#anon i took so much time answering i hope you didn't think i was ghosting or anything

[cant-get-no-worse]

'Let's all take a moment to remember the somptuous ref manipulation/acting performance given by Luis Suarez on March 2017. This guy practically gave us the Remontada as much as Neymar 🙏'

Ciene you can't just drop this and not elaborate

Took me about a month but oh but anon, I will. A year ago, I watched a short documentary of a former French ref who analyzed the Remontada (heavily criticized for its refereeing decisions, dubious penalties given or not given, etc) and the external factors that made it happen. Absolutely fascinating stuff. I'll give you a bullet point resume of the doc here, since it's exclusively in French.

So here's why La Remontada isn't only the consequence 22 players' mentality and in-game performances for 90 minutes but rather a product of a boiling setting, wrong UEFA predictions, inexperienced referees, weak communication, experienced players' social manipulation on top of 22 minds in radical different headspaces.

Practical context.

February 14th, 2017. Paris Saint-Germain beats FC Barcelona 4-0 at the Parc des Princes in the first leg of the UCL's round of 16.

March 8th, 2017. FC Barcelona receives Paris Saint-Germain in the second leg of the UCL's round of 16.

2. Emotional context.

After the absolute "desastre" (Mundo Deportivo's front page) that was February, 14th, everyone, save a few Barça players and part of the culés, consider the second leg to be already done and over with. No team has ever broken a four goal difference in a UCL knockout stage and the sheer beating taken by Barça at the Parc stands fresh in everyone's minds as a chapter closed. PSG has secured its ticket into quarter-finals. Barça has fallen deeper and deeper since their 2015 treble.

March 6, 2017. Four PSG players do an at-the-time chill, but after the facts bit of a surreal interview where they talk about the up coming game and their feelings about it. One Marco Verratti notably jokingly asks the three others if, hypothetically speaking, they'd be happy if they lost the game 5 - 1 but still scrapped by to the Quarter Finals. 2 of them say they'd be fine with it. The 2 others, Verratti included, say they'd be disgusted having conceided that many goals; "You let 5 go in, people are gonna laugh at you."

3. UEFA's wrong predicitions and choices of referees.

Refereeing a knockout UCL game is the stuff of what the UEFA calls "elite" referees, the best of the best in Europe.

Following the 4 - 0 of the first leg, the UEFA, deeming like 80% of football world the encounter to be over, decides to appoint a up-and-coming referee in what is talked about as an "easy game" within the Federation. It's still a knockout round game, so there are still the bright stage lights, but the stakes are deemed to be nul because of the 4 - 0: the perfect stage to give a referee a safe space to grow experience and for the UEFA to test him in stress-free conditions.

4. The refereeing squad of March 8th, 2017.

Deniz Aytekin is the main referee of the game. He's got a solid reputation as the 2nd best German referee at the time and destined to replace the old first one.

This is his first ever UCL knockout round to referee.

The whole refereeing team consists of 5 guys. Four of them are FIFA referees, meaning they've already referee international games. One of them, which we'll call Double B., is however only a Bundesliga referee. He's never refereed a European game in his life, never been under such bright spotlights. He's there as an Additional assistant referee (AAR), meaning he's behind the goal line to observe if any incident occurs near the penalty area.

He's the weak link of this whole refereeing team.

5. A boiling setting.

Despite the heavy 4 - 0 slapping received by the home side in the first leg, the attendance on March 8th is 96,290. The stands are jam-packed, heated by Luis Enrique's words of the previous night in press conference:

But the audience must be a cauldron, before and during. There will be no need for a break. I don't ask them anything. But we will need a Camp Nou like a volcano.

The setting in which everything happens plays a key part in how the night's going to go. The chants, jeers, shouts, whistles and protests of almost a hundred thousand people are directed at the opposite players, but also and more importantly at this team of referees thrown onto the pitch. One of which has never refereed a European game, and another one who's experimenting his first UCL's knockout round.

This isn't me waxing some poetics by the way, but a factor to take into account when analyzing this match. New Zealand's famous haka, the ceremonial dance executed by the All Blacks at the beginning of each of their rugby match, has been critized for being a tool for the team to take psychological ascend over their opponents. This debate has taken place around a one minute ceremonial dance performed by fifteen players. Now picture ninety minutes of ceaseless jeering produced by a hundred thousand people all around you, constantly, added to the twenty-two players, their coaches, their staffs and substitutes on the pitch pressing you at every decision.

That's why UCL games require "elite referees", and that's why it was the mistake of UEFA to call up inadequately prepared referees to this game that changed everything.

6. First shake (3')

Luis Suarez (Barça, n°9) scores with his head. The 4 -0 is reduced to 3 - 0 (aggreg.) not even three minutes into the match. In the referee's head this match, which should've gone rather peacefully and without surprises, is already shaping up to be something else than a mere testing game.

More importantly, as players celebrate wildly, you can see Double B., the referee in charge of checking the ball has crossed the line and can indeed count as a goal, looking at an assistant referee rather than taking the decision himself. First tip of something wrong: you got a referee who's not assured enough in his own judgment to make a call.

At such a stage, a weakness in decision-making is unforgivable. It will prove true later.

7. Key fault (23')

That's Edinson Cavani (PSG, n°9) in white. That's Gerard Piqué, local angry catalan man (Barça, n°3) in blue.

Piqué just made an uncontrolled tackle from behind. Piqué, known for protesting at every corner, walks away without saying anything when Aytekin pulls a yellow card.

That's because he knows in any other circomstance and game, this action should've been a straight red.

This will prove key in the game's unfolding, acting as a pressure point on the referee's future decisions and players' behaviour.

8. Tense situations. Luis Suarez, local Karen. (23' - 45')

The next twenty minutes are a swarm of potential-penalties situations and complaints. Neymar falls in the penalty box but isn't given a penalty. Around the 30', Cavani takes a yellow for referee contesting: knowing Piqué's first tackle deserved a red, Cavani is outraged at the lack of yellow showed by Aytekin the second time Piqué fouls him, and reclaims one is showed. He's the one that takes the card instead, sending him furious.

Most notably, at around 35', Suarez almost goes to head-to-head challenge with Meunier over some action at a corner. He then proceeds to get up Aytekin's face, protesting over what seemingly is nothing.

It is nothing, but what Suarez is doing isn't innocent. Protesting and contesting every call the ref does is a behaviour he's known for, has got the referees wary of players like him, and not only because it's annoying: because over the length of 90 minutes and within such setting, a player constantly contesting and protesting calls can get in the head of lesser-accustomed referees.

The devil works hard, but Luis Suarez, appointed contester in chief, works harder. That too will prove true later, at the tipping point of the match.

9. Half time (45')

At half-time, the socre is 2 - 0, five yellow cards and four potential-penalty situations the ref has had to deal with. Players and referee squad go back to their locker rooms to a feverish stadium. At that point, a referee is redoing the first half of the game in his head: what Aytekin, and the players & staff, are seeing, are all the accumulation of non-given cards, given cards, tense non-penalty calls and contests. This piles up in everyone's mindset and creates a serie of pressure points in the unconscious - or conscious, in case of players like Luis Suarez, used to play on such chord - of everyone on that pitch.

