#YOU SAID IT BEST AS USUAL

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi prime defenders spoilers #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi pd #william wisp #vyncent sol #THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it. #BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece #i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW) #that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that #if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles. #open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho #BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses... #lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH #FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE #i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony #recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day #ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw- #-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM- #-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS #its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not #well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i- #-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!! #i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i

[whaliiwatching]

noir’s got ritz

—

based on this post and rb’ed tags!!

#spider man: across the spider verse #spider punk #spider noir #hobie brown #noirpunk #lil noir doodle under cut! #i like the idea that somehow they can understand each other’s slang #‘bloody peng’ basically means ‘top notch/super attractive’ #‘and howl’ means ‘you said it’ #‘put on the ritz’ means do something fancy. usually like wear ur best clothing #but can be used for going out for a night on the town!! #easily flustered hobie is my bread and butter #mans does not know how to handle receiving Attention #much less from tall dark and sexy noir ;););)

[doublemyheight]

I'm so fed up seeing videos about "the downfall of mcyt" or "mcyt history" and then the creator only mentions DSMP and maybe a few youtubers they watched. Like... there. are. so. many. creators. who. counted. or. count. as. mcyt. Here are my thoughts.

There are so, so many who counted, and still so many who count. And yeah, DSMP is an important part of MCYT history, but it's so recent in comparison. Like. Minecraft is a cockroach, it will go through so much shit and still be alive and active. Yes, there are the names who bring or brought down the name of MCYT, but in comparison they've always been such a small part of the community. They need to be remembered for their bad actions, or illegal in some cases, but defining the community by them is not good. Nor is just using one fucking smp.

I have watched, or attempted to watch, those types of videos on the history or the downfall etc., and I always complain internally about it. THERE ARE SO MANY PROMINENT MINECRAFT CONTENT CREATORS THAT FUCKING MADE CONTENT. Some don't make Mc (minecraft) content anymore or they rarely do but it doesn't mean they shouldn't be mentioned. (Yes I know, it's an impossible task to talk about all of them, but mentioning three or four as "the og mcyters" or "the old popular mcyters" just angers me)

DSMP I would say helped with the mc resurgence, but I can say similar to SMP live and SMP earth. I count SMP live as pretty important since I think people started watching the streams and videos from that smp and when DSMP happened people treated the content the same and watched it a lot. People started watching again, then with the boom of content in the covid lockdown people watched more. It wasn't just DSMP though.

Listen if you want to do a video about how DSMP affected you or the minecraft community, sure yeah that's a video to make. If you want to do a video on a specific few ytbers who you watched and how they affected the community yeah sure that's a video to make. To say "these are the three main" that's for you. To you they were the main three. To make the video of "all of mcyt history and mc as a whole" and mention 3 people......... and then DSMP.................... I don't understand you.

I've been a MCYT fan for years and years. As a child and as an adult. From E for everyone videos to watching videos that fucked with my innocence and just exposed me to shit I shouldn't have been watching at the time. Year after year watching different types of videos and different creators. Supporting people and finding out I shouldn't, and supporting people and them being good people. To challenge videos, parkour, adventure maps, droppers, role playing, role playing, let's plays, tutorials, modded content, horror content, hide and seek. So many different types of content exist for mc, and I've been a watcher for a lot of it.

DSMP should not define MCYT. There is too many people who have made content for me to just accept that.

Hold people accountable for their actions, do not define a large community by a few people, and if you want to talk about your favorites affect in the community go right ahead but please don't call them the most popular or most important. Some people might never of heard of them. (I am thinking of the do you know this mcyt blog)

#mcyt #dsmp #smp live #smp earth #Just mcyt as a whole is what im talking about theres so many youtubers out there #im just not up for people minimizing how much mc content exists. #edit: so youre not going to mention hermitcraft or stampy or prestonplays or popularmmos or aphmau or SCOTT SMAJOR or ihascupquake or #or any of the “little” crew or skydoesminecraft or shubble or captain sparklez or hbomb94 or rtgame or jacksucksatlife or amylee33 or Jamal #or wattles or squaishy or bajancanadian or jeromeasf or vikkstar #like yeah you need to mention Technoblade cause hes DSMP and skeppy and Badboyhalo are all that but they HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR FOREVER #techno gets the best commentary on him since you know #like so many of the hermitcraft people as well are so og mcyt to me and NOTHING is usually said about them #like fucking ldshadowlady and smallishbeans are also so og and scott and seepeekay and oli and like that crazy craft smp is so old so good #ssundae too im literally going through doyouknowthismcyt queue sheet for these names and i feel insane please please please talk about more #fucking mcyters then the dsmp ones i have fondish memories of dsmp dont hate on me but there is so much more you can talk about in videos #i feel so repetitive but i needed to express my thoughts on it #edit edit YEAH HOLD ON I FORGOT TO MENTION WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER FUCKING LANGUAGES AND COUNTRIES #theres other countries and other fucking languages people made mc content in i forgot about it for a sec #yeah they are definitely never mentioned

