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#and the other one i can think of is the three musketeers which is def not the same level of obscurity here but super popular in former ussr
alliluyevas · 1 year
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was talking to @xenowlsome about 19th century novels we were into as kids and she was like “oh i really loved the headless horseman but i can’t remember the author” and i said “i’m struggling but it’s on the tip of my tongue. all i can think of is ichabod crane but that’s the character” and she goes “oh that’s not the headless horseman that’s a different story. i’m talking about the headless horseman. you know. it’s set in texas.” MA’AM THE WHAT? i’m  pretty sure sleepy hollow is not in texas!!!
anyway that’s how we discovered that this story is in fact called the headless horseman, set in texas, and apparently wildly popular in the former soviet union due to being the inspiration for a 1972 soviet western film.
another hit in the “often obscure 19th century european or american novels that are disproportionately wildly popular in the former soviet union” canon
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panelshowsource · 7 months
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OOF...!!! my first question is am i having three separate dinners or one dinner with three comedians? because if i have to curate the most harmonious dinner, that may be different to who i would choose if we were just doing one on ones... ANSWER THIS FOR ME while i kick around my brain bc this is HARD....
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with romesh at the front omG that is hilarious
lowkey tmi but i actually work for a film & tv distribution company that primarily delivers to roku and prime, and there are A LOT of negotiations that go into thumbnails that are provided by licensors / can be legally used in general. sometimes, after release but before the sale of additional distribution, talent will negotiate to have their images removed from this kind of art / promo / marketing material — usually to quietly distance themselves from projects. other times, distributors won’t be allowed to use screenshots or images of famous guest stars in a series’ episode thumbnails because the licensor is really serious about protecting the branding with the main stars. occasionally the person in the original promotional work will be hella cancelled and you need to find a workaround for the art, come to a new agreement as to what it should be and who should make it (the licensor or the distribution company, if they have an art department) — which can very awkward and difficult if licensors and distributors can’t come to a compromise. it's genuinely a whole part of forging a distribution contract! i have so many great examples but probably shouldn't be airing my company's contract negotiations out on tumblr X_X
ANYWAYS love that for whatever reason they went for this it's so unnecessarily three musketeers
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who am i to judge you anon... this is my man
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sam was def ~heavy breathing~ but alex looks way too stunned for me to agree with this — SO YOU GET A BONK
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why is that so funny but so true, you would think no one would be not only a similar character to joe but also in some ways more off-the-wall than joe that he would actually be a follower but in their dynamic he so is the lil bro
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grellestie · 1 year
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ive been playing a shit ton of darkest dungeon lately and here's my opinion on which black butler characters would be which class!!
darkest dungeon is really cool btw!! it kind of has the same elements of black butler (fucked up protag, supernatural creatures, mental health being explored in a neat way, and the running theme of everyone being the absolute worst besides like two or three people!). i really recommend it if you love sadistic video games with eldritch horrors!!
under da tag bc i dont shut up
ciel: ngl. he's the one that gets fucked over by the ancestor and has to build teams to kill eldritch horrors. which is what i thought at first
but...
after thinking, he should be houndmaster and instead of a dog, it's just sebastian, pouting. /j
sebastian: BUT SERIOUSLY- for sebby, i'd like to think maaaybe occultist? there really isn't any classes close to a demon so someone who can summon eldritch horrors to fight other eldritch horrors seems like it'd make sense.
mey rin: musketeer. obvi. she go pew pew!! and also has the WORST ACCURACY IN THE WORLD- (this is personal salt, let me live. been so close to having party wipes)
bard: honestly. highwayman. he has one(1) attack that could count as an explosive. also they kinda have the same haircut!! i think it fits also theres no real explosives in the base game sadly. UNLESS you wanna talk enemies- then there's brigand vvulf who blows things the fuck up because he can! i think that fits him too! kind of!! since brigand is kind of a massive asshole.
finny: OH GOD,,, i had a toughie with this one buuuut- im probably going to go with bounty hunter or leper because of finny's SHEER strength. he's just busted man and you can beat the entire game with leper sooooo yeah! the mean part of me wanted to say abomination but again, thats mean but it's extremely wild to me that they pretty much have the same Tragic Backstory of experimented on for the lols and now just have to deal with it. at least finny got the better end of the stick! poor abomination...
now the reapers! (in order of appearance)
grelle: hellion! she is the biggest girlboss in the game so ofc she'd fit grelle, come on now. the hellion class is extremely broken powerful and puts out an insane amount of damage! a part of me wants to argue grave robber but it doesn't have a lot of flashy and powerful moves- this is mainly considering grelle is the 3rd strongest character in the series iirc.
william: OH ANOTHER HARD ONE- but i think he'd fit being a shieldbreaker! it's a bit of a stretch but hear me out- it's mainly the weapon and it's capabilities that would make william fit the class the most!! also her defensive end seeing as william being pretty good at Not Getting His Shit Wrecked or at least as badly (book of circus is def something i needa rewatch)
undertaker: oh this bitch. i'm probably going to go with the prophet boss! the prophet defied the ancestor by speaking facts and wouldn't die no matter what the ancestor did, kind of like how taker is with the dispatch. also the fact they're both blind but hit like a fucking truck fits!!
ronald: my BOY! now HE'D be grave robber!! he's not really too strong and kinda squishy but can still be formidable if not taken seriously. also the mental image of him hitting an undead with a pickaxe to the face is funny to me-
eric: either highwayman or man-at-arms! both classes are good at taking out a lot of enemies at once and eric is pretty good at killing people <3
alan: OUGH another hard one- i think character wise (more than attack wise), he'd def fit the leper. the leper goes through it and so does alan yet they still kick ass and get the job done!
othello: this dummy! i think antiquarian would fit! antiquarians are support heroes 100% and then they hit like a truck...! a toy truck...! a toy truck that's a stuffie...! unless you get a hit off with "nervous stab" but it's not really all that worth it. OH and the move "protect me" that's pretty much the same as othello using grelle as a meat shield fits.
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periminkle · 4 years
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Orphic | 04
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After moving into your own place, it seems life is finally going your way; the path to independence leading you to a quaint suburban town where even the grass seems to grow a little greener. Although a shocking encounter leads you to believe that perhaps appearances can be quite deceiving.
pairing: hybrid!jk x reader (first person)
genre: hybrid au, angst, fluff
word count: 7.6k
rating: PG-15
warnings: swearing, descriptions of blood and cleaning wounds, mentions of cannibalism (o.o)
author’s note: mMMm setting deadlines is effective but exhausting, so the pacing of this might be a bit weird? also im def not late bc it’s still sunday in some timezones so ;))
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I stared intently at the grungy nick in the otherwise spotless wall, mind racing a mile a minute.
The better half of the last hour had been spent pacing back and forth, gaze unmoving from the unconscious man in fear of missing the twitch of a finger or the flutter of an eyelash. His complete stillness persuaded me to check on his pulse frequently, glad to feel the faint, yet steady, beat beneath layers of smooth skin.
