#also john being somewhat worried like Dude chill

[pancakes-talks]

Ayo I was just thinking about demiboy head canons for characters for my favorite shows and started thinking about adventure time I was like "hmm well I can't count fin cause like he's very much portrayed as a boy coming of age sort of character" but then I thought about it a little bit more and I think I can jam these puzzle pieces together even if they don't match.

So in the lemon grabs episode you know the grease one where lemon grabs has been rebuilt by pb after the lemon hopes arc. He's lying in bed and sees cracks in the ceiling and it bothers him. Its from when lemon John died for the betterment of the kingdom. Lemon grabs then goes and finds that one cave and does the whole selflessness vs self thing. Lemon chooses the mirror of himself and realizes he's "grease". He's gross and unlikable to many people and hard to understand. but he understands himself, he likes himself, and chooses to continue being himself. And as fin follows him through this cave when hes standing in front of the three choices he also chooses himself. And in that mirror he is portrayed as a butterfly. He's a butterfly because it signifies change and transition. And yes he's ultimately a boy coming of age and learning how to grow; but I'm going to argue that it's because he's trans. He's a boy and doesn't know how to be a man or what that feels like.

Which brings me to the Dave episode where he dresses up as a middle aged dude, a somewhat more "manly" persona that's nothing like him. And he's doing this as an escapist coping mechanism. People see him as this cool adventuring hero that is always helping others. But the candy people have become somewhat parasocial attached to him. Asking him to come to dinner every night, waiting outside his window, watching him every time he goes out fighting. They want him to perform for them and don't respect that he needs to go home and rest not just his body but also mentally. Although fin seems like a really chill and easy going guy im going to say he uses up a lot of his energy making sure he's doing good by others. He's constantly surrounded by these candy people who expect so much from him. So he's masking a lot trying to play like this cool guy, and he's grown tired of it. He just wants to be a normal dude, he wants to know what its like just to be a man. He wants to know what it's like to not worry about how others perceive him. what it's like to not have every aspect of you not picked. So he cuts his hair, and dyes it, puts on a fake mustache, and lowers his voice. He masculinizes his appearance, his attitude, and even his name.

I know that both of those episodes are very different, but in the end both times fin has to choose being himself and being content with that even if it isn't easy. Idk maybe I'm being silly. He's also been a girl in past lifes but I don't really think that counts cause he's also a comet. I can't think of anymore episodes at the moment, I might add more later, feel free to add anything yourselves. Also just thank you if you read my rambling at all z:]

Ahhh wait his relationship with Marceline and bubblegum in later seasons. Even though Bonnie and Marcy definitely have their own growth to do (the king of ooo + stakes) they still seem so confident to fin. They're so much older and seem like they have it figured out.

#do you guys see where im going with this #hes just a boy #he wants to be a man but he also doesnt cause hes just a boy #i love him so much hes so dear to me #adventure time #fin and jake #pancakes talks #rambling #text post #do you guys see the vision #he could go as either afab or amab demiboy to me honestly #also just bmo being a little nonbinary robot - and jake being a shapeshifter who likes to dress up #non of those siblings are cis! #you hear me Jermaine? youre not safe from me either!

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

#saw #art #daniel #eric #adam #mallick #brit #thank u so much I rly appreciated this #n it helped me get my mind off things a little #I'm rly glad my ask helped u too!!! mutual support hours #long post #thoughts separated by dashes bc I had Way More than I thought I did oops #asks

[five-wow]

i’m watching 10.21!!! [insert excited but apprehensive noises]!!!

by the time you’re reading this i’ll be done watching, so as always, thoughts under the cut:

i opened up the episode, steve’s voice said “previously on ha-” and i paused it because i actually need some food before i do anything right now.

food (and coffee that is 90% milk) acquired! the previously on is just the last few seconds of the previous episode, and oof, it reminded me how hilariously evil this micheal claypool sounded with that intense british accent they gave him (surprise twist: the h50 finale is actually the new bond movie), but now he just showed up on steve’s doorstep and he looks like a really kind somewhat older man, gosh.

steve: “please uh, come on in and make yourself at home.” danny, wherever he is right now: “NINE YEARS. I HAD TO WAIT NINE YEARS AND THIS GUY JUST SHOWS UP AND-”

mr. claypool comes in, sits down, hands a still standing steve a letter and then gathers his coat and briefcase and is immediately back out the door, fdjkfd. also, omfg, i don’t like that doris is still causing drama from the grave, but i have to say, it’s impeccably in character, at least.

steve looks a little disbelieving and unhappy about the contents of the letter, which is not great. it couldn’t have been just a nice “hello my son, sorry you’ve had to live without me for these past four months, i wanted to tell you one last time that i love you and hope you’re doing well”, could it? (for that matter, does mary get a letter??? it always feels like mary either got out in time by not going into anything like law enforcement and therefore not getting pulled into her family legacy of dangerous shit all the time, or like she’s just been outright rejected by their parents who keep building all of their mysteries around steve.)

okay so now we’re watching a woman and her son being held hostage by two criminals who probably killed a cop and want her to stitch one of them up, and obviously they’re bad guys, but one of them just said “think bus boy’s got a thing for you” about the dude who just rang the doorbell and hand delivered a toy the kid had forgotten at a diner and yes!!! i agree!!! and it looked super cute so maybe you could just put your guns away and let them fumble around each other for a little before one of them finally asks the other out on a date and then they end up as a really cute little family.

oh SHIT crush guy just burst into the apartment and really, really seems to know his way around a gun and how to hold his own in a fight against armed criminals. oh! ohhhh, this is the new character they were going to introduce that would potentially have become a cast member if the show had continued without steve, isn’t it? ahhh. that makes sense.

while the woman calls the police, crush guy (who heroically saved her and her son and got shot in the process) just. leaves. that’s not suspicious at all!

the intro!!! feelings!!!

we’re at the cemetary where john mcgarrett rests so i expected to be shown steve, but instead we get?? danny rolling up in the camaro to look at steve crouched by the grave? oh my gosh. ten times better.

danny is SO WORRIED. and he is RIGHT because steve is acting very unlike steve.

fdjkfdjk OF COURSE doris’s message is a bunch of symbols. doris!!! you do not write goodbye messages to your son in wingdings!!! be a good mother for maybe once, perhaps, my gosh!!!

!!!!! steve telling danny he just doesn’t think he really cares anymore and wants to be done with doris’s whole thing is !!!!! very good!!!! i am using too many exclamation points and very aware of it but !!!!!!

i just. look. i just. steve has SAD FEELINGS and he TALKS ABOUT THEM with DANNY and this is pretty much a dream come true. YES. not the sad feelings, i’d rather have happy feelings, but after everything these characters have gone through they need to acknowledge that there are sad feelings before happy feelings can be had.

also, omfg, i had a brief heart attack because steve says joe’s name but he says it with an abandoned “and” kind of tacked onto it, a little mumbly, so it sounds like “losing joe’n- and mom” and for a long moment i was like, losing joan?? what?? because that would not be okay, holy shit, no.

on a lighter note, steve: “i’ll drive.” what a suprise!!! truly a shocking turn of events. :p

yes, steve, antagonize the scary-looking dude who is grieving over his dead brother while standing over the dead brother’s body in the morgue. i’m sure that’s a brilliant plan.

wait what, we suddenly see adam and junior who are talking on the phone because junior called adam to give him an update, and then adam goes, right, but the bad guys don’t know the address yet, and we do! and it turns out he is. standing in the apartment both parties are looking for right at that second. uh. communication, adam, dear lord.

there is some team organizing in hq around the case and then they all disperse and danny looks ready to follow steve into his office but then he gets distracted by tani asking to talk to him for a minute, and then they go out onto a BALCONY that i don’t remember ever having seen before? omg. secret headquarters balcony.

tani asks about steve!! she is worried too!! i’m forgetting about the balcony betrayal and having intense feelings again.

fdjkfd danny tells tani that steve has been running non-stop and is getting burned out and tani asks “alright, well, what are we gonna do about it?” and with absolutely zero hesitation danny goes “i’m gonna force the issue.” i don’t even think that’s a bad plan per se! but the quick and determined way he says it has me laughing anyway, like danny’s been daydreaming while the team was talking about their case and thinking, hm, what can i do to help steve? i know! i’m going to push him in a corner and keep him there and make him FEEL his FEELINGS. danny’s solution here is to throw a grenade at steve, but like, one full of love and caring and hopefully pancakes.

danny is telling tani that he’s seriously concerned about steve’s functioning on the job at the moment and meanwhile steve is out with junior interviewing a guy with an axe. fdjkfd.

okay so steve and junior catch the bus boy crush heroic rescuer guy (whose name is cole) and he won’t talk, and then junior arrives back at hq and tani comes out of her office to talk about steve again, ahhh. she is so worried! and junior is extremely uncomfortable because he feels like he has to defend steve and he ends up saying that steve will deal with things in his own way and oh junior, no, sometimes being hurt and pushing it away is not the best thing. even MORE reasons why steve needs to work through this in a healthy way: he’s setting a very destructive example for junior.

meanwhile steve is chilling on the floor of their rendition room “interviewing” cole all on his own, which seems to boil down to psychoanalyzing cole in a way that sounds suspiciously like steve’s pulling apart pieces of his own mind but attributing all of the problems to cole because that’s way safer than admitting that maybe most of these are his own issues, too, that he’s giving voice to for probably the first time ever.

steve to himself cole: “you’ve been here in this hole since [name of place where tragedy happened]. you‘ve put yourself there.” SUBTLE.

fdjkfd i paused at the perfect moment because immediately after that sentence cole goes “you know, something tells me i could say damn near the same thing about you” and uh, yes. thank you for making my point in-universe, cole, gosh.

steve: [gives a hard stare for a second and then switches back to cole’s current situation without addressing cole’s comment at all]

ahhhh there is a shot that starts with lou, tani and quinn around the tech table analyzing a video that shows our Bad Guys of the moment holding the poor diner lady and her kid hostage (again!) and then moves smoothly through steve’s glass door into his office where he and danny are having a heated discussion about the case and twirls around them. that was very cool!

so the bad guys want cole or they won’t release their hostages, cole wants to do it, danny wants him to do it and convinces steve after multiple little scenes of them disagreeing about it, and then military police comes in and takes cole away, preventing them from actually carrying out their plan. oops!

and THEN cole escapes out of a vehicle with three men guarding him, hah. i’m definitely seeing the heavy handed parallels with steve they’re throwing at us, omg.

danny about cole to steve: “i think this guy might be crazier than you.” i kind of love that every time a new intended team member shows up (tani, junior, i'm pretty sure quinn too?), danny has to compare them to steve in some way. it’s a rule. every time anyone says something vaguely snarky steve physically can’t stop himself from saying “ah, did you know you sound just like danny williams?” and every time someone does something ill-advised yet heroic, danny is obligated by the universe and the wiring of his own heart to go “ugh, you remind me of steve.”

cole gets a pass because he did good stuff and is a war hero, steve and cole make friends, and then cole says he noticed the cypher on steve’s desk and we’re back to the thing i thought this episode would focus on way more heavily.

steve HAS been doing research to try to crack it! danny was right about steve not being able to let this go.

cole knows a guy who’s good at cracking codes! i guess that’s a neat way to connect him to steve’s finale plot and move it along at the same time, haha.

steve is still at the office when his phone rings and it’s danny and then steve walks onto his beach where danny is waiting for him in their two chairs with two beers, and i love that, especially because we don’t hear danny’s side of the phone conversation but it was a very short scene so what did he say, exactly? “come home, i’m lonely, i have beer”?

steve: “what’s the face, you got a face on, your face” fdjkfd. eloquent!

