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rhetoricalrogue · 1 year

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This year, instead of making a bunch of resolutions all at once and then feeling bad that I dropped the ball on one and quitting the rest because of my usual “if I can’t do it perfectly, why bother” mentality, I’m going to develop one new habit per month. I’m hoping that by this time in December, most of my early monthly habits will be second nature so I can incorporate new habits each month. I’m taking it at a month by month basis, so if I’m struggling with one I’m not rushing to build a new one, because that’s a recipe for failure for me. If I need more time to make sure things stick, I’m going to take it, even if that means that ultimately I only developed one lasting habit this year.

This year’s theme is “what can I do now to help Future Issa out later? How can I make life less stressful for us now and 12 months from now?” Burnout has been an ongoing problem for the past two, three years now and I’m tired of grasping at straws and constantly being exhausted, both physically and mentally. I want to develop habits that will make my life easier in the long run, starting with getting enough rest and making sure my mornings get off to a good start.

So! January’s goal is to develop a realistic morning and nighttime routine so that my mornings aren’t rushed and I get to work on time.

I’ve been on vacation since before Christmas and in that time, I haven’t set any alarms. I usually wake up around 6:00 or 7:00, which means that my body needs roughly 7-8 hours of sleep to function. I’ve also been having regular breakfasts, which have kept me full until noon every day, so I want to keep that going. Luckily, making meal prepping a 2022 habit has carried over, so I think a few tweaks will make this manageable.

The night before, starting after dinner:

Wash dinner dishes

Set up coffee, put automatic timer on for 6 am

Set out coffee cup, spoon, sugar

Set out dishes for breakfast (measuring cup for oatmeal, bowl, spoon, etc)

Set our morning vitamins, glass for water

Things to do 30 minutes before bed:

Take vitamins

Make a cup of tea

Do nighttime skincare/haircare

Set out morning skincare, clothes for work

Shut off all lights except for some lamps

Drink tea, take time to de-stress before bed

In the morning:

Make bed so I’m not tempted to fall back to sleep

Make breakfast, take vitamins

Shower, do morning skincare

Drink coffee, take time to relax and prepare for the day/think about what needs to be done that day

Get dressed, head out to work

I did a practice run this morning since it’s my last day to be on vacation and I had time to slowly wake up. I need to be out the door by 7:30 at the latest in order to be at work and have enough time to start things up/see how my morning is going to go/organize my thoughts before I clock in at 8, so I’m thinking that 6:30 may be my best time to wake up.

My goal is to set things up the night before so that everything is ready and becomes automatic the next morning to help Future Me not have to think about what goes next while I’m still half-asleep. Most of the work is done the night before, and honestly, it’s not even that much. I think it took me maybe 5 minutes max to set everything up and another 15-20 minutes to actually do the wind down before bed portion.

I’m not a big breakfast person, but I’ve spent my vacation experimenting with variations of overnight oats, instant cream of wheat and fruit, microwave breakfast sandwiches, and cereal, so I think I can rotate between those options to keep myself from getting bored and keep me from getting hangry by 10 or 11 at work.

Most of the morning routine is completed within 30-40 minutes, but I want to give myself a full hour to a) enjoy a slow morning without waking up already stressed about the day and b) take the time to mentally prepare myself for the workday with a set plan of tasks that need to be worked on (not necessarily accomplished because Things Happen, but I find that I’m not as frazzled about juggling tasks if I can at least touch on various things daily and adjust which items are more important throughout the week since my job seldomly lets me focus on one thing at a time.)

I think that this can be doable, if today was any indication. I’m also making a side habit to work on that I was already starting last year that helped tremendously with my workload to end the workday by taking the last 10-15 minutes of the day prepping what needed to be finished, either by making a sticky note to myself or by setting up a pile of paperwork in my inbox that was ready to go in the morning for whatever next step was needed. It made things easier to remember where I had left off instead of me flipping through my stack and spending more time each morning setting things up before getting distracted by that day’s tasks and then ultimately getting overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done. It also made a good winding down practice to ease out of Work Mode and get ready for Home Mode by the time 5:00 rolled around.

Will this work? I hope so, but I’m also not going to beat myself up if I skip a day in order to sleep in a half hour longer or if there’s days when I’m not hungry when I wake up. On those days I’ll grab some of the snacks I’ve already stocked my fridge and pantry with to have when I do get hungry later at work. I want to give myself some flexibility to take the time to check in with myself and do what’s best for me this year instead of doing the gogogo all or nothing thinking that I’ve fallen into these past few years that’s made me dislike a job that I otherwise really enjoy and want to grow into something more and pushed myself to the point where I’m not only burning the candle at both ends, but also at multiple points in the middle.

I’ll see where I am at the end of this month. Hopefully I’ll be in a place where my mornings aren’t so rushed and I wake up rested, but if not, then at least I can see what worked and what didn’t to try again in February.

#2023’s theme is Issa Takes Care of Herself #going to take more time off from work even if it’s just a day here and there #going to focus on getting my energy back so I can start creating things again #not going to force things but I miss writing and making art and crocheting #I also want to work on my self-confidence especially if there’s a chance of getting promoted into a more publicly visible position #taking time from work means I can come back energized and ready to help build programs while working on existing projects

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icharchivist · 1 year

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CAT TOY MERCH CAT TOY MERCH

Granblue truly understanding that their true audience is with cats.

well, cat lovers, too, probably, but, mostly, cats.

the true GBF audience.

