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#and yet still i must ask
pancake-breakfast · 8 months
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So, I was thinking, during his Eriks phase, Vash looks like this....
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...but after seven months being held in place by Legato on the ark, he looks like this....
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So... like... does his hair just grow really, really slowly? Does he need to be well-rested to grow his hair? (Escaping Vash looks very, very tired.) Did Knives come in every few days to give him a quick shave and every few months to give him a quick haircut?
What I'm saying here is I have questions.
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cyanide-sippy-cup · 1 month
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Ah, doomed lovers my (doomed) beloved.
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spacexseven · 1 year
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yaaaay tuna time tuna time. ok so the manga is I Love Amy and its about a yandere girl making friends with the lesbian mc to get closer to her male crush but finds herself really enjoying spending time with her. very good stuff highly recommend. anyway I will be scalping this whole plot for my brainrot! as I'm basing this off a wlw manga please read yan and darling as being the same gender (ex: dazai with a male darling, higuchi with a female darling) thank u.
so, following the aforementioned plot, darling actually starts out as yans TARGET instead of yans crush, accidentally getting on their radar by being seen talking to yans current obsession one too many times during routine reconnaissance (stalking). obviously they need to get rid of them! theyre getting in the way! crush shouldn't ever talk to anyone else but them!!!! 
when local freak loner weirdo yan suddenly asks if you want to hang out with them, alone, it occurs to you that you should be a little more cautious- but, truth be told, you've had a crush on them for a while... and you know its probably impossible that they swing your way, but couldn't hurt to give it a shot, right?
with this in mind (and lowkey kinda entranced by how pretty they are up close), you agree. 
lucky for you theyre perceptive enough to sniff out that ur a fruit and thus a complete non-threat, so you live another day! and, to their surprise, they find themselves kind of enjoying hanging out with you. 
yadda yadda yadda, the two of you strike a deal to help them get in good with their crush, theyve had pretty bad luck with this so far, but they seem to like YOU, so you can get them some one-on-one time! you're pretty bummed you were right about the person you like not being interested, but hey! theyre still your friend! as long as they can be happy, you’ll be happy for them! on their end, theyre just using you (or so they think). sure, you’re ok to hang out with or whatever, but your companionship doesnt mean anything compared to their crush. once they get what they want, youre pretty much donezo. 
i wont go on for too much longer about this here but im sure you get the idea, over spending time with them as friends and dedicating so much of your time to trying to help them find their happiness, yan starts turning their attention on YOU instead. they find themself getting irritated when they catch you talking to other boys/girls, what did you suddenly get a s/o or something? are you gonna stop hanging out with them? you cant DO that youre their ONLY friend! or they’ll surprise themself by desperately wanting to pass up spending time with crush to go stay with you instead. or getting REALLY REALLY mad when they see people being rude to you when they used to not care. little things like that. i feel like this concept could be really good for soft yan stuff but you COULD make it darker if you wanna. 
characters i think would work with this: bsd - dazai (specifically pm dazai cuz hes a freak with no social skills), akutagawa, poe, ranpo, sigma, higuchi, gin, lucy. genshin - childe, scaramouche, albedo, cyno, eula, ei (i feel a modern au would work best for ei here), rosaria, shenhe
- 🩹
something about the holidays has fried my brain but i cant let your asks go unanswered any longer !!!!! p.s i love amy is just wonderful thank you for the rec ^^ im just gonna go over this with childe because you deserve genshin content from me :< spoilers for childe's real name (tho i think everyone knows it by now lol) unedited!
context: X is the person ajax likes (as you can tell i am very good at coming up with names :>) some things here are taken from i love amy so give it a read !! it's totally worth it i promise~
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at the time, you couldn't come up with a single reason why ajax had approached you all those days ago, accompanied only by a menacing look. in fact, you could still recall how the malice in his eyes deepened once he caught sight of you stumbling your way over in his direction.
you had heard the rumors about him (like everyone else had), and while you didn't want to judge someone because of what others had to say, you couldn't deny the fear that consumed you when he stared at you with thinly veiled distaste—right after interrogating you about your relationship with the person you had just been conversing with. it occurred to you far too late that ajax had witnessed the conversation between you and X, and now you were about to be at the receiving end of the terrors you had only heard of in passing.
your brain went into overdrive thinking of an answer. childhood friends? what if he got jealous that you spent so much time with X, time he couldn't have? but if you lied about not knowing X, he'd come after you anyway if he found out the truth, right? so you tried to come up with a lukewarm answer, something to show that you weren't trying to meddle with his…potential relationship. whether you said the two of you were partners for a project, neighbors or family friends, whatever it was, it worked in convincing him that you weren't interested.
but it worked too well, as you soon came to realize, after noticing how ajax was attached to you constantly. at your response, he had lit up and quickly pulled you closer, declaring you would help him by gathering information and helping him plan for the perfect date (and of course, there was not a single moment of consideration for your say in the matter)
even though you insisted over and over again that you'd be no help, with no experience in dating or flirting with anyone, let alone someone as popular as X, and claiming you weren't close enough with them to ask such detailed questions, ajax was far from bothered. perhaps, in his eyes, you were the perfect sidekick—obedient enough to drag around like a sulking pet, but not so compliant that you weren't of some use, at the very least for entertainment. and maybe, just maybe, because he was starting to feel a little lonely.
what he didn't know at the time was that you, despite all the warnings and whispers, had a crush on him. you reasoned with yourself that most people would fall for him, if not for his fixation with X. and although you knew he was 100% infatuated with someone else, you had foolishly thought it wouldn't be the worst idea to be his friend. you had hoped that hanging out with him and being faced with the reality that he would never look twice at you would work as a bitter yet effective remedy to the flustered racing of your heart and the fluttering sensation that seized you.
surprisingly, ajax made for decent company, disregarding the pain of unrequited affection. all your time together was mostly spent talking about X, which you never complained about, but you also learned a little about him, like the fact that he had younger siblings and that he participated in a lot of archery competitions. it occurred to you for a moment, that given his track record, ajax being so well-versed with a weapon probably wouldn't end well, but you shut down that thought almost immediately. he may talk about wanting X all for himself and may have some concerning fantasies, but even he wouldn't go to such lengths, right?
the more time you spent with him, however, the fewer opportunities you actually had to talk to X. still, despite how little use he had for you, ajax still kept you by his side. maybe it was, in his eyes, a good thing that you were staying away from X. some part of you itched to tell him that you wouldn't betray him like that...not like it mattered to him. you knew he was only using you, either as an information source or a test subject, and even if it hurt to know he'd never care about you like he did X, you never once considered distancing yourself from him
you liked to think that he liked your company too, at least as an acquaintance. after all, since that first encounter, he hadn't threatened to snap your arm if you didn't tell him everything you were talking to X about. maybe that time he dragged you away mid-conversation with your friend should have been alarming, or maybe that other time when you woke up tied to a chair in his basement ("don't worry," he had brushed off your concerned look, "i only did this because you kept saying you were too busy to come over. anyways…") should have sent you running, but you justified it to yourself as his odd way of watching out for you.
or more likely, the warning signs just flew over your head because you couldn't imagine that he would be as creepy as the rumors said. you did idolize him to an extent that you tried to justify all his strange habits. it didn't matter much, anyway, since you were well aware this arrangement was temporary—you were only serving as replacement company until he finally got with X, and then your presence in his life would instantly be shut out.
