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sab-teraa · 3 months

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Tye Talks: A Diary Entry

(22/02/24 || 22:58 pm)

Good evening friends, I hope you are all well and having a lovely Thursday! Just one more day till the weekend! Yay <3

Inspired by the lovely @the-winds-of-destiny-xxx , I've decided to start blogging about my day. Hopefully, I will be able to stay up to date lol.

Work

Ugh, I've been up since 5am prepping myself to deliver my second lecture of the semester. It went well, kinda. The students were super interactive which is great. Application + practicality > regurgitating information. They did super well. Also, we have a new HoD, and while I really liked our previous heads, the new HoD is a breath of fresh air and I really enjoy their approach towards education.

My full-time job is actually soooo … atm. My colleague has resigned which is all cool and I wish her the best.

But, there’s a trend I’ve noticed recently within our organization … and I hope it does not present any problems in the future. Tbh, I think it has presented a problem before … but idk. Anyway, constructive criticism goes a long long way … only if you’re keen and willing to learn …. which this person defo is NOT.

Enough about my colleagues, the CEO presented me with an opportunity but I'm lowkey nervous .. bc I prefer being a private + somewhat anonymous person lol, but I obviously said yes. Let's see how it goes, anything can happen and this whole project might fall through. Especially in this economy.

All in all, I really love my job and the career path I’ve taken. I hope it does not backfire on me later on in life.

Uni

Gosh. Uni is the bane of my existence atm. Tho, i did make a bit of progress on my thesis today. I know exactly what I need to do, but I just don't have the motivation to it. But, I think I've finally got myself together .. so let's see what happens.

Also, I'm so grateful for my thesis supervisor <3 she is so understanding and supportive.

Health

Is this tmi? Maybe? Apologies if so?

But, my nose and throat have been KILLING me recently? Idk if it’s bc of the fan or what … but yup. Thank god for cloves! They’ve helped wayyyy more than anything else I’ve tried lol. Also, my pms is really starting to hit 😭😭 I’ve been in soooo much pain since I got back home.

My mentally, I’m doing okay … there’s obvs moments in the day where I’m like shit?? I’m an adult adult?? Yet my life feels so stagnant 😂 but then I try to keep it moving and not think so much about what I want … and I try to focus on what I do have…. bc I’ve done my best.

Fun and mundane

I finally got to go to my first gym class of the week - I really needed that! The housewives from my class invited me for smoothies afterwards … and they are so fun! Are they my mums age mates? Yes 😂😂 but I loved hanging out with them .. they truly live in their own bubble .. I wanna be exactly like them when I’m older lol.

Oh Oh! And I finally finished the second season of Al Rawabi School for Girls ... flip, it truly broke my heart. What an amazing show.

I really wanted to start the new season of Real Housewives of Durban … but the new Showmax app is truly YUCK! I have the ick 🫠🫠 but, I love the show waaaaay too much, so I’d probs get over it soon lol.

Other than gym and catching up on tv, I made a delicious lasagna for dinner. I'm convinced that my homemade meat sauce and cheese sauce remains undefeated, or maybe that's just me being cocky lol. If I had more space, I would have defo attempted to make the pasta too.

I'm super excited for this weekend bc my friends and I are going to this art and music event and getting food afterwards. I also really wanna buy that duvet set I saw online ... since I'm no longer purchasing an apartment (recession boo boo boo 🍅🍅🍅), I may as well just re-do my current apartment lol. It already looks great, but I've been putting off getting a new duvet set bc I presumed I was gonna buy a bigger bed lol... so I've just been rotating between the two sets I have ... and damn they've seen better days lol.

Relationships

After all he has been through, my brother finally has some great things happening. I am so proud of him. I know he will achieve everything he aspires to <3 This has also done wonders for his self-confidence, he truly needed this, and I hope ... I really hope that it stays on this positive track.

Positive family news aside, idk if anyone saw the post about my uncle? But god damn I'm annoyed af. (Side note: He is my mums cousin btw; but my entire family is close). Anyway, my uncle called my mum to rant … and according to my mum he was sooooo proud of what he said to his wife??? I’m just disgusted. Idk how. His wife could forgive him for this. I’m so glad my mum put him in his place ✋🏽✋🏽✋🏽

I know its not about me and I have no right to speak on other people's relationships, but I hate seeing people put their all into a relationship and even go against their own family to be with someone ... only for their partner to treat them like this. His wife deserves soooooo much better and its sooo heartbreaking that she has to go through. My heart truly breaks for her. I pray everything works out for her.

Conclusion

Anywho … if you made it this far! Thank you for reading my ramblings <3 wishing you a lovely day! Stay safe babes 😘

#tye talks #tbh I don’t think people would read this.#it’s more for me lol

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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What’s poppin’ LGBTs! Happy “we should totally stab Caesar day!” to all who celebrate, but most importantly happy 12 year anniversary to Kurt and Blaine 😌.

Back due to popular demand (jk?): more thesis talk! As promised, I discussed with my thesis supervisor whether or not I can share my thesis and the answer is yes! I, of course, didn’t mention to her that I am currently sharing my thesis through snippets on my fanfiction Tumblr blog, but alas, wat niet weet wat niet deert. But once I have the finished version (hopefully end June, for pride month, how appropriate!) I can send it to people if I want to. It will still be in Dutch but again ask me in 4 months what to do for my international audience (so weird to say about a thesis).

