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scribble-bunnie · 3 months

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Let You Go | Tenth Doctor x GN!Reader

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x Reader (Gender Neutral, I think, I didn't specify anything)

Word Count: 2.1k

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending that's also kinda Open?

Summary: Fragments of the process of falling in love with you; and the moment it all built up to.

A/n: This is my first time writing for this fandom and I'm only watched till the 2nd episode of S4 so please forgive any mistakes! Also, the Doctor might be ooc (my biggest nightmare, writing ooc characters) but I was possessed last night to write this instead of studying so ofc I will share it. The pacing is all over the place and I'm not the proudest but it's something. I hope you enjoy it regardless <3

also available on ao3!

The Doctor doesn't remember how it happened. It had been too quick, or maybe too slow– or maybe it was both at once, leaving him unable to pinpoint when or how he fell in love with you. All he knew was that it had been easy.

There were moments though– moments when he could remember distinctly the unusual rhythm of his hearts that played only around you. Moments when, in the back of his mind, he had no choice but to admit that he was in love.

The one that hurt him the most to this day was the moment born out of his own anger. It had been at the end of a particularly harsh adventure, one that had left his feelings in a jumble, anger hot and quick to lash out the moment you had pushed a little too far, too close to his heart and to his hurt– he had shouted at you, "Don't you dare! You are not special!"

There was silence for a few seconds, enough to get the Doctor to realise what he had said but it was your response that still haunted him to this day.

"I know," you had said gently. He could see the hurt in your eyes, masked with an understanding and soft smile that was reassured. "I know I'm not special. I'm perfectly ordinary. And isn't that wonderful? Someone special like you needs someone ordinary like me by his side– to remind you that it's okay to be ordinary sometimes. It's not a bad thing, Doctor."

You had inched closer and opened your arms to offer him a hug, a way out of the conversation – a silent way to make an apology. He had taken it, not knowing what else he could have done instead to make you realise that you were wrong. Being ordinary was wonderful, but you were special. Special to him in ways he was too terrified to admit even to himself, so much so that he had said the opposite in a fit of anger because he was scared.

He didn't know how you did it, but you somehow knew that his anger was just him being hurt and scared. And you were always generous with your hugs when anyone was afraid– didn't he know that after seeing you hold so many strangers close while on your dangerous adventures? Those same strangers that he had been jealous of had been replaced by him in that situation and suddenly, the moment was not all that he had hoped it would be. It wasn't a delicate and vulnerable moment like he had thought; he had ruined it by hurting you.

Yet you were never one to hold a grudge. You never really mentioned it, except in passing sometimes when you joked about being ordinary and common whenever an alien or person would think you extraordinary. Every single time, the Doctor regretted not letting you know the truth– but that moment had been one where he couldn't have denied the truth even if he was scared.

There were other times, other memories of you that were a lot more warmer to remember. Like the time when you had asked him, a few days after joining him, whether the TARDIS was alive. He had answered you with a simple yes, and you had just nodded then but he could see you take the time to pet the TARDIS and speak to her sometimes when you thought he wasn't around. It was sweet, the way you were connecting to his only constant through all of time and space.

There was a moment on another planet, one in the far past where an alien species had been under attack from another. The Doctor still remembered the sight of you holding the alien child in your arms while you all tried to escape– had heard the comfort you had whispered into the child's ears despite being scared underneath the surface yourself.

When he asked you about it later, you had just given him a radiant smile and said, "The fear is just my natural instinct, Doctor. But the conscious part of me knows that you are there– and it's never scared because it believes in you."

You believed in him.

Sometimes, he wondered why. On the days when all the two of you encountered was death and destruction, the whispers of the danger that follows the Doctor clanging in the back of his head as hollow reminders, he wondered why you would choose to put all your faith in him. Why would you think that he was special, but you were ordinary? How were you able to still offer him comfort after seeing him destroy planets, species, entire civilizations? What did you see in him, an empty shell of a man he once used to be?

"Doctor?"

Your voice was like a steady anchor whenever he felt like he was drowning in his own thoughts. The loud volume of it was always offset with the gentleness in your tone whenever you spoke to him, and somehow, it always managed to make him feel warm. It sounded a lot like ho–

"Doctor, are you okay?" Your voice was concerned now. The Doctor blinked, snapping out of his own thoughts to look at you. You were holding something in your left hand and reaching out to touch him with your right one. "Is there something I can do?"

"No, no!" He cleared his throat, giving you a bright grin that faded a little at the edges when he realised that you were still staring at him impassively. "Sorry, just got a bit lost in my thoughts there."

You hummed, wrapping your arms around the box in your hands now. The Doctor looked at it curiously; wasn't it one of those cookie tins that you said were always full of sewing materials?

"Was it… about her?" You asked quietly, a little unsure and hesitant. It was the only topic you never really brought up– and whenever you did, you always sounded a little scared. Like anything you said would hurt him too much. Or maybe you were scared to pry too far into his feelings. "The planet we went to today… Did you go there with her?"

He had done that before. You had been there with Martha, when he had taken you two to places he had been with Rose. Never again after that, though.

"No, not this one," he shook his head, trying to look you in the eyes. It was usually so easy, you were always looking at him with wide eyes that seemed to admire him. Now though, you were looking away. He tried again. "I wasn't thinking about her."

"Home, then?" You finally looked him in the eyes, a little tension sucked out but not all. Gallifrey was the second topic you were careful to speak around. You had had your fair share of answers demanded out of him like Martha had, but after that, you had let the choice lie with him whether he wanted to talk about it. And, weirdly enough, sometimes he wanted to tell you everything. Wanted to tell you about the place that once used to be his home. Now…

"This is my home now," he replied quietly, hand slipping to cover yours over the cookie tin. You and the TARDIS. Home. "Anyway, what's this?"

If you realised his terrible attempt at switching topics (which you did, as always), you didn't comment on it. Instead, you held up the box and opened it to reveal not the notorious sewing materials but actual cookies.

"I," you blushed, embarrassed for once. It was surprising, considering you had held steadfast through far more humiliating scenes in all your adventures. Why were you blushing over cookies? "I tried baking some cookies. It's not, it's not much, and they're not all that goo– hey! I'm still speaking!"

The Doctor didn't wait after hearing that you made them. He immediately picked one up to try it. He could tell that the baking powder was just a little bit too much and the mix wasn't done properly in some bits but you were looking at him with a shy smile.

"I thought you deserved a little nice something after the mess our last adventure was," you mumbled, picking up one of the cookies yourself to eat.

"It's good," the Doctor felt a little choked– not on the cookie, but there was a lump in his throat. You rolled your eyes, waving your half eaten cookie at him.

"Liar," you called out, smiling through the action. "I promise the next ones will be better. Or maybe I should try a cake next time. Would you like that?"

The Doctor stiffly nodded, trying to blink away the sting in his eyes. As always, you knew something was off.

"Hey," your voice was soft, concerned. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No," the word came out before he could stop it. Somehow, neither his brain nor his mouth had a filter when it came to you. "I just… wonder."

You waited for him to speak when he paused, trying hard to put the words together. Speaking his emotions was always so difficult.

"I just wonder," he tried again, "what I did to deserve you."

"It's just cookies, silly," you shook your head, inching closer. The Doctor hoped you would step even closer. A hug would be really, really nice right now. "It's nothing compared to all that you've given me. I have seen so much, gone all across time and space because of you– I could ask you right back what I did to deserve you."

"It's not," he was struggling but he had to let you know. You looked a bit confused, pausing in your actions to look up at him. "It's not nothing. All of time and space is nothing compared to all that you have given me. That understanding, that comfort, that warmth– I can't find it anywhere else in that time and space you speak of."

"Doctor…"

"Do you remember that time I said you were not special?" He asked quietly, taking a step closer. It was the first time he had done it; usually, you were the one who had to cross the space between the two of you. You opened your mouth, probably to say that it was all bygones, but he rushed ahead with, "I lied. I have wanted to tell you ever since then, that I am just a coward, and a liar. Saying that you're not special… that was just me trying to tell myself that I can't let you be special to me. Because the moment I let that happen, that's the moment I–"

He broke off, frustrated at how the words just weren't coming out the way they were supposed to. What was he supposed to say anyway? It's not like he could tell you his feelings. There was no way you would take it kindly. Not after knowing about Rose, not when you had only ever looked at him with respect and admiration.

"Doctor," your voice was quiet but you were so close and the hum of the TARDIS had quietened so much that he could hear you clearly. "Don't."

Was it possible for both his hearts to sink? He stared at you, tears welling up in your eyes as you gave him a painful smile.

"Don't do this," you added shakily, your arms coming up to hold yourself. Beside you, the cookie tin lay forgotten on the console. "Don't… give me hope, only to take it away. I have been strong, but I'm not strong enough for this."

"What–?" He didn't understand. You closed your eyes and took a step back, a step away from him. Something inside him fractured.

"I have loved you in silence, Doctor," you said quietly, "and I thought I did it well enough for you not to realise. But I must not have done a good enough job hiding it– you know how it is. I'm not, I'm not asking you to return my feelings. I don't expect or even hope you to. All I ask is that you forget it. Forget you know it and let me go on one more adventure with you. One last, if you can no longer bear to see my face after this. Just one–"

"Why one?" He stepped closer, covering the distance you had backed up. "Why not all of them?"