because you were under the impression that it was all temporary, you didn't mind, even when he started overstepping into your personal matters. more than once you had to cancel meet-ups with friends in favor of spending time with him, and the few times you did manage to be away from him, ajax would interrogate you about every detail of your day without him, and at the very end would demand you tell him if you enjoyed being away from him, scowling until you placated him.
and then, the 'practice dates' started feeling a little too real. with him insisting on feeding you spoonfuls of dessert and latching onto your hand uncomfortably tight. but honestly, you couldn't complain, even if you knew something was wrong. going out with X didn't seem as much of a priority as it was a way to convince you that he desperately needed your help in 'practicing'.
all this while, you were under the impression your role was simply to be a good friend to ajax. naturally, when you had an opportunity to talk to X again after such a long time, you jumped to take it. what you didn't expect was for ajax to come up behind you, gently moving you aside to instead tower over X, glaring at the person he'd been pining over so desperately. the words that left him next were similar to the ones you heard all those months ago, except, these were the last words you expected him to say.
"you," he spat out, "what the hell were you talking to [name] about?"
bonus because i have too many thoughts about this :>
you getting an s/o. ajax is upset for many reasons. a) you never told him that you liked someone b) were you really going on weekly dates with your new partner?? you never even hung out with him that consistently! what, were you throwing away your friend just for this new guy? and c) how could you leave him behind like this?! suddenly, your new s/o is bombarded with the sensation that someone was constantly glaring at them, and then at every corner, ajax is standing there...just...watching. maybe he was just shy?
you manage to convince X to give him one chance. one date, so he can try to win them over. what you don't expect is for ajax to try stalling. he comes up with reasons for more practice dates, asks you for more 'tips', and if he absolutely has to go, he doesn't do anything that he was supposed to. the date is a fail, despite all the practicing he did. to you, he claims it was the nerves that got to him. come on, comrade! you gotta help him practice more now!
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pinkjersey · 3 months
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Points at you. 10 and/or 11 for starstruck?
Two starstruck asks,,,,,,joy of joys,,
Part of an ask game linked here.
#10. What's an au you have for them?
Since them meeting at all is technically an AU i have 3 different ways that they do meet up. There's the one where Juniper ends up with the agency/adjacent to and ends up working with Reggie (have written a fic with this). The next one is Juniper surviving but basically going stealth and living as normal of a life as he can and ending up meeting Reggie through chance (most recent fic I've written). And then there's my personal favourite where Reginald "You're lucky my tracking skills are still up to snuff" Crane keeping himself busy after Phoenix was MIA and finding Juniper still alive (fic I want to write but haven't started mainly because it may end up multi chapter).
In terms of more AU canon bending taking them and putting them in a completely unrelated situation...I have a guilty pleasure Warrior Cats AU for IEYTD in general. Both JJ and Reggie have perfect warrior cats suffixes in their names already (Juniper and Crane) so they're called Junipersong (charcoal bengal) and Craneflight (tabby Norwegian forest cat). It's very silly but the amount of scenes I have in my mind for it...good lord...
#11. How was their first kiss like?
Augh my friend Imp wrote an absolutely excellent fic about it (tragically in the realm of unfinished Google docs) and I'm shaking their hand about it so hard. Basically Juniper kissing Reggie but he like wasn't ready/fully expecting it and Juniper absolutely panicking because he thinks he's misread every interaction between them both since they got closer. The second one is much sweeter though,,
#realised i phrased all the fics ive written like those ghosts that haunted scrooge#ah yes the fic of starstuck past#the fic of starstruck present and the fic of starstruck yet to come. it's so dumb#and uhh for the warrior cats thing um. of course they aren't purebreds minus Juniper who used to be a kittypet (housecat) but -#- it was moreso for easy description#reggie is fluffy but he's not quite maine coonf fluffy...norwegan forest cat was a nice middle ground...still gets big guy points too#also um side note roxanix in that au um. they adopted a kit as a stand in for robutler in that au......#also solaris is a VERY grumpy warrior turned medicine cat annnnd thats about all I have fully hashed out in my mind for it so far#im so torn abt also having triple threat.....extra large polycule where phoenix is just intimidated by the others prism is dating lmao#ANYWAYS ENOUGH ABOUT THE WARRIOR CATS AU#can you tell I have a special interest in cats/warrior cats. oh how I miss drawing cats. but I must learn people. for the brainworms...ouuu#i don't have much else to say on that second question other than....AUUUUUUGH they're so. there's so much pent up stuff.#like for JJ it's the first time he's let himself actually love another man the way he wants to while for Reggie it's a lot of -#- realising JJ is trying to be a better person while still ackowleging the fact that he did bad??? basically second chance yada yada#man. i love these two#ik im a broken ass reccord but I've never proactively posted abt them outside the last couple months and it's been so theraputic#ty for the ask it was fun :3c#ieytd#starstruck#junicrane#ask game#not tagging them specifically I don't wanna clog up tags too much#god WHY do i have such an issue eith that. mental issue. anyways
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soldier-poet-king · 2 months
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Anyway, in terms of fiction and not strictly philosophical texts:
Waiting for godot
R&G are dead
EEAAO
The little prince
LOTR (I said what I said)
Princess mononoke
Snk (I said what I said)
Pathologic
Disco Elysium
The man who was thursday
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thebirdandhersong · 5 months
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#God if he's not an option WHY is he the only boy ive ever met who is this emotionally intelligent and mature and God-fearing#and not afraid of vulnerability and has such strong principles that he just straight up says No i will not when he knows he should not#and the only guy who's ever been able to tell when i'm sad when i'm trying to hide it (and is able to read me surprisingly well)#and who is gentle and humble and wants children and genuinely wants to prioritize his future family#and the only guy who i know and can trust is both a servant-hearted and honourable leader AND a attentive and compassionate listener#and who does SO MUCH for everyone in the background and never asks for applause or praise#AND is the only guy i'm this comfortable around (this is a FIRST) and can talk to for hours. why!!!!!!!!#why must he check all the boxes!!!!#also why must he have such beautiful eyes. they are GORGEOUS.#obnoxiously beautiful blue eyes that are just. very focused and gentle and tender. yes i also hate that i notice this#anyway literally HOW many times have i prayed the liturgy for the death of a dream from every moment holy this year. HOW MANY TIMES#i KNOWWWW it will never happen i KNOW this and yet!!!!! it's like i wake up and agonize over it all over again#why must he be like one of the loveliest people i know!!! why must it be like this!!!!#edit: i KNOW amazing men are allowed to exist and not be attracted to me lollllll but still i am trying to get the sadness out of my chest#as irrational as it may be at times#the waiting room chapter
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schmweed · 9 months
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Background Roman & Gerri | S03E01
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dragon-tamer-1 · 20 days
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I want to be able to reblog people's art without having to worry about people's negative reactions when it's someone that a majority of people don't like, is that so much to ask?
Why must it be a problem if I like someone's art even if the person believes in something others don't? Why must people treat people like they're bad for liking someone's art and writing when others don't like that person because of their beliefs?
