🤗🤗 i'm glad it gives a cinematic experience cuz it feels that way while i'm writing it too, lol! it's also so interesting to me that y'all have theories about this fic, and i'm wondering which ones will be true once i post it.
yeahhh, if you're not into yandere there are fewer options to choose from on here. i've been trying to search for horror genres without yandere lately and it seems like they tend to have fewer notes/engagement, so they're not as easy to find. no wonder everybody just says fuck it and decides to write yandere 😭
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incarnateirony · 2 years
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god. its kinda funny watching the way 2p0 is trying to manipulate the new winchesters fandom flow. esp with scripthunt and Winupdates and everyone he's trying to pull into his server while tearing at and tearing down other hubs.
like oh that's cute, you think you can spread misinformation for the next 15 years, instead of you wiping out in less than 6 months. that's. adorable
dude's building himself a fucking bomb thats gonna blow up in his face with a few hundred folks realizing he not only had them attack/unfollow the person who knew what was going on all along, but that it was all one machiavellian attention seeking game designed to undermine destiel, while certain bitter hellers banned from their origin servers sit there protecting him.
sdfsdkfjsdf
yall
literally thats it thats whats happening he's working SO HARD to try to become king of the fandom and all he's doing is suicide bombing in front of an audience he collected. honestly those other hubs like winupdates need to learn to get far, far the fuck away from him or he's gonna take yall down with him to the new audience watching his severe lying jackassery be invariably called out in [checks notes] 6-9 weeks, depending on how willfully ignorant fandom chooses to be for a few episodes first. which is definitely the entire reason he wants to get up in there spreading confusing horse shit, because it hasn't occurred to them this is a short run. then we get to have christmas break and then come back and have several more weeks of 2p0 imploding on whatever new terrible set of excuses he cobbled together from the space in his own head and whatever corncob he pleasures himself with, probably already used.
he doesn't realize it yet but that is 1000% what's happening, i need the popcorn
not from his used anal corn. he can keep it. maybe take a picture of it. higher value content than the complete horse shit he calls intel all day currently.
thisfandom still hasn't processed the grumpy old bastards are gonna be obsolete. it was cute him trying to hoop then to winupdates since he can benefit by proxy. thinking, oh, everyone will follow that or w/e. uh. lmao. theres a bunch. new fans are gonna scatter. and they're not gonna have this fucked up mental dialogue old fandom does. and within a literal handful of episodes, they'll just know 2p0, and frankly any hub that associates with him, is full of horse shit so. if everyone wants to REALLY bury your relevance. just. keep following yall current path
like. im layin on my back here enjoying the sun and rewards fully aware that millions of new viewers are going to be watching, a good portion engaging, and drowning out the couple thousand old fandom accounts at largekjsfdjsdjf 2p0 baby please i'm begging you for your own sake. you don't comprehend the like. historic levels of fandom failure you're teeing yourself up for. and i don't mean in like. spn fandom history. like. this is gonna be some fandom wiki history piece level of fucking embarrassing. it's gonna be so embarrassing you're going to embarrass not just yourself and your followers but the entire fandom for even being connected kind of bad dude. i'm not kidding and i'm not speculating and it's not a fuckin joke dude. like. please don't embarrass fuckin humanity on your behalf by doubling down
but on the other hand
that little demonic part of me? please don't stop dude oh god i feel horny just thinking about how bad you're fucking yourself right now.
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eremiie · 3 years
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if you'd like could you rec your fave x reader fics,,,i trust your judgement charm 😌
BAEEEE I HAVE READ SO MANY FICS I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER FR LMAO
okay so some of my faves are pretty much only levi and eren because i like reading long fics for them the most and those are the ones that have made it for my faves
eren;
the worthy — @junisfics // 57k (incomplete)
this is the first one that came to mind tbh, the worthy is so good like... it’s about eren and his virgin bestie reader who is getting more intimate in her own relationship and she want’s a little guidance, so she goes to eren. like hello. 12/10. the portrayal of reader and eren’s relationship, the realisticness, the dynamic and even the depth of the story. plus junis is bomb at writing and the plot is great. boom.
NICE. — @miekasa // 19k 
it made me cry at the end. NO I DID NOT CRY BECAUSE OF THE FIC I CRIED BC OF EREN!!!! its about eren’s rich ass and his best friend who tries her best to keep him out of trouble but he’s a mess. eren’s mom is getting married soon, and eren has something he wants to propose to reader, he has to suck up his issues for a little bit, apologize for his ways and gives her a night to remember<3.
miek did a great job writing this. everything from the dialogue, to her portrayal of the plot, the pacing, the way she made my heart race and yearn for eren and reader!!! i truly do love this fic it was really beautiful and it was a nice ride<3
human bandaid — CALIGULLA // 58k (incomplete)
okay no bc i’ve never thought i’d be interested in a book like this... but tw; abuse, non-con, toxic eren, manipulation. reader gets out of a toxic relationship with eren who still happens to linger and act as if they’re still together. while readers trying to deal with her own mental issues life doesn’t seem to be in her favor, and eren no matter how hard he tries doesn’t seem to be making it any better. reader goes on a journey and eren’s right behind her in it. 
this fucking book. this fucking book is so captivating. like i have never been so engaged in a book like this, it’s everything from how descriptive the writer is, how this feels like it’s happening to you— how she portrays the emotion of everything happening and how it makes you sick to your stomach. the plot is well done, and this book just keeps me wanting more. i love her writing style, i do!!!
levi; 
the politics of passion — zeds_dead_reader // 172k (complete)
reader is the daughter of a politican, who of course has to keep up appearances. reader’s life is well, although it can be quite draining with the constant guests, dinners, etc. etc., and when things don’t seem to be going well with her and her boyfriend jean, her guard (i think) levi who’s quite intriguing and spices up her life, is there to help. needless to say reader is tired of the life of primping and starts doing things her own way lol
HELP THIS BOOK IS JUST SOOOO GOOD, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START TBH????? LIKE YEAH, JUST GO FUCKING READ IT!!!
of tea and high buildings — captaindegenerate // 93k (complete)
levi is the ceo of a building and reader is just his little assistant who’s snarky, and isn’t so prone to obeying him like a dog, yet makes his tea every morning and follows his orders to the best of her ability. when an arranged marriage is set for levi, who’s the best candidate then his assistant? does reader say yes?
you have to fucking read to find out. im not even gonna say anything this book is amazing just go read and we can kiss fr
apart from my fave x reader fics my dav authors up in this bitch who can feed u fr???
@miekasa @mikaberries @junisfics @arlerted @katsuhera off the top of my head. indulge in their fics they write bomb x readers <3. 
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trashcatsnark · 3 years
Note
I love that Johnny is the kind of person who would kill for you no problem and fuck you untill you can't walk, but stuff like holding hands or saying geniuine compliments just cause him to short-circuit and he just can't do this. I think it's an interesting part of his psychology, that he's all about grand gestures (kill for you/die for you) and physical intimacy (sex and whatnot) but he's still very closed off and unwilling to engage with just like, small acts of affection that can't be easily brushed off. And, of course, he thinks he's being sooo slick and nobody can see how much of a fool he is around V, like, he's such a clown, I love that about him.
YESS YESSSS YESSSSSS SPOILERS WITHIN, I WENT ON ANOTHER RANT IM SORRY
I read a fic I believe it’s called 505 on archiveofourown, which in general, has had a lot of ideas and concepts I love and has birthed inspiration to some of my own brainworms (the idea of V getting stuck in like 2010-2012 in a like manufactured cyber pocket universe lives rent free in my brain and i really wanna play with that concept in my fic too cause i needed more flashback content,  and like wanted V to properly have some sort of interaction with the past versions of Rogue, Alt, Kerry, and Johnny, like it’s so good and i highly recommend checking the fic out, yeet!) 
And they state that Johnny’s basically the kind of guy who if you called him up, its life or death, he’d be there for you in a second. But, if you just texted to ask how his day is, he’d leave you on seen. He tends to think, act, and operate in extremes. Everything is always cranked up to eleven and high stakes; filled with passion for everything he goes near. Cause those moments revolve more around doing, acting on something, rushing in; whether its attacking Arasaka or fucking, its all about doing something and he doesn’t really have to put his emotions or his heart out there. He feels intensely, extremely, passionately, but he can’t properly articulate that when it comes to people on an individual level. He can scream until the cows come home about his ideas about society and the people on a grand scale, on the big picture, but when it comes to individuals and his intimate relationships the action should be enough, to him, should say everything. He can hide behind the extremes, act on his feelings without having to truly bare his soul. There’s a comfort in that, he can act on his feelings while still keeping his distance. 
But, that’s harder with domesticity, its harder with everyday intimate affection, its harder with someone who knows you inside and out. Because he’s now committed to not only being there in the extremes, he’s there for the mundane and monotony. He’s not just there for hard fucks and terrorists attacks; he’s there for V casually (though they’re also screaming inside) grabbing his hand as they walk somewhere together, he’s there for mornings that start with a kiss and a cup of coffee, he’s there for cleaning the apartment, taking care of a cat, cuddling on a couch while watching bad tv, trying to help V cook (once they get an apartment with a kitchen cause why the fuck doesn’t v have a kitchen cdpr), there for conversations that have nothing to do with life or death, and casual i love you’s being dropped because that word is no longer an emotional bomb, but a simple reality. 
No walls, no barriers, no fucking off until the next time someone needs him to die or kill for them/fuck them. Emotional intimacy becoming a part of daily life. And oh boy is that a fucking scary ass concept. 
Cause being there and sacrificing himself when V could potentially die, feels like a no brainer, of course he’ll do that, that’s what he promised, what’s right by them, and he’d die for them any day. If that’s what they need that is what he’ll do. And he’ll say so to anyone who asks, proudly. Cause he can to an extent hide behind it being the right thing to do, its the right thing to honor his promise, to try to save them from this unfairness, even after mikoshi he can explain it away as he owes V his life, he can hide behind his own moral code. Brush it off as being “right”. In Mikoshi when he tells V he plans to keep his promise; there’s no introspection of the emotional intimacy they built, he’s still trying to keep some walls up. Its’ “we’re sticking to the plan” “I won’t do you wrong.” He can hide and frame it as a promise, what’s right, which is a huge aspect of it no doubt, but we know he has feelings beyond that. His own guilt, he own care and concern for V, hell, there’s apparently even a line where it seems he gets mad at Alt, like genuinely mad that they can’t save V. 
“You promised this poor little shit a new life and you lied! You fuckin' lied!”
It was about more than a sense of duty and keeping his promise, but he can hide behind that. (And with just sex, he can hide behind sexual gratification, paint it as selfish desire)
But holding V’s hair back or rubbing their back when they’re sick and puking; not relic sick, not dying sick, just neurovirus/ate something that disagreed with them/or drank a bit too much, regular sick...is different. Because V doesn’t objectively need him in that moment; they will survive without his hands in their hair or rubbing down their back, They will survive without him checking on them and once they get it all out, carrying them to bed. There’s no right or wrong even, cause its no one elses job to care for V. 
It is a choice born purely out of an unselfish desire to make them feel better, to care for them even in the mundane troubles of life. And he can’t, though he’d try, pretend that it’s anything else. It puts his feelings on the table, bares his feelings in a whole other way. 
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nightswithkookmin · 3 years
Note
With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.
Why are you being mean to me though😭
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Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.
May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.
I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.
I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.
I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?
Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.
I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.
If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.
