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bliki-twig · 8 months

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The Dangers of Drug Blood

pairing: Nandor x Guillermo

summary: After indulging in a bit too much drug blood, Nandor finds the confidence to tell Guillermo how he feels. And it goes just about how you expect it to.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: drug (blood) use, referenced sexual content, angst, season 5 finale spoilers

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49866685

“Shut up Germo, I have to go to space.”

“Master please you have to-”

“No. Master you don’t- Nandor no! Put that thing down you don’t know where it’s been!”

“You already went to space, Master.”

“And I’ll do it again!”

“You wouldn’t treat me that way, would you?”

One of the less talked about aspects of being a familiar is taking care of your ultra powerful, six foot something vampire master while he’s drunk off his ass on drug blood. It was also one of the aspects that Guillermo thought was amusing, almost as much as he hated it.

Currently Nandor was attempting to seduce a raccoon that was rummaging through a trashcan while his ever dutiful familiar pulled at his coat. It was only after it bit him with a snarl did he relent, calling it a “tempest witch” before throwing all of his body weight onto Guillermo’s shoulder and whining into his ear.

“Like what, Master?”

“You wouldn’t bite me if I told you.”

“Tell me what?”

Nandor mumbled something into his jacket sleeve and refused to elaborate, thoroughly confusing his familiar as they wobbled to the house.

Guillermo all but kicked the door open to shove Nandor to his feet in the entryway.

“Goodness Nandor, what happened to you?” Lazlo remarked as he sauntered down the stairs carrying his latest book of what was probably pornography.

“He got into drug blood.” Guillermo answered for him, exasperated, shoving Nandor away as he tried to drape himself over his back and nose at his neck.

“Oh good luck with that old chap. If you need any assistance, don’t call for me because I do not care.”

Guillermo narrowed his eyes. “Thanks.”

Lazlo looked over his shoulder. “No problem.” And just like that he was gone.

“He’s a dick.” Nandor said, a slur of speech tainting his words.

“Yeah. Yeah he is. Alright let’s get you to bed.” The entire walk to Nandor’s room Guillermo couldn’t help but think about what he had mumbled outside. There was a certain soft quality to how he had asked, like he was baring his non-beating heart in the question.

Guillermo gingerly tried to undress Nandor for bed with as much success as someone trying to undress their toddler. Apparently Nandor’s legs refused to work, leading to Guillermo having to dump him into a nearby chair. His fingers deftly undid the buttons of his master’s tunic with over a decade of practiced precision. He leaned forward to reach the bottom buttons, bringing his face dangerously close to Nandor’s.

He could smell the blood on his lips. Guillermo raised his head cautiously to see Nandor staring him down. They locked eyes and they both seemed to hold their breaths, even if one of them didn’t even need to breathe.

“Master? I had a question.”

“Of course.” The remark seemed to rip from Nandor’s throat, like the first sentence from unused vocal chords. There was a softness in his eyes Guillermo hadn’t seen before.

“Earlier, you asked if I would bite you if you told me. What did you mean by that?”

He seemed to consider this for a moment, before Nandor lifted his hand. He reached up, about to press it to Guillermo’s cheek, before retracting, instead reaching down to take Guillermo’s hands from where they froze against the last button.

“I thought that if I told you how I felt, you would leave again.” The words came easily and with startling clarity. A part of Guillermo’s heart he had long since thought repressed sparked in his chest.

For all his years of immortality plagued by selfish desire and uncaring notion, sometimes Nandor felt frustratingly human. Sometimes Guillermo thought he could feel it, especially early on when he went to sleep at night and dreamt of his boss in ways an employee, nonetheless a familiar, shouldn’t think of.

“And how exactly do you feel?” The waver in his voice gave him away. Almost as much as the shaking of his hands in Nandor’s.

The moment broke as Nandor stood, wobbling on unsteady legs. “I feel like! Like..” He tried and failed to find words in his drug-addled mind. “You fucking guy! I feel like I never want you to leave. Like when you die because of your stupid short human life I’ll be sad!”

“Thanks? I guess.”

“Shhhhh. I’m not done. Sometimes, when I’m in my coffin. I think about what it would be like to have you there with me. You’re very warm, you know that? I haven’t felt warm in so long, I forgot what it was like to miss it.” Nandor had turned away so he wouldn’t have to look at the pitiful look on Guillermo’s face. The confusion, the recognition, the want. Oh the want was the worst of all. But Guillermo had to come to his senses.

“You’re just saying this because you’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed.” He took a step toward his master.

“I am not! I have to say this now, because I will probably not remember that I said any of this when I wake up and..and… I want to say it now while I have the confidence.” He was desperate now, turning to finally face his familiar. The familiar that wasn’t supposed to weasel his way into Nandor’s undead heart, but had anyway, even after he treated him so horribly, even after they had fought verbally and physically. Even after all that, he knew him.

He knew him in so many ways, enough to know that Guillermo would never want to be a vampire. Enough to know Guillermo couldn’t kill unless it was to protect someone he cared for. Enough to know that Guillermo still thought of the vampires as family.

And Nandor knew himself well enough to know that the fact that he made the effort to learn all of these things about Guillermo meant one thing.

“If I told you I love you, would you leave?”

Silence filled the room. The tension could be cut with a knife. Guillermo almost wished he had a knife, or a stake, or a goddamn crucifix. Anything to make him feel secure right now.

“I…I don’t know.” That was all Guillermo could manage to squeak out before standing straight up. “I’m sorry Nandor. I don’t know.” There was a pressure behind his eyes Guillermo couldn’t place as he wrestled with the weight of this confession. Why did Nandor have to be high when he said it?

Guillermo had imagined this moment a thousand times a thousand different ways, but never like this. Never, in any of his dreams did it hurt so much to hear ‘i love you’.

And he just couldn’t deal with it.

So Guillermo did what he always did. He ran.

Nandor was left in his drugged stupor, swaying on his feet, longing, and without the energy to chase him.

Well, Nandor was right about one thing, he definitely didn’t remember what he said that drunken night. Or at least acted like he didn’t. For over a week they’d been basically avoiding each other.

Actually Guillermo was avoiding Nandor, the act causing the vampire to avoid him in turn. So technically they were avoiding each other.

Eventually, after the second week, Nadja cornered Guillermo in the kitchen when Nandor was out.

“What the fuck is going on between the two of you?” Nadja shouted at Guillermo, poking a painted nail in his chest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Of course he did, he was just hoping she wouldn’t ask too many questions if he pretended he didn’t.

“You know what I’m talking about. What did you do to Nandor?” She responded.

“I didn’t do anything to him, he did it to himself.” He was just being a brat at this point. Not wanting to face his own guilt in the situation. Nandor had asked, begged him not to leave, and he ran away like a coward. He deserved to be questioned.

“Well whatever he did, fix it. I’m tired of seeing him mope around like a limp dick. And usually I don’t mind a nice limp dick, but Nandor is making them not as fun anymore.” She crossed her arms across her chest.

Guillermo swallowed. The guilt clawed its way from his throat. “Nandor told me he loved me. Not in like a familiar way or even in a friend way. Romantically. So I’ve been avoiding giving him an answer.”

“Shit. I owe Lazlo 20 dollars.”

“What? The fuck does that mean?” Guillermo raised his voice, pushing off the counter.

“Yes.” Colin Robinson emerged from the doorway for a split second before disappearing again.

“Me and Lazlo have had a bet going about who would cave first. I thought it would be you. You know, because you’re so… emotional that way.”

“I can’t believe you. Did everyone know Nandor was in love with me except me?” He began to pace around the kitchen waving his arms about.

Guillermo was left in the strangely silent kitchen. How exactly did he feel about Nandor? When he was a teen he looked up to him as everything he wanted to be as a vampire, strong and imposing. After a few years it led to attraction, nights of imagining his own hand against his skin was a foreign one. Longer, and stronger than his own. Then it fizzled out. At least he thought it had. In the over ten years since then they had grown to understand each other on a deep and personal level. They knew each other's fears and desires in a way no one else really understood.

“Shit.” Guillermo leaned forward onto the island, placing his forehead into his hands. “What am I gonna do? I can’t keep avoiding him.”

“Just do what me and Lazlo do when we have a lovers’ spat. Fuck it out!” Nadja noted the sentiment by making a lewd gesture with her hands and turning before walking out rambling something about ‘useless fucking morons’.

And some nights, although they’re ones that Guillermo refuses to acknowledge, he still dreams of Nandor in a way that an employee shouldn’t dream of their employer. Though now they’re not sexual, but dreams of soft touches and kisses and mumblings of affection. He dreams of clear skies and clouds that threaten to touch their fingers as they fly into the night. He dreams of an understanding on an inner level. He dreams of care.

Like the care that someone would carry around their lover’s glasses. Like the care that they tie the knot of a cape. Like the care that someone would make a glitter portrait.

Oh God. Guillermo realizes all at once that Nandor has always loved him, in some way. And he has always felt the same. He had told him “I don’t know.” but the truth was he was painfully aware of his answer.

He was just afraid. Afraid of giving an immortal creature his heart and having it devoured in his hands. Blood from his veins spilled across the floor never to be given back. In many ways it was like being turned. Except this type of vulnerability could not be reversed with a stake through the heart.

Fear had taken him over for far too long.

Slayers courage filled his veins. Even if Nandor didn’t remember his confession, he would certainly remember Guillermo’s.

Later that night Nandor stood dutifully silent, waiting to be undressed for bed. Guillermo walked into his room and closed the door behind him, hand staying closed around the handle.

“Master.” No, that didn’t feel right in this context. “Nandor. We need to talk about something.” He tried not to let his nervousness affect his voice.

“Yes. I believe we do.” Nandor answered. A tense silence filled out between them. “You did not do the dry cleaning last week. My cape feels stiff. This needs to be fixed at once.”

Guillermo sighed out his frustration. Why did he ever expect him to remember?

“Yeah, I’ll get to it tomorrow.” Guillermo wrung his hands. This felt big. Huge. More of a reveal than telling Nandor that he’d been turned by someone other than him.

“Do you remember a few nights ago, when you went out to feed and got into a guy who had taken drugs?”

