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#and I wanna fast forward to like
suntails · 6 months
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fallen
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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months
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I will read the most inane and useless stuff for hours just for my own interest/enjoyment, but reading academic papers is like pulling a tooth 😭😭 like I genuinely think I'd find the info interesting but the fact that ik it's in pursuit of doing an assignment somehow manages to kills my motivation 100%
#step 1. you pick a research topic you find genuinely interesting#step 2. you have to research and read papers abour this topic. hey dont you remember you find this interesting??#i just remember going on deep dives learning about random historical figures#but absolutely god forbid i read anything in the pursuit of actual schoolwork#i think its mostly that i feel constantly under duresss when im reading it yknow?#all i can think is: im going to have to write something about this#lol just need someone i can blab to about politics and maybe it would actually work out for me#but ugh yeah theres just such a palpable difference btwn reading smth for enjoyment and reading something 'for work'#here is an example!#in my one class i think my prof put The Prince as a reading#i didnt even look cause im liek yeah i aint reading all of that#fast forward a year later: oh my god! i wanna read machiavelli so bad! i wanna feel intellectual 🥰🥰#literally bought myself a copy of it .....#i think im too self aware. id like to remove all sense of context from my brain#literally spent hours today watching documentaries that are actually pretty relevant to my one course#<- but note. they werent FOR my course. i was just doing ir for fun! i wanted to learn!!#but if i got assigned a hour and a half docu for class....that shit would not be getting done#ugh yeah anyways i have two research papers this sem#and its so fucking annoying bcs its so open to my choices. like here. you can pick smth you find genuinely interesting#and you guys literally witness me constantly learn info and want to apply it#but the thought of having to write a paper for school(god forbid) literally keeps me awake at night#its just yeah. wish i could remove that particular barrier from my brain#bcs some of the things i do for fandom are literally borderline research papers#like. read and research a bunch. write about it to other people. apply the info(in fic/drawing/meta)#and really the topics are not so different from my actual coursework#but when i contemplate having to research and write for school it just flatlines my brain#need to start forcing people to watch me borderline seminar so that it feels more fun and in-line w what i do on here#the fernando card post???? practically a research paper. god. my brain is so bad#catie.rambling.txt
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whispers-of-masser · 1 year
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Poor Form
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB, ft. Xelzaz & Khash ✧ Fluff, maybe angst (if you squint), slow-burn with tension; 2k+ word count ✧ Mentions of blood, (poorly written) fantasy violence ♫ "Ritual" - AWAY, Echos ✒ @dalishthunder come take responsibility for this
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It was the grey hour when you woke, the quiet lull between full night and the oncoming dawn. From where you lay in the tent, the only sounds you could hear were the steady breaths of your companions, the breeze rustling by outside, and the lone call of a bird, faint and dim in the distance.
Slowly, you sat up, grimacing at your sore neck and shoulders – though you had long since grown accustomed to sleeping on the ground, that didn't mean you, or your body, appreciated it. You'd have to look into getting some bed cots instead. Until then, though...
At least we stay warm through the night. The oiled leather tent kept out most of the wind, and the beasts you'd felled along the journey had long since become the bedding everyone slept on.
A sudden snore drew your attention to where Khash lay, bundled in her sleeping bag beside you, red eyes shut tight and jaw slightly parted, her sharp little teeth on display. Across from her was Xelzaz, sleeping quietly on his side with his back turned towards you; you could just make out the lump of his tail beneath the blankets. And next to him...
...was an empty bed roll, the fur still fluffed, apparently untouched through the night.
Frowning, you pushed back the blankets, habitually reaching for your sword as you rose – just in case, always just in case – and, taking care not to wake Khash, crawled quietly out of the tent.
The morning had teeth. You felt it the moment you stepped outside, the cold biting into your bare arms, gnawing through the fabric of your tunic and raising goosebumps across your skin. Your breath plumed white amidst the grey, and the dirt underfoot was cold and hard; not even the morning dew had loosened it. You found yourself wanting retreat back into the tent and burrow under your furs once more, pulling them all the way over your head and falling asleep beneath their warmth. Any other morning, you might have done just that. But...
The empty, untouched bedroll.
You squinted into the mist, eyes searching, searching... there. A figure, seated on a rock several metres away, smudged and blurred in the gloom, but glinting a familiar gold.
As you lowered your sword, a sigh slipped from your lips, drawn from some strange mix of frustration, concern, and relief.
"...How long have you been out here, Nebarra?"
"Morning to you too, guar-face," the elf drawled, and though he didn't rise, his helmeted head turned towards you. A thin layer of condensation covered the metal, droplets falling at his movement; his bangs, escaping through the visor, were damp and plastered to his helm. "And all night, to answer your question. Somebody has to keep watch."