SCREAMING. “you think lincoln is my new bff? yo, no one can replace you, you’re my danno!” i am. oh my gosh. this is steve reassuring HIMSELF, not danny, but it is also incredibly sweet and YOU’RE MY DANNO. now THAT’S the kind of content i want. yes. good. holy shit.

danny says to stop doing “that”, by which he means deflecting, and steve just goes “okay” and looks uncomfortable but starts talking anyway and i LOVE THEM. this is a good, healthy friendship.

steve: “i kinda feel like i’ve been protecting everybody except for myself, does that make sense?” YES. YES, STEVE, IT DOES, and i am VERY GLAD you’re saying those words with your own mouth.

i am making very high pitched noises at the moment. a) steve says he can’t take a break “here” because there are too many memories and that SCARES ME because he SHOULD NOT LEAVE THE ISLAND but also really really validates a fic idea i’ve had for ages in a way that i love, b) steve says “i will say this is how i thought it would end for us, couple old guys, sitting on a beach, watching sunsets” and YES oh my gosh, and c) then DANNY GOES, “i mean that sounds great to me, we can still do that” and HELLO YES it is SO GOOD to hear them VOICE these things that they’ve obviously both wanted for literal years and which we’ve been shown through steve’s clinginess when danny wanted to retire and danny’s bringing steve in on the restaurant thing and danny’s literal dream of him and steve sitting on that very beach as old men with steve telling him he loves him. just, my gosh, this is all those things but put into words that they are saying and it is very validating and sweet and necessary and scares me very much about where this is going, but for the moment i adore it.

the episode has two and a half minutes left and i’m kind of feeling like this is enough. let’s just end it here. happy end, guys, let’s all go home! except steve and danny, who are already there, obviously, and should do the opposite of move, ever.

OH. OHHH. steve tells danny he doesn’t know anymore and danny looks sad and then steve continues about how he’s been trying to distract himself with stuff like “a bunch of dating, which was nice, but didn’t help” and the RESTAURANT gets a mention though i’ll admit it’s one that’s very confusing because steve says “when it closed”, which... it didn’t, as far as we had been told until now? isn’t kamekona still running it? i always assumed he’d have turned it into a very successful bussiness venture.

danny looks UNHAPPY ABOUT THINGS STEVE IS SAYING and i relate, while i’m at the same time weirdly very very proud of him for saying these things? i don’t want him to feel this unsure about everything (particularly whether he can stay in hawaii, because it seems that’s what he’s talking about and that’s Bad), but it is a needed breath of fresh air to have stuff that happened and that he’s been bottling up for ages actually impact him emotionally.

okay, fjdksfdjslfs, danny suggests steve should GO TO JERSEY and says that steve has NEVER BEEN and i get that this is mostly kind of a joke but actually YES, STEVE. GO THE FUCK TO JERSEY. that would be perfect! danny can subtly follow you under the guise of an extended visit to family and you can spend time there together exploring danny’s home state instead of steve’s and you can come back home to hawaii when you’re ready and it would be beautiful and a very nice, symbolic way to end the show. we start with danny moving to hawaii to find a home there, and we end with with steve moving to jersey to realize where his home is.

this argument though, it’s giving me life. steve when danny starts suggesting other places, angrily, for no good reason: “now i HAVE to go.” danny, both giving and getting up: “i’m gonna get another beer.” steve, calm again: “okay, i’m gonna go to jersey.” danny: [walks away while steve yells after him about all the recommendations he’ll need for when he’s in jersey]

danny is inside to get the beer, hears a noise, finds a burglar at steve’s desk, fights him, destroy half the living room and is found by steve who also heard noise from the house and suddenly keeps saying “yo” to danny a lot this episode.

of course the burglar was there for the cypher that doris sent steve, because she can never just pop up in steve’s life in a way that isn’t  somehow dangerous to him and everyone around him. it was good, though!!! a very nice cliffhanger.

final thoughts: VERY GOOD, VERY INTENSE EPISODE. i liked cole more than i expected for a character that gets introduced as potential main cast in the last two episodes of a show that’s by now already been cancelled (that could have been problematic, but i think the writers handled it well by brick-to-the-face using him to explore steve’s issues) and i love danny being so worried about steve and tani following his lead and wanting to talk to everyone close to steve about how worried she is, too, and everything steve says has ME worried about how they’re going to end this, but so far, it’s also amazing A+ perfect fanfic fuel, holy effing shit. EMOTIONS. FEELINGS. STEVE HAS THEM. it’s literally that easy to please me, fdjkfd.

and i will say that while i’m worried about him and he’s clearly hurting and there are ways the show could take this that i won’t like (steve leaving the island at the end of the show while danny stays, mainly, which would be kind of horrible in all kinds of ways), i do somewhat love seeing steve deal with the fact that he’s older than he was ten years ago, he’s never really worked through all of the incredibly horrible shit life kept heaping on him, and he’s just getting really damn tired of everything. old, tired steve is a good thing; it’s the start of a new chapter, one where he hopefully doesn’t keep clinging to that endless denial of hurt and his tendency to put the job above everything including his own mental and physical health. i just hope, hope, hope that this last chapter that we actually get to watch play out on screen will be one that ends in a place that feels right, because this could either end perfectly or so, so badly. 🤞

#h50 #10.21 #h50 spoilers #i am now VERY SCARED but also VERY HYPED for that last episode next week #*

[ramblingshit]

Some Video Game Ratings

> Heavy Rain - 2010 - 3.5/5

good enough gameplay, somewhat interesting story, nice twist, but the stupidest most unbelievable kids in all of history. Only a few emotional moments but otherwise pretty bland. Fun though. 

>Horizon Zero Dawn - 2017  - 4.5/5

fuckin awesome concept and execution, love the clothes options, love the progress from outcast to basically a fuckin goddess, that she’s a clone of Elisabeth, her finding her body at the end fuckin made me cry, it was beautiful and so realistic and grounded, everything felt like it could have truly happened, the ruins of the city they have no concept of, just bits of strange metal. The whole gaia program and the enemies being manipulated by the dark side of it. Love alloy, love the gameplay – stealth and otherwise, love the story, love the visuals. Boyyyyyy. Love this game. 

>Ratchet and Clank  - 2016 - 2/5

nostalgic and pretty fun, clean but dull visuals, fine voice acting, but very much a children’s game with very little depth to story or characterisation. Meh. 

>Until Dawn - 2015 - 4.5/5

fuck me another fantastic game, story was brilliant, twists and turns and people dying at any moment, visuals were great, acting was stellar, action and sneaky scenes were terrifying tryna hold that controller as still as possible, literally put it down at times to keep us from getting our jaw ripped off. Quick time events were fun and stressful. Was actually really fun to replay episodes to get achievements and all collectibles. Fkn love this game, Sam and Mike for the win, with Emily a close second, Matt and Chris are meh but Ashley can suck a fat one, like damn that chick was a fuck up. 

>Rise of the Tomb Raider - 2015 - 2/5

good visuals, kinda fun gameplay, only interesting scene where Lara shows any kind of characterisation is where she meets Jacob in the cells and their chat there. Otherwise #notmylara. She’s not even stoic and cold, she’s just blank. Her voice actress is shit, the story is like, not even there who cares. But hair and clothing is pretty g, as is seeing the bow get better.

>Batman: the Telltale series - 2016 - 3.5/5

boy this was pretty g, chilling smashing out quick time events, batman looked a bit odd and had too many expressions and it was a bit slow at times, but some options were sick, like impaling that dude in front of a newscrew. All exploded uphill when suddenly wayne was locked in Arkham and he met fkn ‘John Doe’ who was nice if a little off and sincerely eager to be Wayne’s bestie. I decided at that moment that at all times I would go along with my dude John. Some other uninteresting stuff happened, I beat Cobblepot as Bruce and then some other stuff happened like honestly story was unmemorable as fuck. But it was a fun enough time, especially with mr pre-joker hanging around whoop whoop. Also no one cares about Selina Kyle, just scrap her honestly. Actually good twist with vale being Arkham or whatever and wayne getting shot in the ear instead of letting Alfred get hurt, shout out to my bby Alfred. But otherwise it was decent game. 

>GoT: the Telltale series - 2014 - 2.5/5

only cared about Rodrick and whats her face in king’s landing. Other black cloak guy was forgettable, dude running around Dorne n meeting khaleesi even more so. Made kings landing girl good at the game, manipulating here and there, doing what she could to keep alive, keeping everyone at arms length. Had her accept whatshisface’s proposal and sacrifice her one loyal friend the coal boy to stay alive. Brutal, I loved it. Rodrick and getting him strong enough to fuck off the whitehills was sick, but tragically had him sacrifice himself for his dumbass little brother but tho I regret it I knew it was what the loyal family man would have done. But anyway visuals sucked ass, gameplay was telltale’s usual fuckery and there you go who gives a shit about the rest amirite. 

>Amnesia: the dark descent - 2010 - 4/5

good atmosphere, ambient lighting and sounds make you tense AF, stories pretty good, finding out that you were a piece of shit helping alexander torture people for his whatevers to power them before he had to kill a kid or a woman or something and decided he felt like shit and didn’t wanna do it anymore so took a forget potion to reset himself and hopefully work to stop what he helped alexander start. Also I think alexander was an alien but whatevs. Bad guys were scary at first but you soon realise that the majority of them patrol for a bit but if you wait long enough they literally just fuck off and youre free to do what you want its fully wack. Had fun, mechanics were cool, visuals were good for its time. It was hella dark so keeping enough oil for the lantern was enough. Most of the story was told in letters, which were badly read by the actors but you could just skip em so no real worries. A few puzzles and collecting shit here and there. In a solidly well done game. 

>Fallout: New Vegas - 2010 - 5/5

occasionally characters mention people/things that you didn’t or didn’t even have the option to, mention or ask about, had a lot of experiences with enemies warping through walls or getting stuck in the ground, crashes with fire effects, female models talking with male voices, game freezing on loading screens and having to restart entire system to get out of it. All of this is forgiven because fallout new vegas is a fucking gem – it is the epitome of a RPG, you can do and be almost anything you want. The customisation is awesome, the factions and faction clothes are fantastic. The karmas a bit iffy because my character is a kleptomaniac and stealing lowers your karma so I’m basically the Devil but everyone in the wasteland loves me? But again, I can forgive. I’ve played this multiple times and am still finding new quests or new ways to complete old quests; new places, new people to talk to etc etc. this game is beautiful, I love it. Closest thing to perfection you’re gonna find.

#video games #rating #reviews #review #games #fallout #fallout: new vegas #batman: the telltale series #game of thrones: the telltale series #heavy rain #horizon zero dawn #ratchet and clank #until dawn #rise of the tomb raider #amnesia: the dark descent

[shirtlesssammy]

14x12: Prophet and Loss

Then:

Drama llama Dean spent an entire afternoon in a workshop surrounded by half naked men, and now he’s gonna bury himself at the bottom of the sea.

Now:

We open with Dean in the ma’lak box at the bottom on the ocean.

It is uncomfortable to watch. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about Dean dreaming about being in the box. It’s a huge call back to 3x16/4x01 and him yelling for Sam and waking from Hell in his own coffin --the coffin Sam insisted he be buried in --the coffin that Cas, the naive angel that lacked the people skills to know not to just reconstitute him and leave him six feet under. This is as bad, if not worse, than Hell for Dean. Dean’s been very low in the past, but to listen to Death and admit that he doesn’t have free will over this situation? Gah.

It is just a dream though, albeit one that was so visceral, he woke to bloody fingernails and scratches on the motel wall. Sam, who’s also awake, tries talking to Dean about his plan.

For This is a Beautiful Shot Science:

Sam insists that there has to be another way. Dean sees no other option than to lock himself away with Michael for eternity. (Sidenote: I just saw this post come across my dash about Swan Song, and I’M DYING.)

Aaaaaand, it wouldn’t be Buckleming without some torture porn! A man has a woman tied up. He’s dumping salt in a vat of water. Oooh, maybe super crazy demon torture? J/K, just a regular girl who doesn’t deserve to die tortured. Sigh. He carves something into her arm and sends her into the water to drown. Positive Note: She’s fully clothed.

