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here-to-talk · 2 years

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The ‘Crush’ aspect in my life...

So in my __ years of life (you never ask a lady/women her age) I only had 2 real crushes.....yeah ‘real’ cause these days I have a crush on every passing cute/handsome guy I see.....don’t even try to give me the ‘I don’t’ or ‘what are you talking about?’ we are all human beings...you can tell me otherwise if you want...so back to my crushes I had my first crush when I was in 6th grade, let’s call him A and ngl A was pretty cute. I first saw him in 5th grade during school festival and I was like ‘Oh he’s cute!’ but as we were in different classes we didn’t know each other, but in 6th grade we were in the same class....yeah lucky me...and guess what...A sat in front of me, a cherry on top....I know....I was not sure at the time whether A liked me or not cause he sort of gave mixed signal and also I was still a little girl and hadn’t developed my ‘female instincts’ yet (They are developing at a high speed rn ok cause guess what?...... I could tell who my guy best friend likes in my class without him telling me about it first ...take that!!...ok that was necessary but whatever) so it was like 50-50 chance.....come on every person thinks that their crush likes them when all they had done was pick up a pencil or the littlest thing he/she could do as a human, and the only thing that’s left is for he/she to ask her/him out. I found out later in 7th grade that he had a crush on me too, a mutual friend told me. But it was not only me but 2 other girls, which were my best friends!! But I wasn’t mad about it cause I had already moved on with my new crush....yep, the 2nd guy is here everyone!!

So I already knew this guy B, it’s just that I started to have a crush on him when he was transferred to my school. B was my senior....yep senpai....I told my friends about B (I don’t know why I did that when I was young)....and as we already knew each other, I had our little moments from the past to tell them.....um maybe exaggerating a bit...a tiny bit...Ok moving on. He was nice to me in the beginning but after 4-5 months this guy fking HATED ME as if I killed his family or something and I don’t know why.....like bro chill....Oh I forgot to mention that I also had a guy friend from his grade, at least I thought we were friends but he was a fking snake. The way I had told about us to my friends I told him too...in the same way....yeah and then he went ahead and told B that I liked him without asking me (I had only told him to ask B how he felt about me, like in a boys talk way...in naturally...normally, without actually B know that I like him or I had told him to ask it) and then he comes and tells me that B doesn’t like me....and let me tell you this snake did NOT like me before you let your imagination and/or fantasies take over......so feeling a little sad I gave up on him. This happened within 2-3 months of his arrival. A month went by and then the....ok so I know that no girls likes being called this but I can’t help it, it’s just the right word to describe them......the b*tches from his class started asking me about him and I just told them we were friends...don’t get me wrong their whole batch was full of sh*tty people.....the perfect reason for why we hate meeting people we knew from high school and middle school, you get me now, don’t you? From that moment onwards he started giving me death glares and hating me......I think..... I am not so sure but it happened often in our school so....some son of a biscuit or daughter of a biscuit had spread the rumor in there grade that I told everyone that we were dating before......I guess, again I am not sure, that motherf**ker hated me so much (I know it was not his fault or anything but I really had a hard time because of all this drama).....once his classmate asked him something about me and I was standing so I could get off the bus as my stop was near (We took the same bus home)....something happened after that....I don’t remember useless things, sorry!!...And then again this whole person is useless but I still remember him anyways..... B looked at me and frowned then I asked him something along the lines of ‘What have I done to you? /What is your problem?’ and he said, ‘Don’t you know?’ fker if I knew then there won’t be this whole drama at all and I won’t even remember you let alone write about you...Ever heard about a thing called COMMUNICATION. That’s it. I don’t have crushes these days...you know why...;) Anyways I don’t care about it anymore and on the other hand I was thinking about it yesterday while lying on my bed *sign*.....after that many thing related to this happen which gave me a pretty hard time......um yeah.....Good or Bad it was/is a phase in our life...Tell me about the ‘Crush’ aspect in your life, I would love to know about it...

Thank you for reading my rambling!! BYE!!! ^-^ PS- You were going to tell me about the ‘Crush’ aspect in your life .. :)

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crush-x-reader-fluff-angst-smut · 3 years

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Romeo and Juliet || Jock!Crush x Female Shy!Reader

FOR: @a-very-bored-blogger REQUESTED: Yes!

”hii may i request a jock male crush x shy insecure fem reader? if possible, smth abt the crush confronting the reader that she is much better than she think she is? tysm i love ur blog 💓💓“

I had fun with this! It took a bit of a turn, but I thought it was pretty wholesome.

TW: body insecurities

y/n l/n had never thought of herself as pretty, even though she sure as hell was. She had beautiful h/c hair and mesmerizing e/c eyes. yet she was so insecure. Seeing all the beautiful, thin, cheerleaders made her jealous and insecure, considering her crush was an athlete.

oh c/n c/l/n. He was hot. His gorgeous e/c eyes and muscular build, y/n thought it must be impossible not to fall for the cute boy.

But, would y/n ever talk to him? No. Would she consider it? No.

until one day, a very special day. A day where y/n liked her english teacher for once.

”Class! Today I will be pairing you all in groups of 5 to perform a short version of a Shakespeare play for class. Before you ask, I will be making the groups myself. Group one, doing Hamlet, will be Justin, Cassidy, Sierra, Carter, and Sophia. Group two doing Macbeth will be b/f/n, f/n, Jackson, Tony, and Juan..” the teacher went on, until y/n heard the play she wanted to hear.

”Group 4 Romeo and Juliet. C/n, Chloe, Mariah, Wilbur, and Y/N.”

Her heart was racing, she felt a little sick, but she also felt a little amazing. The thought of playing the love interest with c/n made her blush. The teacher handed scripts with pre-assigned roles to a group member.

”disperse!” the teacher yelled.

c/n ran to y/n with the scripts.

”Just so you know, I got Romeo and you got Juliet, and I don’t want you to feel awkward having to kiss me, so I can switch with Wilbur if you’d like-“ c/n started to say before getting cut off by y/n.

”oh- um, t’s okay c/n,” y/n said, sincerely.

”do you wanna rehearse after school? My place?” C/n offered.

Y/n nodded, her face the exact shade of a tomato.

later that day, y/n arrived at c/n’s house. She had dressed up a bit, and even put on perfume, something she rarely did.

y/n rang the doorbell and c/n answered.

”come in!” he said as soon as he saw her.

she entered the house. It was pretty big, and modern looking.

”should we go up to my room?” c/n suggested.

y/n nodded and they went up to his room. The to started to rehearse until they got to the “kiss scene“ as y/n called it.

they had gotten pretty far until c/n spoke, “then move not, while my prayers effect, I take.”

He gulped and leaned in to kiss y/n when she pulled away at the last minute.

”I-I’m sorry c/n. I can’t,” y/n said with a shaky breath.

”I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something I can-“ he started to offer before y/n stepped in.

”it’s not you, it’s me. I just- when I think of Juliet, I picture a beautiful, perfect girl, with a perfect figure, and a perfect smile. and that’s not me,” she admitted.

”What do you mean y/n? You are beautiful. I’ve had a huge crush on you since the 6th grade. Kissing you is all I’ve ever wanted. You are beautiful, and you are the perfect Juliet,” c/n said with a slight smile.

”I-I’ve liked you since 5th grade, and you’re telling me this now?” she said with a laugh.

c/n smiled and laughed.

”can we chat more. over a date this time? Will you be my Juliet?”

”Only if you’ll be my Romeo.”

#Romeo and Juliet #crush x reader #crush x reader smut #crush x reader fluff #crush x reader angst #crush x reader imagines #crush imagines

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veritable-trash · 2 years

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Golden Boy

Pairing: Ben Miller x F!Reader

Words: 1.9K

Warning: just pain. this one's sad for literally no reason. i'm sorry Benny i don't know why i did this to you :)

A/N: HOly fuck. Pardon my french but jesus christ this was hard. I got this idea and started writing it and then HATED IT and so pretty much started over from scratch and now I like it??? I think??? There will most likely be multiple parts to this because again I do not know how to just write a short little drabble even if there was a gun to my head. GIVE ME EXPOSITION. GIVE ME EMOTIONS. This is definitely a bit angsty and sad and if I do continue this(which I'm gonna try really hard to do pinky swear!!!!) it's gonna hit a turn around. Again this was literally only like the first quarter of the original idea I had so there is still a lot ground left to cover. OKAY enjoy :) this definitely isn't something I'm super confident about because this Benny is a bit different than I expected me to write him but I'm here for a bit of a darker Benny. Still a dick head, but you know anxiety and sadness. ALSO I dedicate this to sweet sweet @wyn-n-tonic because firstly she's like 90% of the reason I'm in love with Benny. But also because I've been seeing all the bullshit hate she's been getting and listen up fuckers. I will find you and I will mess] you up with my tiny little fists. Send any hate you have for her my way because I am an emotionless robot and she only deserves hugs. Ok anywaysssssssss I'll get on with it. Love anyone who reads this even if you hate :)

part two HELL YA i did it :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Benny had always been your best friend. It all started in 3rd grade PE. He kicked a ball straight into your gut, you punched him in the face, and it was a done deal. You were the chaotic duo. The two of you had “accidentally” broken too many windows to count. Had pissed off so many teachers you were banned from ever being in class together. And though you had been the calmer side of the coin, the two of you had always been two peas in a pod. Elementary school was your kingdom, and you two got to rule it however you pleased.

