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frodo-with-glasses · 9 months

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25 Questions with Phil Dragash: YES, SERIOUSLY!

So y'all know how I was reviewing Phil Dragash's audiobook of LotR last year, but kinda fell off somewhere in the middle of Rohan?? Well, guess what! A couple weeks ago, I received a tumblr message from the man himself, saying he'd read through all my reviews, had really enjoyed the little blast from the past, and was open to answering questions if I had any!

So of course, I had LOTS of questions.

The first one being: "Are you actually the real Phil Dragash??"

But I'm delighted to say that after exchanging emails with the work email listed on his website, I can confidently say that it is the real dude, and I've had a blast chatting with him! So for those of you who urged I listen to this audiobook—especially @laurelindorenan for her glowing recommendation—and for everyone else who likes the audiobook and/or enjoyed my reviews: I am delighted to present, ladies and gentlehobbits, this peek behind the curtain!

But of course I'm putting it all below the cut, because this man rambles like I do 🤣

Obligatory disclaimer: All opinions presented by Mr. Dragash are his own, I am not necessarily condoning any of them; please do not come after me for his opinions regarding pineapple on pizza.

25 QUESTIONS, LET'S GO!

1. Tell me how you got into Lord of the Rings!

I was ten years old when my dad took me to the library, and found a VHS copy of Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated Lord of the Rings film. I was already a fan of the “Chronicles of Narnia” and my dad just handed the tape to me and said “Look, C.S. Lewis’s friend made this”. I watched it, and had no idea what was going on. It was so hard to understand.

Fast forward to the year 2002 when “Fellowship” was out on DVD, and we had a movie night at my older cousin’s place, and watched the film for the first time. My 13 year old self was enraptured by it. Dad bought the DVD first thing the next day, and I’ve been a fan ever since! I, my brother, and our dad watched “Return of the King” in theaters four times, which was saying something, considering we only ever saw a movie once in cinemas. Between “The Return of the King” opening in December ‘03, I picked up the books and read (as well as I could) through them. A lot of friends kept joking “tell us how the damn story ends!”, good times.

2. When and how did you decide to make this audiobook? What’s the story behind the entire project?

I was a very ambitious lad, and my first and biggest interest was filmmaking. I used to direct short films with my friends ever since my 11th birthday, and was the youngest in class at the filmschool I attended a few years later. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had massive ambitions to direct “the Hobbit”, which is silly in retrospect considering I was 16 years old at the time. I even sent my portfolio and DVDs of my films to Peter Jackson’s manager (who actually got back to me with a wonderful response, despite not being able to accept my ‘completely reasonable’ offer) When I was heartbroken and torn to pieces knowing I wouldn’t be directing the movie, a few more years went by, and I decided to reread some chapters of the “Lord of the Rings” books. I remember really well that this was late at night, laying in bed, and going through “King of the Golden Hall” and seeing how close to the movies it was, but also far more expanded. I thought “my extensive home-made short movies experience with sound design and sound mixing could work here, and I could just read a few chapters and try to make the soundscape as realistic as possible. Why not try it?”

So, the next day I tried. The first two chapters I tried were “King of the Golden Hall” and “A Journey in the Dark” (which partly answers your other question about that chapter). I was so absolutely surprised by how well it was going, that I decided to upload them onto YouTube in March 2010 I think. I got a fairly good response, and I was planning on doing a few more random chapters. I never intended to do the whole thing. But this one comment on YouTube I’ll always remember, it said: “I think you should go from start to finish, because you’ll probably get used to the characters and sounds and people can also follow along in the story gradually”.

Taking that suggestion to heart, in August 2010 I went from Chapter 1 onward.

3. Were you inspired by any other audiobook versions of LotR (such as the BBC radio drama)?

I was not, I actually haven’t listened to the BBC Radio drama until far ahead into the project I was doing. I did some research on what other audio productions anyone did with LOTR, from The Mind’s Eye edition, to the ‘60s Hobbit Radio Play; so I felt pretty confident. I just fell in love with the way the films brought Middle-Earth to life and seeing their incredible dedication for authenticity (from the props department, to the music), you really couldn’t do any better than that visually or audibly - at least in my opinion. I just wanted to hear Tolkien’s text but with the realisation of the films.

However, if you listen to Chapter 1 of TTT, and hear how Legolas laments their absence from not being there to help Boromir at Amon Hen, you can clearly hear the inflection from the BBC Radio play’s version. I just lifted that because I thought it was a fantastic way to deliver the line.

4. Did you have any rituals for “getting into character” before recording?

If I were to show you the raw unedited recording sessions, you’d probably be surprised at how underdeveloped it is! I had no real rituals or warmups, I just went for it. Usually went in cold, and tried reading the entire chapter and doing all the voices at once. Then I’d be exhausted, and afterwards start cutting all the mistakes, and separating each character into different tracks – and then re-recording 50%-70% of it, as I was laying in the sounds.

I think any character just needs a few words for me to say in their voice, and that helps for the rest of their dialogue. For Aragorn it was usually: “You cannot wield it! None of us can.” for Pippin it was: “Sometimes”, just random things that make things ‘click’ in my head. If I got lost or didn’t feel like the performances were working, I’d simply just watch scenes from the films to hear the real actors again!

5. Who was your favorite character to voice? Who was your least favorite? And why?

People who know me, know I love doing the villains. Sauron, the orcs, the Nazgûl, etc. I just love the idea of personifying things that scare you. Something completely the opposite of who you are. Always a fun time! Any character I can nail extremely accurately always makes me happy, but I’m always very critical of my own work, so it’s a rare thing.

My least favorite characters to voice are: Imrahil, Denethor, Arwen, Celeborn, Galadriel, Erestor, Lindir, Haldir, Goldberry, Gildor… I think the pattern is pretty obvious if you realize that I am incapable of providing a satisfactory voice that feels unique enough. They just sound to me like “I wish I had a broader range. They weren’t done justice.” I have feelings for most of the characters in this situation, but I’m a mere mortal. I can’t do all of them as well as I wish I could. I wish Aragorn was more like Viggo Mortensen’s voice (I tried with the nasally yells you mentioned!), I wish Gandalf had a richer tone, I wish Saruman sounded more majestic, and I wish Frodo was - in retrospect- more older sounding, too. There’s so much I wish I could do better, but to hell with it, I tried.

Fun fact: my least-favorite to voice are also Orcs because they destroy my throat after a while. Which is ironic, because of my first statement.

6. I noticed that you gave the men of Rohan and Gondor slightly different dialects! Are you pulling from any real-world accents to make that happen?

I did try to listen to Anglo-Saxon, and ancient norse but I just tried to make Rohan and Gondor slightly distinct in any way I could. I never really tried to make things too obvious, but admittedly, I think I just used my intuition (smoothing the R’s for the Rohirrim, making the Gondorians more ‘proper’, etc.). I do want to emphasize that this was a one-person project and keeping things together or consistent is definitely an extraneous exercise when you’re just trying to get something finished by yourself!

7. Some characters (like Beregond and Quickbeam, to name a couple of my favorites) aren’t in the movies, so they don’t have an actor for you to imitate. How did you decide what they would sound like?

Well, in the case of Beregond, I realized he was just “your ordinary guy”, and seeing Minas Tirith through his eyes (and Pippin’s) is such an amazing and interesting opportunity. It made the city feel so real, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I think I started with a ‘generic’ voice, but when I re-recorded him knowing more and more of the context and what he was saying to Pippin, and as a result who he is, made me adjust what I felt were more his personality. But still that ‘ordinary guy’ idea was the bedrock, and it’s been years since I heard that chapter, but I hope it holds up! (I just remembered Bergil is in that too, another voice I wish I could have done better)

Another fun fact: when Pippin scares the kids in Minas Tirith, the audio was from something I videotaped when I was 10 years old with my friends, it had the perfect “kids-going-aaah!” sound.

If I had it my way, I’d have a cast of dozens in this Audiobook, so a lot of times I never felt like my voice was enough to truly capture the “We’re in Middle-Earth, we just have microphones to record it” idea. So I have to make compromises since I was the only one doing the voices. That being said, Quickbeam was a fun surprise because he felt like, as you said “young treebeard”, and these things just worked out through experimentation! I think Quickbeam turned out pretty nice. I like Quickbeam.

8. HOW—I ask with great enthusiasm—DID YOU DO TREEBEARD’S VOICE? How did you get that resonance and woody sound? Did you send your voice through a wooden box and re-record it on the other side like they did in the movies?

It’s really great that you know all the behind the scenes stories from the films! Especially what Ethan Van der Ryn, David Farmer, and the late Michael Hopkins have done with their incredible creativity. I had no such resources to produce Treebeard’s sound. What I did was a digital facsimile: a special ‘room’ reverb, with some other equalizing effects to boost the bass and (maybe, I can’t remember) another higher pitched track of the same voice faintly in there.

You won’t believe this, but I was not going to do The Two Towers audiobook unless I could do a good Treebeard voice. In 2011 after finishing “Fellowship”, I was on the fence about continuing, and only committed once I knew I could do Treebeard right. Treebeard was the key to all this. This should come to no surprise to the ones who played the game, but I used a lot of sound effects from ‘Battle for Middle-Earth’ which contained a lot of clean sounds for ents, trolls, the balrog, the ringwraiths, and other monsters from the films. I used the ent’s footsteps from the games, and recorded my own foley for some of the trees snapping and leaves rustling as well. The “fart” sounds were the low creaking of tree branches, and - as they stated in the making-of for the films - very pitched down cow moos.

9. Tell me about the foley work! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been that nerd who watched the Behind The Scenes featurettes for fun, so I’m very interested to hear how you made the sound effects for footsteps and whistling arrows and jangling horse harnesses and such.