Nick’s in the hospital and and as soon as his leg heals, he’ll be spending a lot of time in jail. Nick’s playing the “devil made me do it” card. And he’s also crying silent tears. NOT BUYING WHAT YOU’RE SELLING, EUGENIE.

On the road, the brothers take a moment to further dissect Dean’s plan. Both Sam and Mary hate it. Cas and Jack don’t even know about it. Sam calls Cas --who clearly gets the newsletter Sam sends out to everyone. He knows.

Rowena and Cas have been on the case to extract Michael, but both have come up empty. Cas offers to speak with Dean. Sam doesn’t think that’ll matter.

Torture Man has a new victim! This time it’s a dude that he’s trussed and laid out on a plastic sheet. Torture Man utters warped Bible quotes while he slits the man’s throat. He then carves something into his chest. Oh man, I have a high capacity for violence on TV, but this WAS NOT COOL TO WATCH. Do. Not. Like. After carving up his victim, he hears whispers and says, “I am the Lord.”

On the road, Michael continues to scream and pound on the inside of Dean’s mind. And, guh, Dean pulls himself together and side-eyes Sam to see if he noticed. He didn’t. SAM. I mean, I get it, he’s doing what he can to stop Dean’s plan. And if Dean really wants to convince his brother this is the best idea, why worry if he sees you struggle?

Anyway, Dean jumps into talking about their childhood, and how he “wasn’t always the greatest brother” to Sam. Sam’s baffled as to where this is going. Dean was his constant family when they were kids. Sam recognizes that Dean was not just there for him as a brother, but he raised Sam. Dean continues, apologizing for siding with their dad, for trying to keep the peace. I AM LIVING FOR THIS CONVERSATION. Dean admits that John would send Dean away when he would get mad at Dean. And, like we know this, and I’m still crying? Sometimes I feel like while every episode adds to the story of Sam and Dean, they’re often forgotten or never mentioned again, so did they really happen? If I ended up in an alternate world where I was rich and famous, I’d think back and rehash the fun in that on occasion. In any event, 9x7 did happen, and it happened on multiple occasions. Sam makes it clear to Dean that he let all that go a long time ago, also please stop with the deathbed apologies. Kthxbye.

Nick outsmarts the cop guarding him and escapes from the hospital.

Sam’s found a case! A nice distraction from their Road Trip of Bad Decisions. They head to investigate.

They arrive at the home of the brother of the last victim.

I found this shot SO weird, but didn’t really think about it again until I saw @neven-ebrez post, and was glad someone put some thought into it. :D We’re kind of hit over the head with brother parallels here. Dean gets to hear what it might feel like for Sam when he’s gone. Sam explains that the graffiti carvings were really Enochian. 

The brother talks about a friend, Tony Alvarez, who was more into Bible quotes than the average Millenial.

A Story in Three Parts:

I mean, really. REALLY? Cas has no chill. He also has no filter and spills that he knows about Dean’s plan. At first I was like “oh Cas bby, no” but now I’m ok with it. It’s almost more painful to know that Cas knows about Dean’s plan when Dean doesn’t know about Cas’s deal. (And equally painful to think that Cas doesn’t think about his deal because he doesn’t see himself ever being happy.) (Natasha: curls up into an unhappy knot on the floor.)

Anyway, Dean doesn’t want to talk to Cas about his plan and jumps right into why he called. Does Cas recognise the name Tony Alvarez? Cas says that he’s in line to be a prophet. Dean cuts him off, awkwardly tells him it’s good to hear his voice, and hangs up. He instantly chastises Sam for spilling his secret. “Dean, it’s Cas. I had to tell him.” Sam and Cas are the best brothers-in-law. HUGS.

And if Tony is now a killer prophet, is Donatello dead? Dean checks in with Donatello’s doctor. He’s still around (brain dead and all, but not dead dead.)

Dean and Sam break into Tony’s home, which looks perfectly normal EXCEPT for a creepy office covered with Enochian writing and pinned up photos of victims. They realize that the killer is cycling through different biblical deaths.

Cut to the Sphinx Machine Shop, where a deranged Tony has strung up his next victim. He gets ready to burn him (and I’m just cringing in horror please stop). Fortunately, the Winchesters rush in just in time. Sam tackles Tony while Dean puts out the fire and saves the victim. Tony babbles that God was telling him to kill those people. He manages to get a hold of Dean’s gun and kills himself.

U G H

Anyway, just like that, the whole case is over.

They go over the case with Cas, who speculates that Donatello’s not-dead-yet status has somehow triggered a malformed line of prophets. The answer seems clear...they’ve got to kill off Donatello.

Nick breaks into his old house and flashes back to the trauma of his family’s deaths. (Somehow there’s still electrical service? I’m going to chalk that up to an overzealous realtor, perhaps.) The room ices over as the ghost of his dead wife, Sarah, manifests. He addresses her as...“Lucifer?” AWKWARD. Sarah, played by a jarringly different actress, tells Nick that she’s been a ghost...the whole damn time. She saw him get possessed by Lucifer and that is part of the unfinished business that keeps her tethered to Earth. There are some major you’re-cheating-on-me vibes coming from her.

“You wanted him,” she accuses him. “You still do,” she says, surprising absolutely nobody. Nick tells Sarah that he’s gonna go find Lucifer and he leaves her behind to be a super grumpy ghost for all eternity. Thanks, man.

At the Happy Daze nursing home (rly?) a doctor tells the Winchesters that pulling the plug on Donnie is the right choice. Dean practically smirks at Sam like, “SEE? The nice doctor is telling you to let me be tortured for all of eternity.” Cas meets them in the guise of a doctor.

Doctor Sexy: A visual story in three parts:

Sam heads off with the (real) doctor to see what sort of babbled “nonsense” Donnie’s been dealing. (I take a break to pedantically google the difference between brain death and vegetative states.) Dean gives Cas some serious side-eye and sass about checking up on Donatello, but Cas pulls him back. He explains that what he did to Donatello was necessary at the time, but he still regrets it. Dean attempts to commiserate and Cas spits out, “Please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just STOP.” 

Dean pleads with Cas to support his decision. “This is goodbye?” Cas demands in response, and then SAM BURSTS IN. God DAMN it, Interrupting!Sam.

Ugh. MAN. Give Dean and Cas five freakin’ minutes to talk through their issues 2k19. (You know I love it AND I hate it, bbys.)

Anyway, the footage of Donatello shows him speaking Enochian. He’s muttering about striking down the first born of Egypt...he’s just spewing out the Word of God. Cas thinks Donatello’s mind is rebuilding itself and stumbling through old prophecies. (Me: passive-aggressively googles vegetative states again.)

They head into Donatello’s room where Cas, bless him, continues to show an utter lack of an appropriately scaled cover persona. He orders the real doctor out of the room with a cursory “Get out.”

While Sam and Dean wait for Cas to try his healing mojo, Dean flinches as he continues to struggle with Michael. Oh, Dean Bean.

They reunite with Cas just in time for Cas to have his breakthrough healing moment.

For Science

They turn off the life support machines and, after a brief jolt, Donatello pulls through. It’s a miracle! He’s probably not evil, right? I mean, the lack of soul will almost certainly steer him well. (Lord, we’re going to be stuck with this chicken-addicted prophet forever, aren’t we?) 

Donatello wants to know what happened and Dean slaps Cas on the shoulder and somewhat snarkily leaves the job to him. Dean. Bean.

Sam greets Dean back at the Impala with beer and misery. After the “win” of getting Donatello back, it’s time for them to head on home so Dean can lock himself into his torture box. Sam delivers an emotional speech about their shared experiences and accuses Dean that he’s checking out of the world too soon. “If you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow.” Sam rails at Dean, begging him to give them all a chance to save him. “I believe in us,” Sam shouts and punches Dean in rage and pain. 

Reluctantly, Dean promises to go home with Sam and hold out for another option for as long as he can. Dean offers a contingency agreement: if they have no other choice in the future, then Sam and Cas have to let him go.

“Let’s go home,” Dean says to them both. Hooray! And...that should get to me but what really quietly wrecked me was Dean telling Sam quietly, “Don’t hit me again, okay?” before they all climbed into the car. Welcome, hello, my heart is now in a coffin at the bottom of the ocean.

After they all depart, the title card fades ominously to white. 

Everybody knows what makes Doctor Sexy sexy is his Quotes:

Well, the woman has a remarkable command of profanity.

If we could not have conversations that sound like deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it.

Dean, it’s so good to hear from you.

Thank you, and it’s good to hear your voice.

“Doctor.” “Doctor.” “Doctor.”

Dean. If there’s a spark, a hope, then I have to try. You taught me that.

No rest for the self-destructive.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

#spn recap #spn 14x12 #prophet and loss #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #nick #donatello redfield #dr sexy #supernatural season 14

[homeiswherethestuckis]

Hey, It Pays the Rent (Part 1/3) Enemies

@notedchampagne happy early birthday!!!!  :D  To celebrate your birthiversary I thought it would be cool to try and write you a three part roommates/ enemies to friends to lovers fic!  The next two parts should hopefully be done pretty quick.  Anyway, happy birthday, I hope you like the first installment of your present!!!!

(Part 2/3) Friends

(Part 3/3) Lovers

“Are you sure you don’t know a single person in need of a place to stay? At least for a couple months?” You ask John again as you grab your coffee off the counter and follow him to a table.

“No, Dave.” He rolls his eyes as he plops down in a chair. “I’ve asked around and there’s no one right now. Why weren’t you looking during the beginning of the semester? People were jumping for a chance to get a room, then.”

You slump into the seat across from him and groan. “I didn’t need a roommate then. I had my financial situation all under control-”

John snorts. You shoot a glare at him and kick him under the table.

“I had it all under control,” you repeat, “but then my bastard landlord raised the rent like the roof was on fire or some shit and now I’m swimming in debts while just trying to keep my head about water. Because let me tell you one thing, John, I refuse to be fully submerged. I mean sure, I can hold my breath like a son of a bitch and I float like a corpse, but I can’t have my head below the water. That’d totally ruin my hair. Not to mention my shades, which are totally irreplaceable.”

“I know, I bought them for you.”

“So you get my problem now?”

“That you need swimming lessons?”

“John, what the fuck?” You frown at him and take a sip of your drink. “You knew what I meant.”

He grins and holds his hands up to you. “I know, I know.” He blows on his coffee to cool it off a little before taking a drink. Then he gets serious. “Money’s been tight for you right now, and that really sucks. But you keep refusing my help every time I offer, and honestly I don’t know what else I can do.”

John’s been helping you out financially as much as he can, taking you out for food whenever he can, loaning you some money when your funds are way too low to even matter, and just generally being a chill presence in your life. You really appreciate it, but if you’re being honest you’re also a little ashamed that you have to borrow your friend’s money so often. You were certain you were going to be able to live by yourself and be completely independent. Right now you’re just a leash sucking cash blood out of John’s big money jugular.

The worst part is, you know if John ever told his Dad about your trouble right now, you’d have a sudden large endowment in your bank account courtesy of Crocker Corp. You’re certain the only reason that hasn’t happened yet is because you begged John to keep this all on the down low. You told him that it would’ve made you feel like a charity case. As if borrowing money from John is any better.

God, you feel like an asshole.

Which is why you need a roommate to split the burden with, fast.

“Are you describing it as the dope crash pad it is, or are you downplaying its awesome glory for mass appeal? Because that might have an effect on why people aren’t exactly lining up to rub elbow room with the Dave Strider.”

“You’re right, I’ve probably been downplaying it.” He nods in agreement. “Shit! I forgot to name drop you!”

He bangs his fist on the table like he’s disappointed in himself. You roll your eyes, you know a sarcastic move when you see one.