But no utopia could ever stay perfect. Middle school was the new kingdom, but you were no longer its ruler. It was easy for Benny and complicated for you. Benny grew three inches the summer between 5th and 6th grade and was now a tall, golden haired, ocean eyed, tween heartthrob. And as Benny became the apple of literally everyone's eye, you became the entry point for every single preteen girl who wanted to land their first kiss with the Benjamin Miller. Every single invite to hang out was followed with the customary,

“Make sure Benny comes too, ok?”

You always said yes, because you wanted to be popular. Thought that if you could fit in maybe the distance forming between you and Benny would stop growing. That eventually those cool kids would accept you, and you and Benny could go back to being best friends just like you used to be.

Every time he promised it would be just the two of you, you would show up to a crowd. Every hang out full of inside jokes you were no longer a part of. It started to sting, to burn your heart. You slowly stopped accepting his invitations, making up excuses that you were busy, homework. And Benny didn’t even seem to notice. Didn’t seem to care. The cracks started to spider, fracture, grow bigger. He was the golden boy and you, well you turned to the shadows. Started writing, making art, hiding away at lunch so you didn’t have to see his stupid face that made your heart squeeze. You were trying to run away from the pain he left you with. You didn’t know it then, but you were already in love with the idiot. Already mourning the loss of something you didn’t even understand yet.

~~~

By the time high school came around, you and Benny barely spoke anymore. He had started dating Heather Parker and that was when you knew Benny was starting to forget you. Heather had always tortured you, always had a sly way of making it known she thought you were the dirt stuck to her shoe. You had complained about her to Benny a 1000 and one times throughout your friendship, and at first he had always been on your side, had your back.

“Do you want me to tell her that her hair looks stupid?”

“I can ‘accidentally’ spill my orange juice on her shirt if you want.”

“Honestly I think she smells weird so what does it matter what she thinks anyways?”

But now you were high schoolers, and Heather was hot. Heather was popular. Heather was the head cheerleader and Benny was captain of the football team and they were homecoming king and queen and how could they possibly get anymore perfect?

You lived out high school on the periphery, kept to yourself so that you didn’t get your heart stomped on. You were no longer naive and had now fully come to the realization that you were in love with Benny. And you were pretty sure Heather knew too. You had stopped even trying to get close to Benny, the risk of Heather’s wrath far too great. She scared the hell out of you and you weren’t willing to get into a cat fight over a guy who still believed Bigfoot was out there somewhere.

~~~

Graduation came and went without a blip. And then came the even of the summer. Benny and Heather broke up in the middle of the biggest graduation party of the year. It almost felt like a play. Immaculate streaky mascara tears, Grey’s Anatomy level dramatic dialogue, and the perfect backdrop of a cliche high school party. You watched the whole affair, smiling smugly into your drink trying to pretend it didn’t make you so fucking happy. You didn’t even care what the cause of their demise was, couldn’t be bothered to listen. Fuck Heather and fuck Benny and fuck high school for leaving you with the world's worst heartache. You were drunk and for once in your life you didn’t give a single fuck. You traipsed around the party, listening in on everyone's plans of greatness and college debauchery. The chaos that felt so reminiscent of elementary school days, of the world being your kingdom ready for you to rule as you pleased. You didn’t even realize that you had a ghost. That Benny hadn’t been able to tear his eyes from you since you stepped into the house. Waiting for the perfect time to have his moment with you.

