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#Sorry didn't get as much done today as hoped - shit went down but hopefully I'll get stuff done tomorrow
amischiefofmuses · 6 months
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❝Authors are magpies, echoing each other's words ------------ and seizing avidly on anything that glitters.❞
Includes canon muses from;; Stranger Things, BBC Sherlock, BBC Ghosts, Marvel, The Owl House, Star Wars, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Helluva Boss and more!! And oc muses with the following themes;; Fantasy, superheroes, gods, aliens - also includes ocs based on Homestuck, The Owl House and Invader Zim
+ CARRD + BLOG + ASK +
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youbloodymadgenius · 3 years
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Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1
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Moodboard by @quantumlocked310
Ivarello’s masterpost here
A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖
A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂
A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩
In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.
Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!
Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊
Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.
Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.
Words: 1806
Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.
Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂
🛡⚔️🛡
June 2021
Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"
Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"
Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.
"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.
When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"
He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.
"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."
His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"
The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.
Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.
He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.
"What are you going to wear?"
"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"
"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."
"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"
For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.
Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.
First, his stepmom is not–
Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.
Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.
So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.
Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.
The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.
Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.
Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.
Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.
Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.
Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.
Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.
And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.
Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.
So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.
Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.
So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.
But... Yes, there's a but...
Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.
Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.
Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.
Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.
Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.
And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.
That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.
But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.
And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.
"I can't wait."
"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."
"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"
"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."
"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"
Wait. His mind goes blank.
Fuck.
What? Did he hear right?
As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.
Fuck.
He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.
Fuck.
When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"
Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"
"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"
Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"
But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.
I'll go! I'll fucking go!
He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.
With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."
He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"
Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"
Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?
Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."
With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.
Y/N. Fuck.
🛡⚔️🛡
Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom
Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings
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hangezoeenthusiast · 3 years
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Totem of Undying
gn!reader
person: c!technoblade
word count: 1,852
warnings: blood, yelling, cursing, failed execution (art not mine, SAD-ist on youtube)
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One day, you were pacing across Techno’s floor, wearing out the carpet, wondering were he was. He was gone for 9 days, and normally he isn’t out for that long.
He specifically said before his little expedition, “I won’t be gone long, I just got to get something for Phil.” “Ok, have fun honey.” you said, not looking up at him from your book. “You’re sure you don’t need anything?” he asked, trying to find a way to spend a little more time with you before he left. “Yeah, I’m sure, just tell Phil that I said hi.”
“Ok, bye my Aphrodite.”
Ever since, you haven’t gotten any messages on the comms, no messenger birds from him, or any sign of communication between the piglin hybrid and you.
“If he was going to Phil, then I should call Phil.” you murmured under your breath. How could you forget, he said he was going to get something for Phil, so he must be with him.
You looked for you phone, and called Phil’s number. “Hello, who is this?” replied on the other side of the phone. “Phil, is this you, I need to talk to you.”
“Oh hey Y/n, how are you doing?” “Not particularly well, um I have a question, is Techno there, he isn’t answering my calls.”
"Umm, well, he isn't here right now." he states, regret lacing his words. "Well where is he, it's urg-" Phil cut you off, "Y/n, you don't know?"
"What do you mean Phil?"
"I don't wanna say this, but he got captured by the Butcher Army." "Are you fucking kidding me, when he get caught?" you questioned. "IThey came to your house a few days ago, didn't you see them?" "No, I don't think so."
Then you suddenly remembered, “I think they might have came to our house. I was on a trip to get some spider eyes, so I guess that’s when they came over and got Techno.”
“Yeah, they haven’t come back yet, they tried to interrogate me, but I said no, and then they put an ankle monitior on me.” “They decided that if I wasn’t going to tell them anything, they would confine me to my house.”
You apologized to him, “I’m sorry Phil, hopefully you get that off soon enough.” “It’s fine Y/n/n, right now, what I’m concerned about is Techno. The Butcher Army built something, it’s a little cage with an anvil, I watched them build it, but it was kinda vague to me.” "I'm coming to L'Manberg Phil, I'll be there in a hour or so." "Ok, be safe."
-
You arrived in L'Manberg, looking for Phil's house. "Hey Y/n." he spoke. "Right back at you Phil, how are you doing today?" "I'm doing eh, I'm just worrying about Techno." "Me too, hopefully he turns up soon."
So then you stayed with Phil for a while, drinking tea and talking about random stuff. You were trying to buy your time until Techno popped up somewhere, preferably unharmed.
“Yeah Phil, there was-” Hooves stomped on grass, triumphant talking covering every sound outside. The people that cut you off was the Butcher Army, who was boasting their victory over their fight with Technoblade.
Techno, blood all over his skin, bruises on his face, barely showing any sign of his true skin tone. Chains rapping all over his body so he wouldn't escape. You felt devastated, what had they done to him? Behind them was Quackity riding Carl, holding him hostage so Techno couldn't escape on his steed. "What did they do to you?" you whispered under your breath.
They led Techno to the stage, when he looked up at you and Phil, suprise basking his face. "PHIL, PHIL, WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU PHIL, Y/N, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" he yelled from under you guys. "I'M FINE TECHNO, THEY PUT AN ANKLE MONITOR ON ME." Phil screamed back.
They dragged him away from the house, bringing him onto the stage. "LEAVE PHIL AND Y/N ALONE YOU HEAR ME, LEAVE THEM ALONE." he retaliated. They locked him in the cage, where he was waiting his impending doom.
"Technoblade, this is actually not a trial, if you look up, you can see an anvil hanging down. When we press that lever down there, what it's going to do is drop on you and it's going to fucking kill you."
After Quackity's little statement, he demanded Tubbo to explain to everyone what was happening, but what they didn't know was that there was an ally, or friend of Techno's that would help him sooner or later.
After Tubbo spoke about how Techno betrayed the country, and how he had to pay for his wrongdoings, Punz swooped in, throwing snowballs to distract the Butcher Army. With his armor clad self, he started to attack them, momentarily trying to buy time for Techno. He splashed potions all around himself and the Butcher Army.
Then he started to load up the stage with unlit TnT, sending a warning to the Butcher Army not to fuck with him. Quackity yelled in scaredness, hoping that Punz wouldn't light the TnT. "PUNZ, PUNZ, CHILL THE FUCK OUT PUNZ, CALM DOWN." Quackity begged. He didn't stop, and that lead to the whole Butcher Army attacking him with their axes.
While they were chasing Punz, they didn't realize that he slipped Techno a totem of undying. That's right, one of the only things that can prevent death if someone was to kill someone else. So when Punz left the scene, and Ghostbur came to the stage to secretly tell Techno that he named his sheep "Friend", they started to prepare for execution.
"Ok, no more, I'm pulling this fucking lever." Quackity stated. And there is was, he pulled the lever, and the anvil went crashing down on Techno's head. But Quackity didn't know that he had a totem of undying in his hand, so when the anvil came down on Techno, there was a flurry of green and yellow sparks all around him, protecting him from his death.
During the little show, Techno escaped the iron cage, and ran for his life. The Butcher Army was confused, why did Technoblade die, he was supposed to perish, right?
He ran to the little hole in the ground, and was meet by Dream, riding Carl. Dream started to block up the hole, while Techno rode Carl to victory. As he rode Carl, he reached a control room, where there was chests filled with stuff for specific people. There was Eret's, Tubbo's, his, and many others.
He looted his chest, put iron armor on, and started to prepare for his journey. He splashed potions onto his body, giving him strength for a few minutes, and swiftness. When he realized that the pathway wasn't large enough for both him and Carl, he started to break blocks so he and Carl wouldn't suffocate in the walls.
While he was doing that, Quackity sneaked up behind him, taking him by suprise. “Techno, you’re not leaving this place, how didn’t you die?”
“None of your business Quackity, how about you leave me alone.”
“You’re my business Techno, and as long as you’re alive, this server is going to go to shit.” And this the fight began, Techno only donning a pick axe for a weapons, and iron armor, and Quackity, with full netherite and all the tools you could ever need for a fight.
Their weapons clashed together into a disgusting sound. “I’M GOING TO DEFEAT YOU TODAY TECHNOBLADE.” shouted Quackity, thinking he was going to win. “NOT A CHANCE.” Techno answered.
Quackity was clearly arrogant in this matter, even though he had the good stuff, and Techno had the shitty stuff that would be easily broken, he forget something. He forgot that he didn’t have technique, and Techno was the great night Blood God. Technoblade could’ve easily, if he wanted to, take down an entire village.
But he didn’t, and that’s what Quackity didn’t realize. Yes, Techno did some shitty things in the past, but he declared that he was going to retire from the fighting, from everything that related to violence. It wasn’t necessary to try to execute him.
So when the final swing hit, Quackity with his ego to a high capacity, at almost half a heart, Techbo easily defeated and killed Quackity, taking one of his canon lives.
-
You paced across the wooden floor for 10 minutes. “Phil, is Techno ok, where is he, why isn’t he here right now, Phil-” you cut yourself off, “Phil, is he dead?” “No he isn’t Y/n/n, I know Techno, he’s still alive, trust me.” he assured you, trying to comfort your thoughts, but it wasn’t getting to you.
Techno had to be dead, an anvil fell on him. “But what was the green and yellow sparks, what was the reason for that?” you thought. Was that a distraction, or was it something more significant.
“Phil, are you sure he’s-” he interrupted you with a shush. “Do you hear that?” he asked, not sure what’s was happening outside of his home. “No, I don’t, what’s wrong?” “Stay here Y/n.” he ignored your question.
He sneaked toward the door, trying to quiet his footsteps. He slowly opened the door, looked around, and saw Techno standing there, covered in bloody armor. “Holy shit Techno, what are you doing here, they could come any minute.”
“I need Y/n for a second.” he calmly said, trying to ease Phil’s nerves. “Mate, what about the Butcher-”
“I killed their leader.” “Heh?” “I killed Quackity, unfortunately it isn’t permanent.” he sighed. “Ok, first of all, weirdchamp, and secondly, please come inside, you’re worrying me right now.”
Phil let Techno in, and offered him a cup of tea. “No thanks Phil, so back to what I was saying, where is Y/n?” “Oh, they’re in the back, I thought you were someone else.” “Thanks.”
He stepped towards the direction you were in, and opened the door to find a frantic, worried Y/n. He put his body on the doorframe nonchalantly, “You missed me?” You turned around from your pacing, and looked at Techno, relief coating your eyes, “TECHNO.”
“Y/n.” he replied. You hurriedly walked to Techno, and gave him a bone-crushing hug. “Oh my goodness I’ve missed you so much, why did you have to leave, I don’t want you to die, fuck Quackity and the rest of them...” You rambled on and on about how the Butcher Army should be convicted, and a whole bunch of other things, when Techno cut you off, “Calm down my Aphrodite, I’m back, and that’s all that matters.”
"Ok, well are you hurt anywhere, Phil has some healing pots as well as some bandages." "I'm fine, but are you ok, did they hurt you?" he put his hand on your shoulders. "I'm ok, they didn't acknowledge me."
"Well, I'm glad that was the case."
You severely hugged him again, "Please never leave without me, I don't want this happening again."
"Never Y/n, never."
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owlswhisper · 3 years
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Dear @inkskinned ,
I saw one of your posts swing by on instagram, and it slapped me in the face. I liked it and scrolled on. As you do. But the words glued themselves to the ceiling of my mind. I don't know how much time went by before I came across it again... This time, this time, I wrote it down. I read the sentence over and over again. I tried twisting it around, interpret it in different ways, see if it gave anything else. Yeah I might've analysed the heck out of it (I overthink all the time).
It's one of those sayings you know. You've seen it before. You've talked about it before with friends and others. And if you think about it, it's logical. But logical isn't enough. It doesn't infuse it into your core beliefs, into your inner system. You know it, but haven't assimilated it. That's where I was. For some reason, the way you formulated it, it clicked something deep down. Like scraping rust off an old mechanism, and somehow it starts to go (and for someone who's done quite a few self-help exercises and such, I did not expect to find an "epiphany spark" here).
"The pursuit of perfection kills joy & I hope whatever you do today, you're allowed to do it badly"
"You're allowed" is what stabbed me right in the heart. I was conditioned to always do "good", "good enough", "high grades", "good friends"... "perfect" was what I heard... I now realise that's probably why I ended up being afraid of doing anything. Because I knew it wouldn't be good enough. I was, and am still convinced, of my own mediocrity. So why start at all? Why try? "Failure" never felt like an option. Growing up, my parents unconsciously kept that pressure. They still do at times (without being too aware of it). But I also realised, I never gave myself permission to do things badly. A part of me always judged, always surveyed what I did and the "quality of the work". Doing anything became nerve-wracking. Until you "gave me your blessing" to do badly. It was weird. My guts churned. I doubted. Could I really? I took my notebook and wrote weirdly into it. I didn't follow those lines. I blotched out smudges of messed up letters. I wrote upside down, sideways, over washi-tapes, filled gaps with dissonant colours...
And I LOVED IT.
I felt free, and all I was doing was writing in a notebook. I also felt awkward for feeling like that from simply writing crazy. It started bleeding out into other aspects of my life too.
No I still don't have all my shit together, and that okay. No I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life. That's okay too.
But those things I know I want to do? I've already started a little. But I'll do them. I'll write that first short-story I've wanted to for ages. I'll do it badly. And I'll learn and get better, and probably re-write it. I'll keep drawing maps and building plans for stories and adventures. I'll push on with the wood carving and make wonky figures.
I'll also mess up, and revert back to my silly perfectionist self. I'll get anxious, nervous and angry at myself. I'll hate it. And I'll learn (hopefully), and push through (also hopefully).
I've rewritten your phrase about a dozen times now. It's kind of become my mantra these days. And I love it.
So if you've made it this far... well, sorry for the long post, but I had to tell you and let it out.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU
THANK YOU_THANK YOU_THANK YOU_THANK YOU_THANK YOU
From a complete stranger, somewhere in the world and through the internet, I love you.
I have never felt so free.
Thank you
Whoever you are and where-ever you are, I'm holding you tight in my mind's arms, and showering you with kisses. And from this I can only wish you all the very best I can imagine!
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helloalycia · 5 years
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solar flare // kara danvers
SUMMARY: Unaware that your girlfriend is Supergirl, things get a little confusing when she gets into an accident that should have threatened her life.
WARNING/S: mentions of death.
Author's note: this has been sat in my drafts for a looooong time, along with a bunch of other stuff that I'll probably be putting out over the next few days. Sorry it's a little shit lol 
masterlist
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       I felt my dreamscape fading as I realised somebody was shuffling next to me, eventually making me open my eyes tiredly. I realised it was Kara, evidently uncomfortable, trying to find a comfortable position. I groaned quietly, trying to wake myself up a little more so I could ask her what's wrong.
       "Sorry," she whispered, sounding exhausted.
      "Mmmt's okay," I mumbled incoherently, before motioning for her to come closer.
      She instantly moved towards me, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. I wrapped my free arm around her waist, resting my hand on the slight exposed skin where the hem of her shirt was. I heard her breathe out contently and I pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head before trying to fall asleep again.
      That morning, I ended up waking up before Kara, so I did my usual boring routine before deciding to cook some breakfast for us both. It didn't take long and by the time I was done, Kara walked into the kitchen area, a sleepy smile on her lips.
      "Good morning," she said, approaching me with open arms.
      I accepted her hug with a smile, kissing her cheek before saying, "Morning, sleepyhead. I made breakfast."
      "I can see that," she noted, staring out at the island, where everything was. "You didn't need to do that."
      I ushered her to take a seat as I said, "It's nothing special unfortunately. Just some eggs and whatnot. Buuuuut I figured since I'm here, I may as well make the effort. It might make you reconsider about us moving in together."
      Kara sighed, massaging her forehead with discomfort. "Y/N..."
      "If it's about staying in your flat, I'm completely okay with it," I added hopefully. "I mean, of course I'll miss my place, but if it means I get to see you every day then it's worth it, right?"
      "Y/N, please, not today," she said, giving me a pleading look. "I'm just... I'm not in the mood."
      I breathed out slowly. "Right, sorry."
      Kara and I had been together for almost two years and I had proposed the idea of us moving in together a few months ago, since we pretty much spent most nights together anyway. I was instantly met with rejection, Kara claiming she wasn't ready. At first, I respected her decision, hoping it was just nerves and she'd eventually come around, but I was still waiting for the latter to happen.
      I served up breakfast and the two of us sat there in an awkward silence, until I finally decided to say something.
      "We still on for drinks with my friends after work?" I asked, glancing up at the quiet blonde.
      Kara's expression told me everything I need to know - she'd forgotten. After swallowing a sip-full of orange juice, probably to buy time, she nodded. "Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll be there."
      "You sure?"
      She nodded. "Of course."
      "If you're not up for it, it's fine," I said, giving her a knowing look.
      "I said I'll be there," she promised, dropping her fork to grab my hand and give it a supportive squeeze. "I'm not feeling well, but I'm sure it'll pass. Sorry for being off this morning... you hate me?"
      I gave her a small smile, unable to resist her adorable sparkling blue eyes. "I could never."
***
      "...it worked out though because I got the promotion, so yeah, that's how I got here," Y/BF/N finished explaining with a bright smile.
      "She says it so simply, but it took a lot of hardworking and perseverance on her part," her boyfriend, Hasan, added, making me laugh.
      "Oh, shut up," Y/BF/N said with a blushing face, nudging her boyfriend in the arm.
      I smiled at the two of them, admiring how cute they looked. I was having a long overdue catch up with my best friend and also meeting her new boyfriend. Well, they'd been together for almost six months, but he'd been on a business trip, so I was only just now meeting him. Kara was here, too, as promised, but she was acting a little off, worrying me a little. She was usually a bubbly personality, especially when it came to Y/BF/N, but all she'd been doing this evening was giving one-word responses and playing with my hand under the table.
      "You guys want any more drinks? I'm gonna get another," I said, already standing up.
      "Yeah sure, same again if you don't mind," Y/BF/N said.
      "Thanks," Hasan added, nodding.
      "Same again, got it," I said, before looking to Kara. "C'mon, Kara, you can give me a hand."
      She seemed reluctant, but nodded and allowed me to drag her away from the table and to the bar. I ordered the drinks as Kara spoke.
      "Did you really need my help to carry two drinks?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
      I gave her a knowing look. "Kara, I asked for you help because I want to know what's wrong with you."
      "What do you mean?"
      "Kara, you know what I mean," I said. "You're acting weird and the others are beginning to notice. What's wrong?"
      She sighed, frowning and avoiding my eyes. "I don't really want to be here..."
      "Here's your drinks, Miss," the bartender said, pushing two glasses towards me.
