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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

Text

Catching Feelings

(Look at him doing the bare minimum and still making me fling my panties across the room Damn you Im Jaebeom)

Jaebeom X Reader

Word Count: 20K (Guys this is the longest fic I have ever posted on here wtffff)(I just couldn’t stop writing omg)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut (Sugar, spice and everything nice)

Summary: You’ve been in love with your best friend Jaebeom for longer than you can count on both your hands. Unfortunately, time never seemed to be on your side. Every time he was single, you were in a relationship and when he started seeing someone, you were by yourself. One day, he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend in order to make his ex-girlfriend jealous but little do either of you know that the few days of fake dating will actually lead to something you would have never expected in your many years of knowing him for.

A/N: Hey guys! This was requested by the amazing @solarblooms one of the sweetest people I’ve met on here thank you so much for this request I’m sorry if it didn’t turn out the way you would have liked but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Happy reading!!

“Jaebeom, you can’t be serious. I don’t think you know what you’re asking me right now.”

“You’re acting as if I’m asking you to run a marathon y/n.”

You let out a scoff before getting up and reaching for both coffee cups that you and Jaebeom drank from in the last hour. When he asked you for a favor, you didn’t think much of it. The older boy always asked you to do errands for him every now and then and as the caring and loyal person you were, you would do whatever he’d ask of you with no hesitation.

Honestly, Jaebeom was the only person you would go out of your way to help; not only because he was your best friend, but because you knew he would do the same thing for you in a heartbeat. That was just how your friendship worked. The two of you have been friends for more years than you could count on both hands. This meant that you’ve seen each other through it all; drunken stupors, food poisoning, flu season, walking in on each other naked and failed relationships. The latter was the reason why you were both upset yet flustered at his sudden request.

“I would rather complete the damn 24 mile run. Let me get this straight, you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend in order to make Ella jealous? You’ve said a lot of stupid shit in all my years of knowing you but this has to be the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. Why me? Why not just get another girlfriend—she’ll know somethings up right off the bat. Do you really think she’s stupid enough to believe that you and I would actually start dating? You’re better off telling her that you’re in a relationship with a celebrity; that would be more probable.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to help him out—especially because you weren’t the biggest fan of his ex-girlfriend. Jaebeom in more or less words had to be one of the most devastatingly handsome men you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. He also had one of the biggest and most genuine hearts—even if he’d come off as cold and intimidating. People say nobody’s perfect; and it was true that he did have his faults, but he also came pretty close to being practically flawless in your eyes.

The reason why you were so hesitant towards helping him with this specific favor, was because you had feelings for him—and that was an understatement. You don’t remember exactly when you first began looking at Jaebeom in a different light, but when you started to crave his presence more and more, mentally outline his sharp features, found yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss those pretty, plump lips of his; that’s when you knew that you no longer saw him as an older brother.

You and Jaebeom met in second grade when he transferred over to your school after his family moved to your small town in order to open up their first coffee shop. He was very shy and extremely introverted. For the first two weeks since his arrival, he never really talked to any of the other students unless his teacher asked him to do so.

At recess and at lunch, he normally sat by himself and the sight always made you feel sad. You didn’t have all that many friends, but you had enough to converse with and to keep you company. One day, you found yourself walking over to where he was sitting and placed your tray right down in front of him. You’ll never forget the way he looked up at you with the most adorable gaze of confusion.

“Hi. I’m y/n. Is it okay if I sit here? You look pretty lonely.”

“Oh—um—go ahead.”

The rest of your lunch time together was very quiet—he obviously didn’t seem like the type to want to start a conversation, especially with someone he wasn’t familiar with. You also didn’t know what to say to him; you didn’t want to make things even more awkward by saying something he didn’t particularly like. However, you felt at ease—the atmosphere was calming and for some reason, you felt it had to do with his presence.

Something about Jaebeom made you feel pleasant; safe. When the bell rang to signal that lunch was over, you were right about to stand up in attempts to throw away your lunch until you heard the faintest call of your name. You turned around to look at the mysterious boy and hummed in curiosity.

“This was nice—I um—I’m not the most talkative person. I’m more of a listener. If it’s okay with you, would you maybe want to—be friends?”

You gave him a toothy grin before nodding profusely; excited with the idea of getting to know him and being the first person he wanted to start a friendship with.

“I’d like that.”

From that day on, the two of you were attached to the hip; your mothers would refer to the both of you as magnets. Everywhere you went, anyone could expect the older boy to be right there with you. He was more than just your best friend—he was your safety blanket, your confidant—in a metaphorical sense, he was like your umbrella on a rainy day.

His arms were your shelter, you would find solace in him whenever you were having a rough day. You felt in your heart that the two of you were soulmates; even if your relationship was strictly platonic. It wasn’t until he got his first girlfriend back in your freshman year of high school did you realize that you saw him as more than just a friend.

Watching him act so sweetly towards his girlfriend made you extremely jealous and you lied to yourself for years thinking it was because you were afraid to lose him as a friend if his girlfriends decided that they didn’t like your position in his life. You also tried to tell yourself it was because you had yet to experience being in a relationship and you just wanted to feel the love and adoration Jaebeom never failed to show to his first girlfriend.

Even after all these years, through the few boyfriends and one night stands that you’ve had, your feelings for Jaebeom never faltered. If anything, they only grew stronger when you realized that nobody could ever make you as happy or make you feel as cared for as Jaebeom has for almost two decades now. Nobody could ever take his place—no matter how hard you tried to get over him. Your best friend had a reputation of being a textbook fuckboy.

His first relationship was the last relationship he put his heart and soul in to. Every relationship after that was doomed before it could really even start. He had a bad tendency of leading a lot of girls on; completing them and making empty promises before taking what he wanted—fulfilling his carnal urges and leaving them in the dust. This went on throughout the entirety of high school. As his best friend and the only girl he seemingly put on a pedestal, you had a hard time understanding why he continued to fool around with half of the student body and treat a lot of these girls like they were nothing important.

What did he get from cheating on and breaking the hearts of all these poor innocent girls? Especially since he was so kind and soft towards you. He’s never said it to you out loud, but you were his biggest weakness. He would go through hell and back just to keep that beautiful smile he adored so much permanently on your face. There were times where you questioned the thought of him reciprocating your same feelings. Whenever a guy showed interest in you or even when you started seeing someone, he was very verbal about how he didn’t approve of anyone you were involved with; whether the relationship was romantic or not.

Even when you were paired up with other guys in projects, he wasn’t too fond of the idea of you being alone with your classmate—so he’d find himself tagging along with you and your partner whenever you’d meet up with them. You were sure it was just his way of being protective of you; he’s always been like that and you were well aware that he had no intention on stopping his overbearing ways at all for that matter. You were afraid that pretending to be his girlfriend would only make you desire actually experiencing the real thing.

There was no way you’d allow yourself to go through that kind of trauma; holding hands with him, going on dates with him—maybe even getting to kiss him. To what extent was he expecting the two of you to go through? How far did he expect you both to go? He must have thought about the kind of pda you would have to do together and you couldn’t help but grow curious at how he felt about being intimate with you, even if it was all just an act.

You released a frustrated sigh; if you said no, you knew he would continue bothering you until you finally gave in or worse—he would actually go along with finding someone else. Whatever your decision was, you’d lose both ways. Might as well go with the one that was less painful.

“What’s in it for me?”

He was quick to stand up and made his way towards you—sporting the biggest grin on his face. You could tell he was surprised at your question, but it didn’t matter. His smile did tug on your heartstrings and you began to feel something in the pit of your stomach that you’ve never felt before. It was hard to tell exactly what you were feeling, but it was a good feeling. He surprised you by picking you up in a hug and swinging you around absentmindedly.

“Anything—I’ll do anything you want me to. God, y/n, you are amazing. You don’t understand how much this means to me. You’re the best person to exist. Thank you so much!”

He explained to you that one of his good friends from high school; one you weren’t all too familiar with was getting married. Unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was also going to be in attendance. She was the first girl in four years that your best friend genuinely seemed to care about. He stopped hooking up with and talking to other girls once they started dating. You were jealous whenever you’d hear him go in to depth about the love he had for her; even more envious when you’d have to see them kiss in front of you.

Sure, you did not particularly care for any of Jaebeom’s partners because you wanted to be in their place. You craved—desired to be the girl who got to love him—who got to receive his love and appreciate the many sacrifices he would make in order to make his significant happy. As his best friend, he never failed to give you all of his attention. If you ever needed help, he didn’t even have time for a second thought, if you needed him, he was there.

Even if it meant ditching school or leaving work early. You had a feeling that no one in their right minds; no matter how close they were to someone or how much that person meant to them, would do the things for them the way Jaebeom never once hesitated to do for you. However, your distaste for Ella went beyond jealousy. There was no doubt Jaebeom cared for her in ways that he’s never cared about any other girl—well, besides you. He would pick her up and drop her off to and from work, he would call her on his breaks to make sure she was getting enough rest in between classes, he would buy her cute little trinkets and even prepared lunch for her.

You’ve never seen him put in so much effort for one of his girlfriends before and it honestly worried you; you felt as if there was a chance she might be the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Unbeknownst to both you and the older boy, Jaebeom had actually met his match. Memories of the night that he found out she wasn’t the perfect girl he thought she was came flashing through your mind like it was just yesterday.

Four months ago, you were out in your living room watching a few murder mystery documentaries—seconds away from falling asleep when you heard a loud pounding on your door. At first, the sound startled you. The only people who came over to your apartment were your parents, your siblings, Jaebeom and a few other friends. You knew your best friend had a graveyard shift tonight; so you crossed him off of your list as to who it could be. However, when you looked through the peephole, you could’ve sworn your heart actually sank to the bottom of your stomach. You wasted no time in opening the door and pulled Jaebeom in to your embrace before either of you could say anything to one another. His eyes were red and puffy; there were dried tears on his cheek quickly being replaced by many more fresh ones.

From past experiences, you knew not to ask him what was wrong. You were going to wait until he told you, even if you were very curious as to what could have happened. It didn’t even cross your mind that it had to do with his relationship. The two of you flopped on to your couch and he quickly threw himself in to your arms. He might have been the dominant one who always did the protecting, but this time—he was the one who needed to be held and that’s exactly what you did.

After half an hour of quiet sobs and rubbing his back as he heaved and hiccuped, he finally confessed as to what made him so upset. He didn’t have to really say anything—just hearing the words “Ella cheated on me” sent you in to a furious rage. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t see this coming. There were a couple of scenarios when you felt like something was wrong, or that she was hiding something. When Jaebeom first introduced you to one another, you immediately got bad vibes from her. She was the type of person who talked so highly about herself. You never understood what your best friend saw in her.

Sure, she was pretty, but it was a basic kind of pretty. Like, if you were to see her on the street, you honestly wouldn’t do a double take. Ella was also very disrespectful; she was constantly on her phone while you tried to talk to her, she never said please or thank you and she was very verbal about her disinterest in certain things. One time, Jaebeom had you tag along with them to a restaurant and she complained about not being served within the first couple of minutes.

That experience alone made your ill-feelings towards her grow even stronger; but you never wanted to tell Jaebeom in fear of him disagreeing with you. It was adamant that he really liked her. When it were just you and Jaebeom alone, he would find ways to bring her up in the conversation even if the topic had nothing to do with her and on the days that you just so happened to be with them, he would always feel the need to touch her or to compliment her. It was disgusting—but not because you were jealous.

You had a gut feeling that she wasn’t who she portrayed herself out to be in front of Jaebeom. If he were to excuse himself to use the bathroom, her fake smile would immediately drop as she would glare at you. Then, she would always seem to be texting someone. There wasn’t anything wrong with her being in contact with other people; for all you assumed, it could have been a friend or a family member.

However, the way she would bite her lip or smile while rapidly typing back and forth with someone made it evident that there was a possibility it was another guy. You let it go though, even if you were dying to tell Jaebeom of your speculations. He told you that he caught her making out with another man outside of her apartment as he went over to surprise her. Jaebeom wasn’t a pushover or the type of person to beat around the bush; he confronted her as soon as he parked the car and screamed at her—telling her that she ruined everything and that he would have done anything for her.

There was nothing you hated more than to see Jaebeom so emotional and broken; especially because he was the definition of a force to be reckoned with. This was the first time in your many years of friendship that you e seen him so worked up before. That memory of seeing him at his weakest is what got you to give in to him. You didn’t think it was going to work; although you had a feeling Ella didn’t like you from the moment you met her, you didn’t think it was because she was jealous of you.

It was understandable though; you may have been very understanding, but you didn’t know how it would feel to be in her shoes. If your boyfriend had a female best friend, it was only natural that you would feel weird and assume the worst. But Jaebeom was honest with every girl that he fooled around with; you were his number one girl no matter what. He even ended a couple of flings specifically because the girls would give him an ultimatum to choose between seeing them and being friends with you. Of course, Jaebeom chose you every single time.

“There will be four events we have to attend. The first two are just luncheons, then there’s the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding. I’ve already purchased all of my outfits. Since you’re helping me out, you and I can go shopping tomorrow and I’ll buy you anything from anywhere—I mean, don’t go crazy. I just paid off my car. But if you have a couple of dresses you already own that you’d prefer wearing, then that’s pretty cool too. I was thinking we could match so it would be a little more convincing. Oh—and um—we’re going to have to be affectionate. I’m sure you’re already aware of that. If it makes you uncomfortable, then we don’t have to do anything other than hold hands and hug. Not anything we’re not used to anyways.”

You could only hope your cheeks weren’t flushing with pink from his words. It was expected that you’d have to have some form of skin ship and like he said, the two of you were used to touching one another. Sometimes you’d cuddle up while lying in bed together or he would wrap his arms around your waist and place his chin on your shoulder but it never occurred to you that you would now have to do these things in front of other people.

“I’m fine with that. So, when exactly is the wedding?” He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment; something you’ve noticed he would do whenever he did something wrong or had something to hide. You’ve known each other for so long that you knew the meaning behind each and every one of his mannerisms.

“Uh—Next week Saturday.”

Your eyes widened in shock; that didn’t give you much time to prepare anything. Especially not your sensitive heart.

“Im Jaebeom are you serious?! Why didn’t you say anything earlier—“

“I’m sorry!! But I didn’t think you would actually agree. It took me a solid three weeks to build the courage and ask you. Your outfit is the only thing you have to worry about. I’ve already responded to the rsvp for the both of us—“

You scoffed before crossing your arms in disbelief. Im Jaebeom was really a piece of work. How did you put up with him for so many years?

“So you knew I was going to say yes.”

He shook his head; but the small smirk that left as soon as it rose on his face made it clear that yes, he had a feeling you were going to agree. Even if he had to beg you for hours on end.

“I was hoping you would want to do something so big for me because I’m your best friend and you love me.” You took in a deep breath and felt your heartbeat begin to increase.

If only he knew just how true his statement was.

For the week leading up to the wedding events, Jaebeom came over to your apartment practically every single day. It wasn’t something you weren’t used to; he visited so often that a lot of his things were scattered throughout your space but you liked it that way. However, he told you that he wanted to practice being intimate with you. If you were cooking the two of you dinner, he’d stand right behind you and pulled your body up against his.

He began buying you bouquets of your favorite flowers, constantly held your hand even if the two of you were sitting down; he also would pull you on to his lap and stated to hide his face in the crook of your neck. One night, he even placed a few kisses up against your jaw and you found yourself ultimately regretting your decision to assist him. The proximity and constant affection only made your feelings for him deepen if it were even possible.

As much as you wanted to milk every moment with Jaebeom being a fake couple together, you were afraid of getting your heartbroken once this act was all over. The days just seemed to come and go in an instant; school and work took up most of your day and once you were done, you and Jaebeom would watch movies together or play a few board games. Before you knew it, the day of the first luncheon came and you found yourself getting ready. You were never fond of wearing makeup; it wasn’t that you thought you didn’t need it, you just hated having to put it on and it saved you a lot of money not having to purchase any.