#that reminds me of all the jokes when Young Cat's new skins and Ewiyar came out #and that everyone were posting pictures of their cats showing how much they looked alike #and how people joked 'granblue is tricking us into sharing cat pictures'#im also thinking about how Ewiyar herself was whaled for a lot so they know the cat is popular #(and her vday card has also been super popular)#this explains also all the Ewi themed merch #Granblue finally understood what fans truly want #and what fans truly wants is more cats #they just know to give it to us now #they're SO clever for this #truly the best type of merch #which other games just give you cat toys based on arts they made of their cat dragon god #i'm sure it's all a trick so people send more pictures of their cats playing with gbf merch #it's SO clever. free promotion by cat lovers.#no WONDER Dante's VA is one of the face of the seiyuu cast everytime this is the demographic gbf is aimed at #ichareply #anonymous #ichafantalks gbf

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basically-i-write-shit · 2 years

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Being a 9-1-1 fox fan and a teacher is so interesting and fun bc we took our preschoolers to the local fire station today and one of my only thoughts was about the 118 going offline for a bit just to give local schools and daycares tours. Special interest brain rot.

#we're a small town and only have the one fire station and there are clearly vast differences between the TV station in LA versus here #but that just made me want a midwest 9-1-1 spinoff more than ever #picture me this: 9-1-1 heartland or some bullshit. opening scene is the playboy young captain on his first day #we get to see him and his crew start their shift they arent in a big city like LA but they're in the twin cities or madison or cedar rapids #and we gwt to see them have a normal day. they go to a few calls. they have a class come in. they go to more calls. but its boring #boom. disaster. five-alarm fire #center of town. our crew is the first on scene but uh oh! flashback. hot playboy captain is a kid now. we see a similar five alarm fire.#the captain in charge? same last name as our current hotshot captain. its his mother. we see her lead her team. a few people from when #she was around are still there #helping out the kid. we go back to the flashback. she's leading the charge. she isnt captain but shes in the running #and shes trying to prove herself. she pushes herself too hard. she ends up injured. paralyzed from the waist down.#flash back to current day. our new captain who has been cocky all day backs down and keeps a level head. but as soon as hes in his office #he bursts into tears. his mother killed herself two weeks before his promotion to captain. no one knows yet #idk some more drama #but like imagine #i also like the idea of a smaller town station where everyone is volunteer firefighters bc there's not enough reason to keep a group #full time while there arent emergencies every day. but i did think that might get boring and hard to write for. but like what a real story #one a lot of peopme see #anyway

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mobiused · 2 years

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thank you!!! very helpful to have info and i guess i may have to get a Twitter for updates/info. i was looking for help because i saw people talking about chuu discussing ed stuff and i was wondering if that was true and where anyone was sourcing that!

Yeah I usually try and post so that you can always be in the loop and get the orbit experience without going to other social media platforms but I didn't post about that because it was actually really triggering 😅

Fwiw Chuu is doing an episode with a show about mental health where she discusses her problems with binge eating, which is so bad it's landed her in the ER before. Not gonna go into more detail because even just the episode preview was kinda graphic. The show is called Oh Eunyoung's Golden Clinic and the full episode is out next week.

#tw disordered eating #tw ed #tw binge eating #tw bulimia #she doesn't come to the show saying she has BED or bulimia #and actually chuu has always expressed anti-diet attitudes shes been consistently firm about that #so i don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about her promoting ed stuff #she's just sharing about herself

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kpgimpactor · 12 days

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🫥…

#rant ahead:#my coworker's wife was complaining about his new manager #and granted the new manager was VERY new to this kind of role - has shown herself to be indecisive flighty and panicky in the past #BUT since her promotion she has improved alot imho! she's got more confidence. more decision making chutzpah etc etc #but the wifey can't see beyond it. i brought up how much the new manager has improved and how happy i am for her #the wife wouldn't hear it #like emphazing that the new manager's skills had gone from -5 to 0. ok that's still positive/upward momentum ????#and idk we were out having some beers so i didn't press it but the conversation keeps popping into my head and im just like #so there's no room for growth in your world?#you get an idea of someone's flaws and that's how they are defined to you for the rest of eternity?#is there anything this manager could do to prove herself worthy of the role to you or does the fencepost just move everytime #IDK it was very frustrating and I wish i spoke up a bit more #but it's a coworker's spouse so i guess at the end of the day it's not the same as an actual coworker making these complaints #but STILL.#i think she had wanted the promotion for her hubby and was upset the girl who got it got it but like....your man is doing fine. relax.

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imliterallyellie · 4 months

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is this thing on? 🎤

modern!ellie is a boob girl. 100%.

is SO shy and nervous about touching them in the beginning of your relationship but once she gets more comfortable around you she can't. keep. her. hands. off.

definitely calls them “my girls” and kisses them goodbye every time she has to leave for work (sometimes you’d even have to remind her that you want a kiss too, not just your boobs)

sneaks her hand underneath your (her) shirt every time she’s spooning you in bed just so she can hold one of your boobs, “for comfort”! you’d get whiny over her touch but she would act all innocent, whispering things in your ear like “y’okay baby?" "what’s got you so worked up mama?”

there’s nothing she rather does than massaging them when you’re on your period. you’d complain about the ache and she would be settled behind you in a second, your back pressed to her front and her fingers would work wonders on the pain

don’t even get me started on showering together. she would beg you to let her wash your body and then spend more time on your boobs than on the rest of your body combined

OR if you were taking a shower on your own she would definitely come with in the bathroom, ask you about your day and proceed to not listen at all, she would much rather stare at your exposed upper body

ellie is a big lingerie enthusiast too. definitely buys you a new set on any given occasion. birthday? lingerie. anniversary? lingerie. valentines day? lingerie. you got a promotion at work? you guessed it, lingerie. you now own an absolutely ridiculous amount of pairs but she always claims you can never have enough whenever she gets a little rough in bed she might tear a pair, so that justifies it a bit i guess

loves napping on them. her head on one, her hand wrapping around the other. makes her feel so safe, she loves the warmth. the added sensation of your nails scratching her scalp overwhelms her with so much love she feels like she could cry

nsfw

she goes crazy at the sight of your boobs bouncing up and down while you're riding her strap. hoists herself up to press her face in between them all the time

when she finds out you have sensitive nipples she completely abuses that piece of information. she would tease you relentlessly, always spend so much time down there when she's trying to get you ready to take her strap. she swirls her tongue around one while she's toying with the other. the little yelp you let out when you feel her pinch it only spurs her on further

loves dove fucking you. you were the one to initiate it for the first time, you knew how much she loved your boobs and you were certain it was gonna get her off in record time, and it's safe to say you were more than right. her soaked folds made a mess all over your upper body in no time but you couldn't care less, you had never seen her that desperate before. her usual grunts and groans turned into high-pitched moans, her ruts grew frantic ever so quickly and when you gripped her thighs so she could grind down harder she completely lost it (i didn't mean for this to be so detailed maybe i need to write a drabble...)

