#much less a child who has done absolutely nothing wrong

[anxiously-sidequesting]

okay wait stop. okay wait for me, okay just- (steps around my mountains of garbage and slime)

Listen we all love Malorn Ashthorn (as we fuckin' should) but I just realized. okay, just how much undeserved mess that poor blessed soul went through

Like okay think about it for a second. He's introduced early on in the first arc as Malistaire's former top student and now impromptu Death Professor at Ravenwood, okay so we all know that. But the implications man. The implications, I didn't think about the IMPLICATIONS.

He's like this 12 year old kid, okay. Already even BEFORE his official appearance in the game, imagine being a straight A student, one of the very best (to the point where it's noted and revered amongst the other professors AND your fellow students), under THE Malistaire Drake, who, even before his villain arc, was also one of the most esteemed and powerful Death professors ever. Like I couldn't even keep a C in school that shit must be wild

AND THEN. And then, your professor literally commits several war crimes, causes irreversible damage and trauma, and becomes a national criminal against.... the universe???? Like Malistaite commits heinous terrible shit, and sinks the entire Death School along with him. And then it falls to Malorn Ashthorn, once again who's like a teenager, to PICK UP THE METAPHORICAL PIECES because he had no choice. He was literally the only candidate to fill in Malistaire's place, a legend turned monster, to teach and guide GENERATIONS of new children that are HIS AGE or even OLDER THAN Malorn is.

And then the actual changes in the school. Malorn, former student, now has to learn how to become a professor with his limited knowledge of Death Magic. Like imagine filling in for the college astrophysicist teacher when you've only graduated 6th grade. He has to change his SCHEDULE, from waking up early as a student to get up and get ready even EARLIER as a professor to prepare the classes HE comes up with. Not to mention late nights grading hundreds of papers from multiple students??? AND he either is the ONLY tutor (which means more overtime and work for him, to personally help individual students with different Death lessons), or he has to actually call upon help from other students to help him get his job done.

And then there's like the relationship aspect of it. Malorn is literally just a child, like any other student, but adopting a role as a professor, an adult, means that he also has to adopt a certain mindset. Malorn literally HAS to be patient, HAS to be guiding and nurturing, HAS to be the adult in every situation in order to be a GOOD professor. Malorn has to train hard not only in magic to be ahead of the others in order to teach them properly, but has to retrain his mindset to be ABLE to handle to teach properly. Like you can't be a regular tween teaching other tweens.

And then it's just the pressure after that. The PRESSURE GUYS, of not only living up to one of the most talented and accomplished the school has ever seen, but deal with the fact that the very same person also became a tyrant and war criminal and left Malorn, his most promised student, in his place. Like I could easily imagine the rumors, the judgement, and the fear surrounding that boy, wondering if he would ever turn out to be the same as Malistaire.

No one asked for this. This soap opera I mean, nobody asked me about Malorn Ashthorn or this long ass post but I don't care because I'm crying. Girls I'm crying my entire bed is wet with tears of despair and snot. Malorn is literally a sweetie oh my God he does not, and never will deserve this shit I'm so sorry honey. Sweetie Malorn baby I'm so fuckign sorry, i'm so so sorry,

#no im not actually crying LMAO but #malorn....... #his personality hasnt really changed from pre update to poet update #he was still very chill and welcoming towards The Wizard as always and whenever they speak #he's just a kid. thats it. just a kid #AND IM SURE HE ACTUALLY DOES RECIEVE HELP. like yeah i bet the headmaster and other professors help him out so that hes not totally alone #or like suffering in agony or anything #but all of that is STILL so much pressure on ANYONE #much less a child who has done absolutely nothing wrong #like malorn wasnt even prepared. no one but malistaire knew the shit that was happening #and all of a sudden in like a day malorn's entire lifestyle changed #i wonder how he actually feels about all this inside #hashtag get malorn ashthorn a therapist and support group please #let him go to therapy along with the wizard #wizard101 #w101 #malorn ashthorn #text posts

[perenlop]

another wc take is that the girlbossification of mapleshade is boring as hell

#why was she suddenly involved in like. everything. #as a crookedstar's promise truther she was honestly at her best in that book imo bc she was one fucked up woman #who took it upon herself to torture the bloodline of a man who hurt her even years after hes gone and no one knows his name #and the descendants have done absolutely nothing to deserve her vitriol. like she was hurting but what made her a villain #was how she took it out on a literal child who was already being treated like shit by his mom #this is also why i dont like takes that are like ''oh shes a good person actually she was just angry and mad and everyone wronged her #and shes actually a nice ghost that helps people'' bc that was never who she was and she was still fucked up for the murder #im not saying shes a bad character for doing that like shes an antagonist and i appreciate her #but i feel like ppl latched onto her being the one female villain and went ''oh my god shes a girlboss shes so awesome and not bad actually' #do u think mapleshade had girlpower when she made a disabled child watch his family die bc of a bloodline he cant control #to an extent its kinda like how ppl treat thistle? who's obviously much much worse than her but like its the same #''oh its bad writing for them to be punished and treated as antagonists bc they had like one nice thing at one point- #and that one nice moment outweighs every single evil thing they did even if it was literal child murder. its ok if ur sad #'' #idk i think its obnoxious like its in the books and the fanon at this point and its just made me bored of her character #sometimes less is more and when u start trying to excuse her actions or forcing her into everyone else's story #the character has a lot less impact #like i still remember her ranting at the end of crookedstars promise when she was raging at crookedstar that he shouldnt have been born #i dont think i remember anything from like. tigerclaws fury or whatever. #echoed voice

[actual-changeling]

It was actually rather hard to decide how to begin this meta post because there are essentially going to be two main parts: why Crowley does not actually avoid/run from his problems and why "going off" is not a bad thing regardless.

Then I wrote the first part and realised this is now 2.5k words long, so uhhhh I will grant part 2 its own post.

With that, welcome back to Alex's today-not-unhinged meta corner!

I am going to approach this topic from a psychological angle, which a lot of people have already done, but without explicitly mentioning it or going into depth. All my information comes from personal experience, research, my therapist, and my psychiatrist, just so you know I am not making shit up. I actually dug up some resources my therapist gave me a while ago.

Generally, there are four different fear/survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Most people have probably heard about fight and flight, since those two are usually the only ones that are mentioned/taught, so I will stick to explaining the other two.

"Fawning" refers to actively being submissive and subdued, both physically and emotionally. The goal is to appear non-threatening and to calm whoever is causing the fear response in the first place. It shows up as being overly agreeable, not having thoughts/opinions of your own and ignoring them if you do, your body language changing (e.g., making yourself smaller, taking up less space), and generally attempting to 'keep the peace' or reinstate it.

"Freezing" is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin—you freeze. It means slipping into a dissociative state, which disconnects you from your body, your emotions/mind, and/or the outside world. Usually, people stop being able to talk well or at all, they do not move, and if they do, it is on autopilot; you do not fight or flee, you simply exist until what is causing the fear response is over.

While dissociating, your brain is unable to form full memories—and depending on how heavily you are dissociating, it does not form any memories at all. 

Freezing as a response happens when fight, flight, and fawn aren't possible anymore, e.g., a child who has no internal mechanisms to deal with large amounts of fear because it's a child, so the only way to escape the pain and aggressor is by fleeing into your mind and shutting down.

Why am I telling you all this? Because most people tend to have one or two survival responses that dominate/they usually fall back on, and the same goes for Aziraphale and Crowley.

When faced with an outside problem and a lot of stress, Aziraphale's first instinct is to fawn, to placate the person, to diffuse the situation, to make sure everyone is agreeing, or, at the very least, submitting to authority figures or aggressors. It is what heaven teaches them—stick to the rules, don't ask questions, do what you are told. If fawning involves lying, he will do so, here the need for safety is stronger than his desire to be truthful and stick to his morals.

Unfortunately, the fact that this is his primary fear response is also the reason behind his extreme cognitive dissonance. How can you stick to the rules when you do not know what the rules ARE? So he is stuck trying to figure out what is "good" and what is "bad" so he can be a good angel and avoid doing anything that might be seen as bad or disobedient.

His secondary response to stress or fear is to fight—once it's clear that fawning won't work, he can and will switch over to being more direct and aggressive/less submissive. We see that happening when he gets discorporated in season 1 and needs to get back to earth, at the airbase, or when the bookshop gets attacked.

If I were to ask you what you think Crowley's primary fear response is, how would you respond?

Well, if you said "flight"—you're wrong, and I will explain why.

Flight is his secondary fear response, it is what he falls back on in absolute emergencies when everything is doomed and there's nothing he can do anymore.

Before that, though, he fights.

Even as an angel, he was already questioning the system, he was ready to go and tell God she was doing a terrible job, that her ideas were bad, that he wants to keep his stars and the universe— six thousand years are nothing! If you actively oppose existing rules and defy people's authority over you, fighting is the only option you have unless you plan on giving up or the response becomes too much to deal with.

Fear itself happens when you or someone/something you love is being threatened (whether that threat is real or simply perceived as such doesn't matter), plus there are a large number of more irrational fears.

Crowley's creations were threatened -> He goes against the rules, he wants to fight for them.

On the walls of Eden, he questions God and talks to an angel, his hereditary enemy, once again defying the rules, questioning them.

Job and his children were threatened -> He goes against orders to try and save them.

There is good reason to believe he went against God by saving some of the children from the flood.

He showed Jesus the kingdoms of the world—do we really think that was based on orders? No, it was once again Crowley not playing by the rules.

Wessex? He proposes the Arrangement, which is one gigantic "fuck you" in his fight against celestial rules. Everything after that goes back to Crowley knowing that their jobs suck and that they can cheat, fight the system by working together. In 1827, it gets him pulled to hell and punished, and yet he does not stop; he keeps fighting.

Crowley is the one who immediately tries to stop the apocalypse. Aziraphale needs to be talked into it, needs to be convinced with selfish reasons and personal pleasure.

The reason why both heaven and hell absolutely loathe him is not because he is a runner; it's because he constantly and consistently defies them. He fights.

In season two, he immediately tries to deal with the Gabriel problem while Aziraphale is standing behind him and saying "I don't know" to all of his questions. Taking him somewhere so they can figure shit out in peace is not 'running'—it's smart. Sure, it's far from ideal, but we see what keeping him in the bookshop brought them, don't we? The hiding miracle is what tipped heaven and hell off in the first place.

Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh based on a hunch, but once again—did that help? Did his journalist roleplay trip actually provide vital information that solved a single puzzle piece of that mess? No. Finding out that Gabriel was at that pub with some mystery person was a nice fact to know, but that's it.

During the ball, Crowley is scared, vigilant, prowling around the shop, checking windows, telling Aziraphale to "stop this charade" so they can figure out what to do. Aziraphale, in that moment, was already convinced that sticking to the rules would save them—a heavenly embassy on a technicality, surely the group of fallen angels who got booted due to not following heaven's rules will respect that.

Crowley goes to heaven, which is once again him actively looking for a solution, while Aziraphale also falls back on fighting because fawning is not going to do shit.

There are three times during which Crowley suggests fleeing—which is his secondary fear response—but those are exceptions. Let's have a look at them.

The first one is at the bandstand, the evening before the Apocalypse, and since Aziraphale is lying to him, the situation seems hopeless to him. Yet he is still having his 'agents' look for him, is still fighting.

Do you know why he even suggests running? He is about to leave when Aziraphale calls him back with "there isn't anywhere to go," and now allow me to insert the following passage from the scriptbook.

Crowley looks back. He looks at Aziraphale. Above them, a beautiful starry sky. And Crowley softens.

"Big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we could go off together."

The sentence in the show is slightly different, but they have one thing in common: If.

IF the world ends, we can still leave and be together. IF.

Crowley is NOT saying "let's leave", he is presenting Aziraphale with a contingency plan in case stopping the Apocalypse does not work. He is NOT running, he isn't even SUGGESTING to run.

It's a "if the world ends, we can be together. We don't need to be with hell or heaven; we can be in the stars," because remember what the end of the world would mean? Eternal torture for Crowley while Aziraphale bores himself to death in heaven.

The next time he suggests it again—when he stops Aziraphale on the street—several things have happened.

First, he did not leave. If he truly wanted to flee, he would have by now, but he didn't. He sits in a cinema waiting for the end: "Out of time. Out of hope," as Neil puts it. Then Hastur and Ligur show up on screen and tell him, 'You're dead meat, Crowley. You're bloody history. […] We're coming to collect you'.