It wasn’t like there was anyone in your life that you had to impress otherwise. Jaebeom made it known that you were naturally beautiful. You would always roll your eyes at his comment and think that he was only saying that because he was your best friend. Nonetheless, his compliments always made your heart flutter. While the two of you went shopping for dresses, he made it clear that he liked every single outfit you tried on. You tried your best not to make it obvious that his words were slowly driving you to the brink of insanity.

Why did he have to say all these nice things about you and make you feel like you were more to him than just his best friend? It was natural for friends to compliment each other, but for him to say that you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on; on top of having the most “ridiculous curves”, you didn’t think friends would say such things.

Right as you were putting the finishing touches of blush on your cheeks, the knock on your door broke you out of your thoughts. You gave yourself a couple of seconds to put yourself together and when you finally opened the door, it’s as if your soul left your body. The only time you’ve ever seen your best friend in a tux was at both junior and senior prom and even then, he broke the rules in the way that he wore his attire.

He didn’t even wear a tie and his dress shirt was unbuttoned, showing partial of his chest—but none of your teachers had the courage to tell him he was breaking dress code. His hair was slicked back, his suit was crisp and wrinkle free and he even put on a tie this time. You didn’t think it was possible for him to look even more handsome than he usually was, but right now, he looked like a Greek God. He was at peak attractiveness and it was taking every bone in your body not to scream in sexual frustration.

“Hey. You look beautiful—really beautiful. Ready to go?”

You simply nodded your head; afraid that you might say the wrong thing if you were to speak up. The car ride was quiet, other than the jazz playlist going on in the background. To your delight and dismay, he brought his free hand to your lap and gently grazed your thigh with his thumb. Your breath hitched at his touch; his hand only went higher on your leg the longer he drove and you were sure you were just seconds away from placing his hand up to where you wanted him the most. Unfortunately, the hotel that the lunch was being held at was closer to your apartment that you had expected—but maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

“I’m really glad you chose that dress. I think it was the best one of the many you tried on.” Once he parked, he wasted no time in walking over to your side of the car and opening the door for you; helping you out and intertwining your fingers together.

“Showtime—Babe.”

God, this was going to be a long day.

As soon as you both entered the lobby and made your way up to the ballroom, you were quick to spot some familiar faces. A lot of Jaebeom’s friends were there—some you knew, some that you were also friends with and some you have never met before. When your mutual friend BamBam saw your intertwined hands, he had to cover his mouth in order to keep himself from squealing.

“No fucking way. I knew the two of you would end up together one day. I fucking knew it. Jackson owes me $20 dollars. Ah, I’m so happy for you both. You look good together. I can’t wait to tell everyone. Let’s go find them shall we?”

The lunch actually went off without a hitch. Thankfully, the groom sat you and Jaebeom at a table with BamBam, Jackson, Mark, Jinyoung, Youngjae and Yugyeom. Jinyoung and Youngjae brought their girlfriends, so you decided to get to know them while the guys got reacquainted with each other. Since it was just a lunch, the day went by pretty quickly. After saying your goodbyes to everyone at your table and making plans to go on double dates now that everyone knew—or at least were convinced that you and Jaebeom were dating, he grabbed your purse before reaching for your hand and led you out to his car.

“See, that wasn’t so bad was it?” You shrugged indifferently before scrunching your nose.

“Ella wasn’t there though. Are you sure she’s going to be a part of this wedding?”

“Positive. She’s close with both the bride and the groom. Maybe she was busy today. Probably fucking that asshole of a coworker—“

“Hey, don’t start. Please. She didn’t deserve you Jaebeom. You are an amazing—wonderful—otherworldly human being. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I know it sucks being cheated on, but maybe this was a blessing—don’t give me that look. Hear me out. I don’t want to assume that she’s been cheating on you all this time, but it’s better you found out sooner than to do something stupid like ask her to marry you and find out later that she was being unfaithful.”

You don’t know what got over you in that moment; whether it was seeing him on the verge of tears, or just being in the moment after all the touches you’ve shared with each other today, but you got on your tippy toes and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“You’ll be okay Jaebeom. She’ll be nothing but a memory once this week is over. Let’s get you home.”

The next luncheon came—still no sign of Ella, yet Jaebeom grew clingier than the day before. It also seem as if he genuinely enjoyed introducing you as his girlfriend to some of his friends. You weren’t going to lie, you were enjoying the chivalry; none of your ex-boyfriends ever pulled out a chair for you or took off their jackets for you to wear. You could also feel eyes on you from who you assumed to be girls who either had a crush on Jaebeom at one point or even had a fling with him.

Although you were the one he had a protective grip on, you did get jealous knowing that some of these girls got to experience what Jaebeom was like behind closed doors. A lot of the girls in high school were extremely vocal about what sex with Jaebeom was like and you’d find yourself wanting to know yourself. It was silly for you to think you would ever have the chance to be writhing underneath him as you begged him to do anything to smooth the fire burning in your core—but a girl could dream right?

Finally the reason why you and Jaebeom were putting on an act for the last few days came in to play when you walked in to the dining hall together and saw Ella sitting with a couple of other guests. You assumed that the guy whose arm was around her shoulder was the same one Jaebeom caught her cheating with. You clenched your jaw in anger and said a little prayer; wishing for some self control. It wasn’t even you who was cheating on—yet you wanted to walk over to her table and yank her by her poorly done ponytail. Really, what did Jaebeom see in her?

He was too busy getting you both signed in that he wasn’t able to see what was driving you up the walls, but you wanted him to know she was there and that she had unfortunate company. After you were giving your table number, you gently tugged on the bottom of Jaebeom’s suit in order to get his attention and gave him the unpleasant news. His reaction shocked you though; he winked and gave you a smirk.

“I have the hottest date here—I’m not bothered one bit. Come on, I want to talk to Jackson about something.” He brought his hand to your lower back and guided you to the table Jackson was sitting at.

“Damn y/n, you look amazing. You’re making all of us look bad—the bride will probably complain that you’re stealing her spotlight.”

You politely thanked him before softly giggling at his comment. If only you weren’t so busy admiring the center piece and the party favors, you would have been able to see the way Jaebeom was mentally sending daggers towards his best friend’s neck. You did notice that Jaebeom brought his seat closer to yours and his hand that was on his knee was now gripping at your thigh.

To an outsider; it might have been a sexual gesture, but under these circumstances—it just seemed off. Knowing his tendencies of getting angry, you didn’t pry at him. If something was bothering him, he would tell you when he was ready to. You just assumed he was now coming to terms that he was in the same room with his ex-girlfriend and the guy she cheated on him with. Although he seemed out of it for the first hour; especially when his friends tried to star conversation with him, everything settled down once the emcee announced that it was time for everyone to head to the dance floor. You elbowed the other boy and motioned your head towards the stage.

“I want to dance. Can we please?” He furrowed his brows and released a long sigh.

“You know I hate dancing y/n. That’s going to be a hard pass.” It was your turn to sigh, but then you looked across the table and saw your three other friends moving along to the Drake song that was now filling the room.

“Fine. I’ll just ask Jackson. I’m sure he’ll want to—“

“Don’t you fucking dare. You’re mine damnit. Fuck—whatever, let’s go.”

His words confused you; sure, the two of you were pretending to be a couple so there was chance he was just playing along, but to hear him say that you were his so confidently, without hesitation made you feel as though there was more meaning behind it. Once you found a place that the two of you could dance comfortably in, you began to let loose and allowed your body to flow freely. Your hair swung all around and your hips kept up with the movement of the song.

Although he seemed uptight back at the table, it wasn’t long until a smile rose on his face as his hands slowly made their way down to your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck and continued your movements. The first couple songs were very upbeat and the two of you danced carelessly; you even had a feeling you both looked like fishes flopping out of water but you didn’t care. You were genuinely having so much fun; something that always happened when you were with Jaebeom. After fifth song finished, the Dj played a slower song at the request of the bride.

As soon as boys to men came through the speakers, you didn’t know how to react—nor did you know how you were going to dance along to this song in particular. “I’ll make love to you” was the last song you expected to hear tonight, especially because you’ve been sexually aroused since you left Jaebeom’s apartment. Luckily, you didn’t have to move at all—Jaebeom pulled you closer to him and did the unthinkable. You were always a big fan of his hands.

He’s always had such pretty fingers and you found yourself admiring them on many occasions; yet you weren’t prepared to feel them gripping tightly on both your ass cheeks. You looked up at him in shock but right before you could react, his lips were on yours. You’d find yourself daydreaming about how it would feel to kiss Jaebeom on many occasions; more than you’d liked to admit out loud.

Whenever he would talk, your eyes would always find their way to his mouth. Every time he would bite and nibble on his lips, you would picture what it would be like to do it yourself. However, no daydream could ever prepare you for the actual thing. His lips were soft against yours; he always felt the need to apply chapstick and you were thankful that he was the type to care about things like that. His movements were rushed; as if the world was going to end and the last thing he wanted to do was kiss you. It was a sensation you wouldn’t be able to fathom in to words.

Kissing him right now made you feel like you’ve been missing out on so many years of being able to feel him—actually feel him. You weren’t sure why he felt the need to attach your lips together out of the blue, but you weren’t complaining. He smiled in to the kiss when he felt you put more pressure; molding your lips all but gently against his. You ran your hands up and down his chest and as soon as you heard him moan, that’s when you decided to pull away in fear that you would literally rip his shirt off of him right then and there.

“Jaebeom—“

“I’m sorry, I had to. You just looked so breathtakingly beautiful and seeing you so happy made me act out—you don’t know what you do to me do you? I’m in love with you baby. So fucking in love with you y/n and I have been for a really long time. I hope that kiss helped prove my feelings for you—but if you need more validation, I’d be happy to give you a more physical demonstration. Preferably with our clothes scattered on my bedroom floor while I rail the shit out of you.”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a groan at both his love confession and his plans for the rest of the night. Were you dreaming? You had to be—there was no way Jaebeom actually confessed to you that he was in love with you. How could he have been in love with you? He never made it seem like he harbored any romantic feelings for you at all the entire duration of your friendship. You stole one more kiss from the corner of his lips before nodding embarrassingly quickly.

“Take me Im Jaebeom. I’m yours. I love you and I’m in love with you too. Let me just run to the bathroom really quickly then we can go and you can have your way with me.”

He allowed you to head over to the restroom while he went back to your table and made up an excuse as to why you had to leave so early. You tried to hurry up with your movements; the desire to finally become one with Jaebeom was seeping through your entire body. When you first entered the bathroom, you were the only one inside. As you heard the door open while you were ready to leave the stall, you didn’t think much of it.

That was until you finally made your way towards the sink and saw just who entered the bathroom. There were so many thoughts running through your mind in that moment; so many things you wanted to say to her, but you had other thoughts occupying your mind. Ones that made your core throb and took your attention away from the girl who was obviously wanting to say something.

“Nice to see you again y/n. You look great. I love your dress—I think I saw it on the sale rack at forever 21 am I mistaken?” You scoffed.

“Yeah, it was right next to your cheap ass lipstick and generic brand of eye shadow.” She was quick to cross her arms and you knew your words got to her—but her anger didn’t last long.

“So you and Jaebeom—can’t say I didn’t see this coming. He would never shut up about you and followed you around like a lost puppy; what a pathetic little boy. It was painfully obvious that he liked you. And you wonder why I cheated. He never liked me to begin with. I never understood why he got in a relationship with me when his heart adamantly belonged to you. Witnessing how you would constantly stare at him though, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you were just as obsessed. It was a waste of my time though; the sex was underwhelming and his dick was extremely tiny. Good luck with my sloppy seconds.”

Images of you socking her in the face were now filling up your mind—it would be so easy to just slap her or step on her foot, but what good would it do? You’d only look like a bad person and taint Jaebeom’s reputation. Plus, she could press charges and you would cause such a mess at the party. Right as she was about to walk out, you decided to make your own comment.

“Funny you say that considering that I can’t even fit him entirely inside of my mouth. The tip of his cock would always touch the back of my throat and there was still so much of him that my mouth couldn’t cover. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how good he fucks me. If it’s any consolation, Jaebeom is an amazing boyfriend and an even better lover. He treats me and eats me so fucking good. I’m sorry he didn’t think much of you to show you the same affection. Ah, before I go—he told me that you don’t taste all that good—bitter and sour if I remember his exact words. I’d get that checked if I were you.”

Your words felt much more better than a slap would have felt; even if you were blatantly telling lies, you felt as though a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. Jaebeom looked at you in confusion and it’s as if you knew he was going to ask you what took you so long. You cupped his cheek and placed a chaste kiss on his nose while saying goodbye to everyone on the table.

“I’m sorry to hear that your dad has a stomach ulcer y/n. I hope he feels better soon.”

Jaebeom was lucky that you were the kind of person to catch on to things quickly; you weren’t all too happy that he lied in order for the two of you to leave without being teased for what you both planned on doing, but you needed him just as badly as he claimed to have needed you. He didn’t even let you take two steps before roughly pressing his hard on against your ass and licking stripes along your neck; only adding to the euphoria you were already sensing as you made out with each other on the dance floor.

“I don’t think I can make it back to either of our places—I need you now.” You were about to ask him where he planned on taking you, but your questions were answered once he began pulling you towards the direction of the lobby.

“Jaebeom, you’re not seriously going to rent a hotel room for one night just so we can fuck—“

“That’s exactly what I plan on doing baby. If I have to wait even just one more minute, I’m going to cum in my pants just at the sight of your tits busting out of your dress. I’d prefer to come inside of you—plus it’s more romantic than what I had in mind. Honestly I was planning to make love to you in a family bathroom or the backseat of my car. I’ve waited to make love to you for longer than I want to say out loud. Just know that I’ve been dreaming of burying myself inside of your pussy for at least six years now. Our first time together is a night I will remember for the rest of my life and I think it would be even more memorable in a fancy setting don’t you think?”

His quick movements towards the front desk almost gave you whiplash, but it only heightened your excitement. He began tapping his foot impatiently as the receptionist took her time typing in his information. You had to stifle back a giggle at the veins that developed on his neck. After what felt like an hour having to wait for her to get you both a room, he yanked the key from her hand and ran towards the hallway leading to the elevators. You were sure the receptionist caught on to what the two of you were going to do once you headed up to the hotel room—but you couldn’t care less.

All that you could think about was finally getting to experience what you’ve been dreaming about for the last few years. You were going to make love to your best friend and you couldn’t be more excited. He didn’t even wait for the elevators to close before forcing you up against the wall, pressing his knee in between your legs in order to get as close to you as he physically could. His hands were gripping tightly at your waist while he attacked your neck and jaw with wet kisses. The feeling of his cock pressing up against your clothed core was a feeling you’ve never experienced before.

You’ve had sex enough times to say you had quite a bit of knowledge on how to please a man. Many of your partners told you that you were a professional at giving head and even more amazing at riding dick. None of their confessions meant anything to you—the only person whose opinion mattered was Jaebeom. You were growing insecure at the idea of not being able to take care of him or pleasure him in the way that previous girls he’s been with might have done. As soon as the doors opened, he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder; earning himself a loud gasp.

“Sorry baby; I can’t wait anymore. Those heels look amazing on you but fuck, they only make you move slower. However, I think it would be extremely sexy for you to keep them on while I fuck you.”

He shoved the keycard inside of the door and you didn’t even get to look around the room; he threw you down on the couch and climbed on top of you. The toothy grin he gave you made your stomach fill with butterflies. You’ve loved him for such a long time; if you were to tell your ten-year-old self that Im Jaebeom, the boy you’ve been crushing on since the second grade when he spent months tying your shoes for you until you actually learned how, reciprocated your same feelings, she would probably laugh in your face. But his comforting touch as he ran his hands along your arms made it all the more real that Jaebeom did in fact love you and you were finally going to experience the love you’ve been wanting to feel since you were a little girl.

“I know I’m seconds away from ripping this dress off of you, but since this is our first time together, I think it would be best for me to explain my love for you—even if only for a couple of minutes. You can hold off from needing to feel my dick inside of you can’t you?” You elbowed him in his ribs before flicking his forehead.

