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courage-a-word-of-justice · 4 years

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Fate/Zero 1 - 25 (FINAL)

Most of these notes stayed intact during Fate/Stay Winter posts, but I’m releasing them in an unedited version here (aside from the dotpoints and read more, of course).

Fate/Zero 1

For some reason, I have it recorded that I’ve watched F/Z ep. 1, but I don’t remember it! I only remember Saber fighting someone…that’s why I have notes for this ep too.

Ewwwwwww…what’s that in the Macedonian box…?

Oh! Heaven’s Feel is the name of one of the movies that came out this year or last.

LOL, the grandparents of Waver literally refer to him as “Waver”. I thought it was a title. Is it really his name???

I’m very good at making connections between seemingly disconnected things using only the things I know. I predict Kariya’s in for a verrrrrrrry bad time and will probably die in this Grail War, if not go bananas. I already know Rin, Ilya (the Einzbern child) and Sakura are already part of the Fate/ canon, so they’re probably going to fight in a Grail War as well.

Ahhhhhhh! B*stard Archer (that is, Gilgamesh)! He’s hereeeeeeeee!

What’s that counter on the ep title card…? Is it the time until the Grail War…?

Fate/Zero 2

I’ve seen enough spoilers being bandied about that I already know Rider is Alexander the Great.

Like, seriously, why do we call the dude “Waver Velvet”? What’s his real name?

Kiritsugu acts as Ilya’s dad, but…I’m pretty sure he isn’t her dad. Kiritsugu’s surname is Emiya, right? He’s Shirou’s dad, as far as I know. Then again, I only know what I know from being around Fate/ fans for so long.

LOL, there are far too many dragons in this name – Ryuunosuke Uryuu.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Is this Giant B*stard Archer???? Is this Giant B*stard Archer??? (i.e. Gilgamesh) Oooooooooh! No wonder people like Gilgamesh, even though they call him a giant loveable b*stard.

Fate/Zero 3

Thy don’t call Rider that for nothin’, eh?

I wonder how Saber managed to get a passport…? She’d need one, eh?

Oh…CGI car…it’s burning my eyesssssssss! (although I do believe Troyca didn’t do any better with El-Melloi’s Case Files)

“Hotel in Fuyuki” – They couldn’t be any more explicit with this stuff, could they…?

“…Highness.” – I can see why Saber is so popular with the Fate/ fans now.

Huh? I seem to remember the battle that comes next! Damn *bleep* <- (censored name of anime club manager responsible for the anime marathon that caused me to go from the beginning of F/Z in the first place)! I definitely remember Saber fighting Lancer.

Fate/Zero 4

(sorry, seen this one! That’s where the confusion was! So no notes here!)

Fate/Zero 5

Berserker looks like Goblin Slayer covered in smoke…LOL.

…Well, they don’t call that guy Berserker for nothin’ either.

Rider would make a great Santa Claus, LOL.

Fate/Zero 6

Isn’t there a Joan of Arc in the Netflix Fate/ (Apocrypha)?

Dang, that Kayneth is an evil b*stard, alright!

Kirei is basically Wolverine…?

No wonder you never hear about Caster when people talk about Fate/…he’s neither hot nor a waifu…so nobody gives a s*** about him.

Fate/Zero 7

Is that a Gantz?

Wait, y’mean Rider is motivated…by pants? *spits* Hahahaha…

You can see Ufotable’s much-praised CGI at work here, too.

I can definitely see why Ufotable was chosen for Katsugeki and why they chose Izuminokami for their protag.

Had to google Jeanne to remember what she looks like in this universe, but yeah…she does look like Saber.

For some reason, I had a fleeting thought that Lancer would be the one to be on the mountain alongside Saber…I was right.

So basically, the entire Fate/ series is this: who would win? A mage or an assassin? (Or something like this.)

Fate/Zero 8

I still think Kirei is basically Wolverine.

Kiritsugu = “to cut and tie”.Update: It’s “to tie” and “to inherit”, apparently.

F/Z 9

I wonder…just what is Lancer’s motivation for the Grail? Surely, Servants have their own motives…

I literally covered my eyes when Sola-Ui bent Kayneth’s finger back…it was almost as bad as seeing Nozomi get tortured (Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka)…*gulp*

“Not well” is an understatement, Sola-Ui.

I had to google how old Waver was in this Grail War…he’s 19, apparently, so right in my strike zone right here, so to speak~.

Beleaguered Waver is what you cool kids would call the 2020 Mood…and yes, I’m watching this on the 1st of January, 2020 (but you’re reading this after I put it up later in the month), so I’m keeping the comment.

“What kind of moron would go busting in?” – *facepalm* It seems Rider would.

What the heck is Rider riding his chariot over on the floor, anyway? What’s up with these sewer creatures ? They’ve got tentacles…!

F/Z 10

Rin reminds me of Asuka (NGE)…*gulp* That can only mean bad things for her.

Zenjo? I’ll make a note of that name.

That one glowing sign says “Fuyuki Station”.

Rin no Bouken = Rin’s Adventure. I don’t see why the subbers included “Big” in there, tbh.

F/Z 11

Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling Saber’s going to get very, very drunk…?

Gee whiz, the great b*stard is a narcissist…

Well, sometimes I forget I had “Archer = Gilgamesh” spoilt for me ages ago…probably because he’s all over Babylonia, not to mention he seems to be one of the more popular characters precisely because he is the great b*stard.

“I wish for my homeland’s salvation.” – An interesting thing to say, considering Brexit.

What the f*** is a Gordius…oh, okay. So that’s Rider’s chariot.

How many Assassins are there??? I thought there was just the one, but there were 4 last time.

This discussion is interesting…no wonder Saber got mistaken for Joan of Arc back in the day.

Welp, Assassins gotta assassinate…*shrugs*

Eyyyyyy…there’s this one guy who looks basically like an older Waver Velvet! That explains a few things, I think.

F/Z 12

“Ramasonic” (sic).

I still think Gil-I mean, Archer’s snakeskin pants are hilarious.

I feel like last episode was a lot better in regards to how good Fate/ could be. This episode is just Ufotable animating talking Gilgamesh and Kirei heads.

Why do I get a bad feeling something bad’s going to happen to Maiya…again?

Kirei trying to look bada*s while leaning against a wall…it looks sort of funny, to be honest with you…because he bends his neck at a funny angle.

F/Z 13

This is the end of the 1st cour, apparently…according to AniList, at least.

“…5 billion people.” – I think the number is 7 billion now, but okay.

Never leave your Servant unsupervised, amirite?

I saw one of the bookstore’s shelves has science fiction on it…hmm, in a show with magic, that seems ironic…or was that non-fiction? Also somewhat ironic.

Oh, this “Don’t you want to do anything fun?” from Rider to Waver is an interesting parallel to Kirei’s episode (the previous one).

Dragon guy’s off his rocker…seriously.

Paraphrasing here, but “…if you want to use the Grail to make yourself taller…” – then stick to milk and other calcium products, Waver…LOL. I mean, other anime characters do.

Even Saber Naruto runs! There are no aliens here…but that car does have gull-wing doors (<-had to google what the doors were called), so…is it a DeLorean or something? Then someone could time travel instead.

I thought one of the previous commands from the overseers was to defeat Caster…?

Fate/Zero has become a kaiju movie, LOL.

Scared Waver is also a 2020 Mood…LOL.

F/Z 14

What’s this “Giant of Light” business…?

Geesh…If Ufotable did a Godzilla movie, I would watch that…(now that this monster makes me think of that possibility.)

This is a small quibble, but is it “Diabolo” or “Diablo”?

