#Ren is an unreliable narrator at best
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anonymous &&. said... does ren have any hobbies or interests he hides from others? is it for reasons of embarrassment or something else?
i wouldn't necessarily say ren has any hobbies or interests that he hides in particular — but he does oftentimes hide that he has hobbies and interests in general. what is more human, but to find precious sources of joy and comfort in the world and make them a part of you? ( or at least that would be his philosophy regarding the matter. ) it's inspired by his voiceline, where he derides the concept of having hobbies — only for that stance to be immediately contradicted through other material. ( his birthday letter. the tiny doll. etc. ) i've said it before, but contradictions are an inherent theme in the wanderer's character, and he is an awfully unreliable narrator for someone so brutally honest.
interests are also a natural gateway to forming and deepening bonds — whether by meeting someone who shares a hobby, or introducing them to one of your own ... which is something ren absolutely does not want. no friends, no family, no connections — yet the tragedy of his character is that he both yearns for and keeps acquiring them despite knowing they're destined to end in tragedy and despite his best efforts to push everyone away. it's easier to put up a wall and pretend he has no interests of his own than to risk opening himself up to some well intentioned person attempting to worm their way into his life. it's a clumsy, horribly transparent lie, but it's really the only defense he has.
at the same time, he's his own worst enemy — because the façade can slip and ren can't help but start speaking in paragraphs when the topic is something he's genuinely passionate about.
i like to default to weapons as the usual example of this. forging still holds a special place in his non-existent heart. if you ask him a question regarding weaponry ( quality, design, function ) it's all but guaranteed he WILL give a very extensive, very thorough answer, simply because it's a topic he knows a lot about ( and loves ) and can't keep from infodumping. if he's had a chance to see what your muse wields and it's especially fancy or unique, he is probably biting his tongue to fight off the impulse to ask about it. sometimes he gives in, sometimes he doesn't.
cooking is another big one — yet it's less about talking and more about doing. ren likes to cook. he likes to cook for other people; it's one of the few ways he knows how to safely express affection. for someone who proclaims not to have any hobbies, he sure spends a suspicious amount of time learning and perfecting new recipes. come here. try this thing. he certainly didn't MAKE it for you.
and then, there is the myriad of other little interests he's naturally acquired over the years — or found himself pushed into against his will. he has a lot of hobbies, he just doesn't speak of them directly.
#anonymous#𝟎𝟎𝟒 : 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. ◟ hc .◝#( i don't think he would necessarily be embarrassed about any of his hobbies bc they're HIS hobbies )#( i hope this made sense my brain is deflating like a sad little balloon )#( i want to write up a post on his love language being acts of service with a swirl of gift giving...... )
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WIP number 6 please? Thank youu 💜
6 is Maybe in A Dream. It's the one shot that's my next fic in suits verse, the coda between Seize the Day and Burying Luck. I've posted the whole of it here before and haven't written anything since. Discussion of Suits (Vegas) verse under cut, major spoilers.
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This is a piece almost as as old as the first fic itself, and the idea came into being not long after the reception on suffering of fools caused me to extend it from a one shot to my first ever completed long fic.
The long and short of it is Toichi is alive and visits Kaito and Ren in the hospital while they are asleep, and wants to leave without letting them know he's there, but is caught by Shinichi.
Kaito in this universe is depressed, and bitter, but he still wants a connection with his father. Shinichi, who up until this point has been everything to Kaito, has seen how much his deception hurt him, how Kaito doesn't talk about his family and he wants to protect him.
At the same time, Toichi has his reasons, and they're not too different from Shinichi's actually. We just sympathize with Shinichi more because he's the POV character.
The point, I guess, is that people are complex. It's not particularly meant to make Toichi or Shinichi into a villain, but there are long held hurts unable to be mended.
The title is taken from the reading at the end of the film Smoke Signals; iirc the poem itself is a little different, but it starts off "How do we forgive our fathers / maybe in a dream..."
It hasn't been posted or finished yet because I'm not done with Burying Luck, but there's something about it that's locked up at the end.
I guess it's because I myself don't know if I want Kaito to forgive him or not. Shinichi never will, but I can't decide if I want Kaito to forgive him and just attempt to never see him again, or not forgive him but see him, or some other configuration. Both have their points towards a complex narrative, and both are believable. I don't think you necessarily have to forgive people, but Kaito might want that relationship now that he knows he's not dead, whether he forgives him or not.
Who knows? I'll figure it out eventually. I just know that I want it to be a situation with nuance.
It's so funny though, the way some people don't understand it's fanfiction? They take an unreliable narrator and people with biases and decide it's absolutely how the author sees the character. The whole point is nothing is easy and people are messy. But some relationships are worth trying for, but sometimes there are conflicted feelings, but sometimes people make mistakes trying to see the best in others and that includes rekindling a relationship that should have never been rekindled.
Whatever choice i make will be in service to the situation and the characters.
#dcmk#detective conan#kaishin#kuroba kaito#kudo shinichi#magic kaito#sentinel responds#sentinel's wip tag#series: suits verse
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I would love you rambling abt your double life fic..
then ramble i shall nonnie!! :D scottpearl is so deranged i love them
both scott and pearl (it's more evident on scott's end because he's the pov character) are torn between bitterness and wanting. pearl is much more open with is - her want is present tense, while scott firmly considers his as past. she wants, he wanted.
but you can tell he cares (not in like, a positive compassionate way necessarily, but that pearl bothers him) in these brief flashes where he can't even suppress the hurt in his own head. there's a sickly kind of resentment to scott throughout his own telling of the events (or at least there's supposed to be lol) - it's not entirely unjustified because pearl has hurt herself to hurt scott in the past, but yeah. it's kind of like she's almost always on his mind, but he's just swallowing those thoughts up when they unsettle the 'comfort' he's found for himself. (also, scott has won one of these games before - it's strategic for him to keep note of what's going on with her even when they're not allied. especially because they're not allied.)
The thought is tempting. Too tempting. Tempting enough to bring Scott pause as he feeds his goats, eyes searching for somewhere to lay himself to rest before he summons up the common sense to tell them not to – they fall upon a suspiciously soft-looking mound of grass, right by the ranch’s borders, the kind threaded with tallgrasses and spotted with little flowers. It sits innocuously in a beam of sunshine, just warm enough to be cosy without making him sweat.
it's more of an implication than a theme per se but i think pearl subconsciously drawing scott closer to death (when she's not actively trying to freeze his and also her fingertips off) is a fun idea to play with. i mean, scott kind of mocks the curse in his internal narration when pearl and ren mention it, but he does subconsciously link her to letting his guard down and death. and is that because pearl is cursed? or is it just something the others believe so hard they manifest it into truth? anyway i love unreliable narrators and the worlds they live in
but yeah. scott does this weird thing where he resents pearl for getting herself hurt and waltzes over to her vase to tell her off and is snippy and rude but then just starts. cooking her soup. "you look awful," he tells her, sweeping her shit off the bench so he can cook. "go to bed." tells her that her base looks like shit while clucking over her spending so much time in the snow that she gets sick. he's sick of her but there's a very small part of him that's been extremely repressed (after she abandoned him, thanks) which feels bad for her.
Does he feel bad for her? Maybe a little, in the same way he feels bad for a drenched, feral cat hissing and spitting at him as he walks past. The kind of feral cat that has rabies, lethargic and clingy but foaming at the mouth. Their bite is poison. You’re not supposed to go near them. Scott doesn’t go near them.
i kind of think this paragraph sums it up best? he's not really fond of her, but part of him still does care (even if he refuses to acknowledge that part's existence beyond his own self-preservation). he openly calls her pathetic, but he's still metaphorically fishing around the alleyway to get the cat somewhere warm and dry. when she threatens to hurt herself worse than she already has been ("imagine what I could do on purpose...") scott is viscerally perturbed - not just due to the subject matter, but because it is pearl saying that (even though it's a fairly direct line from everything she has done up to now). and after that, he stops being so fucking snippy too. things get just a little bit too real for him and he reels it back.