photo: acreboltart/pinterest (we are respectful in this house and credit creators)

#is this thing on?#torlex speaking 🌿#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tlou #ellie williams smut

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artinvain · 29 days

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firefighter!abby being needy after work+ tiny breeding kink

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・. ✫.・。 abby’s been so pent up all day, she’s been worried about her recent promotion — the paperwork, ordering her family run into fires without her… and she was punching bags to let the tension out but mostly she needs you. showers before you get home and when you do, “fuck abby,” she’s sucking on your neck, her hands gripping your ass and your hips, bringing them forward to meet hers.

“what’s fucking - what’s going on with you?” you ask as abby bends you over the table and rubs crotch against you and you notice a fullness that’s not usually there, it makes you choke up as abby lays herself over you. “been so stressed out, honey, just wanna mh shit - fill you up,” you nod and grab for her, “that’s okay baby, yeah - use me,” you moan and abby kneels to the floor, lifts your leg up on the table and delves into your pussy. Her tongue licks up to your leaking hole and she moans, going to suck on your clit, swiping over it with her tongue until you’re shaking. “abby m’close,” you warn and she grabs your ass, pulling your cheeks against her face and smacking them. “fuuck,” you groan scratching your kitchen table as you cum.

“gotta get you nice and ready to take my cock, n stretch you out,” she mumbles, her fingers sliding into you as she stands, unzipping her pants with her free hand. she moans at the feeling of your wet pussy sucking her in, “abby!” you moan, bucking on her fingers “want your cock,” you groan, and abby whimpers, pulling her strap out and replacing her fingers swiftly with it. you moan at the stretch and immediately started to fuck yourself on her strap, bouncing against her.

“fuck honeybun, you’re going crazy,” she whines, gripping your ass and hip. “you want my cum that bad?” your hips twitch and you whimper — “yeah, you didn’t know I was wearing this cock tonight huh?” she chuckles taking control of you and thrusting hard and deeper, grinding against you. “yes baby, that’s it, take it for me,” she grinds against you, “good girl” she praises, gripping your hair and thrusting harder, slapping your ass — taking all her frustrations out on you. “pathetic little slut, always after my cock — ugh,” she grunts, “thank you sweetheart, letting me use you like this,” she says, “my perfect baby,” she continues to hump you, run your hands up and down your body, gripping and massaging your body “m’gonna cum, please let me cum inside angel,” she near begs, whining as she squeezes you tight. “Yeah baby, please.” you reply. “fuck, thank you baby, shit - gonna cum, m’need to cum inside you,”

you bounce back on her cock, giving her the perfect pressure needed to — “oh baby,” she whimpers, “m’gonna cum fuck thank you, thank you,” she moans and leans over you shaking and kissing your face and neck as you take deep breaths.

#lesbian #lesbian smut #nsft lesbian #abby tlou smut #abby tlou #abby anderson smut #lesbian sex #mndi #18+

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worldlxvlys · 2 months

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HII UHMM I KNOW I KNOW BUTT CAN YOU MAKE ANOTHER JEALOUS CHRIS ONEE.. LIKE I LOVE IT SM . AND I KNOW THE BF AND THE READER BROKE UP BUT PLEASEE.

texts w/ jealous! chris (p3)

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: smutttt, masturbation, use of dildo, cursing, reader is in a toxic relationship, squirting

**could be cheating depending on how you view it. i’m not promoting cheating in the slightest, this is fiction. please do not cheat on anyone.

a/n: previous part

CHRIS’S POV

i stared at the set of numbers in confusion.

why did she send me her birthday?

once i saw the text she sent after that, it clicked.

she gave me her my eyes only password.

my fingers moved quicker than my mind could process, as i logged into her snapchat account.

once i was granted access, i immediately swiped up, clicking on my eyes only.

i typed in the password, and the sight i was met with made my eyes widen.

i clicked on the first picture, eyes immediately being drawn to her body.

at first, the pictures weren’t too crazy, just her in slightly revealing clothes.

they still drove me insane, though. her face was turned into a slight smirk, as though she was taunting me.

her clothing hugged her curves perfectly, showing off a minimal amount of skin.

with the next swipe, my heart dropped at the sound of a moan.

“fuck” a sweet, low moan fell from her glossy lips.

the camera only showed her face, but the sounds of her fingers pushing in and out of her wet pussy could be heard.

the noise immediately went to my dick, making my already semi-hard on worse.

“oh shit” she bit her lip as her face scrunched up in pleasure.

i began to palm my dick as i listened to the moans that fell from her mouth, wishing it was my name that she was moaning instead.

“yeah? wish that pretty dick was inside of me, huh?”

“fuck, yes” i whispered in response, as though she could hear me.

my hips jerked up into my hand when my tip brushed against the fabric of my boxers.

“wish you were buried inside of my tight walls baby, i’d milk that cock for all it’s worth”

“oh my god” i moaned out.

seeing this side of her was shocking, and it made me want more.