“Of course I do. I had a very pleasant dream about Jahan.”

“That's…..great. Do you remember anything else?”

“Very little. Drug blood does that you know. I do remember having to get myself ready for bed and that you were most unhelpful. You left me alone Guillermo! You know I do not like that.” Nandor scrunched his nose at him in a way that Guillermo now realized was always adorable.

Guillermo thought he might explode. In almost all areas of romance he was very inexperienced. His only boyfriend was Freddie and we all know how that turned out. They stayed like that in awkward silence for what felt like forever. Guillermo opened his mouth to something when Nandor spoke.

“Actually. Here, sit down.” Guillermo sat on the loveseat across from the coffin, patting the cushion next to him. Nandor, for once in his very long non-life, obliged. “That night you said something to me. Something I didn’t know how to respond to.” He took his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed on it. “You told me how you felt. About me. And you asked me if I would leave if you were to tell me.”

Nandor had straightened his back and was staring forward, not looking at Guillermo. His shoulders were squared and jaw tight.

“What did you say? To my question.” He glanced over at his former familiar, body guard, best man, best friend.

“I said I didn’t know. And…I ran. That’s why I’ve been acting so weird lately. But I know now.” Every word came out quicker than the last.

“And?” Nandor’s only answer settled heavily into the space between them. 14 years of friendship and trust and betrayal compounded into one single moment. Guillermo swallowed, the pressure behind his eyes returning.

“I feel the same way. I think I always have.” The tears that had welled had spilled over and down his cheeks. His tentative hand slid across the cushion and his pinky finger wrapped around Nandor’s. The touch released the tension in both of them, shoulders relaxing and breath easing out.

“Guillermo, I have a confession to make.” Nandor turned completely to the side, his hand sliding solidly into Guillermo’s. His chest heaved with unexpressed emotion. His eyes were intense and shaking. “I do not know what I’m doing. All my relationships have been lacking in many aspects. And I cannot promise I won’t mess this up.”

Guillermo laughed. “I really don’t know what I’m doing either. We’re going to fight. We’re going to yell and cry and apologize and make up. But I want to do all of that because I can do it with you.”

Nandor didn’t smile or say anything at all, he untangled his hand from Guillermo’s and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. His hand lingered on the curve of his jaw, his thumb skirting the edge on his bottom lip and the look in Nandor’s eyes was nothing short of need.

“May I?” Nandor asked. In this single question was everything past and present and future. In this question was the last line of defense to reverse this decision, pretend that nothing happened and everything would go back to normal.

“Yeah. Of course.”

The kiss that Nandor pressed to Guillermo’s lips was arguably the most gentle act he had ever done. More tender than any intercourse before or after his turning. And more vulnerable than any of his marriages.

When they deepen the kiss and both their hands start to wander it is like a beam of sunlight Nandor will never be able to see but he yearns to warm himself in.

When Guillermo rakes his hands through Nandor’s hair and breathes heavily into his mouth it is like the sweet taste of a dish from Al Qolnidar that he can no longer remember.

When Guillermo mumbles “I love you” into his ear as Nandor traces his fangs along his pulse point it is like the holiest prayer that refused to burn.

“Hey Nandor I needed to- Holy shit fucking finally.” Nadja had unceremoniously opened the door, looking on in awe and relief.

“Damnit Nadja go away!” Guillermo’s face reddened as he shouted at her.

She turned and walked away leaving the door wide open. “Alright alright, have fun!”

They stared at each other for a moment before falling into a fit of laughter.

“I’m going to have to deal with that for the rest of my life huh?” Guillermo said after a bit of silence.

“Mhm.” Nandor replied, nosing at his cheek and placing kisses there.

Guillermo paused. “I’m not going to leave.” His tone turned serious as he pushed Nandor away, looking him in the eyes.

“I know. But I am scared.” He replied.

“I am too.”

“We’ll just be scared together.”

Guillermo smiled. “Yeah. We will.”

#nandermo #wwdits #fanfic #please read #lol #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #nandor x guillermo

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vapmie · 4 months

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This is my first time posting one of the fan fic ideas! Now, do mind the spelling errors as well as grammatical errors That’s due to my dyslexia so yeah, enjoy!

So this is a what if of what if Celeste did get turned into a vampire

The documentary crew carmas pans over to two twin children with the left side corner titled "Celeste former masters " and beginning their talking head.

"Yes, usually newly turned vampires go through what we call 'familar crazy. ' where the fledgling go on and about and adopt so so many familiars because they find them so helpful and well relatable and they were human not just a moment ago, but new vampires don't understand the massive responablity of having an familar. Like the feeding, the cleaning, resisting the urge to eat their plump red faces, and many more irritable things they need. so we told her that she could only keep two of the familiars that she collected, and rest either go to a shelter or back their old master. Celeste was very stern about the shelters being one of a "no kill." Nature well, fine, we gave in to that stupid notion. Although the two she chose are abosultely wonderful additions to the house, and if we're honest, we've grown some affection for them! Which is quite rare with familars be very enjoyable"

The scene shifts to Guillermo sitting on the end of a queen size bed, a massive upgrade to his closet space of a room. The title in bottom corner was now changed to "Guillermo De La Cruz: Celeste familar"

"So hey, yeah, this is all really. I have to say fast, but like amazing! I mean, of course, I miss well the old house, but what Celeste and the twin been providing me have been so much more the the past 10 years! They give me breaks, food, buy me clothes, and spend time with me. They even take me out with them to the night market! But I was on a leash and collar but they weird thing is I didn't actually mind it, I felt weirdly loved because they even git the collar custom made and they all praise me and dont seem disgusted with like affection I give, in fact they sometime come over to me and pet my head telling me!-" Guillermo pause and face seem freeze frame for a moment as the gear behind his eyes seem click something into place and look back carma with eyebrows crease together "I'm just being treated liked a spoiled pet aren't I."

The next shot shows Guillermo and Sam sitting on a couch. But the couch looks new and does not match the aesthetic of the other furniture in the house. It was more cushiony being ingulfed by pillows, the brims of the bottom, and the steps of the couch was golden with the carved in pattern of bats along the golden plating. Celeste walks into the room and starts cooing and gushing at the cat and human, scratching under sam chin while her other hand is petting Guillermo hair. With suprise, both the familiar looks very happy and even lean into the touch, with sam purring and Guillermo just with a big dorky smile. While this all happens, a tall broad silhouette with the shine of two dots of gold can be seen through the window.

Overall, pretty much Guillermo and Sam stay, and they are treated like pamper spoiled pets and honestly pretty good for both of them, but

Nandor comes in full jealously, seeing Guillermo giving away his affection so freely to theese complete stangers! Never once have he had guillermo hugging him like that. How could he! [Never mind the fact he rejects every time guillermo tries to initiate said affection]

But he set up meeting with the twins and trying discuss how should give him famikar back his rightful home and hiw rude was of Celeste just take a familar without asking. But the twins reject nandor's offer, saying how his familar have made Celeste so happy and pretty much like when somebody dog get taken another family and try get it back but parents making excuse keep it because their kid like the pet so much type of ordeal.

So obviously mean nandor has to kidnapped Guillermo back because he misses him.

#guillermo de la cruz #wwdits guillermo #wwdits #nandor #nandermo #guillermo x nandor #celeste the vampire #guillermo is just a spoiled pet is funny to me #sam the cat #what we do in the shadows #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic ideas

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dont-offend-the-bees · 9 months

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When He Comes Around (My Feet Don't Touch the Ground)

In which Nandor sleeps upside down like a bat and the author somehow uses this very silly premise as an excuse to be disgustingly sappy

(read on Ao3) (registered users only)

I'm digging through some drafts and WIPs atm and I found this silly lil thing nearly finished, so I added a few more words and gave it a quick spit polish and here it is! Hardly a masterpiece but now it's out of my WIP file xD

Anyway, this literally came about bc I thought it would be funny if Nandor slept upside down, and then I accidentally got a bit cute and feels-y with it. Each small section is a different timeskip, so section one is like season one -- the simple familiar!Guillermo days -- section two is like, season 4 where the Colin plot is happening but the Nandor's wives plot isn't, or something. Basically a s4 where they're actually *not* being total dummies about their feelings. (I know. Unrealistic.) And section three is in the futurrrreeee but not with any mind to being season 5 compliant bc I wrote most of it before then. They are far too emotionally intelligent in this fic but what do you expect from a 2k-ish bubble of fluff.

Anyway, hope you like!

“Master?” Guillermo knocks gingerly, voice soft and welcoming. If he doesn’t ease Nandor out of his slumber gently, he’ll be bitchy all night. “Master, it’s nightfall.”

No answer. Guillermo takes a deep breath, and carefully nudges the door open, slipping into the darkened crypt like a shadow.

He calls out a couple more times, keeping his voice soft as he flits around lighting candles. He’s done a full circuit of the room before he gets any response: a quiet creak creeps under the closet door, followed by a low groan. “Guillermo? It feels early…”

“Days are getting shorter,” says Guillermo, apologetic. As if the relative distance of the sun and the earth is his fault, somehow. He’ sure Nandor could find a way to blame him for it somehow. He walks over to the closet door. “If you want we could set a time for the rest of the winter, I mean, you don’t have to be up all night. Ready, Master?”

“Yes, I am ready.”

Guillermo tugs the closet door open, squinting into the dark beyond as his soft candlelight creeps into the shadowed nook. It always takes his eyes a second to adjust; to pick out the details of his Master beyond the vague outline of a large, gently swaying object dangling from the ceiling.

Nandor blinks in the light, eyes heavy-lidded and mouth in a grumpy frown. His long, dark hair hangs straight down from his head, nearly brushing the floor as he peers at Guillermo upside-down, arms crossed tightly over his chest. With his legs hooked over a metal bar near the ceiling, his face dangles a few feet above the floor– and Guillermo sinks easily down to one knee. His master hates it when he ‘looms’ in the morning. The full weight of Nandor’s sleepy gaze lands upon Guillermo’s face as he comes within eye level.

“Good morning, Master,” says Guillermo, smiling as he tugs the door open wider.

