#and also physically repulsed by

[aromantic-diaries]

Done some introspection and huh turns out i never really wanted to be in a romantic relationship and just wanted to feel worthy. Gee wowzers so the reason i was salty that nobody liked me or pursued me romantically wasn't because i wanted a relationship but instead it was because i was already lonely and an outcast and just wanted to feel like there was someone who liked me for who i was and was interested in me

#aro #aromantic #arospec #well i have completed the mission of facing myself and understanding the roots of my confusing feelings towards romance #now for the bigger challenge of overcoming my own self loathing so that i no longer crave a validation that i am incapable of reciprocating #and also physically repulsed by

[foundfamilywhump]

being aromantic and into whump is like. shoutout to whump for being a great opportunity to engage with stories about intimacy and vulnerability and powerful emotion and physical interactions with other people and intense relationships that are not presumptively based in romance. what would i do without you.

#gav gab #what WOULD i do tbh #i was cursed to be someone who is profoundly romance repulsed and also REALLY invested in narratives #about emotional and physical intimacy and character relationship and vulnerability and relying on one another #and thus: whump my beloved #one of the major draws for me hands down

[furiousgoldfish]

Ways abusive parents try to separate you from your human rights:

They threaten to call the police on you if you don't obey them

They threaten you with jail-time and insist that the police will take you away for disobedience

They actually call the police, or emergency services, to create consequences for disobedience

They threaten to 'give you away' to groups of people they deem 'worse' than themselves

They threaten that you'll be kidnapped and sold if you don't obey them

They threaten for you to be put in a home

They threaten you with inhumane living conditions in a home (you won't have you room, you won't have anything, they'll beat you up ever day, etc)

They threaten to institutionalize you if you don't do as they say

They threaten to put you in a mental hospital/psych ward/asylum

They threaten you with court, institutions and government

They convince you that every institution, social service, law enforcement, or any other organized group of people is on their side, and against you, and would fight on their side and enforce their rule over you

They act as if disobeying them is against the law/religion

They insist that nobody will ever want to hire you or pay you a salary

They imply or outright say that it's a waste of space if you were renting out a place or had a place of your own, you do not have the right to occupy your own space in their eyes

They take away your necessities if you disobey them (food, ability to use the bathroom, clothing)

They destroy your property as a form of revenge, and insist it never belonged to you and that they had every right to destroy it

They make sure you're not exposed to educational materials that would inform you that you have a right to safety, food, shelter, and protection from violence and threats

They fight very hard to convince you that what they're doing to you is NOT abuse (saying things like 'you don't even KNOW what abuse is, or 'I'll show you abuse'), and they make sure you're not exposed to any resources or education that would help you recognize abuse

Punishments for standing up for yourself or any attempts to reach justice or point out how unfair, inescapable, hypocritical and painful your situation is

Not allowing you to speak, punishing you for talking back, convincing you that you have no voice and you have no right to defend yourself in any measure

Exposing you to media or real-life situations where children are abused just as badly, or worse than you are, this is a part of grooming they do to convince you that child abuse is normal, acceptable behaviour and not abuse at all

Suggesting that they could do all this to you, and even outright threatening it, implying strongly they know they can get away with it, since others can

Convince you that everyone else has it worse, and repeat how lucky you actually are to have them

They list all of the things that would be happening to you if they weren't so kind to you (you'd be starving on the street, be kidnapped/sold/tortured, die from lack of resources, be abandoned, not survive in any possible way)

Convince you that you're not, in fact, a human being and thus have no business expecting human rights (brainwashing, calling you animal names, calling you demon/satan/monster)

Accuse you repeatedly of being a financial burden, shame you for costing money, demand credit/favours/services/labour/obedience in return for giving you survival resources like food and clothing and school supplies

Neglect to inform you that government is giving them a tax-break for every kid they're supporting and that the society is built so that children would be financially taken care of and do not need to earn their food, shelter or basic necessities

Scare you into believing that every other authority figure (teachers, boss, police, judge, authorities) would treat you even worse and would demand even a higher degree of obedience and submission from you, threaten you with how badly the interaction would go for you if you were to stand up to any other authority figure

Insist that if you were to act with this level of spite, refusal, rejection or disrespect to any other person, they would simply snap and kill you (implied death threat – you're lucky that I'm not ending your life right now)

Act like they own you, to the degree that they feel they have every right to end your life and would not be arrested or blamed if they were to kill you, since you're just their property

Add more if you have lived through other experiences that left you feeling like you had no protection, no rights in the eyes of the law, and no way to recognize your humans rights are being violated. Even one single item on this list means your human rights were kept from you.

