Tumgik
#after this week ill be done!!! for good..!!!!!
name-is-no · 3 days
Text
5:13
Tumblr media
Kim Mingyu x Male Reader
Genre: nsfw, suggestive, Angst
Warning/s: Mentions of mental illness, sexual innuendos, groping, unprotected sex
Tumblr media
You enter your office humming while flowers on your hand and salad and water on the other
As you reach your table you put everything down and took your phone out of your lab coat
As you were scrolling through it you felt two hands at the side of your waist which made you flinched
“And who are those from?” a familiar voice whispered through your ears
You froze ‘how is he here? what is he doing outside his containment’ you thought
You just stood there as you put down your phone not wanting to upset the gigantic man behind you who is leaning his chin on your head
“Little Prince I asked you a question” he said softly. “F-from a friend” you said scared of whatever the man is planning
“Don’t lie to me prince” he said pulling you closer
“I-I’m not lying, the hospital gave it to me as a welcoming gift” you said trying not to anger the taller male
You’ve been working on this asylum for almost a month now, the tall man behind you is Kim Mingyu, a psychopath, 6'2, 27, No known family member as he was moved here from prison when he was already in his 20s, he's a former gang member who lead an entire heist
They say psychopaths don’t feel anything, but to Mingyu, you were everything, he wanted you, he didn't understand why, all he knows is he wants to kill anyone who tries to get near you
He kissed the back of your head "You've been out the whole day, I missed you"
You gulped trying to find the strength to ask him a question "Gyu?"
He hummed at your sweet call, "Why are you in my office and not in your room?"
He smiles and giggles a bit, "Little Prince, I've been in this asylum for so long, I know every corner and ways of this place"
His hands that were once on your waist started roaming your chest. "Ahh— Gyu stop" You tried to grab his hands
"Sweetheart we've done this thing before why are you resisting now?" He said
It's true as twisted as it is, you have slept with a madman, at least before you knew he was a psycho, before he got in here, you met him at a bar hooked up and tried to keep in touch, frequently texting, calling, phone sex wasn't good enough but it was the only thing you guys could do while being apart
But one day he never called back, for almost two months you thought you'd never see the greatest sex of your life, yes, he was the best, he knew how to eat your ass, his roughness and mix of his gentle caresses, his big cock, you wanted it but sadly you only got to experience it once, your first and last sex
That is until you were assigned to this asylum, the moment he saw you, not even a week he had you, in his room, one leg up and his big cock thrusting inside you, his warm and huge body wrapped around your figure, as if he doesn't want to let go
"I'm gonna cum inside you" He said, "No, please don't" you tried to resist, "Little Prince, that wasn't a question" he grunts and smirked before sloppily filling you up, continuously thrusting to reach his high, "fuck" he whispers in your ears which was your last straw before reaching your high
Your memory was vivid as if it was yesterday, after that hot and rough sex you were covered in bruises and love marks and right now you were sure it would all lead to the same scenario again
He hugged you tighter, "They're coming"
You're brows furrowed at his statement as he stopped playing with your nipples
Suddenly the window of your office was shattered as a man comes in with ropes and guns
Mingyu grabs your phone, salad and water, making sure you still have all you need before carrying you, well dragging, with his other hand
He handed the man in a mask your stuff before Mingyu grabbed the other rope the man handed him
"Let's get out of here my Little Prince" he whispered and just like that you guys were being lifted by the rope inside a helicopter and as you guys seated comfortably the helicopter makes it's escape leaving you stunned and too shocked to react
Mingyu has his arms wrapped around your waist and kissed the side of your temple, "Let's leave the country" he whispered and you couldn't say anything
A/N: This was a draft from 3 years ago, lol
120 notes · View notes
Note
Emily x Reader after Reader has a sh relapse, Emily patches and her up and assures her she's still beautiful by slow, gentle, loving sex and lots of cuddling please?
You got it, anon! Thanks for the request! :) Hope you like it!
Burning
Tumblr media
Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, NSFW, self-harm, depression, mental illness, sex, fingering, etc., injuries due to self-harm, brief mentions of an eating disorder, some explicit language (please let me know if I've missed anything!) Word Count: 2.3k
Summary: With Emily away on a case and a depressive episode hitting you hard, you fall back into a pattern you thought you'd kicked a long time ago. When she comes home and discovers what you've done, you're afraid it'll be too much for her. Emily does her best to show you that it's not.
