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gallusrostromegalus · 7 months

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The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

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I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

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If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

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As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

youtube

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

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So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

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If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

#Family Lore #Dogs #It's Halloween babey #friday the 13th #blood mention #I hope that kid had a good night and at least one of his friends believed him #Long post #Video

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benandstevesposts · 9 months

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Another reason oil companies use to raise prices on gasoline and home heating fuels is when there are no other issues. ‘The weather is too hot!’

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wheelsgoroundincircles · 4 months

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1957 Chevy

The Legendary “Black Widow” 1957 Chevy: A Piece of Racing History

When it comes to legendary cars, the 1957 Chevrolet, also known as the “Black Widow,” holds a special place in the hearts of car enthusiasts. However, few people know the intriguing story behind this iconic vehicle. In this article, we will take you on a journey through time and explore the fascinating history of the Black Widow.

The Secret Support Behind the Scenes

In the 1950s, car manufacturers were prohibited from directly promoting racing. Nevertheless, behind closed doors, Chevrolet found a way to support the racing community. They collaborated with a company called SEDCO to build a limited number of race-ready 1957 Chevys. Only 18 of these incredible vehicles were ever produced.

Unleashing the Beast

To create the ultimate racing machine, Chevrolet started with the lightest model available, the no-frills 150 utility sedan. They then equipped these cars with high-performance drivelines that would leave their competitors in awe. The Black Widows proved to be astonishingly fast, setting records and securing multiple victories on the track.

Restoring the Legend

One particular Black Widow has undergone an extensive body-off-frame restoration, meticulously recreating its original glory. The attention to detail is impeccable, resulting in a pristine body that is arguably even better than when it first rolled off the factory floor.

Exquisite Exterior

Painted in the iconic Black Widow colors of Onyx Black and India Ivory, the exterior of this restored beauty is nothing short of breathtaking. Every panel is laser straight, and the gaps are precise. There isn’t a hint of rust or damage to be found. The flawless paint job has been polished to a mirror-like finish, allowing you to see your own reflection. It’s like holding history in your hands.

Interior Simplicity

Inside the Black Widow, you’ll find a minimalist design that emphasizes performance over luxury. There are no frills, not even a back seat! The rear windows are stationary, and amenities such as armrests, visors, and even a dome light are absent. However, this simplicity only adds to the car’s authenticity and racing pedigree.

Attention to Detail

No aspect of the Black Widow’s restoration has been overlooked, including the trunk compartment. Painted in glossy white, it exudes cleanliness and attention to detail. A reproduction mat, seat divider, and weatherstrip have been added to complete the authentic look. Even the spare tire matches the original style with its 6 lug pattern and reproduction Firestone tire.

The Heart of a Champion

Under the hood lies a highly detailed engine compartment that exemplifies show-quality craftsmanship. The 283 cubic-inch V8 engine has been built to its original 283 horsepower specifications, complete with a correct factory fuel injection setup. Not only does it look stunning, but it also performs flawlessly. With a responsive throttle and a distinctive idle, this powerhouse truly embodies the spirit of a race car.

A Masterpiece Underneath

The detailed restoration extends to the underside of the car as well. The chassis has been meticulously prepped and painted in a smooth gloss black finish. Every component has been rebuilt, replaced, restored, and detailed to match the original specifications. The Black Widow features front and rear sway bars, as well as the unique duplication of two shocks at each rear wheel for enhanced performance.

A True Muscle Car

With its completely rebuilt brake system, all-new fuel system, and Flowmaster dual exhaust, this Black Widow not only looks and sounds like a classic muscle car but also performs like one. The spotless Chevy Orange engine block, lower plug wire shielding, canister-type oil filter, restored starter, and dated 1957 transmission all contribute to creating an authentic driving experience. The floors, braces, and rockers have been meticulously restored to their original factory red oxide primer finish.