[lolexjpg]

marcus and lissie | 2023 honda indy toronto

#lissie mackintosh #marcus armstrong #sry abt the quality blame peacock not me. i did my best #indycar #2023 honda indy toronto #23toronto #i am on a ROLL today w gifs. one thing abt me is i WILL gif lissie and marcus given any opportunity #my favorite shes everything he's just ken couple 🥰🥰 #like i said before if they're shown together in a race/quali you can let me know i'll probably want 2 gif it. i just usually work weekends- #so i cant watch :( #myedit #*gif #*indy

[crimeronan]

turning off reblogs on this bc we were able to get the car fixed!

okay shorter pithier tl;dr of this post: i am chronically ill and my car needs a new starter that’ll cost $870. which i... do not have. i’m in the process of getting the chronic illness under control so i can work normal hours again, but in the meantime i need to ask for help because it’s really really important to fix my car.

i got tipping set up with stripe on this blog so that’s a very easy way of donating if you want to, other links are:

venmo: @Katherine-MacEachern

paypal: paypal.me/kitkatmkath

ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/elliptical

anything and everything helps, i’m really sorry to have to do this & don’t want anyone to overtax themselves on my behalf. i remain unbelievably grateful for all of the support and care and love you guys have shown me over the years. many thanks and all of my love to you <3

#as i said in the longer post i'm happy to answer questions with more details about my finances and health #hrugh. i don't know what to tag this #doin' my best to be positive i'm just also. you know. mortified as per usual. but i can manage

[5hrignold]

reminder

#rewatched this sneak peek for the first time since i first saw it and ugh. UUUUGHHGGHHH. #it hurts me a lot I’m ngl….. like to see charlie be so critical of something pim likes #except this time it’s even more painful because it isn’t just that pim likes it he also thought charlie would like it too and he literally #took him out and did this just for him because he thought he’d like it. he thought charlie said something so he went out of his way to #organise something to show to him to make him happy. and also how like… expectant? charlie is acting in the clip #like the way he just kinda frowns at pim whenever one of the dudes says something particularly out there #and it’s like. dude what the fuck #ive Said it once i’ll say it again i think charlie needs to lose pim during an episode or something. itd humble him #i mean that KIND OF happened with the finale but look where they are in s2 #as usual what i always say. absolutely no actual complaints. if anything i Love this because it’s very clearly like #im so excited for this particular episode because you can just TELL its gonna be such a good one for their relationship #like looking into it analysing it n stuff #literally anything with them together has me screaming and cryjing they’re one of my fav duos ever #ok my hands are shaking bye #smiling friends #💝 #smiling friends spoilers #also this is just Such a cute clip. the way pim runs and how charlie slugs on close behind him looking all grumpy #and how happy he looks to be calling him his best friend… actually peak i fear this is the peak of the season (joke

[highways-are-liminal-spaces]

October 2023

#song is devil in me by skinny lister #this whole thing is kinda just hockey but *shrugs* that's october for you #this has flashing lights and bone marrow. also hockey and my friends. #filmnoirsbian inspired this whole thing as usual and my best friend said yesterday that she was awesome bc of that #my video diaries

[quotidian-oblivion]

🎶I am filled with so much anxietyyy🎶

#quotidian convos #have a public speaking thing tomorrow #but the crowd isnt like my usual crowd #these are... actual professionals #accomplished people and leaders and people who are some of the best in their fields and jobs #and even though i'm only holding a 3-5 min activity (with a partner) #still doesnt change that this is my biggest audience yet #in terms of number as well as who they are #and also that every single person in the room are adults except me and my group #well its good to be in a group #i have a friend and we meet each other every other public speaking event #and she's so cool yall you dont even know #she's like one of THE coolest people i know #and her outfits are SMASHING #so cant wait to see her again!! #but yeah still filled with anxiety and nerves and stuff #*takes deep breath* it will be fine tho. it will be fine! #because as sprite said #public speaking is *my* bitch #(thanks sprite ^^)

[enbysiriusblack]

regulus is nice to pandora, lily, sometimes james, and sometimes dorcas but they both throw up when he is

#with pandora it's like.. no one can be rude to her. it's impossible. #with lily he's just mesmerised by her but also because they were friends first he's more comfortable being nice. #obviously not too nice. but it's like 'you're kinda pretty' said with a shrug. 'you know lots of stuff' 'you remind me of *book crush' #with james. james is TOO NICE. needs to be balanced out with a little meanness. also he might tell sirius he was sappy which is terrifying #so he's like 'your hairs messier than usual' 'put a tshirt on. stop showing off' #and with dorcas it's the occasional 'you're my best friend' and they'll both throw up and say the worst things ever to each other #to apologise for the accidental compliment #marauders era #marauders #regulus black #jegulily #pandora lovegood #lily evans #james potter #dorcas meadowes