As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.
Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.
There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.
He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.
He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.
And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.
Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.
And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.
The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.
I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.
I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.
I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.
As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.
I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.
All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.
I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.
What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.
I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.
JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.
He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.
But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.
Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.
It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.
Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.
Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?
I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.
If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?
Two can play that game. Lol.
It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.
You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.
I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.
I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,
"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."
At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.
Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.
He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.
When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.
Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.
That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.
Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.
He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.
If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.
And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.
Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.
We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.
There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.
Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.
I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.
It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.
Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.
In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?
I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.
I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?
I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.
Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.
Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.
At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.
They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.
You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.
When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.
As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.
Signed,
GOLDY
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collisiondiscourse · 3 years
Note
i have decided i am now going to blow up your inbox bc i csn i’m sorry codi focnnf
b u t!! anyway i’m going to rambling abt my new dad for all au [whixh was the au i sent you that ask abt]
alrighty so all might is now midoriya’s dad. that’s a thing. i like to think that inko and toshinori were high school sweethearts who broke up after graduation but met again when all might was called to recuse some hostages and inko was one of them!! anywho all might recuses her, they go on a coffee date, realize they’re still in love and start again
they get married and have izuku, who keeps inko’s maiden name [midoriya is now inko’s maiden name bc i do what i want]. he’s the cutest baby who has inko’s green hair, but has one blue and one green eye! [these are /important/] inko and all might talk abt maybe giving izuku all for one when he’s older, but they decide against it bc they don’t know if he’ll have a quirk or not
spoiler!! bitch baby has a quirk!! he gets a quirk that’s so much different than inko’s quirk and !!! ahhh!!! the basic explanation is that all might’s all of one genes mixed and then “corrupt” inko’s like 3 generation quirk-having genes or smth and izu has a very, very complex quirk now. it’s called astron, and astron allows him to fucking astral project into the center of the university and shit chxnc
astron works two different ways: using his blue eye he can project other people into his own personal astral plane and do whatever he wants. while the person’s physical body is still where it was, their mind is in the astral plane. if he uses his green eye, he can project himself to his astral plane and fuck around without consequences!!
[there’s an untold third ability of astron using both of his eyes, but izuku tried doing that when he first got his quirk and immediately fell into a coma for like a month? it was bad and his mind couldn’t handle the stress and dipped lol]
ANYWAY, izuku grows up with a bomb ass quirk and still has his kacchan with him thru his childhood so things are a lot different than canon? the wonder duo are little shitheads together and i love them, they wreck havoc and i love them
i have more ideas for this story but this is all i have for now, codi this is so long i’m sorry i’m blowing up ur inbox 🥺😭
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me opening my askbox and seeing the length of this au: holy shit
me reading the actual whole au: HOLY SHIT
AJ I LOVE THIS HIGHKEY!!! I LOVE THE IDEA OF OP DEKU W A FUCKED UP QUIRK JUST TERRIFYING EVERYONE HE COMES ACROSS!!!! heterochromia is SO so good as a character design element and i LOVE THE WAY THIS IS IMPLEMENTED YELLS. I WANNA DRAW THIS SO BAD!!! THIS LOOKS SO COOL
(serious writing/plot below - blood and vomit mention)
oh god and now im imagining deku like. being this extremely feral and annoying lil shit whos extremely powerful and now bakugous got someone on his level so hes a lot more humble as hes growing up but also him and deku are the?? BESTEST OF FRIENDS. and i imagine when bakugou is being a little shit deku just. astral projects him out of his body for a while and apologizes to whoever kacchan yelled at LMFAO---bakugou comes back to his body and is all like “....fucks sake stop doing that”
AND THEN omfgkjfds imagine morally grey deku who does whatever he can to win?? he knew he wouldnt get into UAs hero course fair and square (all might offered him a recommendation but he declined because he wanted to get there on his own with kacchan) because robots didnt have souls he could astral project so he practices his quirks limits like YEARS prior and he tells bakugou about it but never rlly shows him but on the day of the entrance exam?
he shows up. everything goes as normal and he finishes the written exams and then moves on to the practical exam (still seperated from kacchan like in canon) and like. Every one goes dashing forward and deku doesnt really try to beat anyone. He waits until theyre all in the center engaging with robots when he walks to the center of the room.
and he sees the zero pointer in the distance.
“THE ZERO-POINTER’S HERE!” He yells and points at the gigantic mech heading their way. All at once everyone’s heads whip up to catch sight of the robot, enraptured by its sheer size and power. 
As they all look to one direction, Deku makes eye contact with them and smiles.
All at once, every single participant in the area goes limp. Astron throws their souls into the astral plane with little fanfare and everyone watches in awe and annoyance as their bodies uselessly crumple to the ground from the outside. The green-haired boy is suddenly given free reigns of the arena and they seethe as one by one he deactivates or disables robots that were once under their purview.
(What some of the smarter ones notice however, is the way he seems to be leaving some stray 3 pointers untouched... almost as if he was doing the calculations in his head as he goes... on how to ensure the number one spot while others can still score points...?)
One by one however, they start struggling and reaching to reconnect with their bodies. Their gleaming bright souls bob up and down with frenzied energy and Deku feels it. He feels it like itches on his skin and goosebumps that turn into hills that dance up and down his back. He feels it like he feels his limit reaching.
Its still around 10 minutes though before he actually loses control and everyone comes back to their bodies. His quirk times out and almost like its angry, the astral plane takes his body in exchange for the dozens he kept in there. He gets sucked through and passes out while everyone else runs and destroys the remaining bots. It doesn’t matter though, because he knows he’s racked up enough points to stay on top. He lets himself rest and observes the blue-haired tall guy with engines who contemplates carrying Deku’s body to safety.
Until, he sees her.
Just under some rubble and very close to getting crushed by the Zero-Pointer’s foot, Deku spots a brown-haired young girl that he recalls has some kind of floating quirk. He sees as everyone runs past her, prioritizing their own safety instead of hers.
He makes a decision.
Quickly--recklessly, a familiar gruff voice says in his ear--he forces himself back into his body and looks around. He runs to the girl and attempts to dig her out from the rubble before she gets crushed. The robot comes ever closer.
Using the little strength and flexibility he’s learnt from years of sparring with Kacchan, Deku abandons her in favor of climbing up the broken concrete and metal to meet the robot’s visor. He knows he won’t save her by digging her out of there, but by god is he gonna let her get injured without a fight. These robots weren’t designed to kill, but they were designed to destroy.
Focus. Focus and listen to what’s around you, Izu-kun.
The world around him reduces to tunnel-vision and suddenly Deku is face to face with the Zero-Pointer. It stops, as if calculating how to discard of Deku without hurting him severely with its own strength.
Everything has life in it. You only need to focus and look for it.
Izuku Midoriya looks at the robot.
In a whirlwind of blue and green, he reaches inside of himself and searches for life. Cold steel and hard-wired code meet his gaze and he plunges even deeper. 
Focus.
Then all at once, everything in his visions snaps into sudden clarity, like he’s never seen before. He feels everything. Sees Everything. Smells, tastes, hears--and he hears how the metal beneath him bends and groans. He feels how it winces and shudders. He sees it as it opens its maw and its visor bends in a facsimile of eyes, pleading him as if asking how?
The robot beneath him comes to life and stumbles back.
Quickly, he scrambles to the nearest ledge which happens to be a broken support beam. Distantly, he thinks he feels his arm being sliced open on the edge of it and the warmth of blood streaming down his side as he nearly falls. 
“HEY! YOU WITH THE ENGINES!” He hoarsely screams to the still remaining, slack-jawed contestants. “I CAN’T KEEP THE ZERO POINTER DOWN FOR LONG! GO HELP THE GIRL AND TAKE HER TO SAFETY NOW!”
With a sudden burst of energy, the fellow participants start taking others out from the rubble while the blue-haired boy helps the brunette he was protecting earlier. As he watches them clear the rubble to drag her out, he feels a pang.
Who am I? a lost voice calls out. It’s raspy and almost-robotic sounding and only he can hear it. Where am I? What am I?
And Deku’s vision flickers.
In and out, he sees flashes through eyes that aren’t his. He hears voices that are simultaneously faraway and way too close for comfort. The world tugs at the sides of his perspective and a strain is pulling at the back of his head tearing his brain to shreds. He doesn’t know what he’s focusing or straining on, except that its working and keeping the zero-pointer down.
He grits his teeth. “Hurry the hell up! i can’t do this any longer--”
Bursts of pain appear behind his mismatched eyes and he wants to scream so bad and if he were looking any clearer he’d see the way that the zero-pointer thrashes on the ground in time with the pounding on his skull. Bile crawls up the back of his throat and Deku screams.
“SHE’S CLEAR! YOU CAN LET GO NOW, MIDORIYA-SAN.”
Izuku lets go and his vision goes black.
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starryfreckles · 4 years
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Flavie and Ayumi Live (26 mai 2020 on YouTube francetv slash) 
Translation/Summary -
(I apologise in advance for the typos. i didnt really read this over tbh)
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Interviewer: Where are you at the moment?
Flav: I’m at home, in my room
Ayumi: I’m at my country house in my room. [Her friend joined her there when deconfinement happen and now they’re living their best life. There’s sun and everything is good]
Flav is chilling “la vida loca” she says
Is it not too frustrating to live this 6th season in confinement and SKAM France has a reputation of having very involved fans and with the screenings?
A: Yes, its very frustrating but then again it’s something that I haven’t really lived the projections with the fans so I dont know what it does. But just the feedback of social media is incredible. Its a good preview at what can happen in a live screening.
F: Yea I agree. It is frustrating but seeing everyone on social media is kind of reassuring and comforting and like Ayumi said, we dont know that [the screenings] so its not that frustrating.
what kind of reactions have you guys had on social media?
[flav and ayumi arguing who goes first. Its the cutest thing ever. Flav always wants ayumi to go first]
A: Just love and positivity. On my end is really incredible. I thank everyone. It’s really just incredible.
F: Its so wonderful. At night, I really try to read all the dms on instagram and even if I cant respond to everyone, know that I read everything and I translate everything that isn’t in French. If I  were to reply to everyone, it would take a long time so that’s not possible. I dont speak all the languages of the world so I copy and paste is translate to understand.
-video cuts out-
I: we were talking about fan reactions so let’s continue. Have you gotten any that made you surprised, laugh, smile, made you emotional, etc?
A: what is beautiful is that ive gotten many messages from girls and boys who said that they had similar a similar relationship to Lola and Maya in the sense that one helps the other more because of addiction problems. And that’s always nice to hear that they just wanted to thank skam for writing and portraying this kind of story. And of course the reaction of la mif. It’s true the character Jo has been loved by fans. She is so funny and so great and she’s [actress who plays jo, louise] really like that in real life. Like literally from A to Z
Flav agrees.
A: “Louise just played Louise” and it’s just so funny. And everyone online says they want to be friends with jo becuase she made this joke pr did that but she’s really like that.
F: she’s always joking
A: and she just comes up with stuff on the spot
I: we really just can’t wait to see La Mif reunite and see how they are in real life because they are just awesome on screen.
Flav and ayumi agree
I: Maya’s arrival to the season that was a little intense, let’s not lie, is like a ray of light. What does that do to you for having that role of the character who brings light and wonder? (This is kinda hard to translate)
A: its incredible to bring that kind of message, like you said, this light. She is totally this kind of girl that I would love to be friend with. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so beautiful. Maybe flav has something to say.
