#also its SO obvious ive been wanting to draw the waiting room a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

candiedapplez · 11 months

Note

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

3 notes · View notes

arctic-comet · 3 years

Text

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

#the handmaid’s tale #nick x june #osblaine #osblaineweek2021

30 notes · View notes

kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years

Text

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 drama: Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! English translation

Special thanks to @nollatooru for extracting text again since there’s no way this would have been translated anytime soon since the majority of drama translations that I’ve found as videos only are near the very bottom of my to-do list.

This is my translation of the 薄桜鬼遊戯録隊士達の大宴会店铺特典「教えてください山崎さん！」, the Yuugiroku 3 (too much of a hassle to look up the actual name) drama: Please teach me, Yamazaki-san!

Ended up doing a bit more research that I would have liked to translate this since the names of the positions in the Shinsengumi’s organization for spies didn’t translate well from Japanese into Chinese (huzzah for google translate and for biographies that list names in Chinese and Japanese so I was able to find the information I was looking for in English)... Also, i didn’t look up the gameplay for anything since I had to uninstall KW and EB for space when I was taking things off my damaged passport, not that it would have made much of a difference since I can’t recall a point when the “Watch” was actually voiced... so I might not really be consistent with a few things in this translation since I only did research during the latter half of this...?

oh well. i don’t know Japanese and don’t do the editing for my subtitle videos until I compare everything to the audio later so I can claim ignorance. i suppose that’s an odd benefit of not understanding Japanese hahaha.

Anyway, as always, my translation not be 100% accurate since I translate from Chinese. final edits will probably take a bit longer (in comparison to the other things i’m still sitting on) to do since im still debating about what im do with all the Watch-related words since I really don’t like it when the things I translate aren’t consistent....

PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION: I HIGHLY ADVISE AGAINST READING THIS AND WAITING FOR MY SUBTITLE VIDEO.

Hakuoki Shinkai Yuugiroku, Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! Drama CD

Translation by KumoriYami

Yamazaki: (I think that since there haven't been any large manhunt operations lately [reword later? tl can also mean "to hunt and arrest"], things have been quiet.)

(However, what is that guy doing/is that guy's purpose?)

The one out there, I'm not going to run.

So come out and tell me why you're spying on me.

~wind blows~

(Not planning on coming out...?)

-grips sword-

Then, I'll take the imitative to attack.

(movement in bushes)

Souma: Ah, please wait a moment!

Yamazaki: Oh. You are... Souma-kun?

(movement in bushes again) Saito: Sure enough, I was immediately found/discovered/I was detected immediately. As expected of Yamazaki.

Yamazaki: Based on just the breathing, I thought there was only one person, yet Saito-san was also still here. Exactly what are you doing?

Souma: Sorry! I didn't mean to do anything strange.

It's just that I wanted to observe Yamazaki-san work.

Yamazaki: Observe me work?

Although it's fine if you want to watch, but aren't you the Chief's page?

Saito: I recommended that he try this, But he was immediately found. Still it's better to ask the person himself directly.

Yamazaki: You two, what are you talking about?

Souma:...Um, Then, Yamazaki-san, please show me how to [/you] work! ----

Souma: Hakuoki Shinkai Yuugiroku, Store Bonus Drama CD, Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! ----

Yamazaki: In other words, you now understand the duties of a page, and still want to know what sort work the other warriors do, and want to try monitoring/surveillance/doing the Watch's work?

Is that how it is? Souma-kun.

Souma: It's just as you said. As the chief's page, I work hard every day, but I still don't know a lot about the Shinsengumi.

That's why I went and asked Saito-san [about this].

Saito: I know that Souma is working very hard. Though that will naturally be [more/become] obvious as time goes by/Though as time goes by, that will naturally be understood/Although this has been said for a while, this will naturally be understood. [check audio]

Yamazaki: But you don't want to wait for/until then, and want to be of use as quickly as possible?

Souma: Yes. Can you help me with this, even if it's [for] just a little bit?

Yamazaki: Hm.

Souma: Yamazaki-san.

Yamazaki: No, I was just reminiscing the past/thinking about the past.

I used to be as anxious as you are.

Alright, if I can, permit me to teach you.

Souma: Thank you very much!

Saito: Then can I also accompany/join you?

Yamazaki: Saito-san also wants to? That won't be a problem.

Saito: I also have experience following people while on patrol

I'm very interested in how the Watch [im pretty sure it's the Watch here and in the earlier instance. tho i can't say for certain since CN doesn't exactly do capitalization and ive never played the game in Chinese] fulfills its duties.

Please allow me to learn again. [check audio]

Yamazaki: In that case then, I'll ask you to please look after me.

----

Yamazaki: Although it normally referred to as the Watch,

the Watch is actually divided into two sections.

Souma: In terms of how it organized, sorry but please review it for me again.

Saito: The part of the organization for spies which acts by itself to gather external intelligence is called Shoshi shirabeyaku ken kansatsu*, and within that, those who are responsible for investigating/monitoring the conduct of [the/our?] members/the investigators whose duty is to supervise the conduct of/our members are known as the Kansatsugata**

* Shinsengumi's organizational post for investigating movements of the opponents and keeping the Shinsengumi members under control. (source: https://japanese-wiki-corpus.github.io/person/Kuwajiro%20OISHI.html)

** had to look this up on the Shinsengumi wiki.samurai-archives

Yamazaki, who holds both positions/is capable of accomplishing both duties, is at the core of the Kansatsugata.

Souma: Shoshi shirabeyaku and Kansatsugata...

After hearing this again, I really feel that Yamazaki-san is quite amazing.

Yamazaki: Uh, do-don't say that out loud. I'm not used to it.

Souma: But, monitoring/investigating/supervising the conduct of the other members...

Saito: It's to secretly investigate whether or not members are conducting themselves in a manner that is befitting as members of the the Shinsengumi, and whether or not they have done anything improper.

Souma: In other words/That is to say, that also includes my actions so far.

Yamazaki: At the moment, you have no problems [there are no problems with you?].

Souma: Is-Is that so...

Yamazaki: There are almost two hundred members. Among them, there will be people who do not abide by the regulations, and those who clearly show their dissatisfaction/obviously dissatisfied or are treasonous/or even rebellious.

Souma: I see. Indeed there are people who obviously show that.

Saito: It these people incite trouble within the team, it would be very troublesome.

That's why the Kansatsugata are needed to investigate people like this.

Yamazaki: Having said that, the three of us have been quite noisy so it would be helpful if we quickly correct that here. Ah. The two of you, over there.

Saito: Say who is there [more like "name" i guess? probably more "identify who is over there" ]

Souma: That is... Nagakura-san? There are several other people [He's with some other people/several others].

Yamazaki: This is a rare opportunity to train one of the basic skills for spying/[needed] as a spy. I'll give you a demonstration. Afterwards, you'll eavesdrop on their conversation without being discovered.

Souma: Yes, I'll do my best.

--------

Saito: Almost 15 minutes have passed. But it's really bold for you to have come up with this practical training, Yamazaki.

Yamazaki: For his first time attempt at doing this, Nagakura-san is suitable [to practise with]. As long as one isn't murderous [being bloodthirsty? think of something later], he'll basically ignore you.

Saito: Nn. If it was Souji, he would immediately draw his sword for a harsh/ruthless interrogation.

Yamazaki: No, Saito-san would do the same thing, and immediately get rid of your pursuer [not sure if this is in the "dispose of" sense though the tl i have can be translated that way lol].

Saito: Well, it doesn't feel good to be tested when I obviously haven't been disloyal.

Yamazaki: It's as you say, but this is my job.

Souma: AAAHHHHHH!!!!

Saito: Uh. [That’s] Souma. Why is he being hunted down [chased/pursued]?

Yamazaki: By whom/Who is it? Ah, Okita-san, at this time?

(frantic steps) Souma: Sorry! I didn't mean to do anything else!

This was just training for surveillance work!

(sword swung) Souma: AAAHHH!!

Okita-san, please forgive me!

Saito: An unexpected situation.

Yamazaki: He needs help to get away/escape from that situation, he isn't his opponent at all/he's no match for him.

Saito: I'll figure out a way to deal with Souji. You escape with Souma/You take Souma and run away. --------

Souma: Truly thank you for just now. Okita-san was already behind me before I realized it I really thought that I was going to die/I was dead.

Saito: Dying is a bit of an exaggeration.

But I'm certain he would have stabbed your neck with his sword and left you half-dead.

Yamazaki: I didn't expect Okita-san to be nearby, but there was way of knowing that you'd encounter him/but nothing can be done about meeting him [check audio].

Well then, change your mood for the next training [reword later]. The target is that room. Remain quiet from this point onward.

Souma: What's next?

Yamazaki: Take this letter and swap it with the letter in that room. But, in the next room, there is someone you must not be detected by.

Saito: Training for intelligence work? If this goes well, then it's possible that the other party won't even notice you.

Souma: That would be good, so it's just this letter? Then, I'll be right back.

Yamazaki: Ah, be very careful.

---------

Yamazaki: He entered the room without any problems.

Saito: Ah. So, who is the person in the next room?

Yamazaki: Well, it shouldn't matter since that person is asleep during the day.

( door slides open, then frantic steps)

Souma: Saito-san, Yamazaki-san! I'm sorry! I couldn't do it! As soon as I entered the room, I felt that someone was staring at me through the door of the next room! There was also this creepy laughter/ing!

Saito: Laughter? The eyes staring at you, were they red? [i swear this is going to become fanart one day lol. for both the spying and souma talking about what happened]

Souma: Yes! they didn't look like human eyes at all!

(door slides open.... slow creaking footsteps)

Saito: Does that mean that one over there was...

Yamazaki: Ah, damn it! He's awake!

Saito: Yamazaki, you go first! I'll deal with this!

Yamazaki: Sorry! I'll leave the General Secretary [so... i don't really like the English localization translation of Sanan's position being a "colonel" so i looked up what it said on wikipedia and used that] to you! Souma-kun, come here!

This training/Training ends here!

Souma: Eh, eeehhhhhhhh?!

Saito: I'm sorry that it was noisy while your rested [that this noise disturbed your rest?], this was as a result of... --------

Souma: What the hell that just now...

Yamazaki + Saito: It was just your imagination.

Souma: Eh. But, "General Secretary" was clearly said...

Yamazaki + Saito: You imagined hearing it [tl is more "it was an illusion" and one that is heard... maybe "you're hearing things"?. kinda gave up on thinking about that right now. ]

Souma: Is, is that so... uh. That being said...

Saito: What's wrong/What is it?

Souma: Although the Kansatsugata feels quite unremarkable, each individual/everyone posses outstanding abilities, and I've been made aware of that again. [However] I 'm incapable of doing this sort of work.

Yamazaki: Hm. It can be said that you're not talented at this.

Souma: Eh?

Yamazaki: In the first place, not everyone can do this.

All of us within the Kansatsugata are constantly working on improving our skills.

We're always fighting in the shadows for the Shinsengumi.

What you think of being outstanding abilities is the results of our hard work. [remarkable capabilities?]

Souma: Truly, Yamazaki-san is amazing. I understand why everyone trusts you!

Yamazaki: Th-That's why you shouldn't look at me like that. But for you, I think that you're better suited to doing honest work [tl can basically mean "honourable," "not devious" or "out in the open" in the straightforward sense] and not this secret monitoring work/surveillance in the shadows [reword later].

Saito: Indeed, compared to secretly taking covert actions in the shadows, you are better suited at working in the open, Souma.

Souma: I-is that so...

Thank you very much for this/that. If it's possible, I hope to still learn some things from you.

Yamazaki: There will be opportunities for that. Then, we'll end today's training here. Souma-kun, is there/do you have anything else you want to ask?

Souma: [Something] I want to ask.... ah. then, Yamazaki-san, may I ask you one last question?

Yamazaki: Ah, if I can answer, I won't hold back [will/do so].

Souma: What sort of technique is the "Tatami flip"?

Yamazaki: Ta... Where did you hear that name from?

Souma: Just now during this investigator training/spy training, Nagakura-san mentioned it/Nagakura-san mentioned it while doing the operative training. It is said that it is Yamazaki-san's most powerful technique.

Yamazaki: That guy said something unnecessary! No, Souma-kun, that's.... It's not something amazing like a secret technique..

Saito: Why are you being modest? That move is indeed capable of being referred to as/called a secret technique. If it's possible, I'll ask you to please teach me it. Perhaps I will be able to apply it to kenjutsu.

Yamazaki: Even Saito-san, what are you saying? [Even Saito-san is saying this? check audio]

Souma: Please, Yamazaki-san!

