#PHEW THIS WAS GREAT this got me back into john in a HELL of a way

[talentforlying]

𝘽𝘼𝙎𝙄𝘾𝙎 ,

full name.     john constantine. pronunciation.     jon con-stan-tyne. nickname.     con job, conj, conny, johnny, bastard, england. height.     6′0″ age.     sixty-five, but demon blood in his veins makes him appear younger. physically looks around his early forties. zodiac.     taurus. spoken languages.     english, latin, french, greek, spanish, hebrew, some sanskrit, basic knowledge of some ancient languages, hellspeak.

𝙋𝙃𝙔𝙎𝙄𝘾𝘼𝙇 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘾𝙎 ,

hair color.     blond, with flecks of grey. eye color.     electric blue, like the clearest water. skin tone.     just a few tones warmer than pasty white, with odd tan lines that are even whiter. body type.     lanky and lean, with decent muscle definition but not a lot really there. softer in the stomach and thighs, well-defined back muscles, strong calves, broad shoulders that tend to be hunched forward, strong forearms, delicate hands. accent.     liverpudlian northern english, with some welsh intonations coming off of his mother’s side. dominant hand.     ambidextrous, favors his right. posture.     he tends to hunch his shoulders up and forward when he walks or sits, often slumping or slouching when he sits and favors crossing his legs to manspreading. when he’s performing magic, he still has a slope to his spine, but his legs are square beneath his hips and his shoulders are down. scars.     missing his left thumb, which he cut off himself during a period of magic-induced insanity. large vertical scar cutting across his left cheek from a knife attack. cigarette burn at his hairline on the right side of his forehead from a goon who’d kidnapped him, and small similar circular burns around the hairline by his temples from electroshock therapy. burn scars from his right hand to his right elbow from plunging it in a vat of burning oil as a test of truth. various scars on his palms from rituals, several on his arms from various creature attacks, various across his body from fights and knife wounds. tattoos.     his entire back and most of his upper arms are covered in tattoos, mostly arcane sigils of protection, clarity, and focus. there’s also a tattoo of a pine tree on his right asscheek that was a form of revenge from swamp thing most noticeable feature.     eyes and hands. his eyes are like looking into hell itself. his hands are artist’s hands.

𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘿𝙃𝙊𝙊𝘿 ,

place of birth.     merseyside, liverpool, england. hometown.     merseyside, liverpool, england. birth weight.     about 9lb. birth height.     about 15 inches. manner of birth.     was removed with his dead twin from his mother during a crude, botched attempted abortion ( not by her choice ). she didn’t survive. first words.     “no”. he was a stubborn kid. siblings.     one older sister, cheryl masters née constantine. seven years his senior. parents.     thomas constantine ( father, deceased ), mary anne constantine ( mother, deceased ). parental involvement.     his mother died when he was born. constantine’s father was an abusive drunkard who lived his life constantly in and out of prison, forcing john and cheryl to frequently live with their aunt and uncle and a few other relatives. cheryl more or less raised him until she got married and left the home, at which point john’s father got worse, and john eventually ran away at the age of 14.

𝘼𝘿𝙐𝙇𝙏 𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀 ,

occupation.     mage, dabbler in the dark arts, exorcist and demonologist. current residence.     london, england. a decent flat downtown. close friends.     chas chandler, his niece gemma ( sometimes ), zatanna zatara ( sometimes ), swamp thing ( sometimes ). relationship status.     off-and-on but mostly single. his lifestyle has a tendency of driving away or killing the people he attaches himself to, he’s more or less resigned himself to it. financial status.     complicated. he tends to use magic and illusion to gamble his way into cash when he needs it, so frequently has some on hand, but doesn’t actually have a steady job or way of making money besides that. driver’s license.     he doesn’t have one and doesn’t want one. criminal record.     frequent brushes with the law, ranging from teenage delinquency to breaking and entering charges to fraud to being wanted for murder. was convicted of murder in england in the newcastle case and sentenced to ravenscar asylum. was charged with murder in england after the death of his landlady but the charges were dropped. was convicted of murder in america but was subsequently acquitted. vices.     sex, booze, dark magic, arrogance, sentiment.

𝙎𝙀𝙓 & 𝙍𝙊𝙈𝘼𝙉𝘾𝙀 ,

sexual orientation.     bisexual. romantic orientation.     biromantic. preferred emotional role.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  unsure preferred sexual role.     submissive  |  dominant  |  switch     libido.     very, very high. has been called addicted to sex. turn on’s.     dry humor, dark humor, a good ass on any gender, brass balls, honesty, throws a good punch, gives as good as they get, mouthy. turn off’s.     trying to control him, trying to use him to get to someone else, trying to kill him. love language.     touching. if he cares, he shows it in little shoulder squeezes or back pats, touching someone’s face or arm or hair or back. he also shows his love in closeness, sprawling out over someone’s lap or resting his head on their shoulder, and in being vulnerable, talking about his past. relationship tendencies.     he has two extremes: either it’s a casual fling or it’s a serious relationship. he tends to gravitate towards wanting emotional connections with people, and so often falls into romantic long-term relationships, but he has a bad track record with keeping those because of how dangerous his work is and how no matter what he does, he’ll inevitably bring it home with him. when he’s not in a committed relationship or one has just fallen apart, he tends to favor a string of one-night stands and casual sex.

𝙈𝙄𝙎𝘾𝙀𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙉𝙀𝙊𝙐𝙎 ,

character’s theme song.     either ‘blood of angels’ by brown bird or ‘reaper man’ by mother mother. hobbies to pass the time.     drinking at a bar, watching football matches, reading anything he can get his hands on, betting on horses, studying new magic, relaxing with his mates. physical illness.     none. left or right brained.     right brained. fears.     needles, dogs, hospitals, drowning, death, being alone, being controlled, losing the people he loves, failing to save the people he loves. self confidence level.     outwardly sky high. inwardly, it varies on an intense spectrum. most of the time he’s stupidly self-confident only because if he isn’t then he’ll most likely die, but he frequently doubts himself and his ability to save people. vulnerabilities.     humanity, which he still desperately wants to believe in, the people he loves, his own hubris, his own despair. zatanna zatara, kit ryan, chas chandler.

tagged by.     @guiltspelled <3  tagging.     @whcwashe, @wightwulf, @lxvingdeadgxrl, and anyone else who wants to do it!

#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #( headcanons. ) AND NOW I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE. #long post for ts #PHEW THIS WAS GREAT this got me back into john in a HELL of a way

[ksuew]

The Rookie 4x01 Life and Death Recap ****Spoiler city****

I promised a friend a recap, since she can’t watch until tomorrow, so I figured I might as well post it for anyone who wants to see it? I never can figure out a read more break on mobile so fair warning, DON’T LOOK IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS 😁

This is just a rough draft thing, so it’s probably full of typos.

@hamburgerheroes @piratesbooty63fan

Phew… crazy first episode. Unfortunately I was fielding calls and texts about a work issue the whole time so my viewing was very disjointed. So I’m rewatching as I type this recap for you.

The episode is preceded with a recap, of course. Then the opening scene is Chen, Bradford, Nolan, and Harper in tactical gear approaching a warehouse.

While waiting for the go order from Grey, grey has flashbacks of a few hours earlier. They realize Lopez and West are both missing, they find out La Fiera has escaped and assume she took them, then they get security footage of the kidnapping and are watching it at the station, still in their wedding attire. As we suspected. The footage shows Lopez being put in a vehicle and West struggling, then shot in the back, then stuffed into the trunk. Everyone is in shock, Lucy is crying.

Lots of fans are really upset about Jackson, and I get it. But the show runner and writers had no choice. Here’s excerpts from an interview with Alexi

At this point, we’re back to Grey a different officer wants to wait, but Grey says it’s been 3 hours and they need to move fast and orders them in.

They breach the warehouse, find an empty get away car and Angela’s wedding dress on the floor. Lucy moves to pick it up, Nolan stops her, there is a trip wire to explosives under the SUV. They leave the warehouse and realize they had a plane waiting there from the tracks it left.

Next we see La Fiera, Angela, and her female goon in the airplane. Angela assumes they’re going to Guatemala so she can torture and kill her slowly, but La Fiera tells her (as we suspected) that she’ll be kept alive until Angela safely delivers her (La Fiera’s) baby (of course)

Next Grey and Wesley are meeting with a DEA bigwig who essentially says, we ain’t helping. Next they arrive in the compound in Guatemala and talk about how impenetrable it is, etc. She meets the doctor who will be attending her. Angela tries to tell the doctor not to touch her and La Fiera says if she resists she will be sedated for the rest of the pregnancy.

Back at the station Lucy is talking with Nolan, beating herself up about not seeing the trip wire. She’s really just upset about Jackson, she says she can’t believe he’s gone and she and Nolan hold hand for a moment.

Tim and Harper join them and discuss if Lopez is still alive and why. Lucy comes up with the theory that La Fiera wants Angela’s baby as the ultimate revenge. Grey tells them the DEA won’t help. They talk about how Jackson scratched his killer and they’re running DNA. Grey tells them all to go home and get some rest while they work on a plan. ***Chenford alert***

Lucy says she can’t go home and see Jackson’s empty room. Tim says, “you don’t have to, you can stay with me”

Dying!

She says she doesn’t want to impose and this is where he says she shouldn’t be alone right now. She says thanks, he says yeah, then she wonders how Wesley is holding up.

Cut to Wesley meeting with some bad guy and offering to turn dirty lawyer in exchange for finding out where Angela is. I do not like this development and what it can/will do to them in the future.

Cut to a short, weird interaction with Lopez and the female bodyguard then, back to Chenford.

We see Tim in his jammies, setting up his couch to sleep on. The house looks different than I remember it and surely it has at least 2 bedrooms, so why the couch 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway. He looks adorable in his jammies. He says, “I’ll take the couch”. Lucy walks out of presumably his bedroom and says she thought he was setting up the couch for her. He says he’s not going to have a guest sleep on the couch and she says she’s not going to kick him out of his bed. He says okay, gets up. Looks a bit awkward, a bit nervous. Asks her if she needs anything. She says “the last 24 hours back”, he says he doesn’t have that power. She says, “a hug” and he says, “yeah. Come here” in a soft voice that nearly made me combust! He hugs her. As they go to part things get all UST, he croaks out “night”, can’t quite meet her eyes. Meanwhile she’s definitely got the “realization” light bulb starting to go off slowly. Still a bit confused. He goes to his room and flops into bed. Obviously affected by what just happened. she is the same out on the couch. Fidgety with nervous energy. He looks toward the door like he’s about to go back out there to her, say something more (do something more?) she looks toward his door from the couch, obviously contemplating same. Back to him purposefully looking away from the door, back to her making her decision. She’s pushing the covers off about to go to his door, when his door suddenly opens. He’s on the phone saying “yeah, okay, we’ll be right there”. She tries to pretend she wasn’t already up and moving toward the door. He says Wesley knows where Angela is and they head into the station.

Oh man, it was sooo gooood!!!

Next it’s the Wesley telling them that he knows where they’re holding Angela. They all say they want to help, but Grey says how’re we gonna do that . They bring up “Max” the covert government guy from the counterfeit money case. Grey says fine, reach out. He tasks Tim, Harper, and John to start tactical plan and says Lucy will stay with him to run the murder case. Then he takes a moment to congratulate Nolan on officially becoming a P2. They get the DNA back, the killer is a 17 year old kid.

Government guy shows up at Nolan’s they coerce him into helping. They go to Guatemala separately from Wesley who is supposed to get a meeting with La Fiera without getting killed. Nyla and Tim look hot playing with military surveillance toys while John steals the plans to La Fiera’s compound from the architect.

Lucy and Grey go after the killer. Grey has a really great scene after cornering the killer and he and Lucy take him in.

Back at the compound Wesley gets to see Angela. John tells Nyla and Tim that he has the plans and there’s a weakness, but the drone shows that the weakness has been fixed so they have to go to plan B. Nyla does not like plan B!

Cut to a very sad scene of Lucy finally going home and looking at Jackson’s room as he left it. Tim calls, says they’re going to plan B. Lucy, as well, does not like plan B. She says to give her a minute to get set up. Tim then radios government guy Max, who also does not like plan B. They decide on a different extraction point and he reminds them if they aren’t there at the agreed upon time they will be left behind.

They alert Wesley with fireworks. Turns out plan B is him injecting Angela with pitocin to start contractions so that they’ll have to transport her out of the compound to the hospital. Nyla will have a drug to counterreact the pitocin at the hospital.

Unfortunately, they separate Angela and Wesley. He’s put in a different car to take him away and kill him so Nolan goes after Wesley while Tim and Nyla get set up at the hospital. Lucy is tapped into a satellite giving them info on the vehicles, etc. Tim says, thanks, we got it from here”. Lucy says, “Tim”, the tension clear in her voice. “Please be careful”. With more significance than just one officer to another. He’s in business mode and replies, “I always am”.

Bradford and Harper ambush LaFiera et al. Angela gets into the hospital with Tim and Nyla and gives Angela the reversal shot. As they make their escape to the helicopter LaFiera follows and fires on them, grazing Angela’s leg, she turns and shoots La Fiera, killing her. They make it to the chopper, tell Max they need to get Wesley and Nolan, he says no, they all point their guns at him and he decides to make the stop.

Wesley and Nolan fight their two bad guys (Nolan simply must save the day in each episode). They make it to the chopper, everyone is safe and they get the hell out of dodge.

Then, the time jump. It’s 3 months later and Angela and Wesley are arriving home from the hospital with their son to a surprise welcome home party with Grey, Nolan, Harper, and Chen. They’ve stocked their freezer and bought them a second freezer and stocked that too. Tim is happy and relaxed. Lucy is a bit overly cheerful, it’s obviously a bit forced. She and Nyla present Angela with a basket full of teas and herbs and cookies tailored to uterine health and breast milk production (as she would). Nyla admits that it was all Lucy when she walks away. That it was good for Lucy to concentrate on something positive. This makes Angela turn a bit sad and reflective. The show ends with Angela holding her baby and standing at Jackson’s grave updating him on her life and how she misses him and hopes by the time her leave is over that she’ll be able to face the station without him in it. She then reveals (again, as we suspected) that her baby’s name is Jackson😢

#the Rookie #the Rookie abc #the Rookie spoilers #the rookie 4x01 #Lucy Chen #tim bradford #john nolan #Jackson west #sergeant grey #Wesley Evers #chenford #chenford spoilers

[chyrstis]

Character Study

@faithchel​  and @scarlettkat86  were kind enough to tag me waaaaay back for this one (thank you both! <3), and after nearly losing this twice to Tumblr eating the draft, I can finally post it. *phew*

Tagging: @sharky-broshaw @amistrio @foofygoldfish @shallow-gravy @ma-sulevin @teamhawkeye @guileandgall @painterofhorizons @fadedjacket @redroci @lxmbert @princess-underthemountain​ @mackie-hattwie @words-and-seeds @geronimo-11 @stvnningstrike @raisinghellinotherworlds @shelliechen @hawkfurze  and anyone else that’s interested! And if you’ve already completed this, don’t mind me at all, unless you’ve got another OC you’d love to share. :D

Deputy Hana Vao

LAYER 01: THE OUTSIDE  

NAME: Hana Vao

EYE COLOUR: Dark brown, almost black.

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR: Auburn hair tied back in a low messy bun. She doesn’t have the patience to put in any bobby pins and try to smooth it out, especially when her hair’s wavy enough to try to escape on its own. So, it’s quick, it gets it out of the way, and it’s easy enough to fix if it ever falls out.

HEIGHT: 5′6″!

CLOTHING STYLE: Jeans, t-shirts, boots/sneakers, and her red motorcycle jacket are outfit staples. She likes to dress in a combo of comfortable and functional, but with a bit of the punk/rocker vibe going on. Also, at least one of the articles of clothing’ll have red, because she can’t go a day without having her favorite color on her or with her.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: She’d guess her eyes (all while batting her lashes exaggeratedly), but others would say her smile. It’s something that she’ll do easily without thinking or holding it back, and it’s hard to find her without one. Over time they start to become a little more infrequent, but if anyone’s able to get a smile out of her, it’s never a small thing. It’ll be bright and paired with a laugh, as she lights up completely.

LAYER 02: THE INSIDE

FEAR:  That she’s the one to break and ruin things by getting involved. That people are worse off for knowing her.

