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demigoddreamer · 3 years

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Addressing Batman’s Abuse

Damian: I killed someone

Bruce(and the rest of the batfamily but mostly bruce): It’s ok it’s because of your childhood, you were raised to be an assassin as long as you didn’t murder anyone innocent and do better next time

Dick: I killed someone

Bruce: well i saved them didn’t count bye

Tim: I killed someone

Bruce: Seriously Tim? ok I’m kinda disappointed but i’ll be ok in a little bit(actually idk cause I can’t recall if tim ever killed someone)

Jason: I killed someone

Bruce: HOW DARE YOU BREAK THE NO KILL RULE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF **** WE HAVE MORALS YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER CRIMINAL, A MURDERER, A MONSTER YOU LET THEM WIN IF YOU KILL

Alright enough with the jokes let’s get serious, let’s talk about the abuse. I have a lot to unpack and if you’re like me who doesn’t have the patience to read long things if they don’t matter then i’m sorry . I can read school stuff but fanfiction more than like 30 chapters irritates me which is stupid because I love to read but the human brain is A FUCKING ANNOYING HYPOCRITE. I love the batbros with all my heart and we hate to see bad stuff happen to them. but Bruce...he can get away with hurting the people who he should see as sons and who in turn consider him a father figure. He is essentially taking advantage of their love for his cause. Because the most important thing is batman and the mission which he will hold above his own children, the people in his life who care about him and support him in his insane crusade. Batman is someone who is consumed by this darkness that causes him to sacrifice everything for the mission. It is stated multiple times that his Robins are supposed to be better than him, they’re not needed as assistants in the battlefield but rather emotional support as they bring a little light to Bruce's pain and vengeful darkness. The Robins become better people than Bruce.

There are obvious examples of Bruce’s abuse such as his second Robin now Red Hood Jason Todd. Now I may be biased as he is my favorite but I love all the robins dearly so FREAKING much. Jason is constantly remembered as Batman’s greatest failure. Why is that? we are led to believe it’s because Bruce didn’t save him but really it’s because Jason didn’t fall in line with Batman’s code which is where we see the flaws in Batman’s philosophy. Why doesn’t Batman just kill the Joker? Jason makes some very valid points saying that all Joker does is cause pain and he keeps breaking out of prison and causing more pain and it’s a vicious cycle, a revolving door that Batman refuses to end. Joker and Batman are almost obsessed with each other. But Batman refuses to kill Joker saying if he does he can’t come back and Joker will win. It’s a war between numbers and moral high ground. But in reality who cares if Joker wins? It’s vague what does it even mean? Joker keeps on killing and if he was gone the world would be safer? It doesn’t matter if he wins as long as people live. Jason Todd is someone who is constantly hurt by the people who are supposed to love him. An example of this is Batman choosing to save Joker rather than his own son in the Under the Red Hood storyline. Jason is clearly heartbroken over the fact that Bruce refuses to kill the person who MURDERED HIM saying “I thought I’d be the last person you ever let him hurt” Jason obviously has lots of trauma PTSD depression and he probably just wants to feel safe pleading with Bruce to just kill Joker that’s it saying “doing it because he took me away from you” which Batman refuses just saying I can’t.

Now there’s other instances that make my blood boil such as Batman and Robin #20. Damian died in Batman Inc. and obviously since Bruce can’t ever deal with pain in a healthy constructive way, he goes full dark and rage and sadness. He becomes desperate to bring Damian back, being abusive to Tim even when Batman tried to experiment on Frankenstein to bring Damian back and Tim blew the lab up. But Jason...oh god...Bruce wants Jason on a mission in Ethiopia to bring the people who tried to kill Damian justice . (Talia put a bounty on his head) and then Jason agreed, excited at the chance of working with someone he considers a father again. Jason has ceased his killing he has calmed down from when he tried to hurt them all, his mind was damaged by the lazarus pit and he went insane with pain and rage. From my pseudo psychologist perspective I think he thought hurting them would make his pain cease if he tried to hurt the things that caused his pain it would fix him. Anyway Jason is on kinder terms with them but it’s still rough. They’re not all that kind with him sure he’s made mistakes but they all have and he’s really sorry about it. Anyway after taking those bad guys down they talk about family and trust and faith. Then...Bruce does it and reveals the real reason why they came to Ethiopia. Bruce wanted to bring Jason to the place he DIED. WHERE THERE IS A BUTT TON OF TRAUMA. Jason is just so shocked at first he stands there looking numb. He isn't even angry yet. He stands there feeling the pain of that horrible day saying”You lied to me. this wasn't about taking down those mercenaries. You wanted to bring me here..to the worst place in the world...and here I was starting to believe all your crap about trust and faith” He sounds broken which he is he’s been broken by so many people and now Bruce who isn’t supposed to break him just did by taking advantage of him and bringing him to somewhere of horrible trauma. Bruce reveals that he brought Jason here so he could figure out how to bring Damian back to life explaining “Those killers were the mission but this was something else something I couldn’t ignore I thought bringing you here could jog your memory-maybe retrieve a buried buried deep in your subconscious that could help piece together how you came to life so I” and Jason finishes this saying “-could apply it to getting Damian back. Yeah I get it. Did it ever occur to you I might like keeping whatever the hell happened to me buried deep?”Obviously, Jason doesn’t want to relieve his trauma, he doesn’t want to deal with what happened to him a second time. He just wants to move on but Bruce won’t let him. Bruce doesn’t seem to acknowledge Jason’s trauma nor does he seem to care for his well being. “If you cared about me, you wouldn’t want me to dredge up the one thing I've been trying to forget. I don’t want to remember the most horrific day of my life, all right? You may like wallowing in your tragedies but I’m done looking back” which is true all Batman does is sit in the pain of his parents death and he can’t heal like and he spreads pain to others at this rate the dead parents excuse gets a little old. BUT THEN BRUCE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY “If you cared about me and what I’ve lost, you’d want to dredge this up! Don’t you see-there’s a chance you can help me erase one of the worst days of my life. You can give me the greatest gift of all and help me figure out how to bring my son back!” Here he uses a lot of pronouns referring to himself, CARED ABOUT ME, I’VE LOST, HELP ME, MY LIFE, GIVE ME, HELP ME, MY SON. Yes Bruce, make it all about you, cause we definitely want you too. You’re a grown ass man and Jason is the more mature person here, honestly all the Robins learn to process grief and heal and grow and they’re just generally better people. Bruce is basically saying I care more about Damian than I care about you and my needs are greater than yours so screw your feelings, your feelings don’t matter. He really only seems to care about himself and he wants to erase his own pain. He doesn’t even seem to consider what Damian would want and what being brought back to life would do to him. Jason knows what it’s like, the pain of it, he’s probably the only person who would understand why someone wouldn’t want to come back. After All of this Bruce doesn’t even apologize and makes some half assed promise for unconditional truth but Jason still accepts this and helps Bruce get Damian’s body back from Darkseid even though he didn’t have to.