“You’re the one who is spending at least $200 to have sex with me just because you were too impatient to wait to get home.”

“Best $200 I’ve ever spent. Now, as much as I love hearing that sweet voice of yours, please be quiet so I can hurry up and go in to vivid detail about how, when and why I started having feelings for you. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve been in love with you from the day you first approached me back in the cafeteria, but the fact that you wanted to keep me company because you hated seeing me alone made my heart swell up. I knew you were going to be someone special in my life. I think I realized that I was in love with you right after my first break up. I developed a crush on you back in the 7th grade and I’m sure I saw you as more than just a friend even before then. I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship if I told you how I felt and found out that you didn’t reciprocate my same feelings. I know this is far fetched and hard to believe, but I’m telling the truth; every single girl that I’ve been with was my pathetic way of trying to get over you. Obviously, it never worked. They were never you. Nobody could ever be you baby. Nobody could make me feel so important—so happy—so loved and genuinely cared for. I’m happiest when I’m with you and I feel so fucking empty when we’re not together.” He brought his fingers right below your eyelids and wiped away a few stray tears that you didn’t even know built up.

“God, you’re so fucking cute. Anyway, I would always find myself staring at you. No matter what I was doing or who I was with, my eyes would always gravitate toward you. You’re so beautiful—I cannot stress this enough. You are the most beautiful girl to exist, I need you to know that. And it goes on your physical beauty; you have one of the biggest, most generous hearts and you never fail to make me laugh and smile at the most silliest things. I’m sorry for being such an idiot—I should have just grown the balls earlier and told you how I felt. I wouldn’t have wasted all my time fooling around with girls I didn’t care about. I never felt like I deserved you—that’s why I didn’t try I guess. I saw all the guys you developed crushes on and I was nothing like them. So I just assumed you wouldn’t look at me that way. But none of that matters now. I’m yours and you’re mine. I hope you know you’re stuck with me now that we’re together. You’re all I want and have wanted for almost my entire life y/n. I went through so many changes, but you are the only thing that stayed constant. When I first asked you to be my fake girlfriend, I would have never thought we would end up here. I promise; I didn’t plan this entire thing to get you to fall in love with me, but I’m really happy I did. Even happier knowing that you love me. Can you say it again? I don’t think I will ever get used to hearing you tell me you love me.”

You pulled him down and smashed your mouth against his; licking his bottom lip as a nonverbal way to ask for entrance. His movements were quick as he mirrored yours; allowing your tongues to dance in sync together while grinding his pelvis against yours.

“I love you Jaebeom. I’ve always loved you—mmmmm—always going to love you—now fuck me damnit.” He leaned back and gave you a flirtatious smirk, one you were seconds away from smacking off of his face. As emotional as his confession made you, you were now desiring for him to touch you; to really touch you, to feel him enrapture himself deep inside of you.

“Sit up baby—I bought this dress because you looked so good in it, but I’m sure you’ll look so much better without it—and I was right. Holy shit y/n—what the fuck—how are you so fucking perfect are you even real?!”

Your dress was flown across of the room, leaving you in only your underwear and although you weren’t the most confident in your body, the way Jaebeom was looking at you with so much lust; as if he was going to devour you sent your entire body in to a frenzy.

“Why aren’t you wearing a bra? It’s like you want to kill me. Your tits are huge—so pretty. You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to have you like this and now that I do, I’m not going easy on you.” He grabbed at both of your breasts, kneading and molding at them all but gently while leaving sloppy kisses right below your ear. When you felt him pinch at both nipples before twisting them between his calloused fingers, you let out a soft whimper.

“Jaebeom—“

“Yes baby? Everything okay?” You gave him an eager nod as you tilted your head back in pleasure.

“Feels so mmm—so good.” Your words only made his movements quicken and to your surprise, he lowered himself to your chest and brought one of your breasts in to his mouth while continuing to fondle the other. You weren’t a stranger to breast play; you loved whenever your partner would twist your nipples or suck on your titties, but it was different now that Jaebeom was doing it. It was otherworldly—you couldn’t even take in just how wonderful it felt. His tongue swirled around your hardened nipple and before you could even say anything, he brought your nipple in between his teeth.

“Oh God—“

Feeling him hum against your naked chest all the while sucking fervently on your mound made your head spin. You hated that you could already feel your orgasm building up only minutes in to foreplay; but it was expected. Jaebeom already took care of you as if it was his life duty to do so; this time was no different. He dragged his fingers along your stomach; only adding on to your excitement and desire.

His fingers were cold against your skin and you knew he was teasing you seeing that his movements were extremely slow. As much as you were enjoying the attention he was showing to your breasts, the fire burning in your core needed to be put out or else you’d really lose it.

“Jaebeom—babe—“ He abruptly pulled away at the sound of the pet name and gave you his signature grin; the one you’ve been in love with for so many years now.

“Everything alright y/n? I’m not hurting you am I? The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. Did you need me to slow down?” His laughter filled the room at the sight of you shaking your head faster than usual.

“I’m fine. Trust me, it’s the complete opposite. I’m going to need you to touch me—“

“But I am touching you. I can’t seem to stop touching you.” Upset with his response, you decided to take matters in to your own hands and brought his hand down to your entrance. You made sure that he could feel just how wet you were and you could only hope that it would get him to give you what you wanted.

“Holy shit—you’re soaking. All because I played with your titties for a little while? You’re going to be the death of me.”

“If you don’t hurry up and eat me, you’ll be the death of me. We have the rest of our lives for you to tease me—please just take me already. I’m going to tell you right now, I don’t usually beg during sex Im—and don’t expect it to be a reoccurring thing either. This is just built up sexual tension acting for me. So either you hurry up or—FUCK—shit shit—Jae—“

You were so heated in that moment; all you were focusing on was scolding him and trying to coerce him to make a move on your pussy that you failed to notice him making his way down towards your thigh until you felt him lick a long stripe along your core. You didn’t even realize he practically ripped your panty down the middle and as much as you wanted to be mad at him because it was expensive, you just wanted to feel him inside of you.

At this point, you didn’t care whether it was his tongue, his fingers or his cock; you just needed to feel something—anything to help soothe the tingling sensation in between your legs. His tongue was warm against your entrance; he placed a soft kiss and looked up at you with the most devilish grin you’ve ever seen before he began nibbling on your folds. A breathy moan fell from your lips as he continued his movements; getting eaten out was an experience you hardly ever got to indulge in.

Most of the guys expected you to suck them off, but there were only two or three that ever returned the favor. You weren’t going to lie, the few experiences you’ve had with other guys were great—they all seemed to know what they were doing at the time. However, with the way that Jaebeom was nibbling on your clit, flicking and sucking on the nub gently and even inserting two of his fingers deeply inside of your cunt—all of your ex-lovers seemed like beginners. Jaebeom was a professional; he knew exactly where to lick and to suck; his fingers were shoved in and out of you at a rapid pace and it didn’t take long for him to reach your g-spot.

This was the first time anyone ever accomplished finding your g-spot, let alone eating you out so well. If only you saw his ex after actually experiencing receiving head from him—you could have went even further in to detail just how amazing he was. His hums against your entrance made it clear that he was enjoying this just as much as you were.

“You—you have no flaws do you baby? You taste—so sweet—so fucking delicious. I could eat you out for hours—days if I put my heart in to it. Honestly, I think I’m having more fun than you are—I love how soaking you are. Your juices are filling up my mouth deliciously. You’re so fucking tight—I can’t wait to feel you wrap this pretty pussy around my cock. How does it feel? How does my tongue feel? I need words y/n.”

You pulled on his hair as soon as he returned back to his place and reattached his lips to your cunt. He playfully blew his warm breath against your core and with the wait you were clenching your legs around his shoulders, you knew you were so close.

“Feels—so good Jae—I’m so close—please—faster—“ He flicked at your clit with his fingers and licked his way back and forth along your folds. Before you knew it, you let out a whine and soon you were releasing your juices all over his tongue. He lapped up your cum and sucked on both his fingers; releasing them with a loud pop. Once he was done, he made his way up to you and brought his hands up to your mouth.

“Open your mouth and suck—I want you to experience just how amazing you taste. You’re so fucking sexy—I’m not usually a huge fan of hair pulling but shit—you can yank on my hair as much as you want to babe. I’m gonna need to eat this pussy at least five times a day.”

The thought made your eyes roll to the back of your head and honestly—you were all for it. Seeing your essence on his lips made you giggle; how could someone look so cute while doing something so sinful. You stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth before leaning towards him and unbuttoning his dress shirt.

“It’s not fair that I’m naked and you’re fully clothed.” You tried to take it off as fast as you could but it was hard and he wasn’t of any help; he just laughed at your misfortune and watched as you struggled trying to take out the buttons.

“I never would have thought watching someone unbutton my shirt would be this hot to watch, maybe I should wear dress shirts all the time—“

“Or maybe you should fucking help me instead of just ogling Jaebeom. If You don’t dick me down in the next two minutes, I’m gonna leave you hard and alone in this room.”

Normally you weren’t as dominant or confident as you were now; you were always so submissive even outside of sex. Whatever someone would instruct you to do, you did it with no hesitation. But you wanted—needed him to finally give you what you’ve been wanting for so long since the night you lost your virginity.

When you first had sex—it was an okay experience. It was back in your junior year of high school when your boyfriend at the time asked you if you were willing to take that step in your relationship. He was one of the only boyfriends you genuinely had feelings for and he made you feel good—it wasn’t as painful or awkward as most of your friends explained it to be. But if you could go back in the past, you would have waited to give yourself to the beautiful man in front of you. As soon as his shirt came off, he quickly removed his pants and you leaned back in order to get a better look at him. Y

ou knew that Jaebeom was extremely fit; he went to the gym almost every single day and he only ever ate healthy food—telling you that he needed to “maintain his figure”. You’ve seen him shirtless on multiple occasions and there were a few drunken stupors that you’ve seen him practically naked before, but this was the first time you’d actually get to see him bare; on full display in such an intimate setting. He looked at you in confusion; the blank stare on your face didn’t make him feel all that good. Your best friend was always so confident in his looks, his personality and his physique—yet right now, watching you stare at him with an unreadable expression made him feel like he wasn’t attractive enough. Luckily, your next words confirmed that you were gazing at him in awe of his charming good looks and not in disgust.

“You’re so hot Jaebeom—who knew you were hiding a six pack under all of those baggy hoodies?” You returned back to him and ran your index finger along his chiseled muscles. Both your breaths hitched as soon as your hand found his cock; you palmed him through his cotton briefs and hummed at how hard he was.

“May I?”

He gulped before nodding abruptly. Just like he did with your underwear; you forcefully ripped his off but he didn’t seem to care either. No daydream or any dream for that matter could ever had prepare you for this moment. You had a huge feeling Jaebeom was well endowed; you had a chance to see him in his underwear a few times, but seeing his long and thick girth made your mouth water.

“Shit Jaebeom—you’re so big baby. I can’t wait to feel you inside of me. Can I—return the favor first—“ You don’t remember ever drooling over someone’s dick before, but just thinking about how good the stretch was going to feel in just a matter of moments was making you heated again. To your dismay, he shook his head and it discouraged you. Did he not like receiving head? What guy didn’t like being sucked off? Or was it because he didn’t think you could do a good job of pleasing him? He’s been with so many girls—you were afraid that you wouldn’t be able to make him feel the ecstasy he just brought you through. Before you could continue overthinking, he brought his hand up to your chin and lifted it so that you were making direct eye contact with him.

“I want nothing more than to shove my dick down your throat—especially because you were extremely naughty earlier; commanding me and telling me what to do. I should really teach you a lesson and trust me baby, I’ve wanted to see you suck on my cock since July 4th back in junior year and the cafeteria gave us those popsicles and you deepthroated it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like you said, we have the rest of our lives to experiment—I have so many kinky positions to try and things that I want to do to you. But now—now I need to fuck you.”

He shoved you down on the bed and found his place in between your legs. He lined himself up at your entrance and ran his cock in between your folds; lubricating himself with your left over juices from your previous orgasm. You closed your eyes to prepare yourself for the stretch—as much as you loved being filled to the hilt with a dick, it was extremely uncomfortable. However, whether it was that he sensed your hesitance or something else popped in to his mind; you didn’t feel him just yet and you opened your eyes to see what was wrong.

“Jae—“

“I didn’t plan this well—fuck—damnit—I don’t have a fucking condom—shit—I haven’t had sex in years and I obviously didn’t think my dreams were finally going to come true tonight—fuck, y/n I’m so sorry—“ You playfully pinched his cheek and placed a reassuring kiss on his forehead.

“I’m on the pill if that’s okay with you. I’m a big fan of raw sex—and hey—we plan on spending the rest of our lives together anyway—so even if I were to get pregnant, then that would be pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. I want your babies one day—but if you’re not okay with that, I’m fine with swallowing your kids for the time being—“

“Oh God, please don’t ever say that again. That is not sexy at all. Are you sure about this y/n? I mean, the thought of fucking you without protection is indescribable—but I don’t want you to feel like you have to just because I’m irresponsible—“

“You would think I’d be used to my words going through one ear and out the other—you never listen to me other than when I offer to buy you food. It’s fine Jaebeom, I want this. Now—do us both a favor and blow my back out.” He gave you a hesitant smile and brought some hair off of your face before adoringly cupping your cheek in his palm.

“Tell me if it hurts okay? And please let me know when I can move. I love you y/n—I love you so much.”

He brought his lips to yours for what you assumed was to take your mind off of how uncomfortable the first stretch would feel. It wasn’t painful at all; you’ve had sex enough times to get used to the discomfort. His kisses and the way he was holding your waist protectively was enough to take your mind off of the ache and after a couple of thrusts, you were soon feeling pleasure. You gently gripped at his bicep as a nonverbal way to let him know that he could go faster and thankfully, he understood.

“Fuck—you’re so fucking tight—your walls feel so good wrapped around me—I think I could cum right now and call it a night honestly—“ you rolled your eyes all the while biting your lip in pleasure. His cock felt so good against your clit; his pelvis kissed the tip of your cervix at a pace that you didn’t think was physically possible. The room was filled with skin on skin slapping against each other as his ass collided with yours. He raised your leg up and placed it behind his head so he could hit you deeper and you were sure that just like him, you weren’t all too far away from your second orgasm.

“Mmm—JAEBEOM—FUCK—right there—holy shit—“ He brought his hand up to your neck and wrapped around your pressure point; choking you while forcing himself harder inside of your cunt. It was an indescribable experience; you were quickly growing lightheaded but in such a wonderful way. He continued his thrusts; pounding his cock vehemently in and out of your folds.

“You’re so good to me baby—taking this cock so well—I’m so close y/n—you feel extraordinary—fuck wait—I want to take you from behind, would that be okay? I want to fuck you in to this bed—may I?”

Out of all the positions, doggy style had to be your favorite. Specifically because you were an exhibitionist and a lot of the times you’ve had sex, you made sure it was in an area where you’d be able to see yourself getting fucked. You enjoyed watching your partner take you from behind; it was lewd and animalistic—it made your sex sessions all that more arousing. Even if the mirror wasn’t facing the two of you—you were extremely excited nonetheless. He pulled himself out of you; earning him an erotic whimper but you turned around and placed your face in to the pillows while lifting your ass up in to the air. He slapped both your cheeks before kneading them and playfully pinching them both.

“I’m going to tell you this right now and I don’t care if you slap me—but I’ve stared at this beautiful ass many times and I’m not even sorry. I could write a novel about how much your ass alone drives me fucking insane—your whole body is a wonderland and I’m losing my fucking mind.” Thankfully, as soon as he admitted his obsession with your butt, he realigned himself at your folds and didn’t give you any warning before shoving his cock back inside.

“FUCK—DON’T DO THAT—I’M GONNA COME Y/N STOP—“ His grip on your hips tightened once he felt you clench around him. At first, it was an accident. You were just reacting to how amazing it felt having his hardened length graze along your walls, but now that you knew how much it was affecting him, you wanted to mess around with him.

“I thought you said no teasing tonight. Fine, two can play at that game babe.”