Somehow it didn’t even hit me until the fight was halfway over…but does Gilgamesh control a flying airship as part of his Noble Phantasm?!

Pretty scenery or not, talking people standing still are just that…not very entertaining, for sure. It’s basically the only flaw of this series, aside from the fact it hasn’t plumbed the depths of its themes yet.

Ufotable’s clouds look kind of like Gainax’s in Houkago no Pleiades, huh?

Tokiomi seems to blame Kariya for the whole sister vs. sister thing. Hmm, it really just shows how demented the guy is.

F/Z 15

Berserker is only ever in CGI, huh? No wonder Ufotable was given the job.

“That’s…from King Arthur’s legend…” – Can I please interrupt with the Excalibur song? (I’m annoying like that and want to ruin your level of immersion, that’s why.)

Hey, who knew? We get to see Joan in this anime, too. Thank you, Ufotable and Type Moon for saving me a Netflix subscription.

F/Z 16

“Things have been rather hectic this evening.” – Well, you don’t say…

*Saber and Lancer start their fight * - I detect signs there may have been people shipping Saber and Lancer at this point in time, what with their mutual ideas of honour and such.

Kayneth is kind childish, LOL – he’s like a kid peeping at his parents while they complain to each other about a hard day’s work or something.

Uh, this curse from Lancer here is definitely gonna be relevant later, right…?

I was muttering, “Oh goodness” (<- I’m self-censoring here, but you get the point) a few times over when Kiritsugu and Maiya finally got around to killing Kayneth, Lancer and Kayneth’s fiancee. By the way, were those two ever married…? Also, this makes me wonder…what would happen if you got a completely useless Servant? Like “King of Fools” or something. It would sound like the Familiar of Zero, sure, but it would be an interesting exercise in making a compelling narrative.

F/Z 17

Dangit, B*stard Archer. Disappearing just after you provoked Kirei…

Oh! I found the Avalon scene confusing at first, but now that they explain it, it makes a lot more sense.

“As I live and breathe, Kirei!” – Sounds mighty ironic for a meant-to-be-dead historical figure to say that.

F/Z 18

We jump to someone else’s story…or do we?

For some reason, I think this beach place is based on Okinawa. (It seems like the best match.)

“This isn’t a game.” – Seems highly ironic, given his current situation.

I know Kiritsugu is probably looking into Shirley’s eyes, but all they show is the boobs downwards, so I imagine it to be fanservice.

That shaking was just to disguise the bad animation, wasn’t it…?

…and suddenly, zombies!

Well, that’s great, Kiritsugu. You ended up burning down a village by association. Good job…

“Vampires.” – Well, that wasn’t the word I was expecting…

For some reason, I think this new arrival is a woman, but now that I get a proper look at their face, they kinda look like the Great B*stard (Gilgamesh). Update: It looks like they have cleavage, but then they also kinda resemble Samatoki (Hyp Mic)…so, uh…I dunno. Update 2: Okay, she’s a woman…Natalia, to be precise.

The houses on fire look a lot like the ones in Katsugeki, come to think of it.

F/Z 19

Wait, what’s a Mystic Code again…?

Oh, I didn’t think this show would do it, but there’s a good few seconds of recap. I know, because I had to skip it.

Oh, the reason Kiritsugu doesn’t seem to ally with the Association or the Church is because Natalia wasn’t part of either. Right…I’m so dumb.

Am I just reading into Kiritsugu’s pose here too much, or does he look like Christ the Redeemer a bit…?

There’s something oddly pretty about Vorzak. Then again…it’s too bad he’s designated to be dead.

I could tell Kiritsugu was CGI for a second…but he was in fog. Dangit, Ufotable. You know how to disguise your CGI well.

…Okay, those bees were very CGI. Scrap what I just said.

Bees on a plane. What a way to die.

I’ve noticed Kiritsugu’s eyes don’t have any pupils in them. They’re always kind of dead, but not in th same way En’s (<- from Boueibu) are.

What happened to Kiritsugu’s mother…?

The extended flashback seems to be the best way to my heart, assuming you can pull it off properly.

What’s with that “sometime, somewhere”?

F/Z 20

There hasn’t been a proper OP since 3 episodes ago.

Was Maiya ever interested in Kiritsugu as a woman? This vague pseudo-harem sorta annoys me, which is why I need answers.

The crows in this show aren’t very fluffy. Not that I have a problem with that…it’s just a bit random (and I’m saying that as I operate without much sleep and will have a huge period of getting up early in my near future, so you’re probably going to see even more randomness coming from my brain).

Modanyaki. Never thought I’d be googling a Japanese concept for this anime.

This sleeping bag Waver reminds me of Aizawa, but this is at least 4 years too early for that.

That cloud in the top left is shaped funny…like a knight, maybe? (There’s a triangular bit that looks lik a helmet.)

I believe the bird is a bush warbler (uguisu), based on the colour.

So this is where you learn what the f*** a Gordius Wheel is…right.(sounds a bit pissed)

Seeing Kariya squirm…it makes me thank my lucky stars I had the sound off. My imagination makes the scene worse, though.

So fakers beget fakers and killers beget killers, huh? Not surprising.

“I’ve always told him he was doing the right thing.” – Because you didn’t know any better, huh, Iri?

F/Z 21

“Knight on Two Wheels” – What would that knight be riding, a bike…? (somewhat sarcastic)

…A motorbike. Close enough. (not sarcastic anymore)

The motorbike’s plate says “Fuyuki - Te” – instead of a licence plate combo, Japan has a single hiragana.

Well, at least now I know why you never hear of Kariya outside Fate/Zero much…those worms don’t give him long to live.

Isn’t Tokiomi dead though…?

Holy s***, Kariya, you just got framed! *yells in the tone of voice as if Kariya got owned…which he did, in a sense*

*brow furrowed* What’s up with the framing of Aoi’s killing that makes this seem like attempted rape…?

Kirei looks all dead inside. (LOL) I know it’s the animators’ fault that they didn’t bother with him in that scene, but…he has the eyes of a dead fish there, y’know? I can’t help but laugh.

F/Z 22

Never in my life have I seen a grandpa want to talk on the roof.

The grandpa reminds me of Rider…that’s probably where part of their relationship comes from.

You can see the lack of sleep is getting to Kiritsugu right now…his face looks a little sunken…

…Fate/ is apparently pretty infamous for treating its women badly from a feminist persepctive and I think I get why now…(referring to the death of Aoi and now Kirei’s treatment of Iri)

I think the scariest part of F/Z is watching th emotionless guy learn how to feel…kinda like Equilibrium, y’know?

Hmm? I wonder how this show will choose to end, since it’s signalling its end from 3 episodes out?

I predicted Rider would say something along the lines of “…befitting of the Rider class” and lo and behold! He did!

So Rider can summon a single horse as well as the entire chariot? *Saitama face* Okay then.

Number of Times Waver Appears: 1, Number of Times Waver Cries: 1, Number of Times Waver Blushes: 2

Come to think of it, even though I had that weird “Ohhhhhh! Great B*stard Archer!” reaction at first, Gilgamesh has shown up in most of the worst scenes of this show so far (basically, most of the “talking heads” scenes where he talks shop with Kirei). Then again, my change in feelings probably because I’ve had to keep a special eye out for Waver and knew Saber was the poster girl for the entire series.

The counter appears to be “time until the Holy Grail War”…well, that or its final conflict.

F/Z 23

I like how Waver’s joining in with Rider’s yelling.