“fuck, i’m so close!” she moaned out as the wet sounds increased in frequency.

her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her mouth hung open as she let out a pornographic moan.

just as the camera began to pan down, the video cut off, not allowing me to see anything further.

i swiped again, and this time, she held up a pink dildo.

my eyes widened and i immediately pulled down my pants and boxers, letting my dick slap my stomach.

she spit onto the toy, and took it into her mouth.

she pushed it in and out, moaning around it while staring at the camera.

she propped the camera up, allowing me to see her matching set.

it was a lacy, bright orange that made her skin glow.

she was sat at her desk chair, and quickly stuck the bottom of the dildo to her seat.

my hand wrapped around my dick, spreading the pre-cum around my tip.

i began to pump myself as she moved her panties to the side and sat on the dildo.

“holy fuck, holy fuck” i groaned out.

i watched her boobs bounce in her bra, as she leaned back against the chair and grabbed them.

“fuck, you feel so good buried inside of me like this”

she spoke to the camera as though i was in the room with her, fueling my imagination.

i barely allowed myself to blink, not wanting to miss a single one of her movements.

she let out several choked out moans as she stuck her hand in her panties, rubbing her clit.

“ughhh” i groaned out as thick ropes of cum flew up and onto my stomach.

suddenly, she lifted herself off of the dildo.

“want a better view?” she asked before she turned around, straddling the chair.

i kept my hands at my sides, gripping onto my chair in shock.

she moved her panties once again, before sinking onto the toy again.

she left me mesmerized, mouth hung open as i watched her ass move.

she lifted herself up and down, ass jiggling with every movement as her moans got louder.

“chris! chris! i’m gonna cum”

she moaned my name.

not her boyfriend’s, mine.

she continued to moan my name as she lifted herself up and squirted onto the chair.

squeals and screams rang out from my phone as she gripped onto the chair, while her body shook uncontrollably.

i quickly swiped out of my eyes only, going back to the camera.

i started the timer for the video and propped my phone up against my desk.

i started to stroke myself again, picturing her face as she finished.

the only thing that could be seen in the camera was my face and the movements of my arm, as my dick was hidden under the table.

i looked at the camera, beginning to speak, “you really think you can tease me like that and not receive any type of punishment?” i groaned out.

“such a fucking slut, screaming my name like that” i spoke as i sped up my movements.

“couldn’t even send it directly, had to make me find it ? if you want me, i wanna hear you beg for it ma”

i let out a long groan of her name as my cum shot out of me, coating my hand.

i brought my hand into view of the camera, showing off the sticky substance.

“look at what you do to me, baby. if you want me, all you have to do is ask. you know where to find me” i spoke before ending the video, and saving it to my eyes only.

when i finished cleaning up, i sent her a text.

check your my eyes only, baby.

make sure you’re alone ;)

——————-

hope u like <33

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sturnsdior @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @vib3swithanuk @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @rheaakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @abbie13sworld @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @sturns-posts @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn

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livewireswift · 1 year

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#truly hope wheein ends up not going to qatar #like idc if she goes to the budweiser fanevent in seoul #and ends up telling an audience of 100 ppl that she hopes sk wins the world up #but i dont want her anywhere near the actual event #and i know its a massive platform to promote herself to an audience that doesnt know her #but its really not worth it in the end #thel1ve send her to the olypmics #or the next world cup #I DONT CARE #just not this one #also this will be the only time i will speak about this #if she ends up actually going i will not be supporting her in it #nina rambles

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myouicieloz · 4 months

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You overhear Karina talking about how clingy you are and from then out started being distant and non-affectionate towards her and she eventually confronts you and asks why you keep pushing her away, to which you tell her

Over her

Yoo Jimin x reader

Warnings: a little smut in the end (just a little). reader and yn don’t really talk abt it tbh. skipping meals (? idk how to word it better than this).

Word count: 5.4k

Notes: I’m alive!!! sorry for taking forever to answer 😔. I think your message got cut off? so I got a little creative, I hope you don’t mind :). If you do, I can still cut out a few things n stuff. anyways, merry early christmas ig ^^ ps: I also didn’t know if this was supposed to be smut, so I only wrote a little and in the end.

You’ve always been utterly, embarrassingly, completely enamored with your girlfriend. It was obvious to anyone who looked at you for even a single second; you would always be caught staring at Karina with loving eyes, often going out of your way to simply please and spoil her rotten, showering her with kisses and gifts. For you, it was physically impossible to be without her for too long. Her absence made your heart ache, almost as if there were something missing from you. It was difficult to go on with your routine if you didn’t have her by your side. You missed your late night talks, walks at the park, parking lot dates, eating too much junk food together… You missed her, truthfully. All of her.

Naturally, you understood her duties as an idol: being away for shows, events, and photoshoots were part of her life just as much as you were. However, you knew Karina’s time was precious and scarce— which was why, whenever she was back in Seoul, you tried to spend as much quality time together as possible.

Even now, as the group’s busy with their latest Mini Album’s promotions, you couldn’t help but to feel glistening with happiness to have the four girls back in Korea, regardless of them still being so occupied with fansigns, program attendances and rehearsals for their upcoming stages and festival performances. Having them in town gives you the opportunity to join them backstage, which you absolute love; whether it’s the artistic atmosphere, or being able to understand how this industry truly works, with all the engines running frantically in the girls’ background to ensure everything goes as planned… And, of course, getting to watch Karina perform and be the astonishing, all-rounder, talented version of herself was the best part of it all. Anytime you look at her through the big screens, you realize how lucky you truly are— to be able to see all sides of her. To witness how sweet, shy and caring she could also be, once the cameras were not around.

You loved her so much.

“Congratulations, girls! You absolutely nailed it!” You praise the four girls as soon as they leave the stage, breathless from performing at a University Festival. They all smile back, trying to recompose themselves as best as they can, the adrenaline from being on stage slowly running out. You wait for them to calm down, too, before reaching out to give your girlfriend a big hug, in hopes to express yourself through your touches. You mean to tell her how wonderful she had done, but she ends the hug quickly, although her smile still lingers.