But yeah to celebrate the news 🥳, have some more of the thesis, aka my WIP for the next couple of months. On Sunday we talked about possible reasons why there are more queer men than women in media (I also added a third reason: Bury Your Gays). I described how heteroflexibility complicates what constitutes as queer representation, since women who have relations with other women aren’t always portrayed as queer, but there’s also a flip side to this:

In Russo's (2014) article on queer female fandom, a distinction is also made between subtext and maintext. The subtext consists of homoerotic elements and the discourse surrounding it. Maintext is the explicit queer representation. The boundary between subtext and main text is not always clear (Russo, 2014). Queer female fandom consists largely of queer women and these queer interpretations stem from a combination of personal and political wishes (Russo, 2014, 2017). This makes the questions surrounding the representation of queer women more complex. Heteroflexibility ensures that not all women who enter into relationships with other women are queer (Annati & Ramsey, 2022; DeCeuninck & Dhoest, 2016; Diamond, 2005; Jackson & Gilbertson, 2009), but on the other hand, queer subtext ensures that that “straight” women are perceived as queer and sometimes fans are more enthusiastic about those characters than explicit representation (Ng & Russo, 2017). Often these "straight" women are also seen as queer representation (McNicholas Smith, 2020a). This shows that queer representation is more complex than previously thought.

(Dutch under the cut, together with the tags, for the few Dutchies who might prefer to read it in Dutch, since academics can be a bitch.)

Yes, this is technically about Faberry. Literally every paper on this phenomenon I’ve read mentions Faberry and a ship from Xena: Warrior Princess. It’s an interesting thing, because is a character like Quinn Fabray queer? (Fun fact, she also falls underneath the whole heteroflexibility mess after I Do.) I mean, I once had to write a paper on representation in Glee and it hurt me to call her straight (@blurglesmurfklaine remember the “Quinn is straight. Fans disagreed.” line?), but on the other hand it is questionable when straight characters sometimes get more love and recognition than actual on-screen canon representation. I also love pissing off straight people by claiming that Zuko is gay, but Korra is right there, amirite? I didn’t want to add too much text here in this post, but I did give a historical reasoning behind this phenomenon. This is just another interesting thing in a list of interesting things.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cutestkilla @nausikaaa/@wellbelesbian @artsyunderstudy @martsonmars @facewithoutheart @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans

#starting this off because i have a lot to say lol #i actually have even more to say but i'll just cram that in the tags to avoid a super long post #but basically i do want to write more fic #i actually have some new thoughts about ljubim te and in my head i started plotting out the au please jack zimmermann character study fic #but again time time time #i am still on the fence about the dex fic because my mind is absolutely blanking there and it stresses me out #since this fest has a hard deadline #so i might drop the dex one but the prompt just amuses me so much #ah we will see #tagged in #wip wednesday #WOO WOO!!!#thesis lol

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peanutblowandjobsandwich · 8 months

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i have to ask this next guy to be my thesis supervisor tomorrow n he better say yes bc then the only option remaining wld be the Spanish tecaher whose class i act like a whole ass in bc my anxiety is literally frozen in fear levels of bad n i wld rather eat my own shot than approach her. if he says no i will i guess try the french lit teacher who technically specializes in french lit n my thesis is lang learning based but ik she has supervised a French lang thesis of another student in the past so i guess she wont turn me down anyways im still so mad abt not getting the supervisor i want n the guy im going to ask tomorrow ik os a bad choice bc like i can barely ever understand when he speaks bc he's Venezuelan his accent is ahhhhh n just ahhhhh i need someone reliable for my thesis bc ik im a lost cause but the one person in the whole dept i feel like fits the criteria said no </3 sigh uni os fucking me over for my final year fr

#cloud nonsense

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nerice · 1 year

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sometimes i still think abt how my current therapist place fucked me over so completely like. they took me seriously but in the most incompetent way possible?? advertised as a "you tell us ur problems and we connect you with a specific therapist suited to you" thing where i told them i want adhd evaluation and was put on a waiting list for 5 months. first mistake was saying i was okay with a junior therapist (ofc supervised by a more experienced one. i was mostly trying to avoid getting another homophobic old dude but all things considered he did more for me in two months than my entire recent therapy rodeo. bc during the test month we went thru all the basic questionaire stuff n i was like ok weird bc i had given them all the results from my prev therapist but ok maybe they just wanna check thru their own roster ok. trial month is over i say i wanna stick with my therapist bc she's nice. i say i have trouble working on thesis bc it's overwhelming and i can't focus well. we work thru day plans etc standard help stuff vs. procrastination fine whatever. at some point i look up the people behind the materials she has given me and turns out they wrote a prominent paper on how adhd is overdiagnosed/too easily given as dx in america but We Dont Do That In This Country gotta make sure to weed out the people who are simply procrastinators (ironically i hyperfix pour over their research numbers n the stupid ass venn diagram of procrastination vs. adhd people as if one is not a symptom of the other it makes no sense) i decide 2 quit therapy but can't bring myself 2. finally bring up wanting to the proper adhd assessment stuff instead bc i might at least try; she says we can do it it just had not been clear to her that was specifically why i was there (??????????) but whatever we are doing it. next session at long last except that's where she tells me she talked to her supervisor abt it and that adhd is a complex disorder tm and they can't actually dx that at their institution it requires someone specialized in that field. this was almost a solid year after i had been initially put on the waiting list for this place where i had expressly stated i am looking for adhd assessment/treatment. yeah

#screaming into the void abt therapy woes bc im mad abt it again i need to process this to make sure im not insane #literally HOW did any of this happen the level of. straightup almost gaslighting bc i am SO SURE i KNOW (i think?) i said it explicitly #multiple times!!!!!! but got treated as if i had never brought it up it still haunts me?????#anyway. i am allowed to be angry about this i am in fact going to be mad abt it for the rest of my life okay thanks #elia txts

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purrvaire · 2 years

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im SO HAPPY bc today on my way to uni i met my favourite professor (who hopefully should be my thesis supervisor) (i mean she said yes but until march anything could happen so i don't want to jinx it) AND she was so sweet?? she remembered my name and everything??? she asked how my summer was and how did I do in the other exams???? highlight of my day

#marina i would die for you #she's a great professor and her course was definitely my favorite last semester #also the exam in which i had THEE best grade #but she's also so kind?? like she GENUINELY cares about her students??#also me choosing again the woman i aspire to be as my thesis supervisor #my thesis supervisor as undergrad had literally the same vibe #anyway #ill probably post more abt personal stuff from now on im sorry lol #lidia at uni #lidia speaks #personal ig

