#also i just spent the past few hours rewatching old stuff on youtube and me thinking yeah i was probs gay af since young cause

[udon-udon]

i've been... extra thirsty for women lately................

#is it my period #also i just spent the past few hours rewatching old stuff on youtube and me thinking yeah i was probs gay af since young cause #cause i remember always looking at the girls in said videos #also koda kumi??? omg #i remember loving her in the MV for Hot Stuff and #clearly i was gay af

[olivetreehugger]

introducing: dispatches from republic city

Hey any and all Bolin fans! I recently rewatched LoK and it reignited my love of this universe. About 10 years ago, I sort of latched onto a side character and shipped her with Bolin, but it never became anything until now. I have started writing this story, "dispatches from republic city" about Bolin and this side character, who I have named Tanana or "Nani" for short. I will place a link below for a separate post regarding this character and why I am shipping her with Bolin.

But for story's sake, I headcanon that Nani sounds like Susan Egan (she played Meg in Hercules and Rose Quartz in Steven Universe! Her singing voice is similar, but I also headcanon that she sounds like Annapantsu on Youtube-she's INCREDIBLE!). In the show, her height isn't well established, in some gifs she's the same height as the other girls, other times she is the same height as Tahno? So I'm dubbing her a solid 5'7, while Bolin started the show at a nice 5'8 and seems to have grown a bit taller? Just look at him compared to Mako in Book 4 and tell me he hasn't gotten taller! In my fic, he's 5'10.

anyways, moving on. This story takes place post-Book 4, but I've made some changes. I've always been a Makorra gal, don't get me wrong we love the gays in this house but frankly I never got the appeal of Korrasami. I won't get into why right now, I just always loved Makorra and that will never change. Oh, and call me bitter but in this world, Zuko and Katara got together *cough*. It really won't be mentioned, but it is my head canon and I'm sticking to it.

in this story, Mako and Korra have recently gotten back together, but the actual narrative doesn't focus on them too much. The story is strictly from Nani's perspective, with only one possible chapter dedicated to Bolin's POV. We'll see how it fleshes out!

See below for chapter one of "dispatches from republic city"!

dispatches from republic city

chapter one: once a wolfbat

rating: M for sex and violence, language and eventual S/A

The sound of the lunch gong split through the air like a cannon, just as Tanana barreled into the kitchen of Mama Chen’s Dumpling Joint. She hurriedly tied her apron around her waist.

She glanced up at the clock and winced. 15 minutes late!

Any minute now, Mama Chen would burst through the swinging door, ranting and raving about her repeated tardiness.

The scent of sizzling pork fat and vegetables wafted through the air, making Tanana’s mouth water. Her stomach growled knowingly. She hadn’t had single thing to eat today.

Slyly, she ducked past the fry cooks and swiped a bun from the platter next to them and stuffed it into her mouth so no one would see. She then glided towards the back of the kitchen, near the freezer, and spent a few quiet moments savoring her stolen meal.

This was now a daily routine. She’d work from noon until midnight—at least, that’s what her timecard would reflect. Tanana, or Nani, as she preferred--was usually at Mama Chen’s from about 12 pm to 2am the next day, spending an extra two hours clearing out the drunks, teenagers and straddlers while simultaneously helping to close for the next day. She would then stuff her bag with whatever leftovers (whatever she could hide, anyways), and walk to The Bookkeeper’s apartment where she stayed. She’d eat, leave the rest of in the ice box for the old lady, and then collapse wherever she could before waking up and starting the day all over.

All for two yuan a day, though if she charmed the right customer, she might get lucky and score a decent tip.

Ever since Kuvira’s mecha-weapon destroyed the downtown area, people moved in droves to the outer neighborhoods, meaning there was less of everything to go around-including work. For many, it was a struggle just to keep their heads above water. For Nani, it was an ice cold wake up call.

As she chewed and swallowed the rest of the salty dough, the brunette wiped a dribble of oil from her chin with the corner of her apron. Without missing another beat, she picked up a tray of discarded dirty dishes and began her work.

The mix of steam, oil, and body odor marinated in Nani’s hair and skin as she worked alongside the other unfortunates around her. She didn’t bother to learn their names, why would she? After all, Nani wasn’t here to make friends. And none of these people were “friend-material”, anyway.

They all seemed to have a silent agreement, though-as long as no one snitched on the other, they all kept to themselves.

Well, some of them did, anyway.

As another invisible fixture of the kitchen, Nani usually got a front row seat to the hushed confessions of the degenerates around her: the ones who cheated on their spouses, the ones who stole money from their parents to buy opium, the ones who got pregnant and left their babies in the woods.

Hearing such tantalizing gossip would leave a person reeling, bursting at the seams as they waited to regurgitate the story to another person, but not Nani.  She’d learned a long time ago that being a snitch was a stupid form of suicide, and she had the scar to prove it.

Her life was otherwise an exhausting blur—what was a little gossip to pass the time? She would be lying if she said it didn’t give her a delightful thrill of power to know what made people stir at night, what made them ache from the inside out. To know that others were awful human beings meant she wasn’t as awful as she thought. And that was nice to believe, if only briefly.

The hours seemed to fly by quickly as Nani scrubbed, wiped and swept every inch of the kitchen. She wiped a few drops of perspiration from her brow as Mama Chen shoved through the doors.

“You!” The older woman pointed angrily at Nani. “Don’t think I didn’t notice your tardiness today. This is the last day you dishonor me. You’re fired!”

Nani felt her face instantly turn red as the other workers turned to stare at her.

She didn’t expect that.

Biting back a nasty response, she tore her apron off and let it fall haphazardly at her feet. She pushed past Mama Chen and ignored her when the older woman screeched something about “making sure she never worked in another restaurant again!”

The cool autumn air slapped Nani harder than Mama Chen’s words, but it was a welcome reprieve from the congested, sweaty air of the kitchen. She sighed and inhaled deeply, her nerves on edge as she suddenly realized that she was once again out of a job.

How could she explain herself when she showed up at the store early and empty-handed?

She started down the block, racking her mind with excuses to tell the Bookkeeper, who would undoubtedly assure Nani she was doing her best and to not worry about a thing. Still, the young brunette knew the elderly woman would have to worry about her next meal and the concerning lack of customers.

Another sudden gust of wind burst forth, smashing a flurry of discarded newspaper and ads into her face.

Nani stumbled back, the wall of stray papers temporarily blinding her. She sputtered as she ripped the sheets from her face, only for one of them to catch her eye.

It was a flashy advertisement, adorned with gaudy colors and symbols, calling hopeful talents to appear on Shiro Shinobi’s new radio channel 54. The advertisement promised the potential winner a chance at hosting their very own show on the channel!

She reread the last sentence over and over, her grayish-green eyes widening at the prospect.

Could it be?

Suddenly, Nani was on a stage, a crowd of mesmerized onlookers chanting her name as she crooned into a microphone for them. The camera flashes caught the glitter of the jewels on her dress so perfectly,  momentarily blinding her, but it didn’t matter.

She was star.

For a moment, Nani dared to dream about a future that seemed impossible just moments ago. This… had to be a sign. This opportunity quite literally slapped her in the face!

Feeling giddy, she hurried back to the shop.

----

Taking one last glance at the mirror, Nani grinned with satisfaction.

She looked good, really good, like that poster of Cherry Wong hanging in Mama Chen’s. She even emulated the famous singer’s makeup, dark red lipstick and sultry cat eyes to bring out the green.

One of the first, and most influential, performers in the United Republic- Cherry Wong wowed audiences with her stunning features and incredible voice. She had a talent that no one had seen in those times. She was known for taking old Earth Kingdom poems and transforming them into melodious harmonies. Her music was enjoyed by both old and young audiences alike.

As a child listening from the partially open windows of the clubs, Nani marveled at her talent and was utterly inspired by her passion. She spent most of her free time practicing her sonnets and ballads, hoping to find her voice like Cherry Wong found hers.

A crash sounded in the room next door, followed by a cry of pain.

Nani jolted, rushing to the sound. In the hallway, a massive grandfather clock had toppled over, pinning the Bookkeeper under its impressive weight. Shards of glass and wood lay scattered around her. Blood trickled from the elderly woman’s mouth.

“Oh…oh…” the woman whimpered, shaking as she struggled under the gargantuan fixture.

Nani gasped, nearly frozen by the grisly sight. She fell to her knees, cradled the woman’s head in her hands and cried, “I’ll call for help!”

She wasn’t sure if the woman was shaking from pain or simply nodding her head, but she spent no time discerning the difference. The brunette gently laid the Bookkeeper’s head down and jumped over the sea of glass shards that littered the floor. She sped outside and flung the door to the store open, shouting for help.

The rest of the morning was a blur of people, police sirens, ambulances and cleaning up glass. Nani breathed shakily as the medics strapped the Bookkeeper into the stretcher. She reached out and squeezed her hand.

“Don’t let them take my shop,” the Bookkeeper moaned, her bandaged face soaked in tears.

Nani couldn’t say anything with the massive lump in her throat, so she mustered a nod and watched as the medics took her away in a flurry of sirens.

The tumultuous morning events had shaken Nani terribly. A jagged feeling of guilt dug into her abdomen as she returned to her room, her gaze fixated on the poster she hung above her bed. She peeled it off the wall and folded it gingerly, setting it on the mattress.

She turned away, prepared to give up this dream once and for all.