When I received a second call from my cranky saviour to inform me that he was nearly here, I forcefully sat myself down and practiced that infamous square breathing that every zen yogi swore by. By the persistent bouncing of my knee, it was evident that the yogis had failed me.
Rain was pounding down in thick sheets onto the pavement outside and at this point I was convinced the world had it out for me, using every trick in the book to further complicate this surely doomed rescue mission. Nonetheless, I optimistically hoped that the incoming storm would soon subside.
My unfortunate lips dealt with the brunt of my merciless canines, rendering the skin raw by the time a distinctive series of raps against the sturdy door caught my attention. It was the very same pattern in which I’d regularly knock on the door to the cleaning storage, craving the company of someone other than the three musketeers I’d gotten to know better than my own blood.
Although I ordinarily would be enthusiastically welcomed and greeted with nothing less than a wide, heart-shaped grin, the circumstances now were undoubtedly exceptional. Thus, the crinkle between his brows and the disgruntled glare fixed on my sheepish smile were to be expected.
Needless to say, Hoseok was not impressed.
“What the hell?” the typically friendly janitor barked out, huffing out his frustration at having his slumber disturbed. “You do know that it’s almost two in the morning right? How did you even get in here? Why couldn’t this wait for tomorrow?”
His hair stuck up in a multitude of different directions, evidently having rolled out of bed, slipped on a jacket and came to my rescue. The wrinkled, blue horse character on his pajama set eased some of my nerves at the familiarity of its nose, in the shape of Hoseok’s smile that was, understandably, nowhere to be found with the current circumstances.
I gripped the distressed male by his lithe shoulders, imploring him to slow down. “I’m not coming in tomorrow. Listen, this is gonna sound absurd but—”
His eyes drifted past my smaller form and I firmly shook at his torso to prevent him from spotting the other man. “Hey! Eyes down here.” A hint of curiosity bled through his agitated exterior when he focused on my stern exterior once more. “You can’t freak out, okay?”
Hoseok shrugged his approval, murmuring, “Yeah, I get it, directly disobeying the head researchers is pretty satisfying and all, but did you really have to drag me into this? Especially when you know I start early on Saturdays?”
At the reminder of his strict schedule, I withered marginally as I originally hadn’t intended to involve him at all. A shameful appreciation began to eat away at my conscience, grateful for his presence in spite of my outrageous request. I wouldn’t know what to do if Hoseok hadn’t come through and in my eyes, he remained an angel who was too good to be true.
“I’m sorry, I promise this is really important.” I brought my arms back to my sides, glancing down at my feet in order to organize my swirling thoughts. “I wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t an emergency.”
What I didn’t notice while lost in my reverie was Hoseok’s rebellious stare, wandering over the injured man’s form. “What the fuck?” He gently shoved me aside, stumbling deeper into the laboratory. When he was planted by the stranger’s table, he repeated, “What the actual fuck?”
My head tipped back in exasperation, disappointed that not even my last minute backup strategy was going according to plan. “Hobi, please.”
I could practically envision the gears whirring in his head, a natural reaction considering the mutant in front of him. When he finally craned his neck back to me, he mumbled with wide eyes, “Say sike right now.”
“Stop talking for two seconds.” I groaned, marching up to position myself between the janitor and the table in an attempt to calm him down. Immediately upon noticing his trembling digits, I reached out to clasp them within my own quivering hands. “Listen, this experiment they’re conducting? From what I know, it’s all some screwed up excuse to inject animalistic characteristics of their choosing into humans. And their track records point to a lot of predator species.”
“Predators? Wha—why would they even want to create a predator-human hybrid?” Hoseok took a tiny step back and out of the fear that he would flee, I fiercely clamped down onto our conjoined limbs.
“I don’t know yet,” I faltered. “But, honestly, I couldn’t care less because of how unethical they are in their approach to this project.” At his puzzled expression I somberly gestured to the unmoving lump in the corner, willing myself to postpone any tears for a safer location.
Hoseok must have connected the dots at the midnight black shade of fur peeking out underneath the fabric matching the colour of the hybrid’s ears and tail, as his stare hardened and his breathing began to even out from the rapid pace it was at before. “I’ll need more details later on, but let’s get him out of here first.”
At his command, I retracted from Hoseok's hold, scoping out the rather barren area for something other than the masses of files and papers strewn about. “You think we can carry him together?”
Simply comparing the difference in size between the stranger and Hoseok, there was no doubt the copious, hulking mass of muscle outweighed my friend’s slimmer figure. Our combined strength would have to somehow prove formidable against his bulky body.
Hoseok’s grimace spoke volumes about his faith in that idea, although there wasn’t much of a choice considering the alarming time crunch and our limited accessibility to other parts of the laboratory. Due to my blind confidence in the ostensibly foolproof scheme I constructed, the only cameras shifted were directly located in the path from the front entrance to the changing room to the upstairs lab.  
Oh, how I was regretting that naivety now.
Using an abandoned stretch of fabric that had been stuffed into one of the drawers I rummaged through earlier, I covered his immobile body with the thin cover to provide some decency and act as a layer of defence against the torrents outside.
While Hoseok stood directly behind his head, leaning forward to loop his arms underneath the hybrid’s triceps and around his chest, I grabbed each of his ankles, cradling them to my abdomen. Even with our best efforts to avoid any of his wounds, there was no way to avert the countless scratches and bruises that littered every inch of visible skin. We counted on the sanguine belief that he wasn’t conscious enough to feel any of it, reluctant to use any tranquilizers when we weren't aware of how much juice they’d already injected him with.
“On the count of three?” Hoseok asked.
With a nod, I tightened my hold and widened my stance. “One, two,” after taking a generous inhale, I heaved, “three!”
The two of us managed to maneuver the stranger down the length of the dingy hall before we were forced to gently place him onto the ground, desperate to grant our aching muscles the break they demanded. Currently, construction was being done on the elevator, which meant that the flight of stairs was the next obstacle to be tackled.
I lost the brief, but fierce, battle of rock-paper-scissors and endured the frightening prospect of marching down the stairs backwards—in the dark. All because Hoseok was unwilling to sacrifice the slightest bit of his comfort for the both of us to step sideways.
It was safe to say the stairs themselves took ten minutes to clear.
On the first floor, we were able to cross over to the main entrance in a breeze thanks to the spacious nature of the lobby. After scurrying to Hoseok’s car and laying the hybrid in the back seat, I returned to the lab to dutifully lock up the front door and jogged back to the vehicle.
Hoseok sent me a befuddled brow lift from the front seat when instead of the passenger’s side, I hesitantly stood a stride away from the driver’s door. “He’s fine, hurry up already so we can get out of here.” He motioned to the space beside him with the flick of his chin, his bed head dancing along with the movement. “It wouldn’t look too great if anyone caught us right now, especially with the man-cat knocked out cold in the back. Plus, the lab just radiates spooky vibes at night, look at my goosebumps!”