We all know that means "eternal torture in hell," but if you're not convinced for some reason, have another snippet from the script book that did not make it into the show.

Dagon is speaking from the Bentley's radio while he drives towards the bookshop, saying that something has gone wrong and they're sure he has a 'perfectly reasonable explanation' for it. Once he gets out of the car, however, Dagon still keeps going and says the following:.

"Your explanation, and the circumstances that will accompany it, will provide a source of entertainment for all the damned of hell, Crowley. Because no matter what agonies the damned are suffering, Crowley, you will have it worse."

Crowley already knows that. He has been punished by them before, heard, seen, lived torture, there is no doubt as to what will happen should they catch him. So he does what any person with a single fucking brain cell would do—he tries to get his loved one and FLEE.

Flight is the best response in this situation, and if you need me to explain why, then honestly, I cannot help you anymore. I won't go into detail about Aziraphale's response, but, tl;dr, it was shitty and incredibly hurtful, go figure.

Now, let's get to situation number 3, which is his speech during the final fifteen. We do not have an official script for that, but someone did make transcriptions for all episodes; you can find them here. Additionally, I will copy some of what I already said in a different meta post.

Crowley, stuck in his trauma-induced hypervigilance and paranoia, suggests putting as much distance between them and the problem as possible. I think it is interesting that in ep1 he wants to get Gabriel away from them, while at the end of the season, he is ready to get them away from the problem.

So far, I have never seen anyone mention that change! And it’s important! The entire season, it is hammered into our heads how much they love being on earth. It is THEIR bookshop and THEIR car and THEIR life.

Crowley wants to protect that home, and Gabriel is a threat to it, a threat to both of them, their life, the bookshop—everything. He does not want to leave, he wants his peace and angel in one place.

Yet by allowing Gabriel to stay, Aziraphale destroyed the sense of comfort and safety Crowley had slowly developed over the last few decades. Heaven nipping down every now and then to check in with Aziraphale is very different from him sheltering the Supreme Archangel who is running from ‘something terrible’ without even asking if he’s alright with that.

Aziraphale calls it their bookshop, but he fundamentally still sees it as his space to govern and Crowley as a guest; he even calls it a 'heavenly embassy'.

After another horrible week and having his previously safe space violated by several different times and beings, Crowley is back to where he was before—without a home. That fragile existence broke apart, so he is standing in the heap of shards and telling Aziraphale 'I don’t feel safe here anymore, let’s leave’.

He lost his safe space, but he still has his safe person, his best and only friend, the person he loves. I doubt he cares where exactly they go as long as they’re together and it’s safe.

Returning to heaven—it is the one place Crowley cannot follow him to. It’s literally the worst option, he can’t go back, he won’t go back. So he invokes the bookshop again, if you don’t want to stay for me, stay for the bookshop, your books, your corner of existence that I thought we had carved out for ourselves.

There is a common error that people make regarding the timeline, which is assuming that during this conversation they are already aware of the impending apocalypse—but they aren't. Aziraphale himself has no clue, and while Crowley saw the conversation and trial, he does NOT know when it will happen. For all he knows, it could be tomorrow, could be in a thousand years, and, even if he had been given a date, I doubt they laid out all the details and how to stop it.

Considering that his original plan was "get drunk at the Ritz and then have us time," I don't think he knew literally anything about how or when to stop it. So no, Crowley does NOT suggest running away from earth and leaving it to die.

All he wants is some bloody peace and quiet where no demons, angels, or power-hungry floating heads can interrupt them. A space that is safe and theirs. There are also zero mentions of where he wants them to go; he is not talking about the stars or the universe. He wants to get away from where they currently are because heaven and hell show up uninvited whenever they please.

If your boss and ex-boss constantly kicked down your front door and stated their wish to torture you, would you stay there or would you move? Yeah.

This post got very long, but it was long overdue.

I am tired of seeing people call Crowley a callous coward who always runs away from his problems when he is the literal opposite. You take three sentences said under exceptional circumstances and apply them to Crowley as a whole, when it is nothing but his last ditch effort to keep himself and Aziraphale safe.

One last thing: If you come onto my post and start aggressively arguing about this, I will block you. Genuine discussions and questions are always welcome, being a dick is not, and I also simply cannot handle some of the rhetoric people in this fandom perpetuate because it's very triggering.

Make your own post, don't do it on mine.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #crowley meta #aziraphale meta #crowley deserves better treatment from this fandom #and people that actually remember canon and don't take some fanfic version of him they have created during the hiatus #so many straight up factually incorrect takes #i dont know if i will make it until season 3 guys

[niningtori]

see me | chapter four: together (final)

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: after another failed relationship, you're ready to accept your fate as hopeless. choi beomgyu has other plans, though. or, beomgyu s your best friend's little brother and he's tired of you treating him like a kid.

genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending, best friend's brother au

word count: 3.4k (whoa)

notes: hi friends! happy easter to all who celebrate!! sorry this took me a bit to get out. i just love this story and this beomgyu so much i didn't want to rush it. i hope you're all satisfied with how this ends. see end of work for more notes :)

you're so out of it jia can't fucking take it anymore. 

"hello? come back to earth, please," she says, waving her hand in front of your face. "are you ever gonna tell me what the fuck happened with doyoon?"

it's been a few days since your return from the beach. suffice it to say, one painfully awkward drive was spent with you trying not to openly stare at beomgyu and him focusing intently on the scenery outside. 

you're actually a little surprised by her question. you genuinely haven't thought about your conversation with doyoon since you had it — you've simply been too preoccupied by the revelation that beomgyu has feelings for you.

"nothing much, really. he apologized to me and asked to get a drink sometime."

"what the fuck?! what did you say?!" 

"i said no," you reply simply. she's quiet for a moment before her face contorts into a deep frown.

"why do i get the feeling that that's not what's bothering you so much?" 

"because it's not," you admit with a sigh.

"then what is it? you've been weird ever since we got back."

you're torn for a while. how do you explain to your best friend that her kid brother is in love with you? or says he is, at least. 

"... it's about beomgyu. he—"

"oh, so he finally told you, huh?" she interrupts with a knowing look and you're absolutely flabbergasted.

"t-told me what?" you try feigning ignorance. maybe she's got it wrong?

"that he's been in love with you ever since he first saw you."

"how the fuck did you know that?!" you ask incredulously.

"you're my best friend and he's my brother. i know you two too well," she shrugs.

"so you knew this whole time and didn't tell me?" 

"well, to be honest, it was painfully obvious, but i didn't wanna embarrass either of you and it's, frankly, none of my business."

"i... wasn't he just drunk? i don't believe it…” you trail off.

"what do you mean?"

"i mean, he can't really mean it. he doesn't know what he wants. he's just a kid and—" 

"i'm going to stop you right there," she says sternly. "you may be oblivious, but don't you dare dismiss his feelings to make yourself feel comfortable. his feelings are real and he doesn't deserve to have you completely disregard them just because you can't face them." you flinch at her harshness.

"b-but he's never even hinted at it!" 

"never even hinted at it, my ass. that boy was all over you," she snorts. "did you really not notice anything this past week?" your eyebrows knit in confusion as you think back to all of the times the boy (man?) had interacted with you. suddenly, the unassuming touches and glances beomgyu shared with you hit you at a mile a minute. oh god, he was flirting? he was, wasn't he? and you just ruffled his hair and called him cute. 

but you're not done denying, denying, denying.

"i just don't understand. how could he like me when he's always with somebody new?"

"has it ever occurred to you that that's because he wants you to see him as a man and not the child you're so convinced he is?" you fall silent at this. no, it has never occurred to you, but now that she's said it, the puzzle pieces are starting to fit together in the most gut wrenching way.

"so he's been fucking around for years because he wants to prove something to me?"

"more or less, yeah." your head is spinning at this. so his feelings are sincere? 

"i... i don't know what to say."

"i figured you wouldn't," she hums.

"what do i do?" you ask with a newfound sense of panic. this is real. beomgyu actually love, loves you. 

"well, what do you want to do? it all depends on how you feel about him." 

"to be honest, i've never seen him as anything other than a brother," you sigh.

"and what about now?"

"i... i don't know. i'm just confused," you whine, digging your face into your hands and slightly tugging on your hair. when you think of the kiss you two shared, your heart skips a beat and butterflies arise in your stomach. well, that's new.

"honestly, i'll consider that progress. it's better than being brother-zoned." 

"jia!" you exclaim exasperatedly. "you're not helping. the boy i've thought of as a literal brother is in love with me and i've unknowingly treated him like shit for years." 

"yes, but i know and he knows that you didn’t mean it. look, even if you don't like him at all, don't you think he deserves a proper rejection at the very least?"

"you're right," you relent. "you’re always right.”

“well, i know,” she muses. “but before you decide anything, i want you to think about who’s been by your side all these years. when you didn’t have anyone else, who could you count on?”

“i —” you begin. 

“don’t answer yet. just think about it.” and think about it, you do.

-

the more time you’re left to think about what happened with him, the more confused you feel. beomgyu isn’t a child anymore, that much is clear, but does that mean you can undo the near decade of thinking of him as one? he’s handsome, sure, and that kiss nearly knocked you off of your feet, but can you really see him as a partner? as a man?

you’re not really sure. plus, what would happen if it didn’t work out? the choi’s are like family to you. they’re more of a family than your actual family ever was or ever will be. is it really worth gambling such an important piece of your heart for something that could easily end in heartbreak? but then, it’s broken, either way. can you really face the choi family again when you know beomgyu is in love with you and has been for such a long time? no, you can’t. not in good conscience. you’ve, intentionally or not, ignored beomgyu’s feelings for years now and you can’t ask him to bottle them back up for your own comfort.

you decide it's best to just talk to him. 

-

beomgyu doesn’t think that this is a good idea at all, actually. but his friends told him that rotting in his bed and crying like he has been for the past few days is even worse. when they put it like that, it didn't seem right to refuse their suggestion to have a double date with yeonjun. even still, he told them he wasn't ready to see someone new, but they said he was never seeing you in the first place. that sure shut him up. either way, it would be casual and yeonjun just needs a friend for his date's friend.

his "date" is nice enough, but she seems to have not gotten the memo that he's here as a wingman and not much else. she's trying to draw his attention by not-so-discreetly placing her hand on his thigh. gross. he genuinely thought about pretending to have a stomachache to cut the date short, but yeonjun had the bright idea of inviting the girls over after dinner. so now, as he sits on the couch of his and yeonjun’s shared apartment, he prays for god to intervene and end his suffering. 

a knock on the door pulls him out of his thoughts. please, god, let it be the maintenance man telling them they have to evacuate because of a gas leak. he almost jumps out of his seat to get to the door first, but yeonjun is closer and he says he’ll get it. fuck. before he can catch a glimpse of the mystery person at the door, his date speaks again.

“gyu?” the girl asks tentatively.

“mmm?” he says, turning back around to face her.

“do you like me?” she says while, once again, putting her hand on his thigh. alright. enough is enough. usually, he would tell her to beat it and leave it at that, but ever since you told him he doesn’t treat girls the nicest, he’s decided he’ll try to be better. he takes her hand from his lap into his and opts to just be truthful. 

“to be honest, i —” 

“beomie?”

oh, he’d recognize that voice anywhere, even in his sleep. his head whips around almost comically fast and he unintentionally yanks his hand from his date's as he stands straight up.

“w-what are you doing here?” he asks, incredibly flustered.

you should say something, but your eyes can’t help but linger where his hand was joined with the hand of the very lovely girl sitting beside him, even after he’s pulled away. oh my god. you’re interrupting, aren’t you? he’s moved on, but you’re standing there like an idiot. you need to say something. 

“i-i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to intrude,” you choke out. you don’t know why, but you feel like you’re about to cry. you feel so embarrassed. why did you even for a second think that this would play out any differently? 

“everybody out,” beomgyu says firmly. 

“what?” his date asks, genuinely in shock.

“i said, everybody else needs to get out of here. right now. besides you,” he says while gesturing to your pitiful frame.

“gyu, i live here,” yeonjun argues.

“out,” beomgyu repeats. yeonjun lifts his hands in surrender and leads the bewildered girls out of the apartment. 

now it's just you and beomgyu.

after the door shuts, the silence is as unbearable as it is palpable. beomgyu is staring at you with the same intensity as he was the night he confessed to you. you feel so vulnerable — so seen — you honestly kind of wish you had just snuck out with everyone else. 