He realized about a month ago that he was starting to forget the sound of your laugh. It scared the shit out of him. You had been his north star. Guiding him through the choppy seas for so long, and then somewhere along the way he lost sight of you in the fog. The fog of Heather, of homecoming king, of being the golden boy. He had let Heather whisper in his ear about how you had left him. How he was better off without you. It let Benny pretend that he hadn’t let his best friend slip away. Hadn’t let the fog overtake him and pull him under. It wasn’t until he saw you crossing the stage at graduation and his heart tried to jump out of his chest that the fog burned off. And he finally had to confront that he hated Heather. Come to the realization that she was mean to him, to Will, but even worse to you. He started to remember how she used to make you cry in elementary school. How her and her friends would pick you apart till you had tears streaming down your face and would run straight into his tiny little arms. How he would take your hands and tell you that no one would ever hurt you again as long as he was around. And now too many drinks in and too many thoughts in his head, he saw clearly for the first time since the summer before 6th grade.

~~~

You had snuck out into the backyard, hidden yourself under the shaded gazebo tucked into the corner of the yard. The stench of sticky sweet alcohol was starting to claw at your nose and lungs and you were starting to feel light headed. The music, the people, the party, life were all moving too fast. You needed a moment. A breath.

You heard a twig snap and your chest deflated. God you just wanted to be left the hell alone. Wanted to just have five god damn sec-

“Hi…”

Your head snapped up, breath sucked deep into your lungs, as your eyes settled on Benjamin Miller in the flesh.

“Hi.”

You couldn’t tell if you were holding your breath or starting to hyperventilate. Fucking alcohol. His feet faltered on the steps of the gazebo as if he was afraid to come too close. All his moves so tentative, so unlike Benny. His nails scratched at the remnants of the label on his beer bottle, his foot tapped in a syncopated rhythm against the wood boards sending vibrations up your legs. It all felt like an episode of the Twilight Zone. Who had body snatched Ben?

“I-uh I know we haven’t really talked in a long time. I know it’s my fault. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to talk to you and my brain just keeps racing with the thought that you hate me because you should hate me you should totally hate me I mean I am extremely hateable-“

“Benny, shut up.”

“I’m not not mad at you, because you did hurt me. Are still hurting me. But I don’t think I could ever truly be mad at you. Even if I tried my fucking hardest.” You huff out a laugh and risk a glance and there he is. Crystal blue eyes shining down at you just like you remember.

“I’m so sorry. God I’m so sorry.” He drops to his knees in front of you grabbing your hands. The bottle long forgotten with you now his only focus. “I mean I dated fucking Heather. How could I have dated fucking Heather? She hurt you and now I’ve hurt you and I love you-“

Benny falters at that and it’s like time has frozen in place. His eyes no longer locked on yours, drifting, fidgeting, glancing at everything that isn’t you. His energy shifts so quickly like quicksand and now you’re left wondering what changed in that moment. Because hearing those threes words hits you like a bus, but Benny was flippant. And you have always been just best friends.

“Ben you don’t have to be so nervous. I know it’s been a long time but I always knew you still loved me. You are my best friend, have always been my best friend, even if you suck at being my best friend.”

His hands were shaking in your grasp, and now you were starting to fidget. Starting to worry, question, wonder. Benny had always been Mr. Confident, Mr. Suave, shit eating grin and all. And now he was on his knees in front of you looking like the boy you remember from the 5th grade. Nervous and shaky and beautiful and your heart is fluttering so hard you’re surprised it has sprouted wings and flown out of your mouth.

“I enlisted.”

Time flickers. His eyes are back on you, and you almost sense a pleading behind them. Like he’s begging you to ask him to stay. Begging you to pull him off the edge.

“Oh Ben! Tha-that’s great. Seems you’ve never been able to stop chasing Will, huh? Uhm when-uh, when are you leaving?”

“Next week.”

“Oh.”

And now time stops. You can still remember his hollow eyes when Will left for the army. How even from a distance, you could see the worry. The fear. The challenge.

You always thought you and Benny would get time. Would have time once Heather, and high school, and stupid bullshit finally ended. And yet here you two were and all of that was over, but there was no time to spare.

“Can we talk? Somewhere else? Anywhere else? I miss you. I have so much to say. You have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about you-“

You shoot up, losing his hands in the process. “I-I have to go Ben. I can’t be here, can’t be with you. I just- I can’t listen to you tell me how much you miss me all while I now know you’re leaving, again! I ca-can’t, I can’t, I can’t…”

You’re running at that point, words smearing behind you as you try desperately to get away. You can hear him yelling your name, crying out for you in a tone that almost rips you to shreds. But you don’t care. You can’t be here anymore. Can’t listen to him say everything you’ve always wanted him to say knowing it means nothing. Because in a week he’ll be gone and your heartache will only grow with the distance. Only multiply with the knowledge that Benny was only good at one thing. Leaving you.

#benny miller #benny miller fic #benny miller x reader #benny miller x you #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #triple frontier fic #benjamin miller #ben miller #don't hate me for making him sad

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mypoisonedvine · 3 years

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Can u pls write something like dark!reader x steve rogers high school AU , where R is rich spoil brat & she always had a crush on steve but she always bully him by calling him skinny and all and Then yrs later, time changes her family discarded her from will and she becomes poor and need job, got hired for PA by dark ceo!steve rogers who she bullied her all school lifee😈😈

okay this is a lot for a headcanon but I don’t have time to do a whole oneshot BUT I also really like it so we’re gonna just make a longass headcanon here we gooooo

warnings for heavy dub con, choking, slapping, degradation (by steve), bullying (by the reader), abortion mention, brief mention of/implied assault.

“heyo pipsqueak” you called out to get steve’s attention, laughing when he frowned. “looks like you grew a whole inch over summer, be sure to have your mom draw a line in pencil on the doorframe.”

he just rolled his eyes and got back to chatting with his friend. not friends, friend, cause he only had one: bucky, who snarled at you as well.

“pick on someone your own size, if you can find somebody with as big a head as you,” bucky shot back, making you scoff.

“you know, it’s a shame you hang out with this deformed freak, you could’ve been popular. you’ve got the looks for it.”

“I’d rather keep my brains, thanks,” bucky explained as you walked away with your posse of fellow popular kids.

you didn’t used to be so mean to steve. it was sort of a comedy of errors, really. you two had been friends in elementary school-- you, him, and bucky were the rambunctious trio up until middle school.

things change for boys and girls in middle school. guys just get along with each other and don’t think about it much. girls, though... girls need to be sharp. it’s eat or be eaten. and you wanted to eat.

you were lucky that you developed early. it meant that girls respected you and boys feared you-- not just for your attractive features but for the fact that you loomed a foot over most of them.

you started to take advantage of it. and by the time you realized you had feelings for your best friend steve, it was already too late-- he was at the bottom of the food chain and you were at the top.

you told your new girl friends that you wanted to take steve to the sadie hawkins. they laughed at you. for a moment, you felt what it was like to be outcast and you never wanted to feel it again. so, you told steve and bucky that you’d grown apart. and you were happy to just be former friends...

it was steve that started it. he called you out. he told you that you were nothing like who he used to know-- you had become vapid and cold and narcissistic.

“you’re so busy worrying about what other people think, you never take the time to think for yourself.” that was what he said. and it fucking hurt.

“saw you talking to your boyfriend steve the dweeb,” your friend tanya announced at lunch just a few minutes after that conversation. and you were angry, and hurt, and truly friendless despite being surrounded by other popular girls. so you said some things you could never take back.

“steve? as if. did you know he still sleeps with a security blanket? and he has his friend bucky fight for him every week cause if he took a punch he’d crumble to dust?”

and so, mortal enemies were formed. it only got worse in high school, as you fought to secure your title at the top while steve and bucky’s presence filled your heart with guilt and your gut with anger.

if only you’d known how quickly you could fall from your high horse.

it started when you dated tanya’s ex, brock. she was made so she spread a rumor that you would fuck any guy on the football team, even all of them at once.

apparently, a lot of people believed it since tanya had been your sidekick since 6th grade.

two football players believed it. and when you wouldn’t follow through on it, you got yourself a black eye.

that meant you missed school for a week because you couldn’t possibly show up looking like that. tanya told everyone it was because you got grounded and sent away to church camp after your parents caught you in bed with one of the neighbors. so now your reputation was ‘sleeps with football players and old men.’

only brock had been there for you.... but it turned out he had motives of his own. you had originally planned to wait until college, but brock was clearly wanting something in return for putting up with dating pariah #1... so you let him take your virginity.

the condom broke. when you dashed to the trash can to hurl in the middle of history class, you knew something was wrong. (and lost that many more social points in the process.)

brock dumped you the second he found out you were pregnant. didn’t even help you pay for the abortion. he got back together with tanya and told her the real reason for your ‘medical absence’. and that was the last straw for the former homecoming queen.

the humiliation drove you to some.... poor choices, for the next few years. you tried not to think about them now, but it was hard not to when their consequences were staring you right in the face: no money, no job, nearly homeless, and desperate.

over a hundred job applications later, only one had called you back and scheduled an interview. and you only needed one.

so there you were, waiting in the chilly lobby area while the receptionist typed away and chomped her gum, tapping your toes and glancing out the window occasionally.