You seemed to have lost your breath as you stared at him. "Y- You mean it? I can stay? You will forget this happened?"

"No," he shook his head, hands reaching out to touch your elbows. With his eyes, he asked you for permission. You would be mad to deny it, when that's all you've wanted for so long now. "I can't forget it even if I tried to. I told you, you are something that I can't find anywhere else in all of time and space. And if you choose me, then I'm selfish enough to not let you go."

°•❀•°

all likes, reblogs, comments are appreciated ♡

#doctor who #tenth doctor x reader #tenth doctor #doctor who x reader #tenth doctor x you #ten x reader #doctor who reader insert #this is scary asf #please don't judge me based on this ><#i swear im usually better #writing for a new fandom is so so scary aaaa

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waytooinvested · 8 days

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Fandom creators tag game

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of? Mostly I write fanfiction. Sometimes I make little needle felted character dolls. Over all proudest is probably still The Hands I Used to Touch (Call the Midwife), but for my current fandom (Supergirl) it's Forgotten, Not Forgiven, as that is my latest big project and home to all the fluffy supercorp that I need in my life (okay not in the published chapters but IT WILL BE EVENTUALLY I PROMISE)

2. What fandom(s) do you create for? Right now just Supergirl, and I have only written three fics for that one so far (but hopefully more to come!) Before that it was Call the Midwife.

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it? Supercorp, ie Kara/Lena for Supergirl (I know, I’m so quiet about it on this blog you would never have guessed). It occupies an interesting space of being simultaneously entirely non controversial in that it is by far the biggest ship I have ever engaged with, while also being extremely divisive, both within and beyond fandom spaces. But I arrived here LONG after most of that had happened, and am now just happily playing in the sandpit of creative space while the bones of drama stay *mostly* buried. Always a bit of a shock when one rises up to try and kick down your sandcastle though (yes, I am aware that that is a mildly horrifying visual)

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon? They are not (TECHNICALLY), but there is enough raw material in canon to build The São João Baptista, and that is enough for me. That and the 21,302 (and counting) fics with their relationship tag on AO3.

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you? The first I actually engaged with other fans over was Call The Midwife in my early 20s, and that was because I snapped after seeing one too many tv lesbians get hit by a car.

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date? Unhinged is not really my brand so I don't really have anything good for this one. Is Kara gets accidentally miniaturized unhinged? Or a bait and switch Lena "villain" arc? I think probably not really to either, but that's the closest I've got for this fandom so far...

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it? The aforementioned incident between Delia and a car, which left her with amnesia and taken away to Wales mere moments after she and Patsy had moved in together. But I’m over it. Honest.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations? Not usually, I get shy about it. The exceptions are my wife (but we met via fandom so that one maybe doesn’t count) and on occasion my best friend, who talked me round by being an enthusiastic sweetheart.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made? A few people have made fan art for my fics and it felt like the absolute highest compliment that could be paid to my writing. It was amazing to know that something I wrote meant enough to people to inspire them to go and create their own thing from it, and I loved getting to see other people’s takes on the version of the characters/story I had created. I think it's one of the best things about fandom communities! But I do understand why other people might feel differently about something they have poured so much of themselves into making, so I guess the main thing is trying to be respectful with it, crediting the source, and accepting people's boundaries. Basically I think we should all just be kind to each other and have fun.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations? I'm generally seeking my own catharsis through writing fix-it fic for painful things that happened in canon, so I guess a certain amount of pain followed by the eventual fluffy feel good satisfaction of resolution, but honestly I consider it a win if I can evoke a whole spectrum of emotions along the way.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it? Someone once liked my fic so much that she married me about it, so it’s hard to beat that haha. But on a more usual level, people making fanart for my fic was a HUGE one. And also just when people have left particularly in depth comments, commented on every chapter, told me they're rereading or that a fic of mine was their favourite etc... Basically just knowing that something I made has really meant something to someone gives me all of the warm fuzzy feelings, and I am very grateful to each and every person who has taken the time to tell me so!

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!) Originally I had the bouquet toss ficlet by @fazedlight here, because it just captures the characters so beautifully, but then I left this sitting in my drafts and it is now more than 24 hours ago that I saw it, so I'll add this adorable art by @awaitingrain, because LOOK AT IT! They are so cute??! Also I relate to gentle nomming as a display of affection XD

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share) "Lena Luthor was dangling from the side of a cliff, nothing between her and the vast chasm of space below but the small jutting nodule she was clinging to to keep from falling.

How the hell had she ended up here?

Well. She knew how of course.

Kara Danvers was how."

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several) SO MANY!! it’s hard to pick a favourite of hers honestly because she is a RIDICULOUSLY good writer, but I’m going to go with The Next Best Thing by @cynicalrainbows. I don’t tend to read many kidfics but this one is the absolute best I have come across, she captures the child perspective fantastically well while also being incredibly engaging and entertaining to an adult reader. It is what successfully pulled me into reading Six fanfic despite (at that point) never having seen the musical. Even if you haven’t either, I wholeheartedly recommend checking it out. Or go and read her new Paperdolls fic and help grow that fandom, which I think currently has all of two people in it!

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style? I do! I know how much I love it when people do it for me, so I try to leave comments on every chapter of the fics I read (or add tag notes for tumblr art/fic reblogs), and give specifics about what I like about it. Sometimes I just fully liveblog the fic reading experience, which is always fun. I also find it makes you engage and appreciate the work more because you’re taking your time to really think about it, AND it makes an author happy to receive (at least so I hope), which makes me happy.

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all? Not counting a couple of dump documents of ideas and snippets, technically 3, I guess? One is Forgotten, Not Forgiven (Supergirl) which is my big one and will definitely be finished. The others are less certain – Storybooks and Siren Suits (Call The Midwife) is the one kidfic I have ever written, and is both my longest story at 151,020 (published) words, and also the one I am least likely to finish, because it has been stuck on the same chapter for around 3 years now. The other is Small Problem… (Supergirl) which could be counted as a finished oneshot, but I will probably end up adding further Adventures of Tiny Kara at some point.

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?Well, see above re: 3 year stall on new updates. For actually fully finished and published stories I think it was around 6 months.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published! Lena discovers Kara in Lex’s bed, then decides to lure her into friendship under false pretenses. Alex helps her do it. Forgotten, Not Forgiven.

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it? See above re: getting into fanfiction for Six!

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers That’s tough because there are so many amazing ones, but I think I will go with I Guess I Live Here Now by @fabulousglitch, because it was both the first fic I really got into for supercorp and also contained everything I wish the characters could have had in canon. I know I am several years late to the party so if you are in the supercorp fandom you have probably already read it, but if you haven’t read it GO READ IT, IT’S SO GOOD!

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool @nottawriter

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) @sideguitars (and I still owe you a comment on AO3 for that!)

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it @sssammich

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things @fazedlight

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things @havaamina

Someone you always tag on things like this @cynicalrainbows

Someone you have never tagged before @thatonebirdwrites

Someone you would like to get to know better @thecasualqueer

Someone who makes art you like @pea-green (I don't know if you still do fandom drawing/writing these days, but your commissioned art is still up in my house/in my profile picture and I love it so much)

Someone who writes fics you like @fabulousglitch

#tag game #fanfic writing #fandom creators #I have only been here a couple of months so the number of people I could actually claim to *know* on any level in this fandom is tiny #So if I have tagged you and you have no interest in being tagged in things by random unfamiliar internet strangers #please accept this as the compliment it is intended as and feel free to ignore it!#If you ARE interested in being tagged in things by random internet strangers and decide to play the game #please tag me so I can see your answers!#And if I didn't tag you but you would like to play anyway please feel free to name me as your tagger if you want to :)

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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 9 months

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Good day knights!

We are here to celebrate a 3 year anniversary of being here. Let us make the very best out of it! Though the anniversary date itself is on August 6th, we welcome you to send in your thoughts and requests as late as August 10th.

However, you know how missions sometimes take away from our ability to complete paper work, and thus the replies might take longer. Nevertheless, we promise to reply to your messages.

We present our most genuine thank you for having us here.

And! And, apologies, didn't mean to barge in like that.

But I would like to remind you that though the last option for this celebration event is one meant to appreciate your under appreciated favourites, they're more than welcomed in other submission types as well! That goes to say that you can send, for example, a headcanon ask about them too. It doesn't need to be only for the third option. However, the so-called fandom favourites submitted for the "unappreciated blorbo" option will, unfortunately, be declined since we don't wish the spotlight to be stolen from those who have had their time in the shadow.

And thank you for having us from me too!

Now! Let's move on to the options, and all regular rules apply during this event as well, as per usual.

Option #1. A oneshot.

"We work hard, and sometimes it's nice to just relax, which is why we ask you to join us for drinks! You may choose if you wish to kick back on your own, or with someone, as well as the type of beverage, the place and a little side order. It's all about treating ourselves a little bit!"

Option #2. Headcanons

"Choose 1 character and up to 3 headcanons per submission. However, there's no limit to submissions per person."