Nandor squints his eyes and yawns like a cat before he answers in kind. “Good morning, Guillermo.”

“Sleep well?”

“Yes, for a very short while,” Nandor grumbles, stretching his arms above his head and cracking his back. “Eeesh. Daylight savings. I do not understand it.”

“It’s to do with the sun, Master,” says Guillermo, shuffling back and bracing himself in position with one hand extended and the other planted on the doorframe. “And the way we revolve round it.”

Nandor snorts in amusement. “Ah, Guillermo, clearly you are not a man of science. The sun goes around us.”

Guillermo bites his lip. “Of course, Master. Ready to get up?”

Humming, Nandor reaches out to take Guillermo’s offered hand. Once safely anchored he drops, flips round and lands gracefully on his feet with that strange vampiric control over gravity he has, bare toes sinking into the plush carpets piled at the bottom of the closet. Now he’s the one looming, arcing high into the air over Guillermo on his bended knee, an imposing figure even in the soft white drapes of his sleeping clothes. Like he’s a flawless greek statue, carved worshipfully from marble; and Guillermo is praying at his feet.

But the hand in his own isn’t marble, pale and cold though it may be. And the way it clings to Guillermo’s a few breaths longer before releasing him feels too human to be godly.

Guillermo’s gaze wanders around the crypt, quiet and curious. He’s been in here, of course, many times. But it’s funny how being relieved of his familiar duties has drastically cut down on his time spent in Nandor’s space. Several candles have burnt down and not been replaced yet and there’s a pile of long-overdue laundry, but otherwise it’s surprising how not-messy it is. But then, Nandor’s always been a bit of a neat freak; he just got complacent for a while with someone else to do the cleaning for him.

“Ah, yes, I have been meaning to do those,” Nandor gestures to the pile, and it may be Guillermo’s imagination but he seems embarrassed. “With the help of the all-knowing Google I discovered a local washerwoman; she has the machines and the dry cleaning, and she stays open very late. I meant to go today but the nights, they are so short…”

“Daylight savings strikes again,” Guillermo jokes softly, crossing over to the pile. “I can do it.”

“You do not have to –”

“No, it’s– it’s fine. I mean, not all the time. But you’re right; nights are short right now, and the days are, uh, long. Real long. I don’t mind running to the dry cleaners for you.”

Nandor regards him with a flash of vulnerability softening his eyes; his hands stay clasped sweetly in front of his chest. “Thank you, Guillermo.” Clearing his throat, he reaches for the clasp on his cloak. “I suppose it is time to turn in.”

Guillermo politely turns his back while Nandor disrobes, running his fingers along the mantelpiece. It’s a little dusty; maybe he should get Nandor one of those handheld vacuums to help him keep on top of it. Another tentative throat-clear has him turning round shortly, finding Nandor in his soft sleep clothes, his clothes from the day held gingerly in front of him in a neat pile. Guillermo smiles and takes them, adding them to the rest.

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Nandor hesitates, then adds after a minute’s deliberation: “And you.”

Guillermo’s heart does some kind of tap dance. “Yeah, you better,” he jokingly deflects.

“You should go and do something fun; while you are out,” says Nandor. “Take advantage of the long day.”

“I’ve gotta be around for Colin.”

“Perhaps you could take him with you? If he is awake. The boy is a daywalker, too; he should have the chance to play in the sun.”

There’s something so wistful in Nandor’s voice it almost brings a tear to Guillermo’s eye. He nods. “Yeah. Maybe I will.”

Nandor nods. “I hope the two of you will have fun. I would join you; if it would not burn me to little vampire crisps.”

“Maybe we’ll go to the dog park. I’ll take pictures for you.”

“That would be nice.” Backing up to his closet, Nandor turns and hooks his hands over the doorframe, swinging his legs up and casually defying gravity to hook his knees over the bar. Releasing the frame, he swings into position, long hair dangling, upside-down eyes regarding Guillermo warmly across the room.

A small laugh breaks free. It’s been so long since Guillermo’s been around to see Nandor’s ridiculous nightly routine. He’s actually missed it. He steps closer, brushing his hands over the expensive, ornate coffin that Nandor never uses because he prefers to be upside down, for some goddamn reason. Guillermo remembers fondly the day Nandor admitted to him that his finds being cooped up flat in the casket uncomfortable. Guillermo had gone all around the house, collecting up blankets and furs and rugs, treating everything moth-eaten and then drowning out the chemical smell in oils and scents he knew Nandor loved. He remembered installing the strongest chin-up bar he could find in that closet, as high as he could make it go without cutting off leg room, remembers lining the floor and walls with every soft and luxurious thing he’d found. But most of all he remembers Nandor’s face when he’d showed him; for all of Nandor’s little smiles and laughs he’d seen in his time serving, he thinks that’s the first time he’d ever had one directed at him. Stepping over, Guillermo leans on the doorframe and takes a peek inside, looking at the little nest he’d built with his own two hands.

A new addition to the soft wall hangings catches his eye. He raises his eyebrow. “That’s new.”

Nandor’s eyes flick to the very familiar green sweater. He looks back sheepishly. “Yes, well. You left it lying around. It is soft.”

“Looks good.”

Nandor relaxes minutely, hands clasped again. “Between you and me; I am thinking that this space is a little too small, these days. What if someone wants to sleep over?”

Biting back a smile, Guillermo feels the wall through the soft drapes, crouching to get a feel of the join where it meets the floor. “Hmm. guess you may be able to knock out one of these walls, extend the space a little. I can help.”

“Thank you, Guillermo.”

Guillermo feels the words tickle across his cheek, and that’s about how he realises his exploration has brought him in barely a few inches from Nandor’s upside down face. He has an up close view of Nandor’s dark, bright eyes, his furrowing brow, the pinch of his sharp canine as it bites his lip.

And then a hand alights on Guillermo’s cheek, right where the thanks did just seconds ago.

“Thank you,” says Nandor once more, soft. “For everything you do.”

He draws him close, and Guillermo goes; still on his knees, but now his beautiful god is praying back.

“Guillermo?”

“Nandor.”

“You are on my side of the closet.”

Guillermo opens one eye to peer at Nandor, incredulous. “...Seriously?”

Nandor tsks, wiggling his toes in the thick, plush pile of the rug. “I always sleep on the right side, Guillermo!”

“It only has sides because I helped you expand it.”

“Yes, and I like the right one!”

Guillermo clicks his tongue. He likes the right side, too – mainly because it was the side directly by the closet door, and years of protecting his former master from vampire assassins had him pretty geared towards placing himself in the vulnerable position. But then again, he and Nandor had a lot more of the same biological advantages and disadvantages than they used to these days. Rolling his eyes, Guillermo shuffle his knees, edging along the pole into the dark nook of the newly exposed left side of the closet. “Fine. But don’t come crying to me when you get murdered first.”

Nandor scoffs. “If anyone is foolish enough to intrude on our slumber, Guillermo, I think it will be them who is murdered first.” He smiles brightly when Guillermo finishes his shuffling. “Thank you. I’m coming innnnn!”

Guillermo laughs as Nandor swings himself onto the bar. Jeez, he’d married a dork. For fucking eternity. “Okay, okay. Get the door, mi vida?”

With a wave of Nandor’s hand, the door swings shut with a quiet click, another wave sliding the heavy precautionary deadbolt. Guillermo still needs him to teach him how to do that.

“Alone at last,” says Nandor in a low voice.

Guillermo bites his lip and shuffles a little closer to Nandor’s side, until he can press their hips together. “Uh oh. I know that tone.”

Nandor chuckles softly, and in the darkness Guillermo feels a soft, dry kiss press to his cheek. “Hmm. Maybe later; I am tired. It has been a long night.”

So is Guillermo, honestly. It has been a long night, and a cold one – where the hell are the sprawling days of summer when you need them? Fucking daylight savings. But he gives Nandor a teasing prod in the side anyway. “You’re getting old.”

“And don’t you be forgetting it,” says Nandor, haughty and self-important. But in their cosy, homey dark his arms wrap around Guillermo to tuck him in close, his voice ducking just low enough for Guillermo’s vampiric ears alone to catch. “But you keep me young.”

Thanks for reading <3 If you wanna chuck me a comment/reblog I'll love you forever

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #my fanfic #long post #i have sooooo many nearly finished of partially finished Things andd i just wanna. get some of them Out.#so they might not be Good. but they are Done.#and i thought this was cute if possibly teetering on the edge of OOC bc they're far too effective at communicating but hey #hope yall have fun with it

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writingandmore · 2 years

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hello, can we get some NSFW Hc’s with Laszlo from Wwdits?? thank you!!

(under the cut for obvious reason-minors please dni)

-Laszlo is always ready for anything and everything. Pretty much anything his partner is willing to do, he'd be down for. -He'd be particularly interested in bringing more than just himself and his partner into the bedroom-Nadja, of course, could be invited, if she's not already there, but Nandor is an option as well.

-That being said, he's very respectful to his sexual partners, and would never do something they weren't comfortable with! He just needs to be reeled in sometimes from doing something particularly untoward (like public park sex, a la season 1). -He doesn't really last long, especially if it's something he's really enjoying, but! He doesn't have a very long refractory period, and would be willing to go multiple rounds until his partner is satisfied.

-It's also canon that he cums a lot, so a potential partner needs to be okay with and,,,also help with the cleanup (please don't ask Guillermo to do it).

-He's very much a switch (though usually prefers bottoming), so depending on what a partner would want, he can be flexible. He also really enjoys using all sorts of toys, both on his partner and himself.

-He can also be extraordinarily needy-he's horny pretty much at all times, so a partner who also has a frequent sex drive would be best. That being said, he does know how to take care of himself, so he'd never force his partner into anything.

-He has multiple sexual partners and will be quite open about that, so that may be something to keep in mind as well, depending on level of comfort with that sort of thing.

-Overall, he'd be a very passionate and frequent lover, who's always willing to have some fun in the bedroom (or anywhere else, for that matter).

#laszlo cravensworth #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #laszlo x reader #smut

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railroad-migraine · 2 years

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Quote - “I drank the blood of some people, but the people were on drugs, and now I’m a wizard!” Vampire!Reader x Fearne Calloway please.