I'm just hanging out and reblogging art and writing that I find enjoyable. In the end that's just what I'm doing when I reblog stuff. Enjoying it. If it's something I don't enjoy/like to see, I just block the tag or, if it's a specific blog that I decided that I didn't enjoy and don't want to see I block that blog as well. Otherwise just vibing. I don't hate anyone that doesn't like someone else of course, but the way people talk about that one person, it's like they think it's the worst possible thing for someone to enjoy that person's art and writing. I just can't hate someone based on that person's beliefs, it just goes against my own personal beliefs, and I can't help that I still enjoy those things.
I try to keep the drama and stuff off my blog cause I'm not about that. And it shouldn't be treated like some kind of crime to still enjoy someone's art/writing/etc just because other people don't like that person, in my opinion.
#vent post#i only feel this way cause someone on anon asked why i still follow a certain person cause i reblogged that person's post updating their fic#and i think it's weird that if people don't like that person. then just don't like that person#i just enjoy the art and writing#i only see hate going to that person yet that person has never spread hate for anyone to anyone#i just want to reblog stuff without it becoming this big thing of drama#discourse tw#stop spreading hate and just move on#at this point it just seems like toxic behavior (not attacking anyone. just how it feels to me)#like i said you can freely dislike someone#its just that it seems controlling when you want others to think like you do and dislike who you dislike and congorm to your own beliefs#I'm just here to enjoy art and writing#regardless of who it's from#unless that person has legitimately hurt people#just block certain tags and the person you dislike and move on#i don't think anyone is bad for liking or disliking people for their own reasons and personal beliefs#i also just cant hate someone for their own beliefs. especially since they're not hurting anyone with those beliefs#sorry for the down mood#this whole thing is just tiring for me and i just want to enjoy the things i like without being all “man people are going to dislike me -#just because i still like the art/writing of someone that everyone around me dislikes. i just want to enjoy stuff why must it be such#a controversial thing to just like something “#can't we all just agree to disagree instead of being mean to someone who likes something /someone you don't?#liking and reblogging stuff that doesn't have any harmful stuff in it can't hurt anyone#i wish this stuff didn't make me feel as stressed as i did#I'll be fine#i just want to enjoy the art and stories that i came to love by the people who made them#regardless of their beliefs#cause i think that just because someone believes something doesn't make them a bad person for believing that
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klanced · 1 year
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yes katie use that law school knowledge for iconic blorbo
STOP
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paradoxolotl · 6 months
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The nightly workout routine
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I’m so interested in your take about the level of obsession that certain fandoms invite based on their quality because you’re so right I don’t need to read hunger games fic I got what I needed from the series
But like also sometimes when something is rlly good too I wanna read fic just so I can be in that world a bit longer.
Like for example I love leverage. The og series is great perfect ending no notes. I loooove leverage fic though because it allows me to follow little rabbit holes that aren’t necessary for the overarching story. I wanna see them deal w their trauma yanno?
But then we got the stranger things stuff where not only do you want to explore those things bc you love the premise you also wanna just fix stuff bc the writers really just haven’t landed it
It’s so interesting to me that there’s a whole kind of in between genre for me (and presumably others) where the content is solid and enjoyable but I feel no real need to expand upon it in fic form
This is my ted talk cheers for listening
Yeah, it really is interesting to think about all the little ways people engage in fandom, especially fic. Like you said, the whole thing where you really like the world so you want to live in it a little longer? That's a lovely sentiment, I've thought and TRIED, but I usually read fics in that fandom for a day before getting bored.
There's the opposite extreme, where you don't necessarily get obsessed with it, but out of spite, you write something because jesus, how did the writers fumble that so spectacularly? (I did this with Alice in Borderland lmao).
And then the area where I usually live: the story has extremely compelling elements, usually for me it's gotta be both characters and the world, but there's enough plot holes and dropped plotlines that you can fuck around with forever, and enough left unfinished that you can just keep going. (this is Stranger Things to me).
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napping-sapphic · 2 months
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Hey this post of yours ended up in the this bed we made tag. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it before but if not then based off of this post and knowing literally nothing else about you I think you might like it at least a little bit.
Anyway have a nice day
I somehow didn’t catch on that that was a game title at first and thought it was like some secret club for a hot second lol
Thank you for the recommendation!! It legitimately looks really cool though!!! I do love mysteries and Women™️ lol
Unfortunately I don’t think I have anything that can play it though!😓 But i might cave and just try and find a play through of it instead!!
Hope you have a nice day too!!
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teabutmakeitazure · 6 months
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Found the blurbs I wrote and the worldbuilding I created in my google docs for a chrollo series and goddamn is it good must revisit this when i am out of assignment hell
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quickhacked · 10 months
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Chapter >> 18 [x] Characters >> Lauren Dimas (oc), Matvey Dobrynin (oc), Mikhail Koshechkin (oc), Rogue Amendiares, Viktor Vektor, Vincent Mayer (oc), Vitali Dobrynin (oc) Total >> 8.0k words Warnings >> Alcohol mention, blood, brainwashing mention, brief transphobia mention, death, descriptions of dying (don't even worry about it), dissociation (sort of), injuries, violence
Vitali was dying.
He could see the sky from where he sat, the ink black void above Night City, turned all hues of blue from advertisement projections and the city lights down below. Could barely hear the alarm blasting through the building anymore, a comfortable ringing filling the space between his ears, low humming wrapping itself around him like a protective blanket as he felt himself slipping away.
Part of him had already known, in a way. Living on borrowed time- the bullet had killed him, and if it hadn’t been for Arasaka forcing a heartbeat back into him only minutes later he would never have opened his eyes anymore at all. Had happened nearly a year ago by then; yet somehow Vitali could remember it as if it had only been a few hours at most, as if all that had taken place since had been nothing but a fever dream and his brain keeping him trapped in a delusion in the final moments before his lungs would give out.
He struggled to keep his eyes open, the familiar voice nearby urging him to stay awake- bitter taste of blood in his mouth and his side burning up, pain gnawing its way through flesh and muscle and bone until it was so constant he could barely even feel it anymore.
‘The sky looks…different, here.’
Vincent chuckled and dropped his head on Vitali’s shoulder who immediately scoffed in return, surprised by his boyfriend’s reaction, and quickly took another sip from his beer.
‘You are- such a fuckin’ city boy,’ Vincent said, looking up and pressing a kiss on Vitali’s cheek. ‘No offense, ‘course.’
‘None taken.’
Neither of them spoke as they both looked up again, eyes trailing over the stars shimmering above the camp of the Aldecaldos stationed a few miles outside of Tucson. Vincent was right- Vitali had never left Night City far enough to be able to see the night sky in all its glory, and he had never known there was so much up there to see.
Oh, how Vitali longed to see the stars one last time.
At least the end was more gentle for him, now. No one hovering over him, hurting him, choking him out; no one crying beside him, failing to save him- tears spilled, wasted, over Vitali’s own shortcomings, his alone and no one else's.
‘We should come back here, sometime,’ Vincent quietly said, reaching out to take Vitali’s hand in his own and he gave it a little squeeze. ‘After- you know. We finish up business in Night City. Take a break for a while.’
‘That sounds lovely,’ Vitali replied and smiled at him; a smile that widened when Vincent smiled back and gently bumped their foreheads together, eyes fluttering shut as he breathed in deep, his lips brushing past Vitali’s skin.
He had not even gotten the chance to say goodbye.