This is very much not what the UEFA had planned for this team of referees.

9. Turning point. (50')

At the 50', Neymar (Barça, n°11) in blue is tripped by Meunier (PSG, n°12) in white inside the penalty area.

Aytekin doesn't give the penalty. Players protest. Aytekin consults the sidelines referee. A few seconds later, he gives the penalty for Barcelona.

This precise moment is where Aytekin loses the match and what explain the Remontada.

See, when this action happens, Aytekin is there (bottom, in yellow glow):

About 14m from the action: the most well-placed to judge what happened and make a call.

Up there (top of the screen, circled in red), you got Double B., the Bundesliga ref, who's the furthest from the action, the less experimented of the referee squad, who shouldn't referee at this level. As Aytekin says nothing, players start protesting, and start swarming up Double B. :

That's Luis Suarez at the left, by the way. I know, color me surprised. Local referee's-face-lurking man, just short of hand-written protest signs but not of hand movements to express his sheer outrage at the call, how could you not call this, there is foul, see, see, there's penalty, call it, how can you not see this.

So Suarez is once again complaining - with Rafinha (Barça, n°12) - but this time not to Aytekin: he's complaining to the very much non experienced Double B. And as Aytekin hasn't announced a penalty, what's Suarez doing? What he always does, what he's been doing since minute 0, probably been contesting nurses' opinion since he was out of his mother's womb. Provokes, simulates, criticizes, contests. There, he's pointing at the penalty area. Now what's Double B. doing? Not staying in his place, that's for sure: he walks on the pitch and towards Aytekin, forcing the latter to acknowledge the opinion of his AAR by going to him. Thing is, it's not like Double B.'s opinion was 100% his: he's inexperienced, far from the action, litteraly swarmed by Barça players telling him there's foul and penalty, and under the pressure of 90 thousand people currently yelling him the same thing.

So, instead of acting like as a proper AAR - an assistant referee - and letting the main ref make the right call from where Aytekin was the most well-placed to, or staying where he was and letting Ayteking know his opinion in the privacy of their headset, Double B. publicly backs Aytekin to a wall.

Seconds later, Aytekin points to the penalty spot and, amending his previous decision, gives the penalty. Messi (Barça, n°10) transforms it.

3 - 0.

Aytekin's just lost control of his referee team, and he's just lost control of the game.

10. Getting control back. (50' - 67')

So at that point, you have on your hands a match that has completely changed, a boiling situation escalated into prime Balkans 1912, a stadium on fire, players thinking they can do about anything, and a referee squad who starts taking decisions in your place.

Aytekin isn't an idiot. He's a ref with experience, no matter how little in the UCL. He knows he has to take back the upper hand in this game, or it's going to be hell. When a ref has to tell others something, he does this through his headset: this is what Aytekin must have done after the 50' minute, following the previous incindent. He most certainly has send a message to his assistant refs and linesmen, reminding them of how it worked: they have authority in the designed zones they're astrained to, but he remains the main ref and the one to make a call elsewhere.

This reminder of hierarchy is not without incidence on the follow up.

In the following minutes, Aytekin refuses to give penalty to Neymar when he falls in the box.

At 62', Cavani scores, bringing hope to everyone on PSG's side, but also allowing the referees to breathe: this game might finally fall back on its feet. At 67', Aytekin immediately calls Suarez's bluff when he dives into the penalty box and gives him a yellow. You can visibly see Aytekin regaining confidence in his own judgments and taking back the prevalence in calls. Everything is finally resolving itself.

Is it, though?

Two issues.

we're at the 67' minute. This is the eight yellow card showed by Aytekin. Amongst referee, there's a sort of implicit accord that beyond five yellow cards, you should start putting reds, to take back control of the game. A red makes all your over-excited players stand still.

minutes pass, and soon enough we're entering the 80th. This match is a high-intensity one, both mentality as we've detailed extensively, but also physically. It's back and forth all the time for Aytekin, who's the only referee constantly running all around the pitch with the players.

Eventually, Aytekin pays this physical intensity, and this reestablishment of hierarchy within the referee squad.

11. Fucking up. (85')

Di Maria (PSG, n°11) goes back for a speedy counter-attack towards Barcelona's goals; he's fouled inside the penalty area by Mascherano (Barça, n°14).

Highlighted in yellow, the other assistant referee.

Highlighted absolutely nowhere to be seen, Aytekin.

Aytekin is too far away, he's been running around for almost ninety minutes, he's worn out. So for once, the most well-placed referee to make the call for this action is the Assistant Referee.

Slight issue there: this assistant referee is part of the squad that's been put back into place some twenty minutes ago by Aytekin over an almost point-by-point similar situation happening on the other side of the pitch. He's heard his colleagues and himself get told that in such cases, it's Aytekin who gets the final call. Problem is, it should indeed be Aytekin to make the final call, but only if Aytekin is in a position to call anything: this isn't the case here. The Assistant is utterly alone and the closest to the action. He's the one who has now a legitimate say to whether or not what he saw counts as a penalty.

He doesn't say anything. Aytekin doesn't call the action. No penalty given to PSG. This could've been the goal that would have turned the history of the match.

It doesn't. The score remains 3 - 1 on the pitch, 5 - 3 on aggreg.

12. Luis Suarez. Yes. (91')

After Neymar reduces the 5 - 3 to 5 - 4 at the 88' in a free kick that's enough to make a grown man tear up each time he recalls it, there comes this.

These images make me howl with laughter. I genuinely cannot help but laugh out loud each time I see the face of this man, giving Camp Nou an acting lesson worthy of being hidden behind a MasterClass paywall. Because spoiler alert: this bitch has not been tripped by Marquinhos (PSG, n°5).

There is a contact, but this isn't a penalty contact. There's an amplification on Suarez's behalf - no one who's been tripped falls with their hands in the hair, your first instinct dictates you to put them in front of you to soften the fall - and borderlining on simulation.

Aytekin gives a penalty and a yellow card to Marquinhos. At shis tage of the match, with these stakes, at the point where the action happened, if you're gonna call penalty and thus validate the fact that you think Marquinhos willingly fouled Suarez as he was going to the goal, this shouldn't have been yellow. This should've been straight red.

Giving a yellow highlight Aytekin's incoherence in his decision making. Confusion furthermore highlighted by what happens next.

Do you know what's the rule for penalty taking? As soon as 2 players, one of each team, have intruded the surface as the taker is taking it, the penalty has to be redone.

Do you know how many players are in the penalty area? Seven.

Aytekin doesn't make the call.

Barcelona gets its fifth goal at the 91' minute. 5 - 5 (aggreg.)

13. Match ended. (91' - 95')

Over the course of the next few minutes, Suarez manages to avoid a card once again, having trapped Aytekin in a mental game where Aytekin can't give him a yellow without giving him red, Verratti gets a yellow, the stadium cries at every opportunity. It's the tenth yellow card Aytekin has given in this match.