No matter how hard and how fast he was pumping himself inside of you, his pace now was merciless. He began to bite and suck on the back of your neck and grunted each and every time his cock kissed your lips. His movements were harder—faster and you couldn’t even form an actual sentence to describe how euphoric you felt. This went on for ten more minutes and before either of you knew it, you felt his warm, creamy liquid fill you to the brim. Not too long after, he coaxed you in to reaching your release by whispering dirty words and sweet nothings in to your ear.

After coming on his cock, you collapsed on the bed and he plopped his body on top of you. If you weren’t as exhausted as you were at the moment, you would have complained about how heavy his body was lying against yours, but you were so tired and you actually liked the proximity between the two of you. You and Jaebeom laid there for a couple of minutes; trying to catch your breaths and accept reality for what it was. You just made love to the man of your dreams—he was finally yours to love as you were his. Honestly, you didn’t need anything or anyone else.

You didn’t care what job you were to get in the future; what car you’d end up driving one day or the house you’d end up living in—you would be content living a box as long as Jaebeom was there next to you. Once his breathing returned back to normal, he got off of you and took his place right next to you—turning you to face him. His hair was stuck on his forehead and with all the energy you had left—you let out a little chuckle.

“This was the best night of my fucking life I can’t even—that was amazing—you were—wow y/n. I think I’m going to become a nymphomaniac and it is all your fault. Shit you felt so good I’ll never get over it. How was that for you though?” You pecked his lips and dragged your thumb along his bottom one.

“That was wonderful—I’m sure it was ten times more amazing because I’m so in love with you. I’ve never been in love before—so I feel like it just heightens my hormones and made my experience so much more enjoyable. You were remarkable babe. I think I enjoyed that a little too much. I’m so glad we finally put our feelings out there. I don’t think I would have lasted much longer knowing how much I love you and not doing anything about it. I’m sure I would have blurted it out sooner or later. I love you Jaebeom. I’m so happy I can say that now. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He looked at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes and pulled you closer to his body before stealing a few fleeting kisses from your lips and running his fingers through your hair.

“I love you too y/n and I’m going to spend the rest of my life reminding you both physically and verbally on a daily basis just how much. You’ll never have to question my love for you. Now—should I call the front desk and tell them we plan on staying for the rest of this week? I really want to fuck you in the shower and up against the window.”

The next day—you and Jaebeom relished in your love for a couple of hours before you tapped out. The wedding wasn’t until 6:00 P.M. but you didn’t want to miss out just because you weren’t able to move around. For the rest of the day, the two of you watched a couple of movies and ordered room service. Your cuddling was on a whole other level now, he preferred that you’d sit on his lap rather than just sitting next to him and he always had to have his arms wrapped around you. Once it was time for you both to get ready, he recommended taking a shower together in order to “save time and the environment” but you knew exactly what would happen if you decided to take a shower with him and your mind was set on going to the wedding.

He let out the most adorable whine but allowed you to take a shower first because he knew you would need more time to get ready. While he was in the shower, you slipped on your dress and began to apply a light amount of make up. Your hair didn’t take too long to dry and you actually finished getting ready around the same time he was. Watching his jaw drop as he walked in to the room at looked at you up and down sent chills down your spine.

“Yeah—no, there is no way I am letting you go down looking like that—we’re staying here and that dress is going on the floor—“

“Im Jaebeom, I will go to that wedding with or without you. I did not spend half an hour getting dolled up just so we can stay here and have more sex. I’m still sore—keep it in your pants will you? If you’re a good boy then maybe when we come back—I’ll let you have your way with me again. But until then, promise me you’ll be on your best behavior.” He groaned before making his way towards you—wrapping his arms around your waist and releasing a long sigh in to your neck.

“Fine. Just know I’m rock solid right now and I’ll probably be for the rest of the night until you relieve me. There are a few family restrooms we can make love in—get back here—you can’t attend the wedding without me baby—“

The wedding was extremely beautiful. Although you didn’t know either the bride or the groom personally, you found yourself shedding a couple of tears. You’ve always loved going to weddings; witnessing the love two people had for each other was so beautiful. There were so many times you’ve found yourself planning out your future wedding, but you’ve never been with anyone that you’d see yourself starting a family with. The idea of marrying Jaebeom was always in the back of your mind, but you never thought you’d be here right now with his hand inching closer and closer to your core.

“That’s going to be you and me one day.” You turned around to face him and smiled softly at his sweet words.

“I can’t wait.” Once the bride and groom said their vows and everyone made their way in to the grand ballroom, the rest of the night came and went with a snap of your finger. You were so caught up in staring at your boyfriend and just thinking about what he said earlier that you didn’t even bother to look around for Ella. She didn’t matter anymore. It may have sounded weird, but you were grateful that she made the awful mistake of cheating on Jaebeom. You hated that she hurt him and make him question himself and what he did wrong, but you were content that it brought the two of you together.

Your love for Jaebeom only grew stronger as the days went by. If you thought he was the perfect best friend; he was an even more amazing boyfriend. He was quite the gentleman; always called you up to see how your day was going, bought you things that reminded him of you, wrote poems about your beauty and how lucky he was to have you—he even stayed on the phone with your mom for over an hour once to learn how to make your favorite dish. He also tried his best to head over to your place almost every single day and on the days he was too tired from work, he’d make sure to FaceTime with you just so he could get his fill of seeing you. Life with Jaebeom was perfect—honestly too good to be true. Both work and school was rough for you, but the time you’d get to spend with him made it all worth your while.

Unfortunately, you were putting all your time and energy in to your education, your work and your relationship that you weren’t taking good enough care of yourself. One morning you woke up feeling nauseous and extremely light headed. You just assumed it was because you were either dehydrated or lacking in sleep. Since you didn’t think anything of it, you went about your day like nothing was wrong. You were sitting in class, texting back and forth with your boyfriend when all of a sudden you felt yourself going in and out of your head—you didn’t know how to explain exactly what you were feeling but you knew something wasn’t right.

It wasn’t until your vision went blurry that you felt like you should make your way towards the nurse’s office; but you collapsed right as you made your way towards the door. The last thing you heard were worried voices telling someone to call an ambulance before everything faded to black. Waking up felt weird; you knew by the white walls and the beeping from what you assumed was a heart monitor that you were in the hospital. Your memory was a blur; you remembered everything leading up to that moment, but you don’t remember being put in the back of an ambulance or even making your way to the hospital. How long have you been asleep for? What exactly caused you to pass out?

You had a feeling you’ve been sleeping for at least a couple of hours—but then again, what felt like such a short amount of time to you could have been a week for all you knew. The tight hold on your hand was quick to grab your attention and when you looked down to see who it was—even if you had a feeling it was the same person you were hoping it would be, you gently caressed his hand with your thumb. Jaebeom was leaning on your bed; his face was pressed up against your ankle as his hands were intertwined with yours. You didn’t want to wake him up; but your curiosity was getting the best of you.

“Jaebeom—baby—hey—“

You brought your hand in to his hair and began running your fingers through it in attempts to wake him up without startling him. He took his time to wake up but as soon as he realized that it was you calling his name, he sat up abruptly and blinked a few times; as if he was trying to see whether or not he was still sleeping or if he was awake and you were actually real. As soon as he realized that he wasn’t still dreaming, he threw himself towards you and cupped your face in between his hands.

“Finally, you’re up. How are you feeling baby? God y/n, I was so worried about you. I had a feeling something was wrong when you stopped responding to my text messages and then I got a call from your mom telling me that you fainted and I couldn’t think. I was so scared—do you need me to get you something? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want to use the bathroom? Should I call the doctor—“

In your fifteen years of knowing him, you’ve never seen him so distraught before. There’s never been a situation that he ever had to be this frantic or nervous—but it made your heart flutter both seeing and hearing how affected he was that something happened to you.

“I’m okay babe, I just want you to hold me.” He bit his lip before standing up and placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

“Let me go call a doctor and let your parents know your awake. Then I’ll join you on the bed and cuddle the shit out of you.” You frowned as you saw him leave the room, but you understood that he wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. When the doctor came in, he was alone and you wondered where Jaebeom could have gone, but the grim look that he was wearing worried you.

“Hi there y/n. It’s nice to see that you’re finally awake.”

“Do you mind me asking, how long have I been asleep for?”

“Three days. I’m actually surprised you’re not still in a coma. From what happened to you—I expected you to still be sleeping for at least one more week. How are you feeling?” You shrugged indifferently before sitting upright.

“Groggy I guess? My body hurts just a little bit, but other than that, I’m fine. Did I pass out because I’m not eating right or getting enough hours of sleep? I’ll admit, I haven’t been taking care of my body as much as I should so is it because of that?” He released a disappointed sigh before shaking his head.

“Y/n—I don’t know how to tell you this but, one of your kidneys are failing. That’s why your body went in to shock and you ended up collapsing.”

You looked at him in shock. To be honest, you weren’t all that familiar with how bodies worked. All you knew was you needed to eat right, drink 8 cups of water a day, get at least seven hours of sleep and exercise three to five times a week. You didn’t know much about kidneys other than the fact that they filter out toxins from your body; you weren’t even aware of where it was located. But to hear that one of your kidneys were failing made you extremely nervous.

“What does that mean exactly?” He walked closer to you and took a seat on the chair Jaebeom was sitting on. It made you grow even more curious as to where he could have been. Did he know? Is that why he seemed so upset? Did the doctor explain to him what happens to people who’s kidneys are failing?

“Your kidney is one of the most important and vital organs in your body—when it fails, so does everything else. I don’t want to worry you—but most people don’t last long even when on dialysis.” The last thing anyone—especially someone who was only twenty-three years old wanted to hear was that you were going to die soon. You were still so young; there was so much going on for you as of right now. There were so many things you had planned for your future—why was your life on the line? It wasn’t fair. A few tears began to build at the brim of your eyelids—but it was only natural.

“Is there anything I can do? A surgery I have to undergo or some medication I can take? I’ll do anything doctor. This can’t be it for me.”

He nodded in understanding; you were sure it was probably hard for him to deliver this kind of news—but it probably wasn’t something he had yet to get used to. As many miracles there were in the hospital, there were just as many tragedies.

“You could get a kidney transplant, but there’s a list. Kidneys are one of those organs that are harder to get next to a heart. I’ll put you on the list right now, but I’m sure there’s at least thirty people waiting for a donor. What we can do is test some of your loved ones to see if they have the same blood type as you and if they’re willing to give you one of their kidneys, then there’s no having to go on the list and your health will be good as new.”

The thought of having to ask someone for their kidney made you want to cry. You knew your parents would offer their kidneys in a heartbreak—but there was no way you could do that to either of them. Even if people could live on just one kidney, what if down the road, that kidney ends up failing itself? As much as you did not want to die, you refused to put someone else’s life at jeopardy just to save yours.

“I see. I’ll talk to my family about it. Thank you so much doctor.”

He gave you a sad smile and told you that he’d get a nurse to bring in some food before leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You didn’t know what to do or what to think. What could you do other than cry, pray and hope for the best? He didn’t have to say it outright, but you knew he was indirectly explaining that your chances of living were very slim.

You allowed yourself to break down; you didn’t want to cry in front of anyone—especially not Jaebeom. He was already worried as it was—you didn’t need to add on to his problems. When you heard footsteps approaching the door just a couple of minutes after the doctor left, you wiped away your tears and put on the fakest smile you could muster.

“My baby! I’m so glad you’re finally up—you poor thing. When the hospital called me, I almost ended up passing out myself. What did the doctor say? I told you—you need to take care of yourself better y/n—“

“I’m dying mom. One of my kidneys are failing. He didn’t say why or how—I’m assuming it might be hereditary but there’s nothing I can do other than get a transplant—but he said the list is backed up. There are at least thirty people ahead of me.”

Right as you finished relaying the news, you could have sworn your heart broke as soon as your mom let out the most gut wrenching sob. Sure, it was already so much for you to take in as the person who was just minutes away from death—but as a mother, hearing that your child is sick must feel like their entire world was falling apart. Besides Jaebeom, your mom was your best friend. She had to be your favorite person in the world; and you were hoping that one day, you’d be even half as an amazing mother to your kids as she is to you.

She joined you on the bed and pulled you in to her embrace. The two of you just sat there crying for quite some time; you failed to notice Jaebeom walk in nor did you see him walk right out in order to give you and your mom some space.

“You’re going to be fine y/n okay? I will make sure of it. I’m going to get tested and I’m sure your father would love to see if he’s a match and Jaebeom—“

“No—please—I can’t ask any of you to do such a thing like that for me.” She looked insulted; as if you said something to hurt her feelings but you knew she was just sad.

“Y/n, I’m your mother—I’ll do anything for you baby girl. I’m not going to lose you—no—not if there’s anything I can do about it. Don’t give up okay? Don’t lose hope. Everything will be okay in the end.” Her fingers felt nice in your hair; her touch was featherlight and she began humming softly while placing a kiss on your cheek.

“Mom. Can you do me a favor?” She nodded without hesitation. “Please don’t tell Jaebeom. The last thing he needs is to worry about me. He already has so much on his plate. His dying girlfriend should be the last of his worries—“

“Y/n, you can’t be serious right now. I wish I could have recorded just how worried he sounded when I told him you were at the hospital. I’ve never seen someone so in love with another person the way Jaebeom is in love with you. You can’t do that to him—it’s not fair to him. You’re his main priority y/n and think about it like this—what if he was the one who was sick and kept something so important like a failing kidney from you? How would you feel? Devastated right? I’m sure he’ll be broken-hearted if he were to find out when it’s too late. He’s been in your life for such a long time y/n—as your boyfriend, and your best friend, he deserves to hear the truth.”

You knew she was right—if Jaebeom kept that a secret from you, you’d be so hurt and betrayed. But you felt like you were protecting him by keeping it a secret.

“Fine I promise I will tell him on my own time. But you need to promise me that you won’t say a thing. Okay?”

She hesitantly nodded; your mom wasn’t stupid. She knew you just as much and if not more than you knew yourself. No matter how much she would tell you what to do, that didn’t mean you would listen. You were stubborn and hardheaded as hell; you were also the type to suffer in silence by yourself. You didn’t like being a burden to people.

When you were discharged from the hospital only two days later, Jaebeom forced you to stay with him at his apartment so that he could take care of you. He was afraid that you could collapse again; so he called you out from both your school and your workplace so you had a good amount of time to relax. He also made it a habit to feed you every three hours in order to make sure you were getting as much nutrients as your body needed to survive on.

A week later, you returned back to your apartment with the excuse that you were feeling better and that you missed the comfort of your own space and hesitantly—he let you. But he got you to promise him that you would text him as much as possible; especially if he wasn’t able to check up on you. It was then that you decided to shut him and anyone out of your life completely. You were stupid to come up with that decision; what good would it do by ignoring everybody in your life.

Especially the person—your person who meant the entire world to you. If you were dying, you didn’t want to make it harder on anyone; specifically Jaebeom and your parents to spend so much time with them only to pass away sooner than you expected. You cried for what felt like hours when you turned off your phone. You knew that wasn’t going to be enough though; Jaebeom was relentless. He arrived at your apartment just a few hours later—pounding on your door repeatedly while screaming for you to open it.

Your heart was begging for you to open the door. How could you do this to him? You claim to be shutting him out in order to protect him, yet it was obvious you were breaking his heart. With each pound at your door, you could feel your heart tearing. Why did you fall in love? Why did you allow yourself to get so attached that now you didn’t want to leave even if you didn’t have the choice? You weren’t afraid of death—no. Everybody dies, it’s apart of life. You were afraid of no longer being with Jaebeom.

No longer getting to see his handsome face or being the reason being his laughter. No longer getting to hold him and be held by him. No longer getting to kiss him and just basking in his existence. Not getting the chance to have a future together—that’s what was hurting you the most. He came by every single day; crying and begging for you to let him in. He told you he had no idea what he did wrong and he thought this was your way of breaking up with him, but he couldn’t understand why.

