#and in the end that too came to pass | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oseike · 7 months

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I've been hurting myself with this thought that just won't leave me so I'm sharing it so others can suffer with me, hi

But

The one who suffered the most from the group regression was Yoo Joonghyuk.

Let's look at it this way: When 49!kdj collapses, the party ends up with the knowledge that someday, the Kim Dokja in front of them will just disappear. He won't wake up, and will remain as he is until that time. So, they band together under Yoo Joonghyuk, who has evolved his skill into allowing a group to regress, and they go back to save the rest of him. At this time, Yoo Joonghyuk regains his memories of his Turn Zero, and he realizes his sponsor - that silent force that has been watching him all 1864 rounds - was Kim Dokja all along, likely observing from that train.

Then they get there. They reach him, they dig him out of that subway car....and they have already failed. The end result is Kim Dokja in a coma, now looking younger as well.

To the rest of the party, it really is a zero sum, or maybe slightly better even. They started with a comatose, incomplete Kim Dokja who would never wake up and would someday disappear. They ended with potentially even less of Kim Dokja, still in a coma never to awaken, but without the surety that he would disappear. Essentially, nothing was gained, but also nothing really was lost.

Except for Yoo Joonghyuk.

To Yoo Joonghyuk, he intended to rescue Kim Dokja - to complete his own original desire to finally meet the person who led him through his first life, to face the one who has been watching him since then, and rescue his life and death companion.

But what he is left with is so much worse. Not only does he fail, but after they return, that sponsor, that gaze that had been watching him - a gaze he had come to hate but now no longer could - was also gone. He has to live with the knowledge that Kim Dokja had watched him sink into hatred for him, had sworn to kill him, and then in the moment when he had returned at last, intending to save him, he instead fulfilled the dark wish he had made for countless lives instead. There is a black stain on his sword he can't get rid of that is proof of that.

If he had not regressed, if he had not gone to save Kim Dokja, then Yoo Joonghyuk would not have been the one to strike down the last remnants of him. The gaze of that sponsor would have simply faded away with the system, and he wouldn't know what happened to Kim Dokja. He would probably believe he would just keep living to watch over the world lines forever.

Instead, he has to live with the knowledge that he rushed Kim Dokja to his death, and cut him down at the last. The comatose Kim Dokja he has now is a cold reminder of what he truly lost, and the sky that used to be alive with that silent gaze is now wholly empty. For the first time in 1865 rounds, he is alone, and that fact is not a celebration, but a dirge.

#orv spoilers #orv #no wonder he disappears and comes back 2 years later going a bit crazy #i bet he tried to honor kdj by teying to find a way to live in that world #kdj gave everything to make sure it would continue after all #it was his gift to dlthe party and it was clear kdj would have wanted them to carry on and be happy #and I'm sure yjh tried to find a way to do that #until 2 years later ofc #also it hurts me to realize that kdj really did fulfill practically all of yjh's desires #which of course includes the good ones like making sure everyone survives etc #but there was another wish kdj let him fulfill and its a wish that at the end yjh desperately did not want #and that was yjh's hatred towards his sponsor that made yjh want to kill him #technically the entire 3rd/1864th round fulfilled Tuen Zero's wish to meet him again #but there were countless rounds where yjh swore he would kill his sponsor #and in the end that too came to pass #anyway sorry for typos and enjoy my heartache #i hope this makes sense in the morning still

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defiledtomb · 1 year

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WE LIVE. WE DIE. WE LIVE AGAIN

#ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #dev log #thought i'd share my diary for those that struggle too. Go easy on yourself #on writing #I've been on fire lately and it's like a soothing balm (even though I honestly have to scrap most of my writing #from when I pushed myself through the burnout #had i just accepted that I needed rest and stopped right then this whole ordeal would've passed so much faster #instead I needed to go on a whole ass self-healing journey #BUT I CRESTED THAT DAMN HILL AND IM PLANTING A FLAG #I DID IT!!!! I SURVIVED AND CAME OUT THE OTHER END!!!!!#writing struggles #writing positivity #and genuinely: thank you for your support and kind words as I struggled(though I was tightlipped about it) it kept me afloat.