#1957 Chevy #car #cars #chevy #chevrolet

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izvmimi · 1 year

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cw: minors dni. smut. car sex, version luxury.

taiju's Rolls-Royce Phantom is more spacious than you expected.

it isn't the first time you've been in the vehicle, nor will it be the last time, but it's the first time you're in the rear rather than the front passenger seat, and you're now intimately familiar with the leather seats, as you are with his weight pressed against you and the smell of his cologne. the latter is a marine scent, citrusy with a hint of wood and spice - Acqua di Gio, you think, and your head swims in it.

your breaths are staccato as you take all of his strokes inside you despite his considerable girth, and while he is delighted that he manages to make it fit inside you, you are barely able to fathom how he moves so deftly, as large as he is, in the small space of a car backseat.

then again he doesn't just pick his cars for luxury, but also for utility. you wonder if he planned for this, making love in the backseat of a car, windows fogging as heat rises in the confined space. he thinks ahead, efficient, and yet still, it's luxurious being inside of you, and he admits just that with soft, gentle whispers in a deep baritone, praise falling easily from his lips -

"i didn't think i would be so lucky..." his voice trails off as your eyes flutter open, looking at him through lustrous eyelashes - he's enraptured, then shakes his head, directing his head into the crook of your shoulder instead. you are too pretty for him to handle, so he digs into you again, slow, deep enough that your back arches and you utter another soft moan, confirming that he's hit exactly the spot before continuing.

"too lucky... blessed to have a woman like you," he continues. his hips snap again, and he groans into your ear, rising up above you. another slam that has your whole body shuddering, pliable under him - maybe the car shifts too - and your legs tighten around him as you throw your head back into the seats, eyes wide open as your body surrenders.

you gave him a chance, and he delivered.

#taiju x reader #taiju smut #taiju shiba smut #taiju x reader smut #thoughts: taiju #daydreams: tokrev #mimi's notes

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sea-salted-wolverine · 9 months

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My beloved darling partner, my sweet husband, apple of my eye and light of my life, has built a fucking Saw trap of a vehicle and it is my only access to running water.

Let me explain.

I do not have city water and I do not have a well. Lots of fun reasons why but the long and the short of it is you actually really enjoy living in a society with a government that provides access to basic utilities.

So what I do have is a holding tank, 1500 gallons sitting in the crawlspace and a pump, so I can have things like showers and a sink and a flushing toilet. Yes, there are lots of homes that don't even have that. It's called a dry cabin and yikes.

So to fill my holding tank I have a 350 gallon tank that fits on the bed of a big pickup truck. I fill that at a high volume pump shack run by the city and make a few trips back and forth. In the summer it's not a problem, in the winter the process is a full on ordeal. The the pickup in question is a old diesel that is also a plowtruck because if I don't even get running water from my goverment do you think I get luxuries such as road maintenance?

The ignition is permanently stuck in the starting position. So how did my beautiful mechanic man fix it?

We just fucking hot wire the damn worktruck everytime we need to start it. Pop the hood, sunshine man tied a few spare wires to the frame so we can cheat the starter and spark it straight off the battery. If its in neutral, the truck starts right up.

But the parking brake doesn't work.

So if I manage to stall this fucking truck on a hill there is no way to start it again because it will roll the fuck away.

#redneck activities #backwoods neighborhood #sunshineman

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internutter · 1 month

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Challenge #04098-K080: Kids on a Field Trip

The pirate captain ordered the ship to head straight for the prey ship in their sights.

The pirate crew reported a sign painted on the hull: Human Toddlers on Board.

The pirate captain ordered the ship to turn around and go after something... safer. -- DaniAndShali

It was a reconditioned space yacht, not an uncommon sight in the Alliance shipping lanes. Deregger liquidations lead to a lot of spacious vehicles that were re-purposed from luxury to utility. Someone had painted this one Banana Yellow.

Captain Haa checked with their Ships' Crow[1]. "Anything interesting on board?"

"She's not a cargo ship," said Loch. "Lots of life-signs. Checking visual... Uh oh." Ze put a visual feed on the main screen.

[Check the source for the rest of the story]

#instant story #just add prompt #amalgam universe #space pirates #humans are space orcs

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rideboomindia · 5 months

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Describe how RideBoom company becomes a $100M revenue business.