“Well, remember to do that next time.” Your chair scrapes across the floor as you stand up. “I gotta go, I have some posters to put up before I head off to work. Keep me posted if anyone gets interested.”

“Will do.” He gives you a quick thumbs up. “Have a good time at work.”

You laugh as you leave the cafe. “John, that’s not a thing.”

Work, as always, is exhausting as hell. Who would’ve thought working at a gas station could take so much out of you? You never feel like you do shit, but at the end of the day you can barely make yourself walk home.

Somehow, you manage to make it all the way home to your shitty (but just not shitty enough for you to be able to afford by yourself) apartment and collapse on your awful thrift store couch. You don’t bother turning on the lights as you kick your shoes off and dig your phone out of your pocket. Not like you need lights to scroll through social media before hitting the sack.

There’s a call from John that you missed. You spend a second weighing the pros and cons of calling him back when you realize he also texted you.

good news! i found some one willing to move in with your sorry butt. they want to set up a meeting with you first to check out the place and discuss room mate stuff with you. get back to me when you can.

You breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, this financial nightmare is over. Or at least, somewhat more financially stable.

“Thanks, dude.” You say into the voice to text function of your phone, “I knew I could count on you. Sunglasses emoji. Send.”

With that taken care of, you drag yourself over to the kitchen and make yourself snack dinner. Which is just. Half a bag of doritos but you’re eating it for dinner. Hey, that’s just how it is, sometimes. You take your snack dinner back to to the couch and turn on some cartoons to help you chill for a bit. A couple hours of brain mushing tv and phone scrolling, you decide to call it a night and go to bed.

The meeting between you and your potential mystery roommate is set up for Saturday, because the three of you all happen to be free on Saturday.

That’s right.

The three of you.

Because for some reason John wanted to come and chaperone your meeting. As if you couldn’t act like a semiprofessional for five fucking minutes. But as much as you told John this, he insisted on coming. He even offered to buy drinks for you and his pal, because he figured the two of you owing him a seven whole dollars and some change would be enough for you to let him stay. And, well, he was right.

All of John’s talk about being present and telling you to keep the conversation as civil as possible, and to really seriously consider the position you’re in right now before you make any decisions really has you wondering just what kind of person he’s expecting you to meet with. You’re usually cordial as one of those old dudes who sits on his porch on a scorching hot day and offers some of his fresh squeezed lemonade to all the dehydrated street folks. Of course, nobody accepts it because stranger danger, the street folks aren’t total idiots, but they get that you were being nice and they appreciate the gesture to parch their throats with your suspicious lemonade. How do they even know if you washed your hands? They don’t, they’d just have to take your word for it, which they won’t, because you’re a senile dirty old dude, but you’re definitely fucking cordial. That is the very essence of your being. The lemony, lemony essence.

You think John’s probably overreacting. You’re chill with pretty much everyone you meet, or at the very least you can keep your distaste in check for long enough to get them to agree to live with you. There’s really only one person (aside from Asshole Whom You’ll Never Speak of Again) who’s ever pissed you off to the point you can’t even pretend to be nice to him over his stream of bullshit.

Of course, there’s no way John invited Doucheface McSpazzatron here to room with you. That guy’s all the way across the country, thank fuck. You can rest assured it’s not him.

But that still leaves....the possibility that John knows someone so fucking similar to that guy that he thinks it’s going to be a problem for you. That’s a worrying thought in and of itself.

You’re not looking forward to this meeting.

You sigh and brace yourself for the worst as you push open the cafe door. You go up to the counter, order a dink, and ask them to put it on John’s tab. Once it’s delivered to you and slowly burning your hands, you start scanning the room for any signs of John and his friend. You arrived a little late, so no way they aren’t here already.

Eventually, you spot John’s face through the Saturday morning coffee crowd. There he is, smiling and laughing at whatever the mystery person said. From where you’re standing, you can only see the other person’s back. You can’t tell if you know them from here, all you really know for sure is that they’re wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up. You drink some of your coffee, shrug to yourself, and start walking over. You’re going to have to talk to them eventually, and who knows, maybe they won’t be completely terrible. Lord knows they can’t be as bad as that fuckbag-

“Karkat?”

You’re frozen in place in complete disbelief. What the fuck’s he doing here? He’s supposed to be at school halfway across the country!

He screws his face up into a scowl that you are more than familiar with. “Dave.”

Your shock at seeing him here melted the moment you had his voice grating at your ears, and suddenly you can move again. You pull your chair out and sit down, angling it far away from the table so you’re as far away from him as you can be without making it too obvious. You fix a glare at him. Now you can focus on the more important things, like what the fuck he’s even doing back here so soon.

And just what the fuck is on his face?

“You’re not going near my place til you fucking shave.” You say pointedly, gesturing to horrible patch of hair on his chin. “I don’t need you shedding all over the carpet and anyway I’m not allowed to have a pet.”

“You think I like this?” Karkat holds a hand under his chin to frame his scruffy soul patch. “Any part of this? I despise having this fucking scrub brush uselessly attached to my face all the time? Do you think I don’t know how much this makes me look like a douche?”

“Look like?” You snort as you take out your phone and snap a quick pic of Karkat’s agitated face.

He snarls at you and gives you the finger. “I would shear this shit right off in a bloodpush thump, but my cheap ass fucking razor broke and now I’m trapped with this piece of steel wool on my chin. And you know what? It’s just the moldy icing on my shit cake right now! Because now, I have to beg you with this to let me squat in your tiny loadgaper of a home for awhile under the threat of being hiveless! If I live long enough the become ancient and decrepit, I don’t think I’ll ever experience a moment lower than this one.”

John laughs. “Karkat, you could’ve just asked to borrow a razor.”

“Hiveless, you say?” Interesting. “You serious?”

“Yes.” He sighs and covers his face with one of his hands. The other is wrapped around his cup of coffee. “I’m completely serious. Why else would I even fucking be here if I wasn’t under some dire shitty circumstances?”

“I see.” You nod. “So you came to me in your time of need.”

He levels a glare at you. “It’s not like a wanted to. I’m all out of options.”

“Of course you are.” You take a contemplative sip of your drink, savoring both the flavor and this perfect situation you’ve stumbled upon. Well, perfect fo you. Obviously it sucks for Karkat. You’re not very sympathetic, though, since you’re not his biggest fan. “I guess that means this shit’s all settled, then.”

“So you and Karkat are gonna be roommates, now?” John asks. He sounds relieved, like he wasn’t expecting it to go this well.

“Not so fast!” You hold up your hand to him. “Before I give our homeless buddy here the grand tour and allow him the privilege of living with me-”

Karkat snorts into his drink.

“-there’s one thing I need to hear first.”

John tilts his head. “One thing you need to hear?”

“Yeah.” You smirk and nudge Karkat with your leg. “You know what it is.”

Karkat looks confused, like he’s not sure what you’re talking about. He and John exchange a look. You don’t give him any hints.

You see it in his eyes as the realization strikes him. He sips his coffee and frowns. “You abominable fucking nerd.”

You shake your head. “That’s not it, and you know it.”

He groans and hangs his head, and you can feel the giant shit eating grin spread over your face. “Help me, Dave Strider, you’re my only hope.”

“You’re damn right, I am.” You polish off the remains of your drink in one gulp. “Let’s go.”

You take Karkat to check your place out. He walks around inspecting everything, kicking your shit around and telling you how much of a disgusting fucking sty your apartment is. Have you ever heard of a vacuum, Dave? Or do you like wallowing in your filth like a fat nasty oinkbeast? Blah blah blah ad nauseum. John came with you, too. Again, just to make sure neither of you do anything stupid, like say no to living together, in the heat of your mutual distaste for each other.

God, you’re going to fucking hate living with Karkat. He’s probably the worst roommate ever. But you’re out of options, and apparently so is he.

Karkat walks over to you. “Okay,” he kicks a piece of trash you haven’t bothered to pick up yet, “as much as the thought fills my throat with hot bile, I’ll do it. I’ll room with you.”

He holds out his hand. You shake it. “Great. I’ll go get the lease so you can sign it. After you kill that rat on your face and toss it out.”

He covers his soul patch with his hand defensively. “Fuck you, I don’t have a razor!”

“Get one!”

“I’ll get one after you let me sign the lease!” Your grips are still locked in a handshake. Karkat’s squeezing your hand tightly.

You squeeze back. “You’re not putting your John Hancock on shit til your face doesn’t make me gag.”

“Joke’s on you, asshole! My face always makes you gag!” He sticks his face really close to yours. So close your noses are almost touching. “Look me in the bulb and say it fucking doesn’t! I dare you!”

“Get your greasy hairball of a face away from me!”

“Or what?” You can smell his breath as he eggs you on. It’s hot and a little sour. “What are you gonna do?”

“Move it or I’m gonna lick you!” You consider shoving him, but you resist the urge. “Don’t test me, dude, I’ll stick my god damn tongue in your ear, I swear I will.”

“Do it, pussy!  I fucking dare you!”  Karkat turns his head so his ear is directly in your face.  

Your tongue is out of your mouth and going straight for his dirty ass ear before you can even consider what you’re really doing.  You literally told him not to test you a second ago, and then he did it anyway!  Dammit, you threatened to do it, and now you gotta follow through.  You gotta!  You’re nothing if not a man of your word.

“Hey!”

An arm slams between the two of you before you can fulfill your promise of delivering the wettest of willies straight from the source.  John squeezes his way between you and Karkat, acting as a barrier to separate you.  

“Dave, go talk to your landlord about the lease.  I’ll take Karkat back over to my place to get his stuff and shave and we’ll come back later.  Does that work for you?”

Fuck, you hate how riled up Karkat makes you.  More than that, you hate that John always has to step in and intervene.  How the fuck did he become the voice of reason?  

You breathe deeply.  “Yeah, that works for me.”

“Alright,” John nods and turns to Karkat, “what about you?”

Karkat huffs and rolls his eyes.  “Of course that works for me, why the fuck wouldn’t it?  I already went on a tirade about how I hate this unruly fuzz always scratching at my chin in the most hellishly uncomfortable way imaginable.  Do you really think I’d change my tune just because Dave has an iota of common sense concerning facial hair?  Shit, I know I’m petty, but I’m not that petty!”

You raise an eyebrow and open your mouth to disagree, but John shoots you a look that makes you close it again.  Whatever you were going to say is really not necessary.  Besides, you’ll have plenty of time to get into stupid arguments with Karkat for no apparent reason once you’re living together.

Fuck, you’re going to be living together.

“Okay, so that settles it!”  John wraps an arm around Karkat’s shoulders and starts leading him towards the door.  “Hey, we should go out for dinner to celebrate tonight!  My treat.”

Before you can tell him that’s not necessary -John’s already been doing a lot for you- he drags Karkat out and closes the door.  You’re left alone in your apartment.  

You flop face first onto the couch and groan into it.  You’re going to have to savor these fleeting moments while they last.  Soon it won’t just be your apartment. You won’t be able to relax like this anymore.  

You’re going to have to deal with Karkat on a daily basis.  This is going to be hell.

You flip over and stare up at the ceiling, letting out another loud groan.  

But..for the sake of the rent, you think you can deal with Karkat and his bullshit.  

Yeah.  Doesn’t sound too hard.  You got this.

Holy shit, no amount of money is worth this.

Your schedules are different enough that you barely see Karkat most of the time, but when you do see him, it makes you feel like he took a steaming, liquidy shit all over your good day.

Karkat is taking some online courses, which you wouldn’t give even half a turd about under normal circumstances.  The problem is that he does his homework in the living room with the tv on at full volume.  Again, this wouldn’t be much of a problem, either.

Except he doesn’t let you watch anything when he’s doing his homework.  You once tried to take the remote and he hissed at you.  He fucking hissed. As if he hasn’t already seen When Harry Met Sally fifty times already.  But no, its always his dumb fucking romantic troll sap, 24/7 and 360 fucking 5 forever and always.  Or at least until Karkat’s finished doing shit.  But really, in the moment those feel like the same thing.