“Okay, okay, give me a second,” I grunted, opening the door to the back seat as I bowed inside to avoid a painful meeting with the roof of the vehicle. While gripping the back of the stranger’s skull with one hand and his upper back with the other, I lifted his torso and slipped inside. Tenderly, I placed his head on my lap.
“What are you doing?” Hoseok stared at me through the mirror, evidently unnerved by my proximity to the man. “He could literally wake up at any minute and there goes your throat!”
“Or he could get juggled around from your shitty driving and open his injuries again,” I countered, “which I think is a lot more likely, no?”
He scoffed, taking full offence to my jest. “Never mind. I hope he throws you out the damn window for calling my driving anything less than spectacular.”
The rush of excess blood coursing through my veins as a result of my overactive heart pounded in my head, nearly loud enough to block out the boisterous revving of the engine echoing throughout the empty lot. Tires squeaked against the pavement, jolting the hunk of metal into action as we sped away.
“Where were you thinking of leaving him?” he asked, taking a breath before mumbling, “that is, if you thought about this at all.”
“Hobi!” My jaw dropped dramatically at his not so subtle jab, shaking my head as I commented, “You’ve been hanging around Yoongi too much lately. I mean, all this sass couldn’t have come from nowhere.”
He slowed down behind the only other car in sight, flicking on his signal to turn. “Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not, I was just commenting on your drastic change in behaviour,” I rebutted, crossing my arms across my chest at his determination to aggravate me tonight. “For your information, I actually planned this out for weeks; who do you think got the key card to the upstairs lab, the keys to the building itself, moved all the cameras—
Despite the leather seat between us, I knew he was sporting a sly smirk, for his conceit was bleeding through his supercilious tone. “And who begged me for help halfway through this ingenious plan?”
My jaw clenched shut, astounded at his cheeky retorts. At first, I was unsure of how the relationship between the jovial custodian and the chilly facade that Yoongi donned among strangers would progress, but judging by the sheer number of occasions in which I’d walked into a room with the two chatting away—gummy smiles all around, it seemed to be advancing better than expected.
“Whatever, you came anyway.” I sank back into my seat, careful not to disturb the comatose man peacefully resting on my thighs. Hopefully he was narcotized enough to remain oblivious to the various disturbances around him and would only rouse when the sun made an appearance.
Hoseok blithely sneered, pressing harder on the pedal as he spun the steering wheel to the right. “Yeah, well it’s kind of hard not to when you claim that Hyunho’s going to sue your ass for thousands of dollars.”
“And was I wrong?” I recalled our earlier conversation, where I hadn’t yet mustered up the courage, much less the patience, to confess to the details of my crimes. In a panicked state, I simply presented the consequences which would follow Hoseok’s absence—Hyunho’s wrath.
“No, now you’re just gonna get your ass handed to you by Namjoon and Yoongi,” he countered. “But I guess you’ll save some money while you’re at it.”
Merely the thought of their reactions to my late night escapade made me want to shrivel up in a ball. “Who said I’m going to tell them?”
“You’re not telling them?” The car slowed as he gradually came to a graceful stop behind a red light, turning his torso to face me with the help of his hand on the central console. “You know better than to release the man-cat, he’ll just get caught again.”
Rolling my eyes like a petulant child being scolded, I muttered, “I’m not releasing him.”
“But you can’t deal with him on your own either!” he snapped, the lack of sleep shortening his tolerance. After a pause to regain his senses, Hoseok rapidly shook his head and twisted back to focus on the empty roads ahead.
"Listen," I gritted out between my teeth, my own temper flaring. “I think you’re forgetting that I was well aware of the fact that I would be housing some kind of animal for a while, just didn’t know he would be this big.”
“Or this dangerous? This costly?” His firm grip on the wheel tightened, knuckles turning white as his emotions boiled over. "You’re not prepared to deal with him, I'll just take him back to my place."
A puff of air escaped my throat at his ridiculous solution, stating, "You live with your sister. There's no way she won't find out."
"Like you're any better off," he quipped, staring me down through the rearview mirror. "You live alone. If he were to do anything to you, we’d be none the wiser about it."
"Well, we can't risk anyone discovering his existence. There's no other way.” By watching the stranger’s chest rise and fall with each elongated breath, I was able to simultaneously avoid Hoseok’s prying eyes and collect my own thoughts.
While impatiently waiting for his arrival back at the lab, my mind had trudged through copious possibilities, overwhelmed with the pressure to choose the right one. Eventually, I came to the disconcerting conclusion that, be that as it may, the most secure option remained to bring him back to my place.
I reassured, "Don’t worry, I cleared out my bedroom so that there’s nothing in there that could potentially be used as a weapon. We'll secure him down, lock the door, and I'll camp out in the living room."
"Y/N, we don't have any clue what this guy is capable of,” Hoseok stressed, worry colouring his voice as he sharply gesticulated with his free hand. “Hell, look at him! He has cat ears, Y/N, and do not get me started on his tail.”
I stole a glance at the accused appendage in bewilderment, unsure of why that aspect was at the forefront of Hoseok’s concerns regarding the mutant boy. “What’s wrong with his tail?”
“My point is,” he accentuates, “we have no idea what we’re dealing with here. What if he has some kind of monstrous super strength and his diet consists of human flesh? He could probably rip right through any restraints and bam! That'll be the end of you."
I held my tongue at ridiculing his absurd speculations when some sort of man-cat hybrid was currently strewn across the back seat of Hoseok’s run-down Corolla; a dim display exposing the current, ungodly hour of the early morning.
“Do you have any better ideas?" Although my question was met with radio silence, we steadily continued on the potholed path headed away from my house. I spoke up again, "Where are you taking us?"
"We're going to Namjoon's place, and we're gonna think of a better alternative all together."
"Hoseok," I seethed, fists clenching next to my thigh. "He'll make us take him back. We're already too far in to go back now."
The car jerked violently due to the bumpy road and being suddenly reminded of the wounded boy, I shot out to grab at his thin waist in order to nail him to the seat. Despite my best efforts, crimson liquid soaked through the thin blanket and I cursed under my breath.
"I can't leave you there alone with him!"
"Please, we'll be careful." A beat passed as I greedily inhaled the fresh air flowing in through my open window,  gathering ideas to negotiate. "I'll stay awake the whole time and I'll text you every hour."
Regardless of my pleas, the car kept at its incessant pace to Namjoon's apartment. Sweat began to accumulate at my temples at the unsure fate of what censure awaited me. To distract my nerves, I gripped the fabric that covered the man’s body, tugging it over his shoulders to rest just below his chin while pressing a bunch into his side in an attempt to stop the bleeding.
Past the low hum of the vehicle, a gentle utterance met my ears. I lifted my head to inquire whether the sound was merely a figment of my fatigued imagination when Hoseok repeated, "Every half hour."
My eyes widened, darting to examine his stoic expression from the rearview mirror. "Yes! Yes, yes of course. I can even do every ten minutes if that’s what you want." I shrugged my shoulders, pointing out, "I'll be up all night anyway."