You’d been standing in front of the bathroom mirror for what felt like hours, but was probably mere minutes. Time warped itself when the urges took hold, every second a lifetime of effort, until it became all the potential lives you might live stacked one on top of the other, and they were too heavy for you to carry.
The hand that held the unlit match was shaking, and you seesawed between the unbearable desire to scratch a painful itch and the knowledge that self-hatred that would flood you afterward. But at least the self-hatred and the pain would be something to feel, other than the abject hopelessness that had seemed to swallow you up over the last week.
You’d known a depressive episode was coming before Emily left. You could always feel them coming. But what were you supposed to say? Don’t go save people from a terrorist cell? Stay here with me because I’m scared I’m getting depressed and I need you? It’d be pathetic. You were pathetic. And it wasn’t Emily’s job to keep your mental illness at bay.
But she’d been gone longer than you expected–over a week now. And your depressive episode had hit you harder than you thought it would. You’d called out of work, you’d binged on food delivery, then hated yourself afterward, staring into the mirror feeling lower and lower and lower. Until the only way you could think to stop sinking was to shock yourself out of it.
You knew it wasn’t wise or healthy. You knew you’d feel even worse once the pain subsided. You knew that a relapse would make it that much harder to stop next time. You knew that if Emily was here, she would stop you, she would hide the matches and the lighters, she would be so, so sad that you’d even thought about hurting yourself.
But despite knowing all these things, the hunger for fire, for pain, was too much to resist. You scratched the head of the match against the matchbox and the flame leapt into existence. Your go-to spot in young adulthood had been your arms, but the burns wouldn't fade before Emily got back, and she’d notice them on your arms. This time, you held the match to the upper side of your abdomen, where your arms would hopefully hide the marks.
You scrunched your eyebrows and winced as the flame licked at your skin, the pain white and bright and hot. You wished you could explain to people that odd, addictive mixture of self-loathing and dopamine that hit you and made you feel simultaneously worse and better. You wished people understood the desire for it, that sometimes you wanted to feel worse because feeling worse made you feel better. But it was hard to explain. Even harder to understand. So you didn’t bother most of the time. You lit match after match until the box was empty, until your side was scattered with raised, red-white blotches, like a constellation of all the shitty things you’d ever been through or felt.
You looked at yourself in the mirror and hated what you saw. And it felt good to hate yourself, like a guilty pleasure.
You jumped at the sound of the apartment door opening and closing, and cold panic flooded your system.
“Hey, baby, I’m home!” Emily called from the entryway.
You quickly pulled a loose t-shirt over your head, wincing as the fabric brushed over the burns. She wasn’t supposed to be home yet. She hadn’t texted or called. She’ll hate me, you thought. She’ll hate me if she finds out.
Of course, Emily knew you struggled with self-harm. But you’d been in a really good spot when you’d started dating and had, for the most part, stayed in that really good spot for your entire relationship. You were in therapy. You had healthy coping mechanisms. You hadn’t relapsed in years. You didn’t know what had made today different from every other bad day in the last few years, but you knew you didn’t want Emily to know.
You silently cursed yourself for using all the matches; there were none left to light a candle in the bathroom to mask the scent of burning. You ran to meet her in the living room, hoping that by heading her off, the smell would have time to dissipate.
“Hi, honey,” you greeted her, forcing a smile. You took both her hands in yours to try and prevent her touching your side, which still felt as if it was on fire. You stood on tiptoes to kiss her, and she smiled, leaning in.
“I missed you,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around you. You flinched and inhaled sharply as her fingers grazed the burns.
She furrowed her eyebrows. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, avoiding her eyes. “I just, um… fell earlier.”
Her hands fluttered over you, a worried expression on her face. “You fell!? Where!? Like, how hard?”
“Not that hard,” you said, trying to squirm away. “It doesn’t hurt too bad. Ow!” Emily had placed a gentle hand at your side and you couldn’t help your outburst.
“Well, honey, if it hurts that bad, you need to let me see it. We might need to go to the ER or something.”
You knew you were done for when she grabbed your wrist, hard. Emily was much stronger than you, so instead of fighting, you went numb.
You felt your whole world stop as she lifted up your shirt to see the scattered burns. You felt tears prick at your eyes. There were too many marks, and they were too symmetrical to have been an accident. You knew it, and Emily knew it, too.
