#and every day i feel like its only getting worse. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunnyswide · 3 days

Text

Murderer POLY 141 x kidnapped reader

Part two of this

They all seemed to enjoy it at first but the longer they spent playing this “game” the more real it got. Their psychotic brains confusing obsession with “love”. No they didn't love you. At least, that's what they told themselves every day as they fucked your brains out. It was hard to just stay with one guy when they seemed to be forcing their ways into your life.. And you.

So instead you wanted to “discuss” the truths with all of them. You couldn't live in a lie, you either tell all of them or none of them and let them find out. The latter option was least desirable.

So you sent them a message, a quick meetup at a private joint 3 blocks down. A perfect underground cafe you always were fond of. The mood, the music, and the secrecy. Barely anyone knew about the place.

“Be there at 8, don't be late!”

You were scared sure, but what would go wrong?

—

Your hands fidgeted at the hem of your top. You couldn't help the jittery feeling racing through your body.

“Its going to be okay”

You whispered to yourself, trying to catch your quaking breath. Why was this so hard for you!? Its not like they were in love..

It was too late to back down anyway as you descended the steps toward the dim light. The air was thicker then usual, a familiar smell flooded the area.. It was overwhelmingly strong but you brushed it off.

The door opened with a chime, and the smell got stronger. It wasn't rotten.. But more ash-like. A strong burning smell with a mix of..

“Hey!”

You spot the group on the wall near the fireplace. They seemed to be getting along, chatting like they knew each other forever.

“What took ya so long” Gaz scooted over, setting the large black bag onto the ground.

“Should’ve came later, we were setting bets on how long it’ll take”

“Pay up soap, she came 10 minutes late, I win” ghost nudged Soap’s elbow, holding his hand out for the money.

“Stop playing around, the little lady here clearly got something important” Price stared at you calmy, he seemed to be the only one giving a shit-

You giggled at the sight. All of them seemed so close, it would be easy to assume they were friends from a glance.

“Do you guys know each other? Cause that would make this a lot.. Uhm worse”

“Course we know each other luv, we’ve been friends since.. Shit how long’s it been?”

Ghost leaned back, crossing his arms against his chest. Fuck this was going terribly.

“Cant remember”

Soap shrugged, taking another swish of his water, ice cubes clinking on the side.

“I guess we can talk about this over some food..”

You look around, finally realizing the place was quiet. Completely empty. The counter had no one behind it, the kitchen was silent and no one occupied any other booth. They looked at you, all smiles and rainbows, like nothing was wrong.

The air became thicker.. The fire burned brighter, dropping sparking ashes across the floor. They seemed oddly happy, I mean oddly happy like they didn't notice the place was a dead zone.

“So why’d you tell us to come here” Gaz slipped a hand over your shoulder, which didn't surprise anyone like you thought.

You clear your throat, reaching for your bag to pull out your phone. Yes you decided to write some notes on your phone to prepare.

“So.. Uhm you se-”

You look down at your purse, slipping your fingers into the smaller pockets.. Before noticing a small object at the front of your shoes. You realize the white material on the tip of leather was a surprising red.

“I wanted to..”

Your sentences were cut short as you slowly slipped your foot back.. A small puddle of blood smeared across the floor beneath where your shoes were.

“Go to the bathroom first!”

You smile, quickly standing up with your phone in your hand. You giggle awkwardly and calmly walk towards the lady's room. Quickly opening the door and gently closing it before you run to the sink. Your face flushed pale, as you feel yourself gag.

“A.. A TO- Tooth”

You scream impulsively.. Immediately covering your mouth with your hands. You watch the door through the mirror, praying none of them heard.

You look down at your shoe, it wasn't a hallucination, the blood still seeping into the leather, leaving a thin trail of drying blood across white tiles. You grab at your throat, trying to calm your breathing. No ones here. The staff. Cashier. Waiter. No one. No one is here.

You look to the door, only option was to book it right? The burning smell seeped through the doorway.. As you finally realize what that smell was.

The smell of Flesh

You run to the bathroom door, slamming it open..

“Hello princess.. All ready?”