GUILTY PLEASURE: Period dramas/romance flicks. They’ll have her on the edge of her seat, and if she reaches for your hand during a critical moment, she’ll have a death-grip on it too. It’s all in the high drama, man. It gets her, bad.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: Anyone talking over her or down to her, and ignoring her input. Being told she doesn’t care.

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Finding stability. Finding home, and a place she wouldn’t mind waking up in every day. Knowing she has a job where she’s able to be useful, and knowing that she has people she can depend on for help if needed, and that she trusts enough to want to reach out to.

In the short term? To not royally fuck up any of this any further. To get to tomorrow, and have it be a safer, happier one.

LAYER 03: THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: *slaps at the alarm clock* Oh Jesus, no. Just five more minutes...

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: Where to head to next, what’s the news looking like up north, east, west? More than a few of her ridiculous movies to help illustrate the plans she’d like to pull off next. How ridiculous Sharky is, and how much she loves him for it. How much of an asshole John is and how she needs to start charging him rent if he’s going to stick around in her thoughts like this

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: What to do tomorrow. How she really hopes a spider won’t crawl into her bag. How Grace’s is doing, if she’s resting enough. *once in bed* How Sharky’s able to snore so damn loud, and put off so much heat. Just a rambling stream of things that tend to cover all bases, as her brain slowly shuts itself off.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: Being able to put a smile on someone’s face. To take their mind off of what’s concerning them even for a little while, and she’ll make an absolute fool of herself if she has to. And if they don’t feel like sharing or saying anything at all? She’ll be there to offer a shoulder if they need it.

LAYER 04: EITHER OR

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Both she’s great with, but one-on-one movie dates she’s the most fond of. She has to be able to watch at least one bad movie with them, and it’s the only way to be sure.  

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: She wants both, but if she’s not respected, there isn’t enough love in the world to substitute for it. 

BEAUTY OR BRAINS:  She’s got a weakness for a pretty face, but intelligence can be equally hot to her too. Just as long as the person in question doesn’t use it as an excuse to be an insufferable dick.

DOGS OR CATS: Dogs are adorable to her, but she’s weak for cats. There’s a good chance that if you have a cat, she’ll at one point be on the floor, reaching out them cautiously, hoping they’ll approach her only to have someone walk in on her.

LAYER 05: DO THEY

LIE: Yes, and when she does it’s mostly lying by omission.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: She’s working on it. Her friends and family believe in her, though, and that’ll have to do for now.

BELIEVE IN LOVE: Yes. She’ll crack jokes and downplay her feelings, but she’s a romantic at heart, and believes in it enough to give her heart a proper beating in the process.

WANT SOMEONE: Yes. Much as it hurts for a while going in either direction, and much as she didn’t plan on any of it, period. 

LAYER 06: HAVE THEY

BEEN ON STAGE: Oh yeah, and if it’s a karaoke stage, it’s not a question of if, it’s a question of when.

DONE DRUGS: Only a handful. She sticks to cigarettes and alcohol as her main vices.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: When Hana was younger, she’d often try new things in the hopes of catching the eye of anyone she admired, but never was able to change the core of what she was like or about. That led to more rejections than she would’ve liked, and in some cases, taking more risks in the hopes of impressing them.

LAYER 07: WHAT’S THEIR

FAVORITE COLOR: Red. Whenever she wears it she feels like she can take on the world.

FAVORITE ANIMAL: She loves cats, and red animals in general – cardinals and foxes, plus goldfish and koi, because orange is cool too, darn it.

FAVORITE BOOK: If pressed (and a little inebriated) she’ll admit it’s Pride and Prejudice, though she’s only seen adaptations of it. She always meant to start it someday, but doesn’t get a chance to until years down the line.

(John somehow unearths a copy in the bunker and gives it to her. Which she starts, but then persuades him to switch off on chapters as he reads to her, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to get him to do it than she anticipates)

FAVORITE GAME: To limit it to a few: Truth or Dare, a million card games (including Strip Poker), Pictionary, and Charades.

LAYER 08: AGE

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: Oct 6th.

HOW OLD THEY WILL BE: (at the start of FC5) 32!

LAYER 09: I…

I LOVE: “Cheesy 80′s flicks, a night in with some pizza and friends or a date, riding on my bike, just...” *sighs happily* “All of the above.”

I FEEL: “Tired. So damn tired. ...But that’s the lack of coffee talking, so if you could point me towards the nearest source I’d really appreciate it.”

I HIDE: *someone points out a huge mottled bruise poking up past the collar of her shirt and Hana tugs at her shirt to cover more*

“Hmm? Oh, that? It’s nothing. Yeah, I know it looks bad, but you should see the other guy.”

I MISS: “…My mom. I don’t think that’ll ever change.”

I WISH: “I hadn’t been such a stupid kid at times. I wasn’t thinking, just...” *she pauses, and chews on her lip as she stares at the ground* “I don’t know. I should’ve been better. Done more. Been more.”

#deputy hana #/finally/ #I feel like I've been wanting to complete this for a month now and that's probably not too far off base #and if this gets eaten again I'm going to be so upset

[tslasvegas]

Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore! 

Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge. 

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK. 

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~) 

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty. 

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen 

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao

[heyktula]

Closer, Chapter Three: Consensual - Bonus Features

Chapter three of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... is now up! It's a long one again! The author continues to not be sorry!

Same deal as last week--technical notes first, story notes after, line notes to finish it all up.

Alright, here we go.

Technical Considerations:

Language: Phew, okay. So, I've written plenty of "hard kink written hard" (and arguably some "soft kink written hard"), but with this piece, I specifically wanted to do "hard kink written soft" so, uh, language is a thing! Ie, the sentence "Edward curled his hand into a fist and punched Jopson" does not belong in this fic, because there is nothing soft about that sentence no matter how much Edward loves him positive regard Edward is feeling toward his play partner.

So in order to make this fly the way I wanted to (ie, softly), I tried to avoid over-use of words like "fist", "hit", "punch", and that type of thing. I ended up in a really interesting rabbit hole that I think helped me get further into Edward's head, because the narrative had to become more focused on the technical aspects of what he's doing, and the physical results it's having on Jopson. It also emphasizes the continual assessment of how things are going that's necessary to do this kind of play safely--especially when it's the first time doing this type of play with a partner. And, it's in-character--Edward is an over-thinker anyway.

(I think the scene would have been softer, and probably more romantic, in Jopson's POV, but it would have been far blurrier as well, because he's pretty deep in subspace.)

While I'm talking about language, I'll just mention one other thing--Edward's knowledge of trans men has been academic up to this point, and he's approaching it the same way he approaches everything else, which is listening, learning as fast as he can, and taking Jopson's lead. It also means he's using--and will continue to use--the same language for Jopson as he would for any other man.

Capitalization of Sir: There's a whole entire thing in some subsets of BDSM about capitalization. At the extreme end, all references to the dominant are capitalized, all references to the submissive are lower case, and all references to both are split-capped (is that how it's referred to? I have no idea, but it describes what I mean, so I'm going with it.). It can lead to sentences like "In the dungeon, My pet, michael, always follows the rules W/we have agreed on".

I can't see either Jopson or Little going for that, so we have the more casual version of it going on here--"Sir" is capitalized, but everything else is conventionally capitalized. In a (hypothetical) situation where Jopson was collared to Edward, but referred to someone else in a casual "yes, sir" way, "sir" would be lower case. But then, for extra confusion, for someone like Sir John, where the sir is part of his scene name, it'd stay capitalized, even though Jopson's not collared to him.

(For some reason, I can't picture Sir John not using Sir John as a scene name. James Clark Ross, on the other hand, I feel can take or leave the title unless he's entered into a formal arrangement with someone, in which case that's between him and Ann and whoever else to sort something out.)

Hard Cuts: That's right, I put a hard cut in the middle of the dungeon scene. In my defense, it takes a while to bruise someone whose skin is resistant to bruising, and it's a very repetitive process. Jopson and Edward had a perfectly nice time without us, and I documented most of the good bits for you. (I do feel a bit bad for skipping the majority of the aftercare, but imo, the story arc is fine as it is, and we see enough to know that Jopson has his jacket around his shoulders the way he wanted it, so we can assume Edward bossed it out for the rest of the aftercare too.)

Story Considerations:

Bootblacking: I am not a bootblack. Ideally, this isn't obvious, because I did Online Research, but for people who do bootblack, I'm sorry if I fucked it up.

Also, one thing that I learned in the course of my research is that there's two different kinds of boots--regular boots, which need to be polished, and then oil-tanned boots, which need to be conditioned instead. I gave Edward oil-tanned boots, because that involves a hell of a lot of leg massage via rubbing conditioner into the boot, and I wanted Edward to have a nice tactile experience. (Okay, fine, I also wanted Jopson to be able to show off his skillset.)

Consent Negotiation: I love consent negotiation. I think it's great foreplay, a great way to build hype for a scene, and I think it gives you a sense of a person before you go in and do intimate and/or dangerous stuff with them. I think Edward's initial plan for having the consent negotiation once they'd moved over to the mats was good. I think Jopson's plan of doing the consent negotiation while Edward was a captive audience getting his boots conditioned was better.

There's so many bits and pieces to consent negotiation as well--there's the physical bit (like medical conditions and whether you've had food/water recently--after all, you're putting your body through something challenging, and if you're dehydrated or fasting, that's not ideal conditions), there's the mental bit (like not liking to be humiliated, and any trigger words or actions that should be avoided), and then there's the actual activities that you're going to plan on doing. Typically, there would be an additional bit, and that would be the sharing of STI results. Edward skipped that during this negotiation for two reasons--firstly, he generally just does dry play, ie, no body fluids exchanged. And, secondly, no sex in this particular dungeon. As it turned out, it wouldn't have hurt to have done that.

(Jopson clearly did his own risk assessment on the barrier-free blowjob, and was fine with his chances--but, then, I suspect if you read between the lines on Edward's blog, the lack of a fluid-bonded partner, or an intimate partner of any kind, would have been apparent.)

Dungeon Monitors: Dungeon monitors (DMs) are present in most dungeons, except the play-at-your-own-risk-in-someone's-basement type (and sometimes even those have them). Their general function is to make sure that people are safe, that equipment is being cleaned properly after use, that medical treatment is provided if it's needed, and that type of thing. I figured the medical team was a good translation, so between Goodsir and McDonald, they're splitting the dungeon between themselves for the first chunk of the night. (Presumably Peddie and Stanley are on the later shift, or maybe Bridgens is assisting, but either way, Edward was not paying attention and did not care.)

(I bet Stanley hates dungeon shifts.)

DMs generally wear vests or some sort of gear that makes them easy to spot, which is especially important when they're almost always members of the community as well, meaning that they need to distinguish between when they're on duty, and when they're playing. The radios are handy in case an ambulance needs to be called, which does sometimes happen, but it's also good to allow them to communicate with each other.

For the majority of play, it's not necessary to talk to a DM beforehand. (YMMV, consult your dungeon rules, etc.) In Edward and Jopson's case, since they're going fairly hard, it's a good idea to give a heads-up to your DM to let them know that the scene is happening. McDonald would have been watching them pretty sharply as the play got going, and then probably less so once they settled into it.

Edward noticed exactly zero of this, because he didn't care.

(I guess an additional note there is that sometimes there's a "fear factor" involved in physical play, where the dominant/top partner is specifically and consensually trying to instigate a fear reaction in the submissive/bottom partner. So in that case, having a DM aware of what's happening and what the safewords are is real important to make sure that everything is above-board, ie, the safewords aren't being deliberately ignored.)

Dungeon Rules: They totally would have fucked if they hadn't been in Canada.

Sorry to both of them, but sorry to Jopson in particular.

Subspace: So subspace is basically an altered state of consciousness that can be dropped into during BDSM play. Every submissive/bottom gets there at different speeds and through different methods. Jopson is a masochist, so pain will get him there--but he's deeply into ritual as well, and so just the act of bootblacking for an hour prior to Edward getting there has already gotten him started on that path--though, as he notes, not far enough that he can't pull himself back out of it if it's no longer appropriate to be in it. It's sort of like a hot bath, in that way--if you've just dipped your toes in it, fine, you can go answer the doorbell. But if you've been submerged in the tub for an hour, you're not getting out unless something really pressing happens.

The general, uh, fuzzy nature of subspace means that Edward's call not to discuss facefucking was a good one, because Jopson would have just said yes, and Edward would have derailed himself wondering if it was an honest yes. As it was, Edward got the unprompted deepthroating, and I don't think he has any regrets whatsoever about that one.

Line Notes:

There’s no way for Jopson to know that Edward purchased two collars for him, but he’s showing off his neck like he’s trying to make a point of it, like he’s trying to bring out all the possessive bits that Edward is trying to keep tamped down.

That's exactly what he's doing, Edward. He's trying to gently coax you into going feral on him.

He should have adjusted his dick before he sat down, but it’s too late to do that now without being territorial about it.

Tozer wouldn't hesitate for one moment. He adjusts his dick when he feels like it. Just as an aside.

I don’t see you, Edward wants to say. How have I lived my entire fucking life without ever having seen you?

It's because you and Tozer go to the shittier clubs with louder music and younger people, and I don't think Jopson has been to a club like that in his entire life.

(God, I have, like, an entire essay worth of headcanons about Jopson and his Terror and Erebus experiences.)

“Safeword,” Edward says, after some time has passed.

Jopson looks up at him, eyes wide, and says nothing.

So, we were talking about Jopson's risk assessments earlier, re: the blowjob, and here's another point where Jopson is flirting with the possibility of playing with Edward irresponsibly.  I think there's a couple different things to observe here--and the first is that the ideal response is the one that Edward gives, which is essentially "absolutely fuck that, we'll play with a safeword that you're going to use when you need it, or we won't play at all". The other responses are...less than ideal, but Jopson might have still played with Edward under those circumstances anyways, and that's on Joppie to justify, cuz I'm not gonna bend over backwards to justify that for him. I do think, though, that there's a couple points that happen over the course of the weekend where nobody would blame Jopson if he was doing an assessment and figuring out--is there the possibility of a long-term thing here, or is this a one-weekend-only thing? And in every case, Edward is coming down solidly into the long-term possibility category.

Jopson frees the laces, runs them between his fingers. “I’ll get chatty before I get quiet. When I stop responding verbally when you speak to me, pull me back out, please—speak to me, get me something to drink. Drape my jacket back over my shoulders.” His mouth twists a moment. “I may get…affectionate, but you shouldn’t—”

There's so much here that I want to talk about! First of all, Jopson is highly comfortable with and cognizant of his own response to this type of play, and he's able to articulate that response very clearly--which is something that comes with experience. He's communicating to Edward the point where he wants the play to stop--ie, when he no longer responds verbally--and he's also clear about what needs to be done to gently tug him back out of it. (Coming back out of it isn't always required, but in this case, since they're sleeping separately and working in the morning, it's for the best.)

If Jopson had finished his last sentence, it would have been along the lines of "I may get affectionate, but you shouldn't take it seriously if I do". I pulled directly from Jopson's abandonment issues in canon for that one, and it hurts my feelings to put it here, but it's here so that Edward can respond appropriately this time. I think any feelings that Jopson has during scenes are legitimate--but I also suspect, based on this, that Jopson has been affectionate during scenes before, and had that affection rebuffed, or had it indicated to him that the affection wasn't welcome or needed, so he's used to disclaiming it. Which, ouch.

“Good job,” he says, voice low and right next to Jopson’s ear. “Pack your things. I’m coming back for you.”

Speaking of AU!Edward Littles that didn't fuck up their decisions, here's one right here.

His hand is pleasantly tingling, his mind starting to fuzz out with endorphins, and he wants Jopson to feel the same—

So Edward puts literally zero thought into his own headspace throughout this scene, because that's the kind of POV character he is, but you can see the beginning of his...actually, I don't even know the word for it. Whatever the equivalent of subspace is for doms, Edward is getting into it.

I like symmetry

Says the man with the tattoo on one arm. Alright, Ned. Alright.

"Mrf." Jopson swallows, the movement of his neck something Edward can actually feel, now that he's carrying Jopson fully. "Don’t want to derail the scene—I just—a minute—your cock is quite distracting."

I love that all the physical play was just fine, but it's being nestled against Edward's hardon that makes Jopson need a minute. (Which, fair.)

“Yeah,” Edward manages. “I can—I can do that. You, uh, the safewords?”