you were surprised when you had been told your interview would be on the 51st floor. you sort of assumed it would just be some random manager interviewing you, not somebody important enough to have a waiting room like this, or a view like this.

when a man stepped out from the nearby hallway, your eyes went wide. he was tall, and handsome, and obviously muscular underneath the exquisite suit. you suddenly felt underdressed in your hand-me-down business clothes.

then he called your name. and you realized he was going to interview you.

you stood up and nodded. “you can follow me to my office,” he instructed with a smile, leading you down the hall to the corner office. you were in awe of the grandiosity of it all. you were dumbfounded when you saw CEO on the door.

“there must have been a mistake,” you explained as he shut the door behind you. “I... I’m just interviewing for an entry-level position.”

“no, there’s no mistake,” he shook his head, “I have you exactly where I want you. take a seat.”

he circled his desk and sat on the other side of it, resting his elbows on the desk and giving you an oddly smug smile. an awkward silence was finally broken when he realized, “you must not remember me.”

“I... have we met?”

“I don’t blame you, I look pretty different,” he shrugged. “I must’ve grown a whole inch this summer.”

you gave him a confused look before realization dawned on you, along with shame, and fear.

“oh... oh my god, Steve?!” you squawked. he just grinned. “you look... you look...”

“taller?”

sexy.

“you look great!” you said aloud instead.

“yeah,” he agreed, “wish I could say the same for you.”

you swallowed dryly. “so that’s what you want,” you sighed, “to get back at me. I understand. I deserve it...”

“I don’t want revenge,” he denied. “I’m just sorry to see you haven’t been... thriving, since high school. your job history--” he scanned your resume briefly-- “well, you don’t have one. have you been slumming it all this time?”

“without my parents’ money? yeah,” you admitted.

“surprised you applied here, instead of turning tricks on 5th and Columbus.”

your back straightened and your eyes went wide at that comment.

“I mean, you’re already dressed for it,” he smirked.

you stood up and crossed your arms. “if you’re just going to insult me, then I’ll leave now. I’m sorry for everything I did to you, steve,” you announced, voice shaky with oncoming tears.

“can you really afford to leave?” he pressed. “if you have a chance at a job?”

that, unfortunately, got your attention. “you... you might actually offer me something?”

“I will offer you something,” he corrected, “if you just sit down and listen.”

you relented, returning to your seat. you could stand a lot more insults if there was money on the line.

“to be honest, there’s no way I can hire you for the position you applied for,” he sighed. “you’re just underqualified. but I think I can create a position for you.”

you liked the sound of that. “what kind of position?”

“well, that’s tricky, seeing as you don’t have any skills,” he frowned, “except one. so that’s the one I plan on using.”

the look in his eyes made it all too clear what he was referring to, but as you shrunk into the leather chair he went ahead and clarified.

“I’ll pay you whatever salary you saw in the ad. but you won’t be doing data analysis or office management or anything like that. all you’ll be doing is spreading your legs for me whenever I fucking want.”

fear shot up your spine; his eyes were devouring you, pinning you to the chair, and you tried to process that. “I--”

“before you say anything,” he interrupted immediately, “let’s just be perfectly clear that this might be your only shot at a real job. what I’m offering has better pay than stripping, and better benefits than hooking. and unless you have any education or experience I don’t know about, you’re totally fucked.”

“seems like I’m fucked either way,” you mumbled, making him laugh.

“see, you’ve still got that sharp tongue,” he grinned. “can’t wait to put it to better use.”

maybe it was just desperation for cash. maybe it was because he was good-looking and you could do a lot worse. maybe it was because, on some level, you felt like you deserved his punishment after how horribly you’d treated him.

“I’ll do it,” you sighed. “when do I start?”

he stood up and reached across the desk to grab your neck, glaring at you. “right now.”

his free hand was already fumbling with his belt, the one on your throat guiding you downwards. “on your knees,” he instructed, and you slipped out of the chair and onto the floor.

he let go of your neck and you figured he was going to come to you, but instead he stood still and demanded: “crawl.”

debasing as it was, you crawled on your knees to his side of the desk, and he laughed at you bitterly. when you reached his feet and popped back up, you gasped at the sight of his hard cock right in front of your face. it was bigger than your face. and it was dripping precum.

“don’t get so bug-eyed, you can handle it,” he grinned. “if your mouth’s as big as I remember...”

you didn’t want to hear any more. you just wanted to get this over with, so you quickly took his head between your lips and started to suck. you were shocked when he slapped you, hard enough to knock his length from your mouth and to make you reach up and clutch your stinging cheek.

“fucking whore,” he grimaced, “did I say you could put it in your mouth? god, you’re so fucking desperate. just open your fucking mouth and I’ll show you what I want, okay?”

you nodded and stammered an apology, looking up at him with watery eyes and an open mouth. he swiped the latest drop of precum on your tongue before gliding his cock over it, grabbing your hair to keep you steady as he pushed himself to the back of your throat.

“fuck, that’s better,” he sighed. “so much better when you just do what you’re told. I remember how you used to be so cruel with this mouth. now you’re being so welcoming...”

you just sat there and let him use your mouth, trying not to gag when he hit your throat.

“look up at me,” he instructed, “yeah, that’s it. can’t have you forgetting who’s doing this to you, now can we?”

that went on for a bit longer until mascara-stained tears streaked your face, which he seemed rather proud of.

“damn, wouldn’t mind having you swallow my come right now,” he admitted, “but I have bigger plans. get up, bend over my desk.”

you coughed briefly when he pulled out, but did as you were told. he instantly yanked your skirt up over your ass and spanked you several times roughly, making you sob and whine.

“wanna see this ass all bruised up in the shape of my hand,” he explained. “so we can both remember how hard I fucked you.”

he tore your panties like they were paper, chuckling when he found you already wet.

“dripping already, just from choking on my cock? poor baby...”

you spread your legs slightly, though you were sure nothing was going to adequately prepare you for his size.

“you figured out how to use birth control since graduating, right?” he asked, and you nodded quickly. “good. cause I’m not using a condom,” he continued as he let his cock glide over your folds, groaning slightly, “and there’s no way in hell I’m pulling out.”

he pushed forward in one brutal stroke, making you cry out loudly. you really hoped these rooms were mostly soundproof.

“shit, you’re tight,” he hissed, already pulling back and thrusting back in. “clearly you recovered from your years of slutting it up in high school.”

“that-- that wasn’t true,” you defended.

“oh, just shut up,” he growled.

he fucked you fast and deep, his hips pushing yours into the edge of his desk with each thrust. his hands pinned you down at your shoulders, another reminder that you were entirely at his mercy.

“fuck, this is just what you needed... somebody to put you in your place. makes sense that it should be me, since you hated me so much.”

“I didn’t h-hate you,” you hiccuped.

“yeah, you wanted me, didn’t you?”

“always,” you admitted.

“wanted my fat fuckin’ cock to tear up your pussy? is that it?”

“yes,” you moaned, “yes, steve, wanted to be yours.”

“even when I was skinny and short?”

“even when you hated me,” you added.

he growled slightly and you felt your walls tighten around him suddenly. he chuckled, clearly aware that you were enjoying this.

“you want more, baby? want me to fuck you harder?”

“whatever you want,” you answered instead. “just use me however you want.”

he moaned and leaned down to cage your body in with his. “fuck, baby... you’re taking this better than I thought you would. such a good girl for me, huh? such a good little slut. want me to use you, baby? take all my anger out on you?”

“yes,” you whispered, sobbing when he began to fuck you more brutally than you thought possible. but it felt good. so good that your legs were shaking, so good that you felt even better when he tugged your hair.

“yeah, gonna come on my cock, aren’t you?”

you nodded and bit your lip.

“m’ close too,” he admitted, “you’re gonna be so full of my come, it’s gonna be dripping down your legs when you walk out of here...”

your orgasm made your body shake and your eyes roll back.

“fuck, I can feel you coming,” he groaned, “fuck, just like that-- fuck!”

you felt his warmth fill you as his cock flexed against your walls. you were busy trying to catch your breath when he slumped down on top of you and pushed the air from your lungs.

“damn... didn’t think I was gonna come that fast,” he sighed. “see what you do to me? fuck, I knew this was a good idea.”

sure, it felt good, but you were sure he was only going to get rougher and meaner the longer this went on. you couldn’t imagine how you were going to get out of here without somebody noticing your wrinkled clothes, messed-up hair and, as he’d pointed out himself, come all over your thighs.

“guess I’ll see you at 8am tomorrow, huh?” he chuckled, giving you an unexpected peck on the cheek. you couldn’t answer, though, interrupted by the phone on his desk ringing. “oh, sorry, gotta get this.”

he reached for the phone and picked it up, bringing to his ear all without pulling out of you or even lifting his body from on top of yours.

“bucky, hey,” steve grinned as he spoke into the phone, looking down at you and stroking your hair, “you’re not gonna believe who I ran into today...”

#dark!steve rogers x reader #ceo!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers hc #dark!steve rogers smut #Anonymous

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girlhorrror · 2 years

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ok tell me about ur top 5 movies that u have reviewed on letterboxd