🤔 Are they intro, extro, or ambivert

🌹 Love language

🤫 Unpopular headcanon if any

👀 Interesting AU

🤭 Their silly little secret

😤 Their proudest moment

✨ Secret wish

😔 Secret shame

😆 Funny headcanon

🦄 Free option (any HC you can think of)

Option #3. Under appreciated favourite

"There isn't enough love to some, and we're here to change that with this section of the event. So let's talk about your favorites! What makes them great and interesting! And because sometimes a flaw can give rise to a great success stroy, there are also options to ask about their weaknesses. As said, this is to have a conversation about your fave! What makes them interesting and amazing? You may simply ask for my opinion or send in yours and I'll respond to it. "

🍁What is the most interesting about them?

🍂What is their strength as a person?

🌼What is their strength as a character?

🌻What is their weakness as a person?

🌿What is their weakness as a character?

☘️Thoughts about their magic?

🤝Their friendships? Any thoughts on those?

💎Free option! Ask/request about anything that comes to mind.

-Thoughtfullyrainynightmare 2023

#black clover event

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fiona-fififi · 7 hours

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @spotsandsocks. Thank you for the tag!!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

What's your total Ao3 word count?

250,243 words

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only 911. In the past, Supernatural, Shameless, Bones, and BtVS.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

Breaking News

The jury's out, but my choice is you

On the Outside

say (don't) go

Believe in one thing, I won't go away

Do you respond to comments?

Honestly, no. Trying to respond stresses me out. It can take me literally hours to figure out how to respond to a single comment, and then I feel like, if I respond to one, I have to respond to all immediately, and my anxiety can't handle it. So I've mostly stopped responding. Every now and then, I will respond to a friend because I don't stress over those, or if someone makes a weird comment where they seem to have misunderstood something I might respond to try to clear things up.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

For 911, honestly, I don't think I have any angsty endings. Plenty of angsty fics, but most of my endings are happy or at least hopeful. I guess I would maybe say the one with the angstiest ending is Believe in one thing, I won't go away, but the end is still pretty hopeful.

Outside of 911, the angstiest ending was definitely in a little Supernatural fic I wrote many years ago titled The Things They've Left Behind. It's also one of fics I'm proudest of. But it's a rough one.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Honestly, there are quite a few happy endings to my fics, but I think say (don't) go takes this one. It's a little angsty through the main story, but the epilogue is just pure fluff.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not often, but once or twice. More often than hate for the fic, I get sort of weird hate comments about side characters in the story. Like, I'll have a fic where Taylor Kelly is kind of in the background, but not in any way written hatefully or even negatively, and people will just go off on the character in the comments, which is weird and not a great look. Don't do this, y'all.

I did once get a hate comment accusing me of villainizing Eddie based on the summary alone, I believe. I responded, and they apologized, which I appreciated. But I will never understand people's need to toss around accusations without even reading the actual fic.

Do you write smut?

I have in the past, but not recently. I really have to be in a very specific mood to write smut, and often I just cannot tap into the focus I'd need for it because I generally find writing smut boring. So it takes me forever to actually finish anything even a little bit smutty. I've had a post vow renewal smut fic in the works since the vow renewal aired, and I just can't get it together.

So. Often not my cup of tea as a writer.

Craziest Crossover:

Okay, I don't have this posted on Ao3 (I think it's on ff.net?), but I once wrote a series of Sam Winchester/Temperance Brennan fics. Those were fun times.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. I had a couple of fanvids stolen back when I vidded for Bones, but never fics, I don't think.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think someone asked once and may have done the translation? I can't remember if anything ever came of it, though.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not. I don't have the focus or discipline to co-write with anyone. I would immediately lose focus and cause everything to go off the rails, and I would never want to do that to someone else.

All time favorite ship?

All time? I don't know. I really want to say buddie, but also, like Mulder/Scully and Sam/Dean. Honestly, I tend to be just very, very attached to my ship of the moment, so answering for all time is tough.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably this Natalia finds out about Chris fic because I keep accidentally fogetting it exists, which. is hindering progress.

What are your writing strengths?

I honestly don't know. I think maybe emotional scenes or angst?

What are your writing weaknesses?

A lot. Focus is the worst. I just don't really have it, and it makes writing near impossible. I also don't think I'm any good at scene transitions or dialogue sometimes.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I wouldn't personally do it because I don't have enough of any other lanuage to feel comfortable with it. I might use a word here or there if the character uses it regularly and I feel generally comfortable with the context and/or translation. I also don't love when people drop in dialogue or things in other languages and admit to just using google translate because that feels. not great.

I also don't think it should be translated in the middle of the fic. Sometimes, it's okay to not understand every single word of a fic, and people who speak and write in other languages shouldn't have to translate every word for their readers over a couple of lines in another language. Which might be a weird take, but that's where I stand on it, I think.

First fandom you wrote in?

Like, in my little notebooks before the internet was a thing in my house, it was The X-Files when I was like 8-11. That I posted in a fandom I actually interacted with, I think it was BtVS.

Favorite fic you've written?

This one's kind of a toss up. For 911, I think it's probably one of the following:

I got nothing to believe (unless you're choosing me)

say (don't) go

You were bigger than the whole sky

Home

I know I should narrow it down more, but I don't know. That first one is probably recency bias and the fact that parts of it are deeply personal to me. The second is the Eddie wants kids fic, which I worked on for months, so it has a special place in my heart. The third one is kind of a weird little experiment that was just unlike anything I'd ever written before. And the fourth one is a post break-up fic, and I really enjoyed playing with that kind of angst.

So they were all pretty different, and I can't choose.

Tagging (no pressure! and sorry for any double tags!): @messyhairdiaz @shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @reachingforaspark @wh0re-behavi0r @daffi-990 @eddiebabygirldiaz and anyone else who wants to participate.

#i still am terrible at remembering my tag list i apologize if i forgot anyone #or if i tagged you and you didn't want a tag #spotsandsocks #20 questions for fic writers #tag games #my fic #my writing #long post

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bsaka7 · 6 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

i was tagged by @longeyelashedtragedy! i had actually been seeing this go around f1blr and was hoping someone would tag me...so thank you!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 96 (46 off anon, 50 on anon). of fics written in recent history, i have 48 f1 fics (35 off anon, 13 on anon) and 18 footiefics (11 off anon, 7 on anon). i have sort of a weird relationship with anoning - i generally don't mind if people know the fics are mine, but i usually don't want them on my account, generally because of quality reasons (or just a distancing). i generally anon anything that i've been away from the fandom for a couple of years, but i think this might change now that i'm like, not actively growing up in the same way. i feel like it makes sense not to want ventfic from age 14 on my account, but i don't necessarily feel the same way about well-written work from a fandom i'm no longer a part of...but then again. embarrassment factor. so who knows.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

661,265. Most of that is from the last three years. Nearly half is from 2022 alone! I'd like to crack 700k this year, but I'm not sure if it's going to happen. I've been a bit stagnant lately, but there might be something bigger (if uninteresting to everyone but me) in the works...

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

at the moment i basically only write footie rpf though i'm generally open to writing more f1 rpf or really whatever might take my brain by storm. i've written for lots of other fandoms but for some reason, it's basically ONLY rpf fandom that pulls me in and i actually get fully involved in, despite the fact that i love lots of fictional books and movies and things. the only other thing i could see myself writing fic for at the drop of a hat would be star wars OT/original EU. oh that's not totally true. i occasionally will write or consider rpf about various bands, mostly from the 90s 😑 but I've not written any in ages

taking some time - this was my first "big" f1 fic and i'm fully aware of why it's popular. it's fairly well written, it plays into common characterization, it's an extremely popular pairing, and it's unique enough (i hope) to still be vaguely interesting.

baby, need a ride - banger of a title, if i do say so myself (who doesn't love a bit of ke$ha). this is popular for a lot of the same reasons as the last, with the bonus of it being pwp.

[redacted] - i almost unilaterally refuse to admit i've written this fic. it got great comments from a lot of fic writers who i really admired in my early f1fandom days (and some i still do). this fic is, to me, extremely symptomatic of falling into fandom characterization without considering real-world input. it was maybe my second??? fic i wrote??? for f1. it's for a pairing i genuinely began to despise literally weeks after i wrote it. this fic is my no1 candidate for orphaning except that i don't like to orphan bc i DID write it and i do like to see what people say about it (and the comments are always lovely - i don't fault anyone for liking this fic. i'm glad to have created something that resonates deeply with many people!), even if sometimes i don't like reminding myself of who i was when i wrote it.

ill ray - this is probably the fic i'm proudest of being popular. i've definitely read fic that's been inspired by this which is a total honor. this is also the only fic in the top 5 that's not from what i consider my "early" f1 fandom era. this fic is mean and it's nasty and it's gross and it's stomach churning and it turned out better than i could have ever imagined. one of my favorite things I've written.

sheets soaking wet - early f1fandom pwp. i remember the exact weekend i wrote this lying on my futon. one of the first threesomes i wrote, i think.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

of course!!! i love comments and i am so grateful for them and i want people to know what they mean to me! i also am generally desperate for thinking deeply about fic (and for community at all) so i always want to engage with ppl who say interesting things! sometimes im a bit slow at responding - I especially sit on long comments - but I get there in the end :)

