#and the way Eddie feels Buck's absence | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chronicowboy · 1 year

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Buck is stood staring at his couch with a wrinkled nose when a frantic knocking rips him from his thoughts. Frowning, he skids over to the door on socked feet and yanks it open to reveal a harried Eddie and sheepish Christopher.

"Tell me you aren't busy," Eddie pleads, already pushing into the loft to set down two dangerously full grocery bags on the kitchen island.

The loft suddenly seems a lot brighter, feels a lot warmer.

"I'm not busy," Buck replies as he shoots a questioning look at Christopher who only bites his lip and looks away.

"Oh, thank God." Eddie grabs him by the shoulders with a grateful smile before taking a deep breath. "I am. Busy. Like incredibly busy."

"Okay..." Buck narrows his eyes at him. "So, I'm hanging out with my favourite Diaz then?"

"Hold the thought on that favourite bit," Eddie huffs, dropping his hands. Buck's shoulders turn cold at the loss, he shrugs the absence off. Eddie turns to Christopher with his arms folded over his chest and an arched eyebrow. "Want to tell Buck what you decided to tell me at four pm this afternoon?"

"Fine," Chris sighs, looking up at Buck guiltily. "I need to bake cookies for my whole class."

"Sure, we can do that." Buck frowns, sharing a look with a still frantic Eddie. "When do you need them for?"

Christopher averts his eyes. Realisation dawns on Buck, and he shares a knowingly unimpressed look with Eddie.

"Tomorrow," he mumbles.

"Chris," Buck groans.

"I know, okay?" Chris groans right back. "I forgot. I'm sorry. Will you help me? Please?" He breaks out his patented puppy eyes, and Buck has to try hard not to laugh at the notion he wasn't going to help Chris all along.

Buck steals a look at an apologetic Eddie, shakes his head in a way he hopes conveys I've got your back.

"Of course I will, Chris, you know that." His eyes snap to Christopher when Eddie's face melts into that dangerously fond expression. He's been seeing a lot more of it ever since he woke up from his coma, and it makes him feel a little like a lightning bolt trapped in a human body. He doesn't know what to make of it.

"You are a lifesaver," Eddie tells him seriously, pulling him into a quick hug. "I've gotta get over to Pepa's, but I'll be back around dinner time, okay?"

"Oh, I see," Buck tuts. "You just want to reap the benefits of all our hard work."

"Obviously." Eddie pulls one of his patented frog faces. "I wasn't trying to hide that."

"Lazy good-for-nothing," Buck says, except it comes out sounding much more like you're everything.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Who here was asleep for a wholeass week?" Eddie retorts.

"Ass," Chris snickers.

"Don't," Buck and Eddie scold in unison, sharing a bashful smile. Chris just rolls his eyes.

Buck tries not to preen at how natural all of this is, thinks of Bobby's words in the engine just before lightning struck.

Life's too short to take those relationships for granted.

Buck has seen his world without the Diazes in it, he'll never take them for granted again.

"I don't think a coma is technically considered sleep," Buck argues, just happy that Eddie isn't flinching away from the reminder of the accident like he used to.

"Well, you weren't snoring," Eddie concedes.

"I don't snore!"

"Buck, the only reason I felt okay leaving you sleeping on the couch to make Christopher's lunch was because I could hear you breathing all the way from the kitchen." Buck tries not to think about a worried Eddie hovering over him, fingers itching to reach out and find a pulse, lingering in the doorway to the kitchen because he didn't want to leave Buck alone. "You snore."

"You snore," Chris agrees.

"Betrayal!" Buck gasps. "We're making oatmeal raisin cookies."

"Nooooooo!" Chris cries. "Buck, please!"

"Do I snore?" Buck demands.

"Nope." Chris grins.

"Chocolate chip it is."

"Double chocolate chip?" he tries, eyes wide and sparkling. Buck loves him desperately.

"Nice try, kid." Eddie drops a hand onto Christopher's head. "You get double chocolate chip when you tell us more than one day in advance."

Something warm and content settles in Buck's gut at the ease of Eddie's us.

"Buck?" Chris pouts up at him.

"Nah, not gonna work on me." Buck shakes his head, folds his arms over his chest. Eddie sends him a smile, the small and private one that tucks itself into Eddie's rosy cheeks, the one that Buck's pretty sure he'd return from the dead just to see again.

"Okay, well, you two have got it under control." Eddie ducks down to drop a muah! on Christopher's head, presses a quick one to Buck's cheek. "I'm off! Love you both, see you for dinner!"

Eddie sweeps out of the door in a whirlwind of frantic energy. Buck just watches him go, mouth half-open in a soft 'o' as the skin of his cheek tingles where Eddie's lips had been. He stares at the closed door with wide eyes, stares for so long his mouth goes dry.

Maybe he does have the answers, maybe he's had a couch all along.

A sharp tug on his shirt pulls him from his trance, and he looks down at Christopher.

"Cookies?" he says, entirely too knowing for an eleven-almost-twelve-year-old.

"Cookies," Buck nods.

#sami rambles #eddie realises what he's done when he parks at pepa's and then immediately says yes when she asks to set him up #episode coda #911 show #911 spoilers #911 fox #911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #buck x eddie #buck x eddie fanfic #buck x eddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buck and christopher #buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family fic

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elvensorceress · 6 days

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Very late fuck it Friday where it’s barely even Friday for me here.

Little update in case anyone ( @sibylsleaves 😘) is interested. This thing, which henceforth shall be known as, If I Should Fall, is now over 14K and is likely to be posted sometime this weekend. I’m just editing it now.

Here’s another snippet just for funs 💕

@hippolotamus @eddiebabygirldiaz @shortsighted-owl @daffi-990 @fleurdebeton @chaosandwolves @exhuastedpigeon @hoodie-buck @wh0re-behavi0r @ronordmann @watchyourbuck @thekristen999 @bekkachaos @theotherbuckley @spotsandsocks @suavecitodiaz @tizniz @wikiangela @diazsdimples @shyaudacity

When it’s too quiet and too cold from the hospital air conditioning and the fact that Buck’s been sitting here for hours, he holds Eddie’s hand and rests his head on the bed beside him. It’s not close enough. Eddie’s here but he’s not really here and Buck can only feel absence. Maybe Eddie’s lost somewhere and trying to find his way back. Maybe he’s in his own weird coma world where he’s arguing with himself and nothing makes sense.

No matter what is going on or where he is, Buck wants to be here. Holding on. He can be the anchor, the tether, the one who grounds the other. They’re partners. That’s what they do for each other.

Sometimes, Buck manages to sleep. Like he could only sleep if he’s listening to Eddie breathing. Even if it’s fake, manufactured breathing. It’s still air in his lungs and oxygen through his blood and life in his body. It’s there even if it’s faint. So, Buck rests some. A couple hours here and there.

He’s resting like this one day, his head beside Eddie’s shoulder and his hand wrapped tightly around the hand that doesn’t move or hold his in return, when someone touches his back. At first he pictures Death itself appearing behind him to finally claim Eddie, and Buck rushes to his feet, ready to fight. He would fight Death and all of Hell if he had to.

But the person, the people who are standing in front of him are far more of a surprise than even a personification of mortality.

Eddie’s parents. They’re here. He knows Bobby called them and Buck also talked to them a little. As much as he sort of could after it happened. They talked with Chris. And of course they’d want to be here for the same reason anyone might want to be here.

Because Eddie is dying.

He’s dying and he’ll probably never wake up to even say goodbye. But for now he’s holding on. They all are. So. They’re here.

#buddie #buddie wip #fuck it friday #fic: if I should fall #911 #jenwyn wip #the title is from the song tightrope from the greatest showman because I only know musicals thank you

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extasiswings · 20 days

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Eddie took three episodes, two panic attacks, and a heart-to-heart with Buck wherein Buck flat out had to say “I have been Ana” (aka “you are hurting someone the way people have hurt me”), in order to get to the point of breaking up with Ana. And yes, technically it was three episodes covering a compressed period of time, but it was still three episodes. Now, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that whatever issues there may be in Eddie and Marisol’s relationship that are going to begin surfacing in 7x05, they are probably not as dramatic as him actively having panic attacks. And I’m also going to assume that with where Buck is at in his wonderful sparkly exciting happy place of newfound bisexuality, in the absence of something as clear as Eddie being on the verge of a breakdown and Buck actually witnessing it, assuming they talk about Marisol at all, then Buck probably won’t feel inclined to go full “break up with your girlfriend.”

