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pariaritzia · 10 months

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Queerness in Indian Media

↳Film: RRR (2022, Telugu), dir. S.S. RAJAMOULI

RRR is a historical fantasy action drama that follows Bheem (NTR Jr), a Gond warrior who is in search of a Gond girl who was taken away from their home, and Ram (Ram Charan), the British Army officer assigned to catch him. Ram and Bheem meet under false identities and quickly grow closer, but everything is thrown into chaos once the truth is revealed and Ram is forced to choose between his ambitions and his attachment to Bheem.

Long before any white person had ever heard of RRR, queer Indians were cautiously optimistic that there would be something for us in this movie. There was the song Dosti, which felt more romantic than the average song about friendship; Bheem's intense declaration toward Ram in the trailer; Rajamouli explaining that there is no boy-girl romantic song (a staple of masala Indian cinema in any language) because "the romance angle is between these two guys only...bromance...they are the heroes, they are the hero and heroine, and they are the hero and villain"; the lead actors repeatedly questioning interviewers who referred to Jenny and Seetha as Bheem and Ram's love interests; and the writer, V. Vijayendra Prasad, being a huge fan of Salim-Javed movies, particularly Sholay, whose homosocial pairing has been read as queer by queer Indians for decades.

The movie itself gave us more than we could have hoped for from a project made on such a huge scale. Ram and Bheem mimic many of the "hero and heroine" pairings in so many masala movies, doing everything from the "slow-mo staring" for the first meeting, to getting a whole montage song for the progression of their bond, to dressing each other up, to dancing together at a party, to carrying each other, to rescuing each other.

The final rescue scene is perhaps the most telling, as it twists a well-known myth from the Ramayana by putting Ram and Bheem in the position of heroine and hero. It is not Hanuman who tells Rama where to find Sita in Lanka, but instead Seetha who tells Bheem where to find Ram. Bheem, upon finding him, promises to get him out 'even if [he has] to burn this Lanka down to do it'--then promptly carries him on his shoulders the way Hanuman carried Rama, to do away with any suspicions from homophobic audiences.

Those homophobic audiences still made their complaints--a glance at the oldest comments on any clip or behind the scenes video for RRR will make that clear--but they were drowned out by the many fans of the movie. Ultimately, like with any coded movie, the interpretation is up to the individual, but it is undeniable that a number of queer Indians felt that there was a romantic bond between Ram and Bheem. To dismiss that would do a disservice to the many queer people who have, are, and always will work quietly behind the scenes to write our stories, even if they can never say so directly.

#rrr #tollywood #rambheem #this was the hardest post to make simply bc every time I talk about rrr I feel very #'this article contains excessive information' dot wikipedia warning.#thank you to my beloved ivy who has heard all my Excessive Information. ur a real one.#anyway I really had to restrain myself with this one and still it is the longest post for this series. rip.#anyway. wanted to do this one before pride month ends and before I take a break from this series #to make other gifs for a while bc quite frankly these take a long time to put together and I need. a break.#queerness in indian media #long post

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jezebelgoldstone · 10 months

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RRR (2022, dir S. S. Rajamouli)

things i am not now and likely never will get over from RRR

DRIFT COMPATIBLE BATTLE COUPLE DETECTED

queer? platonic? queerplatonic? who gives a shit no matter what it was it was AWESOME

Colonialism Is Bad Actually: The Musical

the symbolism. holy shit. every BIT of it was absolutely amazing.

wow all the mains in this movie are just, really hot? my poor lil pan heart had a rough time with this one ngl

the fact that someone (likely many someones) watched this movie about Colonialism Is Bad Actually and said 'you know what let's dub this whole thing into Hindi and English and then not give an option to watch it with the original Telugu dialogue' sure was,,,,,,,,, A Choice

THE MUSIC

by which i mean the actual song-and-dance numbers as well as the like story soundtrack all of it is going on my playlist asap

listen the spirk-behind-glass scene is awful. spock and kirk can't even touch. they can hear. they can see. but they cannot touch. and i in my sweet ignorant bliss thought that was as bad as it could get.

tonight i learned that holding someone in your arms through the bars of their cell is so much worse

I watched it on Netflix but i looked it up on a few other ahem websites and on EVERY SINGLE ONE Telugu audio wasn't even an option.