Unless…

Nani’s eyes tracked round to the bed where the poster sat. After a moment, she reached for it and unfolded the paper, gazing at it intently.

Guilt be damned. She would be stupid to waste the opportunity.

Betrayal accompanied the sound of the clanging keys as Nani locked up the store and darted up the street, her purse and the poster in her arms. Waving wildly, she was able to flag down a taxi and hurled herself into the backseat.

“To Studio 54, please.”

----

Traffic was actually quite agreeable that morning. When the cab finally reached the studio, Nani tossed what little money she had left into the greasy palm of the cab driver and pounced from the backseat onto the pavement. The sound of the cab speeding away barely registered as the brunette gazed up at the building.

The studio itself had undergone quite a transformation. It used to be a simple office building in Harmony Park, but with Shiro Shinobi’s attention (and money), it quickly became the hub for all radio-based creativity and communications. People from all over the world could be heard from this very building. Their stories, their songs, their lives…spread across soundwaves and flowing indiscriminately to anyone who could turn a dial, only to become a daily, integral part of that person’s life. It was magical, really.

Bright red, towering doors were cast open, inviting Nani inside with their promise of fame and freedom.

When she walked in, she noticed the line for auditions was quite short. Only a handful of people were in the queue. Directly in front of her stood a broad-shouldered individual who was just tall enough to obscure her vision of the ticket desk at the front of the line. Hopping onto her tip toes, Nani got a brief view of the desk and noticed the alarmingly short stack of tickets.

Her stomach turning to stone, the brunette reached up and twirled a strand of curls between her fingers. It was something she’d done since childhood, whenever she was intensely anxious.

With every auditionee, the stack got shorter and shorter. She watched in despair as the ticketer handed over the very last one to the man in front of her. Nani took a defeated step forward, the last glimmer of hope extinguished as the ticketer merely shook his head.

“Sorry, toots. Gotta be quicker next time.”

Her shoulders sank and her eyes stung as the failure dragged her under water. Her gaze traveled to the group of auditionees filing into the audition booth, the forbidden space meant only for the most auspicious, blessed individuals favored by the spirits.

Nani, as usual, was not such a person. The spirits must’ve really gotten a kick outta this one.

She chewed on her ire and hurt as she trudged back to the shop. The stone in her gut had turned into a burning lump of coal. What was worse, the humiliation of being turned away from the one thing she’d always wanted, or the immense guilt of closing the store and setting the Bookkeeper back for a stupid pipedream doomed to flop?

When she reached the decrepit little book store, she hastily let her self in and slammed the door behind her. Her eyes caught the broken grandfather clock, now shoved into a corner where it could no longer fall on frail old ladies. She locked her jaw in indignation.

Marching through the shop, Nani found the tiny radio she shared with her elderly roommate. She tore it from its perch on the counter and chucked into the trash outside. She ripped the poster from her purse and tore it to bits, letting the pieces fall around her like confetti. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

There she was, once again in a hapless celebration of her own failures and delusions.

“You’re never gonna learn, are you?”

----

It was an unusually warm autumn morning as Nani walked into the Bookkeeper’s hospital room. Clasped between her fingers was a large bouquet of petunias, the old woman’s favorite flowers.

“What a surprise,” the Bookkeeper murmured, lifting her head from the pillow to see the young woman at the foot of her bed. “Come, come sit.”

A sad smile tugged on Nani’s lips. The Bookkeeper looked so much smaller than she remembered. Her face had become jaunt and skeletal, her eyes barely open slits, her lips cracked and bleeding. Her neck was so weak she could barely lift her head.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Nani offered.

“What lovely flowers,” the Bookkeeper said, as if not hearing Nani’s apology. “Find a vase for them, and put them in the windowsill. They like the sun.”

The brunette did as she was told and took a seat next to the old woman’s bed.

“I heard the most beautiful lady sing on the radio last night,” the Bookkeeper mused. Her eyes glittered with tears. “What a star she was. Did you hear her?”

Nani clenched her jaw. The audition was last week, so the stinging feeling of disappointment was still fresh. The Bookkeeper had unknowingly thrown salt right into her wounds.

The old woman turned her head weakly to smile at Nani. “I have no idea where she is,” she whispered, her tears falling down the side of her face. “She said she would be back, but I think she got lost.”

Concern set in as Nani watched the Bookkeeper’s face relax into silent, pleasant confusion. Her eyes settled on the ceiling, as though watching clouds in the sky.

It was later revealed that the Bookkeeper had cancer, and it not only ate through her bones, but it was actively chewing through her brain, too. Nani had thought it was simply senility easing its way in, a normal part of aging.

But this wasn’t normal aging. This was dying.

Nani sat at the Bookkeeper’s side for several days, comforting her as she cried out for people who weren’t there, moistening her lips with cool water, and mustering a brave face as she watched the woman who took her in waste away.

As the end drew closer, Nani knew what had to be done.

The woman deserved a proper burial at the very least. To sell the shop felt like betraying her, but what else could Nani do? She had no job, no support, and the shop hadn’t made a sale in months.  

That’s what Nani told herself when she found a buyer. The guy was skeezy, but he paid a decent amount that would cover the Bookkeeper’s funeral and then some. He seemed rather excited to take the shop off of Nani’s hands, and frankly, she was eager to wash her hands of it.

The exchange went well, leaving her with a hefty envelope of cash under her arm and one less guilt trip to carry around.

Still, her eyes filled with tears as she watched the flames flicking at the funeral pyre. The Bookkeeper was kind and generous. She never badgered Nani for rent. She never judged or shamed her when she lost a job. She was just there…a trustworthy, safe fixture that Nani could rely on.

When the last of the flames died and the old woman’s ashes were collected, Nani walked to her grave site and placed the urn in the ground before piling a mound of loose dirt over it. She sighed, wiping her hands on the hem of her dress and sat back on her heels.

The sky was gray as she dipped her head and pressed her palms together, murmuring a final prayer for the old woman’s soul.

“Well, ain’t that a pity,” a male voice drawled behind her.

Nani tensed. She must’ve not heard the footfalls coming up behind her. She used to be good at that.

A disappointed clicking noise left the man’s lips. “Can’t say hi to an old friend?”

Nani’s heart pounded in her chest as sweat began forming on her brow. Reluctantly, she turned her head to see the tanned, curly haired man looming over her. His hands rested on his hips as he stared her down.

“M-ming.”

Her voice betrayed her as it cracked. She didn’t mean to, but the very sight of him had her frozen to the ground where she sat.

The earthbender smirked at her, his soulless gray eyes boring through her body.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, sweetheart. Tahno had us looking everywhere for you. After a while, we just assumed you died with the other poor souls in the tunnels,” he said, his voice devoid of any concern.

Nani gulped as he lent down  on his knees, meeting her eye to eye.

“Turns out, you’re just good at hiding,” he cooed, reaching out to caress her cheek.

The young woman gasped sharply as she jerked away, glaring at the man with a mix of terror and disgust.

A few moments passed as she tried to compose herself. “W-what are you doing here?” She questioned.

Ming glared at her intensely. “What do you think?” 

A shiver ran down her spine as she digested his question. Wolfbats were known for being possessive of their mates.

Nani’s hands wandered behind her, grabbing fistfuls of grass before finally finding a rock. She swung her arm around, clocking Ming in the jaw with it.

“I’m not going back!” She screamed.

He went down with a loud grunt, and Nani took off. She didn’t dare look behind her as she darted away, lurching over tombstones, urns and dead flowers, desperately running away from the life she left behind last year.

As she zig-zagged through the cemetery, she could hear the sound of heavy stones whooshing past her, some just barely grazing the tips of her hair.

“You chose the wrong place to pick a fight with me, baby!” Ming taunted, his voice echoing not too far behind.

Nani’s heart pounded against her ribcage. Her eyes fixated on the iron gate at the entrance, hoping to clear its threshold before her attacker could reach her. Her legs ached as she pumped forwards, her breathing ragged. With every distressing step, the gate grew closer.

Suddenly, two tombstones came flying from opposite sides, sandwiching Nani between the slabs of rock, slamming her into the ground.

Ming was right. It was stupid to challenge an earth bender in a cemetery.

“Agh!” She cried out, her ribs cracking under the weight.

She could hear the sound of grass being trampled and winced when Ming’s face came into view. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth.

She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her fear.

“You were always such a stubborn broad,” he lamented.

Like an act of mercy, the stones fell away and the pain swiftly disappeared with them. Nani blinked, staring up at her old compatriot.

“Just kill me, then,” she panted. “I’m not going back to Tahno!”

Ming dropped to her level again, this time cruelly yanking her forward by her hair. She yelped in pain.

“You knew that shop was drowning in debt, didn’t you?” He questioned, quiet but threatening. “The bank sent a letter threatening foreclosure four months ago. You let my uncle buy a foreclosed business!”

Nani wasn’t sure how to respond. Since when did Ming have an uncle? Was this not about Tahno?

“I didn’t know!” It was true, she didn’t know just how bad the debt was. All she had were a few bills and the deed to the shop. And, damn, if she’d known San Ho was Ming’s uncle, she would’ve never sold the shop to him. Now, she’d really done herself in.

Ming pulled harder on her hair, and Nani cried out, clawing at his forearm as she squirmed under his grip.

Eventually, he released her. Nani fell back, gasping for breath as she watched Ming, petrified.