Saito: I'll be requesting the same of you, Yamazaki. [tl is more "i'm also requesting (you) to do so/asking"]

Yamazaki: Bo-Both of you, please raise your heads. I-I get it! I'll teach you.

Souma: Really?! Thank you very much!

Yamazaki: But, you can't tell anyone else about this.

Saito: Nn. Understood.

Yamazaki: Then, please get behind me. Aoyi***, Tatami flip!

This is the literal Mandarin pronunciation of the tl without tones. CN tl can mean “profound argumentation” (in Chinese), tho it's also used to refer to some of the highest level of martial skills in JP (so says a baidu search on the term).

The English google translate of that page puts this phrase as "Ogi," and after reading this page that mentions "ogi" (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-9948.html#:~:text=Yielding%20is%20called%20%22ju%22%20as,an%20open%20heart%20without%20ego.), so i will probably change this to either "Secret move" or "hidden technique" based on what it mentioned there

Souma: Uoh!

Yaamzaki: Ju-Just now, that was the Tatami flip.

Souma: Amazing, that was amazing, Yamazaki-san! How were you able to do that without any tools [check audio]? Please tell me how to do this!

Saito: This can be used indoors while fighting defensively/can be used as a defence when fighting indoors. It can also be used to hinder an enemy's movements.

Yamazaki: Yes. This requires focusing your strength into the centre of your palm, and within a single breath, smack/slap the edge of the tatami, and then lifting it up when the edge bounces.

Souma: So it's like that? Hoh.... tatami flip! Uh. Areh? It didn't bounce at all.

Yamazaki: Haha. It's not something you can master right away. It also took me a long time to do it. Concentrate/Focus a bit more strength into the palm of your hand.

Souma: Ha! Ah! Yah! It-It's not moving...

Saito: Practise makes perfect./Won't practise make perfect [check audio]? Alright, I will challenge this. Should the position of my hand be around here?

Yamazaki: Yes. [Though] It's better to have it moved a bit forward [moved up a bit]/ if the if the center of gravity is moved forward.

Saito: Understood. Then, I'll be going. Secret technique: Tatami flip!

Yamazaki: No way...

Souma: Uoh.

Saito: Nn. That happened naturally [reword later...? tl is is basically "letting nature take its course was achieved"] .

Souma: Sa-Saito-san, that was amazing! You actually succeeded in one go!

Saito: No, there's no guarantee that this will succeed every time. The accuracy and speed can be further improved upon.

Souma: Really, the Shinsengumi has assembled some amazing people. I can't fall behind and have to work even harder.

Saito: Ah , work hard. I am always willing to practise kenjutsu with you.

Yamazaki: Ah, but, to have it actually done it so easily, my confidence...

Saito: What is it, Yamazaki?

Yamazaki: No, I just feel that need to train a lot more. Let's improve together, Souma-kun.

Souma: Yes! Please look after me!

Souma Kazue, Kaji Yūki Saito Hajime, Toriumi Kōsuke Yamazaki Susumu, Suzuki Takayuki

-end-

sorry but this is the only souma thing i have scheduled for april.

also i wanted some Yamazaki content translated, but i unfortunately don’t remember if i ever found Yamazaki’s route from Yuugiroku 2... so I settled on translating what I hope is a certain complete chapter (as viewed via the extras menu) of Souji’s route with him in it... sorta. scheduled for july!

--------

image from suruga-ya

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki yuugiroku 3 #hakuoki drama cd #hakuoki drama translation #Saito Hajime #Yamazaki Susumu #souma kazue

30 notes · View notes

jaskiersvalley · 4 years

Note

HEY I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOUR FICLET ABOUT GERALT BEING ILLITERATE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I had to put down my phone and whimper when he pulled out the card 🥺 can.. can i humbly request a pt. 2 in the future please? (also,, ive gone through the entirety of your blog too and its. so. good. while ive been chillin’ quarantinin’ reading your fics have been my very favourite thing to do!!) ♥️

Nonnie, you and @ohnomybreadsticks have both given me inspiration for more. It’s gone in a slightly different direction with the whole Wolf School in on the thing now. But, hopefully, you’ll enjoy this addition just as much. Best of luck with the quarantine! I’ll be posting stories fairly regularly for the foreseeable future which will hopefully keep you entertained and out of trouble!

The illiterate Geralt story can be found here.

Jaskier’s School of Self Care for Lost Wolves

It was a known fact that Jaskier loved too much and too freely. Sometimes, he even fell in love with those he hadn’t met but felt they needed love all the same. Which was how he ended up with emotions towards witchers he hadn’t met beyond Geralt occasionally letting a name slip. It wasn’t the same kind of love he held for Geralt, it wasn’t all consuming, he didn’t want to kiss the other witchers silly but it didn’t burn fiercely and involved a lot of throws and warm cuddles. Because, as Jaskier had helped Geralt work on his reading and writing, he realised something. None of the other witchers knew how to do that either. Which was how Jaskier ended up demanding he be allowed to go to Kaer Morhen with Geralt. He had a whole winter to remedy the mistakes their teachers had made. It wouldn’t magically make up for all the neglect but Jaskier would be damned if he didn’t try his best to slowly build scaffolding around and start the process of patching in the holes.

The journey back to the old keep was more hazardous than Jaskier had even dared imagine. It didn’t help that Geralt told him most witchers died on the path, either too naive and new on their way out or too tired or injured on the way back. That was utterly appalling and Jaskier was in half a mind to demand that a new path be devised to make sure all witchers could get home and get the care they needed. Even if Geralt insisted this was for the best, an injured witcher had no prospects after all. Rather than argue, Jaskier kept his mouth shut and began scheming.

There weren’t many witchers left, the school of the wolf was a dying breed but, along with Geralt, three other witchers returned and Jaskier was delighted. It seemed that the whole family was together again. Not that they acted like a family, more like a bunch of pissy cats trying to establish territories because they couldn’t figure out how to share and snuggle. That did disappoint Jaskier, he had a lot more work cut out for him than anticipated. Still, he could put the beginnings of his plan into play.

“What are you doing?” Lambert sounded so utterly offended when he came across Jaskier settled comfortably between Geralt’s legs, both of them stretched out on a fur in front of a fire. Jaskier was holding a book and Geralt was reading aloud in a low, rumbling voice.

“We’re enjoying a good story. Care to join us?”

Snarling, Lambert stalked out of the room and Jaskier shrugged. It was a start, even if it wasn’t an auspicious one. However, it set things into motion because not two days later, Eskel had approached Geralt in the kitchen, softly quizzing him on reading.

“I could teach you,” Jaskier volunteered as soon as he heard, deciding to ignore the wide eyed, almost sheepish look from Eskel.

That was how an hour was set aside each day where Jaskier sat with Eskel, leafing through well loved books that Geralt had used, sounding out words together. After the third time, they ended up with a secretive audience in the form of Lambert lurking just outside the door, listening in. In the end, Jaskier left a book in his usual hiding spot and waited for Lambert to come to him. It took longer than he had anticipated, Jaskier had been shooing Eskel out the room and hanging around to tidy up after their lessons for a good week before the book was thrown by his feet.

“Stop mocking me.” Lambert had his arms crossed defensively over his chest and was glaring in a way that would have sent bolts of fear through most people. Just as well that Jaskier wasn’t like most. He’d seen the posturing, the anger and lashing out in Geralt before, knew all too well what lay below it. With the greatest simplicity, he picked up the book and sat down, opening it and giving Lambert an expectant look. After a beat, the witcher sat down next to him.

That was three witchers on their way to literacy but something still bugged Jaskier. Thankfully, he didn’t have to say anything because Lambert took matters into his own hand. He had a book with him one breakfast, furiously trying to catch up with the other two and master ‘See Spot Run’ at record speed.

“Why did you never teach us to read?” he asked around a mouthful of eggs, greasy fingers leaving marks on the pages.

A silence descended on the table as eyes turned to Vesemir who, for the first time since they knew him, looked uncomfortable.

“It wasn’t needed,” he began. “A witcher can’t read a monster to death.”

Understanding dawned on Jaskier then and there. He put his fork aside and stood with an “oh you poor dear”. It was barely audible over Vesemir’s mumbled “I was just a fencing instructor.”

Walking around the table, he easily settled on Vesemir’s lap, ignoring all social conventions regarding touch. Looking up at the witcher, he smiled.

“It’s never too late to learn.”

Given the possessive nature of witchers, one would have expected Geralt to get jealous. However, he seemed content for Jaskier to do as he pleased, spending time with the other witchers. All too soon, all four of them were piled together on rugs and chairs around a fire and frowning over their respective books while Jaskier flitted between them, helping and encouraging where it was needed. It was obvious Lambert struggled the most, the letters dancing before his eyes and never quite settling which made him growl in frustration and his book often went flying across the room. Only once did it land in the fire.

“I’ve made a decision,” Jaskier announced during a quiet afternoon. “You’re all coming along wonderfully with reading and I have so much more to offer.”

Four witchers looked at him a little fearfully, wondering if they weren’t enough. They didn’t say anything as Jaskier walked out of the room but the sadness was palpable. Until Jaskier returned with his beloved lute.

“If anyone wants to learn any music, I’m happy to teach them.”

While reading was a chore for Lambert, he took to music like a duck to water when shown songs, able to replicate the chord sequences Jaskier showed him quite quickly. He had a special love of raunchy singing songs. The only sad thing was that there was only one lute or any kind of musical instrument in the whole of Kaer Morhen. Though Jaskier was more than happy to sing along to whatever tune Lambert was picking out. Soon, they had a whole repertoire of witcher drinking songs they would happily belt out while the others thumped the table in time with the beat.

By contrast, Eskel seemed content with the softer side of things. In fact, he had taken a real shine to sonnets and would often be found discussing them in depth with Jaskier. Occasionally, Geralt joined in but he didn’t find as much joy in dissecting whether the “sweet smell of faded summer” was in fact a statement about the passing of seasons or whether it was the soft lament of two lovers growing old.

“What are you doing?” Vesemir’s voice pulled Jaskier from his quiet introspection. It was early, the sun was barely poking out from behind the mountains but he was out in the courtyard with Geralt sat on a barrell and frowning into a book.

“Stretching,” Jaskier replied, sunnier than the weather. “I learned a series of movements to keep the body supple and the mind engaged. It helps me keep up with Geralt.”

The wink he sent Geralt’s way was enough to have him raising the book to hide his blush. While everybody knew what was going on between them, Geralt didn’t like to shamelessly advertise it. He was a private soul by nature.

“Come.” Jaskier beckoned Vesemir. “Let me show you.”

They worked through poses, Jaskier explaining a little about each of them. While they looked simple and easy, Vesemir was surprised to find that they gave the gentlest workout he had ever had. By the end, he was pleasantly tired but not in a way a training fight would have worn him out. It was, for want of a better word, rejuvenating. It had him as close to a smile as he usually got.

Over the course of the week, it went from Jaskier stretching in the courtyard while Geralt read to Jaskier and Vesemir. Until, silently, Eskel joined them one morning, standing next to Vesemir, a little nervous but a smile from Jaskier had him easing into the flow. The next morning, soft lute strums accompanied their exercises as Lambert sat opposite Geralt and his book, playing something gentle. The grateful look Jaskier shot him was enough to get him scowling, even if the music never stopped.

Spring was just around the corner. The witchers were all sat around the cleared dining room table with parchments in front of them, quills in hand. Eskel’s tongue was sticking out the corner of his mouth as he focused on his work.

“Just remember, this means you can keep in touch with each other. Enchanted crows can deliver your letters now.” Jaskier was playing soft music as the others perfected their penmanship. Well, all except Lambert who had taken to doodling, letters getting lost in the pictures. But that was okay, he could always draw his sentiments, the others would understand.

By the time it came to leaving Kaer Morhen, Jaskier was content and happy. He had four witchers who looked so much more self confident in their abilities. Because while he had kept their attention on the arts, it was inevitable that they all bonded. It wasn’t all that unusual to find at least two, if not three of them piling on top of each other with a book, getting lost in adventures they didn’t have to live through. Someone else’s struggles were so much more satisfying when the fear of death and failure didn’t hang above their heads.

Three witchers and a bard stood in the courtyard, horses loaded up as they prepared to leave on their respective paths. Only Vesemir stood in his usual attire and a soft smile creasing his face.

“Safe travels to you all,” he said, meeting the others’ eyes in turn.

“What will you do?” Eskel asked. “You usually accompany us at least some of the way.”

The smile turned into an excited grin and Vesemi gestured vaguely towards the keep. “My path for the year is one that is a tight circle. The library here needs some attention.”