#abusive parents #toxic parents #child abuse #human rights violations #traumatic childhood #death threats #threatening behaviour #psychological abuse #it's not enough that the child is tiny and physically helpless #the child also needs to feel like the entire world is set against them #and that they have no rights to safey or happiness #fucking disgusting gross behaviour #their power trips are repulsive and disgusting and they should be shamed for it forever #convincing small children they're a burden on society and have no rights to live or be safe #horrendous awful depraved monstrous sadistic abominable demonic repulsive criminal behaviour #prison for eternity

[disagigglebilities]

The interesting intersection of having both physical and mental disabilities and experience abled bodied mentally ill ableism and sane minded physically ill ableism

#anyway i am severly touch repulsed and my physically disabled friend wont stop touching me because he 'means no harm' and doesnt get it #like idc if you get it just fucking stop #dude also acts like telling me i need to do exposure therapy is gonna cure my driving phobia #like he has literally jokes about making me drive back places and refusing to drive #like i will kill you #also on the flip side is always having mentally ill people tell me that i sleep so much because of my depression #like no i have a physical health problem #a psychologist tried to pull the whole 'maybe it isnt that you cant do these things but that you wont' #like no im physically disabled i physically cant do those things stfu

[panicbones]

ive been reading books with AI characters in it and i keep finding again and again that nobody does it like murderbot. also why are ppl so desperate to put the ship AI in a body bro the purpose youve defeated it BOO

#i say this as if its a common occurence when in reality its only happened in 2 books ive read so far #while i rly like becky chambers and trust where shes going with it. makes a face. i wish the previous human/ai romance didnt revolve around #wanting to get the AI a body #i get it i guess.. but still #and the ancilliary series whole things is that a ship ai got stuck in one body #idk man. murderbot trumps AGAIN #ART does get some like. oh whats it called #its got little drone things it can send out in its place but theyre not human shaped #and its still ART #murderbot books please god i wish you were longer #sidenote the fanfic that makes ART and murderbot fuck with physical bodies in a human way suck so bad #not only is murderbot so sex repulsed but also. robot sex would be fundamentally different #anyways whatever idc. i dont. whatever #skeletal chatter

[airenyah]

thinking about how excited joong and dunk were for ep8, like joong immediately replying "ep8" without missing a beat when asked about his fave episode and them even sitting down for an instagram livestream to watch and react to the entirety of ep8 and also just how in interviews they'd constantly talk about how "oh!! we've never done anything like this before" and also constantly mention how hidden agenda was more mature compared to star in my mind

also thinking about how they chose to perform dum dum for lol fanfest and how that performance included one biting the other and how they had the idea to switch places for the bite in order to surprise everyone for day 2

idk, i'm thinking about it and i just feel like joongdunk would totally be up for doing only friends (or a series like it)

#it would be super interesting to see bc both in simm and in ha they've proven over and over again #that they're not afraid of touching each other and being physically close #i really do hope that they'll finally get a more serious and better written project together #dunk's acting has also improved a lot since simm (and tbh he was never as bad as people claim he was!!) #and i think he could manage (and he'd def learn a lot from that too) #series like ofts tend to not be my thing bc i just lean way too much on the sex repulsed side of the ace spectrum but!! #i N E E D joongdunk in a ofts-type series purely for acting analysis brainrot reasons dkfjkjdfjfdk #pls @gmmtv let them work with p'jojo i'm begging you #or p'aof‚ i'll very gladly take a JD series directed by p'aof too it doesn't have to be ofts kjdfjkdf #airenyah plappert #joongdunk #adrm

[adozentothedawn]

So, I watched the DnD movie. 0/10, needs more Xenk. Otherwise, best movie ever, needs more Xenk please thank you.