ASDFGHJKL I BURST OUT LAUGHING WHEN I GOT THIS REQUEST BC I'M A HUGE WWDITS FAN AND I LOVE NANDOR WITH ALL MY BEING-

This was fun to write bc it's less serious than my other fics and needed far less commitment bc of it ❤️

~ Poet

"A Balanced Diet"

Fearne x GN!Vampire!Reader

"I can't believe you went out to get a bite to eat, and instead got high without telling me first. Or inviting me, on that matter."

There is a teasing lilt to the faun's voice, so obvious that even in your buzzed state you can pick up on her sarcasm. Your form is limp against her, face tucked into her neck as she helps drag you up the stairs of the inn. A laugh bubbles up in your throat, and you can't help but grip onto her tighter.

"Nooooooo, I would neverrrr abandon you." Your eyes, rounded and glazed over look up and meet hers already staring down at you in amusement. You wet your bottom lip, finding the leftover red stain at the corner of your mouth. "Never, ever, ever. I love this pretty, pretty fey-c. Because you're a fey. And I also love your face."

She also loves your face, but would rather the words coming from your mouth not sound so delirious. "Do you remember what happened, baby?" Her hand finds your forehead and checks your temperature. "Hm. Ice cold. Good. You're still your regular undead self. But what has gotten you like this?"

"I drank the blood of some people, but the people were on drugs-" You manage to tear yourself away from her supportive embrace and begin to gesture wildly at a door in the hallway. Fearne watches you with a neutral expression, but the smirk that plays on her lips betrays her. "And now I'm a wizard! Just watch - alakazoom, pffffstsfff."

Nothing seems to happen, but that fact does not deter you from your actions.

Your limbs flail about as your try summon the sensation that feels like magic coursing through your veins, only to miscalculate a frantic swipe at the air and accidentally hit your knuckles against the wood before you.

A loud thump comes from behind the door and inside the room, as if someone had punched the wall beside their bed. "Some of us are trying to sleep, you asshole!"

"You, as a werewolf, should know vamps have unusual sleep schedules, Chetney," you slur, half-heartedly flipping him through the partition. "Unlike you, I actually have a nightlife." You seal the deal by hissing at the door, not even registering that the gnome has probably already drifted back to sleep.

You feel warm hands on your shoulders, and the druid nudges you to keep staggering down the hall towards your own room.

"You can't just go chomping on just anyone, you silly billy," the faun teases as she helps settle you. "You need a healthy and reliable source of food. Vitamin and mineral enriched people. A random nibble here and there won't hurt but it can result in situations like this-"

"Did you see my cool wizard magic? With the alakazoom? It was pretty epic."

"Yes, baby. I saw." She double and triple checks that the drapes are drawn, then moves to help you lay down under the covers. "It was super epic."

"They didn't taste very good, to be honest. Drug blood baaaaad."

"I can only imagine. Learned your lesson?"

"... Do you think I'd be okay if I bit FCG? I bet he's rich in minerals... Pfft. Y'know, cuz of the metal... D-do you get the joke, Fearne?"

"I get it. And while I love stupid ideas... Please don't go biting our healbot. You'll chip a fang, just like how you did with Ashton. And Eshteros doesn't supply dental."

Bonus: me writing this

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georgecostanzaatemysoup · 2 years

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Okay, my unhinged prediction for season five. Guillermo hasn't been seen in a few weeks (months... in vampire years who really knows), but everyone pretends to not notice because the vampires are JUST like that (except maybe Colin Robinson and mostly it's residual stuff from the childhood he doesn't remember).

The entire first episode is them dropping hints that Guillermo hasn't been seen in quite some time, but again no one outright says anything. All while something is brewing in the background, but we're not sure what.

But then at the end, the house gets attacked by something (rival vampires, new werewolf pack in town, the ghosts of nandors wives... just something) and you hear glass smash upstairs. And at first we think it's more of these supernatural things, but then you hear the sounds of fighting (maybe an enemy vampire falls over the balcony, hitting the bottom floor with a stake in its heart; maybe a ghost explodes and leaves behind ectoplasm; just something). It's basically a full blown battle going on upstairs.

And when the dust settles, Guillermo comes down the stairs wearing his hunting attire but also sporting a nice set of fangs. And he just goes, "Hey guys."

And of course Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin notice, but Nandor just looks at him for a long moment before saying, "Where the fuck have you been?"

Episode ends...

#wwdits #wwdits speculation #my unhinged prediction #either this OR the vampirism doesn't work because vampire bites don't affect vampire hunters

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murkyhazed · 8 months

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♠️ (for the Guide)

make my muse uncomfortable:

♠- Who would you most like to make out with?

❝ i mean this from the bottom of my heart, i would love to make out with any of the vampires. when i first met nandor, i fell deeply in love. and then i saw nadja, and i fell deeply in love. then laszlo, and i fell deeply in love. then i met colin robinson, and i thought hm, could be an interesting experience i’m game for anything really. of course when i met guillermo i instantly wanted to jump his bones but that’s because of the van helsing blood… i do have a bit of a weakness for that. after getting to know the vampires… i would probably most want to make out with nadja now. i’m just so enamored by her beauty, i don’t know if i want her to be my best friend or if i simply want to be her. if only i was invited to the sex parties… ❞

#gui1lermodelacruz #* &. the guide.#this is late being answered but i did it

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cononeillbreastingboobily · 3 years

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Say what you want but I think we can all agree that if Guillermo and Nandor were to hook up, Guillermo would leave the room smiling from ear to ear with a spring in his step, and Nandor would look like he was just fighting for his life (and absolutely loving it), having to hold onto the doorframe so he doesn't fall over.

#wwdits #wwdits tv #wwdits fx #nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #what we do in the shadows #wwdits headcanon #THEY #these two are into some really intense stuff i just know it #and nandor is a bottom of course

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violence-as-a-love-language · 2 years

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[ID: A digital painting of a cathedral style stained glass window. The window has partially shattered, and is currently on fire. All that remains of the glass is small bits at the bottom and top, as well as two mosaics. One is of a peacock facing the left, the other is a lamb facing the right. The peacock has various shades of reds and pinks behind them, while the lamb has various shades of yellows, whites, and a few oranges on the edges. The very top of the window has a partially destroyed mosaic of Christ on the cross, with a burst of fire ripping through the middle of him. /end ID]

✨Holy✨

A Nandermo Fanmix for The Lion's Devotion (The Lamb's Downfall)

Go West Young Man (Predator) - Kenneth Aaron Harris || Where to Begin - Adam Watts || Conspiracy of Silence - The Swoons || Don't Follow - Shelby Merry || If I Believe You - The 1975 || Wretch - Autoheart || Religion - Isak Danielson || Burn Your Life Down - The Bleachers || New Skin - VERITE || + Bonus song: Holy - Danielle LoPresti

I decided I had to make something for this amazing fic by the lovely @crack--attack. It has quickly climbed the charts of my all time favourite fics and I'm definitely going to be rereading it many more times to come. And if you haven't read it yet, you should give it a go! Especially if, like me, you have a lot of religious trauma. Its very cathartic.

So, I'm not so good at drawing humans. I tried to think of what art I could draw, but eventually I decided to make a fanmix instead. However, that quickly spiraled into me making something much, much too complicated for just a playlist cover. So I'm showing it off here in its full glory before I have to crop it.

Anyways, I had a blast making both the art and the playlist, and so I just hope its enjoyed. Also, because I have more to say and show off, detail shots and ✨Symbolism✨ below the cut. Also, spoilers for the fic as well, so don't read below if you haven't read the fic.

[ID: Close up shots of the previous stained glass window painting. The first is a close up of the animals at the top, showing the red eyes of both creatures. The second is a close up of the flames. /end ID]

So I spent some time thinking about what I'd want to have on the stained glass. After cycling through a few options, I landed on the peacock and the lamb.

Now, I grew up nondenominational Christian, not Catholic, so sorry if I got some things off here. But looking into things, I decided on the peacock instead of the more obvious choices because, apparently, in some peoples beliefs, it is used to represent immortality and eternal beauty. And well... that felts very, very fitting for Nandor. His stained glass colors are made to look like blood, of course.

For Guillermo, I just went with the obvious choice of the sacrificial lamb. For the colors, however, I decided to mirror the colors of the half burnt christ up top. Various shades of white and yellow for purity and holiness to god. But, as you get further up, the yellow darkens into more of an orange. Some symbolism for Nandor's colors mingling with his. 'Tainting' him in the churches eyes.

And then of course, the red eyes from the fire. I thought that would be a fun combo, the fire burning and cleansing Guillermo of his old life, as well as the fact that at the end, he's changed into a vampire, just like Nandor.

There's more small details and obvious things, but that's the big stuff I wanted to communicate with this piece that I wasn't sure if it would make sense. Symbolism talk over!

#wwdits #nandermo #the lions devotion (the lambs downfall) vibes #the lions devotion (the lambs downfall)#tld(tld)#guillermo/nandor #guillermo x nandor #fanfic #fanmix #what we do in the shadows #wwdits fx #hope you like it!#cause i adore the fic and you deserve so much fan art #sorry i couldn't draw the boys but atmospheric art is cool too lol

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steve-keychain · 2 years

Photo

chapter five- vide noir

When he looks down at the ground, there’s a perfect Nandor shaped compression left in the grass. It’s funny. Why was everything so funny lately but still so sad?

“My family is pretty religious. It was fun to… lean into the opposite of that sometimes. I guess.” Guillermo does laugh, but it's a bitter sound- muffled at the end with a sharp bite to his bottom lip, “Sorry- I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

On the menu this week- Guillermo endorsing the suffering of the elderly, a Garfield shaped coffee mug full of tears, Catholicism, the dread? everybody knows- the dread?, and of course as promised- romantic horseback riding or something. Enjoy, my fruity little weirdo friends <3

#also yay for me and planning- i spent too long letting Guillermo be sad that the second half of this chapter ended up as chapter 6 #which unfortunately #i am VERY excited about and now have to wait to post. but yar I am AHEAD now in writing which is good news bc hopefully if i keep that up #there shouldn't be any lapses in an upload schedule when i get back to school #but we can only hope #ANYWAYS #vh

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iximaz · 3 years

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Something that’s always eaten me about WWDITS

You know, I’ve never been able to get out of my mind the questions of who the fuck are the crew mental enough to risk life and limb filming a bunch of murderous vampires? Who has the lack of moral decency to film their subjects murdering innocent people?