Also there’s battle of the cowl which I desperately try to ignore but what I can tell Bruce *cough* died *cough* at this rate whenever Bruce dies or some crap I’m like ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT??? But sorry back to the topic. Bruce had a message for Jason for everyone else was just like I hope you’re doing well I love y’all live your life for JASON HOWEVER. He was all like you’re a failure not because I didn’t save you but because I don’t like how you turned out. Also you have problems, you’re mentally ill(I know but don’t have to be so awful about it)and there’s a secret I shouldn’t have kept and bye. And he suggests help but WHY DIDN’T HE GET JASON HELP WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER HMMMMM? It’s so obvious Jason’s childhood is full of abuse of course he has bad mental health and all that jazz. Also he puts Jason in Arkham where the Joker is 5 DOORS DOWN. I don’t think I have to say anything but they could literally put him in ANY OTHER PRISON. Why this one idk?

Bruce beat Jason and was probably about to kill Jason in RHATO #25. All beacuse Jason shot penguin and since Red Hood is a criminal blah blah blah Bruce has to do something. Actually he doesn’t as he just assumes Jason killed him which he didn’t also he didn’t seem to consider mind control or clones or whatever and he thought it was a good idea to beat the crap out of his sons. Jason even points this out”You are a character, I’ve never seen you beat Joker that hard and you hate him”...Bruce is beating him harder than the Joker. BRUCE IS BEATING HIS GODDAMN SON, SO HE HATES HIS SON MORE THAN JOKER??? Here we see how Bruce constantly chooses Joker over Jason.

Let's also talk about Dick his first son (I love my circus boi). After Jason died *sob*(i’m gonna cry) Dick is pretty darn sad and Bruce didn’t tell him shit so he’s obv like hey what’s the deal and BRUCE HAS THE AUDACITY TO BE MAD AT DICK. and he tries to kick Dick out of his life and be like leave your key get outta my face and he punched Dick LIKE BOI YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM ABOUT THE FUNERAL OR THE FACE THAT JASON DIED. We already knew it was bad because Bruce and Dick argued like my parents argue which is pretty bad. Lo and behold Bruce doesn’t apologize.

Also Nightwing #30 after Dick was outed as Nightwing and fake died on telelvision. Bruce used like WAAAAAAY excessive force. They were sparring but it got real violent real fast. And Nightwing wasn’t in the right mindset he was traumatized and Bruce totally took advantage of him by asking him to work for Spyral which Dick obv didn’t want to do but Bruce fucking FORCED that crap onto him after something as awful as that and he probably knew Dick would give in eventually that bastard. No, Bruce doesn’t apologize either.

Most recently Batman #71...now see this is Tim’s turn and I love my big brain boi Tim... and when you love a fictional character you know something bad is gonna happen. Bruce’s abuse, it’s kinda worse cause he’s a fucking KID. now Bruce be like let’s meet and shit so most of them are there and some evil villain is doing their thang and Tim is tryin be nice comforting Bruce, telling him that Tim will always be there and that Tim will help AND BRUCE FUCKING PUNCHED HIM. HE WAS JUST TRYIN BE NICE AND HELP YOU FEEL BETTER YOU POS. Now do we see Bruce apologize? NOOOOO. What did you expect? Honestly it’s not that hard it’s a simple sentences even a dumbass like you can manage it

Now I’m not totally familiar with any abuse on Damian but it’s there. Bruce is allergic to emotions, and it’s hard for him to be emotionally supportive and show any affection whatsoever. Showing any semblance of pride to Damian is like me trying to do pushups it’s FUCKING impossible for Bruce to show any compassion toward his son whatsoever (seriously though push ups are a pain in the ass I’m not athletic whatsoever why do you think I waste my time venting on tumblr the only thing I’m good for is being the smart kid in school and even then some people outshine me in that.)...sad but I’m not here to complain about that. Anyway Dick is a BAMF and openly shows Damian hey i’m proud of you and I love you. IT’S NOT THAT HARD BRUCE.