      "Cheers." I nodded his way before looking back to Kara with worried eyes. "I asked you this morning if you were still up for it. And again before we came in here."
      "I know, but I just don't feel well," she admitted, giving me an apologetic glance, "and you were really looking forward to tonight."
      I grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "Kara, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to come tonight. That wasn't my intention"
      "You didn't," she reassured, meeting my eyes.
      "Well, either way, I think we can call it a night," I said, giving her a small smile.
      "You don't have to leave just because of me-"
      "It's okay," I cut her off, grabbing the drinks from the bar. "Come on. Let's go back to mine."
      She followed me to the table and I set the drinks down before grabbing my jacket.
       “I'm really sorry, guys, but Kara isn't feeling too good, so I think we're gonna call it a night," I said with an apologetic smile. "It was really great to catch up though, and of course, to meet you Hasan."
      "Aw, okay, I hope you feel better, Kara," Y/BF/N said, standing up and pulling us both in for a hug. "It was nice to see you both again."
      "Thanks," Kara said, forcing a small smile.
      "It was a pleasure, ladies," Hasan said, giving us a quick hug. "Hopefully we can meet again soon."
      "Of course," I agreed, looking between them, before putting some money on the table. "Drinks are on me. Enjoy yourselves."
      Kara and I left the bar, only to find ourselves in some terrible weather. It was chucking it down, making us both stay standing under the the umbrella extending from the roof of the bar.
      "Damn, okay, this isn't going to help with you not feeling well," I muttered, glancing out at the road to see if I could spot a taxi. I looked to Kara, saying, "Just wait here. I'm gonna try and get a taxi for us."
      Kara nodded and I headed out from the umbrella, feeling the cold rain smack down on me harshly. I sighed and stood on the edge of the pavement, looking out to see if I could spot a taxi in the distance. Eventually, in the darkness, I could spot the familiar yellow bumper of a taxi under the nearest street lamp, so I raised my hand to get its attention. It flashed its headlights briefly, so I lowered my hand and watched as it came to stop by me, except as it tried to pull over to the side, its tyres skidded in the rain and propelled the car towards at me at a dangerous speed.
      I barely had the chance to register what was happening because everything moved so fast. One second I was stood at the edge of the pavement with headlights beaming at me, and the next I was on the wet ground, trying to understand why people were shouting around me.
      "Miss, are you okay? Can you hear me?"
      I looked up and saw a stranger trying to help me stand up. I looked around with confusion, only to see a few people gathered around a body in front of the taxi. A few more people were helping the taxi driver out of his cab and I realised that I was about to get hit, but someone had pushed me out the way. Wait a minute...
      "Kara?!" I yelled, shoving the stranger out of my way to see if Kara was where I left her, but she wasn't.
      I immediately ran over to the body in front of the taxi and felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach when I saw the state she was in.
      "Kara, oh my god, no, Kara," I cried out, kneeling by her side.
      She was bleeding from her head, it soaking into her wet hair. The rain was washing the blood into a puddle all around her, which made me see the odd angle her leg was twisted in.
      "Please open your eyes," I begged, my own eyes blurring with tears. I cupped her face, hoping she'd wake up, but I knew it was impossible. I leaned down and held my breath, hoping she would breathe to let me know she was alive. After what felt like forever, I felt a tickle against my skin, and I sat up with relief.
      "We've called an ambulance, Miss," someone said from behind me, but I couldn't formulate a response because I was too focused on how pale Kara was getting as each second passed.
      The ambulance arrived soon enough, but I couldn't remember the specifics because it went by in a blur. They were hooking Kara up to a bunch of machines and it was frightening me, seeing her look so vulnerable. I must have called Alex at one point during the ride because when I got to the hospital and ushered to the waiting room, Alex was already there.
      When she saw me, she immediately came to give me a reassuring hug.
      "I'm sorry, Alex, I don't know why she did that," I rambled out, feeling the guilt sink in. "She said she didn't want to come and I shouldn't have made her because then we wouldn't be in this mess. I'm so sorry."
      Alex grabbed my arms and looked me in the eyes. "Y/N, calm down, it's okay. You can't blame yourself for what happened. But I need you to listen carefully, okay?"
      I nodded, still feeling discomfort in my gut.
      "I'm going to talk to Kara's doctors and get her transferred," she explained.
      I furrowed my brows. "Transferred? Why would you do that?"
      "I'll explain after, I just need you to stay calm and know that Kara will be okay."
      I shook my head. "Alex, she looked really bad. I'm scared that... I don't know."
      "I promise you she's going to be fine," she said confidently. "Now, I'm gonna talk to the doctors and when I get back, we're gonna take a drive."
      "Alex-"
      "Trust me, Y/N," she said, giving me a slight nod before leaving me standing in the waiting room, wondering what the hell was happening.
      Alex returned, as promised, and she led me to her car before driving us to God knows where. I tried to get some answers out of the older Danvers sister, but she refused to budge and insisted I'd find out eventually. So, I was left to worry about Kara's life and wondering why Alex was so sure she'd be okay. It was her little sister and she didn't even seem concerned?
      We reached our destination soon enough and I grew confused as I saw how secure this location was. I'd probably walked by this building so many times, yet never questioned its existence. I'd apparently never noticed the armed guards at the doors either.
      "Come on, this way," Alex finally spoke when we left the car.
      I sucked up a shaky breath and wiped away at my tears as I followed her through the building. The guards by the door seemed to know who she was as they straightened up with respect and let her pass. We took a lift up to which Alex seemed nervous, glancing my way every now and then. I desperately wanted to ask her where we were and if Kara was here, too, but I knew she'd give me the same response each time, so I stayed quiet.
      Finally, the doors opened and I widened my eyes with surprise, taking in the vast room before me. There were people dressed in uniform all around, some at control panels and their attention focused on the giant monitors on the wall, others walking around with serious expressions.
      I followed Alex like a lost lamb, letting her lead me up some stairs onto the balcony above. I tried to look around the room for a symbol or a logo - something that would tell me where we were, but I couldn't find anything distinguishable. I continued to follow Alex until we reached a room with glass windows, allowing me to see inside. I did a double take when I realised Kara was inside, laying on a bed, motionless.
      "Kara!" I shouted, already running inside to her bedside.
      I startled some of the (what I'm guessing are) nurses, as they moved out of my way. Alex waved her hand, signalling for them to leave.
      "Why is she here?" I asked, worriedly, realising she wasn't in surgery or being treated for her visible injuries. "What's this...?" I motioned to the light sources above her, emitting some sort of yellow light on her pale skin. "She should be in surgery or something. Alex!"
      I looked over my shoulder to see Alex stepping by my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leading me away from her bedside for the moment. I wiped away my tears and waited for an explanation.
      "I know you're confused and you're scared, but Y/N, I need you to listen to me," Alex spoke calmly, never breaking eye contact. I nodded as she continued. "As crazy as this sounds, you need to believe what I'm about to say. Kara needs you to."
      "Alex, you're starting to scare me," I said, feeling shivers run down my spine. "What's wrong with Kara?"
      Alex bit her lower lip before taking a breath. "Remember how I said Kara is gonna be fine?" I nodded as she continued, "Well, she is. She looks battered and bruised now, but it's because she exerted her powers and has momentarily lost them. A solar flare."
      I stared at Alex like she was a ghost. "What the hell are you talking about?" I was convinced she'd lost her mind at this point. Maybe it was the shock of Kara's accident or something, but she was definitely not making sense.
      "Y/N, Kara is Supergirl," she said bluntly. "The reason she's been off lately is because she's been agitated that she doesn't have her powers and she can't help people."
      I gave her a confused look. "Alex, you sound insane!"
      "Look, we're at the DEO," she continued to explain, not fazed by my judgemental expression. "I'm the director. We work to handle any extra-terrestrial threats invading our planet and we do that with the help of Supergirl."
      I felt my heart rate increasing with every word she spoke. I could barely keep up with what she was saying.
      "My parents adopted Kara when she landed on Earth," she explained, and I tried to understand. "She wears those glasses to hide her identity and to help with her x-ray vision."
      "X-ray vision?" I squeaked helplessly.
      She nodded. "Yes. I can even show you the suit, but Y/N, I'm telling you this because I need you to understand that Kara will be fine. She's technically vulnerable like a human, but as soon as her powers come back, she'll heal with those UV lamps and be absolutely fine."
      Alex searched my eyes to see what I was thinking. I stared at her, letting her words digest, before finally speaking.
      "Please tell me you're joking."
      She groaned, before grabbing my shoulders. "Y/N! Look at her!" She twisted me around, forcing me to look at Kara. "She's Supergirl! You have to believe me."
      I knew she was right, as much as I didn't want to admit it. If I admitted it, it meant that she didn't trust me with her secret and that she made me worry for her life when she would be fine this whole time.
      "She didn't tell me," I finally spoke, my voice barely above a whisper.
      I calmed down a little, reassured that she would be okay, but that didn't change the fact that I thought she was going to die not long ago. I felt like hot water bubbling over, trying to settle after someone turned the gas off, but I couldn't quite keep up.
      "I'm sure she had her reasons, Y/N," Alex began sympathetically, but I cut her off.
      "How do I get out of here?" I asked, tearing my gaze away from Kara and looking to Alex.
      "You're leaving?" Alex sounded surprised.
      "She'll be fine, right?" I asked and Alex nodded, about to respond, but I rolled my eyes and gave her a sarcastic smile. "Of course she will be - she's the Girl of Steel! Now, how do I get out of here?"
      "Y/N, come on," Alex tried to reason.
      "Come on what? She didn't-" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "She didn't tell me. There's nothing more to say. Now, please let me go home."
      Alex searched my eyes for something more, and when she found nothing, she sighed and nodded before leading me out. I glanced at Kara one last time, feeling distaste at the thought of everything that had just happened, before following Alex.
***
      I found myself lounging on my couch the next day, sulking into a bowl of popcorn as I watched The Office reruns. I was trying to use the show as a distraction, but all that was on my mind was Kara. I tried to imagine her as Supergirl, remembering all those times I'd seen the hero on the news or flying in the sky. That was her.
      All those times when she'd bail on a date last minute, or when she'd leave a date early... it made sense. Why she didn't like the idea of taking a mini vacation with me, or sleeping over at hers all the time. I thought it was a weird quirk of hers, or that she was insecure about something, but no, she was too busy flying around National City.
      And that explained why she didn't want to move in together. She hadn't told me the truth about her, so moving in and seeing her act even more secretive would raise questions. Here was me thinking she was losing interest, but no, she was hiding a huge part of herself.
      I constantly tried to wonder why she didn't trust me. I mean, almost two years of being together was a long time. I thought I knew everything about her and vice versa. Why was this any different? I could care less if she was an alien and she knew that, so what was the reason?
      Kara let me believe she was human. Vulnerable, breakable and soft, like me. She got hit by a car and let me believe, even for a moment, that she could have died. That it would have been my fault that she died, or at least, suffered major injuries. She let my mind run around with those horrible thoughts and scenarios, let it break me apart as I watched her limp, bruised and battered body lying on the wet tarmac.
      She didn't tell me the truth.
      I groaned loudly and stuffed more popcorn into my mouth when I realised I was getting stuck in my thoughts all over again - the same thoughts that had kept me up all night. I tried to focus my attention on what was happening on the TV when I heard a knock on my door.
      I rolled my eyes and glanced at the door before choosing to ignore whoever it was and wallow in my own self-pity.
      "Y/N, I know you're in there!" a voice called from the other side of the door, and I recognised it as Kara's.
      I clenched my jaw and ignored her.
      "I can see you watching TV," she said in a hushed voice. "Please open the door. I have to explain."
      "That must be the x-ray vision, right?" I called back, bitterly.
      I heard her sigh. "If you don't open the door, I'm gonna come in."
      "That would be breaking in," I reminded her, before getting comfortable on the couch. "Go away."
      It went quiet and I assumed she'd listened, but then I heard a loud crack. I looked to the door with a puzzled expression and stared wide-eyed at Kara, who had twisted the door knob enough to break the lock. She stepped in and pulled a face at the slight crack in the lock.
      "I'll get that fixed, I swear," she said quickly, glancing up at me.
      "You can't just break into somebody's home like that!" I yelled at her, standing up to glare at her.
      "You're not somebody," she pointed out, closing the door behind her, "and I told you I would come in."
      I crossed my arms across my chest, narrowing my glare. Admittedly, I was taken aback by the lack of injuries she had. Or should I say absence of injuries. I knew Alex said she would heal like nothing had happened, but it was different to see it with my own two eyes. It was like the accident had't happened. The colour was back in her skin, her head wasn't bleeding, she was walking. She looked as good as new, save for the sudden super strength I had just witnessed. Another thing I should have expected but was still surprised to see.
      "I have to explain myself," she began, carefully.
      "Alex caught me up on everything," I said angrily, "Supergirl."
      She frowned, looking down at her shoes guiltily. "I wanted to tell you, Y/N."
      I raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Was that before or after you almost died? Because saving an important piece of information like the fact that you're fucking indestructible would have been nice to know before I thought you were going to die because of me!"
      "Y/N-"
      "No!" I shouted, feeling my eyes grow watery at the reminder of last night. "You let me believe the worst, Kara! I thought you were going to die! You didn't see what I saw, okay?! There was blood and there- there were so many scratches and the puddle was turning r-red and I thought you were leaving me and it- it would be my fault because I made you come to see my friends and- and- and-"
      "Y/N, it's okay," she cut in, moving forward to stand me up straight.
      I was crying, I realised, my throat closed up and my vision blurred. I was too upset to push her away, and the warmth coming from her skin reminded me that she was here and alive and well, only intensifying my sobs.
      "Y-you should have told me," I cried into her shoulder. "I thought you were going to leave me."
      She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed gently, reassuringly. "I know," she agreed, her voice hoarse. I felt her nod several times as she said, "You're right. I should've told you. I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry."
      I swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. "Why didn't you?"
      She breathed out as I quietened down, managing myself the best I could. She pulled away, letting me see her glassy blue eyes behind her glasses. She pulled her glasses off, pocketing them, before rubbing the bridge of her nose and meeting my eyes again.
      "It wasn't because of you," she reassured firstly. "It wasn't. I just kept putting it off. I didn't know how to say it and I never found the time. It's a stupid reason, I know. I wish I had something better. But I don't. I can only apologise, Y/N."
      I pursed my lips in thought. Her eyes were darting between mine nervously and I tried to think what I could say.
      "Do you hate me?" she spoke quietly, almost expectantly.
      I felt her grip on my waist loosen as she prepared herself for my answer. I shook my head.
      "I could never hate you," I answered. "I love you, Kara."
      A hint of a smile ghosted her lips as she looked down, breathing out with relief.
      "I want you to tell me everything," I continued, earning her attention. "I want to hear it from you."
      She nodded. "Of course."
      "And I want you to be honest with me from here on out," I added, giving her a knowing look. "You can't hide stuff from me, especially when it involves Supergirl."
      "I promise I'll tell you everything," she said with a nod.
      I read her expression, sensing the honesty. Satisfied with my instructions, I moved forward and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I closed my eyes, appreciating her presence, even if she pissed me off a little.
      She returned the embrace, pressing a kiss to my neck before pulling me closer.
       “You'll never lose me," she said quietly. "I promise."
246 notes · View notes
hannie-dul-set · 5 years
Text
(thirteen times) i love you— 01
— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren’t meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?
01 // the day it all went down
word count: 4.3k
a/n: the first part is finally here!! heheh. be warned that this is nothing but an absolute shitfest rip HAHHAH please lmk what you thought about this part!!
part 2 will be on July 9th, 8:00 PM EST!
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The soft breeze hits your skin as you walk down the dusty pavement. Clutching your books to your chest, you let out a long breath. Yet another agonizingly long day at school, I guess.
Your pace begins to slow down the moment your temporary prison appears into your field of vision. It wasn't as if you hated school— what you hated was going through the same mundane pattern nearly every single damn day to the point that it could bring a person to the brink of insanity. If that hadn't happened before, then you surely will be the first.
"Y/N! It's good to see that you're alive!" A chipper voice (thankfully) interrupts your blaring thoughts.
You groaned, "How the fuck is that a good thing, Hyerim? If anything, my impending death might actually be what the world needs right now."
"And how exactly would your death contribute to helping the earth?" Hyerim rolled her eyes, adjusting the strap of her bag as the both of you entered the campus.
A few acquaintances greeted the both of you while you passed the corridors. "Is Jiyeon not here yet?" You questioned, brushing a stray hair behind your ear.
"Said she's gonna be late," Hyerim shrugged, "And you still haven't answered my question, missy."
With a sigh, you divert your attention towards your locker which is a few feet away from you. Your eyes narrow. What the fuck? You continue to squint at the object— or more like the person leaning against it, whom which you assumed is waiting for you for god knows whatever reason.
"Hellooo? Y/N, you okay?" a waving hand blocks your vision. You turned to your friend who's giving you a worried look.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," you assured her. Hopefully. You glance back at the male who was still in the same spot as before, but this time, he seemed to have noticed you. For fucks sake, go away! Oh lord jesus, am I in trouble? You gulped and looked back to your friend.
"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you later," you bid her goodbye, walking past her "And to answer your question— overpopulation."
You heard small 'what the fuck' from your friend before you had finally left her presence, causing small grin to form in your face. Although, your brief moment of joy was cut short once you remembered the apparent doom that was waiting for you at your locker.
You made your way towards the man. With every step you take, your heart races further and a new thought of dread plants itself in your mind.
What does he want from me?! As far as I know, I haven't done anything wrong! But why else would he be here? Wait, what if I actually did something that I don't know of? Jesus— okay, relax Y/N, it probably won't be that bad. Oh god, never mind, he doesn't look happy. You know what, my death would really, really, really sound nice right now. Maybe if i just jump—
"Oh. There you are, Y/N. I've been waiting for you for quite some time now."
Lord, please take me.
"May I know why, Seungcheol?" you look up to meet his eyes, features remaining calm in the hopes of masking the internal turmoil that's going on in your head.
It takes him a while to respond. He bites his bottom lip, eyes wandering in every direction besides you. Based on his actions, you could tell he was nervous— that didn't exactly sit well with you. Why the hell is mister student council president waiting for you, and not to mention he's nervous? The last interaction you've had with him was literally months ago. None of your thoughts seemed to line up, so all you could do was just to anxiously wait for his response.
He let out a deep breath, "Look, Y/N, I'm really flattered that you like me and—"
Your brows furrowed. What?
"—and I appreciate the fact that you think I'm handsome and all—"
The hell is he saying?