All of which is to say, considering the themes and titles and writers, I’m going to guess Eddie’s “break up with your girlfriend” arc starts in 7x05 and continues in 7x07. And I’d guess maybe that’s the end of it? Or possibly into 7x08 depending on how they do it. (I’m prepared for them to stay together until the finale because 5B scarred me, but I’m also cautiously optimistic it’ll be earlier).

#chapel for ts #911 spoilers

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hippolotamus · 3 months

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Fuck it Friday

tagged by the lovely and talented @diazsdimples @tizniz @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @wikiangela @spotsandsocks 💖

I'm so, so close to finishing honey, when you call my name (yes my immature ass is laughing and snorting over every joke to be made there) and don't want to spoil anything. SO. I accidentally started a new wip collab with James @diazsdimples... whoops. Here's a bit of that.

Eddie flips around and buries his face in Buck's chest, but stays silent. It’s nice here, being surrounded by Buck, by his partner. His person. The way he pets Eddie’s hair and talks in a soothing voice, like he does when Chris has a bad day at school or feels Shannon’s absence more than usual. Perhaps if he curls into the warmth and safety of his husband, enough time will pass and Eddie won’t ever have to admit to anything. He’s well aware of what’s upsetting him but can’t bring himself to say it out loud. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

no pressure tagging @buddierights @wildlife4life @jesuisici33 @stereopticons @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @theotherbuckley @monsterrae1 @buckaroosheart @indestructibleheart @thewolvesof1998 @loserdiaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @elvensorceress @honestlydarkprincess @spaceprincessem @apothecarose @barbiediaz @chaosandwolves @eowon @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @hoodie-buck @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @statueinthestone @singlethread @the-likesofus @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @weewootruck @watchyourbuck @your-catfish-friend and anyone else who wants to 😘

#hippo writes #the discord fic #please don't hate us #buddie wip

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evankinard · 1 year

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The will scene is such a point of no return for buddie narratively not just because of the fact of Buck being in Eddie's will but because of the way the writers presented it. If it was just about Buck being Eddie's best friend and someone who he can trust with his son, if it was just about Buck and Christopher's relationship, then they could have just revealed it right after it happened after the well or they could have made it so that Eddie puts Buck in his will after the shooting and after he sees how willing Buck is to be there for Christopher in Eddie's absence. But it's not just about that, is it?

The fact that Buck is Christopher's legal guardian in Eddie's will is almost not even the emphasis of the scene. It's the fact that Eddie hid it for a year and it's the fact that he chose to reveal it now. to make it so that Eddie hid it for a year is to imply that this decision was based on something more than just his trust in Buck, something that he could not handle Buck or anyone else looking deeper into. He always knew Buck would say yes so he wasn't worried about Buck's reaction to being Christopher's guardian but maybe he was worried about allowing that peek into his heart that may have inadvertently revealed the thread between Eddie's allowance of Buck into his and Christopher's lives in a co-parenting role and his other feelings.

And the other emphasis of the scene is that he chose to give that secret up after an entire year if it meant Buck would no longer throw himself in danger and consider himself expendable. He saw Buck weighing his own life against everyone else's and giving it less value because it should be him in danger since everyone else has a family to go home to and his response was no, I am my son is your family and I need you to come home to me him.

anyways buddie canon cause if not idk what the hell else any of that is supposed to mean

#the will scene is the only scene ever #never has any other scene in any show ever been filmed produced or aired #hope that helps #911 fox #buddie #eddie diaz #weewoo brainrot

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matan4il · 2 years

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Buddie 604 meta

I feel like I deserve a medal for not making a joke about how, since it was implied in 401 that Eddie stayed at Buck’s during the pandemic, we know at some point Buck will have two ex-roommates who want his body fluids. XD ~~

It’s maybe a small thing, but I enjoyed seeing Ramon advise Eddie on his issue with Chris. It was a lovely callback to their promise in 517 to work on improving their relationship, and it also showed really nice insights from Ramon. I loved it! It’s a nice reminder that 911 for the most part doesn’t vilify people, even when it doesn’t shy away from their faults and failures. It’s also proof this is a show that doesn’t drop things once a storyline seems to have wrapped. I adore that about 911, and I also think it makes every single meaningful thing we’ve witnessed even more significant, because we know the show will return to it sooner or later. Like maybe certain scenes between a couple of firefighters? Maybe... ~~

Buck and Eddie exchanging a meaningful look over seeing this oblivious moron in love at the scene of the ep’s first call is giving me life. The wordless communication, the implied sass, the way they’re so in sync, the irony of them being exactly like him except less aware of their own feelings even if they are more aware of propriety. They’re not even teamed up together, because Chim needs Eddie’s medic experience as long as Hen’s still captain, and yet... Buddie are our hopeless romantic idiot kings, while 911 could give entire courses on how to showcase soulmates in less than a minute. ~~

A continuation of that can also be seen in another call. When Buck recklessly hops on the bike to chase and stop a car by almost getting himself killed in order to save Chim, right away we have Eddie calling out after him. He’s so exasperated with his work husband, he’s not even yelling in order to stop Buck, Eddie’s resigned to his husband’s ways. But a good husband still has to shake his head, much like we saw Eddie doing when Buck boldly insisted on the rope rescue in 316. It’s a part of their love language. ~~

All of that stands in contrast with the rest of the ep, where we don’t get to see Buck and Eddie being their usual self, meaning iconic life partners. The thing is, absence can be loud, and something that really makes this absence stand out rather than fly under the radar is contrast. In other words, we’re meant to notice the absence. That loudness is even amplified with the only scene in this ep where we have Buddie interacting in connection to their personal life. Even though they don’t actually get to consult each other, as they usually do, there’s a lot of intimacy there! For starters, Eddie’s surprised that Buck isn’t weighing in on the new issue with Chris.

This is so uncharacteristic, and we only need to think of the way Buck jumped right in with his objections about summer camp in 318 to see the difference. Eddie also believes that there are things Chris may tell Buck but not him. This man is shown throughout this ep having trouble letting go as his son is growing up to be his own person, and yet the one exception Eddie takes no exception to (sorry, bad pun, I know) is Chris filling Buck in on how he’s really doing. Eddie actually expects that to be the case. It’s a subtle, but oh so real acknowledgement that Buck is Christopher’s other dad and that the two of them have a bond that is not limited to the relationship either one of them has with Eddie. I love it. And lastly, of course Eddie can tell something’s up with Buck, troubling him. But it’s also obvious that Buck’s not ready to talk about it yet, with his quick denial of “no secrets here,” so Eddie, like the good husband that he is, lets him be.

Them suddenly dealing with their personal lives separately very much reminds me of basically the mood of most of season 5a. Buck was kept busy with Taylor and away from Eddie, who ended up struggling with how to be a good parent to Chris without the help of his biggest support, his life partner. It led to Eddie making a rash decision that we all knew he would have to find a way back from. If that’s not enough to make us realize Buck’s decision at the end of this ep is probably the wrong one, we also have him being drunk while getting drunk advice from Hen. The last time that happened (and only other one we saw on screen)? When Buck spiraled in 511 over Eddie leaving, and did something rash and foolish.

I tend to think that’s what we’re going to see with Buck now as well. I already was of the opinion that it doesn’t fit Buck as a person, he just cares too much to be the guy who can walk away. His history with Daniel might influence him to wanna help, do for these parents what he couldn’t for his own, but if he does recognize that connection, could he really help bring a new “Daniel” into this world and then... never have anything to do with that kid? But what makes me even more convinced that this decision will be reversed is the build up, showing Buck coming to this conclusion without consulting the one person he actually already shares his life (and a kid) with, and the way it parallels that storytelling structure we saw in s5. In addition, even the way he verbalized it makes me think this is meant to be seen as the wrong decision. Buck is on this journey to figure himself out, yet at the end of the day his decision to say yes isn’t about himself at all, it’s about Connor and his wife. This is who Buck has always been, the guy putting others ahead of himself. There’s nothing wrong with his big heart and generosity! But in an ep called “Animal Instincts,” this has always been he’s instinct. Now he’s meant to learn to balance it with looking after himself and his own happiness, too. So I might be wrong, but I don’t see it ending here. Taylor was a r/s Buck had to have in order for him to learn how to be the one who leaves, now Connor came to him with this request, and we’re gonna get to see him learning to say no. And just like Buck was a part of Eddie finding his way back during season 5b from his wrong decision, that temporary distance between them leaving them closer than ever, so I expect Buck’s sperm donor arc to be resolved with Eddie’s support and with the two of them getting even closer.