Leaving the room doesn’t help much.  Usually you can still hear it through your door.

If he’s not laying claim over the couch and tv, he’s cleaning something.  That actually came as a pleasant surprise at first.  You’re not exactly big on cleaning, so it was refreshing to come home to a clean house.  The problem isn’t the apartment being clean, obviously, the problem is how Karkat goes about doing it.

Karkat’s cleaning pattern is as unpredictable and erratic as a chihuahua tornado.  He’ll start a load of dishes, then stop in the middle to vacuum the living room carpet, and then take a break to clean the bathroom sink.  All the while complaining about the disgusting state of the apartment.  Granted, his complaints about the apartment being gross die down once he starts regularly cleaning any shit he can get his grubby hands on.   

Given what he does instead now, you kind of miss the complaints.  Now he runs around the apartment cleaning and singing at the top of his lungs.

If you can call it singing.  

It’s more like...screaming?  

Yeah, it’s definitely screaming.  It really makes you wonder just how ear splittingly loud his music must be if he thinks it’s okay to fucking belt out the lyrics to every song in The Killers discography like a sandpaper throated banshee.  

The only good that comes from that is that you know which room he’s in at all times and you can avoid him better.

Mundane and everyday tasks are annoying as hell now.  You can’t even buy goddamn groceries without it being a huge federal case.  You want your cheap ass snacks, but Karkat always demands getting troll food, too.  Also a thing that shouldn’t be a big deal, except that troll cuisine is more expensive than human food because even with the high concentration of trolls on the planet, it’s still technically a delicacy.  On top of that, Karkat wants to make sure you get the right kind of food and not the awful but equally as expensive stuff stocked at your local grocer.  So instead you gotta buy your groceries (which Karkat will inevitably also eat because that’s how this arrangement works, you share snacks) and then you have to go home, put those away, and then take a bus to the next town over so Karkat can hit up the Authentic Troll Food Store, which is hella expensive because everything there is imported straight from Alternia.  It’s a hassle and you get absolutely jack shit out of it because your uncultured ass can’t stand the taste of troll garbage slime chow.

Then, of course, there’s John.

Karkat always seems to be near John.  Texting him, calling him.  Hanging out in his dorm.  Having dinner at Mr. Egbert’s place with him.  Tagging along whenever you go chill with him.  

Fuck, it’s like you’re fourteen all over again.

You fucking hate it.

The summer before you started high school, Karkat moved into town.  And for that whole year, he was always hanging around John.  He was like a pimple on your ass that was agonizingly annoying, but every time you popped it it just came back worse, bigger and more filled with puss than the last time.  You couldn’t get John alone for a second, it was awful.  Karkat was taking up all his time and there was nothing you could do about it without  looking like an even bigger asshole than him.

That whole year was torture.  Thinking back on it, only half of it was really Karkat’s fault.  It took you years to come to terms with the fact that you’d had a crush on John and were jealous of how much of his attention Karkat was taking up.  The other half just wanted to hang out with your best friend without the addition of some angry, loud troll kid who was obviously crushing hard on him.

Yeah, Karkat had had a crush on John, and it was...not subtle.

There was a blessed summer without Karkat right before your junior year.  It was a good season for you.  You only saw him once over that whole three month period. You remember it pretty well.  You and John were going to get some matches from the gas station (the one you’re currently working at) to light off some fireworks when you saw Karkat on his way out.  Karkat froze like a deer caught in headlights and he dropped his slushie.  John said hi, and then Karkat ran.  Neither of you had gone after him.  

When school started back up again, everything went back to normal, save for the fact that Karkat wasn’t clinging to John anymore.  

But here you are, right back where you started.  You’ve come full circle once again.

Karkat is hanging around John and taking up all of his spare time like a fucking attention leech again.  And just like before, you’re more jealous than you’d care to admit.

The only difference is this time you’re not jealous because you have a repressed crush on John.  It’s all because you just want to spend time with your friend without Karkat.

After a month of all this bullshit piling up, your last straw finally snaps under its weight.

You come home after a long day of work to a dark apartment.  You just want to collapse on the couch, but you can see as you toe off your shoes by the door that you’re not gonna be able to do that.  One of Karkat’s movies is on.  The tv is so bright in the pitch black that you don’t even notice Karkat’s laptop is open on the coffee table until you walk by the couch on the way to your room.  

But it is open.  

And on it is John’s face.  His mouth is moving, but you can’t hear a word he’s saying.  You can tell he sees you, though, because he waves.

Karkat turns his head.  His glare is illuminated from the soft glow of both screens.  Clearly his disapproves of you interrupting his facetime with John.

But you know what?  Fuck that.  Fuck him.

You walk around the couch and over to the other side of the coffee table.  You stand tall over Karkat, leveling your own steely gaze at him as you slam his laptop closed with one hand.

He sneers at you.  “What the fuck was that for?”

“This shit has to stop.”

“Oh?  And just what shit are you talking about?”  He inquires with disinterest.  Clearly he doesn’t give a damn about what your reasons are.  “Enlighten me.”

You can’t contain it anymore, not for all the rent money in the world.

You explode and enlighten him.

“All of this bullshit with John!”  You yell at him in an attempt to get it through his thick skull.  “Stop demanding his attention all the time!  He has more important shit to do than waste his time talking to your thirsty, pining ass all day, dude.  Jesus, just tell him you have a crush on him already and get it over with!”

“A crush?”  Karkat tilts his head to the side, and you think you can see a hint of a smile on his face.  “On John?”

He snorts.

“Dave, really?  You think I have a crush on John?”  He’s outright laughing now.  What the fuck?  “I haven’t had a crush of any sort on that idiot since I was seven sweeps.”

It occurs to you that this might be the first time you’ve ever made Karkat laugh.  Somehow that makes this whole confrontation worse for you.

“Then how the hell do you explain all your weird ass behavior lately, hm?”  You press on, undeterred by Karkat’s claim. “You’ve been following John around like a lovestruck puppy nursed back to health from the brink of death on his chiseled bosom.  Don’t deny it, we both know this shit isn’t normal.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why the fuck does it matter so much to you?”

“I just want to know why you’re being so fucking clingy with John all of a sudden!”  You admit.  “Ever since you moved back here, you’ve been acting weird and sticking to John just like when we were kids and if it’s not because you’re into him well….then I can’t think of a reason why you’d be like this.”

“You really want to know?”  He says it as if it’s a challenge.  He gets up off the couch and leans in closer to you over the coffee table.  He’s still sneering at you.  His teeth look dead and sharp in the tv’s light.  “Do you really want to fucking know?”

You’re not backing down.  “Yes.”

He slams his hand against the table.  “I’m fucking lonely, you maggot brained shithead!”

Karkat huffs and falls back onto the couch.  He’s glaring up at you, waiting for you to say something.  

You’re still processing.

That….was not what you were expecting him to say.

“You’re fucking what?”

Wow, that wasn’t the stupidest thing you could’ve said, you fucking moron.

He crosses his arms over his chest.  “You heard me.”

“Okay,” you nod, “do...you need to talk about that?”

Did you just offer to listen to Karkat complain?  Did you actually volunteer for that?  What the fuck is wrong with you?

Karkat looks just as surprised by your question as you are.  “I don’t think I’d...hate talking about it?”

Neither of you seem to know where to go from here.  Do you wait for him to start talking?  Do you take a seat beside him on the couch?  Do you write shit down like a therapist might?  Should you get Rose on the line instead, since she’s a good listener?

You end up walking around the table and taking a seat on the couch.  In terms of couch distance, you’re far away from him.  You wait patiently for him to start talking.

“I uh…”  He takes a deep breath.  “I wanted to be independent when I left for school.  I didn’t want to have to rely on anybody for shit, which is why I decided to go so far away in the first place.  I even managed to get a single room when I got there.  For the first few weeks, everything was fine-”

Everything was not fine.

The first few weeks weren’t fine, they were hectic.  You were lost in figuring out your class schedule and what was expected of you in those classes.  But once you knew what was up, things were a lot less fine and a lot more shitty than they initially appeared.

You did your homework, you studied, you wrote essays.  You did all the educational fuckery you needed to do to ensure you didn’t fail any of your classes.  You didn’t have a lot of time to spare with all this studious shit, but it was enough time to make you wish you had someone else to spend time with.

In your core, you’re a social being.  You crave interaction, but because of a certain situation you’re not comfortable discussing, you have a hard time bringing yourself to even talk to people enough to make a real acquaintance.  Out of fear of discovery, you withdrew into yourself.

You didn’t go to any social events, nor were you fucking invited to any in the first place.  You ate lunch alone, when you ate lunch at all.  You had a difficult time getting any studying done in groups of people, so you didn’t even try.  And since you had a single room, you didn’t even have a dorm mate to fall back on for interaction.

You had so many friends at home that you’ve known for sweeps, you forgot how hard it was to make them in the first place.  How insanely hard it was for you to actually trust anyone enough to spend time with them.  

Two months into school, you missed your home and your friends more than you ever though possible.  You were starved for a nice conversation, for some contact, for anything really.  Even though you were still in touch with your friends, it wasn’t the same.  Somehow all the texting and phone calls and video chatting made you feel worse.

The stress piling up from all of the homework didn’t help you at all.  At first the homework distracted you from your lack of a social life, and then it all consumed your life.  Sometimes it was so overwhelming you couldn’t function anymore.  

You hate to admit this, but you cried yourself to sleep more than once during your time there.

Everything was horrible and it was shit and you were completely aware of that.  But what were you going to do?  Admit your failure?  Give up on school and come back home?  Of course not!  You could get through the whole year, you were strong enough for at least that!

But then you saw a picture of Kanaya with Rose and some of their other friends.  Kanaya came down from school to spend the weekend with everybody because she lived close enough to do that.  There was your best friend, hanging out with her friends and girlfriend and having a fun time.  And here you were, all alone in your dorm room across the country.

That’s what decided it for you.  

You talked to the appropriate people about leaving school and transferring to the local college back home.  You decided to finish off the rest of the year on your first school’s online program and then start at the new one.  You told John you were coming back, and he offered to let you stay at his house for a bit, and you immediately took the offer.  You didn’t actually have a plan for where you were going to stay once you came back, so it was appreciated.  After finals ended, you took a plane and a bus back home.  And now you’re here.

“I came back because I missed everybody, but they’re all busy with school and work and other life shit.”  Karkat shrugs.  “I’ve been spending time with John because he’s available.”

He lapses into silence.  Are you supposed to say something now?  

“It...sounds like you had a real shitty time.”

He snorts again.  “I’ll say.”

And that’s the end of everything you thought of to say.

You understand missing friends a lot.  All of your friends are extremely important to you, and you can’t imagine your life without them.  Well, you can, but it’s incredibly shitty.  You don’t know how to tell Karkat that he has your sympathy on this front without sounding like you’re pitying him.  You don’t know what else you can say.

Karkat must realize it, too.  He stands up and grabs his laptop off the table.  “I’m going to my block now.”

He starts walking away.  Fuck, you feel like you still need to say something, but what?  What the hell else do you have to offer?

Shit, he’s already opening his bedroom door.  You need to say something!  Anything!  Just fucking open your mouth!

“Hey,”  He turns his head.  Hell yeah, nailed it.  You said some words.  “I just realized no one threw you a welcome back party.  We should...fix that?  Next weekend?”

You can’t read his face because the hallway’s too dark. “Yeah, okay.  Next weekend.”

The party happens sooner than you anticipated it would.  It feels like you blinked and the week finished.  You still can’t believe that you spent all this time planning a party for a guy you don’t even like at all.  

Karkat’s been less insufferable than usual.  It’s a pleasant change to the bad month that came before that.