ooh okay i can do this one! i’m going to talk about my 4 profile favourites first so: the shining is my easy answer when people ask my favourite horror movie but i think it’s more that it’s one of the only ones that’s ever scared me. i rewatch it once every october and am always just astounded like i know it’s a classic but like yeah it’s really really good. i really like isolation as a topic for horror to explore and then also mixed with the dysfunctional family relationship which is another media favourite of mine. i hate that i like kubrick movies i would kill that man with my own two hands for how he treated shelley on this set but that’s like a whole rant for another post. jennifer’s body is The epitomy of girl horror movies for me because it was the first one that i like consciously watched. there’s a handful of jokes in it that i wish were never written but i guess that’s to be expected with 2000s horror comedies like what an awful decade. i watched this movie for the first time in like 6th grade and it’s probably why i’m gay now. but like again with the toxic homoerotic female friendship i’m just obsessed with complicated relationships in movies especially when they’re like this. and also megan fox eating boys so… that’s sexy. harold and maude is the most recent watch on this list. i watched it for a paper i never turned in class and i was sobbing like basically the entire time. something about this fucked up depressed guy falling in love with the world around him especially through someone who is already in love with it connects with me sooo much for some reason depression. highly highly recommend this one so long as you can handle suicide imagery. the lighthouse is my pretentious art horror pick sorry, i have a weakness for maritime horror because the island i’m from has a really big fishing industry/culture so i’ve been surrounded by that kind of stuff since i was a kid and so haunted lighthouses and spooky sea creatures have been festering in my brain for years. i’m also just obsessed with spooky history in general so i really really love the period detail and accuracy robert eggers puts into his movies. it’s also like, a good movie on its own too. i don’t know why some people hate this one so much. and we have the theme of isolation and toxic relationships coming up again maybe there’s something wrong with me. for my 5th pick i’m going to throw in the original halloween because it’s my favourite slasher movie. i think it’s the simplicity that makes this one work so well for me. like for a slasher movie it’s incredibly reserved (contrast to like, nightmare on elm street for example) but still manages to be iconic. it helps too that my dad really loves old slashers so our main form of like “bonding” is watching them and this was one that stuck with me. there’s also an alternate version of mikey who lives in my brain and is my best friend and doesn’t kill me and i have to keep him on a leash so he doesn’t kill anyone else either

#this is like Insane of me #if you ask me about a movie i will simply never shut up

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ndiecity · 3 years

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idk ur still doing the confessions thing but anyway. it's not really wild or anything, i just needed to get it off my chest lol (you can ignore this if you want this gets pretty long and confusing i think so buckle up)

also shoutout to the 6th grade anon, i had a similar 6th grade exp. middle schoolers are the worst. i literally had little no friend AND was bullied lol.

anyway there was this one girl in my class that was like a sorta popular girl i was friends with. so during 6th grade, i had no friends except for her (i dont think she saw me as a friend tho or were even friends in the first place?? idk) and i would always crave her attention. i didn't know i had a crush on her i think.

(side note: i would rate the girls in my class based on how pretty and nice to me they are, (i think i put her on 2nd lol))

so then whenever she was absent for the day i would feel sad and all that shit. whenever she was around i always do anything to please her or make her think im cool or something (i was not cool, i was a loser). we would talk endlessly on messenger, talking abt random shit, how shitty her mom was, how shitty my mom was etc. one time during our first class for the day (which was about 5am i think) she was acting weird, i asked her about it, she said her stomach hurt. so me, being all lovesick and shit gave her my lunch ( i didn't have lunch money and only had sandwiches lol) when she thanked me for it, and said she felt better, i felt so proud. idk i just felt so happy then

fast forward to end of 6th grade, we were graduating. by that i mean transitioning from 6th grade to 7th grade. anyway. so we graduated, kept in touch, still messaged her on messenger, and then school got in the way and my phone got taken away cuz i failed sum classes in the 2nd quarter. never had it back since. so we didnt talk for about 4 years.

so back in 2020, my parents got me a laptop for school, and i made a new mess. acc. i reached out to her again. we talked, talked abt shitty moms, i found out she's bi and i told her im a lesbian. after a few days i asked her if she'd ever had a gf or bf or whatever (like the idiot i was) and said she didnt have to answer if she didnt want to obvi. she said yes she's had bf's before. i said, cool. then she asked me why i was asking i told her i was just curious.

then came out of nowhere, she said, "wanna try?" so then my brain shut off and i didnt reply for minutes then she just sent a "haha"

and she was like, "oh sorry was that weird? sorry😬"

but i said it was fine and shit. we didnt talk about it for about a day.

then we were talking again and i was like, "so this is gonna sound weird but do you ever like, like someone and would want a romantic relationship with them but wouldn't like, mind being their friend instead? like youre in the middle?"

and she said "yeah, i have" so then i was like "oh cool, cool"

then she asked, "why? have you?" and i said yes.

then she asked who. and my brain shut off again lmaoo so i was just like "you" the speech bubble appeared multiple times lmao then i followed up with like, "sorry! that was weird! please just forget about it!"

then she was like, "no no, it's fine. i feel the same way" (and i beliived it. how naive was i?)

so then i was like, "really?? cool cool cool" (im a really awkward person okay)

then after a few minutes of talking again (you know when you're like flirting as a joke but then it's not a joke anymore? lol) she was like, "so wanna be my gf?"

my brain shut off again. i didnt answer for a few minutes cuz my brain was dead. then she was like, "um was that too fast? that was too fast sorryy"

by the time i read that my hand was shaking lmaoo (from nervousness or shock i dont know) so i hastily replied with, "nah its fine. i would love too" after overthinking it and shit

does dating count when your just talking over text? what is dating????

anyway we flirt a lot, saying goodnight, i love you's and shit. she said i was her first gf, i said she was my first relationship and what not. i was genuinely happy. i had a person who understood me, and liked me, and i was happy. she even said she saved my bday on her phone

so then like about a week and a before my bday was when shits started to go down.

i messaged her, said a quick goodmorning cuz i had classes and how i wanted to kill myself and shit like that (dont worry, im not actively suicidal and she already knew this) she replied and i quote "Good morning, love. I love you."

then like after classes, i messaged her, asked how her day was, told her about my day etc. i waited about an hour. (she doesnt typically reply for about 10 - 15 minutes cuz duh she does have a more eventful life than mine) so i thought none of it. thought she was just busy. so it was nighttime and still no word from her. so i said good night and wished for her to be safe.

morning came, i checked my messages, still nothing, she didnt even see it yet. i went on with my day thinking nothing of it. told myself she might have some problems at home and all that. by the 3rd day, i was pretty anxious and i couldnt think properly. my brain conjuring up scenarios where her mom found out, and her phone got taken away. anything just to convince myself what the dreaded truth was.

it was the 5th day was when i gave up. i saw she changed her pfp, and captioned it like she would normally caption it. replied to the comments, that kind of shit. so then i was so mad by then so i commented too. ofc she didnt reply. i spent days worrying over her safety, when in reality she's just an asshole. and i really thought she really like me you know? i really thought she'd at least considered me as her friend, i guess not

my bday came, we had a party but i wasn't really feeling it ya know? by then i'd already spent the past week crying myself to sleep. no one noticed a thing.

a few months ago i saw she had a bf, and by that time i already felt like my old self again, no longer the broken pathetic shell she left. i was back to square one. so i cried again.

present day, i still see her posts, her ig stories, (i dont think she blocked me). and i cant bring myself to block her either. like idk on one hand i'm so mad that she just left me hanging, that her relationship with her new bf lasted longer than we were together and on the other i knew if she ever reached out again, i would latch on to every inch of her. (that's probably bad lol)

anyway have a nice day/afternoon/night!!!! i hope i havent troubled you too much lol sorry!

Damn that's a lot to take in, I'm sorry 😔

#long post

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daydreaming-juna · 2 years

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Get to know our animanga fandom mutuals/followers better?

I miss doing stuff like this so I’m here after reading the one @ccprovolomies did :D

How did you find out about anime?

I watched anime all my childhood without knowing I was (Saint Seya, Dragon Ball, Sailor Moon, Doremi, Digimon, Pokemon, etc)

It was only until around 5th or 6th grade when the boys in class were excitedly talking about Naruto that was broadcasted on cable TV with Portuguese subtitles

(Which thank goodness at the time because now they only dub and I don’t expect kids to grow up and study Japanese like I did because they love dubbed stuff. I talk for myself I can’t watch Doraemon or Ninja Hattori unless it’s Spanish dubbed because that’s how I watched it as a kid)

that I discovered it was something Japanese

Also, it’s weird how my cousin would know how to do the jutsus signs but we never talked about animanga stuff until I brainwashed him into One Piece (I spent our 8th grade summer talking about every arc I watched and we’re talking about 500 epis at the time -.-’ )

What’s your favorite anime?

I have to say One Piece, because Oda-sensei is a genius in how detailed the artwork and specially the plot is. Like the manga is the same age as I am and there’s little stuff that happened all those years ago that connect to the present day. My mind gets blown away with it.

Also let me say I’m not a comedy person and the funny things in OP was a major block to start it but now I love it, I was a happy laughing 114-year-oldgirl that summer...Aside from that one, I’m all over the place in taste, like, my MyAnimeList has 800 completed and watching combined entries. I’m majorly a shounen & sports girl, but I like romance and shoujo ones too. Slice of life if they aren’t too slow and I run away from most comedy (I’m sorry Gintama and @ccprovolomies )

Do you have a favorite J-music/K-pop group/singer?

Regarding K-pop, just read my blogs description J-music is difficult to summarize because I listened to all openings and endings of those 00s and early 10s animes

When is your bday? And how old are you?

Today (26/03) I turn 25 and I’m ready for the quarter of a century existential crisis combined with all the 2020s drama still going on

Currently, what is your favorite fandom anime?

Sadly I don’t do much fandom interactions on Tumblr, but I follow One Piece and Avatar the Last Airbender through Facebook (which is a lot of print screened stuff from here ahahah) I was surprised to see how many people are on the Akagami no Shirayukihime, Akatsuki no Yona and Ao no Exorcist fandom, when I made posts about it the 100 notes came quickly!!

Despite the ups and downs of Tumblr, what motivates you to stay here today and do your best?