I have the sound off, so now I’m just mentally narrating Sakura with this creepy child voice and it’s spooking me out…the Urobutcher could really go toe-to-toe with Stephen King if it weren’t my imagination…(LOL…?)

I feel sorry for that car’s owner…the car wasn’t meant to be wrecked…

I fully expect Berserker to be Lancelot or some other guy in King Arthur’s canon, judging by Saber’s reactio-hey, who’s Arondight…? Update: Oh, f***. It really is Lancelot. Turns out Arondight is the name of Lancelot’s sword. How did I know? There’s that upcoming Camelot adaption, isn’t there? Connect the dots.

Oh, f*** me – I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Lancelot’s hella handsome (and his dark hair is exactly my kinda thing), on the other hand…doesn’t he look like he came out of Castlevania or Vampire Hunter D or something??? F***in’ vampires!

Oh, f*** again, I stand corrected. Lancelot was handsome, before he became a Caster-looking…thing.

*bursts into spontaneous laughter* The new Lancelot looks kinda like Tsukasa from Dr Stone, LOL.

Number of Times Waver Cries: 2

Wait, isn’t Bucephalus Greek??? Update: No, he wasn’t. He was Alexander the Great’s horse. That explains why he’s Rider.

I was wondering how Waver managed to live long enough to be El-Melloi II when he was stuck in a battle to the death. Welp, that’s how he did it, folks! *points at screen*

Number of Times Waver Cries: 3…but…anti-climax, much, f***in’ Gilgamesh???

Uh, what’s up with Psalm 23:4? (I had to google that snippet of the Bible to find out its citation.)

LOL, Kirei and Kiritsugu have very similar faces. Didn’t realise that until now.

F/Z 24

It’s weird seeing Kirei full of fighting spirit…He’s still frickin’ Wolverine, though.

Is this taking cues from the Matrix? I bought it from the charity store the other day because I haven’t seen it yet, but I know Bullet Time from TV Tropes.

Now Kirei is channeling Bruce Lee, LOL.

Ouch…the bullet to the hand reminds me of the nail gun scene in The Island (which still freaks me out to this day). (…and now I’ve gone and done it – every time I think of that movie, I get the song The Island – part 1, at least - in my head as well.)

I can almost see Sakaido (from ID: Invaded) in some of these scenes instead of Kiritsugu…trust Ei Aoki and associates to do that.

I went to dump a screenshot in Paint and one of my Fate/ backgrounds from one of the previous posts was set to my background! (I have my backgrounds set to rotate every 12 hours and I have over 600 pictures for that purpose.) *sighs happily and incredulously* Well, whaddaya know…sometimes the stars do align.

I almost expected Shirley to appear, but it turns out it was Iri instead.

Kiritsugu still has his Command Seals so he’s still connected to the Grail War somehow…hmm…

C’mon, I predicted Gilgamesh would compliment Saber when she was down and bleeding.

F/Z 25 (FINAL)

Who’s Lord Justeaze?

Sakura has the same eyes as Kiritsugu. Dead, lifeless eyes.

Did Kariya just throw himself to the worms???

The Great Naked B*stard Gilgamesh.

A priest is a zombie, huh? How ironic.

Isn’t Gilgamesh annoyed by his lack of clothes…? Update: Never mind. He gets a cloth soon enough.

Wait, if Saber destroyed the Grail, who won…?

Huh? The timer ran out.

Aw, even Waver’s growing up.

One of the books says 零戦 (reisen) which apparently means “Zero Fighter [Plane]”. One of the sets of books says “William Shakespeare”, who I know is a Servant somewhere in the Fateverse.

The Bible verse is Job 19:25.

Lancelot’s head doesn’t disappear when the rest of him fades away…It’s pretty poignant.

Jubstacheit is the head of the Einzberns. Update: Think I had to google that.

“Becoming a hero has an expiration date.” – As much as I know that in my creative heart to not be true, my adult heart says yes, it’s true.

Welp, that’s the end of one series. Time for another.

#Fate/Zero

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rachello344 · 6 years

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I’m going to tell you all a story. I don’t really know who all will see this, but I think it’s important for me to make my position and my history clear, so I’m going to write it out anyway. This will probably have some level of TMI, so your mileage may vary, but I don’t want to censor myself for this. Includes frank discussions of sexuality, sex ed, etc. so it’s relatively NSFW. Nothing especially graphic, but again, ymmv

This is... much longer than I meant it to be, so tl;dr: Fiction is meant to be a place to explore. Being afraid of sexuality or intimidated by it is normal, but trying to control the people around you because of that is not. The only person whose sexuality is your business is your own, and potentially your partner(s)’. Policing the sexuality of other people will not give you anything more than the illusion of control. Illusions, however nice, don’t generally last long. Be kind to others, and be kind to yourself.

I started reading fanfiction when I was 12 or 13, which I think is about the average. Everyone around me was starting to talk about dating and the like, and I wanted to figure out what they were talking about without asking anyone I knew. As an avid reader, the only way I knew how to get contextualized information was through stories. So I did what I think a lot of kids online inevitably do: I looked up stories about sex and romance. The site I was using at the time was DeviantART.

Any of you who have used the site are probably recoiling right now, as you should be. I have seen so many terrible things written in fiction from such a young age that a lot of the stuff people complain about here seem legitimately tame. But that’s not the point. The point is, I was a curious kid looking for answers, and I turned to stories to find them.

I started with original fiction. Imagine that. A 13 year old girl online reading effectively hentai-style fiction about OCs she had no connection with. I learned about my body through badly written dA hentai fic. I figured out things that felt good. I experimented quietly when my family left for my brother’s baseball games. And then, at some point, I found my first fanfiction.

I’d technically written fanfiction of Sonic characters when I was 8 or 9, but they were all just fairy tales with Sonic and Amy as the leads. I didn’t start with Sonic fanfiction, though. No, the first fanfiction I remember reading was Naruto. It was a badwrong Uchiha-cest fic. I was probably 13 at this point. I’d never watched Naruto, but I absolutely knew that those characters were related. Morbidly curious, reluctantly fascinated, I read the fic.

It was short, but it was definitely hot, to my 13 year old standards. I mean, most things were. I was 13. I didn’t exactly have standards. And then I realized: If this exists, shouldn’t there be stories with characters I actually know? Granted, I still read SasuNaruSasu fic because it was SO easy to find--I preferred Naruto topping at the time, but now I’d go back and forth, I think, I just hated the characterization of bottom!Naruto--but I also discovered slash for things I actually knew. Sonadow was a revelation.

It does not escape me that I got my start in fanfiction reading incest and furry porn, btw. I mentioned earlier that I was curious, and that was my driving force. I wanted to see where the limits were. I would read anything. And then once I figured out the tags, I could look for the things I liked and avoid the things I didn’t. I didn’t much care for a lot of things where romance was concerned, but for a PWP those limits evaporated like rain in the desert. And through this process, I developed standards. Things I will read, things I won’t, writing styles I prefer, things that I won’t read no matter how well written, writing unskilled enough that I wouldn’t touch it regardless of the kink depicted. And on and on and on.

I feel like it bears mentioning that the demographic of my junior high and high school was predominantly Mormon and Fundamentalist. Not all, but a significant number. We were mostly white, mostly well-off. I was in as much of a bubble as I could be. But that meant that until my friends started coming out in high school, I didn’t know any queer people IRL. I had one friend, Avery, who told me she was Bi in eighth grade, but until about tenth grade, she was the only one who’d told me.