F: it’s true that you and La Mif brought a light for everyone. Even me when I see my family and close ones they say that they are so funny and new and that they felt my pain [as lola] even if its a show and its feels weird to see you like that because you’re close to us but seeing them [lola + la mif] is a good mix. And ayumi you bring so much like when your face lights up when Lola comes up the stairs its incredible.
A: its a chemical reaction. Its incredible. But flav I saw you on screen and everything that you brought, what David saw. And we lived it but for us it seems natural and on screen and rediscovered the characters and the chemistry at the same time as everyone else.
Flav and Ayumi saying that they havent seen the whole thing before hand and are constantly check their phone for new clips. They have the notifications for the YouTube channel.
F: we at least have the hours for the clips AT LEASTT and thankfully
A: which flav sent me because I didnt have them and she left me panicked for 2 weeks and then she finally sent them over.
F: its great. They’re on my fridge and I cross off each day with my parents and we are one it. My dad everyday is like there’s a clip. So funny.
I: Just so we’re on the same page, there’s a clip today right?
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I: [fan question] what do you love the most and the least in the character you play?
A: flav please start
F: I love her “who the fuck are you talking to me like that” and her fuck you attitude. I love that she shows off that nothing moves her but deep down not really, like everyone I guess. I love that about her and she’s so natural. I love her, I really love her. Something negative. That’s hard.
I: you are a very happy, bubbly person. Is there not her depressed, dark side that bothers you?
F: well lola is just full of emotions where we’re going to see everything. But really what I dont like is her fashion sense.
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A: im dead. But I was going to say the same thing
F: maya’s fashion sense? You are crazy. And also girl it’s your clothes they used as costumes
A: no no but people have made edits with you know the big pink coat or my outfit at the supermarket and its there that I realised how ridiculous even if they not really.
F: well I think theyre great. Love the pink coat
A: ill send it to you with fedex. I dont have it but ill send it to you.
F: when we were doing costume fittings I told the costume designer that it was simple and that I would be stealing all of these looks. Im going to take a suitcase, im going to take ayumi’s clothes, put them in my suitcase and go back to Vance with them. And I took nothing from lola by the way. She just doesn’t have a style. She doesn’t neglect herself but its her I dont care attitude, again.
A; I love maya’s engagement and her will towards everything and everyone. Shes a teenager but that’s beautiful to be engaged in many causes. She just really wants everyone, her friends, to be well and happy. But otherwise things I dont like outside of her clothes I dont know. Clothes is like the best answer
F: you forgot about her makeup. The makeup artist did her eyeliner and dots under the eyes and I was there like do the same thing with me!
A: that is really the best thing in all of humanity. It was so cool.
F: honestly. The makeup artist gave everything on you but on me she went in the morning like poof poof ‘well that’s it honey, there’s nothing else I can do for you’
A: you forgot the drama hair!
F: oh my god. She would pour oils and everything you want on my head. “You could like cook French fries”
A: flavie says that but you know she can wear whatever she wants and still look good
F: awe I love you
I: Did the age difference between you hinder your ability to be friends?
A: no not at all. What do you think flav?
F: not at all. Im just the baby of the group, im the youngest but we all so dumb together that we don’t realise
A: exactly. We all act like we’re 7
F: all of us together is horrible. The whole mif. Intolerable.
I: how was youre guy’s first meet?
F: ok let me tell you from my point of view because its quite funny.
A: she was so annoying. She looked at me all weird. she was not cool No that’s not true at all. She was adorable. Trop cute
F: I arrive to the production offices and im with David signing contracts and he says don’t move I have a surprise. And im like oh no what has he brought me a croissant or something and he brings back ayumi. So we start talking for like 10 minutes and I did not who she was actually. And I was like who tf is this. I did not know. And im one point im like so she’s the one who plays Maya? It was so funny. It was cool. And then he brought Maxence
A: from my point of view, flavie was so shy and locked off. And I knew who she was and I was honoured and thrill. She was so small and closed off. But honestly NOT AT ALL. i quickly understood the next day that flavie is a bomb! You understand ?
F: at first maybe you were like “I just want to protect this little thing.”
I: so what was the first scene that you guys filmed together?
Ayumi makes it clear that it’s a scene that hasn’t been released yet. And Flavie can’t remember what it is.
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A: flav, you are putting our whole relationship in question!
F: I just dont know!
A: ok but the second scene we did together was the scene of Saturday morning after the first urban party
F: OHHH you right! I remember now!
I: but that’s a great scene that fans loved because of the chemistry and people loved it. How did you create that complexity? Was it the writing or did you try to meet up on your own?
F: honestly, not that much because the problem is that I live in Vance. We really tried to see each other but trains made it difficult to see each other just us two, but it still worked somehow. We worked a lot with David but not so much just us too and yet we still manage to create something really strong and powerful.
A: in between scenes we also just talked all the freaking time. And by the time David said action, it was like we just finishing our conversation in the scene.
F: every morning we were always happy to see each other and we didn’t see each other that much but that honestly wasn’t a problem at all.
I: in the YouTube comments, everyone is slightly making fun of flavie for living so “far”
A: [also starts making fun of flavie] oh yea yea basically 45 minutes.
F: BY TRAIN! By car its like 2 hours and a half, so sorry.
A: you don’t even have a driver license! So you have to take the train!
F: alright I almost have my drivers license! Soon supposedly! And don’t worry ill come pick you up in my ride!
Ayumi makes more fun of Flavie for her hours of driving and her basically driving illegally (in France you can only drive at 18 and flav is 17)
I: what was the most difficult scene to film for you?
F: well im not gonna answer. I can’t answer
A: honestly I dont have any. Oh wait yes yes yes! I just remembered. Flav you do know! It’s the scene where I tell you that ive missed you.
F: oh right! You were sick right!
A: yea I had shrimp for lunch. Bad shrimp and in the scene im in process of dying. I have never been in more pain and discomfort.
F: and I was like why is she angry at me? What did I do?
A: and flav is like are you okay and thank god you were there flav because she was telling me breathe and take it slow. It was the difficult
F: for me the most difficult that we’ve seen is was hard because of weather conditions. It was so cold on the whole set but it was the one where we were around the fire and jo sees eliott for the first time, the first urbex party. We were getting fire embers in our eyes so we were all crying and complaining. It was awful. Louise was actually crying so so hard.
A: it was so funny. Louise was actually crying and was joking at the same time whilst crying. We were laughing so hard.
The say that night was still a lot of fun and then they all went to Quentin’s apartment [actor who plays sekou] and the ambiance on set is better than on screen. It was a lot of fun
A: la mif always has a great time, messing around
F: David would say “FOCUS FOCUS”
I: it was mid November, and we all know skam france shooting is very intense and fast. So David was like a police officers. We cant wait to see the behind the scenes. David in the comments says thank you to all the extras who were there until 4am
F:  oh yea honestly. Thank you– just thank you
A: oh yea flav thanks for that. Its great.
I: we know there’s a clip today with a reunion. And fans are expecting a kiss. Are we getting that moment today?
(Silence)
A: listen if there is a kiss, it will happen at a perfect moment
I: there is a lot of pressure on this kiss becuase there are so many people from the LGBTQ+ community who are saying that this kind of relationship is rarely seen on screen. Do you feel the need to do good?
F: its so well written and directed that we do want to do really well. Ok your turn
A: the want to do good, of crows but its already something we want to do. We are not forcing ourselves, because its already there.
They say that its sad for the time being that they have to continue to fight for rights in the LGBTQ community and Ayumi says that with SKAM its all going to change. They always get lovely messages thanking them.
They talk about the ship name and how fans have decided that is going to be Mayla. Ayumi is happy that its Mayla. Flav wanted Loyla. Ayumi says it was their first “fight” and they weren’t agreeing. Even la mif voted on the ship. It was heavily debated.
I: Are we right to have so much faith in Mayla or are you going to break our hearts?
F: for that you’ll have to keep watching
A: well said flav
F: l’amour gange toujours
I: what is next for you two?
F: not much. Im seeing friends at a distant. Stay safe. I was starting to miss my social life. Not going out too much because I really dont want to get “this vicious/awful thing” so yea “la vida loca”
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F: project wise everything is on pause but im on a good path. Crossing my fingers. If it happens it happens. Its destiny
A: its destiny. Same thing. There was a movie that stopped before quarantine and won’t start again but there are castings. Until filming starts again, we are all waiting.
I: it’s funny, everything something is said, it gets translated in the comments in five or six languages. Have you taken something from your character and have you left them something?
A: her joy to live at everything. And give her my body to just exist
F: what I took, well nothing. I gave her 7kg more. Well actually I took from her 7kg. That’s it!
I: who forgets their lines the most?
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F: ME! But you too kinda. You just talk SOOO fast you start to stutter
A: I talk too fast and then I stutter and it was so cold that that doesn’t help. So in front of flavie, she really made fun of me.
F: I didnt always forget but sometimes when its really long I forgot.
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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years
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🎶 putting my 2 cents in on WONDER! 🎶
this post contains my own, genuine opinion, if you can’t take a different point of view than yours, don’t bother to read, i don’t want to be attacked because i speak my truthful thoughts! keep in mind that everyone is entitled to have their own opinion!
elaborate thoughts under the cut
INTRO - he genuinely had me with it when the teaser came out. love a good bomb dropped on me and that’s what it feels like when that odd, buzzing tune comes in after he sings ‘lost in wonderland’ and it never fails to send a shiwer down my spine
WONDER - i already expressed my love for wonder, i loved it when it came out, love it today, it’s my second most listened song of 2020, i guess this fact talks for itself
HIGHER - at first listen, i genuinely considered skipping it. i don’t know, something just didn’t clicked for me, maybe because it sounds a lot different from the kind of music i’ve been listening to and if im being honest, i can’t see myself listening to it, but it’s completely alright, i always have at least one or two skips even on my absolute favorite albums!
24 HOURS - the instrumental of it often reminded me of the tunes they used in very old movies so it kind of felt nostalgic to listen to it, though i didn’t find myself getting engaged with the song, again, it’s just not my cup of tea, but i can see it just gently playing when im going something entirely different and i put the album on randomly.
TEACH ME HOW TO LOVE - i was skeptical at first listen, but gotta admit i grew fond by the end of it, kinda digging the groovy tunes, it has a slight Bruno Mars vibe to it for me and that’s why i imagine him performing it with a very vintage vibe, like a nice ‘60s feeling, very old school, wearing a colorful suit with a band behind him and an old TV show like set, i can totally see it, even him rocking a John Travolta hairdo from Grease!
CALL MY FRIENDS - it starts a little dull, but i love the turn it takes when that buzzing background comes in. it has a vibe that makes me want to get lost in a busy city in the night
DREAM - dream is it for me. the harmonizing sent chills down me immediately and i chimed in with his voice. i think it’s easily my fav from the whole record after Wonder and Intro. the harmonizing literally makes me feel like im floating and im obsessed with it
SONG FOR NO ONE - it’s very flowy and catchy for me, love the simplicity of just the guitar playing sometimes, but then i also adore the sudden change when the beat comes in, it gives the song a nice push and doesn’t let it get too dull by the end.
