#Post grad depression

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

me: *constantly daydreams about moving out of my hometown and restarting my entire life somewhere that I actually want to live*

#Words #Personal #Yeah I can finally admit that post grad depression is here lol #Don't get me wrong I don't miss school at all #Like fuck my entire schooling I wish I had done something else #But now that it's over I can quite literally feel myself wanting to develop myself and have new experiences #The main one being moving out of state #I try to go out and hang out with people and go on walks and all of that #And it feels nice momentarily but then the boredom and monotony sets in again #I literally have nothing keeping me here anymore now that schools over #Sadly the places I want to live are expensive #So idk maybe once I get my passport I'll just book a trip somewhere because I really do feel myself going insane #Post grad problems #Post grad depression #Post grad life

[moonshinemagpie]

i think i cant go back to school because ive reached an age where grades just seem funnily stupid to me

like—

student: *writes an essay* some absolute bozo: uhhhhh this is 83% good

like that's so tacky. they put a number on an essay? 🤡 they put a bunch of numbers on a bunch of essays and plugged the numbers into an Excel sheet and then maybe even changed the numbers a bit so that the numbers followed a normal distribution? they told children this met something important about the children? 🤡

this is so embarrassing to me. like it's so silly and small.

really went off on a tangent here:

i found an essay under my childhood bed that I'd written about Ralph Waldo Emerson and Frederick Douglass and transcendentalism and how I thought my country could rid itself of systemic prejudices. I was 14 when I wrote it. I had some very nice turns of phrase and used a wide variety of punctuation correctly; I had big dreams for how the world might improve and was way too earnest about expressing them. It was intelligent and sweet and cringe and embarrassing all at once.

The teacher wrote only, at the bottom of the essay, "95."

I don't remember anything about this essay, but you know it was one of the countless times in my life when I received a marked paper in anticipation and felt a little sinking feeling at seeing my thoughts had been 5% not-good.

I mean. What kind of lesson is that about anything. What was 14 year-old-me supposed to understand about:

input: knowledge of history, hopes for America output: 95

Kafkaesque.

That kid wanted to kill herself and adults were writing numbers on her papers. I want to put my hands on her shoulders and tell her there will be entire seasons of her life filled with cherry blossoms. That one day she will be happy in a city she hasn't heard of yet.

#saying this as a former teacher #this post doesnt even come close to capturing how suddenly stupid i find it #being completely out of the soup and looking back on it as an adult #i just cant even handle the idiocy #and they do this to grad students too! #im sorry im not a dog i will not perform better in exchange for a little treatsy #i mean dogs' behavior make mores sense because they get real treats in exchange #but a number? #a NUMBER? #real/fake question #would we be as prone to digital addiction if school did not train us to value #number-goes-up #from the time we're like 6 #cw suicidal ideation #cw depression

[prodigaldaughteralice]

there’s a post going around that I may have even reblogged before thsat’s like

I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE! I MEAN I HAVE TO SO I WILL BUT I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMROE!!

and I feel that enough right now that I can’t even be fucked to go find the post to reblog again

I can’t fucking do it! I have to so I will but I can’t fucking do it!!!

#pd alice personal #one of my aunts has cancer and another is being horrible and manipulative about it and it’s fucking with my mum real bad #also I am in the depths of post grad depression trying to figure out how to keep pretending I’ll ever be happy or successful in any way #I can’t admit to being sad bc mum doesn’t need to deal with that!! but holy fuck am I fucked up right now!! I’m scared as fuck for my aunt!

[thedevotionaltour]

thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words. #i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason. #it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad) #(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult. #they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time. #bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now? #why at this moment and no other time? #but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him. #more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.' #it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me. #i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

[hiddlewiddles]

lowkey finna enter my isolation era, I'm just tired of everything already and it's only the 7th. idk what path to take in life, idk what job I want, my friendships confuse me, my relationship drained me, I just need something to go right.

#personal #mental health #stress #anxiety #life #post grad #depression #im so tired #quarter life crisis

[stardust948]

.

#pretty sure i have post college graduate depression and academic ptsd #looking up grad schools brought it all to the forefront #so i looked up the symptoms and yeah... #it actually does explain a lot #i graduated right after lockdowns so i didn't even walk #they just mailed my degree and the bill #i'm not even sure if i want to go to grad school #but i really hate my current job so... #ughhhh #venting #irl #star screams in the black hole

[1o1percentmilk]

doing a capstone next quarter just bc i find the professor hot 🫶

#jk i also found out that it (the security capstone) might not b offered next year and at this point its the only interesting thing to take #but i like him. he has a little bit of failguy charm that i feel kinda bad abt liking but is also very involved in research #which #idk where im going but i always like hearing abt reaearch #i would do research post grad i just believe i am too unstable to do it #< this was also my reasoning for not doing premed and becoming a doctor. Like i wanted to in the beginning #the barrier to entry has always been my depression swag #yap #anyways i want to get closer to him so that i can get into his security lab 🫶🫶 #yoshi kohno let me in. let me in im stupid but i love it very much let me innnnnn

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too #but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior #but idek what is going on with me #is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain #scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire #this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting #and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out #and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident #anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things. #but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him #i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move #(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to) #(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me) #(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over) #earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like #Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you #and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend. #what the FUCK is wrong with me rn #ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show #bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right?? #starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad. #lizzo_boys.mp3

[spoichie]

my sister told me to make this

#ace attorney #proto badger #blue badger #ace attorney memes #sorry havent updated in a while. post grad depression hitting hard

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Emotional regulation 🅱️lease