Also, for that matter, are these guys getting paid? If so, by who? Which of the vampires’ idea was it to have a documentary made of them? And to what purpose?

At least in the movie, as a sort of one-off, you could probably figure it’s Viago who wanted a film for him and his friends and paid the crew, who could have easily been a bunch of degenerates and didn’t mind filming people getting eaten, but come on, the vampire gang in the show don’t seem to have any clue about the modern day.

So that leaves us with two options: Colin Robinson, or Guillermo. I can’t see Guillermo suggesting the documentary to begin with, that’s just not the kind of guy he is at the start of season one.

Which leads me to think it was Colin Robinson. We know his office job pays for the house, which cannot have been cheap, and it seems like Guillermo’s only job is working for Nandor (and Nadja and Lazlo) but he pays rent... so does that mean Nandor “pays” him out of Colin Robinson’s account, and Guillermo in turn pays the rent to Colin Robinson? Ah, tangent.

My point is, it seems that by having the documentary crew around, the Staten Island gang keeps stirring up scenarios that feed Colin Robinson like no tomorrow. It also really wouldn’t surprise me if a part of their job “behind the scenes” was letting him feed off of them, which of course wouldn’t have been filmed or edited in because 1) no energy to do so and 2) well, who would want to show that? Totally unprofessional.

So what does this crew, some of whom have been eaten already, or left at the bottom of a well, get out of filming the vampires?

1) There’s got to be a fat paycheque involved, to say the least, especially after the events of episode one; any sane person would have run afterwards.

2) Very possibly, they’re also hoping to be turned into vampires, but because the documentary is about the Staten Island group and not them, it’s never mentioned.

3) They actually work for a group of slayers and are using the documentary as a guise for learning more about vampires while their colleagues hunt elsewhere. (After the season 2 finale, however, this seems highly unlikely, even if a very funny possibility.)

Honestly this is just a bunch of tired 3am ramblings, but as a camera operator/photographer myself, sometimes the mockumentary nature of the show brings up a lot of questions about the people creating it in-universe.

We’re probably never going to find out, but hey, that’s what fanfics are for.

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #I HAVE QUESTIONS #i know it's just for the sake of humour but still!#colin robinson #wwdits crew

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chelsfic · 4 years

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Leftovers - Part 7 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

A/N: Well...this was unexpected. I wasn’t planning to go in this direction quite YET, but the characters had minds of their own...

Summary: While planning for the upcoming biannual orgy, the reader gets a lesson in seduction from Laszlo and Nandor finally surrenders to his desire.

Warnings: Smut, Female reader, Blood drinking, First time, Loss of Virginity

---

Nadja’s voice echoes through the house as she rushes into the library clutching a letter in her hands.

“Laszlo! Nandor! Colin Robinson! House meeting!”

Guillermo trails after her carrying the rest of the mail. Bills, a grocery circular, and a stack of computer parts catalogs addressed to Colin. He drops the pile on an end table and takes an unobtrusive position by the doorway as the other housemates start to file in with varying expressions of annoyance, curiosity and boredom.

You’re the last one to arrive, traipsing into the room looking vastly under dressed, as always, compared to the old world vampires in their elegant finery. Even Colin and Guillermo keep it business casual. You, on the other hand, are dressed in a pair of neon pink capri leggings and the USA Men’s Basketball jersey you stole from Nandor. The jersey falls down to your knees and the wide arm holes reveal the sports bra you’re wearing underneath. When Nandor first caught you wearing it a couple weeks ago he’d groused at you about disrespecting his belongings. But then he found himself strangely pleased with how his garment dwarfed your smaller frame. He rather liked the idea of his human wearing his shirt. So, he stopped complaining.

You give him a cheeky grin and flounce the bottom of the shirt around your thighs saucily as you flop down beside him. It’s been just about a month since the rave and since things between you and Nandor...advanced. You’ve started secretly thinking of him as your vampire boyfriend. You spend more nights in his coffin than you do in your own bed and you’ve both enjoyed the closeness that comes with sleeping in an enclosed box.

You’ve continued to touch, kiss, and explore each other physically. Your progress has been slow, though you’ve gone further and experienced more with Nandor than you ever have with anyone else. But he is being downright mulish about taking the next logical step. On the one hand it’s comforting to have a more experienced partner who is so willing to go slowly. On the other hand...you’re horny. And you can’t tell if he’s being considerate and cautious or if he’s being selfish and wanting the best of both worlds: sexy times and virgin blood.

You sit so that your leg brushes against his and take his hand, twining your fingers together happily. You probably look like a preteen with her first boyfriend but you don’t really care.

Colin Robinson grins and his eyes flash blue as he drones, “PDA! Get a room, you guys.”

Nandor hisses angrily and you roll your eyes. You spot Guillermo standing rigidly by the door and wave him over, patting the cushion on your other side.

“Memo! Come sit down for the meeting,” you invite.

Guillermo’s eyes flick to his master automatically and Nandor proclaims, “Vampires--non-familiars only, Guillermo!”

“What!?” you exclaim, slapping his arm. “Stop being mean to Guillermo!”

“Mean!?” Nandor scoffs. “I’m not mean to Guillermo! I saved him from being executed by the Vampiric Council last year, didn’t I?”

Guillermo nods, “Yes, master...although I did save you as well--”

“And I let you have the human giving thanks holiday off, didn’t I?” he interrupts.

“That was...three years ago…” Guillermo mumbles.

Nandor is gearing up for a full on hissy fit but Nadja interrupts, “Enough! Gizmo, go and sit with the human, you know Nandor is going to surrender to her eventually and I have news to announce!”

You smile in triumph and Guillermo reluctantly slinks forward to sit on your other side, eyeing his master over your head with a worried look.

“That’s strike one, Guillermo,” Nandor grumbles irritably, as Nadja takes over.

“I didn’t want to tell you until I had their answer,” Nadja smiles beatifically and folds her hands over her heart, “but I petitioned the vampire orgy committee and they’ve decided to give us a second chance to host the biannual orgy! I explained that my husband had been unnaturally deranged by some putrid blood--”

“Don’t you mean, betrayed by my wife?” Laszlo interjects.

“--and so we’re hosting it this weekend!” Nadja finishes, ignoring her idiot husband.

“Wonderful!” Nandor cries, dropping your hand and standing up to pace the room. “We’ll need to begin preparations at once. Guillermo, I’m giving Nadja permission to boss you around. It needs to be perfect this time!”

“Thank you, Nandor,” Nadja trills, obviously euphoric with plan-making already. “This time we’ll chain the virgins up, so there’s no chance for the cheeky buggers to spoil our fun…”

“Excellent idea, darling!” Laszlo praises, eager to show his support and avoid sleeping in one of the basement coffins tonight.

Nandor nods, “Yes, good suggestion, Nadja. Guillermo, you’ll bring the chains up from the basement...”

Nandor continues rattling off orders and you listen with increasing bafflement and alarm. He’s clearly giddy as he lists the “supplies” they’ll need.

“The sex net, obviously… the swing… assorted dildos… we should get a few Devil’s butt plugs, shouldn’t we? Those were popular at Marcus’s orgy last year…”

You turn, wide-eyed, to Guillermo and find him looking resigned and pulling a notebook from his back pocket to write this down.

Laszlo, Nadja and even Colin Robinson join in the discussion and they don’t seem likely to lose momentum any time soon.

Finally, you clear your throat and speak up, “Um...I’m sorry. So...you--all of you--go to...sex parties? Like, where you...have sex all--all together?”

God, could you sound more virginy? You direct the question to everyone in the room but your eyes focus on Nandor. He looks away with an uncomfortable grimace.

Nadja tuts and puts a hand to her forehead as she croons, “Oh my sweet, baby virgin! I have forgotten how stupid and innocent you are. Do you not know what an orgy is? It is like a dark, bacchanalia of the flesh… a joining of bodies into one, throbbing mass of pleasure. And it is a great honor to host it! Vampires from all over New York will attend.”

“But…” what you really want to do is talk to Nandor in private. Your mind is racing with half-formed concerns, but mainly you’re hoping your new vampire boyfriend isn’t planning to have casual sex with a dozen strangers after spending the last month refusing to deflower you because he’d rather preserve the taste of your blood than deepen your...well, what you’d thought of as your relationship.

But you can’t give a voice to these worries even if the idea of Nandor with someone else stabs at your heart. You don’t want to be the needy virgin. The silly little girl who thinks a 758-year-old vampire is interested in “going steady.” Are you being unreasonable? Are you being unrealistic? Are you being insensitive to vampire culture? All at once you feel tears stinging your eyes and you blink rapidly to clear them before anyone notices.

“I know what you’re worrying about, my warrior,” Nadja breaks through your thoughts. “But you’ll be perfectly safe during the orgy. Look!”

She poofs into a cloud of vapor, reappearing a few seconds later holding a pair of matching plain white t-shirts with the words “Do Not Eat” printed on them.

“One for you and one for Gizmo!” she exclaims with a proud smile as if this solves everything.

---

“So…” you start and then trail off, not really knowing what you want to say.

You’re up in the attic with Nadja and Laszlo, helping them sort through boxes with labels like “Sex Dungeon,” “In Case of Orgy,” and “Emergency Dildos.”

Laszlo uncovers something wedged behind the StairMaster and exults, “My darling! Do you remember this…?”

It looks like a dildo circa the Renaissance period, smooth and hand-carved with a leather harness attached. Laszlo throws his head back and his hands twitch excitedly at his sides as Nadja stalks up to him with a seductive smirk.

“Of course, I do, my naughty boy. And if you are good and don’t ruin this orgy with your moods then maybe we’ll have ourselves a nice little time with it…” her voice goes high-pitched and squeaky as she grabs the phallus out of Laszlo’s hands and strokes it along his jaw, bringing it up to his lips and squealing as he opens his mouth to run his tongue lewdly over the shiny, smooth wood.