there was not one single chance to tie things together or make a connection or do a setup/payoff or callback that was not taken. not a single one.

everything about this movie is 100% Extra

in short: this movie is a masterclass

aaaaaand the rest below a cut because WOW i have a lot to say actually

which brings me to the dancing oh my gods. not sure i've ever seen such enthusiastic dancing in anything in my entire life. seriously by the final number i was exhausted just watching them

in general, this movie is: stunning

"RAM." "BHEEM." "SEETHA." IT'S ABOUT THE SYMBOLISM.

also this was kinda hilarious because i watched it in hindi [the least disorienting option] and they kept SAYING "ram" but in the subs it was always fuckin RAJU so like. again with the Choices. like seriously what was the thought process there. WAS there a thought process.

FIRE. WATER. STORY. I JUST. I. HELP ME.

i ADORED jenny. with my whole entire heart. she is one of the very BEST examples of Ignorance Is A Privilege and also At What Point Does Ignorance Become Malicious that i have ever ever seen. i loooooooooved it. i mean i hated it a whole lot while it was happening but also i am SO GLAD that now rather than trying to explain all of this to people i can just tell them to watch this movie and then sit them down and be like, so what are your thoughts on jenny's culpability in literally everything?

oh and how you can be a kind person and still do atrocities! like jenny is so sweet and so kind and you just like her so much and yet. and yet.

t h e s y m b o l i s m

i cannot remember the last time i saw a movie so visually stunning. the cinematography is breathtaking. pause on just about any random frame and it could be a movie poster or hanging in an art gallery or what have you.

they also dubbed all the lines that were actually in english? i mean i get it for the characters who spent most of the movie speaking Telugu because you'd need their voices to stay the same through the whole movie yeah fine whatever. but like. they dubbed all the ENGLISH characters, too? like literally dubbed them from english into english??? the dialogue matched their mouths except the timing was veeeery sliiiiiiiightly off but it SOUNDED really obviously dubbed??? Y THO???

HOLY SHIT THE FIGHT SCENES OH MY GODS

Malli. Malli honey i love you. i'm just realizing i don't know if that's your actual name gods damn it. but whatever your name is child i love you.

and did i mention that everyone in this movie is beautiful? like. seriously. Ram and Bheem especially holy SHIT.

Physics Does Not Work Like That And I Do Not Care Because That Was AWESOME: The Musical

oooohhhhh they re-recorded and dubbed the fucking SONGS too. i am so pissed about this y'all i can't even tell you.

oh i want to do a whole entire post that's even longer than this one about the symbolism. hell i could probably do a whole entire post just on the fire/water symbolism even without everything else. It was AMAZING.

okay ram is fire and bheem is water and ram's people go to a valley on the shores of a river and the river is in literally every shot of the village and just ram BEING fire but water being a place of HOME and SAFETY for ram

i'm not crying shut up

MALLI AND HER MOTHER TRY TO REACH EACH OTHER BUT THEY CANNOT TOUCH THROUGH THE GLASS

BHEEM AND MALLI HOLD EACH OTHER THROUGH THE BARS OF HER CONFINEMENT AND HE HAS TO LET GO AND LEAVE HER

BHEEM AND RAM HOLD EACH OTHER THROUGH THE BARS OF HIS CONFINEMENT AND BHEEM RIPS THE DOOR RIGHT OFF

ooooooohhhhhhh and people holding hands right before they part. oh that hurts. all of those hurt so bad.

how every single time people held hands when they parted they always held on till the last possible second EXCEPT FOR RAM'S MOM.

she lifts her hand away from him and then pulls back and it was devastating

Predators Do Not Work Like That But I Do Not Care Because That Was Awesome And Also They Ate A Bunch Of Colonizing Cops: Queercoded Edition (ACAB)

bheem with his arms spread and rope or chains around his wrists or in his hands. i just. the way it flipped back and forth from 'he has the power' to 'he is helpless' to 'he should be helpless and isn't' was just. breathtaking.