You couldn’t bring yourself to look at her, but if you did, you would have seen that her eyes were wet with tears she wasn’t going to let herself cry because you needed someone strong right now. If you’d looked at her, you would have seen a mixture of sadness and pity and heartbreak and undying love. You’d have seen the face of someone who wanted nothing more than for you to be okay.
“Y/N,” Emily managed after a moment. “Did you do this to yourself?”
You nodded, a tear rolling down your cheek.
“Today?”
You nodded again.
“How long ago?”
You looked at the ceiling, willing yourself not to cry. “Right before you walked in.”
You hated yourself. You hated yourself even more because you knew that Emily would feel awful. She’d think that if she’d just been a few minutes earlier, she could have prevented this. And you never wanted Emily to feel like your mental illness was her fault or her responsibility.
“Come here,” she said, gently taking your hand and guiding you to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, making sure the water was cool but not cold, then slowly pulled your clothes off. She nodded toward the shower and you got in, shivering under the chilly stream.
Emily sighed and sat down on the toilet lid, watching you. She looked tired, so tired. You hated to be another thing that exhausted her, another thing she had to take care of and fix.
“You should sit down,” she added quietly. “You’re gonna have to be in there for a while. Until they stop burning.”
You sat on the tiled floor, the water leaching the pain away from the burn marks, leaving only disgust and self-loathing in their place. You pulled your knees up to your chest and buried your face, trying and failing not to cry.
Your shoulders shook with the force of your sobs. You heard Emily stand and were sure she was going to leave. Why wouldn’t she? She deserved to. She deserved not to have to deal with you.
You jumped a little as Emily lowered herself into the shower next to you, clothes abandoned on the bathroom floor, and wrapped her arm around your shoulder. She pressed her face into yours as the shower drenched you both.
“Shh,” she soothed, careful to avoid your burns. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
“I’m sorry, Em,” you wept, rocking. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she repeated. “You don’t need to be sorry. I love you. You’re gonna be okay.”
“I hate myself,” you whispered.
Emily gently grabbed your face and tilted it toward her. There were tears in her eyes, too. “Baby, please don’t say that.”
“I can’t help it.” Your voice was so quiet, so small, the sound of the shower almost drowned it out.
“That’s okay,” Emily said, brushing strands of wet hair out of your face. “We’re gonna get you some help, okay?”
You looked in her eyes then for the first time since she’d discovered the burn marks. You didn’t know what you’d expected to see: annoyance, disgust, hatred, or worst of all, ambivalence. But there was none of that in Emily’s eyes. Only love and concern.
Even so, you were scared to ask what you needed to ask. “Do you still love me?”
“Oh, honey, of course I do. I could never stop loving you.”
And then you kissed her. You kissed her with the cool water pouring down around your bodies. With your skin hot from the burns and from your aching love for Emily. You kissed her desperately, hungrily, like someone clinging to a lifeboat, and Emily was. She was your lifeboat. And for Emily’s part, she was gentle, almost too gentle, as if you might break at any moment.
You wrapped your legs and arms around her and she held you so carefully, so mindful of your burns. You shuddered in the cool water as your hips pushed against her.
Emily moaned into your mouth, her hands faltering for a moment.
“Y/N,” she said breathlessly, pulling away to hold your face in her hands. “We don’t have to do this." She looked at you a moment longer, then added, "I love you.”
You kissed her again. Her mouth. Her forehead. Her collarbone. Emily’s chest heaved into you and your heart beat rapidly.
“Please,” you begged. “Show me.”
Emily pulled you into her, letting her tongue and her lips roam over your neck, letting her hips meet yours as the water surrounded you, soothing your burns the way Emily soothed the roiling, burning despair inside of you.
“I love you,” she whispered as she kissed your eyelids. “I love you,” she whispered as she pressed her hands into the soft flesh of your ass. “I love you,” she whispered as she slipped her fingers inside of you. You bit back a moan and trembled against her, your body pulsing around her.
She fucked you slowly, tenderly, as if it was both your first time and your last, though this was neither. And she kept saying it–“I love you”–again and again, never stopping, so that all the darkness in your mind, all the self-doubt, didn’t have any room to make itself heard.