(perhaps there's something to be said about how rabies is 99% lethal...)
they're not happy with each other but despite being split apart they are inherently familiar with each other due to their soulbond - like how they organise their chests the same way, and how scott instinctively feels 'safe' with his back turned to pearl even though he does see her as a hinderance and she's been self-destructive to lash out at him before. and he insists she eats, too. it's this complicated mush of self-interest (because of course scott wants to live best he can) and generosity to pearl, especially when he's quite confident she won't stand to receive his help - and in the end, she does reject his help. he doesn't just make her soup (GOOD SOUP!!), he makes her a whole freaking pot of it and leaves the whole thing with her - and she doesn't eat any of it. they're horrible
it's why finding the golden apple is such a throw-off for scott i think? he knows that pearl has been crying about wanting him back, but as far as he's concerned she's just proved that she doesn't care about him and got rightfully burnt for it. the extent to which she values his life only hits him when he finds the golden apple. she could split their soulbond right then and there and guarantee that scott doesn't win the game, making it possible for her to win as the only victor - and not having to worry about a soulmate's death causing her own - but she didn't. it fully hits him that despite how unwell (mentally as well as physically thanks) pearl is, and how she's hurt him on purpose, she doesn't want him dead.
and about two seconds later it hits him that he doesn't want her dead. what a nightmare
and of course. this all comes with the asterisk of not yet. but we're not up to the final session yet :)
(also one last small detail thing but scott just calls tilly "pearl's dog". he'd probably remember the name if he tried but tbh he doesn't care enough about tilly to actually try. for now)
#thank u nonnie hehehe :] <3 i always love to ramble abt my fics#i should rewatch double life....#asks
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I'm barely starting Nana and I'm already in love with how soon (as of episodes 6) the unreliable narrator trope is coming into action.
Like ever since the first episode is obvious Nana has codependence issues but still the first episode makes it seem like Shoji is cold and distant. Like he sees Nana as more of an annoyance. Like a little girl he is forced to tolerate out some of obligation to a past promise.
WHEN ITS ALL THE CONTRATRY
Once you watch the backstory you realize this boy freaking loves her.
He is so happy to have her here. Excited the moment he heard she was going to Tokyo. Just like her he couldn't wait to be reunited back with her.
It's just that precisely because he loves her so much he wants her to be better. To not let her fall into her codependence.
Like the boy knows Nana is immature and had attachment issues. And he still loves her with all of that and accepts it but also knows it isn't the best to Nana. That he shouldnt encourage it.
So because he doesn't want this relationship to fail, to be doomed, he puts this boundaries for Nana.
Search a job (although ill gladly maintain you)
Go live somewhere else. (Although I wish I could wake up everyday at your side)
Learn to fend for yourself (although I actually want to marry you and am willing to let go of my career dream to support you)
Don't depend on me (although I would do everything in my power to help you knowing very well I'm human and as such i have my limits and there will be cases where I'll be powerless so please for your own good learn to fend for yourlself)
And yeah there's something to be said about the way by putting this boundaries he is infantilizing Nana. He is taking the choices for her.
He (and also Junko) in their love to want to help Nana take it to the extreme.
Instead of treating her like the capable person she is that only needs a push and a little help here and there they treat her a little child who won't change, won't learn unless they force her to. Taking desicions for her and putting her in situations that they would have problems themselves.
Like they already want her to learn to live on her own without their help when that takes time??? Everybody needs help at the start
And thats shown with the other Nana.
Nana who's as strong and capable as she seems actually doesn't know how to live on her own neither. She didn't even know something as basic as having to call the gas services to install it.
But she has her friends who help her without that taking away her independence. Without that meaning she will always be dependant on them like Nana's friends fear for her.
And this is why living with her will help her
Because besides Kyosuke, Nana is the other person who treats Nana as someone capable of learning
(and she does as it was shown when Kyosuke helped untangle all her complicated feelings. He didn't do it for her. He just offered a little guidance here and there. It was Nana who did the legwork)
Also returning to the unreliable narrator thing episode 1 also made it seem like Nana didn't really for Nana's story. Like she was only humoring her to pass the time by letting her gush about her boyfriend and to avoid talking about her.
When in fact after you see her backstory you realize she GENUINELY wants to hear her story.
She GENUINELY cares because this strange story she just met because she is giving her a glimpse of what her life could have had she chosen differently back then.
Not only that but this Nana was presenting her a third option she never thought of.
It didn't have to be black or white. She could have done what this Nana did and wait a time back in her hometown make a name for herself and then return to Ren. But it's too late now.
Still it s nice to hear someone else tried and how it worked out for them.
They really complement each other very well.
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I posted 21,480 times in 2022
That's 8,212 more posts than 2021!
15 posts created (0%)
21,465 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@short-wooloo
@aspiringwarriorlibrarian
@maswartz
@disregardcanon
@luimnigh
I tagged 423 of my posts in 2022
#unreality - 57 posts
#our flag means death - 29 posts
#the owl house - 28 posts
#ofmd - 21 posts
#toh spoilers - 20 posts
#toh - 19 posts
#reblog - 11 posts
#rwby - 10 posts
#emperor belos - 9 posts
#the owl house spoilers - 9 posts
Longest Tag: 134 characters
#really nail anakin as an unreliable narrator and obi wan as someone who won’t let himself believe there’s a bigger underlining problem
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Maria Calavera and Caroline Cordovin have never married but they are absolutely divorced
19 notes - Posted February 7, 2022
#4
Given the way the last couple of episodes in the Owl House ended with the characters it focused on being traumatized, I’m worried about Gus in the next episode.
28 notes - Posted April 30, 2022
#3
I understand people who just don’t like Alina losing her powers, but it’s weird to see people call it anti feminist because through that loss Alina gets a lot of freedom and choice back.
Most of the books are dedicated to powerful men (the Apparat and the Darkling) who want to use her for their own ends and don’t care about what she wants. As long as she has her powers, she can’t fade into the background, because she has to use the powers, and therefore would be pretty easily found.
Her best bet for most of the series is marry Nikolai, a guy she likes but isn’t in love with and who comes tied to her being the Ravka Living Saint and Queen, which we can see making her incredibly depressed and kinda suicidal during the second book.
And then, using the third amplifier, doing something that no one has done before, takes away her power, while also destroying the Fold AND as an unexpected benefit creating new Sun Summoners.
And now she gets a choice. Nikolai Offers to still marry her and make her queen, whether through admitting she doesn’t have her powers OR just lying about it with one of the new Sun Summoners. And she Chooses what She wants. Alina wants a quiet life carrying for orphans with her devoted husband, while pretending to be relatives of the Duke who funded Their orphanage. She gets to be the kind of people she wanted to raise her for future generations. Yes it is a bittersweet ending, but it’s the happiest one she could’ve gotten, and what she Choose.
39 notes - Posted March 10, 2022
#2
Actually it’s kinda of funny Watts acts like Cinder taking a dumb risk for revenge is the entire reason their attack on Haven failed when it frankly wasn’t that big a part of it. Their attack failed because they thought Vernal was the Spring Maiden at it was actually Raven, Yang and Weiss had already arrived at Haven to help out, Oscar showed up with Ozpin in his head, and Blake was coming with an army of Menagerie citizens to stop Adam.
As far as they knew they’d be fighting and killing Qrow, Ruby, Jaune, Ren, and Nora, with Cinder, Raven, Vernal, Hazel, Emerald, and Mercury, as well as Lionheart. They would’ve had both a numbers advantage and multiplied trained killers to finish them off, betray Raven and Vernal, grab the relic, book it, and blow up the school.
Even if Cinder didn’t take the risk, Illia was still going to end up disarming the bombs and Blake was gonna show up with an army. Plus, if they chose to do a sneak mission, they might’ve only sent the bare minimum.
Sure Cinder took a dumb risk for petty revenge, but it’s weird everyone acts like That’s what doomed the mission. And not everything they didn’t know. Hell, because she took that risk they learned Ozpin had already reincarnated and in whom.
47 notes - Posted May 13, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I don’t know if it’s because I know exactly what it will take for Jack Seward to believe in Vampires, but I find Van Helsing, a foreigner with a noticeable accent in xenophobic Britain, who’s only access to Lucy is through Jack, not admitting he thinks the problem is vampires, understandable. Especially since he’s not an expert in vampires so much as he’s willing to entertain more out there notions.