AND THEN. AND THEN RAM. CHAINED UP THE SAME WAY. DOING THE SAME GODDAMN THING AND USING THE FACT THAT HE'S CHAINED UP FOR HIS OWN FUCKING PURPOSES BECAUSE HE SAW BHEEM DO IT FIRST DON'T TOUCH ME

okay listen this movie would've been good no matter what but like. they really are just SO beautiful. and. when ram. with like the long hair. and. beard. and like. you know? like. his. his hair. his general. everything. um.

literally at the most emotionally inappropriate moment i literally thought about that whole 'i saw a man so beautiful i started crying' thing and like that almost literally happened literally

Why There Can't Be Any Such Thing As Good Cops: The Romance (ACAB)

and like here's the thing i'm not sure i would've even NOTICED this had it not been for the linguistic chauvinism with the audio and everything but like both of them were hindu and a lot of the symbolism though awesome was also really strongly hindu and i just i don't know nearly enough about hindutva to have any kind of opinion BUT i also feel like maaaaaaaybe there was something a little uncomfy about some of this

oh no wait the suspenders dance. that might've actually been the best part. yeah.

oh all the british actors did SUCH a good job being so eminently punchable

throw cheetahs at each other! and snakes! somehow have upper body strength greater than the force exerted by a 800+ lb tiger lunging! throw those motorcycles! punch through those walls without breaking your fingers! use herbal paste to heal broken bones in a matter of a minutes! break solid stone with nothing but the strength of your shoulders and gay love! i am so here for all of this!!!

Throw Rocks Marble Pillars Live Tigers Cops At Cops: The Movie (ACAB)

i love that jenny felt bad for the poor little girl who got kidnapped enslaved and imprisoned so she. bought her a dress and a toy.

you know, to make her feel better about the whole 'being kidnapped enslaved and imprisoned' thing.

instead of doing, i don't know know, literally anything else. like even just saying to her aunt 'hey this makes me sad' or something. #solidarity.

the violence was violent and the romance was sweet

okay so during the fight at the midpoint like i know that by the end of it ram and bheem are literal fire and water BUT ALSO. Ram enters the scene in a flaming carriage and from that point forward the fountain is in pretty much every shot of bheem. just sayin.

love that lachu (or whatever his name really is) told ram that there was no cure. like yes! you go man! ram may be so beautiful that in forty minutes i'm going to be in tears but that's no reason to tell a cop the truth about anything! you lie to that cop man!

A BRITISH SOLDIER HIT LOKI IN THE HEAD WITH A BRANCH AND THEN STOLE MALLI AWAY

BHEEM HIT RAM IN THE HEAD WITH A BRANCH AND THEN STOLE MALLI AWAY

i know other people got hit in the head with tree branches too but STILL

honestly i really like that ram and bheem were, well, ram and bheem. but i mean im glad they weren't like ram and lakshman or bheem and arjun or something. not even just because that would've been brotherly like i'm glad they weren't arjun and krishna or something either. i liked that their names weren't from the same story. i liked it better this way and i can't even articulate why.

i am never ever ever going to get over the progression of part of bheem's introduction being something going wrong and him holding two ropes (he has all the power) with his arms spread and that being used to show us how incredibly strong he is -> something going wrong and bheem with ropes around his wrists (he shouldn't have any power at all) holding his arms spread and that being used to show how incredibly strong he is in a completely different way

like every time there were ropes or chains in bheem's hands or around his wrists it meant something, and it was a beat in the rhythm of a discernable arc, but now i can't remember all of them gdi

oooohhhhh there was SO much more symbolism i wanted to talk about but it's so late that i have a headache and this post is so long my computer's lagging like two sentences behind so i should stop and go to bed. sigh.

just go watch this movie, okay? pleae? I cannot IMAGINE who would've read this whole thing,m but if you did, just watch it, all rigth? (and if you happen to know of any site - ANY site - where i can watch it in FUKIN TELUGU kindly drop a link please and thank)

#rrr #queer movies #rambheem #i don't even know how else to tag this #op #rrr movie #ram x bheem #movie recs

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fishyyyyy99 · 9 months

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OK, I seriously can't believe someone actually thinks this about season 4 of Never Have I Ever:

"In 2023, the message of the show suddenly turned into *"racism, white supremacy, patriarchy, and class inequity doesn't exist anymore. Devi did a Bollywood dance, got into Princeton, and a racist white guy said he loves her at the last minute, so everything is going to be okay (for Gen Z)."*

This is the opposite of the premise that the show started with in 2020, which acknowledged the brutal unfairness in the world."