"—but you know I have a girlfriend and I really don't think she'll —"
"Seungcheol, what are you talking about?" you cut him off, your face filled with confusion.
You see him pressing his lips together. He reaches his hand into his pocket and takes out something from it.
A look of horror shrouds your face upon seeing the familiar object. Your eyes widen and you could feel your breathing starting to become erratic.
Oh my god no no no, please, for the love of god, don't tell me—
"I got your letter, Y/N," a yellow envelope appears in his hand, "I'm really sorry, I really do appreciate the sentiment but I don't think Minyoung will be happy if she sees— wait, Y/N, are you okay?"
You shake you head, hyperventilating. Your eyes still focused on the dreaded envelope in Seungcheol's hand. This can't be happening, this cannot be happening.
Seungcheol's hands meet your shoulders, "Hey, do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he looks at you, eyes filled with worry.
"I'll— I'll be fine, y-yeah, I'm okay—"
You freeze.
"No, you're obviously not fine, Y/N. I'm taking you to the infirmary."
What if the rest has theirs?
"I— I have to go—" you shake his hands off of you and you ran off, leaving a confused and rather bewildered Seungcheol behind.
As you raced through the halls, all of the students that you came across seemed to be giving you worried glance. They probably thought you were having a breakdown— which in fact, you are (surprise.) You must've looked absolutely terrible for them to even notice. You had no idea where you were headed— anywhere where you could lose your mind without anyone seeing would be nice. You take a swift turn, but instead of moving forward, you were stopped back a rather broad and muscular chest.
"Oh damn, you alright there, Y/N?" you slowly look up and you were met by the face you someone you really didn't want to see.
"Earth to, Y/N? Have you lost the ability to speak or maybe I've just rendered you speechless?" you nearly slapped the shameless grin on the man's face, but you remained still.
"Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you, Gyu."
You snap your head to the direction of the voice. Your face contorting in horror upon seeing him. Any moment now, death.
Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao. Whatever higher being there is from above must be enjoying the shit show that your life is slowly becoming into.
You let out a small shriek as you scrambled away from the both of them.
"Okay I knew she didn't like me, but that was just rude."
Quickening your pace, you dashed your way to the back of the school. It was almost time for your first class, but all you wanted to do was just to sit down, cry, and wallow yourself in self-pity.
The doors of heaven made its way into your peripheral vision and you swear you were about to burst into tears of joy. You let out a breath and a smile of relief plastered itself on your face.
But of course, your moment of bliss just had to be cut short.
"Y/N."
You felt someone grab your arm and you let out a squeak. You'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"Sorry, it's just that I read your letter and I—"
"I, uh, I can't talk right now, Seokmin. Gotta go, bye—" for the third time today, (and possibly more to come) you ran.
It seemed like the back of the school wasn't an option to have your breakdown, anymore. You continue on running until your legs brought you in front of the infirmary. Good enough, you thought to yourself.
You tried to catch your breath as you entered the room. From the corner of your eye, you could see a nurse on duty giving you a skeptical look.
"Don't worry," you heaved, "I just— I just need to rest for a bit."
Planting yourself face-down onto one of the nearby beds, you let out a scream. Why the hell is this happening? You were just about to begin sobbing until you heard the door swung open.
"Oh, Joshua. What brings you here, sweetie?"
Of course that's gonna happen. What did I fucking expect?
You silently thank the people that invented the curtains around medical beds because if it weren't for them, you'd be fucked (more than you already were.) Although, he would still be able to see you if he comes closer and you were not willing to let that happen.
So, like any other person would do, you climbed under the bed.
You could see the nurse's alarmed expression looking at your figure. You placed your index finger on your lips.
'Please, don't tell anyone that I'm in here,' you mouthed, your face brimming with desperation. She seemed to understand your message since she diverted her attention to Joshua.
"Ah, I was just wondering if you hand any pain killers? My head started to ache while I was heading to class."
"Is that so? Just give me a moment, Joshua, I'll go get them."
"Thank you."
A pair of feet appeared in front of you and your heart started to race. You placed your palm on your mouth in case you accidentally slip out a sound.
"Here you go, dear."
"Ah, thank you so much. I'll be going now, Miss Lee."
"Alright. Remember to take care of yourself, Joshua."
The pair of feet shuffle away, causing you to let out the breath that you've been holding back.
"I won't," you heard the door swing open then put immediately to a close.
Slowly, you crawl back out from your hiding spot, hitting your head in the process. But did you care? No, because thank the fucking gods— your ass is saved for now. You stood up and started fixing your clothes and hair (and your mental state, but that's far from redeemable due to today's mishaps.) The bell rang, and you heard a cough coming from behind you. Turning around, you see the nurse looking at you with an unamused expression.
"Before you loiter around any further, I'd have to tell you that you need to get back to class, sweetie," despite the endearment at the end, the tone of her voice is less than endearing; a stark contrast from when she was talking to Joshua, earlier. But then again, he wasn't acting crazy and crawling underneath furniture, so you couldn't really blame her.
You nodded, and without a word, you scurried out of the room.
A groan exited your mouth as you made your way to your first class— chemistry. There weren't much students left in the hallway since the bell had already rung, so you're free to trudge your body around like a zombie. You've reached the door to your class, but before you could open it, you paused.
Fuck.
You curse at yourself.
Junhui is in this class.
Silently letting out a few prayers, you finally opened the door. Two pairs of eyes immediately stared at your direction— you professor, and the devil himself, Junhui.
Jesus, it's like he has been waiting for my arrival or something (guess what: he was.)
"My apologies for being late, sir, I just came from the infirmary," you explain.
"It's fine, Y/N, just go to your seat," you professor brushed you off and you nodded, following his instructions.
The class went on agonizingly slow, but perhaps that was just you hoping for it to end quickly. But, can you really blame yourself when there's literally someone drilling holes at the back of your head the entire god damned time?
Your look at the perpetrator from a few seats behind you, and were met by his intense gaze. You let a barely audible curse slip past your lips and turned your head back to the front. Can he like, stop? You could feel the warmth spreading on your cheeks from the brief interaction. Burying your face in your arms, you could only wait for the saving sound of the bell.
As if it were an ensemble of angels singing— the bell rang.
A bunch of students immediately stood up, you being one of them. You raced towards the door before Junhui could catch up to you. You exited the classroom, but before you could let out a sweet sigh of relief, you felt a hand on your shoulder.
"Hey, Y/N. Is it okay if we talk for a sec?" you paled. No, it is not okay if we talk for a sec— or ever, actually. You turned your head to face him, but before you could utter out an excuse, someone decided to interrupt.
"Sorry, Jun. But I need to borrow Y/N for a while," you thought you were finally saved, but it turns out that your savior would actually end up being your demise, as well.
Wonwoo dragged you away from Junhui without giving him a chance to respond. 
Is this some sort of sick fucking joke?
The tall male finally stopped dragging you and you both ended up in a quiet hallway. You look up at him, trying to formulate a decent excuse in your head since you already anticipated what he has to say.
"Sorry for interrupting you, but I just had to inform you to head to the clubroom after class," Wonwoo explained. "I know I could've just told you there, but you looked like you'd rather die than be that situation— whatever that was."
Huh. You thought. Hasn't he read the letter?
"Anyways, I'll be seeing you later, Y/N," he bade you farewell and left your confused self in the hallway.
You let out a heavy sigh. Thank god you we're saved just now but you know that won't last any longer. Walking at an agonizingly slow pace to your next class, you could only anticipate the next stage of torture that life has planned for you.
You made a quick stop at your locker before heading to class. Letting out a yawn, you opened it and took out everything you need. You weren’t gonna lie, this whole fiasco was starting to make you feel like a dead log . All you wanted was to sleep for ten days (and maybe cry along the way) and wake up knowing this entire thing was just a shitty dream.
You closed (read: slammed) your locker. Turning your heels, you see the presence of another person a couple of feet away from you. You groaned. Can I get a fucking break, please?
At the end of the hallway was Lee Jihoon.
You expected him to march up to you, letter in hand, and gently tell you to fuck off because he isn’t interested. But instead, the moment the male met your eyes, a flustered look crept onto his face along with a not-so-subtle red blush. You heard him mumble a low ’fuck’ before he literally ran away from you as if you had some sort of contagious disease. The tables have turned, apparently.
If you hadn’t been doing the exact same thing during the entirety of the morning, you’d be offended by his actions. You sigh, spending the next few minutes walking to your next class in silence.
Surprisingly, you weren’t late. You took a seat on the second row and waited for the class to start. An uneasy feeling started to flourish in your head. This is weird, you thought. This had been the longest time of peace that had passed before everything inevitably turns to shit again.
Just as the thought enters your mind, the door swings open, revealing none other than Boo Seungkwan.
You grumble, of course this was bound to happen. You prepared yourself for yet another uncomfortable Junhui situation to commence, but it ended up being far more worse than anticipated.
As if the universe slowed down just for this moment, Seungkwan marched towards the desk literally right beside you and, god-forbid, he sat down.
I really wish I were dead, right now.
To make things even more terrible, the male decided to strike up a conversation.
“Morning, Y/N.”
You contemplated grabbing your pen and just stabbing yourself with it, but you didn’t— that would take much too long. Instead, you ended up responding with a small ‘hi,’ which sounded more like a squeak than anything else.
Seungkwan hummed at your response and started fixing his things. You prayed, hoped, and wished that he hadn’t read the letter yet, because god you wouldn’t be able to escape this just like the previous times.
The professor started the class, and the next couple of minutes were spent with him introducing a new lesson.
You assumed your prayers have finally been answered since so far, Seungkwan hadn’t mentioned anything about the letter. You thought you could finally rest easy and focus on the class, but of course, the world decided that you haven’t suffered enough just yet.
“Psst, I was waiting for you to mention the letter you sent me, but it seems like you have zero plans so—”
“Sir, may I go to the restroom!?”
You shot up, cutting off the male beside you and catching the attention of everyone in class. You bit your bottom lip. Clearly, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t care— you just needed to leave.
“Go ahead, Miss Y/N, and please don’t yell the next time you ask.”
In a rush, you immediately left the room. You weren’t planning on going to the bathroom— for fuck’s sake, you were going home. You didn’t think you could handle the possibility of meeting any more of the recipients of your letters. You were aware you’d have to confront them in the future, but that’s in the fucking future, right now your main agenda is just to cry.
You briskly made your way around the halls, avoiding the handful of people that were around. It was an easy task since people seemed to avoid you the moment you step into their presence. From the corner of your eye, you spot the same dreaded yellow object that had been the root of your ongoing despair. Your breath hitches, bringing you to a halt upon seeing the envelope nestling in Kwon Soonyoung’s grasp.
Taking a deep breath, you hoped to sneak past the male without him noticing you in any possible way. You inched your way past him, taking one step at a time. You were about to take a turn, successfully avoiding the giant landmine that was in the form of Soonyoung, he decided to crush your hopes by looking straight at your direction. His eyes widen, opening his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give the guy a chance—
You ran.
The effect your previous marathons might’ve finally taken a toll on your body since you weren’t running as quickly as before. Your breathing started to become short and even more labored. For the meantime, you decided to stop. You wanted to escape him, not pass out. Leaning against the wall, you pant profusely, you weren’t sure if you would be able to handle this any further— physically and mentally.
You start to move again, although at a much slower pace this time. No matter what happens, you’re going home, only by then you would be able to think about a solution to your problem.
“Y/N! Wait up!”
The blood on your face drains. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck— just fuck. You could hear his footsteps getting nearer and nearer. Adrenaline rushes through your veins and you prepare yourself to start sprinting once again.
Why the fuck is this happening to me?
You sort of wish Seungcheol was just there to reprimand you earlier rather than bringing about this shit storm. It wasn’t his fault by any means, but you couldn’t find anything or anyone else to blame. God, you may have wanted a break from your daily mundane routine but isn’t this a bit too much?
Amidst your rush, a voice brings you to a halt.
“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?”
You look up to the owner of the voice, mentally spewing out a string of curses (you couldn’t say it to his face unless you wanted to be in even deeper trouble.)
“Aren’t you supposed to be in class? Why the hell are you running around the hallway?”
Jeonghan begins to scold you, although none of it seems to register in your mind. You could only focus on the sound of Soonyoung’s footsteps, who in fact is only seconds away.
“Look, Jeonghan,” you heaved, cutting him off, “I— I’m sort of in— in a situation right now,” you looked at the male in desperation, your breathing still noticeably unstable. You turn your head behind you, seeing the shadow of the male inching closer. “Fuck.”
You faced the male in front of you once again, “Sorry, Jeonghan, but I really— really have to go,” for the umpteenth time today, you ran, but it seemed like Jeonghan didn’t plan on letting you go just yet.
“What the— Y/N, I’m not done with you yet, hold on—”
Instead of one, you now have two males chasing after you. That doesn’t sound too bad if it were in aromantic context, but literally two guys— both of them being exceptionally athletic and fast— are trying to frantically catch you via a running competition. Now that sounds terrible.
Your legs were seriously about to give in— maybe this is a sign to start going to the gym. But due to some miracle (or maybe you were just really fast when desperate), you managed to put some distance between you and the two boys, but you know that wasn’t going to last long. What you need was a hiding place, but where the fuck could you possible hide?
“Yo, Y/N, over here,” you turn your head and see Vernon, who you hoped hasn’t read your letter yet— you probably wouldn’t be able to handle another guy coming for your ass.
Taking the risk, you march up to him, hoping he could help you in some way. He points at his locker and you furrowed your brows in response, how is that supposed to help you?
“Hurry, get in, I’ll tell them you ran off somewhere else,” Vernon ushered you inside the compartment. You gape at him. Were you really gonna let him lock you in his locker in order to get two guys off of your tail? To answer: yes, yes you were.
You struggled to let yourself fit, but although extremely cramped, you managed. From the holes of the locker’s door, you were able to see and hear what was going on outside. A few seconds pass, then Jeonghan and Soonyoung appeared into view.
“Vernon, have you seen Y/N around?” Jeonghan asked, his breath hitching just the slightest bit.
Vernon, for the love of god, please be on my side.
“Yeah, she ran off in that direction,” he pointed towards somewhere you couldn’t see.
“Thanks, man,” Soonyoung replied and the both of them finally disappeared.
You closed your eyes, hoping to find some semblance of peace as you wait for Vernon to release you from the confined space.
“Alright, Y/N, they’re gone,” you heard a click and the locker door creaked open, “You’re safe now.”
Getting out was as much of a struggle as getting in, but once you were fully free, you found refuge on the floor underneath you. You let out as sigh as you leaned against one of the other lockers.
“Hate to ruin your moment, Y/N but why the fuck were they chasing you?” Vernon asked, confusion present in his voice.
You decided to pull yourself up, the male helping you along the way, “It's— It’s a long story,” you managed to utter out. Vernon only looked at you, probably even more perplexed than before. You brush off all the dust and the dirt before taking your leave.
“Thanks a lot, Sol. God, you don’t know how much I owe you for that,” you breathed.
“An explanation would be appreciated,” he chuckled, “But I won’t bug you right now, you look absolutely fucked out.”
You gave him a tired smile in response, “I’ll be going now. See you around,” you wave at him then immediately made your way outside.
The sun hits your skin. You almost cried knowing you finally managed to make it out alive. A few more agonizing minutes until you could have your long awaited breakdown. Surprisingly, the guard by the gate didn’t question why you were leaving school grounds— your postwar appearance probably says everything.
While you were trudging your way home, you felt a buzz in the pocket of your skirt. Letting out a groan, you fish for your phone. A look of dread shrouds your face upon seeing the message. Just when you thought your misery was over.
[chan: y/n we having a tutoring session later right? 👀]
[you: sorry chan, i won’t make it today]
[chan: aw is that so :((( i wanted to talk to you about something
chan: tomorrow then!!!]
You let out an exasperated groan and shoved your phone back into your pocket. Whatever happens within the next few days— you’ll deal with them sooner or later (hopefully, never).
Your house comes into view and you immediately broke into a sprint. Upon reaching your front door, the tears that you’ve been holding back the entire time threaten to break out. A few more seconds, Y/N, you could make it. You opened the door, and after slamming it close, you drop to the floor.
You know you’d have more shit awaiting for you tomorrow, but as of now— you only had the energy to bawl your eyes out, drown yourself in your own misery, and hope for the best to come.
143 notes · View notes
estrxlar · 3 years
Text
The Ghost Of You
04 - Learning To Receive
Tumblr media
These chapters songs:
Moonlight On The River; Mac Demarco
Nostalgic Feel; Bedroom
New Flesh; Current Joys
——
TW: Self-harm, death.
(Not done by you, don't worry)
——
- K.S. Perspective
      Only two or three days had passed since high school had started, which meant only a couple more walks home with Y/n. They were shorter and quiet, and of course, there weren't any swerving cars.
But so far, what I had suspected was correct. She and I made amends and became buddies, thankfully.
      The only times she was left alone were when I had morning practice, and she had to have one of her friends drive her home. Either that or she would have to walk home alone. I would've loved to accompany her, but volleyball was something I didn't take lightly, and my priorities were important to me.
      Both I and my younger brother participated in volleyball and gave it our all ever since we were able to balance on our feet. Sadly, our parents were far too busy to go to any games, or even help us practice at home. But their goal was for their kids to grow up strong and steady with good grades and good stats, so that's why they made sure my younger brother and I were on top of our shit.
      Once my first year ended, I didn't expect that I would have to carry so many burdens all in one year. That's around the time mother had died from sickness, which left me with doubts, wishes, and an unaccomplished relationship with her.
      After the sudden death, our family didn't move on very well. My brother developed anxiety and depression, and he eventually had to take a break from school and volleyball. Then, my father became dull and increased his hours at work to avoid coming home to such a depressing home, leaving my brother and me to continue caring for ourselves, by ourselves.
      I, on the other hand, had barely anything to say about it. All I could do was pose as if I were handling it better than I had. Truth is, my mother's death changed my entire persona. I grew grim and gummy, deprived myself of rest, and repressed the trauma I've received. Not only did I overwork myself because of volleyball and stress, but I also grieved in harmful ways. It'd either be a blade to the wrist, or a night with a girl; anything that could help distract me from my state of deep dejection.
      It's been that way ever since. Only recently have I realized that I'm ruining whatever recovery I built up. That was all because of my best friend— Daichi— who had helped me come out about my feelings towards my mom's passing. Ever since, I've been able to learn from my mistakes, and slowly pick my life back up. I was beginning to become a better player for my team, better support for my family, and a better person for myself.
      That only happened recently. So now, I'm left with lots of things to mend, and relationships to make. I'm determined that I'll mourn more healthily than before.