You let out a strangled groan as your body tensed around her, and when your pleasure flooded you, it was like you were on fire. And this fire was so much better, louder, brighter, than any flame you’d ever held to your body. It was a burning that consumed you, one that would leave you new and glistening afterward instead of scarred and in ashes.
You fell limp against her as she removed her fingers, kissing your forehead, your collarbone, your mouth, swirling her tongue with yours until you felt drunk on her. “I love you,” she said, and you didn’t think you’d ever get tired of hearing it. “I love you.”
You were quiet as she turned off the shower head. Quiet as you both dried off, as Emily gently pressed a towel to your side, making sure your burns were clean and dry. She sat you on the toilet lid as she pulled gauze squares and antibacterial ointment out of the bathroom cabinet, spreading the ointment on the gauze, then pressing it gently to your skin.
“Lift your arms up,” she said quietly, as she circled your body with bandages, wrapping it just tight enough that it wouldn’t shift in the night.
She knelt down in front of you and caressed your face. “Bed?” she asked. You nodded.
“You go ahead,” she said, patting your leg. “I’ll be right there.”
You felt self-doubt start creeping back in as you laid in bed on top of the covers, your burns still too hot to sleep underneath. When Emily came into the room, she carried a glass of water and a bottle of pills.
“Take these,” she told you, handing you a few. You drank and swallowed obediently.
She lay down in the bed and motioned you over. “Come here and let me hold you.”
You rested your face in the crook of her neck, and she played with your hair, careful to avoid your burns.
“I love you,” she whispered after a few minutes, kissing the top of your head.
“You said.” You meant it to be funny, but your heart wasn’t in it. Not yet.
“And I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
You were quiet for a minute, then spoke. “I love you, too, Em.” You nuzzled your way closer to her, hoping against hope that her arms around you were enough to keep the darkness and the numbness away for the night.,
And as you drifted off, she kept saying it–“I love you.” And then a kiss on your head.
As your eyelids fluttered closed–“I love you.” And she pressed her face to your forehead.
As your breath slowed and evened, and your body went limp–“I love you. I love you. I love you.”
96 notes · View notes
rayshippouuchiha · 2 days
Note
For the Oyabun!Ichigo AU:
After Kisuke manages to unseal Ichigo, the first thing he does is tuck his body away in Kisuke’s lab for safe keeping, and return to Seireitei because two of his men have passed since he took over his little but ever growing band of yakuza - one from a car accident, one from a wasting illness that didn’t react to any treatment - and Ichigo will be damned if he doesn’t take care of his people in death as he does in life. 
It takes a few days to track them both down in the outer districts of Rukongai, but enough of his senses had remained after the sealing that he knows what each and every one of his people feels like. And while they haven’t always done good things, they are good men, and every one of them has done their best to protect Karakura to their dying. 
And he knows what he needs to do.
Ichigo, showing up to Seireitei: hey
Seireitei, unaware that Ichigo had been unsealed or unalived: AAHAHAhaahahhahaHHHAHAH
Ichigo: stop screaming it’s just me
Seireitei, immediately shutting up because they’re still programmed to listen to his orders: ….
Ichigo, holding up both of his ben by their collars like misbehaving kittens: these two are mine but you can borrow them
Ichigo, to his men: listen, they kind of suck but they said they’re trying. if you see anything hinky, come get me immediately
Ichigo’s Men: we’re….dead?
Ichigo: does that look like it’s stopped me?”
And over the years the Gotei Thirteen get used to Ichigo popping up with newly deceased souls and directing them to what he feels is the appropriate Divisions. Most of them go to Kenpachi in the 11th - “He’s strong as shit, but they’re all kind of idiots and they’re bored. See if you can do something about that. Stand your ground and you’ll be fine.” - a surprising amount are directed to Unohana and the 4th - “She’s a great teacher, but the key is respect. She’ll pull out your spine to prove a point and then put it back in to make a point. You’re just a soul now; you’ll survive it and it will suck.”
Several key people are given to the 7th. Komamura is in charge of diplomacy between Seireitei and Rukongai. Ichigo has seen what the outer districts are like and he has plans. It won’t hurt to have some of the men he trusts ready and waiting for the changes he’s going to make. 
Every Captain, Lieutenant, and all of their underlings hold their collective breath the one and only time Ichigo drags - literally - one of his men to the 6th Division.