Pride made Jaskier beam. He stepped forward and gave Vesemir a hug. “I expect many a wonderful tale from the library when we’re back next year.”

That sealed it. The next winter, they were all going to return with more stories. Eskel even kept a diary to share with Jaskier in case Geralt was stingy on his details for songs. And, when they all reconvened at the start of the next winter, Vesemir had tomes from the library ready to read stories from while Lambert turned up with his own lute on his back.

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #eskel #lambert #vesemir #witcher wolf pack #illiterate geralt #tldr: jaskier teaches all the witchers how to read and appreciate the arts

791 notes · View notes

hello-yue-here · 3 years

Note

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

12 notes · View notes

gayassbagelmom · 3 years

Text

A short(but probably long) rant about the beginning of chapter 23 and Thomas’s mental health in general:

Ps: this isn’t proofread and is likely all over the place, blame the ADHD lmao

At the beginning of chapter 23 there’s a scene where 10 year old Thomas is in the hospital waiting room, while his parents and doctor discuss his health. The doctor mentions the Thomas has OCD, that’s the first and biggest problem I have with this chapter. Let me give you all a lesson on psychology. OCD is probably one of the most misunderstood disorders out there. The main problem is people mistake OCD for OCPD. OCPD = obsessive compulsive personality disorder. You may think “okay well what’s the big deal? Aren’t they the same thing” no, they aren’t. In the DSM(diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders), the organize disorders into 5 categories, called axes:

Axis 1: clinical disorders

Axis 2: personality disorders

Axis 3: general medical disorders

Axis 4: psychosocial and environmental factors

Axis 5: the global assessment of functioning

Right now, axes 1 and 2 are the ones we will be focusing on.

OCD is an axis 1, or clinical disorder. Axis 1 disorders tend to be things that more so effect people’s moods or reactions. Examples being anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, eating disorders, and most mood related disorders. Basically, everything but personality disorders and mental retardation. People with these clinical disorders are usally well aware of their Irrational behavior and are distressed by it, actively seeking help.

OCPD is an axis 2, or personality disorders. Axis 2 disorders, as the name suggests, effect a persons personality and life as a whole. Examples being narssistic personlity disorder, mental retardation, antisocial personlity disorders, schizoid and schizotypal personlity disorder, basically, if it’s got “personlity” in the name, it most likely fits into this category. The difference between these and axis 1 disorders is they usally aren’t aware or their irrational behaviors and aren’t particularly upset by them. They usally only seek help due to friends or family

Thomas doesn’t have OCD, he has OCPD. Before I go over the differences between them, let me define two terms:

Ego dystonic: thoughts, impulses, and behaviors that are felt to be repugnant, distressing, or unacceptable with one's self-concept.(OCD)

Ego syntonic: thoughts, impulses, and behaviors that are felt to be natural or acceptable with one’s self-concept.(OCPD)

Okay now the rant like, actually begins. There’s a fuck ton of evidence the supports Thomas having OCPD and NOT OCD. OCD is a disorder charactrized by impulses and cleanliness. People with OCD usally have one or a few specific obsessions, an example being ALWAYS unlocking and relocking your front door three times before leaving, or washing your hands til they’re sore and red. People with OCD are motivated by the idea that some imaginary disaster could happen if they don’t do this. This is why OCD is considered an anxiety disorder. This is also where the fact that it’s a clinical disorder plays a large role. People with OCD actively seek out help, they don’t like the way their impulses effect their lives, OCD is an ego dystonic disorder. OCPD is much different though. Unlike OCD, people with OCPD, don’t have just a couple of rituals. The focus completely on perfectionism and control. They want everything to be orderly and under control, and have a tendency to come off as domineering. People with personlity disorders, don’t view it as a disorder and only seek help due to family and friends openly discussing that they dislike said persons behavior. They don’t view it as unnatural, that is why OCPD is a ego syntonic disorder. Off the bat there’s already a lot more similarities with OCPD symptoms and Thomas’s symptoms. Another fun little tidbit, studies show, a good number of OCPD cases may have developed due to overcontrolling, intrusive and dominating parents. Let’s look back at chapter 23 and I’ll list some example of OCPD behavior

“He had seen other kids his age--ten--scribbling stick figures when they drew, but he wanted his to look perfect. Or else what the hell was the point?” I mean come on, this literally screams obsession with perfection. He finds no interest in something less than perfect and can’t understand why anyone would be different.

“He switched his crayons from red to a black, tucking it back in the cardboard packet in the slot where it belonged.” A subtle but an example of a need for orderliness.

“He hated that there were ugly blue lines slashed through his drawing.” While the context of this scene relates to the lines reminding him of school, they also break the perfect nature of the picture

Some may argue “well if people with OCPD don’t think they’re behavior is so weird, then why is he obviously so bothered by it?” Well see, Thomas isn’t bothered by his OCPD, he’s bothered by his IED. His parents obvious concern is him becoming a surgeon, and dont get me wrong, I don’t wish OCPD upon anyone, but it seems like something 2 asshole parents would for their kid to have. People with OCPD tend to work extremely hard at their jobs, like way too hard, ruins their relationships usally. This whole situation mixed with his IED, just spells disaster. Thomas has absolutely no control in this scenario, he has no say in his medication, his dorm, his school, his studies, etc. to him, it’s not perfect, it’s not exactly how he wants it to be. This also explains why the medication really wasn’t working (and oh boy will I get to the medication part later)

I think I know why Thomas likes cars. He’s in control. To him cars are PERFECT, they’re sleek, shiny, made with no mistakes. When he’s behind the wheel, he has full control over this object that is so incredibly “perfect” he can make it go where he pleases, and go as fast as he pleases.

Now onto the medication part, oh man, fair warning and apologizes, I can already tell I’m going to get heated. Obviously Thomas is 10, so he’s going to have his parents take part in these sort of appointments. But I find it extremely hard to believe Thomas wouldn’t be in there with them. At least in the beginning to disccus any possible side effects. But okay whatever, that’s not even the part that got me mad. So we find out that Thomas is taking 9 medications and is having another one added.

I’m sorry,

What?

There is no way in hell they’re going to prescribe that much medication to a 10 year old. Sure maybe if the kid has fucking cancer, but an IED, OCD(OCPD) and migraines? Hell fucking no. And also they wouldn’t have prescribed the migraine medication “Nurtec” for a 10 year old. This is because the company that makes nurtec doesn’t know if it’s safe for children or not. And If a side effect of the Nurtec was depression, then they would have fucking taken him off of it. ITS LITTERALLY THE MAIN SIDE EFFECTS DOCTORS SAY TO PAY ATTENTION TO!!!!!!!!!!!! And this is assuming that the thing doesn’t even work, because If it did work, why would he be taking 7 other medications????? You’re trying to tell me those are all for OCD and anger mangement? I DONT FUCKING THINK SO. ITS JUST FUCKING UGHHHH THE PARENTS ARE ANNOYING AS FUCK!! PUT YOUR KID IN THERAPY AND STOP COMPARING IT TO A RUPTURED APPENDIX. FUCK THIS HAS ME SO ANGRY. ITS JUST LIKE, NOT ONLY IS THIS WHAT I WANNA GO TO COLLEGE FOR BUT ITS ALSO SHIT IVE EXPERINCED FIRST HAND. IVE BEEN TAKING SOME OF THE EXACT SAME MEDICATION THOMAS HAS SINCE I WAS 12, I KNOW WHAT THE SYSTEM IS LIKE AND THIS AINT IT. Whew sorry about that, I just feel like ranting in all caps can help you calm down a bit faster. Ok I think I’m done, if you read through all this, lol, sorry.

I’m not trying to be mean @the-hamilton-files-author trust me, I don’t expect you to know most of this stuff. It’s a complicated science that I love dearly. Very, very, dearly. :’)

20 notes · View notes

blookmallow · 4 years

Text

i finally rewatched Us watching for details... I also took a bunch of screenshots, I’ve mentioned before I live in santa cruz and grew up going to this boardwalk so im obsessed with this movie, I’m going to go try to take some better comparison shots sometime (here’s a few I took before) (and here’s a Tethered mannequin that was outside of the frightwalk for a while. i havent been inside for ages so I don’t know if they moved him inside or if he’s just gone now) (i HOPE they did something with the theme considering the frightwalk is literally a horror attraction beneath the boardwalk. i dont really want to go in there by myself though lmao. not a fan of animatronics jumping out and screaming at me)

this is a lot, i have many things to say

-----------------

- the opening news segment is 11 at 11

- you can faintly see adelaide/red’s reflection in the tv screen, with a toy rabbit (her shirt also has twin lines on it in multiple places but that could be looking too far lmao)

- in the “Hands Across America” segment (aside from the obvious red figures linked together in the logo) : “from the golden gate bridge to the twin towers” another possible 11/twinning, and it starts in california, which is where the tethered revolution begins

- on “from sea to shining sea” the exact same coastline image is just flipped

(there’s also another 11 on the side of the TV here)

- “This summer, 6 million people will tether themselves together”

- brief mirroring in the boardwalk ad, not just two girls running on the beach but also two girls with upside down reflections in the ground,

- fairly obvious one, but “find yourself” (as a sidenote there’s nothing in that spot irl, the roller coaster and the swings are real but there was never a ‘vision quest’ or a ‘merlin forest’ as far as I know and there’s no door or anything there either, the interior shots must’ve been done separately somewhere else) (nothing’s left here from the movie now either, I have no idea when they filmed it because I never saw anything or heard anything about it)

- adelaide/red whistles “the itsy bitsy spider” when the lights go out in the vision quest - “down came the rain and washed the spider out,” it’s raining outside when her tethered comes up (and she is dragged down). she also drops her red apple on the ground before she enters

- zora’s rabbit shirt

- everyone else is eating fast food of some kind, except adelaide, who is eating red strawberries

as well as being a visual cue, its possible she has an aversion to meat if she was forced to eat raw rabbit as a child

- young adelaide arranging animals in the sand (it seems like some of the tethered tend to mirror their counterpart’s movements, so it’s possible she’s mirroring red, though it’s probably not that likely she’d be planning this early/the dance hasnt happened yet so its probably just foreshadowing)

- young adelaide very pointedly watches “her” mother crying, saying “I just want my little girl back” - she will never have her little girl back again, though she doesn’t know it (I’m not sure if adelaide still remembers what she’s done at this point either)

its also mentioned that ‘grandma’ has passed away as of the present time, likely adelaide’s mother (i dont remember if its stated outright but since the house belonged to the grandma, and it’s in santa cruz, that would line up) so. the tethered mother, if she’s still alive, would not kill red’s real mother in the uprising. dont know about the father, or if red knows/cares about this, but. thats there. that also means the original mother will never know what happened with her daughter (likely the father won’t either, it’s not clear if he’s still alive but there’s no mention of him being around/he’s not at the house so it seems likely he passed already too)

- adelaide, her reflection, and a (not so) itsy bitsy spider

theres even two spiders, one a toy, one real

- jason crawls out of a cabinet at zora’s feet and scares her while she’s looking in a mirror (which is also a very pluto-like movement)

- adelaide finds the toy rabbit in a box; assuming the intro was chronological, we saw “her” with it in the tv screen reflection before she went to the boardwalk, so this was red’s rabbit first (she probably does not remember this, though) (red also later finds this and cuts off the head, not sure why though)

- adelaide “sees” her child self in the room with her (in her memory) learning her dance alongside her reflection

but the reflection is the one she “sees” looking directly at her

(she’s also interrupted by hearing her son, above her, screaming because he’s trapped, but that might not be intentional) (though when red comes down here later, she is also interrupted by her son getting stuck in the closet too)

- she’s also wearing a choker necklace with a matching gold bracelet, maybe an allusion to. the choking and the handcuffs, again i might be looking into it too much, but. the white clothes which steadily become red with blood seems very intentional so i wouldnt be surprised if the jewelry was planned specifically too

- its really hard to see and its a split second throwaway comment but kitty goes “oh isnt that beautiful” showing her the magazine and i thhiiiink thats a white girl in a native american headdress :’ ) probably doesnt have. much deeper meaning other than ‘clueless white friends’ but

- guy buried in sand comes bursting to the surface again and scares his friends (also eyyooooo you can see the wharf in the background im down there all the time) (sorry this is still wild to me. i grew up here ive been to that beach like 9 million times)

- i didnt catch it and was waiting for it to be shown again and it wasnt and i dont want to go back for it but anyway jason has a drawing of a bunch of people holding hands in a line like the hands across america thing in his room, theres a lot of drawings around and we see his drawing of the first untethered, so he probably drew that as well