MONSTER - i’ve been very conflicted about this song ever since it came out, because even though i used to be a huge belieber back in my early teenage years, i still felt like Justin wasn’t a good add for the song. i would have loved it more if it was just Shawn, because i liked the concept and the base of the song, but for me, his voice is throwing off the vibe a little when he first comes in, though he clicks with the refrain for sure and it adds up by the end. i just feel like his appearance is a little abrubt with the sudden, rushed lyrics.i would have opted for an easier opening for him, that would have pulled the song more together for me
305 - the upbeat style is a bright change of pace on the album, but i feel like his voice is a little too blue, i feel like it lacks that same, chatty, vibrant vibe the instrumental gives away. though i think it’s a nice song, makes me bop my head for sure, the beat makes it catchy and that little guitar in the bridge almost feels like christmasy, which is a vibe i can never get enough of.
ALWAYS BEEN YOU - the start feels a bit like At The Ballet by Barbra Streisand, but then it surely changes up. im still savoring this song, not sure how to feel about it, though i definitely like the abrubt outbursts in the chorus. i feel like he could have gone a little heavier with the vocals, feels a bit lost in the background, but i like the effort.
PIECE OF YOU - already posted it, but i was waiting for Freddie Mercury to start singing ‘another one bites the dust’ when the beat started, it surely gave me that vibe, but it took a different turn and i think i like it as a whole. it’s a little different, less melancolic then the rest, a little... darker? if that makes sense. but i think it’s just the base of the song that gives me that vibe.
LOOK UP AT THE STARS - oh yes, this definitely warmed my broken little heart, and i was happy to feel that his voice matched the instrumental, the kind of thing i was missing with 305! love the tunes, the whole song definitely brought a smile to my face and it’s surely one of my favs.
CAN’T IMAGINE - im not a fond of the repetitiveness, the same lines over and over again, the song feels like a very random, on the spot made up one he would just mindlessly play in a backyard by the fire, which is not a bad thing, it surely has a lot of feelings behind it, but i guess i was expecting a different kind of song to be the closure in the end of the album. but i can still see myself listening to it.
overall, i think i get the direction he was trying to aim for, i get the vibe he tried to channel through the album. it’s clear he worked hard on it, the change can be felt in him, the maturing, he is making a point about growing up. i think Wonder is the album before the one that will hit different. he is trying himself out in a different field, finding his voice and true self as a real, mature artist rather than be a teenager in the spotlight. i think Wonder was much needed for his own growth and personal journey, and it made me anticipated to see where he’ll take it, because i think it’s kind of the point where it can easily go anywhere from here. it was definitely an experience, for him. and i respect that, because the art of an artist truly serves the purpose of forming the artist, to channel their inner, most personal thoughts and feelings they harbour deep down. it doesn’t exsist to please anyone else but the creator and judging from how Shawn hasbeen treating Wonder, i think this album fulfilled it’s purpose. 
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magical-agatha · 3 years
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in this moment i feel rly pathetic and sick. i need to overcome ptsd somehow so i can live. bc i dont fit into the world in the state im in. but what if i cant and im hurting myself trying so hard. i dont like being this fragile bc it takes away so much of my agency and makes interacting with ppl rly difficult. everything and everyone feels like they could be a time bomb waiting to hurt me. and if i dont analyse them to check i get terrified and paranoid. i dont trust ppl bc trusting ppl gets me hurt. or has. over and over. how do i engage with ppl when anyone could hurt me at any time without warning. even apparently ppl i thought were safe. how can i trust when trusting ppl has gotten me hurt so many times. im terrified of the parts of ppl i dont know. terrified of some of the parts i do know. but for a while ive been able to like. bury it. push past that feeling. but then ppl surprise me. and reinforce the idea that eventually everyone will hurt me or abandon me. safety feels like a myth. real safety. not the fleeting kind i cling to thats always incomplete and tinged with fear. that im just waiting to watch evaporate. i want safety. i need it but i dont think its real. im tired of being scared and hurting and struggling i want to rest i need safety and agency and certainty. please 😖.
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syekick-powers · 4 years
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rambling about emotions and self-control
i think one of the things that pisses me off the most when family members criticize me is when they say that i’m “bad at controlling my emotions”. first of all, I have ADHD and bipolar simultaneously, my emotions are a hundred times fucking stronger than yours. secondly, i am actually excellent at controlling my emotions. i am the kind of person where if i am having a panic attack, you might not have any fucking clue that i’m even having anxiety unless i state directly that im having a panic attack. ive had PAs so bad where i legit thought i was about to die and not a single shred of that world-ending panic touched my external affect for a second. part of my fucking trauma revolves around having to hide my distress to avoid freaking out other people, which means that i learned to develop a diamond fucking grip on my external signs of distress. it’s deeply maladaptive in some situations, but in other situations it’s equally as useful. and yet because i am very animated and exaggerated in my persona, people assume that i just let my emotions fountain everywhere uncontrollably and that i’m just a waterfall of feelings.
incorrect. every bit of exaggeration in my affect is deliberate. i am not acting like a clown because i can’t control myself, i am purposefully choosing to exaggerate to convey my feelings more effectively. if i don’t want you to know what i’m feeling, you will never ever ever find out. there are some people i interact with on a regular basis whomst i fucking loathe deeply, and yet any time i interact with them i am completely personable and friendly. when im streaming video games on a high difficulty and get frustrated from having to do the same part over and over and over again, i never get tilted on stream. i dont yell or rage, and in fact the more frustrated i become the more blank and expressionless my affect turns. when i was playing dead space 2 on zealot difficulty on stream recently, all of my viewers were complimenting the fact that i spent at least two collective hours on trying to beat the final boss and yet still did not get visibly upset or pissed off once.
yes, my emotions are strong. i have two separate disorders that both have “emotional dysregulation” as some of their biggest negative side effects. my bad moods feel like a fucking firestorm most of the time and strong emotions are very difficult to handle and control. sometimes, my emotions get the better of me and i snap or get irritable. but the only time i’m irritable is when i feel physically and emotionally like utter dogshit and the bad mood impacts my ability to hold back my emotions. the truth is that in my day to day life there are dozens of fucking things that irritate the living hell out of me and i choose to discard my frustration rather than stay mad about something trivial--either that, or i feel the frustration intensely, but bite it back and don’t say anything because i’m not in the mood to pick a fight. if i’m being pissy with you, it’s because i’m completely fuck-out of all mental and physical energy that i would otherwise use to hold back my irritation. there is nothing left to burn. there aren’t even fumes in the tank. this bitch empty, so prepare for the yeet.
the problem that i run into with my family members is that this internal struggle to contain my emotions is completely invisible to any external viewers. they’re not me, of course they can’t see what’s going on in my head. what makes that an issue is that they don’t see the twenty fucking times i got irritated and managed to control my temper through the frustration, they only see the five or so times i lose control. my efforts are invisible to everyone around me, so when i finally do get fed up and make a snippy comment or complain, it seems like i just let my emotions get the better of me all the time.
to be fuckening honest, if the people who criticized me lived one fucking day in my shoes, the extremity of my emotions would exhaust them within hours. the thing is, i’m 25 fucking years old, which means i’ve lived with this shit for over two fucking decades. i have learned to control myself to an extent, and, being honest with yall? it fucking exhausts the living shit out of me all the goddamn time. it’s like my brain expends all my mental fuel reserves on overclocking my emotions as hard as possible while leaving no fuel left over for activities in the day that i actually need to do. it’s part of the reason i’m so fuckdamn tired all the fuckdamn time. but i’m not bad at controlling my emotions when i actually have the energy to do so. in fact, i’m so good at suppressing them that half the time, people don’t know i’m upset at all. to a certain extent, i’ve gotten used to how extreme my emotions are, and have started learning to predict what sets me off so i can make an effort to avoid the negative stimulus and save myself the frustration. i’m just really fucking tired of people accusing me of not controlling my emotions well enough when god fucking damnit you have no idea how hard i’m actually fucking trying!!! it feels like i’ve gotten so good at hiding my distress in my day-to-day life that now people have no fucking idea how shitty i actually feel until they poke me one too many times and i fucking bite their finger off, and then assume that i just randomly blew up on them with no reason or justification. that i’m just behaving like this to spite them personally.
i promise you im not fucking behaving randomly. in fact, my frustration triggers are actually pretty fucking consistent. the same bullshit behaviors will always piss me off; what changes on a day-to-day basis is how well i control the extremity of my reaction. if i’m having a good day, i have enough fuel stores to go “meh, whatever” and brush it off without being too bothered for very long. if i feel like shit, my ability to control my response is hampered and it becomes much harder to bite back a snippy comment. i’m not lashing out to be malicious or spiteful. i’m lashing out because you’ve been doing this shit every day for the past two fucking weeks and today i’m just too tired to deal with this fucking bullshit anymore. my reaction is not a sudden unprovoked blowing up of a bomb. it’s “you poked the caged animal one too many times and now it’s going to fucking bite you to make you stop because it has no other way to express its frustration”.
i try to be clear and concise with my boundaries, and frankly i don’t think they’re all that unreasonable. i like to be able to decide when and how i do a task on my own time rather than being pushed and pulled and jabbed and pressured every step of the way. i like to be able to have my own space where people have to get my permission before entering suddenly so that i feel like i have a safe place to hide when i’m overstimulated. i like to decide when and where i want to engage in socialization, and for how long. i like being able to decide when i’m ready to do a task, rather than having a task suddenly shoved on me with no warning or being pressured to do it before i’m ready. i do not like being gifted objects i did not request (and often actively requested not to get) and then being expected to be grateful for something i didnt even want in the first place. i don’t like gifts coming with invisible price tags and obligations that can change whenever the gifter decides they want more out of me. and i absolutely cannot. fucking. stand. passive aggression. all of these things do not really seem all that unreasonable to me, yet time and time again people treat me like i’m just asking for so much more than they can possibly give. and you know what? 75% of the fucking time when someone crosses one of these boundaries all i do is Make A Note Of It and go along with the boundary violator’s wishes anyway, because i actively decided that making a big deal out of them crossing my boundaries is not worth the effort of asking them to change their behavior, because throughout my entire fucking life i’ve been constantly treated as the irrational, unrealistic, crazy bitch for trying to set those boundaries. i’ve been taught time and time and fucking time again that defining my boundaries is too much to fucking ask. so when someone does violate my boundaries, there’s a little “Sye will remember that“ popup and absolutely zero expression or reaction. which means that yes. when i finally get tired and can’t bite back my frustration any longer, it’s because you’ve done the exact same thing to me two hundred fucking times previous and i don’t have the fucking patience to suck it up and deal with it anymore. im done with your shit.
so yeah. i’m a little bit fucking sick of people telling me that i have poor self-control. the fact that you think i have no self-control is an indicator of how good it actually is, because i’m so fucking good at hiding my distress that you don’t even have any idea how absolutely like a fetid mound of horse shit i feel like until my fuse finally burns all the way up. i can contain a 10-out-of-10 ‘i’m imminently about to die’ panic attack so well that not a scrap of that panic shows up in my external affect for even a second. i can suppress my pain on stream when it’s at a 7 out of 10 intensity or higher and be fucking on stream playing video games and commentating and show almost no sign of discomfort except for an intense concentrating face. don’t you fucking ever tell me that i’m bad at controlling myself. i’m a goddamn adult. i’ve learned how to control 90% of my fucking emotions so well that i could be holding a conversation with you imagining myself breaking your fucking nose and show absolutely zero sign of external hostility. i am good at controlling my fucking emotions. the problem is that my emotions are so world-endingly, apocalyptically intense that sometimes i just get too fucking tired to hold back, and then that’s when i bite. i’ m not just lashing out randomly with no provocation. i’ve been tread on a million fucking times and took it with a smile and you had no fucking idea. just because i bit you doesn’t mean i did it because i have no self-control. self-control? self-control???? don’t you fucking talk to me about self-control you headass bitch. i have a fucking supernova coming out of my brain and you’re telling me im weak for not being able to bite it back when your emotions have about as much intensity as a bowl of lukewarm porridge. don’t ever fucking criticize me for not being able to control myself when you’re playing life on easy mode and i’ve been stuck on expert all my fucking life. self-control. don’t you fucking talk to me about self-control ever again. you have no idea what the fuck you’re even talking about. fuck off.