——
      "Y/n!" A hopeful call leaves my lips, turning her head. As assumed, it was Y/n. Today she looked even brighter than before; she just has gotten more sleep. Not to mention she wore long socks instead of leggings, which must have been pretty hard in this weather.
      I didn't get to see her this morning due to morning practice, but I did catch her before lunch. Just enough time to tell her I won't be riding the bus tonight either.
      I look both ways of the cross hallway, before grabbing my book bag strap with both hands and jogging towards Y/n. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to see her, but all I knew was I needed a refreshing moment, and she could give me exactly that.
      "Why hello, Mrs. Refreshing!" I joke, bowing my head towards her while she giggled. Looking up, she stands there, shining by the sunlight that reflected on the windows.
      'If I could, I'd take a photo of you right here, just to show you how gorgeous you are.' I quickly put a halter on my thoughts, snapping back to a respectful filter. 'No, I can't do that. Not to myself, most definitely not to Y/n.'
      "You look nice today!" I exclaim, awkwardly patting the side of my hips while smiling at her. Hopefully, I hadn't made her uncomfortable in the first ten seconds of talking to her. The last thing I wanted was to ruin yet another relationship with a girl.
      Thankfully, Y/n responded with kind appreciation to my comment. "Why thank you, sir. And what brings you in my presence?" Her words curl in a formal British accent, adding onto our joke.
      Standing normally, I explain, "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi, and to tell you I might not be walking home with you today. I'm really sorry,  practice has been very necessary for our team. I-I hope you understand." I stutter on the last part, with a gentle tone to add on. Ditching Y/n for most of the week wasn't what I had planned at first, but what I had told her was 100% true. The first years, as well as the rest of us, we're in bad shape. With our spring tournament coming up, we had no time to waste.
      "Oh, that's alright. I understand. I was in volleyball too, after all. Although, I do wish you could still accompany me. It gets a little lonely.." She looks down for a minute while I contemplate my existence entirely. 'So it does bother her.' But she quickly caught onto my thoughts by my expression and came up with a solution. "If— if you'd like, I can simply stay near the gym until practice is over! That way I can see you and your boys in action, yeah?"
      Her fists pop up into the air, as a bright smile appeared on her face. If you didn't know Y/n personally, you would expect them to be cold stone and dull. But in reality, I find they're like everybody else, and have a bright side to them, just like the one that was being portrayed right now.
      Nodding with her statement, I reply hesitantly. "Hm, I'd have to ask the captain, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind—"
      "Oh, Daichi? We're buddies, he'll be alright." I'm dazed by what she'd said, pausing the motion of rubbing my neck. She and Daichi hang in completely different groups, though! 'How is it they know each other? They hang around two very different friend groups.. that is unless they have some type of history I'm unaware about.' I think to myself, trying my best to find a reason they would be friends, but I couldn't. And so, I begin my questioning. "You two know each other?"
      Suddenly, Y/ns gaze twists. "Suga, you introduced me to them during our first year, silly. Remember? I went with you from practice once. And besides that, my good friend Miya is close to him."
      "Oh, yeah! I remember that. That means you only know Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko, right? I've gotta introduce you to the rest of the team! I'm sure they've missed you!" I chuckle, throwing an arm around her shoulders cautiously, expecting her to reject it. But she goes on casually with our discussion.
      "That's right.. well... I'm also— sort of— friends with them. Well, except Asahi. But Kiyoko and I are pretty close."
      '?' I tilt my head at the uncertain tone she spoke with. "Pretty close?" I ask, turning into the cafeteria with my arm still around her. The room is, of course, crowded as hell.
      Still, I manage to draw out what Y/n was saying to me, leaning my ear close to her mouth for better audio. "Yes! She's one of my best friends.. we used to date and it didn't work out, but we're pretty tight!"
      'DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!' My eyes widen, and I immediately let go of her, tightening my hands around the strap of my school bag. A gulp falls down my throat before I ask, "Did you say.. date?! You mean you two went out?!"
      To my surprise, Y/n nods proudly. "Yes! Why, did you not think she'd go out with a girl? Or is it so astonishing that I could ever get a girl like her?" She teases, while I'm still puzzled. So many questions ran through my head at the sudden fact: was Kiyoko gay? Was Y/n gay?! Does that mean she's gotten closer to Kiyoko than anyone before??
      "Suga, calm down. It's not like we're still together. As I said, it didn't work out!" She smirks towards me, putting a finger up towards her cheek. "Why? You got a little crush on her..? I wouldn't blame you."
      "N-no! It's not like that! It's just— she never told any of us. I guess she just keeps to herself more than predicted." My sentence comes out to sound like a question, rather than a response. It wasn't that I didn't support it, or that I was surprised Kiyoko would be her girlfriend. Honestly, I was just a little jealous of both of them.
      Either way, it seemed it didn't work out. So it didn't matter now. "Anyway, we're about best friends now, so I'm pretty familiar with your team. I don't think they would mind if I came, but just in case, I'll ask Daichi and Kiyoko." She explains, before looking back towards the slowly dying crowd of students in front of the cafeteria. "I better go soon, Suga. I'll let your captain know I'll be heading over there later—"
      "Wait!" I shut my eyes out of nervousness, as my brain wires work to come up with an excuse for why I yelled that. "You used to play volleyball, right?"
      An awkward nod from Y/n is given to me, followed by, "Yes, but I was sort of just a bench warmer. Nothing big." The hands that held her lunch box gripped tighter, as she suspected I would ask her a favor much larger than a lunch.
      "Mind helping me teach one of our new members how to receive?" I say. "His name is Hinata, and he's a first year. He has great talent and has great potential, but he kind of... sucks at volleyball. I mean, from what I've heard, he practices a lot. But I just think he needs some guidance. So, want to?"
      "Uhm... I'm pretty rusty.. but sure! It wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, I think I need a break from my friends wouldn't do any harm."
      'Yes, I did it.' I thought to myself, before leading her towards the doors that led to the gym. "Alright then, right this way!"
      "Suga! Don't you need your bag?" She immediately asks, tugging on my collared shirt. But I shake my head, responding with a light smile.
      "It's already outside, I just came to check on you, is all."
——
      Up, down, and up again went the ball. Each receive that Hinata had tried had failed every time. At this point, I wouldn't blame Y/n if she wanted to leave. But there she sits against the concrete wall of the outside of the gym, licking white rice off a spoon.
      "Hinata, drop your hips down more," I say to him, demonstrating the position I had stated. "Hit the ball like you're trying to return it where it came from. Got it?"
      Hinata's light expression appears on his face once again. "Yeah, got it!" He exclaims, before getting right into position. I signal the ball is going in the air before my palm hits it in the right spot, sending it towards him.
      And it shoots right back, along with a slap against Hinata's wrists. "Nice!" He praises himself, leaving a feeling of proudness deep within me.
      I'd never been able to teach somebody one of my special skills and having them accomplish it, not the way I did with Hinata. But that was mostly because he was driven by his entire body and soul to memorize every movement in his muscles to create a perfect receive. And who had taught him that? Your one and only.
      "Would you like me to start setting for you tomorrow morning?" I ask the ginger with confidence he'd reply with a yes. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. His eyes light up in the sun, and his hands take full hold of the ball. "Y-you mean it, sir?!"
      The cold wind hits me, as well as another dosage of serotonin from the first year."Well, I am Karasuno's official setter after all! And you wanna practice spikes, right?" I ask, placing my red hands onto my hips.
      "Exactly! I love to spike! It feels so good when you get it right, and it's cooler than anything!" He shouts. I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, even if it wasn't the first time he'd portrayed it. Hinata sure reminded me of my past self, and I'd do anything to help first-year Sugawara.
      Y/n suddenly joins our conversation, digging into a reason why Hinata is the way he is when it comes to spikes. "You must have a thing for spiking, don't you?"
      Hinata nods, putting a fist towards his face. "Yes. I didn't have a setter throughout middle school, and I was actually the only club member until my third year of junior high. I used to get my friend in the Basketball Club to toss for me, but after I had dropped out of the club, I went to anybody that could help me practice. Take the first years, and the ladies and setters from the girls' team, too. I've made a lot of friends along the way, but none of those people could ever become my real teammates. That's why I was dying to find out what kind of setters were in high school— but now.. you know."
      Hinatas pure passion dies down once he reaches the word 'setter', and I wouldn't blame him. The person he's supposed to be paired with is his complete opposite, and frankly, a dick-head. "Well, as I said, I'm a setter too. I'll toss you a few, Hinata! Don't get all down."
      I was expecting further satisfaction, but instead, his expression twists into envy. "But it's just that if I have you throw to me now, it kind of feels like... I'm losing." He frowns, looking away from my figure in anger.
      "You're just like someone I know, Hinata!   Always competitive." Y/n says, placing her small bento to the side, and lifting herself from the shaded spot she sat in. Her hands dust off her navy blue skirt, and her blazer comes off. "Why're you so competitive when it comes to Kageyama?"
      "If you ask me, it's better to avoid making enemies with those kinds of people." I join in.
      She wraps her hands around Hinatas shoulders, leaning over his shoulder. "You know, Hinata, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. Wanna know a secret about Kageyama?"Without hesitation, Hinata is fully interested in what Y/n had to say. Frankly, so was I.
      "Whatever you see from Kageyama is something he's learned from other players. He wasn't always so snobby; he used to be calmer and kinder. But once he was shown what he could do with his talent, it went to his head. Don't let that become you, Hinata! You have so much potential it's insane! I've never met anybody with as much love for volleyball as you." She pulls up her sleeves, getting into position for a receive, signifying I could rest now. "
      "How do you know what he used to be like, Y/n?" Hinata asks her, sending the ball into the air. My eyes follow it, but my ears listen intently to their conversation.
     "Well, I went to the same middle school as him. When he was a first-year, I was a third. Me and my friend we're on the girls' team, while my other three friends were on the boys' team. The four of us practiced every second of the day, which meant the two teams spent a lot of time together. Everything Kageyama knows is from another player; don't think he's just magically good at volleyball. Anyway, I don't know much about Kageyama, but I do know that he's changed dramatically." She explained. Just then, the bell for our sixth period had rung, and doors were heard opening and closing, as well as students fluttering around hallways.
       The three of us pause our mini practice and gather out things where they were settled. Thoughts ran through my head as I put my school blazer back onto my torso. If Y/n went to the same middle school as Kageyama, that must mean she knows a lot about Aoba Johsai: one of our greatest enemies in volleyball. And if she knows him, could she be familiar with his playstyle? In that case, having her around would not harm the team.
      "Sugawara, I'm off." She's heard saying from behind me, while she put her school bag over her shoulders. "Thank you for having me here with you and Hinata, I'm glad I could be of help."
      I nod in response, nervously breathing through the teeth."Yes, of course. Uhm— would you like me to pick you up from your classroom later on? Either that, or you could walk to the gym after band practice." I ask the young girl, longing for more time to hang about her.
      Then, she began walking backward, meanwhile talking. "I think I'll be just fine, Sugawara. No need to worry about me all the time. I've managed without you the past couple of days haven't I?" Her h/c danced with the wind as she did so, and the corners of her lips rose as she said so.
      "That's right.. I'll catch you later then!" I manage to shout out, raising a hand for a gentle wave, but it was too late. Y/n was already turning into the doors of the school, returning the gesture.
      Somehow, she always found a way to make the chains around my heart tighten a bit more. What was it that drew me towards Y/n? Hell, if I knew. "Wow, Sugawara. You've got yourself a pretty friend! She seems nice, too." Hinata expresses, looking agar with me. "Is she your girlfriend, or something?"
      "No, Hinata. Just an old friend. Someone who may know me better than anybody, you know." Y/n; The girl who knew her way around my heart.
Hey everybody, sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my ff!!! I would never do that. This fan fiction is super duper important.
Please note my chapters!! It lets me know you guys enjoy them.
Make sure to be taking care of yourself: drink water, go outside, eat something, and heal yourself after hard work:) It's currently mental awareness month, and it's very important to be taking time for yourself.
love you guys
- Sugawara's beauty mark
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Rio & Buster
Rio: [Snap] Rio: I swear I've popped overnight Buster: He's gonna be tall Buster: I'm telling you Rio: He better hope he takes after you not me Rio: My Da ain't tall but some of my brothers are so Buster: He will Rio: You think your genes are stronger than my genes? 😜 Okay Buster: The tall ones are Buster: Ask Nance Rio: True Rio: I'm gonna look even more like a bit that dropped off you, like 😂 Buster: Shh Buster: You're perfect Rio: Cute Rio: I am not feeling it today lemme tell you 😵😷 Rio: How're you? Buster: Do actually tell me Buster: Is that why your mum knows? Rio: Yeah Rio: she was bringing over some tools for Indie and I couldn't hold it in Rio: plus I was just in my PJs still and as you can see, I'm huge so Rio: pretty obvious Buster: Don't, you look beautiful Buster: But if you weren't gonna warn me could you not at least have had a word to her Buster: Told her to shut up, like Buster: Politely Rio: What Rio: How did you know, actually Buster: 'Cause my mum does now too, actually Buster: Thanks to yours Rio: Well she wouldn't have just told her for no reason Rio: your Mum obviously had her own suspicions Buster: No, she really didn't Buster: She was fucking blindsided, trust me Rio: Well I don't need to ask how it went then Buster: Obviously not Buster: Just ask your mum to calm down, yeah? Buster: I don't need my sister finding out the same way Rio: She's not going to just tell her Buster: She didn't just tell my mum, but the end result's the same Rio: Well alright Rio: I didn't tell her, don't have a go at me Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm just asking you to do me a favor, like Buster: At least until exams are over Rio: Yeah and I'll talk to her Rio: but I can't ask her to do something she hasn't done Buster: Whatever Buster: Talk to her, that's all I want Rio: I do talk to her Buster: You know what I mean Rio: You can tell her yourself if you're so bothered Buster: Fine Buster: If you'd rather that convo Rio: Well I'm not having a go at her, I'm not angry Buster: I didn't ask you to Rio: Good enough Rio: That convo would have gone the same if you'd told her yourself, you know Buster: No, it wouldn't Rio: What are you basing that off? Rio: Not past experience Buster: She feels like I only tell her shit when I'm backed into a corner, which I was Buster: It wouldn't have been like that if I'd done it my way Buster: It wouldn't have sounded like a negative Rio: Well it's easy to say that when it's not how it went Rio: she can say what she likes but she wouldn't have been happier ever Rio: we knew that, you knew that Buster: It's easy for you to say that when you're not the one she's talking to like that, too Buster: I'd have been happier doing it differently, doesn't that count for anything? Rio: Like you said, end results the same Rio: and I'm not saying it's not shit but we knew it would be Buster: Well, that's okay then Buster: More fool me Rio: Like I said, I don't believe Mum just told her Rio: why would she Buster: Like it matters Buster: It's done now Rio: Yeah Rio: it is Buster: Don't get an attitude with me about it Buster: I haven't got the energy to fight with you after that Rio: Good because I'm not interested in fighting about this Buster: Good to know Rio: Fine Rio: Have a good day then Buster: What? So you're just not gonna talk to me Buster: Fuck that Rio: Well we don't want to talk about this and I don't have anything else to say right now Buster: Seriously, stop Buster: Don't be like this Rio: I'm not being like anything Rio: I've been chucking up all day what do you want me to say about it Rio: it isn't very interesting Buster: What, so I only wanna talk to you if you're bringing your A-game? Buster: Fuck off Buster: I've never been that cunt Rio: Don't tell me to fuck off Buster: Don't make it into something it isn't Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I'm the one making this into something? Rio: Okay Buster: Fine, it's my fault, yeah? Buster: Calm down Rio: Seriously, do not Buster: Babe, come on Buster: We're both having a shit day Buster: I'm sorry, okay Rio: Yeah Rio: Me too Buster: Tell me what I can do to make you feel better Rio: No, I should be asking you Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Was it really as awful as that Buster: I handled it Buster: We got to where we needed to be by the end Buster: Don't worry about me, its my job to worry about you two right now Rio: I'm glad Rio: and proud of you Rio: I still do, I was just being selfish Buster: You're allowed Buster: I know it's hard, but I'll be home soon Buster: I'm proud of you Rio: No you're not, how can you be Rio: I've literally achieved nothing today Buster: Yeah you have Buster: I know how well you're looking after him Buster: And he's not returning the favor, like, but I'll have a word Rio: Don't be cute now I'll start crying Rio: I can't stand this whiplash emotional hell Buster: You can cry all you want, baby Buster: Just drink water after Rio: No, I can't Rio: I've gotta salvage this day Buster: Yes you can Buster: You're already salvaging the day for me Rio: I was a bitch Rio: You deserve better Buster: No, I don't deserve you if I'm gonna be a prick Buster: You're the best Rio: You weren't Rio: and I know you've just spent the last God knows how long defending us so Rio: I'll be nicer again Buster: It's okay Buster: Honestly Buster: You don't have to be anything for me, just you Rio: I love you Buster: I love you Rio: You should go get a massage or a drink at least, something Rio: so you can relax Buster: I'm fine Buster: I went to the gym, it helped Buster: We're focusing on you right now, do you want dry things or cold things? Rio: You're so good Rio: even when you feel like shit you get things done Rio: it's only a little annoying because I'm jealous rn Buster: You're doing more than I've ever, you're literally growing my kid for me Buster: I'm getting shit delivered