Becoming a $100 million revenue business requires a combination of strategic planning, effective execution, and various factors contributing to business growth. While I can provide a general outline of the possible steps and factors that could contribute to RideBoom's revenue growth, please note that specific details and circumstances may vary.

Market Expansion: RideBoom would need to expand its operations to new cities and regions, tapping into untapped markets. By entering new markets and gaining a significant market share, RideBoom can increase its customer base and revenue potential.

User Acquisition and Retention: RideBoom would focus on acquiring new users through targeted marketing campaigns, referral programs, and partnerships. Additionally, providing excellent customer service, personalized experiences, and loyalty programs can help retain existing users, leading to repeat business and increased revenue.

Service Diversification: Expanding the range of services offered by RideBoom can attract a broader customer base and increase revenue streams. This could include introducing premium or luxury ride options, delivery services, corporate transportation solutions, or partnerships with other businesses for integrated services.

Pricing Strategies: Implementing dynamic pricing models based on market demand, time of day, and other factors can optimize revenue generation. Surge pricing during peak hours or special events can help increase revenue per ride.

Partnerships and Integration: Collaborating with other businesses such as hotels, airlines, event organizers, or ride-sharing platforms can create mutually beneficial partnerships and increase revenue opportunities through cross-promotion and integrated services.

Technology and Efficiency: Investing in technology infrastructure, data analytics, and optimization tools can improve operational efficiency, reduce costs, and enhance the overall customer experience. This can lead to increased customer satisfaction and higher revenue potential.

Driver and Fleet Management: Efficient management of the driver network and fleet can contribute to cost control and operational scalability. Ensuring a sufficient supply of drivers, implementing driver incentives programs, and optimizing vehicle utilization can positively impact revenue generation.

International Expansion: Exploring opportunities for international expansion can further diversify RideBoom's revenue sources and tap into new markets with high growth potential.

Continuous Innovation: Staying ahead of the competition by continuously innovating and introducing new features, technologies, or services can attract customers and generate additional revenue streams.

Strategic Financing: Securing strategic investments or partnerships, and effectively managing finances and expenses, can provide the necessary resources for growth and scalability.

It's important to note that these are general strategies, and the actual path to achieving $100 million in revenue would depend on RideBoom's specific market conditions, competitive landscape, and execution of its business strategies.

#rideboom app #ola cabs #biketaxi #uber #delhi rideboom #rideboom #uber driver #uber taxi #ola #rideboom taxi app

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carsthatnevermadeitetc · 8 months

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Century, 2024. Toyota have revealed their new super-luxury SUV which is the first time they have used their Century model name on anything other than a luxury saloon/limousine. The SUV is aimed squarely at the chauffeur-driven market which Toyota says has evolved as passengers seek to “utilize” their time on the road more effectively by resting or participating in online meetings. It is powered by a 406hp 3.5-litre V6 plug-in hybrid powertrain including an e-CVT gearbox and E-Four Advanced AWD system. With an electric range of 70Km the SUV can behave like a BEV in the city, transitioning to an HEV for longer journeys. The vehicle is simply badged Century, with a phoenix emblem replacing all Toyota badges.

#Century #Toyota Century #new cars #SUV #4x4 #luxury SUV #hybrid #V6 Hybrid #luxury car #4-seater #chauffeur driven #phoenix #2024 #2020s #CVT

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lunarsilkscreen · 5 months

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Raising Prices

So I've fallen upon a claim that states: "Customers purchasing more of a product, means that product can sell for a cheaper price". This has to do with bulk purchasing, and easier money flow within the business entity.

This is one of the reasons behind "Trickle Down economics." It enables them to sell more for less. Though, whether or not they opt to take advantage of that is shady business.

What this means is that high demand forces supply chains to provide more supply, which increases demand on productivity and material acquisition.

Those end points of productivity and material acquisition are some of the worrisome key points we as employees think about, because it often results in an attack on wages first, instead of, utilizing technological advancement and ethical material prospecting.