This is Argentina - Netherlands 2022. At this point, so many yellow cards don't mean a single thing other than the referee has well and truly lost control of the game.

At this point, Aytekin knows he's fucked up, massively so. His only redeeming grace would be for Barcelona not to pass to the Quarters. He'd go under the radar for a bit, until the UEFA use him again for another game, and his career would get out of this mess mostly fine.

Tough luck.

So the Remontada is the result of a crash fall from 4 - 0 heights, a profession of faith by a 25 old, unwavering hope of a thousands, failure of UEFA to consider UCL football as an ever-changing tide where the beaten team isn't condemned to defeat, failure of the winning team to conserve a cool head, inexperience of a referee, lack of proper communication, wrong calls, non calls, too much calls, peer pressure and one very, very decided Urugayan.

In short: I understand where the feeling is coming from (ie: obvious failures of refereeing) but I don't believe the Remontada to be rigged. I believe it is merely a splendid display of the impossible rendered possible by humans being humans, at their strength as in their complete failings, and a serie of unfortunat/fortunate events (depending on which side you're standing on) resulting from each action, decision and mindset of the involved actors. UEFA business men are humans. So are players. So are referees. It was unfair. If I was a PSG supporter, I believe I too would be calling it rigged for lack of better words. I just so happen to have been on the lucky side. It's the referee's fault, it's everyone's fault. It was avoidable. Or perhaps it wasn't. Beautiful football for some, nightmarish evening for other, at the end of the day, it just was, and that's about it.

#anon i took so much time answering i hope you didn't think i was ghosting or anything #just finding the documentary and putting it in resume ergh #doc is “Décrypté: La Remontada” by the way! #also rewatching this game's highlights made me tear up like wtf i still love that 2017 team. i love it so much. i love these people. #remontada #barça

[itsscromp]

Hey, was wondering if you'd be up for writing some Simon Ghost Riley for me. Reader whose going through a lot of rough things and like getting out of bed on time, going to sleep really late. Losing interest in things they really like, generally pretty depressed. Still smiling and laughing but it really isn't how they truly feel, just numb. And Simon can see right through it.

And I think it would be nice if Simon came and swooped to the rescue. Hoped I could be as descriptive as possible 😊

Comfort in need

Awwww this is the cutest idea ever anon, I love this so very much. Before I start, I want to pay my respects to Inquisitor Ghost, RIP my friend, your memories will live on forever. word count:800

You knew that joining the army was going to be the toughest thing you ever had to endure. But the amount of work and responsibility there was, you could never have imagined.

And after each paperwork submitted, each time you came back from a mission, You felt yourself being drained. Physically and mentally, you struggled to fall asleep at night as your mind raced with anxiety. Even when you manage to fall asleep very late, you struggle to get out of bed every time, not wanting to face the same things repeated.

Price was the very first to notice your shift in demeanor.

"You ok kiddo ??" He asked concerned.

"Hmm, oh... I'm fine price" You answered still focused on your paper work.

"Are you sure ??, You know you can talk about it ok ??" He gently squeezed your shoulder.

You looked up at him and softly smiled "I promise I'm fine ok ??" Patting his hand

Behind that smile, you were hurting. you wanted to reach out and shout help me !!!. but you didn't know how too.

Over time you slowly began to lose interest in your favourite things that make you happy, You slowly stopped eating. Even eventually stopped coming out of your room.

Simon grew very worried for you, He could see you slowly deteriorate with each passing day. Until one day he couldn't take it anymore and went to go check on you.

Gently knocking on your door

"Sergeant ??" He spoke calmly and softly.

But to no answer, He knocked again.

"Y/n ??"

He heard nothing but then saw the shadow under the door move and the door slowly open.

"Hey si..."

"What's the matter, mate ??" He asked softly and entered your room, shutting the door behind him.

As he shut the door, that was when you broke down, falling to your knees, shaking and crying.

"I... I can't do it anymore..." You spoke through your sobs.

He gently sat down on the floor and wrapped you in his strong arms, safe and sound. "What can't you do ??"

"Everything !!!, I can't take it anymore. It's all too much" You shouted.

"Shhhhh, deep breaths y/n" He gently rocked you as he then took deep breaths himself, encouraging you to follow along.

You then took slow shaky deep breaths, listening closely to the rumble in his voice and the soft thrum of his heartbeat. Slowly calming down again.

"I got you y/n, I'm not going anywhere. I promise We'll get through this like we always do. Together" He gently rubbed your back holding you close.

Your cry's soften as it slowly turned into soft hiccups, You were emotionally exhausted.

He then gently picked you up and tucked you in under the blankets before climbing in and snuggling up to you, Wrapping his arms around you again, safe and sound.

"I'm right here... I'm not going anywhere ok ??" He gently massaged your scalp

You snuggled impossibly closer and wrapped your arms around him as well, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, gently listening in to his heartbeat.

Slowly you calmed down again and started to fall asleep. Safe and sound in the arms of your best friend.

Later you gently woke up and saw him, still safe and sound in his arms. You gave a wobbly smile and snuggled up to him, Humming he gently woke up as well and saw you.

"How are you feeling ??" He whispered.

"Drained... Exhausted..." Your smile starting to fade.

Simon hummed and gently rubbed your back "I'll talk to price ok ??, See if I can get you the week off to rest, Are you hungry ??"

Before you could even say anything, your stomach growled loudly, even somewhat hurting a bit from the lack of nutrients.

"Stay here ok ??" He then got up and left for a bit before eventually coming back with a fresh hot plate of your favourite meal, You slowly started to eat as he sat back down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

Once the food was slowly gone, you took your water and drank it all, feeling slightly better.

"Thank you, Simon... I'm sorry for not asking for help sooner" You leant your head onto his shoulder.

"Don't be sorry sergeant, We all need a little bit of help sometimes. Even soldiers like me." He smiled softly as he laid you down and wrapped his arms around you again.

You snuggled impossibly closer again as your breathing slowed and fell asleep again, safe and sound.

You knew that Simon would always be here for you from there on out, He would do everything in his power to help pick you up and dust you off. No matter what, No one fights alone.

taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

#platonic #reader insert #simon ghost riley #call of duty #call of duty x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader

[circe69]

I read your rules and I hope this isn’t too dark but can you do a Simon x reader where the reader has an identical twin and they die during the graves betrayal scene and the aftermath is Simon comforting the reader? Like they were already crushing on each other and he’s comforting her.. thank you💚

I Wish For Simon

a/n - anon i am so sorry it took me so long to answer this, i'm terrible w requests! i want to make it perfect before i post, so hopefully this is what you wanted... wc: 1.1k cw: gore, violence, suggestive themes, probably the best thing i've ever written (yeah its a warning cause YOU'LL BE BAWLING)

fav line from the fic - “That voice could seduce anyone, I was sure of it. It was as if God himself had dipped Simon's vocal cords in a pot of warm honey, then lit it on fire.”