I know people from the old age, but I only started in 2016 during college and the start of my K-Pop era (which I delayed from centuries because I knew what a rabbit hole it was - like I listened to BoA, 2ne1 and Big Bang in Japanese only)

What motivates me? Organisational obession and a liking of GIF posts mostly

Before it was to be updated with K stuff, now it’s mostly for pretty stuff/artistic things/social awareness/anime & tv series

I come here to distract myself through destroying the always growing 1000 drafts and pinpoint how my queue will be scheduled (always alternative posts) and enjoy myself checking up all the blogs that give me notes like you @ccprovolomies

Finally, create yourself in this picrew:

https://href.li/?https://picrew.me/image_maker/395214

I adore the amount of K-pop light stick to choose from but being multifandom (even if I love the GOT7 one) I couldn’t choose

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it and follows me <3 Seriously, would love to read your answers!! I don’t know if my IRL friends want to do this (girls?)

#tagged #about me #anime #manga #kpop

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iris-sistibly · 2 years

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So I just snapped at someone whom I used to look up to...

Hi! I've been trying to finish the continuation of my last The Witcher fanfic ("Mine"), but lemme just share this because I know I'm not the only one who's going through this shit right now.

Last night, I saw this facebook post from someone I know. It was a throwback photo of herself and did this little story time, I won't repost that for privacy purposes and to not escalate things further.

So on that post, she shared that a few years back, Miss Perfect (let's just call her that) was riding a PUV with a young girl (probably someone from my generation) who was wearing shorts and a crop top, at first Miss Perfect thought that she looked really amazing and that her outfit suits her. But her opinion changed when the girl stood up and was about to unboard the PUV and saw that the girl had scars on her legs.

And Miss Perfect went on like, "I wasn't trying to be rude or anything like that but...I know no matter what I wear it will still look good on me because I have clear, smooth skin. I have nothing against what people choose to wear but if you're wearing something that shows your skin, at least try using body scrubs or conceal those scars," something like that.

That shit triggered me!

I had mixed emotions that time, I was saddened, disappointed and enraged.

I was sad because I know what it feels like to be subjected to skin shaming.

When I was younger, I had a second cousin who bullied me because I wasn't fair skinned (my mother's aunt was mestiza and had fair skin). I remembered in 5th or 6th grade, I was called ugly by a fucking highschool boy because of my skin color. In senior year in highschool, I had this really close friend (a guy) who told me that I would have looked prettier if I had fairer skin, and he would have asked me to be his girlfriend (a nicer term for the term "collection of girls," WTF?!)

Mind you, I have scars on my legs too, I played a lot in my childhood years and I don't regret having them now.

I had really low self-esteem growing up and it took years for me to finally embrace my skin color, my scars, all of my skin imperfections. But the journey to get to that point was never easy.

I was disappointed because Miss Perfect was someone I used to look up to.

I was mentored by this person! She's fierce, smart, and she taught me many things. I had a lot of respect for this person, and though I must say she was...pretty difficult to deal with sometimes, at the end of the day, I respected her. What upsets me more is that there were people who were agreeing with her! These are older people guys!

I was angry because she was unapologetic about it.

So, your girl couldn't take it anymore right? I posted something on my facebook pertaining on that post, my exact words were:

"Hi! It's okay to feel confident about yourself, but skin shaming/body shaming someone else WHILE praising yourself is next level NARCISSISM. It doesn't reflect the person you're trying to put down but it is a reflection of who you are as a person ☺️☺️."

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who was offended by her post, all of the people I know backed me up and of course, since we're "friends" on Facebook, Miss Perfect saw what I posted, and she commented, "Oh I'm sorry" with a laughing emoji!

What.the actual.fuck?!

Funny thing was, she posted a counterargument on her page (I know that shit was for me) defending her previous post. She said she wasn't trying to downgrade anyone, everyone who knows her KNOWS she wouldn't do such thing. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 I have known this person SINCE 2012!!! THAT'S 10 FUCKING YEARS AND SHE WAS INSINUATING THAT I WAS JUDGING HER BASED ON THAT POST ALONE?!

I MEAN--

And on the comment section another person, let's call her Miss Two-Faced (she's someone around Miss Perfect's age, and someone I respected so damn much as well), they exchanged comments. They were saying that not everyone is blessed, and they were all for self-confidence, but their definition of being confident is showing only your best and hide those features that are unpleasant for other people to see.

Doesn't make any sense. I'm telling you guys, they had the most narcissistic, condescending, conversation on that comment section.

But you know what the good thing was?

Many people I personally know messaged me and thanked me for speaking up. Unfortunately, many people I know either struggled or are still struggling with skin shaming and for others to mock and make fun of these people is never okay.

For the record Miss Perfect never apologized.

She wouldn't shut up on social media, and her latest post was her flexing this device she ordered online, she said that thing would eliminate her belly fats, etc.

Well I am also body shamed, so I wouldn't be surprised if that post was intended to mock me. And she called me her basher or one of her bashers so...🤷

Bottom line is...

Maturity doesn't come with age. People like Miss Perfect and Miss Two-Faced are living proof of that.

Putting down others to make yourself feel better isn't self-confidence, you're just an asshole who's so full of yourself.

Those who were lucky who never got to experience skin and body shaming would never understand the struggle. To constantly feel bad about yourself just because you didn't pass society's standards of beauty, and wishing to be someone else just to feel accepted.

You. Don't. Know that!

Everyone wants to look nice, to be complimented, to feel good about themselves.

Fuck, I would give anything to regain my confidence back, to be able to look in the mirror and tell myself that I look pretty, to learn how to love myself again.

But it's people like these that are making me lose every bit of what's left in me...

I know I shouldn't listen to the noise of the outside world, but it's harder to do that when you're actually surrounded BY the noise, and you have to deal with that shit every single day.

I'm a work in progress, I still am...

Probably will always be. Being able to call out a bully was the best feeling ever, I still have many things about me that I need to work on. I'm just thankful that despite of this world being filled with bitches, at least I have people who have my back.

So to anyone who took their time to read this, thank you for hearing me out. To anyone who's struggling, hi! You're not alone ☺️ .

#misc #personal #story time #skin shaming #body shaming #personal struggles #no to bullying

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011tsukishima · 3 years

Text

I want to address something that needs to be talked about. So if you have experience with bullying, threatening or anything like that, caution well reading. Also there may be swearing as well.

First I want to say sorry, I try and keep my blog happy and fun. But I really want to talk about this.

For years now I have been experiencing bullying, ever since I was in elementary school. I'm now going to be going into 10 grade and I still experience it.

When it started in elementary school, it was just name calling and making fun of my shoes ( you know what little kids do) but in 2 grade it escalated. I won't go into detail about it, but when I went to the principal he made it seem like it wasn't a big deal, and actually made me cry.

I moved elementary schools that same year. In 3rd grade I had a teacher who lowered my grades because I live in low income housing...then it was fine until 5th grade when a boy found out I liked him and asked me out as a joke. And that crushed me.

Then it got a lot worse in middle school, 6th grade wasn't bad , worse thing that happened was I got called a bitch and also fat. Then 7th grade came. And I had my first boyfriend, then I broke up with said boyfriend. After I did his friend harassed me for 3 months, and when I told the counselor all he got was a warning and that was it.

And not long after that a lot of people started to call me slut and whore ( I found out later that it was spread by my ex and also a few girls who don't like me)

Then in 8th grade more rumors were spread about me such as that I smoke and sleep around ( both are clearly not true, I'm still a virgin....I haven't even had my first kiss yet) then I became another joke for a group of boys... For more than half a year this boy was kind and flirted with me, when I told him I liked him, he turned me down and said he never liked me ( later I found out that what he did it as a joke) then covid happened

Then in 9th grade I was actually bullied by a teacher, just because he didn't like me for no reason. First time I spoke to him he was mean and rude to me, and it stayed that way.

This needs to stop!! I know I'm not the only one going through this. And I want to spread awareness of what kids my age are like, and people who are older bullying and harassing children. I don't want anyone else to go through this. This needs to be talked about more... Thank you for those who read this, and listen to what I have to say, thank you

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 3 years

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i realised i wasn't straight when i was in 5th to 6th grade when i started exploring/questioning (?) my sexuality. i used the label pansexual which i still feel a connection to bc i still fit the criteria (attraction regardless of gender/not caring abt gender, etc) but after realising i wasnt cis either its more complicated now? and i was hoping u could help me?

i get attracted to different genders differently. to oversimplify it : im more sexually/physically and emotionally attracted to women and fem-aligned ppl, and more romantically inclined to men and masc-aligned ppl. i can still get romantically/sexually attracted to someone regardless of their gender but the ratio? the intensity? idk what to call it, the likelihood/frequency (?) is different.

but regardless whether the ppl are mascs/fems/nbs etc i feel like its in a gay way?? i personally identify as genderqueer slightly masc leaning but i feel like a lesbian when liking girls/fem aligned's and like a homosexual man when liking men. which is rly confusing to me. im afab and thought me liking men would feel like a girl liking a guy way but its different.