This may tie in with another concept that says "as the supply of a product dries up, the cost of the remaining supply goes up in price." This happens for multiple reasons, at the end of the day it's to increase the operating budget for as long as possible.

Which is supposed to come with increases on expansion of productivity and material acquisition... Supposedly. Business people could probably tell you that's not always how it works.

What happens, is that sometimes entities decide to increase price in order to increase profit. Despite material and production costs remaining the same. They do this in an effort to expand and grow the business.

What ends up happening many times [citation needed] is that the increase in price, drives less people to purchase them. And they expect that the current customers will continue to purchase the product without going to a cheaper competitor.

Their reasoning is that they are selling the "normal" or "luxury" product, and their competitors are "inferior" products. Per the economic definition, though I'd wager some don't actually *mean* the economic definition.

In some cases this works out. Especially if a product can be resold for at least half of its purchase value at a later date. Retention of value is part of the reason to buy goods after all.

And there's thrift stores and goodwills all over that can make profit on used goods. But that's where it gets tricky; in this day and age, used goods are what we consider "inferior goods". And new goods are our "Normal Goods".

There is no "Luxury" brand, because our current definition of "Luxury" includes things out of reach for a normal person. Like a Yacht, or a house, or a Luxury Vehicle.

Which isn't quite true, because vehicles either drop in price like any other used good, or they are verblan goods. Which only retain their value *because* of the initial sale price, and manufacturing name.

No your Tesla truck will not be a collectors item until 20 years from now. There's really people on the waiting list expecting to resell their Tesla truck at 10x the purchase cost.

I bet a handful of people might even spend that much.

Which is actually a problem for Tesla, because they need feedback on the operation of the Truck in order to improve the quality in the future, but if people don't use them, they can't get that feedback.

And as we've already discussed, Used goods are Inferior, and so using a thing that you buy makes it worthless. So people buying goods as an investment won't use them, because that'd make them worth less.

It reminds of people collecting comic books, that don't realize the only reason golden age comics are so valuable, is because most of them were destroyed due to the war effort requiring the production of paper and cardboard.

Where the f* was I? because I went on such a tangent.

So they raise the prices thinking they're *luxury goods* which might initially look good on paper; less purchases, same profit. But what often happens is it kickstarts a cycle where less and less purchases happen. If you're calling yourself a "luxury product" eventually, people are going to start treating you like one, as they purchase alternatives instead.

Because of that key factor that consumers will purchase less of a luxury product, because of the budget requiring other luxury products.

Like Homes, and vehicles. Necessary Luxuries as opposed to Inferior Luxuries.

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sims4cars-breezemotors · 1 year

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“Legendary off-roader”

1985 Nissan Safari 🇯🇵

Also known as the Patrol when imported to Australia, this rig was rugged enough to conquer the Outback at a time when it was far from tamed. The Japan-only model Nissan Safari is built for any conditions. Nissan of Japan has been producing the Safari and its many variant models, pick-ups, extended chassis models, military applications, and more since 1951. It was utilized as a military vehicle by many countries in the Middle-East and Asia, further proving both its dependability and capability. You won’t find luxury and comfort, but what you will find is brutal versatility and character that has been honed from the backbone of what off-roading truly means.

Available exclusively for “No Limits” and “All Inclusive” tiers.

Model with HQ interior, open/close doors, tailgate, hard top and functional light.

Go and join my Patreon!

#the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims4 #sims4car #the sims 4 cc #the sims 4 custom content #thesims4cars #the sims 4 cars #sims4vehicles #the sims #the sims 4 cc finds #sims 4 cc finds #the sims 5 #sims 4 cars #sims 5 #sims 4 cc #the sims custom content #sims 4 alpha cc #sims

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apomaro-mellow · 7 months

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im posting the eddie chapter of my barbarella!steve au here bc im so generous. all you really gotta know is Steve is a space explorer and on his advanced planet they only have sex w/each other for procreation and every other time they use toys and machines until he crash lands on a more primitive planet

AO3 link for those that want tags

There is a bit of Billy in the beginning but he does not show up past that.

