#and the only thing i can think of is that it’s a lingering covid symptom

[kaseyskat]

me trying frantically to google long covid symptoms versus the internet being entirely unhelpful ama

#kasey rambles #i’ve had this fucking sore throat for a month now #talking makes it worse and it also makes me cough #and the only thing i can think of is that it’s a lingering covid symptom #cause there’s nothing ELSE like it’s just the sore throat and occasional cough #and i don’t have health insurance anymore so im like. gritting my teeth through it but man

[placesyoucallhome]

okay so where have I been? Actually sick, but for the most part it's all the same sick, all the same sick as I've been since 2020, it just got worse.

ranting under a cut because I'm just venting at this point-

I got covid in like, February of 2020, early early, before doctors even thought covid was in my state early and sure as hell weren't diagnosing it. And to be fair, I didn't even got in, or bother telling anyone, because I thought it was a little headcold, barely coughed, just sniffly and tired, though the lack of taste was... odd. I didn't think anything of it, thought I just lost my sense of smell due to sniffles.

Then I didn't ever get better.

Honestly I thought I was losing my mind, I suddenly was sleeping 14+ hours a day, making dinner was an ordeal because I was exhausting just standing for minutes at a time, I couldn't work, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I didn't connect any dots until months later when my taste finally came back, that that was a symptom, and that for some people it just never gets better.

So for a while that's all I have to work with, there's no relief, no cure. Not until the vaccine anyways, and some people with long covid find relief, symptoms lessening or even going away entirely! I'm one of those, thank fuck, my fatigue lessens enough that I can get part time work again at least. And that's where I'm at for a while. I'm not at where I was before, but man, at least it's something.

Cut to a bit over a month ago, I get another cold, and... I don't recover. I'm shoved right back to where I was in 2020, and now with vertigo enough to make me nauseous at the drop of a hat and brain fog that makes thinking feel like a sisyphusian ordeal, fun! At least it's not loss of taste again. I sort out the veritgo with some supplements, but my fatigue and and the worst brain fog of my life are lingering, and at this point I'm gods damn desperate for this to not be reality for the next handful of years or more. SO. Research.

I try a few options, not much works, not until I stumble on a side blurb somewhere about antihistamines helping. I look some more, some people are completely reset to normal on them! Fuckin I might as well try right? I've never taken claritin I don't have allergies how would I have known?

And it fucking works

It was like night and day after one dose! No brainfog! My energy slowly comes back too! No vertigo! Holy shit!

Except my sinuses are actively killing me. To be fair, my sinuses never actually worked properly, they just don't drain. And now it feels like there is a solid mass of mucus in there that isn't budging, and my throat is raw because it's making me snore on top of that. Cool. cool cool cool. Apparently there's a known issue of antihistamines causing mucus in the sinuses to just not hydrate and essentially gunk up everything.

And that's where I'm at. My choices are- keep taking antihistamines and be able to stay away and think and just deal with the constant sinus migraines (or take sinus meds constantly on top of all that), OR- drop the antihistamines and deal with fatigue and brainfog, I can then consider a low histamine diet. What is a low histamine diet? Fucking torture. It's not even terribly healthy because it cuts out so many nutrients, and you aren't supposed to be on it for more than a month or so at a time, and I'd need to be on it for 6.

What is a low histamine diet? Amongst other things, no spices, no deli/coldcut meats, no spinach, no tomatoes, no cheese, no SOY SAUCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I cannot stress how much my diet revolves around tomatoes and soy especially, I wouldn't be allowed anything savory or spiced or fermented for SIX MONTHS.

So it's not looking likely.

So I'm at an impasse, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about it yet. probably ease off the claritin for a while and see if my sinuses recover and try again?

Anyways I had mac and cheese tonight and only cried a little bit.

#long covid #which is the tl;dr about it #I just got tossed into a spiral about it for the last month

[vanillatalc]

what i think is going on wrt covid (basically a compilation of what people who actually know what they're talking about are saying) bc i think i need to write it all down for my own sanity

where we are generally

current worldwide dominant variant is either already or about to be jn.1 which is very immune-evasive (i.e. why it's suddenly winning)

symptoms can be pretty much anything, from asymptomatic, to something indistinguishable from mild allergies, to something indistinguishable from food poisoning, to (EXTREMELY rarely) death

no evidence that severity of disease is either better or worse than other omicron subtypes

at time of writing the UK is seeing an uptick in hospitalisations, which has generally a ~10 day lag on infection time, so we can surmise that covid is rampant atm

where we are w/ long covid

long covid rate per infection seems to have declined steadily since 2020. i like this piece on why the long covid problem has probably peaked already (well sourced, click around)

frustrating lack of cohesion with definition and diagnosis: the CDC defines it as problems going on for FOUR weeks; the WHO only calls it long covid after TWELVE weeks. (personally i think the CDC one is way too keen - it's really not uncommon to have a cough that lasts for 2-3 weeks post-virus and i dont think it necessarily indicates anything "wrong")

there urgently needs to be more clarity re: long covid subtypes: some people are suffering extremely badly with debilitating pain & fatigue, some people have a lingering cough, some people who were hospitalised have been severely deconditioned from lying in a bed for weeks - etc. all of these are conceivably diagnosable as long covid under the current guidelines, with extremely different needs. "long covid" currently comprises such an enormously broad range of symptomology that it seems almost impossible to tease out an individual risk from oft-yelled alarmist statistics like "1 in 10 infections result in long covid". like - ok - what kind of long covid are we talking? bc if you mean "1 in 10 people are still coughing at 4 weeks" i would believe it, but if you mean "1 in 10 people are severely debilitated for years" i would not.