“O-okay, I’m just going to give you guys some privacy…” you stand and start to make your way over to the stairs.

Nadja drops the dildo and calls after you, “Wait, mortal! You had something you wanted to ask?”

You stop in your tracks, turning back to the couple and taking a breath to steady yourself. You have to talk to someone about this.

“Yeah, it’s...well, Nandor and I haven’t had sex yet--”

“We can tell that very well, my yummy friend,” Laszlo cuts in and Nadja slaps his arm.

“Go on, little horny infant,” Nadja says encouragingly.

“--but we’ve done other stuff,” you continue, “and I...I have feelings for him. But the thing is, I’m not as comfortable as you all seem to be about...sharing…”

“Ahh!” Laszlo murmurs with an arch look. “And you don’t want a load of randy vampires diddling your man.”

“Right,” you confirm, heat spreading over your face under their scrutiny. “But he seems so excited and I...I still don’t really know if he feels the same way that I do…”

“Hmm, yes this is very tricky,” Nadja muses. “Of course...there are some vampire couples who attend and only pay attention to each other…”

“Bloody boring, if you ask me…”

“Shut up, Laszlo!” Nadja hisses. “Can’t you see our human needs us?”

“Alright, alright!” he says irritably. He turns in a small circle, rubbing his chin abstractly before snapping his fingers and pointing to you in excitement, “I’ve got it! It sounds to me like what you really need is a little help in seducing our warrior friend. Once you’ve done the dirty deed you can enslave him to your feminine wiles just like my darling Nadja did to me.”

“Good idea, Laszlo! Then you can attend the orgy together and if anyone tries to tempt him away you will do the whip on them!” Nadja declares with delight.

You’re not sure if she’s misusing roller derby lingo or actually suggesting that you use a whip on your rivals. Probably both…

“But he won’t have sex with me because he’s obsessed with my stupid blood…” you whine, plopping down on one of the boxes with an exasperated sigh.

“Trust me, human. With our help, Nandor won’t know how to resist!” Laszlo assures you with a self-satisfied grin. “Nadja, darling, get the projector!”

“Oh, no, Laszlo...she’s just a poor human girl. Don’t subject her to your boring pornos…”

---

By the time you come down from the attic you’re pretty sure the image of Laszlo’s orgasm face is permanently burned into your brain. And you’re not exactly sure how “Vampire Tricked in Steamroom” is supposed to help you with your conundrum, but Laszlo’s proud enthusiasm is adorable. Nadja’s words as you walk down the stairs are a little more helpful.

“Nandor is just thinking too much with his fangs and not enough with his penis. Use your natural talents--” she glances meaningfully at your chest, “--to make him realize his mistake.”

You’re not sure you have it in you to play the seductress like Nadja does. Still, your footsteps automatically take you in the direction of Nandor’s room. When you walk into the crypt you find him bent over a long roll of paper on the floor with a paintbrush in his hand and glitter stuck all over his head. He holds his work up to show you with a proud grin.

It’s a banner with large, bright, sparkly letters spelling out, “Welcome Orgy Guests!”

“What do you think?” he asks shyly. “Too much glitter?”

You blink and bite back a laugh at the sight of your fearsome boyfriend with his hair and beard covered in glitter. He’s smiling at you, revealing the wicked gleam of his fangs and you’re suddenly overcome with the desire to kiss him until you’re covered in glitter too. You stride forward, gingerly taking the banner from his hands and setting it back down on the floor.

“Just the right amount of glitter,” you assure him and then you hop up, wrapping your arms around his neck and trusting that he’ll catch you with his strong arms. His beard is scratchy against your face as you claim his mouth with yours, kissing and nipping his lips with a needy growl. Okay, wow--maybe Laszlo’s cheesy movie instruction has some merit?

“I knew it,” Nandor smirks. “You like the glitter, don’t you? Like Twilight!”

“Shut up, Nandor,” you laugh, stroking your fingers through his thick hair and angling his head so you can kiss along the edge of his jaw. You playfully drag your teeth against his neck and his whole body shudders in response.

Curious, you do it again and this time he moans low in his throat and gasps out your name. Your lips curl into a mischievous smile and you bite down sharply, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to bruise if he didn’t have supernatural healing.

“Gah! Human…” Nandor pants, walking you over to the luxuriously upholstered couch set against the wall and dropping down with you in his lap. His voice breaks as he begs, “Harder.”

You draw back, locking your eyes with his for a moment, your breath coming quick as you feel the stir of his hardening length beneath you. His eyes are nearly black with desire and he digs his fingers into your hips in encouragement and repeats himself, “Harder, my mortal.”

You bend forward, brushing your lips gently along the crook of his neck like always does before he feeds from you. You bring your hands to his collar and loosen the ruff of his shirt, pulling it aside and cradling his head as you sink down to bite. You’re tentative at first, somehow afraid of hurting him, but he growls in impatience and swats your butt with his open hand to spur you along. You increase the pressure, feeling his skin give beneath the blunt edges of your teeth and the cool, coppery taste of his thick blood spreading over your lips and tongue. You swallow it, lapping at his neck eagerly as he squirms beneath you and mewls in pleasured surrender.

When you finally pull away, your mouth and chin are painted an obscene red and Nandor goes wild at the sight. He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you into a rough kiss, arching his hips upward so he can grind against you.

“Now, I get to taste you,” He whispers against your lips, shifting out from beneath you and kneeling on the floor between your legs.

“It’s not--” you’re out of breath and your head is spinning. “It’s too soon, baby”

He purrs at your use of the pet name and slides his hands up the outsides of your thighs, catching the waistband of your leggings and dragging them down your legs along with your underwear.

“There’s more than one way to taste you, my human,” he explains, pressing his palms to the insides of your knees and pushing your legs further apart. He drags his beard along the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, scenting you with a pleased sigh. He scoops you up in his hands, pulling you closer to the edge of the couch and finally lowering his face between your legs. His breath is cool against your heated flesh and then he’s dragging his tongue along your slit in one long stroke that ends on your needy, throbbing clitoris.

“Oh my go--”

Nandor rears back, hissing, and you rush an apology, “Sorry, sorry, sorry! I forgot.”

“Be careful with that shit!” he grouses but then he’s dipping his head back down and attacking you with his mouth.

He’s gentle and thorough and--you think--very good at this. A few times you feel the sharp edge of a fang just brush against your most sensitive skin and you start to flinch away but he shushes you and strokes his fingers along your thighs to settle your nerves. His lips and tongue move against your clitoris in perfect, rolling motions that have you melting under his attention. You let your hands fall down to rest in his glitter-specked hair and stroke your fingers along his temples as he laves and sucks. When the mounting tension in your core grows to be too much you roll your hips up, grinding yourself into his face and twisting your fingers in his hair as you cry out.

Nandor climbs back onto the couch and settles beside you, watching with a pleased smile as you tremble and gasp through the aftershocks. He’s lazily palming himself through his trousers when you finally turn to him and press the full length of your body into his, capturing his lips for a kiss that tastes of mingled blood and arousal--both your essences combined.

“I’m ready…” you whisper, sliding your hands beneath his loosened collar and along his shoulders. “If you can possibly stand my blood tasting all ordinary and non-virgin flavored…”

You emphasize the last statement by edging your leg between his and grinding your thigh against his fervent erection. Nandor groans loudly and it sounds like a surrender.

“Yes…” he pants. “My human...yes. I’ll make you mine. But...but--” he growls in frustration “--wait a moment!”

He hops up, leaving you half naked and bemused on the couch as he darts around the room, locking the door, positioning a fur rug on the floor next to an ornate candelabra, and finally opening a drawer and removing a folded piece of paper.

He comes back to you, kneeling at your feet and handing you the sheet of paper. He watches with a gleam in his eyes as you open it.

Inside he’s written in glitter pen:

“Happy Deflowering!

Love,

Nandor the Relentless”

And there’s a drawing of you laying on a fur rug with an artfully modest sheet draped over your nude body and Nandor floating in the air above you, his cape flying out behind him and his fangs bared. Well...now you know he hasn’t been planning to keep you a virgin for all eternity...

You bark out a laugh and press the drawing to your heart as you look up at him and gush, “I love it, Nandor!”

His lips part in a light smile and he presses forward, taking your face in his hands and catching you with his intense eyes.

“I wanted it to be--” he frowns uncomfortably as he forms the word “--nice...for you, human. Perhaps we had a rocking start…”

“You mean with you kidnapping me, drinking my blood and treating me like a human snack pack?” you deadpan, but you dart in to peck his lips to show you’re only teasing.

“Yes, that,” he continues and his fingers are tracing light patterns through the hair at your temples. “But I...I do care about you, my mortal. For more than just your delicious blood…”

Finally hearing him say the words out loud starts your eyes misting and you set the drawing down on the couch beside you, reaching forward to take him in your arms and kiss his beautiful, stupid, warrior lips.

Nandor is remarkably quick at removing his layers of clothing. By the time you’ve shed your stolen jersey and squirmed your way out of the sports bra, he’s completely naked. Vampire speed. He kneels on the fur rug before you, his pale skin reflecting the golden light of the candles, glowing with second-hand warmth. You forget to be bashful about your own nudity as you drink him in. Dark hair covers his chest and trails down his stomach into the dark nest around his proudly straining erection.

His own dark eyes drop to linger on the lines of your body as he reaches out and draws you closer, laying you down on the plush rug and perching beside you. You draw your hands up under your chin automatically, but he takes them and draws your arms down to your sides, baring your body for his hungry gaze.

“You are more breathtaking than the Euphrates running red with the blood of my enemies,” he murmurs, brushing his fingertips over the peaks of your breasts and smiling as your nipples pebble under his touch.

You smile and shake your head, gazing up at this gorgeous man and feeling, for once, entirely worthy and beautiful in someone else’s eyes. You joined roller derby hoping to gain some body-positivity, some confidence--which you have. But still, you’ve never before felt so attractive and powerful. Nandor bends down to kiss you, running one hand along the line of your neck and letting the other roam over your belly and down between your thighs. He strokes through your still wet slit, spreading your slick and rolling your clit between his fingers until you’re mewling into his lips.