Steve's outfit after he changes

Preview:

“Didn’t think you’d want to be alone”, Eddie said, coming to the front of the bed. “You’re all alone on a foreign planet. I’ve got to be a hospitable host.” He reached down and lifted one of Steve’s legs by the ankle.

Steve watched as Eddie removed the boot, kissing his calf through the mesh on his leg. That wasn’t one of the erogenous zones he had learned about, and yet his heart skipped a beat. Eddie gently lowered that leg and did the same to the other, kissing his knee this time.

“Very hospitable. Are you going to take care of me all night?”, Steve asked.

Eddie let his hand brush the outside of his thigh. “That’s all I wanna do, Steve.”

Steve felt an impulse and he followed it, spreading his legs a little, inviting Eddie in.

After his romp with Billy, Steve was promptly given a land speeder and granted permission to be on his way. This vehicle was archaic. It still utilized wheels rather than hovering off the ground.

“Having a bit of friction is a better feeling. Don’t you agree?”, Billy had said when he gave Steve the keys.

Steve’s clothes hadn’t survived Billy’s hands but he had been given a sleek little red number to wear, along with some boots that matched.

“I told you I’d wrap you up in something pretty.”

Steve had thanked Billy for his cooperation. And then he took off. Feeling every bump in the road was probably a fun experience on a normal day, but not on this day. Not only was Steve still aching from his roll in the sheets, but the fatigue of his adventure was catching up with him.

In the past day he had crashed, been shot at, traveled over the mountains, been chased down, punched out a guy, and now he was still on the move. He was just thinking about the luxuries of home, a nice long bath, a soft bed, the lullaby of his ship’s beeps and chirps as he saw the horizon of a city come up. Black buildings jutted up towards the sky.

This place looked more developed than what he’d seen thus far, but he still would practice caution. And then he saw it. Plain as day, the satellite was right there on the edge of the city.

Steve stopped short of it. The CEF emblem was shown proud on it. But it was damaged badly. Thankfully, his job wasn’t to repair it. His signal was a little weak and he was walking around the satellite, trying to find a stronger one to send his coordinates when he heard some very loud whispering coming from behind a boulder nearby.

“Who is he?”

“Whoever he is, he’s messing with my discovery. Will, do something!”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Disorient him or something.”

“We don’t know if he’s dangerous yet.”

“There’s a literal weapon hitched to him.”

“Guys shut the fuck up I think he heard you!”

“Um, hello? Whoever that is, I mean you no harm”, Steve called out, holding his arms up.

He took a step forward but before he could take another he felt a sharp pain like something hit his head. Steve fell to the ground as he lost consciousness. He was able to hear feet approaching him and what sounded like children arguing before it all went black.

When he came to, it was to a dark room and what felt like silk sheets under him. He let out a groan and that was when the room began to illuminate. Some lamps turned on, giving everything a soft glow without making it too bright.

“Where am I?”

“Far from home, it looks like.”

Steve jolted to a sitting position, not expecting anyone to answer. But he groaned in pain at the movement.

“Whoa there, no sudden movements now”, the voice said, starting to move.

“I’m not an animal”, Steve said, feeling a little annoyed from his discomfort.

“No, that would be whoever did this to you.” A man sat by him and gestured to the fresh marks Billy had left on him.

Steve brought a hand to his neck, suddenly self conscious in front of the man before him. His wild, dark curls spilled over his shoulders. He wore leather all over him, straps on his legs and a harness across his chest. The skin he could see was illustrated with tattoos.

“Then again, my little pack of beasties didn’t do much better. Let’s get you a bath, huh?”, the man said before standing up.

Steve looked himself over and saw that he was covered in dirt and other debris. “Your beasties? What happened to me?”

“Some of the children of my court. Said they found you messing around with that space junk. Part of it fell off and conked you right on the noggin.” He went through a door and turned a light on. In seconds, Steve heard the sound of running water.

He brought a hand to where he had felt the pain and let out a hiss. So that’s why. And he could guess at why he was so dirty now if a bunch of children found him but the man explained anyway.