Everything was going so well between the two of you just hours before you were administered in to the hospital. Did he say something to upset you? Did you just want to be by yourself right now? Why were you pushing him away when it was obvious that this was the time you needed him the most? You wanted him to hold you as you cried and to tell you everything was going to be okay—even if it wasn’t.

All you did for the rest of that week other than crying is eat and sleep. You didn’t have the energy nor the motivation to do anything. A week later, you decided to turn on your phone just to make sure nothing bad happened. Seeing over hundreds of texts, calls and voicemails from your boyfriend made you feel like complete and utter shit. You never believed you deserved Jaebeom; even months in to your relationship, you felt as though he deserved someone so much better than you.

You’ve never hated yourself as much as you did right now. A part of you wanted to read his messages or to listen to one of his voicemails because you missed him like crazy—but you were well aware that it would only make you feel worse. You did notice a number you didn’t recognize call you at least three times and when you listened to the voicemail, you felt as if the entire world stopped.

“Hi, this message is for Y/n Y/l/n. This is Dr.Kim calling from Queen’s Medical Center. I am excited to inform you that we found a donor for you. Please get back to me as soon as possible. Thank you.”

You couldn’t believe it—there had to be a catch. Just days ago, he told you that it wasn’t looking too good in your favor but now he said there was a donor for you? Was there thirty other people willing to give their kidneys to those needing a transplant before you? You didn’t want to get too excited; you couldn’t stop your conscience telling you that there was a chance your mom was a match and she offered her kidney. Your initial instinct was to call her first before calling the doctor back, but it’s already been three days.

If you waited any longer, they could give the kidney to someone else and even if you weren’t too sure if you wanted to accept the transplant, you weren’t going to be rude if someone was already offering it.

“Hi y/n! How are you? I hope you’re doing well! I’m so excited to say that we found someone with the same blood type as you to donate their kidney. Never in my twenty years of being a doctor have I seen such a case like this—I call it a miracle. I’d recommend you come down to the hospital as soon as you can so we can give you the transplant.”

You felt overwhelmed—you were undoubtedly content that you were giving the chance to live but you were still curious as to how there was a donor in just a span of a week when some people have been on that list for years.

“Would you happen to know who the person is whose kidney I’m being given?”

“I have no idea. Sorry. I look forward to seeing you soon y/n. Drive safely.”

You drank a few cups of water and took a bite out of a sandwich that’s been in your fridge for almost a month now, but you had no appetite at all. As you made your way to the hospital, you found yourself hovering your finger over Jaebeom’s contact. You were given another chance at being able to spend the rest of your life with him—but you fucked it all up. He had to hate your guts for all that you made him suffer through and you couldn’t blame him.

After you pulled up to the hospital and looked around for doctor Kim, the nurses had you wait in the lobby so they could prepare the surgery table for you. The process didn’t take too long and when doctor Kim came out to explain just how lucky you were to be the recipient of a kidney in such a short amount of time and had the nurses prep you for surgery, you just wanted to get it all over with. The surgery room was extremely bright and you were wearing nothing but a hospital gown. You were told that kidney transplant surgeries took about five to seven hours but because they were putting you on anesthesia, it would feel like five minutes.

One of the nurses placed the mask on top of your mouth and had you count to ten—but you didn’t even make it to six before passing out completely. Just like the day you collapsed in your lecture hall, you don’t remember falling asleep. It felt good being awake again; but this time was worse than the last. Everything hurt and your mouth felt so dry. Nothing came out of your mouth as you tried to speak up and call for a doctor.

However, you did feel a pair of hands gripping at your arm and this all felt like deja vu. You were afraid of it being Jaebeom—you didn’t think you deserved for him to come see you and you didn’t think you’d be able to look at him without crying at the thought of how much you’ve broken him. Once you realized it was your mom, you let out a sigh of relief yet you were disappointed it wasn’t your boyfriend. As soon as your mom felt you stirring, she looked up at you and you could’ve sworn her pained expression would be forever imprinted on the back of your mind.

“Hi mom.” She furrowed her brows before bringing your hand up to her lips and placing a kiss on the back of it. Her expression was quick to change though and before you knew it, she smacked your arm all but gently.

“You stubborn girl. What is wrong with you? How could you do that to us. You know how worried I was—we all were? What if you were to die huh? There wouldn’t be any way for us to come and get you. You’ve made some pretty stupid choices in your life y/n but this had to be the stupidest thing you could have ever done. And don’t even get me started with the hell you put Jaebeom through. As your mother, I was so mad at you but the poor boy—he thought he did something wrong. He wouldn’t stop blaming himself for something he had no control over—“ You didn’t want to interrupt your mom; especially because she was furious but you needed to know.

“Where is he?” She stopped her scolding completely as she directed her attention towards anything other than you.

Oh no. It couldn’t be.

“Mom. I asked you a question—“

“I think I should go get the doctor and tell him you’re awake—“

“Mom! Answer me! Where is Jaebeom?”

The look of guilt on her face made it all the more adamant that she knew exactly where he was but she didn’t want you to know. She was silent for five minutes; contemplating on how she should go about telling you just how they were able to find you a donor in just a matter of days.

“I told him.” You looked at her in shock; that was the one thing you did not want her to do. If Jaebeom were to find out about your situation, he wouldn’t hesitate to go and get tested to see if he was a match.

“I kept it a secret for as long as I could. But when he came over to our house, asking me if I’ve heard from you and if something was wrong—I couldn’t keep lying to him y/n. It was hard for me to look at him, watch him cry and plead to even hear that you were okay; you’re so selfish. I know it was a lot to take in, but I told you we would handle it didn’t I? We’re in this together y/n. Right after I told him, he came here and took the test to see if his kidneys were healthy enough for him to live on just one. You’re both O positive and he didn’t even hesitate to give it to you. He’s still healing but the doctor said he can be discharged tomorrow.”

All the color drained from your face and you felt like you were going to throw up. Why would he do something so stupid—so foolish; giving away a kidney isn’t something simple like buying someone a gift; or doing their homework for them. This was something he wasn’t able to take back. He was now putting his own health at risk and at what cost? Just so you could live longer? What if this only shortened his life? The doctor said people could survive with only one kidney, but what if his other one failed later on in life? What happens then?

You wanted to be grateful that he would do such a thing; you obviously meant so much to him that he was willing to give you a part of himself in order to keep you alive. However, you were angry—not so much with him, but this entire situation.

“I can tell you’re overthinking things right now and I just want you to stop. I know that if he was the one dying, you would have done the same thing—so stop. Just be thankful that he did this. Don’t get mad at him; this was already such a big decision for him to make and he made it in a heartbeat. He did this because he loves you y/n. How do you think he would feel seeing you so upset over this as the person who gave you his kidney? Sometimes we do things for the people we love without even a second thought. All we care about is making them happy and keeping them safe. Exactly what Jaebeom did for you. Now, I’m going to go get a doctor, don’t do anything reckless while I’m gone.”

As soon as she left you all alone, you completely fell apart. You ignored him. You lied to him. You tried to leave him and keep him out of your life to protect him from your unfortunate fate yet he gave himself for you. He put his life on the line in order to save yours. Your mom had a point, if it was Jaebeom who needed a kidney, you wouldn’t hesitate to give him yours. With the entire Ella circumstance, although you were hesitant on helping him out for obvious reasons, you gave in because you wanted to help him in any way you possibly could—much like he just did now.

No matter how many times Jaebeom told you and even showed you how much he loved you, this just set it all in stone. When your mom returned with the doctor and he explained how the healing process worked and what was going to happen now that you had a new kidney, all you wanted to do was find Jaebeom. You wanted to see him yourself and personally thank him for his sacrifice. Your mom told you to get some rest and that she would let you see Jaebeom later, but she knew she wasn’t going to win any argument with you—and you had every right to go and see him. It’s only been a week since you last saw the older boy but it felt like a year—a long, grueling, heartbreaking year.

As the nurse pushed you in a wheelchair towards his room, there were negative thoughts that began to fill up your mind. Does he regret doing this? What if for some reason one day, we call it quits, is he going to regret it then? What if he wanted nothing to do with you? What if giving you his kidney was his goodbye gift to you?

Your heart rate only increased as she brought you right outside the door and told you that she wanted to see if he was awake before letting you inside. You weren’t the biggest fan of hospitals; there was one time you tripped and fell in your freshman year and sprained your ankle and you had to stay over two weeks in order to get the surgery and the rest you needed to completely heal.

The man you were only seconds away from seeing again stayed with you throughout your entire stay. He went to school every morning even if he didn’t want to; but came to be with you as soon as the last bell rang. Even at the prime age of fifteen, Jaebeom always put you first. What did you do to deserve someone who loves you as much as he does?

“He’s awake now—I didn’t tell him you’re here to see him because I’m sure you want to surprise him. Are you ready?”

You nodded slowly and took in a deep breath as she wheeled you in to his room. There were countless “get well” balloons and many beautiful bouquets of flowers spread throughout the small space. Jaebeom was a very popular person his entire life—you weren’t surprised to see just how many people were wishing him a speedy recovery. You wondered if anyone knew why he was currently in the hospital.

As soon as your eyes landed on him, your breath hitched and you wanted to cry again. He currently had so many wires attached to him and there was a couple of bruises on his body; your doctor explained that it was natural for both your bodies to change—especially his since he no longer had both of his kidneys. You wanted nothing more that to hold him and to tell him just how grateful you were for everything; not just for his generosity—although there was no way you’d be able to top this at all, but just for everything he’s done for you since you first became friends.

“Jaebeom sweetheart, look who came to see you. I’ll give the two of you some space while I go get something for you both to snack on. Just press the help button if you need assistance before I get back.” You kept your eyes on his bed; not wanting to see the way he was looking at you or you would surely break out in tears.

“Hi.” You began to pick at your fingers out of nervousness. If only you could read minds; you wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. Jaebeom was never a man of words—he preferred actions. You had a feeling he wouldn’t confess even one thought that was going through his mind right now nor did you want to force anything out of him.

“Hey.” Silence filled the room once you both acknowledged the other’s presence; you didn’t know what to say and with the way he didn’t speak up either—neither did he.

“How are you feeling?” His question is what got you to finally look at him. He looked exhausted beyond belief and his face was exceedingly smaller and more pale. His eyes were puffy and both his hair and facial hair were growing faster than normal.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He shrugged and you felt terrible. The two of you were acting as if you were strangers. This was your best friend—the love of your life; your soulmate. Why were you treating him like you had no idea who he was.

“Jaebeom I don’t know where to start. Well I do—thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t think I will ever be able to repay you. You saved my life—I’m forever indebted to you Im Jaebeom. I hope you know I would have done the same exact thing for you. I know this is a stupid question to ask, especially because I am well aware of what the answer is, I just want to hear you say it—how—why would you do this? Do you understand how big of a sacrifice you made? A kidney isn’t a small thing Jaebeom; people wait years for one—“

“You just answered your own question y/n. How many times do I have to tell you this for you to get it through that pretty yet extremely stubborn head of yours? I would do anything for you. Anything. I’d give my life up for you—you should know that by now. Fuck—I hated being away from you and I hated that you were trying to push me away. I of all people should have been the first person you ran through. I’m your boyfriend and your best friend y/n. You should feel like you’re able to come and tell me things like this. Especially a life or death situation. What did you think was going to happen if you stayed away huh? What good was that going to do? I honestly don’t know what I would do if I were to lose you. I know—giving away a kidney is a big deal but I didn’t care about anything in that moment. Your mom told me you didn’t want me worrying about you and that’s why you kept it between yourselves—but how could I not worry? It’s not just your future we’re talking about it’s mine too. What, did you think everything would be fine and dandy if you were to die? You’re crazy for even thinking that I wouldn’t want to do this for you. I did it for you and for us—so I can have you for so many more years to come. I love you y/n—so much that it actually scares me but not in a bad way if that makes sense.”

You moved closer to him and tried your best to get up from your wheelchair in order to join him on the bed. You were sure that if you were to look in the mirror right now—you’d see just how his words practically wrecked you. He laughed softly to himself when he saw you struggle and took matters in to his own hands; he slowly got up and reached for your hand, pulling you towards him and you didn’t even give him a second to make himself comfortable before connecting your lips with his in a passionate kiss. He smiled widely against your mouth. Since he was still pretty lethargic and not quite himself just yet, he had to stop the kiss from escalating any further, no matter how badly he wanted to continue feeling your lips on his.

“I’ve missed you. Don’t ever do that to me again. Just for that, I hope you know I’m forcing you to move in with me so that I can keep my eye on you. I don’t know why we didn’t move in together sooner, there’s nothing I want more than to go to sleep with you wrapped in my arms and to wake up to your beautiful face and stinky morning breath.”

You gave him a small pout at his words before nodding in agreement. The idea of moving in with Jaebeom sent fire to your bones. You were more than happy to be able to share a space with him—you always wanted to be around him. The two of you only spent most of your time together at each other’s places, so it only made sense that you both moved in together. You placed a soft kiss on his bottom lip before bringing your hand up just above his eyebrow; tracing his two moles that you adored so much ever so gently.

“I just didn’t want to end up hurting you if something were to happen to me. As soon as the doctor told me the news, my mind went blank and you were the first person I thought of. I cried at the thought of having to leave you and I thought it would be easier for you to get used to living without me—“

“Well you thought wrong—“ You gently slapped his shoulder before placing a few pecks on his lips.

“Hey, I let you talk without interrupting you. Now let me speak. I was devastated when I heard that my chances of living were slim. It was like there was no hope for me and I didn’t want to get your hopes up either. I’m sure nobody wants to die, especially at such a young age but I was more afraid of no longer having you around and what would happen to you if something did happen to me to even care about what goes on after we die. I can’t even form a plausible sentence to describe how thankful I am that you did this. Thank you for loving me Jaebeom. Thank you for just being you. I can’t even tell you how much your sacrifice means to me. I never once questioned your love for me; you never fail to remind me that you’re so madly in love with me and trust me when I say this, I love you with every fiber of my being—with every single breath that I take. You’re the reason for my existence Jae. To be able to love you and be the extremely lucky person who gets to be loved by you is something I will always be grateful for. You are an extraordinary human being. People like you only come one in a lifetime. I love being able to wake up every morning knowing that you are my person. I don’t say it as much as I should and I’m going to work on that. I want to be a better girlfriend because it’s what you deserve. But I will do anything in my power to show you that my heart is yours. That I am wholeheartedly and irrevocably in love with you.”

When you saw tears building up at the corner of his eyelids, you had to stifle back a laugh. It took a lot for Jaebeom to cry; he wasn’t a sensitive guy so it did melt your heart seeing him so worked up over the thought of no longer having you in his life. God, you were so in love with him. How did you stay away from him for even just a week? You had to be insane. This entire situation made it crystal clear for you—no matter what happened in your life, there was no way you could ever be without Im Jaebeom.

“A life without you is a life I never want to live. If my kidney ends up failing later down the road—then I’ll dying knowing I gave my life to save yours. To keep you around. I’d give you my heart if you needed it—you’re the owner of it anyway. I wanted to do this for so many reasons baby and I would do it again and again if I had to. It’s you and me for life y/n—I’m yours forever. Oh, and I just want to let you know that I plan on using the fact that you now have one of my kidneys to my advantage just to get on your nerves. If I’m hungry and I want you to make me something—just remember, I gave you my kidney. And this goes for anything else. If there’s only one cookie left or I want to choose a movie for us to watch—my organ is what’s keeping you alive. Think of it this way, you’ll always have a part of me inside of you even if I’m not physically inside of you. I hope you know once we’re both released and completely healed that I expect you to show me just how grateful you are while on your knees—okay I obviously made the wrong decision, give me back my kidney.”

You gave him the most adorable scowl to which he placed a long, sloppy kiss on your lips and pulled you closer to his body as humanly possible. You’ve missed being in his arms, it’s when you felt the safest and the most at ease. Im Jaebeom in more or less words was an actual angel sent to you to take care of you and you were going to spend the rest of your life showing him just how over the moon you were to call him yours.

“All jokes aside baby, you mean everything to me y/n and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for us.”