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I honestly have no idea. I've written multiple fics where is sort of implied all of the characters die at the end (as the sails burn down like paper, echo of the future (sort of. this one is iffy. there are spinoffs I'll never write), green gloves) so maybe one of those? i don't have a great sense of these things.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe like... Charles and the Three Curses or something. I think it's a nice getting together, figuring out your problems ending, and they'll probably end up together for a long time. Most of the endings of my fic even if they're "getting together" or sort of "traditional" happy endings, I don't consider to be happy endings bc its all about getting trapped in the evil misery cycle or something like that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i would think i hate on my own fics more than anyone else possibly could. that being said, although I've gotten a few backhanded compliments, no, no hate, thank goodness.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yeah. i go through phases of writing it and then trying not to write it but i find it fairly easy to write and it can convey things i struggle with in any other kind of work yeah. in terms of what kind, i try to write stuff that has interesting emotional and political undercurrents. i like the real world in there. i like complication. basically, I use it to get at something that I'd struggle at getting at in a different fic of a similar length - it pares things down to bodies and emotion, even if there's still plenty of space for lying and misinterpretation and so on. i like to think my pwps are often about power. I've also said many times that i consider very little of the pwp I've written to actually be hot. idk....take that as you will.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

ive never done so though im not opposed to the idea. unless my f1 star wars au counts as a crossover which i don't think it does even though technically like in sequel 10000 someone probably does meet luke skywalker or like wedge antilles crash lands in old man seb's cornfield or something...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so, thank goodness!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no... I've had exactly one request ever and I turned it down. I'd probably say yes if someone I talked to regularly wanted to translate something, but I'm a bit of a control freak and it's not something I'm very comfortable with...

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, though again, not opposed to the idea... it could be fun! the other thing I'd like to do but im shy about would be to write a little fic in the universe of one of my friends fics but I've never done nor asked to do it so.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

if i have one, i don't know it. usually when im done with something, i move on and rarely return.....i think i have more consistent themes and questions that i like to read about and return to, rather than ships.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i don't really have a lot of wips.... pretty much everything i decide to write ends up finished! there's only the Big Time Travel Story (not fic) in my head that maybe I'll actually get working on pretty soon here...

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably my greatest strength as a writer is nearly anytime I decide to write, I can just sit down and do it. I'm also a fairly quick writer. When I'm really into a fic, I can easily write 2-5k a day and sometimes more. Other than that, I guess my writing is pretty readable (not necessarily something that I always like in my own work).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with writing dialogue, but my biggest weakness is my unwillingness to edit. It's not that I don't care or I'm not aware of what could be better, it's just that I'm lazy and I really enjoy being done, more than I enjoy putting forth more effort into a better work (that I know won't get any better if a response if I put that much more time in, but at the same time, I wasn't much of an editer on my college papers either).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

hmmmm... i do it sparingly. i think awareness of language is something I'd love to improve on in my work, especially writing in the pov of someone's second or third language. I've definitely read it effectively in fic (and far more effectively in like, novels or whatever. and I've seen it done very poorly in fic), but my own language skills are not terribly useful to the fic I've written and don't particularly add insight into how i might do it better. usually i just use dialogue tags to make clear what language is being spoken.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

in elementary school i submitted a story about darth Vader and princess leia to a school library contest and was rlly sad when it didn't do well :( i wrote self-insert about myself hanging out with the usmnt and uswnt circa 2011...if either of those count 😉

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm going to give you two, on different criteria, though the answer is probably the latter:

Charles and the Three Curses is the most FUN I've ever had writing a fic. It's a bit silly and the plot itself isn't the most unique but I loved coming up with all the details of the different characters lives and the magic they used and my little oc's and so on... I love writing fantasy fic :)

scenes from an american artist is, I think, the best fic I've ever written. in terms of writing quality, of storytelling, of prose, of structure, this is it. i had something I wanted to capture and I think i managed to do it, almost how I'd wanted to.

honorary mentions: as the sails burn down like paper, echo of the future, you whom i cannot betray. You can also check out my Tetrapod Sampler with some fics that I think are quality and representative of my own work.

you will notice these are all f1fic and there's no footiefic to speak of. I'm not going to say that I haven't written good work for footie thus far, but I will say most of it has been pwp which is never my favorite, results wise... but i promise i have something interesting and different in the works!

i have genuinely no idea who has done this... I tag...@wdcseb @gokartkid ummm and if anyone else who follows me wants to do it and tag me I'd be happy to see I have been loving reading these!!! some people think so wonderfully deeply about their work and I love to see it!

#rpf haters don't open this. rpf lovers come inside #Tag game

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nocaptainonthisship · 6 months

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twenty questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @wyrd-syster and @bad-surprise!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

9, as of this moment, but 10 by the end of the week.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Just over 85k which feels both low and absurdly high.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively, Rings of Power, though I've also got a Captain Swan one-shot, and dabbled briefly with Reylo.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(Artanis) -- my beloved. In which Halbrand is an international superstar, and Galadriel is the girl who broke his heart.

To Make A Queen -- the beginning of it all. I wanted to write a one-shot to remove the haladriel brain rot. It became a two-shot. 11 months later, we're here.

it will come back -- my longest complete work to date. I am immeasurably fond of it, and desire never to read another word of it again.

once, i belonged to you(and twice i was free) -- the rapunzel inspired dead-dove. in which galadriel is a princess locked in a tower, and halbrand is her jailor.

A Kingdom They Became -- what started as my own personal breakdown about my chronic pain became possibly the work I am proudest of to date. I am still overwhelmed by the response to this fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Eh. I certainly try to. However, my brain does a thing, you see, where 24 hours after I post something to ao3, the door is closed and my brain considers that fic officially DONE. After that point, responding to comments is a much steeper uphill battle. That being said- I do read and savor every single one of them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hands down, its It Will Come Back. I had *intended* to write a happy ending, but the closer I got to the end, the more I realized that a happy ending would not have been satisfying. I'm incredibly proud of the ending I wrote, but it definitely hits the angst pretty hard.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Dangerous Creatures -- silly little aussie farm-life fluff. (But its haladriel, so Gal still kills something.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I have- up to this point, anyway- been incredibly lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, but what kind?? Still figuring that one out, so for now I'll say, "Whatever kind I can manage on any given day."

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't. I might in the future, but I do have a hard time taking crossovers seriously as a reader- I imagine that feeling would be far worse as a writer.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, thank god.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but maybe one day!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Cowritten- no. I am a beta on a fic (this is not a come-on* in any way shape or form by the lovely @ophidion) which is a process I've more than once compared to being a midwife helping someone bring new life into the world.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

All time fave seems like a great way to get me to change my mind tomorrow(no, I'm not commitment-phobic, you are!) so I'll just say I like pretty, bitey girls and bad men who want to change but don't know how. In any permutation.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Everything that is out there currently, I am confident I will finish. The things I've thus far kept to myself? Only time will tell.

16. What are your writing strengths?

This question feels like a personal attack. Yikes. I think- I hope- the way I write sweeps you up like a raging river, uses rhythm and verbiage to transport the reader entirely into a different world. I'm good at the mechanics behind making you *feel* something, of manipulating an emotion to transport you inside what a character is feeling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Speed. They say you shouldn't care about your first draft, because you can always fix it later. Well, jokes on them, I NEVER fix it later, so I damn well better do a decent job on my first pass. This makes me slow, and makes the thesaurus app on my phone one of my top used.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I do not do this, other than perhaps a words here or there(and that word is almost always going to be a pet name I make no apologies.) I think it has it's time and place, but it can also pull you out of the story entirely.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lost (Skate Lives, bby!) beginning wayyy back in the summer of 2005. I was 12, so I thank the gods every days that lost-forum is dead and I never cross posted to ffn. (I also wrote for twilight back in the day, but we don't talk about that.)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The A Kingdom, An Empire, A Home series has, I think, my most beautiful writing to date, and despite being incredibly difficult to write(or perhaps because of it) it is also the most satisfying. It is a complex exploration of pain, redemption, and the complicated feelings towards parenthood. If I traveled back in time to just a year ago and showed past!cap that prose, I don't know that she would believe herself capable of it. Turns out she is wrong, and there is only better to come.

tagging: @alicuntismswrites, @lisenberry, @pursuitseternal, @hazelmaines, @mostlydriedmango, @maironite

(I do not know who has already done this, sorry!)

(Also, if you've tagged me in one of these games at any point in the last couple months and I've ignored: I'm sorry, don't hate me. My brain has been a mess, and these sometimes seem intensely overwhelming.)

#tag game #about me #my fic #cap shouts into the void: the void says hey whats your problem??

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blackandwhiteandrose · 1 year

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5 4 3 2 1

Thanks for the tag @mostlyinthemorning!

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

* * *

5 works I’m proudest of:

Rose Tattoo (series) - I went from saying I’d never write a tattoo AU to having written one in like, three weeks. It’s now one of my all-time faves.

Gamechanger (series) - Also never thought I’d attempt a sports AU, but I am so very proud of hockey!Patrick.

Until I set him free - I always wanted to write artist!David and I was never quite sure how until this happened. And I love it.