#spent my day editing not one not two but THREE things I had written and received feedback and critique on #and most of it was fair but like fuck and when I called home my mom yelled at me #like it’s hard not to be self critical when literally everything in my life is critical of me #and I cut my hand doing the dishes washing my kitchen knife #and I know my students are filling out surveys and I know I’m gonna get the criticism about being slow at grading that I always do #and I’m worried they’re gonna be unhappy at my internship that I haven’t finished labeling the wardrobe and I don’t think I can #like the nature of grad school is that you are being shaped and given constructive criticism #but like would it kill someone to compliment me on something that isn’t how well I rise to challenges #a lot of it is me rushing papers and getting scores that reflect this but #this is when usually I would post art or fic and then get positive validation that way but I don’t have time to draw so #I need to stop listening to ROME I can’t listen to him after 10 pm it makes me too depressed #also like I think I’m depressed again ✌️

[countess-of-edessa]

i don’t need a boyfriend and my life is full and fulfilling without any romance! as long as there is a cute boy texting me constantly, going to all social events with me and hanging out with me there the whole time, driving me everywhere, hanging out with me during all our formal events, spending at least three or four hours a week just talking with me in his car, sending me pictures of sunsets he sees, complimenting all my outfits, and going with me to get ice cream and look at the moon together, and he only does all of these things with me and nobody else, i do not need a boyfriend to feel fulfilled.

#what an annoying way to learn i am a Normal Girl kind of!!! #i didn’t think i was but i don’t have a good frame of reference because like. high school. did not want a boyfriend was just chilling #and very busy. college. was so deep in a depressive spiral i had pretty much accepted i would live and die completely alone and men didn’t #even figure into it and i just kind of assumed i would never attract that kind of attention in any way and was busy being miserable anyway. #so grad school was the first time i was like haha! this is how i can live my life happily as an adult! i have just a couple of close friend #and im so happy! i guess i really am one of those people who doesn’t really need romance in her life because im fine living without it if i #can keep my friendships the way they are. and now im like wait so why am i sad all the time now? #and upon further reflection i think everything might just be a mess now because i am stupid literally no matter what way you slice it #pray for me but also don’t take my posts too seriously i can’t talk to anyone about this in person so it’s over represented on my tumblr bl #i mean i do think about it every waking moment but like. im also doing other stuff and multi-tasking

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

there is literally no activity more depressing than job searching

#Lmao #Words #Fuck capitalism #job hunting #post grad life #boy howdy is that post grad depression in full swing or what 🤪 #I'm still glad to be done with school though don't gete wrong #Like despite how down I feel on some days it's still better than doing assignments about the mitochondria or whatever the fuck #My whole attitude atm is “yeah this sucks but at least I'm not in school”

[sixpigeonz]

.

#im so fucking scared rn lol #like at the end of the day i teied my hardest and a grad is a grad #i can always do my sats and get a scholarship thro that #its just my parents lol #have an Indian dad and caribbean mom is the recipe for an axious kid #and scared about failure kid #and scared about being a disappointment which j already am in their eyes dmdbns #which hurts but i dknt reallt care ill be fine next week but initially its gonna be rough lol #if j start posting depressing shit j promise jts just a phase is just need an outlet then ill be fjne after i promise💀💀 #idk if any of rhis mqde sense bur yh tldr my hands aee ahaking and im gonna die

[dressesandalchemy]

I’ve almost deposited my dissertation, I start a postdoc on Halloween, I’m moving to Minnesota, and now I learn that my disaster babies are making a reappearance on the 30th? Oh yes October is verily my favorite indeed.

#emma attempts grad school #gradblr #grad school #hi I didn’t die #I just had to figure out how to be an archaeologist from my laptop #which is a thing #but not the thing I planned on when I prelimmed 10 days before the world shutdown #then tumblr got really depressing post election #and I needed to step away for my mental health #but now I have the brainpower to get back on my fandom bullshit #time to be SO INSUFFERABLE

[ehntoov2]

Idk how I could ever do field work again because I hate that I get to know so many great people and then I likely never see them ever again

#post field work depression #grad school #geology #geomicrobiology #biogeochemistry #field work

[kindathoughtprovoking]

I posted 7,511 times in 2022

That's 6,104 more posts than 2021!

1,071 posts created (14%)

6,440 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@strangenewfriends

@hldailyupdate

@hlupdate

@awake--and--dreaming

@dailytomlinson

I tagged 4,773 of my posts in 2022

Only 36% of my posts had no tags

#amazing - 44 posts

#louis tomlinson - 43 posts

#lttour - 38 posts

#omg - 34 posts

#lmao - 27 posts

#scream - 25 posts

#wow - 24 posts

#yum - 24 posts

#hs3 leak - 23 posts

#bless - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and he got quite sarcastic at the end with the whole ‘anyone else going to throw food?’ and ‘is this the modern day version of a rotten egg?

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

louis tomlinson, defenceless:

i'm lost in my head, i'm spinnin' again tryna find what to say to you

harry styles, satellite:

spinnin’, i’m waiting for ya to pull me in i can see you’re lonely down there don’t you know that i am right here

669 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#4

lewis capaldi remains the best member of the 1DCU

722 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#3

helene reposted the bigger than me music video clip with this caption 🥺

808 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#2

"And I just wanna say that there’s no other fanbase in the world that would make me feel this fucking comfortable, this fucking protected in this environment."

Louis to fans in Philadelphia

1,072 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

louis talking about the first time he went skiing (when famous) and all you could see were his eyes and people still asked for photos…

then jojo was like “head to toe you were covered, how did they know” and louis is just like “I suppose it’s who I’m with, who I’m with”………

“but they were covered up too?”

“yeahhhhhhh…..”

1,827 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#Im surprised only 36% aren’t tagged I feel like I gave up on tagging #Lots of amazing things have happened this year tho so Valid #My longest tag lmao #only 1k posts in 2021… depressing as fuck grad school sucked ass