I’m glad you are! I’ve collected sound libraries (ripped from video games, and finding and buying sound packs) for a literal decade, because I always needed sounds for the short films I made when I was younger. I just kept learning about how to mix sounds together, and it’s very creative and very enjoyable! That being said, the foley work itself is mostly recorded by me. If I can’t find a sound in the library I have, I will record it. Clothing rustles, and touch are all recorded while I listen to the audiobook playback and ‘perform’ each character. It’s a really arduous process, but I think it adds so much life into the sound.

I went out into the woods (or backyard) with my mic to record footsteps, sometimes I would listen to the audiobook with headphones while performing the footsteps. When I would have traveled somewhere with different terrain I would be sure to record more foley (rocks being moved, or pebbles being stepped on) knowing I’ll use it for certain chapters. I do not want to reveal a huge secret about the predominant foley for the character's clothes, but an old backpack I used were 90% of the characters’ ‘movements’. Some wingflaps of the fell beasts were just my jeans. It’s a really creative process trying to find things that ‘sound’ right for an environment or action. The magic is putting them all together and hearing the result. Also, yes Sam’s pan is my grandma’s frying pan, and I know it’s sometimes annoying, but - look - Sam has a lot of stuff to carry.

I start with the background sounds (wind, tree rustles, water if there is any, etc.) lots of layers of them just to make them sound unique and not the same. Then I move to selective and nearer environmental background sounds. Then, the ‘hero’ sounds, the effects that are integral to the story (if it’s sword clashes, or an explosion, or who knows what), and finally the foley (footsteps, clothing rustles, breaths, etc.) - I had a friend record her own horses breathing and moving for a lot of closeups of the horses in the audiobooks. I think even if you can’t really hear some of their low breaths, their presence is still ‘there’. I personally think I got a lot better by the end of LOTR than when I started!

I wanted to add, the sounds for little Elanor in the very last scene of “The Return of the King” (the baby sounds), I was not happy with the stock baby sounds I had, and asked my older cousin (an audio person too!) to send me recordings he made of his then-1-year-old daughter in a studio. So, my first-cousin-once-removed is Elanor! She’s 22 now. I feel old.

10. Do you have a favorite sound effect from this project? Mine is the “pat-pat” against cloth that’s used to denote a hug.

Absolutely, do you remember the two “watchers” before the tower of Cirith Ungol? The vulture-like statues that block the hobbit’s path out? The alarm sound is a wholly original sound design I did, and I’m really happy with it. It’s just ugly sounding, and that’s the point. I always wished I had more Nazgul, and I think the worst moments I had with mixing were the battle scenes. There’s just too much to handle and make it sound good. But I really tried.

I’m very glad you heard the ‘pat-pat’s. I try my best to perform every character when recording foley, and want even some of the sounds to convey something in the telling of the story.

11. What's the thought process behind your use of the various musical motifs from Howard Shore's score? (Read: Why do you use the Shire theme so often, and why does it get me in the heart every single time?)

I want everyone to know that this is a really important and valuable question, and one I never really get to talk about: To me, Howard Shore’s music is one of the very best things to come out of the films. He truly made an opera out of the story, and all his leitmotifs and orchestrations are a stroke of genius. They work on their own, and when reading the books as well, and as a nerd for films and all that stuff, I wanted to put a lot of care into how I’m placing the score, and for what scene, emotionally and leitmotivically, if that’s a word.

The Audiobook I did is obviously a ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’ situation, so I can’t credit myself for the majority of the Audiobook I did, but I wanted to use all my filmmaking intuition to properly use the music to enhance the telling of the story. So, just like the filmmakers had to change and mix lines from the book, or make changes to make it work as a film, I felt like a lot of instances happened with the music for the audiobook. Obviously, I used the score when applicable to the intended scenes, but there are very often cases where they won’t work. I read as much as I could in the past about what the motifs were and where Shore used them in the movies, so I followed that trajectory for the most part. Gondor is Gondor, Rohan is Rohan, Mordor is Mordor, etc.

Changes happen when I feel the emotions for a scene in the books do not match up to the ones in the films, and then there are brand new scenes and characters not in the movies at all, that I have to figure out! Take the pause from music between Gandalf falling into the chasm with the Balrog, and the fellowship successfully escaping. It’s perfect in the film, but I knew I couldn’t put the lamenting heartbreaking music in there yet, since the descriptions all drive the idea that escape is paramount. So I treated it as a ‘shock’ moment. No music until they’re completely out of the mountain, then the grief comes in. Things like that, a lot of fun creative thinking to get those emotions working!

I recall you mentioning the ‘Gimli / Legolas drinking game’ statement and how I used the hell out of it throughout the Audiobook, which is a good example. I pitched it up and down, for different moments, and it just has that hobbit mundane and jolly quality to it. So, in it goes to fill moments from the books.

I also edited and modified existing motifs for completely different scenes and ideas. One of my favorites is when Treebeard talks about the Entwives. I needed this melancholy yearning sound that was really essential, and found it by reversing Eowyn’s theme, and pitching it down so the violin sounds like a cello/bass. To me it just felt extremely appropriate for the sound of a long-lost relationship while portraying a larger-than-life creature.

Let’s also say Bombadil. I made up the idea that the last statement in the credits for “Return of the King”, was Bombadil’s theme. It’s actually just a reference to Der Ring des Nibelungen by Wagner, a very verbose beautiful crescendo, but I thought “I’ll pretend like it’s Bombadil, he’s last in the score even though he’s the first in Arda”. So I used that musical progression in his songs, that’s his leitmotif now (to me, anyway) He sings in that wavy up-and-down melody. Which is why you hear a lot of that in those chapters.

I also try to use recordings not from the original score: I looked far and wide for alternative recordings, predominantly the album by the Royal Prague Philharmonic, and the “LOTR Symphony”, just to make the Audiobooks feel different. I pitched down and moved and reassembled a lot of different cues for different scenes as well.

There are not a lot of instances of music from other movies, however, they do exist! I used music from “Battle for Middle-Earth”, the game “War in the North”, and for the last few chapters, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” since it just came out at the time. I used a lot of music from Howard Shore’s “Seven” and “The Game” during Shelob (I think), and for the Barrow-Downs. I used a tiny bit of underscore from the brilliant Don Davis’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, it had a really eerie choir which made me feel like it would be perfect for the fatigue and dizzying unreality of Mordor when Sam and Frodo were on their last leg, trying to get to Mt. Doom. Lastly, I used a little bit of music from Howard Shore’s “Twilight: Eclipse” for some dialogue scenes during Return of the King! And music from the independent film “Mongol” by Tuomas Kantelinen for the Woses when Theoden has to get help from Ghan-Buri-Ghan. Also the ending of ROTK has a few cues from “The Lord of the Rings musical”, lovely stuff.

It may surprise you that there is a small amount of score I actually ‘wrote’ with help from my brother (he’s a musician). It’s in the coronation of Elessar. It’s not very good but I needed something. There is also a cello version of “to the edge of night”, which I kindly asked permission to use by YouTube celloist, but I sadly don't think that video is up anymore.

Lastly, I use the Shire music so much because - just like Howard Shore said - it becomes a ‘hymn’ or an ‘anthem’ for the hobbits as they leave their comforts behind and are in a wide and unfamiliar world. Every little bit that reminds them of home, or relates to each of them, usually deserves a little ‘shire’ statement here and there. I feel if it’s in the characters’ hearts and minds, it has to be expressed in the music!

12. Out of all the chapters I’ve listened to so far on the Internet Archive, “A Journey in the Dark” is the one most plagued with editing issues; Sam’s temper tantrum over leaving Bill the Pony is cut out entirely. Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing your take on that. (Is it strange to say that I wanted to hear you break down into blubbering tears? Probably. Let’s ignore that and move on.) Is there any chance that you have a cleaner edit of that chapter somewhere?

I think you’ll be very unsurprised to know that “A Journey in the Dark” is the first chapter I ever recorded. I think you’ll also need to know that I did FOTR when I was 21 years old, and my grasp on doing better sound mixing or even getting the characters right was still a work in progress. I learned so much going chapter-by-chapter and felt that each succeeding one improves from the former. As a demo-run, I did “King of the Golden Hall '' and “Journey in the Dark” in early 2010 (in fact, I did only the first half of “JITD” back then. Stopping right after they are barred inside the mines, as the Watcher destroys the gate. I did the second half once I caught up with the story going chapter-by-chapter.)

There are so many issues with it, and I haven’t listened to it since. If you have headphones you’ll also notice that none of the voices really pan from left to right, or feel like they’re ever anywhere else except the dead-center. I was lazy back then.

When I read the chapters, at the time, I was sharing an ‘office room’ with my younger brother, and as a teenaged younger brother does - continues strumming his guitar no matter what the other brother is doing. It was really fun, and funny and I was extremely sloppy with editing things out, and taking it too seriously. So, for sure you can hear ‘someone’ in the background during the early parts of FOTR, and I was too lazy to re-record or edit out the noises that weren’t supposed to be there.

Forgive me if this part is a lot longer, but now that you mention it, I want to get on my soap-box and rant about how many things I agree with about the Audiobook’s shortcomings and how many things have changed since the wee days of 2010:

I didn’t really get a grasp on the characters, and I had no idea I was going to do the entire book. I did not take enough care with sound mixing (it’s a highly technical and rigorous practice, I’ve discovered. Even now, ten plus years later - it’s too technical for me to fully understand yet), and I did not thoroughly re-listen to the chapter when I was done with an edit or a sound-effects pass. Therefore there’s always been mistakes still in there, and just unpleasantly careless placement of sounds and music. I have often thought about re-recording it to get it up to scratch, but it’s been over a decade and I haven’t properly preserved all the sound stems without having to re-sound-mix the whole chapter again, and there is that little thing called ‘burnout’ which is hard to ignore. So, I apologize to everyone who has to suffer through that huge drop in quality with “A Journey in the Dark”. It quite literally was my first attempt, and it definitely shows.