“I’m all sweaty, Y/n.” She explains, which you nod and take a step back to give her space. The two of you walk side by side, towards the big dressing room. “I don’t want you to get dirty, too.”

You shrug, trying to hide the uncomfortable feeling that stood on your heart, with the lack of her touches. You understood, though. Karina’s just taking care of you, like the sweet girlfriend she is. So you follow her, without complaints, even though all you want is to jump from excitement and tell her how perfectly she performed, setting the public on fire. Instead, you force yourself to stay still and calm down, laying with the others on the couch as you watch them change into normal clothes and relax.

The cafe’s atmosphere is cozy and calm, a much-needed contrast for the girls after a whole morning of practicing at the company. The place’s barely occupied— lunch break is nearly over for most of the workers— and the only sounds that can be heard are the wind’s peaceful breeze and the girl’s voices, engaged in a nonchalant gossip.

“I’m so hungry.” Winter complains, resting her head on Karina’s shoulder. You all chuckle at the sight; she’s too cute, even when she’s whiny.

“Me too.” You nod, and reach out for your girlfriend’s arm, tugging it slightly to steal her attention from Ning’s excited storytelling. It takes a few moments, but she finally hums, acknowledging you. “Love, do you think the food will take long? I need to use the restroom, but I’ll wait if it’s coming soon.”

Karina frowns, looking behind you for a few seconds. After examining the balcony, she seems to think otherwise. “It might take quite a while, still. We’ve ordered a lot, and we just got here, too. You’re safe to go.”

You nod as you get up and excuse yourself, leaving the girls to their own conversations. Their reserved table, set in a pretty well-hidden corner of the cafe, is the reason you’re able to observe their faces from afar, once you make your way back from the stalls. None of them notice your arrival, too engrossed in their conversation to pay attention to your frame.

Giselle, Winter, and Ningning’s faces are uneasy as they listen to Karina’s rambling. Their fingers twitch on the table, and they shake their heads every once in a while, leaving you to wonder what’s gotten them so serious. Trying to understand the matter, you frown behind their backs, approaching the group in slow, unhurried steps.

“… She’s constantly all over me, too. I swear I don’t even have time to breathe without her on my skin, as if she has nothing else to do. It’s so fucking annoying, really. Like, you remember, right? And there was that time when we were all at the park and Y/n was just insufferab—.”

You decide not to eavesdrop on the rest of your girlfriend’s conversation. Instead, you focus on keeping your steps as light as you can, once you turn around and nearly run back to the restroom, ignoring the heavy pitch just forming in your stomach.

You only allow yourself to relax once you reassure your mind that none of them were aware of you listening to Karina’s harsh, hurtful words.

Instead, your hands go to your face, and you try to focus and take deep breaths to prevent the tears from coming. The moment they start, you know it’ll take long to stop. It was one of the things Karina always teased you about: how you’ve always been such a crybaby, drowning yourself in tears for absolutely anything.

Oh, Karina… how could she speak such things about you? You’ve always put on so much effort to be the best, supportive girlfriend you could, with extra care to respect your girlfriend’s boundaries and still express how much you loved her.

It hurt to know she found you annoying and clingy, specially since all you’ve ever meant was to reassure her of your love. Allowing your body to sink into the restroom’s floor, you reach to the ground, hugging your knees in hopes to feel some comfort.

Flashes pass through your mind like rockets, analyzing every single moment you’ve ever spent with Karina. Even if it was the last thing you wanted to do, your mind doesn’t seem to give you any relief, overthinking about each one of her touches, phrases, and actions towards you. Did she even love you? What was she doing with you, then, if she found your presence to be so suffocating? What have you done wrong?

Was your whole existence the problem? The way you acted, your bubbly personality…

The questions, now clearly etched on your brain, did nothing but deepen the lump in your throat, one that left saliva building up in your mouth, making it impossible to swallow. Even the simplest actions were difficult to be executed, just like it was when you were away from your girlfriend for too long.

Despite all, you couldn’t help but let a light chuckle, forcing yourself to get up and wash your face in the sink. You feel like you’re going to collapse if you stay in the cafe. No, that won’t do— you have to go home. Even if it means facing chaos herself.

And her friends, too. They must’ve been aware of Karina’s feelings towards you all along, yet they still let you smile and be all over like a fucking idiot.

You look up, trying not to ruin your mascara and risk having any of them finding out what you’ve just heard. Without rush, you force yourself to even your breathing, inhaling and exhaling in slow movements, focusing on your body’s movements instead of giving in to desperation.

You feel like you’re at the bottom pit, and it fucking sucked.

After minutes of calming yourself down, you dried the remaining tears and got up, sighing as you excited the bathroom. Your hands trailed the walls as you walked without rush, looking for something, anything to provide some strength. Eventually, the walls of the hallway gave way to the open area of the tables, making you gulp. Your legs were wobbly, and you felt too weak, almost as if you were going to pass out at any given moment. Your usual confidence was all gone, and you weren’t at all sure you’d manage to speak to them without stuttering or crying.

“Thank fucking God, Y/n. We thought you got kidnapped or something.” Winter was the first to say, giggling. Giselle and Ningning smiled too, mumbling how you must’ve gotten lost or thrown in a portal to another dimension, perhaps.

Karina nods. “You really took too long out there, Y/n. I almost went looking for you.” Even though her tone is light, your girlfriend’s smile fades once she takes a proper look at your face.

You try your best to smile back at her, hands going unconsciously to your arms, scratching them nervously. You’ve always liked to be the center of their attention; the little moments where they’d ask you for an opinion or actively listen to your rambling… you thrived on them. It felt like they were spoiling you, giving up one of the things they cherished the most to focus on you: their time. Even if just for a few seconds, the feeling of being observed by them brought you a strange feeling of being fulfilled, of being someone important.