- jason has a hard time communicating, but he seems to use drawing as a way to express himself. he doesn’t tell his mother about the encounter with the old man (and only shrugs when he’s asked about it) but he does draw it. adelaide found self expression through dance when she was a child before she was able to talk, so he probably got those traits from her. her voice also goes low and hollow on the line “I just didn’t know if you were lost, or... taken”

- her voice also gets very strange when she’s talking about her memory of the encounter in the vision quest. low, shaky, harsh. its fascinating hearing how much alike the voices are (obviously they’re both the same actress/if the tethered are clones it makes sense that they’d have identical vocal chords but like. red’s got a fucked up voice. hearing echos of that in adelaide is wild and i didnt notice it at all before)

- its not clear whether adelaide actually remembers what she did, or even realizes she was the copy - is she trying to protect her family from what she believes was the girl who almost took her, or trying to stop her from getting her revenge? she describes the event to gabe as if she was the one who was attacked but escaped, and im not sure if she’s lying or has convinced herself that’s the truth

something’s going on with jason and pluto too but I don’t quite know what it is. when we first see jason he’s wearing a Jaws shirt, kind of a similar vibe to the thriller shirt, and when the tethered arrive he’s wearing a white tuxedo t shirt, white matching his mother’s white outfit. the others all go off to kill their doubles but pluto holds jason’s hand, sits with him quietly, watches his magic trick, he’s told to go “play” which. obviously has a violent undertone to it but he doesn’t actually try to kill him. i dont even remember seeing him with the scissors. why are jason and pluto different. why does pluto get stuck mirroring jason’s movements even to the point of his death but the others dont. why didn’t adelaide mirror red

i guess its possible its because pluto is the youngest in the family so maybe he hasn’t broken out of his connection yet? they didnt really ever explain how they learned to do that

and as for the connection with adelaide it. could just be that jason takes after his mom more and zora takes after her dad more but that seems too simple. i mean theres the theory going around that jason was actually switched with his clone too at some point and its got some good points (jason forgetting the magic trick, getting stuck in the closet again, etc) but theres a whole line of logic to debunk that too so its just. What’s Going On Here

cal 11

i took the first pic to get a comparison shot at the same place later irl but then noticed the ambulance they come across is the same one (#2) they saw earlier

pretty obvious but the real rabbit comes out through the picture of an identical rabbit (there’s also probably a “rabbit hole” allusion here)

i noticed this before too but now i have a screenshot of it, im the rabbit in the background just chilling on the floor during the climax here

- im sure i must have seen this before but i forgot about it. the 11:11 guy’s tethered didn’t have a sign so he just.......carved it into his head

- it never healed, either, he did it badly enough to scar

- red says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you could have taken me with you” - she doesn’t mean adelaide ran off and left her there. adelaide made the choice to trap her in the underground. its possible red might have even been thinking how she would have let adelaide come with her if given the chance, which. i mean, i dont know how her parents would have reacted to suddenly having identical twins out of nowhere, but like. knowing there’s a chance red might have accepted her. and all this could have been different

this is definitely a movie that’s not really intended to be fully explained, there’s a lot of questions that aren’t really supposed to be answered, but nonetheless one of my biggest concerns is where do the clothes come from underground. red tells us they were all abandoned down there generations ago so nobody’s supervising or providing anything. how do they end up with copies of the clothing their counterparts are wearing. and here adelaide has a messed up faded old shirt that either looks similar to red’s shirt or is the same shirt just badly damaged, she switches it with red’s before she goes out for good so that explains how she gets the new shirt, but where did this one come from. why is it different if the other clothes aren’t

and of course there’s the whole question of “where did they all get these red jumpsuits from” but again. questions that aren’t really the point, i guess

#liveblog general #Us #us movie #jordan peele #us 2019 #pinned #media analysis

71 notes · View notes

the-hilda-librarians-wife · 4 years

Text

Oh my god, i had this sitting in my notes for a while, only remembered it recently. That being said, hi! I hope you enjoy this! Its a kinda sketchbooky oneshot in an au where Johanna is also a witch!

(Not for secret santa or anything, just wondered if u'd like it)

Omg. So, @tall-tappers is the one who sent this and I have to say I’m walking on air. Thank you so much for sending me this!!! I really enjoyed reading it (and you used one of the headcanons I wrote on Family Fights??? Omg.). I cannot thank you enough!

...

"Mum, did you dye your hair?"

Johanna turned around, jumping in surprise at the question. She glanced beyond her daughter to a mirror, seeing traces of a sparkly blue in messy wisps at the top of her head.

"Oh, yeah, actually. Just testing highlights, seeing how it'd look. What do you think?"

Hilda tilted her head, a smile forming.

"Yes! Then we can match!"

Johanna turned away slightly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I don't know. I think I'm gonna dye it back."

"No, come on! It looks great!" Hilda pleaded, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

Johanna sighed, ruffling her daughter's mop of fluffy hair.

"Alright, you got me. I'll see what I can do."

Hilda cheered a victorious "Yes!" before she was rushed out of the house.

"Now come on, we wouldn't want to keep your friends waiting."

Hilda giggled and sprinted towards the car in a flash.

Johanna smiled softly as she followed her daughter and buckled into her seat.

"To the library?"

She asked.

Hilda nodded enthusiastically, a huge grin on her face.

[[MORE]]

...

Johanna looked at the kids gathered at a table, flipping through books and discussing beasts of some kind as they normally did while they were here. She thought back to her times in this very library when she was growing up, usually full days filled with studying. Or, at least, goofing off when she should have been studying.

"Nice day, isn't it?"

Rang a familiar voice from above her head.

She looked up to the source, her face brightening the second she heard it.

"Maven!" She called, waving to the librarian.

"Ive been meaning to talk to you."

Maven slid down the ladder, placing a few books back in the correct spots as she did.

"That's new. You never want to talk to me." She said with a sarcastic twinge, a smirk pulling at her mouth.

Johanna playfully waved her hand.

"Oh please. This is important."

Maven nodded, letting her cloak fall back into its obscuring position, before leading the two of them to a table.

As they sat, Johanna saw a hot cup of her favorite brand of peppermint tea sitting before her.

She looked to the librarian for permission, and was met with a nod.

"Ive gotten used to your little visits." She said, slyly resting her head on her hand with half closed eyes.

Johanna pretended that didn't make her as happy as it did, and cleared her throat.

"Listen. Ive come to talk about Hilda."

Maven sat up straighter.

"Why? What's happened?"

Johanna took a calming sip of her tea, sorting her words before speaking.

"Well, this morning, she noticed my hair dye was fading."

Maven's eyes traveled up, catching the unusual hair color.

"Ah. And?"

"Well, i told her that I was trying blue streaks out. She still thinks that brown is natural for me." Johanna's face fell, and she turned her gaze to the side. "And she seemed really excited about the prospect of full head matching hair color." That pulled a short laugh from her chest. "But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

Maven took a sip of some coffee, casually resting an arm on the back of the chair she was in.

"Well, you could just let it fade. It almost attracts more attention for her to be the only one with strangely colored hair."

Johanna looked away, fidgeting her hands on the mug.

"I just don't want people to say anything to us, and I'm not sure if i want her to find out yet."

"Well, have you told her what it means?"

"No, but she's smart, she'd figure it out. I mean, between your hair and magic room and her proficiency in it shes bound to draw the connection long before I plan to tell her."

Johanna sighed, looking over to her daughter's oblivious, absolutely ecstatic expression.

Maven hummed in thought, tapping the table with painted nails.

"You could always try using your magic? Erase her mind of the incident and go back to normal?"

Johanna winced, her voice turning more into a whisper.

"I told you, I dont do magic. You know how the city feels about us. I'd much rather lie to her."

She groaned, placing a hand on her forhead.

"But even that's not exactly desirable."

Maven clicked her tongue, taking a decisive sip of her coffee.

"You really should stop letting the city deny you of who you are."

"But this is who I am! Besides, I dont exactly want to risk going to jail every time I make a mistake!"

Johanna stated angrily, hitting a palm on the table. She had to take a moment to regain control of her breath.

"I-Im sorry for that. I don't know what came over me."

"You're restless."

Maven observed.

"This is the kind of thing that happens. I know you don't like me talking about it, but you are a witch. We kind of need magic."

Johanna let out a long sigh before resting her hands in her lap.

"You're right. I understand." She said quietly.

"But I'm just... scared. I just want her to grow up happy, like I did. And that means covering things like this."

"You don't seem happy now."

Johanna was silent, not even turning to meet her gaze.

There was a long moment of stillness between them, broken when Maven once again took a drink from her mug.

"in my opinion, you said Hilda would eventually find out anyway, so why not tell her now? It would save a lot of difficulty down the line."

Johanna closed her eyes for a moment in thought.

"I'll do what I can."

She said.

"Thank you."

They both rose to their feet as Hilda and her group of friends ran over, chatting over eachother until they reached where Johanna stood.

"Can we go to the woods on the far side of the wall?" Hilda asked with a confident stance.

Johanna laughed, joy returning upon seeing her daughter's excitement.

"I don't see why not."

They cheered and began to run past, Hilda leading with Frida close behind, holding some kind of camera, while David took the rear with a grin, despite his obvious hesitancy.

Maven looked after them, crossing her legs and lifting her mug to her mouth.

"You should follow them."

Johanna's brow furrowed, and she turned back to the librarian in worry.

"What? Why?"

"I've heard of some strange goings on from that direction. Its just better to be safe than sorry."

Johanna let out a breath through her teeth, pulling some strands of hair out of her face.

"Well, if you think it's best."

Maven winked. "And you know how often I'm right." She stood to collect the empty mugs and waved as Johanna chased after the children.

'stay safe out there, okay?' She wanted to yell after her, but decided against it.

#hilda the series #hilda netflix #hilda librarian #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #hildas mum #Johanna #hilda fanfic #submission

25 notes · View notes

laughingpinecone · 4 years

Text

Press Start letter

I am laughingpineapple on AO3

It’s a long list of character combos so the specific requests aren’t overly detailed, please draw at will from my general likes and general fandom likes in addition or as an alternative to any of those!

All requests are art or fic - for art, the stuff I like is the kind that depicts the characters doing something. I’ll always be happier with a very simple drawing of two characters walking together or sharing a cup of coffee than with an ambitious composition that looks like an Avengers poster. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s).

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships)

Cool with: any tense, any pov, any rating, plotty, not plotty, IF, nerdy canon references, unrequested characters popping up

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay), canon retellings, consent issues

Dark Souls

I’m only familiar with the first game+DLC! It’s probably relevant to mention that I think that linking the fire is kind of a dumbass move and Gwyn is an ass, but on the other hand Kaathe has his own agenda and there’s no winning move in this world, or at least no obvious one. Feel free to deviate from anyone’s canon endings, to make things happen that’ll stave off their hollowing. I am interested in any of these people meeting and possibly striking up a friendship, and also in exploring Lordran’s temporal/dimensional fuckery, where it’s possible to meet people who have been gone for ages…

Group: Solaire of Astora & Siegmeyer of Catarina: so much fanart of Sun Bro & Onion Bro being bros, so little fic. And yet, the potential! How’d they bounce off each other, what about the fact that Siegmeyer is apparently a proper Catarina knight after all while Solaire just painted his self-made insignia and left, what would Sieg think of Solaire’s quest?

Group: Alvina the Cat & Sieglinde of Catarina: dunno, kitty. I love them both and I want everyone cool to go on adventure with each other. What’s left for Alvina now that Sif is gone, Artorias’ grave desecrated? For her part, did Sieglinde, you know, (mimics Ash Lake)?

Ghost Trick

I am very interested in various characters finding about the erased timeline, but not getting their memories back, and having to live with being told about what they did but never remembering it. Exploring the ghost lore is great. All what-ifs welcome (what if they managed an acceptable happy ending but didn’t reset the timeline, what if a different party went back to the past and kept their memories, what if Alma’s ghost stuck around…) Also open to AUs here, especially for generic fantasy or sci-fi settings or the Final Fantasy ones I prompted last Yuletide.

For the non-canon sides of Jowd/Alma/Cabanela, please no infidelity? I’d be good with either setting the fic during the game timeline or some what-if thereof when the other spouse is dead or unavailable, or simply keeping them offscreen and not mentioning them (eg Alma/Cabanela beach day, Jowd/Cabanela precinct shenanigans)

For Jowd in general, I do love my big boy and enjoy milking that size difference for all it’s worth. In gen contexts too, it’s neat. him big.