The good news is that a fan asked me the same thing about the missing piece in that chapter (the one you mentioned! With Sam and Bill!), and I’ve heard the same comments about it throughout the years. Why is it missing? I don’t know why! I recorded it, but in my loose run-and-gun past when I was a wee lad, I was careless, and just had the mp3 with that part missing. A rendering error, perhaps! Stupid 21 year old Phil just hodgepoging everything.

A Few months ago, I did get another email about that missing piece. I thought “okay, once and for all, I’m going to find that missing part.” - and I searched my old harddrives for some kind of archival copy with that part in it. Amazingly, it was a lot harder to find than I thought. Every rendered version of JITD either stopped right before that scene, or had it omitted. I actually found one half of it as a ‘demo’ piece I rendered years ago for a ‘sound trailer’, and then I finally found the original YouTube video I made - which had it intact! Now the hardest part was stitching it together with the rest. Took longer than I thought, but I finally amended this horrible incompetence. And yes, I will share the link to you! And be prepared to be disappointed at the 2010-era quality!

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but with the mp3s circling around, I have taken the liberty of re-recording and re-working some chapters from their original versions. I try my best to preserve the originals, but I also wish people to listen to the re-records. I have actually re-recorded and re-mastered “A Long-Expected Party” three times. 2011, 2013, and 2014. I re-recorded “King of the Golden Hall” in 2013, and “Shadow of the Past” in 2014. I usually try labelling the dates on the mp3 files themselves. The one I’m most proud of re-recording bits of, is “The Pyre of Denethor” as the first time I had Denethor say his last words he was mildly raising his voice, but I listened to it again one day and went “this man should be at the edge of sanity.” - so he absolutely yells now, and it’s such a night-and-day comparison.

Another addendum: I completely understand the complaints about ‘the sound/music drowning out the dialogue’. It’s been the #1 complaint over the decade. I completely understand. I never had professional sound mixing gear, nor did I have proper mixing headphones or speakers or a proper studio (most of the audiobook was recorded at my grandmother’s house!). The balance of the audio making it sound immersive, (like you are there!) and having clear dialogue to hear is - like I said - an extremely technical and complex process that I’ve never had the ability or tech to master. Let alone for a book that’s 48 hours long, and has so much sound and music to it. Nothing would bring me more joy than to work with an experienced sound mixer, and find all my audio stems, and for us to work together to clear up any and all issues. But as this project was a simple fan-made work, and I haven’t distributed it myself for a decade, who knows?

This is also why I never went on to do “The Hobbit”. Burnout is real, and I’ve never recovered from LOTR. The burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

13. What was your favorite scene to record and mix?

Mount Doom. Can’t get better than trying to make the climax as horrible and eucatastrophic as that. It all led up to this, and it was such a rush to work on. I remember how I was at the edge of my seat watching ROTK in cinemas for the first time, and how amazingly they pulled it off, and I wanted to definitely imitate that, but using Tolkien’s own writing. Just so cool.

I have two favorite chapters: The first one is “The Scouring of the Shire”. I remember well, when I was working on it, I realized this has never been ‘dramatized’ before. At least not in full. I felt so special being the first one (probably) to do it. I could imagine the entire chapter in my head like a film, and I could bring it to life with very little outside influence. Such a poignant and shocking chapter.

I don’t think I would have done it as well without the experience I gained doing the rest of the Audiobook. Showing the strength of the four hobbits, portraying the dignity and resolve of their kind, giving that pathetic yet dangerous authenticity to Sharkey, and the ruffians, illustrating the battle of bywater with sound… this was done in 2013, so we all were able to listen to new music by Howard Shore (for The Hobbit), and I would be able to transpose motifs from that, into “Scouring”, and honestly I wouldn’t know how it would have worked out if the Hobbit films didn’t come out just at the right time. I think the score fits so well with the events of “Scouring”, there is a ‘mordor’ theme but it feels ‘unfinished’, like the remnant of an old defeated foe; there’s that wily progression for Radagast in the films, that I used for the hobbit’s rebellion and the conflict, and there’s a new ‘hobbit/shire’ motif that worked so perfectly for a ‘wounded, but recovering’ Shire. I feel so silly talking about decisions I made for this, but I always wanted to share some thoughts I had!

Fun fact: I had a wonderful person ask if she would be able to play Rosie Cotton back in 2013, and I asked her to perform her lines. She was great, but I realized a very strange thing: when I put her in the audio mix, it would actually break the immersion, because you can hear a voice that wasn’t mine, and as a result - I couldn’t help but keep thinking - my voice for Rosie’s mother sounded like a Monty Python skit in comparison! And thus her lines had to be unused. It kind of just opened the fourth wall, breaking the illusion. Which is a shame, because I always dream of having a fully-cast LOTR Audiobook, maybe someday officially.

The other favorite is “The Tower of Cirith Ungol” just because I listened to it one day in 2014, and heard no errors. I was so proud. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change substantially. No one dislikes all the errors more than I do!

14. What’s your best memory from this entire project?

My late dad drove me and my brother out into a clearing at midnight in the forest. The sky was so clear and starry. And we were here simply to just yell at the top of our lungs to record material for “Helm’s Deep”. All the clear yells: “Elendil!!!” “Gúthwinë! Gúthwinë For the Mark!”etc. Etc. - I lost my voice, it was a fun time. He held the microphone for me as I splashed around a stream (for Gollum), once again at midnight since there were fewer background sounds.

I also tell this story a lot: A friend of mine who was listening to the chapters as I finished them - she hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And hated spiders. So, obviously, Shelob would have to have knuckle-cracking sounds for her limbs. So I recorded my own knuckles cracking and tried using it as much as I could for Shelob’s legs moving about. My friend was soooo ecstatic to know this fact.

15. If you could do it all again today, what would you change?

I would consider doing a ground-up re-recording of everything. With a budget, with a cast, with a lot more understanding of the story and intentions behind them. With VR sound options. With extra original music. That’s the dream.

If we’re back to reality, I guess I’d just re-record a bunch of chapters since they could always be better, and tighten all the technical errors. But that would require a lot of assembling of the raw archived files, and re-building of sounds, and re-recording of lines. Also, as I stated before, I do not want to distribute my unofficial fan work just because I know that it’s a copyright nightmare. And burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

I like taking other people’s opinions to heart, such as the issues with Frodo’s youth or inflections and intonations for certain scenes that I didn’t quite fully grasp the first time. I would love to adjust things and make it closer to the book now.

- - - - -

And now! The Silly Questions Lightning Round!

(With thoughts from Lady Glasses in parentheses and italics!)

1. In Fellowship, long stretches of dialogue would often have someone randomly cough in the background. Tell me about the Cough. Why is the Cough there?

No one hates the coughs more than me. That’s either my brother minding his own business in the other end of our ‘office room’. I think you now know I was 21, I didn’t care, so these things are just left in because I was careless. However, sometimes there are intentional coughs to make it feel more realistic. It’s been years since I listened to it, so unless I somehow do a massive commentary stream someday (thinking about it), your guess will be as good as mine! The coughs heavily subsided once I did Two Towers, since I was by myself.

2. During the dinner scene with Farmer Cotton, someone burps. Who was that?

Mine. I have no regrets with that one. Or Pippin. I guess it could be Pippin.

(Darn! And here I thought it was Farmer Cotton, LOL)

3. How did you manage to make Bill Ferny’s voice so perfectly obnoxious?

I imagined Bill as an obnoxious guy. The image in my head gives me a good idea of what he’d sound like, and I’m so glad he’s so obnoxious that you had to mention it.

(He sounds perfectly punchable. Thanks, I hate it.)

4. Did you crack yourself up at any point in the recording?

Oh yes, in fact I have a whole outtake reel just for you!

(Warning to anyone who clicks the link: the April Fool's audio had me ON THE FLOOR)

5. Voice acting aside, who is your favorite character in LotR and why?

If you asked me in 2002 it would be the Balrog, if you asked me now it would be difficult because so many of them mean so much to me, and each of their aspects have something to aspire to. Gandalf, Aragorn, Sam, Frodo, Galadriel, the list goes on and on.

(That's beautiful, and so true. The story really grows with us, doesn't it?)

6. What’s your favorite color?

Blue. Always has been.

(Blue is a good color! 💙)

7. Political question: Pineapples on pizza, yes or no?

Yes, I still don’t get what the fuss is about

(Oooh, controversial)

8. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

No, it’s a hotdog!

(Counterpoint: A hotdog is a taco.)

9. What’s your opinion on geese?

They’re racist

(Racist against the entire human race, apparently)

10. How much would I have to pay you to say “I love boats!” in Merry’s voice? (It’s an inside joke with my friends.)

Nothing, it’s on the house!

(HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU)

- - - - -

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us! What are you working on nowadays?

I’ve actually had a few people ask me if I’ll ever do more audiobooks like this, and I seem to have tapped something. Yes, in fact! I’m working with a few creative collaborators on a small company to do the exact same sonic experience with other books! Since we’re very small, we are starting with stories in the Public Domain, and have successfully kickstarted (and finished) “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. Which will be out (hopefully, officially) by early September! I’m really excited and hope this will lead to more projects, and - hopefully- back to Tolkien someday, in an official manner. Please follow my Instagram or Facebook for more info about it. (I also have a Twitter and Tumblr and more, but they’re all completely unrelated to LOTR and are just me drawing doodles and being a nerd, very unlike the Audiobooks I did, which is a bit confusing, I admit.)

- - - - -

And that concludes our interview! As I told Phil, it was so much fun to discuss a fellow fan's passion project like this. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how similar it was to my own experiences as a fan creator. We all start out as just a noob with a few unpolished skills, making something because we love it, and we learn and grow and hone our talents along the way. It's legitimately inspiring.

Needless to say, I am stoked to finish listening to the rest of this audiobook! Is it a bit weird knowing the creator of the thing might drop in and read my reviews?? Yes. Yes it is. But I'm gonna do it anyway. No holds barred! If I hear another cough, you're gonna know about it, Phil!