#got7 imagines #got7 #Jaebeom #Im Jaebeom #got7 jb

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azucanela · 3 years

Text

DIVINE INTERVENTION [PT 3] OIKAWA TOORU

DIVINE INTERVENTION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: Everything is perfectly fine. Aside from the fact that Iwaizumi cannot know by any means at all. Ever. Oikawa isn’t looking to die.

WORD COUNT: 2.2k

WARNINGS: unedited, arguing,

A/N: i know exactly where i want this story to go but i have no idea how im going to get there. anywho, enjoy some of this

RULE #1

The rules were simple. And if Y/N was honest, their establishment... made sense. In fact, it had been one of few things Oikawa had done that was actually intelligent— though this excluded volleyball; even if Y/N was annoyed by his antics at times and considered him a fool, his skill in the game was practically unparalleled. And for that, she respected him

Not that she would ever admit it, of course.

The whole purpose was to set boundaries for this little thing they agreed to do— because yes, Y/N had managed to convince Oikawa to go along with her plan. These boundaries would ensure nobody was uncomfortable with the arrangement and hopefully preserve Y/N and Oikawa’s friendship. They’d both seen this trope in an endless number of romantic comedies, and decided that they would be the exception, especially since they were just movies, right? Right.

If Y/N was honest though, she had no idea how she convinced Oikawa to agree to this. But, she’d managed it. However, their little agreement had come with... a few other issues that had to be handled, especially if things were to go as planned. Said plan being to fake the end of their equally fake relationship in one of the coming months and hope nobody ever found out about it. Unless Y/N decided that a little more... divine intervention was called for of course.

After all, that’s how they got into this mess. And she sincerely doubted the break up would keep away his psychotic fans. Y/N was fairly sure there would be a few home wreckers as well; people trying to ruin their (fake, something Y/N reminded herself of once more) relationship. And those who wouldn’t wait even a week before trying to make passes at Oikawa when they did break up.

So, maybe Y/N would search for ways to extend the fake dating, but only for Oikawa’s sake. Until they found... a more permanent solution.

Right.

Regardless, that wasn’t the only issue they had. This very plan of theirs is how they ended up avoiding Iwaizumi Hajime like the plague.

Seeing as he was both their best friends, there were a few problems here. The first being the simple fact that no matter how hard Oikawa tried— Iwaizumi Hajime had always been capable of reading him like an open book. It was funny, really. Someone so talented in manipulations meets someone who can see past all that, the only other person he’d encountered with such abilities happened to be the one he’d been handling this with. Y/N.

Her problem was similar. She and Iwaizumi had always been close, meaning he would know. If they slipped up just once, then it would be abundantly clear that they were in fact, not dating.

It had been one of few rules that they both had agreed on almost instantaneously. Though Y/N found herself curious as to why Oikawa had been so complacent with it, seeing as Iwaizumi was his best friend, she’d been fairly desperate in the moment to maintain her reputation. That and the fact that Iwaizumi likely would’ve bullied her rather relentlessly, and if he did know, he’d chew them both out for being stupid.

Oikawa’s reasoning was similar. Kind of. He had a decent idea of what awaited him if he told Iwaizumi. One thing being a fist to the face, the second was a long conversation that followed said violence.

Which is how their little fake dating operation became a hide-everything-from-Iwaizumi operation.

“What do we do?”

Y/N looked to him incredulously, shrugging her shoulders awkwardly as she struggled for words, “how am I supposed to know?” She exclaims, still seated in his driveway. Soon, Iwaizumi would walk past to find that Y/N had already arrived and then they’d have to start their walk to school.

This would be more difficult than anticipated.

“I don’t know Y/N, maybe because this is your fault!” Comes Oikawa’s response, hand threading through his hair. “You have the story down right?”

Y/N raises a brow at him, they’d discussed a few possible stories as to how they’d begun dating in secret. Most of the ones that Oikawa had pitched ended up rather... cliché. “You are not making me tell Iwaizumi that Hallmark bull—”

“Well you didn’t offer a better story, did you?” He snaps, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “

Y/N offers him a tight lipped smile, “because I happen to excel at improv.”

Okay, maybe the whole fake dating thing had caused a small rift between Y/N and Oikawa as well. Or just, the entire friend group. Seeing as the pair was at odds, and their mediator was out of the loop, things had become rather chaotic. Very, very fast.

“You are horrible a acting Y/N.” Comes Oikawa’s response, bringing his hand to the bridge of his nose as he exhaled deeply. “We’re screwed.”

Y/N scoffed, “with that attitude we definitely are.” Though Y/N almost frowns, Oikawa had become significantly... meaner ever since this had occurred. And though Y/N understood that she’d messed up, his behavior was just... off. In an attempt to shake her mind of these thoughts, she grabs Oikawa’s backpack from off the edge of the sidewalk, opening it to pull out a bag of chips he’d brought, “we just need something consistent and simple. Like, you’ve been in love with me since we met and confessed after a lot of contemplation.”

Now, Oikawa was well aware of his new attitude, though he hoped it could be written off as simple annoyance of the situation. He was just looking for a way to handle the simple fact that he was not prepared for this, at all. The thoughts in the back of his mind, the ones he’d buried—or more accurately, thought he’d buried— were resurfacing. And what better way to combat them then by starting a small rivalry until this was over.

“Yes, that makes perfect sense, thank you.”

Sadly, Y/N had already proved to be one who didn’t really handle such attitudes well. As seen with the girl that she’d punched in the face just a few days earlier. So naturally, any thoughts of avoiding confrontation, went out the window at the sound of Oikawa’s tone. “What is up with you Oikawa, you’ve–”

“Hey guys.”

Leave it to Iwaizumi to mess up a perfectly good confrontation. Though Y/N can’t help but feel simultaneously relieved by this fact, and stressed as Iwaizumi is here.

“Iwa-Chan! Iwaizumi! How are you, buddy!” Oikawa exclaimed, making his way over to his friend to pat him on the back.

It felt as though they’d have to be walking on eggshells. Something that had never really been evident in their friendship until now, seeing as they’d all been fairly open. Of course there were a few things, that Y/N couldn’t help but feel reminded of now, almost wincing at the painful reminder of middle school.

Their group hadn’t been doing so well then. And it had quickly become apparent to Y/N that she was out of the loop, and seeing as she’d been the new addition to the pair... it hadn’t been a nice feeling.

“Let’s go then?” Y/N asked, looking between the two boys with a tight lipped smile on her face as she rose from her spot on the sidewalk. Opening the bag of chips as she pulled her backpack over her shoulder.

Maybe it was wrong, but she also felt nice, knowing that for once— she was on the inside. Even though middle school was years ago, Y/N could tell there was something the pair still hadn’t told her. It’d been bugging her ever since they’d arrived at Aoba Johsai.

Alas, now wasn’t the time for that.

“We should probably discuss some things first.”

There it was.

Oikawa exhaled deeply, opening his mouth in preparation for whatever conversation they were about to have, attempting to decide which explanation was most plausible. But, Iwaizumi beats him to it.

“I’m happy for you guys.”

Y/N blanks for a moment before saying, “what?”

Iwaizumi looks to her incredulously as he responds, “what? Am I not supposed to be happy that you two have finally handled the clearly unresolved tension and that—”

“Alright that’s enough, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa exclaims, laughing breathily as he brings a hand to cover his friends mouth, only for Iwaizumi to look at him dully before shoving him away.

Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi adjusts his backpack on his shoulders, “anyways. I just wish you guys had told me sooner but...” He shrugs, turning around to begin their walk down the street and to their school. “It is what it is, now let’s go.”

Y/N and Oikawa exchange looks, eyes wide as they do so. Both their mouthes gaping open as they scramble to follow Iwaizumi, who finally says, “just don’t let this change anything. And I guess you two can act—” He awkwardly gestures between the pair, “couple-y around me. Just don’t do anything pervy, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa brings a hand to his chest, feigning offense as he comes to stand beside Iwaizumi, “why would I do anything pervy? Honestly you would be shocked by my dear girlfriend’s actions—”

“I don’t want to know, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi exclaims, shoving his friend away.

Y/N can’t help the way her cheeks warm as Oikawa is launched her way by Iwaizumi’s attack, he stumbles slightly, ultimately walking between her and Iwaizumi before throwing an arm over her shoulders. Though Oikawa’s eyes meet hers momentarily when he does so, a silent question within them. All it takes is a nod and his arm is resting completely on her shoulders and he’s back to his conversation with Iwaizumi as Y/N contemplated all her life decisions.

Oikawa wouldn’t deny that it had gone better than anticipated but he already knows it’s coming when they arrive at the school and Iwaizumi is practically yanking him backwards as Y/N makes her way inside to speak with her other friends— who’d begun to swarm her almost immediately, questions leaving their mouthes rapidly as they searched for an explanation.

Y/N can’t help but feel overwhelmed as her actual friends; the ones that are both curious and concerned, seeing as Y/N swore she would never date Oikawa Tooru and fall for her best friend. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with Oikawa— aside from the fact that he had numerous insecurities and emotions that he refused to discuss even when it was clear everything overwhelmed him—it made sense that so much of the school was practically in love with him when you thought about it.

He had manners, decent grades, was a star athlete, and even Y/N could admit he was attractive. But... he was one of her closest friends and the idea of dating him just seemed...

Wrong.

Aside from the shock from her real friends, there was the nosiness from the fake friends, the ones she’d never spoken to, the ones who had suddenly decided they were the best of friends and yet spoke trash about Y/N in their free time because she stole their precious Oikawa.

Yeah, the school was just a tad toxic. As if the grueling pressure of academics and intense obsession with Oikawa wasn’t enough of a red flag.

Sometimes, Y/N wishes she had gone to Shiratorizawa.

“I feel like you know what I’m going to say, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi mutters with a sigh, leaving Oikawa to panic as he meets his friend’s eyes. The grip on his shoulder unnecessarily tight. “I don’t necessarily know what’s going on with you two— just that it’s weird. But I swear if you hurt Y/N in any shape or form—”

“I would never do that Iwaizumi.” Comes his reply, almost instantly.

Iwaizumi pauses, eyes falling on Y/N who nervously laughs in the distance, her eyes pleading for his help before returning her attention to the group of people surrounding her. “I thought we got past this in middle school.”

“Me too, Iwa-Chan. Me too. But hey, lucky me.”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, uncapping his water bottle, “yeah. Lucky you, I’ll forever wonder how you got her to date you.”

“Good question.” Oikawa’s eyes fall onto Y/N, and he turns to Iwaizumi, “now. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go save my girlfriend from all of my psychotic fans.” Oikawa would never admit it, ever, but it had only been a week since Y/N pulled her little stunt and it had become evident that a relationship really was what Oikawa needed to get people off his back.

Things had definitely improved for him, and Oikawa could only wish that he could say the same for Y/N.

NOBODY CAN KNOW— NOT EVEN IWA-CHAN.

#oikawa tooru x reader #fake dating au #oikawa x reader #tooru x reader #oikawa x you #tooru oikawa x reader #tooru oikawa x you #oikawa tooru x you #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru imagine #oikawa imagine #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu!! scenario #haikyuu!! x reader #hq x reader #hq x you #haikyuu!! x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you

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thyrideneverends · 3 years

Text

(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

____________________________________________

Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different? But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

_____________________________________________

Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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tryaddump · 4 years

Text

TheKojiIsHere

1- KoR/TFO weapon Elias Alderaan isn't enough to wake him up When the Empire crumbles he's sorta just abandoned, maybe a shuffled around asset among surviving moffs and generals and the like before ending up in one of the groups' hands Feral but still trainable 2- Fully dark Elias At some point comes out of his stupor on his own, but is no less angry and vicious Ends up turning on his masters and takes over a cell or the empire for himself when the top two fall. Now hes the one cracking the whip, and he's even crueler to his subordinates as those who made him And he is always angry, like the kind of angry that shoots past flailing tantrums into eeerie seeming stillness, but you can't mistake it for calm when he casually snaps a neck or cuts someone in half for any minor inconvenience or failure

hackett. chinhands

TheKojiIsHere https://youtu.be/hL5zv4mN1xA Batman-Under the Red Hood Black Mask Montage

From beginning to 2:06

Except the punch would have been a saber thrust through the face

darth porgeius ooookay that’s some unhinged darkness right there

hackett. kor elias would be a fucked version of his tryad dynamic with ben. the kor were brothers / dark side teachers for kylo. it was a frat cult fully dark elias is giving vader a run for it

TheKojiIsHere But also imagine like Full dark Elias scoops Ben before snoke can

hackett. ..... The Resistance is now The Attempt because fucking hell

TheKojiIsHere Couple immediate differences: Ben never becomes a KoR bc Elias wouldn't even send him therr He also doesn't become a Jedi Killer bc even dark Elias has certain boundaries snoke does not, and no more Jedi need to die pointlessly Ben, and I cannot stress this enough is so much more of a powerhouse/threat holy shit Bc he's been kinda raised by Elias, taught proper forms, and how to utilize his raw power more effectively He's a better dueliest, more disciplined, and more knowledgeable Also Elias isn't borderline torturing the kid I wouldn't say he's kind But he's a very different kind of cruel

hackett. Duuuude, now im picturing this kylo concept art https://images.app.goo.gl/2BE5WHechxB78f7L8

darth porgeius super spook

hackett. Im curious to explore the differences because the kor are such a huge influence. Kylo ren's face is based on their style. That mask is so tied to his identity.

TheKojiIsHere Elias also wouldn't have tolerated such adoration of Vader Fuck I imagined him finding the helmet in Ben's quarters And making Ben watch as he crushed it with The Force Brought it in on itself until it was just a small metal sphere

hackett. ...... I think i just felt ben die inside

TheKojiIsHere Elias: You do not celebrate his works. He cast aside himself for the sake of an old fool with delusions of grandeur, and stole the selves of his brothers. He is not worth your worship, and you have already surpassed him in so many ways. Do not let the the short sightedness of the past blind and rob you of the future's promise, Ben.

hackett. ......i

TheKojiIsHere

I'm sending this here bc I don't wanna interrupt what you're typing in tryad chat BUT PALPATINE NEVER GETS INTO HIS HEAD ELIAS HAS MADE SURE NOBODY EVER GETS INTO HIS MIND AGAIN AND MAKES HIM SOMETHING HE ISNT SO HE MAKES SURE BEN CAN DO THE SAME Dark Elias doesn't get Ben by twisting his mind into servitude He makes Ben a better offer than anyone else is

hackett. In other words, his crimes are truly his own

TheKojiIsHere Yeeeeeup

hackett. There's no headworm that has convinced of his path Whats elias like as a master in this au

TheKojiIsHere Harsh but fair. He beats the shit out of Ben regularly, but never pointlessly. He's ruthless because those Ben will face are so, but there is always a lesson to be learned Example: Ben learned mental defense bc Elias would day take time each day forcing his way into Ben's mind whole instructing how to stop him He kept doing it until Ben got it Until his mental defenses were like walls of beskar Dueling, they used shock batons so it wouldn't be lethal but it would hurt Every slip in his form would come with pain But Elias always made sure he knew that with the pain came knowledge, with knowledge, strength I got to stress this allies is not insane just angry Which means he is capable of moments that are not the black mask video I showed you To be honest and this au with Ben is probably as soft as this Elias gets And he definitely gives been praise when it's due. It's hard fault but when Ben gets a form right, or makes progress, he makes sure Ben know that it is not unnoticed Above all Else, he may be harsh but he will never be Vader He will never push been to a breaking point. He will never Rob Ben know who he is. He will only test him and have high standards for Passing

hackett. Ben would develop so differently. Less reckless, still calculative but more discerning before he strikes and when he strikes he's already plotted out his next moves