One of the things I really love about Edward here is that when he gets overwhelmed with how awesome something is, he reverts back to safety and checking in with his partner. (I'm pretty sure you could contrast that with Tozer, who I'm pretty sure would just talk filth until he'd gotten a grip on things again, and Crozier, who I see as pretty unflappable during play considering that he hasn't met a certain "online guy" yet.)

“I can’t believe we can’t fuck in here,” Jopson mutters grouchily.

Couldn't get ploughed in the dungeon the way I wanted, 0/10 on TripAdvisor.

Edward puts his hands behind his head, tugs at his own hair a moment to ground himself, and then curls his hands into fists where Jopson can’t see them, brings them down and around, quick and sudden, thumping the sides of his hands into Jopson’s ribs.

The very first time I was in a rough play workshop, this move was demonstrated. The demo bottom was facing the audience, and the presenter was sitting on a table behind him. They had him put his hands behind his neck and just stand there and wait while they was talking about something else, but from our position in the audience, we could see them raise their hands above their head, and knew what they were going to do, because they mimed it out for us first. I think that's where I fell in love with this kind of play, because they made it fun.

“I’ll go faster for the rest,” Edward promises. “Keep counting, and you’ll get your reward on five.”

Or, you know, on six, because one of you wanted five hits in a row and restarted the count on purpose, and the other one of you stuck to your promise of going with a verbal command of five because there wasn’t enough time to go through the whole ‘what is the correct response here’ and muscle memory won out over anxiety domming. (You can save your “oops”, Jopson, we all know it’s insincere.) 

Jopson doesn’t scream. His entire body goes stiff, breath sucking quick into his lungs and his fingernails digging sharply into Edward’s bare back, legs clenching around Edward’s thigh, and it’s like time just fucking stops for one ecstatic moment until Jopson goes limp, his hands patting randomly on Edward’s back, over the scratches he’s just left in Edward’s skin that Edward is going to treasure forever, because he did that to Jopson and he’s going to wear these scratches with fucking pride.

Y'all, Edward "so excited about the part where he scratched me that I completely missed the part where he came" Little. He'll be here all weekend.

Jopson blinks, slow and easy. “Quite lovely, thank you. Everything cleaned up?”

I'm deeply in favour of doms who look after cleaning up the space while their subs recover. I'm not convinced that Little and Jopson will fall into that pattern permanently, but I think it's a sweet gesture on Edward's part that he looks after everything for their first time. It's also a very encouraging thing for Jopson--because, say, if he was trying to make sure that he wasn't going to have his service taken for granted, this is a good indication that it won't be.

Edward feels vaguely like he should demur, out of manners, or, uh. Concern for Jopson’s knees, or—or his, um. Aftercare. Or. Or something.

I love deep POV.

Edward raises his eyebrows, deliberately puts his hands flat on the wall behind him. He’s suddenly very, very hard. “I’m not gonna stop you if you want to do it yourself,” he says, voice rough. “That’s hot as fuck.”

*eyeballs emoji*

(And we can make a note of that particular detail for the next chapter, when Edward awkwardly discloses something that Jopson already suspects--or, at least, would suspect if he weren't currently high as fuck on happy endorphins.)

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” Edward says. He swallows. “I—uh. Sorry, this is stupid, I forgot they were there—I generally do, you know, warn people in advance, this isn’t how I normally—I, uh.”

I suspect the actual issue here is that the last time Edward had his dick sucked, there wasn't nearly as much metal in it, so "hey my dick is heavily pierced" isn't a conversation that he's used to having, but Edward can excuse this however he likes.

...it’s just—he’s just—he’s never—not without his partner gagging, and there were always other things they could do, there were always—fuck—this was never a priority...

Little refuses to think of his own dick as big, because it's the dick he's always had, so unfortunately, this is the closest we're gonna get to confirmation of his dick size in his POV.

Edward can feel—oh, fuck, no, that’s not just his cock, he can feel his own piercings in Jopson’s throat, the hard balls of the barbells firm under his fingertips, and Edward’s balls tighten.

I don't want to admit how much time I spent trying to figure out if this was a legitimate thing, but it was more than an hour, I couldn't find an answer, I have no one to ask, and I liked the mental image too much to let it go, so now we're all stuck with it.

I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

Edward takes a deep breath, steps into the hotel room, and shoulders his responsibilities.

Edward, sweetie. Sol would be the first one to tell you that he can handle himself.

I mean, we can all agree that he clearly didn’t handle himself particularly well tonight.

But he’d be the first one to tell you to fuck off.

Phew. That's it for this week! Chapter four, Kink, goes up next Friday, and we'll touch on Solomon Tozer's no-good very-bad day then.

And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat. I know I didn't cover everything, even in this long-ass entry, cuz there's a fuck of a lot of stuff going on in the foreground, much less the background. I honestly don't mind if you ask, it's totally cool. :)

See you next week!

#the terror #the terror fic #fic: closer #joplittle #fic breakdown #ktula writes #fic: the terror kink au

[queensdivas]

That Silly Wig!

I’ve never written a short so fast in my entire life of my God! Not a super long one because I have other stuff to do sadly! 

I was deeply inspired by the recent drawing of @eileen-crys​ with her comic and I literally threw everything aside to write this! I gotta stop doing this kind of crap so much so I can focus on my remaining school work! But anyway. Hope you enjoy! 

That lovely artwork of hers!

masterlist 

taglist

@filmslutt​ @mexifangorl​ @leah-halliwell92​ @i-live-for-queen​ @its-funny-til-its-not​ @brianmydear​ @bonafiderocketqueen​ @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​ @painkiller80​ @seven-seeds-of-rhye​ @seven-seas-of-fuck-you​ @sevenseasofky​

@yourlocalmusicalprostitute​ @minigirl87​ @natalijalucreziah​ @crayonwriting​ @owensgrxdy​ @deacyspatronusisacheesetoastie​ @darlingyourebeingabore​ @queenwouldyourathers​

Rounding up what Freddie calls the Deaklings was a lot more difficult than you could ever imagine. Have to make sure that Laura has her favorite stuffed animal, making sure Michael wasn’t annoying Robert too badly, then packing the diaper bag for Josh and his favorite toys. And all without a nanny! Super Mom right here! Though Chrissy has made it very appealing to finally get one but Robert and Michael are basically grown children so it’s a little easier now in a sense. 

But today is meant to a very good day for the six of us which includes Deaky. We’re finally spending some family time by taking them out for a picnic in Bushy Park! We’ve been wanting to take the kids there for a while, yet our timing has been non existent. He has to do some filming for a new music video then on lunch he plans on taking a longer one for us to go. 

“Alright kids! We’re moving in t-minus five minutes!” Yelling up the stairs for the thunder of children to start running down the stairs. Robert and Michael were the first ones down as Laura was slowly making her way down with her stuffed Fox Brian gave her when she was born. 

Grabbing Josh's diaper bag from the floor to throw on my shoulder to then pick him up from his play crib. He wrapped himself around me as I picked him up. Kissing the top of his forehead as I walked out of the house, locking the door to see the kids are already in the car ready to go. Man did we raise some very well behaved kids! Until Robert and Michael start fighting over their toys. 

We arrived to the set where they were filming their new music video as the kids beginning to bounce around in the backseat. I pulled into the parking spot to see Brian coming out with his hairs all in plastic curls in his hair and in his regular clothes. 

“Uncle Brian!” Laura screamed as they all rushed out of the car to hug their Uncle. I got out to unbuckle Josh for him to cling himself on me again. Ever since Josh was born he’s always just kept himself attached to me and for a reason he hasn’t really had much interest in John which is very concerning. Maybe it’s just a very long phase. 

“Well hello there Daisy! What brings you to our neck of the woods?” Brian picked up Laura who gave him a huge hug. 

“We’re going on a picnic to Bushy Park!” Richard yelled as we began walking into the set for the hustling and bustling of the crew. 

“Say. Where’s Chrissy anyhow?” Asking Brian as he put down Laura. 

“She’s got work and the kids are off with my parents for the week so Chrissy and I could have some us time.” Nodding as we turned the corner for Roger to come strutting out in a school girl outfit! Trying to not laugh but Robert was already losing it. 

“Uncle Roger is dressed like a girl!” He began strutting himself towards us to make Laura and even Josh giggle a little bit. 

“Can’t believe you managed to round up all Dealings in such a fashion!” Roger commented as Robert finally stopped laughing at Roger’s getup. I’m guessing that this was either his idea or Freddie’s idea. But I’m definitely leaning towards Roger at this point because he’s really enjoying himself. 

“Let me guess Roger. This was all you?” Asking as he took off his sunglasses to wink at me. Oh goodness it was! Well he looks fantastic! Brian took off his robe to appear in a pink nightgown and to slip on his pinky bunny slippers. Oh dear God! Wait. ARE THOSE JOHNS PINK BUNNY SLIPPERS!? I got John those slippers back in college because he always complained about his feet getting cold whenever he would come over for homework! He still kept them? 

“Love the slippers.” Even one of the buttons is missing when Robert pulled them out when he was a baby. I know it seems stupid to be happy about a old pair of bunny slippers but ya know. We’ve been together for so long and with all our children, it's easy to forget the times when we would do silly stuff like that all the time. 

“Mommy where’s Dad?” Laura asked as we could hear John and Freddie laughing down the hallway as Paul came out of the dressing room. He looked at us to roll his eyes and continue on his way to wherever he was going. Paul says that bringing our kids to the studio or the set isn’t a good idea, so John always makes sure we stop by to say hello. 

“Dad is probably getting ready so we shouldn’t disturb him okay.” I told her as she held onto her toy fox a little tighter. She is definitely daddy’s little girl and at this age feels kind of empty without him. Trust me it’s difficult when he’s at the studio for ungodly hours and she wants John to read her a bedtime story. She doesn’t throw temper tantrums or anything, just gets all quiet and holds onto her fox a little tighter. Such as she’s doing now. Brian bought that for her on her first birthday and she loved it ever since. Trust me she will never let go of it even if her life depended on it. But it is pretty cute so who could blame her. 

Roger began walking us to where they were getting ready with Michael riding on his shoulders and Robert walking ahead of us. Not sure why but Michael has always found Roger to be his favorite out of the three of them with Robert being close to Freddie since he spoils the living hell out of them for birthdays and holidays. 

“How’s the music going Rog?” I asked him as we rounded the corner to hear Freddie laughing. 

“It’s going great! Freddie’s got another hit in the works so it should be something pretty good as always.” 

“Awesome! And how's Dom?” 

“She’s doing fantastic! Plan on taking her to Switzerland for the week to celebrate our anniversary.” Oh my god when John and I went to Switzerland before Michael was born was such a wonderful time! 

“That’s awesome! Tell her I said hello obviously.” Smiling to see Freddie coming out of their dressing room in their costume. Oh my god they look terrific! Freddie wearing a beautiful black wig with huge pink earrings and pink lipstick. He wore a pink sleeveless top and a black leather skirt. 

“The Deaklings!” He laughed as Robert ran towards him and gave him a big hug. Like I said Robert was his favorite and Freddie loved Robert. Hell I think Freddie would want to be his godfather. 

“Uncle Freddie! Did Dad tell you we finally got a cat!? She’s super fat, super furry, and the biggest green eyes!” Robert told him which made me smile. 

“Never thought she would let you! What’s its name!?” Robert dug into his coat pocket to pull out his Polaroid of the new cat. 

“Her name is Matilda!” He handed Freddie the pic as he smiled for the fuzzy cat on the picture. Yes we finally got a cat for the family because they’re easy to take care of, and hello! It’s a cat! 

“She absolutely gorgeous. Oh my goodness she’s humongous! Can’t wait to meet her whenever I come over for tea!” Him and Robert began going off as John came out of the dressing room looking like an old lady with puffy grey wig. I couldn't help myself to start laughing for my husband to be looking like my own mother! What on earth is Roger doing to my husband! 

“My dear husband what has Roger done to you?” Walking over to him as he placed his hand on top of Josh's head to kiss him. Josh turned himself to start reaching for John to scoop him up and give him another forehead kiss to leave a lipstick mark on his head. 

“He’s brought me to misery.” He groaned as he leaned in to kiss me. Giving each other peck to see Robert giggling again at John with Michael just smiling. 

“Dad why are you dressed up like grandma!?” Robert laughed with made Freddie laugh. Robert definitely gets Deakys witty comments and his ability to make everyone laugh. 

“I think you look cool Dad!” Michael cheered. 

“Thank you Michael!” John smiled at the children as Freddie grabbed their hands to start walking them to the set for the free food. 

“I’m assuming you’re having loads of fun.” Keeping my eye on Josh for him to latch himself around John as I was hoping in the end. Phew. 

“Darling of course.” He kissed my lips again as Laura was still hiding behind me. She squeezed her stuffed Fox trying to hold back her sniffling. Her eyes began to water as her sniffling continued to grow a little more louder. 

“That’s not my dad, that old lady doesn’t look like dad..where’s dad..” Wait what? We looked down to see her starting to cry. 

“THAT’S NOT MY DAD! WHERE IS PAPA!” Laura exploded in tears as we both looked down at her in confusion. She hid her face behind her stuffed Fox for not knowing her own father before her. 

“Laura that’s papa! He’s just wearing a silly costume.” Trying to make her smile but it was not working whatsoever. She was still sobbing as John kneeled down to me to hand me Josh. He moved her in front of her so he could face her and try to calm her down. 

“Laura, my princess it’s me! It’s just a costume and a little makeup.” He whipped her tears away so she could see John in all his makeup. She still wasn’t convinced so he ripped off his wig for his poofy hair to expand!

“See? A silly wig and makeup!” He smiled to toss the wig on the ground for her to stop crying. She moved the fox away from her face as she jumped into his arms. 

“You scared me Papa!” He got up with her in his arms as her fox dangled behind his neck. 

“I’m sorry Princess! Papa wouldn’t scare you on purpose!” John held her tightly as he was so upset he made Laura cry. Even though he’s busy with his work, he loves our little Deaklings with all his soul and hates it when they’re upset. Especially his princess. 

“Mr. Hamish doesn’t want you to cry now does he.” He grabbed her fox to place in front of her so she could hold it again. 

“No Mr. Hamish doesn’t want me to cry Papa.” She giggled as he put her down on the ground to hold her hand. He even went so far to scoop Josh from me so he could walk with his kids to the set. Grabbing his wig from the floor to watch as he walked away with our children laughing with them. 

How is it even possible to love someone so much? I feel like my love for him could explode as he’s such a wonderful father, a loving husband, and one cheeky devil. 

#john richard deacon #John Deacon #john deacon one shot #John Deacon x reader #John Richard deacon x reader #queen band #John Deacon Fluff #Freddie Mercury #Brian May #roger taylor #I want to break free #Was inspired by a God! #her artwork is beautiful #made me sob #love dad deacon #respect deacons privacy #my dude retired to fuck off

[chaniters]

He’s on TV!!

Well here’s the ending for this angst trip!

One of the Rangers finally catches up with a desperate Cyrus at his worst moment -as does the entire West Coast-.

WARNING : Trigger, attempted suicide. Also. Spoilers.

_______________________________________

Ortega sat down and rubbing his temples with his left hand. It had been a terrible weekend and showed no sign of improving.

His right searched for the remote, digging dip below the sofa cushions until he finally grasped it.

Prize in hand, he laid back, sighed and turned the TV on.

He switched channels a few times...

___________________

N5 Los Diablos Night news show with Jhon Stevens!

"...lcome to our show!” The audience clapped “Phew... We've got quite a hectic week don't you think? You know... for a comedian... this is a hell of a time to be alive!"

Laughter, more clapping...

"So let me get you the facts people... First, we had our very own SUPERBOWL here in Los Diablos! First time since the big one? Isn't that great?!"

Audience cheered. More laughter.

"Yeah, I was there rooting for my team too... and then, because we're the best city in the face of this nation, we hired us a villain for the midshow! I bet NO ONE saw that coming! Suck it Miami! Suck it New Orleans!!"

Softer laughter.

"Now before the Superbowl folks, it's the tradition to have the president get a short interview right?" the audience nodded. The music band yelled in agreement.

"So let's hear what president Hardwell had to say JUST before the Superbowl"

A cut to the archive video... reporters from the stadium in live link with the president.