#cod #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #captain price #captain john price #gaz cod #gaz x reader #soap x reader #soap mactavish #poly 141 #price x reader #cod x reader

79 notes · View notes

dfortrafalgar · 2 days

Note

Looooooved ILY! Kudos! It was chair-gripping, tear drenching, rot your teeth fluffy and a bunch of other things in between! Brava! 🥰

If you're still accepting requests (I don't know if you have already been flooded by messages or not) I would like a story about being part of the Kid Pirates but reader is in a really sour mood because it's the anniversary of readers's parents death (you can make up a story if you'd like) and reader disobeys a direct order from him and, to top it off, reader talks back at him in front of the crew, earning the reader a severe punishment (up to you). Eventually Kid finds out why reader's mood is so sour and tries to talk it out except Kid can't be soft and that just makes things more awkward. Could be SFW, could be NSFW, I'm leaving all this up to you. And the ending as well because I only got that far. I hope you like the idea and get excited.

I love your work! ❤️🥰 Thank you for sharing your talent.

HI ANON!!! thank you so much for your request and your super kind words over IMLY, that means so much to me!!!! i know i keep saying this but yall make me smile every single day when i log onto tumblr and see your messages <3

I also really loved writing this request! i really love Kid, but i also wanna kick his ass on the playground if that makes sense, and i think that sentiment came through in my writing ;w; I hope you like it!!! and thank you again!!! (Also, i kept the reason for your parents' death ambiguous, because i know some people (myself included) read fics with their ocs in mind, so you're free to fill in the vagueness with your own personal ideas if you want!)

Feeling Overhaul

Eustass Kid x Fem Reader

The anniversary of your parents' death always leaves you feeling shallow, but your boyfriend's lack of social and situational awareness crops up to make your day even worse.

Warnings: SFW, hurt/comfort, reader being understandably upset, descriptions of an argument with some veeeeery slight verbal abuse, once again hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort. communication is key loves

Your sour mood had been steadily building over the last few days, but your sorrow reached its peak on the last day of the week, according to the barely legible crew calendar that was based off of when the messenger coos arrived with the weekly paper. It was a day you despised thinking about, the memories associated with the day leaving your throat tight, an uncomfortable malaise in the pit of your stomach.

All things considered, you thought you were doing a decent job at keeping your emotions in check while performing your usual duties on the Victoria Punk. The bow of the deck needed a thorough scrubbing, a few spots in the walls of the crow’s nest needed repairs from a recent run in with a smaller, weaker pirate crew, and a few secondary sails needed their holes patched up. It was a perfect day to distract yourself from your woes. Drowning your discontent in your work had become quite a valuable skill.

Until you slipped on the soap that lathered the hard wood of the bow and fell flat on your ass. When trying to stand, your hands gave out under you and you hit the deck once more, one of your crew mates tossing you anxious glances as you struggled to regain your bearings. Climbing up to the crow’s nest, you were plagued with a sudden wash of grief over the day, so much so that you lost your grip and slipped down the Jacobs ladder, your foot catching on one of the wooden rungs beneath you. Wire was directly under you, climbing as well to assist with the crow’s nest repairs, and his method of helping you after your slip involved gripping your arm so hard it left a bruise. You bit back your tears at the pain of your crewmate’s hand around your limb and the humiliation of almost falling 12 feet onto the hard wooden hull, but you once again bit back your shame and finished your arduous climb up.

By the afternoon, word had gotten around the Victoria Punk that your work was lacking, that you were clearly struggling with something, that perhaps you weren’t feeling well. When it finally got around to Captain Eustass Kid, who doubled as your beloved partner, he was less than pleased.

The last thing he wanted to do was deal with your emotions, and the last thing you wanted to do was deal with his abrasive, apathetic attitude.

“Care to explain why the hell the entire crew has caught you slacking off today?” he demanded, thundering toward you in one of the upper corridors of the ship’s hull. You were still returning some of the tools you had used to patch up the ship’s sails when he accosted you in the hallway. It was almost dinner hour, and many of the crew were bustling through the same corridors finishing their afternoon tasks before meal time.