If Hollywood ever fixes its shit and starts paying their workers I would love a sequel. Does not have to be the same characters, except for Xenk, who is required.

#personal #s gooooood #how is xenk this sexy? #his name is xenk #hottest man in the movie #holga is of course the hottest woman #that said i think its good i watched it after starting bg #definitely wouldn't have gotten that many bits without it #so anyway to watch mortal engines i guess for more regé-jean page #tbh i am physically repulsed from watching bridgertom #netflix has cast shield on that show to specifically bar me from it #mortal engines is fair game though i think #i heard exactly nothing from it so i'm hoping it's pleasently irrelevant #or better who knows #also btw I love that the dvd includes bloopers #i missed those so much

[swordmaid]

something about how brienne tries so hard to appear as stoic and nonchalant in the outside (how different characters perceive her) but she actually is sensitive to a lot of things and how she just internalises it like …………

#🫠🫠🫠🫠 thinking about how she always tries to hide her smile . or hide her tears . or hide if she’s feeling nervous etc . #she can never freely express her own emotions out of fear or being mocked . and it’s the same with how she feels towards someone #where she’s just used to loving from the outside and just doing stuff FOR them and not expecting anything else done to her #screaming into the wall #I guess this is also why I’m not a fan of that take where jb won’t happen but they’ll know there’s love between them but it’s not acted on #like it’s some symbolism or whatever. like yeah I get it romantic love doesn’t depend on the actions made but it’s also like #you have a character that’s been so used to suppressing everything she feels and who actually craves acknowledgement and she wants physical #touch but you’re just denying it for the sake of said Symbolism. like it’s cruel to me that she’ll never get that kind of resolution #just because it’s more symbolic that she doesn’t ????????????????????? I’m too much of a bri stan for this 🙄 #and not to mention . said character who thinks that her touches are repulsive to other people and then u don’t want her to be touched #by someone who actually cares about her ? ok ……

[bonojour]

seeing people put emphasis on russell's weight both positively (to a fetishizing extend) and negatively (the endless "maximus got fat" type of jokes) is just really annoying because during his career he dealt both with unhealthy weight gain and loss - sometimes paired up in two roles in a row. i just really wish people would give him a break and that he could just enjoy whatever shape he is in in peace.

#text #and also someone in the tag compared maximus to unhinged #which is so ????? because his character in unhinged is MEANT to have more body weight because he is #and i am trying to phrase this in a way that lines up with how awful i find the movie #but he is meant to be the type of 'fat repulsive redneck american' i guess #but yeah i am still a bit annoyed by how my friend shared pics of russell at the australian open #asking me if i was attracted to this man #yes i am? #of course he is physically attractive (some times more than others) #but i also am On Board because i like him and find him really interesting as a person #and above all just a talented as fuck actor <3

[le-fruity-fool]

There truly is no feeling like another person pressing their face into your shoulder or resting on your lap.

#feeling nostalgic rn sorry #I’m almost never the first person to initiate physical contact with people because it’s such a tender thing to ask for #& I feel like my discomfort makes people uncomfortable around me #like ‘I want to get away from this so you must want that also. I must be making you so uneasy & disgusted’ #weird to know there r ppl who don’t think physical contact is a big deal cuz it’s major for me #just like… physically communicating ‘I want you here & trust you & am not repulsed by you’ #that’s what it feels like but that’s not always what it means #some ppl are just rly casual about physical contact #vent #it wasn’t that @ first. whoops

[clemencetaught]

"Here," it's... it's just bread. It's a bun, sure large enough to still some amount of hunger, but it's just bread. And yet, María holds it in front of Patrick with the face of someone who'd consider it a criminal offense to refuse it. Nevermind that she's stolen it from one of the banquets. "Just making sure you're eating." ((RUH-ROH it's Len again~ and I promise I forgot about the Peeta bread thing until I re-read this IGNORE THAT--!! FDKLGJDLAJSGF Hope you didn't end up getting sick BUT IF YOU DID HOPE YOU'RE RESTING AND FEELING BETTER SOON 🥺)) || okay but panem is also known as the nation of bread & circuses– ( unprompted w/ @mythvoiced )

He doesn’t eat much in the Capitol. 