“You know…” Nandor murmurs, pushing your legs apart and shifting to seat himself between them, “there’s more than one reason they call me relentless, little human.”

The sound that falls from your lips is half-gasp and half-moan. He slides the head of his cock through your folds, coating himself in your arousal before finally--finally--pressing forward at your entrance. Even after a month of pining and yearning for this you still tense up at the final moment and Nandor kneads his hands into your hips with a soft coo, “Relax yourself, my mortal…”

He leans down to press a rough-stubbled kiss along the edge of your jaw as he finally slips inside of you and you feel, for the first time, the impossible and wonderful sensation of being filled by your lover as he gradually pushes deeper. For several seconds the pressure of him inside of you is all you can think about and it’s overwhelming. You bury your face into the crook of his neck, digging your teeth into the already healed skin.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, and there’s a distinctly vampiric edge of lustful curiosity that accompanies his concern. He’s rolling his hips against you in a slow, steady rhythm.

“Mmhmm,” you murmur without removing your teeth from his neck.

He slips a hand between your bodies and finds the hardened bud of your nipple with his fingers, rolling and stroking it as he continues rocking into you with deeper and deeper thrusts.

“Not for much longer,” he promises with a teasing pinch to your nipple.

His pace increases as the pain gradually ebbs into a delicious, burning ache that builds and builds. You throw back your head, keening each time he buries himself inside you. Nandor’s mouth falls open and he dips his head to run his lips over the throbbing pulse of your throat, feeling the rush of your hot blood beneath the surface and losing the steady control of his movements as he frantically ruts into you.

“Mine, mine, mine,” he cries, wrenching his mouth away from your neck and instead slamming his lips to yours with an anguished moan as he goes rigid, pushing deeper inside of you as his release tears through him. He jerks his hips several more times, reaching between you to put his fingers on you and coax you towards your own peak as he softens inside of you.

He finally slips out of you, collapsing onto the rug at your side with a heavy groan. He hugs you to his chest, tucking your head beneath his chin and humming in pleasure. His skin is almost warm with your borrowed body heat, but where you are covered in a fine sheen of human sweat, he is as smooth and unaffected as ever.

Your muscles shake with involuntary tremors and he strokes his hands down your back comfortingly.

“Shut your eyes,” his voice is a low rumble that you can feel where your head rests against his chest. “Rest, my love.”

The word sends a warm rush around your heart and you smile, burying your face into his lovely chest hair.

All your insecurities about the upcoming orgy are forgotten as your limbs grow heavy with exhaustion. You’re just starting to drift to sleep under the steady feel of his hands smoothing over your back when a sudden thought pops into your head.

“Nandor!” you poke your head up to meet his eyes. “Am I going to turn into a vampire?!”

He furrows his brow as he asks, “Why would you think that, human?”

“Well...I drank your blood…” you explain, relaxing back into his chest now that it seems you’re not on the brink of transitioning into an unholy creature of the night without warning.

Nandor laughs, “I would have to drink your blood first...almost all of it. And then feed you my blood. No, my human, you won’t become a vampire...not yet.”

You nod your head absently, letting your eyes drift shut without fully absorbing his last words.

---

A/N: ?????????

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows

#nandor the relentless x reader #nandor x reader #nandor #nandor the relentless #nandor imagine #nandor the relentless imagine #what we do in the shadows fanfic #what we do in the shadows #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #smut

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diamondcitydarlin · 4 years

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For those of you that may have missed it, some highlights from the Harvey and Kayvan insta stream/video chat yesterday (in which they answered one of my questions!!). Bear in mind I had to miss about 30 mins of it to go to the store, so if anyone saw the whole thing in completion feel free to add to this. WARNING THERE ARE SOME -LIGHT- SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 HERE:

- To my question of, “How did Guillermo and Nandor meet?” (keep in mind, Harvey and Kayvan are actors, they do not write the show and have little control over the direction the writing takes, this was just their collective theory and is subject to change within canon...but it’s still funny, also this is paraphrased from memory): They both posit that Guillermo knew of Nandor and suspected he was vampire for awhile (personally I like to think there was a Twilight esque montage involved of Guillermo googling ‘vampire-familiar relationship’ stuff). Determined to become a vampire himself via familiar-vampire exchange, Guillermo was on Nandor like white on rice, constantly asking him to strike the familiar deal, loitering outside his house, etc. Kayvan improvised Nandor yelling at him; “Leave me alone or I will SUCK YOU...OFF” (legit) to which Harvey started laughing and Kayvan said to the effect of, “Hey, vampires are pansexual ok”, and, of course, we can assume Guillermo’s ‘annoyance’ campaign eventually worked. This then transitioned into them talking about Guillermo’s unflinching loyalty for the past 10 years, how it’s much like when you’ve hungered for someone so long and finally enter into a relationship with them, there’s a tendency to do anything they ask and never take your position for granted. At least to a point.

- There was an improv puppet show with the Guillermo and Nandor plushies made for them. I do not know/remember the name of the artist that crafted these for them, so I hope you were there and got to see them loving on your creations!! If you see this post please tag yourself! Anyway, the improv puppet show went something like:

Nandor: Guillermo, are you at the top or the bottom of the instagrams

Guillermo:....I don’t uh-...I don’t talk about that.

Nandor: ...you do quite often in the green room.

They then both broke character, laughing. So CUTE.

- SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2: Harvey revealed that we will be meeting Guillermo’s mom in this season and getting a glimpse into his home life growing up. Kayvan then expressed the wish that Nandor could meet Guillermo’s mom/family, much like how one introduces their boyfriend to their parents, etc, just so they could all complain about/tease Guillermo together. CUTE. I wouldn’t assume this means Nandor doesn’t meet his family in season 2, because these two are only allowed to directly tease so much and I think gave us little clues of what might happen next season via “Oh I wish this could happen...winkwonk” etc.

-Kayvan did several impressions of Harvey which were hilarious and on point.

- They both talked about the glitter portrait and how there were actually several versions of this portrait made before the final was chosen for the episode. Harvey thinks the final choice was made in regards to colors/lighting and what looked best for the camera. Harvey claims to have one of these and has seen all of them, but the only way they seem to differ is in the colors chosen.

-THE POSSIBILITY OF A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEIR CHARACTERS WAS ADDRESSED. However, it was answered as I expected it to be- that is, with no definitive answer. Kayvan and Harvey both expressed their support and interest in exploring this, however, and teased that we should just wait to see what happens in season 2. They also talked about the multiple layers of Guillermo and Nandor’s relationship, the romantic/erotic tensions that they’ve explored in their chemistry, and why it’s so fun to act out and explore because of the complexity of everything. If nothing else, we shippers can feel validated in knowing that, yes, this is an element of their dynamic. Whether or not we’ll see it come into fruition, well...we’ll just have to wait and see.

-There was another puppet show with the plushies in which ‘Nandor’ sang the drug blood song and they both danced. CUTE.

And, finally, here’s a snip of the screencap I accidentally took of the stream lol, taken from my IG story as the original is on my new phone and I don’t feel like setting up the tumblr app right now

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows tv show #nandor #guillermo de la cruz #nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #kayvan novak #harvey guillen #spoiler #spoilers

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generalizedfandomdisorder · 2 years

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Ok I'm finally getting further in the wwdits tv show and i am gonna pee that i read with my own two eyes that the joke about laszlo fucking nandor is "proof that the show isn't queer baiting"

Or that the clip everyone is gif'ing about queer laszlo is the steam room porn line when the opening to his 70's gay porn is much funnier and more interesting

And my dear darling angels, "the characters are canonically queer based on asides but we never see it" is the absolute bottom tier of queer presence in a show. Pun intended. "Side characters have on screen queer relationships" is mid. "Major character has a significant on screen queer relationship but it's not my ship :(" is of course still top tier queer presence... But being unsatisfied with the first two is not the same as the last.

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chelsfic · 4 years

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Leftovers Part 9 - Nandor the Relentless x Reader Fanfic

Previous parts: Masterlist

A/N: Quick note-- most roller derby leagues don’t actually take a break from practicing during the off-season *shrug.* Hey, hey, hey, guys? Let me know what you think! I am an ACTUAL ENERGY VAMPIRE, but I feed off your kind words and support--love you!

Summary: Nandor is on the reader’s shit list, but will they reunite when a minor medical emergency pops up? (yes)

Warnings: Female Reader-insert, Angst, Medical shit (migraines, lasting effects of the vamp attack at the rave), Hypnotism

---

“Guillermooo! I’m ready for my slumber now!” Nandor bellows, standing impatiently by his open coffin and waiting for his familiar to arrive so he can complete his bedtime routine.

Guillermo appears, huffing and puffing, a moment later, “I’m sorry, master! I forgot…”

“Well, that’s unacceptable, Guillermo!,” Nandor whines with a scowl. “You’re my familiar. It’s your job to remember these things. You’d think after five years--”

“Eleven,” Guillermo interjects with a pained smile. “Eleven years, master.”

Nandor looks momentarily shocked before regaining his momentum, “Okay...Eleven years… Fine. You’d think that you would remember to come and help me get ready for bed. It’s not that difficult.”

Guillermo lets the scolding roll off his back. He knows his master is hurting. In truth, Nandor hasn’t wanted Guillermo’s help at bedtime in weeks. It’s only now that his coffin is feeling a little lonely that he’s reverting back to his old ways. Guillermo rushes to untie his master’s cravat and helps him slip off the heavy cape. The vampire looks temporarily mollified.

“Very well,” Nandor sniffs, taking Guillermo’s hand as he steps up into the coffin. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo smiles lightly and moves to take hold of the coffin’s lid. Nandor suddenly reaches up to stop him.

“Guillermo…” he fidgets and avoids eye contact as he asks, “Do you think she’ll be angry with me for much longer?”

Guillermo looks down at his master, feeling contrary ties of loyalty tugging on him as he decides what to say.

In the end he takes pity on Nandor, reaching down to pat his soft hair and murmuring, “I’m sure she’ll forgive you soon, master.”