Our sex ed was abstinence only. Heteronormative and absolutely the kind of thing that we all speak out against. There were no websites that I could find with reliable info. I was using google image searches to figure out what genitalia looked like, and I wish I were kidding. All I’d ever seen was stuff with diseases and sores. I was told that a girl who has a lot of sex is like an old pair of gym shoes. I was told that boys will be boys. I was not told that boys could love boys or girls could love girls. I was told “Just say no,” instead of any kind of way to tell when it was safe for me to say Yes.

Luckily I wasn’t interested in sex for me, personally. I was interested in it intellectually. I wanted to know how it worked, why people chose to do it, what it might feel like, what kinds of sex you could have. I was arming myself with knowledge in case I ever needed it.

When I was 15, I stumbled on a kinkster’s blog. She was a writer, and she specialized in BDSM practices and culture, specifically in explaining it to the uninitiated. I was too young to be there, but the information I got was invaluable. Again, scarleteen might have existed? But I’d certainly never found it. This was the first time I saw someone talking about consent, about condoms and dental dams, about safe words.

It was life changing. I read her blog avidly. I spent about three weeks there, researching BDSM. When I found something that seemed interesting, I’d return to deviantART to see if I could find it in story form. I’d google terms I wasn’t familiar with or cross check online. I googled so many things that it’s lucky that my parents let me have my own computer (an old desktop from my dad’s boss). It’s even luckier that my parents generally let me have free reign.

When I was 17, I found the word Asexual. It was the best word I’d seen for how I was feeling. Sex positive asexual. “It would be fine if it happened, but chastity isn’t exactly a punishment.” I could make do on my own without much trouble, and I didn’t really like any boys. Not like that. (Whether or not I ever liked girls, I’m still trying to puzzle out.)

What I’m trying to say is that my best online experiences were via kinksters. Fic at the time did NOT go into safer sex details. They were either implied, glossed over, or outright ignored. Fantasy doesn’t need to jive with reality, so it’s hardly wrong of them to ignore it. But that information was truly incredible to me.

And I know I’m an odd case. Someone who’d never felt sexual attraction to her knowledge researching every kind of sex under the sun sounds strange, I know. But I’ve always been a researcher. When I come across something I don’t understand, I look it up.

I guess, the point I was trying to make is that... for me, without all the “bad” erotica and porn, without kinksters, without slash ships, I never would have figured things out for myself. I had no sexual education to speak of, no context for anything I did no, no one to talk to, and I definitely didn’t have any queer role models or examples in media or in my real life. The first time I met a lesbian was when I was 13; she was my gym teacher. And she was the absolute first queer person I ever knew about. And until college, I’d never met another queer adult that I knew of. Never.

We had a gay straight alliance in high school, but I didn’t want to get involved. The cultural climate wasn’t outright homophobic, but I’d learned to keep my head down for being “too much” a feminist. Like hell was I going to put a target on my back. I doubt I would have been bullied--no one had come after me yet--but I didn’t really want to tempt fate either. I stood up for the people around me, and I called it good.

When I hear people say “Kink is unhealthy and glorifies abuse” I think back on my sex ed, on learning that women who sleep around are dirty. I think about the first time I ever even heard about consent being on a blog about a woman who loved BDSM. When I hear people say “X fic trope condones Y behavior” I think back on the absolute sewage that I was reading as a young teen. It’s safe to say that I’ve read just about every kink there is. I read vore on accident by the time I was 15. And I didn’t even remember it until I had a visceral flashback to it about a year ago when the jokes first started getting popular. And despite all of the abuse and rape and badwrong incestuous fic that I’ve read, never once have I knowingly harmed another person. And that makes the arguments feel a little odd. Like “violent video games make teens more violent,” the argument that violent erotica and porn makes teens more violent is absurd.

So, for those of you still reading, if you promote anti-shipping or kink critical anything, I think you should look at it a little more closely. Do some more reading on the other side, within your limits. Do your own research and figure out where you stand. I know that sex can be intimidating and scary, especially when you’re young, but something can be scary without being harmful. Only you know your limits, but there are plenty of places to do research that have reliable information. I’d be happy to help you find them. For general sex ed, scarleteen is definitely my go-to.

Policing other people’s sexualities is not the way to make things feel safe again. I know it seems like a suitable answer, and it makes you feel like you have power and safety, but think about how you feel when people tell you what you are and aren’t allowed to like or do or feel. Think about how you feel when people accuse you of all kinds of things simply because your views are different. That’s what anti-culture is doing. And just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean you have the right to tell them how to feel or how to think. Because that opens the door to them returning the favor.

“But incest--” “But CGL--” “But--” No. It doesn’t matter. If you know it isn’t for you, then avoid it. That’s the end of it. Do I think some things are weird or even kinda gross? Sure. But that doesn’t mean no one is allowed to like those things. If that was the case, no one would be allowed to write fic where people have sex in a kitchen or otherwise involve food in the process. That squicks me out, but that doesn’t mean people don’t want to get off to it. I avoid the tag and move on. Don’t waste your time on things you don’t like. Period.

Life is too short to waste your time on things that turn you off. That’s time better spent finding the things that turn you on. And hey, tastes change. Maybe someday I’ll decide I want to read people having sticky food sex (doubtful). Maybe someday I’ll decide that I cannot read another tentacle fic ever again (unlikely). I won’t know until that day does (or doesn’t) come. But I’m not gonna waste energy worrying about what other people think about my fantasies. They’re no one’s business but my own, and theoretically a future sex partner should I find one.

Fiction is for exploration, so explore! Find ways to keep yourself safe. Figure out what you need to avoid, and how to do it. Find the things you want to read and read them. Consume the media you want to consume. And if anyone bullies you for it or tries to make you feel bad, you block their ass on sight. They don’t deserve even a second more of your time.

#personal #rachel writes #if anyone wants to talk about this I'd be fine with that #but if you want to come over and shame me for how I figured myself out you can show yourself out #it just really burns me up seeing kink critical people coming after people for doing things they enjoy #the sex and fantasy lives of other people are none of your business #i'm not gonna go into the gray areas here because I'm not a lawyer and I don't want to get into it on what amounts to a vent post #so i'll leave off with 'don't break just laws' and call it good #above all else be kind #tbh i might delete this at some point but right now i'm feeling brave #mostly because i'm annoyed about purity culture tbh #deviantart was a dumpster fire but damn if i had a shame free place to figure out what things were #people on this hellsite are so uptight i feel like i'm back in high school #it's the Worst #I just wanna like my weird shit in peace

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kuriquinn · 6 years

Text

Telanadas [2/19]

Cover Page & Disclaimer:

first chapter

Sakura’s resolve to press on only lasts a half hour, if only because Nature makes a more convincing argument than Comfort. Darkness falls sooner than expected, and they are forced to find shelter.

As the winds grow strong enough to press the travellers up against the sharp, icy façade of the mountain, Sasuke spots a cave almost obscured by rock and snow. Even luckier, it is large enough that all four of them can fit comfortably inside without infringing on each other’s personal space. Having had to sleep crowded against Naruto on at least two occasions lately and subjected to his kicking, Sasuke is more than relieved about this.

Once inside, Kakashi uses his magic to erect a barrier of fire, offering both protection from enemies and the frigid gusts of wind. As the blood flows back into Sasuke’s fingers and toes, the mage conjures a small fire. Meanwhile, Sakura takes on the undesirable job of fashioning a small latrine at the back of the cave.

“That’s all we need is for one of you to wander out to take a crap and fall off the side of a mountain,” she says cheerfully.

Sasuke doubts any of them will make use of such a thing unless they are snowed in here for days. Then again, dwarves and humans have such odd notions of hygiene and propriety he cannot be entirely sure.