“What?” you snapped back, caught off guard by his threatening question.

“Don’t ‘What’ me. Why have you been tripping and falling everywhere? What kind of joke are you trying to play?” His face was angry, livid even, not granting you even one second to explain your plight.

Your eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not trying to bumble around the boat like an idiot. I’m just not feeling well and haven’t been able to focus.”

Kid scoffed. “Then get over it.”

Perhaps you were being irrational, but at the same time, you had officially had enough of the entire day. You dropped your supplies on the floor around your feet, heat radiating off of your body in waves. “What did you just say to me?”

Your captain bent down to be at your level, which was insulting to your current state. “Get. Over. It.”

Anger boiled in your lungs, lighting your heart on fire, blinding the corners of your vision with a fuzzy white light. You tried to turn your back to him and escape down the corridor, but yelped when Kid grabbed your wrist and pulled you back toward him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?” he asked. He really couldn’t control the sound of his voice, regardless of his current emotion, and the volume of his shouts filling the space made your body tense up in fear. Eyes watching the scene unfold around you widened.

Around the corner behind Kid’s back, Killer darted forward, alerted to the sounds emanating from the narrow passage. “Kid, chill out!”

“Are you going to care about me any more if I tell you?” you demanded back, trying to pull your wrist away from his grip. His flesh hand held firm, however, almost burning your skin. He shrugged Killer’s own hand off of his shoulder forcefully, completely ignoring his friend’s plea to calm himself somewhat.

Kid rolled his eyes. “It better be damn important if it’s got you almost falling off of the Jacobs ladder.”

You steeled yourself, sucking in an uneasy breath and facing your stubborn partner head on. “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death. I’ve never been able to feel alright when I think about them.”

There was a brief, uncomfortable silence that floated between the two of you, the air in the hallway thrumming with a suffocating tension. Kid’s grip finally relaxed on your wrist, allowing you to yank it away and rub your sore skin. His red-painted lips finally parted, and all he graced your ear drums with was, “That’s it?”

Your heart dropped. “What do you mean ‘that’s it’?”

“Parents die all the time. What makes today so different?” His narrow eyes were back to their scathing glare.

At this point, however, you had had enough. You were practically shaking with a barely contained rage of your own as you stepped closer to your captain and spat in his face, causing him to stagger backward, giving you enough space to let your emotions bubble outward. “I don’t have to tell you shit if you’re going to talk to me like that! In front of the entire crew?! Just because you’re my captain doesn’t mean you get the excuse to accost me in the hallway and berate me for slipping a few times.” You frantically dug through your brain for words to add to your outburst, perhaps asking how he had the sheer gall to have such an attitude toward you despite dropping his walls and being so kind toward you on an average day, but all you could muster in response was, “Fuck you, Kid.”

You stepped away from him, narrowly missing another one of his lunges to get you to stay. His voice was low and intimidating. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Then don’t tell me that my day of grieving is stupid! Fuck! You!” you spat back, finally turning on your heels and sprinting out of his reach, down the hallway and into the ladder well into the lower deck, desperate to get as far away from your captain as possible. You knew he was prone to struggling with empathy, and kindness had never been one of his strong suits, but to be talked to in such a way, have your feelings belittled after you had almost severely injured yourself as a consequence of your lacking mental health, hurt more than a stab to the liver.

Kid’s burning gaze followed you as you fled, harshly turning on his own heels to slink to the galley and drown his frustrations in whatever liquor the crew had acquired from the last island. He bumped Killer’s shoulder, forcing the blonde to the side. The crew watched as their captain rounded the corner out of sight.

---

You didn’t arrive for the dinner call, your usual seat left unfilled and the plate uneaten. A few crew mates who hadn’t witnessed the explosive scene from an hour ago asked around for your whereabouts, but the only one who bothered to stand up and search for you was Quincy who quickly ate her meal and abandoned the table.

Kid was pounding back alcohol like no one’s business, leading to many a concerned glance.

“Kid,” Killer muttered. He rested his masked head in his hand, desperate for context at what he had previously run in on. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” the red-head grumbled, throwing back another mug of golden beer, some of it dribbling down the side of his mouth.