Also I may or may not do something with that audio of Merry because I'M STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER HELP

Anyway! If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a cookie! Everybody say thank you to Mr. Dragash, and go check out the other stuff he's doing nowadays! Namárië!

#phil dragash #audiobook #lotr audiobook #interview #CATCH ME SCREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

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brother-emperors · 6 months

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dude. friend. im obsessed with your art, i wish i could eat it and learn the secret behind the amazing noses you draw and those crisp lines...... but im also obsessed by the fact you love roman/italian history and literature so much?? i studied them for most of my school years (500 years ago) and i wasnt the best student but im loving to get back to it/learn more through your comics and your works!!!!

waaaaay back when I was in high school, I took a class because I heard that a teacher covered Dante’s Divine Comedy and it sounded like a good time, but it ended up being like. revelatory in some kind of way. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to her for encouraging my interest in the text beyond the classroom (from letting me look at her teaching notes to recommending a translation with the Italian alongside English), and also to my home room teacher that year who saw me reading it and told me that the ideal way to experience Dante is to be in Florence in the summer, or to listen to an audiobook in Italian while reading along lmao

also I was in high school while the Desmond era of Assassins Creed games came out and a lot of us were insufferable about analyzing history to try and figure out what the next game’s plot would be, it was a deeply fun time! all of this combined into a creative intersection with history (as much history as bunch of 16 yr olds with access to a public library can do) and I have been living in that kind of creative space ever since

bc all of this overlapped at once and I think the end result is that I just. really love history and storytelling at a very loud frequency. I tried to be normal about Crassus and that lasted less than a week lmaooo I have put that man in a narrative blender and he is never getting out

so! all of that is to say that I am forever delighted if I am able to pass along any amount of this enthusiasm for history forward to someone else the way those two teachers did for me

(also thank you, I love drawing noses so much, the secret is that I spend a lot of time drawing profiles in my sketchbooks because I like the shapes. just pages of noses)

#if I accomplish nothing else on this terrible planet I would like to have sparked curiosity for someone in places #they might not have experienced it or thought to look for it before #I would also like to make people weird about Crassus but that’s part of a personal agenda in an ongoing fight I have #I’ll be cringe on main so that people can go forth without feeling self conscious about anything #and create stuff that will make this one guy I know grind his teeth lmao #ask tag

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abey-baby-apologist · 11 months

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clone high final episode spoilers below! (9 n 10)

holy fuck im so happy. even though im super annoyed how they keep throwing a bunch of really good ideas for relationships and plot in the trash- im just so happy with what we got.

OK FIRST EPISODE 9??? THE ANIMATION WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND I HAD TO PAUSE BECAUSE WHEN WESLEY WAS FLAILING IN THE SEA, IT WAS DAMN smooth and pleasant to watch, as morbid as it sounds lol. that whole scene with the comic-esque vibe was so so pleasing.

and that whole episode was super like, sad but funny. i literally stood up and yelled when Mr. B was getting near the edge. like i probably woke up every single one of my neighbors in like.. a 50 mile radius it was that bad im so fucking annoying about this show.

BUT THEN SCUDS SAVED HIM AND I WAS SO HAPPY, LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY AN OLD COUPLE, AND LITERALLY THEY’RE FATHERS TO THEIR CLONE KIDS AND THEYRE ALL SUCH A BIG HAPPY FAMILY AND AUGHHHH im gonna draw family stuff with them so bad. I WISH THESE EPISODES CAME OUT BEFORE FATHERS DAY IT WOULD’VE BEEN PERFECT.

ok, episode 10 i have to take a deep breath with. i am VERY happy. and idk if it was because the bar was so low, or if it was because i was so anxious i was vomiting everywhere because i needed content so bad, but i am overjoyed.

THE ABETOPH CONTENT WE GOT WAS SO GOOD. WE HAVE LIKE... 3 NEW CUTE PHOTOS OF THEM HANGING OUT, AND LIKE A BUNCH OF MOMENTS OF ABE CARRYING TOPHER ON HIS BACK. was it because he was being tophers lackey? fine, sure, whatever. BUT AFTER THAT WHEN JFK BROKE TOPHERS PHONE IT WAS OVER (im upset it wasnt developed on further because people who didnt watch it in real time like us will surely be fine. so fuck you.)

Also, ABE AND JFKS FREINDSHIP HOLUYDBIUJEWNFJKNF oh my god not to be autistic but i was stimming so fucking hard WHEN THEY HUGGED, I WAS LIKE YES FINALLY. FINALLLLLYYY!!! theyre my sweet boys and THAT WHOLE FRIEND GROUP HAS ME IN TEARS. LIKE abe and Confucius are already bros, as we see them playing in the school yard, and JFK and Confucius are already bros from the sleepover episode, but NOW JFK AND ABE ARE BROS. FUCK. YEAH. oh and tophers there too. i like how they treat topher tbh. like hes just there until he says something out of pocket and they’re just like stfu.

but with the girls friend group.. oof. i honestly loved them so much, especially with cleo, but NOW ITS FUCKED. and its not even joans fault tbh. like when i was watching the scene where frida dropped joan i was like “damn” but then, JOAN MENTIONS HOW SHE HELPED EVERYONE BEFORE AND I WAS LIKE “DAYYYYYYUUMMMM UR RIGHT” so now im conflicted. But again like??? bruh i would choose cleo too tbh lmao.

Also, i’m glad clone college isn’t real. because jfk mentions about taking shelly to .. biology? which i think is a only 1st year class. and in the original clone high everyone is like “omg u hit puberty over summer” Which i feel is typically something thats potrayed in media AFTER middle school. but i could be wrong so, idk. just really glad they didn’t do the clone college bc i hate change. also theyre 16 lmao. OR MAYBE THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT... in the future when highschools done?? IDK. IDC.

anyway. im scared for joans friend group and i fucking love joan, and i am in love with abe, toph, jfk, and Confucius’s little bromances and augh. im so happy. and THE CLIFF HANGER WASN’T TERRIBLE ALSO, IN MY OPNINON.

im just glad joanabe wasn’t endgame. i mean, i would be pretty happy because im a sucker for childhood friends to lovers but also NOOOOOO joan deserves better. so. yeah 10/10

if you read this far, holy crap, im proud of you, and ily

that is my review on the finale so i’ll be making so much content now that im not on the brink of collapsing everytime i think of clone high. like trust me im gonna try and stretch out this fixation for as long as i can. though im probably gonna draw a surplus of abe and jfk art bc they were my fav in 2020

#i fucking love you clone high #clone high finale #clone high episode 9 #clone high episode 10 #long post

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kasieli · 1 year

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somewhere in the shadows | chapter one

Some initial A/N: Hello my near and dear friends! Welp, here it is — my new spark of creativity. I’ve been playing Hogwarts Legacy and there was just a sudden urge to write a fanfic, ya know, so here I am. I have more detailed and important author’s notes at the end, but I just wanted to paste a little blurb here. Anyways, please enjoy this short and sweet introductory chapter! (And once again please make sure you read my other notes at the end!)

***

Eleanor Laverne learned first hand that pleasant morning that there were, indeed, 142 stairwells in Hogwarts castle. Even though she woke up at the crack of dawn to brew some tea and prepare herself in her overwhelmingly blue common room, she felt like a first year frantically dashing through all the hallways and corridors and stairwells in the maze that was her new school.

Wonderful — her first day, and she’d show up to class after it already finished with her legs feeling like pudding.

To be fair, it was technically her first year here — she was just starting on the fifth year curriculum. Still, she was sure that someone of her 16-year-old stature looked quite appalling racing through the halls in comparison to that of a puny first year. Well…on the bright side, at least she could out run them and their short, stubby legs.

She glanced around, positively sure she passed the same portrait of a lady in an impossibly puffy pink dress who was, at this point, snickering at her valiant efforts of getting spectacularly lost. The watch on her wrist read 8:13, her first class began at 8:15, and at this point, she might as well have admitted her defeat on getting to class on time. After all, she had absolutely no clue where in the castle she was. She could have been on the opposite side of the school for all she knew.

She must’ve been rushing forward with her head on a swivel for a moment too long because she abruptly met something before her with a thunk. In doing so, all of the books that were, moments ago, held safely in her grip, splattered gracefully over the stone floor.

Splendid.

She was already late — she didn’t need obstacles, either.

But the obstacle turned out to be another person as she heard a surprised, “oof!” and the sound of footsteps plummeting forward.

She shook the dizziness from her head and steadied herself, only to find a brunette boy peering over at her with a wince. “What was that for?” he asked, and she wanted to laugh as if her sprinting spree was intentional.

“Sorry,” she grumbled, bending over to reach for the book closest to her.

8:14. Bloody hell. On her first day.

“Wait,” the boy began slowly as she heard the click of his shoes against the floor nearing her. “You’re the new fifth year, aren’t you?”

His statement beckoned her gaze, and she soon found herself gaping at this obstacle-turned-boy who happened to be a Slytherin student with quite possibly the sweetest face she’d ever seen. She didn’t believe in stereotypes but…for a Slytherin…he looked too…nice.

He reached out to hand her a few books he managed to pick up before someone called, “Seb! Come here! Defence Against the Dark Arts is about to start!”

She didn’t think her eyes could get any wider.

Defence Against the Dark Arts! That was the class she was looking for! Meaning…this lovely-looking Slytherin student that so happily picked up books for her after she nearly knocked him flat on his nose…was her classmate. What a truly memorable first impression — on her hands and knees picking up books and papers because she couldn’t simply watch where she was going.

“I suppose this is your class, too,” he said, offering her a hand to get up. She took it without any thought and stilled at the difference between his warm touch and the cold marble floor.

“It is.” She quickly released his hand and brushed off her robes.

He chuckled, and she noticed a sprinkle of freckles over his cheeks as he smiled. “Got a tad lost, did you?”

“Perhaps,” she huffed, “let’s go.”

His bright smile was disarming. “After you.”