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lilake · 8 days

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I'm so so so so so stressed today bc of this meeting about my thesis. I've done some calculations but something is def wrong and I didn't have time to fix it and I'm losing my mind bc I really need to have this done and aaaaaaaaahhhhhh idk anymore I'm afraid he will think I'm stupid and lazy and should not work in this area and I really want to work in this area. and I got an email last week from my former supervisor and she said her phd supervisor works on the stuff I want to do a phd in and I should let her know if I wanted to come back to their group and I want to but I'm afraid I'm not good enough aaaaaaaaahhhhhh god this is so stressful

#sry im alone at work nothing to do but stress about a meeting i have at 3pm

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incorrect-koh-posts · 2 years

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My favourite medievalist professor told me that KoH "has Orlando Bloom!"... who cares about Legolas when Jeremy bloody Irons and Alexander fucking Siddig are in one movie!?!?!?!

Also, why is it not made clear who they actually are?? I have read about Raymond, and I have also read Isfahani's works, and I had to learn both facts through Ao3.

Why are you like this, Mr. Scott.

A medievalist watching KoH for Orlando Bloom?? Owww. My heart. That would make me lose faith in humanity, too. 😂 Though, to be fair, my thesis supervisor (I'm writing about medieval literature, bc duh) recently told me that she liked Clive Owen in that abominable King Arthur movie, so ... I feel you 😂

As for Raymond and Imad: Well, obviously I wholeheartedly agree with you 😁 They're my faves in KoH (which means you will be subjected to a longer rant now, haha), I like the actors a lot, and while both historical figures were a bit shady in some ways, I find them absolutely fascinating. It is a fucking shame they didn't really get to shine in the movie.

The Imad-Rant

I think with Imad, it is quite clear why Scott chose to present a heavily fictionalised version of the character. Kingdom of Heaven was made in the aftermath of 9/11, after all, and the influences of that zeitgeist are written all over the film: how all organised religion is presented as fanaticism, how all crusaders who actually believe in the cause are shown to be uncivilised bigots, how Scott takes special care to show the Muslim characters as honourable, wise, and cultured - much more so than the 'bad guys' from the Christian side - to avoid tapping into the then-prevalent, 9/11-fueled racist stereotypes of Muslims being seen as backward religious fanatics with a penchant for violence.

It is this general cultural climate, I suppose, that affected the character of Imad - because Imad ad-Din al-Isfahani, also called al-Kātib ("the scribe"), didn't quite fit the role of 'good, wise Muslim' in his historical form. For that, I'm afraid, he comes across as a bit too enthusiastic when writing about thousands of Christian women being "deflowered", "stripped of their modesty", "tamed", "dishonoured", "forced to yield themselves" etc. at Salah ad-Din's re-taking of Jerusalem. You get the gist. (And don't get me wrong: the crusaders did all of those things too, and probably with just as much glee.)

But such a depiction of a Muslim character would have been deadly in the early 2000s - and still would be nowadays, tbh. So the writers likely stripped the historical figure of all its potentially questionable attributes to make it more digestible to a mass audience. Why they didn't make Imad a completely fictional character instead we'll never know - my guess would be they didn't want to lose their ... um, arguable claim to 'historical accuracy'. Whatever that's supposed to be.

I'd say, therefore, that I'm not too bothered with what Scott and his team did to Imad - at least in terms of entertainment value. The historical Imad ad-Din would probably not have made for a very sympathetic movie character. Sure, it would have made things more nuanced and interesting on the Saracen side, but overall, I don't think that would have done anyone a favour at the time of the film's release. So I try to be happy with what we have, which is, admittedly, a bit difficult because the script does the character so dirty. Alexander Siddig's performance was fabulous and definitely deserves more love; sometimes I cannot help but wonder what we could have had if KoH had focused a bit more on the Muslim characters and explored their motivations and backstories instead of Balian's. I think - if handled competently - that would have been nothing short of awesome.

So yeah, thank God for Ao3 and FFnet. 😉

The Raymond-Rant

As for why Scott made all those changes to Raymond III of Tripoli though, I have no idea. I'd speculate that he probably tried to simplify the whole thing a bit, since it would've taken an awful lot of screentime to accurately explain Raymond's role in the kingdom: e.g. that Tripoli was its own sovereign state, but that Raymond was nonetheless subject to the Kingdom of Jerusalem through his marriage to the Countess of Tiberias, yadda, yadda. So I think it was easier, in the end, to make him Lord Marshal and advisor to the king and be done with it. I must say I'm not too salty about the name change (though what idiot would confuse 'Raymond' and 'Reynald'??) because it at least hints at the fact that he was Count of Tiberias. What makes me far angrier is that they left out his wife, who would actually have been vital to make the whole Hattin episode make sense and would've given it some emotional heft. Ridley, my dude, I hate to break it to you - but women existed in that era, too.

Anyway. I know some people probably question my sanity on a regular basis whenever I start making heart eyes at Tiberias. Which, I admit, does happen a fair amount, lol. I partly blame my age-inappropriate yet persistent crush on Jeremy Irons for that. The man tends to be like catnip to me, even when he isn't battle-scarred, world-weary, and wearing chainmail. But I digress.

Because the point is: Even though they changed so much, his performance still fits so well with Raymond's actual backstory. From the way Irons plays it, you'd believe that this no-nonsense lord spent ten years in captivity in Aleppo and that - instead of turning angry and bitter at his captors like Reynald of Châtillon - he used the time to learn Arabic and acquaint himself with the ways of his Muslim neighbours. You'd believe that he was regent for both Baldwin IV and Baldwin V, and that he has four stepsons at home that he likes to shepherd around a bit but is actually very fond of. But you also wouldn't think it impossible that he'd make a private truce with Salah ad-Din to protect his own people and lands, even if that agreement was effectively treason to the crown, leading to the absolute carnage at the Springs of Cresson and doing great damage to both the kingdom and Raymond's own reputation.