While Sasuke lays out their gear and armour to dry near the fire, Naruto digs about in their supplies to put together a warm meal.

Though meal is being polite, Sasuke thinks with a grimace.

“I do not understand how you people can eat this,” he mutters, the complaint escaping him before he can stop it. He was taught to consider food no more than fuel, but after weeks of the same paltry fare he has lost patience. “Do I even want to know what it is?”

“I think it was lamb at some point,” Sakura says, accepting the makeshift bowl of tasteless noodles and jerky from the human. “But the texture…isn’t one I’d normally associate with lamb.”

“Beggars cannot be choosers,” Kakashi replies mildly, shrugging one shoulder.

“What are you guys talking about?” Naruto asks, slurping down his share. “This is so much better than that frilly stuff we had back at the castle! I hate food I can’t pronounce. And this stuff never goes bad. I bet if we packed it away, it’d still be good to eat fifty years from now!”

Sasuke stares at him in disgust. “I cannot even tell if you are joking or not.”

“He is not,” Kakashi confirms, examining what is left of their rations. “I am rather sure these are from supply caches that have not been opened since the Storm Age. They were old before I stole them from the Circle of Magi.”

“And…I’m done,” Sakura says, offering her still-full bowl to Naruto, who cheers and adds the share to his own. Sasuke is tempted to do the same, but as it might be construed as a kindness to the human, he refrains. “What about you, Sasuke-kun? You didn’t eat like this where you grew up, right?”

As always, she is trying to find out more about him.

“No.” He intends to leave it at that, but when she gazes up at him beseechingly, a follow-up question clearly on her lips, he elaborates: “Simple fare. Bread made from seeds. Milk from our halla. Vegetables.”

He tries not to lick his lips at the mere thought of tomatoes. It has been so long since they had a decent meal.

“Halla?” Sakura repeats, confused. “Is that a kind of animal in Oto?”

Sasuke tenses, realising his unconscious slip.

“Not necessarily Oto,” Kakashi answers for him, eyes widening in understanding. “Halla are creatures like horned stags. The Dalish consider them to be noble companions.” He raises an eyebrow. “I had wondered about the markings on your face, Sasuke. They resemble none of the tattoos that the House of Crows use…but I have never seen that particular vallaslin before, either.”

“Dalish?” Naruto asks Sasuke in slack-jawed awe. “Wow, really? Arl Hiruzen used to talk about the Dalish, but I’ve never actually met one before!”

“Your powers of observation are worse than I thought, as you have been travelling with one for weeks now,” Sasuke bites out.

“Oi!”

“What’s vallaslin?” Sakura asks quickly, obviously attempting to curtail an argument.

Sasuke shrugs noncommittally, not wanting to explain.

“It translates to ‘blood writing’, if memory serves,” Kakashi says in his place. “A sign of adulthood, and adherence to the beliefs and traditions of the Dalish. It is surprising that one who submitted to the ritual would then be found working as an assassin for the House of Crows.”

“Chains of a past that no longer exists,” Sasuke interrupts. “I am going to sleep. It has been a long day.”

He turns away from the fire, a clear message that he has no intention of answering any questions or pursuing the discussion further.

He can feel Sakura’s eyes on him, but after a short pause, she suddenly says, “Well, that still sounds a lot better than what happened to me. I got this—” He imagines she is pointing at the rhombus shaped brand on her forehead, “—just for being born in the wrong place.”

“Heh. I understand what that’s like,” Naruto snorts.

“Maybe. Except as far as I know, Konoha doesn’t brand a newborn with a hot poker just because his parents were unwed.”

“What? No way!”

“Uh-huh. The minute a casteless dwarf is born, we get marked, so there’s no way to mistake who we are if the nobles catch us lurking in the richer quarters. Also, it makes it way easier for Carta recruiters to decide which kids they can press-gang into doing their dirty work.”

“Carta—the dwarven crime syndicate?” Kakashi questions, sounding surprised.

Back still turned in a pretence of sleep, Sasuke frowns. He does not find that surprising at all. It certainly explains her occasionally mercenary attitude and her talent for surviving insurmountable odds. The Carta offers about as friendly an upbringing as the Crows do.

“They’re the ones who smuggled lyrium to the Templars,” Naruto whispers, a little uncomfortable. No doubt he had comrades who suffered from that particular addiction. “You were one of them?”

“There wasn’t much choice,” she replies, unembarrassed. “Since the most respectable job for a casteless dwarf is sweeping the streets, and there’s only a few people who even get that job. It’s either work for the Carta or become a noble hunter. And I’d starve to death begging before I got on my back for some jacked-up noble because I might bear him a son.” She sounds abruptly fierce just then. “No disrespect to the women I grew up with who did that—there’d be no dwarves left down there if there were no noble hunters. But I won’t sell my heart for the small chance of pretty clothes and jewels.”

Sasuke snorts at this.

There is that naivety again.

“It seems we are talking too loudly and disturbing the elf’s sleep,” Kakashi remarks wryly, but Sasuke refuses to reply. It is enough that he has been forced by close quarters to listen to this.

Sakura is not so easily fooled; though she does not speak to him, her next words are pointed.

“People should be allowed to love one another without reprisal. Without duty or society or anyone else’s agenda getting in the way,” Sakura says, and her tone has lost all the levity he would normally associate with it. She only sounds like that when defending a cause that she considers worthy.

“You’re right,” Naruto says quickly. “The world would be a much nicer place if that were true.”

“Perhaps some places,” Kakashi says carefully. “Circles of the Magi, for one. But for the good of the many, sometimes the desires of the few need to be set aside. Many a peace accord may never have happened if the belligerents in a conflict did not seal it with a marriage. And our world may have looked much different.”

“Maybe up here on the surface,” Sakura says. “Back in Iwa they’re so obsessed with blood purity that soon there won’t be anyone left to marry, diplomatic or not. If people could choose…if people could choose, Iwa might not be falling into the dust.”

There is sadness and anger in her tone, coupled with the sudden shifting of her body.

“Anyhow. It’s not like any of this matters here and now,” she goes on, and her tone is such an abrupt shift to cheeriness that Sasuke knows it is fake. “We just have to get to that temple and find those ashes to help Arl Hiruzen.”

“That is assuming they do exist,” Kakashi says reasonably. “This ‘Urn of Sacred Ashes’ could be nothing more than a rumour. Or a hoax.”

“You couldn’t have said something before we climbed half a mountain to get here?” Sakura jokes lightly. “Shannaro…”

“No, it’s real,” Naruto insists, faithful Templar even now. “Just wait, we’ll get those ashes back to him and he’ll be kicking down Danzō’s door in no time—believe it!”

The dwarf is not the only naïve one.

“I’m sure you’re right, Naruto,” Sakura says warmly. “But in order to get up there, we need to be at full strength. Which means sleep. I can take first watch if you want.”

“No, you’ve been pushing yourself pretty hard the last few days, Sakura. Take a break. Kakashi and I can keep a lookout since someone’s being a lazy arse.”

The recipient of the barb rolls his eyes.

“Naruto,” Sakura warns.

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Go on, Sakura, he is right. You are no good to your cause if you pass out and freeze to death in the snow,” Kakashi coaxes.

“Hah! Like I’d let that happen!” Naruto scoffs.

“Well, thank you guys. I guess I can take an hour—but I will take second watch at least.”

That is what you think, Sasuke decides.

Annoying as the humans are, they are correct. Sakura is no good to them dead from exhaustion. Especially since Sasuke has thrown his lot in with her, he intends to keep her alive until he figures her out.

It should not be an issue to take the next watch.