Ichigo: what’s up byakuya, rukia says we’re still on for dinner next week also i brought you this
Ichigo: *holds up his man like he’s a white boy showing off a fish he caught*
Ichigo: this is akio he is the best fucking accountant i have ever met in my life my accounts have never been cleaner he’s fucking bomb at taxes you should let him do your paperwork
Byakuya, knowing full well that Ichigo is just Like That: Rukia has mentioned the plum sake Urahara keeps on hand. Bring a bottle or two. You can leave that there. I’ll take care of it. 
Ichigo, dropping his man: cool thanks see you next week
Yes god. Once you're one of Ichigo's people you're HIS and not even death changes that. Plus, being so close to Ichigo for so long, even before Kisuke fixes him up, is absolutely going to activate and build up spiritual power in his minions.
112 notes · View notes
plasticsandwich · 5 months
Text
surviving ^-^
3 notes · View notes
skitskatdacat63 · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
54 notes · View notes
raynavan · 10 months
Text
Tumblr media
CONGRATULATIONS @ingo-ingoing-ingone !!!!!!!
you know what they say! two heads are better then one!
but i think we all know who the real winner is here...
Tumblr media
(a turn out for @ultimate-submas-tournament poll, specifically this one)
i highly suggest taking a look at all three of these amazing AUs! they are all verrrry amazing!
102 notes · View notes
hwaitham · 3 months
Text
hiiiiu muties n regs kekeke ꒰✿´ ꒳ ` ꒱ i lovf youuuu!! mwa mwa mwau i wuv you hiiiii hihi mwaah (⸝⸝› з ‹⸝⸝ྀི) mwaa ~ im gonna kis yaaa!!!!!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
20 notes · View notes
Text
I just need to rant for a second :)
Screaming into the void please dont judge me
30 notes · View notes
amoneki-ramblings · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ishida please stop doing this I'm begging it hur st
If I had a dollar for everytime Amon had a Sudden Kaneki Flashback I wouldn't be rich but I would still have Several More Dollars
kaneki's influence on amon really can't be underestimated huh (I mean I knew that but Still) it makes me so ill i hate it her e
19 notes · View notes
twilightarcade · 6 months
Text
menuMoment
10 notes · View notes
elmmni · 22 days
Text
utilizing the power of gay love and my girlfriend believing in me to push through the 11 pages of writing due Thursday o7
4 notes · View notes
stupid-dyke · 9 days
Text
stayed up til 3 when I have an 8am again. I do this because I hate myself so sos sososososososososo much. It's really funny because I don;t fall asleep in class thanks to my meds but I've noticed every time I go to class after 4 hrs sleep people act weird around me which is how I know im acting really weird. And I am so extremely angry at myself. I spent 4 hours. well 8 hours. Well all day. Pretending I'm going to do homework and distracting myself with various other things on my laptop or crying on the phone to my parents. Got zerooooo work done at all i stayed up most of the nihght for literally no gain whatsoever this is pure self harm. Which I do becauase again I hate myself. Because I didn't do my work. Which i won't do tomorrow either because i'll be so tired I wont be able to string a sentence together even though I'm supposed to give a presentation haha. My favorite activity is staring at the clock on my laptop getting later and later and later. new high score etc. Who's a hypersomniac now. Imagine how much easier this semester would have been if I'd gone to bed before 2am ever. I'm so fucking angry at myself I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep now even. If I fail my classes again my parents are gonna make me live at home forever and say im too crazy to live on my own. I know I was supposed to get a therapist but I hate them all so, so, so much. I think people get that job bc they feel powerful telling some pathetic person what to do knowing I literally cannot do it and will come back week after week admittingn failure and paying
I know I was supposed to take the new experimental FDA approved drug for IH but the list of side effects is fucking terrifying and I live and sleep alone so i really don't want to take a super powerful sedative that can make you stop breathing. So I'm gonna keep taking stimualnts and lying to myself that today is the last day I stay up extremely late for no reason.
