PERSONNEL FILE 1
SUBJECT: CALEB "PEPSI" GRIMM
CODENAME: "FATHER" "Polyphemus' Odysseus"
DESCRIPTION: Pepsi is a creature that defies explanation. A walking paradox constantly resolving itself. He is a monster... He is both divine and not... He is my creator and I seek to torment him away from the reality of what he truly is. I cannot write his proper description here out of that fear. He is a monster, vile and terrible yet kind and just. He cannot be destroyed. Total annihilation will only result in his continued existence.
GENERAL NOTES:
● The death of his sister, F---a "R---" Grimm, concluded with her absolute destruction. She could have continued living too had it not been for her attempt to ensure revival.
● His soul is no longer fragmented despite mine and Caleb's existence.
● Regarding previous note, his soul is weird and appears to be another paradoxical aspect of him.
● His nervous system does not seem to correlate with his body as it should. Example: a sustained injury to his spinal cord that would paralyze any other creature only seems to cause him great discomfort.
● The atoms comprising his body seems to be made of foreign and unknown elements. It is neither matter or antimatter nor the expected theoretical neutral matter.
● The state of his sanity is another paradox that I cannot research for my own safety.
● An experiment on his ocular organs must be done to see of it can at least shed a little insight into his perplexing existence. *Experiment idea: Shove a butter knife into his eye.
• Future notes to be added as more experimentation is done-
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Entry of the Gladiators
Remember my Fake Sith AU? Yeah, so I got around to writing it.
I started writing this around a year ago, planning to finish and post for an event. I never finished. So. Here's what I have so far, and let's hope I can get around to finishing it at some point lmao.
The year is 7939 CRC, and Obi-Wan is one-hundred percent not moonlighting as a Sith Lord with a drawling accent and a linen suit.
And Anakin surely isn't pretending to be his unhinged Sith second.
And Ahsoka definitely isn't actually a vigilante.
And Cody absolutely isn't enjoying the chance to manage an entire set of organized crime rings.
And Rex certainly isn't seducing the half-mad head priestess of an evil cult.
Totally.
Chapter 1: Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)
Fun fact: I went to upload the first chapter of this fic, which I started writing a year ago, and I forgot I had a title for the chapter, so I just slapped something together to put into the chapter title slot.
Then I went back to my planning document and it's the same damn chapter title.
I am very predictable.
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Anakin wakes up with a pounding headache. This is, against all wishes, a very familiar feeling for him. Unfortunately, it has almost never been a result of something fun, like alcohol. He’s much more likely to wake up drugged and chained by his enemies or recovering from grievous injuries than, say, boozing up.
Hondo incident notwithstanding, of course.
(Besides, Obi-Wan got drunk too. That makes it his fault.)
As he catalogues his remaining fingers and extremities past the pain in his skull, he hears others shuffling nearby. The Force isn’t warning him at all, so they’re probably friendlies.
There’s a quiet groan a few feet away, high-pitched, that is almost definitely Ahsoka.
When he sits up, it’s to more pain and the ugly little realization that Ahsoka must also be in pain.
Obi-Wan’s voice cuts in. “What did you do, Anakin?”
“Nothing!” Anakin protests, his own voice loud enough to set his headache off. He runs through his most recent memories in hopes of uncovering actual wrongdoing. He doesn’t seem to actually have any memories past entering the possibly-Sith-in-origin temple, though. That’s… a bad sign, in part because they are now outdoors and looking at a completely different sky. “You went into the sketchy temple, too. I don’t remember doing anything that could have knocked us all out, especially not knocked us out and transported us to what’s probably a different planet.”
“Sky’s orange,” Ahsoka notes, getting unsteadily to her feet. There’s a moment where it looks like she’s about to fall, but Rex is closer than Anakin, and reacts fast enough to steady her.
Anakin finally gets a full look around. His master, his padawan, his captain, and Commander Cody, who isn’t Anakin’s in any way, except as a friend, but that’s not an exclusive group, because ‘his friend’ could mean a lot of—
He’s getting distracted.
“If we’re lucky…” Obi-Wan says, stretching his back with an awful cracking noise. He eyes the sky with distaste. “If we’re lucky, the cloud cover will dissipate and let us see the constellations when night falls. We can figure out where we are then.”
“Anticipating hostility from locals, sir?” Cody prompts
Obi-Wan shrugs. “Don’t want to hedge our bets on there being locals. We aren’t where we were, and we aren’t in another temple, either. Most planets in the galaxy aren’t actually inhabited by sapient species…”
“But that’s mostly because most of them don’t have breathable air, isn’t it?” Ahsoka asks. Anakin pats her between the montrals, almost like Obi-Wan used to ruffle his hair when he was this small. Well, smaller. Ahsoka at fifteen tolerates this much better than Anakin at the same age.
Ahsoka at fifteen is, however, the same height as Anakin at thirteen, when Obi-Wan was still ruffling his hair.
“You’re right, Ahsoka. Since this planet does have breathable air and some vegetation, the chances of sapient habitation are relatively high,” Obi-Wan agrees. “So, we’ll see how it goes. If we can find civilization that isn’t hostile to us, we might get off by nightfall.”
Anakin has a feeling that’s a bit too optimistic.
(Continue on AO3)
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