reinfections probably dont incraese the long covid risk by very much, if at all. if you don't get it the first time you're very unlikely to get it the second time

not many (? i dont even think there are any really) treatments for long covid but the patient community is really really driving the research forward

anyway, the outlook for the UK for the next month i think is probably pretty bad on a population level thanks to the new variant jn.1 gaining global dominance, regular seasonal socialising, colder weather, + i wouldnt be surprised if the NHS cant cope (again). there's obviously only so much you can do but you really dont want to be in need of hospital treatment at the beginning of jan, when i suspect things will be worst, when there are no beds + the staff are all overworked hard to say anything about how bad the wave will be on an individual level bc we dont really know anything about jn.1's relative severity one way or the other but the sheer numbers of infected will presumably make it bad at scale if you're in the UK and have plans for christmas (or sooner) i would try and avoid mixing much until those plans happen to be honest, all the data is a week behind at least + even that data is showing large increases in covid activity so the actual picture will be worse by now

also, people whose analysis i generally trust and find helpful - a mixture of doctors / statisticians / biologists etc: paul mainwood oliver johnson prof. christina pagel eric topol jp weiland omicron data there are also a serious amount of covid alarmists on the internet and i find this frustrating at best + actively triggering at worst lol like just bc you're on "the right side" (i.e. you aren't in favour of mass deaths and/or disabling events) you cant just create misinformation + wilfully misinterpret studies lol. like it sucks still but where we are right now is completely different to 2020. if you see anyone comparing covid to "airborne aids" that is your cue to block

#this is such a boring post #i made it unrebloggable bc i didnt cite (many) sources and its not really something i want read as gospel #which i dont think any of my actual followers would do lol #but once it gets out of your own little zone...

[literary-potato]

I put this in the comments of a mutual’s post but I figure this is helpful general info under the circumstances.

If you’re in the Northeast US right now, you’ve probably noticed the smoke. It’s bad.

If you’re in the US, there’s also a very high chance that you have had Covid at some point. You may have experienced some lingering symptoms, or maybe they’re only flaring up now because smoke.

Either way, as a Covid long hauler who lived in California from 2016-2022 including the infamous Orange Sky Day of 2019 (and I’m currently fighting off a Covid reinfection yayyyyyyy), I have Tips.

General smoke tips for everyone

Stay inside. Duh. If you can’t then you can’t, but if you can then your best move is indoors.

Wear a mask outside. If you have a KN95, great. If you have an N95, even better. Respirators work too. But please wear a mask of some kind if you must go outside. We’re currently at levels that are risky even if you’re ‘healthy’ and don’t have health conditions.

Close your windows. If they’re drafty now would be a good time to break out any of the hacks you usually use in the winter to keep the heat in & the cold out.

Use an air purifier. If you have one from peak Covid, that’ll probably work fine for smoke. If you don’t have one, you can make one fairly cheap with common hardware store materials. Just look up “corsi rosenthal box” and follow the instructions. They’re a little bulky in small spaces, but they work pretty well.

Covid specific tips

Even if you recovered from Covid a while ago, you might notice you feel a little dizzy or short of breath or tired with the smoke.

Seriously stay inside. Wear a good mask if you must be outside.

Rest. And by rest I don’t mean ‘run a 5k instead of a 10k’ I mean REST. Become one with the couch. Sit or lie down. Try to do something pleasant and distracting that lets you catch your breath without thinking about it too much. If you have to do stuff, take lots of breaks. Try to ration your energy.

Keep cool. For whatever reason overheating seems to make Long Covid stuff worse. YMMV, it’s not universal, but it’s HUGE for me and for others I know who have it.

Hydrate. And get plenty of salt and electrolytes if it’s not otherwise contraindicated. This is especially true if you’re getting the lightheaded / dizzy thing, and if it gets worse when you stand up.

Stand up slowly. And ideally be prepared to catch yourself or sit back down. If you’ve ever gotten head rush, it’s like that but way more intense.

#survival tips #Covid stuff #Canada fires #northeast smoke

[humboldtfog]

Wrote a thing for the Outer Space Arcata ig, thought I'd put it here too.

Big thank you to everyone who wears masks at Outer Space, and HUGE shoutout to @maskbloceastbay for donating 100 kn95 masks this month so we can provide them for free. Mutual aid is the future! Wearing a mask helps keep our events accessible to everyone! We encourage you to support @maskbloceastbay or your local mask bloc if you can. I think we can all agree our government and the capitalist healthcare industry has failed us, so here’s a little info to help bridge the public health education gap so you can understand why we still highly encourage wearing a high quality respirator (n95, kn95, kf94, ect.) Every time you are infected with covid, even if you only have mild symptoms, it damages your immune system, and can infect cells in many parts of the body besides the lungs including the heart, brain and blood vessels. So while immunocompromised people are more at risk of long covid from one infection, even the most healthy individuals, if they get repeat infections over the years, will almost certainly end up with a damaged immune system, long covid, heart disease, brain damage, ect. While there’s a lot of things about covid we still don’t know, these things are almost certain: Everyone is at risk. Respirator masks (not surgical or cloth!) are very effective at preventing transmission. Asymptotic spread is very common, you can be contagious even if you don’t feel sick. Covid aerosols travel in the air like smoke and can linger for hours. Even better is using multiple layers of protection like getting the most updated vaccine, improving air quality, and testing regularly. You can still get eight free rapid tests a month with most insurance plans. If you need help accessing free rapid tests, free masks, or have any other questions please reach out to us or your local mask bloc. You can find a great directory at maskbloc.org and lots more info on the science of covid and reality of where we are in the pandemic at peoplescdc.org. Covid justice is disability justice, all our struggles are connected, when the systems fail it’s up to us to protect each other! 😷💉💖

#covid #not over #masks #self #outer space #arcata #humboldt

[schmergo]

I am just wondering about the sustainability of... doing basically anything around here. Companies are requiring employees to return to work (in many cases, eliminating telework options that existed PRE-pandemic), mask and vaccine mandates are being rolled back, and everything’s open again despite high COVID numbers. 