~~ Thank you so much for reading this! And for every reblog and like! If you’re interested in catching up, you can find my 603 meta and more on my blog. Thank you to the incredible @whosoldherout who tops posting her amazing gifs every week with providing some more for my meta.

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911gif #911 spoilers #buddieedit #911edit #buddie gif #911 gif #911 edit #911gifs #wm #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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buckactuallys · 11 months

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Hey, if it prompts anything, how about no. 24. just really needed a hug sort of hug, for the soft prompts ask? No worries if not, and thank you either way.❤️

hellooo, thank you and here you go! I hope you like it 🩷

send me a soft prompt

[read on ao3]

Buck is on the firehouse couch when Eddie finds him, stretched out on it but not asleep. Eddie can tell from afar, sees that his body is rigid in a way it isn’t when he’s sleeping, even before Buck opens his eyes and squints at him.

“Hey,” he says quietly, and Eddie echoes the greeting in a low voice.

Buck sits up and makes room for Eddie on the couch, most of which he doesn’t need. He sits down so close to Buck their entire sides are pressed against each other, then turns a little so he can tuck his face into the spot between Buck’s shoulder and neck.

“You okay?” Buck asks, and his arms come up around Eddie, holding him tightly.

Eddie wraps his own arms around Buck’s middle, fisting the stretchy material of his uniform shirt. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, me either,” Buck murmurs. “That was a tough call.”

Eddie nods against his neck. It’s always tough when they get there in time and still can’t save someone, and tonight wasn’t an exception. It wasn’t anyone’s fault – just bad luck. But somehow, those can be the hardest to deal with. Someone’s life ended way too early tonight, and the only explanation is that they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The unfairness of it all always makes Eddie think of Shannon.

And then Buck wasn’t in the bunk room with the rest of them. His steady breathing usually manages to lull Eddie to sleep, and the absence of it meant that Eddie was lying awake staring at the ceiling and thinking about his dead wife while aching to be by his very new, still secret boyfriend’s side. So he got up and went to look for him instead.

Buck strokes a gentle hand up Eddie’s back and presses a kiss to the side of his face, and Eddie wishes they were at home already, wishes he could just climb into bed with Buck, to hold and be held.

Eventually, Buck starts pulling away, but Eddie makes an unwilling sound and tightens his grip.

Buck laughs quietly and kisses his head again. “What if someone comes up? I thought we were keeping this quiet.”

“They’re all in the bunk room,” Eddie says, his lips brushing Buck’s neck. This close, he can see the goosebumps they leave behind, and it makes something in his stomach pull.

“So were you,” Buck insists, “until you decided to come up here.”

“To look for you,” Eddie says, and kisses his neck this time.

Buck hums, somehow sounding both pleased and concerned. “But you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Just really needed a hug.”

Buck squeezes him a little tighter. “I can do that.”

“Are you okay?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah.” Buck squeezes again. “This is helping. It’s just— it sucks, right? Doing everything right and it still not being enough?”

“Yeah, it’s the worst feeling. I’ll never get used to it.”

“I know,” Buck agrees. “Me either.”

They both pull back slightly, just enough to look at each other.

“Hey,” Buck says, his face earnest the way Eddie loves. “I love you, you know?”

“You may have mentioned it,” Eddie replies just to be a shit, and kisses Buck’s laugh right out of his mouth.

When they pull apart, Buck looks a little dazed, which Eddie can’t help but feel smug about. But he can’t stop staring at Buck’s mouth, red and kiss-bitten, so he probably shouldn’t tease.

Instead, he runs a gentle thumb over Buck’s lips, smiling when Buck brushes a kiss to it.

“I love you, too,” he says. Not because Buck really needs the confirmation, but because he wants to say it. He wants to say it all the time, wants to shout it from the rooftops like some fucking cliché. “Do you think we should start telling people about us soon?”

Buck leans in for one more kiss, quick and warm. “Y-Yeah. I really want that, actually. I want to hold your hand in front of our friends. And I know we’ll still have to reign it in at work, but right now, I just feel–”

He pauses, and Eddie nods. “Yeah, it was a little…hot, almost? In the beginning. The sneaking around. But I don’t love feeling like I constantly have to hold back, to pretend like I’m not head over heels in love with you. I’ve done that for way too long already.”

Buck smiles, and his hand sneaks under Eddie’s shirt at his back, warm and familiar.

“Exactly. I love you, and I want people to know it. Our family, especially.”

Eddie cups the back of his head and brushes their noses together. “So let’s tell them. We can do it during the next 48 off, if you want.”

“I’m ready,” Buck says, closing the small distance between them once again.

It’s only Buck yawning right into Eddie’s mouth that has them pulling apart, laughing. Eddie brushes his thumb over Buck’s birthmark and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“Wanna go back to the bunk room and hope the rest of the night is quiet so we can catch some sleep?”

Buck’s barely opened his mouth to agree before the alarm rings out, and he groans around a laugh.

“I can’t believe you still don’t believe in jinxes.”

“That’s because they’re not real,” Eddie says, pulling Buck up off the couch with him and then stepping close to press one more quick kiss to his mouth. “Maybe we’ll get to sleep after this one, then.”

He grins and turns around to hurry downstairs, laughing at Buck’s indignant voice when he calls, “Eddie! Stop jinxing us!”

But he’s laughing too, following Eddie down the stairs and into the firetruck. Everyone else is yawning and wiping sleep from their eyes, and no one looks twice at how close Buck and Eddie sit, ankles and knees and thighs and shoulders knocking, and Eddie knows that everything is gonna be okay.

Even if they don’t get to sleep at all for the rest of this shift – he’s got a comfortable bed waiting for him at home and a boyfriend to crawl between the sheets with. They’ll catch up on sleep later, close enough for Eddie to not only hear, but feel Buck’s breathing that’ll lull him to sleep. He can’t wait.

#buddie #911fic #911 #buddie fic #buddie fanfiction #pia writes #ask #novemberhush

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princessamericachavez · 1 year

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It’s not that Maddie creates a group chat specifically to check in on Buck. The group chat without him existed already for abysmally different though not completely unrelated reasons. So when Eddie sees the group change from the sober Hospital Updates to the playful Operation Keep Buck From Going Nuts it does startle a chuckle out of him. It reminds him that Buck is alright, at home, and finally free from his visitors.

Still… he is not entirely sure he is on board with the whole schedule thing. Not like it’s his place to say much, though. Maddie is Buck’s sister, she has seniority in the department of looking after her brother, and Eddie does understand where that instinct comes from. Hell, didn’t he drop Christopher on Buck’s lap last time he was forced off work to get his mind off his own convalescence? Still…

You’re not gonna get into the Buck Watch rotation? Chim’s texts him privately, after nearly everyone else has picked a day and time to drop by the loft.

Eddie purses his lips downwards. If Chim is texting him about this, Maddie must have brought it up (much like Buck and himself, there isn’t much those two don’t share with each other). He wonders if he’s being judged by it. No one commented on his absence in Buck’s room during their long vigil hours at the hospital, but they must have noticed. Now this. He knows what it must look like.

Did you want a parade of people at your place last time you almost died? He shoots back.

Yeah, no, that’s a good point. Chim’s reply is quick. I tried telling her, but she’s still worried…

Eddie sighs. Opens the group chat. Ignores de 148 unread messages: Hey, sign me up wherever you need to cover. If it’s after school, I’ll take Chris over.

Chim replies privately before Maddie does in the grupo with a string of thumbs up emojis and a final (probably accidental) rainbow.

He ends up in one of the last “shifts”. Something on the weekend so he can use Chris as an excuse. Like he’d ever need an excuse to drop by Buck’s for a beer. The schedule is so tightly packed that he knows Buck will notice far before it comes to his turn. He gives it four visits, max, before he starts feeling like a child being babysat. Chris would hate it, and he’s a teenager, not a grown man who just spent way too long stuck in a hospital bed.

