#agony. suffering even.

[novastrae]

to do list for da day:

-find my drafts and churn them out [ik i owe at LEAST 3 replies]

-art trade drawing

-oc x canon zine piece(s)

-maybe a new study? maybe

#x. shut the fuck up im going haywire. / out. #agony. suffering even.

[thelegendaryloaf]

i have a research essay due tomorrow and i haven’t even created a document for it yet 😎😎😎

#agony. suffering even. #loaf posts

[babylonbirdmeat]

Me: Oh boy time to try out Finaled Fantasy, Florian has been talking it up

Final Fantasy: Hi! Maintenance upon thee!

#hare.pdf #Agony. Suffering Even.

[deer-time]

seeing someone recommend something you like to someone else but not only do they do it by spoiling a big part of the story (and the sequel!) they also misrepresent the characters in question

#agony. suffering even. #i cant even comment to correct them because i'd be practically spoiling the story further lol #truly a non-issue but nonetheless. a burden i must bare.....

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[furutetalks]

this freaking dude man

#he is pained #constant state of internal agony #he exists to suffer #why did they make him shirtless #why did they not give him a shirt #he is probably very cold #i do not want to draw a bare chested troll pleas give him a shirt #he went theough agony slowly getting turned to transperent elmers glitter glue and they didnt even give him a shirt #floyd trolls #trolls floyd #trolls fandom #trolls 3 #trolls dreamworks #trolls band together #trolls

[lynxxfield]

the worms in my brain demand friday night funkin art

#friday night funkin #fridaynightfunkin #fnf pico #fnf fanart #fnf #new grounds #newgrounds #my art #fanart #its been decades (3 years) #oh lawd my tiktok will not stop showing me fnf content #so i must suffer #its agony #pain even

[sergle]

genuinely @ that ask you answered: as a trans woman some of the most genuine kinship i have found has been with fat queer cis women. especially if they have PCOS or something similar because like. their story mirrors mine so intensely (and their perscriptions, lol) and it's so natural to relate on literally everything about conventional attraction and clothing not fitting quite right and the way society views you

it's refreshing and delightful to find yourself in people who are different from you 💜

I REALLY think there are so many shared experiences there!! yeah! and god, with PCOS, that has even more similarities in the shared experience venn diagram. I don't talk from that perspective but just being a fat woman, in both cases, womanhood/girlhood isn't inherent and it isn't given freely, it's conditional, it's worked for. the specific types of clothing to look feminine, the clothing not fitting, the makeup, the hair, the nails, the body shaping, the put-togetherness, all in the pursuit to be read as "girl" first, instantly, before anything else. something that another woman might have already, in her default state, regardless of the clothes she leaves the house wearing, or if she can do makeup well. She can dress up and wear makeup and enhance her femininity too, but she doesn't Have to do it, not in the same way. I have actually literally already been thinking about this, bc it's a funny thing!! in some ways, I never got to Be a girl, I was fat first and girl second. nobody looked at me and just saw a girl. I've talked to some other fat women about this, and apparently it's a pervasive feeling, that "fat" is, in itself, treated almost like some other third gender. so there's a lot to relate to lmao, in friendships and relationships w trans women, going "ah, those things you feel obligated to do in order to meet the standards of womanhood, I recognize those, I do them too"

#edit: SCREAMING I did not mean to do such a wall of text. ok. #long post #self recognition through the other etc #anyway this isn't to present womanhood as this long-suffering prison of agony #but there's something to be said abt knowing that you don't tick the boxes in your default state #and also the way that this feeling brings certain women together #I didn't even touch on the obvious Combo there #stop me if I'm making no fucking sense here #sergle answers

[jedimemery]

“If I ever were to lose you…

…I’d surely lose myself.”