“I actually need to go, now.” You mutter, grabbing your stuff whilst refusing to meet your girlfriend’s piercing gaze.

Karina’s already aware something is wrong, though. She knows your body, your expressions, your mannerisms… she’s more than capable of telling when you’re off, much to your discomfort.

“Is everything ok? What happened?” Her hands grab a hold of your elbow, and you nearly joint, throwing your phone and sweater in your purse as fast as you can, to escape from her fingers on you. Her touch hurts, electrocuting your skin as if she were a storm set on a windy, loud night. You couldn’t stand it.

“It’s just a family emergency, don’t worry.” You take a step back, with your wallet in hands to pay for your drink. Bowing slightly to acknowledge the pain you were bringing onto the conversation, you add. “Please keep up with your lunch. I’ll make sure to update you about it soon.”

Karina’s hands rest on top of yours, taking the card from between your fingers and back to the wallet.

“It’s ok, I’ll pay.” Her voice, calm and soothing, is much different from her previous, livid tone. She gives your hand a squeeze, getting up herself. “Do you want me to go with you? Manager unnie will understand.”

The girls nod, their faces also filled with worry. However, you dismiss your girlfriend, diverting your gaze to the ground as you inhale deeply. You’re unable to face her by any given means; you’d fall apart in front of them if you did as such. In fact, you find yourself unable to face any of them. They’ve made a fool out of you for too long, and that single thought is enough for bile to rest in your throat, threatening to spill. You can’t deal with that, not at the moment.

“I mean it: I’m sure I can handle it.” Your muscles tense, and you don’t even notice your body’s backward steps. It was clear you wanted to leave, which was mostly the reason they didn’t pressure further, watching as you hurriedly made our way out.

Karina’s eyes were the most trained, her mind racing with thoughts that left her wondering what had gotten you so shaken, visibly out of place. Clueless, she stared at your frame until you’ve reached the door. Only then, you returned her stare.

The watery look in your eyes is more than enough to make her shiver, gripping her chest to get rid of the heaviness that had installed in her heart. Everything was fine, Karina told herself. You’d soon deal with your incident, and be back by her side as fast as you could, as always.

With that in mind, she relaxes, turning her attention back to her friends’ conversation.

Karina doesn’t understand why your distance hurts so much. She should’ve been relieved: you’ve stopped spamming her phone with updates of your day, no longer sending thousands of pictures and videos of things that, according to you, reminded you of herself. She doesn’t have to deal with your constant neediness, nor does she have to reassure you that you were loved, and she missed you. It’s all she’s ever wanted— to not be disturbed at all, being able to focus on work and just have a good time, overall.

Instead, she feels awful; as if something’s missing. Everything feels wrong; she’s unable to concentrate at all, her skin itches and her thoughts constantly linger on you, wondering.

“Hey, Jimin unnie.” Ning looks up to you from the ground, stretching herself out on the floor. “Is Y/n coming soon? She always brings the best snacks.” Resting on the couch, Karina lets out a long sigh, looking at the clock displayed above the dance room’s door.

“She’s not stopping by to watch us today.” The oldest explains, shrugging. She tries as hard as she can not to sound affected by it. “It’s Nutcracker season. She’s rehearsing until late, most likely.”

“Most likely? Haven’t you talked to her today to know that?”

Giselle’s sharp tone hurt, specially since Karina’s phone was currently burning in her pocket, with a lot of unread messages she had sent you. Karina twists her fingers to prevent herself from putting her hands on her face, in a tired manner. “No, I haven’t. Like I said, she’s busy. We haven’t talked much since this morning.”

“Wow, this is serious, then.” Giselle’s lips turn into a smirk, as she brushes the sweat out of her face. “Y/n’s never missed a pre-comeback rehearsal of ours. Like, literally never. Not even if she had her own rehearsals to attend. Have you ever attended any of hers, by the way?”

Karina grits her teeth. She knows Giselle means well: she’s friends with you, and is simply curious. Knowing that doesn’t keep the girl from wanting to punch the Uchinaga for annoying her, though. With the engines running inside her head, Karina tries her best to focus on exhausting her body, in hopes of having the burning sensation ease her troubled mind. Still, she couldn’t help but constantly wonder what was going on in with you. Why were you suddenly so distant?

The questions clouded her head, making it difficult to focus on the choreography they were learning. It seems like she wasn’t making up stuff, after all: Giselle’s questions made it clear you were different, weirdly so.

Nodding, Karina added, “Yeah. It’s not like herself at all.”

Giselle meant to continue the conversation, but the dark look Karina shoots her is enough to get the Uchinaga to gulp, focusing back on her movements, along with the melody of their upcoming song. It was none of her business, anyway.

Once the girls make their way back to the dorms, Karina decides she’s had enough of whatever you were intending to do. She’d stop by and confront you, finally. It frustrated her, having to guess your feelings, specially since you’ve been dating for quite a while — now. But she’d do it, if you were so willing to be petty. She’d be the one to reach out first.

“Thank you, girls. I’ll see you in a bit. I won’t be late, promise.” Karina’s words reverberate through the car, as she waves goodbye to her friends.

Her three bandmates were, as always, more than quick to encourage her to reach out to you, after the distance between you lingered for weeks. Even though it would cost her hours she should be spending in the recording room, they’ve immediately told Karina to talk to you, urging to have both of you in good terms once again.

Ever since you’ve become a shell of the caring, sweet girlfriend you once were, Karina’s been jittery; she was easily irritated and often picked arguments over the simplest things. It was clear the situation was taking a toll on her, in ways she’d never admit. Karina would die before confessing how much she missed your voice, your care, your touches. She’d never admit it. After all, she did constantly complain about how clingy and annoying you were— it was only fair she lived up to her words.