“beomie, i’m so, so sorry. i didn’t mean to ruin your date. i can go, i just —” 

“do you know what i've noticed about you?” he quietly interrupts. you’re so taken aback, you’re stunned into silence. he sighs before he continues. “the way you say things are okay when someone fucks you over. it’s okay to be mad at me, you know?” 

“beomie, i’m not mad!” you insist. “you’re single, after all. i’m the one who —”

“i’m single, but i still told you i loved you a few days ago. why wouldn’t you be hurt?” once again, you’re left speechless at his maturity. when did he become more mature than you? or was he always this way, and you just never noticed?

“or is it that you just don’t care enough about me to be upset?” he's the one who looks small now and you worry you have the power to break him. he deserves an honest answer, so you think about how you felt when you saw his hand intertwined with that girl’s and your heart feels a nasty pang. 

“i… i am upset,” you pause and process that ugly feeling. “really upset, actually. but not angry.”

“i’m sorry,” he says, not without conviction. “yeonjun needed a date for his date’s friend, and i planned on rejecting her, but i’m really sorry i hurt you.” 

“... it’s alright,” you say carefully. “i understand. and i still think you don’t owe me anything, beomie.”

“but i want to owe you,” he says quietly.

“what do you mean?” you can’t help but ask. 

“i want to owe you. i want to make it up to you, and i want you to make it up to me.” you think you understand what he means. he wants you to make it up to him for not seeing him as he truly is all these years, but you just can’t understand his thinking.

“why?” you ask softly.

“why would you ask when you already know why?” he answers quietly with a sad smile. because he loves you.

“but why? why do you like me? you could have anyone. i’m wishy washy, i’m insecure. i’m just a mess, beomie. and i don’t want you to waste your time with me.” you hate the way your voice shakes. you wish, for once in your life, that you could be brave enough to say what you need to say without hesitating. you feel as small as a child, and in front of beomgyu of all people. but the dynamic you’ve always thought you had is becoming more and more twisted as you realize you’ve been very, very wrong about him, and maybe about yourself, too. beomgyu is not some kid. his feelings are not so easily written off, and that becomes even clearer when he says his next words in a haste. 

“don’t talk about yourself like that,” he says sharply, and his seriousness immediately derails your train of thought. “i’m not looking for anybody else. i… i don’t want anybody else. and i would never, ever feel like my time is wasted with you. every moment i spend with you is important to me.” you don’t mean for your eyes to get hot. truly, you don’t, but the boy’s words are so kind you’re unable to control yourself. 

“you really love me?” you ask at the risk of seeming annoying. you just have to be sure. 

“i do,” he says patiently. “i always have.” he isn’t sure what to make of you asking this. he has no hope now, but if it makes you feel better to hear him say he loves you a million times over, so be it. you’ve been hurt enough all your life, from your parents to your partners, if he’s able to comfort you even just a little bit, even if it’s never reciprocated, it’s enough for him. so he continues. 

“i’m… i’ve always thought about how to say this, so i’m sorry if it’s just too much for you. if it is, then just stop me, okay?” you can’t help but nod. “i just have to say that, to me, you are the most beautiful person in the world. i’ve wanted to tell you that since i was 14. i know you’re sad and i know you’ve been hurt before, and i wish i could take it all away. i’ve always wished i could take it all away. i know you think you deserve everything that’s happened to you so far, but i want you to know that that's not true, and it kills me that you’ve ever felt that way. i love everything you say you hate about yourself, because you’re you. i know you want to change, and i want you to know that i see how hard you’re trying. those flaws that make you a mess, or however you put it, only make me love you more because i can see how hard you’ve worked to get where you are. and if you don’t love me, even if you never do, that’s… it's okay. i just want you to be happy. and if i can be selfish, i want to be the one who helps you get there.” 

you don’t try to stifle your tears anymore. they are now flowing freely and your breath is heavy in your throat. he understands you. he sees you for everything that you are and were, and everything that you’re trying to be. has anyone ever made you feel this safe before? has anyone ever made you feel this loved and understood? 

you think back to what jia asked. when you didn’t have anyone else, who could you count on? if you didn’t trust any man in the world, you could trust beomgyu. that’s just how it is. you realize, even from the first night you met him, you’ve always been relying on him, in a way. why else would you feel so comfortable telling him about your anxieties mere hours after you spoke to him for the first time? 

things were one way then, but they could be different now. beomgyu loves you in a way that previously seemed inconceivable to you. what did you do to deserve this boy — this man? not a fucking thing, in your opinion, but now that you know how he really feels, is it possible to accept anything less than the love he is now presenting to you? maybe he’ll wake up one day and regret everything he’s said up until now, but you’re far too selfish to give up the heart he’s begging for you to take as your own.

you don’t know why, but you fling yourself into his arms, reminiscent of how you did all those years ago when he was just a teenage boy and you were just a heartbroken girl. he holds you like he did before, with an overwhelming sense of patience and security. he traces his hands lovingly up and down your back. 

“okay. okay, i want to try. i can’t promise that i’ll be perfect, i can’t even promise to be good, but i’ll try, okay? you’re so, so good, beomie. and i'm sorry for not realizing it sooner.”

he pulls away from your embrace and your cheeks feel hot when you catch his heated gaze. he looks down at you and if his look wasn’t enough, his next words certainly are:

“can i kiss you?”

“yes, beomie,” you whisper. 

"call me gyu," he says hoarsely. you gulp and pray he doesn't hear it.

he softly, reverently, pushes your stray hairs behind your ears and you realize he’s done so many times before. mainly when you were sad, but this time is… different. when his lips lock with yours, you're stunned into oblivion. there's so much fire behind it, but still, there’s a gentleness you’ve never known. as if he’s afraid of breaking you, he holds you like you’re a precious gem. usually, kisses are take take take from you, but he gives you so much love and care you feel like you’re floating. is this what love is supposed to feel like? so safe and so, so warm? 

he parts from you far too soon for your liking. his breath is labored and his cheeks are flushed. you look at him in confusion.

“i-i’m sorry, i just can't. if we keep going, i won't be able to control myself. i'm gonna —” 

“it's okay, gyu,” you whisper. “we can keep going.” he understands what you mean without you having to say anything more.

“are you sure?” he asks, just to be safe.

“i'm sure,” you answer without missing a beat. his lips curl up and he leads you to his bedroom, hand holding yours so tightly, it’s almost like he’s afraid to lose you.

-

the night is spent with beomgyu praising you like he’s never seen anything quite like you before. you feel his devotion with every passing moment and you can’t believe this is what you’ve been missing all these years. you’ve never felt so good, so cared for, in all your life. when you’re finished, and he’s cradling you in his arms, you’re both struggling to catch your breath. he looks at you like you hung the moon, but what you don’t know is that you’re starting look at him like that, too.

-

you’re so anxious. as you pull up to the choi’s family home in the passenger’s seat of beomgyu’s car, you can’t help but wring your hands together. this could be very good, or very, very bad. you can’t help but feel like you’re… betraying? the choi family by dating beomgyu. they’ve taken you in as family, but you’ve taken beomgyu as your own. do you regret that decision? well, you can’t say you do when beomgyu grabs your restless hands and comfortingly squeezes them before telling you “hey, it’s alright. don’t be nervous. i love you. they love you. everyone here loves you. just be yourself and i’ll take care of the rest, okay?” 

“okay,” you say shyly. you and beomgyu have been working on your self esteem. it was pretty slow going at first, but you’ve been pushing through. now, after three months, you’re a lot better, but there’s still room for improvement. beomgyu is nothing if not patient, though. after all, he’s been waiting for 8 years. how could he not be? and so he patiently coaxes you out of the car and into the house.

you two find your way inside and are greeted by his parents, jia, and yijun. nobody bats an eye at you two walking in together — they just greet and hug you as per usual, but their smiles drop and their faces turn serious when beomgyu announces he has something to tell everyone.

“guys, uh, we have something to tell you all,” he says, lacing his fingers with yours, “we’re together now.” you could hear a pin drop with how quiet the room is. mrs. choi is the first to break the silence.

“h-how long? how long has this been going on?” 

“three months,” he says cautiously. again, the room is silent.

“... only three? damn it!” mr. choi exclaims.

“i told you guys it hasn’t been very long,” jia sneers. “now pay up.” beomgyu’s parents grimace while pulling out their wallets and stuffing cash in jia’s hands.  

“pleasure doing business with you,” she teases with a shit-eating grin.

“um, guys? what’s going on? i’m kind of pouring my heart out over here,” beomgyu says irritatedly. 

“oh, honey. we know. we’ve known you liked her since she first stepped foot into our home. she was the only one who didn’t,” mrs. choi replies with a wave of her hand and your cheeks can’t help but heat up to an impossible degree. beomgyu finally pieces everything together while you’re still scrambling to understand what’s going on.

“oh my god, did you all make a bet to see how long it’d take for us to get together?!” beomgyu exclaims.

“more or less,” mr. choi says nonchalantly. realistically speaking, you and beomgyu should be angry, but all you two can do when you lock eyes with each other is laugh. 

“so you’re okay with it?” you ask meekly.

“of course we are!” mrs. choi says. “we couldn’t ask for a better match for our boy. we were just waiting for you to see that, too.” you can’t help but feel your eyes go sour. you hug his parents and they rub your hair. why would you think they’d do anything other than accept you? they always have.

that night, after all the board games and movies and laughter, you go out for some fresh air. you aren’t surprised in the slightest to see beomgyu sitting on the back porch steps, almost as if he’s been waiting for you. 

“there you are,” beomgyu says with a grin blooming on his face. you sit next to him, so close your thighs are touching. you lean your head against his shoulder and you sigh in contentment.

“that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asks.

“not at all,” you smile, “but did everyone in the world know about us besides me?”

“pretty much, yeah,” he giggles and you playfully smack his chest. after your laughter dies down, beomgyu senses some hesitation from you. it feels like you want to say something to him.

“what is it?” he asks. you pull away from him and stare into his eyes. they look especially starry tonight.

“i have to tell you something,” you say, voice trembling slightly.

“mhm?” he nods.

“i think… actually, i know i love you, gyu. and i’m sorry it took me so long to get here, but i really do.” your eyes water when you see beomgyu’s doing the same. he looks so relieved, as if your words in particular are the ones he’s been waiting for all his life. and they are.

“i love you, too, if you haven’t guessed that already,” he says softly. “and i’d do everything all over again if it meant i’d get to be with you like this.” his eyes close and he leans in. you meet him halfway and press your lips together in a chaste kiss.

notes pt. 2: and that's it for them! i actually wrote a bit of smut for this, but i don't think it'll ever see the light of day i fear. as always, feedback is appreciated! i'd love to know what you all think :)

masterlist

#niningtori #see me #txt angst #beomgyu angst #beomgyu #txt beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x you #beomgyu fic #txt #txt fic #tomorrow x together #txt imagines #txt scenarios #txt headcanons #txt fluff #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu headcanons #beomgyu fluff

[wannaeatramyeon]

Okok so I read in another post a hc of all the lookism boys (+ Yenna) living in a house together and i thought what if 👀 there was a den mother of some sort. Like an older little hispanic lady that sees them in her house and just decides that yes these are her kids and she will help them find their way back. Obviously Yenna is her favorite ans she can do no wrong. I haven’t caught up with Lookism completely (just htf and mk) but i feel like the unacknowledged mommy issues have potential. Only if you can of course if this isn’t something you can vibe with i totally get it.

Oh anon, you mean THIS PIECE OF ART from Ying/@mymxnfgh?

Anon, you really asking for WWIII with all these boys vying for your attention huh. Let's give this a go, I think I may be waaaay off the mark.

Lastly, I really wouldn't be able to write hispanic well. British? Yep. East Asian? Sure. So... just casually skipping over this part of the ask.

Lookism Boys living together + vying for your attention dynamics

Platonic. From least chaotic to most. Based on this hc from Ying/@mymxnfgh

Daniel Park and Jay Hong don't really have any mommy issues, so they stay away from the general chaos. They're the 'quiet' ones (especially Jay). You make sure to keep an eye on them so they don't get left out.

Honestly, absolute sweethearts. If you want anything done, then you know you can count on these two. Low-key your faves as they don't cause any headaches.

For Eli, Warren and Yenna, family comes first. And family is Hostel. They're initially guarded, but ultimately they're still children looking after a child. You have a lot of patience for them and take them under your wing, especially Yenna.