"... And you know me... I'm not going to take sides, let the best team win... But I'm really waiting to see the mid-term show! I'm told it's going to be the most thrilling performance in recent years... and Los Diablos had this long coming. This is a testament to its reconstruction efforts... I'm going to be watching live from the White House! A great party for all of America!"

The image froze leaving the president in a weird expression

"And a great party it was folks!"

more laughter.

Ortega switched channels.

________________________

N7 LDGT News

A few men in suits sat down together next to a world map, as they discussed.

"... the Superbowl revelations speak of a wider government conspiracy. Those pictures, they showed systematic unethical testing, forbidden tests, and enslavement of decidedly human beings..."

"Wait, John, you're not saying they're humans right?"

"I am… just hear me out to me Rick"

"Oh I'm hearing you, I'm just saying, even if you're going to believe that crazy Retribution Anarchist communist,  those things were grown in a lab. They can't be human"

Laughs.

"Look Rick, all I'm saying is, firstly, I don't think he can be a communist if he was  grown in an American lab"

"THat's right he's 100% American goods, he should be proud" an older guy added

"Hah... I know. But hear this... even the Spaniards, when they were abusing the natives in America, they came under scrutiny because the Spanish king thought it was too much. So he sent an investigation with priests and people of renown, to tell if the natives had souls too. And you know what they said?"

"It's not the same thing!"

"It's totally the same thing! Those things as you call them, they're human DNA. Two legs, two arms, one head, one torso, one brain, one heart. If the Spaniards, who committed some of the worst genocides could tell the natives were human, do you think any judge today is going to say they are not?"

Silence.

The man continued

"All I'm saying is these experiments are illegal on the east coast. They're legal here on the west coast, but we still have laws. And our laws are very clear on what a human Is, which I think the egg-head professors running the horror-show forgot. So we know what humans are, and I'm pretty sure they" he pointed at a picture of some regenes over the table taken a few years back "I'm sure they qualify. So if west coast laws apply, then they're human, not robots like they claimed they were. And worse of all for the bureocrats, they're humans born here on the West Coast so they're West Coast Citizens, whether they like it or not"

"Alright alright.. maybe you have a point... " the other man conceded. "So, let's say they're human... what happens next?"

"Oh, political chaos! We have fewer regulations, but If they're humans there's still so many crimes here committed against them that I can't even begin to summarize"

"So as a lawyer John... what would you suggest President Hardwell should do?"

"Well... he didn't start this, I mean the special directive has been going on for years... but with this latest scandal, I think they're done. They're done, and the writing's on the wall for all to see and he should just lay back"

"What, do nothing?"

"Yeah. Let the authorities handle it! That's what they're there for. Sit back and let heads roll all around him. If he's innocent, why should he get his hands deep into the bullshit?"

Laughter "How graphical John. Thanks"

"Always! Now, what about this Sideste..."

Ortega switched again.

__________________________

N9 West Coast News Room with Mia Ochoa

"...so the Superbowl scandal hasn't even fully crystallized into the public's mind, and the government's already facing a new potential tsunami."

"Agreed Jerry" Mia nodded holding a tablet. "It's hard to imagine a worse way time for the administration in recent time." she turned to the camera

"So let's go through the events one more time, just to summarize. Retribution, the villain anarchist has been a thorn in the administration for almost a year and a half now, and left scorched earth in his wake, exposing dozens of scandals and turning the political gameboard upside down"

"A die-hard fan base soon formed around this cult figure" a smaller image shows a protesting mob wearing fake Retribution helmets "and they've made sure to let their voices be heard. But it was all nothing compared to his stunt at the Superbowl when he exposed the special directive and revealed he was himself a regene"

"The administration has been facing protests, riots, and resignations for five days in a row now, and there's even a been a revival of the old movement calling for the West Coast to secede from the union altogether"

"I'm told the Westbran church is calling it "End of days" Mia" the male reporter said with a smile "They're retreating into their underground bunker to survive the coming apocalypse triggered but why they call "Men usurping the place of god"

"So if the impending apocalypse wasn't enough" Mia spoke again "Retribution appeared again on Saturday. Let's see it on video"

A cut to a zoomed image of a skyscraper. A young man was standing over the ledge, while an older security guard tried to talk him out of it

"This man" the man's face zoomed in to the max "Is called Cyrus Basri, and he's confirmed to be Retribution's civilian identity, the regene who took over the Superbowl."

"But that's not the shocking part" her counterpart continued. "To anyone hoping the scandal would die out, here's a hint. It won't."

"Indeed not. So this man, Cyrus Basri, he goes up to the New Aon Center tower, sabotages the anti-suicide netting device and walks over the ledge before a security guard tries to stop him"

"Now to our viewers who didn’t watch the news yesterday, this will be shocking, but the two knew each other. Here's the story"

A cut to the black security guard being interviewed by Mia herself.

"So It happens from time to time. People get fed up with their lives and come to the tower. New Aon Center, is the tallest building in the city, I guess that's why they choose this spot. So most times I just activate the safety system, but I realized it wasn't working. So I ran up to this guy, and he turns, and he's in shock and scared, and I realize I know him"

"Who was this man?" Mia asked.

"He's Cyrus... Cyrus Basri. Also known as Sidestep"

"What? Say again?"

"Yes, I know. Sidestep is supposed to be dead, but I saw him. This is Cyrus, the same Cyrus that wore Sidestep's mask back in the day, and he's alive"

"You knew Sidestep?"

The older man sighed.

"Yes.. yes I did... Very well in fact... I mean, I didn't know about him being one of them regenes but... you know... the other stuff"

"Could you please elaborate?

"Yeah... I knew him... but hadn't seen him in years. I guess he forgot I worked there because he panicked when he saw me, and... well he just jumped"

"He jumped?" Mia seemed confused.

"Yes .. but... I stopped it?"

"How?" Now she was lost.

"Ok... I guess I'm already on TV so it's no use hiding it... " he sighed "I  Always liked keeping my identity private... I'm retired now, But I was the ranger Sentinel for several years"

"... you were Sentinel?" she said looking for the camera, asking the production for confirmation.

"Yes, yes, you can confirm it, just call the ranger's HQ... I don't like publicity. But yes, I did the job all those years. I just had a cozy day job too so I could keep my own life separate."

A small cut in the video before the interview continues

"So it's confirmed.. sorry about that" Mia Apologised

"No problem. I know how it is. I don't look much like a hero I guess" he smiled "So, he jumped, and I panicked too, but It's not my first rodeo, I mean, I work there. And I still have my powers, so I stuck him back onto the safe side of the railing with a wind gust"

"wow... ehrm.. I mean.. Incredible. What happened next?"

"Well, we talked. A lot. He was very confused, not making sense at all. I was confused too, I mean, I watched the news, but I never expected him to be retribution. But you know, I did what I always do when people want to jump... talk to them like I know shit"

"I see... Did he say why was he going to jump?"

"Well, he pretty much told me his life was ruined. He felt like he was just a government project gone wrong, and after his stunt, he was just convinced he was going to get killed or captured, or experimented upon, and he thought he had not a single friend in the world after his battles with the rangers... He thought no one would like him because he was a regene. I'm thinking he's been in depression for some time"

"How did you convince him to stop?"

"I just told him... "Cyrus, you know me, I'm not going to let you jump. And we both know you don't want to do this. So will you let me call our friends to come to pick you up?" And he just cracked and started crying, and I asked again a few times, and in the end, he ended up agreeing with me that he didn't want to do it."

"I guess you're still a hero, even if you're retired," Mia said with a smile.

"Don't go telling people" he chuckled "So I called the rangers, and we got him a coat because he was shivering all over, I think he had been sleeping on the streets. So Herald showed up carrying Charge, and he kept saying he didn't want to see him, and I just shook him, and told him "Look, whether you like it or not Charge's your best friend so you're going to talk to him see if he can get some reason into your skull!"

"We actually got footage of that thanks to a tourist who tapped you in her phone"

A side image from someone's cellphone showed Charge and Cyrus talking. Charge was yelling while Cyrus just looked down. Ultimately Charge kneeled down and squeezed his shoulders, holding his forehead against Cyrus' own while speaking a few words in a lower tone. Cyrus kept nodding each time. They kept at it for a long time before Cyrus stood up wiping the tears and Charge hugged him, ruffling his hair and patting his back.

"So how do you know Sidestep?"

"Well he used to sketch a lot back in the day.. the kid and I had a lot in common, I mean we liked our identities private. But I told him about my day job one day, don't know why. He asked if he could come sketch, out of costume. He wanted to learn how to do landscapes. Heh, he did... I got like a dozen landscapes he drew. All signed "Sidestep" I should show someone one day..."

"What do you know about him taking the role of retribution?"

"Wow... that's a rough one... I don't know. I guess he was desperate? Wanted to tell people what happened to him and saw no other choice? Not many people can cope with things like being told you're not human... I've faced bigots, you guys know that, but not like this... He was a total mess, kept saying he didn't want to live anymore... I guess I'll have to ask him again when he's feeling better. I mean I hope he gets better, he's a good friend, regene or not!"

"What about the government officials that showed up?"

"Oh. Those creeps." he smiled "They tried to arrest Cyrus on behalf of the federal government. We didn't let them, but they got us at gunpoint and handcuffed him... I almost did something but Charge told me not to"

"Did you know what..."

"What Steel was planning?" he smiles "Not really, but I knew something was up."

The interview cuts.

"And he was really planning something... Let's show what happened at the base of the building"

The video jumped to the entrance of the Aon Building. Men in black dragged Cyrus, handcuffed to a black van... only to be stopped by Steel

"Move Marshall. We're taking him in"

"I don't think so. This is an illegal arrest, and won't happen under my watch"

"He's government property" he smiled. "There's nothing you can do"

"My authority comes directly from the president. I outrank any security force in the site right now. And I say you're not taking him"

They looked at each other.

"We're here under orders from the Special directive"

"I know who you work for. And Unless you have a written order by the president himself, you better let him go. Now."

Herald and Sentinel came down, carrying Ortega. Lady Argent walked up behind the government men, startling the two.

"He's a government project!" one of them hissed "Say's it so right here!" he said pulling Cyrus' shirt up, revealing his bar code. Cyrus just stood there, motionless.

"Oh, I see that." Steel said pulling his sleeve, revealing a tattoo of an eagle "I've got one too. All my unit got one like this back in the war, for serving our country, just like he did. Are you going to say I'm less human?"

"It's not the same!"

"It's exactly the same. Release him, Argent"

Argent simple took Cyrus from them and cut down the handcuffs with little effort.

"You're going to hear from us" one of them pointed at Steel.

"Of course I am because you're coming with me. You're both under arrest"

"What? On what grounds?!"

"Oh, I don't know. Kidnapping... torture... partaking in slavery... General villany... I haven't picked yet. MAybe all of them?"

_______________________________

Ortega switched off the TV, standing up.

He walked over to the room nearby.

Cyrus was still asleep.

They had given him a heavy dose of anti-depressants and his arm was attached to an IV drip with saline solution since the doctors thought he was very dehydrated.

Asides from attempting to kill himself there was nothing else wrong with him, at least physically.

There was some noise coming from the streets. He approached... a large crowd, separated by police.

Retribution and Sidestep fans and protesters in one side... religious zealots and haters on the other.

He shut the curtains and took a seat next to him, taking his hand, rubbing his fingers.

Waiting for him to come awake.

_______________________

Cyrus opened his eyes slowly.

"Hey." he Ortega said.

"... Hey" he spoke looking around in confusion. It took him a few minutes to focus.

His eyes looked at the window and the resounding clamor outside and then turned, fixing on Ortega.

"It's really bad, isn't it?"

Ortega nodded slowly. Cyrus squeezed his hand taking a deep breath.

"It's bad. But... we're all going to fight for you"

"W..What?" he asked.

"You just have to let us. Just this once... Let me fight for you"

He smiled weakly. "You don't give up, right?"

"Never"

"They're going to come for me again"

"We'll be ready."

"I'm still a regene"

"I don't care. And I was just stupid earlier... I wasn't thinking."

"You sure?"

"These are growing on me," he said looking at his tattoos. Cyrus blushed heavily and shifted a bit.

"That doesn't make me human"

"What? You've got more fans than Argent. You're more human than anyone in the eyes of the public right now."

"It's not a popularity contest"

"You really never understood how this country works, right?"

Cyrus rolled his eyes.

"Hey. Cheer up. It's like our TV-show"

"The one that got canceled you mean?"

"Shut up. Remember the catchphrase... The Rangers always get their man?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, I'm a ranger."

"Oh please..."

"And..."

"Not this again"

... I..."

"Don't"

"...got"

"You can't be so corny..."

... you"

He leaned over and shared a soft kiss, leaning over the medical bed.

"I've got you" he winked

Cyrus groaned, but he moved a bit, letting Ortega got on the bed as well

"You're like a Matryoshka doll, you know?"

"With many layers?"

"Full of yourself"

He laughed.

"This bed's too small" Cyrus complained.

"Then get better already!"

Cyrus groaned some more, eventually resting over his shoulder.

"Don't care. So tired... sleep now, yes?"

"Go ahead" Ortega smiled, staring at the ceiling.

They didn't talk about what would have happened if Sentinel hadn't been there when he tried to jump. There would be time for that later.  

"I'm going to fight for you," Ortega said, a few minutes after Cyrus had fallen asleep again.

_________________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero spoilers #Chargestep #Sentinel #Steel

[frunatic-fanfic]

Chapter 15 - Eye opener

And here is another chapter my friends. I'm sorry it all took such a long time and now we are heading towards some major plot twist :D but John will be back. Let's just see what happens next huh? If you still like this, please let me know. Love all of u ♥ 6 months have passed since you left California, since you last have spoken, seen, touched John but not a single day had passed without you thinking about him. It get better. The pain got a lot better for sure. You had come to accept that meeting and being with John for this short amount of time as a precious coincidence but a relationship with the two of you probably would never have worked out. You had your struggles with your borderline disorder and John was an ex - Heroin addict and now a rising Rockstar. The song 'scar tissue' was on the radio all the time, up and down and up and down. Just like your mood had intense swings these days, but at least you felt better now. Living with Rony was an absolute blessing. She helped you find a good therapist you could talk to once a week and you got a job at a local pet shop and spending your time with all those animals, dogs, cats, birds, yes even snakes made you feel better and kept you distracted from bad thoughts or missing John - though you didn't think of him all the time anymore. But it was hard forgetting him completely since the bandlogo was seen on every shirt, magazine, bag, whatever recently. The album Californication has been an extremely huge success and as much as you wish you could listen to it... You couldn't. But yes, here you were, ready to start anew. With your best friend and a good job you slowly felt like turning into a more quiet and less insecure person from the inside. You also decided to cut your shoulder long blonde hair really short just to kind of see a 'new, Jolene in the mirror. Recovery was more than just avoiding bad habits. It also meant letting go off the past completely, never even thinking about going back to that old self and all the weird and twisted thoughts inside that old selfs mind. It was getting cold here in NYC. It was the first st of December and the City was glowing in beautiful Christmas lights and the shop windows were full of beautiful decoration. Just before quitting time the door of the pet store got rushed opened. You hear the clinging notice from the little bells you had put over the entrance so you could hear each time someone would enter the store. You turn around to see a skinny figure, hectically moving around with a..... Little cat.. In his arms. Before you can concentrate on the person you see that the cat obviously has a hurt leg." hello uhhmm.. That doesn't look good. Is that yo-" " yeah I know can you help her please help her!" he cuts you off. "well I hope so. What exactly happened?" "I really don't know. I just came back from guitar lessons heading home wards when I saw this cat laying by the side of the street." "OK wait. I think her leg may be broken. She must have gotten a slight hit by a car or something. I'll take her over to my boss. We're lucky she's still here. I'm sure she'll be able to fix this. Please wait a second okay?" the guy hands the hurt little being over to you and you walk into the back office to bring that fury patient to your boss, Catharine " don't worry, she has been a vet for 12 years'" As you come back the guy still stands there. Now you're able to actually take a closer look at him. He was young, younger than you but not too much. You were 24 now so maybe he was about 20? He was very slim, had semi long messy hair, a little longer in the front and he was wearing some weird baggy pants and carried a guitar on his back. You instantly get reminded of John because of that and look to the floor for a second. "umm... Well thanks. I guess.. I'll go now.." something with him and the way he was talking was extremely awkward but for some reason also really cute. You had to laugh "um... Why are you laughing?" "oh no..its nothing. I think it's just really nice of you rescuing that little cat. Not everyone would have done that." He looks away, and for a second you think you see him blush a bit. "ahhh.. Well no problem.. You know I kind of like cats" "so.. You kind of like cats. That's nice" you swallow another laugh-out-loud. Isntead of just leaving the store the guy just stays there for another second and doesn't say a word. Somehow now you feel uncomfortable and the situation gets more awkward. Wat the hell was going on with that dude? " oh hey... Nice shirt. Radiohead? Amazing. Great taste" the guy points at your shirt and the fact that he seems to like radiohead instantly makes you somehow like him. "they're one of my favourite bands!" Before he can say anything more you both end your conversation because you're cut off by your phone ringing "hello?" "yeh it's Rony here. Any plans for later?" while you're on the phone you just see that by waving you goodbye and leaving the store, smiling through the window - an incredibly cute smile, undeniable - and you wave back. "no, I'm free tonight. What's the plan?" " well me and some friends from work were thinking about some ice skating in the park. You should totally come. It's so much fun. We'll have a little drink at ours before so it's even more fun... And less cold. Are you in? " " uhmmm.. Yeah I mean I'm a California babe. I'm an expert at ice skating haha" "fine see you in a bit" You hang up the phone and say bye to Catherine who put the little cat into a basket and made sure, she'd make it through the night. Just as you want close the door behind you, you find a little note hanging there. Huh? Where exactly did that come from? A messy writing on it said : For a minute there I lost myself, I lost myself Phew, for a minute there I lost myself, I lost myself That's the lyrics to radioheads Karma Police. One of your favourite songs on "Ok computer." You shake your head. That must have been the hero of the day, Mr. CAT SAVIOR. As you turned the note around some very messy small letters said :, ' just one of my fav. Songs :)' You kind of smile into yourself and feel some warm, happy emotion inside of you, something you haven't felt in a long time. You put the note into one of your pockets and head towards your flat. What a weird dude, you think to yourself...and smile a little more.