Bruce can’t ever be happy, he doesn’t let himself be happy because he can’t move on from that tragedy that happened to him. And he doesn’t allow anyone around him to be happy either. Shown as when Dick is like hey I can be in love with someone and we can be long term we can be happy together. BRUCE BE LIKE NUH HUH VIGILANTES CAN’T BE HAPPY WE HAVE TO SACRIFICE FOR THE MISSION. Let your son be FUCKING HAPPY. I know I sound like I hate him and maybe I do a bit but I don’t think he’s like completely Joker evil and irredeemable. I just can’t deal with how DC handles abusers like Bruce and having characters enable this behavior. We need to know that Bruce’s behavior is not ok and his children are completely numb to it, it’s normal to them and it’s disgusting. Bruce needs repercussions and he needs to know that he can’t do that to kids who love and trust him.

LINK TO PART 2:

https://demigoddreamer.tumblr.com/post/639314330465222656/addressing-batmans-abuse-part-2

If a loved one is hurting you reach out and seek help. You deserve the world

#batfam #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #red hood #nightwing #red robin #robin #bruce wayne #batman #dc comics #abuse #it's not ok #if you're in this situation reach out #bruce wayne is a bad parent

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wovenstarlight · 3 years

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rambling thoughts about hyj (canon vs ywbk)

yoojin is so so fascinating as a character to me... i think about him 24/7 he occupies every available inch of brainspace i have. like this man and his issues am i fucking right. so i’m going to talk a bit about how i see him working and how i chose to portray him in my time travel series

so canon hyj, right. he’s like. he’s such a funky narrator. he’s like if i occupy my mind with endless work i will avoid falling into the pit of depression and immense grief from all that i went through pre regression. but also what i went through pre regression wasn’t even that bad. but also everyone who hurt me back then is assholes. but anyway ignore all that because i have work to do.

and on top of that the way he interacts with people is very... i won’t say it’s utilitarian but he’s very focused on what he can do for people and what they can do for him. in a currently-unpublished but translated chapter, he says that (SPOILERS!) he’s asked his thoughts on shj, and he answers that sung hyunjae is a useful man, and yoojin has to be polite to him on the off chance he needs to rely on him in the future. a very “he’s useful” kind of answer. this despite the obvious chemistry he and shj have-- not even in a romance way (though i do like jinjae), they just? get along? they banter easily and they have similar senses of humour and even though sometimes hyj gets exasperated at his behaviour, he still chats with him in a friendly way all the same.

and yet he’s also like SHJ Is Useful And That’s It. I Don’t Like Him At All. and he saves him in his contacts as “skill” and generally acts like he’s completely uncaring. which, compared to how much love he has for hyh and then for byr, i understand- shj at the moment quite honestly does not rank up there at all compared to those two? but he does rank somewhere, i think, because then hyj gets annoyed and upset when shj doesn’t show up to help him, and past a “shit, i needed his specific skillset for this situation and now i’m not sure how to manage this”, he does react in a very... i’ve been let down by someone i had high hopes for, kind of way.

so basically he’s got this whole, i don’t care about people1, thing going on, but then he also very much does care. and hyj is a caring person! fuck, shj even says to hyh at one point that han yoojin-gun has a bad habit of letting people into his heart too easily. what that tells me is that hyj has like.... SEVERE trust issues. he won’t allow himself to care about people, to be aware of any feelings he holds towards people- he makes himself only think about the skills people offer him, about how he can use them. and even then, whenever possible, he does things himself and he avoids relying on others, sometimes because he “doesnt want to bother them [with adult matters]” (that one talk with yoohyun) and sometimes because he just doesn’t really trust them with whatever needs doing

1. as an aside i do think hyj’s moral sense is very funny because like. if anyone touches his fucking kids they’re as good as dead! he’ll kill them! he cares about no one but his kids and everyone else can die! [the world is in danger] ah, fuck, maybe he cares about people who aren’t his kids. he doesn’t want the world to die. but don’t BRING IT UP!!! JEEZ!!! HIS PRIDE!!!! but also if you get blacklisted for whatever reason then Die literally Die he will kill you himself. it’s a very funny, he’s a good person but oh, he’s also a little bit insane, actually. that sort of situation. i love him. go crazy go stupid, sweetie, you’re doing great.

WHICH IN CONTEXT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT PRE REGRESSION! like hyj was raised with the experience of his parents, the people in the world whose unconditional support he was meant to have, being tossed down the drain because he chose to take care of yoohyun. so he’s already like, yeah, i gotta rely on myself. he has that understanding that.... he’s gotta rely on himself first and foremost, rather than trusting people who are supposed to be taking care of him. not just caring for him, actually, caring for him and yoohyun, because then he basically has to dedicate his life to yoohyun growing up. he’s been acting as yoohyun’s primary guardian from age Baby. and age 17 to 22 was literally just him dropping everything he was doing for himself in favor of getting a job and making sure yoohyun stayed in school and was fine. yoojin himself dropped out of school so he must’ve lost his whole friend group and support system. and then post-dungeon shock, he gets thrown aside and pretty much discarded by yoohyun without so much as a goodbye from the kid, which-- wow! ouch! that shit must have hurted! talk about being fucking burned, jeez. and even after that, spending three years running after yoohyun, trying to “regain” his trust and love, yoojin would’ve seen his Unawakened self as ‘not good enough’ for s-rank yoohyun. and therein comes the “if it’s not useful it’s worthless” mindset. and then he Awakened as f-rank-- already a blow!-- and then on top of that he gets backstabbed by the dozens of people who were like “you’re an s-rank’s brother! go get Awakened, i’ll bet money on you Awakening to a good rank!” and then pulled out on him, leaving him with idk how much debt (this is all mentioned in early chapters somewhere, i’ll pull citations later). man, i’m not surprised he has trust issues.