There is a sound of shifting armour and the rustling of a camp bed, and he imagines Sakura has indeed turned in for the night. Kakashi and Naruto murmur to each other quietly, not wanting to disturb her; Sasuke is not so lucky, his ears picking up even the quietest whispers.

“I’m actually just as tired,” Naruto groans. “I’ll play you for first watch, if you promise not to cheat.”

“No, you go ahead and sleep. I’ll stay up and read for a little.”

“Ugh…just make sure you ‘read’ far away from my blanket.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. You mages are all perverts…”

Sasuke silently agrees.

After that, everything goes quiet (or as quiet as they can with Naruto’s snores). Sasuke allows himself to sink into a light sleep for a few hours, but when his ears pick up on Kakashi shifting in discomfort, he rouses himself. The older man has an odd propensity to take longer watches than he ought, to let everyone else rest. This makes no sense considering Sasuke does not need as much sleep as anyone else in the party. Sakura would say it is because Kakashi is an old mother hen at heart, but Sasuke is not sure. He does not trust humans, and mages even less, even when they do not wear masks to cover all but the eyes, the way Kakashi does.

With a stretch, Sasuke climbs out of his bedroll. He heads for the mouth of the cave to take a piss, then goes to sit beside the mage.

“I will take the watch until morning,” he murmurs. “You people are no use to me dead on your feet.”

“I sense there was concern in there somewhere behind all the stoic,” Kakashi remarks.

“Tch.”

“I’m serious, Sasuke. You are so tightly wound, it cannot be good for you. You know what would do you some good?”

“I suspect you are about to tell me.”

“If you went out some time, found a girl, and did naughty things with her that did not involve trousers,” the mage continues as if he hasn’t heard him. “If you are in the market, I know of at least one who is definitely interested.”

The way his eyes slide toward where Sakura is sleeping, albeit fitfully, leaves no question to whom he is referring.

“Len’alas lath’din,” Sasuke grumbles, turning away in contempt.

“Now, now, that is not very polite,” the mage says, more amused than offended. And it should not surprise Sasuke that the older man knows Elvish, especially given his remarks earlier about blood writing. No doubt he has read about it in his studies, locked away in one of those shemlen towers.

He honestly has no intention of replying, but Kakashi continues to look more amused than he should. It reminds Sasuke a little of the teasing his cousin Shisui used to subject him to, and now, as then, his pride does not allow him to let it go.

“What makes you think I have not already?” he hedges.

Kakashi chuckles. “I can smell purity a mile away. It is a talent.”

“That proves to be useful, I am sure.”

“Not that often, as it turns out. It would be much better if I could sense Templars. It might make them easier to avoid.”

Sasuke snorts. “You have my deepest condolences.”

“Heh. Likewise.” Kakashi puts away his well-worn, orange-covered book. “And so does she.”

The comment has Sasuke puzzling over it longer than he will admit.

When he gets it, he wonders if it is too late to hit the older man.

Translations:

Halla – type of horned stag, used by the Dalish to pull their landships

Vallaslin – intricate facial tattoos worn by adult clan members of the Dalish elf tribes

Arl – feudal title; rules over an arling

Lyrium – valuable mineral/material whose consumption can strengthen a mage and boost their mana

Len’alas lath’din - dirty child no one loves; Dalish insult

Comments and concrit are much appreciated, and very motivating! For information about supporting my original, non-fandom related works, you’re welcome to check out my ko-fi tip jar, or my patreon page.

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definitelynotaminion · 7 years

Text

Story starter meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 15 stories. See if there are any patterns. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors!

I was tagged by @blackkatmagic

Uhhh okay you guys I’m going to use some WIPs too because. Otherwise I won’t have enough stories I actually /like/.

1. (untitled, current WIP, Set in the “I can’t believe you dropped incubus!Obito in a magic floating orgy house, Tim” universe)

Madara lives in a house of monsters, mages and demons. Most of the time he doesn’t mind.

2. Made of breath and skin (also a WIP, for the Secret Ship twin fic Race with @blackkatmagic)

There are certain things that make a man fear for his life. Hurricanes, deep space, the depths of the sea, the concept of not existing, a desperate man with a sharp knife--

Senju Tobirama, making an interested noise from across the breakfast table, just after you’ve swept into the kitchen and grabbed the first cup of coffee you saw, even if it was in your older brother’s hand at the time.

Ignoring Madara’s noise of betrayal, Izuna rounds on Tobirama with wide eyes, empty mug clutched tight in his hand.

3. So softly it starts

Belle makes a deal with a devil.

She had summoned him, as politely as possible-- an invitation, rather than a demand, and hadn’t that been fun to cobble together out of illicit dark magic spell books-- and he had appeared, more curious than angry.

4. what it’s like to be alive

It isn’t the first time. It isn’t even the thirty-first time, in the month that followed the final battle. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom at the edges of the river, the wind is blowing sweet, and the field where Sasuke grows his fucks is barren, barren, barren because--

Naruto, nosing into his neck like a dying man, inhaling the scent of him, crowding him into the wall of their kitchen without regard for propriety or personal space.

5. everything my spirit longs to have fulfilled

Sakura’s eyes flew open in shock, jaw dropping, lips forming a little ‘o’ in surprise.

“Oh,” She said, wondrous, riding it out.

Tenten laughed, bold and breathless, head thrown back and brazen in her pleasure. Her hands tightened on Sakura’s hips as she thrust up, and up, meeting every downward cant.

The hold was firm, and hot, and Sakura herself was practically boiling, chest heaving with exertion as the aftershocks danced down what felt like every nerve ending she had.

6. We like things related to our survival

Naruto and Kurama are two spirits in one body, and if one of them has inhabited the flesh longer it’s not by much . Honestly, the skin-prison spent months gestating with Kurama curled protectively around it and Naruto’s spirit only entered it towards the end, anyway.

For a brief, screaming half-hour, the soul that is Naruto wore his body alone, cold-wrong-lonely- wrong .

Then Kurama was nestled safe right next to his heart again, their essences mingling but remaining disjoint, autonomous.

7. A thrill of joy prophetic

Touka can pinpoint the exact moment her world shatters.

It just... happens. Without warning, without word, as she’s fuming at her stupid, green clan head for mourning an enemy and, more to the point, blaming her favorite cousin for defending his life.

She’s not even aware of it, is the thing. Senju fall like leaves in this war, but by some miracle none of Touka’s precious people have died by her side. Her parents, of course, when she was too young to remember, and besides that countless aunts and uncles and cousins and kin, but--

None of hers since she was old enough to fight beside them, old enough to let her chakra cloak her in anger and take outlet for her rage at the tides of their unstoppable foes on the battlefield.

She can pinpoint the exact moment her entire world shatters, and it is a star winking out instead of going supernova.

8. The Ecological Fallacy

After much screaming, confusion, a fair bit of yelling and several objects being thrown, Belle sat red-faced on her sofa.

She fixed tea with sure motions and she at least would traverse this with proper decorum and the dignity behooving a wizard of her station.

Across from her, wrapped with an air of confusion and amusement in the couch’s afghan and nothing else, the long-haired otherbeing she’d somehow summoned raised an eyebrow.

9. Silver tigers in the moonlight, running

Madara’s breath fans out, hot and visible. He breathes in frigid air and pushes it slowly out of his nose. Like smoke, it curls up. Like he’s a dragon, almost; irritable and with fire curled ready in his gut. Or his lungs?

He certainly inhales enough smoke.

He is, Tobirama notes, mythical enough to qualify. Magical enough. In his head, he tries for scathing or dry and fails. Even the thought’s tone shifts to faintly reverent.