He wasn't some coward who hauled his scrawny ass to Cyprus (that was Guy, btw, in 1190 or so) when he didn't like the vibe in Jerusalem anymore and left his friend to pick up the pieces. He had his reasons; and saintly bloody Balian actually fled the Battle of Hattin with him. Together, they went to Tyre to wait whether some help for the kingdom would arrive. (It did, eventually, in the form of Conrad of Montferrat.) However, at that point, Raymond had already lost all hope and returned to Tripoli to die of pleurisy, guilt, and - as some chroniclers wrote - "a broken heart". Yes. I'll never forgive Scott for depriving me of all that drama. *shakes fist*

Just look how sad the poor boy is. 😥

I mean, if anybody could pull off dying in such a painful and tragic manner, thinking it was all his fault that the kingdom was lost, it would be this beautiful man. Because no other actor dies on-screen with quite the same intensely wistful, guilt-ridden, and tortured energy as Jeremy Irons, and you can pry that opinion from my cold dead hands. He was perfect for Raymond of Tripoli. I just wish Scott had given him more to do.

Cyprus, my ass. 🙄

#asks #sorry this ended up being so long #but i could rant about my boy raymond for two hours without running out of steam #i'll never understand why he doesn’t get more love #and why even the novelists always relegate him to the sidelines #like are you fucking kidding me #with THAT BACKSTORY??#that's a great protagonist if i ever saw one #certainly more interesting than bland saintly balian #god i need to go to sleep #please don't hate me for this #i know the fandom's interest in these two is limited at best #but it makes me happy to be able to talk about my faves for once without being side-eyed by the omnipresent spectre of baldwin #sorry again #i hope this makes sense #kingdom of heaven 2005 #imad ad-din #nasir #alexander siddig #raymond iii of tripoli #tiberias #jeremy irons #i realise i went completely off the rails here #but my god when will i ever have the opportunity again

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its-tea-time-darling · 2 years

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also (bc you‘re all just getting my unsorted sunday evening thoughts): i had coffee with a friend from uni today and she Enlightened me re my thesis and work process: it seems i have reached the stage where my supervisor has an incredible surge of Last Minute Ideas that would be absolutely Crucial for me to examine, aka work she doesn’t want to do on her own and if she can get me to do it that‘ll check out nicely for her. eg the stage where i have to cut losses and move on.

#studyblr #stemblr #i‘m probs the only one filling those tags with text instead of cute studypics 😂#tea writes her thesis

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blu3mila · 3 years

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i’m working on my master’s thesis these days, it’s an art project+paper kinda deal and as of now i have the idea/format somewhat set. i’ll most probably include video works that i’ve done over the years, the performative kind, so i’m gathering bits of those as well as new sources/inspirations and sending them to my supervisor.

since this is going to be a subjective-personality-image-gender-performance work and since i’m the one that picks the inspiration... naturally... interestingly... coincidentally... the latest pdf i sent had a fair chunk of it abt Trent Reznor.

i’ve mentioned before on my blog. hah. that his work is inspiring to me and it’s the themes, approach, execution and all that but WHAT I HAVEN’T mentioned, and what might be an outlet for me now, is the persona/image stuff. in the pdf i sent i wrote:

---masculinity/image/style/looks, something of how I want to be perceived, or something that speaks to me. Before I had this deep-dive into NIN I spoke with a friend about how I’d hate to live an image this destructive:

‘it feels to me like the more open this dirt and obscenity becomes, the more... difficult it is to do anything 'positive' about it. u can b disgusting and that might b sexy for a while but it will most likely not end in any satisfying way’

‘the line i was drawing above with the obscenity talk... it was about BEING one of them. like Trent was. it sucks bcs there's not really any escape in that situation. it's good that you have a character that you can live out this pain through and i think it's better than letting YOURSELF become the character. even if that might feel more appealing (it does to me). it’s better bcs as i said there would be little escape otherwise’

---and I think I still would hate it, but some part, some part of it is very familiar, something that is already present.

i ruminated on this, edited together a video sketch of my two previous works and sent it off with a statement.

‘I want to speak about/around the search for self instead. Trying to figure out what to be... I like that my past selves shine through these videos. My body is different— I am my body, meaning WE are different— and the effect of the same actions if I were to repeat them now would also be different. I like how my pasts look side by side. I think I might try to make myself into someone I want to be and, here’s the catch, try to believe that I succeeded. Make a pretty-handsome-dramatically-painful-reznorish persona, hold it and receive a confirmation that I can be and am all these things, dramatic and painful and just as edgy as my soul desires. Maybe then I could dance something happy.’

and off it went while i kept thinking and somehow bringing that idea even closer to reality. i don’t know when i’ll be comfortable enough to take myself seriously in the mirror, but it all feels more real. what brought this post about was the understanding that i am yet again in the process of constructing a persona for myself, but this time around i do have the tools of a more fitting body. so that if i were to ‘make myself into a xxx’ i might actually succeed and suddenly feel that it isn’t a performance and i am allowed to be who i want to be. it’s difficult to believe even now, but that’s true.

i’ll finish this off with just a little scream of: I DON’T KNOW HOW COHERENT I WAS IN THE EMAIL I SENT, I’M AFRAID TO LOOK AT THE REPLY CLOSELY BUT IN A GLIMPSE SHE SAID

THAT I SPEAK LIKE TRENT AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THAT THOUGHT CAME FROM BUT WHATEVER AND SHE SAID IT ALL FIT TOGETHER AND IT JUST BLASTED ME WITH SO MUCH JOY THAT I sat down a couple of hours later and typed out this giant of a post.

must be a serious matter.

i’m not sure if i need to justify myself here, but i will just... clarify. that what i’m describing is a coming into rights of a life, your own life. gender, personality, fucking hair colour - whatever, all of it. it’s not about some famous musician person (although it involves him) but it’s about finding what you like, what clicks with you and what you feel you want to be (what you already are, what you only need to allow yourself to admit to) AND OTHERS RECOGNIZING THIS YOU IN YOU. that’s. that’s it. that’s the joy!!!!