84 notes - Posted September 19, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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hunxi’s danmei awards, 牛年/2021 edition
(should’ve made this at the end of last year or something but I was only recently possessed by the demonic urge to make something silly like this so we’re doing this now)
I recently realized that I’ve now consumed roundabout 10 danmei novels in either novel, donghua, and/or audiodrama form during this past year of the ox, so I wanted to commemorate this milestone with some longform shitposting. thus — awards night!
Here are some of the categories:
Best Worldbuilding
Best Relationship Development
Most Iconic Use of Punctuation
Most Iconic Takedown (verbal)
Most Iconic Takedown (physical)
Best Unreliable Narrator
Best Performance by Voice Actors in an Audiodrama
...and more!
yeah okay, so I got a bit carried away
And here are the candidates in the running:
《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi
《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest
《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest
《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu
《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by priest
《黄金台》 Huang Jin Tai by 苍梧宾白 Cang Wu Bin Bai
《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li
《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng
of course, obligatory disclaimer that these are nothing more than my opinions, these designations mean nothing, and I really abandoned all brain cells at the door in the writing of this post
Best Worldbuilding
Winner: 《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li
Everyone has something that they can’t let go of, and in the world of 《判官》 Pan Guan, sometimes those unresolved regrets, unfulfilled wishes become 笼 / “cages”—subconscious traps where a soul can wander forever, caught in the vortex of their own grief and rage. The 判官, then, are those dedicated to unlocking these cages and releasing the souls imprisoned inside. Travelling into these subconscious dreamscapes, the 判官 must unravel mysteries and uncover the truths, bearing witness to the grief, rage, regret, and love that define human lives.
This novel has, hands down, one of the coolest premises I’ve ever read, and Mu Su Li utilizes it to explore the emotional struggles of frustration and denial as well as the catharsis of learning to let things go. Each cage is an intricate puzzle box of clues left by the cage host’s subconscious, such that the novel reads like a blend of detective case fiction and horror (these dreamscapes can get pretty gnarly). Lest you think this book is all dark and gloomy hours, however, 《判官》 Pan Guan ALSO features the best use of WeChat in a novel I’ve ever seen (that’s RIGHT, this is MODERN FANTASY, never forget Wen Shi vs. the roomba). The entire Zhang family chat... iconic.
Best Characterization
Winner: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi
Anyone who’s been on my blog for the past year has probably seen me losing my mind over Meng Xishi’s 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, and for good reason—here is enemies to lovers like you’ve never seen it done. Over the course of 128(+) chapters, 《千秋》 Qian Qiu slowly, carefully, painstakingly develops the relationship between Shen Qiao (compassionate, sheltered, forgiving, kind) and Yan Wushi (brutal, mercurial, arrogant, cynical) as their paths continually intertwine amidst rising turmoil in the jianghu. Meng Xishi sets up two characters fundamentally opposed to each other in belief and refuses to pull any punches or take any shortcuts as these two negotiate jianghu politics, shadowy conspiracies, and their own character arcs to eventually come to stand by each other’s sides. These two literally don’t get together until the fanwai, which is how hard Meng Xishi makes them work for it.
What I particularly appreciated about the characterization in 《千秋》 Qian Qiu was that this novel isn’t about how true love can redeem even the worst of villains, or that naive idealism will forever be doomed to a tragic end. Shen Qiao is often forced to concede that Yan Wushi has a point, just as Yan Wushi is often faced with the error of his assumptions. Neither of them is wholly right, just as neither of them is wholly wrong, and the development of their dynamic/relationship is the constant negotiation of how they balance their unswerving personal beliefs with everything the world throws at them—including each other.
Best Relationship Development
Winner: 《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu
Look, I wasn’t planning on getting into an audiodrama about competitive video gaming either, and yet 《双杀》 Shuang Sha came out of nowhere and double-killed me with its deft, nuanced development of its main characters and their relationship. The narrative follows 19-year-old Feng Can—talented, feisty, and headstrong—in his first year with the pro gaming team SP. As Feng Can struggles to adjust to a starkly different playing style and his new teammates, he continually butts heads with the team captain, Cheng Sunian. Where Feng Can is impulsive and hot-headed, Cheng Sunian is steady and serious, and at the age of twenty-six, Cheng Sunian is all too aware that he is nearing the end of his gaming career. As the competition heats up and the world championships draw closer, the two of them must learn to navigate both the game and their feelings for each other if they want to win.
While I could write loads about Feng Can’s character development as he grows and matures as a person (he is, after all, nineteen, a fact both that Na Ke Lu Lu and Cheng Sunian pay careful attention to), my heart really belongs to Cheng Sunian, an ace icon for the ages. Just as Feng Can learns what it means to take responsibility for his own actions, Cheng Sunian also comes learn that he doesn’t have to be an island alone, that he doesn’t always have to be independent and self-sufficient. Throughout the narrative, the two of them clash and argue, hurt each other and forgive each other; together, they stumble, and together, they eventually stand.
Really, my heart is at all times overflowing with my love for extremely competent, coolly sensible, deadpan snarker Cheng Sunian, so perhaps I’ll just leave it with this iconic exchange:
封灿：但我真的喜欢你，我想把坏毛病改掉，变得好点再去找你。我这么想没错吧？
Feng Can: But I truly like you—I want to change my bad habits, to come find you again when I’ve become better. Am I wrong to think that?
程肃年：所以这就是你一直不来找我的原因？你想 ‘变好了’再来？但如果短期内变不好了呢？你打算让我等几年？
Cheng Sunian: So this is the reason why you never came to talk to me? You wanted to “become better” and then come back? Then what if you couldn’t change so quickly? How long were you going to make me wait?
封灿：我会努力的，你应该喜欢那种懂分寸，情商高的成熟男人，对吧？
Feng Can: I’ll work hard—you must like men who understand propriety and restraint, who are mature and emotionally intelligent, right?
程肃年：那我为什么不直接去找这种类型的人谈恋爱？或者干脆照镜子，自己和自己谈算了？
Cheng Sunian: Then why don’t I just find those people and date them? Or just find a mirror and date myself?
封灿：啊？
Feng Can: Ah?
程肃年：行了，你也别瞎想了。算我什么都没说。真是恋爱降智。
Cheng Sunian: All right, don’t agonize over it further. Pretend I didn’t say anything. Truly, love makes people stupid.
封灿：我想的不对吗？那你究竟是什么意思？想让我怎么做，你直接说不行吗？非得给我绕弯子，我猜不出你的想法，你到底想—
Feng Can: Were my conclusions not right? What do you mean? Can’t you just directly tell me what you want me to do? You always beat around the bush, I can’t guess what you’re thinking, what exactly are you—
程肃年：我想让你闭嘴。
Cheng Sunian: I want you to shut up.
[he kisses Feng Can]
GET ‘EM, 队长—
Most Extravagant Act of Devotion
Winner: 《黄金台》 Huang Jin Tai by 苍梧宾白 Cang Wu Bin Bai
Danmei is full of characters doing outrageous things for love, from carving giant stone statues that can double as mechas in boss battles to waiting 13/800/3000 etc years for one’s loved one to come back from the war/death/vagaries of worldbuilding, but somehow one (1) general from an ambiguously historical, non-fantastic danmei managed to beat out all of them for me:
Fu Shen and Yan Xiaohan are Cruelly Separated From Each Other for plot reasons, miles of battle lines and enemy-occupied territory filling the vast distance between them, but let it not be said that a certain general lacked for batshit insane ideas as well as the willingness to follow through on them. Taking inspiration from literature, bullying his subordinates, and yearning desperately for his husband, Fu Shen shoots down several dozen swan-geese, nurses them back to health (or rather, gets his long-suffering field medic to do so for him), and ties letters to their legs with the vague hope that one might make its way southwards to Yan Xiaohan. And when Yan Xiaohan somehow, miraculously, does find one, there are only four words on it, ink-smeared and barely legible: 吾妻安好？
Seriously, Fu Shen, you couldn’t even have been bothered to sign it with your name???