He can never, ever, compliment Madara aloud. Tobirama chews his lip, chapped from the cold, and leans his head back with a sigh. It touches metal cold enough to feel through his hair. It spills out white against the grey door of the crappy car Touka had pawned off on him, all razor smiles and sharp insistence.

10. These Hues Yet Hard to Hold

Kurama looks ridiculous with a small patch of bright orange fur. It clashes with his crimson pelt instead of blending in, stands out proudly, draws the eye. His own fist dyed Naruto’s red the day they became allies in full.

Sasuke’s lips are obnoxiously, permanently, vividly orange. The color is so opaque that no flesh is visible beneath it.

11. An Evening Well-Spent

“I can’t imagine being forced to stay at Private Drive,” Harry offered, looking at the heavy furnishings and high, cobwebbed ceilings in a new light.

Sirius looked a heartbeat away from doing some follow up questions on that little nugget. Harry intervened quickly.

His wand flicked to his hand with a thought and he grinned, ruby glinting from the ring on his finger. After all, it was just the two of them.

“I,” He declared, twirling the wand as soon as he was sure he had his godfather’s full attention, “am a legal adult. You know what legal adults can do?”

Sirius’ eyes followed the motion curiously.

“Magic?”

“ Magic .”

12. Battle Hymn of Trees

In Team 7’s—the last Team 7’s, the best Team 7’s, her Team 7’s—generation, they figure it out.

13. Heir of Fire

For as long as he can remember, Harry Potter has dreamed.

Not the same dream, over and over again, but the same lifetimes. He grows up and a blonde haired child grows parallel to him, always running, always smiling.

The city-- village-- is always the same. It’s beautiful and breathtaking. Trees surround it and the buildings aren’t quite tall enough to match. It’s full of familiar faces, still as small as he is, but he sees them and thinks: precious.

14. Trial by Fire

Harry Potter planned to spend the hour’s drive back to Little Whinging trying not to think of anything. His relatives had fallen into their usual routine of pretending he didn’t exist. They ignored him and conversed amongst themselves as though the trip to London had nothing to do with him.

15. eudipleural

The Elric brothers never needed the drift.

It’s a fact, for all that it’s consistently looked over in light of their ever growing and ever more incredible list of achievements.

One alchemist alone cannot pilot a Jaeger.

Two alchemists need to transmute together; they need the drift for that. They need the drift for that.

Fin! Wow, that’s a lot of fics. I’m kind of impressed with myself. Uh, I don’t really see a pattern. Anyone else? I usually start out describing scenery or situations and not dialogue.

I guess I kind of like describing a scene and then explaining it. Like, “Belle summons a demon” and then paragraphs on how/why. Fun, though!

I’m going to tag @fangirlandiknowit101, @lullabyknell, @thebibliosphere, @redhothollyberries if she hasn’t done it for Kat first, and any other of my writer friends who want to tap this!

#story starter meme #blackkatmagic #tim writes

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cooliogirl101 · 7 years

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“Hello? Anybody there?” Shisui teases, waving a hand in front of his little cousin’s face. Hisana blinks, and turns to greet him with a smile.

“Shisui-kun. How are you?” She asks warmly.

“Awesome, as always,” he grins, before nodding towards the two figures off in the distance. “Cute, aren’t they? Never thought Itachi would make such a doting older brother, but I gotta admit it’s pretty adorable to see.”

“Mm.” There’s something oddly wistful in Hisana’s voice, causing Shisui to glance down at her.

“You don’t need to feel jealous, you know. Itachi loves Sasuke, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you too.”

“What?” Hisana asks in surprise before shaking her head. “I wasn’t jealous. Not in the way you’re thinking, anyway. It’s just, I kind of wish I had someone to look after too, you know? I mean, I look after Itachi, but…it’s different with a little sibling.”

“Well, I guarantee you that a couple D-ranks babysitting the kids at the orphanage will cure you of that. If I never have to look after another screaming brat again, it’ll be too soon,” Shisui snorts.

“Perhaps,” Hisana muses. “That gives me an idea, though. The orphanage, you said?”

“Hey, don’t do anything stupid now,” Shisui warns, the thoughtful note in her voice putting him on guard. “Fugaku-sama–”

“Oh, come on now. What kind of person do you take me for?” She asks archly before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Shisui murmurs to himself and thanks every deity he can think of that at least Hisana isn’t his problem.

***

“What do you mean I have to give him back?” Hisana asks indignantly. “He’s from the orphanage! It’s not like they’ll miss him there– if anything, they’ll probably be happy that they have one less mouth to feed!”

Glancing at the blond-haired, blue-eyed child currently clinging to his future daughter-in-law like a particularly stubborn burr, Fugaku pinches the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt to ward off the headache he can already feel coming. Figures that out of all the children she could have chosen to adopt, she would choose that one.

“He’s a child, not some stray animal. You can’t take him home just because you feel like it,” Fugaku says exasperatedly.

“Why not? I’m a chuunin now, I can afford it,” Hisana says stubbornly. Kami save him from obstinate ten-year-olds. Fugaku feels very tired all of a sudden.

“Hisana. You know what he is,” he says, words ringing with a kind of resigned finality. “We can’t afford to have him here.” Hisana lips tremble slightly, but she refuses to look away.

“He’s a child with no parents and no one to check in on him. The people at the orphanage don’t look at him, the other children ignore him, and no child deserves that, Fugaku-sama. No matter who they are.”

“I know. But the clan comes first,” he says quietly, before pausing for a moment. “I’m sorry, Hisana.”

Hisana doesn’t say anything for a long time. Then–

“The clan can’t afford to associate with him, huh?” She asks, voice almost inaudible. “Alright then. I understand.”

“Hisana-nee?” The boy in her arms– Naruto– asks hesitantly, voice scared. She smiles reassuringly at him.

“Don’t worry Naruto-kun, we’ll figure something out.”

*one week later*

“Do you know why you were called in today, Hisana-chan?” Sarutobi Hiruzen asks, looking at the ten-year-old chuunin in front of him sternly.

“I’m sure I have no idea, Hokage-sama,” Hisana answers blandly. Hiruzen leans forward in his seat, voice deceptively mild.

“Two days ago, it was brought to my attention that one of my ninja has been visiting a child at the orphanage in disguise.” A brief pause. “Would you care to explain your relationship with Uzumaki Naruto, Hisana-chan?”

“Sure. He’s my little brother,” she replies without missing a beat. Hiruzen pauses.

“Your little brother?” He repeats.

“Mhm. Itachi has one, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t get one too,” she says easily.

“And why did you choose him in particular?” For the first time, a hint of something dangerous seeps into his tone. Hisana doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Because I made a promise,” she answers. Hiruzen’s face hardens, killing intent spiking.

“A promise?”

“Yeah, to the Hokage. Not you,” she says a touch impatiently when Hiruzen blinks in surprise. “Yondaime-sama. See, Kushina-nee said that I owed her tons of ramen but she’d be willing to call it even as long as I repaid her in babysitting hours. Then Minato-nii came over and said that wasn’t necessary, and that being a good big sister to his kid was enough. So I told him I’d try my best after which he said he was counting on me and that it’d be the mission of a lifetime,” Hisana finishes proudly. “I would’ve started earlier but I heard that Minato and Kushina’s son died in the attack so it wasn’t until I saw Naruto in person that I realized he was actually–”

There’s a brief pause. Then–

“Oh, wait. Was that supposed to be a secret?”