With a sigh, the girl enters your Dance Studio, tugging at the tiny Christmas decorations that hang through the reception area, the doors, and the walls. She realizes she’s never actually been inside the massive building for more than three, maybe four times. Usually, Karina would just wait for you by the car, never bothering to get to know the place you spent the majority of your time, whenever you weren’t attending your classes. Karina mutters a curse under her breath, silently punishing herself for not paying enough attention to you, as she smiles at the receptionist and asks about your location.

“Second four, third door on the left. She’s booked up a private room for a few hours, but they should be near the end, now.” The woman told her, as Karina bowed her in recognition, making her way towards the elevator.

Once she’s walking through the hallways, a big, colored paper with numerous names catches her eyes, standing out in the sea of decorations and adornments. It’s a casting list, and Karina’s chest fills with pride as she reads your name: first in line, cast as the lead dancer. She vaguely remembers of one of your rambles months prior, the low tone of your voice exposing how ashamed you were to confess about your nervousness to audition. At that time, Karina had been so focused on her own stuff she barely gave your topics any attention at all, dismissing them with a few hums until you focused on her rants again.

Now, Karina desperately wished she had paid you more attention. She urged to be active in your life: to know what was happening in your routine, your troubles and whatever was making you happy at the moment. Filled with guilt, the dark-haired girl slides the door slowly, delighting herself in the sight of your perfectly arranged frame, stretching yourself by the bars.

“You haven’t told me you got casted as Clara.” She says, quietly, staring at how precise and eloquent your moves are, even though the music that comes from your phone is faint, nearly inaudible.

You take a look at your girlfriend through the mirrors, trying your best to look indifferent. In reality, the first thought you’ve had as soon as you got cast as the lead dancer for the company’s Winter play was to call her, screaming in excitement for accomplishing something you’ve wanted for so long. But her words were still livid on your mind—which was why you simply shrug, going on with your barre routine, back straightened and arms arched. Once again, it was difficult to act like her stare didn’t burn, consuming you completely, but you reverberated through it.

“It’s not that big of a deal. I only got it because Seowon unnie is injured, anyway. She didn’t even audition.”

“I see.” Karina says. Her eyes examine your body so intensely you gulp, reaching out for your water bottle. She follows your every move, like a fox out for a hunt. “Do you want to have lunch? We can finally have some time for us, then. You’ve been so busy.” Her tone is sarcastic, and you know she’s fully aware of the distance you’ve been putting on between them. Her message is clear: she’s done playing and waiting for you to gather your thoughts and come back to her on your own, as you’d usually do whenever you argued.

Only you weren’t backing up or apologizing, this time.

“I can’t put on weight. I have fittings in 3 days.” Karina frowns, approaching until you were unable to continue your moves.

She looks at your body, eyes searching for any flaws with such hunger, you instantly feel heat invading your cheeks.

“You’re good.” Leaving no space for denial, she turns around and holds the door open, motioning for you to go first. “Now, let’s have lunch.”

“Is it something with your family?” Karina is the first to break the awkward silence that lingers on the lunch table, in hopes to stir anything inside you to make you stop playing with your salad and look at her face. It works: you look up, genuinely confused.

“What? No, they’re good.” You tuck your hair behind your ears, clearly not enjoying the date. If anything, your moves are mechanic, hesitant.

If it were any other day, you’d be talking until you had to grasp for air, filling Karina in every detail of your life for the second or third time, probably. She thinks she’ll go insane at the sight of you, sitting idle on the desk, with big, sad eyes.

“Good. It’s good they’re all well and healthy.” She says, then adds, lifting her brows. Even though she tries not to express how irritated she is by the situation, Karina’s not good at hiding her expressions. “What is wrong? You’re clearly different, but keep acting petty and not telling me what it is.”

Your mouth opens in a perfect “O” as the words leave your girlfriend’s mouth. Does she think you’re that immature? She must simply not care about her own words, then. You’re sure of it. “I’m not fucking petty.”

Karina stares at your arms, tightly crossed against your chest, and at your pout. She almost laughs, thinking about how adorable the sight is, but the fire in your eyes reminds her of the current situation. She leans back on the chair, motioning for you to do something. Anything.

“Talk, then.”

She infuriates you. Just sitting in front of you, so sure she’s done nothing wrong, as if you’re the only one to blame.

“You’re really clueless, aren’t you?” It takes some deep breaths to not point a finger at her, so you just let out a dry laugh. “I’m just giving you what you want.”

“What do you mean by that?” Once again, she looks genuinely confused. Before you get to answer, thought, Karina’s phone rings. She picks up immediately, not at all pleased with how you rolled your eyes at the interruption. It’s Aeri, calling to say Bada had already arrived, and she’s the only one missing for them to start cleaning the choreo.

You get up before she has the chance to say anything, with a fake smile as you wait for her to call the waiter and pay for your date.

“I have to go, too.” You say, walking up slightly faster than her. When it’s time for you to actually part ways, though, you stop, unsure of what to do. You would rather not touch her; it still hurts, and part of you was indeed petty enough to deprive her of your touch, after her complaints.

Karina beats you to it, however. Before you register, she seals your lips in a delicate kiss, one you can’t help but melt on.

“See you soon, Y/n. I love you.” She says, before entering her company’s car and being driven away. She doesn’t wait for you to acknowledge the situation, and you’re happy for that.

Huffing in frustration, you make your way back towards your studio, in hopes to keep your strained relationship out of your mind, even if just for a few hours.

As much as Karina thinks it through, she can’t fantom where she’s gone wrong. You’ve just distanced yourself so suddenly, and it has left a hole in her heart, along with a lingering itch on her skin that makes her want to scratch her arms until they’re red and sore. She’s busy, and she knows you’re busy, too, but she’s had enough of this. She misses you, and she hates herself for complaining about how you’ve always shown her nothing but love. She took it for granted before, but she won’t anymore.