You spend a lot of time with Warren trying to help him with his speech, and you absolutely forbid Eli from cutting anyone's hair. You threaten if he so much as touch a hair on Yenna's head then he's dead.

DG is too cool to make any overt bid for your attention. Makes a lot of sly comments to try and sow dissent, but just gets on with his own thing. He gets more enjoyment out of watching the general chaos.

The subtle rivalry of Vasco and Zack would return. Vasco, thinking Zack is a bit of dick, and Zack would of course think of Vasco as an idiot.

Their rivalry is relatively harmless, but causes a lot of headaches day to day. They would fight over washing the dishes, but somehow break everything. Doing the laundry and everything is pink. Cook to impress you but nothing is edible. You appreciate their intentions but your life would be so much easier if they just left it to you.

What can we say about Johan. We all know what this guy would be like. He is THE mommy issues. Jealous that he doesn't get your undivided attention. Clingy and needy, constantly around you. Sulks and throws tantrums if he doesn't get his way. Luckily you have Zack, Jake and Daniel to tell him to be reasonable, and Gun who threatens to beat his childishness out of him.

Having you around as a constant, comforting presence eases Johan's psyche over time. It doesn't completely undo all the hardships but it's healthy for him to realise he has someone there for him.

Goo would absolutely try and pull rank over Samuel over who gets to spend time with you. Sammy is all smiles and 'Yes, Sir" but as soon as Goo turns his back, Sammy would be immediately sucking up to you.

They never seem to fight, but they constantly snipe at each other. The insults escalate from barely veiled to full blown expletives and cursing. It's surprisingly creative. "Samuel it's a good job you killed you dad and he's looking up at you from hell because you are a disappointment." "Goo, the smell of bullshit coming out of your mouth is putting Y/N off their dinner."

(Jake and Gun loves these exchanges)

Jake and Samuel would be politely smiling at each other one moment, and then trying to kill each other the next. It's less to do with you, and more to do with their own brand of communication.

Jake, on his own, you find simply lovely and Samuel has his charms. But together. JFC.

You do try and help them work out their differences. All this mess with Gangsters and Gapryong Kim but turns out that they would fight over anything. Even something as mundane as how to cook something the 'correct' way. It's easier for them to just duke it out. They always make up in the end... but inevitably will be fighting again in the next hour.

Gun and Goo are surprisingly helpful to have around to help keep some of the others in line. And it's not like they really have any mommy issues and they can be respectful.

Peace doesn't last though. They have a short fuse, and will use ANY excuse to fight each other. Jake and Samuel throwing punches is one thing. But you worry about Gun and Goo literally blowing up the house to spite each other.

Of course this is when DG decides to speak up and egg them on.

BONUS - Seo Haesu is the stray scruffy kid that seems to always be hanging around outside. You disapprove of his dirty clothes, his overgrown bangs (No, Eli. No scissors!), and feel bad for how he's constantly hungry. You offer him free meals and somewhere to sleep.

He's wary af as first. Uses the excuse that he wants to suss you out to hang around.

Would get on well with Zack, Goo and Jake. 'Well' might be an exaggeration, but these 3 have teasing big brother vibes. Their lively ways would help to draw Haesu out of his shell... or he might strangle them.

#lookism #lookism hc #lookism headcanons #lookism webtoon #lookism x reader #lookism manhwa #daniel park #jay hong #seo haesu #eli jang #warren chae #lookism yenna #lookism dg #vasco #euntae lee #zack lee #johan seong #samuel seo #jake kim #goo kim #gun park #wannaeatramyeon

[poppyandzena]

I've noticed you mentioning that many creators have covered the P&Z stuff, and that many have gotten the details wrong. What would *you* recommend creators focus on? Is there a specific order of events you'd recommend? For context, I'm a trans man in the creator space. Relatively small, but I also have BPD (and many other things) and am polyamorous and I hate how Poppy is playing into all the negative stereotypes. I want to help. Especially because one of Poppy's victims was a very close friend of mine. I'm currently working on a video essay script about the situation. If you, or anyone else wants to reach out, I'd greatly appreciate it, but I'm well aware that everyone's spoons are lacking right now so no pressure.

The main problem is a lack of organization. Many creators think they can gloss over an introduction and then dive into the docs, and most of the misinformation is in that expositional intro. But when you do that, you make yourself and the situation as a whole look less credible.

And, frankly, covering everything Poppy and Zena have done in a single stream will contribute to this unless you are especially dedicated. Luxander spent a LOT of time asking for clarification and organizing its points so that their arguments made sense.

Here's some facts I've noticed streamers get wrong, at least when they first cover it. I'll list them so creators have a cheat sheet:

Poppy is an AMAB transgender woman who has recently undergone bottom surgery. The bottom surgery is important to note as Poppy regards intercourse with Noeh as "her first time." This is her having vaginal intercourse for the first time, which is something she places value in regards to her trans experience. Poppy has used this as emotional leverage to paint Noehflake as a malicious person who took her virginity and left.

-

The entirety of the relationship with Noehflake lasted approximately four months and ended in late December 2023. Poppy wanted Noehflake to move in with her either at or a little under the two month mark. I find this extremely important as it highlights how quickly Poppy tries to enmesh herself into people's lives. I personally think its a combination of typical BPD attatchment issues and lovebombing to speed up the process and "skip steps," something Poppy ironically has called out in other people.

-

Poppy is NOT Spawn (her kid's) biological parent. Poppy was present since Spawn was in utero and took up the role of their father before she transitioned. Spawn's mother died in a horse riding accident at around age 3/4, during which Poppy became their sole caretaker.

-

PLEASE stop headlining your videos with "child abuse." It's inaccurate. As much as I do not like PZ, we have to be correct with how we criticize them. Spawn was not a minor during the time the abuse ocurred. Spawn has also stated PZ have NEVER sexually abused them and that their childhood was relatively fine before Zena arrived. Please stick to what was alleged. Call it "parental abuse" to be accurate, please. Child abuse brings to mind a minor being harmed which is not accurate to this situation.

-

Spawn was NOT coined by Poppy. That's the name Spawn gave themselves so their privacy would be respected, something Poppy purposefully violates online to endager them.

-

Spawn is a 24 year old they/them nonbinary person with POTS, which severely impacts their cardiovascular system and makes labor and even basic tasks difficult. Around 2022 when the brunt of the abuse ocurred, Spawn was around 5ft and 80lbs. They claim a doctor cleared them of health issues in relation to being 80lbs and that it wasn't a weight Poppy and Zena starved them to. I personally find issue with a 5ft person being 80lbs in general and believe it was a contributing factor to their chronic pain, but I do not believe they were at a higher weight and PZ starved them TO that point. I believe they were naturally lithe, but that PZ did absolutely nothing to help manage Spawn's weight as the crux of their abuse was food restriction. According to Spawn, their weight has steadily increased as they've gotten older which I can relate to. Being at that weight puts stress on your body, but to add POTS on top of it significantly disables you.

-

Spawn has autism and a dissociative disorder, the latter of which Poppy has gaslit Spawn into underplaying in spite of a mental health professional agreeing with Spawn. (This is in the Spawn doc) This disorder is OSDD-1B which Spawn met the criteria for (fact checked with Spawn), which is a disorder that is often obtained through significant, persistent, or otherwise intense trauma. This is ESPECIALLY concerning to me as someone who has researched DID and the sister disorders since I was 15. I have a space in my heart reserved for those people as DID is one of the most misunderstood and culturally manipulated disorders since it's "debut" with the book Sybil. I digress, but the fact that Poppy refuses to see eye to eye with Spawns dissociative disorder despite allegedly having one herself is concerning.

-

Poppy alleges she was diagnosed with OSDD, Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder. I myself have actually made the mistake of saying she has DID. The two are different, but under the same umbrella. OSDD is sort of the "misc." option when you don't meet the full critera of DID and you don't qualify for psychotic disorders. I actually believe OSDD is more prevalent than classic DID due to the fact that disorders are spectrum-based and can be highly specific to the person if they are traumagenic. People with OSDD tend to have alters like DID, but there is a distinct lack of amnesia between alters and a lack of amnesia blackouts. These people will still dissociate to a degree that counts as a disorder. I have known people with OSDD and it is very real and oftentimes painful, coming to terms with the fact that you've been so traumatized that it necessitates dissociating from reality. It is not fun at its core and I do not wish that on anyone, but it doesn't mean these people aren't valid if they embrace or highlight the positive aspects of their condition to cope.

What makes me sussy-wussy is Poppy's insistence as a "professional" to conflate OSDD/DID with Tulpamancy, the former being traumagenic and the latter being pseudo-spiritual. The topic of endogenic vs. traumagenic alters is one I do NOT want to debate here. I will say I dont appreciate when she combines medically recognized disorders with spirituality, as doing so can contribute to misinformation that we ALREADY have to deal with. If you believe in tulpamancy, I won't argue with you, but you have to be precise in the language you use as to not spread misinfo. Sometimes people have traumagenic disorders that they frame with a spiritual lense, which I can respect, but please be mindful when comparing your experience with others. That's all I ask.

-

Noehflake, Hayleigh, is a transgender woman who also has a dissociative disorder with at least one alter. In the docs, this alter is referred to as "Max." That is not their current name and I do not feel comfortable airing it out. Hayleigh is not a separate alter to "Noehflake." Hayleigh is simply Noehflake's name. Their experience is not fun and Max has to intervene in especially stressful situations. Hayleigh dissociates, and you can tell in her dedicated doc just how much Poppy and Zena disregard her pain and push her into dissociating more.

-

Also if I have to hear someone pronounce Noehflake as "Noh-ee-flake" I'm going to eat my fucking hands. It's nitpicky but it's aggravating to listen to over and over. It's pronounced "Noh-flake." Like snowflake. I've made the mistake of pronouncing it as "No-ah-flake." Just saying "Noh" is fine.

-

Zena is an AFAB transmasc person with agender qualities that goes by they/them, though I have heard they have given the "she/her pass" to close people. Stick with they/them, out of basic respect and to prevent confusion. Zena is significantly younger than Poppy, to the point where an anon pointed out they have less than a decade difference in age from Poppy's child. I can't believe I have to specify this, but Zena is NOT the biological father/mother of Poppy's child. I heard that in one of the worst videos covering this topic and I had to leave out of pure frustration.

-

Dormiyu is the asexual victim that Poppy and Zena brought to their house. Dormiyu uses it/its pronouns. Poppy wants you to think there was only one instance where Poppy walked out in her underwear to get clothes and Dormiyu freaked out. There were two instances. One was when she was in her set of underwear and Dormiyu looked away, to which Poppy chided it for its "asexual bullshit." The second incident involved Dormiyu being in her office. Poppy entered the office with her bare breasts out and sat in front of Dormiyu to get it to notice her. This, obviously, made Dormiyu very uncomfortable, to which Poppy argued that they "were just tits." I don't have to go into fine detail as to why showing your bare breasts to a guest in your home is inappropriate, especially when the guest does not have the transportation to leave your house. Poppy has since blackmailed Dormiyu into deleting everything as it is an immigrant and her delving into its personal life on stream would not only put Dormiyu at risk of doxxing, but at risk of deportation. You will find the archive of Dormiyu's testimony in my masterlist.

-

This is especially important to highlight. Poppy admitted in a video to "reproducing" CSA onto a family member. To others, this may seem like a smoking gun. Unfortunately, this is a case I cannot in good conscience speculate on. I can't. One, we ONLY have Poppy's vague testimony on camera. Any surrounding info is secondhand. Second, we do not know if this victim wants their story told by us. I'm not sure they even know who we are. I cannot perpetuate what is essentially a ghost of an accusation when I do not know if the victim is even comfortable having that public. All I can say is that I do not trust Poppy. We have so much more tangible evidence to prove Poppy is all-around abusive, and I will stick to what has been substantiated.

Thank you for listening to me. I know this is a lot and some of it seems pedantic, but I care a lot about how we cover this.

#poppy #poppy and zena #zena and poppy #poppy diabolique #ladydiabolique #poppy & zena #zenaandpoppyonyoutube #zena #spawn #nf

[imminent-danger-came]

I love reading your tags- especially when theres just even MORE info dumping there.

The least favorite character ask made me giggle a bit, "This character that appeared for a single episode is actually pretty cool. And this character is really awesome in this particular context. But ALSO I really like this character with very little actual screentime."