Never, in her whole life, would she ever expect to feel glad for nearly running someone over. But here she was, her heart racing at a surprising speed perhaps by her brisk morning jog or by downright embarrassing herself in front of her new charmingly freckled classmate, letting out a satisfied sigh as she found her very first victory this morning.

She checked her watch.

8:15. Brilliant.

She was on time.

***

A/N: Alright folks, strap in because you’re in for a ride. I’m just kidding, but there are quite a few creative liberties that I have chosen to take, one of which is age. I have chosen to have Sebastian and Anne get held back a year before starting Hogwarts due to their parent’s death, while also raising the default age by 1 — so first years would enter around 12, and 7th years would be 18-19 by the time they graduate. (To be honest, having a 15 year old take something as life altering as the O.W.L.S seems crazy to me). Also, the way Hogwarts Legacy modeled their characters makes it seem like they’re at least 17-18, so, you know, with my unbridled creative liberty, I did just that.

This makes Seb 17 at the beginning of the year, while most of the other students are 16. I don’t know their actual birthdays, but I imagine Sebastian to be 18 before the term ends, and the MC 17. Listen, I know it’s completely wrong, but just bear with me for the sake of this story.

Other things to note: this goes pretty much in line with the main plot of the game, and, because of that, I’ll probably skip writing scenes like the beginning dragon attack, etc. etc. but it will be referenced. Also, I know that this technically takes place in the late 1800s but this is a fan fiction and I know nothing of the wizarding world (or anything, really) in the late 1800s, so most likely it’ll read like the current writing it is and there may be contraptions or what not in this fanfic that might not have even existed in the 1800s. I dunno.

Lastly, Sebastian and the MC have so much witty banter between one another, and if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I love witty banter. Plus, I think that there are some options that could have been taken towards the end that could have…(positively?) affected the ending of his relationship questline. At the end of the day, I am truly just imagining an alternative ending and what could have happened, had they given Sebastian a different path. Plus, you know, some innocent romance, too, because why the hell not. Don’t tell me you didn’t ship your MC with him. He’s so flirty! Also, if you would like me to post this anywhere else like fanfic or wattpad, let me know! Anyways, I’ll stop rambling now. Thank you for reading and see you next time! Xoxo ~Cass

#Hogwarts legacy #Hogwarts legacy MC #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian x mc #sebastian sallow #fanfic #fan fiction #alright folks here’s a hashtag rant #I hope y’all enjoyed it #I know it super short but I just wanted to gauge interest #I just had written too many self indulgent pages that I was like #fuck it let’s post it #anyways please let me know what you think!#And ya there’ll probably be some fanart too #lmaoooo the author’s notes are longer than the actual chapter itself #sorry I’m a rambler

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kangamommynow · 7 months

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It's been a day

Nothing major. Just small accumulating annoyances. Being tired and too warm (it got to nearly 80 degrees today, which is insane). Trying to channel the wildness of 10 year olds.

at one point I put my head down on my table and my group was concerned. "I don't feel like you are hearing anything I'm trying to teach" "I'm listening to you" "But you are also watching X and talking to your neighbor and spinning on the stool, so if you are listening it is with the 'yes I hear you' and not with the 'I'm trying to understand you'".

I have a new kiddo in my reading group. His reading is very, very low, but not because of disability. He is a refugee, an immigrant. His reading is low because he just doesn't know much English yet. My other students have the benefit that they know English letter sounds and he doesn't. His brain has to work a lot harder. He'll get there, but it's so freaking hard for him. He has ESL services, but that's not nearly enough.

We have another student who is moving away at the end of the week and I have to admit I'm glad. The class will be so much calmer without her drama. So much drama. She spends most of her time flitting from one person to another spreading rumors and stirring up trouble and provoking other people and frankly it's on everyone's last nerve. When my student M gets in a fight, it's almost always involving this girl either directly or indirectly. She is also the primary bully of one of my other students. So. I'm glad she will be gone.

After school I took J over to REI to try to find travel clothes for the cruise. We found some pants, shirts, and socks for him, and a few shirts for me. Alas, despite all my hunting, not a damn pair of pants in my size anywhere in the store. Yes, I'm short. That doesn't mean I'm tiny. They had petite sizes 0-8 and regular sizes (much too long) 10-16, but not a 14 or 16 petite to be found. So I had to order on Amazon and pray that something fits. I fucking hate clothes shopping. It's the most dispiriting activity. Especially when you know precisely what it is you need and it just doesn't seem to exist.

They are moving our school to a late start, mostly due to bus issues. We are nearly 7 weeks into school and we still have busses running 1-2 hours behind because they just can't get enough drivers. Many of the drivers were retirees and they all left with Covid. It's a sucky job with weird ass hours and rambunctious, often disrespectful kids and I wouldn't want to do it either. So they are shifting our start/end time to try to accommodate that. God knows what they are going to do as more and more teachers leave. Squish more kids in a classroom and pretend more testing will solve the problem, I assume.

I'm cranky, obviously. I am too warm, too sore, and I miss my ... whatever he is. My guy. The person I'm attached to. It's just . sigh.

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athousandmorningss · 8 months

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I'm starting with some musings about stray cat chronicles, feel free to scroll past that content if you don't wanna read it.

I'm increasingly feeling like I did the wrong thing by taking Tree home. There's a clear demarcation between a feral cat, and a friendly cat that likely has a home. The fact that he came to me pretty readily AND let me carry him indicates he has a home. Perhaps I should have just left him alone and visited the park a few more times to see if he was still there, and then did something. I have a bleeding heart. Sometimes this means I lead with feeling rather than a well thought out plan. I'd hate to put the baby through the process of adoption and re-homing if he already has a place he lives. I'm also increasingly unsure about keeping him. He is def. a Young Baby--he's in his "bite everything era," and I worry what introducing a small male cat into 16 year old Oliver's home would do. TBH though, my babies are very surprisingly chill about it: some occasional hissing at the bathroom door but for the most part, carrying on as normal. That is surprising and interesting to me, and could indicate keeping him (if I need to) might be possible. Anyways. The point is, sometimes I need to mind my business. Maybe this was one of those occasions. That said, I'd add that at this point, the family attempting to find Baby could do so pretty easily if they called any of the local shelters and offered a description, or navigated to one of the top local lost pet facebook pages, or (if they live close by), walking to the nearby park where posters are located. No word from anyone though, and that makes me really wonder if anyone is looking.

Anyways. Tree is the sweetest boy: very rambunctious, lover of chewing of the fingers/arms/legs/towels, anything he can put his mouth on. I discovered if I wrap him in a towel and sing to him, or do odd mouth sounds ASMR style, he'll get big wet eyes and nod off in sleep pretty quickly. Here's him in such a state:

he goes a little cross-eyed when sleepy.

Anyways. My two other classes started today, bringing my total teaching load to 7 courses. Light work (hehe). One of my favorite courses I teach is Family Communication, and one of my favorite theories I teach in it is the Relational Dialectics Theory. It holds that in all relationships, including family dynamics, we osculate between opposing forces or needs, and work to adopt ways to address these tensions. For instance, family members might be struggling between the dialectical tension of autonomy (wanting personal identity, space, etc) and connection (seeking togetherness, wanting to consistently be around your family members, etc). There are suggested ways of dealing with these tensions (you can read more here) that are pretty useful.

I like teaching the course because it seems to give language to a lot of experiences students have. I consistently get feedback about the relevancy of the content, and usually enjoy reading and responding to student assignments in that course.

Since I'm in my can't leave my house era due to Tree, I've invited C over on Wednesday night. I'm a bit nervous-- I rarely have people over to my house. In fact, in the last 8 months, no one's been in my apt. save for my cat sitter and the maintenance guy. That's kinda wild. I am very protective of my space and who I let into it...

Anyways, I'm ganna put out treats and we'll swap stories about our various trips we've taken. I'm hoping in future to host a Halloween party, some small potlucks and a Friends-giving, too. Tryna manifest a little more coziness in my space..

That's all, from the House of Wayward Cats.

#stray cat chronicles

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evanpitars · 7 months

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Hi! Saw the ships post, decided I'd give it a go.

I am straight, but supporting and go by she/her, maybe she/they, 16 year old, junior and taking cosmetology college classes, female standing at 5'7 and I have hazel eyes, really extremely light freckles only on the bridge of my nose, full lips, and an diamond/oval shaped face. I have a resting depressed face, and to some people sometimes I give off a "bad attitude/attitude problem". Usually to guys (from what I have been told) I am cute, or some have said I'm hot. I had my ears pierced but the holes are closed up, so I wear clip on earrings. I have a somewhat hourglass, on the smaller side body, I have been told my wrists and ankles are very small, small boobs, smaller butt, and I'm toned and I have long legs and thighs on the thicker side. I'd say I'm around 130 lbs. I have dirty blonde thick hair that rests on my breasts (couldn't think of a less awkward but as detailed as possible description), I have long outgrown curtain bangs and outgrown layers. My style is unique; I love layering skirts and dresses and sweaters and I love beanies and hats, and I always like to wear my black converse with granny-patterned-type socks. And it tends to be darker colors of clothing that I like. I love necklaces, rings and bracelets. My perfume is Pink Cashmere. I am an Aries and into astrology and crystals and spirituality, the paranormal and Christianity. I also vape. I'm kind of a chill person, but I can be loud/expressive at times. People rub off on me easily, for example, I tend to say things I've heard other people say, if I'm around them enough, for example my classmate says "period slay" and I started to say it. I tend to be the big sister of the friend group and the friend that has everything and ready for any situation type friend. I also make suxcxdal jokes. I like to draw when I have the motivation to. I love music, like can't go a day without listening to it, and I usually go for a walk for about 30 mins a day listening to music and sometimes at college I walk around the campus with one earbud in if I don't have anyone to talk to. I can play a *little* piano, but all I can play is fucking Old Macdonald. My last resort on Netflix to watch is true crime docs, I did have a Jeffrey Dahmer phase, I was extremely interested in his case, I did find him a bit attractive too, but disclaimer, I am NOT glorifying/praising him. He's a horrible person that happens to be a bit attractive. I also am a horror movie fanatic, my favorites have to be the Conjuring movies and the Insidious movies. And, of course, I love AHS. I think I might have ADHD, I get told that sometimes. I do have anxiety as well. I am mentally slow sometimes, and I struggle with focusing at times. Oh also I am a psychic and I can see spirits. I am extremely clingy, and I have mommy and daddy issues. I am very, very, very hxrny, I hate to admit it, I always make dirty jokes if I'm comfortable with someone. I love my guys emo/grunge, doesn't give a shit type mentality, clingy, touchy, possessive, protective, knows his manners, tall, mentally unstable, scraggly looking, veiny hands, big hands, and, yes of course, hxrny.