But Eddie doesn’t get suspicious texts from Buck, complaining about the roaster of visitors, he doesn’t get a call to gossip on whatever excuse Hen used to come over, doesn’t really get much until the knock on the door…

“Please, don’t ask me how I’m doing,” his friend says and walks in. No invitation or excuse presented. They never needed any to barge into each other’s lives like they are the same shared territory.

Eddie watches him walk in, barely repressing the smirk that spreads across his face.

“Want a beer?” He offers, like part of his brain isn’t still processing the fact that Buck is here, alive, that he gets to just offer him a drink like two weeks ago he wasn’t sure he’d never hear his voice outside of his dreams.

“Probably more than one,” Buck huff, already settled in the couch, like he’s always belonged here.

“All that company must have worn you off,” Eddie says with a smirk and even with his back turned on his way to the kitchen, he knows that he can’t hide the petty satisfaction in his voice.

All those visits, all that family, all that attention and fussing and love… but Buck came here. He chose to come here. Eddie feels more than a little vindicated. He feels fucking giddy, actually.

Even when he comes back and Buck is sleeping in his couch, and he’s left hanging with two cold beers and the excitement to share some time with his best friend, the warmth in his chest persists. He sits down, quiet as he can be, and smiles when he hears the first familiar snore. There’ll be time for that. Buck is here, he chose to be here, and they have all the time they need.

#911 fox #911 spoilers #Eddie Diaz #Evan buck Buckley #IM SO AMUSED BY HOW PETTY EDDIE SOUNDED WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT THE VISITS #he’s so bitchy and I love it #he’s like hehe I won because he chose to come here instead I know him best #baby boy it’s not a competition

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buckttommy · 4 days

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I held back on asking this because I didn’t know if you would be receptive to it. But your last post makes me think you would be, so, for buddietommy: if one of them died, how do you think the others would respond? Do you think the remaining two would cling tighter to the person who was left, or do you think the loss would be insurmountable and break them apart?

they're not breaking up, like. what they have is forever even if one of them is gone. but. how they cope with it depends entirely on who's left. so. like.

if it's tommy who dies and buck and eddie who are left, they would just. go into their bubble. you know the one. it's the one that exists already, the one where they take their codependency and amplify it by a thousand just so they can heal themselves and each other. it takes a long time and they never get back to where / who they were because loving him, being with him changed them on such molecular levels. but. they heal and they recover and they find equilibrium again. eventually.

if it's buck who dies... this is a tough one because i feel like... like. it's wrong to say buck is their glue because he isn't, like, tommy and eddie had a relationship before buck even entered the picture. but, like. tommy and eddie are so similar that buck is like their balance. he's the odd man out in the best way. and so... losing him, i think, would force tommy / eddie to reevaluate their relationship. not reevaluate whether or not they want to stay together — because that's non-negotiable — but reevaluate who they are as a couple in the wake of losing such a vital piece of their dynamic. it would be like learning who each other is for the very first time, and it would take a lot of time. so much time and so much grief and so many sleepless nights but. they would get their eventually.

and then. ah. if eddie is the one who died (and this is the part of the proceedings where i remind everyone that i am an eddie girl first and the thought literally makes me want to barf), i feel like the response would be similar if it was tommy who died. like. just very much so buck and tommy withdrawing into themselves and shutting the world out, caring for each other, holding each other together and holding each other up until they're ready to emerge. and they're always a little bit sad forever. like. that's grief for you. but eddie's absence is so. noticable. literally until the day they die. it's hard but they're in love and the love doesn't change just because one of them is missing.

anyways. i'm upset so Enough of That.

#tv: 911 #jack answers mail #buddietommy #not to be dramatic but i am in the deepest pits of hell

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wackybuddiemewbs · 1 month

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So yeah, apparently, more shenanigan going on in this wacky brain. Make of that what you will... or don't. Cheers!

This Future We Choose

Part 2/???

Part 1 • Part 3

“Alright, couch or bed?”

“Couch. If I have to climb any more stairs, I think I’m actually gonna start to cry. Even with pain meds,” Buck says, still heavily leaning against Eddie as he maneuvers them inside Buck’s loft.

“Yeah, bruised ribs are a bitch. But hey, at least you didn’t break any. So you’ll be as good as new in no time,” Eddie says, probably more to reassure himself than anything else. But Buck lets it slide, for which he is glad.

Eddie knows it wasn’t that much of a big deal. Then again, nothing seems big compared to the lightning strike. Because Buck died. Still, the moment the rope gave way and Buck got knocked against one of the steel beams at the factory, Eddie could swear he felt rain on his skin and saw lighting strike before his eyes.

In the end, Buck got away with mild injuries, three bruised ribs, some scrapes and some more bruises that are going to mar one side that had the Lichtenberg figures not too long ago. Eddie tends to think it’s almost ironic that those are meant to fade as well, without a trace.

No one asked any questions when he said he was going to crash over at Buck’s to have an eye on him. Christopher is out until Tuesday for that science fair upstate, so he doesn’t have to worry about making arrangements.

Eddie helps Buck navigate to the couch. His hand ghosts over Buck’s back as he sits down with a moan. “You good?”

“Relatively,” Buck says with a tight grimace, trying to ease back on the couch.

“Good enough for me. And I appreciate the honestly. Would not have expected that from you,” Eddie huffs. “Alright, when’s the last time you’ve had anything to drink or eat?”

“Breakfast at the station and apple juice at the hospital,” Buck recounts.

“Okay, then I’m gonna fix you a sandwich and something to chug it down with, and then you take the meds? You shouldn’t take those on an empty stomach,” Eddie offers.

“Sounds good,” Buck replies, then averts his gaze. “I mean, sorry, you don’t have to…”

“Buck.”

“Sorry.”

Eddie hates that for Buck. He knows Buck is trying to change those habits, to break through those patterns that tell him that he doesn’t deserve people worrying about him. And Eddie knows how hard it is to break out of patterns, especially those you have perfected for years. And God knows Buck learned to perfect those.

“Just remember it’s not imposing if people are willing to offer help,” Eddie reminds him, almost in a sing-song.

Buck tilts his chin down. “I’m getting there.”

“Oh yeah, you are,” Eddie huffs. “I’m not taking up with that indefinitely.”

Buck grins at that. “Something tells me you would.”

“Yeah, I would,” Eddie has to admit. “But… I’d still rather not!”

“Fair.”

Finding Buck set well enough for the moment, Eddie makes his way to the kitchen to fix him something to eat and drink. Thankfully, Buck remains a create of habit, which means he finds everything where it should be. Though Eddie can’t help a frown at that realization. Because it’s so given to him to know where Buck stores what. But that may well be because it’s been a while since he’s been in the loft last.

He has to look no further than the dining table to find confirmation for his absence from the apartment. Papers, brochures, and written notes are strewn across it. Papers and brochures with smiling children on them. Adoption this, fostering that.

“You’re… deep down the rabbit hole for research, huh?” Eddie says, trying to sound casual as he walks past the table, carrying the sandwich and the glass of water with him.

Buck gives him a quizzical look he can’t really put. “So to speak. I… I always feel like researching extensively helps me. Like, to be more calm about it.”

“Why’d you be spooked?” Eddie asks.

“Well, there’s a difference between wanting something like that and actually… looking at the prospect of it.”

“Right.”

Eddie can still remember the anxiety, the crawling under his skin, after Shannon showed him the pregnancy test that confirmed their lives were about to change forever. Would he be a good father? Would he be enough for that child? He didn’t know, and it made him want to run. He eventually ended up running, for a multitude of reasons.

“I mean, when it comes to fostering, you could’ve asked Hen about it. She’s the expert on that, undoubtedly.”

“I… haven’t told anyone yet. If I tell Hen, Chim knows, if Chim knows, Maddie knows, which means that by the next time I’m at work, the whole station and dispatch will know.”

“I guess you got a point there,” Eddie is bound to agree. “Well, my lips remain sealed until you feel ready.”

“Thanks for that. I appreciate it, I do.”

“Don’t mention it.” Eddie sits down next to him on the couch. He holds out the plate to him. “There you go.”

“Thanks.”

Eddie winces in sympathy as Buck really struggles his way through eating and drinking, as moving his right arm always seems to rub the wrong way against his ribs. Though once the pills are downed, both know that Buck will soon find the much-needed and much-deserved relief.

Eddie keeps shifting in his seat, wrinkling his nose.

“Got ants in your pants?” Buck snorts.