Group: Jowd & Yomiel: I’d love to read about the intimate understanding that comes from their shared memories and the horrors they’ve mutually forgiven (and a penchant for morbidity they’ve gained from such horrors probably). Cat dads things welcome.

Group: Alma/Jowd/Cabanela: maybe once Alma and Jowd have figured out he’s smitten and that they do in fact reciprocate... they tease him to death, slowly and deliberately? Is it even a Jowd romance if there’s not an exhausting amount of teasing involved, I ask?

Group: Alma/Jowd & Cabanela: Cabs’ life is wild; his best friends’ home is a safe haven...

Group: Emma & Pigeon Man: Emma’s unsuspected beta reader...

Group: Alma/Cabanela: (taps mic) legs. And fashion!

Group: Cabanela/Jowd: a recent tumblr post made a convincing argument for Cabs liking to be in charge (the argument is just pointing at Cabanela, honestly). Jowd is... agreeable, by his own admission. But is it that simple?

Kentucky Route Zero

I love the ending and I’d love to see its themes and setting explored. I’m all for exploration of any of the game’s themes and for including any staples from adjacent genres - wanna go full-on American Gothic? Dip into surrealism? Take a leaf from Twin Peaks with tulpa / split narratives to explore the characters’ issues? I love AUs so that’s an option too. Or of course there’s Xanadu at the height of its glory, an infinite what-ifs generator. Were the requested characters part of it, what were their digital counterparts up to? A Xanadu narrative would be great! I’d also love to hear about any new spot along the Zero or the Echo river, or an expansion of some place that’s only mentioned by Will in HATATE or only gets a few paragraphs of text. Mostly, I just love all these characters so much and I’m going through the tagset’s options like a hyperactive cat. Any fragment of their lives will make me happy.

Group: Shannon Márquez & Conway & Conway's Dog: does Shannon get to see them after the ending? Even for a moment?

Group: Lula Chamberlain/Joseph Wheattree/Donald: so Lula went back to Mexico. Joseph is pensive. Did the events of the night shake up Donald, or what will it take?

Group: Junebug & Lula Chamberlain: artists! Outspoken... artists... with a complicated personality. Put them in the same room and...?

Group: Junebug & Johnny: where’s the strangest place they played in, and what did Johnny find there?

Group: Conway & Johnny & Junebug (Kentucky Route Zero): their story is about finding individuality, his is about succumbing and losing it. Would any of them pick up on this mid-Act IV? Or just... talking about limbs and stuff?

Group: Cate & Will & Shannon Márquez (Kentucky Route Zero): a few months later, Shannon finds herself on the Mucky Mammoth again...

Group: Carrington & Weaver Márquez & Shannon Márquez (Kentucky Route Zero): maybe the cousins were trying to bond or reminisce or whatever and Carrington dive-bombed into the conversation, but in the end it was an enriching experience... of sorts?

Group: Carrington & Lula Chamberlain (Kentucky Route Zero): I don’t usually look for college shenanigans but this may be the exception? Or Art Opinions?

Group: Carrington & Clara (Kentucky Route Zero): would she even... get a word in? Maybe with the right topic?

Group: Carrington & Cate & Will (Kentucky Route Zero): Mammoth life! ...what does theater have to say about mushrooms again?

Group: Shannon Marquez & Weaver Marquez (Kentucky Route Zero): at the end of it all, Weaver was waiting. After this end, they can stand side by side again...

Group: Emily & Ben & Bob (Kentucky Route Zero): so what does it mean, like, poetically, that they were temporally displaced and Act I is in their future from Act V? Is it possible they were not aware of it?

Mutazione

The island, the sense of community, newcomers joining the community, gardens and music... I love the mood of this little game. Got ideas for some part of the island we haven’t seen? What stories do they tell each other about Moon Dragon and the first days of the new life it brought? The plants encyclopaedia was great - do Yoké’s archives hide some other cool tome? Please, if Graubert is mentioned, I would much prefer a sympathetic portrayal - he’s got his issues but I felt that the game was much harder on him than anyone else.

Group: Yoké & Karoo: I love the friendship between Yoké and Nonno and filtering it through Karoo feels even cooler to me. When did the big spooky bird first visit, did Yoké know or perceive what was going on?

Group: Yoké & Claire: book club book club book club!

Group: Spike/Claire: they’re so cute! Dinner at Mori’s? Swimming together?

Group: Nonno & Spike: I love Nonno’s role in the community and Spike’s role in the community, and they’re the two people who landed there and decided to stay. Could they bond over this?

Group: Dennis & Nonno: Important Tree Health Business!

Group: Bopek & Jell-A: Jell-A is the absolute coolest and Bopek grew on me a lot. Their friendship is adorable! What could they do together? As a side note, Jell-A’s place has the tightest interior decor in the whole game. How’d that happen, and does Bopek get a flair for vintage shapes and volumes in his weaving?

Group: Mori & Nonno & Yoké: FRIENDS. Friends for a long time, through so much pain. An evening together while The Youths (tm) are at Spike’s bar?

Yoké: catch-all Yoké request because he’s my fave! Doing Yoké things, being a big nerd, caring for books and plants and stuff

Pyre

The burning found family feelings, the revolutionary passion, the tension between topside social constraints and the kind of freedom allowed by the Downside! Thoughts about finding oneself at the end of an age, as everything crumbles down to form something new. I love all the themes, the solemnity, the heart of this game. I adore everyone in that Blackwagon+Dalbert+Celeste, so if you want to add a Nightwing or two to any prompt, please do! I also love all the Scribes and find Erisa a compelling tragic figure. Out of the other triumvirates, I’m “love to hate them” for Manley, Brighton, Udmildhe and Deluge and would not like to see them featured in sympathetic roles. My main interest usually lies in post-canon exploration when applicable, but I’m also into various adventures during canon. Pick a location or a place outside the map and see what happens? As for the ending variables, I’d ask for a peaceful revolution and Oralech alive, but no preferences for who’s up and who’s down, pick whatever works best for any given plot bunny.

Group: Tariq & Soliam: what were Tariq and Celeste like in their earliest days? Were they made or summoned from some sort of preexisting star consciousness? They’re wildly different scenarios! I’m good with either. Does Soliam then see Tariq as a child of sorts, someone he made, or something greater than himself? Did he mean to do that, to have these two immortals around? What does Tariq learn from the First Scribe?

Group: Tariq & Dalbert Oldheart: Any excuse for Tariq to hang out with the Fates for a little while, and treasure and be treasured by dear Dalbert...

Group: Oralech & Vagabond Girl: after all is said and done, Oralech’s view of the Scribes is probably... understandably... dire. So of course I want to see him talk it out with ae!

Group: Celeste & Ignarius: look, listen, if the various triumvirates just camped out near their respective Scribe’s place during the Nightwings’ years-long absence (not the only possible explanation for how you find them all neatly lined up before the first lib rite, but an explanation nonetheless, I think. just let me have my crack), that means Iggy was Celeste’s neighbor for a long time. Neighborly hijinks please?

Group: Bertrude/Pamitha: Pam returning from her travels, again and again, and finding a home in Bertrude’s lab, finding an understanding there... Bertrude’s attitude being thorny in a way that’s just what Pam needs to allow herself to open up... also: snake kisses.

Group: Volfred Sandalwood/Oralech: waking up and remembering that the mourning that’s set deep in your roots is for someone who never died, waking up and remembering that the bitterness that consumed you had made up a betrayal that never was, finding each other through these crumbling walls...

Molten Milithe: that’s the pov for a love letter to the Downside, right? And/or which Scribe did she bond with the most? Or the least for that matter?

Volfred Sandalwood: catch-all Volf’n’anyone request. I want to see our tree interact with any friend and foe you might fancy! Arguing for his beliefs, being a history professor through and through, finding himself in a tight spot and getting unexpected help, verbally tearing Brighton a new one if they ever cross each other’s path again...

group: Volfred Sandalwood/Tariq | The Lone Minstrel: Volfred’s zodiac sign is Cancer and Cancer is ruled by the Moon, so there’s that. I love how they both hold the other in the highest esteem, especially on Tariq’s part since he’s the immortal Herald of the Scribes and Volfred is, all in all, a history teacher, but listen to him and you’d think the roles were inverted. I love my nonviolent canon but could anything happen to either of them that may require a rescue, and/or some good old-fashioned h/c? What’s something that could make Tariq of all people lose it? How’s life 100 years on?

Shenmue

This game cares for the little things. I’d love to see fanworks that try to out-slice-of-life canon...

Group: Qiu Hsu & Xianzi Bei: cormorant kung fu adventure! Do they hang out sometimes?

Group: Hazuki Ryo & Shenhua Ling: any moment, discussion, small adventure from their travels together! I love their bond! For all its waifufication of Shenhua, S3 really sold me on their friendship and a shared brand of dorkiness. Alternatively, sometimes I remember that they’d be 50ish in the present day - how and where do you picture them?

The Silver Case

I‘m all for the surrealism, big things being introduced and never picked up again, Rashomon’ing it up with six explanations for the same thing where no single one can be true, people dying and then popping up again like nbd... maybe the thing I like the most is characters transcending their humanity and looming over the dystopian world like ominous avatars. Correctness’ first ending had me swooning, that kind of mood is unparalleled. I have played TSC, FSR and 25W so far and have vague memories of K7. I’m aware of the “everything’s connected” readings but that’s not my main interest in these games. For FSR-focused requests, I see Lospass as a real island but also a metaphysical place of transformation first and foremost, where strange things happen that don’t make sense elsewhere.

Group: Toriko Kusabi & Remy Fawzil: What’s Toriko up to when she’s not chasing Chris? I think it could be fun to throw her at Remy and see the island from their point of view!

Group: Tokio Morishima & Edo Macalister: since Tokio stayed at the Flower Sun and Rain... I’m interested in peculiar happenings on Lospass that are not centered on Sumio...

Group: Tetsugorou Kusabi/Sumio Kodai: Tetsu picked one hell of a crush, huh! What’s it like in the aftermath of the games, when Sumio is Like That? How does Tetsu grapple with Parade? Is Tetsu an anchor of sorts for Correctness Sumio, who seems (at best) to be existing on a slightly different plane of existence at any given time and could disappear if you blink too hard?

Group: Tetsugorou Kusabi & Shinko Kuroyanagi: I’m joining the “let these two be foulmouthed friends” masses - who’d be more fed up with the other’s nonsense, and in which ways would they be an unstoppable team?

Group: Shinkai Tsuki & Tetsugorou Kusabi: Both of them end their stories in the shadows one way or another, and defending their protégé may have had a hand in their misfortune one way or another. What kind of understanding could they reach? What IS Tsuki up to anyway?

Group: Christina & Catherine: anthro Catherine, as per the Placebo bonus chapter Yami, was unexpectedly charming. What was Chris before reaching Lospass, and did he also have a chat with her on the plane or on the island?

#letter

1 note · View note

shes-fast-like-me · 5 years

Note

Lifeline and Octane for the ask thing, because I know you and your ways :^)

ah you know me too well lol

Lifeline

fave thing: GOD ajbskqbsa ok i love her???? i love her selflessness??? I love how strong she is??? I love how she looked at all the bullshit her parents have done and said “thats not right” and actually went out and did something about it?? that’s so punk rock??? idk i just see her dedicating her life p much to charity as just so?? strong?? and admirable??? im in love with her??? she rlly honest to god is such a good and interesting character?? like god respawn rly did that and expected me not to fall in love?

least fave thing: this me nit picking the game but give her better skins and quips!! i cant splurge all my life savings on her if all her cosmetics are just meh (aside from london calling that shit slaps)

fave quip: actually the new one where you finish off a squad! “whole squad down and a boom boom!” just the way she says it, my heart just 💘💘

brOTP: lifeline + mirage!!! they are a chaotic duo. sarcastic to each other a lot. friendos. i also feel like she’s the closest thing wraith has to a girl friend. she makes sure wraith takes care of herself and has fun with life. and also obviously she and bangalore hang out a lot, maybe train together idk

OTP: *gestures to my blog* i hope this is obvious enough

nOTP: uhhh her and bloodhound?? or caustic?? idk i just dont see it ever happening

random headcanon: she’s got lots of plants up in her room. she likes taking care of things, but she’s too busy for real pets so she opted for plants. she’s got lots of succulents and cacti and some hanging plants like ivy. tends to go for the low-effort ones becus again, shes rlly busy. but she likes em a lot! there’s just somethin refreshing abt coming home to plants in pretty pots and just playing them music or smthn

unpopular opinion: i honestly?? dont know?? ppl seem to misinterpret her as a “sunshine” character ive noticed but i would say me disagreeing with that portrayal of her is an unpopular opinion ykno

song i associate with them: hhhhhh rihanna’s “only girl in the world” i’m still waiting on somebody to draw her into that music video cus it honestly slaps so hard and i would literally die if it happened

fave pic: i actually just like the official art idk

Octane

fave thing: idk why i’m so hung up on him being like, a youtuber or whatever but i rlly love that. like that is the content i want to see ksnakjsak this is the youtube rep we need!! i just want. to see his videos i rlly do

least fave: this more confuses/upsets me than anything but how??? is he ok???? im dead serious like he puts on such an “it be like that” persona abt him losing his legs and im just like ???¿?¿?¿¿ how are you okay???

fave line: from the trailer!! “this is the least bored i’ve been all day!” i think this quote describes him fucking perfectly its so chaotic

brOTP: again, mirage. two chaos bois. what are they gonna do uh oh!