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dcomposing · 5 years
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jumin route rewrite???
ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail
for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao
this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)
anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol
okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:
it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 
the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.
SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)
the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.
with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.
i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(
in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)
day 5:
VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!
jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol
so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!
final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.
days 6-8:
you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.
this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk
this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)
chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.
VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 
 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.
BAD STORY END 1:
if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.
the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.
the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.
BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:
if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.
day 9:
a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”
anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 
everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away
this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 
it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 
you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”
MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.
BAD STORY END 2:
obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.
this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.
i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol
BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:
again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.
the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.
day 10:
3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)
seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.
yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 
later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.
finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.
everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 
jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”
and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.
BAD STORY END 3:
pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.
i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol
party (GE ver):
you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first
date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.
the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.
party (NE ver):
you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.
this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.
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elsaclack · 5 years
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HELLO the general consensus is that a masterpost would be Good so!! here i am!! masterposting!! this is split by fandom in reverse-chronological order (newest on top) but i will tell u i’m not even gonna TRY with the one-shot collections bc honestly i have. No Memory Whatsoever as to when i posted those in relation to the independent fics lmao. most are on ao3 only but i will include tumblr links where applicable!! and if you think of one i’ve written (or that you think i’ve written) that you don’t see on this list, please don’t hesitate to send me an ask about it!!
BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
kiss prompt #26
2. moving around while kissing, stumbling over things, pushing each other back against the wall/onto the bed
AO3
kiss prompt #25
7. routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing
AO3
kiss prompt #24
7. routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing
[PLATONIC]
AO3
kiss prompt #23
10. staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them, before giving in
AO3
kiss prompt #22
12. a hoarse whisper "kiss me"
AO3
kiss prompt #21
18. kisses where one person is sitting in the other’s lap
AO3
kiss prompt #20
19. kisses meant to distract the other person from whatever they were intently doing
AO3
kiss prompt #19
15. a gentle “i love you” whispered after a soft kiss, followed immediately by a stronger kiss
AO3
kiss prompt #18
8. being unable to open their eyes for a few moments afterward
AO3
kiss prompt #17
11. when one stops the kiss to whisper “I’m sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more
AO3
kiss prompt #16
16. when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead
AO3
you’re a king, and i’m a lionheart
“What about...what about Jacob?” An overwhelming sense of rightness settles light as air over Roger’s shoulders as he turns the name over in his mind. Jacob. Prince Jacob. Prince Jacob of the House of Peralta, Duke of Southport. “Jacob,” he murmurs, and he could swear his son smiles. The sun breaks low on the horizon the morning of Prince Jacob’s birth - and far, far away, across a vast forest and a roiling sea beyond it, a lurking Duchess begins to plot.
"In which Jake is the prince notorious for running head-first into danger and Amy is the main guard in charge of keeping him alive."
AO3
and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?
He can’t remember exactly how old he was when Halley’s Comet blazed through the sky, but he was old enough to at least understand that what he saw was, for most people, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. He remembers the blinding missile-like blur of pure light that streaked across the inky black sky, the feathery trails of starlight that followed along behind her as she tore through the galaxy, the way she flickered and winked as she disappeared beyond the horizon.
And he remembers his mother telling him, in a voice he recognized even then to be warbling with reverence and emotion, how lucky he is to be among those lucky few who will get to witness Halley’s blazing trail twice in one lifetime.
AO3
untitled song lyric prompt #3
“sometimes in the dead of night when you think you can’t make it, you might find i left a light beside the bed for you, ‘cause i’ve been there, too”
AO3
untitled song lyric prompt #2
“That drink you spilt all over me, lovers spit left on repeat, my mom and dad let me stay home, it feels so scary getting old”
AO3
untitled song lyric prompt #1
“I’ve already packed my promises, they’re waiting by the door”
AO3
the good place frozen yogurt prompt #3
inside jokes
AO3
the good place frozen yogurt prompt #2
unmitigated joy
AO3
the good place frozen yogurt prompt #1
grandma’s kisses
AO3
now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way
“Y’know what? Just - just go ahead. Ruin it. I don’t care. It’s just a dumb ceremony anyways. I love Jake, and I know he loves me, and - and we don’t have to have some big fancy ceremony to prove it. I’m going to marry him,” she says slowly, firmly, “and there is nothing you can do to stop it.”
AO3
untitled prompt #25
"Okay so what about a fic based on pregnant amy santiago wearing a bathrobe?"
AO3
i’m on the edge of a broken heart
Amy Santiago is a vision of beauty.
“Hey,” he says, suddenly winded by the mere sight of her. He falls back to his heels, lets his hands fall down to his sides, and watches as she slowly paces toward him. “I was just…I thought I might…clean.”
Aside from reaching to toss her shirt and purse across the chaise to his right, she remains very still. “You never clean.” she finally says after a long stretch of silence.
There is no inquisitiveness to her tone. There is no confusion in her face. It’s a statement of fact, yes, but the complete lack of emotion in her entire demeanor is a clear and flashing neon sign pointing to the calm before the storm.
AO3
je vais t’attendre là
On the morning of April 28th, Jake Peralta wakes to the smell of pancakes burning on the griddle.
He can tell when he rolls just slightly on his side that the blankets have been pulled up and neatly tucked in over the other half of the mattress, but even that slight change in angle brings him in contact with a part of the mattress still warm from Amy’s sleeping body. His shirt is also still warm where it’s stretched across his shoulders - there’s even a spot on the back of his neck that is cooler than the rest, probably leftover from the kiss she pressed there before she rolled out of bed.
He smiles as he rubs his fingertips over the spot. How she managed to burn breakfast in what is likely just a matter of minutes is entirely beyond him.
AO3
that i need you because it’s so hard to be who i am
But then it’s 7:30 and the last of her belongings are finally unloaded and carefully placed in and on her new desk and she’s straightening up the last picture of the two of them from the night they got engaged right beside her brand new computer monitor while she talks about what they should order for dinner (she’s been dealing with a hankering for good Chinese food ever since Vin mentioned the authentic Chinese cuisine he ate the last time he was in Tianjin and Jake is definitely not still vaguely jealous of the general lifestyle Vin leads) and Jake’s stomach is hollow, hollow, hollow.
That’s what makes the rumbling so loud, he thinks.
AO3
you look happy to me
The ball is several hours underway by the time Amy manages to track her children down again - out on the terrace of all places. The doors are propped open to welcome the balmy summer breeze rippling through the curtains (the ones that miraculously survived the dress incident of a few weeks ago), and though the sounds of her guests in fellowship around her and the gentle sounds of the string quartet in the corner command most of her auditory attention, the boisterous male laughter she’s grown all-too-familiar with rings clear and true above the rest.
Of course her children are with Jake.
(She wonders if the day she trusts her nanny to properly watch her children will ever come.)
AO3
you clicked your heels and wished for me
She’s not sure if it’s instinct or her skills as an amazing detective-slash-genius, but Amy knows from the moment she steps into their apartment that something is off.
AO3
untitled one-shot #7
She’s got that look on her face again - the one that makes his heart feel like it’s fluttering in his chest - and when she reaches across the center console to touch his forearm, her hand is warm from the coffee. “Jake,” she murmurs, and his face is burning. “You’re -” she stops and shakes her head, and then starts again. “You are literally the sweetest, most kind and thoughtful and attentive person I’ve ever met.”
He covers her hand with his own and tilts his head to the side, until it’s leaning against the headrest.
AO3
untitled prompt #24
you ever think about what would have happened if it was amy and rosa who worked with hawkins, rather than rosa and jake?
AO3
untitled one-shot #6
The morning of June 15th begins suddenly with a low voice in her ear.
“Amelia Maria Santiago-Peralta,” the voice is quiet, but it rumbles with delight. And even though she groans instinctively at her abrupt return to consciousness, she can’t help but to smile when his lips brush against her ear. “Do you know what today is?”
“Mmm,” she turns her head to bury her face in her pillow for one more moment, before rolling over to her back. When her eyes flutter open she finds him leaning over her, propped up on his elbow, grinning far too brightly for six o’clock in the morning. “It’s Friday,” she mumbles, “and my middle name’s not Maria.”
AO3
let ‘em wonder how we got this far
Amy Santiago does not get sick, thank you very much.
AO3
i’ll always do my best to make you see
The merry misadventures of Morrissey and Schmidt
one | two | three | four | five | six
they say that dreaming is free, but i wouldn’t care what it cost me
This is not a dream. It may look like one, what with all the fairy lights and the flashing red-and-blue strobe lights and that inexplicable feeling of weightlessness originating from somewhere down in his bones, but it’s real. It’s really happening. Amy Santiago is walking down the aisle, in a white dress, with flowers in her hands and a smile on her face and enough love to eradicate the concept of hate in her eyes, and it’s real. She’s walking down the aisle, toward the podium, where she’s going to get married. To him, Jake Peralta. This is not a dream.
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you’ll always be the only one
"since im such an evil person, i just imagined... what would’ve happened if they didnt find out about the bomb...?"
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you held your course to some distant war in the corners of your mind
The vast majority of his view through the rear view mirror is blocked by Amy’s head, raised a bit higher than usual thanks in large part to the hump that makes up the middle seat. He’s certain that’s going to present a problem once they’re on the road and moving, but he’s rather grateful for her presence in his line of vision at the moment. She’s not looking at him, but rather, at the tiny human bundled up like a baby burrito in the car seat to her left. She’s got a big goofy grin on her face and her brows keep rising and falling with each changing expression. A smile - probably the billionth in the last two days - blossoms across his face as he watches her make silly faces at their literally-hours-old daughter.
Brand new car, brander newer daughter.
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build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung
In truth, when Jake made the decision to answer Charles’ incoming phone call an hour earlier, he hand’t really expected much. Maybe a live update of something cute Nikolaj was doing, maybe commentary on whatever inedible animal part he was forcing himself to eat at the time, maybe another Cats-related pun. He expected something ordinary.
au where jake and amy find out they're expecting the same way cece and schmidt do on new girl
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kiss prompt #15
First kisses: Hesitant and nervous. Lips hover inches from each other for a few seconds before they just barely brush. It’s just a soft press, but it ignites their entire bodies. Pinkies link afterwards, still wanting to be close, and each looks down, smiling softly.
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kiss prompt #14
Angry kisses: Hard, gripping. Fists in clothes, shoving each other against walls. Fingers digging into hips. But the kisses always melt away from that. They turn into brushes of lips between shaking breaths, until they’re out of energy and are left just standing there, holding each other, fingers carding through hair.
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kiss prompt #13
Heated kisses: Breath huffing into mouths, angrily or passionately. Hands grabbing at clothing and pulling each other closer.