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Me and my twin had always been close, we had to be. "Best friends since birth", we'd been deemed from before we could even speak. Alyssa and I were quite the pair and had exceeded our hometown's problematically low expectations of woman in a whole when the both of us had been assigned to serve in the 141 Task Force.

It was a change of pace, but one that I wanted. I had prepared for something like this my whole life, training and worked myself to death just to have a chance to serve. Alyssa, on the other hand, wasn't as keen on the idea. Sometimes I wonder if she just joined because she couldn't bear to be apart from me. I love the sentiment, but we were grown adults, we couldn't afford to make decisions solely due to separation anxiety.

That brings us to today, March 3rd. I hate March 3rd.

My birthday. Well, our birthday.

I hate today because as of now, I have to celebrate it alone. It's been years since Alyssa died, and I still act just as immature and "kid-like" when March 3rd rolls around every year.

Her death had been nothing short of a "hostage dump", my sister had been counted as a waste of time to Graves, someone who wouldn't make a difference to anyone in the force, so why would he keep her?

I can't help but think it was my fault, but I didn't have time to feel sorry for something I might've done. All I felt was anger, hot rage bringing my blood to a boil, all which contributed to what I was about to do. Anger is difficult to overcome, especially when it's brought on by confusion, something happened that you barely knew anything about. I wanted to take it upon myself to strip Graves of all the "information" I felt I was missing, I wanted to skin him alive and make him answer questions as I did it, but as I rose my knife behind Graves’ wall of a body, a hand stopped me.

A silent move, not a scary one. I immediately knew who it was once I saw the fabric.

Ghost.

His hand was heavy around my wrist, his height towering over me, it was all too much for me to focus on, so I did what I'm positive Ghost was trying to make me do, I backed down.

I retreated as quietly as I could, putting my blade back in its embrace of a pocket and followed Ghost out the door, trying to excuse whoever that woman was in there that she hadn't had enough sleep, she was hungry and just wanted to feel something, but Ghost had none of it.

"It's okay, Y/N, to want to avenge someone. It's okay to be bloodthirsty and feel yourself make allowances for it. It's okay."

Ghost was a man of many attributes, but comforting was never one of them. He himself had attended multiple therapy sessions throughout the entirety of our relationship, but they only lasted so long before he strangled the shrink.

I liked Ghost. I admired him, I admired what his life had amounted to. Perhaps worthless to him, a soul placed in the wrong hands, but I thought quite the opposite.

"You're a good man, Simon."

His name slipped out of my mouth.

No.

Oh no.

I had gotten too emotional, I felt myself crawling into a hole of feelings and a strong desire to cry rushed over me. I suddenly imagined all the times I'd watched Simon do simple, mundane things, and stared at him long enough to read his dog tags over and over and over. I'd recited his name in my head, in my dreams, for so long and I still was shocked when I'd heard myself say it.

His eyes locked with mine. Dark, deep, dead, he'd like to contribute, but I chuckle mentally as I think about how the man who views himself as dead was the only one in the world who made me feel as alive as he did.

"What did you say?" That voice could seduce anyone, I was sure of it. It was as if God himself had dipped Simon's vocal cords in a pot of warm honey, then lit it on fire.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I shouldn't have addressed you like that, my apologies." I started to walk away when his body came crashing against mine. My back hit a jagged wall and I groaned in pain, but I quieted down when I realized just how close he was to me. I felt him against me, and I couldn't feel it fast enough. My senses heightened, my pupils dilated, and my face flushed with a dark shade of aflame red. Both of our breathing was shallow and heavy, every breath he emitted made mine deeper, louder.

I could feel the confusion seeping off of him. He didn't want it to feel so good when his name left my mouth. He didn't want to enjoy it, but it was inevitable. A no-good name slipping out of a no-good mouth, it was bound to happen at some point.

I shook off my daydream, finding myself at an empty table in an empty dining hall, the only thing in front of me was a poorly made cupcake, pink frosting, sprinkles, all the works. I stared at a candle, half of it had already melted mind you, and my mind reeled as I stalked my mental drawers for wishes I hadn't made yet,

"I wish for Simon." My voice broke as I said it, and I realized I hadn't spoken all day until now.

I don't truly believe that's why my voice broke, however. I truly did love Simon, I loved him in everything he did and everything he didn't. I loved the fact that he never exhibited any sort of emotion except for denial and force. I loved how scared he was of feeling anything else.

A tear dropped onto the table below me, the chair screeched as I stood, and everything was happening too fast. Before I knew it, tears were pouring out of me at an uncontrollable rate. I turned around and started heading for the door, telling myself that I would leave that stupid wish behind with the melted wax, but I was stopped in my tracks when I saw who was leaning against the doorway with those beautifully built forearms crossing his chest.

He had heard it, was all I could think as I made intense eye contact with him. With everything else.

His mask was discarded. I couldn't stop my jaw from unhinging, I felt it click open slowly and it dropped until it couldn't anymore.

Simon smiled at the action. His white teeth contrasting his pink lips. I looked back at the table for a fraction of a second to see that the flame I had left untouched had been blown out, maybe it was the wind, maybe it was the spirit of my once-lonely-self making an appearance for the last time.

I looked back at Simon like a child on Christmas.

Maybe I'd keep wishing for stupid things if they'd work as well as this one did.

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a/n part two : happy new years everyone! i probably won’t post till monday, but i wish you all the best and love💕

#ghost x reader #ghost x y/n #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley fluff #modern warfare #ghost fluff #ghost imagine #circe69scribbles

[my-writings-and-musings]

could i request headcanons for EarthSpark swindle? Maybe how he'd keep ghost away from his s/o? Or some general fluff ? Love your Earth Spark content!

I was actually just thinking of this bot the other day, so absolutely! Thank you so much anon, there's lots more coming! I wrote a little fluffy piece of this usually smooth mech struggling with all his new FEELINGS, I hope you like it!

You recognized the hum of his engine as soon as it echoed up your long, winding country driveway. Hurrying to the door, you flung it open just in time to see the familiar yellow and purple SUV veering about the last curve, and felt your customary surge of relief upon confirming he was unharmed. Not having any concerns about privacy on your isolated plot of land, Swindle transformed into his bipedal mode, a sizable group of boxes popping from his interior and balancing on his arm. His expression brightened when he saw you hurrying out to meet him.

"There you are! What took so long?" you asked in a rush, having expected his arrival over an hour prior. It took everything in you not to throw your arms about his leg for a hug. You wouldn't deny you'd spent every last minute of the delay worrying about him, and needed to know if he'd had any trouble during the trip. Him being five times your height didn't stop you from feeling protective.

"I thought I had a bot on my tail, so I took the long route." he explained with a shrug, dropping to one knee so he could stack his assortment of boxes on your porch. Smirking with pride at the sizable collection of goods, he puffed his chest out as he watched you check over the package labels, eager as always to provide for you. "That freight yard was well stocked, I was able to grab everything on your list. You're welcome, by the way!"