#it's really sad I'll skip the meds sometimes to try to sleep and it doesn't even help. I just feel worse while awake.#The real reason i can't sleep is because im screwing myself over by doing no work and im terrified im going to fail my fucking classes#and theyre all going to say im crazy if I fail my classes. theyre going to say im crazy and I self sabotaged on purpose#bc i dont want to succeed. Dad says that every day#Dad loves telling me everytjhing wrong with me multiple times a day every day so i never ever forget#hes so helpful. He's trying so hard to help. If i dont answer the phone he starts worrying ive committed suicide#again i was suicidal one week in 2019. Get the fuck over it. You've literally threatened to kill yourself multiple times. Fucking hypocrite#a bunch of my friends are going to graduate this semester and best case scenario i graudate next semester and then I'll lose touch with eve#ybody#and then the good times are over and life is boring and hell forever and ill get more disabled every year until I can't work and then I'll#run out of money and die#you know when I talked to my genetics professor about the alzheimer's results he said somethign will kill you eventually and it#wont be that unless you live to old age which will be good!#so true bestie. so ture#Guys lets be real here. Why the fuck. Do we live. why. It is so goddamn hard. Maybe it;s easy when u get sleep . But that hasn't happened t#me for a while#all my classes end next week and i havent done most assignments since spring break#also over spring break my parents met w a lawyer to revise their will adn afterwards dad told me im executor and explained to me what will#happen after each person in my family dies.#the assumption is that I will outlive everyone. they don't think my sister will live to old age adn they are already old#the lawyer apparently has clients with the same disability as me and all of them had the same thing happen. Once they get another disabilit#and get older it becomes impossible to manage IH and they cant work til retirement age#i just spent an hour typing this shit instead of sleeping. 4am-730am sleep lets go. I should kill myself#i hate my parents fucking advicce bc they;; be like well when i was ur age I was married it sure must suck to be single!!!! fuck you guys f
2 notes · View notes
drpeppertummy · 1 year
Text
when ur trying to play m*necr*ft on a full belly
Tumblr media
[ID: a drawing of a pink and green anthro plush shark with long purple hair. they're sitting on the floor with a laptop on their lap, and their very round belly is bulging out onto the laptop, covering part of the bottom.]
18 notes · View notes
kitnapz · 8 months
Text
i dont think any other show has had an impact on me as huge as awae. that show consumed my entire life for months and months when i was 15 and nothing has changed its so so dear to me
10 notes · View notes
theygender · 1 year
Text
I'm now OFFICIALLY permanent at my new data analysis job which in addition to being super cool bc I get to autistically play around in Excel for money now ALSO means that I can get my next piercings since I no longer have to wear a headset for ten hours a day and I am vibrating in excitement. I can finally get more holes stabbed into me
#ive been wanting to get more ear piercings for YEARS#but that is not a good idea when you work at a call center#i can FINALLY get my next ones done tho. im gonna be getting two more helix piercings on my left ear (for a total of three)#once they heal enough for me to change the jewelry ill have so many options to make them look cool#i cant really buy a lot of cool jewelry bc im allergic to most metals which is part of why im just sticking to ear piercings#but with them all being in a line like that i can mix different 'plain' pieces in cool ways#three barbells in a line is already gonna look cool but imagine three jeweled studs in a line#or three captive ball rings kinda draped over each other#or MAYBE if i can find one thats the right type of metal even one of those spiral piercings that goes through all of them#the possibilities are endless#after those heal completely (i am NOT gonna have both of my ears healing at once i would like to be able to SLEEP bro)#i plan to get an industrial on my right ear#im SO excited yall ive been waiting for YEARS & now im finally gonna have my plans for my left ear finished hopefully within a week or two#and then in about half a year or so i can get my plans for my right ear finished too#a year after that ill be fully healed and either be completely done or ready for the new ideas i came up with in the meantime#im going to become the cool dyke with a lot of piercings that i was always meant to be 🙏#and healing is gonna be much easier now that my sides are shaved. less chance of getting my hair caught or getting shampoo in it#this is gonna be great#rambling
11 notes · View notes
bunnyb34r · 1 month
Text
Oh thank god, inventory ISN'T the week I get back, so I actually have ab 3 weeks time to get ready... but like 80% of my shit is already tagged bc I was blitzing through it yesterday in a mad dash to finish everything by friday. I think I just have the nike shitë and the clearance shit I dont wanna deal with sgdgdggd but anyway I'm so relieved I don't need to scramble to get it done 😭
Last inventory we only got 2 weeks to prep, in past years it's [always] been 2 MONTHS, but corporate was like nahhhh we dont need you guys wasting months for this pfft two weeks. Well guess who had a horrible inventory and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars last year :)
I'm hoping my brain will shut up now but I'm still in stress mode so idk
2 notes · View notes