But at the same time, recent studies show that up to 1 in 5 adult COVID survivors develops symptoms of Long Covid. That’s possibly millions of people developing chronic illness symptoms. That sounds difficult for both the healthcare system to manage AND to have any kind of steady, reliable, functional workplace if your coworkers keep being absent due to sickness and then developing long-lasting symptoms after they return (or quitting due to them).

Even for younger people, for whom it’s often not as bad, I’m seeing so many people get hit with post-viral fatigue and other symptoms lingering for a month or more that remind me a lot of mono. Imagine that like half of your friend group had mono... but unlike mono, kept getting infected again and again (I know many fully vaxxed and boosted people who’ve had COVID multiple times due to different variants). People who have always been super healthy and fit getting exhausted easily or developing new daily headaches who never had them before, struggling with ‘brain fog’ making it difficult to work. These are the young, fit ones. 

If there are NO mitigation measures in place and we’re just expected to accept that we’re “all going to get COVID sooner or later,” that ignores the fact that people can get it again and again as each new variant arises and immunity wanes. Because everyone seems to agree that COVID isn’t going away but will just continue to mutate and change into new variants, this seems pretty risky, constantly rolling the dice on getting a virus that may cause LASTING health problems in 20% of people. Especially since so many jobs provide little to no health benefits and super low salaries, basically keeping people from effectively managing chronic illnesses that require frequent absences and medical appointments. I guess they think workers are replaceable, but how long before they burn through the supply?

But on the other hand, it’s also not sustainable to just stay in your room with no human contact for the entire rest of your life. I was super cautious for the first 2 years of the pandemic and now I’m finally doing indoor socialization with vaccinated friends and family again (though still not going into indoor public places like restaurants or movie theatres and still order things online rather than going into stores) because if things are never going to get any better, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I guess I would rather develop lifelong chronic illness from making lifelong memories celebrating Christmas with my family than running errands at Home Depot. 

I genuinely don’t know how long all of this is going to last before the widespread infections and chronic symptoms really start messing with... any industry you can possibly imagine. It seems like everyone is experiencing labor shortages already, and that’s only going to grow from here. Yet it’s hard to find anyone caring even a LITTLE about this. I can’t even talk to friends and loved ones about this because they just start trying to comfort me with the bright side of the COVID situation (”Omicron is less deadly! More people are vaccinated now! The chances of young people dying are vanishingly small!”), when those aren’t the things I’m worried about at all.

When I was 23, something weird happened to my body and I can’t quite say exactly what caused it, because it was a perfect storm. I worked a busy, stressful, physically demanding job at a preschool, and I was working about 10-12 hours a day because I was covering a boss on paternity leave. It was a cold, dark, snowy winter and due to the long work hours, I virtually never saw the sun, so it’s possible a Vitamin D deficiency played a role here, or psychosomatic symptoms caused by stress and anxiety, or just plain old repetitive strain on my body from the long hours. I was also diagnosed with a mild underlying condition during all this-- what is now known as Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. I’ve always had loose, overly flexible joints, but it never caused me serious problems, just made it a little easier for me to get injured than other people and meant I got worn out a little more easily. Things were never bad enough for me to seek treatment until what happened to me that winter, and have never been as bad since.

But it all started with a cold. A weird bad cold that started like any other cold (and lord knows I was always getting colds working at the preschool) but quickly involved joint pain and weakness and tingly numbness in my hands and wrists, then spreading to the rest of my body over the course of a few weeks. I was so fatigued that all I could do after work was lie in bed. I could hardly make it through the work day. My whole body ached and I could barely do anything without exacerbating my constant pain.

 I thought I must have mono. I tested negative for that and 11 other things. The only thing I was diagnosed with during my Extensive, Expensive Journey was hypermobility. My doctor said, “It’s probably just a virus,” which could mean anything. But I felt like a ghost of my former self for about 4 months and still had lingering symptoms for almost a year. Things went downhill so fast that I remember looking at a photo of myself doing a cartwheel two months before and crying because I couldn’t imagine ever doing a cartwheel again (which fortunately wasn’t true-- I have no problem doing cartwheels now at age 30). I eventually quit that job and got a less physically demanding office job. The symptoms never came back to the same degree, and I’ll never know what really caused it, but it wouldn’t surprise me if some kind of post-viral malaise played a role there. Even little colds can set off all kinds of storms, let alone a new virus.

When I hear about people with Long COVID, I imagine a workforce full of people who feel the way I felt when I was 23. Can you? I’m not proposing any kind of solution here or saying, “Here’s what I think people should do about it,” so I’m sorry for the gloomy post, but when people ask me why I’m still worried about COVID-19 after all of this time and my multiple vaccinations... this is why.