“Thank you, Guillermo,” Nandor sighs, shutting his eyes and crossing his hands over his chest. “You’re a good familiar.”

He gently closes the lid, feeling a happy swell in his chest despite his concern. It’s been a few days since the orgy and his friend still hasn’t shown any signs of forgiving Nandor. He knows she’s hurt, but Guillermo silently hopes things will smooth over soon. An angsty vampire makes for an unhappy familiar.

---

After Nandor let you out of the basement you ran to the shower, dousing yourself in steaming water to chase the chill out of your body. But no matter how many hot showers or layers of clothing you put on, you can’t ever seem to warm up. At least not on the inside. In the span of just a few days you’ve gone from the heights of happiness to the dumps of misery. The worst part is that you’re not even angry anymore. You’re numb to it. All you want is to fall back into Nandor’s arms and let him make you feel good like no one else has.

But…

It’s not that he slept with who knows how many people at the orgy. It’s not even that he locked you in a basement and forgot about you. It’s that he treated you like a thing. Like his possession, whose feelings and thoughts are insignificant in the face of almost eight hundred years of immortal life. For a little while Nandor made you feel special, and then he’d gone and ruined it.

You don’t even have your usual outlet! Bout season is over and practice won’t start up again for another month. And to make matters even better: all this drama seems to be aggravating your stupid brain because, for the first time in weeks, you’re feeling the dragging ache in your head left by the vampire attack at the rave. It’s been a dull, throbbing pain for a couple days now, but tonight it’s grown into a pulsing, stomach-churning migraine. You lock yourself up in your room with the lights off. The housemates probably assume you’re brooding over Nandor. But mostly...you’re just in pain. And scared.

It’s after midnight and the pain shows no signs of diminishing. You finally drag yourself out of your room, squinting blearily against the blinding glare of the candlelight, and seeking out one of the two licensed drivers in the house.

---

“The closest urgent care is on Richmond, but according to the Google reviews, we’ll have shorter wait times if we drive a bit farther to the one on Victory Boulevard. Of course, it’s entirely up to you but--”

“Colin,” you interrupt, your voice barely above a whisper, “can you please take me to the closest one and maybe try to resist the urge to feed? I already feel like shit.”

Colin pauses, tightening his fingers on the steering wheel and saying, quietly, “I wasn’t...I was just trying to be helpful.”

You immediately feel guilty and then you question if, in fact, he’s still feeding. Being friends with an energy vampire is...draining.

He drives you to the urgent care, walking inside the crowded waiting area with you and taking charge of your intake paperwork. Okay, now you could kiss him, because bureaucracy is like Colin’s native language and you’re pretty sure he uses some of his power to manipulate the staff into getting you seen sooner. In under an hour you’re leaving with a prescription and feeling a little less anxious about the possibility that you might drop dead from an aneurysm.

You’re pulling out of the pharmacy parking lot and back out onto the road when a small, squeaking, flying thing suddenly soars through your open window and erupts in the backseat, transforming into your dark, sullen vampire lover.

You shriek in alarm, looking out the window and noting the lightening sky on the horizon. Your heart jumps up into your throat, “Nandor! What are you doing, it’s almost daybreak!”

Nandor sits forward in his seat and leans in close to you as he speaks, “Guillermo told me you have been to the human medical shamans! What is wrong, my human?”

“It’s...nothing, Nandor. I’ll be fine. I had a bad migraine,” you mumble. You’re too exhausted to be having this conversation.

Nandor continues, unphased, “Then you should have come to me, not fucking Colin Robinson!”

“Why?” you blurt out, suddenly done with avoiding the hurt you’ve been dwelling in for days. “Because you care about me? Or because I’m your property?”

Nandor looks bewildered, “You are my human…”

You shake your head violently, turning away in your seat with an angry growl.

“...And I do care, my love…”

Sighing, you fix your eyes on the metal guardrail at the side of the road as it flashes by. Colin Robinson is sitting rigid in the driver’s seat, beaming as he gulps down the emotions flooding the vehicle. Nandor reaches out to curl his fingers through your hair just as the first rays of sunlight break over the horizon.

“Nandor, the sun!” you cry, all thoughts of your hurt and anger flying from your head. You turn around in your seat to lock eyes with your lover for one meaningful instant before he transforms into his bat form.

You scramble for the purse at your feet, upending it onto the floor before holding it up and frantically gesturing to the flapping little bat in the backseat.

“Get in, baby!” you plead, uncertain of how much communication actually gets through in this form.

You breathe a shaky sigh of relief as Nandor flies into the bag, curling up at the bottom with a frightened squeak.

“Fucking hell,” you mumble. Your heart is racing in your chest. Cautiously, you open the purse to peer inside at the furry, winged creature who is...your boyfriend. You reach in and gingerly stroke your fingers over his little head. The bat’s teeth close on one finger in an affectionate, soft bite. “You’re okay now…”

Colin Robinson pulls up outside the house and turns to you with his eyes blazing, “Well, this has been quite the night!”

---

You carry Bat-Nandor into his room, taking him out of your bag and gently placing him in the fur-lined coffin. Even though you’re expecting it, you can’t help but jump back when he transforms before your eyes. You’re still not used to witnessing actual magic.

He looks up at you with a look that’s all soft, liquid eyes and remorseful submission.

“Will you stay with me?” he asks diffidently, toying with a tuft of rich fur on the coffin lining. “Please?”

You weigh your options. On the one hand you really miss falling asleep in Nandor’s strong arms, with the comforting scent of him wrapped around your body like a blanket. And when you pause for a moment you realize that the ache in your head hasn’t bothered you since he flew into Colin Robinson’s car.

On the other hand…

“Is there anything you want to say to me, first?” you prompt, arching your brow expectantly.

Nandor swallows his pride, thinking back to those horrible days when Guillermo left him for fucking Celeste. He sits up and takes your hand in his as he says, “I’m sorry I treated you like a belonging and not a person. I appreciate you very much. And I--I love you. And also, I’m sorry for forgetting about you and Guillermo in the basement…it probably won’t happen again.”

You let out a laugh, tears stinging your eyes as you reply, “I love you too, Nandor. And...I’m sorry, too. I don’t even care anymore about the stupid orgy anymore. But I should have...tried to understand it more. I think.”

Nandor sits up, grasping your face between his hands and pulling you in closer.

“I wanted you with me at my side, my mortal,” he hisses, dropping little kisses onto your lips. “One day you will be. I’ll make you a vampire and together we will be the life of every vampire orgy. We’ll feast on virgin blood and make love until the end of time.”

Before you can form anything approaching a reaction, he claims your mouth with his, sucking your lower lip and pushing his tongue forward to tangle with yours. You cling to the fur collar of his coat, hanging on for dear life as your knees go weak. Every time you kiss it feels like you’re diving into a hot spring, losing yourself so deliciously to the sensation of his touch.

“You want that don’t you, my mortal?” he pants against your lips, reaching down to casually lift you off your feet and settle you on his lap. “Immortal life? Immortal love?”

He pauses kissing you and you rest your cheek against the top of his head, enjoying the soft brush of his hair against your skin. Do you want that? To be a vampire? To never see the sun again? To drink blood to live? To never say goodbye to this beautiful, idiot man you seem to love?

“Yes, Nandor,” you murmur, pressing your lips into his hair and breathing his scent. “I do.”

He leans his head back and kisses you once more, running his lips over your cheeks, your jaw, the long column of your exposed throat.

“Uhm!” you interrupt, a little panicked. “But not this minute, right? You have to give me some warning…”

Nandor chuckles, smoothing his hands up and down your back in reassurance.

“No, mortal. Dawn isn’t exactly an ideal time to make a new vampire…”

“Oh...okay, good,” you sigh, settling down into his arms once more. “Because I have one condition…”

---

A little while later, you’re sealed up, snug as a bug in Nandor’s coffin, with his arms wrapped around you and your face tucked into the crook of his neck. You press a kiss to his cool skin and his chest rumbles with a satisfied purr. For the first time in hours and hours your skull doesn’t feel like it’s about to crack in two and you ponder the reason for that. Of course, like all vampires, Nandor has the power of hypnosis. Maybe his very presence has a soothing effect? Like he transmits a frequency that cancels out whatever that asshole did to you?

“Nandor?” you whisper, unsure if he’s fallen asleep yet or not.

“Yes, my mortal?” he answers at once, tightening his arms around you.

“When I’m with you my head doesn’t hurt so bad… But, do you think--do you think that vampire did some kind of...lasting damage?” the question has been on the back of your mind ever since the attack but you’ve been too afraid to give a voice to your worry.

A low growl escapes his throat as he replies, “That shit chicken vampire hurt you because he can’t even hypnotize correctly.”

“But...” you pause, steeling yourself. Are you really about to put this level of trust in him? “You can fix it, can’t you?”

Nandor pauses, swallowing down a lump of nerves as he considers. He wants nothing more than to make you feel better. But there was the time he and Laszlo gave Sean the brain scramblies…

But this time would be different. He would be so, so gentle. So careful…

He raises the lid of the coffin, sitting up and pulling you with him. A few candles still flicker from the tables around the room, forgotten in his eagerness to have you in his arms. Nandor’s pale skin glows faintly in the low light, the lines of his body lost in shadows.

“Look into my eyes, little human,” he commands, his voice is deep and drawling.

You obey, looking up at him as your body visibly trembles. You’re frightened.

“Shh,” Nandor hushes, running his hands up your arms and settling them onto your shoulders. “I’m going to take care of you.”

You nod, remembering how fragile and weak he’d felt when you’d carried his bat-form in your hands. You can give him the same trust. You can put yourself in his hands now and know that he won’t hurt you.

His dark eyes burn with intensity as he continues, “You are now under my command…”

---

A/N: I require CAKES AND CREAMS!! Candies and streamers and sticky, sticky toffee! Actually I just need some soft comments because I AGONIZED over this??!?!?!?!

Tags:

@festering-queen @kandomeresbitch @strangestdiary @glitterportrait @scuzmunkie @redwoodshadows @sarasxe @rileyomalley

#nandor the relentless #nandor #nandor x reader #nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless fanfic #nandor the relentless imagine #wwdits fanfic #what we do in the shadows

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