A tear rolled down Vitali’s cheek, eyelids heavy as he felt himself sinking; no current pulling him down this time but his arms and legs were no longer strong enough to keep his head above the water, and he sucked in a final, shaky breath before the cold river swallowed him whole.
He knew what dying felt like.
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Vitali had very limited childhood memories.
Early ones, at least; shrouded in a strange sense of alienation, a name that did not belong to him and a body turning into something he did not want it to be. Siblings, who got a better treatment than he had ever received; a mother who did not love him, who thought her oldest daughter was merely a doll for her to play with, to dress up and order around until she would grow tired and throw him out; and a father, who-
Who-
Well, Vitali was not sure anymore.
‘You’re bleeding, мое солнышко. What happened?’
Vitali refused to look his father in the eyes- not out of shame, but out of pure anger- still shaking on his legs as he stomped through the living room and dropped himself on the couch. He was a little out of breath, still; had run all the way upstairs rather than use the elevator in hopes to get rid of the adrenaline running through his system, but it had not helped him in the slightest.
‘Stupid fucking shit kids,’ he simply answered Matvey, who had put his work down and walked over to him to join him, sitting down in the armchair on his left.
‘Oy- Language.’
‘What? I’m right.’
‘What did they do?’
‘Called me names. Said I dress ugly.’
‘And then they punched you on the nose?’
Vitali huffed and looked away, crossing his arms in front of his chest and he pouted as he stared out of the window, eyes slowly trailing over the ocean next to the pier of Wellsprings.
Alright, perhaps he had landed the first punch this time- but could you blame him? All the little fuckers ever did was harass anyone younger and shorter than them, and Vitali with his ten years of age was no exception to that.
One too many times and he had simply snapped.
Matvey reached out and gently took Vitali’s jaw, tilting his head back to get a better look at his face; and Vitali merely stared back, counting the few freckles covering his father’s forehead and cheekbones as his heartbeat finally settled down.
‘It hurts,’ he mumbled, slapping his father’s hand away.
‘It looks broken,’ he replied.
‘Next time I see them I’m pushing them off pier. All of them.’
‘Hm. Good luck explaining that to NCPD. Davay- let’s clean that blood off your face before your mother gets home.’
‘HEY-! Fucking watch it!’
Vitali clenched his jaw and flipped the other driver off as he quickly maneuvered around the car, switching lanes and accelerating while ignoring the loud honking from behind. His other hand was tightly wrapped around the steering wheel, white-knuckled to stop it from shaking too much.
Not as if it helped.
The city lights flashing by were blinding- street light after street light and billboards and neon signs and Vitali struggled to keep his eyes open, the almost hypnotic pattern lulling him to sleep despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins.
He accelerated more, nearly subconsciously so, heart rapidly beating in his chest and breathing high up in his throat- a feeling he was all too familiar with, a near constant state of being in combat situations or right before an important meeting with some rich and influential client.
This was different, though.
‘Turn right here, getting close.’
Mikhail spoke softly, just loud enough for Vitali to hear, his usually calming voice only slightly soothing his nerves this time. He was sat shotgun- Eddie on the backseat with Rogue, Cato and Vincent with Panam in the car following suit- leg nervously bouncing up and down and hands clasped around his rifle to keep his tics at bay.
‘I understand. Listen, I- Yes, I understand.’
Rogue’s voice was starting to sound increasingly more annoyed with every interruption from the fixer on the other end of the line. Her gaze met Vitali’s in the rearview mirror; and she made a gun with her free hand and pretended to shoot herself in the head, rolling her eyes while moving her phone a little bit further away from her ear when the fixer raised their voice at her.
‘I get your frustration and I get that the Council is starting to lose their patience, but just give us this last fucking night, goddamnit!’ she replied, every last ounce of friendliness she’d previously feigned entirely gone now. ‘Vitali is here with me, we’re on our way to the location- gonna deal with it once and for all. One night, please.’
Once and for all.
The reality of the situation they had found themselves in had yet to kick in for Vitali, his brain lagging behind and struggling to catch up. But it was better that way; he did not want to, did not need to think about what that statement meant- despite already being fully aware of it.
Going to drink myself into a coma after this.
Charter Hill, Westbrook.
Vitali clenched his jaw as he entered the subdistrict and passed its university grounds, memories flooding back into his brain- memories of attempting to break in, memories of nearly getting shot by security while trying to reach Mikhail in their years apart. Perhaps that’s why his father had chosen to seek shelter there of all places; perhaps he knew Vitali still avoided it like the plague, heart suffocating under the weight of all the sleepless nights he had spent there looking for his friend.
Hiding in plain sight. Smart.
High risk, high reward.
Vitali had an intimate relationship with the concept, from his years in college with the fine line between his personal and his school life, to the operations he led at Arasaka Counterintel, to the gigs he took from clients and divided under his mercenaries.
His own office in Wellsprings handled a similar strategic approach. Of course Arasaka knew of him- of course they knew where he could be found, and of course they could strike at any given moment in time without any warning and of course they could level the whole building with the ground with a single press of a button if they so desired.
But with his front and enough finesse practiced by both clientele and employees- and most importantly, Vitali’s intimate knowledge of the APEX program- even Arasaka stood powerless in the situation, knowing there was nothing they could do without raising suspicion, without drawing attention to themselves among other megacorporations, especially after the fiasco with Grant Armitage.
As long as Matvey’s mercs had behaved, no one would have expected their hideout to be in the midst of busy Charter Hill.
Not even Vitali.
‘Fucking imbecile.’
Rogue’s phone call had finally ended and she exhaled sharply, exchanging another look with Vitali when he glanced in her direction and she shook her head at him.
‘They want you dead,’ she plainly said. ‘Think everything will solve itself when you’re six feet under.’
‘Are you going to kill me?’ Vitali calmly asked in return.
‘Gimme a good reason not to.’
‘I’m driving.’
‘Eh, that works.’
As stupid as the Council was acting, Vitali understood; grasping at straws, similar to him, except focusing on the one thing he had thus far been trying so desperately to avoid. As if it would matter- as if it would make any fucking difference- the insignificance of a single man in Night City had become overly apparent to him in the past few months and if anything, his death would probably cause more problems than it would solve.
Another right turn and Vitali slowed the car, steering to the side of the road and coming to a stop behind a traffic jam, cars long abandoned for obvious reasons- a road block, heavily armored trucks and SUVs surrounding the main entrance of the building Vitali needed to be at and mercs patrolling the streets.
‘Let’s go,’ he said, slowly getting out of the car as his eyes trailed the entire building. It stood detached from surrounding facilities, enough space between to prevent any collateral damage; if anything, an explosion would perhaps cause some of the windows to rattle, but Vitali doubted it’d get worse than that.
He glanced behind him and gave Panam, Cato and Vincent a nod, all three of them readying themselves as they joined the rest- and a hushed but urgent ‘there you are!’ drew his attention into the other direction, a surge of adrenaline nearly causing him to reach for his weapon before he realized it was merely Huxley jogging over to them.
The group followed her into an alley just outside of view of the roadblock up ahead. An already crowded place- Vitali counted six other mercs, five whose faces he only semi-recognized- and Viktor of all people, dressed in similar combat gear as everyone else.
The defeated, somewhat exasperated look in Vitali’s eyes merely made the ripperdoc smile.