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rawliverandgoronspice · 6 days

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trying to assign instruments to gerudo characters for thralls' soundtrack. Nabooru is getting the sitar so far, as I think she's good at representing the gerudo side that's closer to the Wild Era in terms of long-term vision for gerudo prosperity, not to mention that it works great for a more laid-back character; though Iftaah could also get that aspect, even though her perspective is a little bit more desperate and a little less actually strategizing about diplomacy and commerce in the way that Nabooru's is... not sure I have nailed down the perfect instrument for her yet though? Maybe a duduk, for its plaintive quality and capacity for softness? But I don't know, I feel like there could be something better out there. Saeruk and flamenco guitar seem pretty great fit for the versatility of the instrument, both harsh and defiant, playful at times, but also extremely sad if needs be, and the fact that she represents more the "older" kind of gerudo works well with more hispanic/romany inspirations. And then there's Aveil, who I feel represent the best the connection of the gerudos to their land, and I'd love an instrument that really represents that. Still looking for that one.

There's a bunch of fun things for Ganondorf that can be done, but I think he'll get... bigger instruments, in general. And church organs are quite versatile too it turns out. :) I like the marimba from his first phase boss battle, but it's a little too... I don't know, I feel like it lacks the roundness and depth and imposing quality that we could get with other picks. But Ganondorf so far has about *eight billion* leitmotifs going on with what I have selected for him (him and Ganon's, as they are... not exactly separate entities in the story, but sort of, it's kind of weird), so it might be more a case of actual melody rather than instruments, or maybe on top of instruments that swap in and out depending on what we want to invoke...

Sorry, rambling, but I would really love to compensate for my lack of voice actors with a pretty meaningful stab at the soundtrack. I feel like I kind of have to honestly. ;;

#thoughts #thralls of power #animatic project #gerudos #nabooru #ganondorf #I need to upgrade my music software and stop using Logic 5.5 that came out in 2002 ;;#and gives me between 30mn to 2h before subjecting me to a coinflip about whether or not it corrups my savefile #never really had the material for a proper upgrade but I really want to make one and that seems the perfect opportunity for that #also yeah nabooru has kind of a big role in thralls!#she wasn't there at all in descant or just in passing #but she becomes kind of an important player in this version of the events #her antagonism with ganondorf is. definitively there let's say.#it's funny I actually kind of used descant as a brainstorming ground for thralls in many ways #as every single character arc is just whatever I began to sketch out in unhallowed vespers #but like More and More Deliberate and more focused too #there's a bunch of threads I completely cut out #so it won't be a perfect 1:1 #which is for the best I think I just hadn't spent enough time with some characters to truly get them #I'm much more confident now #Iftaah is perhaps the one that needs the most work at the moment? she has a Bad Fucking Time so I need to make sure #it goes to places that not only serve other people's arcs but also her own --and that she ends the story in a meaningful place narratively #Serielle also needs work but more in the sense that's there's so much happening in her brain. and it's pretty difficult to convey.#but I fully know what's going on in there at least even if it's wildly convoluted #anyway!! rambling rambling sorry sorry #I am frustrated that I can't actually work on it so here I am rambling #ok back to work now

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mediumsizedpidegon · 1 year

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thinking about Shang Qinghua as a calamity again...