“I seriously hate your couch,” Eddie grumbles, trying to find a position that’s not completely terrible. Though he did not yet succeed, even though he’s spent some very uncomfortable hours on it by now.

“I had other things in mind recently than going shopping for furniture,” Buck snorts, amused.

“I still hate it. How did you ever pick that one out? It’s potentially more uncomfortable than the one you had before,” Eddie keeps going. “And that one was pretty damn terrible already.”

“I dodged a bullet with this one. My mom wanted to pick one out for me. And my back hurt just looking at it. Also, the pattern was just about awful… which is to say, it had a damn pattern, okay?” Buck huffs.

“Your back’s gonna hurt if you nap on it tonight, that’s for sure,” Eddie warns him.

“Well, if my back hurts more than my ribs, they might cancel each other out,” Buck ponders.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “You know this is not how it works, right?”

“The pain meds are starting to kick in, I’ll be walking on the clouds soon, man. The couch’s gonna be the least of my concerns, at least until morning.”

“Well, next time you pick out a couch, Chris and I will be coming with you. You can’t be trusted with these choices, man,” Eddie huffs.

“Since when do I have to ask you for permission to buy the couch I wanna have?”

“Since we spend a great deal of time here with you, so the least you could do is pick one that’s not a literal pain in the butt.”

At least it used to be like that. These days, they are hardly here. Just like Buck is hardly over at their place. Or else Eddie would have known about the research, among other things.

“And you wonder why Christopher is becoming a food snob. You’re a couch snob, dude.”

“You should get one like mine. You’ve been practically glued to that one for ages.”

Buck grins at that. “My butt definitely left an impression on it by now.”

“See, I’m right.”

“I won’t be a getting a couch like yours, though,” Buck grumbles.

“Why not?”

“Because…,” Buck wants to say, but then he stops himself. His eyes shift away before he adds, “I will definitely find a better one than that. And you’re gonna be mad about it.”

Suddenly, Eddie starts to get this sinking feeling that they stopped talking about the couches about a minute earlier. What Eddie doesn’t understand why he keeps prodding that way. That’s unlike him. Sure enough, they love to tease each other about such things, but it feels different for reasons Eddie can’t put his finger on.

“So… how’re things going with Marisol?”

Apparently, Eddie is not the only one ready to prod.

“Oh, ugh… things are good,” Eddie says, though he knows that was about as convincing as Christopher is when he lies about how much time he spent gaming again.

“Damn, I should’ve asked earlier,” Buck huffs.

“What? I said it’s good.”

Buck gives him a look. “And good means something’s afoot, if you say it in that tone of voice.”

“I’m not…,” Eddie wants to begin, but Buck beats him to it, “Eddie. I know you. So let’s just cut the crap, yeah?”

That’s the trouble of being best friends with someone, knowing someone like the back of your hand: The other person is going to do the same. Buck knows him.

Eddie sighs. “I… don’t know. Things are definitely different from what they were with Ana. But… I don’t know where this is heading, honestly.”

“How do you mean?” Buck asks, without the tease this time, just genuinely interested.

“I like her a lot.”

“Which is good, for a girlfriend.”

“I mean, we have fun. She’s good with Christopher. Her brother’s been a bit weird, but I can’t say that my family’s strictly normal either…”

Buck snorts at that. “That’s coz you’re as weird as we are. You just pretend to be normal.”

“Anyway. What I’m trying to say is… I enjoy spending time with her. And it’s not like it was with Ana, where it felt like we had to hit certain milestones, like we were this ready-made family. We’re just… together. And that’s great. But…,” Eddie says, fidgeting for the words, but Buck seems to find them for him faster, “But you don’t know where this is headed next. And she doesn’t seem to know either.”

“I guess.”

“Well, it’s okay to take the time to find that out. Casual relationships aren’t the devil,” Buck argues. “The problem is if one side thinks it’s more than that, and the other doesn’t.”

“Right.”

Because that’s what happened between him and Ana. And it was Buck who forced Eddie to take a long, good look at that reality. Because it wasn’t fair of him, to go on like this was heading somewhere, even though he didn’t feel for her in just that way.

“Do you think she wants more out of the relationship?” Buck asks in a quieter tone.

“I didn’t get the impression yet,” Eddie answers, wrinkling his nose.

Buck licks his lips, but he won’t look at him when he starts to speak again. “… Do you?”

“I… know I don’t want to have a casual relationship indefinitely,” Eddie says with some confidence. He enjoys himself alright, but he knows he wants a steady relationship eventually. He just doesn’t want to rush things, as he’s done it before.

“But do you want to have a serious relationship with her, or…?”

“I… don’t know,” Eddie admits.

Buck gives him that funny look again he can’t read. “Well, seems like I’m not the only one who’s got some figuring out to do.”

Eddie shrugs. “Birds of feather and all.”

“But just to be sure… even though I have proven plenty that I’m not great giving relationship advice to any of my Diaz boys, offer stands for you the same way it stands for me: You wanna talk about it? You come to me, okay?”

“Okay.” Eddie smiles.

“You promise me that?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Good,” Buck sighs, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. “I will hold you to that, granted that I will remember any of this. Because I feel like the meds are about to eat my brain.”

“Then they’d starve, don’t you think?” Eddie snorts.

“Very funny.”

“I’m a very funny man.”

“Try telling your son that. He thinks you’re just cringe.”

“Please, that kid has not developed a proper sense of humor yet. He still laughs at fart jokes.”

“They are solid, sometimes.”

“God, you’re terrible.”

They fall into an oddly uncomfortable silence, and for once it’s not because of Buck’s stupid new couch. Because he didn’t know about Buck’s research, even though it’s his business to know all there is to know about Buck. Because Buck asks questions he can’t answer. Because Buck won’t be picking their couch over his own, even though it’s the better one. Because they talk about one thing but mean another.

“Eddie?”

He whips his head around. “Hm?”

“Do you ever… feel reminded on the job, of the time you got shot?” Buck asks, not looking at him.

“Well, that’s a drastic change of subject,” Eddie huffs, feeling the tendons in his shoulder flex painfully.

“Maintaining a chain of thought becomes more and more difficult for me from now on, given that the meds work faster than they usually do,” Buck informs him. “So you’ll have to deal with me asking random shit. You can choose not to answer, but don’t expect me to keep a coherent line or argumentation here.”

“Why do you ask? Did you feel reminded of the lightning strike today?” Eddie questions.

Buck shrugs. “Yeah.”

“Well, flashbacks are a thing.”

“So you do, feel reminded?” Buck looks at him, but Eddie won’t look back at him as he answers, “Yeah, sometimes.”

“How much do you remember?”

“It’s still mostly just bits and pieces, honestly. The pain, the blood, the ambulance…” Eddie purses his lips.

It is true, he doesn’t remember all of it. But he remembers more than those three things. He talked to Frank about it by now, and Frank assured him that it’s okay not to share that with anyone until he feels ready for it. Still, it always feels like a small betrayal. Because Buck was there with him. He saw it all happen. He could probably fill in all the holes Eddie has in his memory. But honestly? He doesn’t want them. He has got enough on his plate, dealing with what he can remember.

Like Buck’s bloody face. The fear that he’d gotten hit as well. The terror in his big blue eyes. Seeing Buck crawl under the truck, putting himself right out there for the sniper to take a shot at him as well. He remembers being called back to Buck under the ladder truck. And how he wondered for a brief moment if Buck was still afraid of that.

But mostly the blood on his face. That image is scourged into his brain. It keeps haunting him, though not as often these days. Some nights, he still dreams about it. Just that it’s not his blood, but Buck’s own. How bullet after bullet wrecks his body, tears him apart. And Eddie can’t save him. He can’t reach him in time.

Though that nightmare happens less often. When he has a bad dream about Buck these days, it’s about the lightning strike. How his heart never starts beating again. How three minutes and seventeen seconds turned to eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Minutes to hours. Hours to days. How they pull the plug and he doesn’t start breathing on his own. How he has to hold Christopher as he calls out to Buck to wake up, please wake up. How he’d have two graves to visit from that point on. How alone he’d be, raising Christopher without him.

“Sorry, I wasn’t… I didn’t wanna push you or anything,” Buck says, pulling Eddie away from the cemetery and back to Buck looking at him with a concerned facial expression.

“What? No, you weren’t… It’s okay, I just… got into my head for a moment,” Eddie adds quickly.