Best Interrogation of Themes (aka the “Rent-Free Award”)
Winner: 《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest
It is nigh-impossible to declare that any one of these titles has “better” “thematic” “content” than any of the others, especially because I can and will go off about characters, characterization, and character dynamics for days, but the novel whose philosophical ramifications have haunted me the longest is definitely 《七爷》 Qi Ye by priest. Part reincarnation novel, part time-travel do-over, part political intrigue, part interrogation of destiny and what it means to defy it, 《七爷》 Qi Ye packs a lot of thorny themes and complicated relationships into a deceptively short novel.
I’ve gone off about 《七爷》 Qi Ye‘s thematic complexity in other posts so I’m not going to rehash them now, but really—the questions this book deals with about power and morality, about legacy and responsibility, and the lengths a person would go to in order to see something done are still living, as they say, rent-free in my head.
Best Banter
Winner: Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu in 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest
These two I stg. Moving on—
Honorable Mention: 《哏儿》 Gen’er, because… because. I mean, it’s 相声 xiangsheng, banter is like, the literal essence of xiangsheng
Most Iconic Use of Punctuation
Winner: 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
Really, nothing is ever going to top this scene in book 5:
慕情[...]沉默片刻，道：“殿下，你真的很喜欢他吗？”
“[…]after a moment of silence, Mu Qing said: ‘Dianxia, do you really like him?’
谢怜没料到他会突然这么问，道：“啊。啊？... ...啊。”
Xie Lian would never have guessed that he would suddenly ask this question. “Ah,” he said. “Ah? ... ...ah.”
Honorable Mention: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the sheer number of “沈峤: ...” / “Shen Qiao: ...” in this novel but particular shout-out to the one in That Scene. You know the one. LSP NI SHEI A—
Most Iconic Line
Winner: 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke by priest
I believe so strongly in the superiority of the 凉雨知秋 line that I translated and subtitled the audiodrama season 1 trailer for the sole purpose of yelling about the choral rendition of it:
凉雨知秋，青梧老死。一宿苦寒欺薄衾，几番世道蹉跎...也不过一声“相见恨晚。”
When cold rain falls, autumn makes itself known; the wutong tree ages and dies. Thin robes offer no protection from a night of bitter winter, years and lives wasting, whiling away… nothing more than this: resentment, that we met so late.
Chills, every time.
Honorable Mention: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the truly lovely line 苍生有难，山河同悲。草木有灵，天地不朽。 / “When the living things suffer, the mountains and rivers also sorrow. Grass and tree possess spirit; heaven and earth remain uncorrupted.“
Most Iconic Takedown (verbal)
Winner: Shen Qiao in 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi
I’ve literally made a top five list of Shen Qiao’s best takedowns before, but I have magnanimously decided against letting him sweep these awards. That being said, Shen Qiao’s very public, very messy martial brother break-up in a crowded teashop where he verbally drags Yu Ai before the entire jianghu remains one of my favorite scenes of all time, to the point where I literally added 23 extra pages to the SHJX survival guide for the sole purpose of translating this iconic scene. Get ‘em, a-Qiao, I’ll hold your flower.
Honorable Mentions: Wen Shi in 《判官》 Pan Guan, for the line “意外在哪？做事全靠躲的懦夫，也就只能当当影子。” / “What’s unexpected about this? A coward who relies on hiding to do anything could only be a shadow.” Rest in absolute fucking pieces a-Jun
Xie Shuangchen and Ye Ling 《哏儿》 Gen'er — given that this is a novel about 相声 xiangsheng / “cross-talk,” a form of traditional Chinese comedy that functions on wit, wordplay, and mutual roasting, not an episode of the audiodrama goes by without some truly sick burns
Most Iconic Takedown (physical)
Winner: Xie Lian from 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
I honestly could not tell you if I am giving TGCF this award for the giant mecha fight that takes up a solid amount of book five or for the vindictive rush of satisfaction from seeing Xie Lian, powers finally unlocked, pummeling Jun Wu into the ground, but it wins, Xie Lian wins, TGCF absolutely wins this award.
Honorable Mentions: 《判官》 Pan Guan, for battle couple chenshi destroying a certain useless ancestor and looking fabulous while doing so (shout-out to Wen Shi’s many, many three point landings)
《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for the September Ninth ambush 😉
Best Babie
Winner: Xia Qiao from 《判官》 Pan Guan by 木苏里 Mu Su Li
We all know this secondary character—the sweet, summer child who gets accidentally or forcibly adopted by the main characters, often a force of Pure Goodness to be Protected At All Costs, even if they can take care of themselves. (Especially if they can take care of themselves.)
Xia Qiao from 《判官》 Pan Guan beat out some fierce competition for the title of Best Babie, but I could give this award to no other because he really is one of the most hapless characters I’ve ever met in fiction. What a precious child. What a darling disaster. We award this title to him in honor of the many times he dutifully followed his Wen-ge into various horror movie situations despite the fact that he is the biggest scaredy-cat in the entire book.
Honorable Mention: Zhang Chengling in 《天涯客》 Tian Ya Ke, because he too is a hapless sweet summer child who would lose a fight against a chicken
Best Beleaguered Side Character Award
Winner: Xiao Zheng from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest
We all know this character, too—equally as hapless as the babie, but for reasons of the plot conspiring against them rather than relative inexperience or personality. This character is in all likelihood actually quite competent, but because they lack the Protagonist Halo (TM), they are often relegated to picking up after the maelstrom of the main characters—cleaning up their messes, filing their paperwork, providing crucial information for the next plot arc, etc etc. In any other book, they might even be the protagonist. Unfortunately, they live in this one.
I’m giving this award to Xiao Zheng for his hair travails alone. (blows kiss) this one’s for you, Xiao-baba
Honorable Mention: the Zhang siblings from 《判官》 Pan Guan because they really set records for accidental cringe when they unintentionally Zhangsplained to the literal founders of their magical practice
Most Competent Side Character Award
Winner: Bian Yanmei from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi
Did I make up this award solely to give it to Bian Yanmei, one of my favorite characters in existence? Yes, yes I did. I would trust the man with a budget and a spreadsheet, which is quite possibly the highest praise I could give a fictional character.
An incomplete list of Bian Yanmei’s accomplishments:
ran a sect for ten years while his shizun fucked off into seclusion
continued running it after his shizun returned, because Yan Wushi was up to a lot of things but uhhh taking care of budgets and logistics were not part of them
functionally raised and trained his younger shidi
became a mover and shaker in Chang’an politics
befriended all the noble families to the point where their children call him “Uncle Bian”
deduced his way through his shizun’s bullshit in record time when he first met Shen Qiao
helped organize a political coup
was adapted out of the donghua for being the only brain cell in the jianghu
Best Antagonist
Winner: Dan Li from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou
Dan Li is, easily, one of the coolest characters I’ve seen in a novel. Ruthless, calculating, cryptic, opaque, he is both teacher and opponent, strategist and enemy, murderer and protector, demonic and divine. He taught Sheng Lingyuan everything he knew, which, if you’ve met Sheng Lingyuan...well.
Though Dan Li has been dead for literal millennia by the beginning of the book, his actions, legacy, and stratagems linger throughout the narrative, playing out a centuries-spanning game of strike and counterstrike, move and countermove long after his death. The fact that no one has seen him without his mask is just icing on his cake of general mystery.
Best Unreliable Narrator
Winner: Shen Qingqiu from 《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
Could it have been anyone else? Was there any doubt in your mind that this award could go to any other character? Yeah, I thought so; no other character comes remotely close to the level of Shen “I hate this novel with every fiber of my being” Qingqiu, Shen “I’m not being nice, I’m acting in my own self-interest” Qingqiu, Shen “isn’t everyone a little gay for Luo Binghe” Qingqiu.
Honorable Mention: Xie Lian in 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu for neglecting to mention that Qi Rong was his cousin for fifty-some chapters which will never not be funny to me
Best Clown
Winner: Shen Qingqiu from 《人渣反派自救系统》 Ren Zha Fan Pai Zi Jiu Xi Tong by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
Gaze deeply into your soul and ask yourself if it could have been anyone else. If your soul tells you otherwise, I don’t want to hear it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.