You invite everyone you can think of over to the apartment on Saturday afternoon.  They all RSVP, and some people (Rose) question your act of kindness towards Karkat.  You let Rose know you’re just as lost about it as she is.  

Honestly, outside of inviting people over, you really didn’t do much planning.  You don’t think Karkat’s going to care at all, though.  He doesn’t give a shit about the actual party, he just wants people over.

That becomes evident when the guests start arriving.

Rose comes first, bearing a bundt cake and an interest in analyzing your relationship with your roommate.  No amount of Lalondian analysis in the world could have prepared either of you for the hug she got from Karkat.

“Hello, Karkat.”  Her voice betrays her surprise and she gives him an awkward pat on the back with her free hand.  “Book club hasn’t been the same without you.”

“I’m glad you came, Rose!”  He breaks away from her reluctantly and takes the cake away from her.  “You got any new shit for me to read?  I’ve been waiting for an update.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.  Just give me a moment to find where you were.”  Rose pulls her phone out of her jacket and starts scrolling through it.

Karkat and Rose sit together on the couch and you watch as she passes him her phone.  You’re hanging out in the kitchen and ordering pizza while you wait for everybody else.

It doesn’t take long for more people to show up.  Karkat hugs each and every person who walks through the door.  Everyone seems just as shocked by this experience as you and Rose were.  

About twenty minutes in everyone is chilling in the living room.  At this point you’re just waiting on pizza and the final guest.  You wonder if she’ll show up before the pizza.

There’s a knock on the door, followed by someone walking in.  Yep, she got here first.

Karkat’s eyes light up.  “Kanaya!”

She smiles.  “Sorry I’m late.”

She doesn’t get any more words out before Karkat runs over to the door and hugs her so tightly he lifts her off the floor.

You didn’t really have anything planned, so you set up a game of Uno with your special Star Wars Uno cards that you know Karkat claims he hates.  He only says that because he’s never fucking seen any of them, that uncultured swine.

You get a couple rounds in before the pizza comes, and once that’s here you can’t really play Uno anymore.  You switch to watching tv instead, just for background noise while you all talk.

It’s been awhile since you’ve all gotten together, and it’s so amazing to be surrounded by your friends you wonder why you don’t do this more often.  

Karkat is sitting on the floor between Kanaya and John.  You’re not sure what they’re talking about, but you know this is the happiest you’ve ever seen him.  

Seeing him smile this much is a little surreal.  Hopefully it’s something you’ll get used to.  

The party lasts late into the night, but eventually people begin to leave.  Karkat walks all of them to the door and hugs them again as they exit.  After a long debate about whether they should spend the night or not, Rose and Kanaya also take their leave.  The door closes behind them, and it’s just you, Karkat, and your post-party messy apartment.  

The atmosphere in the apartment feels a little awkward to you.  You clear your throat to clear the silence.  Karkat is still staring at the closed door.

“So, uh…” you don’t really have anything say right now, “I didn’t know you were such a hugger, Karkat.”

You shouldn’t be surprised by what happens after that, but it still catches you off guard.

He hugs you.  

His arms are warm and they’re wrapped tightly around you.  His face is buried in your sweatshirt.  

It’s….nice.  Soft.  A comforting embrace that you never expected to get from someone like Karkat.  

You’d hug back, but Karkat’s pinned your arms to your sides.  

“Thanks for this, Dave.”  His voice is muffled by your shirt.  

You shrug in the most casual way possible. “Don’t mention it.”  

“No, shut the fuck up!  Let me thank you, I needed this more than I thought I did.”

“Okay, okay, fine.”  You roll your eyes, but you also smile because you know Karkat can’t see it right now.  “You’re welcome, you owe me now.”

“You don’t have to come with me to Troll Foods anymore.”

“Oh, sweet!  I hate that place.  But I was thinking more along the lines of making you marathon Star Wars with me.”

“Really, Dave?”  He groans into your shirt.  “Star Wars?  Why the fuck are you so obsessed with that series?  It’s not even an accurate portrayal of alien life and space travel.”

“Uh, of course it’s not, it’s called fiction, jackass.  Read a fucking book.”  You retort.  “Besides, Star Wars is the best and I refuse to be friends with someone who hasn’t seen Star Wars.”

Karkat pulls away from you.  “Did you just call me your friend?”

“Jesus, maybe I should’ve stuck my tongue in your ear, that probably would’ve cleaned all the gunk out.”  You smirk.  “I said you have to watch Star Wars first.”

“And then you’ll think of me as your friend?”  Karkat asks, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

You nod. “Oh, yeah, dude.”  

“Okay, fine.”  He sighs.  “I’ll watch your dumb space trilogy.”

“Cool.”  You run over to your room.  “You’re gonna love the shit outta them, I swear.”

What Karkat doesn’t know is that you just lied to his face.  You don’t actually have a Star Wars prerequisite, you just wanted to make him watch them.

You already think of Karkat as your friend.

#dave strider #karkat vantas #davekat #roommates #enemies to friends to lovers #multichapter #I'm also gonna put it on ao3 because of the whole multiple chapters part #collegestuck sorta #john egbert #happy soon birthday Sam!!!! :D #I hope you like this so far! #I hope you have a fantastic birthday week you deserve it you're the best #yo it's a fic and I wrote it

[snazzystarlight]

1-60 :)

Thank you for catering to my attention-seeking, self-absorbed self. ily mads.

1. selfieI done posted!

2. what would you name your future kids?I don’t want kids even a little bit, but I want cats named Chad, Brian, and Craig

3. do you miss anyone?I really miss Sara and Brooke and Kalib and Alex right now!!

4. what are you looking forward to?I actually have a whole lot of projects planned-I’m redoing my YouTube and I’m pretty jazzed. I’m also excited to go to soc tomorrow morning.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?Sara, 100%

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?I actually really don’t date much, but I have a philosophy that if you’re breaking up, then there’s a reason for it and it wasn’t meant to be. So breakups aren’t actually bad and I don’t think I mind them.

7. what was your life like last year?For the most part, really good! Jess and I had to deal with some really dumb stuff for a little while, but honestly I’ve had such a great time moving and going to college and working on the shop.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?Yes! Literally yesterday because I’m having so many issues with financial aid for school.

9. who did you last see in person?Jess before she left for class. She’s probably the next person I’ll see, too, haha.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?I don’t really try to, tbh.

11. are you listening to music right now?Nope, I’m watching Shane Dawson atm

12. what is something you want right now?A latte. However, this kid cannot afford to get daily Biggby.

13. how do you feel right now?Somewhat neutral--I’m real stressed about financial aid and one of the apartment situations, but honestly? I’ve got a lot to look forward to and I’m optimistic that things are gonna work out.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?Not to sound lonely af, but I think the last dude to hug me was my dog, Joe Jonas.

15. personality descriptionI’m tired and always kinda angry, but for the most part I’m optimistic. I’m definitely kinda dumb, but I’m cool with that.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?Oh, yeah, all the time. I have deal with some mean folks and I always try to keep my mouth shut and just chill instead of snapping at them.

17. opinion on insecurities.So, I really am not insecure about a lot of things, as I’m really passive and just roll with whatever I’ve got. I do understand people having them and I respect that they have a lot to deal with, but I definitely haven’t experienced it that much.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?Not really. A year ago, I had just gotten out of high school and I was living at my parents’ place. I genuinely enjoy college and I like living on my own a whole lot. I do miss seeing Sara almost everyday, though.

19. have you ever been to New York?I passed through when I was like six, but it was night time and it was a blur.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?“The Competition” by Kimya Dawson

21. age and birthday?I’m 18. My birthday is August 4 (just like Obama).

22. description of crush.A tasty soda

23. fear(s)Okay, so: people living in my home secretly, people grabbing my car door when I’m stopped at a light (that happened to me and I thought I’d die), and faces in my window.

24. heightStraight up five feet tall

25. role modelI really look up to Alex Fucking Smith (I have not told him this and I refuse to do so). He manages Sleep On It and writes tour journals and he’s just all around an exceptional dude.

26. idol(s)I don’t think I really have any? I kinda don’t believe in that because idolizing people is a bit messed up and puts them in a weird position when in reality we’re all people just trying to get by, you feel?

27. things i hatePeople who are mean for no dang reason, yelling in a context that is not a car ride scream fest

28. i’ll love you if…You are a cat

29. favourite film(s)Hellboy, Ghostbusters, Last Unicorn, Labyrinth. 

30. favourite tv show(s)Bob’s Burgers, Parks and Rec

31. 3 random facts-I drink about a pot of coffee everyday-I hate wearing pants-I love Big Boy

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?I’m actually pals with a lot of gals and nb folks.

33. something you want to learnHow to actually edit videos. I have!! No idea!!

34. most embarrassing momentI yelled that I loved the McDonald’s employee who gave us extra shakes n burgers but it turns out he had not closed his window and neither had I. (This happened two days ago)

35. favourite subjectRight now, it’s either anthropology or sociology.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?I want to be able to live off my art without ever worrying that I won’t be able to pay rent or tuition.(Madi you’re gonna hate this) I’d love to be able to give Harry Styles a set of songs after everything he and his mom did for me.I want to travel all around the States.

37. favourite actor/actressI don’t watch a ton of TV or movies. 

38. favourite comedian(s)John Mullaney! And Iliza Shlesinger.

39. favourite sport(s)Every time my rooommate puts sports on the TV, I tell her it’s homophobia. But she plays hockey and I love her, so let’s say hockey?

40. favourite memorySara and I driving around, drinking lattes, and yelling. And then I get sick on the side of the road. I had too much milk in that latte and I yelled too much and then I almost died. Also the time she threw up on my dad in a car in full homestuck cosplay.

41. relationship statusWho’s to say?

42. favourite book(s)Ari and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe!

43. favourite song everLittle Things by One Direction

44. age you get mistaken forPeople who meet me in professional sessions assume I’m 24. People who meet me otherwise assume I’m 15.

45. how you found out about your idolI don’t really have one, but I really do look up to Alex. I met him through Sleep On It and when I helped Brad LePlant out with interviewing him. That was also the night he helped me not get kidnapped.

46. what my last text message saysIt’s literally me making plans with Brooke for the YouTube renovations.

47. turn onsIn a general, non-romantic type of way, I just like when people are chill, you feel?

48. turn offsAgain, in general. just people being rude or pretentious.

49. where i want to be right nowI’d actually really like to be in, like, a little cabin off on my own with some coffee.

50. favourite picture of your idolI don’t really have an idol, and I can’t think of specific pictures of people I look up to?

51. starsignLeo, and it shows.

52. something i’m talented atI really think I’m good at making coffee. I’m so good at it.

53. 5 things that make me happyCats, coffee, Sara, painting, car rides

54. something thats worrying me at the momentFinancial aid suuuuucks and most of mine got cut!

55. tumblr friendsI feel like I talk to most people on a lot of platforms, so someone that is pretty much exclusively tumblr is @zemmefatale aka the best aka madi

56. favourite food(s)Peanut butter cups, tacos, pasta

57. favourite animal(s)Cats.

58. description of my best friendSara’s smart af and funny and so chill and she’s literally always there for me and I adore her beyond words

59. why i joined tumblrI was like 13 and my friend had it. Woooow.

60. ask me anything you want Madi you didn’t ask a question for this so I’m gonna make up something you’d ask e. “Why are you like this” it’s because I’m tired, Mads.

#questions #zemmefatale

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 2 - “I will not be a little tea pot this time” - Ellie

dylan r

OKAY! New game! I’m excited to start! I’m just kinda trying my best to socialize, I’m horrible at talking to other people, my plan early is usually to just win tribals and form small connections with people 

Although I flopped SO HARD during that challenge it’s unbelievable I literally tried that for hours & I couldn’t do it like literally 

Not much else, I’m just kinda vibing. 

Jack

So Ellie totally spilled that she's gonna send stuff to our tribe so i'm telling my tribe that. I think raffy is gonna do the same. Also im thinking everyone on one so that we mess with them.