“They dragged you all the way here. They could’ve just called for a transport but kids, you know? What’re you gonna do?” He came out and looked Steve up and down. “Can you walk alright.”

“Yes, I should be able to-” Steve ate his own words as he stumbled but was quickly caught before he could crash to the floor.

“Careful there, sweet thing.”

“Steve. My name is Steve.”

The man smiled. “And you can call me Eddie. Oh Runner of Baths, whichever floats your boat.”

Eddie helped Steve to his feet and led him to the bathroom. It was already steaming from the hot water. Steve could’ve cried. It felt like days since he had bathed. And now that he thought about it, it literally was. He moved away from Eddie and began to undress, thinking of only getting clean until he caught their reflections in the mirror. It hadn’t quite fogged up yet and Steve could see the look in Eddie’s eyes clear as day.

The way Eddie was looking at him was…different. Different from the way that either Jonathan or Billy had looked at him. But Steve was coming to know those looks all under one word: desire.

He slowed his hands a bit, making a little show of undressing. He was also seeing the bites that Billy had left for the first time and wondered if they would bother Eddie. Wondered if he would see him as less desirable. But Eddie’s gaze only got heavier as more skin was revealed to him. Now Steve was wondering if Eddie would replace Billy’s marks with his own.

“Now how’d such a pretty thing like you fall into a dirty place like this?”

“I um, my ship. My ship, it needs repairs.” Steve felt like his voice was wavering and he didn’t understand why.

“Well”, Eddie held a hand out to Steve and helped him step into the water, looking as content as if he was the one sinking in when Steve let out a soft sigh. “We’ll see if we can do something about that. Your satellite too. Can’t have my kids running around broken equipment like that?”

“You mean they don’t make a habit of scavenging like that?”, Steve raised a brow. Those kids seemed hardier than most, ready to take out a full grown man at the drop of a hat.

“Oh they’ve got the tendencies of a junkyard dog. But they’re also clever. Almost too much.”

Eddie took a step back and Steve almost grabbed for him. It felt like there was a string connecting them now that he didn’t want to break.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes. Take your time.”

Steve did, soaking and lounging in the bath for quite a while before actually getting to clean himself. He even dunked his head to wash his face and hair, then stayed for a bit, just savoring the feel of being surrounded by water. At some point, when was lost in one of these actions, Eddie had left a towel and an outfit on a hanger. Steve got out and dried himself off. He looked to the outfit he’d been brought and put it on.

It was a shiny bikini set with mesh that covered his torso and legs. Despite the glittery top it was still darker than what Steve normally wore. Eddie wasn’t in the room anymore, so Steve decided to leave out and find him, possibly get a more concrete plan for his repairs.

Right away, he was met with a guard that led him to a grand throne room. “Your Eminence”, the guard bowed.

So when Eddie had said ‘children of his court’...

Eddie sat with one leg propped up on the arm of the chair. He was still wearing what he had before, but now there was a magnificent black cloak hanging off his shoulders.

“The man from the stars graces us with his presence. How was your soak sweet thing?”

“I told you, my name is Steve.” He realized he never got a chance to tell Billy. It was probably why he stuck with the pet name.

Eddie stood up and stalked over to Steve. “Well maybe ‘round these parts ‘Steve’ means ‘sweet thing’.”

Steve’s breath caught in his throat, but he was saved from answering when a door slammed open and a small horde of children came crashing through. They were shouting at Eddie, who held his hands up like he was being robbed, and then they were clamoring for Steve, asking him questions, someone even poked his side.

Eddie clapped his hands and shouted even louder than them, getting their attention and pushing himself between their curious hands and Steve.

“Alright you little monster, you can interrogate him later. It’s time to eat.”

And interrogate him they did, all through the meal that was served at a long table. It wasn’t just Eddie and the kids. Others were there also although introductions went too quick for Steve to catch their names. He wasn’t really able to hang on to the flow of the conversation until they started talking about what to do with his crashed ship and how to re-launch the satellite.

What really through him for a loop was how involved the kids were in the conversation. It was partway through it that Steve understood that they planned on actually working on it.