Buck ducks his head. “Sorry.”

“Buck, nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay to talk about it,” Eddie assures him.

Wasn’t he the one to tell his son that talking about it made it less scary? So why is he afraid of talking about it to Buck of all people?

Because I lost him, actually lost him. For three minutes and seventeen seconds…

And Eddie doesn’t want to lose him again, less so to those memories of a world that momentarily didn’t have Buck in it.

“Right.” Buck averts his gaze, and for good reason, Eddie has to admit.

Because it’s a lie, and they both know that it is. It’s not okay with him yet, to talk about it. Eddie doesn’t talk about it, not to Buck. Not like this. They brush the topic, but then they gloss over it, change subject, move on. Because he wants to move on from this.

Kind of hypocritical, isn’t it?

To tell Buck that he can talk to him about whatever it is, to tell him that it’s okay to talk about the lighting strike and how it made him feel, to die… only to not speak of it himself? Maybe Buck was right about it, as much as it had pained him. That Natalia saw him in a way that even Eddie hadn’t. Because Eddie can’t look at Buck being in pain, and not think back to those three minutes and seventeen seconds, can’t recount the cold dread he’d felt.

“Do you want to talk about today?” Eddie asks cautiously, cowardly, really.

Because he asks Buck to do what he doesn’t do himself.

“Nah, I just… there was this moment… it put me right back there… and it got me thinking if it was the same for you, is all,” Buck says.

And it’s a half-truth Eddie will have to give him. Because Eddie can’t expect perfect honesty and openness from Buck if he doesn’t open up himself. In the back of his head, he can almost hear Frank shaking his head at him, scribbling notes he won’t let him counter-check. Because Eddie knows he has to learn to open up about those things. He knows that eating it up is not doing him any favors.

“I fear that’s gonna keep happening,” Eddie chooses to say.

Buck shrugs. “Yeah, I know. This isn’t unfamiliar to me.”

The nonchalance of that statement has Eddie staring at him for a moment. “Isn’t it?”

Buck shakes his head. “You wouldn’t want to know how many times I thought I heard a bomb going off under our feet. Or thought I saw a giant wave coming, to sweep us off the beach. Or… thought I saw someone in a window who’d want to shoot one of us in bright daylight…”

He cuts himself off there, cuts that line, discards it and throws all attached to it away. Eddie watches Buck’s demeanor change, or rather, the mask slipping up his face.

“I just wondered if, if… you also had that. Dunno.”

Eddie knows he should want to know, but Buck is right. He doesn’t really. Because it shows him how little they actually talked about this, when they can normally talk about anything. But those things, those memories, they were something they kept close to their chest, inside their rib cages, to keep the blood from oozing out.

“Yeah, I do,” Eddie replies. That is the truth, but he knows he is only admitting to the easy one. To answer the if and not the how.

“Hm,” Buck hums, blinking repeatedly. It appears the pain meds are acting in Eddie’s favor tonight. Buck is minutes from falling asleep, so whatever questions he might still have, Eddie won’t have to stutter his way through an answer, or find a way to navigate past it, well within Buck’s view.

“Wanna move upstairs after all?” he asks. “You’re about to fall asleep on me.”

Buck scrunches his nose. “Nah, I’ll just… I wanna stay here. No stairs.”

“Well, if you wake up with a bad back…”

“You get to tell me you told me so.”

“Alright, then lemme grab some cushions and a blanket at least,” Eddie offers.

And this time, Buck isn’t fighting him. “Thanks.”

“Never for that.”

“Always stuck taking care of me, aren’t you?” A tired smile tugs at Buck’s lips as he looks at him.

Eddie can tell that Buck is already on the way to La-La-Land, almost all the way there already, with his lopsided smile and droopy eyes. He also knows he means it as a joke, but Eddie doesn’t.

“Like you’re with me. And I’m glad for that.”

Buck blinks at him, wrinkles his nose with a pensive frown, catching at least some of the meaning, as far as Eddie can tell. He leaves it at that to proceed upstairs to gather pillows and blankets to make Buck at least somewhat comfortable on the couch.

By the time he comes back down, Buck is fast asleep on the couch, looking ridiculously small for a guy of Buck’s build. At least he looks peaceful like that, which means the pain meds must do their job.

Eddie manages to stuff a pillow under Buck’s head without rousing him. He continues with the blanket, draping it over Buck. Once satisfied, Eddie looks back down at Buck’s sleeping form.

Last time he saw him sleep was when Buck had enough of his sister sending people to visit him all the while and he escaped to Eddie’s to finally get some rest. Back then, it’d felt like they were moving in the right direction again. That Buck was getting back on his feet. But looking at him now, Eddie is no longer that sure they are headed in the right direction. Or rather, he is not sure he likes to where they are currently headed.

Because he didn’t know about Buck’s latest research ventures. Because there is another plant he added to his collection that Eddie didn’t get to ask the scientific name for. Because they should be able to talk about anything, but they aren’t. He isn’t. Because Buck wants to find his happiness, is searching for a new purpose, and Eddie wants to be happy for him, but he also feels like his heart is tearing in two. Because Christopher and him are not at the center of it. Because none of it makes sense. Because he should be happy, right? Right?

Absent-minded, Eddie brushes a strand of Buck’s hair back that he managed to smudge downward in his sleep.

Just how can he touch him, be this close to him, and still feel as though there were a hundred miles between them?

And how did we get here, even though we know each other better than we know ourselves?

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #evan buck buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #buddie fanfic #fanfic #911 spoilers #i guess

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chronicowboy · 10 months

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baby, how'd we end up here | 15k

The firehouse always feels otherworldly when the trucks aren't in the bay. It's just one of those things. The absence of three hulking, bright red vehicles is always going to draw the eye just as much as the unmissable rigs themselves. But it's an odd feeling to walk into the station and find it devoid of it's usual chaos. It feels unnervingly calm, the moment of stillness before a bolt of lightning or the split second upon waking from unconsciousness where the pain hasn't caught up yet. It feels like anticipation and foreboding.

Buck feels it a lot more than anyone, except maybe Bobby, always arriving to work much earlier than necessary because the station feels like home in a way the loft never has. He can't count the number of times he's arrived only to find B-shift out on a call, one of three people in the firehouse—B-shift's man behind tucked away somewhere, and Bobby squirrelled away in his office to prepare for the day. It never fails to unsettle him.

Head down, Buck changes into his uniform as quickly as he can, eager to join Johnson up in the kitchen and ask Bobby if he wants a cup of coffee to accompany his paperwork. Before he can run from the glaring absence, however, Eddie pushes into the locker room with a softly hesitant smile that makes Buck's stomach fill with a whole kaleidoscope of butterflies.

"Hey, Buck," Eddie murmurs, voice still rough with the slightest edge of sleep. It sends a thrill through him.

"Morning, Eddie." Buck smiles, pulling his foot up onto the edge of the bench he's sat on to tie his laces without taking his eyes off Eddie. "You're early, what gives?" And this he can do, focus on their easy banter rather than the warning trilling away in his chest.

"I'm not that bad," Eddie insists in a grumble, an echo of a familiar argument. Buck's smile grows into a grin, twitching beyond its limits until his cheeks ache with it. Eddie turns away from his locker with something shy and hopeful shining in the depths of his eyes. "If you must know, I..." He scrunches his face up and rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot," Buck says, sounding a lot more casual than he feels.

The burning hot hand of hope clenches around his heart, searing it's mark into the muscle as it pounds a staccato rhythm against his ribs. A voice hisses all of his deepest desires out into the open, but Buck shakes them away. Eddie's probably just asking him if he wants to hang out with Christopher—except Eddie would never be so... serious about that.

(Unless he's going on another date, a crueller voice snarls in the confines of his mind.)

"Do you..." Eddie bites his lip, grip on the shirt in his hands turning his knuckles white as he frowns down at it. "Christopher has a sleepover tomorrow night," Eddie blurts out breathlessly, eyes a little wide and a lot imploring. Buck's heart races faster, the hope burns hotter, the butterflies swarm. "So, I was thinking we could get dinner." Eddie unsticks his eyes from his hands, slowly dragging them up to Buck's face, so tender and trusting that Buck aches. "Just the two of us. At that new Mexican place you wanted to try. Like..." Eddie takes a deep breath, and Buck loses all of his.