The few straggling crew members who remained around the large dining table shared worried looks.

“It’s clearly not nothing,” Killer countered.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” snapped Kid. Even at the age of 23, he was still no better than a bratty little child when things didn’t go his way.

Killer dropped the subject with a sigh, the sound escaping the holes in his mask with a subdued hiss.

Quincy, on the other hand, carefully opened the door to the women’s bunk room where she found you, curled on your side on the mattress that used to belong to you when you first joined the Kid Pirates, your face buried in a pillow and your shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Darling,” she cooed, silently tapping across the floor to sit on the side of the bed, her gentle hand ghosting over your arm. “What happened? Why didn’t you come to dinner?”

The sound of her voice unraveled you from your coil, your tear-stained face and puffy red eyes meeting her concerned stare. “Kid and I had a fight,” was all you said.

“About?”

You rolled onto your back, clutching the pillow that was thoroughly drenched in your salty tears to your abdomen. “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death, and when Kid asked me what was wrong, he told me, ‘What makes today so different, parents die all the time.’ Like…?” your voice wavered, “Who says that? And to his girlfriend nonetheless!”

Quincy made a disappointed tsk sound with her tongue, sympathetically rubbing your arm through the sleeve of your shirt. “Honey, he’s stupid. But still, he was wrong to speak to you like that.”

You sniffled, wiping some snot from your face with the arm that wasn’t being caressed by your close friend. “I know… but it still hurts. I wish he could just… I don’t know… be nicer to me?”

For what it was worth, both of you knew that Kid wasn’t truly ‘stupid.’ He was strong, strategic, and resilient, but when it came to matters of the heart, his brain dwarfed to the size of a peanut. It was only a matter of getting the headstrong captain to realize how he had truly hurt you.

“Honey, sleep in here for a few nights to get a proper rest, away from him,” Quincy offered, standing up from her seat on your mattress to approach one of the wardrobes, pulling out a comfortable shirt and baggy pants to relax in. “Let this blow over for a little while, and then you can try to talk it out with him. We can help if you need it.”

You sat up yourself, gratefully taking the clothing from her arms, a small smile on your lips. “Thanks, Quin.”

The curly-haired woman left the bunkhouse to let you change, passing by Killer trudging through the hallway, a towel draped over his scarred arm. “Hey, have you talked to Kid?”

“He’s drunk off his ass right now,” Killer grumbled, dragging his free hand down his mask in a display of exasperation. “I couldn’t get him to tell me what happened, but he’s gonna be out of it for the rest of the evening.”

Quincy bit the inside of her cheek as she assessed the first mate’s message. “I’ll tell you.”

---

It had been about three days since the argument Kid had blasted you with in front of your crew mates, your humiliation and anger toward your captain burning a hole into your lungs. You couldn’t contain your tears for at least six hours after your initial outburst, the grief of losing your parents in the way you had all those years ago now partnered with the anguish of screaming at Kid… and spitting on his face. The act was so beneath you, and yet. Dive and Hip, who had seen the argument first-hand, had helped to assure you that you weren’t in the wrong for what you had said, reassuring your stance that Kid was far too intimidating when all he wanted was a simple answer for your strange behavior.

Heat had come to you with a covered plate containing the dinner you had missed, informing you that Kid still had a very poor system of managing his emotions. While you understood this first hand, being his partner for the better part of a year, you still didn’t believe that was a proper excuse to diminish your emotions in the way he had.

After those three days of your absence, strategically avoiding him at all hours of the day, Kid was fed up. He needed to talk. His bed was too empty without you.

Killer told him it would be a bad idea to call you to his quarters, but he did it anyway. And when your anxious knocking reverberated through the thick wooden door of his cabin, he was quick to call your name and grant you entry.

You stepped in, shutting the door softly behind you, keeping your head low. Kid stood from his mattress, clearing the floor in broad steps and trying his best to lay on the charm, wrapping his large arm around you and cooing his best, casual greeting, “Hey, babe, I’ve missed you.”

You shrugged yourself away from him, your eyes downcast. You looked… hollow. “Did you want something from me, captain?”