You‘re absolutely right though! Characters whose only purpose is to fill a particular role are chosen really well too! Like the Host Girl; sure, she doesn’t really have a personality or anything, but she doesn’t NEED to have one. As you said, she‘s collateral damage. She gives us more insight to Wukong, she shows us just how ruthless he can be. He‘s willing to kill the epitome of innocence: A child. A defenseless little girl with a cutesy voice, who was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

(It‘s also worth a mention that, contrary to Wukong, she revealed a softer side of Macaque. Not to the extent the fandom built it up, but in an arguably more meaningful way. He‘s worried/feels bad for a total stranger. Even if it was only a concerned look, she once again gave us a deeper insight to a member of the main cast.)

And the characters with less focus either have really genuine interactions (Yellow Tusk with Azure) that just endear you to them, or they drop a banger line (like the Jade Emperor) before their purpose is fulfilled.

Nothing wrong with being a plot device if it‘s done well!

This wasn‘t really much of an ask rather than me rambling. Sorry.

I welcome rambles in my ask box! Half of you that show up in my ask box could just write your own analysis posts.

And you're also totally right! There isn't anything wrong with characters that are there just to function as plot devices. Sometimes a child is there just to be a child, and that's all they need to be. I think I feel this way about Megapolis (a name for the city that hasn't even been mentioned in show). Like it's a city filled with innocent people, it's MK & the Gang's home, and that's all it kinda needs to be tbh. LMK has to be extremely tight with what it chooses to focus on because of time constraints, and it does that well. When it comes down to it, focusing on the characters/plot is more important than focusing on the setting (which I think debatably wouldn't contribute much anyways—like we don't need more of a reason to care about the city, you know?).

I have this same opinion when it comes to the Demon Bull Family, which may be an unpopular take, but the truth is that a lot of their development happened off-screen. After ROTSQ and until we see them again in 3x06, it's clear that there have been positive changes between Red Son and his parents. I think I've seen some folk want Red Son to cut off his parents entirely, but that kinda goes against the core of his character. Part of Red Son's appeal for me is his complete devotion to his family despite their flaws (saving them in ROTSQ and EYD, attempting to save them in 4x09). Red Son and Princess Iron Fan only ever wanted world domination because that's what DBK wanted, and after that failed—they gave up. They hit the bricks. Red Son then started a food business with his dad (jealous of MK and Pigsy's noodle shop mayhaps?), and I think it's telling that DBK would even agree to do that to begin with. DBK and PIF's disregard of Red Son may not be acknowledged in the way people want, and I get that, but it's not that it didn't happen. I'd say there's another jump in their development between the end of 3x14 and the beginning of 4x09, where the fact that DBK calls out for Red Son as he gets taken away shows a closeness between them that we hadn't seen before. It's also clear that DBK has grown past the person who only wanted to create the world in his own image, chastising Azure Lion:

Demon Bull King: "How many times must you be struck down chasing this same foolish dream?"

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

(Plus "This pursuit of yours has warped your mind brother—it is the only reason I could imagine that you would have the nerve to assault my home and harm my family!" echoing PIF in 1x10 "Come to your senses, this power has poisoned your mind!"; Azure unreasonably considers DBK a traitor like DBK had unreasonably considered Red Son a traitor, etc.)

DBK, unlike plenty of other antagonists in LMK (Spider Queen, LBD, and Azure specifically), learned to stop and accept the world as it was. He failed as a conqueror, but he still had his family, and he could try and not fail as a father for his "half-baked son"—or that's how I interpret DBK anyhow.

((I also want to bring up the fact that DBK didn't dare use the Samadhi Fire ring he had to power himself up with Red Son's furnace in AHIB. Like, even the Mr. Bull King has some restraint—there are prices too great to pay for the world, hence why he gave up on world domination after 1x10, when he almost killed his wife and son.))

To me it makes the Demon Bull Family feel like characters that exist outside of MK & the Gang, and can grow/change even when they're not on screen with our main characters, and I think that's cool. We also legitimately didn't have time for anything else.

#So tldr on the way the DB family has been handled thus far: I get if people don't like it that's completely fair #but idk if it's objectively bad. #I know there's a Villad's interview out there where he says he thinks during s2 Red Son took a lot of time to himself #That he realized some thangs about how his parents had treated him you know #And I get if people are disappointed by that. Unfortunately they're minor characters at this point & we got a lot of other stuff to focus o #Me personally I like what we have #They are insane for paralleling the Demon Bull family's one scene in s4 with 1x10 #Like. Holy shit their writing is TIGHT #lmk #lego monkie kid #asks #lmk Red Son #lmk DBK #lmk PIF #lmk analysis #you know what I think I just realized I legitimately like DBK. Like a decent amount. #The way he looks away in shame from PIF in 3x06 before she explains the Samadhi fire's origins. Omg. Is that guilt??? #''So you can see it would be impossible for fools such as yourselves to control that power— #if even the spawn of the Demon Bull King himself could not.'' #OMG!!!!!!! #anyways

[jerreeeeeee]

there's nothing inherently wrong or unhealthy with a platonic relationship being the most intimate and important in someone's life (whether that person is also in a romantic relationship or not). this has been said before but people still treat it like its true. ESPECIALLY that a prioritized platonic relationship belies “codependency” even though no one would bat an eye at the exact same dynamic if it were romantic, because of the idea that a prioritized platonic relationship is somehow immature/unhealthy and something to grow out of/move on from.

the idea that the twins just go, well, you've been the person i felt safest loving and trusting in my entire life, our souls have been bound by fate and magic and our love for one another is one of the strongest bonds in the multiverse, transcending death and unimaginable loss, the motivation behind everything we’ve ever done, but since we're both in romantic relationships now and the story is over, the reasonable and in-character thing to do would be to split up and have separate nuclear families because that's the "healthy thing" (read: expected thing). there's no other form of a domestic happy ending than a marriage and typical nuclear family. you're everything to me, my entire world, my heart, see you later.

ok this got too long i'm putting it under a readmore.

(also why i don't really like the idea that taako adopts angus. "parent" is not the only important, loving role an adult can play in a child's life but people feel that need to shove everything into a nuclear family. also taako has too much going on to be the good parent that angus needs anyway. and magnus and lucretia are right there. but this is another post <- this is actually a fan fiction i’m writing, kind of)

i just find that frankly silly. i truly believe that the twins live together for the rest of their lives and are always each others' most important person (before anyone kills me i do think barry is there too. they also both love him so much. capacity for love INCREASES there’s no need for a replacement or a “moving on” it’s an addition). there's not any reason they wouldn't live together other than that it’s not “normal?” but why would they give a shit about that. their prioritization of one another isn't the unhealthy thing about their relationship. they do have other stuff going on that's actually codependent, but i think they eventually work past it and come to have a healthier (yet no less close) relationship. actually this post was originally just supposed to be about those codependent tendencies but i felt like i needed to compensate by clarifying that there are only a very specific few things abt their dynamic i find unhealthy and that by and large they’re fine, actually.

the main thing is, as is so succinctly put in this post—they aren't able to communicate about big, important decisions. not to say they never communicate about anything, i think they actually do communicate effectively about a lot of things—warning i’m going into a complete tangent here—i see a lot an idea that they’re not siblings who hug or really verbalize affection at all which is crazy to me (<- personal opinion alert) like they’re closed off and distrusting (taako more than lup, but she’s certainly not exempt from their trauma) to other people and the world at large but they have always always been each other’s exception, each other’s utmost safe place, the one person they could be absolutely comfortable around, who they never have to be afraid of. that’s one of the things i find so compelling about them, that they trust each other with their entire selves. they have no reason to ever feel defensive around each other. oh to be known so entirely and intimately and never feel ashamed or afraid of judgement or abandonment. augh. so i do think they hug.

also—i don't think they're unhealthily codependent in the sense that they "don't know how to be a person without each other" like that's certainly not true for lup and i don't really think it's true for taako either. they have their own distinct personalities and identities they just also both inform each others’ lives. they're an integral part of each other's identity the way your family or best friend or partner or most important person in your life is but again i think that's fine.

but back to the topic at hand anyway they DO hide their misgivings from each other when it comes to huge shit with world-changing, life-threatening consequences lol. when it comes to, like, turning herself into a lich, or leaving to recover her dangerous magical artifact, lup feels like she needs to be entirely decisive and confident for taako, and when it comes to his sister turning herself into a lich, or proposing a dangerous magical artifact plan, taako feels like he needs to be unflinchingly supportive and loyal for lup. and those both backfire obviously. because they trust each other so completely that they don't trust each other enough to not trust each other. weird paradox.

but really its not a lack of trust in each other its their own insecurities projected onto each other. lup second guesses herself but feels like she can’t express that uncertainty so she’s alone with her doubts which increases the pressure and stress and creates a feedback loop that only makes her more insecure. and taako feels like he doesn’t have anything to bring to the table other than backing up lup and is afraid doubting her would hurt her which means he never has an opportunity to find out he does actually have good ideas and that lup would listen to him constructively. but it manifests in lup “not trusting taako” to have her back even if she doubts herself and taako “not trusting lup” to take criticism even if his idea is good.

and honestly i think the solution to this codependency just comes with… not being in those lifethreatening situations anymore. the universe was saved and they have normal (magical fantasy world) lives. so now when they’re hiding things from each other the stakes are a lot lower. and when the stakes are lower they’re able to express uncertainty because they don’t feel that extreme and terrifying pressure anymore. lup doesn’t have to make impossible decisions and stick to them despite any doubt because she doesn’t have the survival of entire worlds on her back anymore. taako doesn’t have to always agree with lup and uncritically support her every choice because he’s not the only thing holding her together from oblivion anymore. so they're able to express doubts and nothing falls apart and they're actually stronger for it. and they’re already doing so much work on fixing their relationship just from being separated and kinda grieving for a decade too, so they eventually work past that.

and also because they have to face those insecurities and their consequences. lup got trapped in umbrella limbo for a decade and taako had his life destroyed. if lup had been able to overcome her need to put everything on her shoulders and expressed uncertainty, if taako had been able to overcome his blind loyalty and expressed doubt, would they have gone through with the relics? would they have even gone through with the lich plan? they realize only afterward that they should’ve talked about it, and so they learn from their mistakes.

another tangent—isn’t it so crazy how, by any standard, lup should be the strongwilled, passionate, heroic protagonist and taako her cynical, pragmatic, yet loyal sidekick? and yet he’s the protagonist and she the supporting character in the actual narrative? so subversive and intriguing. i cant believe this was all masterfully and purposefully written. anyway. (<- in the in-universe metanarrative version of the story, lup [and honestly, probably davenport] is the tragic ghost who haunts the narrative and lucretia & barry are the morally gray protagonist foils, and tres horny boys are supporting characters/comic relief who go on to have their own semi-important b-plot arcs that ultimately serve to further the protagonists’ arcs. btw.)

back to the twins. i also think they don't only grow post-canon, i think they grow a LOT during the century, because in the beginning, they're coming from a life where they have been not only the most important people in each other's lives, but the ONLY people in each other's lives. and now they're suddenly faced with more people, which they handle fine individually, more or less—lup is faster to warm up to the others, but even though taako's attitude is very much that he only cares about him and his, he is capable of expanding the people who are "his" (eventually). but they've never had to bring other people into their dynamic with each other before.

i don't think either of them are possessive, their relationship is built on deepest mutual respect and love and trust and "possessiveness" is kinda antithetical to that, but they can both be jealous on occasion. although there is a difference—lup is the only one who will outwardly display jealousy (and maybe a better word than jealousy would be insecurity), again because of the dynamic earlier: taako must always support whatever decisions lup makes without question. so when taako dies one cycle and all of a sudden merle and magnus and everyone else grieve him too, lup feels a sense of ownership over grief (not over taako himself, but over loving taako, just because no one else ever really has before, and she’s never had to think about the possibility that he might love other people too) that she initially may not challenge but does eventually let go of, because it's actually a good thing that other people love him now, and bringing new people into their family doesn’t make their love for each other any less. and taako has a similar experience but tbh i think its a little easier for him bc, like, who wouldn’t love lup, and lup loves other people way more freely than taako does (still not super freely, its a low bar). not that lup thinks taako is unloveable OBVIOUSLY (taako does think he’s unloveable tho) i just think they have different attitudes abt it, like they both have the moments of “but you don’t love them as much as i do!!” which is true, no one loves them as much as they do, but taako’s more willing to let that shit go bc he just doesn’t care as much what the others do as long as they don’t fuckin bother him about it. like lup sees the others equate (as she sees it, but oc they’re not actually grieving At Her) their (comparatively shallow) grief to her world-shattering loss of her best friend, only family, soulmate, silly rabbit, and she gets angry about it, but taako’s reaction is more like, “ok they’re stupid. who cares.” meanwhile and more importantly, all of a sudden lup is falling in love with barry, but taako's not one to throw a fit or demand that he's the only one who can love lup nor the only one lup can love. she’s made her decision. he just gives barry advice and lets it quietly hurt and draws distant, because he has a deep seated fear of abandonment that is now, for the first time, clashing with his unshakable trust in lup. and their relationship irrevocably changes but maybe not for the worse, because taako has, for the first time, doubted lup, a disruption to their typical (codependent) dynamic. but, of course, in the end his fears are unfounded and lup pulls him back in, because their capacity for love increases—of course lup still loves him just as much and yknow what, so does barry, and so does the rest of the crew. so he doubts and fears and is proven wrong. and so they grow and change, and their world increases from two to seven.