Some kind of alchemy - I’d never tried writing Rachel before and I’m still really happy with the way this one turned out - telling Rachel, Patrick, and David’s stories together.

Gathered here today - I was so excited to write with @dinnfameron, and tell this story that was literally everything my little fangirl heart could ever want. Swoony David & Patrick moments, wisdom and love from Marcy & Clint, with a little fandom crossover action.

4 current WIPS I’m excited about:

I, uh, only have one WIP?

The sequel to beloved is my next project.

3 improvements in my writing: * I’ve just about broken my ellipsis addiction (unless I want to show a legit pause in conversation, but even then I’m trying to be conservative).

* I have been managing to keep the tense consistent all the way through my drafts, which is awesome.

* I feel like I do something a little bit better each time I write. Whether it’s word choice or imagery or whatever, I think the more words we write, the better we will be. Also, taking notes from betas = improvements.

2 writing resolutions:

* Engagement is what it is. I’ve been better about staying zen when I could get disappointed, but it’s an ongoing struggle.

* Write when I want to, not because I feel like I have to.

Number 1 favorite line:

“How dare Patrick tell him differently.” (one hundred words) In context, I think this might be one of the most devastating lines I’ve ever written.

tagging: @stereopticons, @hippolotamus, @rmd-writes, @smallumbrella369, @smblmn, @beaiola.

#tag game #5 4 3 2 1 #writer memes #2022 in writing #BWR reflects

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veliseraptor · 1 year

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2022 Fanfiction Round-Up

Total Year-Long Wordcount: 388,095 words written, though obviously not all of those ended up getting posted, since a lot of them were in WIPs that continue to be WIPs.

This year I wrote and posted: 36 fics, apparently. Which is more than I thought it was going to be! I feel sort of like this was a year where I was more chugging along with things than spinning them out into complete projects but I guess that wasn’t wholly accurate.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

Less, I think, but also…I feel like I wrote a pretty good amount, all things considered. More than last year, which is nice, since last year was…real rough, writing-wise. Though also an especially crazy year for me so that does make sense.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

I waffled on this for a bit but ultimately I think the story that I’m proudest of from this year is our love would live a half-life on the surface. It wasn’t the story I expected to write when I started writing it in 2021 as my Big Bang fic for that year (and then ended up going a different direction because I didn’t think I had enough material to make up the length), but it ended up being stronger for the change (namely, the one where I realized that I’d been trying to write a fix-it proper and that wasn’t what I was writing at all).

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Hmm. Unfortunately I feel like I have to say that I don’t think I did. Which kind of troubles me (am I stagnating as a writer?) but I’m going to try not to fret about it.

From my past year of writing, what was….

My most popular story of this year: In terms of kudos, somewhere between the heart and the vein by a fair margin (812); interestingly enough 4 out of 5 of the most popular fics by that metric this year were Kinnporsche fics, though I guess that makes sense given shiny new active fandom.

Most fun story to write: It’s sometimes hard to think back and remember what was fun to write at the time, but I feel like I have to go with the reluctant shishi for this one, because that was a fic that just flowed out of me very quickly and easily and I enjoyed pretty much the entire experience of writing, which is so rare.

Story with the single sexiest moment: I apparently wrote a shockingly minimal amount of smut this year, it turns out! Startling and appalling, what was I thinking. (I’m joking. Mostly.) I’m also in kind of a weird place with respect to my smut right now where I don’t feel like any of it is actually hot, so that’s making answering this sort of difficult. So I’m just going to leave that alone before I get too in my feelings about it.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: It’s not really the one I actually feel this way about but I do still feel kinda funny about The Hand That Feeds, not so much that I wrote it (I’ve definitely written worse) but that I posted it. I didn’t write a whole lot of badwrong fic this year, though, apparently. In some ways I think our love would live a half-life on the surface might be the one that best fits this, though it’s less wrong and more just…more nakedly messed up than a lot of other things I wrote this year.

Huh. I feel like I’m losing my touch.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I wouldn’t say it shifted my perception, exactly, but writing the rest of this world is gonna break your heart definitely got me thinking more about Jiang Yanli than I have most of my time in this fandom.

Hardest story to write: But so many of them are hard in different ways, how am I supposed to choose one! I feel like I might have to go with the fair and the brave and the good must die because (a) it’s the first and closest thing to an actual Wangxian fic that I’ve written (or probably will write, ever), so I was working with characters I haven’t spent as much time thinking about and (b) I’ve been writing it for about three years (off and on) so clearly it was giving me many fits.

Biggest Disappointment: I continue to be frustrated with the fact that I can’t make myself be happy with Liability and continue to feel vaguely bad about it as a work. Same with on a narrow road, actually. I don’t know what it is about some works that just leaves me with a weird feeling of “this isn’t what I wanted it to be/this isn’t up to my standards” but…there you go.

Biggest Surprise: There are always several of these because of my habit of planning absolutely nothing, but I feel like special mention has to go to heel, stay for initially being a fic that was just “put Xue Yang in a muzzle” and ended up being over 20,000 words of relationship negotiation featuring ace Song Lan. Didn’t see that coming!

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I don’t know that I’d call it unintentionally telling unless I’m making it that by answering this question, but I’m going to say that writing like a trigger (get me ready to shoot) was deeply therapeutic to me.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

Once he reached a certain age, Xue Yang learned that mostly people didn’t touch you unless they wanted to hurt you. (how bright you glow)

Vegas remembered the first time his dad hit him, but he didn’t remember why. (the edge of thorns)

Within thirty seconds of seeing Xiao Xingchen Xue Yang knew he wanted to fuck him. (spin me right round)

It was six months after the life Vegas had always expected to have was eviscerated like livestock in a slaughterhouse, and things were…fine. That really was the right word. Not good, not awful. Just…fine. (walking shadows)

The sun was starting to poke weakly through the heavy mist by the time Xue Yang stopped working. (our love would live a half-life on the surface)

Favorite Line(s) from Anywhere:

1. "You only want to stick around because I fucked with your head enough to make you think you love me,” Vegas said ruthlessly.

Pete punched him. (walking shadows)

2. He didn’t remember putting a collar on his own neck and handing the leash to Xiao Xingchen but he could feel it there now. Not like he was being pulled anywhere, or anything, just that there was the weight and the pressure and Xiao Xingchen held the leash so, so lightly that it was almost like he wasn’t holding on at all. (it hurts at first (but it ain’t that bad))

3. People looked at Vegas all the time. He wanted them to. He liked that they did. He’d made himself a lure for people like one of those deep sea fish using a light to draw in their prey, dazzling them before devouring them. Pete saw the gaping jaws full of teeth first and chased the light anyway. (like a trigger (get me ready to shoot))

4. He held still, but he didn’t look away, either. Just watched as Xue Yang shattered and shattered in the jaws of an emotion too big for his ruined soul to hold. (nurture the tiger)

5. He was his father’s hands and his father’s knife. Vegas the weapon, Vegas the monster, Vegas the attack dog, turned loose and brought to heel. Hands and a knife, or sparking wires, or pliers, a drill, shards of glass. (Finders Keepers)

6. He wished he didn’t know. He’d been happier not knowing. He’d rather be marked as disposable, he’d realized, than erased as invisible. There was something bitter about realizing that he’d been both. (Once You Are Real)

7. On bad days Vegas wished they’d just gone with a nice, clean execution. It made him feel a little better that Kinn probably felt that way too, so by still being alive Vegas could ruin that for him. (cuddle you in the undertow)

8. He had years of ingrained loyalty and training that dictated that the bodies of the family – main and minor – were sacrosanct, to be protected. And now there were bruises on Vegas’s face and a gunshot graze on his arm and Pete had put them there. (somewhere between the heart and the vein)

9. She dreamed about it that night. Dreamed that she stood at Lotus Pier, looking out at the water, and she could feel her brothers at her sides – a-Xian on the left and a-Cheng on the right. But she didn’t want to turn her head and look. A-Xian took her hand with skeletal fingers, bone worn smooth. Welcome home, shijie, he said, in a voice like a terrible cold wind. But she wasn’t afraid. (this world is gonna break your heart)

10. Xiao Xingchen. Boundless compassion and kindness and generosity, heart full of open doors Xue Yang had snuck through like a robber into an unguarded house. But not for Xue Yang. (our love would live a half-life on the surface)

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

The bit from nurture the tiger that’s just a (thoroughly battered, one-armed) Xue Yang sitting with a (fierce corpse) Song Lan outside and having a full-on emotional breakdown.

Ghost Wei Wuxian being really fucking mean to Lan Wangji from the fair and the brave and the good must die, actually. I think that one would be fun to see visually rendered.

Pretty much anything from this world is gonna break your heart with Jiang Yanli and Xue Yang, though maybe especially the scene where he first sneaks up on her while she’s practicing her demonic cultivation skills.

I can think of several from (you give me) fever that would be fun to see but maybe at the top of that list is sick, semi-delirious Vegas in a blanket cape.

Honestly anything from the Vegas/Pete smut I’ve written the latter half of this year. I miss smut art. That’s not the only reason this one’s on here but it is part of it, while I’m fantasizing about imaginary art of my fic.