"No, I'm good. Unlike some of us, I don't deserve to be punished for my crimes and would like to salvage the little sleep I can get," he declared as he performed a U-turn at a wide intersection.
My grin expanded exponentially at the change in direction. "Suit yourself."
I allowed my thoughts to clear, tracing a clear droplet on the window as it raced to engulf another, merging into one, larger globule that ran down the smooth expanse until it was out of sight. Unknowingly, I mindlessly carded my fingers through the stranger’s dampened strands; more so for my own comfort than for anyone else.
Before I knew it, we’d arrived at my quaint cottage and with the addition of another individual residing under its roof, the place seemed tinier than ever. Hoseok and I shuttled him over to my bedroom as gracefully as we possibly could, aiming to avoid whacking into any obstacles along the way.
Other than his lengthy legs knocking into two door frames, we were clear.
The second his back met the rigid mattress, we collectively released a weighty exhalation from the excessive exertion that strained both our physical and mental states. Although the chances of the stranger waking up now were low, seeing as he was out like a light throughout the whole journey, I hurried to collect the sturdy ropes that I purchased in advance.
“Ooh, you’re into some kinky shit, huh Y/N?” Hoseok quipped, taking the material from my hands.
My eyes rolled back at his stupid antics, glaring at the pleased crinkles forming next to his drooping eyes. “Ha ha, very funny. Now help me tie him up, so I can kick you out of my house.”
“And what’re you gonna do to him when I leave?”
Snatching the rope that he stole from me, I shoved Hoseok to the side by pressing against his firm bicep—which definitely carried more than his fair share of the hybrid on the way here—and grumbled, “Guess If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.”
Hoseok burst into a short fit of contagious laughter, invoking a couple quiet giggles that I was unsuccessful in fighting down. As he raised the stranger’s arms to the bed frame, I looped the braided, nylon material snug around each of his wrists. Along the way I checked to ensure that the restraints weren’t too tight before moving onto his ankles to repeat the process. Luckily enough, his height stretched the entire length of my minuscule bed with his feet dangling off the ledge.
“Tell me you brought more tranquilizers in case?” Hoseok asked immediately upon securing the last knot. Throughout a tedious explanation on how foolishly lax I was behaving with the hybrid, he went back to inspect my handiwork, tugging the ends of the cords closer together into a grip that nearly cut off the hybrid’s blood flow.
Over his nagging, I sneaked a victorious grin as I displayed the syringes I’d nabbed from the lab. He spent a few more minutes fiddling with various safety measures consisting of the pepper spray he stealthily retrieved from my purse, the bedroom door’s lock and an air horn that he remarkably pulled out of his coat’s pocket. Although it was questionable if the blaring sound would awaken even my closest neighbours due to the sheer distance between our houses, I didn’t dare attempt after imagining old Sangmin marching over here on his rickety cane to bark my ears off.
Refusing to bother expending effort on pondering over the rationale behind Hoseok’s little magic trick, I blithely shooed him out before any more ridiculous objects could be plucked out of his jacket.
The last straw was his finger approaching the sensitive button on said air horn. Unwilling to face the consequences of his brash actions, I slammed the front door closed behind Hoseok, the space suddenly void of his rowdy antics. I wearily blinked the drowsiness out of my eyes, the stillness and tranquility of the early hours slowed my heart rate from the fast paced, action packed night.
My sock-clad feed padded their way back to the bedroom, snatching my phone out of my black hoodie to fiddle around with an app that I discovered upon moving out. In order to relay my continued existence to my family, I scheduled texts to be sent every week, which would prove useful at this time as well. Knowing my own forgetful nature, one update to Hoseok would slip my mind, and either four, furious men would burst through every available entrance or I would have the whole police force upon my front steps in minutes.
To prevent such a disastrous event from taking place, I tampered around with the settings and added the fretting male to the list.
I halted in my tracks when faced with the mundane sight of the four walls where I spent most of my sleeping hours, not a hair out of place other than the addition of the injured hybrid on my dirtied bed. The crimson stains jolted me into action, retrieving my brand new first-aid kit and finding it hilariously ironic that the dressings were going to be used on the very same criminal that broke in to steal such supplies.
In order to fight off any cold that could have possibly slithered its way past the weak barrier draped over his body, I peeled the flimsy, sodden cover off and replaced it with a puffy comforter. Traversing through the storm that continued to rage outside definitely put a strain on his already weakened state, and his pale countenance wasn't very reassuring.
I slid the blanket down to access the sullied wound at his rib cage and grabbed a couple pads of gauze to firmly press onto the area. Thankfully, some blood had already begun to coagulate around the edges, so I didn’t have to wait too long for the trickling stream to cease. With a clean towel, I wiped the surrounding skin to get a better look at what I was dealing with, grimacing at the bruises forming galaxies across the jagged edges of ripped skin.
He was in worse shape than either Hoseok or I could have predicted. At this realization, the fleeting worry that he might succumb to the severity of his wounds grew, festering a nasty doubt in my mind.
Deciding whether to clean the laceration commenced another strife within the whirlwind of emotions inside my head, but I poured a few drops of antiseptic onto a cotton ball anyway, fearful of infection. As I tried my best to carefully dab the soaked material across his wounds, I peered up at his face to search for signs of consciousness.
My eyes involuntarily softened at the small cuts littered across his neck, travelling past his jaw and over the slopes of his hollowed cheeks to his forehead, which was partially hidden under his dark locks. When the cotton was thoroughly besmirched with a blend of bright crimson and a muddy brown, I drenched another and advanced up to other regions after the more serious lesions were taken care of.
A closer look at his sinewy torso allowed me to examine the scars scattered all around, mostly clustered around his upper arms. Absentmindedly, I wondered whether their appearances were linked to the cruel methods of the laboratory. How had he gotten within their clutches in the first place? For how long was he suffering under the justification of being an experiment?
What were they trying to accomplish with him?
My mind raced with all the different possibilities of what could have brought the hybrid into this situation in the first place, and before I knew it, I was pushing back the disheveled strands on his forehead to clean the last of his cuts. There were definitely more on his dorsal side, but I wasn’t willing to undo his restraints and flip his hefty weight over on my own. I would either wait until he woke up or ask Hoseok to stop by again after his shift.
In my current position, I was close enough to feel his warm breath fanning across my skin, observe the tiny brown mole under his lip and how utterly breathtaking this man was underneath the cuts that marred his skin. He was undoubtedly attractive at first glance, although I wasn’t able to appreciate his masculine features while under the stress of saving him.
Once every laceration in my reach had been disinfected to the best of my limited abilities, I swiftly bandaged his side again and stuck Spider-man themed band aids onto the smaller cuts in memory of the Hello Kitty ones that decorated his body earlier. I settled back on the chair, admiring my handiwork and fighting back the looming threat of dormancy that approached with every elongated blink. My head leaned back as I crossed my arms, thinking that a little snooze never hurt anyone.
I was blind to the cocoa orbs drinking in the darkness.