TheKojiIsHere Seriously, such a difference this'd make Hell, the galaxy would be wildly different There'd be a third power at play Though Elias isn't much interested in huge expansion or conquest. He basically takes a world with the force he has and refuses to let it go. This ofc makes him an enemy of the New Republic So his group (idk the name yet) is essentially dealing with defense more than offense, but people are sent out to destabilize TNR on a major level And when TFO pops up, they're competition Plus, Elias will sense Palpatines hand in things So where TNR is met with cold, apathetic disruption TFO is targeted with extreme prejudice OH MAN IMAGINE THAT'S HOW REY FITS IN! SHES SCOOPED BY TFO She's the Ren But yes Elias would have been a harsh but fair teacher/father. He also, as an interesting contrast to smoke, doesnt leave all the work to underlings Ben would see Elias fighting alongside him And his Vaapad variant works even better There's a lot more internal darkness to tap into and start the loop OH MAN I JUST THOUGHT OF A DUO MOVE THEY COULD HAVE USE EACH OTHER Rather than rely on the potentially waxing and waning emotions of another

hackett. Dark side circuit

TheKojiIsHere They link up an essentially become both generator and amplifier for each other And since both sides are aware of the transfer and letting it flow freely It's way more potent They'd be fucking unstoppable and terrifying sweet christmas TFO: sends a fleet with star destroyers and fighters aplenty towards Elias' planet Elias and Ben: link up and destroy them from the surface while the ships are still in orbit

hackett. That's messed, i dig it. They basically sound like an event horizon of power, once they link they just devour enemies with the force

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^

hackett. Like kylo ren in that resistance clip i sent is far as fuck away from his two underlings And he uses the force to make them aim at each other So thats him on his own Imagine with elias linked

TheKojiIsHere They could control the entire crew, on multiple ships Okay, so question Bc I feel like there is room for debate on this and I wonder where you stand Do you think each person like Has a set level of power in The Force that they are capable of from birth They may not be able to utilize all of it right away But there is a definitive, insurmountable cap Or do you think it's more of a soft cap that can be expanded with time and practice? Bc dif people def start off with varying levels of potency Re: the Skywalkers all being natural powerhouses But do you think that's it, or people can improve if they deign to try?

hackett. So i think its a little bit like that line from ratatouille. Anyone can use the force. Powerful force users can come from anywhere, be anyone. Even if its genetic for ben solo, doesnt mean thats how it happens for everyone. Like disney changed the canon that everyone is sensitive to the force but not everyone is force sensitive. It probably manifests in different ways. I think everyone can improve, heighten their awareness and control, but everyone has a cap. Not because theyre weak or pathetic or meagor, their strength is just elsewhere like all talents and abilities Which is why elias in any verse being able to compete with ren makes sense without it feeling like a "god mode"

TheKojiIsHere Another terrifying idea for dark verse They find the gauntlet Figure out how it's made then make their own With Empire assets Elias could have beaten TFO to Illum by decades

hackett. conduit dark siders with a pair of those gauntlets [8:14 PM]

TheKojiIsHere They turn the whole thing into a conduit over time The space weapon is them OH SHIT WHAT IF ILLUM IS THE PLANET ELIAS TOOK OVER Spent years turning it into a base/civilization

hackett. I WAS THINKING THAT like imagine just that planet becomes amp and battery pack

TheKojiIsHere And battle station/civilization And you know what? The people who live there live live well

hackett. i imagine, i don't see elias being the type to set himself to be hated by those under his indirect control but live under his influence

TheKojiIsHere Oh wow I must have pocket called you my b But yea he wouldn't be needlessly cruel

hackett. also not a fool, you don't make the people who surround you and know your home turf your enemy

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^^

hackett. leave them alone, ingratiate them at least a little bit. make their lives comfortable and protect them and they won't want a regime change

TheKojiIsHere His direct subordinates, however, he definitely rules through fear. He doesn't tolerate failure, and it's gratifying to be the punisher rather than the punished He offsets this by giving due praise to those who perform satisfactorily, and even more so exemplary

So there's a big dichotomy in treatment Ben, ofc, is judged most harshly but also performs most exceptionally In Elias' eyes

hackett. it's gonna interesting cause with snoke he gave benlo a direction and told him to find his own way there it's not the same with a dark elias, there's more expectations. more guidance. more discipline.

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nayeon-sadly-owns-me · 7 years

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Welcome back for the final part of my mini series revolving around Gold Dust if you need to read my Part One and/or Part Two here are the links. Depending on if people want to hear my theories, I’ll leave that up to any feedback I get. I also might do Fool’s Gold, who knows. (I know.) Yes this is still long af because you gotta go out with a bang.

Part 3

Chapter 2 Second Half

Spoilers beyond here-

Last time we left off with Nayeon and Momo overlooking the city on the same cliff that Nayeon learned that having sex with someone you have feelings for is beyond comparison to having manipulation sex.

We pick things up with Nayeon returning to Seungyeon’s room after being forced to actually be on time for once via Momo. Funny seeing as it’s hinted at the beginning of the group session mentions that Momo tends to be a few minutes late so she is the last one to enter and first to leave.

When asked if she likes the Starry Night, we get another view of just how much Momo has affected her thinking. She lets it stay up because the stars remind her of Momo. Interesting facts about this painting is that it was painted after Vincent van Gogh experienced a mental breakdown and sought treatment in a mental asylum. The painting itself has been interpreted as him painting his darkest night but still finding hope in the star’s light (and the houses below). It really is a painting suitable for Nayeon and how Momo has given her hope.

On the surface, Nayeon buying and giving Momo a phone so she can be there in case something is wrong, is a pretty simple answer to accept. Except, Nayeon has strong emotional ties towards keeping her phone on her and making sure she can contact her dad and now Momo. Her strong push for Momo to take the phone is now physical evidence that Momo’s concerns are now hers just like with her father. She needs to know that they are okay at all times, so it’s important Momo has a phone. Also she has hit the lovey stage where any minute they’re apart she misses her but you didn’t hear that from me.

Like any addict, if you give them an easy route to obtaining their drug of choice, they will probably cave and do it. Despite all her ramblings about how Seungyeon’s preaching was bullshit, she finds herself having an identity crisis because her grasp on who she is has been altered. It’s out of spite that she tries to force herself back into the game, but she can’t. Momo has become too important to her to except any less now.

Bringing it back to Nayeon describing how different sex with Momo was compared to all the others, it was the first time she had felt the ecstasy that is supposed to be felt. Anything less than that will now feel unacceptable as she is now experiencing.

In comparison to how Momo makes her feel, not even substances can top it.

It’s why you can’t knock this couple as having an overly toxic relationship because despite their flaws, they make each other better. More on this though when Chapter 3 comes out, whenever it does.

For all the talk of Nayeon wanting Momo to have a phone in case she needs her, it’s actually Nayeon who calls Momo. It leads to another situation where it could be late at night but if Nayeon calls then Momo will be there. Just like if Momo called her, Nayeon would be there.

We get to see the difference between Momo and Nayeon when it comes to how they feel about coming to each others houses sort of how they were when they came into each others lives. Momo gives warning and politely waits outside to be invited in. Nayeon speeds over and announces her arrival like it’s her life’s mission.

Earlier in the scene, it was briefly mentioned that a movie was playing in the background. Nayeon treated it as no big deal and used it as white noise. Now we have Momo who is completely fixated on the movie because she doesn’t have the luxury to watch tv. In fact, I’m sure she would have been captivated by anything on the tv. What seems small and insignificant to Nayeon is large and important to Momo.

Blanket forts have always been a sanctuary of comfort, especially for kids who are afraid of the dark. They always were portrayed as a place where your demons can’t reach you. It’s a beautiful idea for Momo to suggestion when Nayeon is on the brink of an emotional breakdown from watching Cameron sink, just like how she feels. Despite the fact that Momo has no clue about her extreme anxiety over water or any of her core issues in general, she still triumphs at giving Nayeon a safe space. She doesn’t ask questions, and for the moment it’s the best thing Nayeon could ask for.

It’s arguably the softest scene in the entire two chapters, where they can just exist just by being together.

We get our second scene with Momo and the Maid. It’s important to note that the maid really supports Momo being in Nayeon’s life because of all that she’s seen. Momo has made her better in almost every sense of the word. We have already seen Nayeon changer her attitude towards the staff from when Momo dropped her off and she woke up. This is a nice comparison to Jeongyeon/Seungyeon who haven’t seen the real and fake Nayeon in all her glory.

Momo also has considerable character growth with the fact that she now longs to be somebody to Nayeon. She’s long since abandoned the notion that she is nobody important which is huge for somebody like her.

I like to pretend that Nayeon made her her sandwich because she doesn’t trust anyone in her staff with the job. I can hear her reasoning that if Momo is gonna have practice ALL day then she should have a decent lunch and well she knows what she likes better than the staff so she might as well do it. Then staring at the clock until it was close to the soccer teams lunch time (that she totally didn’t make Dahyun tell her) so she could personally deliver it (absolutely not because she wants to see Momo).

If Momo wasn’t so convinced that Nayeon only sees her as a friend, she would have noticed Nayeon staring at her like she was a 5-course meal. Of course, she rationalizes that it’s because she’s messy and not because Nayeon’s head gets fuzzy when she looks at Momo’s body in general. Subtle isn’t in Nayeons vocabulary.

Something to note, Momo is fiercely protective of Nayeon when it comes to Jeongyeon. She gets much colder. I was actually surprised that the ending line came from Momo instead of Nayeon because we had that little line spoiler during the update phase. I have my own theories on what Jeongyeon is referring to, my thoughts is that it connects to how Momo got into therapy in the first place. My question is what had happened to trigger Momo and how did Jeongyeon discover it? Gotta wait.

They say that when you are attracted to somebody, you begin to show more physical affection because of compromising needs and wants. Up until now, Nayeon had always been extremely cautious to not engage in physical contact because it goes against what she was taught to believe. However, with her mental state constantly reminding her that she’s attracted to Momo, she has to give in to that urge slightly so that it doesn’t drive her insane. Meanwhile, Momo lets it happen because she is openly aware that she likes Nayeon and is happy about this change in her.

If these were two stable people, they would have already come to the conclusion that the feelings of interest are mutual and would stop pretending that they’re just friends. Instead, they continue to never use the term ‘friend’ at all, because they’re not friends at this point. Their not so subtle attraction and die-for-you attitude extends beyond being comfortable with using the term ‘friends’. That’s why you only see them use ‘barely-friends’ or ‘sort-of-friends’ ect ect. If anything, you should already stop reading it as implying of friendship and start implying it as dating.

Even more so that Nayeon is THAT bitch that has to call her person of interest (on speed dial no less) just to hear her voice in the middle of the night. Then calls three more times because obviously something is wrong and she isn’t just sleeping.

Think back to the panic Nayeon showed when she wasn’t sure if her dad was alive still or not because of a missed phone call. Her fear that something happened to Momo might be irrational, but it’s still a fear she has. She has a very real fear that something bad will happen to the people she loves and it bleeds into her daily life.

Their relationship becomes a game of ‘How can I turn this into a reason to show im attached to you without having to say it’ leading to reading, cuddling/sleeping together, and playing footsies. Although Nayeon is comfortable just reading with Momo, she still wants that interaction that leaves her physically satisfied. Admitting you find the person cute is the first step of acceptance. Coming to the realization that you want to kiss them is the second. Her steps of acceptance are messy, just like her.

This scene makes me hope that NaMo adopt a puppy to raise together because it would make Momo the happiest girl alive. It also shows how hopelessly devoted she is towards her even when Sana makes blunt attempts to gain her attention and they fail. It only succeeded in reminding her that the people around her only would only want her for shallow reasons. It seems that it’s her way of dealing with what she thinks is one-sided feelings so she thinks the worst to try to make these feelings go away.

Because of those thoughts, she misses the fact that Nayeon would cut down anyone who tries to get with Momo. Specifically Sana, who has eyes on Momo because of her physical attraction (and Jeongyeon’s manipulation). She also misses Nayeon’s growing fondness of being Momo’s only person, something that will be entertaining to watch when Mina comes into the picture.

It’s frustrating as a reader to watch Nayeon agonize from being sexually frustrated when we know Momo wants the same thing. It’s just dramatic irony playing its role and you have to reminder yourself that both of them think that what they’re doing right now is what the other wants and needs. Nayeon is use to playing the puppeteer so it’s no surprise that she feels a surge of guilt when she makes herself come to the mere idea of it being Momo doing it. It reminds her of her days using people, connecting physical activity with using. Because any slip of want feels like it’s coming from Nayeon’s darker days of having ultimatums instead of her being close to being in love.

Pair of eyes is what I assume to be belonging to Jeongyeon seeing as she has such a harsh reaction later in the scene.

There are subtle hints that Nayeon is about to have one of her irrational breakdowns, Jeongyeon unknowingly is the catalyst for this one. Which is pretty ironic considering she tries to make Momo forget about Nayeon using Sana thus trying to sabotage their thing (one of which she doesn’t know what she’s sabatoging). Like I said, it’s frustrating to read but can’t be written any other way.

When you’re trying to defend your relationship to someone you fucked over (in more ways than one), describing said person as fragile as your defense is not the best way to go. It already shows that her defenses are weak. If Nayeon had a more stable mindset, she could have given a better answer. All it took was Jeongyeon saying “All the more reason to keep her away from you” to cause her into a spiraling breakdown.

Because Nayeon isn’t listening when Momo tries to explain that whatever version of Nayeon Jeongyeon knows, it’s not the same as the version she knows. However, you can’t explain that to somebody that already has their mindset made up. They’re still going to believe what they want to believe.

So, Nayeon does the only thing she can do in this situation. She kisses her and lets herself loose despite all the warning signs. Because, like I mentioned earlier, Nayeon associates sex as a game, she hasn’t gotten to the point where she has separated the two yet. She also ignores Momo in the process and choses to believe that she is only using her.

It’s even worse when Momo starts to blame herself and asks her not to leave her. They’re a dangerous mixture that’s bound to hurt Momo the most just like Nayeon thinks. Nayeon has the ability to come back to reality where she remembers that she wants Momo in her life. Momo, unfortunately, can’t think of this fact (despite Nayeon having already done this several times) because of her abandonment issues.

Seungyeon isn’t blind by any means. Im sure she knows by now that there is something going on between Momo and Nayeon. She is waiting for Momo to speak up about Nayeon, she needs to her for herself how and why they ended up finding each other and what makes it different than Nayeon with her sister. If you think that Jeongyeon is clueless, Seungyeon is arguably more in the dark.

Momo’s coping mechanism isn’t strong enough to combat Nayeon’s latest meltdown, and it shows just how worn down she is. She draws stars in the night sky, although it’s not the comforting kind. It’s the kind of picture that makes her remember what it was like to want to kill herself. Having both these scenes back to back creates a genuine emotion of feeling hurt for these characters because you see how broken they really are.

With Nayeon back down to earth or as close as Im Nayeon can be, she explains her self-created fuck up to her father. Fighting against her latest substance hangover, no doubt the pills from the living room. Although her defenses are lowered enough to admit her feelings, it’s not enough to stop the fact that she can’t say it to him while he’s awake. It’s the third step towards acceptance though.

This isn’t a quick fix though and too many things around her make it impossible to ignore it. Such as, a letter from her mother in prison. We don’t get the context of what the letter says, but we know the anguish it causes her.

She takes being over-dramatic to new heights as she tries to show Momo just how destructive she can be when dealing with a crisis. Her mother treated her like shit and now she feels like she can only treat people like that too. Granted, she has followed through on that in the past. No good deeds will ever replace that, and Nayeon is all too well aware of this fact.

She destroys her mother’s favorite car and topples it down a cliff as a grand message to Momo as physical proof of the point she is trying to get across. I want to remind you that Momo has no context on what happened with Nayeon and her parents. All she knows is that it’s bad and she is trying to scare her off because of it.

The opposite happens of course, it’s Momo after all, and she admits that she’s tired of pretending and just wants to be with her. Making it clear that she is aware of Nayeon’s indecisive behavior that keeps Momo from standing on solid ground for more than a couple of days. Despite the fact that we know how horrendous Momo is with words, she is the one who comes up with what to say in order to snap Nayeon out of it. (for now)

It’s true that Momo gives her more chances than she deserves and that is what has given Nayeon the ability to not think about the consequences of her actions. With the apparent idea that Momo is done, it brings her back to reality that that’s not what she wants but she’s conflicted.

In the end, Momo demands an answer for the second time, and gets nothing.