but that doubt doesn’t really go away for a long time, exacerbated and strained the more lup keeps secrets (especially with barry) until it reaches a head when lup finally doubts taako and does truly abandon him. but again, of course, never on purpose and never forever, they find their way back to each other despite everything and, again, come away stronger for it. the idea that the twins’ relationship is never as close again after story and song is so fucking tragic and heartrending but really i just think its unrealistic. because the rift between them is what caused their pain in the first place, of course they wouldn’t just shrug and move on. they would do anything for each other, including a lot of difficult emotional work and healing. for a little while they do have to deal with the reality that they’re not as close as they were. but they can be again. it just takes time and effort.

but anyway just to drive my point home—we mostly see taako's side of it since he is the protagonist in the real world narrative, but lup is always, always positioned within that narrative as his most important person. (and even then, lup says as much for taako! she loves barry of course but she loves taako so much he’s her heart!!) when thb see their lives after the hunger in paloma's prophecy, taako sees himself cooking with lup. she's textually representative of healing and joy in his future, and she's the main character present in his epilogue too. she's his greatest loss and his greatest love, positioned in exactly the same place as julia and merle's kids. there are a myriad of love stories going on in balance and a myriad of love stories involving taako that are all beautiful and significant in their own right but i really do think the main one in his life is lup!!

well all that to say they’re my favorite little critters ever and i’m studying them under a microscope forever. how do you end posts

#whateverrrrr i’m just going to post this even though its rambling #anyway. promise im still writing my fan fictions. i just have been having too many thoughts been unable to condense them #writing this shit into an actual fic is much more satisfying and rewarding but its also sooo hard #bc i have to employ ‘subtlety’ and ‘nuance’ and ‘thoughtful writing’ instead of train of consciousness word vomit. sad! #i’ll never not be insane about them btw #taz taako #taz lup #taz #taz balance #taaco twins #lup #taako #mine #the twins #analysis #also um i know i mentioned barry and not kravitz. and thats because. well. i’m not sure what to do with him. #i think its chapter 12 of solace? thats literally just about him its already written its like 6k words and it resolves absolutely nothing #i’ll figure out how i think he fits in someday maybe

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Well about the perception of Volo vs Kamado thing, and why more people don’t hate Volo, I have my own reflections (pretty privilege is absolutely a factor tho let’s be real 😂)

Everyone growing up has at least one story of an adult being super unfair to you, even though you were doing everything right. Their own biases and experiences could be understood later once you were older and calmer reflecting back on the incident, like a teacher who snapped at you maybe had a super long day of wrangling hundreds of children. But we never forget how it feels in that moment to have those who should be guiding us be unfair and seemingly unreasonable. So naturally that’s gonna hurt when you get kamado being paranoid.

Volo on the other hand is just absolutely delightful I’m sorry maybe if Kamado put on a silly outfit and hair for his boss battle instead of plate mail he’d have more art. Like you said Volos betrayal is one and done really, he acts like a theater kid and then dips. You have to keep seeing kamado being in charge in the game after his blunders for a while which can rub people the wrong way. (Also this is maybe just me but I never trusted Volo just like I never trusted Cynthia as a kid, and finding out he was evil was a great moment of vindication I CANT be the only one who experienced this)

TLDR we see unfairness way more than we see someone betray us while making their hair like a god horse

well, you heard them, kamado. time to go get the jester outfit. cmon chop chop it's to redeem your image

yeah, the point abt getting burned by adults in authority is also very fair. most of us were not scarred for life by theater kid antics lol. the other thing abt it is that often those same adults never really face any consequences. you were always just expected to move on, suck it up etc. cause that's life as a kid right. sometimes ppl will use their power over you just to flex their limited authority, or to vent whatever's going on in their home life, and this doesn't really stop when you grow up it's just that when you're a kid basically every adult has that authority position. so it's just expected that there's nothing you can do. i mean unless you decide to be the karmic force of justice in your own life by being the most stubborn bitch of a child to walk the earth. not that i would know anything about that cough

uh anyway. the thing is the thing btwn you and kamado isn't about about child vs adult. you're more or less considered an adult yourself by jubilife, albeit a rather young and more importantly low ranking one. like we've said (a million times already lol) kamado's not doing it just to grasp at a sense of control, he's reacting to what he perceives as a very real threat to his village (and also because the writers clocked him in the face with the idiot ball for plot advancement reasons lbr).

and the thing is kamado DOES, kind of, face consequences and own up to his mistakes by the end of the game. also after the red sky event he's like, REALLY nice to you lol. not just briefly either! imo you can tell that he sincerely respects you and regrets his actions in the red sky. go look at his late game quotes-

"Perhaps you are a divine being yourself, sent to bring us gifts from above... "I know I've no right to say this... But we are truly fortunate to have been able to count you among the Survey Corps' ranks. If you had not joined us, we would have fallen on Mount Coronet. We would have lost our home. We would have lost our future." "I'm grateful to you for showing me what a heartening presence Pokémon can be. We must spar again sometime!" "<player>, forgive me for taking so much of your time [telling you about the Galaxy name.] Please accept this as a sort of apology."

like he's trying to make up for the way they were treated earlier and give them the proper treatment they're owed for all their help.

idk i don't have a good way to conclude this i guess. i just think he's a cool character

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #trudivination #pla analysis #i should really be tagging these kamado posts #but with what ugh #kamado apologist hours #that's what i tagged a previous one with i think. sure good nuff #i say the idiot ball thing bc like #kamado's PERCEPTION was semi reasonable but his ACTIONS kind of weren't #but it's also kind of unreasonable for such a seemingly competent person to get that straw-graspy that fast #like they purely did his character dirty bc it was the easiest way to get you to follow volo to cogita's house #imo at least. you (general you) may disagree. there's space to make an argument there

[ramonag-if]

I just had to tell you. The way you write family angst? Akin to how our old pal Da Vinci wields a paintbrush. Masterfully.

When Ahlf died? I was gutted. Genuinely. I'd been watching him and MC interact, holding out hope that they'd one day get to form a... warmer father-child relationship. Then he died. MC watched him die. I watched him die. I MC was so devastated, I MC called Crown's name stupid (Sorry, Crown. You too, Irus). Let it be noted that I'd been playing the shy/sincere MC till then. I was so gutted, MC moped/angsted all the way to the temple, while I sat there internally blubbering over the loss of MC's grumpy, emotionally unavailable, father.

(In case it hasn't been made clear yet, I also have father issues in the spades).

(Also, MC recovered their shy/sincere nature eventually. And became absolutely besotted with Irus. He obviously already knew, but still. Don't tell him that.)

(You can bet that I MC took all the chances to mourn/blubber over Ahlf whenever the chance came up, though. Those chances did come up frequently enough, now that I think about it. That moment when MC goes through Ahlf's box of letters in his room at Ellie's castle, mourning him and whatnot. Thanks for that, by the way. Really. I'm glad you didn't gloss over the persisting, subtle ache that comes with loss, which so many stories seem to do.)

Then, Salyra. Mama. MC had thought she was dead. I was convinced she was dead. So, seeing her alive and well and with a whole new husband and child to boot was. Wow.

By then, I had already fully immersed into the story. And while I don't see MC as myself, rather as an odd extension of my soul that I'm watching like some omniscient being who has nothing better to do with their time, I was, well.

Gutted. Again. And MC, too.

I MC's been going back and forth between being uncertain or bitterly angry for a while now. And Maybe accidentally gave Rana a Mean Look while still reeling over how Salyra was alive, with a new family.

When Salyra protected Rana from MC's Big Bad Stare and gave MC a disappointed look? Wow. Delicious scene. MC damn near imploded into a very sad confetti of abandonment and bitterness anger, but I really have to admit. That was peak writing and character interaction right there.

The best thing? None of the characters were demonized for all the things they'd done wrong. Not Ahlf, not Salyra, not MC. They were so human, in their actions and reactions and emotions and tears. You can hate them, you can love them, you can feel nothing about them, but they weren't just characters with an 'MC's parents: kind of really bad at it' label tacked on. They were characters made human, fleshed out and alive and raw.

Which is why it makes it hurt so much more. Makes all the family angst hurt so, so much more.

And I'm all for that, obviously.

Ah, and a special mention! The scene where MC just hugs Irus for comfort after another showdown with Salyra? Spectacular. Outstanding. Covering your arm with gold star stickers as we speak. I have to admit, I damn near melted at that scene. They're so cute. God.

Aaand after that long, long spiel that was definitely just 90% rambling, I'm bringing whatever this mess is to a close. So, Ra; (can I call you that? It sounds cool) thank you for bringing this story into existence, and for sharing it with us all. It was a lovely, beautiful experience, and I'm excited to see what lies ahead in this bloody wild ride you're taking us all on. You're awesome. Once again, thank you!!

Ah, thank you so much! 😭💖 Your message just made me smile like a fool! I don't think I'm anywhere near Da Vinci levels in writing family angst, so it means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I've written so far.

I felt really bad at the way Ahlf died, but his death had been planned long before Chapter 1 had been written. His death was supposed to be less dramatic than the way he went, but as I do try to remind readers, I'm a pantser opposed to a planner when writing so I rarely stick to my chapter outlines and will usually just go with my gut 😅 Ahlf's death really set the tone for the rest of the game, so I'm glad you enjoyed all the small moments to simply mourn his death. I knew that I was going into IF the way I normally write books - emotions are valued over branching/plot points.

Salyra was never going to be this complicated. She wasn't going to be married with another child either 😅 I obviously ignored plans and went right ahead into Angst Central, because I kept questioning Salyra as a mother and the person she would have become in the absence of Ahlf and the MC and suddenly, she was very complicated and brought a lot of baggage.

It was definitely important to showcase that it isn't all good and bad with Ahlf and Salyra. I know neither of them is perfect - no parent is perfect though they are quite far from that bar of being good parents 😬 You'll always get the choice to feel as you feel and the characters will always respond to your MC's choices. I do prefer the emotional development of the characters to the external factors, so glad you're feeling it too!

I actually enjoyed the scene where the MC cries into the ROs shoulder opposed to the hug. But that's just me, being an emotional wreck of a person when playing IF 😅

Please feel free to call me whatever you want 😋 I am quite liking Ra because Ra is my favourite Egyptian god and from my many nicknames over the years, I've never been called Ra before 😂

Thank you again for your support and kind words! I really do appreciate it 💖 It really makes writing the game worthwhile and pushes me to continue writing it.

#crown of exile #answered asks #thank you so much #💖 #salyra #ahlf #princeirus

[bitchfitch]

"I don't want to wear pants," The bull headed prince snorted. The phrase wouldve been comical coming from a pouting child, but the fact it was said by a completely nude, and nearly twelve foot tall half-bull half-man warrior, who was also pouting, elevated it to something else entirely.

The maid who had been tasked with taking the monsters measurements so that he could wear more than a loin cloth, that may or may not have been made of human skin, to his coronation, and who had at some point during this ordeal stopped fearing death, barked a short frustrated laugh.

"You have to," Madeline said, still holding the tape measure with a fake smile plastered on her face.

"No I don't," Serapis replied flatly.

"Yes, you do. You really really Really need to wear something to your coronation."

"Why? Am I so hideous to your sort that I must cover myself?" he didn't seem to mind the idea of humans finding him unattractive, his tone being more sarcastic than anything else.

"No, Youre not hideous. The issue is that not everyone wants to stare at your cock and balls, and unfortunately thats just the height most humans are to you."