OTP: i hope we all know the answer to this one by now

nOTP: i dont think i HAVE a notp for octane. him + bangalore if i absolutely had to pick?? just cus i see bangalore as a lesbian personally so

random headcanon: i’ve been meaning to do a post on this but this guy pays for everything. any time he is out with friends or whatever he’s paying. he just does it out of habit he refuses to let anyone pay for anything. also for birthdays or other special occasions u bet ur ass he is spending a fortune on his friends. like why wouldnt he?? he’s rich??? whose gonna stop him??? his parents cant ground him he’s 24 and technically is inheriting the fortune anyway becus where’s that money gonna go?? live wild have fun. also i assume they win money from the games so usually he just gives that all away to charity (usually ajay’s). he also does charity streams sometimes. like he doesnt need that money

unpopular opinion: i agree he’s a disaster but not like. in need of a damn babysitter or whatever, like he’s an adult he can take of himself ykno.

song i associate with them: the most octanecore song i’ve heard has been “Turn The Music Up” by NF

fave picture: yeehaw

#octane #octavio silva #lifeline #ajay che #thanks for the ask!!

18 notes · View notes

darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts · 5 years

Text

Devil’s Temptation pt19

Warnings: Mob styling warlord, a reference to torture.Strong language

Masterlist

---

Chapter 19 – Personal Agenda

Main City Hospital – Private Recovery Suite

It was about midday when he had been released from his sleeping prison. The rooms he was now in resembled something a lot closer to a hotel than a standard hospital room. Everything was just that little more comfortable and warm feeling. The furniture was a simple design and easy to clean. There was a small seating area, private shower room and his bed was a comfortable small double rather than a single hospital bed.

One thing they don’t tell you when you are disconnected from your body like that is that when you wake up you suddenly feel everything hit you like a ton of bricks. You go from feeling like you are floating and weightless to being crushed under the weight of your own body. His throat was dry and hurt thanks to that tube they put in to allow him to breathe. Moving even just a little resulted in him feeling his chest tighten and constrict itself. It would have been unbearably painful if he was not on IV painkillers.

His mind was a torrent of ideas and fragments of memory. He could remember some things that were said in his room whilst he was unconscious but not all of it. He knew he remembered who had put him there and could guess at least part of the reason why. God, he was angry. He treated that ungrateful brat like a son, as his own family. He had entrusted his daughter to his care. Made all of the arrangements and everything was thrown back at him in one pull on a trigger.

– Knock, Knock –

The room door opened smoothly and a well-dressed old gentleman walked in. [Name]’s father relaxed visibly at the new arrival.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“That would make two of us.” The visitor drew a chair nearer the bedside and took a seat smiling calmly, waiting patiently.

“I’d like a favour.” [Name]’s father wasted no time with formalities and small talk. What he wanted to do couldn’t wait.

“Oh?” The visitor said nothing more and then as if noticing something on his trouser leg he brushed at it with his hand. To an outsider, this interaction might seem as if the two men were having two different conversations. [Name]’s father knew differently, these two shared a history.

“The agreement is over.”

“Understood. I’ll make the arrangements.” Without saying any more the visitor stood and replaced his chair. He crossed the room to the door and just as he was reaching for the handle [Name]’s father called out once more.

“Just… don’t let them know it’s you.”

“No one ever looks for ghosts.”

---

Sasuke was sitting in a nest of wires and cables, several monitors had been set up down there for him along with two encryption keyboards. Yukimura had been called back by Shingen and there was also another business that required Mitsunari’s attention. It didn’t bother him, after all, there was nothing that anyone else could do right now. This was a matter of chasing code and watching to 0’s and 1’s to see what was what. One of the monitors changed and the code began to filter into one of Sasuke’s decoding algorithm programmes.

“How’s it going Sasuke?” Masa sauntered into the data room. He had a covered plate and cup flask with him. Sasuke felt like smiling if he could as he saw the Chef ignore the signs that prohibited food and drink.

“I have something I think.” Sasuke was clicking away on one of the keyboards the streams of code reflecting off his glasses. Masa placed the plate and flask down near him being careful in its placement so it didn’t cause a problem. “Oh! Thank you.”

“You can’t skip meals here. If Yoshi doesn’t catch you I will.” Masa joked. “So, you cracked it huh?” Masa didn’t really do a lot of things with computers like this. Well if he was completely honest, he was more at home playing games on them than all this movie plot hacker style stuff. He knew it was done just did not have a mind to do it personally.

“Yes… It was so obvious it’s almost too obvious.” Sasuke sighed a little frustrated. He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes shut. Am I missing something? This is the most basic of basic algorithms.

“Meaning?” Masa picked up the flask again and held it out to Sasuke after he replaced his glasses. Sasuke took it gratefully and began sipping the hot coffee.

“Meaning it would be rather like you being allowed to enter an amateur cooking competition and walking away with the winning prize and no one protesting… is this coffee with green tea?” Sasuke trailed off as the flavour of the drink registered as unusual on his pallet. It was always a pleasure visiting Azuchi Corp HQ if you could sample some of Date’s creations.

“Yep, I infused the drip coffee with some particularly good blend of Hojicha tea. I thought the flavour would hold up nice in a latte.” Masa cheerfully explained the drink

“It’s delicious.” Sasuke

“Right? Usually, I don’t get much in way of feedback. Yoshi tends to prefer tea, The Mitsus don’t notice and that just leaves Yasu who gives on word reviews that are as helpful as indigestion. So, what now?”

“Well, now I work on the next layer of this and see if anything changes.”

---

Mitsuhide had been thankful for a few things as he walked outside of that factory, feeling the fresh air fill his lungs. The largest one that topped that list was that Takada had used Mitsuhide’s car to bring them to this location.

Moving to the trunk of the vehicle he peeled back the lining and located a change of clothes. Each item was securely sealed in bags and taped to the inside of the car. He picked them up and returned to the factory’s bathroom. In the harsh fluorescent lighting of the run-down room, he chuckled at the sight of his own reflection in one of the mirrors. He had gotten carried away. His shirt was torn and strained heavily in so much blood it was difficult to tell what was his and what belonged to the man strapped to that old cutting platform. Might as well make myself presentable.

---

The shadows of the day were drawing longer and darker. On the road out of the city, there was a popular spot for sightseeing. After leaving the bridge you took a sharp turn and followed the road as it changed from asphalt to well warn compact dirt road. You could see the lights of the city reflected on the water on the other side of the main bridge. That all added to the feeling of being in a completely different world to that of the everyday humdrum urban life. It was also a location that graduating high school kids knew at night as a make-out point. In both cases, the reason for its sought-after beauty was its isolation. There was a single-track road that leads to this clearing, one way in and one way out.

Two men stood next to a small white transit van. The logo on the side marked it as a medical transport vehicle for a private hospital. One of the men was smoking on the driver’s side, blowing smoke rings up into the darkening sky watching them drift on the breeze. Compared to the other man, the one smoking was shorter, broader and looked like he would be totally at him in a boxing ring. His strong defined muscles on his arms and large hands all added to the feeling that this guy could crush you if he so desired.

“So how long we got to wait here Doc?”

“As long as it takes. When you receive a message from this one you learn the value of patience.” The one referred to as Doc answered as he walked slowly around. He was someone who’s appearance was not exactly a stand out in a crowd type of affair. He was if anything the most normal, average looking man you could find. He blended into situations easily like a social chameleon. What made this man stand out was the feeling he created around him, his natural aura seemed to drain you and keep you trapped at his mercy.

Headlights shone over the car park and a black saloon car drove up to them and stopped. Doc walked over to the passenger’s side as the window slowly opened.

“So nice to see you again. Mr Akechi.”

“Always a pleasure to see you as well.” Mitsuhide smiled from the driver’s seat. It had been an interesting afternoon. At some point on the road, he had finally come back from the edge of that euphoric high. His head had cleared and he could once again think clearly. That was when he decided to phone the good doctor.

“It’s been too long.” The Doc straightened up and took a step back from the car. As Mitsuhide turned off the engine and lights of his car. “And where is the… patient?”

“Straight to business I see.” Mitsuhide chuckled as he stepped out, moving to button his jacket back up.

“Well, I prefer to begin treatment and making appropriate arrangements as soon as possible in order to make the patient as… comfortable as possible.” To anyone looking at the well-dressed medical professional, they would have seen nothing more than man conducting himself completely within the parameters of his concern to provide adequate care for a patient.

Mitsuhide knew better. He was close enough to feel the hidden undercurrent of the words being said. He could see the gleeful dance of emotion running through the other man’s mind as all of the possibilities of what he might see when he got to look at the victim. Yes, the good doctor was a predator but one of a totally different variety. He didn’t hunt his prey. His prey were offerings, gifts and donations. His was a business that never seemed to run out of potential revenue and business was good.

“I am aware.” Mitsuhide opened the back door of the car revealing Shin sitting there still as a statue on top of protective plastic sheeting. “I wouldn’t concern yourself with comfort. He won’t be making any complaints.”

“Very nicely done. You have a steady hand.” The Doctor stared in admiration at the living sculpture of a man. He raised his hand to trace the fresh lines carved into the flesh that were very slightly exposed on the back of the neck. Shin’s eyes moved freely at the other man’s touch.

“You flatter me.” Mitsuhide watched the doctor fawning over his new patient. His face was expressionless to the point where even his trademark smile was gone.

“No, no I really don’t, I would have gladly taken you on at the facility. This skill is easily on a level with any one of my staff… you might even rival mine.” The smile on the doctor’s face was feral as he brushed his fingertip over the stitches that pulled neat and tight on the pale flesh of Shin. It as a wild look of a man close to starvation that had suddenly been handed a steak meal. He could feel his mouth water as he inspected Mitsuhide’s handiwork.

“Well, I found myself with a lot of free time on my hands recently.” Mitsuhide was not joking. In the four-year absence, he had been blessed with an overabundance of time.

Blessed… Well, that was how some would have seen it. For him, it had been torture. Endless hours where sleep did not find him, sitting alone thinking, reliving every small detail of everything from years before. Things he had done before taking over his own family, the people he had hunted down. Oh, and the play by play account in his mind of each one of the people he questioned. My toys… All that time and nothing really to do except allow his mind to wander down those twisted paths. The things he had never done in reality. How would he leave a warning to protect what was his? What could he do?

“Yes, I did hear you took a little trip. Good vacation?” The Doctor stood back up and turned to look at Mitsuhide.

“That is not what I would have called it. Let’s just say I’m happier to be home.”

“Mm, still this isn’t like you Mitsuhide. Leaving them in this condition…. You could have just…” The doctor frowned slightly. He was right this was not what Mitsuhide would usually do. He would have normally created some other end for the man currently sitting in the backseat of his car. But this was not a normal day. This was beyond the line Mitsuhide would usually allow himself to be pushed. He lost his chance once years ago to be able to protect someone he cared for. He would not let that happen a second time. He was more than willing to do whatever it took to make sure that his “message” was received loud and clear.

“No. This is how it must be. I want him to remain exactly as he is.” Mitsuhide noted the ice blue eyes of Shin roaming faster. Don’t worry Takada I will make sure you are well cared for.

“You’ll cover the expenses?” The doctors face fell slightly at the request. He would have enjoyed adding certain “treatments” to this one but that phrasing “I want him to remain exactly as he is.” from Mitsuhide meant that he would not be allowed to interfere. Such a pity, still there are other things that could be done.

“Naturally.”

“Very well.” Satisfied the Doctor turned to the younger man who was still playing at being a creative chimney by the van. “Jin! Get the chair and come and escort this patient to other transportation.” Jumping into action at the order, Jin pulled back the rolling door on the side of the transit, flicking his spent cigarette off into the night and retrieved a hospital chair with a blanket.