Firstly, it wasn't a Bollywood dance. They danced to the Tamil dubbed version of a song that is originally Telugu. Tamil cinema is known as Kollywood, and Telugu cinema is known as Tollywood. Maybe people who comment so much on racism should learn a little more about not clubbing all of Indian culture together. As a Telugu woman who lives in Tamil Nadu, I'd like to say that I was really happy with the dance number. I was especially happy because it wasn't a Bollywood dance (season 1 just used Hindi songs, and that really annoyed me because Devi is Tamil).

The show literally acknowledged that Devi ("our little hothead from the valley") was happy in that moment. There was no claim about everything being okay forever. It's just that she is better equipped to deal with problems now. She will continue to grow non-linearly, just like she did throughout the show.

Of course, the show became less about dealing with intense grief as it went on - time heals. But they did portray that grief still lingers, despite that.

Also, the portrayal of familial relationships was great - Devi talking about how it's cool to live with three generations of women in her house, Nalini having to deal with empty nest syndrome, Nalini talking about her own struggle with having to start over in the US after being a top resident in India (but of course, the last season does not acknowledge how brutally unfair the world is /s) and how she was just trying to protect Devi from being devastated, Devi setting her mother up (showing how much she had healed and grown since season 2), Kamala being too attached to her family to move away and Nalini telling her that change is good (and even Kamala's coping mechanism of becoming overprotective of Nirmala), Kamala and Devi's sweet moments, the family's acceptance and joyous celebration of Nirmala finding love again, Nirmala calling Nalini out for being mean to Devi, and of course, the heartwarming scene of Nalini helping Devi pack and telling her she's proud of her. Devi's final monologue focused primarily on how much she cares about her mother. Did all of that mean nothing to some people?

Never Have I Ever is not an unproblematic show. But I still can't believe it's being reduced to this. I. Seriously. Just. Can't. Devi was so much more comfortable in her skin than when the show started, and was no longer obsessed with external validation. Her relationship with Nalini had improved greatly. She embraced her culture so much more. She was okay with not getting into Princeton, and realised that she'd always be connected to her father no matter what. I don't mind that she didn't completely give up on her Princeton dream. I don't think she needed to, to show that she had healed. She was able to tell her dad's story in a way that felt true to herself, and did not feel exploitative (she reclaimed her power from a racist white guy). She was truly happy when she prayed to the gods before leaving to Princeton. She was surrounded by people who cared about her and loved her, as she said. And she was happily in the middle of a fun game of Never Have I Ever before Ben showed up. She had learned to love herself and her life. The show having a happy (for now) ending does not equal them saying that everything is going to be okay forever. The world is still brutally unfair. Devi is just a little better at dealing with it.

I don't know who needs to hear this but Never Have I Ever had a TEAM DEVI ending! Just because Devi was not single at the end of the show/ended up with someone you dislike, it doesn't mean that the ending wasn't a win for team Devi.

TEAM DEVI FOR THE WIN! AND THAT'S WHAT WE GOT.

I'll acknowledge that there were issues with the show throughout all four seasons. But I can't see such an empowering show being dismissed in such a ridiculous way.

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celestesinsight · 3 months

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I recently watched Salaar!

It was recommended by Netflix and I decided to give it a try. I didn't think I would like the movie though. It's not like I don't enjoy dystopian stories or action movies. But the movies involving mindless violence, hypermasculinity without any proper story and context put me off.

But I was intrigued by the intro and the dynamics between Deva and Varadha. Deva held a live wire to get Varadha's nose-ring back. In the next scene Varadha protected Deva and his mother by giving up his territory. And not just any territory, but his biggest territory. It showed the regard both of them hold for each other. Then the whole 'Salaar' lore is narrated by Baba and Varadha calling Deva, 'his Salaar'. I couldn't wait to watch more of their interactions.

Hence, you all can imagine my disappointment when the next scene wasn't about them, but the story of an Odia movie named 'Agastya'. I had watched it years ago and knew that it was a remake of a Kannada movie. I haven't watched the original movie though.