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The bright light streaming in through the numerous cracks between my blinds prodded my eyelids apart, pupils struggling to adjust past the groggy haze of an unexpected slumber. Rather than revelling in the bountiful energy supplied by a restorative nap, an obnoxious cramp in my neck made its presence known alongside the bleak, obstinate tingle of dormancy that lingered within every tightened tendon, pulsating throughout my entire body.
Although the pain gradually ebbed away after I rolled my head around in wide semicircles, I knew from experience that the ache of sleeping in an uncomfortable position would linger.
Gold streaks were painted on the hardwood floor as a result of the sun’s harsh rays, a stark contrast to the dusk of a few hours ago. As I began to fuzzily recollect the memories from yesterday, I spotted the growing number of discrepancies between the room I’d seen before I closed my eyes and now, from the open door to the ruffled sheets, devoid of any sign of life.  
Fortunately, I seemed to be in the same position, seated on the tough chair that I snoozed off in a few hours ago. However, I found it odd that it was particularly difficult to do much else than squirm around, and that was when I realized the problem lied in the nylon material tied around my wrists and ankles, binding me to the furniture.
A cold dread washed over me, much like a freezing bucket of ice being poured over my head. The hybrid escaped.
Well, at least he didn’t exact his fallacious revenge on my sleeping form.
“Awake?”
I squeaked at the whiplash that followed the movement of my head twisting a second too quickly, intent on identifying the furtive speaker. My eyes widened exponentially at locating the muscular hybrid, black ears twitching at my cry and tail swishing in curiosity. Being clad in only boxers, I shifted my gaze away out of instinct, a fiery blush overtaking my features despite having ogled the man’s ripped physique before.
It felt completely different when he was unconscious and my only intent was to treat his multitudinous wounds though.
He slowly blinked, clearly finding my astonishment puzzling with the bewilderment laced in his orbs. Waving a large palm in front of my face to get my attention on him, he calmly said, “No hurt.”
The tight rope that currently hindered my motion was definitely the same one that had been previously occupied with restraining the hybrid to the bed. Yet the very same male stood in front of me, free as a bird. “H-how did you get out?”
Instead of answering verbally, he extended his defined arms out to the side, imitating the position he was tied up in, then robustly swinging both limbs towards one another. So he broke through those thick, durable ropes with sheer strength and willpower. Comforting.
The tranquilizers laid scattered across the floor, much too far to even consider reaching them.
“Where’s your blanket?” I questioned, suppressing the tremor in my voice as I found it outrageous that my throat was still intact at this point. There was no guarantee that he wasn’t harbouring any motives to rid the world of my presence, but the fact that he wasn’t actively making any moves to rip my heart out was a good sign.
The mop of dark chestnut swayed along in the same direction that he tilted his head over to; a habit revealing an emotion that I couldn’t place on the stranger. “Warm. No like.”
His broken English revived a flurry of trepidation. I recalled the night of the break-in, the terror and hysteria that I’d buried away under the incorrect pretense that a burglar never hits the same house twice.
I didn’t know if that sentiment applied to kidnapping the criminal and using your place as his hideout, as well.
As I noisily gulped, I felt his stare dart to my esophagus and in a wild panic, my wide eyes met the doe-like curve of his own. The hybrid edged closer to my trembling form before treading past me, out of sight. I closed my eyes in preparation.
This is it. Goodbye world, it was pretty shit while it lasted.
I heard the rustling of fabric behind me and silently applauded the man for thinking of a quick and easy suffocation to reduce the amount of clean up afterwards.
His bare feet slapped against the floor, trekking over to my front again. When a couple seconds passed and none of my airways were blocked nor was there any piercing pain to be felt, I cautiously cracked an eye open to see the stranger standing there, the puffy blanket from before wrapped around his broad shoulders.
“Good now?” he inquired with a bunny-like smile.
My jaw dropped slightly as I nodded, attempting to formulate a sentence but coming up empty. The stark contrast between the brawn enveloping his body and his innocent features threw me in for a loop. This must have been part of his grand scheme to ruthlessly murder me—lulling me into a false sense of security before executing me on the spot.
Outwardly, the hybrid appeared to possess more human features than his animal counterpart, leading me to wonder which instincts ruled over the other. Was he more level-headed and rational or was he unable to suppress his bestial instincts? Did he get sudden, violent mood swings or go on occasional, bloodthirsty rampages?
The lack of knowledge I had regarding the man, who had somehow gained the upper hand through his brute strength, was worrying. A tinge of regret for not skimming through a few files on said hybrid before Hoseok’s arrival made me softly curse under my breath.
As I shifted in place, I was reminded of my own predicament. “So, uh, any chance you’ll let me go?”
With his broad grin still on full display, he made his refusal clear by shaking his head back and forth. It was worth a try. “Not fair. I tied, now you tied.”
His childish logic caught me off guard and a bark of laughter shook my stiff shoulders, marginally relaxing at the prospect that he might postpone the bloodshed for a later time. The mystery laid in how he could distinguish my harmless intentions from the head researchers’ diabolical ones. Maybe it was the lab coat?
I made a mental note to never wear my own lab coat in front of him.
A grumble snapped me out of my reverie. I observed the stranger’s startled features as he glanced down at his abdomen, then, unabashedly, back up to my face. Recalling his screams of horror back at the lab, the barbaric treatment he received there was indisputable and based on his raging stomach, I guessed that it had been a while since he’d eaten anything of substance.
Of all times, Hoseok’s ridiculous words of the hybrid’s diet consisting of human grade meat played back through my brain and jitters erupted over my limbs, wanting to please the man before he was picking his teeth with my freshly cleaned bones.
“Hungry?” I prodded, pushing other priorities to the side in favour of feeding the rumbling beast.
His dark orbs immediately lit up with pure, unadulterated glee. The hybrid gracefully tied the ends of the fabric around his neck like a cape and rounded closer to me with mirth written across every crease on his countenance.
Unsure if his giddiness was attributed to the assumption that I was offering up the meat lining my organs, I squirmed in protest, attempting to cause a ruckus in order to spur his excitement towards another source of protein in the fridge.
Not having much choice in the matter with my limited range of motion, I watched in worry as he scurried out of sight again. “Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here and—”
Despite being prepared for his unpredictable nature, a yelp flew past my lips when I was effortlessly lifted into the air, chair and all. His forearms caged my thighs as he gripped the bottom of the seat, hot pants of air blowing onto the back of my neck from his position.
His elation was practically tangible as he flew past the open doorway and sped off through the foyer. He must have ventured deeper into the house while I was blissfully unaware, since his strides towards the kitchen were filled with nothing but confidence in every step.
Hastily, I spat out, “I’m not that delicious, trust me! My budget’s been pretty strict this month, so I’ve just been eating junk, and I don’t imagine that’ll taste very go—”
The force holding me upright loosened when we reached the fridge, permitting my feet to find the floor. “Dee-lee-shiz?” He tried to imitate, turning to point straight at me.