Kid felt a foreign pang deep in his chest. You hadn’t been referring to him as your boyfriend or partner. Right now, he was strictly ‘captain,’ and that notion left him feeling far too empty and vulnerable for his liking.

Fuck, he wasn’t good at this in any way.

Your gaze bore scorching holes into his own eyes, silently demanding the apology that you knew you deserved to hear from him. With a deep sigh, Kid turned around and stomped back to his mattress, dropping his head into his hands.

“I didn’t know your parents died,” he blurted.

You stayed quiet.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” His voice was a low grumble.

You suppressed a scoff. “How about, ‘Sorry for yelling at you in front of the crew?’ Or, ‘I’m sorry for saying that your feelings don’t matter.’ Something like that, maybe.” Your voice, in comparison, was eerily level, your time to be physically upset with the situation having expired two days ago. Now all you were left with was an uncomfortable feeling of unease, a hole in your heart where Kid usually sat now being emptied and replaced with a barren cavern that desperately wished to be occupied by the man you loved once more.

Because you really did love him. You knew his lifestyle, his behaviors, his tendencies toward cruelty. And yet, he remained kind toward you. He allowed you to open up to him and did the same in turn, and he nestled himself perfectly, albeit clumsily, into your life. You didn’t want to lose that.

Watching as Kid clearly struggled forming those two little words on his tongue was like watching someone perform self-surgery. His pride had impeded his sense of empathy for so long that the simple notion of apologizing was such an estranged concept for him.

How stunted.

But you held firm, remaining in front of his closed door as he kept his head in his hand, his thick fingers teasing through his slightly greasy red hair. After what felt like an eternity, he finally picked his head up. “I’m sorry.”

There it was.

He continued, sucking in a shaky breath. “I really didn’t know it was the anniversary of your family’s death. I wish I asked you about it sooner instead of… that.”

You stayed quiet.

“... Instead of yelling at you like that. And attacking you for something that was out of your control.” He kept his voice low, as if he was carefully picking out his words from a small bucket inside his thick skull.

After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, you released the tension in your shoulders with a sigh. “And I’m sorry for spitting on you. And for cursing you out.”

“No, you shouldn’t apologize,” Kid stated, finally picking up his head and gazing at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “I deserved it, really.” His fingers anxiously rubbed the rough fabric of his pants. “Killer sat me down and gave me a bit of a beat down. Physically and verbally. Because I know I’m not good at this. I’m not a good person. And I really fucked up with you.”

You remained firm with your feelings, but you finally approached his bed and sat next to him, leaving a comfortable gap between your bodies that your captain, your partner, didn’t try to close. He kept his distance from you, silently ensuring that you were allowed, and encouraged, to open up to him when you were the most comfortable.

“I just want to make sure that you actually mean it,” you whispered. “And that you’re not just saying that without believing it.”

“I mean it,” Kid confirmed, his voice unwavering. “I really do.”

You gazed at him apprehensively. “... Promise?”

Silently, Kid held out his pinky toward you.

You looked at his finger, confusion glossing your features. “What are you doing?”

“Have you never made a pinky promise before?” he asked.

Your mouth threatened to curl into a small smile. “Can’t say that I have.”

Kid released his hand only so he could take yours, folding your fingers down so only your own pinky stuck out from your fist. He repeated the motion with his own hand, curling his smallest digit around your own. “It’s a promise that I mean what I said. Killer and I used to do this all the time as kids.”

Your composure finally broke as you snorted, your own finger curling around his. “That’s sweet…”

“The point is that, if I break the promise, you get to break my finger,” he explained.

“Suddenly everything makes sense,” you uttered, your lips finally curling into a grin. “Don’t give me an excuse to break your finger.”

In response to your lighthearted plea, Kid raised his hand with yours still attached and pulled back down in a handshake gesture. “Never.”

Your finger stayed curled around his as you gazed at your hand. “I’m still kind of upset with you.”

Kid’s shoulders stiffened. “I get why.” After you stayed silent for a few extra moments, he finally asked, “What can I do to make it up to you?”