Her palms are slippery as she knocks on the dressing room’s door, not waiting much until she’s given permission to enter. She’s not surprised to find you alone— your friends told her you were usually the last one to change into normal clothes, as crowded spaces made you breathless and anxious. She is, though, surprised to find you looking down at your hands, so small and filled with sorrow, despite having performed flawlessly not even an hour ago.

You’re surrounded by stuffed animals, letters, and gifts from your friends and family, yet it still seems so… empty. And you know what’s lacking.

The girl standing by the door knows it, too.

“You looked beautiful.” Karina says, carefully placing the huge bouquet she bought you on the empty part of the table, the one your hands rest. “As always. My beauty.”

You nod, gripping your chair as you try to ground yourself. Even your body navigated towards her; it was hard not to run into her arms and forget how hurt you were.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” You truly didn’t, even though you had sent invites to her and the girls, they were always so busy— they’ve never attended, before.

It’s Karina’s turn to be hesitant — now. Trapping her hands in her pockets, she adds. “I don’t want to be absent from your life anymore.” The statement, all you’ve wanted to hear for so, so long, makes your heart nearly joint. You try to speak, but she’s still immersed in her words. “I miss you. And I have no fucking clue of why you’ve been so distant lately, but I miss your laugh, your touches—fuck, I miss everything about you. I know I’ve been so fucking selfish, and I’ve never realized you were the only one making efforts for us for so long.” You’re still looking at her through the mirror when she places her head on your shoulders, hands playing with your leotard’s thin strap to have something to occupy herself with. “I’m sorry.”

You gulp, looking at the beautiful flowers she got you. Being without Karina had turned you into a mess, but you still feel just as uneasy in her presence. No matter how much you try, you can’t seem to forget her words. How irritated she sounded, at the time, as if you were such a bother.

Your girlfriend was still waiting for her answer, so you take some flowers into your hands, as you ask, hesitant. “Don’t I suffocate you? I’m too much, I guess.”

Karina shakes her head. “Of course not. Where’d you get that from?” Her hands move to your waist, subtly, her light fingers barely noticeable as they brush your covered skin.

“You can stop lying, you know. Just tell me if you do.” Your voice cracks, and it’s enough for Karina to realize how hurt you truly were, by the affirmation.

It comes to her, then, that you weren’t being petty, all over the past weeks. You were just hurt, and needed some time. She feels guilty for being the reason for such feelings.

Hugging you with a strong grip, she decides to be honest. “There was a time… where I felt like it, for a bit. I was overworked, and annoyed at everything. But then you vanished, and… it felt like there was something missing, I guess.”

Her face is all red from the confession, making you smile. It’s a rare occurrence, for Karina to talk about her feelings, and even more for her to confess anything. It’s the real proof she missed you; the girl’s willingness to be vulnerable, even if for a small moment.

You missed her so, so much. As always you’re the first to give in, no longer fighting the rational part of your brain that screamed for you to distance yourself and leave Karina.

“Let’s go home, ‘Jiminie.” You murmur, humming as you feel her hands all over your body, groping and twisting your skin, touch starved for anything you could provide. You whine, looking at her through her lashes. In this love bubble, your drunken state is enough for Karina to kiss you, her sweet taste marked with hunger.

“I don’t want to wait, though. I’ve missed you for too long.” She looks at you dead serious, adding, “Far too long.”

You nod, a moan escaping your mouth when Karina pushes all the makeup and the gifts onto the ground, her lithe hands gripping your thighs and urging you up on the vanity with ease. Once again, her fingers try to get through your leotard, huffing when she’s met with tights instead of bare skin.

You grab her wrists, giggling at her urgent moves. “Don’t.” You warn, turning your head when Karina meets your lips for another breathless, hungry kiss. Her mouth meets the corner of yours, instead. You’d forgotten how much you loved to tease her. “I have to perform tomorrow, and for weeks after that. Don’t ruin them.”

She retreats completely, then. Stepping back, she places her hands up, following your demands. Her body language is relaxed, but her voice is strained, stating how she truly feels. “You better take them off — now. And give me a show.”

You roll your eyes at the lack of sweetness, but another sharp look from Karina and you’re quick to do as told. Her attention is solely on you, admiring your precise moves. You’re just as graceful and beautiful as when you went on stage, and Karina drinks on the vision.

Without rush, you unbutton your costume until it falls from your body, lifting yourself up to let the fabric dangle on the ground. Your body is exposed to your girlfriend’s touch. You’re drenched, desperate to have her after so long apart. You can feel the heat on your skin, as you reach out to have her close once again. It lingers, only deepening with the hungry, messy kiss you and Karina share. Her hands meet your neck, and you gasp the moment you feel her fingers blocking your airways. The dizziness, along with her wet mouth on your chin, then marking your neck as she has her share of you, just as starved. You’re too light-headed to complain about the bruises, being so quick to turn into a moaning, breathless mess.

“I missed you t-too much.” You murmur, drawing your head back as she licks her way down on your body. You watch, starstruck, as she falls down on her knees, hands spreading your thighs with ease.

You take a hold of her long, dark hair, but don’t motion to force your girlfriend’s face into your cunt— you know better than that. Instead, you wait, eagerly, as she parts your folds. Her other hand comes to collect your juices, proving on your sweetness.

“I’m obsessed with you.” She mutters, breath hot on your clothed cunt. Her eyes meet yours, and she’s just as breathless. “Fucking obsessed. Do you understand? This is all mine.”

Without a warning, she licks a big stripe of your pussy, her nose bumping onto your clit without much pressure. The action, though not rough, is more than enough to have lewd, loud sounds come out of your mouth. The only thing on your mind is your girlfriend. Her touches and the pleasure she was always so eager to give you.

“I’ll worship you because you’re mine.”

Perhaps your relationship was built on empty promises. But as for the moment, the only thing that matters is Karina’s hot, warm breath on your skin, and how right it feels.

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