"Thank you, I really needed these." you said gratefully, now stocked up on food and essentials for at least another month. Even before he'd come into your life, your remote home had necessitated similar supply drops, but thanks to his particular skillset you no longer had to pay for the hassle. You'd have felt bad about the thievery if simply befriending Swindle hadn't forced you into a life of self isolation for your own safety. Having always been a bit of a loner anyway, you didn't mind forgoing contact with all of humanity if it meant you had this mech in your life, and with all he provided you were living quite comfortably regardless. You didn't even have to worry about a power bill after he'd had a chance to do some rewiring at the local substation.

Grabbing the first box of assorted foods to carry it insiy, you paused when a bit of deja vu sparked your memory. This wasn't the first time Swindle had been late due to caution, but it had been happening far more as of late. You felt compelled to ask for details as you began carrying boxes into your entryway for later sorting. "You've been a lot more cautious about these trips lately. Something got you on edge?"

"Me? Nah." he answered quickly, brushing off your concern with a literal handwave. Finding the reply a little too quick to believe, you gave him a look as you hefted another box, encouraging him to keep talking. Easily tempted into doing so, he continued deflecting your concern with a smirk and explained himself further. A careful digit tussled your hair in a gesture you dared to call affectionate. "I just don't want anyone messing with my favorite fleshy, alright? If some nasty Autobot follows me here, they'll try and smush you for sure."

"Oh really?" you asked, playing ignorant even though you knew all too well what he was saying had a lot of truth. GHOST had no interest in letting Cons live freely, and the Autobots were readily following their orders, meaning you'd be caught in quite the crossfire if they ever came for Swindle. That scared you far less than the idea of losing the mech you'd come to know and love. A rush of soft affection warmed your heart when you realized his behavior meant he had to feel the same way. For all of his bluster and carefree attitude, this bot was desperate enough to keep you safe that he went hours out of his way just to be sure he wasn't bringing the enemy home. Stepping past the boxes he'd brought, you surprised him with a hand on his cheek, looking up into his intense purple optics as they widened in surprise.

"Well, good thing I've got a big strong mech keeping me safe." you said softly, the gratitude in your voice making it impossible to pretend you were merely playing. Swindle was quiet, as he often was in reaction to these little tender moments that always seemed to overwhelm him.

Clearing his vents, he winked in a bid to return the mood to something more lighthearted, though he couldn't hide the softness in his voice as he laid a digit on your hand in recognition. From his tone alone, you knew he would never leave your side.

"You know it, gorgeous..."

#transformers #maccadam #transformers: earthspark #transformers earthspark #tf earthspark #earthspark #earthspark spoilers #swindle #earthspark swindle #human reader #self insert #swindle x reader #tf imagines #tfe #tf earthspark spoilers

[whateven333]

How would you have made bonkai canon?

Sorry it took me a while to see this, (even though I was super excited when I saw this -first ask I've gotten 💖 !!!) I was just super busy with Uni stuff, -then when I did see it, I ended up procrastinating for a good few days thinking about how to answer lmaooo, because I've seen how other people have come up with great ideas for this question already and then I felt too much pressure 😭.

Erm, but here I go anyway...🤸🏾‍♀️🥴😺😶‍🌫️

So, I would have them fuck in the prison world.

I know what you might be thinking -I took this long to come up with THIS.

And yes. Yes I did.

...

Okay but maybe also,

I would have definitely loved to see them spend longer in the prison world together.

Kai was shown to be a smart character...MOST of the time, and I think this may have just been another example of inconsistent/ sloppy writing on the show, -but, it never made sense to me how he gave up the ghost so quickly in terms of how he didn't seem to put much effort into stopping Damon and Bonnie from finding out about his sibling murdering stuff. Like, I would have thought, since he had been watching Bonnie and Damon, he had an understanding of how they might react if/ when they found out that information, so you would think maybe he'd try to put off them finding out for as long as possible ? I mean, how hard is it to trash a few newspapers ? But idk, maybe he was thinking -"why put off the inevitable" ??

BUT, had he managed to do so. It would have been an interesting way to make Bonnie less hostile to his advances, I think she definitely would have still been deeply mistrustful of him, considering he would still be..-well, the way he is, (he has that sly, mischievous, aura) and cocky attitude, -and we know Bonnie does not typically fall for that sort of schtick.

However, not knowing he murdered a handful of his siblings probably would have left her way more open to getting to know him- even if it was just out of curiosity, and if they had taken maybe a bit longer to find out how to get out of the prison world/ or maybe Bonnie’s powers hadn’t come back fully and she needed some more time to get back to full strength in order to be able to do the spell to get them out, then Bonnie would maybe have had more moments of prison world boredom (and probably enough irritating digs from Damon) to drive her to interact with Kai more. This could have been a gateway to get them to bond a little, show more moments of tension between the two of them, he would maybe insert himself in her sessions of trying to train her magic back to full strength under the guise of wanting to be helpful but just really in order to facilitate more possible touchy moments like the chest thing lmao, he could’ve shared some gemini spells with her, etc.

And so all of this could have led to what I jokingly (fine, half), said at the start -we could have all this lead up to a super charged moment that leads to them having sex in the prison world. Maybe Bonnie won’t find out about Kai’s past until they all make it back out to the real world, which would lead to a lot of inner turmoil for her (she was the only one of her friends who could say they hadn’t fallen into bed with a mass murderer, but not anymore). When Kai merges with Luke, due to him having had more time to bond with Bonnie, I’d imagine that his hyper-fixation and guilt about Bonnie would be way more intense.

And then…there should be more to this explanation, there’s probably weird gaps in here and maybe not all of what I’ve said even makes sense because I have to admit I’m writing this whilst super tired and it’s 2am and my brain is like starting to buffer and I think this is all I have for now.

But, I really hope this answer wasn’t complete trash anon 😭, (I have no experience with writing any fics of my own, though I am interested and have started dabbling, let's just say its been a little rough lmao -though I am having fun and will keep trying at it, so we'll see what happens, I guess.😭)

Thanks so much for the ask though 💖💖

#bonkai #bonnie bennett #kai parker #ask

[trashiewrites]

yo, just got some potentially bad news concerning my health... ghost rlly is my comfort character at the moment. do you think you could write something where hes super sweet and comforts reader. or just something rlly sweet and loving. it would really really help. thanks ♡

I was really touched that you reached out, anon, so I made this fic my first priority! I really hope everything turned out okay for you and I wish I could of tailored this more to you but I hope this will do! I really wanted to put all the aspects and it ended up being really long! enjoy!

It's Going To Be Alright

(Ghost X F! Reader)

Words: 2811 (Legit the longest thing I've written I think)

It's funny just how the world works sometimes. You left your house that day to go out for a night in the town with some buddies. The day itself started normally. You woke up wrapped in the warm embrace of your boyfriend's arms, you couldn't help but cuddle in closer especially with how cool it's been getting as of late.