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #clone force 99 #tbb omega #tbb hunter #joel miller #tlou #tlou2 #future days #i’m so sorry y’all #I had this thought and I can’t sit here and suffer alone :’) #pain. agony even

[strawbsonmars]

#pain. suffering. agony even #kishigo #tokyo mew mew #tmm #ichigo momomiya #mew ichigo #kish #kisshu #quiche

[bumblingbabooshka]

Let's put the angst back into pon farr - the deeply rooted shame

#currently writing........................ #picturing: What if Tuvok's bond with T'Pel makes him yearn for her through his pon farr even if he has to spend it with another person? #the shame and guilt and disgust of not only experiencing the indignity of the pon farr at all but also not spending it with T'Pel #and the horror that he'll have to (ostensibly) endure this every seven years for the next seventy #when you're suffering and probably SHOULD logically bond with another person to help you get through the fever #but the fever wails and agonizes - drowning you in the sorrow and love you've been suppressing in order to function #crushed between a rock (you're suffering even more bc you're still bonded to T'Pel) & a hard place (to break your bond with T'Pel would be #agony - it's all you have left - this pain is all you have left)

[izhape]

no offense intended really but this genuinely must be coming from someone who has no experience around cattle. there's a huge difference between putting an animal out of its misery humanely because it will absolutely suffer and die a slow painful death and comparing this to disabled people is just so ucky to me....

#txt #no shade to this person i understand where they're coming from but. it isn't kind at all to make these animals suffer for some moral high #ground. source: lived on a ranch and my family are ranchers #it's not because 'its just an animal' that's a cruel way to see it #also my rancher family is INDIGENOUS we know how to properly take care of animals they are not colonizer settler ranchers. to clarify #this is about the two-headed calf that got popular on here for a while #anyways um. cows can't tell you how much pain they're in a majority of the time. it's great that we want to try our best to help them live #a happy life even if it's short it is genuinely a nice idea but in reality she was going to get sores and infections and she was in constant #agony

[anxiously-sidequesting]

okay wait stop. okay wait for me, okay just- (steps around my mountains of garbage and slime)

Listen we all love Malorn Ashthorn (as we fuckin' should) but I just realized. okay, just how much undeserved mess that poor blessed soul went through

Like okay think about it for a second. He's introduced early on in the first arc as Malistaire's former top student and now impromptu Death Professor at Ravenwood, okay so we all know that. But the implications man. The implications, I didn't think about the IMPLICATIONS.

He's like this 12 year old kid, okay. Already even BEFORE his official appearance in the game, imagine being a straight A student, one of the very best (to the point where it's noted and revered amongst the other professors AND your fellow students), under THE Malistaire Drake, who, even before his villain arc, was also one of the most esteemed and powerful Death professors ever. Like I couldn't even keep a C in school that shit must be wild

AND THEN. And then, your professor literally commits several war crimes, causes irreversible damage and trauma, and becomes a national criminal against.... the universe???? Like Malistaite commits heinous terrible shit, and sinks the entire Death School along with him. And then it falls to Malorn Ashthorn, once again who's like a teenager, to PICK UP THE METAPHORICAL PIECES because he had no choice. He was literally the only candidate to fill in Malistaire's place, a legend turned monster, to teach and guide GENERATIONS of new children that are HIS AGE or even OLDER THAN Malorn is.

And then the actual changes in the school. Malorn, former student, now has to learn how to become a professor with his limited knowledge of Death Magic. Like imagine filling in for the college astrophysicist teacher when you've only graduated 6th grade. He has to change his SCHEDULE, from waking up early as a student to get up and get ready even EARLIER as a professor to prepare the classes HE comes up with. Not to mention late nights grading hundreds of papers from multiple students??? AND he either is the ONLY tutor (which means more overtime and work for him, to personally help individual students with different Death lessons), or he has to actually call upon help from other students to help him get his job done.

And then there's like the relationship aspect of it. Malorn is literally just a child, like any other student, but adopting a role as a professor, an adult, means that he also has to adopt a certain mindset. Malorn literally HAS to be patient, HAS to be guiding and nurturing, HAS to be the adult in every situation in order to be a GOOD professor. Malorn has to train hard not only in magic to be ahead of the others in order to teach them properly, but has to retrain his mindset to be ABLE to handle to teach properly. Like you can't be a regular tween teaching other tweens.