"If they don't want to see me then they can look away."

"Serapis! Please, I know you arn't happy about this-"

"What is there to not be happy about? I was stolen from my home, bound and trapped in this horrible castle under threat that if I try to leave my people, my Actual people, will be slaughtered en masse. And now a little girl is bothering me like a fly and insisting on putting me in uncomfortable and restrictive clothing for the sake of those who have wronged me. I see no reason to be anything less than absolutely Joyful."

Madeline took a breath to center herself, she can do this. She is a mother of five teenagers, she could handle this whether she wanted to or not. "Serapis," she started, "I understand your frustrations and there is nothing I can do about them. What I can do is have clothes made for you that aren't uncomfortable for you. That's it. That is the extent of my power as your hand maid. So, Either let me take your measurements and tell me what you Want from your clothing, or I'll make some numbers up and order the most uncomfortable possible garments made so that you must go to your coronation naked. Which mind you, will do nothing but reinforce people's perception of you as a mindless beast."

"I don't like your tone," the obstinate beast huffed.

"I don't like yours either. Tell me what you don't like about pants."

"They're constricting and rub my fur the wrong way."

"That's it?" she has to rub her hands over her face, "Thats it? Truly the extent of your problems is that they rub weird?"

"Yes and I don't -"

"I'll have a pair of leather pants made for you. They stretch and sit tight to the skin but will move over your fur without disturbing it too much. If that doesn't work you're wearing a skirt. now for the shirt-"

"I don't want to-"

"Stop it, young man," she held a finger up at him, "Do not interupt me. Now, for the shirt I was thinking a cloak would suffice. It will keep you covered but would not be restrictive. Does that sound good your highness?"

"My name is Serapis."

"Get used to it. Let me finish taking your measurements so we can be done here."

He huffed, somehow looking even more petulant than he had before, but at least he finally stood still long enough for her to get her work done.

"Good, good," she said once she had finished, "I'll send these to the tailors."

Serapis meerly nodded and sat heavy on the edge of his bed letting his head hang as though that had been the most exauhsting endeavor of his life. Even though he wasn't the one having to climb up and down a step ladder every few minutes.

"Serapis," Madeline tried.

"Madeline," he responded.

"It's going to be ok."

"Will you be back?"

"Yes, you aren't getting rid of me that easily."

"Good. good," he nodded "I look forward to it,"he said without looking at her.

#in this one serapis makes a friend #he likes that she stands up to him #a noble opponent

[furiousgoldfish]

My family are okay, and it could be a lot worse than it becoming more ... influenced these days? They've been listening much more frequently to gateway alt right stuff (in front of me at least) and gone a bit heavy in the religion aspect of stuff. Had a bit of a panic attack when they listened to some anti-lgbt stuff in front of me (in the closet)

They themselves were abused in their own childhoods (though they definitely wouldn't put it that way + normalized back when they were growing up) so maybe i should cut them some slack? Apart from occasional slaps on my hand and when i was younger they used to bang my head with knuckles a bit if they were really mad. Theyve apologised for it but do mention how back in their day it was way worse.

I dont know i guess ive been thinking much more about the future recently and how theyd HATE it if they found out some of the stuff i really think. Lots of yelling. Its embarrassing to talk about this with friends.

This sounds dumb when i put it into words but for years now ive been forced to keep a diary. I liked the idea of having one and writing down about my self so i went with it until one day i wrote about how mad i was at them. They read it despite me telling them not to and made me apologise and write down how sorry i was for doing that. There was a lot of yelling. I cried. They openly read what i write now and kinda force me to do it. ngl I kinda hate the thing now. Was that wrong of them?

maybe this is too vague for a checklist but request for one about signs your family is going down a conspiracy rabbithole/signs your parents are victims of misinformation would be nice. This ended up rambly im sorry.

Anon, I am so sorry, this sounds like an absolutely terrifying experience. You're blameless in all of this, you're perfect as you are, but your parents are actively participating in a hate group against your own person, in front of you, consistently exposing you to that narrative, and that is like being in the enemy's lair, isn't it? It has to affect your well being negatively, to hear those sorts of things, it's like you're forced every day to listen to perspectives of people who absolutely despise you, think you shouldn't exist or be the way you are, and who are ready to go and hurt anyone who is like you.

No, you do not need to cut them any slack. Were you any of their parents who did those things to them? No? Were you the founder of the culture where were hit, or force children to hit themselves? I don't think it's possible, since you weren't even born when that shit started. So your responsibility for this is zero. Yet these two people are coming at you asking you to be grateful they're not doing worse to you. Apparently by the logic of 'we had it bad, now you have to be grateful when we do bad things to you'. As if.

No person or being who was abused in the past, regardless of how badly, has the 'free card' to now inflict similar abuse on you. That is completely ridiculous and if that were true, than anyone abused would be going around hurting everyone else and it would be 'fine' because that person was abused as well. That kind of thinking only brings forth more abuse and trauma and nothing else. You did nothing to deserve any of that shit. If their parents hurt them, they should go ahead and take it up with their own parents. Except, they don't, do they? Because they cowards and prefer blaming and directing it towards their child.

If you had a kid, would you want that kid to be grateful you're hurting them slightly less than your parents are doing to you? It sounds insane, doesn't it. You'd want your kid to be happy and safe from ANY abuse, not paying for whatever anyone else has done to you in the past. Because that kid is innocent and did nothing to warrant bearing the burden of your past. And you are that kid right now, you are asked to bear the burden of the abuse that got absorbed into culture, abuse that your parents suffered and abuse they feel entitled to inflict onto you, and for what? It doesn't make anything better or fairer. It doesn't make the world a better place if you're getting hurt in it. If your parents think it's normal they can do it to their parents, thats none of your business. You're a kid brought into that family by no will of your own, subjected to horrifying shit and told you should bear it like it's normal. It's not normal. No child deserves this.

I also have to say that banging your own head with knuckles is especially vicious and victim-blaming abuse to do, I'm sickened by the very thought, and if they felt sorry for that, they would have never done it. It sounds like they'll do just anything in anger and expect 'sorry' to fix it. Sorry doesn't fix abuse. They shouldn't have slapped your wrists either.

The last part of your ask really had me in shock and horror, because that was such an intimate invasion of your privacy, and for them not even even feel sorry or ashamed for invading your private boundaries like that, but to be enraged you dared to feel anger? It's disgusting what they did. They should be so deeply ashamed. Any normal people would realize there's something wrong with them if their child is so mad and would take it as a sign to do some introspection and to evaluate whether they've been unfair, cruel, abusive or hateful to the kid, that is if they already went so far to read your diary without your permission, that they forced you to have!

Their reactions prove that they're so dead-set on controlling you, they even want to control your inner thoughts, convince you that you have no right to anger, no right to human feelings or human expressions, that you should be like a robot who only listens to commands and reacts in the way they want to. It's dehumanizing, disgusting and insanely cruel. You're a human being who's been hurt. Of course you're angry. You have the right to anger. You should have the right to express it in any way you want to, not just to write it in your private diary, but to yell and scream and fight back. But you got punished and had to take your own words back, when you did the least possible expression of it, writing it down privately.

Here's a post that feels relevant, explaining why it's wrong for parents to suppress anger in their children. Here's another one on importance of anger.

They know that any sign of your anger is a proof of their abuse, and that's why they're fighting so hard to suppress it. If they put that energy in trying to be good parents, they could have been great parents to you. They made their choices. Just based on this shameless and gross invasion of privacy and trying to control even your thoughts, it sounds like they have narcissistic tendencies, and they should not be trusted with a child.

I wish I could give you the checklist you asked for, but I have no experience whatsoever on parents, or people, who are being sucked into conspiracy theories, I think I've read articles about it, on topics like QAnon, explaining the phenomena, I'll try to find the post explaining why do people fall for conspiracy theories in general. Here it is. I hope it helps.

If anyone has more resources on conspiracy theories or knows about a checklist, please link it to this post.

#abusive parents #physical violence tw #child abuse #victim blaming #victim shaming #invasion of privacy #breach of privacy #punishing anger

[whereonceiwasfire]

I’m going to need you all to indulge in my Vlad/Harriet hyperfixation for a second, because if I have to make this much space in my head for this then so do you *watches helplessly as you scroll away from my rambling post.* 

Alright, well, that’s not going to stop me. I’ll talk to an empty room. Just you wait.  

Anyway, so, I love the idea that while Vlad is just one big red-flag wrapped up in a tailor-made suit (and Harriet hasn’t run away screaming yet) he’s still reticent to let on that he’s a half-ghost. Because that’s GOT to be the final straw, right? The last of what she’s willing to put up with? So he keeps it secret. And while there’s a whole host of hilarious ways that can go down (especially because Harriet’s a reporter, and sharp, and Vlad has been a ghost for 20-some-odd years, and doesn’t spend a lot of time around humans, so probably has some bizarre and unnatural little habits) the specific thing I can’t stop thinking about is how Danny would tie into all of this. If Harriet doesn’t know Vlad’s a half-ghost, she certainly doesn’t know Danny’s a half-ghost, and the potential here is just KILLER. 

First of all, this has got to be the absolute most confusing set of interactions Harriet has ever seen in her life. While she knows her man-child boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a damp washcloth, it’s bewildering just how much the son of their college friends drives Vlad CRAZY. Muttering under his breath about the Fenton boy, their weird silent stand offs whenever they’re in the same room together, the way Vlad blames absolutely anything that goes wrong on Danny.  Car gets totaled in a random ghost encounter while he’s in Amity? Daniel. Something goes wrong at Vlad Co.? Daniel. Coffee maker doesn’t work? Daniel. 

This could also potentially shift the power dynamic in a really fun way. Danny’s shocked, and frankly, a little nauseated, to figure out that Vlad’s dating someone. Don’t get him wrong, he’s thrilled the Fruitloop is finally off his mom, but it just doesn’t seem right that anyone could LIKE Vlad. However, he can tell the dude hasn’t told/doesn’t want his girlfriend to know he’s the literal thing of nightmares. And, as much as he’s doing a terrible job of it, Vlad is trying to act like he doesn’t have an ongoing rivalry with a fourteen year old whenever Harriet is around. Plastering on the dead-eyed smiles, offering polite platitudes through gritted teeth, etc., etc. Danny takes every advantage of this to drop in unannounced and pretend that Vlad’s just his weird uncle. Oh yeah, he absolutely definitely routinely has Danny over for dinner and movie nights, buys him expensive gifts, helps him with his homework. You know. The usual. And Vlad can’t say anything to the contrary because he can’t otherwise explain why Danny keeps showing up, not to mention the fact that Danny has made it VERY clear he’s willing to spill Vlad’s secret. Danny likes to pull Harriet aside with a deep and serious “I need to tell you something important,” then pause dramatically before he goes off about the frog he found at lunch or some such whatever. Vlad figures Danny probably won’t actually tell his secret, because the boy must know he’d be outing them both to a reporter if he says anything, but Vlad’s not entirely sure. After all, Daniel is an incompetent child who has done worse for less cause. So Vlad tries to be on his very best behavior. TRIES being the operative word. Anytime Harriet leaves the room, Danny and Vlad are at each other’s throats, wielding cutlery like weapons, exchanging heated barbs back and forth, threatening each other. Vlad’s got an arm wrapped around Danny’s neck when Harriet returns with a mug of tea. Vlad laughs good-naturedly, forces a smile, rubs his knuckles against Danny’s scalp. Ahaha, see, they were just playing around. Good ol’ Uncle Vlad, what a kidder, amiright? Nothing suspicious happening here.

Bonus points if Harriet thinks Danny is adorable and keeps inviting him over, despite the weird animosity between these two losers.   Harriet: Oh, Vlad, you know how Maddie and Jack are. I’m sure the poor kid hasn’t had a decent meal in weeks. And he’s so attached you. Tell him he can come for dinner. Vlad *under his breath*: I would rather throw myself into a pit of scorpions than put up with that insolent brat for another-  Harriet: What’s that? Vlad: I said...Daniel would you *chokes* like to join us for dinner? Of course, this arrangement does sometimes backfire on Danny when he’s inevitably around while Vlad and Harriet are being *gag* coupley.          

#vlad/harriet #danny phantom headcanons #Danny Phantom #danny fenton #vlad masters #harriet chin

[creatively-cosmic]

Heyyy, it’s me again :)

Wanted to say that the Fire lore is indeed Fire. And dark. Jesus Christ Almighty is it dark and I love everything about it. (I wanna give Fire a hug now but I don’t know if he likes hugs from strangers-)

ANYWAY! I got curious again and I have more questions: about Blue this time. I hope this isn’t too much.