‘What’s the plan?’ one of the mercs asked, and right at the same time Rogue placed three bags with explosives on the dumpster beside the group.
‘Some sort of fucked up déjà vu cycle I seem to be stuck in,’ she said, gesturing at Vincent and Vitali- but her gaze lingered on him specifically. ‘Thought our good friend the rockerboy used to be stuck in your boyfriend’s head, not yours.’
‘What can I say?’ he simply replied. ‘Suppose the parasite infected me.’
The plan was straightforward, essentially the same as the last two times- get inside, plant the explosives, activate them, and then get out of there before the place would blow. They didn’t have blueprints to work with, nor did they know where any of the supplies were stashed exactly; but Vitali did not worry about it too much, knowing all would be lost either way once fire would break out following detonation.
All easy enough.
That part of it was, at least.
‘Small teams,’ he said, ‘three or four people max. Rogue, V- you’re with me. These are all rigged to activate at once from a single explosive so planting them is enough- just get out of there fast, once they’re activated we have about ten minutes to leave and there is no way to stop timer from going.’
‘Can’t Lauren control ‘em?’ Cato asked.
‘Unfortunately not. Older models- specifically made for field use, keep runners at bay.’
‘Balls.’
‘We’ll be fine.’
Vitali stood back as the- for now harmless- explosives were split between everyone present, eyes slowly trailing over faces and mostly steady hands gathering supplies and reloading weapons. He wandered around the group- paused to place his hand on Vincent’s arm and give it a gentle, reassuring squeeze- and closed the distance between himself and Viktor, who conveniently turned his head when Vitali tried to catch his gaze.
‘What are you doing here?’ he quietly asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. ‘This is no job for you, Vitya. Please just go back to office.’
‘And leave Mikhail as the only available field medic here? Didn’t think so.’ Viktor paused, inhaling deeply before placing his hand on Vitali’s back. ‘Wasn’t planning on letting you do this all by yourself, kid.’
Vitali wasn’t alone there. But he understood what Viktor meant.
‘Are you sure about this?’
Vitali scoffed and took a few steps back, accidentally bumping into some medical equipment behind him in the small interior of Viktor’s shop. He straightened his back again- but swayed on his feet, the alcohol in his system not mixing too well with his medication, and he couldn’t keep his eyes focused on the other man in the room.
‘There is nothing else left for me out there,’ he answered in Russian, widely smiling and spreading his arms. ‘You thought I was studying to end up as someone’s secretary? Become some- some random exec for a starter company in Watson? Hell, a fucking politician?’
‘Arasaka isn’t going to solve anything for you, Vito,’ Viktor interrupted him, slightly raising his voice. ‘What are you hoping to find? Mikhail? Your parents?’
He tightly clenched his jaw and closed his eyes when Viktor moved his hand to his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, the gesture somehow enough to make his heartbeat settle down again.
‘Maybe, yes.’
A delayed answer, the two words violently cutting through the heavy silence lingering between them. Vitali dropped his arms and scoffed again- though it sounded more like a sob- and turned on his heels to walk away, nearly falling over the same medical equipment a second time that night.
Curious how that worked. Being so trapped inside one’s own head that it would feel like loneliness even when surrounded by people, swallowed by the Night City crowds. Vitali was intimately familiar with it- and even in that overcrowded alley he could feel it pressing down on his chest, choking the oxygen out of his lungs.
At least Viktor is still here.
Vitali could not remember much from the last time they blew up a building.
To be fair, it had been less about the explosives that time, and more about getting Vincent’s cure- and Vitali had only been barely present for it, mind still a little hazy from the remnants of Arasaka’s brainwashing attempt while he’d simultaneously had to run around and try not to get himself- or others- killed.
What he did remember, however, was the adrenaline; the pressure and the gravity of the situation pressing down heavily on his shoulders and his chest, his heart nearly beating itself free from within his ribcage, and the slight tremble of his hands while he had fought his way back into the secret laboratories where they had kept him in their captivity, mere days earlier.
Oh, how history loved to repeat itself.
The same pressure weighing down on him, the same tension in his spine- the same clammy feeling on the palms of his hands and the same shallow breathing as he left the safety of the alley with the rest of the group and they split up to move around the building in different directions, to try and cover as much ground as possible.
‘What’s the plan, jefe?’ Lauren asked, her voice a bit crackled through Vitali’s earpiece as a result of the static produced by what he could only assume was attempted enemy netrunner interference.
‘Rogue, V and I- we’re taking the lower floors,’ he answered, staying low to the ground as he moved around some vehicles. ‘Hold out there while everyone else moves up to plant explosives. I can see at least nine, ten- wait, thirteen hostile mercs outside currently. Can you take them down?’
‘I can try. Stay still.’
A cold shiver ran down Vitali’s spine when Lauren took over his vision and he shakily exhaled, clenching his fists in an attempt to calm down. It’s just Lauren, no one else- kept repeating it over and over in his head as he straightened his back and peered over the car he was sat behind again to give her a clear visual on the entrance of the building.
The sudden zoom of his Kiroshis caused his eyes to water and he swallowed heavily, nausea bubbling up in his stomach as a sudden rush of panic washed over him- panic that vanished almost instantly the second he noticed the enemy mercs dropping to the floor one by one, Lauren’s enhanced quickhack rapidly spreading until the entrance was clear and Vitali could finally stop digging his nails in the palms of his hands.
It’s just Lauren, no one else.
‘Sick,’ Vincent said from beside him, very much unaware of the uneasy feeling nested deep within Vitali’s stomach and he glanced at Vitali with a dangerous shimmer in his eyes.
‘Let’s move in.’
The entrance hall was a large, open space, similar to Vitali's own office but significantly less inviting; if anything it reminded him more of the entrance back at Arasaka, front desk blocking most of the path to the back of the building where two wide stairs led up then curved around against the back wall, meeting each other in the middle.
The plain white walls and asymmetric tiles on the floor had a medical feel to them, clearly a remnant of whatever the place used to be before Matvey and his mercenaries had moved in- but with the blood pooling at Vitali's feet and splattered across walls and ceiling and corpses scattered about it felt more like a slaughterhouse than anything else.
His stomach turned as he entered after Rogue and Vincent, several mercs inside instantly directing their attention to them- but they moved quickly, using the front desk as cover as gunfire started and the deafening noise echoed through the building and bounced around between Vitali's ears, the ringing putting a near painful pressure on his eardrums.
He steadied himself on the counter, relaxing his muscles before pulling the trigger and firing a couple of shots in the direction of their attackers. Just gotta keep them busy- everyone else had by then surely already entered through the back entrance or the fire escape and surely they were already nearly done with planting all the explosives they carried with them.
He just wanted to get it over with.
They locked him up.
The thought creeped into his head without warning.
Matvey was still somewhere inside, trapped- and Vitali's aim was starting to get worse with every passing second, his heart nearly beating out of his chest from stress. A shaky exhale left his body and he pulled back, wincing when a bullet bounced off the counter right where he'd just been, and he made direct eye contact with Vincent-
And suddenly they were kissing, Vincent's hands tightly holding his face, teeth clacking together from the force with which he had leaned in and Vitali gasped for air in his mouth, stealing the oxygen from his lungs.