[boyfeminism]

potentially have an interview with a place as a baker 👍

#my hopes werent super high bc the process was just ALL fucking ai #and i didnt realize how bad of a bot it was bc usually #in processes like that it either says when it doesnt know what you said or directs you elsewhere #not this one! #speaking #i called them back once i was home n was asked to call later via text #so im waiting on a response for what time works best for them #sorry the application process was all ai i didnt expect a call back #n they called back while i was at work n i sent them to voice mail bc i assumed it was spam #bc all my calls are spam

[coffeeshib]

saw a tiktok saying they felt something fruity between two women on a tv show. started said tv show expecting to have another non-canon ship. they kissed. now im obsessed, don't know if it's your kind of thing but in case it is it's called special ops: lioness hehehe

omg what a COINCIDENCE i saw a tweet recently about that show, planned to only watch an ep or two today but i ended up not being able to close my laptop for hours straight & found myself now caught up to the most recent ep.... & i finished ep 7 just an hr ago,,

dude the show is so good & intense?? the plot the characters the ACTING, i'm invested i need the last ep now

#also i came in not expecting much bc these kinda shows usually centre men &. what a surprise!!! #ep 1 completely said No. that's not what we're about. here are the women. #the writing is amazing & so are the women esp the lead!!!! #i'm also obsessed anon & i love that you came here to tell me about the show bc if i hadn't seen that tweet your ask would have made #me watch the show #the lesbians got me giggling kickin my feet but i'm terrified bc things might not end well 😭 #& that would be understandable given their circumstances but RAHHH i still Hope for the best #hope you're having a lovely day!! #asks

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #certainly one of the strangest birthdays I’ve had #nothing happened #but like /nothing/ happened y’know? #it’s nice receiving bday wishes from ppl who know my bday #I hate getting them from ppl who take up less than 30% of my headspace usually #like it feels impersonal and like it’s out of obligation #there’s a school meeting tomorrow #none of my coworkers or my boss have said anything about my bday today which is good #and I hope to god no one finds out tomorrow #also a bit strange Not receiving bday wishes from friends I talk to daily #I’m not exactly one to advertise my bday #I actually met up with a friend a couple days ago and they asked me what’s been happening in my life #bc even tho we talk every day #they don’t know anything about me #which was pretty bizarre to find out #bc I thought I updated them on like #everything #do I really not talk about myself ever? #my best friend also has been asking me the same ‘what’s happening with you’ type thing every time we’ve met up #and like #I update our high school friend gc #but only one other person actually checks the chat so… #I never know how to answer when I’m asked what’s been happening recently #what’s worth bringing up? #what have I already said? or what haven’t I said rather #idk #it’s strange #I’m feeling a mix of complicated things atm #will expand later on

[the-acid-pear]

Honestly I always mostly just think of the [looks at notes] 3 managers Harry was friends with when thinking of what he lost but considering he's that old and has been jumping between franchises so much and also the fact Every Fucking Phoney (save for 3) got scrapped by the time we meet him; how much as this man lost? How many people he cared about has he seen die gruesome deaths again and again? Has he managed to find time to process this to grieve or has he just desensitized himself to the situation entirely? I wonder if some vague memory or reaction from how he dealt w this while in the war is how he keeps it at bay. Though it's rich of me to take his formality at face value when he has shown to not be a stranger to strong emotional reactions. Much to think about!

#luly talks #dsaf #harry Fitzgerald #dsaf harry #the last comment refers to him mentioning having mental breakdowns while on the clock ⌚ when you say you're having one in da bathroom #i dont recall the exact quote #also that. uh. tje review. funny for once im referencing that in an air of pity and not judgement #shakes head wags finger still not forgiving him for whatever he said there Not Cool man #but uh. yeah like #really think of him as the veteran stereotype just fully scheduled day to keep the demons at bay #also bc his job Forces him into this position which like #he . is one of the best phone guys for that reason #he accepted his role as a sort of machine even if reluctantly (''i think this is partially what lincoln fought for'') #yes sorry for remembering thr most oddly specific lines from this game they're running gags w my ex that's why #usually. #but like in that big post i wrote along that other person analyzing harry he is just. such a soldier #THAT'S AN INSULT. BTW. #queueing this for 12:08 pm #but writing it at 12:40 am #I'm on a roll tonite. but hit post limit ☹️

[lord-squiggletits]

"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.