Okay, first question: Where did Blue get the scar on his neck?

Second: Does Blue hate Fire? Or is he just so angry at his unfair existence that he takes it out on the thing closest to/most important to Arceus that he can get his hands on? (I might be reading things wrong, but that’s the vibes I get from it.)

And Third: Would Blue really be happy to see (His?) Red if he came back, even though he’s completely batshit insane?

That’s all though! I hope this wasn’t annoying. Have a good day/afternoon/night!

Trust me when I say that not only are you no trouble at all, but getting questions about Missing Numbers has been the highlights of our days! We love getting to talk about this, and it's wonderful that people have shown care and interest. Your questions make us really happy and we're always more than happy to answer.

For starters, Fire is a giant teddy bear of a man. He doesn't mind hugs. In fact, I think he needs one.

As for Blue!

The scar on Blue's neck is one of the clearest signs of his... Anomaly? Corruption?

It's a design troupe we like to use, of some kind of subtle physical sign of a more metaphysical issue. For this scar on Blue, it's the source of his Glitched state. It's an entire piece of the story, how he ended up partially corrupted and how it works, but to keep it... Simple? Without getting into the mechanics of how it worked or the in-depth story of what happened, lest we're here all day?

The scar is from his first death. The event it's from is, essentially, the first time he and Fire went through their little murder-suicide death loop, spurred on by Leaf's demise. It's a point of no return: opening up the flesh, giving up his life, and letting the corruption seep in.

Does Blue hate Fire? It feels like a cop-out answer to say it's complicated, but it REALLY is. Not even he really knows how he feels.

He hates him, yet he loves him so. He can't comprehend him, but he's the only one who understands. He's so much greater than him, so high above. He's so much less than him, like dirt beneath his feet. He is his greatest equal, the only one he could look in the eye.

It isn't his fault. It's ALL his fault. He wants him here. He wants him gone. He can't imagine losing him. He wants him dead. He NEEDS him dead. He is NOTHING to him. He's his friend rival enemy savior punishment god damnation lover

everything.

Is he haunting Blue? Is Blue haunting him? Isn't it a cruel existence to be taunted by? The man who stole the name, the place, the identity of the only one he cared for. Is it betrayal to love him too? Who else could he come to love, but him? But he's seen it- how empty he is. Like everything he does is done because it's predestined. Surely, you'd think, it's meaningless as "Red" tries to extend warmth. Tries to show kindness. Tries to be a friend. Acts like Blue means something to him.

The warmth in those brown eyes shouldn't mean anything. Not when he's seen them so cold, so empty, in everything else he's done. Not when those eyes should have been the intense red Blue KNOWS he remembers from his childhood. It's all wrong.

It's not fair. That's the main thing, and you understood that much in your question. Save one thing- Blue doesn't know about Arceus. He has no idea who is responsible. No clue why this has happened, or what's happening. He's in the dark.

All that he knows is one night as a child, at his lowest moment, his best friend left him with a tangible promise.

And the next day he was gone. He doesn't know what happened.

And the world moved on.

And then there was the brown eyed kid. Him in every sense but so, absolutely and completely, wrong. And there's no explanation. No reason. Nothing. So who else could he possibly blame? Who else could that anger possibly be directed towards?

He tried to find anyone, anything, any way to justify it. In his rational mind, this must be something beyond their control. And he's so sweet. So gentle. So quiet. So kind. But with no way to see or even comprehend the higher powers at play, every sign can only point to him.

That imposter. That replacement. That bastard.

... That boy, the only one who chose to be his friend in spite of everything.

Does he hate him? Does he not? What else can I say? It's just... Complicated.

As for the Third question.

It's funny you ask. I have a bigger piece for this planned.

#missing numbers #sorry this one took a bit i wanted to do special drawings because these were GOOD questions gaah #i hope reposting some pics with these isn't obnoxious either. ig its cool to add context to older drawings- #-while also using them as a means to be a littleee cryptic with it #theres so much to this story genuinely. i want people to ask questions #we don't care much about keeping things secret its just hard to explain All At Once and probably even harder to read #so doing them in tidbits like this is really nice! ^^

[gyaruogutz]

👀 i'd be curious... (about your last post)

You’re in luck , I love talking about myself when asked ~

Information is under the cut , mostly for my personal preference ! CW for , well , transharmful things !! I don’t really go into detail until the very end , but still . I’m trigger-tagging this as a vent just in case.

It will probably be a lot lmao !! Be careful what you wish for Anon !!

A lot of my harmful thoughts come from rage . And that sounds very stereotypical , right ? Like “ oh, of course the transharmful person has homocidal thoughts , that’s a given . “ You’re right of course ! But it’s not just homocidal thoughts I get .

I get paraphiliac thoughts and urges as well when I’m in a heightened state of emotion , whether it be a positive OR negative feeling that I’m experiencing . & I’ve gotten homocidal thoughts from excitement or joy before . With heightened emotions these days comes heightened impulse .

I’m very good in retrospect with controlling these impulses , for the saftey of me and those around me . I’ve done nothing that warrants suspicion from those who trust me IRL , and nothing to tip off any mental health professionals , much less anything authorities would be concerned about.

I experience these thoughts near-constantly . I’m either wishing to be violent , aggressive & homocidal , or I’m fantasizing , usually sexually , ( but not always , to be fair ) about one of my paraphilias . When I’m not in these states of mind I’m almost purposefully distracting myself with special interests or hyperfixations . And mind you this is while I’m ON my medications , haha !! Though I doubt I’d be at risk of offending for either side when I’m not , my medication moreso keeps anxious paranoia and depression away .

These thoughts at this consistently don’t just come out of nowhere . To start off with , I’m also cis-traumatized , and had a C-PTSD diagnosis at the chrono age of 14 ( though apparently it’s not a diagnosis anymore ? correct me if I’m wrong ). My specialized therapist and I have determined I have genuine plurality that is either mostly or completely traumagenic , most likely P-DID or DID . I also have reason to be weary of having suffered R4MC04 ( censoring in case of antis jumping my post ) abuse as a child , due to knowledge of some of my alters I have experience with , and how I react subconsciously to certain things .

However , I have also most likely gained these thoughts from doing harmful things in my adolescence , usually impulsively and on purpose.

Disclaimer , chrono-minors ; I cannot and will not recommend you do ANY of these things listed . I’m not your parent and I can’t stop you , I understand that , but I feel obligated to put this warning here . Additionally I’m not providing details on how I did these things myself , and I will not do so if asked .

For one , as a young teen I would purposefully seek out sexual contact with much older men for my own sexual and emotional amusement . This is where I developed a lot of my sexual tastes from , honestly . I never felt bad for doing these things , only shame for getting caught by then-friends who were appalled.

I would also frequently ( with their consent ) use friends in my group for that same gratification . I lost my virginity to a friend I met in my first year of public middle school , years later in our friendship , for example .

I was also ( and still am , honestly ), a stalker of those who gave me enough attention to be interested , whether online or in person . I was also obsessive , checking messages and getting intense emotions when I saw my various objects of affection over the years do something I didn’t approve of .

There were also some things in younger childhood ,

— I ( unintentionally ) scared the absolute shit out of most boys in the two grades below be because I was notorious for harassing them for my amusement as a kid . ( my autistic ass simply thought that’s how people played at the time , but I thought it was also REALLY funny )

— for some odd reason , in my small impoverished Catholic elementary school , my year consistently had the most traumatized kids out of all of them . I was faced with sexual assault stories , parental death stories , physical abuse stories and more by my close friends all before I was ten, and besides the parental death ( which was a singular case ), all of that was normalized and unfortunately almost romanticized by the girls in my grade .

I specifically remember a friend of mine getting assaulted by a college boy when we were in third grade , and recall three girls asking her excitedly about the experience . ( STATING THIS IS NOT TO ROMANTICIZE IT, this is a genuine example of how serious violence was romanticized in my childhood. )

— I can name at least one teacher I know in middle school that clearly had eyes for me sexually . Nothing ever happened with him in my active memory , but I knew , and I think he knew I knew , and I definitely used it to my advantage . There was also one in high school , who , again nothing in my active memory happened with him , but I definitely knew and again used it to play him like a fiddle .

Until I was TOLD that these things were wrong , I wasn’t aware . I saw it as normal , fun , and exciting .

So those are most of my thoughts on the subject . Not sure if I’m cis-harmful or trans-harmful really .

#tw vent #tw sa mention #paraphile safe #pro para #paraphiles please interact #pro transx #transid #transharmful #rq safe

[liathebookwyrm]

"Is it weird to call my teacher dad?"

.... and the unforeseen consequences of informally adopting every child you come across.

Wei Wuxian, facing the twice-mothly assembled mob of cultivators at his doorstop: "Can I help you?" -distant explosion and screaming- Enter Mo Xuanyu with much shorter hair than he had this morning: "Daaaaad, I mean Senior Wei look at what Xue Yang did to my hair!!!!" Xue Yang -still clutching the smoldering remains of whatever talisman they were fooling with-: "You promised you wouldn't tell!"

Mob of cultivators: confused pikachu.jpg

Meanwhile Lan Wangji is in the background, meditating as if nothing's happening. A-Yuan is quietly sitting next to him, chewing on his forehead ribbon. A Lan elder complains that only parents, spouses and children are allowed to touch the ribbon, and Lan Wangji calmly says A-Yuan is his son.

Now imagine, after that bombshell has died down a little, someone from the Jin side making a comment about how much Mo Xuanyu looks like the Jin main family and Mo Xuanyu stops trying to put Xue Yang in a headlock long enough to yell back that he wouldn't know seeing as his father literally abandoned him and his mother to die.

Xue Yang, feral cat that he is, starts describing in vivid detail what he will do to said father should he ever come forward…

The gossip spreads, because of course it does, and funnily enough Jin Guangshanis found dead at the bottom of Koi Tower's steps a few days later. Xue Yang is the most obvious suspect but it's rather suspicious how well Jin Guangyao and Madam Jin are getting along these days…

The fact that Xue Yang canonicaly shows affection by stabbing those who are mean to his loved ones is an untapped source of endless comedy in my opinion.

Imagine Xue Yang trying to justify himself to a disapproving Lan Wangji and he's all "I don't know, I just stab anyone who's pissed off me or someone I like, or if they try to take someone I like away from me."

Cue Lan Wangji remembering his bitey child days, when several of his teachers ended up with teeth marks on their arms, and that very memorable occasion when he tried to bite Nie Mingjue after deciding he was spending too much time with Lan Xichen.

Or better yet, teenage!Xue Yang at his most obstinate mood, glaring up at Lan Wangji and only saying: "He was rude to Senior Wei!" about his latest stab victim. Lan Wangji cannot find it in himself to disapprove of this thought process. Which unfortunately means that Wei Wuxian has (to his eternal despair, and he would like to point out that he absolutely did NOT sign up for this) to be the one enforcing discipline.

The thought also occurs that between Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Wen Ning, Wen Qing and the murder gremlins, if anyone looks at A-Yuan wrong will never be found dead or alive or in one piece…. A-Yuan grows up blissfully unaware that he has an entire army of parents/aunts/uncles/siblings behind him. He just thinks nothing bad ever happens. And let's not even forget the ghost aunties. Or that (tragically underused) ghost lady that Wei Wuxian summons once and literally never again (unfair!)? She's always tailing behind A-Yuan and he's so used to the presence of ghosts that he doesn't even notice her looming over his shoulder. Juniors from other sects are less….comforted by her presence. She's his self-appointed chaperone

It doesn't take long for her (and the other ghost aunties) to decide they actually have four baby nephews to look after - and no amount of bitching from Jin Ling is going to get rid of them. It's either Ghost-jie or Mo Xuanyu to supervise them. And where Mo Xuanyu is, Xue Yang is not far behind so…

No nighthunting would get done with these two around. They are too fond of shenanigans.

As always co-authored with/enabled by @sswangxian

#getting a new sibling #older brother #the untamed #yilling wei #wei wuxian #xue yang #mo xuanyu #unexpected side effects of parenting #xue yang went off on his own once #came back with mo xuanyu #and was like #can i keep him? #he followed me home #a-yuan has a few very confused years #where he thinks that means #wwx did promise to grown him some on the raddish patch...