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Normally when someone pathetic and nameless crosses San Ho, they get whacked. But, we’re old pals-wouldn’t you agree?”

Nani diverted her gaze from him. ‘Pals’ was a strong word.

Ming flashed her a sinister grin. “When I heard about your little transgression, I had the option to send my uncle’s goons out to find you. But those guys, they aren’t exactly known for their self control, if y’know what I mean.”

Instinctively, Nani pressed her legs together tightly.

“Believe it or not,” the earthbender continued, “I was real down when you left us, Nani. I don’t think Tahno ever gave you credit for how talented you were, but I saw it.”

Drops of rain kissed the top of Nani’s head, soon becoming an overpour. The heavens above seemed to pour out their disfavor of her, thunderously crashing down like a typhoon in the spring. If she even dared to run again, the mud would only make the chase more difficult. Ming would capture her again, and would likely break a few bones to drive home his point.

She’d lost, Nani told herself.  If tears rolled down her cheeks, Ming didn’t see them.

“Once a Wolfbat, always a Wolfbat,” she murmured, echoing Tahno’s words.

Ming shook his head, snickering. Nani snapped her head up to look at him through a curtain of sopping wet curls.

He chuckled at her confusion, replying, “Like I said, Tahno was a fool to ignore your talent.”

Apparently, he had other plans.

Nani would have to sell her body again, but not in the way most girls on the streets did. San Ho, Ming’s very rich and very corrupt uncle, owned a lucrative brewing company as well as a few dozen opium dens throughout the United Republic. He had quite a few connections with the Terra Triad, of which his nephew was an avid participant. His customers were often high-profile businessmen and women who liked getting drunk and high while being, well, serviced. Everyone appreciated good music and dancing, and Nani would provide. It was abnormally merciful, but who was Nani to refuse?

After all, Ming teased, there were worse ways to put her mouth to use.

----

Nani sighed as she picked up the cheap, shimmering silver fabric of the dress laid on the chair of her “dressing room”, i.e. a dimly lit walk-in closet with a futon on the ground coated in mysterious dried fluids.

She slipped out of her old maroon dress, undid her brassiere, and slid the new dress over her head. She shimmied and danced a bit until she was able to get the cloth over her hips. Eventually, the dress was on, and it actually fit pretty well, considering it had belonged to someone else. Nani’s breasts and back were very much exposed , however, leaving very little to the imagination. Even the most salacious lingerie wasn’t this provocative, but Nani knew her “audience” would appreciate it. Even more so, Ming and his uncle would be pleased.

As Nani rummaged through the box of costumes in front of her, she pulled out a feathered, boa-like head piece with a glittery band that matched her dress. She wrapped it around her head, careful not to disturb her curls which she’d smoothed down with gel earlier.

A heavy-handed knock startled her.

“Come on now, let’s see it.” It was Ming.

A deep sigh left her lips as Nani threw open the door. The earthbender was leaning against the frame, his eyes trailing up and down, a stomach-churning grin of satisfaction on his lips as he drank in her appearance.

“You look good enough to eat,” he muttered.

Nani didn’t look him in the eye as she walked past him, the look of disgust apparent on her face. She made her way to the long mirror in the hallway and stared at her reflection. The ridiculous headpiece, the exaggerated makeup, the scandalous outfit.

She was a show girl. An indentured show girl.

A mirthless laugh left her mouth without warning. You want fame? The spirits asked. Here’s your fame.

Ming sauntered into frame and put a cold hand on her shoulder. It took everything in Nani’s being not to recoil from him.

“The madame wants to meet you before you take the stage,” he said.

In another room, one more decadently decorated and much cleaner, sat the Madame. She was a tall, middle aged woman with a heavily powdered face and nails like knives. She was dressed in a silk red and pink kimono and a glossy black wig. She was pouring tea into a small cup.

“Madame Yoshino, I’ve brought your newest act, as promised,” Ming announced, keeping his fingers tightly curled around Nani’s shoulder as he led her into the room.

The exquisite woman stood from her cushion, cup in hand. She approached Nani with narrowed eyes. She barely looked at her before turning away in disgust.

“She’s dark,” she spat.

Nani’s eyes widened at the unexpected jab. Her hands balled into fists, nails digging into her palms.

Ming patted her back, replying confidently, “You’ve got plenty of porcelain dolls, why get another one when you can have a bronze beauty instead?”

Madame Yoshino glowered at Ming for a moment before turning her attention back to the young woman. She raised an inquisitive brow at her. She studied Nani’s figure,  pausing over her chest and then her face, where she lingered for a long time.

Nani gulped as she tried, and failed, not to look the frighteningly intimidating woman in the eyes.

The madame grasped her chin and forcefully jerked her face from side to side.

“Open your mouth,” she demanded.

Nani gave her a hateful stare but complied when Ming slapped her ass with stinging force.

She bit back a yelp and let the Madame inspect her teeth.

“Hm…a few cavities, but overall not bad,” the older woman commented. She tapped Nani’s jaw as if to signal her to close it.

Shrugging, Madame Yoshino took a sip of her tea and settled her gaze on Nani again. “Where are you from, little miss? North or South?”

Nani understood her question, as many had asked the same. And she answered the same as she always did.

“Neither,” she replied boldly. “I’m from Republic City.”

Ming cleared his throat and pinched the back of her arm. Nani squeezed her eyes shut to keep from crying out in pain.

Madame Yoshino set her teacup down, waving her arms in the air with disdain. “No, no, no! That won’t do. From now on, you’re a Northern girl, you see?”

Another slap to her behind from Ming, this time less vicious. “Our little arctic fox,” he teased.

Nani bit her tongue until it bled. Hatred burned in her veins as the two continued to talk about her as though she weren’t in the room. To them, she was just a piece of meat to be devoured later, then regurgitated and devoured again…until she was completely unrecognizable.

Madame Yoshino dug her dagger-like nails into Nani’s arm as she dragged her onstage.

The brunette’s eyes darted around the room. The atmosphere was thick with the familiar scent of opium and sweat. The dim lights were a blood-red hue, blanketing everything in a sort of sensual, dangerous anonymity.

Her gaze turned to the door in the very back of the room. If she tried to make a run for it, Ming could easily block off the exit with his earth bending, or smash a rock into her head with a swipe of his hand.

Madame Yoshino took the microphone and introduced her as a “Northern Snow Princess”.

A stage light shined jarringly in her face, blinding her for a few seconds. As her vision adjusted, Nani took in the environment around her.

Various paintings and portraits of people engaged in lewd sex acts decorated the walls. Well-dressed men, and a few women, sat on various couches and cushions, pipes and sake glasses in their hands as young courtesans fawned over them. Their clothes were still on, but a few had their shirts unbuttoned, dresses turned askew, shoes missing.

This was nothing like her daydreams.

The clientele hummed in surprise and intrigue, a few even clapped. Nani couldn’t stomach looking at them directly, instead focusing on a portrait to the right of her. It was a photograph, blown up on a poster, of a naked woman, her large breasts like two moons shining bright in the night sky, with a green and pink folding fan splayed out between her legs, just barely covering her sex.

Somehow, that woman was using her sexual prowess as a form of power. Somehow, she was able to take hold of the narrative that she’d been sold into. It was in her eyes. Her body was hers, and no one could take that away.

Nani longed to be half as brave as the woman in the photograph.

An upbeat, jazzy tune began playing behind her and her hands trembled as she took the microphone.

Just sing, she told herself. It’s like riding a bicycle.

The words tumbled from her lips on cue as she timed herself to the music. It was a song about falling in love, or something silly like that. It wasn’t the most appropriate song for a brothel, but somehow it got people going.

As the song continued, Nani sashayed her hips to the melody, waving her arms in a rhythmic swaying motion.  

The crowd was pleased, clapping along and cheering. Their enthusiasm would’ve been intoxicating had it not been for the fact that she could see them getting grabby with some of the courtesans.

She did her best to keep singing, to pretend it didn’t bother her. She murmured out a few more notes, humming along and dancing away, but then she saw it:

An older gentleman had his hands around a girl’s throat as he straddled her, his knee forcing its way between her legs. The girl was around Nani’s age, but her face was caked in geisha makeup to make her look older. Her eyes were wide with panic and terror, until they rolled back into her head. Her body went limp in the man’s grasp, but he didn’t let up.

All the while, the cheery cacophony of saxophones, trumpets, bass and drums continued their happy tune as Nani watched this man choke a dead body. Her voice had long been drowned out by the music. Or maybe she’d stopped singing altogether, she didn’t actually recall.

Her eyes were glued to the man’s hands. He just kept going.

The music got louder, the cheers got louder, everything sort of blurring together in the chaos.

It was in that moment that something buried deep inside Nani exploded.

A wordless, enraged shriek tore itself from her throat. She leapt from the stage, grasping the microphone stand in her hands. As she charged at the man, she held the pole over her head and brought it down on his face with a sickening crack.

He crumpled to the floor.

Nani’s hands shook as she dropped the microphone stand. The music came to a screeching halt. The looks of awe and wonder morphed into terror and disgust. Nani could feel Ming and Madame Yoshino’s eyes burning into her back, but all she could do was watch the man stir, trying to push himself up with his hands. Nani brought the pole over her head again.

But before she could deliver another blow, the thick scent of sulfur and ammonia filled the air.

Smoke seemed to pour from every orifice of the building, creating a cloudy miasma that rapidly replaced the oxygen in the room. Panic settled in, screams tearing through the atmosphere as everyone scrambled  to escape.