'Stay focused, alright?' Vincent said, his voice only barely audible over the noise surrounding the two of them but Vitali could hear him clear as day, as if they were alone, as if they were completely elsewhere.
'It's almost over.'
And Vincent was gone again, moving around the counter on Vitali's other side to close in on their enemies. Vitali exhaled sharply and moved into the other direction instead- moved around Rogue, gave her a quick nod- trailed along the side of the room, using the large planters and benches as partial cover while taking more shots at the mercenaries.
'Lauren, security details!' he said, reloading his gun; he was on his last twelve bullets, and had forgotten to bring any spare.
'Their runner's been isolated, got them in a corner,' Lauren replied. 'Security protocols shut down- automated turret system entirely offline, seems like they can't get access to the codes.'
'Any automated doors?'
'Oh, yeah, most of 'em.'
'Can you open them for me?'
'Sure thing, jefe.'
One thing less to worry about.
Of course Vitali didn't know if he was even still alive. There was no way for him to find out- had no idea where his father was being held, and wasn't about to abandon Rogue and Vincent when they had more important things to worry about.
But he could not let it go.
And of course his body betrayed him; vision going blurry to the point he had to lower himself to the floor behind a planter and rub his eyes, but that only seemed to make it worse. Could feel himself slipping again, just like back in that Arasaka facility- time and time again, each and every direct reminder of the megacorporation causing his body to lock up and revert back to autopilot, to rely on the carefully programmed killer instinct planted inside his head.
'Please, not now,' he pleaded to no one in particular, voice a little shaky as his eyes tried to find something- anything- to focus on. He could feel his heartbeat in his temples, behind his eyes; could feel himself losing control of the muscles in his arms, in his legs-
'Please, not now.'
Vitali's voice was absent, distant. Even to himself; had not meant it that way, but it had happened almost automatically so, as if he was too tired to make an effort to make himself sound nice.
'I know you're busy,' Vincent quietly replied, shuffling a little closer to the couch. 'I just- I'm worried about you. You've been doin' nothing other than this paperwork for several days now. And it's getting really late.'
He did not even need to glance at the clock to know it was far past midnight.
Vincent sat down next to him and gently brushed a strand of hair out of his face, finally managing to get Vitali to put down his work and slowly take off his reading glasses. He turned to look at his boyfriend; who smiled at him in return and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek, arms sneaking their way around Vitali's waist to pull him a little closer.
Vitali opened his eyes and breathed in, shaking hand finding his left forearm- and without hesitation he pressed down his fingers, hard, a sharp and searing pain rushing through his nerves and he screamed, clarity once more washing over him until he could finally feel his legs again.
Focus, V. Focus.
He reached for his gun again and turned around- fired once, fired twice, three times and he was out- noticed someone running in his direction and hurled the empty gun directly at their head before whipping out a knife and pulling up the sleeve of his right arm.
A split second of hesitation-
Before he deployed his mantis blade, the only one he had left, and he jumped over the planter to close the distance between himself and another mercenary and slit their throat with both the blade as well as his knife at once.
A risky move, but Vitali did not care.
High risk, high reward- the adrenaline surging through his veins was enough to keep him going, the energy enough to keep his head on his shoulders and not lose his cool. Completely in control of each and every of his movements, using his enemies as cover as he rapidly worked his way through them, staining his blades and clothes with blood.
'Most explosives are in place, Vitali,' Lauren said, right when he dragged his mantis blade out of the chest of one of the last mercs in the entrance hall. 'Just the ones you're carrying. Whenever you're ready.'
'Time to move!' he yelled, acknowledging Lauren's comment simply by shifting his focus back to Vincent and Rogue. The latter held up the bag with explosives she had taken inside; and then vanished into a side hallway on the left of the building, and Vincent and Vitali followed suit.
But the second Vitali entered the hallway, he knew something was wrong.
'It's nothing I can't handle, Vik.' Vitali's voice was quiet, a mere mumble, as if he knew it was of no use to argue with the man. 'I've had it for all my life, now.'
'That doesn't mean it can't get worse.' Viktor paused and put some pressure on the side of Vitali's leg, right next to a muscle- and it instantly cramped up, causing a pained involuntary whimper to leave Vitali's lips and he kicked his leg to shake Viktor's hand away.
It was so easy to push himself too far. So tempting even; Vitali knew he could handle it and if he wanted to get results, he sometimes simply needed to make the effort whether he liked it or not.
It's exactly how his leg had gotten worse over the years, just like Viktor had warned him.
And it's exactly how he was starting to lose control again the second they were out of the entrance hall, his brain suddenly catching up with him to the point he could barely walk straight and his head felt like it was going to explode.
'Honey, are you alright?'
Vincent's voice sounded miles away, as if there were at least four thick walls standing between them despite the fact he was right there. Vitali tried looking up at him but his eyes found no one, as if he was suddenly all by himself; but with a blink of his eyes Vincent was right there again, holding his face, hands ever so careful and gentle and Vitali closed his eyes, wishing they could stay like that forever-
'I suppose I'm scared.'
'Scared? You? Please.'
A scoff left Mikhail's lips and he gave Vitali a playful nudge before taking another sip of his beer. Vitali mocked the scoff and snatched the bottle out of his friend's hands, downing the rest of it in a single go.
'You'll be fine, V,' Mikhail simply continued. 'Being away from your parents will do you good, and- I mean, they won't go anywhere. Give it a week or two, then reach out again. And you will always have me as well, you know that.'
'In another district,' Vitali mumbled in response. 'Where I can't reach you.'
'Once I'm settled in I'll give you call. You can come visit. We have plenty of time between classes.'
Vitali opened his eyes, and he was alone.
Again.
A sharp exhale left his chest as he returned to reality, body bouncing back to catch him but he hadn't even been falling in the first place.
Where am I?
He frantically looked around, back finding the wall behind him- it was sticky and a quiet whimper left his lips as he moved away as quick as he had dropped himself against it, jaw clenching tightly upon noticing the large amount of blood splattered onto the faded green and white wallpaper of the storage room he found himself in.
His eyes trailed down the wall to the floor- two corpses, mercs, dressed in heavy armor similar to that of Arasaka guards, and beside them stood the bag they had carried the explosives in, only one of the packages still inside, waiting to be installed.
Vitali blinked, hearing static on the line through his earpiece; though he was unsure if it was merely regular interference or an actual problem he should be worried about. The familiar thrumming in his head was still there, endlessly putting pressure on his skull- as if it could snap at any given moment, as if he could fall back into the darkness of his own mind with a single wrong move.
Not the time to feel sorry for yourself.
Far from it, even.
Vitali bent forward and grabbed the final explosive from the bag, quickly unwrapping the small device from its protective wraps and he placed it on one of the empty shelves of the storage room, turning the centerpiece to click it in place and snap it to the metal.
'Last explosive installed, ready for activation,' he absently said, unsure if anyone could even hear him. Exhaustion was washing over him now; body pushed far over its limits once more and he rubbed his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up again, knowing if he would pass out now it would be over for him.
He turned back around, straightening his back and getting ready to leave-
No.
Not now.
A figure stood in the door opening, wearing a suit; no jacket, sleeves of his shirt rolled up and gun in his hand, and Vitali unwillingly took a small step back when his gaze met that of his father.
Now or never.
Something was different.
Something had been different for a while, now.