"Like a date?" Buck whispers for him

(OR: the safe haven baby fic)

@danielsousa @binickmiller @jamietarts @shitouttabuck @butchdiaz @buddstiel @organizedstardust @theoneandonlypigeon @anatargmova @alyxmastershipper @buckley-diaz-rules @blazeturbo102 @panbuckley @slowlyfoggydestiny @thatnamewill-probably-change @compactdiscmp3 @batgrldes @scattered-winter @prince-buck-diaz

#sami rambles #okay i love this fic sooooooo much wtf #it came out of me like i was possessed #maybe this is what being an aunt does to me #anyway i hope you all enjoy this one as much as i do!!#911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buckley diaz family fic

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missmagooglie · 9 months

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Thinking about Buck and Eddie's relationship history, and it is making me insane because of how many parallels there are, particularly around what went wrong:

Pre-Canon Shannon and Abby: She made a unilateral decision to leave because she was under stress from her mother's terminal illness. The end of that relationship was a catalyst for intense personal growth for him, causing him to carefully examine his priorities and what he wants from life (Eddie working to become a good father, "Buck 2.0").

S2 Shannon and Ali: The relationship is colored by absence and estrangement (Eddie and Shannon's separation, Ali's job keeping her and Buck in different cities for most of their relationship). She ended it because she couldn't handle the pressure of being in a relationship with him (for the purposes of this parallel, I am considering Shannon asking for a divorce to be the end of that relationship rather than her death). The end of relationship is entangled with a deeply traumatic event (Shannon dying, the truck bombing), and marks the beginning of a low period full of anger, frustration, and resentment for both Buck and Eddie.

Ana and Taylor: Someone he knew casually/briefly a while ago re-enters his life, and he chooses to pursue a romantic connection. They aren't a good fit, but he tries to make it work for longer than he should because of the way his sense of self is caught up in the idea of being able to maintain a "successful" relationship. Both people in the relationship seem caught up in the idea of "making it work" rather than honestly evaluating if they are a good fit. He chooses to end the relationship despite her willingness to hang on and keep trying.

Natalia and Marisol: it feels too early to parallel these relationships because technically, Eddie and Marisol are not dating by the end of S6 (he asked her out, but they haven't gone on a date yet). I also think that between the network change and the strike, there's a strong possibility of one or both of these relationships concluding off-screen over the break to give the writers a clean slate for S7. But I WILL point out that, despite Eddie outright stating that dating people you meet on calls never works, both Natalia and Marisol were people they met on a call. 🤔

And on top of all these parallels, we have the timing and a very clear pattern for how romantic relationships start for Buck and Eddie. The pattern goes like this: Eddie gets into a situation where there is some sort of external (real or perceived) expectation that he pursue a particular relationship. In the very next episode, Buck decides independently that he's ready to be in a relationship and begins pursuing romance with a convenient partner.

Of course, our season 6 version of this pattern had a fun double-reverse twist to it, because while Eddie is pressured to go on a date right before Buck meets Natalia and basically throws himself at her, Eddie is adamantly not ready/looking for a relationship until Buck connects with Natalia. It's only after Buck starts pursuing a relationship that Eddie decides actually, you know what, he does want to meet someone and proceeds with the most cringefail looking-for-a-date montage of all time.

Anyway, I love these two idiots and can't wait for them to get their act together and date each other. But also, I am endlessly fascinated by the writing choices for these two characters.

#buddie #evan buck buckely #eddie diaz #911onfox #911 s6 #911 meta #911 abc #yes i am insane about these two characters #but so are the writers because LOOK AT THESE CHOICES!

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tawaifeddiediaz · 1 year

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lose me (in the sight of you)

for @andavs for letting me write a fic of their gorgeous art, which you can see here! (please leave them a like and a reblog!)

[AO3 Link]

Word Count: 2710 words

Buck would like to say that it’s the scent of coffee that rouses him awake.

In reality, though, it’s the chill settling through his bones that jerks him out of slumber — even through a thick hoodie, socks, two blankets, and a duvet.

It’s the type of chill that comes from absence, and as Buck buries his face further into the pillow that smells all wrong, absently reaching out to the space next to him, he realizes exactly why.

The sheets are cold, rumpled from Eddie tossing and turning, creased where Buck thinks he might’ve gripped the top sheet too hard last night. He runs his fingers across where the sheet has folded itself up, somehow exactly in the shape of Buck’s hand despite Eddie laying on top of it for the last however many hours.

The chill of the space seeps through the fingers peeking out from under his hoodie’s oversized sleeve, and grumpily, Buck peeks an eye open to confirm his suspicions.

Eddie’s not here.

There’s no hope of him falling asleep again, not without his own personal space heater, so Buck urges himself out of bed, eyes narrowing at the blinking number on the alarm clock.

7:30 am

It should be illegal to be up this early on a Saturday, and as he stares at the hated numerals blinking like they’re taunting him, he’s already plotting ways he can draw Eddie back in bed for a couple more hours of sleep. Now that Chris is too cool for everything, well into his prepubescent era, even he hardly gets up before ten in the morning.

Personally, Buck thinks that same logic should apply to them, too, but it’s clear that Eddie has other plans.

It’s been a journey, learning the morning routine not as Eddie’s best friend, but as his boyfriend. Before, he would’ve had no idea that even on days off, Eddie woke up early enough to greet the roosters, or that the bed would feel so cold when he left it or that even four thick layers wouldn’t be able to replace his heat. Before, he would’ve had no idea that their bedroom would seem dimmer without Eddie to light it up, as if the sun is waiting to follow him wherever he goes.

Buck had only known pieces of these things, through secondhand accounts or by observation at the station. Now, he feels integrated into the morning routine, but every day still brings a new piece of information for him to guard with his life, a new piece to squirrel away in his arsenal of all things Diaz.

Buck pads quietly out of their bedroom after a cursory brush, listening for any other signs of activity through the house. If he listens close enough, he can hear Christopher snoring the same way Eddie does, and the image makes him laugh to himself.

He walks through the house, down to where the rays of sunshine and the scent of coffee lead, to find the man of his desires.

The early morning light filters through the varying hues in Eddie’s dark hair, sweeping its fingers through the thick strands to reveal reds and browns and burnished coppers before coasting down to dust something golden over his skin.

Like this, framed against the window through Buck’s half-awake, blurry vision, Eddie looks like some sort of angel even as he curses very un-angel-like at the coffee maker, the light presenting him forth as some sort of mirage.

Two months ago, Buck would’ve thought that this was still a dream.

Now, he knows that this is his reality, and it’s more beautiful than anything he could’ve ever imagined.

Eddie is decidedly not a morning person, but years of waking up early have made it impossible for him to stay in bed late, even if it’s just to cuddle. He gets restless and cranky without at least one cup of coffee, and Buck leans against the fridge as he watches Eddie try to get his fix.

Dark gray sweatpants hang low on his hips and a black pajama shirt stretches across his shoulders, falling loosely to his waist. The sleeves have been tugged up haphazardly, and Buck smiles as the mental image of Eddie’s frustration plays at the forefront of his mind, impatiently tugging at his sleeves as if they’re the reason he’s in this predicament.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Buck doesn’t realize how long he’s been standing here, staring at his boyfriend, but he startles at those words, recovering just enough to scoff good-naturedly at him as Eddie turns to face him.

His smile is quiet, private, something that belongs to Buck alone, and Buck melts like butter on a hot pan for it.

Another thing Buck wouldn’t have known how to recognize before they got together.

Eddie has always smiled at him like that, but Buck had been illiterate in the language of his love, partially because no one has ever treated Buck like something precious the way Eddie does, and partially because it had been too wishful to hope that Eddie thought him to be different from the rest of their friends.

He hadn’t known how to read his fondness as anything beyond friendship until one night, Eddie’s lips were on his, urging, pleading him to read.

Buck walks over to Eddie, touching his fingertips to the outer edge of that smile before leaning forward to taste it. Eddie tastes like mint and coffee and Buck’s and home, and Buck smiles into the kiss just before he snags his boyfriend’s coffee mug out of his hands.

Eddie rolls his eyes but lets him take it anyway, knowing that Buck will wince as soon as he tastes the sugarless, creamless concoction that Eddie drinks.

A new tradition, but also somehow not new at all — Buck has always stolen Eddie’s coffee out from under him, has always cringed at the strong, bitter taste of it, and Eddie has always rolled his eyes at Buck just before giving him his own cup, doctored just the way he likes it.