so that’s already part of his difficulty trusting other people. but then it gets compounded when you think about it further because like, His Fucking Skills, Man. he has a whole skill focused around “if you make an emotional connection with someone and then they die, it’s useful to you.” holy fuck! no wonder he’s allergic to bringing people into battle alongside himself! no wonder he throws himself into dungeons solo just to get freebie skills that allow him to be some semblance of independently combat-ready! every time he makes a connection with people he’s wondering if one day he’ll get their dying memories! you ever wonder how many people he had on his list of “keyworded individuals” pre-reg? he’s stated that he used to be at the back of dungeon parties with a spear (the need for weapons with a longer reach because of his low defense, obviously) and so someone else always died before he did? how many teammates that he cared about has he watched die in front of himself, how many times has he gotten the dying memories of those teammates, how many times have the rest of his living teammates turned on him after finding out his ability and accused him of getting the dead person killed on purpose so that he could have their skills? like hyj brings it up when he’s first explaining last repayment, and hyj cares about people so easily that he’d never do it and yet he still thought of it. which means other people would undoubtedly think of it very easily. and they wouldn’t be as forgiving when there’s a body count right there.

just, last repayment basically took hyj’s (largely yoohyun-induced) fear of losing the people he cared about and slammed his head directly into a concrete wall. thanks for that, king. so now hyj forces himself to constantly asses people on a “what skills do they have? how useful are they to me?” basis if they try to get close to him, rather than allowing him to just go “friend :-) i care them“. and it makes him reluctant to get close to and rely on people, because again, Danger Lies Therein

and all of this also must have made him be used to... being unloved, i guess (from his perspective- yoohyun cared, even when he left, but yoojin didn’t know that until yoohyun died). because most if not all of the people who have cared about or pretended to care about him have later left him. he’s got abandonment issues up the wazoo. when people say they care about him (stw, shj) he reacts with distrust. when he reveals the slightest imperfection he’s convinced they‘ll leave him, regardless of how much kindness he’s shown them in the meantime-- remember when he told myeongwoo he’d lied about them being childhood friends? complete confusion that myeongwoo didn’t immediately renounce their friendship. (SPOILERS FOR UNPUBLISHED CHAPTERS!) and later, it happens again with yerim- he tells her that he wasn’t actually a friend of her parents, he just wanted to poach her for haeyeon-- and then wonders why she doesn’t react with betrayal, when what she says is “i’m glad! ahjussi was so kind to me, i was worried i’d bewitched him somehow. i’m glad he actually cares about me. it makes me happy you were so kind”. he expects to lose the people he cares about, if not by outside causes, then of their own volition.

though on the outside causes front, i suppose it does help that like, all the people he’s growing close to now are hypercompetent high-rankers and therefore less likely to get themselves hurt. versus last timeline’s f-rank and e-rank friends, who’d probably routinely get killed, rip. but then there lies the possibility of yoojin thinking “if i pull them into danger then they’re in that much more danger” (see: Literally The Whole Reason Pre-reg Yoohyun Died. he went to help hyj and got in over his head trying to defend hyj and keep hyung alive, when he should’ve been able to defend himself with ease. hyj and diarma both acknowledge this.) which, again, plays into the reason he tries to avoid relying on other people.

tl;dr hyj’s interpersonal relationships are fucked!

but anyways moving on to talk about my fic versions of canon yoojin (hyj): han hyunjae (hhj) and han yoojin jr. (hyj jr). and how i’ve given them both problems disorders based on hyj’s issues

so like right off the bat we have hhj’s major issue, repeatedly brought up in-fic-- his issue with relying on people. let me pull a quote about this from the author notes of ywbk chapter 11:

some of you might be wondering why the yoojins are so [pretends to be okay and centers self on taking care of others], particularly [hhj]. my thinking for that part was mostly... in canon we see yoojin surrounded by people he knows are competent and capable, almost all of them adults. even when he's "raising" them, he has some degree of confidence in their ability to watch out for themselves. plus he's had time to grow out of being the only one in charge of the family; he's seen his brother come into his own and he's pulled back from his caretaking role

but here, [hhj]'s been directly thrust into raising two kids (and yeah even if [hyj jr]'s 18 he's still very much a child). not only that, but his knowledge of the future makes him (in his eyes) more knowledgable than just about all the folks around him, even the adults. mostly, he doesn't want to drop all his baggage on them when he knows they won't be able to relate (and in some cases, he doesn't want them to live with that knowledge). so he kind of distanced himself from everyone and pushed himself further into the caretaking thing as a way of coping, without realizing that's what he was doing.

we have hhj who, as hyj’s au twin, has the same trust issues and forced utilitarian attitude rising from pre-reg experiences. and then we dropped him into a situation where that “prioritize work and handle all issues myself” attitude is-- i don’t want to say rewarded, exactly, but it’s definitely useful for him in the timeline he’s in. he’s the oldest han brother, so handling issues naturally falls to him anyway as the head of the family; with both boys in school, he’s the breadwinner of the family, so prioritizing work is good! he becomes a super-efficient worker and it satisfies the needs of everyone around him!