“No! No, no, not delicious.” I corrected, violently shaking my head.
His outstretched arm retracted to his side, staring like a hawk at my chin tipping towards the metal cooling box behind him, and I repeated, “Delicious.”
As he flung the door to the refrigerator open, nearly ripping it right off its hinges, he yelled, “Dee-lee-shiz!”
Utter fascination at the chilled temperature and the rather meager array of food etched onto his features, sending relief through my veins. I encouraged him to ravage the tenuous stock of food while simultaneously rejoicing at successfully having deterred him from eating me alive.
Packs of eggs, blueberries, condiments, and essentially anything within his reach was hauled out, forming a growing heap on the countertop. When a zucchini found its way into his grasp, he took one puzzled look before chomping down on one end. I wasn’t too sure how raw zucchini would taste when eaten as though it were a cucumber, but he seemed pleased enough to take another bite that resounded throughout the space with a loud crunch.
I reclined back into the stiff chair, content on observing the ravenous hybrid empty my fridge and taking an occasional nibble on snacks that piqued his interest. Although, his grab at the bundle of raw chicken was when I decided to voice my concerns. “Ah, that has to be cooked!” At another tilt of his head, I explained, “You could get sick if you don’t cook it.”
By his furrowed brows, I deduced the concept flew over his head, but he threw the package onto my lap anyway and peered down expectantly. “Cook.”
“You tied me up, remember? I need some mobility to cook.” I tugged at my subdued arms to demonstrate my current inaptitude.
He hummed in thought, enveloping his lower lip between his lengthy canines as he weighed the pros and cons of being able to consume the meat by setting me loose. Finally, after clearly expressing how torn he was between his hunger and his teasing, it seemed that he’d come to a conclusion when he latched onto my left forearm.
Just as I was about to jib that I was no longer on the menu, a searing pain ripped across my wrist. I hissed through my teeth with my fists clenched as I teared my tender arm out of his grip, protectively cradling the limb to my chest.
He flinched away from the sound, taking a step away from my defensive form. At the sight of my disgruntled frown, he withered into himself, chin to his chest while I examined my sore wrist, whimpering at the edges of the flaming red, torn skin. I was a second away from viciously reprimanding him for the bruise that was more than likely to form by tomorrow, but one look into his guilty, fearful eyes made me pause.
With his strength, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he possessed the ability to do much worse, which didn’t seem to be his intent from all the fretting—ears tucked into the crown of his head and tail hanging low. As he seemed to be repenting without a chiding needed on my end, I redirected to a softer approach. “It’s fine, just be more gentle next time, okay?”
“Mm,” he complied weakly, his prior enthusiasm having substantially deflated. Before I could dismiss the topic and entice him with more food, he knelt down to my ankles, gripping the rope with both hands this time as he effortlessly tore the material apart, careful not to graze my legs in the process.
A shiver crawled down my spine at the display of power, mentally noting that there was probably enough strength in his fingers to flick my stunned form across the room; yet the man proved his duality by proceeding to grab one loose end of his makeshift cape and gently tie it around my unscathed wrist. “No run.”
Surprisingly enough, I hadn’t made it a break for it as soon as I was liberated. Although I sustained minimal injuries, he expressed his remorse and made no moves to consume my flesh, which was another good sign. As more time passed, he was revealing to be more and more of a passionate bunny stuck in a wrestler’s body.
After all, I hadn’t gone through all the trouble of kidnapping him just to sprint at the slightest sign of trouble. I confirmed, “No run.”
Some of his original ardour reappeared at my acknowledgement, along with a faint giggle that evoked a tiny smile on my own face. I figured that with his minimal experience revolving around homemade dishes, simply slapping on some salt and pepper to flavour the meat with a side of boiled vegetables would suffice. Thus, I took the package from my lap and got to work.
Cooking with another, rather useless, individual essentially attached at the hip was difficult, to say the least. In the beginning, the man fired question after question, curious about every ingredient and spice going into the dish, but after realizing that he lacked the correct vocabulary to obtain the information he sought, he became a silent observer.
Basically, he followed me around like a lapdog while munching on another zucchini to occupy his restless hands.
After pulling him around left and right, occasionally giving a soft tug on the blanket when he would unintentionally zone out, I finally threw all the components into a single pan, deciding to serve a simple stir-fry. With only the expanse of the puffy fabric between us, I was constantly elbowing the hybrid while mixing the ingredients together, which I considered a redeeming form of payback for his carelessness with my arm.
While the mouth-watering scent of lunch wafted around, he extended the wrist connected to mine, sidestepping over to the island to fish for a bag of baby carrots before coming to stand next to me by the stove. Spotting my stare, he flashed another blinding grin and I couldn’t help but imagine long, bunny ears extending off the top of his head, his slender tail replaced with a fluffier ball of fur at the back. That seemed to better suit his ardent personality.
The chicken gradually changed colour as the exterior of the vegetables softened, and I brought the meal along with the chair by the fridge over to my tiny two-person table, prompting him to take a seat in front of the steaming plate. I expected him to ravenously dig in and devour every crumb, yet he refused to move a muscle, staring out the glass doors to the backyard and into the forest instead.
“I hurt.” He stumbled over his words, somberly bringing his gaze to my cocked brow. “No mean to hurt.”
Thinking back to the scuffle that seemed eons away at this point, I flashed a reassuring smile his way, explaining, “I get it, you were injured. Um, I was kind of mad at first because you broke my door and everything,” I offhandedly gestured towards the broken contraption, “but I forgive you.”
“No.” He clenched his jaw, analyzing the surface of the table as if the words he was searching for were etched on the surface. “Now. Sorry now, too.” To drive his point home, he delicately grabbed the arm not wrapped in the blanket, streaks of red decorating my wrist like a tight bracelet.
I hummed my understanding. “Ah, I told you it’s fine already,” I reassured, patting his hand.
Content at my acceptance of his makeshift apology, he began to dig into the chicken. His nose twitched at the unfamiliar taste, but he made no complaints. Anything was better than nothing, in the end.
I let him enjoy his food for a bit before asking, “Did you have a name? Something like J3?”
His eyes went back to scanning the outdoors, the sound of his chomping coming to an abrupt halt when he spotted a sad lump on the porch.
“Bud?” he inquired, the light glimmering in his irises.
The nickname stumped me, as I had difficulty imagining Hyunho or Minzy affectionately calling their experiment ‘bud’. “What are you talking about? Is that your name?”
His finger poked out to the cylindrical pile of tuna outside, then back to himself, “Bud.”
Befuddled now more than ever, I tried to laugh it off and nodded my head towards the plate again, silently advising him to continue eating.
Unfortunately, he didn’t seem too keen on evading the topic, whimpering in frustration at either my lack of understanding or his incapability of properly communicating due to the language barrier. His unending appetite was going to be put on hold for this. As he stood up, the chair behind him screeched, and he clutched on to the blanket, pulling me towards the back door.