its frustrating bc i cant exactly categorise my attrraction in a way that i understand and it keeps me up at night. i know i dont have to have labels but having one would be more comfortable for me bc i like feeling like im in control and it just makes me feel like i know who i am or at least have an idea of who i am that way.

there might not be an actual term for smth like this but i just wanted to hear your thoughts as someone who's had more experience and has knowledge about the community.

any kind of help is very much appreciated and i thank you so much for doing this for us ryan <33

Heya mate :D

Ayyyy fellow masc genderqueer 😎

Hmm, I’m not sure if there’s a specific word for sexual attraction to mostly women, but it sounds like you might be sapphic alterous (attracted to mostly women/fem aligned people in terms of alterous traction) and achillean in terms of romantic attraction!

Another label you may want to check out is varioachilromantic (click for link to wiki page)

Varioachilromantic is defined as someone who uses the split attraction model and whose romantic orientation is achillean, but isn't achillean in sexual orientation. They are considered varioriented.

You can always call yourself both a lesbian and a gay man, people have identified with both those labels in the past so you can use both labels!

In terms of the “gay for all genders” thing, you might wanna check out the term sapphic achillean (click for link to wiki page) which is sometimes shortened to sapphillean.

Sapphillean is a term for when one considers oneself sapphic and achillean due to being both male or masculine-aligned and female or feminine-aligned (fluidly or simultaneously), and being attracted to men and women.

They identify as MLM and WLW however, they do not identify as WLM or MLW, one only feels attraction to women as a woman and only feels attraction to men as a man. One does not feel attraction to women as a man, or attraction to men as a woman. A sapphic achillean person may or may not be also attracted to other genders.

And as you said, yeah, it’s always good to use umbrella terms if you want to, but it’s also totally valid to want to have a label to feel in control of yourself! These are the only labels I could find, I hope you can find smth you resonate with! And you can always coin your own terms if you want to!

Sjfjjf it flatters me that you see me as someone who’s had experience and has knowledge about the community considering I’ve only known I was bisexual since January this year and trans since May, and all my experience with the queer community has come from tumblr since it’s not safe to be out where I am

JDJFJF (sorry I just love being called Ryan lmao)

Hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with figuring out your sexuality! Lmk if you have any more questions, and have a great day/night!

#ask #anon #helping out a questioning person

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baldrambo · 4 years

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What do you think Hopper’s funeral was like? I’m kinda curious about whether or not that’s going to be addressed.

I am SO sorry for getting to this like 80 years after you sent it, lmao. This was such a good question and the more i thought about it the more I got these clear images in my head of that day, and the more I wanted to just write it. I have 0 expectations that it will be addressed, honestly, SO here is Jim Hopper’s funeral service, told through the eyes of 4 non-Party members.

It was the last funeral, and by far the largest. Karen Wheeler found herself thinking it was also the most beautiful. She shifted her weight in her tall black heels and glanced around at the throng of solemn people in black. The casket stood at the epicenter, a large block of shiny wood that shone brightly in the afternoon sun. In a way, the symbolism of it felt silly. There wasn’t a body. There hadn’t been any bodies.

Attempting to banish the morbid thought from her mind, she glanced sideways at Ted who was staring solemnly at Pastor Charles. Was he reading from the Book of Revelation again? She found it next to impossible to concentrate on any of the readings, anymore. Ted had willingly attended every funeral with her, without complaint. A fresh wave of guilt struck, and she swallowed. Holley peeked over from her Dad’s arms, her large blue eyes carrying a new weight to them. She was a kid now, not a baby anymore. Karen reached over and gently caressed Holley’s cheek and that familiar, deep and abounding love for her children coursed through her like a powerful current. Karen wondered how someone could ever survive the loss of a child.

Karen turned to Mike, who stood stoically on her right, his hands at his sides like a soldier standing at attention. He was staring over Pastor Charles, his attention on the trees in the distance, his eyes unfocused. His mouth was set in a tight, straight line. He hadn’t said a word all morning. Hadn’t said a word since dinner last night. The dinner table had been deadly silent, the new norm.

“I don’t want to go to the funeral tomorrow,” Mike spoke up, his voice eerily flat and quiet. Karen looked up from her plate and squinted at Mike, confused. “It’s the last one, Mike. And it’s for the Chief.”

He clenched his fork in his fist and looked up at her, a strangely hollow look in his eyes that made her stomach start cramping up in knots. “I’m not going.” Karen looked over at Ted for help. His attention was conveniently focused on Holley. Karen put her silverware down, gently. “I know this is upsetting for you, Mike, and….”

“No. No! You don’t know!”

“Mike...” Nancy reached over to put her hand over his and he wrenched it back standing up in his chair abruptly. “It’s not like I actually wanted him to DIE!” He shouted, kicking at his chair. It went flying backwards, striking the wall.

Karen and Nancy both stood up. Nancy stopped her. “I’ll go.” She gave her mom a reassuring look, and wiped her mouth with her napkin, tucking her chair into the table neatly.

Nancy was standing at Jonathan’s side, leaning on his shoulder, her hand wrapped around his arm. Nancy kept sneaking glances at Jonathan, whose hands were in his pants. Jonathan wouldn’t meet her eye, his attention fixated on Joyce who was staring ahead, stone-faced, at Pastor Charles. Her face was still strangely devoid of emotion. Will flanked her on the left, a head taller than her now. Clearly uncomfortable, he kept shifting his weight and looking over at Joyce, too.

3 days after the fire, Will answered the door, his polite smile more a grimace. He stepped aside to let her in. Joyce was sitting at the kitchen table, a large ashtray full of cigarette butts in front of her. She’d looked up at Karen, large, dark circles under her dry eyes. “Thank you for stopping by.” Karen nodded, watching the trail of smoke from Joyce’s lit cigarette float up towards the ceiling. Joyce redirected her attention to the ashtray, barely blinking. Karen looked nervously over at Will who gestured silently towards the front door. Unnerved, she stopped in the doorway, turning back. “If she is upset and needs someone to talk to….”

“She hasn’t said much since the fire,” Will interrupted. “Thank you for stopping by, Mrs. Wheeler.”

Nancy caught Karen’s eye and gave her a small, sad smile.

Karen had thought, naively, after the fire, that they might, finally, trust her. Trust her with this weight they carried with them, this weight that had been hanging around since that girl had made an appearance in Hawkins. She couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew, they ALL knew something she didn’t. Even Joyce.

She glanced down again at Mike. His lower lip was quivering. Karen reached over and slipped her right hand into his. He gripped it back, tightly.

***

Scott Clarke thought Karen Wheeler was still the most beautiful woman in Hawkins. He watched her place her hand in Mike’s, her black dress effortlessly drawing attention to her slim figure. She had been his first crush, he remembered. She dated Scott’s older brother, Rob, when Karen and Rob were seniors in high school. He had been in….6th grade? 7th? It felt like an eternity. A bead of sweat dripped down his neck in the heat. He tugged uncomfortably at the collar of his button down.

There were beautiful white lilies lying delicately on the casket and perched in small bunches surrounding the funeral attendees. They were freshly picked. Were they the Chief’s favorite flower? It didn’t seem like they would be. He thought the Chief was probably the type to prefer wildflowers. He thought he would prefer wildflowers at his funeral, too.

He would remember the morning after the fire for the rest of his life. He woke up like any other summer day, fried 2 eggs, toasted two slices of bread, and sat down at the kitchen table with a fresh cup of coffee in his Friday mug. His weekly copy of Science Magazine opened in front of him, he flipped on the news, prepared to ignore another day of local Indianapolis crime. Within moments, his coffee and breakfast were forgotten. Frantically thumbing through the prior year’s class roster, he stationed himself in front of the phone for the next 5 hours. It was around three in the afternoon when he finally got off the phone with the Police Department and marked the last student on his list safe. Moments later a sobbing Ms. Landon called. Frank Rose in last year’s 5th period math class disappeared from the 4th of July Festival and was presumed dead in the fire. Scott had gone over and spent the evening with her.

Suddenly growing aware of the silence, Scott blinked, focusing back in on Pastor Charles. He stepped aside to allow Flo from the Police Station to begin her eulogy. Scott glanced around him at people growing increasingly uncomfortable in the heat.

Maxine Mayfield was conspicuously absent. Scott hadn’t seen her since her brother’s funeral.

Lucas Sinclair stood adjacent to Scott, his parents behind him. He fiddled with the buttons on his coat and his mother swatted at his hands, leaning in and whispering in his ear. He stood up straighter and turned to his left. Dustin and Claudia Henderson were standing beside the Sinclair’s, Claudia Henderson periodically blowing her nose loudly into her handkerchief. The boys exchanged a look and turned their attention another ten feet away to a handsome, familiar-looking older boy with longer hair. The older boy met their gaze and shook his head slowly. A warning.

It had been the boys that first made him suspect something else was going on.

A few days after the fire, Scott reached up and knocked on the door. Erica Sinclair opened it a moment later, staring up at him. She put her hand on her hip. “WHO are YOU?”

“Mr. Clarke. I’m here to see Dustin and Lucas.” Moments later he heard loud thudding on the steps and the boys appeared in the doorway, shoving a protesting Erica back into the house behind them, shutting the door loudly and standing up against it, staring awkwardly at him.

“I came to check on you, boys. Dustin, when I stopped by your house your mom said you both had been at the Mall the night of the fire.” The boys exchanged a worried glance and turned back to Scott. Lucas grimaced. “Yeah, we….we were there. It was….it was a really, really big fire.” “Huge,” Dustin interrupted. “We were…we got caught in it. But we got out.” Lucas nodded along enthusiastically. Scott swiveled between the two of them, skeptically.

“Anywayyyy, we better get back inside. Almost time for dinner. Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Clarke!” Lucas called out as he scrambled for the doorknob. “Yeah, thanks!” Dustin scuttled inside after him, shutting the door abruptly.