“Eddie told me you were clever, but I didn’t know it was to this extent.”

Eddie groaned as some very smug eyes turned towards him. “Now why did you have to go and give them an ego boost?”

“Eddie thinks we’re clever~”, one of them, Dustin he thinks, teased.

“Enough to brag about us to a stranger”, another one, Lucas said.

Dinner continued to be a lively affair and Steve felt like he’d already seen different shades of Eddie. He was a man of many faces, it seemed. When the meal ended, the kids tried to get his attention again, but Eddie tried to shoo them, saying that their guest needed rest.

“I don’t mind”, Steve said. It wasn’t often he was around children and he wanted to answer all their questions.

“Yeah, plus he’s been asleep for like a day”, Dustin reasoned.

“A day!?”, Steve exclaimed.

Mike nodded. “Eddie said we were this close to-”

Eddie clamped a hand over his mouth. “Let’s all go to the library!”

The library had physical paper texts, which Steve had only heard of. He answered the kids’ questions about his home, about the CEF and how things were done there. Every once in a while, he caught Eddie’s eyes and had to look away. Sometimes Eddie chimed in with what must be legends of the far off empire (“It’s a federation, Eddie.”) that Steve was constantly qualifying with the truth.

He could tell that the hour was getting late when they only asked him five questions a minute instead of ten and Eddie called bed time. Eddie ordered a guard to escort Steve to his quarters while he took the children to bed.

Steve took his time alone to look around the room. He saw a stringed instrument, perhaps Eddie played. There was a window that showed how high up he was. The city twinkled below him.

He let out a sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed, then spread out on it, loving the feel of silk under him. That was what Eddie came in on when he returned to the bedroom.

“Happy birthday to me.” He put the cloak on a hook, immediately softening his appearance.

Steve rose up just slightly so that he was resting on his elbows. Eddie was giving him that look again, the same one he had gotten in the bathroom.

“Why did you have me brought back here?” Steve was sure there were other rooms. It seemed very purposeful that Eddie made sure Steve came back to his own room.

“Very hospitable. Are you going to take care of me all night?”, Steve asked.

Eddie let his hand brush the outside of his thigh. “That’s all I wanna do, Steve.”

Steve felt an impulse and he followed it, spreading his legs a little, inviting Eddie in. He felt a thrill of power when Eddie practically pounced and kissed him. Steve let out a whimper born from happiness. He hadn’t known how much he wanted this until he felt those lips on his own.

Eddie leaned on him until Steve slowly leaned back to lie flat on the bed. Eddie kissed like a man dying of thirst at first, like he was trying to consume Steve, and then he slowed, drawing out small sounds as Steve was left wanting. Eddie nibbled on his bottom lip and tugged.

His kisses got a little sloppy as they moved down Steve’s jaw. Steve thought he might avoid the fading bite marks but Eddie acted like they weren’t even there.

“Eddie”, Steve whispered against his hair as he kept his head in place, not wanting him to stop.

“Talk to me, baby”, Eddie said, bringing his hands to his hips. “Tell me what you want.”

Steve tried to think but it was hard when Eddie’s hands were inching further down. He thought about all he had experienced so far. And what he had learned.

“I want…I wanna take care of you too.”

“Oh yeah?”, Eddie grinned. “Whisper it in my ear, beautiful.” He leaned in close, his curls tickling Steve’s cheek while the other man murmured only to him what he wanted to do. If possible, Eddie’s eyes darkened even more.

Their positions had switched and now Eddie’s hands were tied above his head. He watched once again, as Steve slowly undressed himself. His fingers itched to touch and remove the clothes covering him.

“Come on, sweet thing, don’t be a tease”, Eddie said, voice a little rough.

Steve looked at him from over his shoulder. “You said you could be patient. Were you lying to me?”

Eddie shook his head. Fully naked now, Steve crawled on top of him and stroked his lips. “Use your words, Your Eminence.”

“No. I wasn’t lying. I can be patient.”