#redhotchillipeppers johnfrusciante fru fanfic fanfiction rockfic john frusciante froosh doofy smut bpd joshklinghoffer romance

[streamofconsciousnesshorror-blog]

Bird Box - Steam of Consciousness

Bird Box

I am about to sit and watch this movie. I’ve heard a lot about it and it seems to be the thing to see at the moment. Not sure what I’m going to make of it…

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS (obv)

Oh, Sandra Bullock

She seems nice… not!

“Boy and Girl”??

Aww, they’re cuties.

Oh no, not birds! I don’t want to see animals getting hurt.

So, what if they peek underneath the blindfold? That’s not taking them off…

They can see through them slightly it appears.

Have those kids really got all their belongings in those teeny tiny backpacks?

Oh, where do I know her from? The woman who just came in…

An “Arabian Stud”???

Okay, so Sandra’s character has… issues!

Getting over a break up?

And she’s preggers?

Oh I see, very preggers. lol

Sandra’s had work done, botox!

Euw, see that’s why I never wanted pregnancy — the throwing up!!

OMG, is she doing that to protest the orange velour tracksuit??

Okay, they’re all committing suicide. Here we go.

Damn, Sandra’s face is messed up!! She can’t move it anymore! She’s got no facial expressions!

DAMN, I doubt the unborn baby will survive that crash!

WOAH — actually saw her body getting splattered on that lorry!

This is disturbing.

They see loved ones before they kill themselves it seems.

Impressed so far, it’s really well done. I’m totally using my touch typing skills here, so I don’t have to look away!

You’ve got every stereotype here; murderous, gumpy old man, meathead white dude, hippy white chick, rich old white woman, token black guy, token hispanic looking girl, token Asian guy, got it all covered!

Oh there’s two black guys. lol

Supermarket Charlie. lol

Sandra not looking too good with that pregnancy.

Wondering where these two little kids come into it…

Ffs angry old man, it wasn’t her fault someone went out to try and help her.

Sandra in bed with full make-up on! As you do.

Oh great, is this one of those jumping backwards and forwards in time movies? Hate that.

Okay, her hair’s WAY longer here.

Oh those sweet little birds. Please don’t let them die!!

Oh of course, BIRD BOX!! Duh. I’m slow.

Okay I recognise the angry old man. I just can’t place him. IMDB time!

Nope, I know the name John Malcovic, but I can’t work out what I’ve seen him in.

Oh. Is this one pregnant or just fat?

Oh, pregnant. A friend for Sandra.

She was starving? Really?? K.

Why don’t I know anyone’s names yet?

What the hell are they doing now? Their plan went way over my head. lol

Asian guy is smiley, huh?

What’s Sandra got on her feet??

Just busting some stretches with my ass in the air, seems as good a time as any.

I thought pregnancy made your hair shiny and healthy! Not in this woman’s case.

Oh SHIT, it can be transmitted through a SCREEN!!

Oh dear, Asian guy’s a gonna!

But he didn’t see a relative beforehand, he just saw a black shadow.

“Thought it might be good for us to be close”… no luv, bugger off! lol

Shut UP! This big woman doesn’t stop talking.

WOW, that is some kitchen! #kitchenenvy

Ooookay then! Sex! lol

Sandra and this black guy are hitting it off!

I’m only calling him “black guy” because I literally don’t know any of their names!! Not sure if we’re supposed to or not, but…

Oh, back to the future again.

The length of her hair is making it look like this is YEARS in the future!

Who’s this tubby ginger git!?

Get him girl!!!

What was that about then? He wasn’t trying to kill himself, he was trying to get her blindfold off.

Back to the past — where are these two kids??

“why don’t i go on the first run, and you go on the second run”, she really doesn’t want that chatty pregnant woman around her. lol

Okay, but driving with blacked out windows just using a GPS is committing suicide anyway… may as well just walk out there as you are!

GPS picks up dead bodies apparently! lol

“Its just a speed bump”. Nah, it’s not mate!

All it needs is that thing to smash their windows!

GPS also picks up supernatural beings. Where did they get it from?

THEY ARE NOT SPEED BUMPS!

Okay, they’re there. So now what?

They DO look funny, gotta be honest!

“Jack-fucking-pot” lol

I would grab ALLLL the chocolate!

Hot black dude wants to bang Sandra.

Sandra is trying to smile at you, my dude, she just can’t move her botoxed face very much! Just FYI.

Aww, the birdies.

So get them some damn food and water then. Ugh!

Angry old man is gonna croak it first.

Someone’s knocking — is this the kids? But going by Sandra’s hair they can’t even have been born yet! Or barely.

Nope, it’s some guy.

He’s coming in no matter what.

Oh no, Supermarket Charlie just sacrificed himself!

Well they got back relatively easily.

Sandra’s REALLY got daddy issues!

“The hair is different… he had some” Ooh savage!

Okay, what are the two hippies doing? Ah we have names, Lucy and Felix. Shame they’re just about to die!

Oops, back to the future!

Here are these two cute kids who came from nowhere. They don’t look like twins, so they can’t be both hers or both the big woman’s!

Oh, one of the teeny tiny backpacks is gone!

Just keep worrying about the birds.

Oh it’s windchimes, I thought… never mind.

Did she REALLY think that string would last forever?

Oh shit, kids, get back down!!!

PUT THE BLINDFOLD BACK ON, WOMAN!!!!

So this thing will try to get to them, even if they’re blindfolded.

Nooo, little girl. You’re too adorable to get killed.

Blimey, she’s really rough with those kids. She’s like a drill sergeant!

“Its the end of the world”, may as well stop all the small talk and get on each other then!

Just sayin…

Erm, does he want to feel your baby bump luv? I think he’s more interested in just above or evenjust below that.

Back to the future!

Sandra with the Long Hair.

And back to short hair Sandra again.

Why are they so scared of a new guy coming in, this thing makes people commit suicide, not attack others?

This guy’s British! He must be protected.

British accent with an American twang. lol

Oh okay, so there’s another stage to it, where they’re happy and want everyone to see.

Angry old man has lost it!

OMG, THE OLD WOMAN HAD HER MOMENT!!! lmao

This big woman is SO fucking annoying

Her parents and her husband bought her all the FOOD.

“If something happens to me, I want you to take care of my baby”… perhaps one of the two kids is hers then. Must be both their kids.

Oh, the girl is hers then. The boy is Sandra’s I guess. But why call them Girl and Boy at the beginning?

She’s not very maternal is she? She talks to these kids like they’re annoying adults. lol

Hmm, so who looks? Your kid, or her kid?

What is this shite music?

Big Woman’s about to drop!

Sandra won’t be far behind by the looks of it.

Why does the British guy keep eyeing those sweet birds?

Yep, her waters have broken.

May have to look away if we’re seeing a birth.

WTF? Two screaming women giving birth at the same time?

Yeah, drown them out with music! lol

This British guy is fucking weird. And he can leave those birds alone.

Nice drawings… yeah he’s fucking crazy.

Boy is now born.

WHAT IS BRITISH GUY DOING WITH THOSE BIRDS??

NO, FUCK YOU! PUT THOSE BIRDS DOWN!!!!

OMG!!! He’s pulling the papers off the windows. He’s put the birds in the freezer.

GET THEM TF OUT!

Aww, well done black dude! Sorry he knocked you out.

OH SHIT — HE WANTS THEM ALL TO SEE!

Girl is now born.

Don’t let him near the baby!

“Can I see?” No, fuck off.

Oh no, Big Woman looked. Ugh.

You BASTARD, you made the old lady look!

Well this is a lovely start to life for those newborns. Welcome to the world, little ones.

Angry old man is going to save the day. Come on man, he’s getting closer, shoot him!!!

“Oi!” lol

There ya go, Angry Old Man is dead.

So the “infected” do kill others. At first all they did was commit suicide.

Who just shot who??

Oh phew! British guy is dead.

And now I know where the two kids come from…

Back to the future. And we now know it’s five years ahead.

So both these kids are the same age, but the girl looks younger.

Sandra looks better with long hair.

Oh, did she get it on with the black guy? Why don’t I know his name yet?

More sex! Bet the kids wake up.

Oh no… but we didn’t see anything. Damnit. lol

Damn that guy has an impressive upper body!

So wait, she’s going on the river on the word of some random man on a walkie talkie who said he has a “community”??

And why isn’t he with her? Does he die?

That little girl is sooo sweet. And I don’t even like kids usually.

I still don’t get why Sandra calls these kids “boy” and “girl”! 

Oh chill out Sandra - allow your man to let the kids dream.

EXACTLY, give the poor kids NAMES!!

I don’t like Sandra.

Sandra looks blotchy. 

I might start calling her “Woman”!

Yeah, Boy, Girl and Woman.

Wait are we back in the future again? So they did all go together?

Mmmm, Pop Tarts.

UNCOOKED Pop Tarts??

Oh shit, someone’s turned up.

Ah okay, they split up. I think the black guy’s about to get killed.

SHIT, this guy is a good aim with a blindfold on!

Ah no... he took it off. That’s it.

Aww, the sacrificed himself. 

That’s it for him then... 

WTF, HE SHOT HIMSELF!!!! NOOOOO.

Boy, Girl and Woman are really alone now.

Nice over-acting there Woman.

Very well done considering you can’t move your face.

She’s really shitty to those kids. I don’t like kids and I’d be nicer than that to them, besides they’re cute af.

Right we’re all up to date now with them on the river.

Boy, Girl and the birds to survive. Don’t care about Woman.

That’s a nice fashion statement - cut a hole in your cuff and stick your thumb through it. 

Bitch should be the one to take her blindfold off - THEY ARE LITTLE CHILDREN!!

And they’re out of the boat...

“GIRL, GIRL, GIRL” Ffs, names for them! It’s not that hard.

Aww, just want to take that little dumpling home with me - Girl that is.

Ooh, the entity is trying to get her to take the blindfold off.

Natalie... Emily... Madeline? Still can’t get her name.

Valerie?

Oh well, she’s still Woman to me.

NO, don’t do it Boy!

NO GIRL!!!

“My children”?? Is Sandra having a change of heart?

Girl is scared of Sandra - I don’t blame you sweet thing.

Awww, there she is. I may be tearing up a little...

Someone’s cutting onions in here, that’s all.

Why the hell can’t I make out Woman’s name.

Okay, it’s definitely Valerie.

So what they see is probably dead loved ones, like that woman at the beginning saw her late mother.

You’d think a powerful entity would’ve worked out how to remove blindfolds off potential victims, wouldn’t you.

For God’s sake, stop tripping up, Valerie.

“Just take the children”... follows them straight in!

Why the weird shots, why aren’t we seeing Rick?

Is it Rick Grimes? That’d be weird, huh? lol

OH, THEY’RE BLIND!!!

They’d be the only ones left I guess. And those who didn’t remove their blindfolds.

They’re letting the birds free. Bless.

They survived!!!

Someone’s cutting those onions again...

Boy has the most gorgeous eyes!

Oh bless, Olivia and Tom. 

This is all bit too perfect - when does it go wrong?

No horror movie can end like this...

Tell me there’s more after the credits!!!

Oh my God, what an anticlimax. That was the shittiest ending ever!

Overall I’d give this movie a 6/10. I wasn’t bored stiff, but I was waiting for more to happen and it never did. The end was ridiculously stupid and I now know what people meant when they complained about it. What do you think. Please weigh in with your comments.

#bird box #birdbox #movie review #horror movie #horror #streamofconsciousness

[some-inconspicuous-human]

Watching Supernatural Season 13 Episode 10 - Wayward Sisters

Warning: Spoilers Ahead

🎵Am I brave enough 🎵 Am I strong enough 🎵 To push away my fear 🎵 To stand where I'm afraid 🎵 I am through with this 🎵 I am the fire 🎵 Roaming like a storm 🎵 And I am the one 🎵 I am the fire 🎵 I knew I loved that song for a reason. All my favourite supernatural ladies with this song as bgm? Yes please 😍 Wait. 🎵 I've been sacrificed 🎵 and they just showed Kaia. Poor girl got into a big mess because of them, didn't she? She'll probably end up like Claire now... 🎵 I am the fire 🎵 and the angels are all killed. More like incinerated. And Patience went to Jody's. The last episode was... Phew! Is Kaia ok? I hope she is...

Iowa? That kid looks like Rapunzel, only with shorter hair. Wait. Food? No!!! Who's that? Claire? Mr Werewolf? Really?!! Nice reflexes! Ouch! I kill monsters? Maybe it's my hangover on Peggy talking but she sounded like Agent Peggy Carter when she said I completed a mission last night. Awwww... That's sweet...

Jody: It's Sam and Dean. They were on a hunting trip and I haven't heard from them for a few days. Sounds familiar, anyone? The whole show started off with it!!! It's not gonna end well, is it? If they didn't already have another season airing now, I would've thought that they are gonna get killed. Like John. (Not that you can keep these two guys dead anyway, but still...)

(GIF by @holy-spn )

Claire's home. You're wearing my sweatshirt? Really Claire? Trust Claire to make things awkward. Come on... Alex just wished Jody good luck and I can't stop laughing. She's definitely gonna need that 😂😂😂 Vision? Oh no.. Claire!!! Don't laugh Claire. Don't...

What's that? Well, Claire does look great. Alex just said Claire looks like biker Barbie and it's true 😂😂 They are looking for rockstar aliases from metal gods to obscure hair bands to find Sam and Dean. They know those guys pretty well, don't they? 😉 Kaia! You're ok! Given how Kaia ended up there, I'm not even surprised that she's running away from anyone who mentions Sam and Dean. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??!!!!! Ew.... Blue blood? Nasty! I don't blame Patience at all!!! That's gross! No wonder Kaia's staying away from that! I understand why she called that the Bad Place too. And now Sam and Dean are stuck there... In packs? And pick up your scent? 😨😨😨 That explains some of her scars... Oh Kaia... 😞 Wait. Are we bonding over scars now? What are you Claire? Female Steve Rogers? Can't stop fighting, can she? Whatever. I'm glad that Kaia smiled for once 😊 I feel like puking just seeing that. Imagine what sort of smell they had to suffer through!

The door's still open? Aw hell! Kaia, no. They can't be dead. Can they? Or are they gonna die in this episode and someone brings them back to life? Is that what's gonna happen?

Ew. Dean! You're eating WHAT NOW?!!! Oh no... Wait. He grabbed his lizard but couldn't put out that fire? YOU IDJIT!!!! What sort of thing is that? And also, why did that monster not attack them when they were so close?