“I shall be waiting for your professional assessment report and invoice.” Mitsuhide watched as Shin was transferred from car to chair and pushed away. He pulled the sheet from the back seat bunching it up into a ball and throwing it into the trunk of the car with the rest of the tools to be cleaned or disposed of.

“You not wishing to stay to say goodbye?” The doctor smiled as if he was simply asking about the weather.

“Sorry I have something else I have to do.” Mitsuhide closed the doors on his car and got back in the driver’s side. As soon as his engine roared into life, he pulled a U-turn in his car and drove away without looking back.

The clearing was quiet once more. The doctor watched the lights of the leaving vehicle be swallowed by the shadows of the trees as it drifted further away.

“What the hell is up with that dude?” Jin had returned to his side. The lingering smell of his preferred blend of tobacco clinging to him like an aura.

“I have no idea. He would make a fantastic case study.” The doctor murmured.

“Err, Doc?”

“Yes?”

“What do I put on this admission form?” Jin was holding the clipboard with the admissions papers clipped on them. Most of it had been filled in except for the parts that required more detailed knowledge of exactly what they were taking on. He was looking up expectantly a biro in his hand waiting to be told what to write.

“Patient X. Suffering trauma-related pseudocoma.” The doctor tapped his finger on the page to show where Jin had to place that information.

“Ok… and what is it really?” Jin had been around long enough to know what you put down officially was not what they were really dealing with and asked out of curiosity.

“The most exquisite display piece I’ve seen in a very long time.”

---

27 notes · View notes

beverlyr0ad · 5 years

Text

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!! okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand.

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart.

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

#feel free to disagree w me tho #im completely open to hear other opinions #and mine are subject to change anyway #i used so much !!!!! in this sorry #crimes of grindelwald #harry potter #hp #fbawtft #fantastic beasts #tcog #tcog spoilers #crimes of grindelwald spoilers #spoilers #hp spoilers #fantastic beasts spoilers #tcog opinions #crimes of grindelwald opinions

7 notes · View notes

sisterbestill · 6 years

Text

I write this on my iPhone, sitting next to my dad, who is currently getting his 4th Chemo Therapy Treatment of Carboplatin and Taxol. The drugs are chemical bombs and each week the accumulative damage grows. They pre-treat him with histamine blocking meds so he doesn’t have reactions, but he has reactions during the infusion, like he can’t breath. The nurses are well aware and calmly manage the reactions with more meds. These meds cause him to become very drowsy, so the remainder of the day becomes about keeping him from falling.

I still am trying to process all that has occurred since early August 2018. I look back on these pictures of our last outing at Lake Jocassee and never would have guessed how things would change just a week later. I’ve often wondered how cancer strikes people so quickly, now I know. I am writing this so I will never forget each minute that will forever live with me. I am also using this as a way to cope and understand something that is unfamiliar and terrifying.

My parents have always taken care of themselves and one another. They have been very lucky to have good health and I have been lucky to have them as energetic as they are in their eighties. When they moved up here from Florida, I was delighted I was going to finally be able to spend more time with them - like daily and weekly vs. just twice a year. They moved 15 minutes away or a lovely 60 min bike ride through rolling countryside and mountains. I was giddy and felt the universe shift a bit. I felt pulled to them. They are in fact two of the coolest, funniest, and open-minded people I know.

Shortly after this kayak trip (photos above) they decided to make a pact to live to 100 and created a “bucket list”. They were thankful for their health and never took it for granted. Perhaps the bucket list idea was a way to for them to celebrate how young they felt or perhaps they recognized they were chronologically getting up there.

Paddling on Jocassee was relaxing, calm, and beautiful; Certainly an experience they would have loved to have recreated again and I am hopeful they will. It may look different in the future, but I suspect the beauty and calmness of the lake will bath their brains in peace.

A week after snapping these pics, I got a call from my mom, she was on her way to the ER with my Dad. I was working one floor up and met them in the ER. While we waited, I learned my Dad had been feeling fatigued for several months and had developed shortness of breath over last few weeks. It wasn’t evident on the kayak trip that he was struggling, but it was obvious in the ER. My mom said they had been to their primary care several times and their primary care doc reassured him it was natural aging, as tests did not reveal anything to be concerned about.

As we sat for 6 hours in the waiting area, I was certain it was nothing serious. Afterall, my dad had no other health issues other than a little hypertension. His meds consisted of an 81 mg baby aspirin and amlodipine 2.5 mg each day - what a lucky guy. I was thinking maybe he had pleurisy or walking pneumonia.

We finally were shown to a room and labs were drawn. We were relieved to finally get things moving. By this time my sister, Lori, and I were getting silly from the fatigue of waiting. We were thoroughly entertained by a belligerent drunk guy on a stretcher in the halllway who seemed to draw all the attention of the medical staff while we well-behaved folks waited for answers.

I noticed my dad’s HR would easily jump to a sinus tach in the 130s with just a little bit of movement. Something didn’t seem right, but I was not going to speculate or think the worst. I was just his daughter, at his side, keeping the mood light.

We were informed by the physician assistant caring for us that his left diaphragm was elevated and was probably the cause of his shortness of breath. I was a little taken back as this was an unusual finding that left me with a knot in my stomach. Not too long after this finding he was whisked away for a CT of his chest.

He returned to the room and we waited for results. The PA came in with a sticky note and said she read off it: “You have a very large anterior mediastinal mass...No one here will operate because of your age...We are discharging you and you will need to see an oncologist.”

Our mouths dropped. My stomach bottomed-out as she said “mass” and my face flushed. We all just blankly looked at one another. Go home?

I spoke to a good nurse friend in recovery and she called the thoracic resident. I spoke to the PA who delivered the news and said, “We can’t go home. He is short of breath. He and my mom live alone. His Heart rate is bouncing up to 130s. He is weak. Please admit him and consult thoracic surgery.” My dad chimes in, “I’m not a throw away!” Meaning he doesn’t want to be dismissed because of his chronological age. He was far healthier than most half his age and this deserved a second look. The radiologist who read the report never actually saw my dad, but he did see a birthdate.

The next day, the interventional radiologist who read his CT and gave us the crappy news also did a needle biopsy of this baseball size mass.

We went home on a Wednesday after 2 days and waited. We were waiting for results and waiting for an appointment with a thoracic surgeon. Waiting is tough and if you are sick you will learn the meaning of patience.

We made it to Sunday when I thought something wasn’t right with my dad. He continued to have episodes of shortness of breath, but something was still off. I knew he had anxiety, but this was different. He said he felt fine and I almost left it at that. As a nurse you learn to listen to your 6th sense.

My parents live in a remote part of the county where everything is 30 min away. I left there house and an hour later returned with a pulse oximeter that I purchased from a CVS drug store. His oxygenation was 95% not bad for a guy now breathing 40 times a minute with 1.25 lung capacity. However, his pulse read 155 and I was baffled. No way?! I palpated his radial artery and it was a match. Off we went to the ER...

ER visit number II was faster as we went to a smaller satellite hospital 30 min from their home. The rhythm was too fast on the monitor to establish what it was so the ER MD attempted to chemically cardiovert him with adenosine. Adenosine is pushed quickly through an IV. It stops and restarts the heart. I can not lie, I was nervous. It’s so diffferent when this is your own family member. My mom tearfully excused herself and I stayed by his bedside. The ER doc informed my dad it would suck, and we proceeded. It sucked. He felt his heart stop and I watched his eyes bulge and panic come across his face for 3 of the longest seconds of my life. We were able to see he had an underlying atrial flutter. We were started on a verapamil drip and were transported to the main hospital for management by a cardiologist. His heart converted back to a normal rhythm on the verapamil drip before we left the ER in transport to Main hospital at 1 am. We were under the impression it was stress related to the new shitty diagnosis and having to wait on results.

The next day he had an echocardiogram to look at the structure and function of his heart. He was started on a Metoprolol a drug that blocks adrenaline and keeps heart rate lower and it was doing its’ job.

He spent 2 nights in hospital and outside of naps, lacked solid hours of good sleep. We finally got word that his ECHO results were good. No one said a word about metastatic disease to his pericardium. We were told he had a small ring of fluid within the pericardial sack, but it wasn’t a lot and certainly not something they felt needed draining. The atrial flutter responded well to the metoprolol and we were discharged home to once again wait for our thoracic surgery appointment.

We finally made it to the thoracic surgeon to learn of what was growing in my dad’s mediastinum. I was hoping for a thymoma, but instead we drew the really short stick with a highly aggressive, highly invasive cancer called: Squamos Cell Thymic Carcinoma.

WTF? Come on! Can we not catch a break here?

I had never heard of this type of cancer and neither have many in the medical field cause in addition to being aggressive and invasive, it is also a rare tumor. A rare tumor that hasn’t impacted enough lives that researchers devote a lot of time, money and effort into understanding it. Not only that, but sadly, most people die before any data can be collected. Once you get short of breath, dry cough and fatigue it is usually advanced.

PET Scan had some questionable lymph nodes light up, but no other disease was noted distal to the mediastinal cavity.

We hoped it could be removed. Excising the tumor was first choice in the management of this cancer and had the best outcomes, but to do this the surgeon would need to get clean margins. The thoracic surgeon wanted a cardiac MRI to examine if this tumor had invaded any of his great vessels. CT scans had only shown that the tumor was abutting the ascending aorta, but we needed to be certain cause the surgery involved opening his sternum with a saw and recovery would be 5-6 weeks. The surgeon emphasized that he didn’t want to operate and create trauma without being able to get the entire tumor. He didn’t want to delay care in a time-is-of-the-essence scenario.

It was 6pm on a Monday evening just days out from last hospitalization, when I returned to their house to check on him. Earlier that morning, my mom and I took his mini Pomeranian back to the vet and learned it was dying. The vet apologized and said it was time. We put my dad’s 18 y/o Pom, Ben, to sleep at 10:30. My mom held him and he passed. We were a mess. We told my dad and his response seemed flat. Distant.Something else was on his mind.

I stayed close and felt something was amiss, something was unfolding, progressing. I was thinking is he getting an infection? His temp was 100.2, slightly more SOB, and his pulse was 95-110 at rest, on a beta blocker. Nowhere near his norm and I could not ignore this or excuse it. My dad is precious to me. I looked at my mom and dad, apologized as I informed them we needed to go back to the ER. They were agreeable. I think he was relieved I recognized something was wrong.

Shortly after arrival at the satellite ER labs were drawn and ultrasound of his heart was done by ER doc. He said there appeared to be a large fluid collection around my dad’s heart. We were again admitted to ICU for a condition called Cardiac Tamponade. Early the next morning he had the fluid drained 600 ml from around his heart. The fluid build up which is inside the pericardial sac squeezes the heart. The heart can be stunned and go into failure. The fluid that was drawn off was sent for cytology. It was suspicious. It was likely metastatic disease.

In fact after annoying the cardiologist with repeated questions in the hallway, he motioned me over to his computer screen. He showed me the ECHO and pointed out the thickening of the pericardium and showed me a mass dangling from his ventricle. I didn’t need to wait for cytology. This was confirmation for me that we were very far into a disease process. My face flushed, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped as I comprehended the situation. I thanked the MD and my mom asked what he was showing me. I told her. I saw the color leave her face.

The thoracic surgeon was still hoping to remove the mass as the CT didn’t show it had invaded the great vessels, but he did want a Cardiac MRI which was on the back burner. We were still in ICU cause the Cardiac Tamponade and procedure to drain the fluid triggered a lot of Atrial Flutter and Atrial Fibrillation. We waited for the Cardiac MRI for 3 days. There is only one machine and his was repeated twice before they got quality images. The thoracic surgeon finally met with us and after consulting his partners, radiologist, and oncologist, it was decided surgery was just too risky and he wasn’t certain he could get clear margins. He stressed how he didn’t want to create more problems or delay my dad in getting treatment if there were complications. We very much appreciated the thoughtfulness of his answer. We really didn’t have a minute to spare. The surgeon decided to cut a window in my dad’s heart so the cancer did not build up more fluid and compress this vital organ again. The cancer cells would drain into his belly instead of filling the pericardial sack.

We were discharged home in a questionable state: weak. At first we were told he would stay until he was walking well, but the hospital was full and we were off-loaded unexpectedly. Home is a place with stairs. Stairs to to get in and stairs to get out and the most movement he had done in a week was walking 25 ft with a walker and that was exhausting for him. I was concerned about falls. How were me and my mom going to get 170 lb man up 5 steps safely? He was too weak. He hadn’t eaten, he had not slept in 10 days. We were behind the eight ball and chemo had not even started.