"Obviously. But you volunteered for the first shift last night." Frowning, you looked him up and down, not bothering to mask your concerned displeasure. "Why didn't you wake me or Xelzaz? We could have relieved you. We were supposed to relieve you."
"Oh yes, a human and a lizard! I'm certain I'd feel very safe with you two on watch. Your species' eyesight is so much better than an Altmer's, after all."
Your frown deepened, brow furrowing as you stared him down. It was too early in the morning for his snark.
Wordlessly, you brought up your sword and levelled it at his throat. "I can see that gap in your armor just fine. I could kill you right now – and the same goes for whatever may have come up on us in the night."
Nebarra gave a disdainful snort, gloved hand clamping down on your blade and giving a sharp tug. Unprepared, reflexes still sluggish from sleep, you stumbled a whole two steps forward before managing to check yourself.
"Poor form," the elf sneered. "You won't be killing anything like that."
Your nostrils flared, a dozen retorts surging to your lips, but you held them all in.
He's right, and you both know it.
"I wasn't ready", "I'm still waking up", "I wasn't serious" – excuses that could get you, and maybe the others, killed. How long had Nebarra seen this in you? Why was he only mentioning it now? Why hadn't you realised it on your own, that despite your confidence, your skills, your strength – you were still very much mortal? And when had that confidence become something more dangerous – arrogance?
"...What?" Nebarra asked suddenly, drawing you from your reverie. "You have that expression again. The one where you're about to do something stupid."
"Spar with me."
"Terrible idea, absolu... wait. What?"
"Spar with me," you repeated, staring into the black of his visor. "I'm getting rusty, fighting nothing but bandits and mindless undead. This just proved it."
Nebarra was silent for a beat, his head tilting to the side. Something about the motion reminded you of a bird; the eagle-shaped helm only added to the effect. You waited patiently for his answer, wondering what exactly he had to consider –
Metal, arcing toward your sword arm.
You barely managed a dodge and a weak parry with the flat of your blade – you'd been holding it low, unready. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Clearly, Nebarra was done thinking – the two of you were sparring now.
Fair enough. Enemies wouldn't be so polite as to give you time to gear up, either. And now, for once, the odds weren't in your favour: a fully-armoured Altmer veteran with decades of experience, versus you, young, disoriented, and unarmored, only a single blade in hand.
It was thrilling.
You sidestepped another swing of Nebarra's blade – only to connect with it a moment later, coming out of the feint you had failed to read.
Sharp, stinging pain. Scarlet, dripping from your arm.
He was trying to hurt you. And you were giving him ample opportunity.
You needed to ground yourself, regain your rhythm – something you couldn't do without an opening, and Nebarra wasn't giving you any.
A glint of metal on the left – block, step back. Movement overhead, an oncoming blow – raise your sword, throw your weight behind it, disrupt his momentum.
At least, you tried. Fully armoured as he was, Nebarra had an extra thousand angaids of weight behind his swing, if not more. The sheer force of his blow knock your sword out of your hands, sending you staggering back. But the grass underfoot was slick with the morning's dew, and you were moving too fast, too unsteadily. Before you knew it, your back was colliding with the ground, and all you could see was grey sky overhead – and a golden sword coming down.
Careless.
But there was still a chance.
Contorting violently, you grabbed Nebarra's arm as the blade sailed by, nicking your face as it passed. You didn't let go of his arm just yet, though. Instead, you pulled, leveraging your weight against his, abdomen taut as you used him to haul yourself upright. Nebarra, clearly not expecting such a move, found himself betrayed by his own momentum, drawing him forward and down, aided by your weight. Gravity took care of the rest, and he crashed towards the earth, twisting even as he fell to avoid face-planting into the ground.
As he struggled to right himself, you rushed to retrieve your sword; Nebarra was already rising by the time you turned back to him.
"No you don't," you growled, charging the mer, sword raised.
His hand shot out, a ward rippling to life, though it buckled slightly under your sword's impact. Nebarra staggered, his half-risen stance precarious, unbalanced.
Now. Now. Now.
Once, twice, thrice more your sword glanced off the ward – and on the fourth blow, it shattered, leaving the Altmer open to your assault.
Metal clanged as you brought your sword down, colliding with his gauntlet as he struggled to block with it, not given enough time to raise his own sword in defense. You let the blade slide off, intending to follow up with its momentum, but Nebarra didn't give you a chance. The moment the sword glanced off his gauntlet, he lunged, catching you in the abdomen and bringing the both of you to the ground.
The tussle that followed was a blur.