Which is ironic, seeing how most of his life before the games, Patrick was always hungry. Always trying between schooling and factory shifts to figure out when his next meal was going to come. Why else would he and Hyuk have taken out tesserae all those years ago? It was preferable, playing the odds in the Reaping to starving for the rest of the year.

Nowadays, food is the least of his concerns. Whereas there is still a dearth in District Three, there is surplus in the Capitol. No surplus isn’t the right word; a surplus would mean the Capitol keeps the extra for the future. No, there is an excess of food in the Capitol, an excess that is dumped and left to rot after the pigs have had their share, have had their fun.

When he remembers that, food in the Capitol, no matter how finely it’s been prepared, becomes disgusting. Repulsive when it is combined with the thought of the districts, his people, still starving and fighting one another for the Capitol’s ‘scraps’. One plate is enough for Patrick to feel the bile swish in his stomach and even crawl back up his throat– how is he supposed to enjoy this filth now?

(But of course the Capitol has a way of perverting everything. Who else would have invented a liquid that makes one vomit what was just digested to make room for more food?)

“You didn’t have to,” is the first set of words to come out of his mouth, however. It’s such a childish gesture on her part; as a victor, she and her family should have more than enough riches to cover for food whether she’s in the Capitol or her own district. That and it’s considered normal to take leftovers from these banquets.

And yet, she’s staring him down like they are in covenance– it’s odd…strange how the things the Capitol deem sacred, she’ll approach with the irreverence of a foreigner and yet with the most mundane of objects, like a loaf of bread, most likely one of the hundred baked today and will be replicated tomorrow, like it is worth the weight of gold. He takes a hold of María’s loot. The loaf is still warm, freshly out of the oven, he wants to believe. Like it came from one of the bakeries in say, District 12, rather than a Capitol banquet table. Does she look at the Capitol and its elaborate feasts the same way? District Eight is probably just as bad if not even worse than his own district when it comes to food shortages so maybe her thievery makes sense.

When one has gone without food for long enough, no amount of surplus is enough to satiate the insecurity. He knows that feeling all too well. His stomach growls in anticipation. “…Normally, the Capitol likes to have this with caviar.” A delicacy from District Four along with butter shipped from District Ten. He splits the loaf in two, the inside crackling and breaking into two crisp pieces. “But I think…I think it tastes just as delicious on its own.” He hands María one half while taking a bite out of the other. “Take the other half; I can’t finish it on my own.”

It tastes delicious. 

#vomit cw #not that he actually does but there is mention of it #mythvoiced #mythvoiced ( maría. ) #anger said her real name was grief ( maría. ) #the victor ( verse three. ) #the victor ( answered. ) #AND HERE I AM NOW IN THE DEPRESSO VERSE :'DDDD #not me SOBBING first over the reference to the bread.... :'D pe*eta is my darling nobody does it like him </3 #hahaha not me with this hc that... #probably the victors in the outlier districts have complicated relationships with food #just bc a lot of them probably?? suffered from food insecurity?? #and then you go to the capitol and suddenly there's an abundance..... #at the price of the districts starving... :/// #that's gotta trigger some complicated reactions in the victors especially #so in patrick's case #it's not just that he's not hungry but that seeing the excess is...repulsive to him in most cases #(aka more trauma that since he doesn't actually acknowledge ends up manifesting physically....) #BUT FOR MARÍA!!!! HE WOULD EAT FOR HER :'D HE WOULD SHARE WITH HER TOO BC THAT'S WHAT HE DOES WHEN HE GOT FOOD BACK THEN #he'd share with his loved ones :'D #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK IT WAS VERY STIMULATING TO ANSWER :DDDD (the others are on their way too <3 ) #ALSO THANK FOR UR WELL WISHES....i am feeling much better now <3 #a question of justice ( answered. )

[vermillioncrown]

https://www.tiktok.com/@ceragibson/video/7213811648920964395

for the biomechanics!!(congrats on the defense)

so agree w the tiktok, i want to put it out there that most ppl writing about these huge schlongs have zero experience and have never forced the thought to its logical end

me and friend at the local sex shop for notes: where is it all going? are you using your eyes only?