And as much as it hurt him he charged forward without hesitation, ramming Matvey against the wall of the hallway and reaching for his gun to try and get a hold of it- but Matvey was fast and smashed the butt of the gun down onto Vitali's elbow, making him cry out in pain and loose his footing.
He was kicked back, the force of it startling him but not enough to knock him off his feet and he regained his balance, balling his fists and readying them in front of his face. Matvey scoffed in return, corner of his mouth slightly pulling up- then dropped his gun and in that same movement threw a punch aimed at Vitali's side, which Vitali blocked with the inside of his forearm and countered with a solid punch straight in Matvey's stomach.
He grabbed the man's shoulder, digging his nails into his shirt and flesh and baring his gritted teeth as he kicked his knee up with all the strength left in him- once, twice, three times as Matvey coughed and his hands clawed at Vitali's clothes to try and get a hold of him.
This is it.
Vitali's heart was racing wildly in his chest and he saw nothing but red- though not from anger, but out of fear, shallow breathing making him light-headed and causing him to lose control of the muscles in his legs. He pushed Matvey back, balled his fist- swung at him and hit his cheek, knuckles colliding with bone and only partially healed scabbed wounds tearing open, leaving his own blood on his father's face.
You can just leave.
He could.
He could just walk away now, no one had to know- no one had to know he couldn't do it, no one had to know he’d even seen Matvey there. It would be so simple; so fucking simple, yet there he was, bending over to grab his father's gun from the floor to then raise it and point it at his head, steadying himself with his other hand.
'Vitali,' Matvey said, slowly raising both his hands in defense as he struggled to catch his breath.
'Shut up,' Vitali sneered back. 'Just- shut up.'
Oh, how his voice betrayed him.
The slight tremble as he spoke, the sob mixed with the words he tried oh so desperately to spit out as violently as he could. No amount of anger, no amount of hatred could mask how scared he was-
And the amount of anger inside him was not even close to being enough to be able to pull the fucking trigger.
A door opened behind Matvey- the stairway, several mercs coming out and Vitali readjusted his aim and fired at them, walking backwards to create more distance between himself and everyone else in the hallway.
But suddenly he was no longer on his feet, tackled into one of the rooms on his side onto the floor by yet another merc, appearing out of nowhere from the side when he had least expected it and the gun was no longer in his hand, skidding over the floor entirely out of reach.
Vitali grunted and swung his arm blindly, hitting the merc's head and effectively pushing them off himself. He grabbed their hair and held them in position as he turned himself around- readying himself and pushing them into the ground to smash their head repeatedly against the floor until their cries of pain faltered and their attempts to escape from his grip stopped.
He jumped back on his feet, well aware of the danger closing in; turned, and froze, the merc in the doorway aiming their gun at him-
But before they could shoot, Matvey grabbed their arm and pulled it down, shoving them into the side of the doorway as he pushed himself a way inside and smashed their head against the frame before letting them drop to the floor.
Two more mercenaries entered and Vitali charged forward, using himself as a battering ram to separate the two to get one cornered in the room and push the other toward Matvey. He deployed his mantis blade and slashed the merc across the chest, once, twice-
And then heard a struggle behind him, jaw clenching tightly as he quickly turned around to assess the situation, breath caught in his throat as he feared for the worst-
Matvey was fine. Snapped the merc’s neck like it was nothing, and the fight was over.
But Vitali hadn't-
BANG!
He swiftly turned back around, mantis blade moving up- slashing the merc’s throat as quick as he could, and he retracted the blade in the same movement, sharp and short exhale leaving his body together with the sudden adrenaline that had arisen the second he had realized what he had done.
But something felt wrong.
Very, very wrong.
And Vitali fell to the ground.
He was light-headed again; and confused, too, shaking hand reaching for his side as a tingling sensation rapidly spread through his body. Cold fingertips found his shirt- it was soaked, like on his first day at Counterintelligence when one of his colleagues ran into him and accidentally spilled their poor excuse of a coffee all over his suit.
He had never been able to wash the stain out.
Which is why Vitali had mostly worn black button-ups under his suit jacket ever since, with the exception here and there- which is why at first glance it looked like someone had simply just spilled their drink on him again and he wasn’t bleeding heavily from a deep gunshot wound a little bit below his ribcage.
The red liquid on his hand would taste nothing like a lukewarm latte macchiato.
The thought caused Vitali’s lips to curl up in a smile as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the cold wall behind him. The initial confusion had washed away and pain had taken its place, burning and eating its way through his body and locking up his muscles, rendering him unable to get up.
Fuck, I’m tired.
‘You’re bleeding, мое солнышко. What happened?’
Vitali’s eyes fluttered open and he saw his father, standing in the doorway- on the other end of the dark hallway, slowly walking closer, reaching out to pluck a cigarette end out of Vitali’s hair- gun once more in his hand, eyes fixed solidly on the dark, wet stain in Vitali’s shirt right below his armor.
‘Stupid fucking shit kids,’ Vitali simply mumbled in return.
Though he was not sure if his father had even said anything to begin with.
‘Explosives locked and loaded. Ten minutes until detonation- everyone get the fuck out of here while you still can.’
A soft sigh left Vitali’s lips, Rogue’s voice barely audible to him through his earpiece though he did not need to hear her to know what she was talking about. They succeeded; the explosives would rid the place of all resources and would leave the mercs defenseless and they’d have nothing left to continue their onslaught with.
Though with Vitali bleeding out on the cold, laminated floor right in the lion’s den- exactly what they had wanted from the beginning- he was starting to wonder if everything could have been prevented had someone just fatally shot him a little earlier.
He grunted and pushed himself up on his elbows a little more, using what little strength he had left in his legs to shove himself further up against the wall. He opened his mouth to speak- had no idea what even to say, but felt like he had to say something- perhaps to get someone to look for him, even though that was the last thing he wanted.
Enough people had died and gotten injured because of him.
And as much as he tried, not a single sound left his lips, words caught in his throat and only blood dripping down his lips. He closed his eyes again and dropped his head back against the wall, exhaustion washing over him; and it felt like a relief, for some reason, feeling himself slowly drift off into that dark void that had become all too familiar to him in the past year.
Sudden pressure on his wound caused Vitali to cry out- mostly in surprise, less so in pain- and his eyes shot open again, back lifting slightly from the wall as he reached for the hands that attempted to stop the bleeding-
‘Don’t struggle. Save your energy.’
What?
One chance to set things right.
A little late, in the bigger picture of things; Matvey knew he’d had plenty of opportunities to give up, to just walk away for good. He was no longer sure why he hadn’t- did not know what he’d been trying to achieve, what he’d been trying to prove, but it was far too late for that now.
‘What are you doing?’ Vitali quietly asked, his voice barely audible above the alarm that had started blasting through the building only a minute ago. His bloodied hands tried to get a grip on Matvey’s wrists, but he kept slipping, and a choked sob left his throat when Matvey lifted one hand to take Vitali’s earpiece out and put it in his own ear instead.
‘Does anyone have eyes on Vitali?’
‘Vito, respond-! T-minus eight minutes until detonation, I can’t control them from here!’
‘Vitali, are you still inside?’
Matvey slowly lowered his hand, time seemingly slowing down around him as his eyes found Vitali’s- one of them a little bloodshot, both a little hazy from tears and pain, each and every blink lasting longer than the one before.