His sword arcing down, yours blocking. Hilts catching, blades flying, yanked out of your grasp and his.
Panted breaths, heaving chests, grappling and rolling across the grass.
A glint caught your eye – your sword and Nebarra's, just within reach.
He saw it too, the both of you reaching out in unison for your weapons, desperate to be faster than the other.
Leather-bound metal brushed against your palm – the hilt. Your hand closed around it, drawing it in close. Brought it swiftly upwards, blade against Nebarra's neck.
At its touch, he froze – and so did you. Because resting against your own neck, biting into the tender flesh, was the edge of Nebarra's blade.
Stalemate.
Ears ringing, heart racing, you shift your gaze from the sword to the one holding it.
Hunched over and straddling you, a leg to either side of your waist, there was hardly any distance between your bodies. The beak of his helm was close enough to brush your nose; your breath fogged on the metal. His gasping breaths may has well have been your own – you could feel them, swift and hot, slipping through the gold feathers that covered his face, carrying the faint scent of wine.
Of course, he'd been drinking. It had probably kept him warm through the night – and he'd still managed to keep you off-balanced for most of the fight.
You were in worse shape than you'd thought.
That, or... maybe Nebarra was better than he'd ever let on.
"...Tonight," you breathed, staring up at him. "Let's... spar again tonight."
Nebarra grunted; you could hear the sound echo faintly in his helmet. "Fine. Don't expect me to go easy on you."
A smile tugged at your mouth – you could feel your lips crack and stretch at the motion, dried out in the cold; you gave them a brief lick before answering. "What, and this was?"
Another affirmative grunt. "I'll be sober by tonight. Unfortunately."
You snorted, then fell silent once more. With your eyes, you found yourself tracing the curves of his helm, pausing at the sight of his bangs peeking through, dark and tangled threads of gold. Something about them was like an itch you couldn't scratch, and you had the sudden urge to brush them aside, or at least tuck them back into his helm.
As your gaze drifted upward, toward the visor, a glint in its shadows caught your eye. Again, you paused, staring intently into the dark.
A reflective sheen, a gleam of crimson –
"Are you done breathing on one another, yet?"
Xelzaz's voice shattered your focus, and both you and Nebarra snapped your heads toward the sound.
The Argonian stood just outside the tent, arms crossed, head bare of its usual hood, scales shimmering in the pale light. Beside him was Khash, a shadowy smudge in the mist; her wide red eyes seemed to float amidst the grey.
"Good morning," you said stupidly, even as Nebarra scrambled to get off you.
"Why were you fighting?" Khash asked. "Did something happen?"
"For your – obviously necessary – information," Nebarra sniffed, dusting off his armour, "we were sparring. And you had better get used to it. Our dear Dragonborn and I will continue to do so, apparently, starting today."
As you sat up, you distinctly heard Xelzaz mutter, "By the Hist." When he turned his head to you once more, there was something incredibly deadpan about his gaze, an unspoken, "Really?" in his eyes.
"What?" you mouthed back, blinking at him in confusion. He only shook his head, and have no answer.
"Right... Well, let's get the fire going again, and I'll see about getting us all breakfast."
At that, Khash's gaze snapped towards him. "Ohh, Xelzaz, can I have some Hackle-lo with it?"
"Khash, you've eaten almost my whole stock."
"Oh..."
"...I'll see if I can't spare a few more."
"Yay! Heh."
"Horker stew for you, Nebarra?"
"I'm too tired to say no... but I'll watch you every moment of its making."
"Yes, yes, as usual. And what of you, friend?" Xelzaz turned towards you, and for a moment, you couldn't answer him – you'd been too distracted watching the scene unfold, a smile on your face.
"Ah... it doesn't matter to me, I suppose. Surprise me."
And so, thirty minutes later, as the sun climbed through the sky and burned away the mist, breakfast was served.
But for some strange reason, all throughout the meal, you found your gaze drawn... repeatedly...