unfortunately yoojin is a caring person, so hyj jr realizes that hhj is very much overreaching when he’s not even begun to address the effects of the Very Obvious In A Non-Dungeon World pre-reg trauma. so he’s like. hyung. what the FUCK, dude. take it easy and rely on people once in a while.

and physically, sure, hhj can rely on them. he can get yoohyun to do chores, he can get junior to take on a part time job so funds aren’t a constant worry. he gets better at trusting them to manage regular life stuff, honestly! he’s pretty good about that sort of thing now!

but then it comes to emotional needs, and like, hyj jr is a kid? and hyh is a kid? so any trust hhj builds there is going to be a little one-sided, since he can’t dump all his emotional worries on children. whatever yoojin is, he is a good caretaker who addresses his kids’ needs, and the kids do not need to be hhj’s therapists.

and hhj doesn’t really have friends his own age, and even when he does (hello jiyeon and hamin and orv gang), none of them can quite- Get it, because there’s not really an easy way to explain “i have deep-seated trauma about my family leaving me and about the people around me dying brutally” without, uh, (a) a LOT of trusting them to take you seriously and not snitch (b) explaining some Context about his youth and also the dungeons. (like yeah he could say “i’m scared everyone i care about will die on me in horrifying ways, particularly if they try to get close to me”, but that’s an irrational fear (because why would everyone die horrifyingly, why would getting close to hhj be a death sentence)-- unless you know that “everyone i care about” consists of Hunters and getting close to hhj involves getting involved with dungeons, and then his fear is very real and very understandable, even without knowing about pre-reg. there’s a reason why, even though hhj had four years to grow close to jiyeon, it still took the dungeon shock occurring for him to finally tell her even the smallest bit about pre-regression.

(from jiyeon’s perspective, she doesn’t notice much amiss, because the things hhj is keeping from her are mostly pre-reg related. he doesn’t mind talking to her about his current life, though he is reluctant to talk about some personal issues with her. hamin is a little more distant, because he is still hhj’s boss, so hhj tries to stay mostly cordial with him. orv gang is a more casual relationship- not really the type where he can dump his personal issues on them; and anyway, they’re a tight-knit friend group themselves, so hhj feels a little more on the fringes, not excluded but not fully included, either. a little like hsy does, but without the whole “i have to play the bad guy of the team” mindset.)

and this distance he creates without anyone realizing, this inability of his to fully trust them with all the details of his life, is what results in the freakout around the dungeon shock. the whole, You Are Actively Dying, if you don’t explain yourself right now i’ll finish the job. (though i don’t blame him for not trusting them with his trauma! i don’t really think he’s ready to talk about it. especially with people who don’t yet have any context for even the start of the story. hopefully this’ll change post-dungeon shock, though.)

unfortunately even with his newfound ability to talk about things more freely, he’s still in a sticky situation-- over the years, he’s developed his ability to rely on people for non-life-and-death situations like “earn money on the side”. but sending his brother to take out the trash is very very different from sending his brother to fight dungeons and other Hunters without backup. is very different from needing to risk a life and choosing his brother’s. so despite his hard-won Relying On Others abilities, they don’t extend to dungeon world situations.

and what does this mean, practically? it means, like canon hyj, hhj is going to persistently overreach himself in trying to fight alone-- he’ll try to be competent, to take on adversaries, to build strength in every possible avenue so that he can keep yoohyun and hyj jr and the rest of his family out of danger. he’ll try to be a one-man army, just to defend the people he cares about.

(ONE DAY. one day he will learn that it may not be safe to care, he may still be hurt, but that doesn’t mean he should cut himself off in advance. he’s still allowed to care. he’s still allowed to be cared about. oh, hhj. i want to beat him up but more than that i want to hug him.)

and then there’s hyj jr. oh, junior, you’re a delight. i love the concept of a yoojin who’s never had the trauma of being left behind by yoohyun, who’s gotten to flourish and become everything he has the potential to be, fighting at yoohyun’s side and being amazing. it’s too bad the method i chose to achieve this through also left our prodigal son with extreme issues.

(FAIR WARNING: THIS PART WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR LATER PARTS OF YWBK VIS A VIS SOME CHARACTER DECISIONS AND ACHIEVEMENTS. mostly since hyj’s time to shine hasn’t come through quite yet, so we don’t have as much of him)

so our boy junior may not have the various traumas induced by pre-regression, but he does start off with the same parental neglect that makes him hesitant to rely on seniors. and when his parents die, it’s about a week or so before hhj shows up, which junior spends realizing that he’s really going to have to give up his life and completely dedicate himself to guardianship, huh? and then hhj appears, and rips that role out from under him-- not just the “head of the family” role, even the “primary guardian of yoohyun” role. because yoohyun trusts him instinctively, and looks to him with just as much respect as hyj jr. junior becomes desperate to regain that role he’s lived all his life, in whatever form he can, resulting in the chapter 11 blowup. and past me already covered this:

as for junior, he's suddenly gained a new brother out of nowhere who is demonstrably bad at taking care of himself; on top of that, the "head of house + reliable caretaker" role junior's played almost all his life has been stolen out from under his nose without his realizing, and he's not really been able to adjust to suddenly being made to depend on yoojin (and, to a degree, jiyeon). yeah it helps a bit that yoojin's his elder self but even so. so he's attempting to re-assert himself in the role he's familiar with, particularly now that he's due to [go to mandatory service and] not see any of these people for months

he’s trying to figure out where he fits in this new family setup, trying to figure out what he can do for his family. and he would’ve started out on a track similar to hhj, trying to be everything for his family, except then the dungeons start appearing.