I have a really bad feeling about Patience leaving so late at night... A vision? Claire, listen! Oh no... Oh. They got away!!! Donna!!!! Yay!!!! Claire, please say yes, please say yes.. Really? That was a surprise. She really just agreed?

What was that? Nothing good. Just run you fools! OUCH! Oh noooo...

Jody and Donna are going in there? Just like that? Is that an angel blade? Melted halfway? Claire and Kaia's talk... These two girls are surprising me... There it is... Jody... Don't... What was that? JFC!!!!! Oh no oh no oh no... They've been tied up? What is that monster doing? Dinner bell? Oh no oh no oh no... They're trapped. Jody... Donna... Whaaaaat! The girls are here!!! Yay!!! Claire.... Donna!!! Oh no there are so many of them... Claire just said she'll protect Kaia. I think she's gonna get herself killed by protecting her... I'm not liking it. Not really... Kaia knows the way?

Claire just got there with Kaia and helped Sam and Dean... Now get the hell out of there!!! Donna is so sweet to Patience... In spite of what's going on around them...

Yes. They reached it. Now, go! No!! KAIAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Is that Godzilla? Guys!!! Run!!!!!!!!!

💔

Jody really deserved that hug 😞

😭😭😭😭

Claire.... 😞

Jody... 💕

The girls are cleaning up...

Really Alex, welcome to the family?

Patience is staying too? 😊

Oh no!!! It's the monster that killed Kaia!!!

Kaia? Holy -!!!!

That was.... Phew!. I'm tired... And sort of relieved. And sad...

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 13 #wayward sisters #donna hanscum #sheriff donna hanscum #sheriff jody mills #jody mills #claire novak #patience #alex #kaia #kaia nieves #the bad place #jared and jensen #jensen ackles #jensen and jared #jared padalecki #kim rhodes #briana buckmaster #kathryn newton #katherine ramdeen #yadira guevara-prip #clark backo #alex jones

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

SPN 14x13, Lebanon (Yes, That One) -- Thoughts (Spoilers)

It's finally here, guys. The big 300. I've now seen 300 episodes of Supernatural. Phew...what a crazy ride its been. But let's dive into this, shall we.

I'm going to be a little different with this one. This is going to follow a little more of a recap structure. It's the big 300, so of course I had to change it up a little. As I recap this episode, I'll be inserting thoughts I have here and there. I will be recapping from memory so things might get a little out of order. It should go without saying but there will be spoilers. And keep in mind, this is just how I feel and how I interpret things. You may have a completely different interpretation and that's perfectly valid. These are just MY thoughts.

We open up with Sam and Dean in the midst of a hunt. A hunter friend of theirs died and Sam and Dean are trying to recover what was stolen from their friend as well as avenge him. They corner the murderer and in a really cringey fight scene, the murderer meets his maker. Typically, SPN fight scenes are, while not fantastically well put together, but at least put our heroes in a competent light. Honestly, I don't think I've seen such stilted choreography since season 13 in the vamp cave. But anyway, the murderer uses dragon's breath (which is essentially a flamethrower) to escape from Brothers Winchester and it sends them flying in different directions but apparently dragon's breath isn't that hot. Just a small little thing, but if you're standing that close to the fire, you should've had some burn marks, I'm just saying, at the very least, soot on your face. But whatever. Dean gets thrown across the room, Sam ends up on the floor with our villain monologuing to him and I'm uncomfortable with just how incompetent Sam appeared to be in this scene. The villain is monologuing and Sam is just sitting there and doing nothing. What happened to Sam's gun? Why didn't Sam sweep the leg or go for a gut punch? So many things he could've done to get the upper hand in the situation especially since the villain only had a sword. While swords can be very deadly, they're also easier to dodge as opposed to bullets or throwing daggers. But Sam just sits there in fear for a good 5 seconds (and 5 seconds is an eternity both on screen and in a fight) and Dean then shoots the guy and talks about the villain monologuing problem. I'm not mad that Dean got the kill or anything. I don't believe in "staning" culture but if you could at least have made Sam appear competent, that would be nice.

But with the murderer dead, Sam and Dean find out he has a lot of magical junk so they decide to take it back to the bunker. In the files, they find a magical pearl which apparently will grant your greatest desire. Obviously, the boys think, "this is great. Our greatest desire is to evict the douche currently residing in our nagen." But before this greatest wish can be made, we have to make a little side trip because one of the teenagers in Lebanon (the town where the bunker exists) stole the impala. Sam's all, "that kid is in danger, we gotta find her, there's dangerous shit in that car" -- and much to my annoyance, Dean is all, "how dare she take Baby, she better not hurt Baby". *Takes a deep breath* This is an aspect of Dean's character I find super irritating. This weird romance he has with the damn car. How he places the car above things that, realistically, are a little more important. Maybe he should be less concerned about Max scratching the car and more concerned about the fact you have a teenage girl you don't know (or barely know at the very most) in a car with deadly objects and deadly weapons. I get it, this is supposed to be a funny quirk of his and at one point it was but now it's been so overdone that it's more irritating than it is endearing. I really hope the show goes into Dean's character development, and approaches the car as a mirror of how Dean feels about his father and his childhood and as he grows to accept his father more, he'll eventually realize that just like he doesn't need his father, he doesn't need the impala. I'm sure I said something absolutely sacrilegious in the fandom but I'm not going to apologize for it. This whole obsession with the impala is immature and creepy and it makes me worry for Dean's mental health.

So they find the girl but not before the girl's actions releases a serial killer clown ghost (because in an episode dealing with past fears and insecurities, of course it's a clown). They kill the ghost but three of the teenagers see and therefore they get the "talk." And these three also appear to be seen as mirrors for Sam, Dean, and Cas. They weren't very subtle about it, let me tell you.

So after leaving the kids to process the information that the sounds you hear in your closet may actually not be in your head, Brothers Winchester arrive back at the bunker and try out this magical pearl. But behold! It would seem evicting au!Michael is not Dean's greatest desire because Father Winchester is yanked from the past (sometime before the pilot) and dropped into their time. And, I'm not going to say this a lot about this episode, but I like the cinematography used here. It was an excellent usage of the color red symbolizing Brothers Winchester's own repression and isolation they experienced from their father as well as John's revenge focused aggression, blindly lashing out at anything that moves even if it's his own children. And the scene was also shot in a very choppy way meant to be seen as a little confusing...also symbolizing the thoughts of confusion the boys harbor towards their father and much like the confusion John no doubt feels with the turn his life has taken.

Everyone eventually realizes what's up and they fill John in on what's been happening for the past 14 years. And it's a very nice, very touching reunion and then Momma Winchester shows up. John and Mary have a wonderful reunion kiss, its so beautiful. I completely understand how Dean got swept into the moment here. Witnessing something he probably only barely remembers from his childhood, thinking he'll never see it again, and there it is. And just like that it takes him back to a time when life was seemingly perfect. When he had hope, when he had dreams. His parents were alive, they loved each other, they loved him, he had an adorable baby brother. It gave him something he never thought he'd have again. And just the kiss in general, you know. Just so reminiscent of past lovers who never thought they would see each other again suddenly seeing each other and everything they used to feel all coming up at once. It was wonderful. Think Celine Dion, Its All Coming Back to Me Now and I think you'll have the tone of this moment nailed down.

But Sam and Dean leave these two to have their moment and Sam tells Dean there's going to be repercussions for this. Time travel is a funky thing. But they decide to have one family dinner and think about the consequences after that. Dean asks Mary for the ingredients to make her Winchester Surprise and John and Sam have a really touching moment. John feels the need to apologize to Sam about everything that happened between them. And Sam tells him it doesn't matter. Their fight happened a long time ago, he's put it in the past and moved on. Sam also tells his father that the biggest regret he has is never having the chance to say good-bye. Their last conversation being an argument and then Sam finding John dead on the hospital floor. This scene got me so choked up like you don't even know. I've been through this. Lost someone while we were on shaky terms, I never got the chance to say good-bye, so many things were left unsaid and I would kill for an opportunity Sam has here where I can finally tell that person it's okay and rectify the bad blood that occurred between us. And Sam acknowledges it as well. This opportunity he has right here and now is all he's ever wanted.

Sam and Dean go off to buy these ingredients but this is when they start noticing the time travel problems. The future is starting to change, but it's more of a ripple effect right now. They haven't changed yet, but time around them has and eventually the ripple is going to smother out and their new future will take hold. Sam calls it a time paradox. And because of the paradox, we're treated to season 4 Zachariah and Castiel. But in regards to Castiel here, it's important to note that he's more pre-season 4. He hasn't delved into hell yet to get Dean out so he doesn't really have any of those rebellious feelings yet. And no, I'm not going to quote THE Destiel line. In all honesty, I've come to hate the line. It's been over-used so much that it's basically lost all meaning to me. Fandom and canon just keep on poking at it, now it's just something I roll my eyes at whenever I hear it. I am sad that we got season 4 Zachariah. When they were saying we were going to get a different Zachariah, I was so hoping for a role reversal kind of situation but apparently the "different Zachariah" is meant to be interpreted as "different from season 13 au!Zachariah" who actually isn't all that different. PR is not show running, people. Take a grain of salt with everything they say. But the Wing Team is on a quest to find out who meddled with time. Even going so far as to threaten to murder a diner full of people. Thankfully, Sam and Dean stop that from commencing but are in a real shock that with this time paradox, it now means Cas is no longer the Cas they all know and love. That if John stays here, they're going to lose their best friend (in Sam's case) and potential lover (in Dean's case). But the scene plays out how you would expect it to. Zach is his usual douchey self and is giving Sam cancer just like he used to (good times, let me tell ya) but Sam remembers he has an angel blade on him and kills Zach. Nowhere near as badass as it was in season 5, but still cathartic. And next we get to see a re-creation of the tomb scene from season 8 with Dean and Cas in a match of fisticuffs. But this Cas has never met Dean so Dean really has no chance of reaching Cas. But Sam in some quick thinking rembers the sigil that will cast angels out and uses it. The boys make a break for the bunker and everyone gets filled in.

Sam and Dean realize that in order for everything to go back they way it was, they have to smash the pearl. Everything will be forgotten but everything will also revert back to the way it once was. Sam wishes there was a way John could remember everything but Dean tells him he prefers that John doesn't. John going back with knowledge of the future could change who they are and Dean doesn't want that change. He wants to be exactly who he is right here and right now which is just so much progress. John tells them to do it because if the timeline changes, Mary's resurrection could never have happened and she'll eventually disappear. Even though he's going back to a time where he will die, trading himself for Mary is more than worth it. He'd rather have Mary exist in the world and himself die as opposed to living the rest of his days without her. And maybe it's because I have so much Kingsom Hearts nonsense floating through my brain, even if he doesn't remember, this will have left a mark on his heart. It'll leave him feeling something even if he doesn't understand why he feels that way. Everyone has the family dinner they always wanted, John also apologizes to Dean for everything, he tells both of his sons just how proud he is of them, he and Mary have another moment and the pearl is broken. Father Winchester disappears and everyone is crying. Our most beloved Cas returns and remarks on why everyone is acting so weird and Dean tells him they have a story to tell him. I kind of wish we got to see them tell Cas but I understand why we don't. Story-Telling 101. Don't repeat information the audience already knows, instead, insinuate the character is being filled in off-screen. John wakes up in his time in the impala and remarks on the good dream he had and drives off to his dark future. And the episode ends.

So what did I think of this episode? Honestly, I'm of two minds on it. Narratively and character-wise, this was a really good episode. But structurally and production-wise, not so much.

It had a really good narrative, the acting was fantastic, but on a cinematic level, My Chuck, was this episode dull to look at. The directing was just extremely stilted, apart from John's entrance, I don't think there was a single scene I thought was visually appealing. The musical score was very bland. It makes me really sad that there was so much hype for this episode but so little effort put into the production of it. Of the milestone episodes, 200 is probably my favorite.

I also say this episode kind of faltered on a structural basis, as well. While I appreciate the use of the Lebanon characters, I feel like they were largely unnecessary for the actual plot. And when they were first pitching this episode to us last year, I was imagining the Lebanon townsfolk being more of a primary aspect of the episode. While I enjoyed the themes and the mirrors with the Lebanon element, I feel like this would've been a better structured episode without them and given the episode more time with the family reunion and the Wing Team.

But I do love the narrative themes in this episode. Choosing between your past family and your future family. Putting your past behind you and acknowledging yourself as an individual. I've seen a few posts lamenting about how they dislike that Dean didn't yell at John or anything along those lines and honestly, I feel like that's the point. Dean has grown past that. He's acknowledged that as part of his past and has moved on from it. We all have trauma we associate with our parents. And while yelling at our parents might make us feel better, will it really heal us? Will it give us what we really need? And that's the whole thing with Dean, isn't it? Want vs Need. Dean's greatest desire was never to face John again and tell him how much he hates him -- no, Dean's greatest desire was to face his father again and not see himself in his father. To realize he's become his own person that isn't his father and that he likes that person and he doesn't want that to change. That's what Dean wanted. That was the self-acceptance Dean needed and I'm really excited to see where this all heads for Dean as a character. Now that he's accepted himself, is he going to allow himself to be happy now?

Essentially, this episode was a beautiful episode about family, about the progression of family, about finding acceptance and forgiveness and being able to put it behind you and look towards the future and I thought that was extremely beautiful and well done. I'd give this episode a B+. Sadly, I do knock it down because of the production value.

#spn 14x13 spoilers #spn 14.13 spoilers #spn episode 300 spoilers #spn ep 300 spoilers

[beholdyaourt]

Top 5 podcasts/moments in podcasts/idk! Top 5 Spooky movies/books/tv shows! Top 5 late night weird article/Wikipedia rabbitholes!

Oh dear!!! This made me take a DIVE. The truth is I really only listen to one podcast (My Favorite Murder) but I do listen to it A Whole Lot so I can name five of my favorite moments from this year.

1. Karen’s description of Jodi Arias breaking into her ex-boyfriend’s home through his doggy door and being discovered hiding behind his Christmas tree:

“But also, the moment after - just think about that, where you’re hiding behind the guy you love’s Christmas tree, because he’s not dating you anymore, so you’re like ‘*sobbing* why doesn’t he love me?’ and then he’s like ‘Jodie?’ and then you’re like... ‘Heyyyyyyyyyy! Hiiiiii! Where’d you get this wrapping paper?’ Back out through the dog door. She only enters and exits his house through the dog door.”

2. Karen’s description of the story of the Lawson Family Murders being passed down through a country song which she and Georgia do a HYSTERICAL bit about. I can’t even do it justice through text, please listen:

“Oh, you want a lullaby? Oh, you can’t sleep, you want Mommy to sing you a song? Okay. ♪ ♪  THEY CAAAAAAAME FROM HEEE HAW HEE HAW HAWWWW  ♪ ♪ ”

3. Karen and Georgia riffing on the creators (and guests) of the old Long Beach Carnival:

“They’re like ‘I like roller coasters, so I’m gonna build one, see! Right over the ocean!’”

“‘Insurance? We don’t need insurance!’”

“‘Don’t be crazy!’ More than a few drunken sailors who had gone down to the pier, because there’s lots of sailors stationed on Long Beach, ignored the ‘Do Not Stand Up’ sign.”

“And why wouldn’t you? It’s your day.”

“If it’s your day, and you wanna have fun your way, stand up on this insane roller coaster with no safety features whatsoever, and ♪ Die Die Die Die Die ♪ .”

4. Karen’s obviously spot-on impersonation of Typhoid Mary, with quotes like this in a thick Irish accent:

“Ach, I just need to stir this soup with my hand real quick.”

“Ach, who cares? Ach, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, there’s other things to worry about. There’s people starving in my country.”

5. Karen and Georgia going entirely off-the-rails from a murder, imagining what a town’s July 4th celebration is like, kindly animated below:

Now, spooky things I saw this year!!

1. The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix)

This has actually probably become one of my all-time favorite TV shows. I’m on my third watch now and I keep finding new things. I’m incredibly attached to (and defensive of) almost all of the characters, the actors are fabulous, the frequent monologues really appeal to the playwright in me, the spooks are spooky, the way the story is put together like a puzzle is straight-up inspiring, and some episodes are just plain triumphs of great filmmaking. I REALLY love this one and encourage everyone to watch it. Either alone, with some wine, or with me (and some wine). Give it some time to build and develop, because a lot of it is a BUMMER, and be familiar with the many triggers involved, but I firmly believe it’s worth watching.