Your eyes bore into his once more, his gaze remaining steady as well. “You can start by not jumping to conclusions… or being accusatory without any context.” You sighed. “I’m not telling you to change your entire personality, Kid, because I know who you are. And I fell in love with the normal, regular You. But I just ask for a little bit of kindness.”

Kid released your pinky in order to lace his entire hand with yours. “I’ll give you more than a little.”

“Or I can break your pinky?” you asked once more, another small smile breaking out on your face.

Your partner grinned. “I’ll throw myself overboard if you ask.”

You finally closed the gap between your bodies, tentatively laying your head on his shoulder. “No… I wouldn’t want to lose you like that.”

#x reader #reader insert #fem reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #eustass kid x reader #eustass captain kid x reader #eustass captain kidd #eustass kid #one piece kid #request fics

85 notes · View notes

lillybearrie · 3 days

Text

Guys- guys! I need to talk about this because omfg arararara

Ok so I was watching sherb's most recent hardcore stream, or more accurately got not even a minute in and ran to Tumblr because I have thoughts, and maybe it's because I just binged Icarus's pov post-centross death but the first like 30 seconds or so of the hardcore stream made me realize the difference between someone like hardcore!Sherbert and Icarus.

Icarus is in a deep state of self loathing and needing to grief so so many things so many people they need to process so so much but their own father has convinced them that it's pointless that it's not worth it that they should just focus on other things like helping him in his endeavors and so they don't and instead they bear the weight of this feeling of guilt and dread that they carry it around all day every day and they use it like armor because they don't have much else anymore. They pour all of the doubt they used to have into blind faith in fable's cause because they will not process and they will not grief over the fact that in only the past 4 months they have either indirectly or directly been at fault for 2 of their friends deaths and that their very existence prompted the destruction of so many peoples lives fable caused the resets for them to save their life fable destroyed reality over and over and over until the universe was delt what is likely irreparable damage all for them and honesty we really don't talk enough about the guilt they must carry for that. Icarus wakes up and even if it's been a few weeks is immediately so so tired the weight of everything going on in their life waking up with them waking up with the voices that constantly tell them what they already know the voices the yell and scream that their wrong that their hurting people again that their acting corrupted The voices that never shut up day in and day out. And they stretch because sometimes keeping a routine in times like this is key to keeping sane and yk stretching is just generally a good habit. Their alone except for the emotionally distant basterd of a previously immortal man that dares call himself a father ( we're not gonna talk about how the stuff he instilled in ick when they were little influenced a large part of how the corruption presented itself in them during season 1 because this is not that post but if it was I would have so many words you don't even know) life right now is one big distraction and when it's not they either have a break down or they're chasing the next distraction and you can see that when they wake up because you get 2 kinds of Icarus in the morning angry Icarus who will take it out on quixis or us because they need that emotional release and we're easy targets or planning Icarus who is only thinking about what they need to do today they do mindless chores or talk with co-workers or are figuring out how to complete task fable asks of them.

Hardcore!Sherbert on the other hand is for better or worse alone completely and utterly aside from the things their's not a single actual person in their life. they farm they build they vibe and weird shit happens around them sometimes and they hear voices, they wake up and look forward to the next day even when they've been asleep for months they look in the bright side "not a bad thing tho it's important to get your sleep" they are so... free in comparison with Icarus and you can hear it in the way they talk its lighter you can see it in they way they move it made me realize how little Icarus actually truly smiles nowadays hardcore!sherbert has their fair share of struggles don't get me wrong but at they end of the day they're happy they enjoy life for the most part.