That would be me:)

Also thank you if you read my literal book.

Hello my angel! How are you?

Thank you for sending! You are very beautiful and I find you a interesting person. If you want to chat, then lets go hahaha

So at first I thought about Jimmy Darling, because of your personality, but then, when you talked about what you want in a guy everything made sense .

YOUR LOVE STORY WOULD BE WITH.... ‼️

* drum sound * 🥁🥁🥁

KAI ANDERSON

There's no need to mention your physical appearance, because you're perfect and he would love you anyway. I feel like he would love your unique style and since he thinks he is God himself, he would easily become interested in spirituality. You would talk about the meaning of crystals and, although he was sometimes reluctant when it came to the subject, he would listen carefully and make observations. The only thing he would probably joke about was the signs hahaha. If you asked him to make an astral chart, he would laugh in your face, but in a funny way hahaha .

As you are horny, you like possessive, mentally unstable boys, Kai would be the perfect man for you. He wouldn't let anyone touch you without you giving permission. He would always be analyzing his surroundings and worried about you and your day, just to protect you. If you make jokes about suicide, that would be another reason to justify this choice. I see you both laughing about a serious topic, but for some reason you found it funny. Oh another thing, idk your sexual preferences, but good lord, that man would be horny 24/7 he makes very clear in the season Cult that he likes puśsÿ and with you wouldn't be an exception. His big and veiny would grab your wrist and he would tease you endlessly, until he drove you crazy. Hands on the waist, on the back of the head, on the thighs, on the groin, on the neck and in the hair. Also he would use your psychic habilities to his crimes and watch criminal doc with, just for fun or to improve his plans.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING MY LOVE ❤️

#ahs coven #ahs fandom #american horror story #kyle spencer #ahs cult #ahs hotel #ahs murder house #evan peters #kai anderson #james march #tate langdon #shipping #matchups #violet harmon

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dongpound · 4 months

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i demand to know more of your oc's (also im trying to catch up on your space au fic its been so long since i last read it)

OH MY GOD IT DIDNT GET EATEN BY TUMBLR

Anon™️ I’m using your ask as like a sticky note of oc ideas specifically Tundra dude there’s SO much I’m so sorry I got into the hyper focus zone

Tundra’s name is actually Alejandra Citlali Osorio-Cruz and through the series she’s just about to turn 16 in season 1 and roughly 19-20 by Season 5 (give or take how the fuck you think time works in 2012 bc I think it takes place over 3-4 years season 5 included)

Tundra came about as a nickname when she was a kid and got super hyper-fixated on professional wrestling and like. She made an entire persona and lore. Alec started using her wrestling name as a silly nickname and it stuck.

Yes I did come up with a stupid cute reason behind the name Tundra bc I can not handle the fact I chose such a BAD oc name for a LION but like I can’t change it NOW!! I MADE HER IN LIKE 2015 SHES TOO OLD TO CHANGE IT

Xever did just think for the longest time Tundra WAS her name. He also just assumed that Alec and Chris adopted a child for fun.

Her bio parents Ixchel and Alejandro were really good friends of Alec and Chris for like. Well over a decade. Ixchel and Alec especially. Ixchel was an actress (like I would say their worlds equivalent of Selma Hayek) and Alejandro worked in music production.

They didn’t have a ton of family they kept in contact with, so Alec and Chris were named Alejandra’s legal guardians if anything happened to them. They sadly died in a plane crash when Tundra was around 1.

This feels like SOOOO edgy and silly to me now but like I literally can’t see Alec and Chris adopting a kid any other way than the guilt of losing their friends pushing them to do it. WHICH SOUNDS BAD. AND LIKE IT IS. However they still love and raise Alejandra as their own, if anything Chris is like. Somewhat distant bc he still has his career but Alec’s like “fuck yeah I get to raise a kid again” and kinda slips from the spotlight. Which is fine by them , they’re like 600 years old they can just have messy fun in the public eye another time

Tundra goes fucking THROUGH IT emotionally through the series. Like goes from would do anything for Chris and Alec (especially Chris who. Again. Was distant and she desperately wanted his approval) to the point where like. She’s yknow. Mutated, to growing resentful of them when Hachi enters the picture (especially when she has to take care of him) to like. Low key betraying the foot and joining the mutanimals in season 3. And then having to deal w Chris being resurrected temporarily in season 5 after a really chill and happy 2 years with her mom and little brother like it’s a LOT.

In season 1 she’s very much a “mean girl” stereotype and slowly evolves into Cool And Gay (but still a little better than you)(she. She gets that from her upbringing.)

Tundra and Karai are seen as like a duo/bffs up until season 2 after the whole “I’m not shredders daughter” thing happens. They grow distant (obviously) until season 4.

So like Alec and Chris are NOT the best parents and like. They did totally just let Tundra take Hachi to live w her and the Mutanimals in season 4. She’d already been in space w him for 6 months and the poor kid really didn’t want to go live in the woods. I have such a specific scene in mind for this and I want to write it out so bad. Anyway tundra basically becomes a teen mom for a little bit. Eldest daughters am I right? *plays class of 2013 by mitski*

Tundra has a modified mini van which she does haul all of her friends who can fit in. Apologies to leatherhead and slash . No she doesn’t have a license

She also has a bike. These two vehicles she did canonically find on the side of the highway and she convinced Donnie and Casey to help her fix them

Tundras in a punk (? Maybe more Pop punk ) band called The Muties (my other characters Jack and Spinstra are in it. also Mondo. Sometimes Raph fills in on drums if Spinstra can’t make it). Tundra and Jack switch off on vocals, she’s usually on bass. They started up in the down time between seasons 4 and 5. They play in Moira’s Menagerie (a mutants only bar and hall) every week on Fridays. Alec comes to nearly all of their shows and also they bring Hachi sometimes when they practice and he’ll play his DS.

Alec will also force their friends (I.e. Apep, Anton, Ivan and Xever) to come watch Tundra w the promise of drinks and she thinks it’s embarrassing every fucking time bc they’re SO LOUD and OBVIOUS and god she could just DIE (but also. Having the support makes her happy)

Alec WILL slam back 3 tequila shots and go on about how talented their daughter is.

Chris got to see her play once. And it was when he was resurrected. And Tundra, frankly, was not thrilled. Another one I wanna write

#thanks for reading all that I love Alejandra and she deserves the world #oc tag #I’m a little embarrassed by how much I wrote but I’ve been in a big tundra mood lately

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insomniamamma · 1 year

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15 questions

Thanks for the tag @oonajaeadira

1. Are you named after anyone?

My middle name is my Mom’s best friend’s middle name. My first name comes from a late 70s tire commercial.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Maybe two weeks ago? I had a bad stomach bug and things got messy. Cried mostly from being grossed out and humiliated.

3. Do you have kids?

Yep. He’s 8 and he outsmarts me on a regular basis

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

it’s a survival mechanism at this point

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Vibes I guess. I can generally tell within minutes of meeting someone if I’m going to get along with them or not. Eyes and faces as far as physical features are concerned. I like people with interesting faces.

6. What’s your eye color?

Medium brown.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both.

8. Any special talents?

I write, I draw. I sing, but i’m a bit rusty at that. My hubby and son seem to think I’m a good cook. I’m good with my hands in general.

9. What are your hobbies?

Art, writing, cooking, making friends with neighborhood cats, losing my mind over Pedro Pascal. I like to fish but I haven’t gone in quite some time.

10. Where were you born?

New Jersey

11. Have any pets?

I have two cats. Tasha is my inside cat. She’s somewhere around 16 years old. I’m not entirely sure of her age because she was a rescue. She’s a tuxie and her fur is super soft, like a rabbit’s fur. She’s a grumpy little thing, but she is also very patient with my son who was a bit grabby when he was smaller. Orange is my outside cat. We think she had a family at some point and she got dumped in our neighborhood. She had a litter of kittens under my deck so I ended up finding homes for the kittens and getting her spayed. She can’t be an indoor cat, we’ve tried. She knows the sound of my car and comes bolting across the alley. We have a screened in front porch so in the winter we keep food and water and a cat bed with a heating pad for her so she can keep warm. She’ll let you pet her but does not like being picked up. All the dogs in the neighborhood are afraid of her.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I am not a sports person. I am catastrophically clumsy and I have super-tight hamstrings.The only class in gym that I remember enjoying was archery because I could pretend i was in Lord of the Rings. I was one of those goth-girls who refused to change for gym and just sat on the bleachers reading.

13. How tall are you?

5'7″

14. Favorite subject in school?

Art and biology. Art because my teachers generally let me do whatever I wanted. I had a ceramics teacher who’d just plop down a big thing of clay and be like the rest of these guys are making snowman banks for christmas but you do whatever you want. Doing whatever I wanted usually involved dragons. Biology because I was fascinated by it. The endless intricacies of it. I LOVED dissections. That probably makes me sound like a lunatic and I’m pretty sure my mom and my teachers thought I was some sort of proto-serial killer, but anatomy just fascinated me. Still does. I have a collection of skulls and bones i’ve found in the woods over the years. My high school biology teacher told me how I could preserve the things we’d dissected in class in jars full of rubbing alcohol, so between his class and AP biology I had a nice collection of pickled dead things. My mom threw them out when I moved out and I’m still a little salty tbh.