(thank you 🙏)

#inquiry #Anonymous #biomechanics working group #one of my pet peeves is when (as a sex-neutral/repulsed ace person myself) other aces act like they are obviously better at writing sex #bc of being ace = decoupling the weird assumptions/conventions that allos have #which is fair bc some of the greatest and most interesting scenes i've read are from that approach! #but law of large numbers and i also see some of the... #1) blandest slot A tab B fare even when they're trying to be exciting (which is honestly so tragic) #2) some sort of interpersonal interaction that is beyond reasonable human convention. like i doubt this author holds real conversations-typ #3) outrageous ????? physically what the fuck is going on. are we kirby???? where does it all go?? #like you cannot better demonstrate that you are unwilling to dig deep and find an analogy that fits what you're trying to convey #or do a small thought exercise and walk things through #AGAIN the pet peeve only qualifies if: the author brags about it and falls on their face

[dollwrites]

if believing that you should try your best to write your “”faves”” in character makes me a hater then I’m the biggest fucking hater on the Internet.

It’s so crazy to me how many “soft” toji fics there are lowkey makes me wanna barf

#JUST WRITE ACTUAL SOFT CHARACTERS ?? #or just write an OC based on toji’s likeness 💀 #there are more examples but I keep seeing fuckin weird softboy toji fics these days and highkey makes me sick #also saw a sub toji that I physically felt repulsed at #just… if you like a character why would you continue to change them?? #it reads like you’re either lazy or you don’t really care about the character at all and either way #it’s embarrassing #and these gross misinterpretations are getting SOOO many notes and praise and it’s really showing #how many people don’t even understand who he is 💀💀

[boyghcst]

.

#so weird how ill get these phases of extreme disgust and repulsion from affection and connection and the idea of being with someone #but then other times like rn i feel lonely and miss being 100% transparent with and emotional / physical intimacy #i don’t like feeling the need for connection and keep telling myself to be alone bc it’s better off for everyone #but i still want connection it just seems so hard to meet someone #and also becomes anxiety inducing and scary when i acc do almost make plans to meet someone #bc then I get v cautious and not v open #journal

[meezer]

me trying to pretend I don't care about romantic love and devotion and sexual intimacy irl when really I feel like it's the meaning of my life

#but there are too many obstacles. and I genuinely don't feel the need to be in a relationship with a real person right now. hem hem. #I know this is going to sound deeply insane but sometimes I have these moments when I get so deeply disgusted with people. just people in #general. like thinking about the processes going on in their bodies and their faces look uncanny to me and I just get really nauseous and #feel the need to be far away and not look at any humans for a while. and ESPECIALLY not interact with anyone. and I don't know how I would #cope with that feeling if it ever came when I was in a relationship. idk if I could ever fully recover from being deeply repulsed by my #partner's physicality. and. there is also the redacted which has left a permanent brand on my soul and inevitably any relationship I might #have. I would need to explain hey basically blah blah blah. and I don't believe anyone would stay by my side after hearing that. because I #know _I_ wouldn't stay if someone told me that. probably. like I told my friend. I have my video game men. I have my good friends. I'm okay

[bibiana112]

Telling on myself a bit but I love the ideia of beato being like a positive comforting brain child at first that was a protective shell and stood for the kind of witch and magic that could help a lonely kid and then it started to be unhealthy when she became an escapegoat for compartmentalizing and leaving feelings to be unaddressed and just an extension of the things she comes up with which are "not real" and then when those feelings come to the forefront and contradict and crash not to mention the recontextualized origin of her name to begin with made her into a cruel persecutor the voice that's mean to yourself in your own head that keeps tally of every flaw is suddenly not quiet but loud and overwhelming it is the most powerful out of the personas you created afterall she's a great witch and all the magic that's kept your mind safe is suddenly a tool of destruction you looked up to her you clung to it and now it's your very own inescapable persecutor and you're at its mercy

#anyways hi this is not the first day my mind feels clear after three days of crying #my brain is coping well but like uh #I know it's the trauma that's a given but my own brain child is yelling at me for thinking of getting therapy #with the same amount of repulsion and aggression as physical pain or any sh really #fml though I am actually gonna get an appointment for next week I GUESS #also I wish my ribs would stop having an inflammation in them what the fuck #delete later