And Sherb does such a good Job acting out this fundamental difference between these two variations of the same guy. I go ababababa it think it's neattt anyway go appreciate Sherbertquake56's phenomenal acting after this long ass post psychoanalizing they way their minecraft characters wake up which is a total sane and normal thing to make a Tumblr post about at 4 am mhm

#i just think they're neat #thank you for coming to my ted talk #i go abababababa #i hold them #i has so many think thoughts #so many #the psychology of Icarus Morningstar consumes my brain #send halp #icarus morningstar #hardcore minecraft #sherbertquake56 #sherbverse

30 notes · View notes

ce0-0f-sex · 5 months

Text

‌

#man. im so fucking tired #every day im just. consumed by anger. lashing out at the people i love #isolating myself away from the people i call close #overwhelmed with work.#at this point i just hear nonstop criticism and hate from my own brain and i never thought i'd say it but christ. the suicidal thoughts are #they're. back #i havent had em since 2020. maybe 2021. i dont know anymore #time is stupid.#life is stupid.#everything is stupid #and every day i feel like its only getting worse.#do things ever actually get better.#tw vent #tw sui vent

1 note · View note

skitskatdacat63 · 4 months

Text

Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)

- explanation & w/o text:

Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!

First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.

Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.

Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.

Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.

About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.

I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")

I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.

#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse #this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best #it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days #like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing #but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it #i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference #like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want #ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs #and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic #basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari #but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari #and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m #a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him #so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #catie.rambling.txt #catie.art.#vettonso #bond au

54 notes · View notes

wulfhalls · 1 month

Text

#over two weeks since my baby boy passed #i miss him more everyday. and its only getting worse #and i feel so responsible so fucking guilty its tearing me up inside #he was only 8 my tiny angel was only 8 #i still cant believe hes gone #i miss him everywhere he isnt anymore which is. well everywhere #i havent wanted to die this badly since like my early twenties maybe not even then #spiralling bad ngl #when i bursh my teeth and he isnt at the faucet just hanging out. when i find some of his fur somewhere. walking by his favourite boxies #his sleeping places. my desk where he helped me study #just one breakdown after the other. all day #i miss him so fucking much every second of every day. he was with me ALWAYS all the time he was just there.#im still waiting for him to just. u know come back to me where he belongs #had one day where i was so dead inside i didnt even weep wail cry weep wail again for a whole day. 👍#but its convulsing on the floor o'clock yet again. oh well #u know the spiel. ignore me ignore this i just. needed to type this out #bb baby #txt.me

24 notes · View notes

devilsskettle · 1 month

Text

i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/

#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take #i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday #each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy #selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need #standing all day long just fucking bored #hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in #ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day #when nothing new ever happens #and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either #i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling #and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me #i walk there i stand all day and i walk home #that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in #if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy #but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot #idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do #there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits #and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future #so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol #all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that

11 notes · View notes

saeshiraw · 8 months

Text

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

19 notes · View notes

raksh-writes · 6 months

Text

Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗

#personal #I know its important to keep up with current events #but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately #I should prob go back to my therapist #I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni #for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me #finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy #but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know #but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real #tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about #see if thats gonna be enough #autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health #but it feels even worse these days #like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me #which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too #I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her #and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation #+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now #no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse #anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry #I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth #its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could #and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever #so yeah this is just temporary #hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...

9 notes · View notes

theladyfae · 8 months

Text

nothing to me will ever be more iconic than my beloved mutual managing to get me so invested in a (rarepair) ship for a media i had no previous interaction with that i was actively making my own headcanons abt their potential relationship dynamic and making song associations and engaging in others’ brainrot for months before i ever even considered getting in to said media. and now a year later i’m finally writing fic for them but still know next to nothing abt what they’re like in canon cause i still haven’t made it to that part of the story, the memories of the shared delusion are genuinely the only thing keeping me going.

#poppy if ur reading this ilysm ylne has been a constant over the past year (consistent in ruining my LIFE)#the most mundane things are them i was running a bath the other day and bam suddenly had an insane fic idea #was just putting my hair into a small plait rn and remembered the time i used that as insp for an angst idea. every song can be them too #i don’t really talk abt them on tumblr cause i’m still technically not actually. IN the genshin fandom #i play the game (now. entire months after i first was introduced to the ship) and i like characters and find the story intriguing but #my love for ylne transcends all that and the vision is both v simple and v insane & only my 3 twt mutuals bar poppy Get it #but also its really funny one of them isnt a playable character and probably never will be and he’s got like. a few mentions and #there is literally only one image of him out there (2 but the second was part of leaks drama). but im attached to his nonexistent wife #who he’s cheating on. the hannigram brainrot was easy to transfer across because they feel so similar but somehow even w/o cannibalism #they’re Worse and they’ve taken up permanent residence in my mind #and yes i’m only thinking abt all this as a way of procrastinating writing said fic its soso hard trying to do them justice 😔#i think its genuinely become a pattern where i will write things that are So divorced from their original media and honestly. what a slay #faera's

8 notes · View notes

databent · 2 months

Text

[pained wailing emoji]

#.pdf #rd #THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE #i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out #every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much #my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24 #(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work #and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only #time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive #i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really #work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all #so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol #ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse #idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..