Jack

My audio is going crazy and cutting out and im like AM I BEING SPOKEN TO????!?!?

Jack

I'm chatting with maynor and stephen and thats going good. but also Raffy is cool but imma try to put some false ideas about the cookie game on him 

Raffy

There was one hinky vote for me which tells me that people think I am push-y and a leader on this tribe which is not ok. I mean I want to win challenges, but I don't want to be seen as aggressive. However, I guess I cannot help it. I need to get into an alliance soon. Otherwise, I'll find myself not within a majority. I guess my social game isn't strong enough so I need to rely on my strategic game.

Keith John

Well, its been about three days since the game began, It's going okay for me. We won Immunity so game talk has been on the low. The time difference really screwed me over, I wasn't part of the latest immunity challenge discussion. Even though I wouldn't have contributed much in that convo, Having no input or talk during such moments puts me on the back foot (socially). The saving grace is that I was able to connect to four others through one on one convos. That has helped me built a sort of majority alliance, But as a thumb rule of survivor, unless we don't through a vote together. U cant trust anyone. Hopefully, it sticks and I am able to get through the first few votes. I don't know why but I keep getting a feeling that maybe John and Cormac are telling me what I wanna hear and make me feel comfortable. I hope that isn't true and the alliance is genuine. Cause I feel I really get along with them and can really work with them for a long time.  I think both of them are awesome. The only other person I trust is Zoe, we just connected quick. Sierra though in my alliance I haven't yet had a strong one on one conversation with her. let's see what's in store in the coming days 

Jack

Were planning to fuck with the other tribe by sending a spy to seed some accidental plan spillage. John’s a smart cookie. MaynorJay. I am slightly sad you split me and Timmy up. The cast reveal and seeing Timmy in that tribe i was like :0. But you did make it one world so i could still talk game with him 😊. Plus i missed being hosted by you. ❤️

John

this plan i concocted could either be really good or really bad. all we gotta do is throw the other side off their scent. but can we do it and make it believable? i guess we will find out tonight.

Ellie

Cookies is chaotic: more detail coming later

Jack

I took a risk for the idol hunt that might cost me my vote at the next tribal. I'm both regretting this decision and thinking it'll probably maybe be worth it...?

John

ok my plan dissolved like an alka seltzer. that’s fun. we love that. i just hope we win at this point. if we lose, that’s going to make things quite interesting.

Ellie

K so lack of communication has officially reached another level, this would be easier if people spoke???? Even Joseph did and he had finals!!!!! Some people have time to try to get on my good side and strategize but not to fucking talk about the challenge???? Some of yall👀👀

Sierra

Sitting out of this challenge was agonizing! I couldn’t be a part of any of the strategy talk for the challenge itself... so I had little to no clue what to expect as I watched. I really don’t want to go to Tribal Council, either. I’m hoping that we can pull out a win and I won’t have to stir the pot and potentially show my cards alliance-wise this early in the game.

Dylan C

I haven't been talking to people enough today and should probably do some of that. Well, I certainly will if we go to tribal but I'm hoping we don't

Jack

Cromac and I chatted for a bit and agreed on a sort of alliance, so that's a thing. Other than that I have fingers crossed for us winning this challenge!

Sierra

So we lost immunity, and I’m PISSED. We fully expected Keith to get 60 cookies from our tribe alone, but he only ended up with 55. That means that somebody on our tribe did not play into the tribe’s strategy. Now my butt could be on the line and I didn’t even have a chance to play in the immunity challenge! I feel relatively safe with my alliance, but anything could happen between now and tribal. Here’s hoping my five stick together!

Timmy

We won!! There was strategy used on the tribe but also people just tried to take control of what everyone else was doing. Like if they try to do that for the challenge they’ll try to do that for votes and that’s not how I’m trying to roll. It kind of sucks that the people I want to work with are on the other tribe. I want to message jack bc they seem chill based on the call last night after tribal. Also there is no way I’ll get an idol bc these slide puzzles are ridiculous.

Sierra

Right now it looks like the votes will be heading towards Stephen. I really like him and think he could be a good ally... but the numbers are against him right now, and that makes it difficult to save him. I don’t want to sink my game attempting to save his... so it looks like Stephen will be the first one voted off of our tribe. I’ll really miss having another literature lover on the tribe, and I’ll miss having some intercontinental diversity, but I’d rather save my own neck right now.

Maynor

So I am now in an alliance with Cormac, Zoe, Sierra, and John. And it is called Maynor’s lovers for some reason. But it now got changed to Maynor’s Angels. 👀 jay came to my host chat and was like ___ is shook. And i died as well. So far the target seems like it might be Stephen that was brought up by John. But we still have until tomorrow so who knows. As long as im safe that is all that matters.

John

hi. i’m john, i’m 20 years old, and i’m absolutely worried stephen has an idol. he just...doesn’t connect. and it puts me on edge. so i want the vote to be somewhat split. we need to put the majority of them on stephen, but have one or two of us worms put down someone else’s name just in case stephen pulls out an idol. no matter what, us 4 (me, cormac, sierra, and zoe) need to get through this vote so we have the majority.

Jack

WOW. Okay so Cormac and I a pretty tight rn. Plan is to vote either Maynor or Stephen. Cormac is closer with Zoe, who i haven'y heard from much. Sierra and I have had some banter with Sierra and opened up private channels with them. Imma check that they're good with Stephen or Maynor, and which they'd prefer. 

Jack

Sierra seems to want to keep Maynor around more than Stephen while I'm feeling the other way. I'm down with either so hopefully things work out.

Dylan C

https://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/img/tcQaSg5LL_0-HBuWFPxpguK71TM=/1092x0/2019/06/06/b11ccfac-685e-4cb2-a239-b09af07b1baf/toriflynn2.jpg

Jack

IDOLS EXSIST. And hopefully Stephen and maynor dont have any

Jack

I MADE A DUMB CRAZY PLAN. Like I said to the others it basically, we make a chat with Stephen, tell him heyyyyy lets vote Maynor, then go and actually vote Stephen. I feel a little bit evil but also i totally get the reason blindsides are so popular. I FEEL LIKE A SPY!

Dylan C

I love you, Jay

Jack

The trap has been set, hopefully Stephen falls for the it and nothing goes to shit. And also that Cormac's not pulling a con on me. I doubt he is but pArAnOiA.  

Jack

STEPHEN RESPONDED AND HE SEEMS DOWN WITH VOTING MAYNOR AND BELIEVES CORMAC AND ME AND I CHATTED WITH JOHN AND HES DOWN WITH VOTING STEPHEN BUT O MY GOD IM SO NERVOUS. sorry bout the caps lock, I feel like it was needed to covey my FEELiNGS

Jack

All the gears are locked in. Everyone's voting Stephen; Stephen seems to be on board with voting Maynor; Maynor will hopefully stick with going for Stephen; and Keith will maybe hopefully I hope go with what me and Cormac are going for. 

That started off so confident and turned into "Hm maybe I'm not sure I hope"

John

ok so here’s the tea sisters. our original target was stephen. he’s more reserved, kinda quiet, but he’s going after less active players (ironic, right), and apparently he is targeting keith. so if an idol is played, it might be him. so the worms are talking to jack and trying to get him to come on board for our plan. jack goes into complete paranoia mode between all of us, and we’re concerned he’s a flight risk. so the vote is shifting to jack. being erratic is more dangerous in this game than silence is.

John

lmao if this blindside on jack completely backfires and i go to EOE, i’d actually scream over how much work is going into it. this is so messy and complex for literally day 4 of this game that it perplexes me. it’s either gonna be 4/3/1 or 5/2/1, i’m not sure yet. but strap in folks, we’re experiencing turbulence. the plane may be going down.

Jack

Other than Keith everyone's locked in to vote for Stephen, even Maynor. Me and Stephen chatted and he complimented me saying that i don't seem like a new player cause I'm so comfortable in chat and I'm here like "hahahah yeah so weird not like in acting all calm and collected at you so you don't know I'm voting for you." I do feel a bit bad voting out Stephen now that I've got a better vibe on him, and I've been leaving little hints of "sorry for voting you out" and "hope you come back from the edge" at him, but doing them as me saying "Oh I feel so bad for voting out Maynor" so that I don't blow my cover but yeah. Here's all my guilt dude ^ 

Joseph Collins

We got an immunity win which was nice. Apparently Malarkey (Melrakki) played with some type of strategy. And Ulfur went coocoo for coco puffs and won. So I’m happy about that. Putting a plan in motion to get some threats out soon. Need a really good numbers advantage first. 

Zoe

GOD okay wow this is so much. We lost the immunity challenge, which is funny because I said that I was pretty confident we were going to win. I'm not concerned about being sent home, I'm almost positive Cormac would tell me if he knew, and I have good relationships with people in my tribe. And very good news: Well, after literally teaching myself how to do a slide puzzle, wrestling with the god-host herself over reference images and website dysfunctionality, I finally reached the end of the idol hunt and located a very beautiful advantage, which is to call a blind vote and then see what people vote even though nobody else can. I read it a few times and then facetimed with Cormac to tell him the good news, and we agreed we would keep it until swap or merge and use it to see where peoples' loyalties lie. We discussed all of our options, our relationships with different people, and who we want to keep close until later. I have a good relationship with Timmy and Maynor, and I think Dylan C as well, so that will come in handy when we swap and after the merge. We also solidified an alliance with us and Keith. FUCKING MEANWHILE, over in tribe Machievelli, the "oh, worm?" alliance has gone absolutely nuts strategizing over this vote. Jack has made everyone very paranoid by asking every person in the tribe who they were voting for. He had never messaged me individually before, and then just popped up and said he wanted to make sure I was voting for Stephen, which is who "oh, worm?" was originally going to vote for. I think it was Cormac who brought it up because Jack keeps info-dumping all of his thoughts onto him, but we all agreed to vote for Jack. Cormac and I discussed how to tell each person, one of those resulting in a final three deal with Keith, entitled "Zoe and the boys" as well as a yet to be titled final four alliance with me, Cormac, John, and Keith, yet to be named, that neither John nor Keith know about. Ultimately we said that we'd check back in in the morning and determine if anything had blown up overnight with Jack, since he seems to be very paranoid.

Jack

MWAHAHAAHHA Stephen believes out plan to vote maynoris genuine but it is a TRICK. Hope he doesn't hate me tho, seems like a nice guy. Those read receipts are just real sus being off man. but he tots believes me, Cormac, and Sierra.

Zoe

It's been more of a quiet morning, though we are all tense about what is going to happen at tribal. We don't think there is anything crazy happening with Jack, and ultimately we aren't telling Stephen about the plan in case he ends up telling a person he isn't supposed to. It should turn out to be a 6-1-1 vote, hopefully none of those going to me. I want to play a low key game here: I want to be making the decisions with Cormac, making tight alliances with other players, and then having them go out and do the dirty work. John seems like a good guy and a good player, and I also feel like he thinks he's the leader of our little group. It's definitely in our best interest to stay tight with him, but we have to be wary of him making alliances on the other side as well.

Maynor

I’m so fucken nervous and I swear if im voted out second. Ugh. Jack can go home. Like i did nothing to you and you just decide to come for me for no reason? Like wow. Jacks the target and I hope the people ive been talking to and aligned with are telling me the truth cuz it would totally suck if they are lying to me. There is really no reason to take me out who is active instead of jack who isnt active and just barely coming on. Fuuuuuuck me. Im be paranoid the whole fucken day arent I. 

Stephen

So this tribe is kinda dull, so theyve chosen a dull vote. Maynor. I like maynor but he has been a little silent. The big question is: is there a majority alliance out there? The answer is yes, of course there is, there always is. I make my survivor career on not being in majority alliance then tearing them apart when the tea gets spilled. See: Tashirojima.