...to Nebarra.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#skyrim#i havent written action in YEARS i hope its passable#i tried to remember what my two whole gumdo lessons were like back in high school :DDD#also fyi i know ZILCH abt tes lore n stuff so uhhh pls be gentle w me on that front#i literally spent ten minutes looking up tamrielic weight measurements and then trying to convert that it to pounds and back#and apparently its only referenced in a book that appears in like four of the games so its clearly an OLD book#likely that tamriel doesnt even use that unit of measurement anymore but damnit i wanted to get SOMETHING accurate#anyway that was quite enough research for me tyvm#like mate i just wanna romance this sardonic sunflower#speaking of which i wanna give him flowers?? dont ask me why i just do#give him a boquet of yellow mountain flowers like#'i saw them and thought they looked like u'#to which he scoffs and VERY GRUDGINGLY accepts ONE#prolly tells us to give the rest to khash or xelzaz#fast forward several to months later and somehow we find that one flower v carefully pressed n preserved amongst his belongings#dont touch me i just made myself sOFT thinking about this#im literally gonna have to write it now dammit#dali this is all ur fault u have unleashed the floodgates of my garbage bin brain#........thank u :D#anyway yeah this was originally written for my ldb oc which is why the personality of the ldb here may be a bit.... specific? idk#just swapped pronouns to make it more self-insert/other people's oc friendly#anyway thank god its finally done; only took me three days#not super happy with the ending but oh well#'swhat happens when u dont write for over a year#rUST#rusty as lbd's fighting in this fic#whisper writes
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avaetin · 2 months
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Why do I watch "short" Chinese drama, knowing they'll aggravate me?
It's the usual plot of FL and ML are engaged/married, and then there's this homewrecker who assumes the identity of being ML's saviour previously, when in truth, it's the FL. And then the ML's family usually gang up on FL. FL is lucky if she has at least one member of ML's family defending her. And then yaddy yadda, truth comes out, and suddenly all of FL's hardships with ML and his family disappear and they "live happily ever after." But, oh, did I mention the ML is a douchebag? He's one toxic m*****f***** who makes FL's life miserable.
Like in this one, ok, it's slightly better than most. ML's family actually treasures FL. Only ML and FIL are the *****. And FIL takes the cake cos 1) he had an affair with a maid and tried to kill his son 20+ years later, and 2) he was all, "FL is a country bumpkin. FL is a gold digger" and tries to get ML and FL to divorce after using FL as a caretaker for ML for 3 years, until he finds out that FL is from a rich family - the true heiress - and then he changes his tune to, "FL is an ambitious woman. Oh, I can see that ML really loves her." Like DUDE. That wasn't what you were saying minutes ago (in the video).
FL should have just gotten together with 2nd ML, and FIL should have gone to prison for trying to kill his other child, is all I'm saying.
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weaponizedmoth · 4 months
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Old Hayden art from last year that I never posted.
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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yeah i can't come to class today, sorry. yeah. yeah. it's cause my hair's too long. mhm. gonna put me out of commission til the weekend at least
#fuck it's too long it's too long it's too long hate hate hate hate hate kill kill kill#i am resisting the urge to cut it all off with scissors but just barely#i havent been able to go home lately and my clippers are there. fUCKK#ITS TOO LONG SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE#i cant stop thinking about shaving my head again or at least cutting it short#it's summer i should have short hair summer is for short hair FUCKK THIS IS WEIRD#i feel like a sad stonermetal mushroom. in middle school. and NOT in a cool way if that wasnt clear!!#hhhhhhhhgnnnghfhn fuckk i feel so gross and weird#i didnt even do anything why are my spoons gone FUCKK. SHITITTTUJ DAMMIT#this is so dumb i literally skipped my second class for no reason and i have so mucj work but i didnt even do anything#i shoudktn be this out ofnit. euhhhhhghh#and i have a new friend and he really really wants to hang out and i dont hav.e the spoons#but i feel so bad.. and i have other ppl i wanna hang out with but i cant bring nyself to readh out#and even if they reached ouy i probably wouldnt be able to respond and i have to go see a show thid week too#bc theyre doing into the woods and i love that shit and i promised id go ans ive been lookign forward to it for months#but i cant. bwuhhhhhhhhghhhh#and i cant just tell the new friend i don't wanna hang out twice this week (one is the play) bc i blew him off all last week#i really dont wanna hurt his feelings but i really can't communicate like he wants me to. and ive kinda said that but still#mmmmmmnnnnuguhghh hes only doing it bc i mean a lot to him but it's moving so fast ans I can't really be there forbhim the way he probably#deserves.. i should probably eat skmething idk. eughhhhhhhhgghhghhggh. melting into a pile of slop and slurry rn#just gonna sink into my bed and not sleep and feel bad. hoorayy
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fgooooooo · 1 year
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Nort doodles
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bakingmoomins · 8 months
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so i just became insanely emotionally attached to a pair of caterpillars
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butnobodycame627 · 8 months
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god how is it october
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my-chemical-rot · 8 months