#svsss #shang qinghua #technically counts as tgcf?#just the idea of sqh dying and coming back is so compelling because in canon he literally just going through the motions. he's given up.#he doesn't WANT to die (from mbj's hand– from cang qiong's fall) but that's all he sees. it's the only end he can imagine to his story.#so the act of getting him to the point where he WANTS to stay– where it doesn't matter that death has come to take him he's not DONE YET is #revolutionary to his character (his ‟character‟– his role as well) in of itself and requires some canon divergence to justify it #and it's INTENSELY interesting to imagine him getting there #Imagine: An Ding is cruel. It is cruel and inefficient and its cruelties only make it more so. Sqh is ‟awarded‟ with the role of Peak Lord #of An Ding (this crown of barbed wire). And sqh doesn't MEAN to change the plot but– it's awful here! It's so awful that it's OFFENSIVE #and before sqh knows it two years have passed and An Ding is a mess of growing pains: of infrastructure torn down and rebuilt #but it's... better. It's hard work. It undeniably sucks and makes sqh cry from frustration all the time! Balancing the fixing of all the #shit his shizun left broken while staying on top of his usual duties is a procession of sleepless nights and little pains. (perhaps sqh has #growing pains too. change is hard for all that it's necessary.)#and then– and THEN! He's on his way to a trade meeting or spying for mbj or something else: it's doesn't matter.#And however the stage is set sqh dies and– sqh's life is finally starting to NOT suck! yqy has been asking for his future plans and sqh has #been answering. qqq found a scrap of a picture book he wrote when he was a senior disciple and demanded he finish it because it #‟had potential to increase literacy‟! He has a second command that he trusts won't stab him at the slightest provocation! His life is busy #and more than a little hellish but it's HIS. He's changed things even he didn't mean to.#An Ding's HIS. he got rid of the assholes and poured so much WORK into the people left and then the people who came later.#All of it boils down to this: it's unfair. it's too soon. it wasn't supposed to happen like this.#and so sqh dies for the second time and screams himself back to existence if not life.#the system cracking beneath his teeth– puppeteer turned to power for the puppet to consume.#(So there is a ghost on An Ding for all that only the ghost knows it.)

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fuzziemutt · 1 year

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The fact that Fritz's hand shakes with the gun when he comes out of the casket lives in my mind

A side effect of diazepam are tremors

But they're also a symptom of withdrawal.... Alongside sweating (pale skin), insomnia, and nausea...

And sometimes numbness

#i speak #emesis blue #tf2 #team fortress 2 #the medic #i don't know why he would cold turkey the supposed valium given he didn't know its true nature yet but it could explain #why he was looking like the dead there in the end beyond the metaphor of a walking deadman and the effects of the horrors #he could be ODing on the valium arguably too after y'know... the horrors #it could also be a result of coming out of the slaughterhouse corrupted respawn station. he came out corrupted and his natural #healing can only do so much with what it's got especially again the horrors #the withdrawal theory also doesn't quite work because 3 days pass between the burndown and the funeral nov 1 to nov 4 #and diazepams are long acting drugs so withdrawal doesn't typically set in for a week or so #but this is just from light research so #either way medics hands def aren't shaking from fear and the subtle tremors are a nice touch

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throttlegainwell · 3 months

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Ngl, looking at which movies were released in early 1988, I am very tempted to have Jonathan go see Beetlejuice.

#writing tag #would he like it? i dunno it's been a long time since i watched it #but the 'this actress looks like my mom' jokes are too good to pass up #probably won't but thinking about it #apparently flowers in the attic came out late '87 #dunno how long the run went but i figure by the tail end he'd have the theater all to himself #so he could have an overly personal chat with the world's horniest OC #whereas beetlejuice didn't come out until the end of march and the theater is probably packed #even in the middle of the night #leaning toward flowers in the attic just for the potential conversational topics

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alwayshappyhoursomewhere · 6 months

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Cup of China 2023 - Adam Siao Him Fa and Shoma Uno during the men’s victory ceremony