Instead we’re brought back to Nayeon’s thoughts and how they reflect Seungyeon’s words when they talked about hating the sunset/sunrise. Nayeon tries to burn things to the ground to avoid the pain of liking something and having it not work out. If it doesn’t work out. Throwing away her own words/thoughts along with a bottle of wine (her failed coping mechanism), Nayeon gets her act together roughly the last time of the chapter.

If there is one thing I want to know out of the Sana/Momo thing, it’s if Momo was the one to approach her because of the offer Sana made at the park. My guess is yes.

It’s nice to know Seulgi is as amused with Jeongyeon messy scheme as the readers are.

Nayeon could have threatened Sana, curse her out, physically dealt with her. Instead she just tells her to get the fuck out. Because THIS Im Nayeon doesn’t hurt people. Especially not in front of Momo (until she feels like she has too).

(You can ignore this section. This is my bitch about the situation even though it makes sense in story section)

As someone who has played both High school and college lacrosse, these next few scenes bother me for it being the fact that its arguably the least realistic part of the whole story. No coach in their right mind would allow their players to fuck around with the crowd to stall just because one player isn’t there. Stalling can lead to forfeiting by default. Jeongyeon wouldn’t have time to talk to Sana because nobody is allowed on the field except for staff and players. Not to mention I’ve never met a coach that is okay with their players using their phone before a game much less the starting goalkeeper. Don’t get me started on how may rules Nayeon broke tackling Lisa and Momo just leaving-

What’s worse is that it moves the plot along so I can’t even be properly annoyed at this. You win this round Stormy.

Anyways,

What Nayeon couldn’t say in the locker room, she lets out by tackling Lisa who had just slide-tackled Momo to the ground and calling her out. At worse she should receive a yellow card for an irresponsible tackle but alas, we are treated to an angry Im Nayeon. Remember what I said about her never wanting to physically hurt anybody in front of Momo? Yeah, that goes out the window when somebody dares to hurt Momo even if it is not on purpose.

Despite the drama, Nayeon’s actions are self-justifiably (although not excused) fueled by emotions that have been boiling since she left Momo in her car.

Now that she has released all that pent up energy, she is now left to come to terms with what she has done. By the time Momo finds her, she’s drained and arguably at her best to talk to about feelings.

Except they don’t talk. Instead Nayeon does what she knows how, and that’s to kiss Momo into believing that this time she isn’t going to leave her. I keep being brought back to the time when Nayeon first tried to kiss her when Momo asked her to show her something real. Although in fic time it was only a few weeks ago, it shows that now the definition of real has changed for Momo. At least when it concerns Nayeon.

Rest assured that her feelings are returned, she finally admits to wanting Momo back. There were three times that Nayeon had come to find Momo to talk about her feelings- whether to keep her in her life or finally admit her feelings. 3 seemed to be the magic number for this fan fic.

Throughout this story, there would be thoughts put in parenthesis that would be repeated three times. 99% of the time, they were thoughts that were untrue or wrong in some way. When Nayeon repeats I promise aloud 3 times for Momo to hear, it has me wondering if that is what makes it true. It is a noticeable difference if you’re looking for it. I’m going to give it the benefit of the doubt.

Also NaMo are THAT couple that will bang in a classroom because of the pent up sexual frustration and just can’t wait because they have each other right there and why stop at kissing.

We’ve seen Nayeon make strides to get over her addictions (although she has a long way to go). Most impressively would be Momo. For years she practiced hard to become a star soccer player. I would put money on the fact that she has never skipped a practice or game. The fact that she was willing to leave a big game to go check up on Nayeon shows just how important she has become to her. It’s enough to leave the thoughts of her parents behind, whether she still has lingering thoughts about them or not.

From Nayeon worrying about Momo ruining her reputation, to now being regarded as Momo’s girlfriend by probably the whole student body- she’s come a long way in that regard.

You know Nayeon must have had a good time earlier when she doesn’t try anything after seeing Momo in just her underwear and a shirt.

Despite Momo’s attitude of accepting the idea of Nayeon not wanting her- I really don’t think that’s what she truly thought was real deep down in her subconscious. Because when Nayeon finally told her how she felt, Momo showed no signs of believing it to be false. She just hesitated to make sure that Nayeon wasn’t going to have another meltdown. Despite what she may or may not believes, she has to hear it from Nayeon so it’s good that they got to talk that out.

We get to our third maid and Momo scene, the one where Momo can finally introduce her as a somebody because finally she is now with Nayeon. It’s a little concerning that she felt like the only way to be somebody to Nayeon was to be romantically linked to her, but that is just another one of her issues that I hope to see worked out someday.

(I also want to say that I think it’s adorable that Momo associates home with Nayeon now.)

At some point Momo had to have told her where she gets her gum because Nayeon goes to Seungyeon for it of all people. Nayeon could have bought a whole counter of it if she wanted to. Instead she goes to the source that has helped Momo out even with small gestures.

Going back to the text that Jeongyeon had sent her sister, you have to understand that she only has that to go off of. Seungyeon had to have been there for Jeongyeon when the whole Nayeon thing was over. She knows how much damage Nayeon can do to Momo. That’s why she is so concerned. A part of me wishes that she just ask them about it, but that’s against therapy code (no really it is). Although Momo was never an open book with her, she still knows how unstable her mindset is. Just another case of the missing details factor on Seungyeon’s part that leads to her concern.

We get a tease that Nayeon had something to do with her father’s hospital stay, sadly we haven’t been told enough to be able to think about what that something is.

Instead of flying off the handle about the hospitals lack of contacting her about her father, she goes to Momo in perhaps one of her most vulnerable state.

Up until this point, neither of them have genuinely cried in front of each other because the other has walked away or turned away before they could. Now we see Momo embrace a sobbing wet Nayeon with as much love and care as she can then proceed to get her dried off and wearing clean clothes. The moment feels very rewarding. (Also, this is the first time we see Momo be the one holding Nayeon for a change.)

I have a theory about this water dream- That her mother is in prison for trying to drown her for causing her father’s hospitalized condition. She is recreating the scenario in the form of a nightmare probably brought about from her panic over her father being missing earlier. The reason why she is drowning Momo can be because of her expressed feelings of treating people the way her mother taught her and treated her.

Of course now she has made an effort to escape that way of expressing herself in the form of her thinking she is drowning Momo but can’t stop it. As most nightmares representing trauma do not give you the freedom to change anything from the scenario that it was developed from. While I sincerely don’t think this dream is suggesting Nayeon would actually do something like that to Momo, it’s ominous and could be foreshadowing about their relationship. For now, Momo is still with her and everything is fine.

I don’t need to analyze anything to know that Momo’s parents were two atrocious parents for what they’ve done to their child. It’s a wonder that it took Nayeon so long to figure it out seeing as they’ve both been left alone in their own respectable houses.

If we are basing their birthdays as the same as the irl NaMo, it would mean that Momo had to be 11 when her parents abandoned her. (Nayeon would be a year older, making her 18) (BUT, their birthdays could be adjusted to only being a few months apart making Momo 18 as well. Dunno. It’s up to Stormy.)

Regardless, now that Nayeon knows the root of Momo’s issues, she makes a promise that I don’t know if she will be able to keep. I want her to be able to keep it because they both need it, but habits are habits.

We end the chapter with the revelation of what we already knew, Nayeon is falling in love with Momo.

Will Nayeon’s mom be released from prison? Will Jihyo come back for revenge? Will something bad happen to Nayeon’s dad? Will water be involved at some point? What role does Mina have to play? Will NaMo be happy for once in this god damn fic?

Tune in next time.

Thank you for reading : )

#namo #IM FREE #gold dust

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tumblunni · 7 years

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Mannnnn I just cannot get over how many great well-developed relationships there are within the Rune Factory 4 cast! Its just great how much all the different love interests interact with each other outside of their romance route, and how all the non-romanceable characters are still an equally big presence by being family/mentors/employers/best friends/etc to the love interests and to each other and everyone has a job role in the town and they have so many great interactions and just GAHHHH its so great!! Its like one big family made of families made of families then you marry into the family and the family and also the family perhaps. THEN YOU HAVE A CUTE CHILD. aaaaaa

Anyway.. umm.. lol... Yeah THIS IS BUNNI JUST FLAILING AT HOW GREAT THE GAME IS

ALL THE FAMS:

Ventuswill the mentor lady best friend/team mum/LITERALLY THE GOD OF THIS COUNTRY AND A GIANT DRAGON man i just cry forever for her aaaa Everybody’s own unique love for her, and how she kinda unites us all as a family aaaa The butler family coworker trio who met each other because of her! I really like to see it as clorica and vishnal having a brother sister relationship, they dont get any particular big scenes together but they just seem to be such cute friends who never have any of the rivalry you’d expect when theyre both competing as volkanon’s students. VOLKANON IS LIKE YOUR GRANDPA AND HE IS THE BEST CHARACTER The whole restaurant fam! You get to see it expand as the story goes on! And aaaa its just so heartwarming that porcoline adopts all these random homeless people and aaaa!!! DYLAS LEARNED TO COOK. THEY ALL LOVE THEIR STUPID TWIRLY GOOFBALL DAD. And its so nice that these very different personalities end up coming together and being like siblings when they probably wouldnt have befriended each other if not for this random stroke of chance. Its just so cute seeing margaret looking out for her new brothers, and dylas being so polite and formal to arthur, and arthur just being all ‘haha i dont know anything about having a loving family what a rare novelty’ *constantly crying inside* And they bicker sometimes and when they team up theyre a super powerful force, and theyre all like the parents to porcoline’s childishness and aaaaa super talented restaurant fam, super colourful quartet of hugs aaaa THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE OKAY And Forte + Kiel adorable siblings with the unique plot and semi tragic aspect of living alone together at a young age and each trying to take the place of their deceased parents and protect each other And then Bado is like their weird adoptive uncle who’s lived next door since back when their parents were alive, and promised to keep them safe. but he’s kind of a wreck of a man who’s perpetually messing up his silly get rich quick schemes but DEEP AT HEART HE CAAAAARES! but still he is kind of a mess and would probably turn up drunk on their couch half the time. i love him he reminds me of sirius black if he ate del boy from Only Fools And Horses to absorb his strength And then there’s Illuminata who’s like Bado’s evil twin kinda?? They should have more interactions, theyre the bad influence grownups duo XD And I just love the underrated relationship between her and her ‘sidekick’ amber, and how she’s kinda like a big sister who doesnt wanna be called one. I totally only have you here to serve my nefarious purposes! Umm, I mean, my purposes of justice!! And then she’s often playing the cool big sis to all the various female characters in the town, even though at the same time she’s also part of the ‘adults who need a mom friend’ group XD I think margaret and forte actually win the crowd of the true mom friends even though theyre not the oldest (I also like that they have an unlikelu friendship together, though i wish if margaret is allowed to have a canonical gay crush then why isnt she allowed to be a gay marriage option...) And then Lin Fa and Xiao Mei kinda dont stand out as much cos theyre more of a very normal mother and daughter, beyond Lin Fa just being this spacey super nice but super clumsy person. She’s not quite the funny parent-child like porco and co, but she’s funny in her own way cos of how cheerful and positive she is about all her failures. Xiao Mei got all the common sense! Its also nice and cute how Xiao Mei is physically clumsy but super competant and mature, while her mum is perfectly elegant yet completely scatterbrained. And they’re both totally huggable, Xiao Mei dont be jealous that everyone has crushes on your mum! I feel so bad when she’s all ‘i’ll never succeed cos i cant be cute in the same way as her’, as if there’s only one definition of feminine beauty or whatever. CAN YOU NOT SEE YOUR MUM HAS FLAWS TOO. you are powerful togetherrrrrr! i am just so envious seeing these characters with supportive mums that’re like their best friend and they can talk about everything together ^_^ And then there’s the doctor family with the super lovey dovey married couple of funnyness and mushy mush, and they adopt some orphans too~! EVERYONE ADOPTS EVERYBODY: THE GAME. I love seeing the cold and distant Dolce warm up to them and regain her faith that she wont be hurt if she loves someone again. Also Pico is very cute and hilarious! Even if again I get very annoyed at this game having so much queerbaiting, lol. I kinda laughed at the wiki saying dolce and pico were ‘like sister’, i mean seriously?? Pico is like your typical ‘looks like a child but is really 100′ love interest and dolce is the poor harem show protagonist who never asked for this XD I do like though that even if it seems dolce very much doesnt requite pico’s feelings, theyre still best friends either way. Pico’s super comedic flirting attempts seem to come off like she’s completely aware that dolce doesnt love her back, and she just wants to make some humour out of the situation to let dolce know she still cares about her even if they’re never gonna date. Its nice, we dont often see relationships like that in fiction, a childhood friend who confess a crush, gets turned down, and it actually ends positively and they remain friends. Its just a shame it had to be like... one of the few openly LGBTQ characters in the game, and nobody is ever allowed to date anybody or have a happy ending or be a romance route or even mention the word gay, even as theyre constantly being incredibly vocal about how its canon these characters have crushes on each other. gahhhhh. I mean we literally have doug and dylas proposing to each other and confessing their love but LOL HA its just a ~wacky misunderstanding~ but btw lets just rub it in that they are VERY MUCH intended to be seen as gay by the audience but theyre not ~really~ gay even when we say they are and GAHHH okay sorry im getting offtopic now :P Anyway its really sad that Pico is stuck as the same unchanging ghost child while her best friend grows up and marries someone else. And man, she had to spend all those years guarding monster form dolce until someone was able to free her, and we dont even know how pico died so her life could have even more tragedy in it. After all that I guess its a relief that she can be this comic relief jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold manzai duo partner to dolce and also like the freeloading friend on her metahphorical ghost couch. And its nice how much the doctor couple completely accept ‘dolce’s friend’ and are some of the few people who never remotely worry about her haunting the town. And then AAAAA there’s the four guardians themselves who’re like a family cos they were all people who were like family to ventuswill in different time periods, and then met each other for the first time when they were purified from their monster forms and bonded over how much they all love the same friend. And theyre such a badass quartet of cool monsterfolks!! And I like that they have lil relationships inside the quartet, like how dolce and amber are polar opposite sunshine and grumpiness but dolce secretly likes her a lot more than she lets on, and how leon likes to tease dylas but also kinda be his wingman. And I like how leon takes this role to a lot of the other batchelors too, he’s this totally shameless frat boy big brother figure XD “HEY PROTAGONIST DO YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT DOUG’S SEX LIFE” And then aaaa doug and granny blossom AAAAAA granny blossom is probably the character who gets the least scenes, backstory, and general focus, but I still love her a lot. And they have a good dynamic together! I like that it starts off seeming like just a completely normal grandma granson relationship, but then you learn later that he’s adopted, and that he actually began as a spy for the evil empire who realized the error of his ways after infiltrating the town and finding so much love inside it. And then he’s just so scared cos blossom’s illness might bring her to an early grave, and he’s always being disobedient and rebellious because he wants to do anything to protect her even if she tells him not to put himself at risk and AAAAAA

why are there so many amazing fams and theres even so many small hints of characters who maybe only interact once or twice and then there’s room to headcanon even more fams and AAAAAA and the protagonist’s place in the complex web of fams is up to you to decide!! ITS LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED IN A GAME

oh and randomly I liked that xiao mei’s father isnt a major character in the game, but there’s not any tragic reason or anything. he’s just a travelling merchant and lin fa is very accepting of her husband being gone off on trips for long periods of time, she has every confidence he will never stray away from her and she supports him pursuing his travelling dreams! and also it was funny how his one brief appearance has him with the generic traveller 3d model, to point out how much he isnt a main character compared to his wife XD and it was just really cute how happy everyone was when he visited, and how the player accidentally helps improve their family business! and aaa the backstory story about arthur’s mother is SO DAMN SAD, and dolce’s biological parents who she left behind when she sacrificed her life, and just AAAAA even the tiny one-line-only minor fams are such quality fams FAMS GAME REVENGE OF THE FAMS

#bunni plays rf4 #please someone shut me up

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weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1 · 6 years

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