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kiss prompt #12
“I thought I lost you” kisses: The breath is knocked out of both of them with the force that they collide with. Hands grip the back of t-shirts and palms are pressed up and under shirts, holding them close, feeling the warmth of their skin. Palms are pressed to cheeks, thumbs swiping away tears until their mouths collide messily, the world seeming to disappear around them.
[VERSON 2]
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kiss prompt #11
After sex kisses: Lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving. Soft murmurs about what to do for dinner later, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns. B rolling onto their back and A trailing their lips down their neck, kissing their shoulder, their chest, anywhere they can think of, memorizing B.
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kiss prompt #10
“We can’t do this” kisses: Fists clenched, hands shoved into pockets. Brows low or brought together, jaws clenched. A feeling like a magnetic pull between them. Their foreheads press together, their lips brush, just barely, until B pulls away with a shaking exhale, forehead dropping into A’s neck.
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kiss prompt #9
“You look beautiful” kisses: Just a soft press of lips to the temple, resting them there for a moment, then smiling down and telling them as much.
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kiss prompt #8
Breathless kisses: A series of short pecks because they need the closeness but they also need air, so. Sometimes smiles come in between, or sometimes its just breath, gasping for the sole purpose of being able to kiss again.
[tw: description of near-drowning and mentions of stomach pumping (y’know standard breathless kiss prompt stuff)]
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kiss prompt #7
In the dark kisses: The movie plays in the background, but A and B are hardly paying attention from the back row. They kiss soundlessly, long and soft, fingers locked. A’s arm is thrown behind B’s seat, wrist bent to curl their fingers into B’s hair.
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kiss prompt #6
Hello kisses: After long periods apart, these can include A picking up B and spinning them around. Fingers pressing into cheeks, palms cupping necks, and breathless laughs when they finally come up for air.
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kiss prompt #5
“I thought I lost you” kisses: The breath is knocked out of both of them with the force that they collide with. Hands grip the back of t-shirts and palms are pressed up and under shirts, holding them close, feeling the warmth of their skin. Palms are pressed to cheeks, thumbs swiping away tears until their mouths collide messily, the world seeming to disappear around them.
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kiss prompt #4
Comforting kisses: B walks into find A sitting on the bed, shoulders shaking, cheeks wet. A looks up, face looking stricken for a moment. B is shocked, and quietly says A’s name. At this, A breaks, face crumpling, and only barely has time to reach both hands out for B before B is there, kneeling at A’s feet. B takes A’s hands first, kissing their knuckles and palms. Then B reaches up to hold A’s face, pressing soft kisses around their cheeks, their lips, murmuring “it’s okay” and “you’re alright” and “I’m here” in between.
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kiss prompt #3
“Come to bed” kisses: A has their hands on B’s neck, murmuring the phrase softly. A’s hands slide down B’s arms to their hands, lacing their fingers together and slowly starting to pull B towards their bedroom. A continues to pepper B with kisses all the while, trailing them down their jaw and neck.
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kiss prompt #2
“I missed you” kisses: Long and relentless, holding their body close, arms wrapped completely around their waist. A burying their head in B’s neck and pressing kisses there too.
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kiss prompt #1
“I’ll be right back” kisses: A puts their hands on B’s shoulders from behind them, where they are sat on the couch. A leans down and around, while B turns their head a little, accepting the quick peck.
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on my heart like a tattoo
Amy’s a month old, too young to remember anything, and he shows up on her skin for the very first time in the form of an explosion of color.
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don’t read the last page
There’s dry candle wax on the floor by the window and glitter stuck to the soles of her feet; somewhere down in the lobby their friend is carrying her shoes out into a blizzard, the fruits of her expensive Polaroid camera lying forgotten on the rug. Outside the world is muted and painted white with snow, the pain and misery and heartache of the year behind them left at the 11:59 threshold the night before. They faded to nothing at the stroke of midnight, at the heart-stopping meld of their lips, at his hooded smile to the sounds of their friends celebrating all around them, at the way his whispered we’re getting married this yearwas nearly lost in the commotion. Not quite the blank slate of it’s predecessors - but so much better.
The music ends and they keep swaying, clinging, too stubborn to let go. Their apartment is a wreck of discarded Solo cups and empty bottles and dirty dishes but he is warm and soft and he smells so good; eyes squeezed shut, fingers tangled in his shirt, to the beat of her heart her mind chants forever.
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untitled one-shot #5
Amy’s back is toward him but he can see her arm moving in a slow rhythm - probably drawing patterns in the small shag rug at the foot of their bed - and aside from the slight turn of her head, she doesn’t acknowledge his arrival. The apartment is warm, a welcome reprieve to the bitter cold bartering for entrance at their windows, and even though he can see the snow falling thick and swirling in the space between their curtains he can feel the warmth trickling down his fingers and toes.
“Hey,” he says, voice almost boisterous in the comfortable silence swaddling them both. She turns toward him a little more, peering at him through her lashes - and now he can see the pinkness around her nose has spread over her cheeks and darkened to an angrier color, the used, crumpled tissues like confetti on the floor over the top of her head. “Why’re you on the floor?”
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come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
The worn soles of her Ugg boots scuff along the dingy carpet beneath their feet, and her scarf - now draped over one shoulder - drags along the ground behind her. Her mittens, over-stuffed puffy coat, matching ski pants, and thick wool beanie complete the look; he’s honestly never seen her look more Randy from A Christmas Story than she does in this moment.
It is without question the cutest thing he’s ever seen in his life.
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if you want me to stay, i will stay by your side
For someone whose job requires an unusually large amount of personal risk on a near daily basis, Amy Santiago has not dedicated much time considering how she might one day die. The vague assumption that it will probably happen on the job - via stray bullets or careening cars or massive explosions - has been enough to satisfy any musing.
She never imagined doctor's visits or specialist consultations or diagnoses. She never imagined hospital gowns and thinning hair and chemotherapy.
And she never, ever imagined cancer.
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in these dark ad quiet hours
There are unanswered texts on both of their phones, lunch invitations waiting to be received, inquiries about dinner plans or post-work drinks demanding responses; there are fresh boxes of his favorite cereal and his preferred brand of hot chocolate in the kitchen cabinets waiting to be poured. Life, their life, ebbs and flows along the perimeter of their mattress. But they ignore it for now, for just a few more minutes of this. For just a few more minutes of them.
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untitled prompt #23
SO..UH...IS IT TIME FOR YOU TO BLESS US WITH ANOTHER DOMESTIC PERALTIAGO FIC???? (pleaseeeeeeeee)
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survival will not be the hardest part
Of course, it’s not a normal Wednesday. Because on this particular Wednesday, Amy’s functioning on two hours of sleep and approximately five and a half cups of coffee. On this particular Wednesday, she’s simultaneously starving and nauseous, having gotten so caught up in this murder case she’s been working with Rosa that she simply hasn’t had the time to eat. She’s exhausted and clammy and probably just about on the verge of succumbing to the flu she knows has been going around the beat cops downstairs.
She’s also exactly one month out from her wedding day.
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even if the skies get rough
It’s sixty-five degrees in the waiting room of Jericho Supermax Prison and Jake Peralta is absolutely disintegrating in her arms.
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the stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is ours
This has her eyes splitting open and her brow furrowing at once. Jake may have only been acquitted and released from prison three days ago but already she’s readjusted to sharing the bed again; to find it empty is to choke down a small, skittish wave of panic. The mattress is still warm, after all - he was in bed recently. And now that her senses are starting to fire on all cylinders, she’s absorbing the heavy scent of coffee and bacon in the air and the sounds of Taylor Swift playing quietly nearby.
And then she hears his voice - quiet, but still cracking as he tries to sing along with a high note.
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untitled prompt #22
What if like in the fanfics, amy actually did get engaged to teddy during jake's undercover op?? and the boy comes back actually finding amy's Wedding binder on her desk and jake's like What The Fuck! !!!??!? and emo while simultaneously trying to be supportive bc this is an exciting thing for amy nd he doesnt want to be the one to ruin it. Imagine jake not showing up at the wedding bc he rlly wouldnt be able to take it only to find amy clad in her wedding dress in his doorstep a few hours later
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untitled prompt #21
Do you think amy dies a little inside everytime she catches jake looking at her with the Soft look? like she's definitely seen it and she's probably teased him about it at some point but home girl probably loves it so! much! and she loves him so much and HE loves her so much too! she knows that with her whole being but it catches her offguard sometimes bc this sunshine boy really loves her to bits and he's so good to her and he makes her so so so happy and amy needs to lie down
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untitled one-shot #4
It’s the solid landing of a tiny hand against his cheek, quickly followed by a quiet gasp and a muffled giggle, that rouses Jake from sleep.
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untitled prompt #20
it's canon that jake makes mixtapes so what if he has a box of them labeled with the day they were made and what if amy finds that stash while jake is absent for some reason (based on ur need for Angst™, this reason is up for interpretation) and spends a day going through them, laughing at her nerd bf & his mixtapes ranging from tswift to conner4real to toni braxton until she finds one labeled with the date that he went undercover. again, based on the angst need, this can go so many ways
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untitled prompt #19
How cute would Amy's first Mother's Day be...
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untitled prompt #18
Imagine Jake taking Amy to dinner after her exam to celebrate, and at the restaurant he keeps telling people at nearby tables that his girlfriend just became a sergeant, because he's just so proud and wants to brag about her. And Amy pretends to be exasperated but she can't hold back a smile
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untitled prompt #17
This is the first time in three weeks she’s allowed herself to exist within the walls once stretched to capacity with love, with laughter, with the occasional healthy bouts of exasperation. And really, honestly, she hadn’t intended to snoop. She was just searching for a certain hoodie - one she lived in for months at a time a year ago when this Jake-shaped hole was first blown through her chest - and in the process of looking through old boxes stacked at the back of the hall closet that never really got around to being unpacked, she’d found a binder.
A binder with her father’s name in Garamond typeface emblazoned across the front cover.
(She can’t help but instinctively wrinkle her nose - she would have chosen Tahoma.)
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untitled prompt #16
Hey there! I got an idea for Peraltiago (bc i am trash) One of them gets EXTREMELY wasted and forgets that they're actually dating the other so they start shamelessly flirting with them. The other just plays along. I feel like this would fit Amy cause of "The Santiago Drunkenness Scale" but I'd love to see (in this case, read) a drunk and goofy Jake fall in love all over again. But you decide which is best! P.S I really love your work! ^_^
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untitled prompt #15
Amy has to go in for some kind of procedure, very low key, everything's kosher. However, since she's gonna be out of it for a few hours, Jake has to take care of her.
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untitled prompt #14
Plz write a fluffy fic about when Amy and the ladies + Charles get hammered for rosas bachelorette party Amy either talks to them about Jake or comes home to Jake and is adorable and lovey
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untitled one-shot #3
The first thing Jake does after the bailiff announces the not-guilty verdict is high-five his lawyer. The second thing he does is high-five Rosa.
The third, and perhaps most dramatic thing he does, is turn around, vault the low wall separating the audience from the rest of the courtroom, and kiss Amy.
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untitled prompt #13
Can you write something where jake and Amy go to hook up in the evidence locker or closet or something and end up getting stuck and Amy is like !!!well shit!!! Cause she's claustrophobic
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you did this to him
"So Jake's doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing?"
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untitled prompt #12
could you please write what was going through jake's and amy's minds when figgus had jake at gun point??
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untitled one-shot #2
“Jake,” Amy’s voice is low and soothing as she pulls the car smoothly to the side of the road. Jake grunts, too busy flipping through his notecards to verbalize a response. “Jake, babe, please relax. It’s okay. There are seven of them. I can’t even remember all of their names.”