Nani coughed as she tried to fight the smoke, stumbling over the bodies of the clientele as they dropped like flies around her. Her eyes and lungs burned as the smoke seared into her mucus membranes. She gasped into the crook of her elbow, but the fumes were too much. She staggered towards the exit, when something caught her ankle, causing her to lurch forward.

She was unconscious before she hit the ground.

----

The sound of jingling keys and steel-toed boots woke Nani up. Or maybe it was the raging, fume-induced migraine boring into her skull. She wasn’t quite sure, yet.

“Wake up, miss,” a deep voice beckoned.

Nani groaned as she opened her eyes. She slowly lifted her head, squinting as the figure of a uniformed man came towards her. Behind him, she could see a set of bars. Her mind quickly registered the cuffs around her wrists and ankles.

Eyes snapping open with alarm, Nani jerked away from the officer. She held her arms up to shield herself, but that, unsurprisingly, did nothing to stop him.

“Let’s go,” the officer said, grabbing hold of her arms and pulling her up.

“No, no, no,” she begged. “Please don’t do this!”

She writhed against his iron-grip as he dragged her out of the jail cell and through the halls of the precinct. In her peripheral vision, she saw Ming being carried away by two officers, except his cuffs looked different, like they were wooden—probably so he wouldn’t try to metal bend his way out of them.

Relief washed over her for a second, but only for a second. She then realized she was in a showgirl’s outfit, in a brothel, surrounded by opium, prostitutes and rich people who were above the law.

“I-I don’t belong here!” She said nervously. “You have to believe me.”

The officer scoffed at her. “You know how many times I’ve heard that before?”

She ended up in an interrogation room, sitting across a young detective with enigmatic amber eyes and dark hair.  He had his arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes; he just looked at her.

She covered her chest with her arms, suddenly very self-conscious of her very exposed body.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Nani finally muttered, her voice hoarse.

The detective leaned forward, his elbows on the desk in front of him, as though eager to hear more. “Well, a statement, for starters,” he responded.

Nani shook her head, her glittering headpiece tilting down to one side. “What is there to say?” She retorted. “You found me in a brothel. I know what you do to women in brothels.”

The man raised one sharp brow at her. “Oh?” He replied, as though inviting her to continue.

A tickle started in Nani’s throat, reminding her that she was quite dehydrated. “Can I have some water?” She asked.

Nodding, the detective left the room. In seconds, he was back with a glass of lukewarm water, but Nani didn’t care. She threw her head back and gulped down the whole thing.

When she was finished, she placed the glass in between herself and the detective.

“I’m not some skirt,” she said flatly.

The detective nodded. “I know.”

“How?”

He swiftly laid out several photographs across the table. Nani leaned forward to examine them. There were photos of San Ho, Madame Yoshino, Ming, and several young women and men she did not recognize. Evidence of drug, alcohol and sexual paraphernalia was wantonly displayed in the images.  There were also images of the brothel and other buildings within the Red Light District. Nani was surprised to see those pictures had been taken some time in the morning. They didn’t look so frightening in broad daylight.

The detective explained, “We’ve been watching this group for years-even had a few of our officers infiltrate their ranks to find information that could help us bring them down. They knew every face that walked into that bordello, except yours.”

Nani glanced at the detective and then back at the photos. She couldn’t stop looking at the faces of the young sex workers.

“We did however hear about an unsavory purchase that San Ho had made,” he continued. “Something about a foreclosed book shop?”

Her knee jerk reaction was to scream, “It wasn’t my fault!” but Nani held her tongue. Instead, she looked away.

“The woman I was staying with died,” she muttered. “She owned the bookstore. On her deathbed she asked me sell it.”

That little lie stung. Nani knew it was wrong, but it was better than the truth. The Bookkeeper had begged her not to let anyone take away the shop. Perhaps in her demented, cancer-ridden brain she knew the bank was going to take everything.

Leaning back in his chair, the detective appeared to take this in.

“Okay,” he started slowly, as though he was working out a puzzle in his mind. “So you sold the deed to San Ho, and then he somehow found out it was foreclosed. Then what?”

Nani sighed loudly. “Do I really have to walk you through every little detail?”

Reaching into his coat, the detective pulled out a yellow notepad with one hand and clicked a pen with the other. “Yes, please,” he responded. “Let’s start with your name.”

“Tanana, my friends call me Nani…at least they would if I had friends.”

“Is there a last name?”

“No.”

“Where are you from?”

“Born in Republic City.”

“Ok. Do you have any family we can contact?”

Curls shook furiously. “No family. Just me.”

The detective nodded. “How old are you?”

Nani bit her lip, hesitant. “I-I’m not 100% sure. Between 20 and 23, I think.”

His eyes flew up to her face, filled with confusion and possibly even concern.

“You grew up on the streets,” he responded, as though filling in the blanks. Despite her not asking him to.

The brunette’s expression was stone-like. After a while, the pity gets old.

Clearing his throat, the detective asked Nani to give her statement as truthfully and clearly as she could.

Eager to be done with it, Nani explained the events in the cemetery and the brothel, up until she met Madame Yoshino.

“I thought I was doing a show,” she explained. “But then I looked around, like really looked around, and I realized where I was.”

As she spoke, the detective scribbled furiously onto his notepad.

“Were you asked to perform any sexual acts?” He asked, his eyes not leaving the pad.

“Oh, no,” she responded nonchalantly. She noticed a dusting of pink on the detective’s face as he paused writing for a second. “But I saw quite a few people getting their rocks off in the audience.”

The writing paused momentarily, and then resumed. Nani watched the detective quietly as he wrote. His features just screamed with familiarity, but for some reason she couldn’t place it.

Seconds later, the man looked up and noticed her watching at him. “…I’m listening,” he prompted.

Nani shrugged, “I don’t have much else, sorry.”

Pursing his lips, the detective clicked his pen before stuffing it and the notepad back into his coat. He scooched his chair back and stood.

“Thank you for your statement,” he said curtly, resuming an air of professionalism. “My officers will be in here shortly to undo your cuffs and bring you your belongings.”

Nani nodded in response, watching him as he turned to leave. She almost let him go, but something nagged at her incessantly.

“Detective?”

He turned his head to look at her. “Yes?”

Rubbing the inside of her palm, Nani stared at the files in his hands. “What happened to that girl? Did she make it?”

A look of recognition flashed across his face, followed by somberness. Nani grimaced knowingly.

“No….she was one of ours,” he admitted soberly.

“Spirits….I’m sorry.”

A few seconds of uncomfortable silence lingered in the air.

“Me too,” he responded, closing the door behind him.

----

Less than thirty minutes later, Nani was freed. She wasted no time fleeing downstairs to the front lobby with her purse in hand, covering her chest. As she made her way down, she noticed a group of officers crowded around a radio, howling with laughter.

 She paused, simultaneously amused and annoyed, wondering what they were listening to that was so funny.

“Turn it up, will ya?” A stout officer exclaimed, shoving one of his companions.

The taller, thinner one obliged, chuckling as he playfully punched the first officer back.

Nani lingered in the lobby of the precinct, her ears perked to the sound of Shiro Shinobi’s voice:

--“AAAANNND welcome back ladies and gentlemen to Channel 54 Radio. I’m your host, Shiro Shinobi, and tonight do we got a program for you!”

“Tonight, I am pleased to announce the premiere of our newest program, ‘Dispatches from Republic City’, hosted by the one, the only…

“MISTER BOOOOOOLIIIIIIN!!!! ALSO KNOWN AS NUKTUK: HERO OF THE SOUTH!”--

Nani’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head. Her mind went back to the day of the audition. The man in front of her….did she ever catch a glimpse of his face? Then she remembered, he’d said his name to the ticketer.

Bolin.

A festive, over-the-top jingle played over the soundwaves as the officers whooped and hollered in front of Nani. A tiny, likely overworked and underpaid intern scrambled behind her, spilling a week’s worth of paper shreds around her like a burst of confetti.

It would’ve been comical...if it weren't absolutely maddening.

Nani didn’t bother to listen to the rest of the program. She stared blankly ahead of her as she marched out of the precinct and into the chilly night air. She was burning with so much rage the cold actually felt good on her skin.

For a few seconds, she watched a slurry of satomobiles pass her by and contemplated walking into traffic. And she might’ve done it if she hadn’t looked up and saw a faded Nuktuk poster plastered on the wall of the building beside her.

No, she told herself. You’re not going out like roadkill.

She glared at the actor’s face, memorizing the face of the man who’d stolen her dream from her. Oh, she knew him. Maybe not personally, but she remembered him from her days with the Wolfbats.

He was a cocky Pro-Bender with a pet rat, big whoop. He got his fame when he starred in the movers, even bigger whoop. Who was he to steal audition spots? Didn’t he get his fifteen minutes?

Nani took one last look at the poster before tearing it down and ripping it to bits. People walked past her in the streets, staring at her like she was crazy, but she couldn’t give a rat’s ass if she tried.

She was furious, mostly at herself for giving up so quickly after the audition but also at the universe for favoring that big, dirt-pushing lug over her when it knew how badly she needed this.

Well, no matter. If the spirits could play tricks….then so could she.

She hurried towards the nearest hotel, intent on getting some decent beauty rest. She’d likely have to dip her fingers in some poor sap’s pockets to fund an outfit change. She wasn’t sure about the hair and makeup, but she would find a way. She always did.