He doesn’t stop drinking it, even if it leaves a gross taste in his mouth. The only difference is now, Buck can chase the bitterness away with the sweetness of Eddie’s tongue, and he does exactly that, giving his boyfriend another deep, indulgent kiss as he passes the too-dark coffee back to him.

The faux-exasperation laced with Eddie’s brand of fondness doesn’t hurt, either.

“If you’d left my old coffee maker alone, you’d get your own mug faster,” Eddie says, his voice rough and low from sleep. His drawl is always a little deeper in the mornings, like his voice has forgotten that they’re not in Texas anymore. It scrapes deliciously over Buck’s skin, and Buck hums non-committedly in response, too focused on the intimate quality of his voice to reply.

Eddie had refused to touch the smart coffee maker until Buck disabled all Hildy settings, but even without artificial intelligence, the new machine still makes a better cup of coffee. Eddie’s old one used to give off this weird burnt-tasting taste and smell, and one morning, Buck had gotten sick of it and thrown it out without telling him.

They’d compromised, of course.

Somehow, Eddie can’t figure out how to make enough coffee for both of them in the morning, and even though Buck knows exactly how to fix that, he refuses just because he likes these few extra minutes he gets with him — he likes that these mundane tasks are part of their daily routine, likes that Eddie’s grumbling is always counteracted by the bliss on his face as he drinks his coffee, or the quiet joy on his face when Buck drinks a mug he made.

He likes that Eddie, despite pretending to hate the coffee maker, still insists on being the one to make Buck’s coffee in the morning. Even on the days Buck gets up first — which are admittedly rare — Eddie bodily moves him out of the way to make his cup.

True to it, Eddie fiddles with the coffee machine one more time before he finally gets it to work again, a triumphant sound of victory leaving him as a new batch of coffee drips into the pot.

Buck watches him do all of this as he slides over to the counter, hoisting himself onto the edge between a bottle of olive oil and the cookie jar. There’s not much room for him to scoot back, but he makes it work, keeping Eddie in his sights as he leans back against the cabinets.

There’s a new sort of intimacy of knowing that he can sit here and watch Eddie make his coffee, even if he’s done it nearly a thousand times before the idea of getting together was even on the table.

Before, Buck had to look away from him, lest his expression give away the name printed all over his heart and soul. Now, he can just watch without that fear, can indulge himself in his man making him a cup of coffee, just so they can start the day off with something good.

Buck watches as Eddie carefully takes the pot off the warming plate, reaching for a mug matching his own. He watches as Eddie spoons in exactly one teaspoon of sugar, and pulls the creamer that only Buck uses from the fridge to pour a healthy amount into the mug. He watches as the muscles in his forearms flex with all the effort required to make Buck’s cup, watches as he counts the seconds before tilting the creamer up and away.

He watches as Eddie lifts his head and smiles that smile again before coming towards him.

“Here,” he says as he presses the mug into Buck’s hands.

Even the years where Eddie’s cooking was more of a hazard than a help, his coffee game had been on point. Two weeks after he’d started making Buck’s cup in the mornings at the station, Buck had known that he’d never be able to go back again.

Buck shifts to widen the space between his legs as he takes a sip — perfect, as always. Eddie grins as Buck hums happily, and Buck’s leg shoots out to stop him from walking away. “Where are you going?”

“To get my own coffee,” Eddie says dryly, reaching over for that matching mug and coming back to stand between Buck’s legs. “I was always coming back here.”

Buck softens at the words, keeping his knees on either side of Eddie’s hips as they share the quiet morning together.

Their relationship feels a little like that — like they were always going to end up here. Every single date Buck went on, pathetically trying to move on, all flopped due to an impossible standard unknowingly set by one Eddie Diaz. After the fifth failed date, Buck had simply resigned himself to an existence of being hopelessly in love with his best friend.

Three weeks after that, Eddie had kissed him, saying that he couldn’t keep watching Buck go on dates like it wasn’t tearing him apart, and there had been so much fear for the confession in his eyes that Buck had teared up in turn.

He’d only barely gotten out that he was going on those dates to try and forget Eddie before they were kissing, every last missing piece of Buck snapping right into place with one press of Eddie’s mouth against his own.

Two months later, here they are, drinking coffee out of their matching mugs — they were part of a decorative set that Pepa had bought Eddie a few Christmases ago, each of them made of white ceramic with the bottom inch of glazed in a beautiful tan color. Eddie had found them a couple weeks ago, and washed them to use instead of leaving the set to collect dust.

Buck looks down at where his legs, clad in checkered pajama pants, wrap around Eddie’s solid thighs, holding him closer and closer. Somehow, the countertop’s white tiles contrast perfectly with his dark pajama pants, crisscrossed with white lines that split the fabric’s print into squares that match the color of Eddie’s sweatpants. His gaze bounces quietly between their matching mugs, part of a set, and their mismatched pajamas, fitting together like a puzzle, and smiles.

There’s a thought there, something that escapes him in his drowsy state, but as Buck presses his mouth to Eddie’s shoulder and inhales his scent, he thinks it doesn’t really matter. Not when he gets to share the heart of a home with the love of his life, with their son sleeping soundly a few paces away.

This is everything he’s ever wanted, everything he didn’t think he’d ever have.

Eddie pulls Buck closer with a low hum, his arms snaking around Buck’s waist to span his back. Even through his hoodie, Buck can feel the heat radiating off the palm that was just holding the coffee mug, only a little less than the heat emitting from his chest.

He carefully moves his own steaming mug around Eddie’s body, moving closer until they’re plastered together as close as physically possible. Eddie’s scruffy cheek scratches against Buck’s, warm and so damn close, and the clean scent of him burrows into Buck’s lungs.

Buck thinks he could crawl under Eddie’s skin and still not be close enough, but this is a nice compromise.

Eddie’s hand trails patterns up and down his spine as they drink their coffee just like this, over each other’s shoulders. Buck tries a few times, but having to pull away from Eddie isn’t worth the caffeine, so he sets the half-drunk mug on the counter, far enough that it won’t spill, and wraps his arms around Eddie’s shoulders instead. His ankles link tighter around Eddie’s thighs, ensuring he won’t slip away.

Little by little, the frost in Buck’s bones melts from Eddie’s proximity.

“Think I can make you come back to bed?” he whispers into the crook of Eddie’s chest and shoulder. It’s where his scar is, tucked beneath his shirt, and Buck absently presses a kiss to it over the fabric as he holds Eddie tighter to him.

The low chuckle his boyfriend lets out rumbles in Buck’s chest. “You could probably make me do anything. Even put up with that stupid smart coffee maker.”

Buck slides his own hands down Eddie’s back, tucking his cold fingers into the back pockets of Eddie’s sweatpants, right over the curve of his ass. Eddie’s laughter vibrates through Buck, making him smile.

“You have an unhealthy fixation with my ass,” he murmurs as he presses a kiss to Buck’s head. The hollow sound of an empty mug rings out just before Eddie’s grip tightens around him, his cheek pressing further into Buck’s.

“Mhm,” Buck nods against his shoulder, already drifting off despite the caffeine running through his veins. He’s comfortable tucked into his boyfriend’s warmth, content to stay here for the rest of his life if he could. “It’s a nice ass. Twelve out of ten.”

That only makes Eddie laugh more. He shifts his grip so he can press a long kiss to Buck’s forehead, then a softer one to the birthmark dotting his eye. Buck’s heart squeezes at the tender affection, and he tilts further into Eddie’s neck like young sunflowers seeking the sun.

“Can we go to bed now?” he asks

Eddie hums, low in his throat just as he coasts another kiss along Buck’s hairline. “Let’s stay here for a minute. Just…let me hold you like this for a little bit more. Is that okay?”

Buck nods in response, snuggling further into him until he’s practically bent forward, supported only by Eddie from falling flat on his face.

There’s a metaphor there, too, one that Buck knows intrinsically to be like all those times Eddie’s saved him from landing smack dab on his face — whether it’s because he couldn’t get his legs under him, or because he was jumping both feet first.

The thought makes his heart swell ten sizes in his chest, until Buck thinks he’s choking on it.

“I love you,” Buck whispers.

He hears Eddie’s smile in his voice, and feels his affection all around him. “I love you, too.”

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