Honorable Mentions: Yu Shengyan from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu for... too many moments to count. Looking at an amnesiac Shen Qiao and going "it’s free shidi” and thereby accidentally tricking himself into feeling responsible for Shen Qiao. Showing up eighty chapters late to a sword conference still calling Shen Qiao “shidi” after the man has beaten up half the jianghu. Losing a bet with a housekeeper despite having inside information. RIP Yu Shengyan, if Shen Qingqiu weren’t a god-tier clown, this title would have been yours
Xie Shuangchen in 《哏儿》 Gen'er — have you ever faked amnesia after a head injury to try and get your beloved xiangsheng partner to admit that he likes you, only to have said beloved xiangsheng partner see through your bullshit and con you right back, which you fall for and end up chasing him through the hospital begging him to come back to you? You could make a drinking game out of the number of times Xie Shuangchen wails “叶老师，我错了—” / “Ye-laoshi, I was wrong—” in this audiodrama
Best Personal Weapon
Winner: E’Ming from 《天官赐福》 Tian Guan Ci Fu by 墨香铜臭 Mo Xiang Tong Xiu
I will hear Absolutely Nothing against this precious cursed scimitar who just wants cuddles. Nothing. E’Ming is the best and deserves All the Cuddles, All the Time. Jail for Hua Cheng for a thousand years.
Honorable Mention: the 山河同悲剑 Shanhetongbei sword from 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, for having a stupidly beautiful name. See also: Most Iconic Line, Honorable Mention
Dishonorable Mention: 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou is disqualified from this award for Reasons. It knows what it did.
Best Moment That Wrecked Me (aka the Knifiest Award)
Winner: chapter 121 from 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest
Over the course of these books, I’ve seen desperate yearning. I’ve seen centuries of pining. I’ve seen betrayals and destructions, disappointment and despair, resurrections and redemptions. But only one novel has had the absolute goddamn gall to drive half of its central pairing to his knees, begging, in tears, promising to let the other go if that’s what he wants, just give him a goddamn second—
盛灵渊后知后觉地想：“我伤了他的心么?”
Sheng Lingyuan thought, belatedly, “Have I broken his heart?”
Bixia, we get it, you’re the most metal of them all, but was that strictly necessary.
Honorable Mentions: chapter 106 of 《判官》 Pan Guan. It knows what it did.
chapter 79 of 《千秋》 Qian Qiu. It knows exactly what it did.
Best Performance by Voice Actors in an Audiodrama
Winner: 《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng
This audiodrama. This audiodrama. I realized halfway through writing this overlong shitpost that I actually haven’t consumed 《哏儿》 Gen’er in its entirety, but I felt the need to yell about how insanely good this audiodrama is. 《哏儿》 Gen’er follows two lovers and performers of 相声 xiangsheng / “cross talk,” a traditional Chinese form of comedy that blends improvisation and classic scripts, as they work to establish their own xiangsheng studio and carry on the legacy of Xie Shuangchen’s shifu and adoptive father.
What makes the voice actor performances in this audiodrama absolutely bonkers is that xiangsheng is an art that performers train for years, entire lifetimes, not unlike Beijing opera performers or professional stage actors. While voice actors are very good at what they do, this is a whole other level. I’m not saying that Zhao Qianjing and Xie Tiantian are good enough to be xiangsheng performers, but like, 他们还真有一点那味儿你知道么，太神了. The technical brilliance demanded by these roles, including but not limited to talking a mile a minute, is utterly insane, and I can’t wait for the three whole 完结FT’s (post-production interviews) this audiodrama promises.
Best Post-Production in an Audiodrama
Winners: 《千秋》 Qian Qiu by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi (post-production by 声罗万象 Shengluo Wanxiang Studio)
and
《双杀》 Shuang Sha by 娜可露露 Na Ke Lu Lu (post-production by 祝余 Zhu Yu)
I think it is a demonstration of my restraint that I haven’t been giving out ties left and right throughout this entire overlong shitpost, but for this award I really have no other choice. Post-production sound editing is tremendously important in audiodramas, not the least for general atmosphere, but also for narrative clarity. As a result, the audiodramas for 《千秋》 Qian Qiu and 《双杀》 Shuang Sha stand out for their brilliant execution.
As a wuxia novel, the action and narrative of 《千秋》 Qian Qiu are often advanced by fight scenes, which Meng Xishi describes in loving, lavish detail throughout the novel. The miracle of the audiodrama, then, is that these fight scenes remain fundamentally intelligible despite the fact that we can’t see them. With a deft combination of voice acting, sound effects, Foley, voice-over, soundtrack music, and bystander commentary, the listener can follow the progress and turning points of individual fight scenes without much difficulty at all, which is super heckin badass when you think about it.
Similarly, 《双杀》 Shuang Sha features multiple video game competitions that occupy a similar narrative function to fight scenes in a wuxia novel—they are intense, fast-paced, and filled with complex technical components that illustrate and advance character development. 音熊联盟 VoiceBear Alliance, the voice actor studio that produced this audiodrama, pulled from its wider cast roster to record unique lines for every single playable video game character that came up in the novel at varying degrees of health. Correspondingly, during matches, the canned voice-overs of player characters telegraph the progress of the competitions that audiodrama listeners cannot visually witness. And an additional shout-out to voice actors 刘强 Liu Qiang and 龟娘 Gui Niang is in order for absolutely killing it as the commentators. Commentating is a particular skill (in the post-production interview, they mentioned that multiple voice actors had to beg off Liu Qiang’s role), and these two were critical to appreciating, comprehending, and following the action of these scenes.
Voice Actor with the Most Insane Range
Winner: 吴磊 Wu Lei of Listen领声 Studio for his roles in the 《千秋》 Qian Qiu audiodrama, the 《穿越自救指南》 (the SVSSS donghua), and the 《判官》 Pan Guan audiodrama
All right, we all know I have a voice actor problem, but really, listen to Wu “maomao-laoshi” Lei in a few productions and you’ll understand why. A single person who can voice characters as disparate as Yan Wushi (which includes, by definition, Xie Ling and a-Yan as well), Shen Qingqiu, and Chen Budao/Xie Wen deserves to be feared and adored.
And never! Forget! the Da! Ah! Jian!
Honorable Mentions: 姜广涛 Jiang Guangtao (aka 姜sir), for the sheer range of bumbling fool 伊依 Yi Yi in the 《诗云》 Shi Yun audiodrama to murderous warrior emperor 盛灵渊 Sheng Lingyuan in the 《烈火浇愁》 Lie Hou Jiao Chou donghua
赵乾景 Zhao Qianjing, for playing both brusque tsundere Wen Shi in the 《判官》 Pan Guan audiodrama and mischievous motormouth Xie Shuangchen in the 《哏儿》 Gen’er audiodrama
Okay that is QUITE enough nonsense from me tonight, if you’ve made it to the bottom of this post I heartily congratulate you. No one is allowed to send me corrections because I’ve decided that I am right, but everyone should feel free to let me know if there are any award categories I’ve overlooked in this—oh god—4k+ post
Here’s to a 2022 filled with more reading and discoveries, more disaster gays and fictional stabbery! 咱们再接再厉！
#ARE YOU READY FOR THESE TAGS#ok ok ok let's go#hunxi reads TGCF#千秋 backlog#hunxi thinks about qq#seventh time lucky#zhou zishu comedy hours#hunxi thinks about svsss#voice(bear) appreciation hours#spine chickens and war crimes#if I were really clever I would schedule this post to coincide with 春节#but I have always been yours in calendrical heresy#if I do this next year I promise I'll divvy this up into multiple posts oh my god
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This weeks hot take was “Disney is an unreliable narrator,” wherein I choose to believe that all the potentially good plot points of the sequels were what actually happened, and Disney just did a terrible job at translating the historical datapads. This would mean:
- Kylo and Rey were actually an interesting, and well fleshed out “enemies to lovers” story.
- Kylo and Rey’s dyad story is also fully refined, which explains why Rey was as powerful as she was, why they were so powerful together, and why they were so closely bonded (despite their love story being shaky even under the best of circumstances).
- Finn’s plot was a solid “space fascist learns not to be a space fascist, and then unites with other ex fascists to shoot the fascists who were still determined to kill innocent people” story-line.
- Poe was a character who learned the appropriate balance between not letting bureaucracy inhibit doing the right thing, and trusting trust worthy leaders (like Leia). And also fills the role of giving Leia a son that didn’t suck.