2. Happy Death Day

On a VERY different end of the spectrum, here’s a 2017 movie that I don’t believe I actually saw until this year, and I have seen it a LOT this year. It’s absurd and so dumb at points and I love it unashamedly for the concept, the “mystery”, and the montage of deaths set to Demi Lovato’s “Confident”. Also the sequel looks rad.

3. Hereditary

This is a straight-up huge bummer and incredibly depressing but also an astoundingly well-made film with amazing performances and some scares that are a lot of fun to talk about with your friends afterwards. Fuck. This fucked me up and I don’t look forward to watching it again, but I can’t deny it’s really great. Not to mention it has some cult shit I can’t help but love.

4. Cabin in the Woods

I’d seen this movie pre-2018, but a midnight screening this year was my first time seeing it in theaters, so I’m counting it! I have petty beef with this movie’s ending, because I think Sigourney Weaver (all hail) defends her side a little too well - I don’t want the world to end!!! And I have a hard time remembering in the end that it’s not meant to be taken that seriously. But this movie is a joyride from start to almost-finish. It was a BLAST in theaters, and I do love the hell out of almost all of it.

5. Halloween

I haven’t seen the new movie yet! This is about the original John Carpenter film, which I saw for the first time this October and just rewatched tonight with my brother. It’s not all that exciting, but it helped cement a lot of horror tropes that I love-hate, and I LOVE yelling at characters in horror movies who have no idea that they’re doing something I consider unforgivably dumb. A+ to Jamie Lee Curtis, even though she should have stabbed Michael Myers many more times.

As for late night article/Wikipedia rabbit holes...

1. MAGDALENA SOLIS

what the fuck

2. Anne of Cleves

for a refreshing reminder that at least one of Henry VIII’s wives got off with a relatively sweet deal

3. The Plot of Every Final Destination Film

because i spend every evening reading the plots of horror films i tell myself i’ll never watch

4. Douglas Booth’s Instagram

this... does not count by any stretch of the imagination, but i’m making it count because it... did make up a fair portion of my 2018. keep working, douglas!!! please get a better filmography for me!!!!!

5. This Buzzfeed News Story About Horrific Abuse/Murder at Catholic Orphanages

fascinating but incredibly lengthy and depressing, explore at your own risk

Phew!!!! Happy 2019, everyone!!!!!

[markwatkinsconsumerguide]

Consumer Guide / No.98 / American television, film and stage actress, Bernadette Quigley with Mark Watkins.

MW : What’s new?

BQ : Currently, work is sparse as most of my businesses have been shut down because of the COVID-19 pandemic. No films or television shows are being shot in NYC at this moment in time and most of my side businesses are on pause as well. This season’s gardening work didn’t happen at all (because NYC had not yet deemed gardening an essential service).

Thankfully, I have a few coaching (acting) clients I work with often and I had one job before this pandemic hit that I’m still working on - a press and radio campaign for Irish singer-songwriter Ultan Conlon’s beautiful new record, ‘There’s a Waltz’. It’s been gratifying to see reviewers agreeing with me that it’s Ultan’s finest record thus far!

MW : Tell me about your role in Law & Order...

BQ : Well, I had four Law & Order roles, actually. Two are on Law & Order: SVU and two are on the mothership Law & Order.

My first big role on SVU was of a victim, Jean Weston, on the season finale of their 2nd season, many moons ago. This character was a mother and wife from Oregon whose husband and son got stabbed to death by a serial killer – played by Richard Thompson.

I’ll never forget this role for many reasons but primarily it was a job where I discovered I could cry on cue. The director and producers decided they wanted to end the episode with a huge close up of my character, breaking down in the gallery in the courtroom. One of the producers shouted out, “Bernadette…can you cry on cue!?” I meekly replied, “Sure.” Next thing I hear was…”rolling….” and “ACTION”… I looked up, terrified I wouldn’t be able to summon up tears but imagined the hell my character went through and looked deeply into Chris Meloni’s eyes and …phew!...started to cry!

The Law & Order franchise has been a godsend for many actors. Not just financially, which it has and still is but for me, the experience I gained working on those shows led to a lot more television and film work over the years, so I’m forever grateful to creator/producer, Dick Wolf.

MW : What are your own views on law & order? Anything you’d like to see relaxed or tightened up on?

BQ : Feels very naïve and idealistic to say this, but I’d love to see major, police reform. Police brutality is despicable and out of control, especially in Black communities. 

I believe we’re beginning to see the power of the Black Lives Matter movement resulting in some of these police officers losing their jobs and sometimes being arrested themselves for their unspeakable acts of violence, but I imagine we, as a nation, need to keep the pressure on. The police brutality simply has to stop. There has to be more consequences for those senseless deaths. There has to be better training, etc...

I’d also love to see major gun control in this country. I would love to see guns banned. Period. But that’s highly unrealistic as this country tragically has a major addiction to their gun culture. Perhaps someday we’ll have some common-sense gun control again such as background checks, and high-capacity magazine and semi-automatic assault weapon bans.

MW : What was it like working with Kenneth Branagh?

BQ : I suggested Kenneth’s play “Public Enemy” to the Irish Arts Center’s Artistic Director at the time, Nye Heron, and was emailing and talking with Kenneth’s assistant quite a lot before setting up a meeting with Kenneth and Nye.

I was flying high that I helped to secure the rights to his play. Kenneth then came to our first read-through, and he came back to see a preview or two. He was an absolute prince, kind, intelligent, caring, witty.

However, this success was so bittersweet because my dad died right before we opened the play, a performance I had dedicated to him before he died (because my dad loved Jimmy Cagney, and the main character of the play was obsessed with Cagney). The play got great reviews and we ran for five months. It was so difficult for me to fully appreciate the success of this show as I was mourning the most devastating loss of my life.

MW : Which "shelved" film appearance of yours should have seen the light of day?

BQ : There’s a provocative film I am in about a racial experiment that is under the radar called, “The Suspect” (2014), which stars Mekhi Phifer, Sterling K. Brown and William Sadler.

By the way, I am currently in three indie films that I’m psyched for the world to see: I play a lead role in “Darcy” which is available (worldwide) to stream on Herflix.com; “The Garden Left Behind” has just landed international distribution, so stay tuned for the release date! And finally, I have an interesting supporting role in a film called “Tahara” which had its world premiere at Slamdance in January and is slated for more film festivals.

MW : What makes a good film/TV critic? Can you name any?

BQ : One that doesn’t give the plot, or too much dialogue away. I often don’t read reviews of films, or television shows, I want to watch because I love going in – not being influenced by another’s opinion. But sometimes, I’ll read reviews afterwards to learn more about the evolution of a film or TV show. I often find myself agreeing with A.O.Scott’s (NY Times) film reviews.

MW : How do you usually prepare for an acting role, and has a character ever taken you over?

BQ : The first thing I do is read the script several times and see what the words are telling me about the character, and how other characters view that person. If it’s a period piece, I research the era or history surrounding the event in the play, or screenplay. Eventually, I forget my research, learn my words and hopefully let the character inhabit me emotionally, physically and psychologically, spiritually etc…and try my best to be fully present with the other actors I’m working with moment-to-moment. Every project is different.

Yes, there were times, I found it difficult to shut off the pain of a character after some performances. Two that come to mind are two intensely emotional theatre roles I performed at the Repertory of St. Louis, Elizabeth Proctor in “The Crucible”, and Agnes in “Bug”.

MW : Is performing on film different to TV as an acting discipline?

BQ : I think it all depends on the style of the film, or television show. With a TV show like Law & Order, it’s formulaic and heightened realism (acting style) and so one makes sure one knows every single word, and hits one’s marks, and if it calls for emoting then one must emote! Some films I’ve done are grittier-kitchen-sink realism. A very minimalistic style of acting.

MW : Has your song-writer husband ever penned a song for you?

BQ : Yes, many….Don (Rosler) primarily writes for and with other artists – on the John Margolis: Christine’s Refrigerator CD, there’s many tunes that speak to many moments within the course of our lives: the title track (altho’ the name was changed), “Scrap of Hope” (a pep talk to me when I was stuck at a temp job I hated), “Here’s Something You Don’t See Every Day” (a wedding reverie that literally started in Don’s mind when I fell asleep on his shoulder), and he wrote an exquisite lyric for Bobby McFerrin’s Grammy-nominated record VOCAbuLarieS, a song called “Brief Eternity”… where his words infuse my love for gardening: “Working in the garden has you... ...Breathing in the bloom and then you View the sunset view to move you Close to truly understanding Life and death but nothing ending Voices living on”…..

MW : Tell me about some of your favourite music...

BQ : My music tastes are pretty eclectic – besides all the indie artists I’ve done publicity for, I love so many styles of music from classical to folk to country but here’s some of my fave artists: Tom Waits, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Pink, Beyonce, Billie Holiday, Ani DiFranco, Ibeyi, Sinead O’Connor, Prince, Bjork, Leonard Cohen, Kacey Musgraves, K.D. Lang, Laura Mvula, Frank Sinatra, Ray Charles, Billy Bragg, and Randy Newman, among many others.

MW : ...and your favourite films....

BQ : Ohhhhh-so-many faves but a few, in no particular order :

Portrait Of A Lady On Fire (2019) 

Parasite (2019)

Secrets & Lies (1996) 

Vera Drake (2004)

Pain And Glory (2019)

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)

BlacKkKlansman (2018) 

A Fantastic Woman (2017) 

Babette’s Feast (1987)

Coco (2017) 

To Kill A Mockingbird  (1962)

Nights of Cabiria (1957)

The 400 Blows (1959)

12 Years A Slave (2013) 

Jean de Florette (1986)

Trees Lounge (1996)

My Left Foot (1989)

In America (2002)  (I know I’m biased but still…such a beautiful film)! 

Annie Hall  (1977)

My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) 

My Brilliant Career (1979)

 And I also love documentaries and a ton of old movies from the 1930’s and 1940’s, such as The Lady Eve (1941).

MW : ...plus your favourite books....

BQ : I’m currently reading this years New York Times Bestseller American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins (it’s excellent!).

Some of my all-time faves are :

Of Human Bondage ~ W. Somerset Maugham (1915)

A Confederacy Of Dunces ~ John Kennedy Toole (1980)

Angela’s Ashes ~ Frank McCourt (1996)

The Grapes Of Wrath ~ John Steinbeck (1939) 

Lady Chatterley's Lover ~  D.H Lawrence (1960)

Olive Kitteridge ~ Elizabeth Strout (2008) 

Americanah ~ Chimanda Ngozi Adichie (2013) 

The Feast of Love ~ Charles Baxter (2000) 

Everything Here Is Beautiful ~ Mira T. Lee (2008)

An American Tragedy ~ Theodore Dreiser (1925)

Sister Carrie ~  Theodore Dreiser (1900)

Act One ~ Moss Hart (1959) 

Born A Crime ~ Trevor Noah (2016) 

Wild : From Lost To Found On The Pacific Crest Trail ~ Cheryl Strayed (2012)

MW : You enjoy gardening. How is yours designed and tended to?

BQ : I don’t have my very own garden. I live in NYC and dream of having a country house with a garden of my own one day!

This is the reason I started a side business of urban gardening. My dad was an extraordinary gardener and after he died, I started tending to my mother’s flower gardens. Then I found myself volunteering at a neighborhood garden and that led to me working in other people’s gardens. Primarily small back gardens and some rooftop or balcony gardens.

I specialize in flowers, shrubs and trees and love planting lots of perennials (flowers and plants) with annuals so there’s lots of varying blossoms of different heights and textures, throughout spring, summer and fall. 

When possible, if space allows, I also love incorporating foot paths, rock walls, or other elements in gardens – art/birdbaths/benches/statues that might be a sweet focal point but primarily I love the combinations of plants, trees, shrubs and flowers to be the focal points.

MW : Recommend five flowers...that every good garden should have!

BQ : Daffodils - one of the first signs of spring! Muscari (aka grape hyacinths) – the color (blue) is gorgeous, as is the scent. Climbing roses – the beauty and romantic history of roses. Anemone Robustissima (late blooming perennial flower). Lady Ferns (okay not a flower, but I’m a fern freak and I love ferns of all kinds!, but Lady ferns in particular are stunning when they sit beside most flowers or surround trees).

MW : How opinionated are you on current events? Would you like to be more, or less opinionated?

BQ : I’m extremely opinionated on current events but find it difficult to find ways to communicate my thoughts without screaming angrily from the rooftops and then of course not being heard. There are those that say we have an obligation to try to talk sense into people whose viewpoints are much more extreme than one’s own (either extreme conservative or extreme liberal). 

I’m very liberal but am more pragmatic when it comes to progress, not perfection, so I’m very happy to enthusiastically vote for someone like Joe Biden or in 2016, Hillary Clinton, but I honestly don’t know how to reach people whose minds are already made up – people who either continue to justify their support for the current racist/narcissist/sexist/pathological liar-in-chief, or that justify their “protest” vote by falsely equivocating both candidates as “the same” or “the lesser of two evils”.

So yeah, I offend people at times because yes, I’m judgmental when it comes to politics and I most definitely believe in the power of protests, but believe just as strongly in the collective power of one’s vote and it drives me insane when others don’t show up and vote for local elections, and national ones.

I find I do hold back on Facebook, not because I’m afraid to voice my opinions but because it becomes too much of a time suck for me.

MW : What character traits frustrate you?

BQ : Impatience (in myself). Aggression (in myself and others).

MW : What’s the kindest thing another person has done for you?

BQ : I find this question so complex to answer. There are so many inexplicable moments in my life, where I’ve been blown away by many seemingly small gestures or kind words from strangers. And professionally, I’ve been truly blessed to work with some top-notch directors that gave me the gift of encouraging me to fully trust my artistic instincts.

When I was a child, my parents were not the type of people who conveyed their love in typically demonstrative ways, in ways that I honestly craved, so on the rare occasions when either one of them did utter something like “We’re proud of you”, or “I love you”, I was very moved by them going past their own comfort zones to express that kind of sentiment!

I’ve had many personal and professional challenges in my life and many of my siblings have been there for me over the years in ways I can’t really articulate without choking up. I also think having the courage to face one’s disagreements and past hurt, which comes with the territory of most friendships and relationships, is an act of kindness that I most value. Those I feel closest to have stuck it through with me by navigating through some painful, complex and messy misunderstandings. I’ll never forget those acts of kindness and generosity.

MW : What have you lost, growing older... and gained?

BQ : My mom died in January, and as I mentioned, my dad died many years ago. Sometimes I feel the depths of that loss – the fact that I don’t have my parents to share the ups and downs of the events of the rest of my life. Of course, I do have them close to my heart and their spirits live on….but damn I miss them! I’ve definitely gained a profound appreciation for them and their influence on me in countless ways.

On a professional level, as an older actress, unfortunately it’s easy to become invisible but I’m not ready to disappear and am joining the fight against ageism! I’m drawn to stories and filmmakers that include women and men of all ages, genders and ethnicities.

Perhaps if enough roles are not forthcoming in the next number of years, I’ll venture into writing and directing at some point.

MW : Where can we find out more / keep in touch?

BQ : Thanks so much, here’s a few links…!

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0703489/

https://twitter.com/quigdette

https://www.instagram.com/quigdette/

https://www.facebook.com/bernadette.quigley.3

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernadette_Quigley

https://bernadettequigleymedia.wordpress.com/

https://bernadettetheconstantgardener.wordpress.com/bio/

© Mark Watkins / July 2020

[marksarmel]

What I’ve Been Consuming 04/06/20

In these times that seem like some prologue to an upcoming dystopian blockbuster movie release what is it that we are all spending our last days doing? Consuming mass amounts of media no doubt. Join me once again as I detail all the things I’ve read, watched, played, listened to or simply mused about.

Games

I downloaded Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze and it is fun! Other than that it’s still mainly Mario Kart, but I did get back to Mario Odyssey for a bit.  Also, I dusted off my PS3, literally, and played some Black Ops online with some friends. Nothings changed, I’m still terrible at it, but it was fun to hang with some friends via the PS network.

Books/Comics

Continuing my binge of all things Emily St. John Mandel I finished the Lola Quartet. This is the third of her five books. It is as enthralling as her previous books that I’ve read and though I know the hook in her writing; disparate people seemingly unconnected eventually all connect in someway, her stories are no less enjoyable. Her characters are drawn as if pulled from one of your mother’s best recipes and they feel no less real and familiar. 