“I knew you could”, Steve smiled. His legs sat on either side of Eddie’s and he sat on his knees, just on top of the other man but depriving him of his weight and warmth.

Eddie squirmed but Steve stilled him with a shush as his hands traveled down his body. Even back home, he never touched himself without the help of technology. And never with an audience as captive as Eddie. Eddie watched, hypnotized as Steve’s hand went to the tip of his cock.

His beautiful lips parted in a gasp like he was new to the touch. And from what he knew about Steve’s people, it probably was. He couldn’t believe just how lucky he was to be here. To get to watch this gorgeous man play with himself.

“Shit, baby. Is it nice? Does it feel good? Lemme help you feel good”, Eddie begged, his voice pitching closer to a whine.

“Yeah?”, Steve smirked, lowering himself just enough so that his bare length brushed against Eddie’s tent. “You think you can?”

Eddie nodded then remembered to use his words. “I can be so good for you sweet thing. I promised I’d take care of you.” Eddie fought to keep his hips still. He didn’t want to be admonished. He wanted to be rewarded.

And rewarded he was when Steve opened his pants just enough to let his cock spring forth. Eddie was just letting out a relieved sigh when Steve started to grind into him.

Steve didn’t even know what he was doing. It wasn’t like he could go inside Eddie this way or the other way around. But it didn’t matter. He was running on desire, not logic. And he had learned by now that there was more to sex than just penetration, than just stress relief. It wasn’t just about having your genitalia stimulated and nothing more. Steve loved kissing. He loved feeling a warm body against his, hands with minds of their own. He loved having his neck bitten and being pinned down. He loved the little kisses to his legs Eddie had done before. Not meant to arouse, just meant to be there.

And right now he was loving watching their pre cum mingle as Steve slid his cock against Eddie’s. He was indeed being a good boy. Like he had promised. So Steve would keep his promise too.

Eddie bit his lip as Steve lifted and positioned himself. Steve let out little ‘ahh’s while sinking down, enveloping the other man in a heat so sweet he was seeing stars. He felt like he could cum just like this, just watching Steve take him. Steve must be a mind reader because he was smiling down at him.

“Don’t you dare. Not yet.” Steve’s body shook when he moved. “Not until I tell you to.”

“Holy fuck”, Eddie choked out, arms straining as he willed his orgasm away. It was a tall order when a man such as this was riding you for all you had.

Steve was in near disbelief. It wasn’t unlike having a superpower. He told Eddie to do something and he obeyed. The king of this land, obeying him, a traveler from another world.

“Eddie~”, he moaned, bracing his hands on the man’s chest, then grabbing at the harness. This must be what it was for after all.

Steve rocked his hips and bent down to kiss him, taking all of Eddie’s erotic noises for himself. He could tell Eddie was close when his whimpers turned to near sobbing and it spurred him on.

“Go ahead Eddie. It’s okay. Cum for me, fill me, mark me. I want it. Make me yours.”

Eddie’s hips snapped once. Twice. Three times and he left out a cry but Steve didn’t let him stop even as he was cumming.

“Yes! Give it to me. Give it all to me and I’m gonna-I’m gonna-”

“You’re gonna give it back to me, baby. C’mon Stevie, take it. Use me, cum all over me-”

Steve’s gasp felt like it came from his soul as he splashed between their bodies. The cum from both ends made him slide to near overstimulation as the aftershocks ran through him. When he came back into himself, he untied Eddie’s hands which were on him in an instant, touching, squeezing, caressing. Eddie was kissing the bites he’d just made, licking his sweat, burying his face into his chest hairs.

“...I have to…I have to send a message back home”, Steve said between sighs.

“And pray tell, what do you have to tell them?”, Eddie asked, still catching his breath as he looked up from Steve’s chest.

“That my work requires that I remain in person at the damage sight for a while longer.”

Eddie smirked. “You got a place to stay?”

Steve wrapped his arms around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his lips, soft but deep. “I have a very accommodating host keeping me.”

“Oh fuck yes, I’m keeping you.”

#apo writes #stranger things #fanfiction #steddie #nsft

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