I persisted through the first half of the movie with a hope of seeing Deva and Varadha onscreen again. Tbh, the first half was not that bad with the mystery behind Amna and Deva's behaviour, the 'Prathi Gaadhalo' song and Radha Rama-Obulamma co-dependent relationship.

And I don't have words to describe the second half of the movie. I can only say, I am completely obsessed with 'Deva and Varadha'.

I am not someone who's into homoerotic movies/books. Simply because, I have a history crushing on fictional characters and love to imagine myself in place of the heroines. Or if I don't like the heroine's character, I imagine a new story with an OC.

But something about the relationship of these two characters, has me hooked.

I have already watched the movie in Telugu, Hindi and now watching it in English. I think I am going to watch it in all languages. The only movie I had watched in all languages was 'Bahubali 1 & 2.' I will definitely not stop until I have analysed each and every scene, character and relationship.

I will definitely be disappointed if in the second part, they will make Aadhya a love interest of Deva. I know, Indian Cinema hasn't evolved enough to show 'Deva and Varadha' as a couple. But showing their happy ending with 'legendary atoot dosti' is enough for me. But I can never imagine Deva choosing Aadhya over Varadha. That would be an offence.

I can't wait for the second part to be released. And do tag me when you all write fanfictions/posts on 'Salaar'.

#salaar part 1 #salaar #ceasefire #salaar part 1 ceasefire #indian movies #telugu movies #prabhas #prithviraj sukumaran #shruti haasan #prashanth neel #varadha #deva #varadeva #varadha rajamannar #devaratha raisaar #desiblr #desi tumblr #indian cinema

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sinistergooseberries · 4 months

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SALAAR (SPOILER ALERT)

continuing my tags from a previous post (sorry 😭 @deadloverscity) : like i said, i do think salaar is a good story so far. I like the world-building, I like the tribe coalition system that becomes a background for our story, and i like the fact that varadha and deva are in a toxic yaoi relationship.

im not gonna lie tho, i just haaaate the cinematography and lighting in prashant neel's movies. it's always a bad time there. It's like slapping a vignette over every frame of the movie, and it takes away any colour whatsoever. I understand that he wants to go for a dark vibe, but trust me, dark vibes can be achieved even without making the entire movie dark and invisible. I literally cannot see the actors doing any action! It's bad! It's not enjoyable. As a typical Telugu moviegoer (and assuming the movie was made for a predominantly telugu audience), I enjoy a somewhat vibrant colour scheme. So far, in all of our movies and even the mega movies (if you have watched RRR and Baahubali) there is a lot colour and imagery going on in the movies. I think in Prashant neel's cinemas, all of this is taken away. He has a set of colours that appear in his films consistently - which are black, grey and red. This colour scheme i feel, if repeatedly used, can be a bit boring and may take away the vibrance of the story. the stark contrasts (imo) do not emphasise the story, they overshadow it. still, take this w a grain of salt.

However, considering the fact that this is just his fourth film, ill cut him some slack. But man, if he is going to make movies for a telugu audience, i hope he lets go of the vignette filter.

next, the worldbuilding. i like it - here is a country that is completely separated from india, yet dictates certain aspects of it. i like that they chose an isolated place that evolves in parallel with the mainland, but retains the values of the tribes, making this place mythical and real at the same time. i was really intrigued by the tribe lore - about how the mannars ousted the shouryangas, and how rajamannar basically went against his own father's rule-book and is now facing dire consequences from bharava, whose tribe has the right to the throne right now. i also love love love loveeeeeee the fact that deva is the rightful heir to the throne - and also also the fact that whether he knows about this or not is left ambiguous. i love how this adds another layer to amma's hatred of khansaar and OH. MY. GOD. chef's kiss i love it.

as a personal taste, i don't like violence and epic fights tm overshadowing the narrative, which i feel the movie does. however, kannada film-making might be different. idk, i havent seen many kannada films other than kantara and kgf. the former is good i absolutely love it - the story is fantastic, the fight scenes are chumma, ufff i can praise it for days. the latter is pretty meh for me.

another thing i love about the movie is.. well, varadha and deva. dude, what is up with telugu guys unintentionally making queer movies these days? what is up with that yallll??? ohmygod. when i tell you that i smelled the romance im not lying. dude. dudeee. the whole friends to enemies to (maybe) friends/lovers arc theyve got going on? oooh baby i can feel the fanfics writing themselves. the whole soaked in blood-fighting-together scene? it was a miracle i wasnt jumping up and down on my seat. the dialogue in that scene 'i have friends more handsome than you' and then varadha getting kinda jealous and shit. lovely. the whole don't touch him thing that deva has got going on - baby boy just kiss him. and man. it's beautiful tragic and im writing a fanfic.

soo yeah this is my rant about salaar. im expecting something from it lol.