#COVID #COVID-19 #health

[fahk]

Covid II (a rant of frustration)

I guess I'll just be in isolation for the rest of my life.

God damn I despise the mainstream media. They do nothing useful in reporting information about health science at all. Such a disservice to the community.

Covid has been a huge example of how media fails. Examples: When the media lied to everyone about the vaccine being a cure for long haul. It's not. The constant misrepresentation of long haul as people who only have covid symptoms for up to eight or nine months. There are people now at year three. Constant downplaying of contagion, veracity, and spread of the virus and rarely questioning actual numbers from officials who've gotten it wrong before. The media does a lot of harmful covid reporting. One thing I wish they would report on is lingering contagion - i.e. the different time tables for clearing the virus - and that's shitty to not inform the public on.

I got infected last week because my boyfriend's company put a bunch of people into a small space without giving a damn. The event was last Friday. The following Sunday was day 0 for start of my symptoms. Because covid makes it look like I have all the worst autoimmune diseases handed to me in a gift basket I've been prescribed Paxlovid. My body doesn't do covid well at all. I did the antiviral round the following Tuesday - Saturday. And here I am now - a full seven days from onset and I am still VERY contagious. Even after a major round of antivirals and my symptoms are pretty much gone.

And as I continue looking into how long people can be contagious from covid I see well up to 20+ days?! It's just dependant on your health?!?! I'm sorry what?!?!?! Why don't I know about this? Why isn't this common knowledge?!?! Oh.... right. The media doesn't mention it. And let's think about it. How often has shitty CNN/NYTimes ect... headlined how covid infection is bad for immunocompromised as it is? Not a lot. But now there's this whole other thing no one's talking about where if you're an "autoimmunie" like I am - then it takes longer for the body to tackle covid and exterminate it from the body than a healthy person. EVEN WITH PAXLOVID.

Where are the news stories about not spreading covid for the sake of not isolating immunodeficient people for a fucking month? Like.... I have to work too! I have a need to see friends, family, pets just like anyone else! But it's rare just to see these shitty news orgs even acknowledge immunocomp people exist at all.

I am seven days into this second covid infection. The antiviral knocked the nasty part of it out in two-days and I am glad for that but I am still very contagious when most people are clear in three days. I am at seven and the line is dark red so I'm not clearing anytime soon. And because I've been isolated for so long now I'm depressed. My cats are on the other side of my door. I have to have a serious conversation with my partner and haven't been able to do. I missed a road trip to Utah to see a full eclipse. I missed a bike festival with a friend. I missed a Halloween party. And it looks like I'm going to miss another week of work. I had no idea the other huge reason why immuno issue people like me don't want covid, besides it messing our physical selves up, is it messes our existing lives up too for weeks!

I'm so mad. Mad at my partner's co-workers. Mad at his company. Extra mad at the media for neglecting to inform the public fully. Mad. This sucks. I wish I had known covid was spreading again in large events and I wish I had known that if I get it, chances are I'll be quarantined a lot longer than the average person. Unacceptable.

#covid #autoimmune #chronic disease #spoonie #isolation #this fucking sucks #paxlovid #mainstream media

[whentherewerebicycles]

okay I didn’t submit a new job application today but I did meet with four kids and then spent many hours putting together a portfolio for the job that wants me to do 5am meetings. it is the job I am least excited about on my list but I think it may be the one I’m most likely to get. we will see! okay time for sleep. today was an unbelievably joyous day for me because my fandom isn’t going to die and goddd as long as I have my little community to escape into I can weather almost any stressor. also my COVID symptoms are almost completely gone and I only have one more round of paxlovid so no more horrible metallic taste in my mouth! the one odd lingering thing is that COVID seems to have fucked up my taste receptors for sweet things. everything else is back to tasting normal but anything sweet has no real flavor to me. mmkay that’s my life update for the day gonna pass out now

[avauntus]

what it's like to catch the plague, late 2022 edition.

After nearly 2 1/2 years of avoiding it, COVID caught up with me. It's been a while since I've seen a post like this, but I wanted to share what it was like for me (as a single person, living alone), what helped, and what I'd stock in advance if I'd known that would help even more.

Some say this is "milder COVID," and I mean...compared to something that puts you in the hospital, I guess so? Still, I've been flat on my back for four days, and I'm going to go take a nap after finishing this post so-- if you're feeling like it's a LOT, or want to avoid it, you are 100% valid. This is NOT an easy sickness. The only thing I've gone through that has made me weaker was surgery, and that took over a month to recover from.

I also know 100% how I got this: My father's living facility is having a COVID outbreak, and when he tested positive last Saturday, he was already on a watch to maybe go in for emergency monitoring for heart issues and diabetic-related infection issues-- the triage nurse recommended taking him in to be examined because that was just-- a lot of complication, all-together. The only way he was going to get there was if I drove him, and he's not great about mask-wearing at the best of times (he did try- until he forgot).

So- good news for you, potential COVID avoider? I basically ignored a lot of exposure guidelines and got myself infected. It's still possible to be cautious and be reasonably safe, I think.

On to COVID itself-- I had no symptoms on the first day post-exposure, light fatigue and a cough on the second (I made dinner and made it out to a grocery pickup [contactless with me double-masked]), and by the third day I was having trouble standing.

A trick I learned from an earlier COVID-solo essay that worked for me: If you can get part of the way up, you can "walk" yourself upright using your hands and a wall. Then just-- try to get wherever you're going quickly, you know?