Fic-writing goals for 2023:

I have a whole collection of fics I really want to finish, but at the top of that list I think are: the concussed Xiao Xingchen fic (been in the works for forever), the Xue-Yang-haunting-Song-Lan fic (also been in the works for almost as long), and making at least a significant amount of progress on both Redux and Walking Far From Home, if not finishing one (or both).

Finish et ipsi sunt jacula. I’m parsing this one out separately because I think it’s been on this list for at least two years now and I would really like to just fucking. Finish the damn thing.

Last thing on here I wanna say…write something really fucked up. Don’t care what it is or for what fandom. Just make it fucked, Lise. Go for it.

#fanfiction round up #confessions of a frustrated writer

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neverevan · 3 months

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hi newbie my love 🖤

7, 17, and 23 for the lil ask game mwah mwah mwah

heyyy my lovely~ 😘

7. Were there any ideas you had for [insert fic] that you couldn't make work? What were they?

oh quite a few actually!! I had to tweak scenes and take them out altogether from a handful of my wips and finished fics too, but most notably the mudslide fic had like 4?? scenes removed/changed that just didn't make sense with the timeline (though I will sweat blood to try to fit one of them in there idc lmao)

and the jealous eddie fic had one cuz I was stuck on the same bit for weeks, until I just gave up and deleted it altogether — I still keep these scenes in my notes though, hoping that they'd make sense with another fic at some point

17. What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

Oh golly gosh hm I honestly don't know if there was a moment like that? but I am very proud of how much I've been writing since last year, especially since I joined the 911 fandom which is now also my main on ao3 🫶

23. What's one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

I could probably say something more profound here, but honestly? MODERATE YOUR COMMENTS AND DELETE THE RUDE ONES. I'm so serious.

Eventually you might get a shitty comment on something you wrote and it's not gonna be because it's bad, but because someone won't feel like you have specifically catered to their taste and they always find the comment box easier than the X on the top of the screen.

Don't engage, they are just bullies wanting to hurt your feelings and get a rise out of you. Moderate your comments and delete the rude ones please, it's for your own good!!

✨fic ask game✨

#ask #amanda tag #fic ask

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tarabyte3 · 1 year

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Wake Up, Look Me in the Eyes Again

Fandom: Andor

Characters/pairings: Kino Loy, Kino Loy x M!Reader

One Shot (3.2k words)

AO3 link

Summary: Alone in your cell at night, you have to do something to get Kino Loy out of your head. Unfortunately, he catches you. Or rather, very fortunately, as luck would have it.

Tags: Explicit, voyeurism, masturbation, mutual masterbation, anal fingering, prison

A/N: This was my first Kino x Reader fic! Originally posted to AO3 November 23, 2022.

836 days. That was how long you had left in that hellhole. You had stopped looking at the number a long time ago because you didn't want the reminder, but you knew it anyway. Partially because it was impossible to forget just how long you were in for, but also because Kino Loy kept fucking reminding you.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't escape him. He was constantly breathing down your neck and in your face about your table's output numbers, or throwing your number at you, like it was somehow important to know. As if it changed anything. He even had the cell directly across the open hall from yours. So you were stuck looking at him on shift, and, for about 11 hours a day, you were stuck looking at him from your glorified box, too. Stuck trying not to stare at his hands or his ass, or his grumpy, hot, stubbled face.

It was infuriating.

A man could only take so much. You wanted to punch him. Or kiss him. Maybe both.

It's possible you also wanted him to punch you. Or shove you into a wall and demean you in that rough voice of his. Oh, then he could say "good boy" and shove you to your knees. Grab you by the jaw and—Fuck!

You had to get Kino fucking Loy out of your head before you went crazy.

That was how it started.

You thought jerking off while everyone was asleep would help. And it did. A little bit. The first two nights.

But then you kept thinking about whether he was as intense in bed as he was when shouting at everyone during your shift. When he was especially angry, the tendons in his neck bulged and he jaw clenched, and is that what it would look like if he was bent over you? Now every time he screamed at someone, you got an erection in your blessedly loose prison pants behind the waist high table. Thank god.

That led to wondering whether or not he was a talker, and what it might sound like to hear him say some truly filthy things. Would he manhandle you around if he wanted you in a different position, or would he command you to move? You came while imagining his gravelly voice telling you to suck his cock because he wanted to fuck your mouth. Not your proudest moment, but certainly the most appealing in recent memory.

No one woke up or said anything, or seemed to notice your growing nightly routine. They were either oblivious or being tactful. Either way, rather than curling up to face the wall for privacy, you let your gaze drift over your shoulder to his sleeping form and the outline of his thick torso and shoulders in the dark. You wished he was awake and in front of you instead because the fact that he was sleeping didn't do anything for you, but it was him. He was there and he was solid and real. You thought about the times you'd glimpsed his bare back across the locker room while changing. You thought about the way he normally moved and carried himself. The added mental stimulus, combined with the indecency of what you were doing, was thrilling.

That had been going on for about a week when, one night, he had shifted onto his back. His knees were parted open, he had an arm underneath his head, and his other hand was resting on his belly. It was so casually sexy that you let slip a small moan.

And then he stirred.

You panicked and quickly turned away from him, pretending to be asleep, not knowing if he'd actually woken up or not. After that you didn't dare look or risk finishing, so you laid there the rest of the night, hard and aching, and tried to will your arousal away.

A few nights later, you grew bold (and horny) enough to try again. He was on his back once more, but in a less provocative position. Still, you drank in the sight of him like a man in the desert standing before an oasis. Then you closed your eyes and imagined being bent over in front of him while one hand was grasping your hair and his other on your hip while he fucked you. You opened your eyes to look at his hands for more fuel, and instead you were looking into his fully awake face staring back at you.

You froze, dick in your hand, like a bantha in headlights for, regrettably, far too long. Finally your self preservation overrode the torpor of your shock and you yanked your pants back into place, not saying a word. By the time you turned away from him, you knew you wore an expression of humiliation and horror.

He didn't know, you told yourself. Couldn't possibly know. Surely lots of guys jerked off in there. What else was there to do??

He didn't mention it next day, yell at you, or even glance your way with any significant meaning. But then that night, you peeked over your shoulder and caught him staring at you, almost expectantly. Like he was waiting for something. He didn't say anything and his expression didn't change. He just stared. So you rolled over and pretended to fall asleep again.

It was the same the next night. And the night after that. You tossed and turned in your cot, exhausted and so wound up with nerves and hormones that you thought you would finally snap in that sterile pit.

Then the next night something changed. You dared to look over at him, just to see if he was staring again. He was. He was also palming himself, slowly rubbing a hand up and down over the front of his pants. You were stunned by the sight, unable to process what you were actually seeing or that you were, indeed, awake. When you finally shifted your attention to his face, looking for some way to make sense of it, he gave you a small nod. So imperceptible you thought you must be losing it. But he kept staring at you as his hips thrusted slightly against his moving hand and you knew you weren't.

Not only did Kino Loy know you were looking at him while you masturbated, he was touching himself and waiting for you to do so. Giving you permission.

Fuck.

You felt as though it had to be a trap somehow. He was waiting for you so he could have proof of your perversion and have you punished. Or he wanted to humiliate you (and you had to try very hard to ignore the tingle up your spine at that thought). But rolling his hips to meet the rub of his hand was excessive bait for a trap, you had to admit. So that meant—he was into it.

Slowly, and with a mind numbing terror, you reached a hand to the waistband of your own pants. His gaze followed your movement, watched as you slipped your hand beneath the fabric. He squeezed then and there was the definition of a very large bulge in his hand.

A small, strangled whine escaped your throat and that mother fucker smirked at you. Smirked! You would have been furious if not for the fact that, inside of your pants, your fingers wrapped around your neglected erection. Instead you only felt relief.

You both laid like that for a while, watching each other half jerk off, you underneath your pants and him overtop of his. He was the first one to slide his uniform down his hips just enough to expose himself, and oh god that was better than any fantasy. Everything about him was thick and masculine, and you could see the hint of hair on his stomach.

But there was also a softness to his rough edges. A gentle touch beneath callused fingers. A quiet dignity to the way he led the shift and rallied everyone, like there was still decency beneath his gruff exterior after all that time in there, which would have broken lesser men. Or in the way he—what the fuck were you doing? The man had his dick in his hand and you were there waxing poetic and catching feelings instead of memorizing every second?

You renewed your focus on the movement of his hand. The way he worked himself, occasionally slowing to drag out a few longer strokes and pay attention to the head. Because you weren't just watching Kino touch himself. You were watching the way he liked to touch himself. That was…"fuck," you whispered.

A slight wave of his other hand drew your attention and you looked up at him, glassy eyed and uncomprehending. He seemed exasperated, which was an expression you'd seen on his face a hundred times. Granted, never quite like that. He tapped the waistband of his pants where it rested just below his hips, and looked at you expectantly. Then you realized your pants were still completely on. And getting in the way.

You scrambled to shift so you could slide yours down to the middle of your thighs while making as little noise as possible. He responded with satisfaction and hunger, though it hadn't been the first time he'd seen you with your hand wrapped around yourself. You wondered if he had been flustered and turned on after he caught you just three nights before. He must have been if it drove him to touching himself to get your attention. You tried to think of what dirty thoughts and fantasies Kino Loy might have, and if any of them had been about you in the same way yours had been about him.