to you, ASAP Buster: All you have to do is answer the door Rio: Chloe's an idiot Rio: you're the best protector Buster: My mum saw her shopping Buster: Apparently she looked miserable, direct quote Rio: Know the feeling today but I don't wanna start a club Rio: Sorry babe Buster: Is there anything weird you want before I click to send this order off? Buster: I know that's a thing Rio: Can you get me some sour sweets Buster: 'Course Buster: Just hide them from Indie Buster: And this bag of ice is massive so don't carry it in yourself or we are gonna fight Rio: I already ate all of her stash so I better share Buster: My son doesn't like sharing, sorry Inds Buster: Takes after me Rio: I hope so Rio: You're my favourite person in the world Buster: Shh Buster: You're gonna make me cry now Rio: But you are Buster: Gotta keep up with you, babe Buster: Everyone's fave Rio: No Rio: Your parents are going to murder me and put me in the foundations of a mcmansion Buster: It's me they're mad at, not you Rio: Only 'cos they're not allowed to parent me Rio: probably bitching about me right now though Buster: They better not be 'cause my dad don't know yet and my mum promised to keep it like that Rio: Damn Rio: You really wanted to do that one Buster: I have to Buster: It's the only way he might still have some respect for me left Rio: Rather you than me Rio: he scares me Buster: Seriously? Buster: Why? Rio: I don't know Rio: he's large Rio: and shouty Buster: You're not scared of me, all he is, is an older, less hot and posh, version Buster: My mum's the scary one if there is Rio: Don't tell her I said she's not scary, like Rio: 'cos her too Buster: 😂 Buster: I won't, we already said some really bad shit to each other Buster: Especially me Rio: We all say things in arguments Buster: Yeah, but I took it too far Buster: I always do Rio: She's used to you by now Buster: Thank fuck Buster: Who else would know that when I said you're a shit mum I mean you're a good one Rio: Oh babe Buster: No direct quotes but I basically told her that everything she's ever done for me and Nance was wrong Rio: It's what they all think in their heads anyway Rio: not like it's a radical notion, and you're still a teenager so, you're allowed Buster: But like, I can't imagine how shit I'd feel if our kid said that to me Rio: It'll happen Rio: Hopefully not as soon as he can talk but you know, kids are savage Buster: It better fucking not Buster: And you're not nearly dying to give birth to him either, I'm not having it Rio: 😂 Rio: Put your foot down, baby Buster: I will Buster: Put him on the phone Rio: [Phones] Rio: You're so fucking cute Buster: That's him told Buster: Do I need to tell you to go lie down again or are you being good? Rio: Now I'm lowkey horny I can't take this 😫 Rio: Your wife is an actual insane before, but yeah, I've managed to get out the bathroom long enough to chill on the sofa Rio: person not before wtf* Buster: You've got time to take care of that before the delivery man shows up Rio: Don't you mean YOU have time or are you really gonna make me do it myself Rio: so rude Buster: I've always got time for you, you know that Rio: 😏 Buster: Since I've already got so many open, I'll get on the app for you Buster: Why not Rio: You don't really have to, I know you're busy baby, I'm just being a brat and you're hot Buster: But I want to Buster: I said I'd do anything to make you feel better and I will Rio: Okay Rio: You can multitask Buster: We'll say I am, but I'll just give you my full attention for as long as you need Buster: Keep my secret, babe Rio: I'll never tell Buster: Good girl Rio: Daddy Rio: I missed you Rio: let's not fight again Buster: Only to make up Buster: Sometimes Rio: And just for fun Buster: Are you staying on the sofa? Rio: Yeah Rio: we're comfy Buster: Hot Buster: Hopefully the neighbours will get to know how much you miss me too then Rio: You're gonna get me loud? Buster: We'll see, won't we? Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: I'm laying here and rubbing my big belly and thinking about how sexy you'd find it Buster: I've saved that snap you sent me so Rio: If you get me feeling really good I'll send you better ones Buster: Yeah? Rio: How's it feel knowing you made me like this? So swollen, and tender Rio: I'm even more sensitive, baby Buster: Jesus Buster: Just when I think I can't miss you more Rio: Every way you wanted to touch me would feel so good right now Buster: I'm this close to getting on a flight, forget the app Rio: Be a good boy too Rio: when you're done and you live here all the time, I'm going to be so pregnant Buster: I know, I can't stop thinking about it Buster: Thank god you can be as distracting as you want then Rio: You'll be all for me Rio: 'til October, no studying, none of it Rio: just you, me and our son Buster: All day every day, baby Buster: Except when you leave me to holiday with my sister Rio: Oh baby, are you jealous? Buster: 'Course Buster: You know I want you to myself Rio: I'll still be all yours Buster: It'll be my turn to distract you Rio: Do it Buster: I love turning you on in the middle of a crowd Rio: I want it so bad, I wanna be looking at all the beautiful sights and only be able to think about you Buster: You're gonna show those tourists what a beautiful sight is, babe Rio: Fuck Buster: I can't stop looking at you Rio: You don't have to, we're your baby, both of us Rio: All yours Buster: This is what it feels like [does app wizardry so she feels amazing] Rio: Oh my God Rio: That good, huh? Buster: Or maybe it's more like this, actually [does better] Rio: Jesus Cristo não pare o papai me engravidar novamente Buster: I can tell exactly how you said that Buster: Like I heard it Rio: You heard similar back in Brazil enough Buster: You're making me wanna hear more Rio: I don't know if I can handle more, fuck, baby Buster: Let's see Buster: What about this? Rio: Foda-se sim, papai, apenas assim Buster: I knew you could handle it Rio: Eu sou sua boa menina? Buster: You're so good, you know you are Rio: You're making me feel so good, I'm taking so many pictures for you Buster: You deserve it Buster: You're being an angel for me Rio: Buster, I wanna have all your babies Buster: Have this one first and then I'll fuck the next into you Buster: Exactly how you want Rio: As soon as I want too Buster: Yes, baby Rio: Where are we having the next one then Rio: in front of the family or in front of everyone on the beach? Buster: You promised me the beach but we can invite your family along if you want Rio: I just wanna be with you Buster: They can be there when we make the next one then Buster: There's always a family party to liven up Rio: I just want everyone to know how fucking good you are, daddy, and I mean everyone Rio: should be a bigger party next time Buster: Definitely Buster: Grandad's birthday maybe, we said we loved each other then, remember? Rio: Of course I do Buster: I'll put you on the bar, you'll like that Rio: Yeah I will Rio: As much as you like a challenge, clearly, how this family drinks Buster: [Does a little app demo of how it'd be, though we know it'd be better IRL] Buster: I love a challenge, babe Rio: I've never needed you more holy shit Rio: tell me you'll be here soon Buster: So soon Buster: I promise Rio: I'm gonna give you the best welcome home you've ever had Buster: Yeah? Buster: Tell me Rio: I'm gonna make you all your favourite foods for you and I'll do it with nothing but heels on, real old school wife style Rio: so you can come in and bend me over the counter Buster: I need that Buster: Use your maths brain and work out how long I have wait, every second Rio: I know, and you deserve it too, I've got you lots of surprises for finishing all your exams but they gotta stay surprises for now, sorry Rio: How many days is it? Buster: How many seconds is it Buster: Or minutes if that's too hard Rio: I can do it 😣 Rio: I've just lost track of when your last exam is Buster: Sure Buster: June 24th Rio: 1123200 seconds Buster: Well, fuck me that was impressively fast Rio: 18, 720 minutes more tangible if not depressingly long sounding Buster: Do you wanna do the rest of my physics exams for me, like Buster: Economics, at least Rio: 312 hours, if you wanna be most optimistic sounding Rio: Ha, yeah right Rio: do you wanna lose your A*s? Buster: I wouldn't Buster: You're so fucking smart Rio: Shh, I just liked Maths Buster: Seriously, you go to uni and I'll be a stay at home dad Rio: 😏 Rio: I'd like to see how long you'd last Rio: also you in a pinny but you know, prefer the business attire Buster: 'Cause my mum would murder me or 'cause you reckon I can't do it? Rio: I'm sure you can do it but you'd be so bored by like Rio: day 4, tops Buster: Challenge accepted as soon as there's time I don't have to be in school and I can prove this Rio: Don't ask me to tell you how many seconds you'll be spending in Uni, you'll depress yourself 'fore you've even started, babe Buster: I won't Buster: Hot as you are when you work that shit out Rio: Such a nerd Rio: Gimme something fun to work out Buster: Tell me how many hours it is until I get to feel him kick Buster: I'm so excited for that Rio: 'Cos you wanna tell everyone he's already got a better right kick than Beckham, or whatever 😏 Rio: 1008 at earliest, 2520 if he's being lazy Rio: as it's my first pregnancy Buster: Please, Beckham wishes he was that good Buster: And our kid, lazy? Fuck that Rio: 😂 Fit though Rio: Leave my poor boy alone, he can take as long as he needs 😜 Buster: That better just be your way of telling me to get more tattoos or shut up Rio: It's my way of telling you you only gonna get better with age, baby Rio: 😘 Buster: Actually true so if you're backtracking, rude Rio: I meant it, silly Rio: actual DILF Buster: You're cute Buster: I will have to get another one for him though Buster: Only fair Rio: Thank God I'm not incapable of smiling like his missus, or called that Rio: giving you the worst kinda flashbacks Rio: tryna kill me, so rude Buster: 😂 Rio: I'm so glad you like your tat though Rio: that could've been really awkward Buster: Likewise Rio: You did good, baby Rio: they always make me think of you Buster: I'm glad Rio: Should probably give the boy a name before you go getting inked, though Buster: I'm not gonna go do it right now, don't worry Buster: Let him be born first Rio: Just checking, know you're a convert now Buster: If you've got a name picked out, I'll go book myself in, like Rio: We've got to pick together Rio: Obviously I've been thinking but no great inspiration yet Buster: Yeah, all I seem to do is think of names I definitely don't want Rio: Seriously, that's a long list Buster: Being surrounded by posh cunts all day makes it longer Rio: I'd sooner die than call him fucking Rio: Tarquin or whatever the fuck madness Buster: Same Buster: At least my parents didn't do that to me, shit as I tried to call them out as being, earlier Rio: Not trying to fit in that hard ever Rio: ick Rio: I'd have trouble taking you seriously, ngl, it might be a dealbreaker Buster: Good to know Rio: Just in case you were planning on a name change Rio: Did not sign up for 😜 Buster: Nah, I like the one they gave me Buster: Don't tell 'em but Rio: Secret's safe with me Rio: wouldn't wanna give 'em too much credit now Buster: Speaking of Buster: Can you keep another one for me, 'cause there is one name I like but Rio: Tell me Buster: It's my brother's Rio: We can do that Buster: What if it just makes everyone sad Rio: I think it's a nice thing to do Rio: and I think people would see that Rio: but it could be a middlename, then it's not like they have to use it Buster: Okay Buster: Good idea Rio: I like it too, it's a good name Buster: Yeah Buster: Strong, right? Rio: Definitely Buster: I don't know if I believe in any of that shit but it can't hurt to have guardian angel if I'm wrong Rio: Never hurts to hedge your bets Rio: especially for him Buster: This family needs some good luck for a change Rio: Agreed Rio: Nothing but good luck for our boy, I promise Buster: I love you so much Rio: I love you too gorgeous Buster: How do you feel now? Rio: So much better Rio: You always make me better Rio: I need you, doctor's orders, like Buster: At least the delivery is apparently only 15 minutes away even if I'm not Rio: I'd basically forgotten about that Rio: just here in my orgasm haze don't mind me Buster: As long as you remember tomorrow morning when you need it all Rio: You're so sweet Rio: thank you Buster: I'd do more if I could Buster: It's basically nothing in the scheme of things, I know Rio: It ain't Rio: You do so much for me, more than I'd ever ask Buster: Well, you never have to ask, babe Rio: Do I have to put my clothes back on though Rio: the real question here Buster: Never Buster: Like, you can throw one of my tops on if you don't wanna give the bloke an unnecessary tip, but like Rio: Poor man Buster: Lucky man, you mean Rio: I won't wait and find out what he reckons Buster: Don't 'cause I'm too far away to fight him for seeing you like that when I can't Rio: You can see me whenever you want, I told you I was taking pictures Rio: I'm not done playing yet, you said I had 15 minutes Buster: Show me then Buster: You know I miss you Rio: All you had to do was ask, baby Rio: [All the pics] Buster: Fuck Buster: I stopped breathing then Rio: You had me like that several times Rio: the neighbours 1000% heard too Buster: I hope they did Buster: It's been a while since we were on the stairs Buster: Can't have them thinking you've dumped me Rio: 😂 They're so invested at this point Rio: not the only one buzzing when you're back Buster: 'Course they are Buster: We put on a hell of a show Rio: Seriously Rio: putting my solo stuff to shame and can't even stream this, soz everyone Buster: You can if you want Rio: I'm not gonna make you, besides Rio: probably not a good look for a lawyer to have public sex tapes is it Buster: Sex tapes aren't even a scandal anymore Rio: 😏 is it Buster: I'm just saying, if you want to, you can Rio: You'd have to want to too, it's a whole big thing to think about Rio: anyway, I only had sex on stream with Curtis that one time and everyone was so scandalized then so Buster: 'Cause he was shit at it Rio: 😂 Buster: I don't have to tell you, you were there Buster: But from an audience perspective, still shit Rio: Hmm yeah I did get plenty of DMs to that affect, telling me how much better they could, so maybe you're onto something, babe Buster: I know Rio: I wasn't shit though Rio: Was I? Buster: Just him Buster: It was obvious you weren't as into it Rio: Well you know I wasn't Buster: Yeah, but I don't just mean like that, you made it way better for him than he did for you Buster: He wasn't spending enough time on you at all Rio: He didn't really like giving oral when he was my boyfriend, never mind when he had no obligations, like Buster: 😒 Unsurprised Buster: Selfish prick across the board Rio: Is what it is Buster: It's not, you can't expect it if you don't offer it Rio: He didn't really expect anything, I offered Rio: not gonna say no is he Rio: can't say you've never done it Buster: Like I said, shit and selfish Rio: I'm not feeling the need to sit here and defend him, like, don't worry Buster: And since you're clearly thinking about my past exploits, I have never been that rude Buster: If you're with me, you can have anything you want Rio: 🙄 Rio: I don't need to hear it Buster: Don't be jealous, babe Buster: It's not news that I've fucked a lot of girls, why did you think that was? Rio: Shut up, you're annoying me now Buster: Are you actually annoyed? Rio: Forget about it Buster: Baby Buster: Tell me Rio: I just refuse to believe you've never fucked anyone just to get yours Rio: we all have, everyone does it Buster: Okay but what I liked was giving them the best possible time so they couldn't want me more and then not letting them back Buster: So yeah, but not the way you're saying Rio: You're such a dick Buster: I've never denied it Buster: The fact was, if I just wanted to cum I could do it better myself than they could, I've told you that before Rio: Whatever Buster: Why are you so mad at me about this? Rio: I'm not mad Buster: Then what? Rio: Why Rio: Why would you bother doing that for people you don't give a shit about, that doesn't make any sense Buster: 'Cause it was fun Buster: 'Cause it gave me the reputation I wanted Rio: Right Buster: Are you seriously judging me for ancient history? Rio: Delivery's here hold on Buster: I'm not going anywhere Rio: [Later than necessary] Rio: You didn't have to get that many bags of sweets, like Buster: If you have to share then you need enough to keep for yourself once you have Rio: Suppose so Rio: thanks again anyway Buster: You don't need to thank me Buster: Just tell me what's wrong Rio: I don't know Rio: I'm just thinking about things Buster: Talk to me Rio: No, it's stupid Buster: It's not Rio: Might be, you've not heard it yet Buster: I know you Buster: It won't be Rio: It is, I am Rio: it doesn't even matter, forget it Buster: No, Rio Buster: It obviously does matter Rio: It's just Rio: Why me? Buster: Why wouldn't it be you? Buster: You're perfect Buster: Come on, you know why Buster: You know every reason Rio: Well I'm not, actually Rio: and if you're so generous and good in bed with everyone like you say then you could be with any of them, anyone you wanted Buster: You are to me and for me Buster: You're the only one I want, have always wanted Buster: And I wasn't good 'cause I was using them, shamelessly, wasn't I? Buster: Hardly generous to do that either, 'cause even if they wanted more, I wasn't gonna give it Buster: I wasn't gonna give any of them the chance to be more than they were Rio: Maybe you'd feel different if you had Buster: I didn't and don't want to feel different 'cause I loved and love you Rio: Like I said Rio: stupid, forget about it Buster: Like I said, no Rio: Why do you have to push it Buster: 'Cause I fucking love you Rio: I love you too Buster: I want you to be secure in it, forever Buster: And know how important you are Buster: Have always been Rio: Okay Rio: but be honest Rio: and I mean it, don't lie to tell me what you think I wanna hear, when we first hooked up, did you just want to do the same to me too or what Buster: I can't believe you would say that to me Buster: Jesus Rio: Well Buster: Well that's really fucking hurtful Buster: You've always been different 'cause I didn't just want you to want me, I wanted you Rio: I'm sorry Buster: Are you? Buster: You think I would do that, that's one thing, but you think I'd lie about it to you now Rio: I didn't want to ask, I didn't wanna talk about this fullstop Buster: Well, clearly we have to talk about it if that's what you think Buster: If I was playing a game with you I wouldn't have avoided you for years, I'd have fucked you whenever and left you pining for me all that time instead Rio: I guess Buster: That's not a good enough response Buster: Believe me or don't believe me Rio: Excuse me but I can respond however I want Buster: But there's not a middle ground Rio: What? Buster: It's either yes or its no Buster: Not maybe Rio: Well I don't know Rio: You clearly had fucked motivations in the past, you aren't denying it Buster: Yeah, and? Buster: You've got a past too, you've been in love before I'm not asking if you loved them more than me Buster: 'Cause I know what the answer is Rio: I'm saying, I don't know what you were thinking then and I don't think you can say you do either Rio: it was forever ago so leave it Buster: You leave it Buster: Don't tell me what to do Rio: Please yourself Buster: Clearly Rio: Christ Buster: What, that's what I do, yeah? Rio: Apparently not Rio: such a giver, like Buster: Fuck you Buster: You don't get to judge me for this, what the fuck Rio: Why not Rio: I can think what I want Buster: 'Cause you're meant to fucking trust me Buster: But fine, yeah, go on, think what you want Rio: I didn't say I didn't Rio: this is the past, past tense Buster: You're saying you don't believe what I'm telling you Buster: So yeah, you are Buster: Not to mention that you're treating me like the worst, most fucked up person for what is the past Rio: No I'm not how have you even got that from what I've said Buster: How am I meant to not get that from what you've said Rio: Then you're projecting because I haven't judged you once Buster: Whatever you say Rio: You're the one that's always judging me Buster: Bullshit Buster: When have I ever? Rio: All the time, telling me that every lad I've ever been with is so selfish or some kind of borderline abuser when it's just normal, it's what happens Buster: It's been normal for you, that doesn't mean it's normal for everyone