#this photo is everything to me I want to frame it put it on my wall stare at it forever #i’ve been lowkey hoping for something like this the whole off season watching adam’s ig and following him posting about his training #I love this boy and I love that he’s the kind of person who keeps quiet and works hard to get what he wants (like shoma)#and I do love his skating - his two programs were my favorite last season after shoma’s #but he really clicked for me at worlds on that first monday of practice (ik I will never shut up about this sorry)#was it the last group of men? it was pretty late and adam went in the group after shoma #and I was already shaky after seeing shoma practice with my very eyes #the way shoma practices is really like a machine - relentless and single-minded and unstoppable #and that night he was really hitting it (and popping a lot of jumps but he was still not holding back)#I think it was the night shoma did more jumping passes than the rest of the other men put together #and then adam’s group came out #and I ended up being unable to look away from adam because I saw much of the same qualities in him #and it went through my mind that of all the guys I’d seen there he was the one that reminded me the most of shoma #(lol it’s always shoma in the end isn’t it)#(and I love that shoma had already recognized his qualities too)#(I was so devastated when worlds went the way they did for adam sdghjkk)#but last season he still didn’t have what it took to fight at the same level with the guys at the top - or the consistency #that’s why this win feels so precious and meaningful #adam kept it together and delivered once more - it wasn’t just another one-time win in france #and to do it like that! tired from back to back assignments jetlagged and with boot issues!! On bad ice!!!#he knew that if shoma went clean it would have been hard or impossible for him to win #but he went for it with all he had and fought hard - i teared up towards the end because I was so worried he’d let his sp mistake get to hi #can’t wait for gpf but no matter how adam does there I’m so proud of him 😭#this was hard for me to watch because I also wanted shoma to win but I think Adam needed it more and it ended up being a deserved win #and I think it will motivate shoma for nhk and I’m so here for it! or literally: will be so there for it afsghjjfghgdh aaaaaaaaahhh #adam siao him fa #shoma uno

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gottagobackintime · 5 months

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Me at work: *Talks on the phone constantly, every day, Monday to Friday, no problem*

Me at home: *Makes a phone call and end up sweating profusely*

#no but I’ve always hated talking on the phone #and then I ended up working as a temp #and I have to take calls and make calls every day and I was surprised that I was fine doing it #and now I had to make a phonecall because I’m planning on buying a cat for my brother #and I was honestly sweating when I hung up #I’ve never been as much of an adult as I was in that moment when I called the person with the cat #to set up a time to go see it #great scott my life is heavy #also kind of funny but I went downstairs to ask my mum if she wants to come with me #to look and my dad was like to look at what??#and I was like 😬 I think you know haha #he said that after our last cat passed away in 2021 at the age of 18 that there would be no more cats #yeah… he said that before we got her too #we already had a cat then and I came home like there’s a classmate that has kittens and we need to get one!#and my dad was like nope and my mum went to pick one out #and he loved her he’s a softie and honestly he’d never say no to getting a pet #he’s just being a dad about it

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mishy-mashy · 4 months

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Ray (BNHA Resistance OC) incorrect quotes

(Context: Ray is his codename. An OC forced into joining the Resistance after Bruce accidentally concussed him. His Ability was useful, so they wanted him)

~

Ray: I don’t have a New Year’s resolution

Yoichi: You could relax a bit more

Bruce: You could take a bath.

Kudo: Don’t be such a bitch.

Ray: Okay DAMN, SHIT.

-

Kudo: We've decided to adopt.

Ray, still concussed: Congratu-

Bruce, slamming recruitment papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

-

Bruce: Before I forget, do you have any special requests?

Ray: Death penalty.

Bruce: Ray-kun, it’s just about living accommodations.

Ray, whispering: Please kill me.

-

Bruce: Why did you dress up as each other for this mission?

Ray: Leader is the scariest thing I could think of.

Kudo: Ray told me I should pick the dumbest disguise possible.

-

Kudo: Ray, I think you need glasses.

Ray: Leader, my vision is fine. Look.

Ray: *points at Kudo* Leader.

Ray: *points to Bruce* Bruce.

Ray: *points to Yoichi* All For One.

-

Yoichi: When I cried about my brother to Kudo, he hugged me and told me he'd carry my feelings into his battles

Ray: The first time Leader was ever nice to me, I thought he was a fake. It was such a disaster that I avoided him for like a week.

-

Kudo: The first time Yoichi opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

Kudo:

Kudo: I love him so much.

-

Bruce: It's locked. Can you open it?

Ray: Yeah-

Kudo: *kicks in the vault door*

-

Kudo, on the way back from rescuing Yoichi: You need to be more careful.

Ray, who was forced into this: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

-

Kudo: Ray finally learned his gun had a safety lock, but he assembled a rifle last week.

Bruce: This reminds me of the Ray who couldn’t open a tabbed can, but can break into any lock.

Kudo: This is the very same Ray.

-

Bruce: This is the best idea I've ever had in my life!