(In which Hisana genjutsus the hell out of the orphanage staff to make them treat Naruto better and also starts visiting under the guise of ‘Hisamura Yukina,’ a petite civilian girl with long black hair and large purple eyes. Alternatively: the one where Hisana accidentally stumbles upon an S-class secret without realizing that it’s an S-class secret)

#so hisana knew about naruto being the kyuubi jinchuuriki #she just didn't know about him being minato and kushina's son until she visited the orphanage on a whim #and caught a glimpse of him #sharindone hisana

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kuriquinn · 7 years

Text

Ode to Eileithyia [3 / 4]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer: (and link to the main fic, of which this is a coda)

Summary: He never thought of the possibility of Sakura actually dying, and from childbirth of all things.

Rating: M

Pairing: Off-screen SasuSaku

Beta Reader: Not beta-read; check back at a later date for edits

Author’s Note: Sorry for the late update, I was once again at vet with Mini Pie. Poor thing suffered the indignity of both a thermometer up the butt and getting his neck shaved. So he hates me right now :(

This was supposed to be three chapters. The last one decided to go on forever, so I split it. So this fic will have four parts. Look for the conclusion tomorrow :) (and yes, it will be the conclusion, it’s not like my other stories where I promise a conclusion and go on forever. I actually have it finished haha.) That also means I won’t be posting this to Ao3 just yet, as I want it all complete before I do that.

Warning(s) Blood as per childbirth?

Previous Chapter

As Sakura’s arms slacken, and falls back into boneless unconsciousness, Tsunade, Karin and Shizune clamour around her. Naruto finds himself dragged away from her, baby deposited in his arms and a sharp, “Keep her neck supported!” barked at him by his cousin.

Then Tsunade is crouched in front of Sakura, working healing chakra into her, while Karin tries to force her to bite down on her arm to share strength. Shizune changes and tosses away sodden red bandages, sweat beading on her forehead—

“What can I do?” Naruto asks, though his words are nearly lost in the infants gasping wails. “Kurama’s chakra, would it help—?”

“No,” Tsunade says, not looking up. “Her body’s being influenced by too many chakra signatures right now as it is, we can’t afford the shock it might cause her. Besides, that energy is too strong for her right now, and your control isn’t precise to begin with.”

Naruto nods numbly for want of anything else.

“Just hold onto the baby,” Tsunade says. “She may lose both parents before her first birthday, it would be nice if we could tell her she at least got to be held by both.”

This time she does look up, frowning up at him. Irritation and annoyance slip through her worry briefly. Naruto knows it’s going to be a long, unpleasant conversation when that issue is brought up again, but he doesn’t have time to dwell.

Because he never thought of the possibility of Sakura actually dying, and from childbirth of all things.

His eyes are drawn back down to the baby—Sarada, she called her—a pink, still somewhat bloody, bawling creature in his arms. He is immediately struck by how much she resembles Sasukes. Not just her eyes, which are the same fathomless black irises as her father’s, but her colouring and the shape of her face. Even as she bawls, the way her brows wrinkle together are immediately recognisable.

“Hang in there, kid,” he tells her quietly, awkwardly rocking the baby and trying not to panic, because he knows nothing about babies!

“Still hemorrhaging!” Shizune cries, shrill.

“Sakura, don’t you dare die on me, that would really piss me off,” Tsunade snarls, still focussing her healing chakra into the body of her apprentice.

“I don’t get it,” Naruto says, now practically bouncing the baby; she isn’t impressed, judging by the way her cries ratchet higher. “I’ve seen her take hits from a giant chakra monster and perform the most complicated healing techniques ever. All of that stuff and she pulled through. Why’s she getting worse from this?”

“I’d think you of all people would understand how difficult childbirth is, considering what happened to Auntie Kushina,” Karin reminds him.

“That was different,” Naruto says weakly. “She was attacked while she was giving birth, it’s not…it’s not the same.”

“Even in regular childbirth, a woman’s body goes through immense strain,” Tsunade says. “It doesn’t help that Sakura has been pushing herself throughout this campaigns, organizing evacuations and retreats and healing people caught in that little bastard’s assaults.” A cold smile appears on her face. “Sometimes I wonder if the universe doesn’t have a sense of humour…”

Naruto narrows his eyes at his family’s oldest ally; she’s never been a fan of the Uchiha, but she’s always been much more committed to peace than old grudges. Still, sometimes he wonders…

“The point is, Sakura has been using inordinate amounts of her strength reserves in the past months, not just helping and healing people, but concealing her condition,” Tsunade finishes. “Unless we can stop the bleeding long enough for me to replenish it…the heart can’t beat without blood. The rest of her systems will shut down soon, too.”

“Can’t you just use your chakra to make her heart beat?” Naruto asks.

Tsunade stills, then glances up sharply; the other women do as well.

“You know, use chakra to stand in for her blood until the new stuff takes,” Naruto continues, raising an eyebrow. “That’s what Sakura did when…when we…” He trails off, realising he’s about to divulge something of the utmost secrecy. “I mean, she told me she could do that. I thought she learned that from me.”

“She didn’t learn that from me,” Tsunade practically growls, shooting her apprentice a livid look. And yet, a beat later, the seal on her forehead grows, stretching ribbons across her face and down her neck and arms. “But she did show it to me once. I forbade her from ever doing it again because of how dangerous it is.”

Suddenly Sakura’s healing of Uchiha Itachi seems a lot more impressive.

The baby wails even harder, and Naruto can’t watch Tsunade use Sakura’s technique, desperately trying to quiet the child. He doesn’t want to risk leaving the room, in case he is needed or misses something, but at the same time he knows her sounds are causing more tension from the others.

Thinking as quickly as he can, he balances her in one arm while reaching for a nearby basin of clean water. He does his best to clean his hand, and then places the tip of his pinky in the baby’s mouth. She quiets instantly, gumming and sucking on the digit out of instinct.

Poor kid, Naruto thinks.

There is a sudden collective exhale, and as he looks up, he sees Tsunade and the others have finally calm. Sakura is

“The bleeding stopped,” Shizune murmurs wearily.

“Heartrate and chakra are becoming more stable,” Karin agrees, trying to sound clinical, but the relief in her voice is evident.

“I’m too old for this shit,” Tsunade grumbles as she gets to her feet. The seal in her forehead is gone. She jabs a finger at Naruto. “As soon as she’s strong enough, the three of us are sitting down and you’re explaining exactly what circumstances required her to use that technique. And how the hell she became involved in such a way with Uchiha Sasuke.”

Naruto opens his mouth to protest, but Tsunade keeps going, addressing the other two women as well. “Obviously it goes without saying that no one in this room heard about or knows the truth of the child’s parentage. Peace is already practically unattainable, I don’t want that Sharingan wielding lunatic discovering we have his child and trying harder to wipe us all out.”

“It’s going to be obvious at some point,” Karin says, peering across the room at the baby. “Anyone who’s ever seen him close up will be able to tell just by looking at her.”

“Luckily, most people who have been that close to him are in the ground, or in this room,” Tsunade dismisses. “Besides, Naruto is apparently a master at secret arrangements—” Her voice is complete sarcasm at this juncture, “—Figure it out. Now that I understand why Hatake stayed by her side for so long, have him in on it. Furthermore…”

Tsunade falters then, stumbling backward.

“Shishou!” Shizune gasps, hurrying forward to catch her. She begins to fret. “She’s exhausted herself.”

“Funny how she was going off on Sakura for the exact same thing not an hour ago,” Naruto snorts, and then frowns as the baby pulls away from his finger. Evidently she has realised that there is no food forthcoming.

“Don’t you start,” Shizune scolds, carrying the ailing leader of the Senju out of the room.

つづく

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