15. Dream job?

I don’t know? Jobs are not something I dream about. I would like to be able to have time to do the things that make me happy.

np tags: @oo-hazel-oo @grogusmum @honestly-shite @quica-quica-quica @spookoofins @shitty-pigeon-nest39 @writeforfandoms

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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hello hello!

i hope you’re well! i am that 16-year-old girl who ask about my famous tiktok crush in school. and i just wanted to thank how much you’ve helped me balance the attachment i have developed for him :)

things have been different for the past couple of weeks, i’ve been doing great in school (got the highest score in an activity) and followed your advice! for some reason, i’ve found a batch of old, super y2k-styled clothes my aunt used to keep and gave it to me since it fits me so well. it added a boost on my confidence (i really like dressing up) and overall made me appear more well-groomed and pretty, as my friends commented the last time we interacted.

but what amused me the most is when i started to channel my energy with myself and genuinely enjoys the process, is when circumstances led me and my crush closer with each other... OR I MIGHT JUST BE OVERANALYZING THINGS. i caught him looking at me the other time across the auditorium because there was an event, then an hour after, almost stumble upon him on my way home because i didn’t realise he was trailing behind, the next day, we both had to compile for a missed quiz in a subject we both take but not classmates in the same room, and then the day after, it was announced our class are sched to play volleyball with theirs as our final exams in p.e?

i’m sorry for my long update! i just had to let you know how much it changed since i detached and you’ve helped me a lot throughout the process and for that i am grateful to find your blog and i wish you the best! but overall, i intend to keep the practice i’ve implemented since these are the habits that made me feel good :)

Hi love! Thank you so much for taking the time to share this update with me. I feel like a proud aunt reading this lol. Congratulations on achieving your high marks – I know that must've taken a lot of effort on your part. Keep it up x

I'm so glad for you that leaning into your personal style/y2k fashion is helping you feel more confident in yourself. Totally agree that fashion and beauty are powerful tools to help with self-discovery and confidence! I love this rebrand for you and am even more glad to hear that you're focusing on feeling happy with yourself versus trying to impress others. These habits and mindset will take you far, well ahead of many of your peers (and still some of mine, honestly).

I truly hope you keep these changes up! You sound like a happier and more fulfilled person. In the end, that's the greatest win we can strive for. Sending love and prosperity your way xx

#femmefatalevibe #q/a

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pinkremedy2515 · 2 days

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Recap and present intro

I’m in junior year now, and i just went back and read all my previous posts, a measly 7 by the way. Apparently they’re from 2022 and onwards if i inferred correctly. Which mean it hasn’t even been that long, huh.

I decided to be just a little more organized about the posts now because i almost had an aneurysm trying to read the last one. That’s almost a year and a half old, huh…

So quick recap of what you, the grateful inquisitive audience, missed; 1. I did my o levels,

2. discovered i was moving from the city i grew up in for my whole life,

3. went on summer vacation,

4. dyed half of my hair hot pink in a show of teenage impulsivity (although it was a thorough meticulous decision),

5. got all A*s on my o levels, missed a rank by 5 marks (or was that 7 marks…)

6. Got stuck in my home city and delayed the move because my dad’s employer decided to be an ass about my dad moving,

7. finally moved in the September of 2023, and moved to the capital city of my country from my beachside home city ( I know it sounds all Hollywood having to move in the middle of high school especially into the ‘BIG CITY’ but i was far from ‘a fish out of water’ I just hate this place)

8. Moved into a small ass apartment, that is a fraction of the size of our previous house, and my room is as small as it is legally allowed to make a bedroom (i know because I searched it up) while my older sister gets to have a much larger room with a balcony too because i lost a coin toss that i suggested to conduct.

9. Broke off a friendship that was nearly a decade old, and really I don’t even know what to make of it

10. almost instantly made friends with the girls in my new class, and made almost all the teachers hate me within the first month if I’m to wrong. This little trope suggests that i am the cool rule breaking type, but let me assure you i am not. The teachers hate me for no good reason, but it doesn’t really matter cause they fucking suck too and i hate them just as much if not more. Although I am in the stem subjects (bio, chem, physics and math) and my science head hates me so I don’t really feel the best about her having direct control of my gpa, but what can a girl do

11. Almost forgot, i went to my cousins wedding halfway across the world, spent buckets of money on the tickets and the dresses cause it was during Christmas, only to look god damn hideous because only divine intervention can help me look anything above perfectly mediocre and average,

12. And ive lost all hope and motivation for my as level, because due to the above mentioned vacation I ended up missing a shit tonne of the syllabus being taught and the teachers didn’t like me enough to reteach me the bits i missed, so i had to haul my ass all the way through my mocks, which i barely passed, and all the way to where i am now.

13. Turned 17 about 2 and a half weeks ago and felt nothing but despair for having reached that age, not because its almost as cliche as 16 but rather because I don’t look forward to the future anymore

SO HERE WE ARE~

Present day me, who just finished bombing her math and mechanics as papers on the first week of may, and i now have exactly 3 days till the next slew of exams which involve three exams in 3 consecutive days, and i really am not as prepared as I should be but I can’t seem to find it in me to haul my ass through it because i freak out and get stressed and end up doing nothing.

I’m very different from last year in that regard, i used to be at the top of my class and aced my subjects and here i am now, barely even passing and standing at the very bottom of what used to be my academic career but is now a wide yawning chasm. I hope to not fuck up everything completely, and just get an A on my AS levels, a passing A would do as well. I really hope god up there is feeling sympathetic to a pathetic stupid teenage girl who is trying to try her best.

I’ve been raised and am at an economic level that has me comfortable but the only future for me is one i make myself; through my academics and hard work, so I am fully aware what’s at stake here but im giving up on myself. The me who fought died one day and I didn’t even have a warning. No heads up, no 2 week notice, and definitely no replacement hired. The worst bit was i spent the whole summer studying and planning to make this the best and most productive year, but all my effort lead to absolutely nothing, and it would be a lie to say my spirit I entirely crushed to smithereens and i feel that i am teetering on the brink of what might be a depressive slump.

It’s currently 2:24 am on the 11th of May as I type this, and I should either be asleep or doing the past paper thats been squished under my iPad-laptop. i might not post this just immediately so the timing probably wont add up. Although im not sure tumblr has a time format or info bit for the posts anyway, at least not from what ive seen.

I missed out on a bunch of other things that happened to me along the way, and a bunch of stuff that’s happening now. But i felt a little encouraged to post because one of my previous posts had a singular like, which may have been an accident and even if it wasn’t, that person probably wont find my blog (if you can call it that) again because they don’t follow me :// which sucks a bit but whatever. Maybe I should take the initiative and follow them… maybe i might…

Anyway ill probably conclude this essay of a post now, but one last thing, i feel the need to change the color scheme and vibe of the whole account again, so ill probably do that in the morning after i wake up and have two consecutive tutoring sessions that make me want to reap my own soul :D

Byyyyeeeee to the worlds quietest audience :)

#exam season #send help #school life #school #high school #highscool #i don't know how to tag #blog post #blogger #blog #i'm back #daily blog #H #E #L #P #ME

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cavewretch · 19 days

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a meditation on my past three or so identity crises and vampire weekend's new album

i have been listening to vampire weekend for roughly 15 years (i am 25). i am third-generation croatian great famine irish co-opting italian americanness by way of childhood experience and ex roman catholicism. born and raised in jersey. elementary school bullies were generationally wealthy irish or italian kids. family trees of traitors, all of us. i was briefly obsessed with finding some sort of ancestral connection but i think whenever that impulse happens for white usamericans it’s misplaced. surely there’s goodness here! surely there’s shared struggle! surely one of you was a communist! but now i’m over it. whatever they’re dead i’m alive i’ll do it. my mother has dubbed me the family catalyst. the thing about being a catalyst is you have to set yourself on fire and burn away to fuel everyone else's fire.

my first encounter with vampire weekend was in 2007? 2008? (whenever they released their first self titled album). starbucks used to do this free song pick of week thing where they’d give you a card with your coffee order that let you download a song from itunes for free, and my dad got them sometimes on his way to work. we got cape cod kwassa kwassa that way, and i found it in the family library and put it on my little purple ipod shuffle.

modern vampires of the city was released in 2013, and the first vampire weekend album i actually consciously sunk my teeth into the content of (lyrics, musicality, visuals). i think i got to it a year late, i wasn’t plugged into music release social media campaigns back then. i was 15 or 16. in 2014 i read the communist manifesto for the first time and told my teacher it sounded pretty good, and she told me it only worked on paper. i read it for a european history class which required i shove 700 years of history into my brain for an exam i then proceeded to fail. i'm “bad” at school but i built invaluable critical thinking and analysis skills from that class. and a disgust with enlightenment era philosophers. that part wasn't on my teachers list i don't think. that class had 9 people total in it, 2 of which were transfer students (and also my friends) from europe (one from belgium, one from albania). in that class i learned i was supposed to have feelings about serbia, bc of my very croatian last name, but i didn't. my family doesn't talk to each other like that, about real things. my reaction to finding out there were divisive wars in living memory involving part of my identity was to try and learn about yugoslavia on my own, not knowing that anything i got my hands on was filtered through lenses of anti communism and red scare sentiment. the yugoslav wars happened after my nono (grandfather) left, and ended when i was very very young. according to my mother though, he always had something to blame on the serbs. then it was jews. then the government. then hospitals. then my nona (grandmother). then my mother. now my dad.