Chemo is rough. To survive chemo, one needs some level of fitness, meaning able to perform ADLs independently and move often. We were overwhelmed. The next week was labor intensive and emotionally draining. Here we were home and we were struggling. He still wasn’t eating, still not sleeping, and my radar was on constant alert. I spent my days observing and looking for subtle changes. Oh and there were changes that needed immediate attention as he flipped in and out of rapid atrial fibrillation and got urinary tract infection.

I was scared and my dad was terrified. In times when we were alone, he would ask me: “How did this happen?” He would shake his head as if disappointed in his body. Disbelief. He was unable to comprehend it and he too was terrified.

To be continued...

#thymiccancer #cancer #chemo #raretumor #cancersucks #thymiccarcinoma #thisislife

1 note · View note

jojowritesstuff · 6 years

Text

Finally got to finish this up. Part one can be found here.

There’s not much happening in this part, it’s just a giant pile of fluff.

There will be more parts coming soon - I’ll split this up into multiple parts so it won’t become one large monster fic (which everyone would get tired of halfway through, haha) A lot of what’s coming will be for backstory purposes. I am still editing my drafts so I’m still unsure how many more parts will be coming but there’ll be at least two.

I hope this isn’t too long but if you want me to cut it into a read more let me know.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Shh, it’s okay. Just relax,” Hazel said softly, unable to even feel the tears building up in her eyes. “You had a blood clot in your brain, you needed surgery, but you’re okay now,” she said, brushing the hair back from Raya’s face…

Still affected by the anesthetics and several other drugs she was put on, Raya barely registered what Hazel was talking about. In a slow, nearly slow motion like movement she reached out towards Hazel's hand, laying hers on top of it.

That was when Hazel absolutely lost it, and made no attempt to hide her emotion, both of her hands holding Raya's. "Ry, I'm sorry," she choked out. "I was distracted, I should have been keeping a better eye on you, and you-" she squeezed her eyes shut, overwhelmed with guilt, worry but also relief that Raya made it through and unable to even form the words. "I love you," she whispered eventually.

Raya gave Hazel's hand a weak squeeze. She didn't fully understand what happened just yet as her mind was still way too fuzzy but judging by all the medical things connected to her body and Hazel's emotional outburst it must have been bad. She tried to speak but her voice was still raw and barely carrying a sound.

By that time Hazel was resting her forehead on the edge of the hospital bed, her shoulders shaking with sobs. She knew she should be keeping it together, but she had- for so long she had locked the floodgates. Ever since they had taken Raya into surgery she kept blaming herself, telling herself that it was solely her fault.

Raya kept holding onto Hazel’s hand while she cried – there wasn’t anything more she could do but lightly draw circles on Hazel’s warm skin with her thumb. "I need to go let the doctor know you're up, excuse me," Hazel sniffled as she eventually lifted her head, her cheeks still wet with tears, her red eyes magnified through her glasses.

Hazel tried to compose herself before standing up but a light tug on her hand and a raspy, barely audible “Stay.” had her stop in her tracks. She could hardly look at Raya- all she could see were how she hadn't noticed the signs of a concussion, how she hadn't monitored her closely enough, how she had nearly let Raya /die/- how she had failed in every way possible. Yet at the next light tug on her hand she sat back down – Raya was connected to all kinds of machines and monitors, getting a doctor in could wait another few minutes. She slowly lifted Raya’s hand, placing a feather light kiss to her knuckles so she wouldn’t disturb the IV. “Get some rest.”

It didn’t take long for Raya to drift off to sleep, with the anesthetics still heavy in her system she wasn’t even fully awake to begin with. Hazel stayed with her until eventually she began to stir. Blinking her eyes open she seemed quite a bit more awake and conscious than a few hours before, albeit still not completely herself.

“Hey, how’re you doing, Ry?” Hazel asked, pressing a gentle kiss to Raya’s forehead. “Ready to hibernate,” Raya rasped out and Hazel took her snarky remark as a positive sign – while Raya was still out her mind kept torturing her with worst case scenarios of permanent brain damage and every possible thing that could have went wrong and gone unnoticed.

“I’m gonna get someone to check you over – I will be right back, I promise,” Hazel said and left the room but returned with one of the doctors in a matter of minutes.

The doctor conducted a quick exam, and Hazel stayed, holding Raya's hand reassuringly. During the various tests it became evident that they had caught everything in time and there wasn’t any major or long lasting damage. The doctor put some notes on Raya’s chart while also talking to the two of them in fluent medical jargon and when he left, Hazel turned to face her girlfriend. "Did you catch any of that?" she asked, a smile quirking on her lips.

"You know I don't speak doctor." Raya said. She really had not the slightest idea what the doctor was talking about, all the medical terms appearing like an entirely different language to her. "Care to translate all that gibberish so a normal person can understand?"

"Yeah, course," she said. "Um, so when you fell, a little piece of your skull went into your brain. It was just in the dura, like a protective gel around your brain, but it eventually worked its way into a minor vascular structure- like an artery," she explained. "It gave you kind of like an aneurysm, blood clot situation- then /that/ made the pressure in your head go up, your brain swell, and it put excess pressure on the part of your brain that does things like control breathing and heartbeat. They took you in to surgery to fix it, and everything looks okay for right now," she finished, watching Raya's face closely. She knew it was a lot to take in but she also was aware that Raya wouldn’t settle until she knew.

Raya listened intently, slightly shocked about how severe things were. "But... it was just a concussion. How...? I didn't think I hit my head that bad, expected to get away with a bump and be fine."

"I should have seen it better... I looked at the scans too, symptoms looked... they looked just like a concussion. I should have been better, pushed for a cross-section or something with contrast, it would have been so much more obvious then..." Hazel said, listing all the ways hindsight was 20/20.

"Hazel... Don't do this to yourself, baby. You heard the doc, I am going to be okay." Raya said, giving her a light smile. "It is none of your fault that I knocked a piece of my skull into my brain. Apparently our sink is stronger than me." she huffed lightly. "Just please, don't work yourself up about this. Such things happen. I should have probably told you about it when I arrived but I thought I was just getting a migraine or something."

Hazel shook her head, a fresh tears welling up in her eyes. "No, I'm going into neurosurgery, this is something I should have been able to see," she said. "I just- God, Ry, I was so scared," she said, pressing her girlfriend's hand to her lips.

Raya gently caressed her thumb over Hazel's cheek, trying to brush away a tear. "Did you just finally make up your mind what you'll specialize in?" she teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

Hazel nodded, smiling lightly. "I was gonna tell you later - pediatric neurosurgery. The brain, it's just-" she shook her head. "I can't get away from it, it's beautiful," she said softly.

"Not visually though." Raya shuddered, an incident with a preserved brain springing back into her mind. "I am so glad you made your pick though. And a perfect one to go with your research," she smiled, gently tugging at Hazel's hand. "Come here."

Hazel smiled and gingerly climbed into the bed, laying parallel to Raya and letting her rest her head on her shoulder. "I was in the OR with you- legally, I couldn't do anything, but I needed to be in there."

"Of course you were." Raya hummed, trying to cuddle up to Hazel without disturbing any of the IVs and other things she was hooked up to. “Now I can finally do this..." she smirked and gently leaned up to kiss Hazel.

"Ry, you had brain surgery like six hours ago- how are you this chipper?" Hazel giggled, amused at her girlfriend's effervescent smile.

"Hmm, blame the meds?" Raya suggested. She was tired and still had a dull headache going on but she was trying not to show it. The cocktail of drugs flowing through the IV obviously did their job at keeping her mostly pain free.

"Oh yeah, I made sure they gave you all the good stuff," Hazel teased, kissing her girlfriend's temple- the one that wasn't stitched and bandaged. Raya’s head was growing heavy on Hazel’s shoulder as she heaved out a content sigh. Her eyes were starting to drift shut as her sudden boost of energy slowly began to die down.

"Get some sleep- no one is gonna be coming in to wake you up anymore," Hazel said gently, and stroked her girlfriend's hair. "Finally some good news," Raya chuckled lightly. She wrapped an arm around Hazel and nuzzled her face into the crook of her neck. It wasn't long until Raya's breathing was evening out and she was snoring softly.

Hazel couldn't help but drift off as well- Raya's surgery had been around five and a half hours, and she had remained stoically awake for the four it had taken her to come off the meds.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Raya woke a little while later, smiling when she found Hazel was still with her. She pressed a soft kiss to the still sleeping girl's cheek. Hazel woke slowly. "S'everything 'kay?" she asked, her worry evident even before she was fully awake.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep, hun." Raya said, once again laying her head on Hazel's shoulder. "No, 'm'up, I swear," Hazel said though her glasses were askew and her hair mussed. "You're okay?" she confirmed, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend.

"I'm okay." Raya assured. "A little tired and my head kinda hurts but it's not too bad." "I can see if they'll increase the oxy drip," Hazel said, already halfway out of bed. "Maybe you need to be switched to something stronger," she fretted.

"It's fine. Stay? Please?" Raya cut in. She didn't want Hazel to leave, even though she wouldn't be gone for long. "I'd rather just cuddle." "Okay, but if you need something- /anything/- you'll tell me," Hazel said empathically and settled back beside Raya. "I can do cuddles," she assured, pulling her in closely.

Raya pretty much wrapped herself around Hazel, resting her head on her girlfriend's chest. "I've got everything I need right here." "Mmm, me too," Hazel hummed, and this time she had the foresight to take off her glasses, setting them lightly on the table.

"Hmm, I love you." Raya's voice was already heavy with sleep again. She was drawing light patterns on Hazel's arm in slow repetitive movements. "I love you too Ry. So much that," Hazel said, closing her eyes lightly. "'m still gonna write you those letters, don't you forget it."

“Same with all those reasons why you love me?" Raya smirked, glancing up at her girlfriend. "Gave me the opportunity to scrub in on a six hour surgery," Hazel hummed, already halfway asleep. "Number 756," she teased.

"So there were doctors poking around in my brain for six hours?" Raya asked, not expecting that it would have taken that long. She wasn't even aware of how much time has passed since she was awake the last time before her surgery – the past two days have mostly just blurred together.

Hazel nodded. "Yeah, it was meticulous. You have the daintiest arteries, then there was a shunt debate, and just... complicated," she shook her head. "They almost kicked me out though."

"Hmm? What did you do?" Raya asked, her eyes already half lidded as she listened to Hazel. "I- blood pressure usually drops in surgery, and yours just dropped- really, really low," she stammered. "I yelled at my attending," she said shamefully, ducking her head.

"I guess she didn't take that so well." Raya said, sounding somewhat amused. "Hope I didn't get you in trouble for that." Hazel cringed. "She, ah… she hasn't spoken to me since," she said. It was a rash move, one she regretted immensely. "In my defense... it's a rule you shouldn't let family into the OR."

"This is so weird though. There's hours of my life I cannot even remember. It's like I wasn't even there. If it wasn't for you telling me about it and this room I'm in with all these monitors and whatnot I wouldn't even know what happened," Raya hummed sleepily.

"Miracles of the brain," Hazel joked around the lump in her throat. "It blocks out painful memories. You were pretty out of it," she said, unconsciously hugging Raya closer to her. She shuddered to think of what would have happened had she not been there, had Raya been by herself, or not come to see her... she never would have gone to the hospital, and likely.... Hazel squeezed her eyes shut, unable to even consider the possibility that Raya wouldn't be with her. "It's probably best you don't remember."

"I... I remember taking the train here. And you were at the train station to pick me up, I brought you some of your books too. We were walking back to the hotel. Don't really remember what happened then, it's all just really fuzzy." Raya said, concentrating hard. "Hey, are you alright? What's wrong baby?" she asked, feeling her girlfriend tense.

Hazel shook her head, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself. "I'm okay. You just- I was really scared, I've never hated a hospital as I did twelve hours ago," she admitted.

"Twelve? But you said the surgery was six hours." Raya was clearly confused, trying to make sense of what Hazel told her. "There's so much time missing from my mind, I think. You probably have to do a complete timeline for me to really understand. But, not now. For now I want us to just lay here."

"Anesthesia affects everyone differently... it took you a little while to come out of it." Hazel explained and kissed her tenderly, as if she were afraid the other girl would break. "Come on, you need sleep, I’ll be here," she promised.

Raya couldn't argue about needing some sleep, keeping her eyes open became harder with each passing minute. "You should get some rest too." she stated, moving a little so Hazel could lay down a little more comfortably...

TBC

#my writing #my characters #Hazel #Raya #tw:hospital

7 notes · View notes