Buster: Getting left stranded in London isn't just what happens Buster: Ryan isn't just what happens Buster: But it's not your fault and I've literally never said it is Rio: Fuck you Rio: Fuck off Rio: You aren't in any position to lecture me on what's normal Buster: How am I the bad guy for wanting you to know that you deserve better? Fuck's sake Rio: Leave me alone Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm not doing that Rio: You're a prick Buster: Yeah Rio: I mean it Buster: Me too Rio: I actually don't have time for this Rio: I need to get on with my day Buster: Don't Rio: Don't what, be productive? Buster: Don't do this Rio: Well I feel like shit now so Buster: How is pushing me away gonna help? Rio: Because you've made me feel like this Buster: I'm sorry Rio: You can't be Rio: You don't even understand Buster: I can be 'cause I didn't want to make you feel like this, I don't ever Rio: Well it can't be avoided Rio: I'll be fine, I'll get over it Buster: It can Buster: Just make me understand Rio: Just don't talk about them again alright Buster: Who? Your exes or mine? Rio: Mine Buster: Okay Rio: You just can't understand okay Rio: You haven't been there Buster: I know Buster: I really am sorry Rio: It's just Rio: Invalidating when you tell me what it was Rio: I get to say, not you, not them, not anyone else Buster: I didn't mean to make it into that Rio: I know Buster: I just Buster: Fuck, it doesn't even matter Buster: It's not the point Rio: You can say Rio: I won't snap your head off Buster: I just don't ever want anything like that to happen to you again Buster: I don't want you to think that it's alright Rio: It won't Rio: I'm with you now Buster: Yeah, but it doesn't just have to come from people you're fucking Buster: Anyone can be a cunt Buster: And you're such a good person Rio: Nah Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm sorry what I said upset you Buster: I deserved it Rio: You didn't Buster: Yeah, I did Buster: It's not gonna be another argument, like Rio: But you didn't, not how you took it Rio: 'cos I didn't mean it like that Buster: It's not your fault I'm an idiot Rio: Stop Buster: I was stupid about it, don't act like I wasn't Rio: You were not Rio: You only said what you should, what any decent person would Buster: It doesn't matter anymore Buster: Forget it Rio: Yes it does Rio: I don't just get to say whatever I like 'cos I'm angry either Buster: You do when you're pregnant, I'm pretty sure that's like rule 1 Rio: Fuck that Rio: I'm just an insecure mess I'm sorry Rio: I do believe you, I just find it hard sometimes but that's on me not you Buster: It's okay Buster: I'm tired and frustrated and stressed and far away and none of that is on you either Rio: Exactly, I could try and give you a fucking break, like Buster: Shh Buster: You haven't done anything wrong Buster: It's hard for both of us right now, we knew it would be but that doesn't make it easier just 'cause we know Rio: I don't know why you like me Buster: Yes, you do Buster: Don't forget Rio: I know why you think you do Buster: No, you know why I actually do Buster: 'Cause if you know what I think, I'm not wrong Rio: Idiot Rio: But okay, we'll go with what you reckon, like Buster: We have to, it's all true Buster: Everything, baby Rio: I want it to be Buster: Good, 'cause it already is and I want you to have whatever you want Rio: You're cute Buster: You are Buster: Which is why I also really fucking want to just hold you right now Buster: I hate that I can't Rio: Me too Rio: I'm a mess Buster: You could never be Buster: You're too beautiful Buster: In every way that's possible Rio: I wish I could see me how you do Buster: I'll make it happen Buster: If it takes forever Buster: I'm no quitter, you know that Rio: I love you so much I feel sick Buster: I'm not taking the blame for our son's behavior Rio: 😂 Rio: but seriously Rio: I do Buster: Fuck it, I'm coming home Buster: I'll revise on the flight and be back before my next exam Rio: You only just left baby Buster: I don't care Buster: And neither do you Rio: Your parents will though Buster: They don't have to know Buster: Like I said, I'll be there and back Buster: So just don't tell them and wait for me Rio: You mean it Buster: Take a mum and son nap and I'll wake you Buster: I'm serious Rio: I might think I'm dreaming Buster: It's okay Buster: I'll prove that you're not Rio: Gonna pinch me, yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: Oi 😂 Buster: I'll wake you up in your favourite way then Rio: That's more like it Buster: Dream about me until then Buster: You can tell me what to do once you have Rio: Can I now? Buster: Sure Rio: How could I say no to such an offer Buster: You can't Buster: And shouldn't Rio: I'm glad you're as ridiculous as I am Rio: Never change Buster: I can't Buster: And shouldn't Rio: Shut up and be here, nerd Buster: I'm on my way to the airport now Buster: Behave Rio: Shan't Buster: Oh really? Buster: I think you will Rio: Only when you make me Rio: and not a moment before Buster: Fine by me Buster: I only want you to do it for me Rio: Of course Rio: Who else? Buster: Nobody, babe Rio: Exactly Rio: There's no one but you Buster: There's nobody like me either Buster: Thank fuck for that, yeah? Rio: Thank fuck for who? Not me Rio: 😍 I could thruple, you just don't want the competition Buster: Too fucking right I don't Buster: Stop trying to get me in threesomes where the only girl is you Rio: Why are you such a spoilsport, babe? Rio: You said I could tell you what to do 😏 Buster: 😒 Buster: I did say that Buster: Damn Rio: 😂 Rio: Poor boy Buster: What was our safe word again? Cabbage or something Rio: Nope, sorry Rio: Your gonna freak this other lad out, babe Rio: be cool Buster: Giraffe? Buster: Jigsaw? Buster: I genuinely don't have any clue Rio: Offensive Rio: I was on my knees for you, boy Rio: It's lampshade Buster: Fuck Buster: Of course Buster: I remember you, vividly, just not Rio: Shows how often we've needed that Rio: also useless, you'd just think you'd actually fucked my brains out like she's gone Rio: honestly Buster: 😂 Rio: Dashing my dreams twofold, it's fine Rio: He'll be gone by the time you're here Buster: Don't Buster: I'm actually jealous of someone that doesn't exist Rio: So cute Buster: I miss you so fucking much Buster: You think you're a mess, its me Rio: I am actually Rio: I need to shower Buster: I sure I'll have to by the time I get there if you keep being so hot about everything Rio: There's nothing hot about how this level of dirty, babe Buster: Says you Rio: Umm should I not shower then? Buster: Don't underestimate how much I want you at all times, is what I'm saying Rio: Noted Rio: I'll let myself go hardcore with this kid then Buster: No you won't Buster: I know you Rio: Be rude to trap you then do it really Buster: Shut up Buster: Take a shower, it'll make you feel better Rio: I will Rio: hmm Rio: Idea though Rio: Maybe I will wait for you and you can wash me, as you're doing what I tell you Buster: Do wait for me Rio: Yeah? Rio: You gotta do a good job, be really thorough okay Buster: I'm not a fucking amateur, babe Buster: Shower or bath? Rio: Shower, definitely Buster: Are you sure? Your knees might get weak, you know Buster: I'm very committed to the task Rio: Well I want you on yours Rio: so yes, I'm sure Buster: Alright Buster: I'll hold you up if you need me to Rio: Such a gentleman Buster: Sometimes Buster: We'll see what happens Rio: Really? You're here to do a job, Mr McKenna, nothing more Buster: Sorry, how unprofessional of me Rio: Should think so 😏 Buster: Oh no, I'm gonna have to work even harder now to make a good impression Rio: Yep Rio: Don't make me regret giving you this opportunity Buster: Absolutely not Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm sorry for wasting time being a bitch earlier Buster: You didn't Buster: If we hadn't fought then I might not be on my way now Rio: That's not why I did it Rio: like, I'm glad but Rio: I'm not being difficult on purpose Buster: I know Buster: Me either Rio: None of it matters now Rio: all I care is you'll be with me soon Buster: And you're only wasting time if you want to turn me on before I board this plane Rio: You know I do Rio: I always wanna turn you on Buster: I know you love making certain things difficult for me in public Rio: 😊 That doesn't sound like me Buster: I must be thinking of my other wife then, like Rio: She don't need to know, I won't tell her Buster: Promise? Rio: Promise Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause she gets possessive and it might make things dangerous Buster: Especially if we got caught Rio: I like danger Rio: Don't you? Buster: I love it Buster: How did you know? Rio: Just a hunch I had about you Buster: It sounds like you have decent intuition, you should keep listening to it Rio: Yeah? And what about you, what's yours telling you to do now? Buster: It's telling me that maybe you can't be trusted not to say anything unless I make it hard for you to talk Buster: Any ideas? Rio joined the chat 31 hours ago Rio: Plenty Rio: But sounds like you have something in mind already to me Buster: A gag is pretty foolproof is what I'm thinking Buster: But what to use? Such a dilemma Rio: It's a conundrum Rio: I'm sure there's something in your suitcase that'll do the job Buster: Maybe, I did pack pretty hurriedly though Buster: Might have to get creative about this Rio: I'm sure she has something here I can use Rio: Some stockings maybe Buster: Clever and resourceful, I like that Rio: What else do you like? Buster: You tell me, you're full of good ideas, I think I like you deciding what's good for me Rio: I'm up for that challenge Buster: Yeah? Buster: I can be very challenging so we'll see if you mean that Rio: You'll see a lot of things Buster: Is that another promise? Rio: Just a fact but if you like Buster: I would Rio: Hmm, you say your wife is possessive but I reckon you are too Buster: Is that gonna be a problem for you? Rio: Are you gonna make it one? Buster: Are you gonna make me want to own you? Rio: Lampshade Rio: Don't cheat on me 😔 Buster: Baby Rio: It's okay, I thought I'd like that but I just didn't Rio: I'm silly Buster: You're not Buster: You're just mine and that's more than okay Rio: You're mine too Rio: Aren't you Buster: All yours Buster: Forever Rio: I'm sorry I ruined it Buster: Don't Buster: I don't want it if you don't Rio: I'll make it up to you Rio: be way better than that imaginary hoe Buster: You don't need to Buster: I know how perfect you are Buster: Nobody else comes close Rio: I love you Buster: I want you Buster: I miss you Buster: And I love you Buster: Just you Rio: I still wanna do everything I said, you know Buster: We can do whatever you want Buster: As long as it's what you want Rio: It really is Buster: Then there's no bigger turn on, ever Rio: You're so good Buster: I mean it Rio: I reckon I know better, more fun ways to turn you on though Buster: Oh yeah? Buster: 'Cause I already can't stop looking at all those pics you sent me Rio: That's just a taster Buster: I like how you taste Buster: So I can wait Rio: 😩 Rio: I can't Buster: I didn't say I want to Buster: Just that I could, if I have to Rio: I want you before you've even got in the door Rio: we've not got any time to waste, babe Buster: You just wanna be on the stairs Buster: I knew you missed it Rio: I'm only thinking of the neighbours Rio: They gotta hear, they wanna see Buster: So thoughtful, babe Buster: We better give them what they need then Rio: It's been said Buster: Good Buster: Do me a favor and think of how I can survive this airport bullshit when I need you so bad Rio: Gonna go ahead and assume you don't mean people watching Buster: Fair Rio: Well the only two ways to survive the airport are getting drunk and buying all the duty free Rio: so get a drink and get me something nice Buster: You know the first one is off the table so I guess I'll have to go harder on the second instead Rio: Baby, I keep telling you you can have a drink Buster: And I keep telling you, not until you can Rio: Why are you the best Rio: also what are you going to get me Buster: Do you want me to tell you or do you want a surprise? Rio: Ooh um Rio: No, make me wait Buster: Alright Rio: Can we fuck in the Ferrari too when you get here? Rio: I'll let you drive Buster: We have to Buster: Gotta make the most of it before we need a family car too Rio: Fucking kids Rio: Imma get a white range rover Rio: total MILF car Buster: You're so hot Rio: I know Rio: Sorry for all the jokes you gonna get in advance boy but both your parents had to hear it so Buster: I'm not sorry for anything Rio: Be a nice ego boost when all his little girlfriends think you're fit, I guess Rio: Or boyfriends, not judging Buster: Could be both Rio: So progressive, Daddy 😉 Buster: He'll be able to have his pick of whoever, let's be honest Rio: If he's even as half as cute as you Buster: If he's half as cute as you, one look and he can have whatever he wants Rio: He's already got you wrapped 'round his finger, babe Rio: definitely takes after me Buster: I'm not mad about it Rio: Good Rio: 'cos we love you daddy Buster: I love you Rio: I wish I was there Buster: I'll be there soon Buster: You don't need to be here, it's manic Rio: Poor boy Rio: I just like seeing how many times I can make you cum on the flight Buster: You still can Buster: It's just more of a challenge Rio: Pssh Rio: Barely Buster: You reckon? Rio: I know so Rio: Making you cum is like my superpower Buster: That's what you're saying, but you're not doing anything, are you? Rio: 😫 Rio: You're shopping right now Buster: That sounds like an excuse to me Rio: That's how it is? Rio: Okay Buster: 😏 Rio: You really want me to make you hard in front of all these people Rio: You act mad but you ain't, you love it, don't you? Buster: You know I do Rio: Honestly Rio: What am I gonna do with you? Buster: You have all the answers you need Rio: What lingerie do you want me to wear then Rio: [This] Rio: [That] Buster: The second one Rio: Your favourite doesn't fit now Rio: so we'll have to find a new favourite Buster: I can't even pretend to be gutted, like Rio: 😏 colour me unsurprised Rio: Before we go away you're gonna have to take me bikini shopping Buster: I never even though of that Buster: But I'm glad I am now Rio: I think I'm gonna get so big Rio: I already am, my boobs are out of control Buster: I hope so Rio: I know you do Buster: It's been getting me through this whole time Rio: I can't wait 'til it's really obvious Buster: Me either Buster: I can't wait for everyone to know that you're having my baby, wherever you go Rio: Same Rio: I want it so bad I wanna show off this bump all the time Buster: I won't be able to keep my hands off you when you do Rio: That's alright with me Rio: Show 'em how that baby got there Buster: Before we did this I didn't expect it to be such a turn on Buster: Jesus Rio: There's no bigger or better way to show how much you own me Buster: Fuck Buster: There isn't Rio: And we're gonna do it as many times as we want Buster: Let's just have as many kids as we can Rio: You mean it? Buster: Yeah Rio: That makes me so happy Buster: Good Buster: I know you've got career plans, and I want you to still do them, but I want all your babies too Rio: We can do both Rio: We can have it all, seriously Buster: I believe that Buster: I want you to Rio: I do Rio: if anyone can, it's us, yeah? Buster: Seriously Buster: We're unstoppable now, babe Rio: Nothing anyone can say or do will change that Buster: Literally never Buster: I wanna marry you again when he's old enough to understand what it means so that he knows how much I love you, okay Rio: That's more than okay Rio: Baby Buster: We can still do it sooner too, if you want Buster: I know Indie's desperate to put a bridesmaid's dress on, like Rio: 😂 'Course Rio: I can wait, for once Rio: I'm already your wife, and that was perfect Rio: the next one has to be too Buster: I meant it when I said I'd marry you every year though Buster: I would Rio: I would too Buster: I can't wait to be home Buster: Even though it's not for long enough this time Rio: As long as I get to see you Rio: it'll keep me going Buster: Same Buster: The rate he's growing I won't recognise him next time I see you Rio: 😔 Rio: No Buster: Babe, it's good Rio: I don't want you to ever forget me Buster: You know I can't Rio: Don't sound so sad about it, damn 😜 Buster: Shh Rio: I'm looking at houses now Rio: it's fun to daydream about our future Buster: Show me the best ones Buster: I'm not wasting time looking at the unworthy contenders Rio: 'Course Rio: 3 rooms and a garden Rio: Any other requirements? Buster: Decent garage for all the cars we need Rio: Good point Rio: Noted Buster: Other than that, I don't reckon there's anything else we have to have Rio: Naturally sorting high to low anyway 'cos it's fun Buster: Who are we if we don't, like Buster: Wait until you see what I've bought you Rio: Second most exciting gift Imma get today Buster: I hope you think so Buster: I'm good at shopping, but there's things I'm even better at Rio: Oh yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: You'll see Rio: I hope I get to feel too Rio: or we got a no touching policy now Buster: Not unless you're trying to kill me Buster: You have no idea how badly I wanna touch you right now Rio: You're leaving me to imagine, yeah Rio: I hope I'm touching myself all the places you will Buster: Show me, I'll let you know Rio: [Grabbing the belly and titties] Rio: Constructive criticism only, please Buster: I'm gonna kiss you there too, of course, but otherwise Buster: You're definitely on the right track, babe Rio: Your kisses are the best Buster: What can I say? You're really fucking kissable, like Rio: You've always thought so haven't you 😊 Buster: Yeah Rio: So cute Buster: You're beautiful Buster: You know Rio: Shh Buster: Make me Rio: Still got those stocking for a gag you know Rio: don't make me come for you Buster: He's not making you taller, babe Buster: You'd still have to reach me Rio: 😒 Rio: Imma drag you down to my level Buster: Hot Rio: You'll see Buster: Yeah? Good Rio: Won't be saying that when you're begging me for mercy, babe 👊 Buster: I think I will Buster: Amongst other things Rio: 😠 Hush, I'm being fierce Buster: I can't help it Buster: It's so sexy Rio: Well, if you wanna fight for the angry hatefuck I'm fine with that but I still get my gifts first okay Rio: Priorities Buster: I want you Rio: Just me? Buster: The two of you Rio: Mm baby Rio: You got us Buster: No more fighting Rio: I promise Buster: Me too Rio: I'm gonna be so good Buster: And I'm gonna be so nice to you Buster: I'll make you feel so good, I swear Buster: As good as you are Rio: 😻 Rio: You're not gonna wanna leave it's gonna be so perfect for you, baby Buster: I already don't Rio: I know Rio: I hate when you have to leave so much Buster: I know Buster: I should just stay Buster: flight back when I have to and not before Rio: That'll still be as soon as your parents realise Buster: It doesn't have to be Rio: You're trying to get your Da to NOT kill you, remember babe? Buster: He'll be mad when he finds out about the baby anyway so it won't matter how good I am before then Buster: Or not Rio: I guess not Rio: What about your Ma though? Buster: I'll cross that bridge when she comes at me Buster: If she does Rio: Does this mean you're staying? Buster: Tell me I can Rio: You can, baby Rio: Like you said, they'll be mad anyway, and why do you need to be there to revise, like Rio: be with me Buster: Yeah, it's stupid Buster: I should have just been home the whole time Rio: You were only keeping them happy Buster: But not you Buster: And that's more important Rio: I knew you were doing what you had to, felt you had to, whatever Rio: but of course I want you home Buster: Then I'm staying Buster: Fuck it, exams are almost over anyway Buster: By now I either know my shit or I don't Rio: To be fair Rio: Not saying I won't help you revise Rio: you're so close to being free, babe Buster: And I'm not saying I won't bother revising Buster: But I do know it Rio: You do Rio: you can go overboard and that's as bad as doing nothing sometimes Rio: you can't just be living for your exams like Buster: Especially when it means not living with you Buster: You need me, I need you Rio: It's just how it is Buster: It's bad enough missing you, I don't wanna miss my son literally growing Buster: Not for this Rio: Especially when you don't even need to Rio: Just because they say, like Buster: He wants me to notice him, that's why he's popping up Buster: Dramatic like I am Rio: Heaven help me 😜 Rio: Seriously though Rio: I want him to hear your voice and know you're here to look after him too Buster: I'm gonna be there to actually help you Buster: Not just send you deliveries or bring gifts Rio: Though both have been appreciated, you know Rio: having you here will be better in all the ways Buster: I'll sit on the bathroom floor for as long as he traps you in there, don't worry Rio: Why would you wanna miss that, like? Rio: Come on people 😏 Buster: I genuinely don't want to though Buster: You shouldn't have to do this on your own Rio: You're actually so special Rio: Don't let the world change you Buster: Fuck that, I'm gonna change the world, babe Rio: How do you actually do that Rio: go from so adorable to so fuckable seamlessly like Rio: please Buster: Like you said, I'm special Buster: And I really want you to fuck me right now so that's a good incentive if I did need one Rio: Are you kidding? I'm so ready Rio: though actually, not prepared for the welcome home sex I had planned so you're gonna have to give me at least a working day to get that sorted Buster: Take as long as you need Buster: I know it'll be worth it Rio: You better believe Rio: I just wanna be with you tonight though, no toys no gimmick no nothing just you Buster: I actually need that Buster: It feels like its been so long since it was just us Buster: No phones or anything else Rio: I know Rio: I just wanna look at you and touch you taste you hear you, all of it, take in all of you Buster: I'm so turned on by the idea of that, I'm not sure I have words for how much I want it too Rio: You don't need to say, I know Rio: I love you, Buster Buster: I love you too Rio: All I have on my phone is pictures of you Rio: I can't wait 'til there's pictures of the boy too Buster: If we can get Nance on board they'll be no shortage Buster: But for now I'll just have to keep looking at the ones I have of him and you Rio: I think she'll be alright Rio: and if she's shocked like, really Rio: we've got form by this point Buster: Yeah Buster: I've already done one of the worst convos so Buster: Give a shit, no offense, Nance Rio: And hey, maybe your Dad will kill you before she gets in her drunk rant so Rio: look on the brightside, right Buster: Yeah Buster: One thing's for sure I definitely ain't taking her to the pub to break the news like when dad told granddad about me and Nance Rio: Probably not Rio: Or him, if it's his move like, clock that right away Buster: Exactly Buster: And I don't need his drunk rant either, like Buster: How do you wanna tell your fam? Rio: Oh God Rio: get a megaphone Buster: Not to start that argument up again but you could let you mum tell 'em Rio: It is easiest to just get it out there in one and let people come to me if they feel the need, yeah Buster: Do you wanna do it, us actually though? 