#writing #dont get me wrong i dont wanna go the self destruct way and i am aware enough to proceed with caution #either way its... sweet... i wonder what she meant but at the same time i really dont want to put my tentative something under more scrunity

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years

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a good day!! the saga is finally over and my head/heart is clear. my student meetings were so good today. some reflections:

last week I realized that one of our students seemed to be in danger of falling through the cracks in another department bc of some confusion about thesis advising. I spent some time thinking about it over the weekend and today we came up with a plan for getting her project started with me in a very temporary supervising role (hopefully no more than ~3 weeks) as she continues to reach out to potential faculty advisors. it’s definitely helping me realize how tough it can be for students who transfer from two-year colleges can be to find a faculty supervisor, even if they are highly motivated and really want to do an honors thesis. just something I want to keep thinking about, esp if I do eventually move to a two-year college or into another kind of advising role.

that meeting also made me think about how I want to sit down sometime and come up with a creative assignment or class activity that helps students map their own research strategies or like, the research paths they typically take—starting from receiving the assignment to finding texts to interpreting/situating texts in a critical conversation, etc etc. I think it would be REALLY useful to not just give students the rote “this is how you use the databases” intro lesson (which bores me to tears and I can only imagine is more painful for them). there’s probably a cool way to have them externalize/draw/map out how they personally move through diff information portals and engage with sources—and to do it in a public/collaborative space so they can see really concretely how their methods or “paths” might differ from their peers’. it could be a v experiential activity where we clear the desks out and create a kind of space where they are moving through diff physical “portals” and being handed diff pieces of information depending on where they do and don’t go, or what they “ask” at each portal. could be a very playful fun thing where everyone has a diff role to play or charts a diff path through the sort of obstacle course we’ve set up. TO THINK FURTHER!!

met with one of my favorite new students, who I knew instantly would be my fave in the interviews. she’s super creative and good-humored and just seems to be one of those highly curious people who can make virtually anything she reads or has to do interesting even if the text or task is super dry or basic. she has that trick of being able to reframe the thing mentally and look for a creative, speculative connection to something she does care about. that is one of those traits in a learner that is just so rare and special, and whenever I see it in action I’m just like, man! that’s about as close as you can get to a real-life superpower!! it means you will never be bored your whole life long, and that you will spend your whole life learning and exploring and just having a creative, playful relationship with the world around you. it’s beautiful to watch, and it’s also SO lovely to watch how that luminous quality makes other learners around the person light up too.

#teaching

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shashawww · 3 years

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2010 vs. 2020

The year 2020 for me was very reminiscent of 2010. Back in 2010, I used to live in a boarding school and didn’t quite like it there. The ambient was very strict and a bit conservative. I used to rebel a lot while I was there (skipping classes, went out from the school illegally during midnight, did some very ridiculous and childish stuffs). I ended up being kicked out from the school cuz yeah, the pitcher goes so often to the well that it is broken at last. While my friends and I were out in the mall at night instead of attending our tuition class, we were caught red-handed by the school warden. After hours of discussing (read: forcing us to talk by multiple times of caning), we have no choice but to tell them the truth bout all the things that we’ve done before and they decided to kick us out from the school. So, I left the school with a joyous feeling. But, the disappointment comes later right after I get myself into a new school. Well obviously, upon hearing the news my parents was devastated knowing that their kid is behaving like an absolutely wild child (since I’m a girl then I am supposed not to do that kind of rebellious actions). My mom decided to transfer me to a school that is the nearest one to our house so that everytime the school ends I could straight go back home without wandering anywhere. My mom keeps her eye on me 24/7 and actually grounded me until I finishes my high school. I was actually quite obedient during that whole period, if I must say. That’s when I keep on thinking was it really because of the boarding school was that bad or the friends that I met who influenced me to do bad things? But after all, it’s really just me who wants to try new and adventurous things.

Last year was the exact occurence as 2010 (except that I’m actually an adult now and I’m in my uni). It was during my final year project and the stress was no joke so I decided to try new things that could make me feel less stressful but at the same time can help me with focusing on my assignments and thesis. So, I decided to involve myself with weeds. Getting high almost every night was really the escapism that helps me to create this false reality in my head. I was so heavily influenced by the friends around me. I treat the people who care and love me (family and my closest ones) like shit and leave them hanging for quite a long time without telling them anything. My mom was super worried if there was something wrong happening to me bcs I also have panic attack/anxiety attack, but just a mild one. I didn’t called them for almost one month and leave them worried and relentless. When I finishes my degree and went back home, my mom was crying like a newborn baby upon seeing my face. I think that was the first time I saw her crying like that... it breaks my heart into a million pieces and my dad doesn’t talk to me for at least 1 week. That’s when I realised that I’ve hurt both my parents so badly without knowing that I hurt them. I told my mom I need to go back uni cuz I’m planning to pursue a Master and she actually called my supervisor to arrange a topic that I can do based in my hometown. She doesn’t want me to go far from her and leave anywhere (basically she wants to keep her eye on me, just like 2010). I keep on thinking and reminiscing all the bad things that I’ve done that eventually has caused pain towards the people that I love. I don’t know who to blame??? Whether the friends who influenced me to join them or to blame mysef for having such a low imaan and do things recklessly without thinking twice.