After all, she had to look good if she was going to meet Nuktuk, hero of the South.

#legend of korra #bolin #makorra #lok #bolin headcanons #bolin x reader #bolin x oc #wolfbats #whitefalls wolfbats #probending #korra

[majorshiraharu]

Discussion of Limitations in Live Action & Style Choices

This will be all spoilers for the new episode of the Mandalorian.  I’m putting it under a cut so no one accidentally gets spoiled. Fair warning it is long af, I tried doing a mix of my opinions and information from the show, films, etc. I tried putting the more opinion parts in italic, might have forgotten some parts tho. I spent way too long on this lmao

--------------SPOILERS BELOW------------------

I'm putting my thoughts for each time I watched it. That way, you can see how rewatching changed my mind some. I also had almost a whole day to process the episode before I watched it again, then I had a few hours to think about it and add to this, and then now I've watched it for the third time. This will be a mix of my reactions and opinions and then some information about The Mandalorian and things I think many people are overlooking. Especially in a time when we have major blockbuster films with pretty amazing CGI and people have come to expect that level of detail in everything. If you don’t want to read my reaction/opinion parts, skip down past “3rd Viewing” (the sectioned area)

1st Viewing When It Dropped; Right After Watching: — Okay honestly not the biggest fan of this Ahsoka, I feel like they could have done a bit better with her lekku, montrals, and the contacts because they kinda took me out of it a few times. She didn't move a lot like Ahsoka, but then again she does move and act more like the Rebels version, so if you haven't seen that I can see how this would be more off-putting. She's much older at this point and probably can't move as well as she used to. Also, I know we've come to expect the effects of high-budget films and their fancy CGI, but this show is not that and I think they truly did the best they could with what they had. I'm too tired now, but will write about that stuff in my second viewing section. Overall, I think in the scenes where she interacted with Mando and the child were very well done and felt like how I thought Ahsoka would be after the journey she had over the past years. Those moments felt like Ahsoka to me, and I really enjoyed. 2nd Viewing; About 16 Hours After First Viewing: — So I took some time today to think about last night's episode, I also decided to hop on social media and see what people's reactions were. I was surprised how on Twitter and Reddit I hardly found anyone who disliked this version, longtime fans, new fans, people who didn't know Ahsoka. It seemed like most people really loved it and were extremely happy to see her in live-action. Some people didn't like the way her lekku & montral looked but otherwise enjoyed it, and then there were a few people who said it didn't feel like Ahsoka to them. Now here's my opinion on the second viewing, I liked her more after watching it again. As mentioned above she's definitely more like her Rebels version, and we have a few years when she and Sabine were out searching for Ezra and Thrawn. We don't know what she's been through but clearly, she's much calmer and wiser, which I think fits, it's not like how she was in Clone Wars but it's been like 25+ ish years, so she's had a lot of time to grow and shouldn’t be the same. The actress who played her was pretty stiff and monotone during more scenes than I would have liked, but all her scenes with Din and the Child were excellent, and felt pretty close to Ahsoka, really liked her in those. The action scenes were very cool at the start. Her fighting style was more like her fighting in Rebels. I would have liked a few more shots of her with her signature lightsaber hold, but they included them during the right moments, so that doesn't really bother me that much. Now for the mostly on Tumblr infamous lekku & montral, on second viewing I didn't mind them as much because it wasn't as shocking. The length should have been longer imho, and they definitely needed to change the montral, that's what I have the only real problem with. The montral just looked too short, was angled back quite far, and yeah, just didn't look like any animated version, concepts, or even any cosplays I've seen. This was the only thing about her that I really just didn't like and bothered me some. 3rd Viewing; Most of my opinions stayed the same, I watched it this time with some of my friends who love Star Wars and one who loves Ahsoka as much as me, so I wanted to see their reaction. They all loved her, tho they agreed the length should have been longer and the top should have been different. But they all really loved the episode and her.

--------------------- Now all that said, here are some counterpoints and information because I thought it was important to look into why it might be that way, and I will also include ways that I think it could have been done better. Besides having some cosplay experience of my own, I have no idea what they went through to pick or make this look, and it could have been always ended up a lot worse. First off they need to consider the actress, the material, how it moves, how heavy it is, how it looks in movement, fight scenes, etc. - There is concept art that shows many types of looks for her, and while I think they picked my least favorite of them, people need to understand that there was a reason. We don't know and may never know, but it was a choice made. Concept art from the end of the episode:

It could have also been that it looked better in person, or that they wanted a distinct look for it in live-action to make it feel more realistic or unique. Here is other concept art of Ahsoka from Rebels and The Clone Wars, Link Here

----------------- Also, many people aren't aware of this, but the Mandalorian is made to look a lot like the OG movies. They specifically try to only use camera angles/ movements from that time. They try to do action that fits the original films style and also is similar to old westerns. They have a very specific look they're going for, and a lot of people don't know this. This also includes the use of miniatures, puppets, and as many realistic things as they can for costumes and the interactive parts of the set. They use CGI and new tech too, but aside from the large screen they use for scenery they seem to only use CGI when it's really needed and not for everything like blockbuster movies or even some shows do, aka they don’t overuse it.

Here are two links for more info on this. They are long but have a lot of cool insight into the show: link for filming style here — link for the tech they use for filming here They have the tech and probably money to have made Ahsoka's lekku & montral CGI, but it was a deliberate choice in style not to do this. Was it a good idea, maybe yes, maybe no, maybe a mix? In Season 1 Chapter 6 of The Mandalorian when they had the Twi’lek Xi’an and I saw how her lekku moved I was concerned for if they ever included lekku in a more prominent role.

As you can kind of see in the above gif, they didn't have enough weight to them and were too foamy/rubbery in their movement. It seems like the same stuff was used for Ahsoka's, which resulted in the same problem. Since we've only known her in animation where they can change things to a much more finite degree, it's off-putting in live-action, and it kinda falls into the uncanny valley which I think is why it's slightly weird to see. If we had seen her in live-action first this probably wouldn't have bothered people as much.

Video Link to show it better

I included the older Clone Wars version of Ahsoka in here because I believe they mixed her looks together to come up with the live-action design. - We saw Shaak Ti in live-action years ago and many people are pointing to that as what they should have gone with for Ahsoka. A reminder that was done for a film, not a TV show, so there will be differences in quality and style. I do think they could have used that as a model to base Ahsoka on, they should have access to old headpiece unless it just deteriorated with time. Here’s a video that includes behind the scenes looks of Shaak Ti, Youtube Link Here  

Also here’s a look of Ayla from the Prequels and from the original trilogy of the Jaba palace Twi’lek to compare how they look with the Twi’lek in the Mandalorian.

I think the original trilogy looked better than the lekku in The Mandalorian so if they’re using similar material to keep it more fitting to that time, maybe they need to make them longer to hold more weight and look like actual flesh and not foamy rubber.

They could have also gone the route of making different headpieces with other material depending on what they were being used for. Again it's a TV show, not sure if they have the time or money to do this or think it's worth it for just one episode. But they could have had one made of that foamy material for action scenes, and then one that looked more like Shaak Ti's for scenes where she just talked or moved some. Honestly, this would have been their best option, and as far as I can tell, that wasn't done. I see people mention they could have done no action or less action and made better lekku, but there are already people complaining that there wasn't enough action or movement in her action scenes. You can't please everyone, and I think they struck a good balance.

----------------

Other opinions of mine on her live-action version. I think Ashley Eckstein should have been the one to play Ahsoka in live-action, or I think they should have dubbed the voice. The actress playing her in this wasn't bad, but honestly, she brought nothing new to the role and didn't do enough to capture the smaller nuances of Ahsoka's character. Some of these problems could have been fixed by dubbing her voice, even if she didn't move or look like how people wanted Ahsoka to in live-action, having her voice would have made a big difference. I don't know if Ashley was brought in on this; she hasn't mentioned anything as far as I have seen. I would find it strange if she wasn't involved since Dave and her are friends. Both really love the character, but he doesn't have full control over the show and maybe she wasn't made a part of it for one reason or another. But if she wasn’t, I think that was a bad choice, she’s the one who brought her to life in the Clone Wars.  -  I also think that we don't always need a big name or famous person playing a character, we could have a dubbed voice and had someone performing it who was a stunt woman or an actor who isn't as well known, this has been done in Star Wars before. 

Also look at this cute cosplay of Ashley as Ahsoka:

--------------------- TLDR: Lekku and Montral are not easy to make or look real, I think the creators did the best they could with the style they try to achieve (again we don’t know behind the scenes stuff or their choices), there is stuff that could have maybe improved the look. Many people don’t understand the amount of work that goes into something like this and that sometimes choices are made for a design that you may not like, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Art is a creative thing which includes taking risks, putting a unique spin on something that exists, and sometimes making choices that not everyone will like.

--------------------

But still I’m happy we got to see live action Ahsoka and I’m glad she was able to bring joy to so many people. I’ve watched the Clone Wars since I was a kid and have always loved Ahsoka and while I have my nitpicks about her live action version, overall, I think they did a good job. I was disappointed at first, but now not so much, and instead I just view her as a different version and that she’s unique in her own ways. I remember when Rebels Ahsoka came out a lot of people hated that version, personally I loved it, there are aspects of her design I didn’t like as much tho.