- Poe and Finn are both super bi, and together they and Rey make the most kick ass polyamorous relationship trio the galaxy has ever seen at the end of TROS.
- Rose’s arch is the excellent tale of a soldier who, despite losing family to war and genocide, plays a heavy hand in undoing the First Order.
- The Knights of Ren had importance and influence throughout the entire story as those that always served the highest form of darkside power they could. Their loyalty initially resided with Snoke, and so they served Kylo by extension. But upon the Supreme Leader’s assassination, they then turned, or maybe even aided in the rise of the phantom emperor, and thus they worked against Kylo when it was clear that he would seek to kill yet another dark lord.
- The phantom emperor, Rey’s father, and Snoke (in that order) are all reincarnations of Palpatine’s ancestral lineage. It began with the phantom, as he was the most recent, however, he was badly damaged. So Rey’s father was reincarnated to help restore his power. However, even though he was healthy, he was a non-force-sensitive ancestor. Finally Snoke was made, a reincarnation of the Palpatine line dating back to ancient times. He was less healthy, but supremely powerful. Too powerful for the phantom though, who was subsequently sealed away on Exegol as Snoke usurped the throne. More reincarnations were made, but more “Snokes” ended up being the result. They had gone back in the linage as far as they could, and there was no going back forward. The phantom would remain stuck, and Snoke would keep his “other selves” sealed away as well, as he had no desire to see himself as anything other than the one and only Supreme Leader.
- Luke’s exile and “hopeless hermit image” was directly linked to protecting Grogu and his few surviving students. And his dogged determination to dismiss Rey was directly linked to knowing that if we were found out, Snoke would blow him up at best, and rip the whereabouts of those survivors from his head at worst (which was exactly what would have happened because of Rey, as we see in TLJ). Hence why he chooses to live the remainder of his life on Ach-To. It served as both his best chance of finding the ancient knowledge to counter Snoke, or at the very least make his last stand on the sacred grounds where the Jedi originated. [also separate post to come about this one given Book of Boba Fett spoilers].
-Likewise, Luke’s story is also about one about how, despite the role he was forced into, the trials of what put him there are nevertheless severe, and he legitimately struggles with hopelessness, guilt, and pessimism. He never can fully cut himself off from the force (even though Grogu would be safer if he did). He can never burn the books (even though he does struggle with embitterment towards the Jedi). And he can’t help himself but train Rey (even though it could, and does, result in his death).
#star wars#star wars sequel trilogy#Star Wars Sequels#mark hamill#kylo ren#adam driver#luke skywalker#first order#Rey Skywalker#poe dameron#finn#snoke#supreme leader snoke
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a face to steal
DEADCEMBER DAY 5 - Five stages of grief
bro remember when bigb killing cleo was the biggest drama on trafficblr? I haven’t stopped thinking about it tbh and I couldn’t get over the idea that bigb refuses to recognize that he’s done anything wrong. so yeah enjoy lmk what you think!!
fandon: Last Life SMP
cw: unreliable narrator, death
~
Denial
The first thing BigB does after–you know–is run.
He runs, leaving Ren’s tower and the Fairy Fort and his and Cleo’s house far behind. He runs until he hits the border, and there he hides behind a rock and pulls out his communicator. There are multiple messages of various folks asking if it was a Boogeyman kill, and two private messages from Lizzie and Ren asking where he is. BigB types ‘boogey’ into the chat, then messages Lizzie to tell her he’s at the border. Not to hide. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just wants to set up another base over here. That’s not a crime.
He builds a little hut right next to the border, only for him, secret to all but Lizzie. Not for any particular reason. They might store valuables in here or something. He changes his name and look, also for no real reason. He’s always liked the name Terry, has always wanted to try something new.
Terry is a nice identity. Terry’s never done anything wrong–not that BigB has, of course. Terry is just a lot more . . . innocent. He’s never lost a friend.
He’s fine. He sleeps fine, he doesn’t get distracted while working, and he definitely doesn’t check his communicator every few minutes to make sure Cleo’s okay–to make sure everything’s fine, as well. He only has particular care for Cleo because they’re best friends.
When she suddenly goes Red, he stares uncomprehendingly at the screen before throwing it across the room and pressing himself into the corner of his one-room house.
Anger
There’s lava pouring from their–from his house, and he knows exactly who did it. If it wasn’t enough by itself, Cleo is right there, climbing the trees around the Fairy Fort just to set them aflame.
Lizzie is shouting, running toward the destruction, and BigB follows, some unknown emotion swelling up in his chest. Cleo turns to see them, shrugs and smirks, and BigB clenches his fist. He’s angry. He’s so angry–he feels remorse for his actions. Every day since he–you know–he’s wished he hadn’t, wished he’d just taken the L or asked for help or anything other than what he did. Not that what he did was wrong, it was the right choice tactically. Cleo should know that! Cleo should understand! Somehow she doesn’t, or chooses not to, and instead of accepting his apology and helping him with his emotional turmoil, she goes and tries to kill them? Not only is that not cool, it’s incredibly insensitive and manipulative!
BigB lets Lizzie do the talking, though, not because he’s afraid of Cleo–well, he’s a little bit afraid of Cleo. A lot afraid, actually. It’s mostly overwhelmed by just how mad he is that she won’t move on! She’s the one dragging this out, she’s the one holding onto pointless grudges, she’s the one who’s betrayed them!
He tamps down his anger, though, plays the part of Terry until Cleo is gone, clambering from tree to tree until she’s out of sight. BigB makes to chase her–he won’t hurt her, he would never hurt her, he’s just mad and wants her to be scared–but Lizzie grabs his arm, pulls him back to help her salvage what they can.
He lets it go for now. He wishes Cleo would do the same.
Bargaining
“We’re cool now, right?” he asks hopefully. Cleo stares at him for a moment, then lets out a sharp, incredulous laugh.
“Cool? Cool?”
“Yeah, I mean, we’re allies with Scott and so are you, so we’re basically cool now. Right?”
Cleo shakes her head, utter disbelief painting her features. “BigB, we will never ‘be cool’. I hate you. I want you dead. If I was on Red still, I would’ve already taken you out.”
BigB flinches. He’d said he was sorry for upsetting her! He wasn’t sure what else she wanted of him (grief and guilt gnaw at his chest, but he pushes it away, doesn’t feel it). “What can I do to make things right?”
“I’ve already told you what you can do,” she says. She turns away from him, rolling her eyes. “Die. Preferably now, so I can get out of this conversation.”
Scott and Pearl are doing a trade with Lizzie and Ren, leaving the two of them to guard. BigB’s not sure how good of an idea that is, but Pearl had fixed Cleo with a glare and told her sternly, “No killing!”, which had somehow worked. What she’s said, though, about dying. . . .
“Sooo if I go Yellow, we can be friends again?”
Again, Cleo stares at him, mouth slightly open. For a long time. Eventually, she shakes her head. “How stupid can you get?” she mutters. “I want you dead. Out of the game. Because you (you know). We can never. Ever. Be friends again.”
Oh.
But–
Oh.
Depression
It’s just him and Ren now.
The Green Lifes are dropping like flies, Lizzie included. She dies to Boogeymen twice in one week, putting her on Red before they have a chance to process that she’s on Yellow. BigB wants to make Ren or Martyn give her a life, so they can all (not all never all) be together again. But he can’t suggest the idea to them without offering up his own life, and he can’t do that.
Not when his lives are the best armor he has right now. If he goes Red, Cleo will be on him in a second–goad him into attacking her (which he would never do) and kill him in so-called ‘self-defense’.
He longs for the past. Back with Cleo and Lizzie and the Fairy Fort, in that golden time when they trusted each other and didn’t–you know. When it’s just him and Ren, it’s . . . lonely. Far too quiet.
Even though his lives are the only thing between him and Cleo, BigB finds himself growing careless. He misses his friends. He misses the camaraderie that they all once had, misses nights around the campfire in the center of the Fairy Fort, telling jokes and scary stories and singing softly until the moon is high above and Lizzie declares it to be bedtime. With just him and Ren, there’s no point to storytelling and campfires. There’s no small talk, just strategies and battle plans. There’s no trust, not now that there’s nothing holding them together but each other, and BigB sees the way Ren eyes him when he thinks he isn’t looking. So BigB’s alone, and lonely, and he wishes that he still had friends, or that he was in a place where he doesn’t have to worry about friendships and trust and survival. Sometimes, he thinks that he would rather be killed by Cleo than never talk to her again. Sometimes, he wishes he was on Red so that there would be a reason to take him out. Sometimes, he just wants to be closer to his Queen and his friend.