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Between his obsession with a symbol of Imperial Japan that’s commonly associated with their colonialism and atrocities during WWII & his uncritical use of a Nazi dogwhistle as a silly joke, I’m starting to think that Mr. Murdered-Fascists-Make-No-Noise former Leathermouth frontman might not be sincerely informed about WWII history or antifascist politics 🧐
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ilostyou · 1 year
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pasta was good but now i have to face the unimaginable horrors of forcing myself to get up and go shower
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭#this is dumb. like i have a lotta steps to go bc i can even consider this a possibility but i met with one of the ppl#im talking to for a phd. hes from a big impressive uni and his research is so fucking cool#and he thinks my cv is competitive for scholarship and he wants to support me as a student#so 🥺#i did not sleep much. i was having stress dreams plus i was a lil dehydrated lol#and i was watching a talk he did over and over until i got why he was so excited about it. bc it was real fucking cool once i got it#and we talked for like 80min abt our interests and potential projects. and now i have to take some time and start a proposal#bc im gonna do at least 2 scholarships and the deadlines are happening pretty fast. so rip my free time#but like it could potentially include genetic engineering and adaptive evolution so like so so cool#i mean its a lil risky bc he is only just establishing his lab. so its not like hes had a bunch of students but i think at this point#even if hes not so hands on i can probably drive myself forward#we'll see what happens. it would be super fucking cool to do some genetic engineering nonsense. and fucking adaptive evolution#ugh and get to live in the uk again 😭 i miss the gray english skies#so yea thats 2 potential projects im really invested in now#so like. it depends on if i can get the scholarship. which will be intensely competitive#so idk. we'll see. and ive got a meeting with another guy monday#but its the dude from Arizona and i dont wanna live there so im hopefully the project isnt as cool... but i think it kinda is so rip#ugh. its been a wild day. im so tired.#but happy. but also sad i wont have as much free time for drawing#but again happy bc im gonna learn and up my writing skills and chase my weird wild dreams :-)#unrelated
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itsays · 1 year
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im crying sung hanbin is actually number one AND the signal song center askfjsakfjalk
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unusualsims · 2 years
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Four A.M., we ran a miracle mile We're flat broke, but hey, we do it in style
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our oven is broken rn but when it’s fixed im gonna bake so much. what is life without a little treat
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yo what the fuck lmfao not the tiny little actor kid playing eddie in the it movies voicing alberto a la luca. zero recognition like kind of could deepfake it in my head litchrelly i mean like those actor children being quite small & then even recording something a few years later like alright yeah voice just dropped a ways already but i definitely had to stare intently at the [looking that up] textual confirmation. absolutely zero resonance at the time a whole like month ago lol go figure. congrats on the bisexuality too he/they king
#quick looked up some video from That Time and even the [a couple years later for the sequel no postproduction editing] like still no#would not have recognized his [a couple years after That] voice at all. in that i did not. not that i ever really recognize VA's out here#but there's like Just enough that's distinctive there that i'm surprised i didn't in a real like What? No. Cmon lol way rather than oh huh..#really did have to jeffpardy theme intently look it up like i just figure it would've been recognizable for sure#and now yeah sure i mean a) i believe that i'm not being scammed abt their film credits lmfao & b) it's like okay ig i can hear it Knowingly#what's the italian equivalent of a la.#''sul'' apparently but i don't really mean A La i guess. so how about via lol#they grow up so fast when they're like thirteen exactly and then vs idk being what. sixteen seventeen#this kid was like deluxe tiny did they commit to everyone being the same age / true to being like twelve thirteen w/e....#i also am just saying ''exactly'' for flair idk anything evidently. who are you people. i knew even back in the day like right that's one of#the strangers but if he did some VA a few years later i sure wouldn't recognize it i suppose lmao#it's remarkable enough when i recognize someone via Face And Voice so yknow#i mean any given Film it's like what Aren't the odds some actor is flying under the radar completely that i have seen/heard elsewhere. & yet#just really threw me for a loop like did not have a flicker of recognition for any of their dialogue but would've expected to evidently lmao#meanwhile i do feel the [hmm i wanna draw the dinosaur fish designs] again lmao maybe after i finish wrangling this one shot#take a lil break....it's fast easy & free & the shapiness makes it v like. Refreshment shake it out sketch material lol#thanks for the ichthyosauresque design choices. behind the scenes earnest voiceover of concept art like the entire pussy was utilized#in a One Hundred Percent Of Your Brain running gag kind of way. they say if you could use one hundred percent of your pussy....#the opposite of no nut november. and that's a flawless segue conclusion#this bewildered me forward in time what do you mean it's 7 till 7. f#eta wow yeah clips from the filme like his voice is sooo much higher no wonder i didn't have a clue lmao#and even like what. three or four years later i think like Voice Acting recordings are gonna sound different w/mic sensitivity / proximity#less of the Low Frequencies getting dispersed by distance and what all. but i can hear it especially at some points lol holistically...
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