#salaar

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sometimesbrave · 4 months

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read chapter 1: here

warnings: alcohol, death

(Italics are Telugu dialogue, brackets have translation to English)

March 1986

***

"While I'm far away from you my baby

I know it's hard for you my baby

Because it's hard for me my baby

And The darkest hour is just before dawn"

- Dedicated to the One I Love by The Mamas and the Papas

***

Varadha drank alcohol for the first time on 20th March, 1986. He had his reasons. No Aai. No Deva. No Baba. No one cares. Nothing matters. And tomorrow was 21st March.

Varadha found whiskey bottles in Baba's office. He drank half of a bottle and it burned his throat. But after a while everything felt more peaceful. The constant noise in his brain was very distant.

He saw a young child running fast through the rooms, giggling, hiding behind doors and tables. He thought it was Baachi.

"Vara, kanna. Agaraa, parigethaku!!" ("Vara, love. Please stop running!!"), his mother called out. She was annoyed but she wasn't mad. So, Vara figured he can make her chase him for a few more minutes.

"Vachi kotha battalu vesko, kanna"("Put on these new clothes, my love"), Aai requested. "Bangarukonda, kadha?"("You are a mountain of gold, right?"), she cooed. She didn't speak for a little while. Vara realised his mother stopped following him. He tiptoed back to the hall and his mother caught him by surprise. She was tickling him, saying, "Patteskunna, Patteskunna, Rakshasudini"("I caught you, I caught you, monster"). Vara turned around laughing and hugged his mother. Aai's belly grew more and more everyday and she is now caressing her belly even in her sleep.

Varadha watched his younger self and his mother from afar not wanting to sully the purity of this memory. Aai looked so beautiful. He was unable to recall what festival they were celebrating.

His mother finally finished dressing Vara in festive clothes which were very itchy and not black and cool like his father's clothes. She was dressed in a violet pattu saree. She was sparkling in her gold jewellery. Aai was not listening to his stories about dinosaurs who eat leaves in the forest. How he is making this clever connection that dinosaurs are big, long necked goats.

"Aai, nuvvu vinatle, nenu cheppanu po!"("Aai, you are not listening. I won't tell you"), Vara dismissed his mother.

"Sorry raa kanna, nuvvu thvaraga thayaaru aipothe nenu nee katha vini, chappatlu kodatha Sarena? Neeku kotha katha kuda cheptha"("Sorry my love. If you get ready fastly, I will listen to your story and clap for you, okay? I will also tell you a new story"), Aai said as she kissed his cheek.

Varadha was listening in on this conversation and he was trying to recall what story his mother had told him later. He hated that he doesn't remember it anymore.

Now Aai and Vara sat on the sofa in the hall. Vara was safely tucked beside his mother and fell asleep.

Varadha looked at his younger self and envy bubbled inside him.

"Appudu ikkadike vasthavu raa, kanna, nuvvu" ("You always arrive here only, my love"), Aai said chuckling. Varadha shifted his gaze from his younger self to his mother. She was looking at him with such loving eyes.

"Eroju tharavatha manchi rojulu levu, Aai" ("There are no good days after this, Aai"), Varadha teared up.

"Baachi ippudu ilane unnada?" ("Does Baachi look like this, now?"), she asked curiously, threading her fingers through Vara's hair.

"Inka podugu" ("He is taller"), he replied.

"Anukunna" ("Thought so"), she said and beckoned him to sit beside her.

Varadha sat beside his mother to her left and rested his head on her shoulder.

Tears fell from his eyes and stained her golden blouse.

"Enni rojulu ayipoindhi kanna nuvvu vachi, kaani naaku antha thelusu. Sariga thinatam ledhu, padukovatledhu. Ippudu thagatam kuda" ("It has been so many days since you came here. But, I know everything. You are not eating properly. You are not sleeping properly. Now, you are drinking too"), she listed and whacked his head.