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t fight back when Lizzie begins shooting.
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t check under that chest.
Acceptance
“What did I ever do to you?”
His hands are in the air, his words trembling. An arm’s length away from who was once his closest friend, and he’s never been more alone. Everyone’s turned against him–Lizzie is dead; his last ally, Ren, is behind him, howling almost joyfully; Cleo stands before him, anger darkening every line in her face. BigB has no one–even his fellow Reds abandon him at every opportunity.
Cleo laughs, long and harsh. “You know what you did,” she says, swinging her sword around to point at his chest. The sounds of battle go on behind them, Scar shouting for back-up above it all. “You just won’t admit it to yourself, will you? So noble, so loyal, would never (you know).”
And he does know. Because he did it. And there's nothing he can do to change that he did that. He’s always known he was in the wrong–deeply, irrevocably, wrong. And he knows now that there’s no more pretending it didn’t happen. This is the end for him–owning up won’t fix things, owning up won’t make it right.
But it’s all he can do to apologize at this time.
“Cleo, you're right,” BigB says, voice breaking. “I–I killed you. Not the Boogeyman, not some alternate version of me. I did that. And I was wrong for it. I never should have killed you, and I've spent all this time since wishing we could be friends still and I see now why we couldn't.”
Cleo raises an eyebrow. “Because of you.”
BigB nods. “Because of me.” It’s hard to say, but it’s also a relief. He doesn’t feel peace–he still feels terrible, guilt eating at his soul, but he needed to say it. He needed to give Cleo that small bit of closure, now when he can do nothing else for her.
There's a moment of silence, during which the battle doesn't halt. He thinks he hears shouts of victory.
“You know I'm still going to kill you, right? This changes nothing.”
BigB nods again, dropping his shield and axe. They fall to the ground with a clunk. He spreads his arms wide, every instinct screaming for him to run.
“Take me out,” he says, and closes his eyes.
There's a notable hesitation, but not much of one before a sword plunges through his heart.
#last life smp#last life fanfic#last life fanfiction#mcyt#trafficblr#bigbst4tz2#zombiecleo#last life bigb#last life cleo#fairy fort alliance#shadow alliance#deadcember2021#day 5#five stages of grief#bigb was the first trafficblr member i ever watched#i used to watch him play murder mystery back in the day#then when evo started i watched him play that#and through there i found jimmy#dyou ever think about the fact that all of the mc youtubers are connected#it used to be through stampy#now it's through scott#if you're a decent sized channel you know one of the two#anyway bigb is one of the earliest yters i watched!#it was really nice to write about him after all these years#rip i think i ate something im allergic to#this is queued for later tonight so i may be dead by the time it posts#love you guys
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GOD i got to the part where gertrude explains how she was planning to stop the Unknowing and I keep having to pause because your writing is literally one of the best ive ever read.
You're interpretation of Gertrude is one of my favorites because you make her feel like her canon self- how she was never really a good person, to anyone of her assistants- official or not.
Hell, Gertrude asking who would mourn Gerry is so condescending and vile because man! Gertrude who the hell would genuinely mourn you! Not the person they think you are, but the real you!!! No one would!! Awful
The reason i have to keep pausing is because everytime she speaks i get the overwhelming urge to maul her like a rabid dog FJDMFN gerry baby im so sorry. 🐗
also just gotta say the way you write gerrytim is so sweet i am like. shaking for more content of them and also extremely sad that there rlly isnt much out there :[ gerrytim and secret martin ship are gonna be the death of me. 🐗
THAT TRACKS, YEAH! she’s definitely maul-able! especially as a much flatter rendition of her living self, in the catalogue. honestly, i was worried i was making her Too bad! but it’s also through gerry’s eyes, so of course she’ll be seen as a little more of an antagonist when the truth of her intentions for him comes out. one thing i love about TMA on a whole is every character’s biases, a LOT of unreliable narration throughout a story that is never black and white, and a level of hypocrisy in almost Everyone at some point or another. it’s so fucking COOL.
and that’s why i wanted to include adelard’s perspective of her as a counter to it! i think he saw her in a way not many other people got to see her throughout all their time working together, and that includes being able to see when she did do something unforgivable, despite being able to weigh it against the good he might have seen her do before then. (“oh the safekeep of it all.” yes thank you ren. they WERE. it kicks me in the chest like a HORSE.)
i love writing gertrude she’s so much fun because she is SO complex, but also gerry is one of the characters she really went out of her way to fuck with in the most personal ways possible in canon; by the end of her life, she’d definitely made a lot more choices that hurt people than the ones she might’ve made to aid the bigger picture when she first started. you can pry desolation inclined gertrude from my cold dead hands, and also hers apparently.
or tim can<3 i love... gerrytim... if you want more of them, i will now compel you to read velveteen rabbit and banned book week by @ofdreamsanddoodles! i hope when i get to the secret martin ship, you’re still into it! ren drew them last night and i’ve been in tatters ever since.
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Rose-Tinted
by WellDoneBeca
When Rey’s best and only friend, Rose, goes missing mysteriously, her life spirals out of control as she realises how alone she is.
When Rose comes back, things are different and weird. Now, Rey has to prove her friendship in ways she never thought she would have to.
Words: 1294, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: F/M
Characters: Rey (Star Wars), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Rose Tico, Paige Tico, Armitage Hux
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Armitage Hux/Rose Tico
Additional Tags: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Abusive Relationships, Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Armitage Hux and Rose Tico In Love, Cults, Kidnapping, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Unreliable Narrator, Dark
source https://archiveofourown.org/works/33813046
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hey ellie, this might be a little forward but I was just wondering if you had any recent book recs to share? i’m honestly in love with the way you write and your fics have definitely helped me a lot with getting back into reading, so any pointers or suggestions would be helpful!
Hey hey! I’m so sorry, this is such a slow reply – I’m on tumblr very sporadically these days. I have actually been reading a fair bit in lockdown so I hope I can help! Not forward at all, I love talking books any time!
Also thank you so much, I’m so thrilled you like my fics and it means the world they’ve been able to help you. If you’d like to read some of the fics that brought me back to writing, I particularly recommend Brushfire by elo_elo (I read this without having played more than an hour’s worth of any DA games, still superb) and Ruin of a Place by the same author (I do play Stardew Valley but I don’t think you need to have in order to enjoy this). Also Renovations by @bettsfic is really just Something Else and it took me to a better place. If you ever read The Hunger Games, read her fic A Standing Engagement too, you will not regret it.
Okay, and as for books:
The End of Everything by Megan Abbott – this is not as well-known as Abbott’s other teen girl books Dare Me and The Fever I don’t think (which are also v worth reading if you haven’t), but it squirmed under my skin and stayed there. Very dark so please be mindful of trigger warnings before you go in; happy to warn you what these are before you decide whether to go for it or not. Classic Abbott though and one that really stuck with me.
Lost Children Archive by Valeria Luiselli – kind of confusingly written but I let myself just go with it and not worry too much about whether I understood it 100% and I ended up loving it, though admittedly did not Get the whole thing. Two sound archivists take a road trip with their children, knowing it’s the swansong of their relationship. The narrator is increasingly emotionally caught up in the stories of children trying to cross the border from Mexico illegally.
Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk (tr. Antonia Lloyd-Jones) – this one is a bit unusual but go with it, it rewards by the end. An old woman in rural Poland who believes heavily in astrology narrates. The members of a local hunting/poaching club start turning up dead.
The Walls Around Us by Nova Ren Suma – very cool use of unreliable narrators and a look at intense female friendships. A ballet dancer about to go to Juilliard and an inmate in a juvenile correctional facility swap narration. A girl called Orianna ties them together.
Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater – I’m not sure if tumblr is for or against MS these days, but holy GOD was this good. Interestingly, I read her article recently where she explained that she’d been in the grips of a truly horrible illness when writing the end of the Raven Cycle, which explains a lot of the reasons why fandom might have gone off it a bit. CDTH is Stiefvater back at her absolute best, like Scorpio Races levels of excellent. I loved it. You don’t need to have read The Raven Cycle to enjoy it IMO.
I’m going to mention two books I didn’t actually end up enjoying at all too, because no matter how I felt about the narrative, the writing was excellent from a technical standpoint: In The Woods and The Wych Elm by Tana French. I gave In The Woods a chance bc I thought the writing of The Wych Elm was so good even if I hated the plot arc, but it seems that French just really likes to do the opposite of most writers and have her characters start out in a good place and gradually (and almost entirely due to their own inability to take responsibility for themselves) lose everything that matters including their jobs, relationships and happiness. I did my best, but I just don’t enjoy that in a book, and I found them both inordinately frustrating. However, for a masterclass in How To Write Real Beautiful, you might find them worth a read.
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9 YA Books with Unreliable Narrators That Seriously Messed Us Up
[via Epic Reads]
As the one telling you the story, a narrator is supposed to give a true and trustworthy account of what’s really happening. But with an unreliable narrator, they can easily distort the truth or intentionally mislead the reader. And the best part? You don’t always know if the narrator is unreliable until—BAM—they reveal one tiny detail that makes you rethink the entire novel!
Here are the books that had us questioning EVERYTHING:
This Darkness Mine by Mindy McGinnis
Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson
All Your Twisted Secrets by Diana Urban
Grown by Tiffany Jackson
We Were Liars E. Lockhart
The Walls Around Us by Nova Ren Suma
People Like Us by Dana Mele
Dreaming Darkly by Caitlin Kittredge
Nobody Knows But You by Anica Mrose Rissi
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Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Persona 5
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Maruki Takuto & Persona 5 Protagonist, Kurusu Akira & Maruki Takuto, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Characters: Kurusu Akira, Amamiya Ren (Persona Series), Persona 5 Protagonist, Maruki Takuto, Akechi Goro, Sakamoto Ryuji, Morgana (Persona Series), Kitagawa Yusuke, Niijima Makoto, Okumura Haru, Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi, Takamaki Ann
Additional Tags: Unreliable Narrator, Angry Goro Akechi, Protective Phantom Thieves, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Altered Mental States, Maruki Bashing, POV Akechi Goro, hence the bashing lol
Summary:
If the world would continue to do its best to tear poor Kurusu-kun down, then it was Takuto's responsibility to make sure it was never allowed the opportunity.
No matter what.
--
finished the second chapter and therefore this fic! hope y’all enjoy!!! Chapter 2 is from Akechi’s point of view!
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Where Shadows Reign
read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/39fCQ1S
by revolutionarykoala
If the world would continue to do its best to tear poor Kurusu-kun down, then it was Takuto's responsibility to make sure it was never allowed the opportunity.
No matter what.
Words: 2034, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English
Fandoms: Persona 5
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: akira kurusu, Persona 5 Protagonist, Ren Amamiya, Maruki Takuto, Akechi Goro, Sakamoto Ryuji, Takamaki Ann, Kitagawa Yusuke, Niijima Makoto, Sakura Futaba, Okumura Haru, Morgana (Persona Series), Yoshizawa Sumire | Yoshizawa Kasumi
Relationships: Maruki Takuto & Persona 5 Protagonist, Kurusu Akira & Maruki Takuto, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Additional Tags: Unreliable Narrator, altered mental state, Angry Goro Akechi, Protective Phantom Thieves, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, dont look at me I SAID DONT LOOK, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers
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@sheevly seriously!! it’s been said from tfa onwards that the reason han and leia sent ben to study with luke was that he was struggling with having immense strength in the force, with finding balance and with the dark side, and that in luke they were trying to give him some badly needed guidance. interestingly the tros visual dictionary says that “[leia’s] choices are never made lightly,” in the context of her choosing to turn away from becoming a jedi because of her visions showing that path led to her son’s death. of course it’s the same here! han’s feeling in aftermath: life debt that he has to finish helping chewie (like family to him!) to free kashyyyk and find his relatives before he can turn to the future of being a father and husband is proof of just how much is family matters to him.
and the thing is, leia says flat out sending him away to luke was a mistake in tfa. meaning that’s NOT the way she would help her son with his force problems if she could do it over again. she and han blame themselves in tfa, but the narrative is clear that, while they are not perfect people or parents (who is?!), Snoke is the one to blame. snoke turned the very normal fears and insecurities ben had about himself and his family into feelings so acute that he was completely isolated from them and didn’t trust them.
it’s explicitly stated that han and leia tried to give him as normal a childhood as they could. the TWO key canon mistakes they made in his upbringing were 1) not telling him about vader and 2) sending him to study under luke. both are consistently presented as things they did in the hopes of protecting him. they ended up being the wrong choices and things han and leia deeply regretted, but to ascribe ill intent is just.... Ugh. the only specific incidents kylo ren ever mentioned from his childhood that he held against him is over-hearing conversations from before they sent him to train with luke. worried conversations that he (at least as an adult and after his fall) viewed as them being frightened of him / talking about him like “some kind of monster” which is just obvious unreliable narrator stuff. and clearly contradicted by the fact that EVEN AFTER HE’S LITERALLY KILLED PEOPLE, BOTH HAN AND LEIA BELIEVE HE CAN CHANGE AND STILL HAS GOOD IN HIM AND ARE WILLING TO STAKE THEIR LIVES ON THAT CONVICTION. PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY THINK THEIR ADULT SON WHO HAS DONE TERRIBLE THINGS STILL HAS LIGHT IN HIM WOULD NOT THINK THAT SAME SON WAS A COMPLETE “MONSTER” WHEN HE WAS ONLY 10 YEARS OLD. OH MY GOD.
THEY DID THEIR BEST FOR HIM. THEY MADE SOME MISTAKES. SNOKE HAPPENED. BUT HAN AND LEIA ALWAYS LOVED HIM AND TRIED TO DO RIGHT BY HIM.
#dont even get me started on the leia's a bad mom because she has a job#just antiquated sexist nonsense that is#sheevly#interesting i never considered the angle of the first order abductions playing a role in that decision#tumblr wouldnt let me send this for some reason IM SO GLAD I COPY PASTED IT TO GOOGLE DOCS BEFORE TRYING TO POST#and by unreliable narrator i hope its obvious im not calling him a LIAR#im saying his perception is warped by#factors like not hearing whole conversation snoke convincing him thats what they meant something like that
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by Dragonfire719
Ren Amamiya's life ends the moment he is arrested. Sent away to Tokyo while on probation for an entire year, he plans to live an honest student life and not get involved with anything at all. Truly, feigning ignorance to all of society's problems is a sure fire way to prevent his future from going up in smoke.
Isn't apathy such a wonderful thing?
Of course, a talking cat, a detective, and even parts of his own inner psyche just can't seem to agree with that plan.
At least the blue butterfly he keeps seeing everywhere won't force him into anything.
(In which Ren is bitter, Lavenza is trying her best, Morgana is confused, the Phantom Thieves are experiencing some serious deja vu, and Akechi may or may not know what he's doing.)
Words: 2760, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Persona 5
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: F/M, Gen, M/M
Characters: Persona 5 Protagonist, Amamiya Ren (Persona Series), Akechi Goro, Morgana (Persona Series), Lavenza (Persona Series), Yoshizawa Kasumi, Yoshizawa Sumire, Maruki Takuto, Sakura Sojiro, Takamaki Ann, Sakamoto Ryuji, Sakura Futaba, Niijima Makoto, Okumura Haru, Kitagawa Yusuke
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Amamiya Ren/Yoshizawa Sumire, Persona 5 Protagonist & Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Persona 5 Protagonist & Sakura Sojiro, Amamiya Ren & Lavenza (Persona Series), Maruki Takuto & Persona 5 Protagonist, Morgana & Persona 5 Protagonist
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, New Game Plus, NG+, Time Travel, Unreliable Narrator, Depression, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Miscommunication, Slow Burn, Character Study, Self-Indulgent, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Mostly Ren-centric, I took the "love-triangle" joke and ran with it, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Not Beta Read
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