I have also finished a couple of books from Marvel comics, Black Bolt TPB 1 and 2. The writing by Detroit born Saladin Ahmed is a solid tale on a character I found intriguing, but knew little about. Ahmed delivers a bingeable tale about a king that is broken down and built up again and learns the perils of those he rules over. The art by Christian Ward is solid and fluid, but suffers from an overly dark color pallet throughout. Also, he draws an absolutely hilarious Lockjaw. The first trade is a good series highly worth the read, while the follow up isn’t as revelatory as the first it is still quite interesting and adds more layers to the Black Bolt the Midnight King.

Music

In these time I’ve been falling back on many an old favorite, but some new faves have filled my ears as well. Bat For Lashes album “Lost Girls” delivers Natasha Khan’s familiar sound and shows some growth in the addition of a bit of pop to her dark mythical tales. This isn’t to say she’s abandoned what got her to the dance, but she has perhaps returned to her high school reunion older and wiser and more worldly. The opening track, “Kids in the Dark” would fit nicely in a Stranger Things montage and this song softly welcomed me tothe rest of the album. The closing track, “Mountains” starts out as an 8-bit game soundtrack before opening into a sprawling meditative anthem on lost love. 

Having said that I recently gave her 2009 album “Two Suns” a listen and found it more of a comfort to me in these times. “Daniel” was a standout track on this album for me. A pulsing driving tone permeates the track and the lyrics declare a fairy tale of love and loss.

As I said earlier I’ve fallen back on some old favorites so I’ve had the Hamilton soundtrack on many a spin on my hard drive. Its songs give a kick to some of the monotony while also pushing me to get busy on some of new piece of art. “I’m not throwing away my shot!”

“Ill Communication” by the Beastie Boys has also brought me much joy lately. 

Other standout tracks for me: Broken Arrow from Tori Amos’  “Native Invader” drips in with a trippy wah wah opening riff that sticks in your ear, “State of the Art (A.E.I.O.U.) by Jim James is a song that I just can’t get enough of and it gets a listen at least twice a day lately, another quite fine opening track is Finona Apple’s “Every Single Night”.

I also grabbed the two new Nine Inch Nails free albums, but haven’t spent much time with them.

Movies/TV

The bingeing commences at consistent pace? Perhaps. Maybe. In actuality I haven’t spent much more time watching tv than normal. Maybe. Regardless here’s what has numbed my brain and tickled my fancy. 

Still keeping up with Claire Danes’ Carrie Mathison of Homeland. It’s amazing how season three of this series makes Carrie an absolute monster so far (I’m halfway through) when she’s already proven to be batshit crazy. 

Better Call Saul is still enthralling in every single way. If you’re not watching it, you’re not even playing.

Tiger King. I watched the first episode and it was a great intro for absolute berserker ludicrousness, but I just don’t need to see it. Shoulder shrug emoji.

I have fallen off of Counterpart as it was moving at a pace that felt like I was sleepwalking. I want to get back to it, but I’m not sure if I will.

Started watching Devs and I am very very into it! Bring on Nick Offerman’s weird hair and an absolutely sinister killer Zach Grenier (Ed Norton’s boss in Fight Club).

Re-watched World War Z  under the guise of “research”. I still really dig this movie.

Dived into the Clone Wars animated series as a recommendation from a friend. It’s good background tv with great animation. Growing up with the movies makes it easy to keep up with what’s going on. Episodes are a little over 20 minutes so after a couple of hours I feel like I’ve really accomplished a lot!

Absolutely gobbled up Netflix’s Next In Fashion. If you’re a Project Runway fan then you’ll be down with this new fashion series with Tan France from Queer Eye.  Or maybe you’ll never be able to let go of the OG’s Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. Agh! It seems you’ll miss them even more since some quick googling revealed to me that the most recent season doesn’t feature either of them. Ah, perhaps the end of days are truly upon us. Ah well, it seems we must all “Carry on”.

Westworld Season Three so far is fire! Also, I hate Aaron Paul’s hair.

Random bits. I’ve been super motivated lately and have finished two paintings in the past three weeks. I haven’t done that since college! Speaking of things not done since college, I ran 3.5 miles recently. Twice. Phew!

That’s all for now.

Please, please be safe out there. Tell your friends and family you love them. Then, tell them again. Hug your pets, wash your hands and stay 6 feet the hell away from me.

#watching #reading #playing #consuming #Whatimconsuming

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Watching The Zygon Inversion for the first time

(I’m getting closer and closer to the season finale and extremely worried.)

(And yes, I decided to use screenshots for DW reactions as well.)

-Oh boy

-Hoo boy

-Whoa wait... Clara’s okay? But why are the clock numbers flipped? Is she on the other side of a mirror or something? Is she locked in her consciousness?

-WHY IS THE TOOTHPASTE BLACK

-I like how the slanted camera angles make everything dizzy and look so much more... wrong.

-Wow what a great, totally-not terrifying start to an episode

-PHEW he lives

Videogaming, the hard way.

-Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit... OH SHIT

-What why are they cleaning up electric ash

-Who’s that

-Oh shit

-Oh shit

-CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR

-LOCK THE GODDAMN DOOR

-Oh shit oshit oshit o shit

-Is he like a good Zygon or a regular guy that got turned into a Zygon?

-Yeah I’m going for the latter, if he already was a Zygon he wouldn’t be calling for help in plain sight

-Oh ok they’re alive then

-I like those three chairs standing there like ‘yeah we’re fine nevermind’

-Nice British flag parachute you’ve got the-- wait isn’t that considered blaspheme of the national flag or something?

-what why what’s in his browser history I’m suddenly very worried

-”This is us being blown up with a big bazooka”

-Did Clara seriously memorize the locations of the letters on her smartphone keypad?

-That’s a hell of an ominous font for text messages, Doctor.

-WHOa the mirror

-THAT’S A PICTURE OF THE FIRST DOCTOR

-But what does the Osgood Box exactly DO?

-You’ve got some anger issues there, Bonnie.

-”Doctor John Disco”  Why did you ditch the Smith?

-Doctor you’re creepy

-You’re all creepy

-”Don’t call me Zyjello”

-*gasp* THE WINK

-IT’S THE REAL CLARA

-Bonnie you youtube jerk

-Holy shit

-Yeah but if you’re REALLY good at lying through your teeth without blinking an eye heartbeats aren’t gonna help

-But barbeques don’t stink...

-Oh indeed.

-I rest my case.

-BONNIE THAT’S A SUICIDE MISSION WTF

-HOW ABOUT YOU TRY GOING ABOUT THIS A BIT MORE CIVILLY

-But why can’t I feel MY pulse when I press my fingers against my wrist

-Is there something wrong with me or is the skin on my fingers too thick

-I CAN’T FEEL MY PULSE

-My heart’s beating alright but what the fuck happened to my pulse

-Bezzle?

-wut?

-he can turn back now?

-I take back my earlier argument, looks like he WAS a Zygon from the start.

-Follow the guy who tased you. Good choice.

-”I want to live... This is my home...”

-Why is he so distressed? If he’s a Zygon, why does transforming hurt him? Can;t he change at will?

-I like how she brought the whole pod along just so she could gloat to Clara and because she’s too lazy to go back to her later

-Bug shaped comm, nice.

-You take the blue one, the story ends. You take the red one, you-- oh wait wrong franchise.

-AHAHAHA YOU EXPECTED RESULTS BUT NO, MORE BUTTONS FOR YOU! AHAHAHAHA

-Buttonception.

-Turns out it’s the real Kate after all

-”Why does peacekeeping always involve killing?”

-Because not everyone wants to be peaceful and some of them will go against peace until they die?

-Serious talk aside, the boxes are pretty.

-Red button 1: Kills all Zygons  Red button 2: Kills everyone in London  Blue button 1: Unmasks all Zygons  Blue button 2: Cancels Zygon ability to change form

-Well if that’s true the Zygons went through a whole lot of shit for some goal they don’t even know exactly about.

-That’s some really true words there

-Doctor what kind of drugs did you take

-And were they labelled “Late evening TV show host”

-Eh he’s serious again

-”I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know, I did worse things than you could ever imagine, and when I close my eyes, I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count!”

-shit

-I think I saw that speech quoted somewhere in a YouTube comment section one. I had no context back then, but now I do and... oh.

-nonoNONON-- oh wait she’s just closing the lid. that’s good. good kate.

-If she suddenly changes her mind back and slaps the button I will fucking scream

-Thank you for sparing my vocal chords.  That being said...

I was reminded of this

-THE MOMENT

-*VIETNAMTIME WAR FLASHBACKS*

-Finally, a happy ending I can get behind.

-”Totally And Radically Driving In Space”

-I SAW THAT ON YOUTUBE COMMENTS AND I THOUGHT THOSE WERE JUST JOKES BUT NOOO THEY WERE REFERENCES

-Did Clara whisper something in her ear

-*gasP* DUN DUN DUN  IT’S SEVENTH DOCTOR OSGOOD

-oKAY WHAT

-THE REBEL LEADER’S AN OSGOOD NOW

-”ZYJELLA” dammit doctor

-”Are you a boy or girl?”  “Human.”  “But what’s your gender?”  “I’m a kid.”  “What’s in your pants?”  “Determination.”

-Thanks fucking goodness that actually ended well, I was so nervous

#watching for the first time #doctor who #doctor who series 9 #the zygon inversion #whovian #reaction #review #long post #clara oswald #zygons #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #jenna louise coleman #kate stewart #undertale references #sorry #doctor who unit

[adamdriverstories-blog]

Hot for Teacher - Chapter 1

'WELCOME TO NEWBURY COLLEGE! WHERE YOUR DREAMS ARE MADE INTO CAREERS AND YOUR ACADEMICAL GOALS ARE MET!' - Read the banner over the main entrance.

Lana signed up for classes in - Art, Music, Science, Drama, Math and English.

First class today was Math. The teacher was Mrs. Cunningham. She was a lady in maybe her 50s. Short and Polite.

Second Class was English Studies with Professor Miller.

Professor Miller...Lana scoffs at his name. He sounds like a old man she thought. She envisoned a moody old man with a walking stick, a vast collection of dull cardigans and baggy trousers. A full closet of Dullness.

Lana found herself lost, she was in the correct department for English but 3 different classes with 3 different teachers and all the doors were plain with no signs.

"Excuse me, do you know which of these rooms is Professor Miller's English Class please?"  she asks a janitor mopping up water from a leak in the roof. "Yes ma'am, It's the door with the Black door handle just behind you' He says pointing and she thanks him. She turns and runs towards the door he pointed at and tries to sneak in without being noticed by the professor for being late. Too late. She turns slowly and awkwardly when she hears a voice "You're Late!" with a hint of annoyance and when she turns fully around to face the class, everybody is looking at her confused but amused.

Professor Miller is looking down at his desk writing something and he looks up to look in the large mirror at the back of the room for a split second to look at Lana. "Are you the new girl? because i don't think i've seen you in this class before!" He says. "Yes. It's my first day today" She replies. He drops his pen and turns to her and asks her to introduce herself to the class. He found himself oddly intrigued too.

"Hi, I'm Lana Simons. I'm 20 and i joined this college to further my already learned skills from school and because i missed school near the end due to pageants i wanted to pursue a real career" She says nervously.

*Professor Miller's POV*

Looking down at the previous day's students work that you didn't get chance to mark up the night before, you hear the door squeak open and notice somebody try to sneak in to class. "You're Late" You say, with a annoyed tone as you continue what you were doing before you heard the sneaky student. "Are you the new girl? Because i don't think i've seen you in my classes before!" I say, even though i haven't even really looked at her. She replies just as im about finished "Yes. It's my first day today". I throw my pen down, put my foot up on my desk and lean back in my chair as i turn to her after i asked her to introduce herself to the class. I still don't see her properly but i find myself looking her up and down. *Damn it Adam, What the hell is wrong with you! You can't look at your students that way!* He thought and sighs to himself.

*No POV*

After Lana introduced herself to everyone, her professor asks her to go and take a seat. she takes a seat in the chair directly in front of his desk, puts her bag under the chair and hears girls snickering and one shouts "Did you say you skipped school for Pageants? What kind of Pageants? Are you like a beauty queen or was one because i don't think your all that pretty!" They laugh, asking Lana. She replies "I did Miss Teen USA when i was 17, I had Pageants to qualify for that and represent my home state of Florida so i had to travel for that so i missed a lot of school then but i still qualified in everything i wanted to...so yeah!" she pauses "and erm, whatever 'your name' is. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me out of your pathetic attempts of bullying cause its certainly not gonna work on me. I might be a Miss Teen Winner 3 years ago, but that doesnt mean that i don't know how to kick somebodys ass!" She smiles towards them smugly and gets a pen and book from her bag. Professor Miller is back to writing something down but smirks to himself at Lana's comment to those girls and looks up at her briefly. He wanted to see her face. Lana catches the Professor looking at her, he finds himself embarassed that he got caught looking and looks down for a second but looks back up again to see her smiling at him slightly and he sighs. He thought she was unbelievably gorgeous but he had to shake that off because she is his student and he could get into trouble for thinking things like that about somebody he will be teaching.

Lana's POV

**First day and ive already got girls making sly comments and gossiping about me! I shouldnt have mentioned those damn pageants. The only seat available was directly in front of the Professors desk. I take out my notebook and pen ready for what we are studying today. I just happened to glance up and the Professor was looking at me. My cheeks started to flush, I dont even know why. He's got such a intense stare, it makes you feel uncomfortable but still i find myself blushing. He stands and talks to the class.

"In the coming months we will be working on some gothic stories coming upto halloween - Dracula, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Frankenstein...You get it! First story we will be working on is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Does anybody know the story? Anybody read the novel?" The room stays silent. "Is that the story with the man and a monster?" someone speaks up. Everyone laughs. "No, thats not correct. Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde focuses on John Utterson, a lawyer and friend of Dr. Jekyll. The novel begins with John Utterson talking with his other friend, who has just witnessed an odd situation. A man identified as Edward Hyde ran over a girl, only to pay off her family later with a check from Dr. Jekyll. It's a very interesting story. I will have you all read the entire novel and you will have assigned chapters to read out to the class and there will be questions in between so be prepared for those!" says Professor Lewis. He turns to write on the whiteboard the title of the story and who will be reading what chapter. I find myself looking him up and down. He's not what i expected. He's way younger than i thought hed be. Hes probably not even 30. Tall, Shoulder length wavy black hair, Broad shoulders,  Intense brown eyes, Very serious, He's hot!!!! My professor is hot!!!! Help me!!! "Miss Simons, you will get chapter 6" He turned to look at me, catching me looking at his butt!! Oh lord swallow me whole pleaseeeeeeee!!! He smirked a little i just grinned at him like an idiot. He's going to think im a pervert and a freak.

****AFTER CLASS****

"Excuse me, Miss Simons" Professor Miller shouts me as im walking towards the exit still embarassed about earlier. Oh no! Is he going to shout at me for earlier. I walked towards his desk where he is sat at. "As you started my class late in the usual semester, you have missed out on a lot from the previous 6 months. if you have any chance at passing this class or any class in this college then you'll have to do a lot of extra work. Are you willing to do that Miss Simons. Now i could get into trouble for offering these as this college doesnt allow that sort of thing but im willing to give you extra classes until you catch up in my English Class. I can do from 4-7. Is that suitable for you?"  He says. Phew! He didnt mention me staring at his butt. "Erm thank you. Yes that would be great. Thank you so much! Ill catch up in no time" I say. "No problem. Im taking time out of my personal life to do this so please dont let me down and i expect you to be here on time everyday." he says and I nod "Yes ill be here. I promise. Thanks again" I smiled. He smiles at me. Omg his smile is killer. He should smile more often "No problem. We'll start them from tommorow night as i have things on tonight. Dont be late to class tommorow either please" He replies and I nod again like a idiot "Yeah. Bye Professor"

**Professor. Lewis POV**

After my class, i pulled the new girl to one side. What was her name again. Ah yes! Lana Simons. I offered her extra lessons. i could get into trouble for that but it was a way to help her catch up and selfishly i wanted to spend some one on one time with her. I cant help it. I have Olivia but she has already cheated on me once already. I just know someday she will do it again. I just know it! When she does, i wont give her another chance even though i love her.

TBC.....

#adam driver #shelley hennig