I also feel this was her only appearance in The Mandalorian, I don’t think she will return again, as far as the story goes, I don’t think there is a need for her to return either. I personally would prefer to have Ahsoka stay as an animated character if she got her own show, animation suits her better and has fewer limitations for the creators.

#enjoy my long info dump #about the new episode of the mandalorian #also spoilers below the cut #sorry info dumping is a thing i like doing lol #i spent way too long on this and should actually be sleeping #whoops #the mandalorian spoilers #manod spoilers #mandalorian spoilers #mandalorian season 2 #mando s2 #the mandalorian #spoilers #ahsoka tano #live action ahsoka tano #shira info dumps #at 2 am lmao

[stargazing-enby]

20 Facts for 2020

Tagged by @tsauergrass! Thanks darling 💗

1. Do you make your bed?

I try to! Whether my bed is made or not is probably an indicator of whether I am having a good or a bad day, although sometimes I don't make it simply because I need to rush to class in the morning and don't come back home till night 😂

2. Favourite number?

Don't have one!

3. What's your job?

Being a student 😂

4. If I could would I go back to school?

NO. I still have nightmares from school quite often

5. Can you parallel park?

I can't drive, so no

6. A job people would be surprised I had

N/A 😂

7. Do you think aliens are real?

I do believe it's possible that other planets out there bear life or have done/will do it at some point, yes. But I'm not scared an evil horde of aliens is going to conquer Earth anytime soon 😂

8. Can you drive a standard car?

I probably could if I had to, but...nope

9. What's your guilty pleasure?

I had to Google the definition of guilty pleasure because I've never been quite sure what that is (first result: something, such as a film, television programme, or piece of music, that one enjoys despite feeling that it is not generally held in high regard.)

And uh... I used to watch America's Got Talent despite it probably being the least ethical show I've enjoyed in the past few years, but I stopped when one of their golden buzzer YouTube headers was "girl defeats autism...". So now I guess I could say my guilty pleasure is probably reading fics on Wattpad sometimes 😅😂 everyone dislikes Wattpad, but I don't. Oops?

10. Tattoos

They're beautiful, but not for me, at least not at this stage in my life. I feel like I'm so young, and if I tattooed anything on my skin with any sort of symbolism right now I'd feel unable to grow up a few years from now; stuck in who I was when I got it. Does that make sense? I don't want to anchor myself to a moment in time and have to remember it when I've moved on from it.

11. Favourite colour?

Shiny, translucent, pale, and soft shades of light blue!

12. Things people do that drive you crazy

Ummm, LOTS 😂

- Smoke, scream, spit, litter, and use the car honk on the street.

- Keep sniffing over and over again instead of blowing their damn noses 😭 I've spent whole minutes staring at exams unable to write down a single word because someone nearby was sniffing and I could... Hear it...

- Prank people about things that aren't funny? Like if you tell me something bad happened I'm going to get worried! You can't just laugh and tell me it was a lie, that you just wanted to play with my feelings for fun! I don't trust you anymore. 😂

- Be on their phones in the damn cinema. Watch the movie at home if you're gonna ignore it 😒 or at the very least turn the brightness down?!? I swear.

- Keep their phones at max volume on the train. Like. LSKDKQJDJQN the other day this man kept getting calls over and over and over again, and he was ignoring them instead of picking up, and the volume was so high you could hear it over your headphones. Wtf man.

- A lot of other stuff 😅

13. Any phobias?

Not that I know of (or at least not that I know the name of. I have this recurrent intrusive thought of something I'm terrified will happen to me someday, but I'm not gonna name it for my own safety 😂)

14. Favourite childhood sport?

Soccer and rollerskating!

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Doesn't everyone? 😅

16. What movie do you adore?

Frozen/Frozen 2, Moana, Tangled, Beauty and the Beast (the one starring Emma Watson), quite a few Ghibli ones...I'm not really a movie person save for my comfort movies. Like, I'll watch random movies very rarely and enjoy them a lot, but I haven't watched a lot of them and I tend to constantly rewatch the same ones.

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

I actually love doing them!!!!

18. Favourite type of music

At this point in my life, pop/indie and videogame/shows/movie soundracks, and also a little bit of symphonic metal, alternative rock, and folk/classical rock. But mostly the first two.

19. Tea or coffee?

HOT. CHOCOLATE. 😤

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

A biker! I was like 4-5 years old and would prattle for hours about wanting a motorbike of every colour I knew. I'd walk up to strangers with cool motorbikes and reassure my parents I would always wear a helmet 😂

It me riding a fun fair motorbike 😂

Tagging @april-thelightfury115 @keyflight790 @julcheninred @gamerfreddie @tsundanire @sweetlialia anddd whoever else wants to do it, consider yourselves tagged! Please don't reblog this post, but tag me on yours so I can see 👀

#20 Facts for 2020 #Personal #Ableism mention #Intrusive thoughts mention #Long post

[lovemesomesurveys]

What do you usually eat for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese. And coffee, duh. When was the last time you seen your best friend? I see my mom everyday, all the time since we live together. What was the last good movie you watched? I recently rewatched Endgame and Aladdin (the new live action one), both of which are really good. Especially Endgame. Still gets me in the feels. Do you rent movies at a store or on your tv? We sometimes rent from Redbox (the red box thingies with DVDs at grocery stores. I think there’s also Bluebox, too, in some places), but usually we watch on Netflix or rent from Amazon Prime. Have you ever thought about getting Netflix? We’ve had it for years. What do you order on your sundae? I haven’t had a sundae in years, but I liked to just get vanilla ice cream with strawberry syrup. I don’t care for sprinkles. Do you like whipped cream and nuts on it? I like whipped cream and some nuts in general, but I didn’t put either one on my sundaes. *shrug* I’m a simple gal.