Refusing to allow history to repeat itself, I rushed ahead to slide the hairband off and pushed the door open, allowing him to slip through. I figured that when the man drifted off to sleep tonight, I could replace the rapidly decaying tuna in hopes that my kitty would visit again.
While I was lost in thought, he undid the knot connecting the two of us and sprinted into the forest.
His back disappeared within the thickets fencing the towering maple trees and I froze in place, my jaw going slack in an ugly mixture of bafflement and betrayal, believing that he had simply taken advantage of my hospitality then ran off. Although, all attempts at making sense of the hybrid’s actions were cut short when familiar noises of horrifying, crackling sounds met my ears, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
When the underbrush twitched, leaves fluttering from the movement of an animal hidden within their cover, a sinking feeling entered my chest. And that was the moment I met the vibrant, emerald eyes that had dug their own space within my heart.
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Lia Duel School - This is Where We Draw The (Out)line
Or...I’ve been obsessed with one of my stories/procrastinated this for so long.
Duels are not easy to write.
It’s easy to see an episode of the anime where characters summon monsters and think, “That looks pretty cool. I can do that easily.”
Let me tell you; imagining and writing a duel are two VERY different things.
Think about it from the writer’s perspective for an episode: not only do they have to think about the duelists and the number of cards in hand they have to think about WHAT cards are in their hands, what cards that they want to showcase/promote, what effects will be useful, what monsters are going to be on the field, etc., etc.
Fortunately, just like essay writing, there is a handy-dandy tool to help out with the writing process.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...THE OUTLINE.
Outline Basics
Duel Outlines are handy-dandy tool I use to help me figure out how I structure a duel. After I figure out who I will have duel, I give myself some conditions as to what will be played out during the duel.
For example, in this chapter of one my current Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh! stories (Which will also be referenced a lot so be warned), I had to prepare three outlines for each of the major duels, juggling the different characters and decks without breaks. There are usually two or three conditions that I have for each outline:
1. Make sure you know exactly how the duel is going to end. Who is the victor and how do you want them to win the duel.
2. Do not use all the cards in a sole archetype otherwise duels are repetitive and a chore to write.
3. If you cannot use offical cards for your duels, then and ONLY then, allow some leeway and use fan-made cards (we’ll focus on this later)
After you have your conditions, decide on who will duel first and what the lifepoint counter will start out. If going by anime rules, it’s 4000. If not, then it will start at the official 8000. Depending on what you use will depend on how long you want the duels to last.
It’s Your Move!
Now that you have the duelists in position and conditions made, it’s time to start the duel!
...Or not.
The first move is always the hardest because all the time spent writing the outline (and the many hours researching cards) will stem from how this plays out. Just like one mistake in cross-stitching means wasted hours where you have to undo all of your progress to get yourself back on track, making mistakes on the first turn you write will impact the rest of the duel.
The first thing to think about, obviously, is who is dueling first. Going first does not necessarily mean “instant win” but rather it becomes the first step as to how you want to go from 4000/8000 to 0. The type of deck they play will also come into play as to how you want to play the deck.
For example, a future duel I have for my Between My Brother: Mors Omnibus story starts with Rin unleashing her Windwitch monsters and steadily chips her opponent’s lifepoints down with effect damage. How will the opponent respond to the icy chill of the Windwitch monsters? What other cards will Rin to protect herself and continue to inflict pain from her monsters’ cards effects?
That will have to be for me to figure out. Figuring out is half of the battle when it comes to the duel itself and it’s fun to figure out how you want the duel to go in the end.
Hand in Hand
The most important thing you must write about when it comes to the outline is card count: how many cards are on the field, how many are in the graveyard and how many are in the hand. 
Players start with five cards, hold a maximum of six and must discard cards in their hands if it exceeds that amount. The minimum cards in a deck is 40, maximum is 60/65.
If a Speed Duel is what you’re aiming for then remember that a duelist can only play 3 monsters and 3 Spell/Traps while holding onto four cards.
For me to remember how this works, I always make sure that after an action is performed that I put a little counter as to how many cards are in hand/graveyard.
Example:
Duelist A draws card. (H: 5 -> 6, G: 0)
Duelist A plays Graceful Charity, drawing three cards and discarding two to the graveyard. (H: 6 -> 5 -> 8 -> 6, G: 0 -> 2 -> 3)
------
The duelist reduced his hand by one by playing Graceful Charity, gained three cards due to the effect, then lost two for the discarding. Their graveyard has 3 cards now.
Of course, you also have to remember that the other duelist will also lose cards in the hand/graveyard during a turn (like in battle or by card effect, i.e. Card Destruction). Should that happen, it is written as this.
Example 2:
Duelist A and B start with 5 cards. 
Duelist A draws a card. (H: 5 -> 6)
Duelist A plays Card Destruction. Both duelists discard their hand and then draw cards equal to the number discarded. (Duelist A: H: 6 -> 5 -> 0 -> 5, G: 0 -> 6) [Duelist B: H: 5 -> 0 -> 5, G: 0 -> 5]
Always make sure to differentiate which is Duelist A and Duelist B. You can highlight, bold, italicize, underline, just make sure you know which duelist is gaining/losing cards and it makes your life a lot easier.
For the field itself, just remember to keep a mental count in your head how many monsters are on the field. This becomes handy when it comes to using Fusion/Ritual/Synchro Summons since you can use as many monsters as you need for materials.
In Position
With Link Monsters now in play, positioning your monsters will now become important. Co-Linked monsters will play out heavily to the Link Monster’s effects and will play a good role in how the duelists duel.
Due to how I’ve played too many games, I think of starting with playing the monster in the middle and then alternating from left to right unless all five zones are completed. Positions only are important if you have to use cards that are effected by Monster Zones (Magical Musketeer/Weather Painter) or Link Monsters. If you are not planning to use any of these types of cards, move on.
Give me all the details
Every single action must be stated in each turn. 
There are no shortcuts for this. Since you will be having your duelists state what their cards will be doing, you must also reflect this process in your outlines.
It sounds tedious, but move on with the complaints and move on.
Remember that there are six phases in a turn: Draw, Standby, Main 1, Battle, Main 2, End. And in any of those turns any single little thing can happen so it is best to pay close attention to this.
As an example, here is what I have been working on with one duel in the next 2/3 stories for Mors Omnnibus.
----
Turn #? Duelist X (LP: 8000, H: 5, G: 0)
1. Draws card (H: 5 -> 6)
2. Plays Staring Contest (If Duelist Y Special Summons a monster into the Extra Monster Zone, X can move a monster to the respected column it’s at. If X summons a monster to the Extra Monster Zone, they moves Y’s monster to that column -- Y’s monster is smack-dab in the middle.) (H: 6 -> 5)
3. Summons Serziel, Watcher of the Evil Eye (1600 ATK) and when Normal Summoned, this allows X to take an ‘Evil Eye’ card from their Deck to hand (Evil Eye of Selene) (H: 5 -> 4 -> 5)
4. Since X has an ‘Evil Eye’ monster on the field, X can Special Summon Basilius, Familiar of the Evil Eye (2000 DEF) from their hand. (H: 5 -> 4) Activates its effect to send an ‘Evil Eye’ Spell/Trap from her deck to the graveyard. (Evil Eye Confrontation, G: 0 -> 1)
Depending on how your turns are played out, it could become as elaborate as this or just as simple as Draw Card, Set Card, End Turn. Make sure you know how you want your turns played out because that will determine what you write for your duelists later.