Some other useful things I was glad to have on hand:

Broth - I didn't want to eat anything, and when I tried a cookie anyway, I got tired of chewing halfway through. Drinkable stuff was key.

Juice

Canned drinks - convenient sizes, and a hit of caffeine from the soda when I started getting a headache from not drinking any coffee or tea that I was too tired to brew

granola bars or breakfast cookies (or protein bars might have been even better) - if I only get a few bites of something, might as well make it count

chapstick

cough syrup (!!)

tissues (!!)

a way to have the phone nearby, and a way to set it up so only key contacts can reach you when you're sleeping (pretty much: always)

dumb TV (I watched this and this)

A family member and a friend from work both checked in with me this week and asked how I was doing and if I needed anything from the store / a meal -- something I really felt touched by-- if you have a friend in your life with COVID right now, especially if they live alone or are usually the "household doer" - I'd really suggest checking with them, and it's an easy thing to drop off a carton of soup or a half-gallon of milk on a doorstep. Your COVID friend is so, so tired, and will so appreciate it.

I don't want to linger on this, but I also had reactions when I shared I'd caught COVID that were along the lines of: at least it's the milder version! or good luck, hope it is asymptomatic for you! (what?)-- and I just mention it because if you're getting that kind of reaction too-- don't let it get to you. This IS ROUGH; and you are 100% valid to feel crumby, sad, to rest and take care of yourself.

I read I was supposed to try to isolate my cat, which worked for about 30 seconds, until I fell asleep the first time, and then how am I supposed to say no to this?:

Up until last week, the US government (and state programs, mostly, too) have been shutting down. Now the White House has briefly opened a window to get more rapid tests-- so you can tell if what you have is COVID or the worst flu you've ever encountered, haha. 🙃 In any case, if you're in the US, sign up for your four free additional tests I guess!

I hope this helps somebody else out there-- stay safe everybody, and I hope you can let yourself rest if you catch this!

#covid #covid isn't over #about me #🤧

[that-gay-jedi]

I'm always surprised when I see people in places where weed is still illegal celebrating steps toward legalization bc I forget that not everyone knows how legal cannabis in Canada only further harmed the same people prohibition had been harming.

It basically put all the good dealers out of business and legitimized the shitty ones, screwed disabled people over in favour of ableds, suffused everything with a cringey weed mom culture with all the same fucked up elements as wine moms, and previous users are now paying more for a lower quality product that's worse for the environment.

Legalization did not bring decriminalization to the majority of people already serving time or living with a criminal record for it, did not reduce the racism involved, and all but halted research into remaining unknowns about how cannabis works.

What it did do was largely cause the kinds of people whose voices are most likely to be heard to forget about decriminalization, medical use, public education on cannabis, and so on. Apparently the only time moneyed, abled and/or white people cared about any of those issues was when it inconvenienced them and now that they can just buy from a government-run covid farm that looks like an Apple store it's out of sight, out of mind.

There's a broader lesson here about how social change does not always equal social progress and you can't trust any system built on exploitation and violence to do anything except find new and more egregious ways to be exploitative and violent.

The only cultural changes that improve things are ones which fundamentally alter how agency, worth, visibility and control are determined and distributed among the living beings belonging to or in contact with the impacted culture. Changes to specific taboos and norms are useless if they leave the load-bearing elements of injustices intact.

I'm already seeing the logical continuation of this in how hallucinogens that might be (re)legalized within my lifetime are being approached. Social assistance in Canada still won't cover anything except CBT and (some) medication, and even their coverage of CBT is tenuous (and the CBT that's covered is of dubious quality). You really think people who could benefit from new treatments are going to have them?

Whenever people excitedly share news about psilocybin-assisted psychotherapy being approved for certain patients or results of yet another study into the effects of such substances on lingering trauma symptoms etc etc I think, "Great, one more goddamn thing that traumatized people who are already struggling to access various broadly accepted or established treatments won't get to use."

It's all repainting the walls without replacing the rotten foundation. And the building is going to fall just as soon and just as hard as it was going to before, with just as many people inside.

#decriminalization #cannabis #legalization #mental health #social justice #public health #social determinants of health #ableism #classism #racism #policing #poverty #the ways in which we continue to gentrify everything from drugs to abstract concepts astound me #do you ever get tired? #cause i sure do

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

health update

because i was so busy Being Sick and also Recovering From Being Sick that i didn’t realize until i checked just now that i haven’t said...anything? i’ve chatted with friends and liveblogged the sandman, lol, but i never mentioned that i lost my sense of smell and taste (and that led to me eating as little as possible this whole time, because foods being Texture Only is literally my worst nightmare it turns out--i actually thought it might not bother me so i learned quite a bit from that and have thoughts), or that i started getting better pretty quickly after going on paxlovid,

but at 3am today, i took my last dose of it. i also slept yesterday from around 5pm to 9pm (when i had to wake myself with an alarm so i wouldn’t sleep through the regular nightly feeding of the cats outside), then went back to bed after that until the 3am meds time and ended up sleeping in until almost 10. it was honestly the first night since i got covid where i was able to sleep until i felt rested, like i usually benefit from when i’m sick. having chest congestion and a cough, plus set times for meds taking and cat feeding, meant i was instead sleeping in patches and often sitting up.