'Cause we can get everyone together easily, any excuse with that lot, like Rio: I'm a bit scared but Rio: Probably a good way to do it Buster: You don't need to be scared Rio: I know Rio: I know it's good news, I just Buster: If anyone's got anything negative to say, they can say it to me Buster: I'm gonna be there to protect you, babe Rio: Do you think anyone will be happy for us Buster: Other than my parents, yeah Buster: Maybe Nance won't be either Buster: But everyone else, will be alright Buster: Happy even Buster: What did your mum say? Rio: You're right Rio: I just wish they could be happy too, I think Rio: but I know why, even if I don't love the reasoning so Rio: She was good, she said she didn't think it would be long, but not in a negative way, she just thought we'd want kids so Buster: I swear I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, my mum was actually pretty supportive when we both calmed down Buster: So even if my dad isn't, she won't let him be a prick about it forever Buster: And anyway, I'm more than happy enough to cover their lack of Rio: Yeah Rio: They'll come around Rio: Being a Grandparent is supposed to be more fun so Buster: By that logic nan and granddad will be totally buzzing Buster: So we'll always have that, like Rio: They can't feel guilt over it, we ain't their fuckups, like Rio: Happy days Buster: We're their shameless faves Rio: 'Course Rio: Grandad basically wingmanned our playdates back in the day so Buster: We'll have to enjoy the status while we can though, 'cause once our kid comes along that'll be all over and we'll have to move over for their new fave Rio: I'll allow it Rio: I just want everyone to love him like we do Rio: that's what scares me Buster: How could they not? Buster: He's gonna be so perfect, babe Buster: They can say what they want now, they're all gonna fall in love as soon as they see him Rio: Yeah Rio: You're right Rio: No one can resist a cute kid Buster: He's gonna be so loved and so happy, I promise Buster: You don't need to ever worry about it Rio: I'm just hormonal and ridiculous Rio: it's starting to feel more real and it just makes your brain go into overdrive on everything Buster: I know Buster: And you know you can tell me anything, yeah? Buster: Even if you think it's bullshit as you're saying it, I don't care Rio: I know, babe Rio: I will try not to talk complete shit though, still Rio: got some pride Buster: Me too, since I won't have being drunk as an excuse, like Rio: I have got you champagne Rio: we can have one glass Buster: You're so cute Rio: It's a celebration, baby Rio: You're coming home Buster: I wish I was already there Rio: So soon Rio: and I'm not gonna stop kissing you for hours Rio: I've decided Buster: Oh really? Rio: Yep and I'm afraid we aren't taking complaints rn so Buster: I'm not trying to make one Buster: It's impossible to do anything but think about that Rio: Think about it Rio: I am Rio: Your lips are so soft Buster: Yours are softer Buster: As much as I wanna be competitive about it, right now, I can't Rio: Yeah but you're a boy and boys are usually so Rio: crusty Rio: you're pretty and soft Buster: 😂 Buster: I'll take that Rio: You should Rio: It's a compliment Buster: You're adorable Rio: You're cuter Rio: No fighting allowed Buster: Me? I'm not a fighter, babe. Only a lover, like Buster: Obviously Rio: I'm just reminding myself I promised Rio: Hard when I'm so tough, like Buster: Poor baby Buster: You can do this Rio: I'm just so frustrated you see Rio: That's the problem Buster: I understand Buster: We just need to find a solution, that's all Rio: Hmm, let's put our heads together and really think about this Buster: On it Rio: Baby please Rio: I need help now Buster: Take all your frustrations out on me, baby Buster: You have to Rio: It's been too long since I came all over your beautiful face Buster: It's the only way you'll feel better Rio: You've gotta eat me out like you're starving okay baby Rio: I can't take no teasing Buster: You don't need to tell me, I couldn't crave you more Rio: I want it so hard and fast, don't waste any time being gentle just give me what I need Buster: Fuck, baby Buster: I'm never gonna say no to you Rio: I've been thinking about it since the last real time Buster: You've been so good and so patient Rio: I've had enough of being both Rio: Be inside me now Buster: I know you have Buster: Tell me how long you've waited and that's how many times I'll make you cum Buster: I trust you to work it out properly Rio: I'll play fair and work it out in hours, not seconds Buster: We can do seconds Buster: I want to Rio: 🤤 Rio: You gonna make me cum 172800 times in a night Rio: I like the ambition, daddy Buster: Yeah, why not? Rio: What's your favourite thing about me when I cum? Rio: Like mine are your noises Buster: If I can only pick one Buster: Your face Rio: Is my o face cute? Buster: It's the best thing I've ever seen Rio: 😊 Rio: Glad you like it because I need to be in your lap riding you frontfacing Rio: so you get a perfect view of the bump Buster: Seriously, if I could put a spotlight on you every time we fuck, I would Rio: I've got the lighting for that Buster: Set it up for me now Rio: Yes sir Buster: How long will it take? Rio: Not long, I'm a professional, I got this down Rio: 10 15 minutes Buster: I need you to cum for me and let me see everything Buster: Show me how good it'll be Rio: Oh fuck Rio: I'll show you everything, daddy, every angle you want Buster: Do it Buster: I can't wait anymore, I don't care where I am Rio: You need to see your babygirl taking care of herself until you can Buster: Please Rio: I'm setting up as fast as I can I promise Rio: I'm gonna use my best toy, the one that's like you Buster: Jesus Buster: Okay Rio: Just got to get it all nice and wet so it goes in just like daddy does Rio: that's what my mouth is for Buster: I'm biting my own lip so hard for you Rio: Careful, don't make it bleed, you'll look too sexy and it's my job to make you swollen and sore Buster: Rio Rio: Buster? Buster: I just have to say your name here so it's not out loud Rio: So fucking sweet Rio: I've not even started yet Buster: You've got me speechless and desperate to make noise all at once Rio: Oh, Daddy, you need to wait to go to the bathroom to be dirty for me Rio: I'm still just sucking Rio: I can taste when I used him earlier and it's sooooo yummy Rio: I'll let you have a lick when you get here Buster: Everyone definitely knows what you're doing to me Buster: They all just heard me for sure Rio: Lucky them Rio: They all wish you were making those noises for them Buster: I'm the lucky one Buster: You're so Rio: You're the best daddy to me, you deserve me making you cum wherever you want and whenever you want Rio: if I was there with you know I'd be giving you head, and I hope people would see so they could see what a good girl I was for you Buster: They'd know what an angel you are Buster: And be so jealous Rio: They should be jealous, you're literally a God, you know that Rio: that's why I'm your angel, you dreamed me up just for you Buster: Baby Rio: Yes, daddy? Buster: I love you Rio: Wait Rio: Say it again and I'm gonna slide him inside me as you do Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I love you I love you Rio: So much, fuck Buster: Say my name when you say it again Rio: Buster, I love you Rio: you're hitting exactly the right spot deep inside me right now holy fuck Buster: Yeah I am Buster: Tell me how it feels, baby Rio: So god damn good, daddy Rio: You're big, I can't fit you all in yet so I have to be slow and it's so hard Buster: I know Buster: You just want it all, don't you? Buster: You've already been waiting for such a long time Rio: I do, I really do Rio: I want daddy in every hole at once, I'm just a greedy slut Buster: You love it Buster: I'll fuck you every way though, don't worry Rio: I seriously do, I'd addicted to your cock, I can never get enough Buster: Well, I'm not gonna stop until you're completely satisfied Buster: Hold me to it Rio: So good to me Rio: Which hole do you wanna claim first? Buster: Since I don't want you to stop talking like this so I better leave that one until last Rio: You like hearing your baby say such nasty things about what she wants you to do to her and how good you make her feel Rio: Does it make your dick hard, daddy? Buster: I really like it Buster: Look Buster: [Sends pics] Rio: Gimme Rio: I'm gonna look at that whilst fucking this toy into my soaking wet cunt Rio: if I concentrate hard enough I can feel every vein, the slight curve, mm Buster: It's all yours, baby Buster: Take it Rio: Buster, tell me again to take it, take it all, I need it so bad Buster: Stop teasing yourself, Rio and take everything Buster: Do it Rio: You're so deep inside me now Buster: I'm exactly where you need me Buster: I know it Rio: You always know what's best for me Rio: that's why you tell me what to do and I do it Buster: That why you'll keep being a good girl, yeah? Rio: For you? Forever Buster: Then you get to feel like this forever Rio: I'm so lucky Buster: No, you're so worthy Rio: Tell me, I want to cum as you're telling me nice things about me so I believe them Buster: I'm already saying your name like its a prayer right now but I can't wait to get on my knees for you too Buster: You're the most delicious fucking thing I've ever tasted and the nicest thing I've ever felt and the sweetest thing I've ever heard Buster: On top of being the most beautiful girl I've ever seen Buster: You know you make me wanna believe in heaven just so I can tell people that it's you Buster: That I'm already there Rio: I just Rio: You love me as much as I love you and I know that because you show it so plainly that I can't possibly deny it Rio: and I don't want to because it feels so safe and right and good to be loved by you Buster: Don't ever Buster: Not anymore Buster: You're my whole world, you and our baby and however many others we have Rio: I won't Rio: because you're mine too Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I need you Rio: You've got me, you know you do Rio: in every way it's possible to have a person Buster: Don't leave me, okay Buster: Even when I am a prick like I was earlier Rio: I'm never leaving you Rio: even when I die I'm going to be around annoying you Rio: and you weren't even so seriously, don't think about it now baby Buster: Sorry but you actually have to live forever so Buster: Unless we die at the exact same time Rio: Well, we'll get working on immortality in the morning Rio: suicide pact 'til then Buster: Such a nerd Buster: I believe you could figure it out if you wanted to Rio: No pressure then 😏 Buster: Call it motivation Rio: Fair, I do wanna do anything to keep you safe so Rio: I'll be pondering, babe Buster: I'm emotional now Buster: Which one of us is meant to be hormonal as fuck? Rio: I'm telling you, sympathy pregnancy Rio: I still have some sweets babe, you're okay Buster: 😒 Buster: If I start being sick too, I swear to god Rio: You'll be having more words with your son, yeah? Buster: Too right Buster: I'm not having that Rio: Shh I'm still coming down from that orgasm, you'll set me off again Buster: That's my plan Buster: You gave me the numbers, you're not just getting one, like Rio: Hmm, I knew I shouldn't have told you that Buster: You should tell me everything Buster: Especially that Rio: Okay, then I'll that I'm watching the video I made you back and it's turning me on Rio: which is the most conceited thing I've ever said but damn Buster: It's the hottest thing you've ever said Buster: Send it to me so I've got something to fuck myself to Rio: It looks almost as good as it felt, you can see how much I love it Rio: [Vid] Buster: Jesus Christ Buster: You're actually so talented Buster: Not trying to just focus on how good you are at lighting and angles 'cause priorities but like Buster: It needed to be said Rio: 😂 When you're actually that much of a nerd Rio: but thank you baby, gotta make it look good Buster: I'm thinking of whoever's bound to be watching over my shoulder Buster: Also, focusing on that shit so I don't actually die immediately Buster: You really know how to make me lose it, babe Rio: Be sure to moan out my full handle then, those potential punters, baby Rio: Well, you were being very inspirational Buster: Next tattoo idea for me, really give you that promo Rio: The temptation is so real Rio: You know I'd get your name tattooed on me legit Buster: Fuck Buster: Don't tell me that while I'm listening to this Buster: You'll make me cum right here and now Rio: Oh, you like that, baby? Buster: You know I'd love it Buster: Don't tease me Rio: Who's teasing Rio: Where should I put it? Buster: Somewhere everyone can see it Rio: I'll get it under my crown, how about that? Buster: You mean that Rio: Of course Buster: Then I should get yours too Buster: It's only fair Rio: Do you want to? Rio: 'cos only if you do Buster: I do Buster: Tell me where and when Buster was timed out 6 hours ago Buster joined the chat 6 hours ago Rio: Maybe you could put it on your ribs, like just under your pec on the heart side? Rio: I'd like that Buster: Me too Buster: You just made the perfect noise on this video so I'm trying to be so quiet myself but fuck Rio: Let's see how long you can keep that up 😋 Buster: I'm already struggling 'cause I know I'll be able to get you to recreate it for me when I get home Rio: Better, you'll get to feel it vibrate through us Buster: God Rio: You've got me watching again Buster: Look how fucking gorgeous you are, baby Buster: Both of you Rio: I look good Rio: you make me feel it so much Buster: Tell me again Rio: I look so hot, baby Rio: I can see why it's getting to you Buster: It really is Rio: Yeah? Rio: Are you making yourself feel good? Buster: [Sends own little video clip] Rio: Daddy Rio: You look so good too, fuck Rio: I can't wait 'til you're here so we can look hot together Buster: We should film together then so while I'm doing my next exam you can watch Rio: You wanted the lights set up so Rio: definitely making the most of them Buster: We aren't taking them down any time soon Rio: Oh, yeah? Rio: Works for me 🤤 Buster: Good Buster: I want you to feel like this all the time Rio: Then stay with me forever and I will Buster: These babies aren't gonna make themselves Buster: Doing the world a favour as well as you, babe Rio: Oh, you're doing me a favour now? It's come to that already, is it 😂 Rio: 💔 Buster: Shh Rio: Thought you didn't want me to stop talking like this, babe 😏 Buster: I knew you'd say that Rio: Predictable too Rio: damn, cut me deep Buster: 😏 Buster: This video is anything but predictable, babe Rio: Took me by surprise too Rio: The way you make me cum never gets old Buster: It won't ever, I promise Buster: Not only 'cause we'll have to try all kinds of positions when you get bigger Rio: Very creative 😋 Buster: I don't just thrive under pressure at exam time, like Buster: I know you're gonna be desperate for me, and I've got you Rio: Promise Rio: You won't get weird no matter how huge and pregnant I get, you'll still want me as much as I'm gonna need you Buster: Come on Buster: I'll want you even more than you do me Buster: Be annoying you, like Rio: Impossible Buster: I love you Buster: And I want you Buster: Always Buster: I swear Rio: I trust you Rio: Some blokes get so weird about even touching their missus when they're pregnant, I'd actually die Rio: I'm so needy for you as is nevermind adding these hormones into the mix Buster: I'd die too if you didn't want me to Buster: As much as I love looking at you, it's not enough, ever Rio: We just couldn't be those people Rio: like literally fuck me whilst I'm on the bathroom floor that's how much I still want you I don't care Buster: That's the hottest thing you've ever said to me Buster: Jesus Rio: I just wanna have the nastiest filthy sex with you Rio: do things no other girl has ever let you Buster: I want all of it Buster: Literally everything Rio: I'd let you do anything Rio: you know that Rio: anything your fucked up brain could think up, and I'd make it worse, by making it better Buster: This is why we had no choice but to fall in love with each other Rio: Exactly Rio: How were we meant to just go through life knowing that the other wanted it as bad Rio: even if I had a choice, I'd choose you Rio: over and over Buster: I know Buster: I'd choose you too Buster: And all of this Buster: I don't want it any different Rio: Me either Rio: Though if I'd ever thought having your baby was an option, like Rio: fuck me Rio: I would have made myself cum so hard thinking about that Buster: You didn't think I'd want to or what? Rio: I'm talking about before, when we didn't really talk but I still fucked myself to the thought of you all the damn time Rio: but yeah, I didn't know if that was part of your plan, like Buster: Alright, I'll allow it Buster: My mum was pretty convinced the baby was an accident so clearly I'm not giving out the vibe Rio: It'd be a weird vibe to put out there in general, as an 18-year-old lad, like Buster: Your dad must've had it Buster: I'll ask him to give me some tips or something before we tell everyone, make me sound like I'm not dreading this Buster: 'Cause you know it's gonna be what they all reckon Rio: 😔 Yeah no doubt Rio: just like my Ma, strong-arming you into it casually Rio: at least Nan doesn't shamelessly hate you like she did my Da Buster: A perk of keeping it in the fam for sure Buster: She ain't allowed to hate me Rio: casually switches on you now 😂 Rio: wouldn't put it past her Buster: Don't Buster: 'Cause me either Rio: Nah Rio: Golden boy forever Rio: least you married me first Buster: Good thing you let me Buster: Full offense dad Rio: Your Ma forever about that power move Buster: Seriously Buster: If she didn't hate her own name that much she'd probably have kept him waiting still Rio: Do you reckon? Rio: Like, who was she kidding, really Buster: Herself, the most important person of all, like Rio: Damn, babe Rio: Getting too real Buster: You know she literally made him chase her down when she got pregnant with us, imagine if he hadn't Buster: Behave, mum Rio: I'm way too nice to you, is what I'm learning Rio: also why you're so dramatic Buster: You're learning about my flawed genetics too late, babe Buster: Unlucky Rio: Sorry baby Rio: at least you'll be pretty with it Buster: And confident Buster: Just tell him, whoever he's gonna be, he better stay in there longer than me and Nance did Buster: I'm putting my foot down and my mum is literally still mad at me for showing up at the beginning of her 3rd year Rio: Such a diva Rio: he's got no one to compete with so we should be fine Rio: you just had to be older than me Buster: 'Course I did Buster: Forever gutted Nance is technically older than I am Rio: 😂 She's the alpha Rio: so funny Buster: Shut up Rio: Poor baby Rio: You can dominate me any time, don't worry Buster: So the second I get home then, yeah? Rio: You don't have to ask Rio: just take me Buster: Don't set me off again, the people around me have seen and heard enough Rio: Too bad, people, I haven't Buster: You want me to record the whole thing this time? Rio: Please, daddy, show me everything Rio: I wanna see the people watching you, whilst they pretend so hard that they're not Buster: Okay baby Buster: But I haven't forgotten you're meant to be sleeping Buster: So you better be good if I am Rio: Shh Daddy Rio: I'm a big girl, I can stay up with you Rio: Gotta earn how hard you're gonna punish me somehow 😋 Buster: Oh, it's like that, yeah? Rio: Yeah 😊 I'm being 😈 Rio: but you know you'll wear me out and I'll fall asleep before you get here so you still get to wake me in the special way Buster: You're too much of an angel even when you try too be bad Buster: Giving me exactly what I want all the time Rio: I can't help it, you're just so fuckable, Daddy Rio: I only wanna do the good bad things to you Buster: Tell me what you'd wanna do if you were here with me now Rio: Where exactly are you? Buster: In my seat and on my way to you Buster: Finally Rio: Yay! 