End it all. Got it.
Once you got the turns going, how do you want to end it?
A duel ends when one surrenders, their lifepoints drop to 0 or they cannot draw any more cards in their deck.
The ending of the duel also will also effect the chapter, and perhaps the story if it’s a very important story, so how you end the duel becomes a big decision.
Will it be by direct attack? Destroying a powerful monster? Effect damage? The choice is yours and yours alone.
Once you figured out how you end it, and who wins it (but you should’ve already figured that out before writing the outline), take a deep breath...
And go back to the beginning.
Now, now, I can already see you rolling your eyes at this but making sure you have everything checked out: from card effects, card stats, lifepoint count, hand/graveyard count. Nothing should be left your chance.
But you may be thinking, “No one is going to be noticing this type of things? Why does it matter?”
Because it DOES matter. To you.
You put your hard work into the outline so you might as well make sure those hours in front of a monitor pay off. It would not be good to go back to your already published chapter just for one single mistake to lifepoints or attacks or because you misread a card effect wrong. In fact, you could’ve used that time to prepare for another chapter. Who knows?
Make sure you also take a break so that your mind is rest and relaxed. It is always good to get a fresh perspective about your outline so you know how you want to write the duel for real.
Wrap It Up
So in conclusion, a duel outline is where you start building how the duel works. What conditions you want to setup, how you want the first turn to go, what type of actions will be displayed when you write the damn thing and how you must be very vigilant and attentive to how it is written.
Every duel is going to be unique but with a basic outline in place, it doesn’t have to be so scary to get started.
Next time: Details in the Cards: in which we learn how to describe the monsters in play.
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spiritcc · 5 years
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Got both, although I’ve just realised that I never knew anything Deep about either huh.
1. The Boy
i dont even care that i just keep repeating this story over and over again of how he almost got murdered by Klyuev on the set of the musketeers lmao. Klyuev’s character barely had any fighting scenes, if at all, so he didn’t receive any sword training, cue a fite scene and somehow he managed to jam his sword in Boyarsky’s fucking mouth, a few centimeters away from his brain and death. Boyarsky didn’t even suffer that much, surprisingly 
Boyarsky actually comes from a whole acting dynasty, his daughter is a (bad) actress and she was in the first nrh ep, his late brother was an actor, his uncle, and I think his dad as well and even his grandad was something else too. Obviously besides the daughter, none of the men in the family lived past like 50 and Boyarsky once said it was a mistake that he’s still alive.
A sub-fact no one wants to know: the dude just,,, does not enjoy living. It’s been twice already that I read him casually mentioning how life can go fuck itself but sometimes there is shite to somewhat enjoy (the shite in question was his daughter’s second pregnancy recently), but otherwise, he really does get these Death Episodes often.
The meme facts a true Boy fan must know is his hat, his shades and his zenit scarf. I think the most popular google search besides his name is his name + no hat bc he just never fucking takes it off (cuz he bald af). Shades cuz aesthetic, zenit scarf cause he’s a big fan of that football club, and of football in general, I’d say that your chances of seeing Boyarsky at a zenit football match are something like 85%. The Boy is perfectly aware of the memes too and he loves making fun of himself. 
quite faithful to his wife, i think he was the only guy on the set of the musketeers who didnt ruin his marriage with their mass sluttery. They once divorced for some tax evasion reasons or something like that and only bothered to remarry like almost a decade later. I think for tax reasons too. They don’t give a fuck.
2. Tabak
big fan of drag, it seems: i can recall at least two films where he jumped on an opportunity to dress as a woman and enjoyed every second of it. For his Marry Poppins role, he shaved his legs and did his nails and everything despite literally nobody asking him, and none of that being even visible in the film. I think he just knew there was no masculinity to his image so boy did he use that to his advantage. 
weirdly enough I think I can say that for a fact that he didn’t like Smoktunovsky lmao. these assholes were theater colleagues and all, but there is no trace of them interacting and no trace of them saying anything at all about each other, never mind good or bad. Tabak only mentioned smoktun once (1) in his book in a line of something like “yeah ppl like smoktun and co and their stories of how apparently nobody noticed them for a long time and it was hard to get recognition are just no true” passive-aggressive shite, while smoktun’s story was RIGHT THERE of how he used to sleep on staircases and got rejected from like five theaters and was literally a banned outlaw i was like asdfhj you can say it, mate, the guy’s been dead for a while now. The biggest piece of evidence was a passing mention from Tovstonogov, the director of BDT, who was discussing newspapers and what material gets through and said “yah tabak recently sent em an article criticizing smoktun’s new role and it got rejected” i almost wheezed how true my suspicions are. no most ambiguous crossover for us, then. 
a big friend of Gaft who NEVER fails to tell you the story of how tabak in his uni days used to smoothly approach folks finishing their food at the uni canteen and ask them if he can lick the plates after them. which he did. and he licked em nice and clean. Gaft being Gaft he obvs immortalised the Feat in his epigrams and I swear his interview from like 2015 went like “yeah hello im fine too how are yoANYWAY TABAK LICKS PLATES” he will just not let this die.
Gaft being Gaft’s, here’s one of his epigrams on tabak, poorly translated by me, but a one you (lily) will defs get:
The stance is straight. The speech is strong,
Of Lyolik, of Tabakov,
Shines, shines his star,
On the jacket of Mikhalkov. 
After Efremov’s death, he became the head of Chekhov’s MHAT (the theatre) and remained its leader until his own death, so 2002-2018 this guy was crackin down. He was an amazing manager who renovated the theater, sometimes even using his own money: repairs, new tech, art and play-wise, everything. He also managed a theater of his own, Tabakerka (about to be renamed a boring Tabakov’s theater instead of keeping the Tobacco Pouch smh), also successfully. He also taught actors for a long ass time and he had a crazy knack for selecting future talents: Yevgeny Mironov, Vladimir Mashkov, Natalia Andreychenko, Filipp Yankovsky are just the people I can name on top of my head, with the first two being his favest and most prominent students, and for a reason (i luv them). Half the modern Russian scene was taught by him, the guy was just amazing at the administrative and leading sides. 
Last tier 10 fact bc only like three people know it, in my final year tabak was apparently looking into enrolling his daughter in my school. I don’t think she went in the end, but during his visit, the guy gave my school a giant box with all the films starring himself on DVD. im still like “....ok” about this lmao but i sure hope these fucks are watching his films at school now, the so-called tabak care package. did he just have spare boxes of films with himself in case he needs to smother somebody how ᵈᵒ
Once again, THIS WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ASK ME A QUESTION BS
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