You also noted the brilliance in the way he had been subtly communicating with you. The nod of his head, the looks, and the small touch on his pants. It made you feel as though there was some give and take between you. A connection, despite the distance. You decided it was your turn to ask something from him.

That turned out to be a lot of pressure because you wanted many things from Kino and most of them you could never have. One to a bunk or you fry. Could never be alone together in the work toilets or halls or maintenance closet or you fry. Or there was a guard present, and you probably fried anyway. And everywhere else in there was always so damn crowded. The lack of personal space was by design. So you had to think of something, beyond what he was already doing, that he could give you in that moment. And what you wanted was a glimpse at more of him to piece together from the scraps you already had.

You mimicked rolling up your sleeves.

At first he looked confused. Maybe because it didn't seem to serve a practical or particularly sexy purpose. But it was intimate. By revealing just a bit more skin than was usually exposed, more of his armor was stripped away. Eventually he released himself and meticulously rolled the sleeves of his uniform up to his elbows. When his hand returned to its stroking, you had to bite your lip so you didn't moan. The muscles in his forearms flexed as his wrist moved, his rough fingers sliding over his cock. It was so fucking effortlessly sexy.

You didn't get to enjoy it for very long because then, without much of a pause or hesitation, he stuck two fingers into his mouth and sucked on them. You thought he might just need a bit of lubrication at first, but then he brought them down slowly, making sure you were paying attention, and mimicked moving them in and out between his legs. And the realization of what he was asking for knocked the wind out of you.

This had started as jerking off for each other. You only asked to see his forearms, for god's sake! And he wanted to see you finger fuck yourself. In the middle of the night. In the open cell block. Across the hallway. Your initial reaction was to refuse. What if someone saw?? But then you could hear his voice in your head, that dangerous low growl, TELLING you to do it. Before you could think twice, two fingers were in your mouth and you were swirling your tongue around them and coating them with saliva, uncaring if someone did.

You scooted silently to the back of your cot so you could lean against the wall. After considering where to place your legs for both easy access and putting yourself on display, you realized the pants were going to be a problem. But Kino Loy, the hot older man that had been driving you wild for months, just told you to finger yourself so he could pleasure himself to it. And you'd already gone that far. Either it was time to commit or give this up. Which was no decision at all. With your free hand, you pushed your pants from around your thighs and into a pile on the bed next to you. Then you pulled your now freed legs up and planted your feet on either side of your hips.

It wasn't perfect, but judging by the momentary increased pace of his fist and the way he unconsciously licked his lips, you knew he had a spectacular view.

Your fingers were as slick with spit as they were going to get, so you reached your hand down between your ass cheeks and prodded to make sure you were well aligned. It had been a long time. You knew you should go slow, and properly stretch and work yourself. You knew that. Logically. But across from you, Kino was leaning forward with an intense look on his face and waiting. And he had asked for two fingers. So you pressed the tips of your wet fingers into yourself and it burned, but not as much as you were expecting. At least not until you tried to go further.

Instead you withdrew, considering how to make this work, before gently pressing them in again. Your only real option was to make a show of working yourself for him. You looked to his face, serious and stern with concentration. Then you looked to his hands and tried to imagine it was him slipping a finger inside you. Him coaxing you open because he was getting ready to fuck you with the erection he was currently stroking when he was done. And boy did that thought help you work through the pain.

Soon you were plunging two fingers deeply in and out of yourself, eagerly fucking yourself for him. You resumed pumping and stroking your length while watching him do the same. God it was hot watching his hips give small, involuntary thrusts to meet the rhythm of his hand. That was because of you.

Between that and your angle, you knew you weren't going to last much longer. But also, you would fight the swell of your orgasm because you would be damned if you came before him. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Besides, it was unfair that you only got to see a small amount of his hips and belly, while he got a full wanton display of your lower half. Even though it was doing plenty for you, you realized begrudgingly.

Thankfully it was having the same effect on him. He was no longer slowing down or savoring the exchange between you. His pace became urgent and there was a single-minded focus on watching both of your hands. Soon his head was rolling back and every muscle was tense with anticipation. At the last moment, just before he came undone before you, his eyes met yours. They were half opened and unfocused, but for the first time you caught a glimpse of something tender. Something he didn't have the control to hide or keep from slipping. And just as quickly, his mouth went slack, his head lolled back the rest of the way, and he was pumping his release over his belly. You could faintly hear his sighs and accidental brushing of fabric as he slowed, fully spent.

You didn't have the best angle to see the aftermath streaked across his stomach and hip, but knowing it was there was enough. Sensation and sight converged into one blissful peak, and then you were screwing your eyes shut from the force of your release. Fresh memories of his hand working frantically, his bare hip, his face when he came, accompanied you through each shudder. It was almost the same way you'd reached orgasm many nights before, but now you had reality to work with. You could close your eyes and have something real. Maybe you wouldn't need fantasy anymore. Maybe it would happen again.

You weren't sure what you were expecting after the post voyeuristic fog cleared from your minds. It wasn't like you could talk or kiss or cuddle. Or if he would do those things. Or if you even wanted him to do those things. You were still a little fuzzy on that part. But he pulled his pants back up to his waist, rolled his shirt sleeves down, and looked at you with a smug half smile. Then he gave you a small nod before rolling over to face the wall and settling in to sleep.

Just like that.

It took you a little longer to follow suit. You cleaned up your mess as best as you could and got your pants back on, knowing your uniform would be stiff in a few spots come morning. Then you laid there for a while, replaying every detail you could recall. Wondering, if you'd met him in another life, whether things would be different. Were the both of you nothing more than desperation and opportunity to each other, or was it a cruel meeting of fate that put you in the cell across from his. Were you destined to ache for something that would always be just out of reach? Kino Loy and 813 days left. Dim lights at the end of a tunnel. You juggled with the contradiction of being content and miserable until you finally slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The next morning, while everyone was waking up and stretching their stiff muscles, you ended up standing near each other on the floor. Difficult to avoid given the placement of your cells. It was a bit awkward, because of course it fucking was, but no one paid the two of you any special attention. No one seemed to be intentionally avoiding you either. So you pushed through it to ask, "How long?"

"About three weeks," he said casually. He sounded almost bored, like he was discussing the weather or shift numbers, and not how long he'd known you were masturbating while stealing glances at him.

The length of time caught you off guard. That was…"The whole time?!"

He sighed, exasperated. "I'm sorry, did you think your staring was subtle?" It was sarcastic and rhetorical, as though he'd just caught you leaning on your workstation. Then his voice lowered and he added, "Besides, I'm a very light sleeper."

"And you just waited and let me do it?" You hissed.

Then he gave you a knowing, amused smirk, simply said, "Yep," and walked away, leaving you sputtering behind him.

God, you wanted to punch him. It was infuriating.

You smiled softly at his back.

#kino loy #kino loy x m!reader #kino loy x reader #andor #andor fanfiction #fanfiction #one shot #andy serkis #posting from ao3

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callofdooty · 1 year

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5-4-3-2-1 Tag Game!!

Tagged by @alidravana ! Thank you so much for the tag! :D

top 5 works i’m proudest of (not in any particular order):

Since I only have two actual works, I'll just put them both LOL:

Just Us - Keegan and Merrick havea moment after the events of the game

My Bed Is A Pool And The Walls Are On Fire - Keegan being delirious for 1000 Words

top 4 current wips i’m excited about:

Mostly all Whumpuary works since they've got my full attention rn LOL

Woken Up Like An Animal - Fill for the prompt Nightmares. Logan makes friends with Mouse after he accidentally kicks her across a room. Title is a line from Human by Daughter (aka one of the best Logan songs to exist LOL)

Keegan's Hypothermia fic - Prompt fill for Hypothermia and "Stay With Me" - Trying to play into the found family as much as I can because I am a SUCKER for it) Pending title ^^

My Heroes Are Dead (They Died In My Head) - Prompt fill for Betrayal. Bitter stream of consciousness, takes place after Struck Down, from Keegan's perspective (but Ajax's fate will be left ambiguous so he might be dead, might be canon divergence that lets him live) Title is a line from Diluted by Slipknot

I Won't Give Up On You (So Don't Give Up On Me) - Prompt fill for "Don't Do This" and Blurry Vision. Not entirely sure what this will entail but it will probably center around Hesh and Logan :) I love :) Angst :) I'm just hella into the title and the prompts as a combination. Title is a line from The Sadness Will Never End by Bring Me The Horizon

top 3 improvements in my writing:

Actually rewriting drafts. A lot of the time, I don't typically rewrite drafts, but for some of the Ghosts ficxs, I've actually got multiple different versions of fics LOL

Uhh I'd say I've definitely developed a stylised way of writing? Which, is actually pretty much just the way I write normally AHA - a lot pauses in strange places, and of course the angsty internal monologuing. I also like messing with structure when I can (Unfortunate House of Leaves simp over here)

Catching when my tenses slip. I don't know why, it might be due to roleplaying, but I find that I often flip between past and present tense in the middle of writing (where it wouldn't make sense to) But I've been able to catch it, lately. Makes editing fics a bitch LOL

top 2 writing resolutions:

Just posting more honestly. Last fandom I wrote fics for got a grand total of three fics because I didn't get to finish the others LOL, and then I kind of drifted off to other things (it's still some of my best angst work, so hopefully I can bring that energy to the Ghosts. The character I fixated on actually might have some similarities to Logan ssooo 👁 👁)

Maybe trying to branch out more? My two modes of writing are Hurt/No Comfort (hilarious, because I hate reading Hurt/No Comfort) and Whump so maybe I can try smth else? Maybe romance? Definitely not something I'm familiar with writing, but it feels like something I could try. (The real issue is finding ships I wanna write about /hj)

number 1 favourite line:

Hmm, this is hard, so I'm going to make up for all the other ones I can't fill by giving a few LOL

From Just Us, I'm quite fond of this line:

Shame stirs in his stomach, making him nauseous before working its way up, gripping his heart and then balling up to cause a lump in his throat that he tries his best to swallow around. "I miss him." The shame ignites like a gasoline trail, flaring quickly into anger (whether it's at himself or Rorke... it's hard to tell with all the smoke) that only makes him feel more sick. "God damn it, I miss that piece of shit."