You both get out of bed and make breakfast together. Cold days like these call for delicious pancakes with your favorite toppings, sided with some eggs and other sides you love. Taking that first bite, melted you to your core—nothing like the first bite, especially of something warm.

"Do you have any plans today?" Simon questioned you. Munching quickly so you could answer him back, "don't rush, you'll-" too late, you already were having a coughing fit of something going down the wrong pipe. Simon stood, "Are you okay!"

You nodded as the coughing calmed down, gulping water. "Yeah, yep I'm fine!" Exhaling in relief, you looked back at Simon with a smile, "Anyways, remember I'm heading out with some friends tonight?"

"Ahh right, I remember." He nodded, "By the way, eat slower before you answer! What if you choked?"

"I'd have you to save me?"

"And if I wasn't?" he crossed his arms, assuming victory over this conversation.

"Why would I be talking to myself?" You took another small bite, "plus even if you aren't there, there ought to be someone else to whom I am chatting to." Simon groaned as he placed his hand on his face. "Got you there, didn't I?"

"Yeah, yeah; whatever you say (y/n)." You chuckled at his denial. "Anything else you going to do before your party?" You hummed as you thought for a moment.

"Groceries, get some other necessities, and gas my car probably. Gotta prep for next week." You spoke in between bites, "besides that, just the party in the evening."

"First of all, eat first for Christ's sake." You almost spat your drink at his remark, "Secondly, can I come with?" He spoke a wee bit quieter in the second part, it amazed you that after all your years of dating him he is still so shy about some things.

"Of course, you can come!" You stood up took your empty plate and stood beside him, "how could I not take advantage of spending time with my favorite man in the entire world" you leaned down, giving his forehead a big ol' smooch. Then heading to the sink, you began to wash your dishes. "Simon, you are done with your food?"

"Huh what? My plates, right... yeah, I'm done" he hands them to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. Resting his chin upon the top of your head. You wiggle in his grasp slightly, "are you Uncomfortable? I can stop..." You shook your head.

"No, I'm fine, I'm all good. Continue sir." You lied; your face said it all but he was behind you. Which you were glad about. For about a week now it's been on and off headaches. Yet you didn't want it to stop you or to worry Simon. He already has so much on his plate. After the dishes, you went to your shared room to get ready. Taking a dose of painkillers to help the headache, making sure Simon wasn't around; Then you took a shower.

Shopping went off without a hitch, to the usual stores with your masked lover was interesting though. Having to explain how he's not planning to steal stuff from one lady was fun. You rubbed his hand knowing he felt awkward about it. Having someone else do the picking up of everything was so nice! Lifting heavy cases of water with ease, man you should do this more often. You grab more of the stuff you know Simon likes cause he's going to be home for a while. Once in a while, he will come up to you with something. He doesn't say anything but you assume he wants it. He doesn't put it in till he gets approval from you, which you always say yes to.  Simon was staring at a package of avocados, intently... You pulled up with the cart and stared at the avocados with him. "Do you want avocados, Simon?" He looks at you, you look at him. He looked back at the avocados, went through them, and felt them out. He decides on one package and gently hands it over. "Avocados it is then." Heading home you couldn't help but feel Simon was in a very pleasant mood, which made you smile. Honestly, in moments like this, you remember why exactly you fell for this man.

You stood in the mirror, towel around your body as you did your make-up. It's been a long time since you've been to a party. You were a bit nervous, especially with the recurring headaches. You analyze your face, maybe you overdid it a bit but you looked amazing. "Can't wait till Simon sees this."

"I'm already seeing it~" You yelped as you turned to see him at the door.

"Simon! Don't fucking do that asshole!" You clenched your towel, making sure it didn't fall.

"Why? Was this supposed to be a surprise?" He chuckled, "Also no need to hold the towel that tight love. It's not like I haven't seen what's under it before." You stood there; heat rushed to your cheeks.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!"

You sighed as you put on your dress. Giving yourself one last look, you feel rather proud. It's been a while since you gussied up on anything; it was nice to know you still had some skills. You walked out of the bathroom to see Simon sitting on the bed. You wondered if he was waiting for you. "So, how do I look?" You smiled as Simon's head turned up. His eyes went wide seeing you, underneath his mask his mouth was agape. "Speechless?" You did a little twirl; Simon stood up and removed his mask. He walked to her, taking her hand, still not a single word from his lips. "Simon?" You stared into his eyes, pools of brown that had mesmerized you with how complex they are. Yet today, you felt only one thing from his gaze; adoration.

"You look... stunning." He pulled you into an embrace, "I'm quite jealous... Can't keep you all to myself. especially looking like this." his breath lingered on your neck, and his hands roamed your back and side. His fingers fiddled with the rim of your dress, which you quickly grasp and place away. You hummed with playful disapproval, "oh come on," he pouted.

"My rides going to be here any minute, I can't have you ruin my hard work." You pecked his nose then his lips. From your bag, the phone began to ring. "Speak of the devil!" You rushed over, picked up your phone, and took the purse in hand. "Hey, Kayla! You guys outside? Ahuh Okay, See you guys in a minute!" You rushed to slip your shoes on, and a shot of pain rushed to your head. You didn't make a noise but you placed your hand on your head.

"You okay?" You blinked a bit before looking back to Simon.

You laughed nervously, "Yeah, just a little headache!" You smiled, walking to Simon; you grasped his hands. "No need to worry, okay?"

He took a deep breath and placed his lips upon your knuckles. "Just, be careful love. If you need anything don't hesitate to call. I'll be wherever you are in 10 minutes tops." You couldn't help but laugh at the idea of him expertly speeding through the streets.

"Bless your heart Simon," you rested your forehead upon his and softly caressed his cheek. Next thing you hear a car horn outside your house, "must be them..." you whispered.

"Allow me to escort you out?" His tough raspy voice seemed so tender; His eyes never left yours.

"I'd be honored," Simon put on his mask before taking your hand in his large ones. Leading you down the way to the front door. You watched as he began to unlock the door, and couldn't help too long to stay home with him. Plus, probably would be better for those headaches; but canceling now while they wait outside, you'd feel incredibly guilty. You wrapped his waist in an embrace.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

You nodded and spoke just barely enough for him to hear, "Yeah..." he felt so warm in your arms, it was practically the only thing on your mind.

"Doors unlocked," he tapped your hands, "don't want to keep 'em waiting."

"A minute or two never hurt anyone," you released your grasp and walked in front; opening the door. "Don't miss me too much~"   You grasped his hand while heading out the door.

"Don't worry about me, love" both your arms fully extended, fingers begin to slip, " Just have your fun, don't go too crazy." Your hand fell to your side, turning around to see your friends making disgusted faces.

"Cut it with the mushy stuff and hurry (y/n)! The night isn't going to last forever!" Kayla yelled from the window; the other girls cheered.

"Alright, alright!!" You waved back once more, before hopping in.

"(Y/n) is that your boyfriend? He's such a hunk!" One stated, peeking over the seat in front trying to see him.

"Yep, he's mine~"

"Ahh you lucky S.O.B" Another one mentioned, "What does he do? To be that built and have a place like that!"