/you talk of serbians, whisper kosovar albanians/ /the boy’s romanian, third generation transylvanian/ /i see vampires walkin, don't be gripped by fear, you aren’t next/ /we’re all the sons and daughters of vampires who drained the old world’s necks/

in 2014 i went to croatia for the first (and probably last, given my finances) time and met my extended family there. on that trip i looped modern vampires of the city every day, both because i love that album and because i did not have internet access or cell service. two weeks on a farm on an island off the coast of croatia, with only my family. a teenager’s dream! i did really enjoy it though. i found it grounding to be living amongst memories of centuries before me. both architecturally, the buildings are older there than the united states (government) itself, but also in my ancestors' memories. i stayed in the house my nono grew up in, and the house that’s been in my family name for centuries. the house was built before the empire rose and still stands there today despite its inhabitants dead or emigrated. the us empire rose on the bones and blood of multiple civilizations, specifically and purposefully wiping them out and creating that cognitive dissonance i was facing for the first time as a teenager.

/in times of war the educated class knew what to do/ /the temple’s gone but still a single column stands today/ /that sinking feeling fades but never really goes away/ /a staircase up to nothingness inside your dna/ /well thats a bleak sunrise/

/i know what lies beneath manhattan/ /i know who's buried in grants tomb/

age 16, for anyone i think, is the peak of arguing with your parents. age 16 is the culmination of anger about not having agency over your own life . 16 is crying and screaming and fighting your patriarchal family, thinking if you can just explain things right you can undo generations of behavioral patterns and beliefs. 16 is for fighting your father and reading queer lit on the family shared kindle account. and diane young, evidently.

in 2018 and 2019 i spent my summers in my professor’s studios (one in queens, the other in brooklyn) working for unpaid college credit as a studio assistant. i lost my wallet in brooklyn. i spent hours in the new york public library archives sifting through images of the city during the 70s and 80s for research. i took greyhound buses from south jersey/south philly to penn station. i ate lunch in battery park in the rain, cried in bathroom stalls, and scrambled around mta carrying too much shit.

/used to have a job at penn station/ (cue what sounds like the shrieking noise of a train coming in, what commuters blink at and tourists recoil from)

in 2019 father of the bride came out, about a month before i became chronically ill/disabled. i was supposed to see that tour. at the beginning of 2020, my final semester of college, i went on medical leave and moved back in with my parents (something i vowed to never do and something my therapist at the time strongly suggested i never do. life goes on.)

2024. only god was above us. i will turn 26 in a couple months. this year my childhood dog died. i read state and revolution (lenin). i organized phone calls with my grandfather to learn about his life in croatia (and distract him from recovery from back surgery) (and give my grandmother a break). everyone’s forgotten about covid or actively doesn’t care. but everyone keeps getting sick isn’t that so strange. the weather is a trapeze artist but your average conversation regards it as strange this year, and nothing deeper. my grandfather disowned my father in a bout of rage last month. i keep collecting comorbidities like painful trinkets. my mother emailed me a list of things to write a book about, which reads more like questions she’s been meaning to ask me about my life. i have no interest in cracking open my ribcage so blatantly in something longer than an essay or blog post. i will pour myself into art and fiction and you can take what meanings and interpretations from it as you will. one of my favorite things about creating art is what people find in it afterward. this thing that was an expression, a release for me, has hidden meanings and images to other people that i will never predict and that’s absolutely thrilling to me. sometimes people ask me what things are in my drawings and i ask them what they think it is and it frustrates them to no avail. my mom found a jaguar in this drawing and i cheered but refused to confirm or deny. (after that i called the piece jungle, but it certainly never started that way. i’m not even sure if jaguar is the right cat. the spotted one? but not a cheetah.)

i journey into only god was above us carrying the weight of cycles and behaviors, patriarchal abuse, research on the balkans, lenin on the brain, thinking about covid and palestine and sudan and every other nation the country i live in steps on the neck of and who’s blood has benefitted me in some way. my own madness, my sickness, my rage. ill mad and angry. genetic health conditions, family curses. writing a sci-fi something. thinking about the deep sea internet cables and growing up on the internet.

/the oceans churning, the cables stay in place/

coming from generations of mechanics and farmers and restaurant staff. stuck alone with my parents in the woods of south jersey. missing commute times and the clogged holland tunnel. dealing with multiple chronic conditions that render me at the mercy of corrupt broken state institutions, jumping through administrative hurdles to get care. facing eugenic and bioessentialist thought in every person i meet. wishing i could live elsewhere but knowing that’s precisely what my ancestors did that got me here in the first place. and wouldn’t that be shoving myself up the ladder in some way, stepping on whoever lives wherever i would want to go. continuing the line of betrayal. i’m tired of the us empire’s tendrils poisoning the globe and i want it to fall apart desperately but i also know that as it does my health will get worse without medications and i will be useless to any movement and no movement would have me . my brain creatures whisper i am a parasite and social norms reaffirm the whispers at every turn. the ascetic creature in my brain who sits in her wading pool and passes judgement on the rest of me (and herself) while seeking absolution for everything i cannot change refuses to allow the water to flow and instead needs it to fit in her palms. what was i talking about? vampire weekend.

/your consciousness is not my problem/ /and i hope you know your brain’s not bulletproof/ (over what sounds to me like the din of squealing subway tunnels)

i have a notes app entry that’s just notes i took while listening to the album. i’ve interspersed some things in here, but here are some special mentions i can’t weave into my words, and then a whole frantic paragraph about the final song on the album because there’s a lot to talk about. time stamps included if you’re listening along at home.

capricorn: i love the discordant WEE WAW WEE WAW that dominates and sweeps through the song’s entire sound after the second verse. also /sifting thru centuries for moments of your own/ really resonated with me.

connect: lyrically this was really fun for me as someone who’s got a whole soap box notes app entry document on growing up online and the current online cultural landscape. /now is it strange i cant connect? it isn’t strange but i could check . walked around to where we kept the box of wires, and lately/ . also super thrilled about the deep sea internet cable mention in this song. and then something about the instrumental break at 3:22 reminds me of times square retail stores at christmas time. i can’t explain it.

prep school gangsters: the emphasis and repeating of /its just something people say/ at the end makes me feel like this is not actually something people say, maybe people really do feel that way .

the surfer: starts out like old school cool guy bopping down a city street, but then the second piano (a second piano has hit the-) kicks in (1:11) and suddenly it’s offputting and dreary. the extreme weather alert like siren after verse 1. /california king placed directly on the floor/ the selective luxury we all partake in as capitalism spins out around us. the line /fake fortune teller scandalized by fate/ made me think of astrology and personality quizzes and pathologization taking over the social consciousness. the stunning horns at 3:32 that make me sweep my arms around every time i hear them, the climax of a movie, the height of the wave. 3:44 the wave breaks, and we coast with just a twang of surfer rock guitar. the radio static glitchiness because we are not surfing. we are not coasting. it is falling apart, we are wiping out. we’re headed back towards the beach at the end but the stunning horns return, muted a bit as a reminder of the adrenaline at the height of the wave.

the chorus in gen x cops, /each generation makes its own apology/ half of me reads it as healing and the other half reads it as the old person's refrain of not knowing any better. a half hearted apology from a parent, a “sorry you took it that way.”

mary boone is funny because i /came in from jersey/ and did internships /the one from queens not from brooklyn/ . i also really love /im on the dark side of your room/ because it makes me imagine the young struggling artist as the rich art critic/dealer/tax evader’s sleep paralysis demon.

pravda: this one and the surfer are my favorite songs. verse 1 makes me think of when lenin was exiled for his revolutionary writings. sorry . and then something about /leaving at the rising of the moon/ and how revolutionary battles are named in history (bloody sunday for the russian revolution for example.) /your consciousness is not my problem/ thinking about your awareness of the world around you, your political consciousness, and also whether i knock you out or not. also after the lyrics mention hanging the family balalaika by the piano a little piano tinkles in and it’s fantastic. and with mentioning penn station the train squeals to arrive. to me. <3

the final song is an 8 minute long track called hope and it's so haunting and sardonic and mildly threatening i’m obsessed with it. i was nervous hearing it out of the context of the album at first because i was like god please don't be a liberal nihilism song. but i think in the context of the rest of the album, and paying attention to the words and production, the “i hope you let it go” is like . i hope you let it die. i hope you let it end. i hope you let the insincere prophecy go and move on . the call keeps coming from inside , i hope you let it go (i hope you let it ring). your enemy’s invincible, i hope you let it go Could be (and Is, by genius song annotators who i have never agreed with on a single vampire weekend song) read as the enemy is too strong, give up. but i think of it as like. let it run itself in circles, it will destroy itself. the whole verse for emphasis:

/the prophet said we’d disappear /the prophets gone but we’re still here/ /his prophecy was insincere/ /i hope you let it go/ /the righteous rage was foolish pride/ /the conquerors did not divide /the calls keep coming from inside/ /i hope you let it go/

when it's all over, files declassified. your bag fell on the subway tracks, i hope you let it go and leave it there. embassy abandoned, flag on the ground, painting burned, statue drowned, killer freed, court adjourned. hope betrayed, lesson learned. the instrumental break feels galvanizing. angry. i turn my chin down into a kubrick stare as those horns build and drone on through the rest of the song. the last minute/outro of the song is angry, the pictures getting distorted, the piano/guitar still drone on but a subway passes by, horn blaring, massive distortive ruckus, and then it fades. and the album is over! and you sit .

thank you for reading :) there are things i couldn’t fit in this, can you believe it? even after i did the little list coda! but those will stay in my brain’s constant conversation with itself. the creatures chatter with me as we share a drink. this by no means was an album review. maybe it could be considered a love letter but i am not particularly interested in the band’s True Intention. what you take out of art is a credit to you as much as it is to the artist i think. i don’t want to have confirmation on what art is about. do not tell me the true meaning, let me discover my own. i give what i give receive what i receive . peace n love <3

highly recommend their music videos for this album btw, they use archival footage (and images) by steven siegel and it's cool stuff

youtube

#i listened to the whole album at least 5 times while writing this #this is like. SO personal but . im gonna post it anyway #wretched text

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