How often does your family have cookouts? We did them a lot when I was a kid. My dad used to BBQ quite a bit during the summer and my extended family all got together for BBQs quite often as well. We haven’t done that in years, though.  Does anybody in your family have cancer? My papa and one of my cousins both had skin cancer, but they’re fortunately both in remission.  What is one genre of music you refuse to listen too? I don’t outright refuse any, but I don’t like techno/EDM/Clubhouse music type stuff.  Who is your favorite singer? I don’t have one particular favorite. There are many artists and bands that I enjoy. What is the title of the last book you read? It’s still Burying the Honeysuckle Girls by Emily Carpenter, which has been my answer for months now. I keep meaning to start reading again, but it hasn’t happened, yet. I go through phases where I read a lot and knockout several books and then go awhile without reading at all. I love to read, so I don’t know what my issue is. Do you even read? I do, I just haven’t the last few months.  Is your Bzoink account profile decorated? I don’t have one. If so, what’s the backround of? Do you drink Mcdonalds sweet tea? I used to. I haven’t had it in probably almost 10 years, though.  Do you like melted cheese on your eggs? Yessss. What do you eat on your popcorn? Butter and salt are absolute musts. Also, this one theater I go to has garlic parm seasoning stuff that is SO good. What do you do on a sunny day? I don’t do anything different, I just do them while complaining about being hot and feeling miserable from the heat. I’m not a summer or outdoorsy person.  Do you moisturize everyday? No, but I really should. How long does it take you to get ready for your day? If I’m going somewhere then I just fix my hair (or throw on a hat), brush my teeth, change my clothes, put on deodorant, and put on my shoes. Bam. Done. I very, very rarely bother with makeup anymore or doing anything with my hair other than braid it, put it in a pony tail, throw a hat/beanie on.  Do you ever have lazy days? Everyday? But honestly, it’s more that I don’t have energy or motivation to do much of anything. I own up to the fact that I can be lazy, but that’s not the main reason. It seems like laziness on the surface, but it’s deeper than that.  Is your bedroom clean right now? It’s a little cluttery right now and it’s driving me nuts. I need to find the energy and motivation to clean up a bit and get rid of some stuff. That’s my main issue with my room I just have too much stuff and not enough space for it. What is one simple word that you usually can never spell? I don’t know if it’s considered “simple”, but for some reason I can’t ever get “omnepoenia” on the first try. <<< That’s my attempt and it’s way off lol. “Onomatopoeia“ is how you spell it. I don’t know why I can’t seem to remember that. I guess maybe because it’s a word I never use except for when I’m asked this question, ha.  Do you flip the pillow over for the cold side? Yeah. Do you always have to sleep with a blanket? I haven’t used a blanket most of this summer.  What are some things you do before you go to bed? Listen to ASMR and do some surveys. Do you like late night phone conversations? I don’t like talking on the phone at all. Does your room have a blacklight? No. What color are your walls? White. Do you heat up your syrup when you have pancakes or do you like it cold? I just pour it right from the bottle. It doesn’t taste cold to me, but maybe that’s cause the pancakes are the warm. What do ever add anything to your pancakes/waffles? Just butter and syrup. What is your favorite candle scent? Autumnal ones. Are you on any types of medication right now? Just a pain medication.  Have you ever suffered from depression? I do suffer from depression and have since I was about 12 or 13. It’s definitely been at its absolute worst these past 4 years. On average, how many surveys do you think you take a day? A lot. haha. Ya’ll already know. Does your town have flea markets? Yeah. What is your favorite sport? None. Do you like to talk on the phone? Nope. Who do you text the most? I rarely text at all, but when I do it’s with one of my parents or my brother. Are you out of school yet? I graduated college back in 2015. Are you watching anybody graduate this year? No. What are your school colors? What makes you smile more than anything? My doggo. If you could change one thing about the past, what would you change? So many things... If you could only eat one thing every single day what would it be? I’ve had a sandwich everyday for lunch for the past 3 months. Do you like spicy things? I used to be obsessed, but I can’t eat spicy foods anymore. D: Do you ever go to Starbucks? Yeah, pretty often. What is the most expensive thing you own? My laptop. What kind of car do you drive? I don’t drive. How long have you had your license? I don’t have my license.  What grades do you usually get? I got As and Bs. Do you swim or lay out when your at the beach? I just relax and soak it all in. I love just looking out at the ocean or closing my eyes while listening to the waves crash in.  Do you ever get drunk with friends? I used to. I don’t drink anymore, though. It’s been 6 years since the last time. What was the craziest moment of your life? There’s been a few of those moments I’d say. Have you ever spent the night in a hospital? Yeah. I’ve had to stay a few months in the hospital. Is love really that hard to explain? I have a hard time really explaining it. It’s just something I know and feel, but have a hard time putting into words. Describe what your wearing tomorrow: Probably the same thing I’m wearing now, ha. Describe the weather right now. It’s currently 75 F with 12mph winds. If you were having a baby boy, what would you name him? I’m not having children. What is your favorite cuss word? I don’t have a favorite. Do you have a mannnnn? Nope. If so, what’s hiiiis name? Oh by the way, what’s yours? Stephanie. What is on your feet right now? Socks. Do you hate your feet or are they cute? I don’t like them. What does your room look like? It’s a bit cluttery right now. There’s also a lot of giraffe stuffed animals around the room, ha. Do you ever stick your leg out of the blanket when you sleep? I do that with my arms. Do you have any tattoos? Nope. Are you patient or impatient? I’m very impatient.  Everybody has that one friend who really isnt there friend, who is yours? I don’t have any friends. Do you ever hang out with somebody just for a ride? No. What time do you wake up in the morning usually? Lately it’s been 10ish, sometimes 11. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Check the time. Do you eat right away or do you have to wait awhile? No it takes like an hour for me to finally drag myself outta bed for coffee. Then I like to just drink my coffee, read my daily devotional, and check social media for awhile first before I eat.  Who makes you smile, no matter what? My doggo. What do you do when your sad? So what do I do everyday: Tumblr, surveys, watch TV, watch YouTube, check social media, sleep... Reading, coloring, listening to music, and playing my Nintendo Switch get thrown into the mix sometimes as well. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. Do you ever watch scary movies by yourself? Yeah. It’s so funny because a few short years ago I would never. Like, I wasn’t even really into scary movies because I was a big scardy cat. That changed in recent years; though, and now I love ‘em.  Do you drink energy drinks? Just Starbucks Doubleshot. Describe what’s on your floor right now. A stack of some medical supplies.  Do you have any pets? Yes, I have a doggo.  If so, what are they doing right now? She’s sleeping on her couch. Is there anybody in the room with you? Nope. Do you like chicken snack wraps from Mcdonalds? I’ve never had one. Do you drink coffee fraps? [yuck] I like frappes, but it’s been awhile since I’ve had one.  Where are you from? California. Have you ever moved? To a different city for a short time when I was a baby, but that’s it. If you mean houses, then I’ve moved like 4 or 5 times, but only once that I’m old enough to remember.  What is your favorite youtube video? I have a lot. ok, 90 questions .. is that enough? Sure. Siiiiike, I foooled you - Can you take a joke? I’m not bothered by the fact there’s not 90 questions so yeah I don’t care. What is your favorite song from the 90’s? I have many. If you could meet any celeb who would it be? Alexander Skarsgard. Which celeb would you like to smack in the face? I don’t want to smack anyone. Lady Gaga : creep or badass Why would she be considered a creep? lol. Anyway, I like some of her music and she seems pretty cool. Do you have a poker face? In certain situations.  Have you ever played texas hold em - If so, did you like it? I’ve never played. What do you do to pass the time when your bored? I’ve already listed recently all the things I do each day and it’s the same whether I’m bored or not. Are you ever bored or are you easily entertained? I get bored, but generally I’m content doing my usual things I do each day. Somedays; though, even those things just don’t cut it and the days seem to drag extra slow and I’m not in the mood to do anything at all. Which friend is most like you? I don’t have any friends. Do you have a lot of things hanging on your wall? I have a few things.  Do you think your pretty or ugly? rate yourself 1-10. I think I’m pretty ugly. ha. Because, you know every guy is looking for a dime piece, right? Not every guy is only concerned with looks.  Was you a ugly kid back then but banging now? I thought I was a cute kid until middle school. HA, I’m definitely not “banging” now. Are you a rude bitter person? I can certainly be bitter. Sometimes I do get short or snippy when I’m in my moody moods, but I wouldn’t say I’m a rude person in general. What color is your house phone? One is white and the other is black. Do you have a answering machine if so, what does it say? Yeah. It’s just one of the automated ones that was already programmed on there. How do you like your toast? Browned, but not burnt, with butter. How many candles are in the room that your in? 4. That’s a lot for someone who never lights candles lol. Does your bedroom have a computer in it? Yep, this laptop right here that I’m on. What color is the computer your using right now? It’s silver with a rose gold protective case. What is your favorite muffin? Banana (without the nut), blueberry, and lemon poppyseed. 

Do you ever drink kool-aid? I did when I was a kid. Do you consider yourself healthy? No.  Do you take all your vitamins daily? No. I’m supposed to... What is something you use everyday besides a bathtub etc? My laptop. How many times do you brush your teeth a day? Once. Do you think you have a pretty smile? No. Are you confident? No. Well, I am pretty confident and this survey is over :) Okay.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[clarahue]

What TV has meant to me:

I grew up not too rich, but defiantly not poor. I had box of a TV, and a few VHS’s. When I was I younger TV wasn’t a big thing for me. Sure I woke up early in the morning to watch kids cartoon, and my sister and I hated it when my mother forced us to stop watching TV on a lazy summer’s day. But I had never been invested into TV. Well that was all about to change the summer before I went off to high school.

This is what TV has meant of me (Under the cut cause it’s long, some spoilers):

Special thanks to one of my sister’s numerous ex-boyfriends, I have long since forgotten your name by now, but thanks. It was the summer of 2012, I had just graduated grade eight and was going to high school in the fall. The Avengers movie had just come out, and my local blockbuster had just been shut down (something I had been rather upset about). I had started going to the library near my house to get movies almost once a week. I had fallen in love with the Avengers movie, I had not seen any Marvel movies before and so I had begun to watch those all the Marvel movies. I learned everything I could about the Marvel characters. My family had just gotten Netflix and I began watching all of the Marvel cartoons on Netflix. My obsession for Marvel and comic books had just began. My sister’s boyfriend at the time had transferred some movies and TV shows onto a USB for us to watch. He had put a number of Marvel movies on there for me. He had wanted my sister to watch Doctor Who, so that was on the USB as well, along with the show Once Upon a Time.

I guess I’ll start with a quick rundown of Doctor Who, as Once Upon a Time had a much bigger impact on my life. It had took me a little while to get into Doctor Who as at first glance It didn’t seem like a show I would like. After watching a few episodes I began to fall in love with it. I binged watched from the beginning of the reboot right up to Clara’s arrival in a matter of days. I enjoyed Doctor Who, in all of its silliness, even kick-starting my own friend’s obsession of Doctor Who. Doctor Who has, of course, become something I look forward to and I will often rewatch old episodes. There have been countless times that I have spent hours discussing Doctor Who with my friends.  

Oh Once Upon a Time (OUAT), I hate you, but if someone were to ask me if I could have never have watched OUAT, would I have done so, I would tell them never in a million years. As much as I hate the show now, it had a huge impact on my life, sometimes I think that’s sad, but honestly when I look at where I am now I could care less if it was this silly show that got me here. OUAT was everything the little girl in me had ever loved. It was pure fantasy, what my whole childhood had revolved around. I had the funny experience of accidently watching the premier of the second season first. But after I realized my mistake I was hooked instantly. I quickly picked my favourite characters, hating others. I loved the small stories the show told and how it twisted the fairy tales we knew so well. It was like they had a new twist around every corner. I don’t think that I have never freaked out more in my whole entire life as I did when I realised that Rumpelstiltskin was the beast from Beauty and the Beast. Because of the show I was rereading every fairy tale story out there. I had begun rewatching old Disney movies with my sister, ones that I had never watched before or hadn’t seen in a long time. My sister and I had never been particularly into Disney, but suddenly we were becoming children again, dreaming of going to Disney world. By this time I was going off to high school. I had taken an art class, and our final project was to put our artwork up online, my teacher had showed Tumblr and we all make a blog for our art. I asked my sister how to use the site, as being five years older than me she had been on Tumblr for a few years now. She showed me how I could follow blogs of shows that I liked, and quickly I was following every OUAT blog out there. That was how I was introduced to the world of being a fan. As I was learning how to navigate Tumblr, I was learning about ships, canons, OTP’s, and fan theories. I had even began reading fanfics, falling in love with the amazing fan art, and watching fan made videos on YouTube. I quickly began wanting to make my own stuff to honour the show I loved so dearly. I bought the DVD’s for each season of OUAT, which would be the first show my family would own on DVD. I rewatched almost every episode multiple times, I knew everything there was to know about the show. I had even kept a small book hidden underneath my couch cushions, so when I watched the episode I could write down stuff from the episodes. So maybe I had fallen fast and hard into this world, but I guess I was trying to distract myself for my life.