*Many years later*

Kudo, to Bruce: Letting All For One take Ray's Quirk was the worst idea you’ve ever had in your life.

#his search quirk was the bane of all the vestiges when it came to dealing with AFO #because no matter what they did AFO was always watching and ready #since ray's quirk is a pain in the ass they decide ray is the same despite never meeting him #someone worth disliking a bit #then shinomori is taken by tomura and meets ray in AFO-vestige-land #and yeah ray terrifies him #shinomori: why is my quirk not activating with him #IF BRUCE JUST GAVE OFA TO RAY THEN THE FIGHT WOULDNT HAVE BEEN AS HARD #his quirk in vague terms lets him see though things and outlines life forms that he can kinda bookmark #the limit to range is just about how much damage the eyes are willing to take. which AFO easily circumvents with regeneration quirks #as for ray well hes blind within five months of joining the Resistance #since AFO stole it from ray he also ended up stealing ray's existing “bookmarks”#to be fair bruces idea wasnt “give AFO Ray's Ability” but it ended up happening in the chaos and they didnt realize until later #the “bookmarks” of yoichi kudo and bruce overlap and combine. then theyre passed onto the OFA holders because they “merged” with #the first three. so. AFO can find the current OFA user no matter what. because somewhere in them they carry the first Three #bruce considered giving ray OFA. but he didnt. and thats what led to AFO taking it for himself. so.#bnha tags are something of a nightmare in which i hit the tag limit too fast #bnha #spoilers #oc #incorrect quotes #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bruce #kudo #yoichi shigaraki #one for all users #all for one #one for all #afo

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nostalgia-tblr · 1 year

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I had another fic idea and the brain was like "no, that's too fluffy and romantic and YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WRITE NICE THINGS, PEOPLE WOULD JUDGE YOU" but then I went "but what if it was kind of... comedy fluff?" and brain went "...yeah, okay, if you really must." Which I fucking HATE! Why can't I write nice things, brain?! Everyone else is allowed to! FFS, it's fanfiction, it doesn't have to be ~deep~ or any of that shit!

This has actually been a bit of an issue when I'm trying to write The WIP because while I told myself yeah sure go ahead and write the massively self-indulgent epically long (by my own odd standards) fic but still sometimes I get stuck because I'm not "allowed" to write something that appeals to me and my own sometimes niche interests??

Like angst I can do because that's "proper" somehow? WTF is that about? It's not proper! It's still daft! And comedy I'm allowed because I dunno apparently if it will make someone laugh that means it has "value"? It's very annoying, I don't like it.

Do other people have this? How do you deal with it? You'd think after all this time I'd be okay with writing any old shit that I want to. If anything it might be worse now. I remember years ago I could tell myself "Look, if you've spelled most of it correctly then it's already in like the better half of all the fanfic on the internet" which isn't really TRUE but I could go along with that and let myself write whatever-the-fuck I wanted to.

You know how many of us go "I'll write this fucked up thing... but I'll post it as Anon"? I get that with fluffy fic ideas as well. Or with things that are "too shippy" (WTF?) It's just such a stupid and weird form of self-criticism and it bothers me a lot.

#ranting at myself #writing stuff #possibly this is a mental illness thing but i don't think it is but it might be?#i am Quite Mad but it usually manifests related to fic as the usual “you suck!!” or irritating OCD things about wordcounts or such #this is a VERY SPECIFIC thing and i don't even know where it came from?#maybe i'm just pretentious? do i look pretentious? i might be?#(the fluffy thing was sylki fic where spinning off on the 'oh no unable to express feelings!' they have to pass each other notes)#(the comedy element was that this is Bloody Stupid and also Mobius attempts to Help (oh no) and etc)#(will i ever be able/“allowed” to actually write that thing? dunno!)#the Frigga thing also suffers from “that bit is despicably adorable you should be ASHAMED of yourself”#.The WIP? currently stuck at “okay now he needs to Hold The Baby. this is an important bit you can't skip it. but babies are Too Twee”#“so you may NOT just write someone Holding The Baby because that's like something people might actually want to read!”#“the murders are fine you can write murders. murder isn't twee. babies are VERY twee though.”#PROBLEM: there are several babies in this fic and the next chapter is like... ENTIRELY baby-based #(the end of the entire fic is already written and it's Too Twee as well but i've kind of gone immune to that because it's existed a while)#(oh no did i just spoiler a Happy Ending?!)#(SPOILER: kind of. it depends who you backed in this race and whether you wanted them to Become Better People)#anyway am gonna post this now before i change my mind as i probably should #fic related