😻 Rio: That's easy then. I'd be on the floor between your legs, on my knees under the blanket, and I'd be doing all the hard work for you so you could lay back and enjoy the flight and I wouldn't even stop sucking when the air hostess came to give you your drink Rio: You'd have to remember how to talk to tell her I was in the bathroom but she'd know Buster: I'm glad you've got such a good idea 'cause more specifically, I'm in business class and there are people all around me so we'll have an even more attentive audience than when I was in the airport lounge before Rio: Everyone would see, because I won't stay under the blanket and behave 'cos I have to look you in the eyes when I take you all the way down my throat, so you can see when my eyes roll back 'cos you feel so fucking good on my hot tongue Rio: all those businessmen will be so hard and so jealous of you, baby Buster: Yeah they will 'cause I'm not gonna behave either Buster: I was so quiet and still before but not this time, not now its all recording for you, babe Rio: Be bad Rio: Pull my hair and push my head further down to keep me in place 'cos you know I can take it Rio: and look straight into the camera, I wanna see what they'll all see when you cum for your baby Buster: I know that's how you want it too Buster: You love when I pull your hair Rio: It's exactly how I want it Rio: I want you to be so desperate for me you don't care how rough you are Rio: Use me Buster: I'm there already Buster: I need you so much Buster: I don't ever stop Rio: Good thing I don't either Rio: My tight little pussy is always ready for you to abuse Buster: You're so wet for me right now, aren't you? Rio: So fucking wet, Daddy Rio: It's drooling out of me Rio: the sound my hand is making reminds me of how it sounds like we fuck Rio: Want to see? Buster: I have to Buster: Show me how much cleaning up there is for me to do when I get home Rio: [Pic sucking on fingers] Rio: I wasn't too greedy, there's still lots left for you Buster: Good girl Rio: I want that to be the first thing I hear when you pushing inside me wakes me up Rio: because you can't help it because I feel that good around your big daddy dick Buster: Loud or whispered just for you? Rio: Just for me, all low and raspy and fucking hot Rio: You were trying not to wake your angel, see, but she just feels so good you have to let her know Buster: I can't help practicing right now Buster: It'll be perfect Rio: You're so good, Buster, so fucking good Rio: The whole time you're pounding me, be that close, don't move, I wanna feel your hot breath on my neck and my ear the whole time, as you're grunting how good I am and how much you've missed me Buster: Of course Buster: It'll be just like at the party Buster: I won't move Rio: Just like the party, except you've already put your baby deep inside me Rio: you can rub my belly and my swollen tits from behind the whole time, tell me how much all the changes you've made happen to my body turns you on Buster: Oh fuck Rio: I get to be your really big girl Rio: you've made me a mummy Buster: That's got me so close so fast Buster: I don't even care if this whole plane knows I'm about to cum already Rio: They know how bad I've been teasing you, daddy Rio: give it to me Rio: they know how greedy I am for your cum, they can see this big baby bump Rio: I want you leaking out my tight hole so when you clean up your messy baby you get to taste yourself too Buster: Christ, Rio Rio: Have you cum, baby? Buster: 😳 Rio: Now you're messy too Buster: Look at the state of me [sends pics] Rio: 😩 Fuck Rio: and I bet you made the cutest noises trying to not be as loud as you needed Buster: You tell me Buster: [Sends video as promised] Rio: I'm gonna enjoy this so much Rio: You look so handsome, help Buster: It was so intense Buster: I don't know how you do it to me Rio: I can feel it, and see Rio: You're not bad at this either, you know, damn Buster: Cheers Buster: I'd hope not by now Rio: It's not your job though, so it's still impressive Rio: Maybe you can help me film some time Buster: I'd love to Rio: I love that I can tell what I'd just said to you by how you react Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: You tighten your grip or you go faster or you totally lose it and have to stop to catch your breath Rio: it's the hottest thing I've ever seen Buster: It's all you Rio: It's giving me ideas Buster: Good Buster: You have the best ideas Rio: I think next time I stream, you should be telling me what to do and encouraging me off-screen, kinda how we do here but in person for us Rio: it'd be like your the voice for the audience, I think it'd be really hot for them, obviously it'd be so good for me Buster: You're seriously so smart Rio: 😊 You wanna then? Buster: We should do it soon in case you do decide you wanna take a break from it Buster: Like you said, I think people would be into it Rio: and your voice is so sexy so, bonus for the ladies n gays out there Buster: True Rio: I love you so much Buster: I love you Buster: And I miss you even though we're literally talking Rio: I miss you too, this video is really helping with that Rio: so close now, baby Buster: I hope it's tiring you out 'cause I really can't wait to wake you up later Rio: I'm gonna cum with you at the end of this video, then I'll pass out Rio: I feel it Buster: That's so hot Rio: But I'm ready for you, I put panties on because I want you to have to pull them aside and feel how wet they are when you do Buster: Like I said, you have the best ideas Rio: You inspire me, I always tell you Buster: I'm so glad I married you Rio: Good Rio: I mean, kill me otherwise, like Buster: Seriously, I can't wait to do it again and be able to show everyone how fucking beautiful you look in person Buster: Even if they do have to see me cry, like Rio: Baby Buster: I mean it Rio: I know Rio: You'll make me cry Rio: it was the best day of my life Rio: really Buster: Mine too Buster: I still can't believe we did that sometimes Buster: It feels too perfect to have actually happened, you know Rio: I know Rio: we really just Rio: left Rio: and did exactly what we wanted Rio: and it was perfect Buster: We should do that more often Buster: Starting this summer, like Rio: Definitely Buster: I'll take you anywhere you wanna go Buster: You'll be feeling less sick by then, right? I don't want the plane to make it worse Rio: Yeah it should go with the first trimester, like Rio: unless you're unlucky Buster: Then you'll be fine Buster: Well lucky you are Rio: 🍀 baby Buster: 🍀👑
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epajournal · 7 years
Conversation
Anonymous9837 Not seeing new messages? Click here to correct.
Anonymous9837:
22:17
While an IMALIVE Volunteer is joining this chat, please take a moment to read this disclaimer. If your chat disconnects unexpectedly, it may be caused by wifi network connection issues, so please log back in and start a new chat. IMALIVE chat is for those who are thinking about suicide or are in distress. If you are having trouble seeing new messages or typing, please select - Click here to refresh - on top of the chat window. If you or someone you know is currently in the state of medical emergency, please dial 911 or your local emergency number for an ambulance. The volunteer will not be able to locate you without your help. If you wish to speak to someone on the phone right now, you can also call 1-800-SUICIDE(784-2433) or visit befrienders.org to find your local hotline. Please stay online while the next available volunteer is connecting to the chat....
Alex:
22:18
IMALIVE Volunteer joined the chat.
Alex:
22:18
Hi, my name is Alex. May I ask your name?
Anonymous9837:
22:18
Hey there. I guess Elise, that's my real name.
Anonymous9837:
22:18
I don't know, I feel silly doing this at all. I guess first, how are you?
Alex:
22:19
It sounds like you're worried about being judged
Anonymous9837:
22:19
Well, I'm mostly worried about being whiny, honestly.
Anonymous9837:
22:19
Like... I don't know, I'm not in an immediate place where I'm going to hurt myself, honestly
Alex:
22:19
Why don't we start with what brought you here today
Anonymous9837:
22:20
I just know if I don't talk about it or at least let someone know I'm having bad thoughts that it'll swell into a pretty crappy place later.
Anonymous9837:
22:20
Well, I guess just... My life's in a real weird place. I'm on medication but I've been off it for a few days, back on it again. I've been in therapy for close to a year but my life just seems to be getting worse.
Anonymous9837:
22:20
I think I need to get a new therapist or something, or at least talk to her about improving our sessions. But it's tough.
Anonymous9837:
22:21
I also know that we're at a place where it's like... There's not too much more she can do for me in a lot of ways.
Anonymous9837:
22:21
And I guess that's scary.
Alex:
22:22
It can be very discouraging when you feel the help you're getting isn't helping. It sounds like this is adding extra stress to your life at a very bad time
Anonymous9837:
22:23
I wish I had something that was more unknown to me or had some big revelation about why I'm all dysfunctional, but. I don't. I feel like a car that's been taken apart and clearly you can see things aren't working right, but somehow you can't get the pieces to fit back together right. There's not much more to do than just trash it, you know?
Anonymous9837:
22:23
And yeah, it's demotivating. It took me a long time to go to therapy again, I mean I went through a bunch of therapy as a kid and none of it was too much help. I took a chance with it again recently and it's just been...
Anonymous9837:
22:24
I guess a lot of it has been useful, at the very least I can say I'm working on it, but I just want to be... Not even "fine", but just better.
Anonymous9837:
22:25
It's hard to imagine a year ago that I was nearly a functioning person, but. I guess it's a real shaky support that keeps that facade going, things were clearly going wrong.
Anonymous9837:
22:25
Sorry, I feel weird not asking again, how are you?
Alex:
22:26
No need to feel weird. We are here to work with you and focus on how you are doing
Anonymous9837:
22:26
Well, thank you.
Anonymous9837:
22:27
I'm in my late twenties and live with my mom and brother... Our house isn't big enough for everyone so we ended up with me in the basement, but in the last few months I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and moved upstairs, even though that means not having a room and sleeping in the living room.
Anonymous9837:
22:29
And it's been a rough adjustment. I can't get myself to take care of my messes easily as it is, so combine having a small house where I don't have a room, things build up, people get upset. I've been out of work since last July, I had some financial fortune to get by but I fucked that up pretty badly and I'm broke again, but I just... There's no way I can hold a job. My therapist and I are working on SSI but it just... takes a while, and it makes me feel like I'm a brat.
Anonymous9837:
22:30
My mom's disabled, physically, so it's like. I feel like I'm making an excuse for myself when I should just be having a job. I've worked before for years, but I just can't. I mean I can barely keep myself showered, or bother to eat, even though I'm a fat sunnovabitch because I rarely leave my house.
Anonymous9837:
22:30
So it's just... Things get tense. I don't want to be a burden on anyone.
Anonymous9837:
22:31
The answer seems to be that it'd be easiest if I weren't here, but aside from it being a scary idea, I know that'd be a lot of shit my family would have to go through.
Anonymous9837:
22:31
But I still think about it a lot, and it's upsetting.
Anonymous9837:
22:32
I just want to be left alone, honestly. I feel like most of my life I haven't had any chance to just "be". I want to exist but just barely, I guess.
Anonymous9837:
22:33
I've been working on it, it doesn't look like it, but I have been. I'm just not well, physically and psychologically. Today I started an herb garden, I'm raising them from seeds, hopefully they work.
Anonymous9837:
22:34
I try to take my dog out, I got a FitBit so I can be mindful of my movement. But as soon as I do these things, people think I'm shirking important things, but... I need to do anything I can now, because otherwise I just do nothing.
Alex:
22:34
You sound very invested in your recovery. It can be tough feeling like a burden on people, but it sounds like you have a family that you care about and that cares about you. So it sounds like at some point in the past you felt you were doing better, but you now feel yourself spiraling in a downward direction. You're not sure if it's the move to a less private living situation, or the medication or if you should try seeing a new professional and it sounds like all these factors are really overwhelming you
Anonymous9837:
22:35
I fantasize about running away a lot. But I have a dog who I feel like I need to be there for even though my family would take care of her, and I have a 20 year-old cat... And I don't want to ditch him.
Anonymous9837:
22:35
Yeah, that all sounds fair. I mean, it's a long history of dysfunction, I can't even tell you my family history and growing up.
Anonymous9837:
22:36
I guess the one good thing about therapy is I'm finally so tired of mourning my past because I just can't be bothered to talk about it anymore, which is saying something, because it's been the only thing I can discuss with any passion for a while.
Anonymous9837:
22:37
But now I'm just like, "here I am," and it's crappy. Like, that's done. There's nothing I can do that I haven't already to try and compartmentalize and digest it better. But I'm still messed up and now I'm an adult and nobody can fix it for me.
Anonymous9837:
22:38
Some days I feel okay. But I just... I'm tired all the time and I don't care about anything, the only thing that I actually feel emotionally responsive to is when I'm upsetting people.
Anonymous9837:
22:39
I tried to move into my dad's a number of years ago after he told me there'd "always be a place" for me with him, and he knows things have been awful, and he's a lot to blame for it. But when I did, he suddenly didn't have room, which sucked. It kind of felt like I finally went to make a huge change in my life even though I was scared and ultimately was told, "nah." Like... Idk.
Anonymous9837:
22:39
I just keep thinking I need to get out of here, and the only feasible way I can imagine that is to not exist anymore.
Anonymous9837:
22:39
But that's a whole mess to itself.
Anonymous9837:
22:40
It's a good thing I'm anxious about what happens after you die, though. A lot of the time that's the only thing that keeps me here-- I guess that's true for a lot of people, but still.
Alex:
22:41
There really is no easy fix, which can make things seem hopeless. Elise, have you been thinking about suicide?
Anonymous9837:
22:41
Oh sure, but that's nothing new. I think about it pretty constantly, but I'm not going to enact it.
Anonymous9837:
22:42
I walked in on my mom readying to kill herself when I was thirteen and decided I didn't want to do that to anybody.
Anonymous9837:
22:42
But it's still a thought, and it's one of those things where it's just... Super depressing to realize that's what you'd kind of like to do.
Alex:
22:43
But you haven't thought about how and when you want to kill yourself and you're able to stay safe while we continue to chat?
Anonymous9837:
22:44
Yeah, I'm okay. That's why I'm talking now, so I don't have more of these thoughts later. I took an Ativan recently and I'm getting pretty calmed down in addition to that. I'm not in any danger to myself now, but. It's preventative, I guess.
Anonymous9837:
22:45
I've never really thought /how/ I'd kill myself, they all seem pretty creepy. More of what would happen after, which I guess is less dangerous.
Anonymous9837:
22:45
(my ativan is prescription, btw, I don't use it often but I do have it officially for when I need it)
Anonymous9837:
22:46
I just kind of needed someone to talk to so it didn't stay in my head and chest and get into Bad Territory.
Anonymous9837:
22:46
I just hope I'll be Okay someday. I keep thinking I'm about to get to the final corner of this maze but it just keeps goddamn turning.
Alex:
22:47
Ok. Well Elise, what else do you think would help you right now? It sounds like having someone to talk to has helped with the stress a bit
Anonymous9837:
22:47
And it's tough, too, because you can't see all the progress you've made in these situations. But that's the depression talking.
Anonymous9837:
22:47
and yeah, it has, I'm getting pretty relaxed again already, so thank you for that.
Anonymous9837:
22:48
I think I need to contact my therapist and discuss making our appointments more constructive, and contact my doctor to start finding a psychiatrist I like. My recent one retired.
Anonymous9837:
22:48
Which sucks, I really liked her.
Anonymous9837:
22:48
I need to keep on my SSI application... And just keep working through my list of to-do's, since every one of those I complete makes me feel like I'm doing a little bit better.
Anonymous9837:
22:49
I guess for right now I should get something to eat or drink and do little things, maybe just fold my clothes while I watch a movie, and probably write in my journal.
Anonymous9837:
22:50
And maybe tonight I'll go for a drive for some privacy and have a good cry-- I've been needing to do that for a while now.
Alex:
22:51
It sounds like feeling like you are making steps toward your recovery is important to you. You have a very well built plan of next steps to take.
Anonymous9837:
22:52
Thanks, I guess it's a matter of me actually doing them, haha. My mom actually is out here trying to get me to talk to her and... I think I should, I don't mean to cut off from you so quickly, but I'm calmed down and I know there are people out there in actual danger.
Alex:
22:52
Would you like someone from the IMAlive Team to follow up with you? That follow-up would be via email, a few days after this chat.
Anonymous9837:
22:53
Mm... I think I'm okay, actually-- Or, would that be just a check-in, I guess?
Anonymous9837:
22:53
Sure, you can contact me at *********@gmail.com, I guess.
Anonymous9837:
22:54
Gives me something to keep working on myself for so I can reply with positive news, haha.
Anonymous9837:
22:54
Hopefully!
Alex:
22:54
A check-in. Ok Elise a member of IMAlive will follow up with you. In the meantime, be good to yourself smiley
Anonymous9837:
22:55
Thanks so much, I really appreciate you listening to me.
🙂
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