I went few a few rough things in my life, my parents even split up. I have always been an awkward sort of soul, who has never been particularly good at talking to people. Grade 10 rolled around and I was introduced to the people who would soon become my best friends. At first I felt awkward around them, though they were friendly and welcoming. Suddenly one day we realized that we watched a lot of the same shows. My new friends all watched both Doctor Who and OUAT. That pretty much jump started our friendship. Every Monday (the day after which OUAT aired) I looked forward to talking about the show with my friends. I loved hearing their theories about shows, as I had never been one to theorize about a show before. But soon enough I joined in on their fun. I loved talking about shows with them, I had never in my life talked this in depth about a show. It was strange but I was quite enjoying it, I was realising that I liked shows and I had a passion for them. It was around this time that my sister went to her fist Comic-con of sorts, it was a small convention, but she brought me back my first ever comic book, I was ecstatic. Though I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle all those people I began wanting to go to my own comic-con, I wanted to dress up, and see all the fascination costumes. Most of all I wanted to meet the cast of OUAT, I dreamed of going over to Vancouver were the show is filmed. By then end of grade 10 my friends had thrown a small party where we all dressed up to watch the season three finale of OUAT.

Let me just say that this was the first time I felt comfortable around a group of friends. For the first time I felt I could be my crazy self, I finally felt like I was accepted for who I was. I had found something I loved and a group of friends who were totally awesome. It’s weird to think how we became friends through TV shows, but I wouldn’t change that for the world. My friends love to write. I had loved writing as a child, and like most kids had sometimes dreamed of being a writer. They had told me that they had written a few fanfics. Having a few stories already rolling around in my head, I figured if my friends had written fanfictions that it shouldn’t be too scary to write my own fanfiction. And so I did, telling no one I knew, for I was rather embarrassed. Writing fanfictions has become rather fun for, even though I still get really scared about posting my stories online. I enjoy writing, and I hope that I’ve gotten better over the years. I love reading other people’s stories and I especially love seeing people’s fanart, wishing I was that good.

I’ll quickly mention a few other shows that I watch. Of course having been obsessed about Marvel I was really excited to watch Marvel’s Agents of Shield and have watched the show since it first aired, I consider Agents of Shield to be one of my favourite shows. I watched Merlin, No Ordinary Family, Smallville, Leverage (another favourite), Sherlock, and Firefly. I have been watching Murdoch Mysteries since I was younger and I love the show, but honestly I’m surprised it’s lasted this long. My sister and I started watching Arrow when I was in grade nine or ten. The Flash was always on before AOS so I would catch the last few minutes, and eventually I decided to watch it as well. Halfway through the first season of Supergirl I had decided to start watching the show, and I figured I might as well start watching Legends of Tomorrow since I was watching all of the other DC shows. One of my friends had convinced me to watch The 100 sometime before season 2 had aired. I watched both Agent Carter and Galavant and was sad to see both shows cancelled. I have also began watching iZombie (has become a favourite) and Stranger Things.

Maybe I should give some background to my life, before going into the next phase of my stories. I have grown up in a Christian home, and like I have said, we didn’t watch a lot of TV. My sister was always chill about things, and I, in turn, was chill about things too. LGBTQ characters didn’t grace my screens very much. Sure there was the odd episode of Murdoch Mysteries. I think Jack from Doctor Who (and Torchwood, but I watched like two episodes) was my first introduction to a gay character. Of course Doctor Who has had a few more LGBTQ characters since. My sister watched Glee and sometimes I would watch the odd episode with her. I fell in love when Nyssa kissed Sara on Arrow and shipped them a lot. I had just started watching The 100 and I was still very much in my little bubble. I thought Lexa was pretty cool, she was badass and I thought she was very attractive. Suddenly she seemed to be staring at Clarke a little too long. I had seen those glances before, from the likes of OUAT. Glances between Emma and Regina, but I knew that was never going to happen. So I didn���t think much of this either. Lexa briefly mentioned a past female lover and I cheered internally. She and Clark held a flame together, and she asked Clarke to drink with her, and I was all “Nothing is going to come of this”. And then they kissed, and I freaked out a little. I had been right, those glances were a little bit more. I had predicted this! I was ecstatic, and I totally shipped them. By this time my friend and I had started our own OUAT blog on Tumblr. I got a little into The 100 fandom (not really though). And then suddenly it happened, Lexa died. I can’t quite remember if I already knew about Lexa’s death before hand or not. But Lexa’s on screen death didn’t affect me much, though I was kind of sad to see the character go. I soon began to see the back lash the show had caused. I had never even heard of the ‘bury you’re gays’ Trope before. But suddenly I was reading about all of the LGBTQ characters that were killed off onscreen. That reality didn’t sit well with me, and I agreed with those who began to push for a change. I too began to hope things would change.

So this past year high school ended and University began. Most of my friends had stopped watching OUAT, but I was still watching, mainly because I had committed most of my life to that show. OUAT was going downhill though (sorry those who still like the show) and watching the show almost became a chore to me. Soon enough I stopped watching and even got rid of my OUAT blog. I was pretty bummed out about the fact that I had stopped OUAT. I had committed my whole life to it. What show was now going to become my life? I was confused about life in general too. In truth I was begging to question my sexuality. I had been questioning my sexuality since high school had begun, though I didn’t think much of it as I was rather distracted with life. My sister had come out to me as bisexual when I was in grade eleven, the fact hardly fazed me. Going to University had been rather stressful for me, as I had been very scared. I waited patiently for my shows to return, to cheer me back up. Legends of Tomorrows came back for its second season with Sara as bisexual as ever, and it made me smile. I joked with my friend that Sara was my life goals, she was kick butt and she didn’t give a crap about anything (well most of the time) she was pretty chill, and not to mention kind of attractive.

Season one of Supergirl, for whatever reason hadn’t been my favourite (I’m sorry) but I had enjoyed it enough and had decided to keep watching it. I was begging to really enjoy season two, a lot more then season one. And then Maggie Sawyer walked into the scene with a smirk on her face. She seemed pretty cool, and then suddenly she was saying how she was a lesbian and I was in love with the character. Was Alex getting a little flustered around her, or was that just me? Just me probably. Well then Maggie went and held Alex’s hand, and Alex looked down at their hands. And that zoom in on Alex’s face after Maggie walked away with her girlfriend. That defiantly wasn’t me, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t just me. I hadn’t been too into the DC TV show universe, though I watched all of the shows. But suddenly I was willing to throw myself into it. After reading that the creators had intended to make one of their characters on their shows come out, it was clear to me that this was defiantly going to be Alex’s storyline. Alex coughed up her feelings about Maggie and I was smiling and cheering. It was beautiful. I was looking back on my life remembering how I had been questioning my own sexual identity was for a while now. I, like Alex was begging to remember those little moments. Every Tuesday morning (The day after Supergirl airs) I woke up early super excited to watch a new episode of Supergirl. I couldn’t wait to see more of Alex’s storyline. Could it be that I had found a new show to dedicate my life too? Well unfortunately the show quickly fell into flaws. I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I had, I was even missing the aspects from season one. I seriously hope the show fixes itself up, for I do love the show, and do still look forward to it. I mainly focus on the Sanvers moments though.

Not soon after I had moved into University did I start watching a lot of LGBTQ shows and movies (ps: I loved D.E.B.S). I’m the type of person who can’t handle anything too graphic and likes a happy ending.  I watched Netflix’s One Day at a Time, Carmilla, Faking it, Black Mirror’s episode San Junipero, and have just finished Wynonna Earp. TV shows and movies like these have given me characters that I connect with and love to see their journey. These TV shows have helped me realize who I am. Watching these TV shows I hoped that one day I could be strong and confident like the characters on the shows.

I have no clue of who I am or what I’m doing with my life. I’m just a shy girl (not very attractive) who likes plants, animals, little kid cartoons, superheroes, and basically anything positive to do with LGBTQ+ stuff. TV shows are meant to be an escape from our reality, they are meant to be a way of opening up our imagination. I am forever in owe of the creativity put into movies and TV shows. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are truly dedicated to a fandom, and I think those people are pretty awesome. To me TV shows have always been something special. To me TV shows have been about finding who I am. Through TV shows I found some of my best friends. Through those friends I have learned to be more of myself, and I know that they will accept me no matter what. Through TV I have allowed myself to figure out who I truly am. TV reminds me that there are others like me out there, and that it’s okay to be who I am. Many shows are about people struggling to find their place in the world, and well isn’t that everyone. Sure there have been multiple times shows have let me down and I have learned that it’s okay to just give up on a show. Sometimes life is hard, but I tell myself “I have to see what happens next week on my shows”. It seems kind of horrible, but sometimes a TV show is all I need to keep myself going. I think creators realizes how much their viewers throw themselves into a show. I hope that they will be careful with shows in the future and will make them more inclusive. When I look upon how Supergirl season two started or Doctor Who’s introduction of new companion Bill, I smile to think about the world that we are living in today. I can’t wait for our future. So here’s to all the crazies, to all those who are way too obsessed with a show. I ask all of you, what have the TV shows you’ve watched meant to you?

PS: if you have anything you want to ask me I don’t mind answering :)

#tv shows #personal #about me #ouat #supergirl #lgbtq #once upon a time #sanvers #the 100 #doctor who #agents of sheild