“That is the biggest lie you’ve ever told me in your entire life, and that includes the time you tried to tell me McGinley asked you to clean out the fridge in the breakroom.”
“Oh my God, it’s been seven years, are you ever gonna let that go?”
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untitled prompt #11
Amy and jake laughing and/or discussing teddy proposing to her
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untitled prompt #10
I can't stop wondering about the scar on Jake's back that he got by banging into Amy's kitchen cabinet. How did it happen? Were they making out? Was he cooking and something fell to the ground? What did Jakey do this time? ... Think of this as a prompt if you need/want one.
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untitled prompt #9
If you're not too busy with prompts, Jake x Amy and the phrase "you fight like a married couple". Thank you :)
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untitled prompt #8
can you write an angsty fic about jake reacting to an old friend dying and amy trying to comfort him??
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when you press me to your heart, i’m in a world apart
“Do you ever think about all the time we lost?”
Jake asks the question quietly, half-mumbled against her neck. The tone of his voice is the same as it has been for the last hour they’ve spent laying in her bed - light, carefree, relaxed. His fingers trace lightly over her side, having edged beneath the hem of her t-shirt twenty minutes ago to trace circles and hearts and swirls over her ribs; all-in-all, far away enough that he probably doesn’t notice the fact that her heart has just skipped a beat.
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watching through my fingers
Eyes closed, one swollen, a violet bruise that gives way in places to greener colors marking the shape of the fist that put it there, slanted down from just above her brow to her cheekbone. Beautiful and painful, like a sunset that rips his heart out of his body. Her eyelids are delicate and thin, so so breakable, hiding those warm brown eyes from smiling up at him and assuring him that everything is okay. It’s all okay. She’s okay.
He is not okay.
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don’t be fools, thinking this is the last you’ll find
Jake gets nervous for the second time on their first official date when they make it back to Amy’s apartment. More specifically, when they’re standing just outside of the entrance to her apartment. When her hair, so light and wavy and tantalizing, is moving just slightly in the late-night breeze and her eyes are bright from both the alcohol and the laughter that filled the long stretch of time after that alcohol; his whole entire chest is suddenly seized with nerves. He hasn’t been this close to her since the copy room at work earlier, just one hour after their evidence lock-up kiss. He swallows thickly and her eyes flick down at the movement.
His dart down to her lips. He’s just a beat too late coming back up to her eyes.
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untitled prompt #7
I need a scene where Jake is sad so to cheer him up Amy gives him a picture of her and Charles from when they wore the same outfit while Jake was undercover
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untitled prompt #6
I really need to dump 'Jake gets framed for murder/some other crime and has to spend some time in prison, while the team fights to clear his name and get him out' on someone, Peraltiago of course, and may be Doug Judy is looking after Jake in prison. ??? IDK
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untitled prompt #5
Do you think you could write a fic where jake and Amy get into a big fight and go back to their own places but they're both super sad about it and make it up to each other in the morning?
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romeo, save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel
B99 Au idea where Amy never worked in the 9-9 and instead has been groomed by Madeline Wuntch her entire professional career as her protégé, leading to a Romeo-and-Julietesque romance and rivalry between Ray Holt’s own protégé, causing them to have to hide their relationship once they have their asses in gear - Tumblr user stardustsantiago
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and the bells are ringing out
Jake Peralta is sitting in the interrogation room.
It’s strange, Amy thinks as she watches him through the glass. They’ve probably been in this same position at least three dozen times before - her on this side, him on that one - but never once has she been quite this anxious. Never once has he seemed quite so frail.
Never once has he tended to his own minor wounds, or held his own ice pack to his bruised and swollen eye, or watched the door with as much quiet intensity.
Never once has he been a victim.
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we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill
It’s not constant, but it’s enough - it strikes a chord deep within her, reverberating back through the years and vibrating in her very bones, each instance blazing in her memory like a makeshift patchwork quilt spanning back over a decade to that first lonely stakeout in their prologue.
A series of snapshots of Jake Peralta's pursuit of happiness.
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you can tell me when it’s over if the high was worth the pain
Once upon a time, there was a knight in shining pantsuit armor who rescued a fair prince from an evil hawk's detention center...
Or, Amy has never been one to lie down at the face of injustice; this is especially true when the one facing injustice happens to be the love of her life.
Post s4 finale fic, in 4 movements.
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should i suffocate or let go
Amy's not sure, really, when her life became so tragic.
She’s not a tragic person. She’s never known sorrow in an intimate way, never really felt her bones turn cold with it. Organization keeps the demons at bay; she knows this as surely as she knows her own name.
Enter: Jake Peralta.
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all my seconds, minutes, lifetimes for you and only you
“You had me worried for a minute, there,” he tells her quietly while she lavishes attention on the faded freckles along his shoulders.
(It’s code: you could have just talked to me.)
She pauses, long eyelashes fluttering against her cheekbones, before tilting her head back up to peer at him. “I knew you’d find me eventually,” she says off-handedly. “I just - I freaked myself out.”
(It’s also code: you and I both know I would only have freaked out more.)
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hold on to hope if you’ve got it
He wonders, distantly, what the soul mate science says about situations like this. He wonders as the cool backside of Amy’s hand presses against his forehead; he wonders as he loses touch completely with reality, as his mind comes unhinged and tears spewing down his face spread at an alarming rate across the mattress beneath his violently tilted head.
Who's he supposed to turn to when she can’t be there for him?
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i think i’m tired of getting over it
She’s not sure about the how or the when or the why, but on one warm afternoon in May, Gina is faced with the realization that one Rosa Diaz has become an undeniable cornerstone in her life. Gina almost hates herself for allowing this to happen, for allowing this one person to become so intimately entangled in the life she’s built for herself that the moment that person disappears from it, everything comes crashing down again. Her eyes are open and she can still see colors and feel textures and the world is still real and spinning, except her mind has dropped off back into that void and there is nothing there to pull her out, there is no one, nothing, gone gone gone -
“Gina?” Gina blinks, and Amy Santiago’s face comes fading into view.
[a s4 finale prediction]
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just let the pain remind you hearts can heal
He’s been walking a fine line recently. She’s been out of the hospital for less than a week, and while she’s been incredibly diligent about following all of the instructions the doctor gave her about medicine and physical therapy, she’s been all but belligerent about the bed rest side of things. It’s hard to tell her no, and not just because one pleading look would be enough to convince Jake to commit arson for her; Amy Santiago can be quite intimidating when she wants to be.
(Part of him wonders just how much that terrifying look hardened while she was undercover. Part of him never ever wants to know.)
[set in the sleepwalking universe]
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the well-worn pages of my favorite book
"How dare you tempt me with a small bookstore!"
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untitled prompt #4
omg idk if this has been done yet, but imagine an au with jake and amy where amy is an artist and jake is a photographer or something and they're each others muses like o m g
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untitled prompt #3
um hi love your writing BUCKETS - prompt for after tonight's ep, jake goes home and accidentally lets it slip that he wants to have kids at some point (a la mentioning he kissed holt - totally unintentional, slips out by mentioning charles in convo with amy, potentially??)
AND
Prompt! The night of Captain Latvia, Jake talks to Amy about his thoughts on what Boyle said about Jake never becoming a dad.
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untitled prompt #2
Prompt idea: get this... jake amy in highschool .. prom is coming up.. amy cant go something comes up.. jake is super excited but .. instead stays with amy at her house playing board games in pjs
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untitled prompt #1
do you have any headcanons for jake and amy on valentine's day? an idea of mine is that they're both working late and so they can't go out for dinner or anything and thus jake feels bad and buys amy all the tacky valentine's gifts he can find within a mile radius of the precinct
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untitled one-shot #1
Amy can tell something’s off the moment she steps off the elevator.
To the naked eye, everything about the bullpen appears to be perfectly normal. There are three perps sitting in holding, and Charles is bickering with Scully over the coffee pot in the break room. Gina’s engrossed in whatever is illuminating her face on her computer screen, Rosa’s scribbling something in the margin of what appears to be official paperwork, and Holt’s office door is closed. She can see Terry’s back through the open blinds - the two appear to be deep in conversation.
The only one missing is Jake - which is why she’s immediately suspicious.
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baby, you were my picket fence
Amy snatches it and takes a long pull, screwing her eyes shut against the bitter taste, but even as she coughs and splutters as she lowers the bottle again Rosa finds that she just can’t make fun of her. “Good? Or do I need to order another bottle?”
“Another,” says Amy, and then, “he’s gone.”
Rosa stiffens, gaze lifting to scan over the crowd around them. “Who?” She asks quietly when she can’t spot the threat.
“Jake.”
She deflates. “Yeah, he left, like, three hours ago -”
“Not three hours ago, ten minutes ago. And he - he stopped me in the parking lot, as I was on my way out.” She swallows again, thickly this time, and Rosa clenches her jaw. “He confessed - he told me that he likes me.”
For a split-second, Rosa has to fight the craziest urge to laugh. It’s all so juvenile - a boy confessed he liked her and she’s immediately distraught, how utterly cliche - before the implications of it all belatedly hit her. “Oh.”
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this girl right here’s gonna rule the world
Could you write something where Rosa encourages Gina to think about becoming a cop/something post coral palms pt3??? Xoxoxo - ANONYMOUS
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don’t let our hearts freeze
I see a lot of Jake helping Amy with panick attacks but not much of the opposite and you write intimate moments between them so well, so would you write the first time Jake feels safe enough with Amy to call her when he gets a panick attack (establish relationship) ? - FUCKINGDAMNITDEAN
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just say you won’t let go
Hey there, I love your writing, so if you're ever up to, could you write Rosa and Charles watching the surveillance tapes from the evidence lock up in episode 03x01? I just think it would be so funny to actually see (in this case read) Charles watching Jake and Amy killing a guy with their kiss, and Rosa telling him to chill (while secretly smiling to herself). - ANONYMOUS
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my life before was tragic
Prompt! After Jake and Amy start dating, Jake finds the ring from The Bet in Amy's desk and asks her why she went back to get it. - ANONYMOUS
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stuck in second gear
HAS ANYONE WRITTEN A JAKE AND AMY PROPOSAL THAT HAPPENS JUST LIKE MONICA AND CHANDLER’S PROPOSAL - Tumblr user youngsamberg
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the roads ahead are paved with good intentions
i just remembered this and i think it’s really interesting that amy told teddy both times jake told her he liked her, before and after he went undercover - Tumblr user youngsamberg
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heaven and earth have finally aligned
ANONYMOUS: so do you have any headcanons regarding the Jake and Amy stills from the wedding? (I.e. write a short fic based on the pictures of them)  
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i’ll be there for you
Hey, do you know an episode of friends where Monica and Chandler are secretly dating and he accidentally kisses her in front of Phoebe and Rachel? Can you write that Peraltiago-stylez? Please please pleeeaase?
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i'm still waiting patiently
i am ONLY asking bc i'm a self destructive mess rn but if ur in an angst writing mood could u write something where like jake has to cheat on amy while he's in florida???? idk????? i love angst
[PLEASE NOTE: i didn't write this exact prompt]
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something like that
i don't know if you're taking prompts but could you do Jake and Amy's first kiss like Nick and Jess. AUish. Idk. THANK YOU FOR EXISTING
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when i’m wiser and i’m older
Jake has six months worth of missed cuddling with one Amy Santiago, and he does not intend to waste any time in catching up - pain killers and airplanes be damned.