3 notes · View notes

chipped-chimera · 20 days

Text

I am ... Idk man. I'm pissed. I'm sad. I'm angry. So the Green Neon Tetras I got absolutely came down with ich and there was so much fucking conflicting information out there ... well it delayed me treating it. Heck I was trying to just be sure I was seeing what I was seeing at first.

Anyway I've lost 3. I think it might be 4 this morning. By tomorrow I suspect it'll be two more. If any manage to scrape through it'll be down to 4. If I'm lucky.

Everyone else (Corycats, Starlight Bristlenose) are fine. Though the Corycats show some signs of being itchy, nothing's become visible and they were on the tank the day I started treatment. Yeah I know, quarantine tank yadda yadda. But considering a 100ml bottle of medication costs 40 bucks and I need to use it for 14 days minimum at 4.5 mL a day - no way was I doing two tanks. It's likely I'm going to run out soon and money is tight since this decided to happen right around me replacing my HDD.

I cried when the first one died. Now I just feel ... numb. My mood has been awful, which isn't looking great for my very expensive rTMS treatment - I'm literally at halfway today. I should have seen results. Instead I'm bouncing between hating myself and angry at everything else because information is so diluted and despite researching this tank for over three months straight, trying so goddamn hard not to fuck up - I fucked up. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but a part of me deep down does. Because maybe I was too stupid to realise on such tiny fish the situation was only going to get worse faster. Then I'm angry I feel stupid because the information isn't clear, or that I feel stupid for crying over a fish because that's what normal people think. I hate how everything is really affordable but then medicines are so prohibitive it'd be more cost effective to let them all fucking die. I hate how people regard fish as objects, decorations for their goddamn bathroom or some kind of 'investment' for rarer varieties, swimming in sterile tanks like their a goddamn floating gold bar - not a life. A living, breathing, thinking little life. That I let down. So yeah I'll fucking cry because no one else will.

This tank was supposed to be a source of relief while I went through this intense treatment but now it's just a trigger for me ruminating over and over. I worry with the tetra population so depleted it's going to cause them more stress making them more likely to die. I'm scared to do water changes, though I need to keep doing them.

I'm angry this parasite is so common it's considered to be encountered by anyone new to the hobby within 6 months, because it takes no prisoners - any kind of fish can get it. I'm angry research only revealed the possibility of a vaccine a few years ago, despite fish being the most owned pet globally. I'm angry the reputable, best aquarium shop in my entire city had tetra carrying this and there's jack shit I can do. I don't know whether to tell them or not even bother. Given the entire shop runs on what I suspect are the same sumps, it's likely everything has the risk.

Maybe I'm just stupid and this is all my fault.

I'll keep trying. I'll buy another 40 dollar bottle and treat them for the 14 days and aone more week just in case. I put too much work into this to give up.

#kerytalk #ventposting #pet death tw #pet death #only saving sliver of hope for me right now is im being cleared for anxiety treatment with rTMS #so they'll flip the coil to the other side of my brain and start working on disrupting the neurons where my likely overactive anxiety is #hopefully it does something because after this ... idk man. it feels like the end of the road.#either get brain surgery or accept I'll always feel awful #part of me feels it wont work anyway because its the world that makes me feel this way #I'm this way because of what they did to me #to get better ... i feel the world would have to change. but every day it just seems to get worse #depression #sorry i just ... had to yell somewhere. im sick of holding all this pain so quietly by myself #yes i am seeing a psychologist but im literally on last resort before brain surgery here

3 notes · View notes