so i’ve been tossing additional decongestant and chest congestion meds at my symptoms, too, in the hopes that it will speed the recovery of my lost senses. i read that scientists learned that covid uses the upper sinus area as a helpful pathway to spread, and that makes the area swell, which contributes to the loss of function. so my strategy has been to try and keep ‘healing’ it with drugs and rest but also to follow the tips from the doctors who treat long-term patients who still can’t smell after 6 months. sensory exposure, basically, and ‘testing’ my nose. 

two days ago, i started to think maybe i was smelling things again...but only in a couple of cases, and i wasn’t sure i was doing more than remembering what they should smell like. yesterday i knew i was smelling those couple of things, but still not more--and i thought i might be able to taste exactly one thing. today i can taste that thing, i can sort of taste hints of other things, and i can smell hints of other things too. gosh, i’m so grateful my basic ability to function may be coming back. 

my lungs still feel weak, but that and lingering congestion are my only issues now. so today i’m back on my normal routine as much as possible for the first time, with still-limited chores. (if i feel even better tomorrow, i’ll be taking the last of those back as well.) we’ve had a family visit planned for a long time that would start in a week and i was worried about being a contagion so i’m thrilled to be better, if i can only stay that way. on the other hand though i also have important big chores to get done before family arrives, which are really only possible if i keep improving, so getting back to my routine is a good test.

#life stuff #covid #health

[whythewords]

Days 227 - 266: Oh, to be in your care

These are getting fewer and further between huh? There's also no point mentioning that every single time, huh?

Well, I started school again.

It sucks.

I had a sinking feeling that this final semester was all of a sudden going to be unlike the other three and crawl by slowly...but looking at the last three weeks from a distance, I'm pretty amazed that there were three of them. It doesn't seem like it'll be too difficult but also doesn't seem like it'll be a cakewalk. I think I mentioned it before but at this point I'm just antsy because I'm over it, I'm ready to work now. I've done the co-op thing...twice...essentially doing the same thing I would do if I was hired to work there as a regular employee. Speaking of which, co-op ended and prospects at the city seem good based on what was said to me and about me. I'm still not sure if that's where I wanna end up but it also may be one of the best spots I can be while I figure out what's next. So that's pretty cool.

So yeah, I finished that, started school, caught COVID....

Yeah.

Fucking shit caught up to me.

I had been on a college campus for a couple of weeks, trying to mask up and be safe obviously but that'll only get you so far. Unclear if I was patient zero in my household as my dad got it a day or two before I did but I could have brought it back and not shown any symptoms. So the whole Chammas clan here in the apartment got infected. Luckily, mom and dad are both double-vaxxed, double-boosted and the worst of it seemed to only last about two or three days for them. Mine has been lingering though. I missed all my classes this week but luckily all of the material (aside from the live lecture) is still online, I have at least one class that was already fully virtual and a friend from older classes and my last co-op who was kind enough to talk me through today's coding lecture over WhatsApp as it was happening. I daresay I was more productive this week while sick at home than I was the last two while I was on campus. It's almost as if there's no actual reason for any of us to be there except for the fact the college wants us buy their shitty food and pay exorbitant parking fees on top of the already ridiculous tuition costs. Capitalism gon' capital. But let's move on from that since I've ranted and raved about it to family and friends over a voice chat between coughs enough this week.

Well, come to think of it, there's not much else. Oh...I guess I filed for divorce since the last post. Yeah. Fuck. That happened. We met at the courthouse. Filled out some paper work. Got some stuff notarized. Went back to her house...shit, okay. Pause. It IS her house. Why did I debate whether to refer to it as my OLD house? I guess technically both are true. *sigh* See how psychologically fun this whole process is? Anyway, yeah we went back to her house and re-signed and dated any of the paper work we had looked over a few weeks before and then I took it all home and filed. The process supposedly takes about 6-8 weeks (it's been 5) and that's assuming that we did everything correctly. At this point, I'm just praying I don't get an email back from the superior court saying "sorry try again" or I will lose my god damn shit. The process shouldn't be this hard....it's already hard enough emotionally.

Okay...fuck it here it is.

So she was late to the courthouse. We had to queue up and take another number after I had already been there for close to an hour. I was furious. I did my best to remain calm. She was apologetic. But god it was just...a microcosm of the worst parts of our relationship. I spent the whole rest of the time thinking how glad I was going to be when this process was all over, how this time might ACTUALLY be the last time I had to deal with this shit...and I just....couldn't fucking hold onto it. Maybe my heart knew it wasn't worth it. Maybe I'm past the point of caring, of investing too much of myself in it, and that's probably the healthier thing.

Before I left, I stood at the doorway awkwardly, said goodbye and then gave her a hug, and instinctively gave her a kiss on head. We just froze there for a second in a fucking depressing tableau.

I've said time and time again that this was all meant to happen, and I still believe that. I've said we're both gonna move on from this and do so much better for ourselves and by ourselves, and fuck I believe that with all my heart. But as has happened numerous times this year, and will certainly happen a few more before the year is through, loneliness has tendency to kick you right in rose-coloured nostalgia. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about giving her a shout when I got COVID just to hear her sympathize and remember what it was like when someone other than mommy and daddy were taking care of me.

It's funny, I started this series of sort of journal entries at the beginning of the year, to document my progress, the first new year since leaving my marriage and my home. And moreso than "look at all the progress I've made," I Iook back on everything so far and say "look how it's still hard, but I'm still moving forward." "Look how it's still hard but I'm still here."

I don't remember where I heard it recently but "two steps forward, one step back is STILL one step forward." So that's it. This is gonna be the pattern. Slow progress forward, but mostly more of the same. More of the same until it's different.