"Military~" a collective 'oooohhhh' went from throughout the car.

"I mean you struck gold girl! But what's with the mask? Kinda creepy if you ask me." Kayla asked, looking back at her rearview mirror curiously.

"I can't say..." you shrugged.

"Is that an 'I don't know' can't say, or 'that's private information' can't say?" You only shrug back. Throughout the car ride, it was a mix of karaoke and gossip. Also, they compare each other's boyfriends which you pridefully showed off your Simon.

Reaching the party, you felt extremely tired. Your head bursts with pain. As the girls rushed in you stood behind, leaning on the car and holding your head.  You looked back up as a hand took your shoulder, "Hey, you okay? You look like that hurt like a bitch..."

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm good, just a small headache." You faked a smile, yet she didn't look convinced.

"Take it easy, okay? If you need to go home just let me know, okay?" You nodded as you both walked on ahead. Ignoring the pain that rocked your head, trying to make the most of the night. You were cautious but more tired and tired as time went by. You motioned to your group you were going to sit down for a bit; Taking a seat at a table nearby.  Your eyes felt heavy, you didn't think much besides the fact you were tired. The idea of being snuggled up next to your beloved ghost, you longing for warmth. A wave of coldness came over your body and your vision went blank.

The next moment you opened your eyes, you were blinded by bright light. Ears overwhelmed by all sorts of sorts, people talking and beeping. Your heart raced in panic, and your eyes scattered scanning the room; A hospital? What happened and how did you get here? You felt something by your legs, "S-Simon" His head lifted slowly, turning to face you. 

"(y/n)! You're awake!" He jumped to his feet, rushing forward to rest his hand upon your cheeks. "Thank the lord you're awake! Gave me a good scare love..." He pulled you close, your chin rested upon his shoulder. Your mind is fuzzy, trying to figure out what happened before. 

"Simon, what happened?" 

"I wish I knew; I got a call from your phone." He stood back, taking a seat on the edge of your bed, "The damn girl was screaming but I heard hospital and unconscious. Then the paramedic took the phone and explained you were found unconscious." Simon grabbed your hand, "I told you to stay home..." 

"I-I know... I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you so worried. I just didn't think it was that bad..." silence lingered in the room for a moment, "How long was I out?" 

"Almost 15 hours..." With that, a knock sounded on the door, and a woman in scrubs stood there with a smile. 

"Sorry, I'm not interrupting, am I?" you shook your head, "miss (L/n) I know this is sudden but I'd like to ask you about the situation. Do you remember much of last night?" you again shook your head, her look seemed disappointed. "Were you having any prior pain or anything notable before this?"

"Not-"

"(y/n)." Simon glared sternly at you, "Tell her, or I will." you sighed, looking away from the two. 

"I've had headaches but I wouldn't call it notable..." 

"Not notable? You flinched from the pain." He crossed his arms. The nurse raised her hand, stopping Simon in his words. 

"I get your frustration Mr. Riley but no need." She looked back at you, "How long were these headaches going?" You shuffled uncomfortably; didn't help you are a horrible liar. 

"A short while..." 

"How long (Y/n)?" Simon restated. You sighed knowing your hiding was up, If the nurse didn't see through the lie; Simon would, he always could see through you. 

"A-A week... On and off Ya know." You looked at the two, Simon's brows were raised and his eyes wide. The nurse was also shocked too, but not as apparent. 

"And you didn't think of going to see a doctor?" You shook your head, not sure how to justify your decision. 

"I didn't want to worry anyone, plus... I needed a night out." you scrunched your shoulder, "I just didn't see it as that big of a deal." 

"A week and not a big deal!" Simon raised his voice. 

"Mr. Riley!" The nurse looked back. Simon left the room; you can't imagine how he feels right now. Tears began to well in your eyes, if only you handled all this differently. If you had just told him, none of this would have happened. "Oh sweetheart, he's not mad at you!" The grasped your hand, "He wants to protect you, and I know for a fact he's taking it hard that you went through it for a week. You need to tell people these things, this could be very serious." She spoke calmly, grabbing a tissue box and placing it in front of you.

"I-I know... I-I'm sorry, I just didn't want him to worry." You spoke in broken segments, "He does so much for me and I don't want him to have to worry." The nurse rubbed your hand. You blew your nose with your other. "Is it that bad?"

"We don't know yet, we have to do some tests." she stood up, "For now, I'll give you two some privacy.  We will come to get you for the test in the next hour, okay?" You nodded, she walked out, and there at the door stood Simon. You two just stared in silence, so still, you could hear a pin drop.  

"Simon I-" Your train of thought was interrupted as he closed the door to the room. "Simon?" He sat down on the edge of the bed. "Simon I'm sorry!" You closed your eyes.

"I heard you before," he spoke softly, you flinched as he cupped your face. "Right now, we have to make sure you are okay now; That's what matters to me." You nodded, "Open your eyes for me, love~" You took a deep breath, in front of you was not the masked hard to perceive man you usually saw, but the sincere, caring sweet face with his worried brown eyes. "Promise me you'll tell me these things. I don't care about you worrying me, your safety and health are my first priority." you couldn't get the word out of your mouth, you could only nod. "Say it (y/n)" your lip quivered.

"I-I promise, I'll tell you everything." he smiled, slowly moving a hair from your face.

"Good girl," he leaned in, his kiss was gentle. As if you were fine China, fragile and delicate. He spared not an ounce of care while he held you close to him. 

"Simon," he hummed in response, "What if it's as bad as they said it could be? What if I'm stuck with this? What if-" He placed a finger over your lips.

"Don't think about that," He rested your head upon his chest, "We will worry about that as it comes. For now, relax, I'll be here the entire time." 

"What about work?" 

"They'll understand." He kissed your forehead, "It's going to be alright, okay?" You snuggled in closer, having his arm wrapped around you as if you were back in your own home.

"Okay..."

I'M SORRY IF IT LIKE TOO MUCH BUT I HOPE THE SWEET OVERLOAD WORKED!

ALSO THANK YOU GUYS FOR 400!! IM HONESTLY ASTONISHED

#simon x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #cod #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #cod mw #cod mw22 #ghost x reader #hope you like it anon #modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare 2 remastered #call of duty modern warfare 2 #modern warfare 2

[moonlightsmasquerade]

Ace Anon back! Here's another idea dump for free! I'm really glad you liked the first one :)

*The Miller Accident*

-When the Miller family begin acting strange , only to go out into the ocean in the middle of the night , their neighbor Jude Murray calls the police in fear that the worst might happen . Ruth and Thatcher are sent to investigate , and on the family's boat they only find the daughter , Evelin , crying for her parents . Then what sounds like the voice of Evelin's father is heard below the water screaming for help . Thatcher then tells Ruth to stay on the boat and watch over the little girl , while he goes underwater to help Mr and Mrs Miller . Instead of finding the couple , he only finds a monster already waiting for him . It lunges at him and bites him in his neck , but he's able to fend it off with his pocket knife . With a bleeding wound he swims towards the surface , yelling for Ruth to take the kid and escape . Ruth refuses to leave him like that , but as the monster approaches again , Thatcher uses all his arm strenght to push the boat towards land , with the wind going the same direction , leading Ruth and Evie back to coast quick . The last time Ruth saw Thatcher alive was just seconds before he's pulled underwater again , blood loss making him too weak to fight off properly this time .