‘Second floor,’ he finally spoke, reaching up to gently cup his son’s cheek with his hand and leaning forward to kiss his forehead before moving his hand back to the wound.
‘Third door from the stairs. He’s bleeding out. Hurry.’
Why?
Vitali could not force the question out of his mouth, tears rolling down his cheeks as his gaze wandered off to the window next to him. He could see the sky from where he sat, the ink black void above Night City, turned all hues of blue from advertisement projections and the city lights down below. Could barely hear the alarm blasting through the building anymore, a comfortable ringing filling the space between his ears, low humming wrapping itself around him like a protective blanket as he felt himself slipping away.
‘You got what you wanted, no?’ he softly said, turning his head back to look at his father, using the last bit of strength in his body to lift his head from the wall.
‘I was wrong,’ Matvey simply answered, unable to look his son in the eyes as he glanced at the closed door of the room, some gunfire nearby causing the hairs on Vitali’s arms to stand up straight.
‘Wrong.’
Mockery dripped from Vitali’s voice and he scoffed- and coughed, blood spraying out of his mouth as he struggled to find a moment to breathe, spots dancing in front of his eyes.
It all felt so stupid now. The grand finale, everything had led up to this- but his father had been wrong, and none of it had mattered one single fucking bit and now Vitali was bleeding out and dying in a building set to explode in less than seven- six- minutes.
‘Wrong about what?’ he spat, letting his head collide with the wall with a bit more force than he had meant for.
And Matvey hesitated, visibly thinking as his gaze finally met Vitali’s again; cold, gray eyes staring right back at him, almost as if he was looking in a mirror, and Vitali finally realized- and Matvey could not help but notice- just how much he had started to look like his father over the years.
‘All of it.’
In a way, Vitali understood.
From the moment it had first been brought up, Vitali had known he would not be able to kill his father if it had to come down to it. A weakness, and he knew that; the one family member who had always complicated everything for him, the only one who had not rejected him in the way the others had- and even with everything else that had happened since, Vitali had not been able to stop seeing Matvey as his father.
Another choked sob left his lips as he tried to move, pain burning through all of his muscles with every single movement and panic was starting to take over, breathing shallow and barely enough to provide him with the oxygen he needed and he knew he was starting to pass out.
‘What changed?’ he blurted out, grabbing Matvey’s wrist again to force him to look back at him- but the move caused him to collapse, body sinking forward until his father caught him and instinctively pulled him closer, one hand still on his wound and the other holding his head which rested steadily on his shoulder.
Oh, how Vitali wanted to push him away- how he wanted to punch him, to scream at him, to tell him how much he hated him for putting him through hell most of his life and for never being there for him and for never standing up for him or picking his side when he needed it, and when everyone knew that Vitali was right and Nadya was wrong.
‘You did,’ Matvey finally answered, his voice barely audible and Vitali pushed his face into his father’s shirt in return, staining it with blood and sweat and tears- balled his shaky hand into a fist and dropped his knuckles against his father’s shoulder, wondering how it would feel to knock it out of place but knowing it wouldn’t solve anything and wouldn’t even make him feel better.
‘Suppose I did, too.’
Vitali could only see flashes.
A door opening- people charging in, enemies perhaps-? Mikhail appearing in his view, though Vitali could barely recognize his face as if he was looking at his friend years after they had last seen each other- six, if I remember correctly- forced apart by unforeseen and unfortunate circumstances that could probably have been prevented but it was too late to change any of it now.
The pressure on his wound vanished and he opened his mouth to scream, sudden sharp pain immobilizing his entire body and causing his vision to go dark. He felt a hand in his neck- someone plugging into the port below his ear, checking his vitals- and another on his chest, moments before plunging a Bounce Back directly between the two halves of his tattoo, a mere inch above the long faded gunshot wound the bullet of the Arasaka guard had left him with.
It hurt.
All of it hurt, and the brief rush of adrenaline caused by the medication made him nearly bolt up, several sets of hands gently pushing him back against the wall. He saw Mikhail again- and Vincent too now, reloading his gun moments before turning back toward the still open door of the room and firing at something that Vitali couldn’t see.
He was scared.
Reached out for Vincent, but he was too far away; reached out for Mikhail, but he was preoccupied, hands steadily working on something Vitali could no longer feel, wound numbed by-
By pain? Medication? Fear?
Vitali’s hands were gently pulled aside, held tightly by his father who was still there- still right beside him, despite everything, as if all their years apart and everything that had happened since did not matter anymore and in that moment it genuinely did not matter to Vitali, a strange sense of comfort washing over him and slowing the rapid, panicked beating of his heart.
Time to go.
Vitali was lifted on his feet, supported by Matvey and Mikhail- and suddenly they were no longer in the room, the blinding lights of the hallways disorienting and making it even harder for him to see. He no longer heard gunfire, the alarm blaring through the building swallowing each and every other noise whole- though the humming in his head was getting louder and louder, canceling everything else out.
More familiar faces- Cato, Huxley, Eddie- and Viktor, hurrying himself over to them but pausing upon spotting Matvey, cautious look in his eyes before giving him a barely visible nod and taking Mikhail’s place at Vitali’s side.
Two minutes.
They were almost at the exit now. At least, Vitali assumed- although he could not remember going down any stairs, and he could also not remember where the exit was in the first place. His head felt heavy and he could barely keep his eyes open now, exhaustion once more washing over him like waves rolling in on the shore.
‘Just hold on, Vitali. Almost there.’
He couldn’t even tell who was talking to him.
One of his legs gave out and he sank through his knees, held up by the two men by his sides alone, each and every blink becoming more and more difficult to recover from as his eyes wanted nothing more than to stay shut. Another voice urging him to stay awake, and his feet were lifted from the floor, and he could feel a cool breeze on h
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sneez · 2 years
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fairfax in 70s clothes because i think seventeenth-century men would love flares and incredibly loud shirts and questionable woollen tank tops. i don't have a better explanation than that i am afraid
#artwork#fairfax#puritan swag. the parliamentarian drip#i'm still mid-exams (which is why i havent answered my asks yet i am so sorry dear friends) so this has been my stress relief activity#it has been very effective! would highly recommend drawing historical figures in flares :-D#and belted jumpers for some ungodly reason. i looked at many 'top ten worst 70s outfits' articles in the process of drawing these#i must confess though i would wear 100% of these outfits. especially the first two he is making it work so much#to be honest i dont know if fairfax would actually wear any of these in reality but the whole cavalier/roundhead fashion divide is mostly#fake anyway (they pretty much wore the same clothes for the most part) so i like to think he would. he was a swanky guy#ALSO theres that one extant buff coat he owned which i have posted many times before which had pink silk sleeves so i am choosing to#believe that he would wear all of these. thats my opinion as a historian#anyway! i hope you are all doing well my dear friends :-D i miss you all very much#i am so close to being Fwee now..........i only have two more exams and my final one is on the last day of term so i am Almost There#i am absolutely exhausted though. i have five five-hour exams writing three essays for each and they are about as agonising as they sound#but this time next week i will be done!!! and then i will have time to draw more 70s fairfaxes (my purpose in life)#until then though i will continue crawling across the ground making horrible moaning noises until my final two exams are out of the way#eeueuuu. eueuuuuuuhh. eeeeuuuu. like that
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