#life of joe #not so daily journal

[chromalogue]

So like, this is the last thing I should be doing right now, because I have an in-person conference to go to next week and I don’t even have the paper written, and a fifty-item to-do list this week, but anyway. 

One of the things that has to be done is, the blueberries are out.  I won’t be back until the end of July, by which time they’ll most likely be finished, so the blueberries I pick this week are all the blueberries my mom will have for the year.  I can’t do much about food prices, but I sure as heck can grab free food off the ground.  Or cheap--we’ve also done twenty-eight litres of strawberries from the pick-your-own people.  For her, for the winter.  Not so much me. 

The new job starts in October.  In Germany.  It will be the first time I’ve ever made a living wage.  I already have an apartment.  It’s not fancy, but it’s cheap, on campus, and all-inclusive. 

Will is staying here.  If he went with me, he’d lose his benefits.  And of course I get paid enough to take care of the both of us, but having an income has been really good for his mental health. 

We’d also lose our apartment here, and have to put our stuff into storage, and not only can he not handle that plus new city plus new language, but also we simply can’t afford to lose this apartment.  Rental housing was always kind of tight in Espanola, and now the housing crisis has arrived.  The price of a house has shot up $100 000 in the past year, and the “wanted to rent” ads are more numerous than the “available to rent” ones.  Right now we pay very low rent for a 2-bedroom, and we can’t give that up. 

It’s only for two years.  We can still do date nights, albeit remotely.  I’ll visit, and he can visit.  He wants to go to Copenhagen.

My parents announced the new job with a notice in the paper.  People have been helping me out by ordering cookies.  It’s very kind of them, and at some times I am more keenly aware of this kindness than at others.  (Some of them tell me I undercharge.  But, like, a) with no professional qualifications in this I’d have some nerve charging professional prices and b) this is a depressed town and poor people still deserve something delicious.)  It has occurred to me that I am as close as this town gets to a pâtissier.  Not the only one, I hope. 

Today someone from York e-mailed me and asked me if I had availability/interest in teaching in person.  It���s one of my favourite courses, but I did have to say no.  I mean, for one thing, Germany.  For another, the commute from here would cost me at least $200 more per month than the job pays, and I absolutely cannot afford to live in Toronto. 

So yeah.

Months ago, I think late fall/early winter, I looked up the symptoms of end-stage kidney disease for a fic, and a couple of the pages I went to listed the symptoms of earlier stages too, and one of them is foam in the toilet, especially foam that lingers after flushing.  So then I noticed that I was seeing foam at my parents’ house.  Last year my dad had had a couple of bladder infections that he never did bother getting treated, so I started pestering him to see a doctor. He started leaving blood on the bathroom floor, and he said he’d overtrimmed his toenails.  He started getting back pain, and blamed it on whatever he had lifted that day.  He started getting up to go to the bathroom every hour or so at night, and he said if he went to the doctor they’d tell him it was old man’s disease.  

Finally, FINALLY it hurt him enough that he went to the doctor, and it turns out that he has aggressive bladder cancer.  So far they don’t think it’s spread, but he’s gonna lose his bladder.  I’m relieved that they’re taking care of it, but I’m still kind of steamed that he didn’t get it checked out earlier.  And I know I’m being really insensitive, and, like, trying not to show it.  But a big part of my mad is scared. 

Spurred by this, Will finally went to the doctor about the gigantic weeping crusty sores he’s had all over his body for about a year now.  Turns out it’s a super-rare reaction to the covid vaccine, a one-in-ten-thousand thing.  He went into a database and everything, and now he has some ointment that seems to be helping.

Sarah and I leave here next Saturday for Glasgow.  The earlier logistical concerns have been sorted out to the satisfaction and relief of all involved.  My mom is driving us to Toronto.  We fly out late Sunday afternoon, but figured that it would be wisest to arrive at the airport the night before, because we’ve heard horror stories about the delays and Sarah can’t sprint for the gate like we’ve heard of people having to.  We will have snacks and books and masks.  And then we arrive in England on Monday, and take the train to Glasgow on Tuesday. 

We have tickets to see Phantom of the Opera in London before we head out.  We couldn’t not.

I looked at the dates on things and realized I’ve been promising the new thing is “a couple of months from being done” for nearly a year now.  It’s, um.  Still not yet.  I’ve had good reasons, but I’m kind of appalled at myself. 

#extensive rambling #I've just been meaning to get some of that out for awhile

[vanillatalc]

more (covid-related) wedding complaining, gonna tag all the next few weeks' stuff with "cham's wedding" for the haters