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biblically-accurate-soup · 11 months

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thinking about that one JillianEve video where she talks about the disconnect from the items around us and the growing normalization in not knowing where the things you use come from and how there are made? yeah

#the entire video is just phenomenal #and something that resonates so much #uriel posting #not saying that everyone needs to learn how to spin yarn and metal smithing or anything #but the disconnect she talks about? the feeling of being so disconnected and ignorant of how #things you take for granted came into existence? the loss of millenia of craft and artisan traditions? yeah #it feels especially relevant for me because as a fiber artist? fiber crafts actually skipped a generation in my family #my grandmother (mom’s mom) and mom both used to crochet and other things but have long stopped doing it #and my grandmother (dad’s mom) used to be a seamstress but once again stopped doing it as she got older #and i did not learn any of my crafts from these women. i ended up teaching myself #and something about that is so sad. how the chain of passed down knowledge gets broken #i will say when my dad’s mom was still alive she was so delighted i was interested in fiber arts #she even was so excited to alter a prom dress for me because i was too short for the length #idk. glad there is more of an interest in fiber arts nowadays but this video resonates in like. my bones and goop

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mechahero · 4 months

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@demonsfate asked- 💄 flames. send me 💄and i'll put together a date night outfit! (accepting)

This is kind of casual, kind of not. Kind of makes sense for Lambda?

#//the photos got formatted weirdly but that's fine #//the star shaped choker is kind of unrelated but it was the only choker with a dangly bit i liked so please it a pass lol #//the shoes were going to be white with blue flames up until the end for a second there #//buuut shiny holographic boots won out fhdnjgfghn #//anyways! i hope this didn't go too overboard with the flame thing! i think this came out really cute #//i like this one #why are you botherin' me? {answered memes}#demonsfate

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collecting--stardust · 5 months

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Posted to female oncology ward for these two weeks and all I can say is cancer is cruel but amidst that pain and sorrow, you can really see true love in that ward

#saying this in light of one of my group's fav patient that passed away after my shift last morning #shes in her early 30s and was a teacher and was diagnosed with breast cancer that metastases to lung and cervical lymph nodes #she was weak since she was admitted last week and usually just sleep but shes so nice every time we administered medication to her #or even when we check her vital signs despite how tired she was #her husband is a teacher too and as of late hes there every day as her condition deteriorated #apparently she wanted to undergo chemotherapy but her first cycle led to some severe side effects so her doctor doesn't allowed it #when we read the case note before clocking out the shift yesterday theres a psychiatrist entry so yeah #her husband was just caressing her hands as she slept yesterday and he looks obviously pained when my friend asked what had she eaten #because we need to fill the intake output chart and yeah she was unable to eat much anyway #it was very sad to see her husband wiping his tears silently by her bedside #and then we came to the ward this morning to find out she had passed away and there was a discharge note on her case note #apparently she supposedly will be discharged today so that she will be able to go at home #turned out she left first..#it rained the whole morning today and it kind of summarizes the mood of our group members this morning #it was sad obviously but when i think about it you can really see how much her husband really cared for her until the end #i hope he will be able to heal and that may her soul rest in peace #personal.txt

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inked-out-trees · 1 year

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not to romanticise life too hard or anything but ive been thinking about music and february and continuing on. this too shall pass. in the dark tonight i'm coming back for you. i will rise i will face the morning laughing and i'll try to find myself along the way. the universe is not against you. we will be together in the work and in the hurt. put the work in plant a garden try to stay afloat. there will be better days. there's a hole in the sky and i'm aiming for it. we're making it into march and beyond and by god we're going to sing.