And then it's just the pressure after that. The PRESSURE GUYS, of not only living up to one of the most talented and accomplished the school has ever seen, but deal with the fact that the very same person also became a tyrant and war criminal and left Malorn, his most promised student, in his place. Like I could easily imagine the rumors, the judgement, and the fear surrounding that boy, wondering if he would ever turn out to be the same as Malistaire.

No one asked for this. This soap opera I mean, nobody asked me about Malorn Ashthorn or this long ass post but I don't care because I'm crying. Girls I'm crying my entire bed is wet with tears of despair and snot. Malorn is literally a sweetie oh my God he does not, and never will deserve this shit I'm so sorry honey. Sweetie Malorn baby I'm so fuckign sorry, i'm so so sorry,

#no im not actually crying LMAO but #malorn....... #his personality hasnt really changed from pre update to poet update #he was still very chill and welcoming towards The Wizard as always and whenever they speak #he's just a kid. thats it. just a kid #AND IM SURE HE ACTUALLY DOES RECIEVE HELP. like yeah i bet the headmaster and other professors help him out so that hes not totally alone #or like suffering in agony or anything #but all of that is STILL so much pressure on ANYONE #much less a child who has done absolutely nothing wrong #like malorn wasnt even prepared. no one but malistaire knew the shit that was happening #and all of a sudden in like a day malorn's entire lifestyle changed #i wonder how he actually feels about all this inside #hashtag get malorn ashthorn a therapist and support group please #let him go to therapy along with the wizard #wizard101 #w101 #malorn ashthorn #text posts

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[merverelli]

"im a magician, i just dont bang on about it"

missing marvin the magnificent hours </3

#jacksepticeye #marvin the magnificent #septicart #just like art #fun fact: this pose (???) and inspiration to draw marv again came from a comedy panel show my parents have gotten super into recently #hence the caption: its just a line from the bit this is from lmfao #also hello! im still waiting for uni to start up again #and im trying to be productive before it starts #so im going for my licence sometime soon (april lol) #and im currently hemorrhaging money from seeing doctors about this long term pain ive had for YEARS #going into the city to see one and its gonna be $300 bc life is nothing but agony and suffering #so im thinking about opening commissions???? its still super up in the air #ive only done commissions from people i know lmfao and even then it was stressful tbh #either that or i get another job lmfao #but besides that: ive been good! and i wish the same for you! good night!

[animalpetcel]

Hey! AK EN translated the Arturia manga! I think some of these are the panels that spoke out to me

When she used her magic on her parents, esp the contrast between it. The first encounter with her mother even establishes that Arturia, with a somewhat childlike yet well-meaning understanding of the difficult situation her mother is in emotionally and decides that if her mother can do what makes her happy, that is what is most important, even if it lead to her death.

And for her father, it shows how it could look to an outsider someone who knows what her power is and fears what they would do if no longer held together by their inhibitions and society. It is obviously a terrifying thought and rejecting it is the logical(?) course of action.

Everything unfettered is not always kind and it is not always cruel. It breaks the social contract everyone agrees to follow in order to live but it is not something that I think is a purely evil action because we all know how the social contract can put the same people it exists to help into horrible binds.

Also Executor explains her motivations better then me:

she's like, an emotional hedonist whose somewhat childish beliefs would always lead to chaos bc society would never work if people just said what they felt and did what they liked but she's not pursuing this out of some malice for the world or a desire to see people succumb to chaos or pain, at least imo.

#arknights #idk if this made sense #Arturia is going to become like Ho'olheyak to me #Where I get mad at 90% of the fandom bc I think they're being blind to the reality/more interesting parts of the character #even while being aware that the game actively plays into the surface level interpretations that these people have to make money #why did I have to become obsessed with these girls? #agony and suffering #anyway I'm really excited for ZT and if I get Viviana instead of Virtousa I will cry myself to sleep bc I can't afford to miss Degenbrecher #and I am a f2p who doesn't prioritize limited banners most of the time