and what does hhj reveal? that hyj jr is destined to be an f-rank. that most of the useful skills hhj has, the hard-won power that he has, it’s all earned from other places that hyj jr won’t be able to replicate, most likely. and hyh-- hyh is going to be the pride of the family, as always. s-rank, top of the nation, worldwide hero, peerless and amazing.

hyj jr starts feeling like he’s falling behind. he starts feeling a lot of pressure to keep up. as the dungeon shock hits, he decides he’s going to keep up, one way or another.

and then there’s the aftermath of the shock, and all hyj jr can do is- is sit in the hospital room and wait for hhj to be okay. there’s monsters on the streets, yoohyun is out there killing them and making a difference, and all hyj jr is doing is sitting around. all he can do is offer yoohyun emotional support when he gets back, all he can do is keep jiyeon sane when she calls for daily checkins, all he can do is wait for the nurses to check that hhj is still alive. all he can do is support the people around him without actually acting out himself.

all that determination he had during the shock doesn’t get killed by the realization that he can’t actually do much, with his strengths; by the realization that he can’t be a one-man army like hyung is, sometimes. he decides, instead, that he’s got his handful of things he can do, so obviously the only path left is to do them perfectly.

he throws himself into learning to fight; he throws himself into playing support whenever possible (though allowances are made for being bratty, sometimes, the remaining anxiety from the aftermath of the shock leading to him acting out); he throws himself into working for haeyeon, to the point of becoming the deputy guild leader. he throws himself into perfection so hard that he takes the slightest failure to meet his sky-high expectations hard. (”Why can’t i fight high-ranks without being afraid like hyung can,” says local E-rank without his hyung’s L-rank Fear Resistance) because he only needs to be good at these few things, he can’t do anything other than these few things, so why can’t he at least do this perfect, y’know? why can’t he keep up with his family? why is he never good enough?

(what if he gets left behind again for not being good the way they want him to be? he’d only wanted to take care of yoohyun, and look where that got them.)

so basically, hyj jr winds up with the same Need To Be Enough that hhj has-- but where hhj needs to be able to do Everything, hyj jr needs to be able to do Perfectly at his (self-assigned) Roles. where hhj wants to do whatever he decides needs doing, hyj jr has no illusions about his abilities; he knows he can only be the supportive brother, the hard-working guild leader, the caring friend, the perfect whatever. everything else is something he won’t dare to try for, because he Knows he’ll never be enough. and if he ever fails even slightly at the things he can do, it’s an instant game over, anyway.

congrats, junior, you’ve given yourself clinical anxiety!

but yeah, that’s. yoojins.

#star.txt #hyj let me study you [hand emojis]#my first exam is tomorrow and yet i wrote an essay for an hour and a half. time to do statistics now #i don't claim to be good at character meta. but i will still write it.#ugh i guess i should tag this with the fandom tags #han yoojin #my sranks #work: yesterday will be kinder

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jasperwhitcock · 4 years

Note

Favorite Twilight blogs?

i’m always ready to answer this ask again because i love mentioning everyone i admire hehe. here are my fave blogs, my friends, & why they’re the best. ♡

@bellasredchevy ugh i love kae. do i have the power to appoint a ruler of the renaissance? no. but if i could... it’d be kae bc all her takes are the takes. i think her answers to asks are always either really funny and witty or just really smart. she’s super kind but she’s also a very no bullshit person because she’ll tell it like it is to shitty anons. she also has really cool life experiences that she’ll very casually mention and you’re like i’m sorry what. u worked w... tigers??? why can’t i let that go this is literally not the first time i’ve brought that up lmao. anyways, if kae told me to jump off a cliff (recreationally and recklessly), i’d do it.

@inthemiddleofmymidnight i think kim is the first friend i made on here. she’s wonderful and insanely funny. maybe i’m just easy to make laugh but every story she tells truly makes me laugh out loud... and i’ll laugh again thinking about it later. she is truly a meme queen. her posts... chef’s kiss. also she will put team edward/team jacob shirts in ur animal crossing able’s sisters if u ask. i love u kimmie im ur biggest fan. also like me, kim would be afraid to dive off the cliff if we were cliff diving but then she’d be the one to PUSH me sdhjfhsj i just love her so much. her friendship literally means so much to me!!

@bellaskhakis nayana is the type to go from trashing edward relentlessly to simping for edward in 2 seconds. in real life she’s probably stressing over school but mentally she is in forks, wa in bella & edward’s lil cottage reading fanfiction. if u need recommendations, she’s got u. she’s a great listener & friend & her humor is like wonderfully chaotic. she’ll cry but then she’ll take that energy and drunk liveblog the twilight movies or buy a bunch of plants. if ur friends w her, she will send u all the funny tiktoks & that is LOVE. nay would think she would want to cliff dive but then need to talk herself into it while everyone else goes first and then realize she was the last person up there and freak out but then dive anyways

@cullen-collective omg kaity is such a great person to talk to. she’s like jacob – she’s an easy person to talk to. she listens but also really makes u feel comfortable & like u’ve been friends forever. kaity don’t read the rest of this paragraph i don’t want u to feel self conscious/overly self aware hehe BUT my fave part of kaity’s blogs as i’ve said to her before is like the literal stream of consciousness happening in her tags. why do i feel like kaity would run and JUMP. would she do a cannonball??? i would like to see it