Now, I’m safe with my family and under my parents’ supervision. Just thinking about last year give me goosebumps and also some bittersweet memories with 2010. After all, maybe I’m still just a kid that needs to be handle with care and supervise regularly. I’m still fragile nowadays whenever I think about all those moments. Sometimes I feel my chest is about to burst and pop, it beats so fast I almost forgot how to breathe. I tried to remove all the bad memories but it still lingers like a bad perfume. Everyday I pray to Allah to give my heart peace and ease, to give me the strength to forgive myself and people who have forced me, to keep on apologising towards people who I have wronged and also to consistently take care of me wherever I go and in whatever I do. I still have bad nightmares sometimes, and when I woke up I feel glad that it was just a dream. I used to have someone dear to me whom I’ve always share my thoughts with, but he decided that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore since I have ignored him during that period of time, so I actually have no one to pour my thoughts out. Writing like this actually really helps me to let the pain out. I just wish I could heal the pain that I’ve caused in all the hearts of people who I love. Never actually wanted anyone to get hurt but I was so foolish to not think straight. In 2021, my hope is to get more closer to my Creator and ask forgiveness from Him. Sometimes I wish I’d rather die, but I know Allah S.W.T have better plan and future for me. Hanya kepadamu aku berserah ya Allah.....

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a-very-fond-farewell · 4 years

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The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 18/?

University AU: “Negative Space”

[ok so, self projection is a bitch, but I am petty to myself on a regular basis so it’s ok]

[title is from the Japanese concept “ma”, which Wikipedia describes as:

“a Japanese word which can be roughly translated as ‘gap’, ‘space’, ‘pause’ or ‘the space between two structural parts.’ In traditional Japanese arts and culture, ma is more carefully defined as the suggestion of an interval. It is best described as a consciousness of a sense of place, with the ‘intervals’ suggested often being more than simple gaps, instead focusing on the intention of a negative space in an art piece.

Ma is not necessarily an art concept created by compositional elements, such as the literal existence of a negative space. Instead, the intention is often to create the perception of an interval in the viewer experiencing the elements forming an art piece, making maless reliant on the existence of a gap, and more closely related to the perceived experience of a gap.

Ma has also been described as ‘an emptiness full of possibilities, like a promise yet to be fulfilled’, and as ‘the silence between the notes which make the music’.”

Fun fact: “ma” also means “but” in Italian, which is what usually follows whatever intrusive thought may plague my mind. Eg: “I may be useless now, BUT just you wait until I get some dopamine to get me through this shitty times.”]

Wei Ying never asked for much in his life. He’s content with cleaning classrooms and toilets and nobody can beat him at wiping the marble floors if he works hard enough. Granny Wen, his supervisor, is slightly impressed with his ability to make the wood shine for ages to come. His nephew Jin Ling sometimes comes to check on him when he’s done with senior classes or cram school in the evening, and together they sit down and listen to whatever his older friends in music production came up with during the day. Jiang Cheng occasionally would ask him to keep him company while he grades papers and they bitch about ZiXuan and his inability to dote on their sister. The cafeteria ladies are always nice to him and they give him extra congee because they worry for his questionable consumption of spice products.

He’s fine, really.

So why can’t he stop wandering over to the science building these days? Looking for a clean board to use, for an equation to finally solve? Even if in the end he just takes the chalk in hand and simply stares down at the inky surface in front of him, unable to write. His mind working on a software too advanced for the hardware that constitutes his brain.

Thirteen years. It has been already thirteen years and yet it feels like yesterday, or like it never happened at all. Like it has yet to be. Time blindness is a bitch to deal with, yet dyscalculia and ADHD makes a joke out of you when you love math on a visceral level... but you burned too bright too fast and now you function on no data and with an even shittier signal. Having a burnout at 23 should have taught him humility instead of pride, but Wei Ying has always worked out of spite and certain habits are difficult to forget.

Couldn’t put the number in the right order, switching digits left and right since he was young? Fine. Numbers were concepts anyway, entire civilizations working their magic without even knowing what “zero” stood for. A brain steaming with a million ideas per second? Good. New connections brimming with ideas he could use to better the world.

It worked fine until he let himself down. Until he became a useless empty lighter, a wet match tossed out, carbon monoxide in the air.

Dropped out before finishing his very ambitious, highly dangerous for his psyche, thesis project. Aunt Yu never forgave him for that, not after paying for his advanced classes, not after trusting Uncle Jiang and supporting him despite his many flaws. What good is being first of your class every year, poster child of a teaching system done right, graduating bachelor at 21, if you can’t finish your master at 23 and get your PhD at 25 and start teaching by 27 and drive yourself insane in the process?

Wei Ying dropped out and didn’t finish his master, didn’t enroll in the teaching program, and let everyone down. His Uncle and Aunt looking down on him, whether out of pity or shame. Jiang Cheng may have been the one leaving him behind, but he used to be the one saying “you should have tried harder”. YanLi worrying over him when she should have focused on her career first. Jin Ling growing up with stories of his uncle “not being worth the money put into his education”, taught to not disappoint and make his family proud. The Jin side, that is.

And now the kid comes crawling in defeat to him instead of Jiang Cheng after bombing a test in high school. And they chat of what he would like to do and how much he likes sports and how much he despises the idea of getting a scholarship for that and being called stupid or something by his classmates. And he cries when he thinks Wei Ying cannot see him as he leaves the campus late at night.

Wei Ying didn’t even want to solve that impossible theorem he fixated on in his early twenties. His thesis project was inconsequential in the great scheme of things and his professor only wanted him to be his one trick pony in the end. No. Wei Ying wanted to teach math in elementary school, hell... even in kindergarten. He wanted to change the approach to the subject. Because numbers cannot be taught like language is and there are many ways to teach how to sum up digits and divide quantities and there are no rules on how to make sense of space either.

But how can he teach when even time eludes his senses?

Something that nobody can define, but certainly most perceive as linear... but not him. Not since his brain fried up in his attempt to function like a normal human being.

After thirteen years nothing has changed.

Until one day he hears something else aside from his usual intrusive thoughts and burdensome memories. A melody so quiet he almost mistakes it for the wind, coming from the music building.

He walks slowly, night surrounding him like the embrace of a friend as he makes his way to the traditional musical instruments room. The one where Jin Ling’s friends meet sometimes as they wait for the younger boy to join them. Wei Ying holds his breath as he spies through the gap of the door left ajar, neon light slicing his face like moonbeams as he peeks in and recognizes Jin Ling’s friends and another figure sitting on the ground, guqin on their knees.