One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority

#it's wrong on so many levels both in terms of lore and as well as like what the general themes of idw1 are #it's just a validation contest using the matrix as some magical symbol to decide who's the most special #which is ironically something that was a plot point in exrid/OP. specifically how stupid of an idea that is ldskjflksd #ppl revealing that they havent read anything besides mtmte/ll as usual #like half the reason ppl think optimus is a bad prime and rodimus is a good prime is literally bc like #optimus was written by an author who was specifically trying to deconstruct him (sometimes to the point of absurdity) #and rodimus was written by an author who takes a more optimistic/idealistic approach. and is also better at writing #but also like am i seriously the only person who thinks that that argument is fucked up????? #like 'OP felt pain which means he's unworthy/not a real prime/not a true leader' #ok so you think that there's a hierarchy of moral goodness in which anyone who falls short of that Moral Ideal should suffer #as a sign of their unworthiness?? like does that not sound dystopian as hell to any of you?? why would you WANT the matrix to work like tha #even if the theory were true (which it isn't) why would you view the matrix as a good authoritative moral judge of character #if its idea of 'moral judgement' is to inflict pain on anyone who's supposedly not truly good/worthy #wasn't the entire point of the ending of LL (including rodimus being a good leader) that everyone is worth it? #like rodimus literally said 'you ARE damn well good enough' or something like that #so what? everyone else in the universe tries their best and that's enough but somehow when OP suffers it's like #a sign that he's not actually a good prime/leader?? we're really going with the punitive perspective purely for One Guy?? #swear to god ppl are projecting their authority issues onto Optimus the way they shit on him for things they would excuse #if any other character did it #Optimus is uniquely deserving of pain/being marked as unworthy bc idk he was a cop once and that offends my delicate sensibilities #what's even funnier is how much harm was inflicted by rodimus as a captain sheerly due to his stupidity or ego but everyone forgives him #i guess bc as long as the matrix likes him that means he's valid no matter what he actually does as a person #WHICH IS SOMETHING IDW ITSELF ARGUED AGAINST BC A LOT OF THE PRIMES THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE MATRIX #WERE DICKS AND THE FACT THEY COULD WIELD THE MATRIX DIDN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE #like oh my god stop using the matrix as an arbiter of moral authority in idw1 it literally goes against the themes of the story #including the themes that are embodied in rodimus himself #idw op love

[ziracona]

Thinking for the rest of my life how S1 of TWDG begins with Lee in cuffs, life over, because of a man he just killed, who took a girl he loved, and ends with Lee in cuffs, life over, because of a man he just killed, who took a girl he loves, but literally everything about that string of statements has so utterly changed meaning, the end could not be farther from the start. The bookend of finishing right where you started, and nowhere near it.

Both the first and last line in the game are spoken to Lee, about Lee, and reflect regret towards the end of his life, but even the flavor of regret could not be more distant. “I reckon you didn’t do it,” and “(I’ll miss you) - Me too,” do not even share a sadness. The first legacy, remarked on throughout season 1, would have been ‘murderer.’ The real one is so far the opposite, his ghost carries every person who survives for the rest of the series. I hear it described as about redemption, but the focus is never once in the game about Lee making up for something. You never even really know what he did or if it was merited. The game is a second life, and culminates in a stranger accusing Lee of having no right to live or have someone who loves him for every single thing he’s done wrong since the game began, no matter how unfair the accusation, and about that being bullshit. About it being enough, what he did for Clementine, for everyone, for himself. It’s about salvation, maybe. Of the self, by the self, from ruin, through meaning in love and caring for other people, no matter their endings or yours. Ben always dies, but it mattered. Omid always dies, but it mattered. Duck, Carly, Katya, Mark, Doug, always die, but it mattered. And Clementine always lives, and that does too. Lee always dies. It just takes the course of a season. But he’s not lost anymore when he does.

#and he’s never lost again. #the walking dead game #twdg #lee everett #twdg spoilers #it really is one of the best games of all time. like it won game of the year for a reason #I know the last lines are determinate but I have watched scores of plays and I’ve literally never see a human being their first time pick #any line but ‘I’ll miss you’. of course we all did. because we desperately needed to say ‘I love you’ and couldn’t. #but even if you do select one of the others the bookending remains just the dialogue is a slightly different line #anyway ‘I’ll miss you’ ‘me too’ may as well be it because every single person on the planet picks it and they knew we would #it’s literally the only dialogue everyone had in common #plus ‘don’t go’ if you let him turn but again. same emotional end same dialogue same meaning #thinking about the fact the narrative was so powerful Dave Fennoy said regularly after young people send him messages asking for help and #advice or just some kind of fleetingconnection or guidance because he voiced Lee and Lee left such an impact it carried over in a different #way than popular lead usually does #how incredible to think about