Scott looked down at his watch. 2:55pm.

The boys had stopped fidgeting and were focused on Flo now, their faces solemn. Scott looked back over at the older boy, who was staring up at the sky, as if he were trying not to cry. Steve Harrington! That was his name. He’d nearly flunked the boy in 7th grade. He had to be 17? 18 now? How did he know Dustin and Lucas? Frowning, Scott turned back to Flo, who was struggling to finish her statement. Joyce was standing just beyond the casket, as resolute as ever, the crowd of mourners centered around her and her sons.

Strangely, Scott found himself wondering if Joyce ever figured out what was wrong with her magnets.

***

If only the Chief were here now, Calvin Powell thought to himself, to see the entire town of Hawkins show up for his funeral. He could just picture him blustering about the office with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “Just bullshit obligation,” he’d mumble. And if he knew Flo would be the one giving an impassioned eulogy on his behalf, he would be mortified. Powell stared over the casket as Flo’s lilt carried across the field. Well, the Chief could suck it. Because he’d gone and gotten himself killed, and now here they all were. Without him.

Scott Clarke was standing straight ahead of him, watching over Dustin Henderson and Lucas Sinclair. There were some hardened people in this town, but that man certainly wasn’t one of them. He’d been on and off the phone with Scott Clarke the day after the fire. That’s when he’d still been acting as de-facto Chief. Not anymore, of course. The Feds had seen to that.

Powell re-directed his attention to Flo as she walked towards him, wiping at her eyes as she folded her notes up and tucked them inside her dress. He gave her a small, reassuring smile and squeezed her shoulder as she stood beside him. Callahan was nearby with his young wife. When the Chief took over, everyone figured he would make Callahan Deputy. He ruffled a few feathers by naming Powell. He still remembered the Chief’s first week on the job.

“I already TOLD you,” Roger Walsh sneered. “I’m here to talk to the Chief. “Well I’m Deputy,” Powell cut in. “So I’m here to….” Walsh interrupted by sniffing and crossing his arms, his lip curling in disgust. “Deputy.” He clicked his tongue, staring Powell down.

Hopper waltzed into the station, his eyes red-rimmed, and headed over to the counter for coffee, ignoring the two of them. “Chief Hopper,” Walsh interrupted him, uncrossing his arms. “I need to speak with you about….”

“Talk to my Deputy,” Hopper interrupted, tipping his head back and swallowing a swig of coffee. He turned towards the men, grimacing. “I don’t have time for whatever *this* is today.” Hopper headed past the men towards his office. “This is bullshit,” Roger cut in. “You are the Chief, I don’t want to talk to this nigg…..”

Hopper stopped and swiveled, aggressively grabbing the man by the scruff of his shirt, pulling him forwards. He smacked his lips. “What?” He tilted his head, looking down at the man, his face stormy. “Go ahead.” His voice was dangerously low. “What were you going to say.” Roger gawked at the Chief, terror in his eyes. Hopper let go and pushed the man backwards. “Get the fuck out of my station,” he growled. “Powell, I don’t want to see him again.”

Flo nudged him sympathetically. He was crying. Powell sniffed, angry with himself. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this. Not here, not now. The Chief wouldn’t want him to. He swiveled away from her, hoping Callahan hadn’t seen him. Jonathan Byers was standing next to Pastor Charles now. He was wearing worn down black trousers, his right hand resting in his pocket, a piece of paper in his left. He took a deep breath and began reading.

The Feds had showed up within days, sauntering about the office arrogantly. Powell wasn’t sure how a picture of Hopper’s dead daughter contributed to a federal investigation but then again, what did he know? He was just a small-town cop.

Jonathan Byers had chosen today of all days to demand an audience with Powell. He stood in front of the desk as Powell scooted his chair to the side for a man with dark shades. The man looked up at Jonathan pointedly and then continued out of the office with a stack of papers from the bottom drawer. Another agent strolled in and also stopped for a moment to stare at Jonathan, recognition all over his features, too.This second man grabbed another box of papers in the corner.

Powell opened his mouth to question the boy when Jonathan blurted, “Flo said you were helping her with Hopper’s funeral arrangements. I want to give a eulogy.” Confused, Powell frowned, scooting his chair back to its proper place. “Son, that is very nice of you to offer, but….”

“He was there for my Mom and I, when Will disappeared,” Jonathan interrupted, passionately. “When NO ONE else was,” his voice broke and he looked away. Taking a deep breath, he looked back over at Powell. “We’re the only family he has, now.” Powell didn’t have it in him to say no.

Things grew quiet and Powell re-directed his attention to the boy, who was struggling. He stopped to put his head in his hands. Nancy Wheeler approached slowly and took his other hand, standing with him. Jonathan got himself together and continued. Powell glanced over at Joyce, who was staring down, her eyes trained on the grass.

Powell felt the worst for Joyce Byers. Ever since Lonnie skipped town she’d been on her own, and she always seemed one bad day away from a breakdown. But the Chief had a way with Joyce. Powell suspected the Chief had been sweet on her, he even teased him about it once. “I was with her when we found Will in the woods. I’m just doing my job,” the Chief had shrugged.

As Jonathan finished up his speech, he walked back to his mom, hand-in-hand with Nancy. Jonathan reached for her hand when Joyce turned away suddenly, retreating towards the parking lot. The entire town watched her as she went. As if she were the Chief’s Widow.

Powell never bought that the Chief wasn’t sweet on her. Just like he never bought that Will had been lost in the woods, or the fire at the Mall was just a fire. But then again, what did he know? He was just a small-town cop.

***

Jane always came to visit, at least every two weeks, without fail. But it had been a long time. Too long. Slowly but surely, Terry Ives built up her strength to go and find her daughter.

Terry squeezed her eyes shut, her daughter’s features coming into crystal clear focus. She reopened them, pushing herself up from the rocking chair. A bed lay fifteen feet in front of her, a still figure laying on top of it.

Jane. Her feet splashing in the inch of water that filled The Void, Terry approached the bed, her heart pounding. Jane’s eyes were closed, and she stirred for a moment on the sheets. Asleep.

Standing there for a moment, Terry sized up the faded green comforter and white bedframe. This wasn’t The Cabin. Terry kneeled beside the bed, water soaking through the bottom of her nightgown. Faded tears stained her daughter’s sleeping cheeks and a beige shirt was folded in her arms. A small patch on the arm read “Hawkins Police.”

Terry leaned forward and rested her hand on her cheek. “Jane,” she whispered gently. Her eyes fluttered and opened. Jane blinked for a moment, confused. Jane sat up slowly and looked around, still gripping the uniform. “Jane!” Terry exclaimed, louder this time. El continued to look around the room, the confusion turning into despair. “Mama?” She whispered, clutching the shirt tighter.

Something was terribly wrong. She could barely feel Jane’s energy, it was weak. Too weak. Terry rested her hand on her daughter’s cheek again, but she didn’t move. Jane squeezed her eyes shut tight. “Mama,” she murmured, and a soft sob escaped from her lips. She pulled the shirt to her chest. “I can’t feel you, Mama. I can’t feel him,” she began to cry, her despondency like painful tendrils reaching into Terry’s own heart.

Horrified, Terry glanced around her desperately. Why couldn’t Jane see her? Why couldn’t she feel her? Something fuzzy beside the bed grabbed Terry’s attention. Focusing in on it, a small nightstand materialized. It was adorned with a lamp, a clock, and a picture frame. The frame included 2 small boys and a petite brunette woman.

The woman. The woman who came to see her with the Cop. Why was Jane in her house?

Terry heard a noise behind her and turned around slowly. A small green car came into focus. Terry took a few small careful steps forward. The woman was resting her head on her arm, leaning up against the car. She was taking shallow, shuddering breaths, her tiny frame quaking ever so subtly. In pain.

She was wearing all black, standing in tall grass. Not with Jane. As Terry approached, the woman picked her head up. Her big brown eyes were filled with tears. She put her hands up to her eyes, dabbing at them carefully with the backs of her hands. The grief etched into the lines of her face matched Jane’s. Taking one final deep, sharp breath she squared her shoulders and started walking away.

Terry watched her figure pass by Jane’s bed, fading away into a cloud of smoke. Where was the Cop? Terry felt the beginnings of exhaustion creeping into her mind and she pushed them away. She had to find the Cop. She fought for a mental image of him. Her mind was going fuzzy, Jane’s bed fading in and out like a t.v. station competing for a signal. Panic creeping in, she squeezed her eyes shut, pushing for the memory. Her breath grew raggedy from the strain as she opened her eyes.

Another bed began to materialize, this one without a bed frame, this one far, far away. Yet somehow so close. Blinking, Terry slowly stepped towards it, the image continuing to cut back and forth with her daughter’s. As she grew closer to him, The Void seemed to expand around her. The air grew colder and her heart began beating faster. Thump, thump, thump. He was lying on his side, curled up in a ball. Shivering. Not safe. She was a few feet away when his voice grew slightly stronger, his image momentarily clear.

“You don’t tug on Superman’s cape….you don’t….spit. Into the wind. You don’t pull…the mask off that old lone ranger…..and you don’t….mess around…..

….with Jim.” The hopelessness and fear were so powerful, Terry nearly froze. Mustering her last bit of strength, she reached for him. Her hand closed over his. Terry gasped audibly. “El?” He whispered into the darkness.

And with that, he was gone. Jane was gone. Terry felt the sensation of falling, sharply, backwards. She grasped for something, anything, in front of her as she fell, her hands closing around thin air. She landed in her rocking chair, now frozen in place.

“Terry? Terry!” Becky leaned over her sister. “Why is the lamp blinking, honey? What is going on?”

“Breathe,” Terry whispered. “Sunflower. Three to the right, four to the left. Rainbow. Four fifty. Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right, four to the left. Rainbow. Four fifty.”

“Terry, what is it?” Becky whispered, urgently.

Breathe.

#stranger things #jim hopper #joyce byers #el hopper #jonathan byers #will byers #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #jopper #jancy #karen wheeler #scott clarke #officer powell #terry ives #stranger things fic #i hope this hopper callback to will in TUD is obvious that is totally what i was going for!!#anyway hope you enjoy your fic #unpredictablybittersweet #fic

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