But before he can lean in and breathe in the vibrant sounds all around, the door opens and music theory Professor Lan finds Wei Ying clutching his mop for dear life.

They said the man could see colors within the notes, that he despises language outside of his class or office and that only his brother, the history of art TA, could convince him to talk every now and then.

If numbers were created to measure space, Wei Ying firmly believed music had been invented to make sense of time and count its seconds in rhythm and notes, pauses and beats. Yet, time seems to stretch to a stop as the janitor focuses all of his attention on professor Lan’s stern face and his heart quickens its pace.

Wei Ying takes a rushed breath and dives right in with a weird sense of hope pumping in his veins. A small, timid voice whispering that life is not made to be atoned, but to move on and grow.

One step at a time.

“I’m Wei Ying, Professor Lan. May I listen while you play?”

Yes, maybe it will be enough just to let time flow at its pace.

Whatever rhythm that may be.

[some hcs down below]

WWX does not magically solve the math theorem. he may or may not help kids figure out how to use numbers on the long run tho. no, he will still work as a janitor and there’s nothing wrong with that.

yes, LWJ is autistic and stimms and finds WWX’s honesty soothing. yes, you can add your hcs on the matter. he has synesthesia, but more on the grapheme-color side of the deal than anything else and he sees certain letters/numbers/notes in different colors. people think he can see colors in music, but they misunderstood and thought he could recognize different hues while listening to music instead of reading it.

JC has grown since his uni years and doesn’t resent WWX anymore. he teaches astrophysics as a TA and doesn’t pressure his brother to pick his studies up anymore. WWX has mixed feelings about this: he feels he’s a lost cause, to the point not even his brother spurs him to best himself anymore, but he is grateful for the patience anyway.

LXC is the official LWJ translator of the campus along with their cousins SiZhui and JinGyi. he bonds with WWX and JC over how tired they are, seldom staring at flies roaming above them in the cafeteria bc none of them can even move. he lives on caffeine and regrets, but he’s getting better as he develops a love for his plant babies and tries to not let them die on a daily basis.

Wen Ning and Wen Qing are little overachievers and adrenaline junkies, hence their competitive streak on their way to their third master degree just for funsies. they scare people with how driven they are, but the juniors love them.

NMJ is the one to go to if you need to get away with murder, but JGY will actually be the one helping you dispose of the body. the fact that they both work in criminal law is somewhat both reassuring and disquieting. they hate each other and yet cannot stop hang out, they are close to 40 and need the rivalry to keep going anyway. nothing beats a good nemesis. not even sex. maybe.

NHS has failed his entrance exam to become a nurse too many times to count, but he is determined to see the end of it. even if he could potentially work in the family business, but he doesn’t know anything about managing an empire of bricks and he doesn’t care. if NMJ could run away, well, so can he.

MianMian is Wei Ying’s bestie and has the biggest crush on JGY’s sister A-Su the kindergarten teacher, but since they are childhood besties she doesn’t know how to approach her. she is Jin Ling’s idol and a certified boxer and refers to herself as a useless bisexual. Wei Ying boxes with her sometimes, she always win.

YanLi is an equestrian mum, but in the best way possible: she coaches children for shows and teaches them horses should be loved and feared equally and that if you want to shoot arrows from a running horse you should always, ALWAYS let go of the stirrups the moment the beast gets too unhinged to ride. JC fears her, WWX is only glad she didn’t train police dogs for a living.

ZiXuan actually loves his wife, but WWX and JC question his career choices and the fact that he’s a retired lawyer spending his family fortune while he’s a stay-at-home dad and does all the housework. WWX and JC believe he should give their sister a better life and work his ass off to deserve her, but he does make amazing rice cakes and keeps up with Jin Ling’s studies and is very supportive of his dreams.

A-Qing and Song Lan are siblings and sometimes bring JC food from the campus cafeteria where they both work at, while Xiao XingChen and his carer Xue Yang work with LXC for a project on accessibility for visually impaired visitors of the local museum. JC and LXC work to make Song Lan and Xiao XingChen fall for each other, but the youngsters are too protective to let them play matchmaker so easily.

[this is all for now. please, if you want, add your own headcanons!]

#mdzs #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs/au: modern #mdzs/au: uni #the forbidden crack! untamed prompts #nieyao #xicheng #wangxian

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nogloryinlove · 4 years

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my thesis supervisor sends me weekly “memes” bc she knows im Suffering tm and wants to cheer me up and while i DEEPLY and truly appreciate the gesture ... theyre 1) always boomer coronavirus memes and unfortunately i’d rather not be reminded theres an apocalypse going on outside as i face my own personal but relatively insignificant mental breakdown and 2) i usually have no other response to said memes except to send a “hahahah 😂😂” which makes me feel like a fake ass bitch

#ramblings

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sarinataylor · 5 years

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Rushing to ask about your French philosophy AU SO FAST spill the tea or rather it being French spill the coffee and house red

oh thank GOD

right ok first off read this

so. roger has just moved into a new flat. for context he is a FRAZZLED masters student. it’s first semester and he’s ta-ing like. three classes as well? he wants to DIE. he’s doing a masters in philosophy because.... of course he is, he knows, he hates himself too. but he fucking fell in love with philosophy in undergrad and his supervisor has been grooming him since his first year and now. here he is. seriously considering a phd.

anyway so sometimes? sometimes philosophy just makes More Sense when you’re tripping okay, it just does. if you take notes? sometimes u wake up the next morning and realise you have New Insights that haven’t already been dissected to pieces

(his undergrad thesis was 1000000% written high like. almost all of it. he got a first. by a large margin. he’s still salty that the same technique doesn’t work with biology but whatever)

ANYWAY so he’s just chillin. tripping. and then he starts to get a lil para because this is a New Enclosed Space so he’s like right shit fuck i gotta leave im gonna go to the park all is good

anyway as he leaves his neighbour is letting himself into his flat and said neighbour (john) is like “oh, hi! i’m john. you must be the new move in!”