@teamjacobthot my love for dij... unconditional. irrevocable. dee is just like COOL. why did i feel so lame saying that. she just has the best energy and i know i keep calling everyone funny but really dee is FUNNY. like kaity, she’s also the kind of person that i feel like you just automatically get along with & feel comfortable around. obviously we’re all here for fun but i feel like dee’s blog really embodies that fun like no other because either in her posts or notes or answers to asks... it’s the most chaotic unexpected topics that will truly kill u. im thinking of that freaking diarrhea ask she got that she just reblogged again... cursed. but i love her. look i’m not saying she WOULD bc i’m sure it’s probably much scarier once ur actually up there but i feel like dee would also be the instigator with cliff diving and do some kind of trick like a flip idk if she really would but MAYBE

@howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen emma is the ultimate sweetie. always down to talk abt cute dogs or painting or disney channel movies or how jacob is superior to all. she’s just precious and kind but ready to THROW DOWN for u in one second. i literally have been laughing at the same joke for like two weeks but when i said two hurricanes looked like they were coming towards houston she said “good thing i have two fists” shdusdjdkd. emma is the type of friend who would remind u that if u really don't want to jump off the cliff, don’t feel peer pressured bc u don’t have to. but then if u built up the courage, she’d be the one to hold ur hand and jump with u. ok i’m retiring the cliff diving thing i’m sorry i really RAN with that.

@kaquiche man i love taryn. i feel like taryn’s meme usage is always perfect & also she would definitely save ur life. she does ARCHERY ok she would protect us all in the event of a zombie apocalypse. i’m literally fighting the urge to say FUNNY again but it’s not my fault if everyone makes me LAUGH here. taryn’s one of the first people i remember seeing interact w my posts 🥺 she been supporting me since DAY ONE baby. i just love her. she’ll hype u up. she’ll always make u CRY with her twilight video edits. seriously if u want that emo twilight content to make u FEEL SOMETHING... this is who to follow.

@bellas-dumptruck-ass i love elaine and she’s going to laugh at me again but i really think elaine is so smart!!! like a genius... my brain could not process the info that she’s literally studying like it’s no big deal. elaine is so sweet ugh i keep saying that but everyone is just really super kindhearted here ok!! her username KILLS me. like i think this is truly peak comedy. her brand... it’s everything to me. classic memes & great tags.

@phil-dwyer-stan-account addison is SO SO nice and understanding and sensitive. if nayana is in bella & edward’s cottage reading, addison is in there baking bread and cookies and brownies. she’s beautiful and sweet and silly and has the disney channel TEA you didn’t know you needed. she’s another person that will instantly befriend you. she’ll go out of her way to really let you know that she admires you & is excited to be ur friend. the actual definition of a sweetheart. is she the real life esme?? she might be

@volturialice g... i’m lowkey her biggest fan. name a post that didn’t go off...i’ll wait. like literally all of her memes will make u laugh. u know what?? g IS the twilight renaissance. her latest midnight sun posts have especially been making me die and if you’re new here, she’s probably like one of the first blogs u have to follow. every time i see her username in my notifications... my heart is FAT 💗 also she writes fanfics so if ur looking for twilight fanfiction, she has a bunch & also a rec!!

@leahclearwaterdefensesquad kate is so kind & one of my go to people for tag games, but kate is ALWAYS providing the leah content that we NEED. also the lesbian twilight ship moodboards and PLAYLISTS. i also really appreciate how kate & @vampireguarddogs are always some of the first blogs i see that boost a lot of important talking points related to the series on racism. bc if you’re going to be in this fandom, there’s a lot you need to make sure you’re educated on since this series is problematic. like we’re all here to be nostalgic and have fun but we can’t do that whilst ignoring relevant conversations. dee & kae also always have great takes in these discussions too!

@edytheelizabethcullen ok i’m going to try & wrap this up bc i’ve been going on forever and there’s a lot of blogs i really love & admire, but i’ll finish by saying that alex is an actual angel and so intelligent and charming and u will have great conversations about the series with her!!

#sorry for this LONG ASS POST but u asked #ask #anon #faves

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waywardfacegarden · 4 years

Note

Who is your anime: 1) husband 2) wife 3) babie 4) side hoe 5) squad [pretty much if they could be your best friend group] 6) would be your bff 7) would be your archenemy?

Well, hello there, soulmate!!!💗💙 This question is so interesting asjdaldsj, and it also made me realize I have. Way too many crushes on fictional women... (and men, too, tbh, but with men i have like my top 20 pretty clear [not in particular order, just. my fave of faves LOL] and with women I was like. Oh god. Oh god. Do I mention her... or her... NO, HER... NONONO HER. NO WAIT--)

But okay. PLEASE HAVE IN MIND THAT I HAVE LIKE AT LEAST 20 HUSBANDS, WIVES AND BABIES BUT TO NOT MAKE THIS THAT LONG I’M ONLY MENTIONING ONE EACH.