From the Nightmares fic I'm working on (almost done with it!):

Her eyes did more than enough talking on that front, strangely expressive for how closed off she otherwise seemed. They told a thousand stories; all indecipherable, written in a language that no one could speak of, but could understand all the same. The mind's exact tales of suffering were locked away, hidden, but their effect still seemed to shine from the soul's very own fractured looking glass. A hint of resignation acted as dust upon the reflection's surface; a house haunted by time more than any other phantom.

and then this giant excerpt from a WIP abt Hesh :)

Occasionally, a glimpse will come to Hesh’s mind. Sometimes it’s intrusive, lightning flashing against a canopy of dark clouds, shaking the foundations of his mind with a deafening roar. Sudden, brief and violent in nature. Other times it’s… slow. Easy and gentle, like ocean waves crawling their way up the beach; soft, hushed. Almost comforting, if not for the deep grief that the tide often brought with it, the wind brushing by carrying the faint echoes of laughter and excited voices.

On days like this, the wind only seems to carry his own distant screams. The tide now feels lonelier than it ever did. That one set of footprints trailing in the sand was just that; a single set. The second set of imprints settled in his own stride now gone.

Instead, the ghost of his shadow is embedded yards away, a trench dug out by desperately grasping hands, reaching for anything. Reaching for him.

It’s still the gentle ease of a memory washing over him, sea foam gathering, swaying and receding slowly, but that’s perhaps what makes it worse. The slowness. The time he has to sit there and dismantle himself from the inside out, while his own head taunts him with things he no longer has, can no longer reach out for. Even the ebb and flow of water can wear down cliffs with enough time, steady and persistent in its movements.

Imagery galore! LOL

tagging... @bubble-dream-inc , @goorehound and @neon-amnesia (If y'all want to, don't feel pressured to! ^^)

Basic Template:

top 5 works i’m proudest of (not in any particular order):

top 4 current wips i’m excited about:

top 3 improvements in my writing:

top 2 writing resolutions:

number 1 favourite line:

#54321 game #tag game #call of duty ghosts #doot does things #long post

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the-wintry-mizzenmast · 6 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

tagged by @bbcphile

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

69. NICE.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

522,701

Smoke and Mirrors (Sephiroth/Cloud, drag queen canon divergence) has disproportionately contributed to this.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I am sadly monofannish, so at the moment I am writing in Mysterious Lotus Casebook 蓮花樓. There are a few fandoms I have gone back to writing to, like Phoenix Wright/Ace Attorney when a new game comes out. I suspect I will dive back into Smoke and Mirrors once I am done with MLC and I play FF7 Rebirth.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Day Still Young (Wrightworth PWP)

Safe and Sound (ZoroLu PWP)

Storm Before the Calm (A Wrighworth piece I wrote for an exchange, I'm surprised it's this popular!)

Love and Longing (Wrightworth piece I wrote a long time ago)

Perennial Passions (Wrightworth PWP)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do my best when I am able, but sometimes I don't always get around to it or I don't have the spoons. I apologize if you've left a comment and I haven't been able to respond. Thank you.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I smashed out Tarnished Silver (Sol/Ky, Guilty Gear, Major Character Death) in one evening because I was shocked that one of the audio dramas would have an AU that kills off a main char

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly do one-shots or series that are comprised of one shots that take place in the same universe. Euphemistically, all of my smut has a happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Extremely rarely. And if I did, I would report and then delete.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

All the time. I think every time I get into a ship I write porn for them. My usual tags are Porn Without Plot and Porn With Feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am extremely proud of Born for the Fast Life, my Ace Attorney x Fast and Furious crossover. This might be the only multi-chaptered fic of any significant length I have ever finished in my life.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few over the years. Most recently, the entire Smoke and Mirrors series has been translated into Chinese.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done massive RPs before and collaborated on universes, but never a specific fic.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I am mono-fannish, so my favorite ship is always whoever is currently my ship, which is Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua. I suspect I will always love and have a soft spot for Zoro/Luffy from One Piece.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Two Bodies (Baze/Chirrut, Rogue One). I had so much backstory for them in my head, but it'll never be done. I need to learn that I am fickle and easily distracted and thus not made for long novel-length projects.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Action/fight scenes, car chases, Porn with Feelings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things I start.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm only fluent enough to do this in Chinese, and only for short bits of conversation. I've only done this once for 天涯海角 The Ends of the Earth

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Fushigi Yuugi, but it was all for myself and only two people on this earth have read it. First fandom I wrote and posted for? Weiss Kreuz. How's that for a throwback?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm proudest of Smoke and Mirrors, mostly because the characters are so vivid, but also because of its length and the way it's been plotted, even though it's yet undone and I don't have an ending for it. I'd like to figure out where I'm going someday and finish it.

I'm shit at tagging people, so anybody who reads this, if you want to do it, please!

#my fanfiction

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princesssarisa · 2 years

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Character ask: Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Tagged by anonymous

Favorite thing about them: His fundamental goodness and generosity, and I don't just mean after his character development. Even before he meets Elizabeth, when he's at his proudest and most aloof, he's always been kind to his servants, good to his tenants, generous to the poor, a faithful friend, and a loving, caring brother. And of course after his humbling process, his kindness and politeness both to Elizabeth herself and to her relatives are exemplary (even if he does still struggle with it around the likes of Mrs. Bennet – he's only human), and the generosity and selflessness of all he does to save Lydia from disgrace are outstanding.

Least favorite thing about them: His arrogance and inconsiderateness before his character development, especially in his first proposal to Elizabeth. That probably goes without saying.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm not good at socializing with strangers.

*I try to always be generous to people in need or who depend on me.

*I like to read.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I don't have excessive pride.

*I tend to have too little dignity, not too much.

*I'm not of noble birth on either side of my family.

Favorite line:

His sarcastic response when Sir William Lucas calls dancing "one of the first refinements of polished societies" (yes, it has period-typical racist implications, but it's still a witty line):

"Certainly, sir; and it has the advantage also of being in vogue among the less polished societies of the world. Every savage can dance."

His response to Elizabeth telling him that his natural defect is to hate everybody:

"And yours is to willfully misunderstand them."

His famous declaration of love, even though the scene it takes place in is far from his shining moment:

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

The last sentence of his letter to Elizabeth, bidding her farewell with genuine best wishes despite the fierce rejection and insults she gave him the day before:

"I will only add, God bless you."

His bait-and-switch response when Caroline Bingley, after a long string of insults about Elizabeth's looks, recalls that Darcy once thought she was "rather pretty":

"Yes, but that was only when I first knew her, for it is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance."

His simple, humble second proposal:

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever."

During their engagement, when Elizabeth asks him why he talked so little to her in his visits just before he finally proposed again:

"A man who had felt less might."

brOTP: Bingley, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and Georgiana.

OTP: Elizabeth.

nOTP: Georgiana.

Random headcanon: He's on the autism spectrum. This headcanon is nothing new to the fandom, but it makes perfect sense. See the TV Tropes Wild Mass Guessing page, under "Darcy is neurodivergent," for a good explanation of why. And no, it doesn't excuse his rudeness, or turn his entire character arc into "overcoming a disability."

Unpopular opinion: Where to start? I could argue that from the very beginning, he's a flawed but decent man, neither "just misunderstood" nor a total jerk. Or that he doesn't change his whole personality, and most certainly doesn't change "for Elizabeth," but because he genuinely wants to be a better person. Or that he's not a Byronic hero – in some ways he's a subversion of one. Or that his character arc isn't about "unlearning toxic masculinity." Or that even before his personal growth, he genuinely loves Elizabeth – it's not just lust that only becomes love when he's a better man. Or that he never mistakes Jane for a gold digger – he has nothing against her, he just thinks she doesn't love Bingley. Or that he isn't Elizabeth's total opposite and is her intellectual equal. The list could go on and on: @anghraine has covered it all in her fantastic Pride and Prejudice analyses much better than I can. At any rate, I think pop culture misunderstands Darcy almost as much as Elizabeth does at first!

Song I associate with them: None at the moment.

Favorite pictures of them:

This illustration by Hugh Thomson.