(john is working on social interaction with his therapist at the moment. she told him that he has to introduce himself to people and that waiting for people to introduce themselves while he gives off big Do Not Fuck With Me vibes is not conducive to the creating of lasting relationships. he’s trying.)

and roger who is tripping balls responds in french, because of course he does

and john? sweet john is like. oh oh i’m sorry i don’t speak french

so roger mumbles something vaguely french sounding under his breath and makes a run for it

and anyway he hangs out at the park, writes some insightful notes about philosophy in his notes on his phone and then heads back home where OF COURSE john is leaving his apartment again and greets him with a shy ‘bonjour’ to which roger replies with ‘au revoire’ and locks himself back into his apartment because he’s a high idiot

anyway the next morning roger is like. oh fuck. im a moron.

and he has two options. firstly: he can come clean to his nice seeming neighbour, laugh off that no he’s actually not french he was just... off his nut. or secondly: he can pretend to be french

and roger is a fucking idiot because he decides to go with the second option. it’s not as if he’s going to be running into this guy often, after all! they’re neighbours not roommates

except. john has been told by his therapist to be more outgoing. and instead of, idk, joining a club or a sportsteam to meet new people he has decided that the french guy next door is the Perfect Candidate. he is a) not going to understand half the shit john says and b) hot as fuck

so. john signs up for french classes. because, of course he does.

and he keeps???? running into roger???? and it’s fine at first because roger knows a bit of french? like he can read it passably but he can’t converse in it. his supervisor has been trying to get him to learn french for YEARS and he’s been refusing but he knows enough/can bullshit enough for the first couple of months but then he realises, to his horror, that john seems..... to be? getting better at french. he’s clearly actually learning french

and so roger. has to learn french. it’s been three months, it’s much too late for him to. come clean now, especially now that he has the world’s biggest fucking crush on this dude like. this is clearly the only option

(his tutor is dominique. she is living for the drama.)

and so the next like. 8 months? are just the two of them. learning french. john is learning french to converse with roger who is learning french at a slightly faster pace so that john doesnt realise he doesn’t know french while also pretending to slowly learn english to keep up the facade

it all unravels almost a year to the day it began

john enrolls in an intro to philosophy class? as an elective? and who happens to be leading his tutorial class but roger?

(”roger” is, of course, pronounced fucking horrifically because roger just..... said his name with a fucking awful french accent that first time he said hi to john in the hallway and it stuck. he couldnt undo it. it’s..... it’s so bad.)

and roger, seeing john walk in, is like. oh fuck. like. again he has two options? he can a) just. out himself and speak in english or b) teach the entire class, of english speaking students, in french

he chooses the latter.

he gets about five minutes in until a student he’s had in the past asks why the fuck he’s speaking french in a class about greek classical philosophy

john is clearly starting to catch on so roger has to give up the ghost

“and THAT is why you should all learn french. the french philosophical school is really so important--”

john just straight up opens his laptop, unenrolls, and walks out because... he feels like an idiot? this guy has clearly just been taking the piss out of him this whole time, probably laughing it up with his friends about how stupid he is. and it’s worse for the amount of effort john put in, like. it’s horrible and unfair, and he can’t believe that he ever thought someone like that would ever be interested in him in the first place, even just as a friend. he’s so stupid

and roger is freaking out because fuck fuck fuck fuck he really fucking likes john and he’s an idiot

(john’s therapist is mostly just confused at this point like. it seems unlikely that someone would have put in the time and effort to prank him in this elaborate manner but john’s like NOPE THIS IS PROOF THAT EVERYONE HATES ME ON SIGHT I CAN NEVER INTERACT WITH ANYONE AGAIN)

and so. john avoids the HELL out of roger who after a couple of weeks of trying to catch him just. gives up? bc yeah, he wouldn’t wanna talk to him either he’s clearly a weirdo. he doesn’t wanna be a stalking weirdo too.

anyway one day john opens his door to find some random (freddie) passed out on roger’s doorstep? bc roger went out the night before, as did freddie, but they did not coordinate their nights out and as such have ended up closer to one another’s apartments and decided to crash with one another except. neither is home.

and freddie wakes up when john opens his door, sees him, and screeches

and john’s like. ok im gonna go goodbye

but freddie is like!!!!! oh my god oh my god you’re john

and john puts two and two together (strange man at roger’s doorstep? probably knows roger) and is like fuck. ok like yeah y’all had ur laughs i’m an idiot lets move on now i have to go

and freddie is???? you’re an idiot???? roger learned french because he had a crush on you and didn’t know how to tell you he wasn’t french after he got so high he started speaking a language he doesn’t know

and john’s like right yeah whatever

but freddie is!!!!! you’re a legend. an actual Legend you don’t even know. everyone knows about you, they’re going to freak when they find out i met you!!!! roger wouldn’t let anyone around for a year in case we gave him away!!!!! i can’t believe this oh my god, will you take a selfie with me??? like we all stalked you on fb obviously but it’s not the same as meeting u in person y’know??

and john is like. uh. no i dont know. ive never stalked anyone on facebook which has freddie like yeah. obviously. if you had you’d have rumbled roger much earlier

and john’s like ok thanks for the reminder im an idiot. didn’t need it, but thanks

but freddie’s like dude i just think so highly of you??? i mean you just thought the blonde hottie across the hall was french and went for it y’know????? i’ve never learnt another language for a dick appointment but i appreciate craftsmanship when i see it and believe me when i say you, sir, are a god amongst men

can i shake your hand?

(brian, confused at the pub the week after the first incident: okay but. you know greek? why didn’t you just..... speak greek?roger: I DON’T KNOW BRIAN I WAS OFF MY FUCKING NUT OKAY?)

and anyway

roger’s thesis actually ends up being on 19th century french philosophy because. he knows french now

his dedication page reads[in english] to my supervisor, who i would not learn french for[in french] and john, for who i did not have to learn french for, but did anyway

#lo talks #joger hc's #headcanon ask #Anonymous

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