Husband: Rin Matsuoka from Free! (but you obviously know that already ajdlalhds). Dude, I’m. You already know how much I’m in love with him, I cannot. Cannot. He’s hard-working, kind, talented, charming, smart, competitive, so inspiring, so fucking soft, emotional (i love the fact that he cries with ridiculous romance movies akjdladsj he’s a crybaby i love him), he cares so deeply about his friends and his kohais, he’s such a good leader/captain, too?? and kinda a tsundere which is my type apparently, LMAO. But, YEAH. He seriously makes my heart go all askdjlakdjjlad crazy. It makes so fucking. Soft how he’s so tender when he’s with his kohais, too???? DUDE I CAN’T. I was pretty much melting in that scene where he’s teaching Rei how to swim aksjdlasdj. I also die every time he smiles. But it also adds like. 100000000 years to my life. He’s such a blessing ajdlkakj, thank God for Rin Matsuoka. HE’S ALSO SO FUCKING PRETTY?????? AND HOT????? AND CUTE????????? AND ALLURING AND ATTRACTIVE AND GORGEOUS ALL AT ONCE. GGGGHHHHHHH. I malfunction every time he shows up aksjdladj.

Wife: After like. 20 minutes of thinking about it I realized I couldn’t pick only one so I gave up and decided to say the one I’ve been pretty obsessed with most recently. Momoe Maria from Ookiku Furikabutte. SHE’S JUST SO PERFECT??? She’s badass, she’s so freaking cool, she’s smart and cute and pretty and did I already mention cool???? Asjdhald. She’s the coolest. She plays softball and she’s. A COACH. AND SUCH A GOOD ONE. She’s strong (both physically and mentally) and kind and so, so hard-working and dedicated and I just really, really love her. I also could wax poetic about how cute she is tbh ajsdajh. AND BADASS. Basically, every time she shows up in a game (because she’s. The coach. Everyone falls a bit in love with her imo and HOW COULD YOU NOT?????). SHE’S SO INSPIRING. I admire her in such a deep level uGH. All my respect and unconditional love for this woman.

Babie: Mihashi Ren from Ookiku Furikabutte (look, I’m about to finish the manga and besides Bakugou Katsuki, oofuri is the only thing I’ve been thinking about this week ajdladja bc it’s SO WHOLESOME). Listen, HE’S MY SON, OKAY??? I HAVE SO MANY ALREADY BUT I DON’T CARE. I want to protect him, to tell him he’s amazing and doing so great, and to make him feel better with himself, to make him more confident in his talent and to STOP being so hard on himself BECAUSE HONESTLY, THIS BOY IS SO HARD-WORKING AND SO. ENDEARING. AND HE’S DOING AMAZING. He’s always, always working so hard, and he’s!!!! Such a cute, adorable anxious bean. I just want him to be happy.

Side hoe: (I don’t know what this means LMFAO i hope you don’t mean anything sexual bc i interpreted like someone you would kick ass with LOL). Yuri Plisetsky from Yuri on Ice!! Akjhdjalh LMAO. YURIO I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH, AND YOU’RE DEFINITELY NOT A HOE BUT. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT? But YEAH. He’s the one I’d kick ass with. Also he’s????? One of my favorite, favorite, favorite characters ever, I admire him LOTS. AND LOVE HIM. My love for him equals Rin and Bakugou so. Just so you understand LOL. ALSO I BOUGHT HIS HOODIE SO WE WOULD BE TWINS!!!!!!!!

Squad: DEFINITELY BAKUSQUAD. DEFINITELY. They’re morons and completely disasters but they’re!!! My favorite people ever!!!!!!! They’re the kind of people that have your back ANYTIME, that support you and not judge you, that encourage and support you, that is THERE for you. THEY ALSO WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO BE AROUND?????? They’re all kind and funny and witty and AMAZING. They’re such good friends. Definitely my fave squad in BNHA and in a lot of other stories (i also love samezuka obviously and team gai from naruto but ajshdaljf i feel like bakusquad is more my kind of friends). They’re my fave kind of people and idk, I feel like I would always be happy around them. They listen, and make everything fun for you, and care, and I wouldn’t mind having to be The Mom Friend with Grumpy Mom Friend Bakugou and having to tutor them with Bakugou too akjdlaj. They would make me insanely happy, you have no idea. PLUS BAKUGOU IS IN THERE. WHAT MORE DO I WANT?????? AND I COULD RAMBLE WITH SERO OF MANGAS ALL THE TIME AND BORROW HIS MANGAS AND AKDJLADJA YEAH BAKUSQUAD (kami, mina, sero, kiri, jirou [YES JIROU IS ON HERE] and baku).

BFF: I WANT KAMINARI DENKI AS MY BEST FRIEND. He’s such a good friend???????? He’s so supportive and so kind and so funny and A RAY OF SUNSHINE and I just think we would get along amazingly I guess ajsdlasdjald Idk I want him to be my friend🥺🥺🥺 He’s also my Bi Icon and he strikes me as a king of memes and he NEEDS to explain them to me bc I never get jokes or memes akdjlasd.

Archenemy: Kinda cheated on this one but: Lio Fiota from Promare. I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH OKAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA (again, rin-bakugou-yuri-level. He’s one of my biggest crushes). But I wouldn’t mind if he crushes me asdhasdjalsdj LMFAO. He’s just so badass????? and so cool??????? and I probably would just Be Whipped in our fights but idc okay?????? A lot of archenemies are in love with each other okay don’t judge me LMAO. Enemies to Friends trope with my one-sided pining LOL. (The only thing is that he’s so kind that he probably wouldn’t fight me🥺🥺).

ANYWAYS THIS WAS REALLY FUN TO DO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE YOU’RE DOING AMAZING, TAKE CARE, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!💗💗💗💗

#asks #ily #tysm for the ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i love getting asks tysm!!!!!#this was so fun to do but you're also SO EVIL. YOU MADE ME USE MY BRAIN SO MUCH

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