Jack

Made a bit of a conection with Ellie from the other tribe, and she seems pretty open to working together if we make it to the merge or if theres a tibe swap

Raffy

I am happy that we do not have to go to tribal. It allows me to be more social with people on my tribe without the threat of a vote looming over our heads. 

Justin

This round was a lot more chill. Mostly cuz we won immunity, but I'm still keeping my relations with everyone good. I realized this round that Cormac, whom I have been talking to since last round, is on the other tribe lol. Luckily, I didn't tell him any compromising information, and now I have a connection to the other tribe. Plus, Keith from the other tribe reached out to me and we had a really good conversation. I like him a lot and I see myself working with him in a swap or merge. He is from Pakistan so he is also in the eastern hemisphere as well as Stephen. So, I was thinking I could possibly make an Old World alliance because we are closer to each other in times. However, Cormac has told me that his tribe is most likely voting out Stephen so that won't work out. I would say the only alliance I have so far is with Cormac, so I need to make something official with a player in my tribe before other people get them. Specifically, I want to ask Timmy to be in an alliance. 

Maynor

Today has been really quiet. I really hope the people telling me im good are telling the truth. I hope my connections are strong enough to let me survive this first round. Im so nervous and ugh i hate this feeling. Id be extremely sad if I go over an inactive. 

Raffy

Truly. Honestly. I'm so lazy. I don't want to do the idol hunt lmao

Jack

I can't remember if i already did a confessional about this but in case i didn't: Ellie and i chatted a bit and she seems open to working together later in the game and Cormac seems down with that plan too. Idk if i cant /trust/ Raffy but he also seems cool too

Ellie

So I feel like Raffy is a tiny bit annoyed with me sometimes cause I do share a lot, but I will not be a little tea pot this time. Raffy and I talk strategy all the time and he’s my closest ally but it honestly feels like I barely know him while my other close ally, Dylan, I have bonded with a lot and know a lot about them while still strategizing with them. It’s weird but I’m not going to push. He told me to stop talking about past games, and I’m like ? If I don’t mention you we’ll be chill

Ellie

Also we bonded with jack 👀

Maynor

Tonight, i may be leaving. Ill just be really sad. Mad at first cuz i tried my hardest in first immunity and then someone decides to mess up in the 2nd if by accident or on purpose. Mostly ill be sad cuz i wont be able to play with Timmy. I finally got to retalking with dylan and really miss them. Mostly ill be sad cuz let jay down for giving me a 3rd chance after my performance in rotuma. Ily Jay. Hopefully i stay. ❤️❤️❤️

Dylan C

I have to choose whether or not to do a part of the idol hunt where if I do it, I risk losing my vote at the next tribal I attend, and if I don't do it then I start the idol hunt over. Heck. I'll probably do it tbh.

Maynor messaged me a few minutes ago to say that he thinks he's getting voted out tonight, and that he enjoyed talking to me again. I don't want to see him go, in part bc I wanted to try to ally with him at some point and also just because I like him. Also I don't know what's going on on the other tribe but? Y'all are gonna vote out the guy who held a cup over his head for over two hours for your tribe? Smh

Jack

I really like Dylan C's vibe. Imma PM them later some more and see if that's a thing

Sierra

The vote switched when Jack started getting paranoid — his name wasn’t even coming up until he started asking everyone if they were SURE that they were down with the plan. It felt really awkward to have to reiterate over and over again that we were on his side... and it made it difficult to believe that HE was really with US. I’m really grateful that Stephen gets to stay around for another few days!

Dylan R

Ok so I did all of the puzzles for the idol hunt & then I FLOPPED on the challenge so: I have my clown outfit on. 

I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard 🥺 I think if we go to tribal Joseph will go before be but I got some serious catch up to do if I wanna win 

John

i know keith was originally our fifth, but i’m kinda wanting to work with maynor the more i talk to him. i want a fifth that will side with me if needed. and idk if keith could be that fifth that would benefit ME. it’s also just a thought. not tied to the idea yet. stay tuned kids.

cormac marek

Alrighty very eventful times leading up to our first tribal. I have been involved in like 13 alliance chats. Me and Zoe had an hour call last night on how she found an advantage to be kept between the two of us. It was amazing! Keith seems on board for anything. He has a "as long as its not me" gameplay. The core worm alliance was going to vote out Stephen but switched it to Jack after he became insane. It was sad because we were going to include Jack in on the deals. Maynor was told that Jack was gunning for him so that's a vote for Chaos Kass. If all goes smooth it will be unanimous. Stephen asked me right before tribal and I told him Jack was gunning for him and that majority was going for him. Hopefully this means he will be with us. It is really tricky. Let's see how the blood rolls

Joseph Collins

Patiently waiting on next immunityyyyyyy. 

Timmy

Jack is trying to get maynor out...so jack can go.

[amaloaf]

yes hello I would like a headcanon and tragic backstory for Fillmore pls

oh buddy, oh my dude

BACKSTORY:

Fillmore was a the child of a 15 year old Brazilian/white girl (Josie) and a 27 year old man (Phillip Sr) 

Fillmore was originally Philip Jr but his mother changed that when he was about 5 

his father is part Native American, but not much else is know about him and his past

his parents were married because his father was rich and his mother was a desperate orphan 

when Fillmore was three his father left in the middle of the night without a word, and they later had to find out it was because he had been lying about his wealth and everything they owned was getting repossessed 

after that debacle he and his mother traveled on the road for a while before finding a cult like, traveling group of hippies who took them in mostly because Fillmore’s mother was so young 

the group was many things, but nudist and acid worshiping was the most prominent 

Fillmore’s mother was pregnant twice whilst living there

The first was with the cults main honcho/leader, the baby was stillborn due to the shit ton of drugs she was taking the whole time; the second was twins from a random cultist named Randy who took the twins and ran off, later they his hut and all three occupants dead from gunshot wounds (most likely from a dealing gone south) 

The cult was creepy, but the worst of it (besides telling pregnant women to take heavy drugs) was that it was law that when someone turns 16, they must move from the heated “childrens room” (where the pregnant people and children under 16 slept) and be moved to the “Pit” 

The Pit was an unheated hut just off to the side from the camp, and since the followers were mostly nudists, you can imagine how that looked

It was essentially a roof and some walls with the floor dug out, and it was filled with pillows and mattresses and stuff, and everyone just cuddled for warmth 

There were a few who wore clothes for heat/safety/comfort reasons but they were few and far between that it was almost unheard of

Fillmore was one of the few who didn’t participate in nudist shenanigans

Because his mom was banging the cult leader, Fillmore got some special treatment (got to wear clothes, didn’t have to go to weekly worships, wasn’t forced to do drugs) 

^Fillmore does, however, do regular cigarettes and blunts to dull his hatred for the place 

Despite his obvious dislike of the cult he still picks up the hippy, free love lifestyle and goes to marches and stuff even after he leaves them 

He was about 11 when he met Ramone (who was about 7 or so), whose parents had crossed the border and were living in the woods until it was safe to go and live with family 

Ramone was always curious of Fillmore’s living situation but Fillmore never let him find out 

Until one day, 

When they were like 19 and 16 Ramone followed Fillmore home and naturally he was found out and they were gonna “initiate him” (don’t ask but it’s hella illegal no matter what the age of the victim is) 

So Fillmore was like “oh i’ll initiate him don’t even worry about it guys” and he takes him into the woods and sets Ramone go with a “don’t worry about me I’ll talk to you tomorrow” 

Filly goes back and says the guy fought back and got away but it’s cool he was gross anyway and everyone buys it because they think Fillmore is one of his own 

So the next day he tells Ramone everything and Ramone spends the next year doing everything he can to get them out of those woods

Well surprise surprise people got suspicious and started asking where he was going so Fillmore had to lay low for a while but encouraged Ramone to get out while he could 

They lose contact for about a year, Ramone hitchhikes with a hot trucker for a while before finding RS

He opens a shop, and then travels up to find Fillmore

He finds him living with a man named Mickey and his husband Carlos

Fillmore had basically been floating around after running away from the cult, had some consensual sex for once, and was actually advocating for things he believed in fully, it was practically heaven 

While making plans to move to RS, Fillmore travels regularly between the two, living (and threewaying) with Ramone and his new gf Flo, and advocating for prides with Mickey and Carlos

On the last pride march, Fillmore lost his legs:

The first leg (right) went at a peace rally gone very wrong

So he’s lost a large chunk of his right ear in rally so he comes with friends

So it was a march in the afternoon and he’s just walking with a sign

On his left he’s got his childhood friend Mikey (a gay black man always looking for peaceful situations) and Mikey’s husband Carlos (short tempered, shot heighted, Mexican man), Carlos is holding a sign and mickey’s carrying a pack with water, weed (for him and Carlos later), and an extra shirt for everyone because they’re going st sweat through theirs before they’re even remotely done

Out of the blue someone charges Fillmore and brings him to the ground

They wrestle for a minute before Fillmore realizes the guys got a knife

The guy tries to stab him, but thanks to Mickey trilingual to get him off, he misses and gets him straight through the thigh, and he makes sure to pull out the big ass steak knife

So Fillmore’s bleeding and before anyone can get to him, one of the other jackasses (who’s there with knife guy) set off tear gas

(Among other types of gas to fuck w/ everyone)

Since it happened in such close proximity, Fillmore could be gotten to immediately like he needed

The wound was not only infected but it had been worsened by the stinging gases

But since he’s a fuckin hippy he didn’t go to a real doctor who would’ve just amputated that shit

Instead he goes to a natural dude who worked on him for like two days and eventually cleans and fixes everything (supposedly but Fillmore is never quite the same) but because of the severity of the wound almost all of the nerves died and in his right leg Fillmore can’t feel a thing below the upper mid thigh

In his other leg Fillmore was shot twice, at a later peace rally, in the knee and *still* did not get professional help for he is a fool

Fillmore moved to RS and never really looked back

He later finds out he has a half sister upstate at a reserve but does not try to contact her for a long ass time

From her he has three nephews, he meets them twice in his whole life but they come to his funeral regardless 

HEADCANNONS

His sister’s name is Alexandra 

His nephews names and ages are John (23), Harold (23), and Mikey (16) ((these are at the time of Fillmore’s death

Despite his chill personality, Fillmore is the cheekiest little shit 

He and Sarge have a small wedding reception because Fillmore doesn’t believe in marriage under the government

Fillmore is a top (i will fight everyone who says otherwise im looking at you cars discord) 

He’s very good with kids, especially babies (I have a fanbaby au but in otherwise cannons Fillmore never has kids)

That being said, Sarge adopts a baby after Fillmore dies to fill the void in his heart

Fillmore can’t cook because he never used a stove until he moved to RS

When he found out his mom died he cried but refused to go to her funeral

He has cheek piercings form his time in the cult, and he can never decide if he likes or despises them

His favorite color is green 

He used to threeway with Flomone but when he became paralyzed he stopped due to his self consciousness

Which was fine Red ended up filling in for him

He cannot sleep naked or in the dark because of his past (his partners must also be somewhat clothed) 

Before the organic fuel he would’ve loved to have been botanist 

Hes 6’4”

Fillmore doesn’t know his own legal last name and doesn’t know the context of his first 

Pst his last name is Patterson

It took a lot to get him off the smoking but he eventually did it

He loses touch with Mickey and Carlos, but after the events of the first movie they find him and he babysits for them

He has PTSD but is good at hiding it

Almost went to jail because he kicked a natzi’s teeth in (the guy had to wear dentures for the rest of his life) 

He got off because the cop called to the scene was black and he pretended that Fillmore got away 

His hair is v soft     

It’s Sarge who ultimately forces Fillmore to seek professional help on his legs 

He is very susceptible to heat and is always drinking water so he doesn’t get migraines 

i have,, so many hcs for my boy, but these are the mains

#answered for me #headcanon #fillmore #sargemore #i love my gay hippie son #hes a good #also im really sorry this is such a fucked up backstory