ben's last day at work is the 17th + we get married on the 26th so im praying that this gives us enough time to dodge this current covid surge... he's literally not bothered at all and is just like "we'll figure it out :)" and im like oh my god... what is wrong w/ you like ... we have spent so much money we literally need to just not get sick the next few weeks ohhh my god... he's going to his family's at the weekend + that is gonna be the last thing i let him do (i might go, but i have a hsit ton of work to do and i dont think taking off a day is gonna help me get it all done) bc that *should* be enough time to get covid + get over it lol esp that we're all vaxxed as much as possible *and* ben already had it last december and i think reinfections on average are less severe (yes i know there is a lot of stuff arguing the opposite as well but i think people misinterpret reinfection studies as though there's an expotential risk - whereas it's more like, two nasty falls technically doubles your risk of breaking a leg or whatever but those two falls dont (usually) interact with each other at all to make said risk overall worse or greater or what have you. this was a huge tangent) also like whilst i do still fully take covid seriousyl i think it's ok to acknowledge that th eviral landscape looks massively different than it did in 2020 + that it generally isnt as much of a threat as it was back then to a population with varying - but generally high - levels of immunity either from vax or actual infection or both. would prefer to keep this immunity from "vax only" but i am pretty sure id be ok in terms of long covid - partly bc "long covid" is a term that encompasses much more than it should - it includes side-effects from severe illness, lingering symptoms such as a cough that lasts for 4+ weeks, and then the ME-like illness that some people get. this final category is actually vastly smaller than the other two (UK ONS suggests that it's something like 0.1% of the population have been "severely disabled" by LC compared to the group who haven't been - about 5% and this group declines over time - the severely disabled group doesnt.) + i think we need to bear this in mind when considering risk of "long covid" bc like atm "long covid" can mean way too many things to be a useful term. so when people say 1/10 infections result in long covid i think: ehhh

HOWEVER ALL THIS TO SAY that if ben gets covid and we have to cancel and/or postpone the wedding i am going to fucking murder him. so the weddingg wont be happening anyway

also does anyone want to see the nastiest bug bite ive ever had? DM me for pics

#cham's wedding

[fairycosmos]

beloved i think i got COVID and i don't know how?? i work online and haven't left the house at all in almost two months and i live with my brother only and he's not sick??? how unlucky can a bitch get. i feel like shit and i can't breathe and my throat hurts and i have fever every night, is this how you felt? could it be just the flu? I'm just worried for my brother so im keeping my distance but id appreciate if you explained your symptoms a little when you got it :(

ahhh so sorry to hear love :( maybe it was tracked into ur house via shopping or clothing or smth? or maybe ur brother has it but he's asymptomatic. definitely unlucky, it's so annoying. swear to god the ppl who are constantly out and about just seem to bypass it completely while everyone else suffers. it could definitely just be a flu though, for a lot of ppl it manifests similarly to one esp at first. for me it felt like a really bad one - when i caught it i was really fatigued and all of my muscles were aching for the first day or so, then i started coughing badly and running a high fever, couldn't get out of bed. lost my sense of taste and smell completely, regular coughing attacks and slight chest pain/laboured breathing daily, exhaustion. this lasted like 2- 3 weeks, but after about a week and a half i was steadily getting better again, the symptoms just lingered a bit.

things that helped that i recommend are: drinking hot water mixed with honey, smelling essential oils/perfumes daily if you lose ur sense of taste and smell to help bring it back, try to order a oximeter to monitor your oxygen levels if you can because it rly puts your mind at rest to be able to see how ur breathing/heart rate is. i also did breathing exercises daily that i found online, and tried to move around slightly each day despite being quarantined and feeling like shit. get a lot of rest and eat well, and you should be on the mend soon enough. also buy a COVID test asap! yeah i agree with keeping ur distance from your brother until you know what the deal is. it's fucking shit but if you slow down and take the time to heal, hopefully you'll be all good within a month. i know the worry can really get to you, so try to ground yourself in the present often to prevent unnecessary catastrophising. sending you sm love, get well soon mwah mwah ❤️❤️

#anon

[xhorhasianjewel]

Straight up, I'm not unconvinced that the three times in the last 12 years that I've been very severely sick that it didn't fuck with me neurologically.

First there was 2008 when I became so sick at the beginning of Winter Semester of freshman year of college that I ended up home and bedridden for a week and a half, recovering for another week after that, and only started back to school about a week later, only to end up dropping out. I never felt right after that, but it was dismissed as a particularly bad cold/flu virus. I never went back to school*, went to work instead, and have been feeling like I've been trying to play catch up with my body and mind ever since.

Next came sometime in 2014 or 2015, I forget, when I worked at the gas station. I couldn't afford to call off every day so I had to go to work in the bitter cold of winter desperately sick. I wasn't sleeping, I had chills and a horrible cough that didn't go away for several months, and again after that bout I never felt quite right, like something had still lingered.

Then there was 2019, just before the weeks before a mysterious virus that had just begun to start making news would really start to cause worldwide alarm, and before the pandmic actually began. Again it was the same cold/flu virus feeling, but this was different because while I wasn't feeling completely like shit as I had in 2008 or even 14/15, this instance brought the worst migraine headache I've ever had in my entire life, and several days in bed unable to move or do much else -- in addition to the other symptoms. The pandemic started just a few months later - dont think I had covid or anything related to it, but it put me on edge to say the least.

So three major illnesses in the span of about 12 years, all leaving me feeling different and weaker and... just not the same afterwards. I mean, least as far as I can feel and tell, I haven't felt truly normal since before the first bout back in 2008. Something happened to me then that really fucked me up and I don't know what. In addition, my mom was concerned that given the severity of how bad the migraine I had was in 2019, how badly I was in pain and crying for relief, that I was having a stroke and honest to God there's a small portion of me that wonders if I didn't have some kind of neurological issue that managed to luckily resolve itself because through none of these did I ever see medical attention, except in 2008 when it was dismissed as just the flu and I was sent home with meds that didn't quite help.

So yeah. Just to put this all out there that I know I'm weird and neurologically different and have been since I was a child, but I just really do feel like something switched in my brain as a result of an illness so many years ago that now I'm just a bit more... idk, weird than I should have been or was. I can't put it into words. I just still don't feel right all this time later.

Just another thing to bring up to a future doctor.