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just like a movie, just like a song
Amy Santiago does not break rules.
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where the numb meets the lonely
Anonymous said: Okay so I was just thinking about the fact that Jake and Amy's one-year anniversary probably occurred while Jake has been in Florida- do you think Jake had like a fake anniversary celebration with Amy's selfie? Also thinking about Jake and Amy not getting to be together for their anniversary makes me sad.
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and as our eyes start to close
He’s gone thirty-some-odd years without mourning his lack of a broad English vernacular, but that all changes the first time he sets foot into his new apartment after living in Florida for six months.
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you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me
Pertaigo oneshot where Amy has a really really bad panic attack? It can be at the prescient can be there to - ANONYMOUS
Can you please write Amy having a sever anxiety attack? - ANONYMOUS
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and you’re the sky
JAKE AND AMY MEET THE EXACT SAME WAY JANE AND MICHAEL DO AU (an unassuming beat cop shows up to her epic twenty first birthday door and gets mistaken for a stripper) - PHIL-THE-STONE
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how can i be an optimist about this?
ok for a jake/amy prompt how about their first fight as a married couple? can be as simple or as angsty as you please! - ANONYMOUS
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i promise that you'll never be lonely
Hi this is the same anon with the moving in together prompt so i have two and I'm not sure if these are more one-shotty or if you've done these before but 1)jake and/or amy's inner thoughts during johnny and dora 2) amy calling her mom to tell her about jake and her answering all of those *annoying* mom questions also are you on ff. net and or ao3? sorry you've probably posted about it before but I just started following so i don't know - ANONYMOUS
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and i see colors in a different way
as payback for the dress she wore and having to dance with scully in the bet amy plans a bad date to take jake on even though she doesnt expect to use it and later (while dating jake?) finds her notes while going through and cleaning out some old binders/notebooks - ANONYMOUS
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why don't you sit right down and stay awhile?
Prompt! Jake finds out Amy has never seen diehard and takes her to see it immediately - TARDIISBLUE
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to make up for the times i've been cheated on
u heathen okAY OKAY imma be Terrible and say Jake gets shot protecting Captain Holt and Amy and Rosa react ;;;;)))))))))))))) - PHIL-THE-STONE
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got that good song in my feet
prompt! six drink amy around jake in established relationship (i.e she's no longer lonely,, she's more clingy and emotional?? idk) :))) - FOURDRINKAMY
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i'd pay to see you smile
I've seen AU oneshots where Amy arrests civilian!Jake, but what about one where he arrests her--maybe a bit of a Doug Judy S2 ep type situation where she's flirting with him and he's into it but then catches himself? - GRYFFINDORSWEATER
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six days
Watching the speech scene in The Funeral where Jake is so adamantly willing to get demoted and Ames is trying to convince him that it’s his dream job and he shouldn’t let it go that easily and then he tells her ‘Amy…this good’
Like. I know they were both already way too deep once they started it, but?? I really?? Need someone to write a fic centering around Jake’s PoV during those six days? What was he thinking while he and Amy did Normal Couple Things? Did he constantly get streams of thoughts that revolved around how this is a reality that he’s alive and he’s not dreaming and how amazing this whole thing is that he can openly give her the Looks and hold her hand and snuggle with her and he can openly show her affection because they’re dating now?? I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE A FIC PLS
- Tumblr user tall-butt
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i’ve been sleepwalking too close to the fire
Amy goes undercover immediately following the events of Johnny and Dora. Jake and the others try to deal.
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the only proof that i need is you
"in which Amy makes a habit of ranting to the bartender (about her terrible day, her last awful date, the patriarchy), and Jake takes it upon himself to try to make her smile."
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and let your colors bleed and blend with mine
"in which Jake and Amy are New York’s Most Wanted… or so he thinks. Amy’s actually an undercover cop meant to take him down – except it’s a year into the assignment, her fake feelings for him are a bit too real, and she just can’t imagine turning over this big misunderstood softy to the feds."
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and ignore those big warning signs
“Tell him I’m sorry. Tell him I love him. Please, Charles, I’ll hold them off for as long as I can, just - just go!”
The last words Amy Santiago speaks before waking up alone in a hospital room, handcuffed to her bed.
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i never knew daylight could be so violent
Charles likes to think of himself as the world's first post-apocalyptic gourmet chef.
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and we will put the lonesome on the shelf
They get married on a Saturday evening, and that morning, it rains.
Amy wakes to the gentle tap of steady rainfall knocking gently on the window just three inches back from the very top of her head. For a moment, she lays very still - her sleep-dried eyes blink lazily up at the all-too-familiar ceiling above her head, watching blankly as a dull muted light casts soft shadows that stretch from the window all the way to the ceiling fan in the center of the room. She inhales deeply, so deeply that she feels a faint pop between her shoulder blades, and her eyes flutter shut again.
Seconds later, the stillness of the morning is pierced by an all-too-familiar alarm, and when her eyes fly open, they fly open on the wings of a powerful surge of excitement and adrenaline.
She’s getting married today.
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and i’ll tell you all about it when i see you again
It's snowing by the time they make it home from Brooklyn Methodist Hospital.
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love you inside out
Amy cries the night Jake comes home from Florida.
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most nights, i don’t know anymore
A response to the following prompt:
It isn’t a fanfic unless Main Character has to tear their gaze away from the strip of skin revealed above Love Interest’s waistband when they casually stretch their arms above their head.
----
“It’s the way he looks when he talks about her. There’s just…I don’t know, I can’t explain it. There’s something in his eyes when he talks about her, or when he looks at a photo of her. He would never hurt her. It’s written all over his face.”
“Are you quoting two-thousand-nine Beyonce at me?”
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your arms wrapped around me and this moment
"How did you know they were the one?"
"I just...knew."
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you know that i am home
It’s the sum total of many moving parts that ends up landing him in such a position at such a late hour; the coalescing of several Unfortunate Incidences, of which he had little to no control over, that thrusts him into such a predicament. A series of bad omens, as Gina would later tell him with a knowing smile, that he just couldn’t avoid, because he’s a freight train careening out of control and this is the end of the tracks.
Or something - something like that. It’s hard to think straight at 3 o’clock in the morning.
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my head is an animal
Anonymous: But: Jake is a sleep cuddler. Amy found this out before they were dating. They were on a long stakeout together and it was her shift. Jake fell asleep next to her clung onto her like his life depended on it. She didnt have the heart to wake him. Also: Gina found it out at a sleepover when they were kids. She woke up to Jake almost squeezing her to death. She screamed and threw a pillow at his head. Jake was not amused. Gina never slept beside Jake again.
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i’m with your ghost again
"wait what if there’s a flashback during s4 of Jake and Holt leaving for Florida and it shows them saying goodbye to Amy and Kevin like I am not ready for that but it’s all I want" - Tumblr user youngsamberg
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i’m gonna be free and i’m gonna be fine
It all ends the same way it starts: with a phone call.
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i’m gonna make this place your home
It's 3 AM and Jake is trying to comfort his newborn daughter without waking his wife. Delirious rambling ensues.
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wake me up when it’s all over
A stolen moment between Jake and Amy in the days after he returns from Florida.
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i know places
Missing moment alluded to in the s3 finale:
"No one knows where I live." "I thought you had Amy over there once?" "Yeah, it was fun. I moved the next day."
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riptide
Request: Could you do a fanfiction where an old ex flirts with amy and makes her laugh and jake realises he’s wants to be the only one to make her laugh? JEALOUS JAKE IS THE BEST JAKE
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new york city, please go easy on me tonight
"There isn't a single person in the world I'd rather have on this case than you."
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rivers and roads
"Rivers and roads, rivers and roads, rivers 'til I reach you."
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thunder
Jake is thirty-five years old when he discovers a new breed of thunder.
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until the sweetest words remain
In her four-year stint as an art major, Amy learned a lot of different words to describe beauty. She studied brushstrokes that communicated immeasurable pain and triumph and hope and fear. She learned how one piece of art could capture a moment so intense she felt like she could feel the artist’s breath on her neck. She felt positive that she’d never meet anyone who could make her feel as much as Michelangelo could with just one facial expression.
Until she met Jake.
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of all the things my eyes have seen
Sometimes healing only comes one piece at a time. Sometimes it's so slow, it's painful. And sometimes it only happens when the people we love push us toward it. A stand-alone one shot that spins off from the events of Heliocentrism.
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heliocentrism
Prompt: Amy goes undercover for some time (months maybe??). Jake goes crazy because he misses her like hell and is worried about her. He is very sad. Then she comes back and they are very cute (lots of fluff please!!)
You only need the light when it's burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go.
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THE GOOD PLACE
the song in my head was all that i had
He's Chidi Anagonye, and everything is fine.
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GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
were we the belly of the beast or the sword that fell
The expanse of inky blackness sprawled out before her seems peaceful in spite of Drax’s mind-numbing laughter booming through the Benatar, and though the sound of it grates against her ears even after all the time she’s spent in close quarters with him, she feels her lips twitching, fighting against a smile. He’s off somewhere in the bowels of the ship with Mantis, probably exploring whatever areas they’ve not yet discovered. And she knows Rocket’s busy arguing with Groot near the storage area - apparently explosives don’t mix well with whatever kindling Groot has started to shed. And Peter -
He’d shuffled off to the captain’s quarters with the earpieces of his Zune tucked securely in his ears some time ago.
It seems that all is right in the galaxy.
For now.
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STRANGER THINGS
the wind is low, the birds will sing that you are part of everything
ANONYMOUS ASKED: a fic prompt - Steve gets introduced to El and internally he's like 'guess ive got 5 kids now' :3
She looks very different than she did three days earlier. Gone is the slicked-back hair and heavy eye makeup, gone are the ratty jeans and ripped shirts and jackets. The girl that sits before him now doesn’t particularly look like she’s hiding superpowers. She looks like just that, a girl - radiating innocence and timidity beneath a veritable mop of lazy curls that hang down in her big wide brown eyes. Her clothes are big and baggy and definitely scream hand-me-down but he can tell by looking at her that she has no concept of why that might be a bad thing.
It’s when she slides off the bed and steps toward him - after casting an uncertain glance at Mike - that it really hits him. She reaches up to push her hair out of her eyes and he finally sees them, the depth behind those irises, the strength radiating off of her that seems to originate somewhere down in her bones. What he thought was timidity is now a carefully-restrained surge of pure power. It very nearly floors him.
“Hi,” her voice is soft and measured and her hand is steady as she reaches toward him.
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watching through windows, you’re wondering if i’m okay
The whole house is quiet, the echoes of Billy’s barbaric screaming long-since faded away, but when Mike closes his eyes and inhales deeply enough, he could swear he still smells the faintly tangy scent of whatever that gel was in El’s hair, the one that filled his lungs when he breathed her in. He can still feel the heat of her against him, the way her heart beat so hard and wild against his chest, the way her nails dug into his shoulders through his sweater when he’d hugged her as close and as hard as he could. He can still feel her, alive and breathing, real and there, even though it’s been a couple of hours and he’s had as many brushes with death in that time. The anxiety still bristling in his stomach roars and doubles over on top of itself, threatening to buckle his knees and bring him to the floor for a moment.
It’s the memory of those headlights flaring to near blinding proportions that keeps him steady on his feet. There’s no way that was anything but Eleven.
The aftermath of the group's collective brush with the Mind Flayer and his army.
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