Varadha rubbed the back of his head to soften her blow.

"Repu Nanna raaka pothe, Nene karyakramam cheyali. Naaku cheyalani ledhu, Aai" ("If Father doesn't come tomorrow, I have to perform the rites. I don't want to do them, Aai"), Varadha admitted. Six years ago, his mother passed after giving birth to Baachi. Every year, his father performs Pinda Pradhaana ritual to honour Aai's memory on 21st March.

"Mee Nanna vastharu, Varadha. Maa madhyana unna Prema appatiki vuntundhi. Nuvvu kangaru padaku" ("Your father will come, Varadha. The love between him and I will always be there. Don't worry"), Aai reassured.

There was a knock on the door. His mother turned to him and hugged him fiercely. Varadha caressed her belly as she kissed him on the forehead.

"Naaku vellalani ledhu" ("I don't want to go"), Varadha said, gasping suddenly.

There was another knock on the door.

"Aaa, vasthunna" ("I am coming"), Aai shouted.

"Nenu kuda akkadiki vellatam ledhu, kanna. Nenu appudu neethone untanu" ("I am also not going anywhere, my love. I will always be with you, I promise"), she whispered into his ear.

He got up from the sofa and walked away from her. She picked up sleeping Vara into her arms and opened the door. His father was standing, smiling at the door in his black shirt and grey kurta. He took Vara from her arms and hugged her. He was talking to her but Varadha couldn't hear him. Everything was muted. He fell back into a dark room and felt breathless.

He woke up, gasping for air. After drinking some water, he fell back asleep immediately wishing he would get the same dream again.

***

Today was Baachi's birthday. For the past five years, on this day, Varadha and Baachi sat beside their father, as he dutifully completed the Pinda Pradhaana ritual in Devi Matha temple. This year, Varadha was unsure whether his father would come due to their fractured relationship.

To his relief, his father came and completed the ritual. When the three of them had to take a dip in the temple pond, Baachi got scared of getting into the water. Varadha comforted Baachi as his father watched from afar. He carried Baachi on his back and took a dip in the water.

His father's entourage was ready to leave after he put on some dry clothes. His father's assistant took Varadha to his father. His father spoke in a steady voice, "Baba and the drivers will be released from prison today."

Varadha's knees started to shake.

Raja Mannar continued,

"Malli naa maata thappithe, naa koduku vani kuda choodanu, ardha maiyindha? Gelichaanu Ani anukoku. Idhi nee Aai kosam chestunna. Nee kosam kadhu. Edho oka roju, Dhaara pellam Inka koduku dhorukuthaaru. Vallu dhorikinappudu, nee Kalla mundhe vallani champutha, Sarena?"

("If you cross me again, I will not even consider that you are my son. Don't think that you have won. I am doing this for your mother. Not for you. One day, Dhaara's wife and son will be captured. When they are captured, I will kill them while you watch, okay?")

His father's eyes were burning. There was no love there. If there was any love, it was so shattered and twisted in his grief over his wife's death and the loss of this future of a happy family that was gone with her.

As soon as his father left, Varadha's knees gave out. He fell to the ground, crying and shaking. Baachi stood before him and said, "Endhuku, Anna, edusthunnav? Aai ki manam edisthe nacchadhu kadha, edavaku."("Why are you crying, brother? Aai doesn't like it when we cry, so, don't cry") He said it with such conviction that it made Varadha chuckle. He got up and took Baachi's hand.

"Baba eroju sayanthram intiki vasthaaru, manam emi chesi pedadham Baba thinadaaniki" ("Baba will come home by today evening. What dishes should we cook for him to eat?"), Varadha asked. Baachi chattered on listing all his favourite food items that he was sure Baba will also like to eat.

*****

tags: @deadloverscity, @ghostdriftexistence @sambaridli, @rambheem-is-real, @sinistergooseberries, @vardhamannartitties, @moonnpaww, @literariyumi, @sana2410, @varadevaficrecs

Go read @sinistergooseberries amazing fic here which gave me the idea to write the some of the dialogue in Telugu and then translate to English

#salaar #varadharaja mannar

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