-Thatcher's bloodied coat is found the next morning on the beach , along with a chunck of his hair and a blue rose . The rest of the police write it down as a shark attack and of desecration against his dead body by a vandal . Ruth quit her position in the force after that , and Jude moved away to Werksha .

-To somewhat keep her personality and because maybe she'll isolate herself in the lighthouse too , I'll say that she'd find her biggest personal comfort in making sure that as many people as possible stay safe while she can help it , people like survivors of attacks in the sea and her daughter . It's what keeps her going , knowing that she is helping people keep living . Though I kind of see Ruth having a much stronger mental fortitude than Thatcher , so maybe her lighthouse isolation was something gradual , over the years she just started going outside less other than for necessity and physical interactions with other people became shorter .

-About Alt!Ruth , maybe she also whistles Amazing Grace because perhaps that's one of Ruth's daughter's favourite songs . No ideas for this nasty fish , I think we can keep that it's normal Sub Alt!Thatcher just gender-bent .

-Whenever Thatcher's ghost appears , Ruth screams or at least nearly does every time . It's not just that he's bleeding from the head because a chunck of his hair was ripped out , not just that a chunck of his neck is missing from where the monster bit him and later finished the job . It's that chuncks of ALL of his body are missing . He has a look of surrender in his face most of the time , but whenever he smiles for Ruth , it's genuine pride for her .

Sorry it took so much longer to send this one to you . Stuff in life , you know? I did check your answers on Submandela after my first idea dump , but I didn't want to change what I had already written , hope it's not a problem

Oooooo! I actually like the idea of Ruth's isolation being gradual instead of instant like Thatcher's, also his death and ghost OOF

#yeah thatcher pretty much cut himself away after like... a week #also never worry about how long things take i understand the life stuffs #submandela swap

[ave-atque-vale-herondale]

also (same anon as before) tell me how you felt about qoaad!! any predictions for twp?

if you haven’t, i recommend reading the novella books:

- the bane chronicles is fun especially if you like magnus.

- tftsa was so cute i loved her (read nothing but shadows before you read tlh)!!

- ghosts of the shadow market is definitely super important for world building for tlh and twp, so i strongly recommend reading it before them (it could be a little boring at times, i admit. but jessa is adorable). read cast long shadows and every exquisite thing before you read tlh. the rest is a lot of world building for kit’s background and jessa.

- OH OH also read the tec series if you haven’t (it follows malec) and i think it’ll eventually connect to twp.

- i believe cassie has these short stories about the tlh cast set before chain of gold. i remember reading them every month on her newsletter before the book came out. i think you can find them on her website? they’re not super important but they do get referenced once in a while in tlh

you probably know all of this and i probably mansplained (can you do that if you’re a girl?) everything 😭 but it’s better to be safe than sorry!! i hope you had fun reading everything and def let me know if you have any questions!

I'm gonna do my best to answer this in a comprehensive manner (let's see how long that lasts lol). You're my fave! (feel free to pop into my messages if you ever wanna chat or anything)

Okay I'm gonna start by saying that I had a strange relationship w TDA. I mentioned some of this in my initial post but I'm just gonna go through everything for continuity sake, if you will. Last summer I intended to finish the 3 series before my semester started. I got through all of TMI and TID but finished only LM and 150-ish pages of LoS. I waited till this summer to pick back up. I remember feeling bitter when I started LM because it was strange to have a modern-set book that didn't focus on my fave TMI gang (I watched the CoB movie religiously when I was younger and, before I knew better, watched the show weekly). It took me a while for Emma to grow on me and I initially had a hard time keeping track of all of the Blackthorns because there were so many of them. What kept me going were all of the connections to Mr. Poe (yes, I just called him that. deal with it.) I've started rambling so let me summarize this portion by saying that TDA didn't snatch me up until mid-LoS. okay, onward.

QoAaD was so reminiscent of CoHF and I loved it very much. WARNING SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO MAY READ THIS FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON. I appreciate the importance of the Thule portion and know the book would be shit without it, but, despite it still being fantastical, the apocalyptic vibe was not my fave. It was nice to get Livvy back for a bit (can I just say how shocking it was to have her death right after Robert? cause I feel like cc v rarely kills important characters so I thought Robert was fulfilling the death requirement yk?) and I LOVE to hate Sebastian. I'm gonna say something crazy here. I love Kit and Kieran more than I love a majority of the Blackthorns. Kit has been my fave character from this trilogy and I am not ashamed to admit it. The entire Ty Livvy spell shit was crazy because I completely felt Kit and wasn't angry at him for not outright saying that it was a bad idea, especially given the situation. I just can't believe cc had me expecting them to be fully in love with each other by then end, ONLY FOR THEM TO NOT EVEN BE ON SPEAKING TERMS (yes I know I need to be up to date w SoBH, I just need business day or two to marinate in my TDA emotions). The battle was epic, Julien's meeting was genius, Kieran is a great king, and the Malec wedding nearly had me sobbing. I'm gonna stop here w my thoughts on QoAaD cause it's getting out of hand. I am so sorry I am typing you up a full essay.

Predictions:

watch cc give us a 3rd plot that gets crazy because of some questionable heavenly fire incident (I mean, technically all three series plots that I've read have involved it if you count Jace's affect on Jem).

I'm super worried about a main character death because I think it would shatter me but it's also probably necessary? idk I dont wanna think about it

I also feel like something crazy is gonna happen to Aline and Helen because although they were literally exiled, nothing too traumatic happened to them in the main line of the story that the reader got to directly experience

not a prediction but truly me BEGGING ON MY KNEES for Jace and Kit content. I need them to be drama Herondales together. Also, Jace literally told him to come to him for personal advice so Jace helping Kit deal w his relationship w/feelings for Ty would be ideal (I really don't know how that would happen but let a person dream)

Final Segment:

Don't worry about mansplaining, youre good bae. I'm in the loop but I'm also not at the same time, if that makes any sense at all (there goes my promise of writing in a comprehensive manner). The only reason I haven't purchased the novellas is solely because it's more efficient for me to purchase a box set of a trilogy. (I do have the Codex and The Denizens of the Downworld books though). CC has done her best to make her world make sense but that woman writes up a storm and no matter what I'm always behind lol.

#wren answers #tda #the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc #tmi #the mortal instruments #the dark artifices #1st anon #I hope you don't hate me for writing so much in response #I have absolutely no one to discuss any of this with

[darlingpwease]

(i don't know if ur comfy with mentions of necrophilia of any degree so this is a warning, feel free to ignore or delete)

After reading your Yuuta fic (chef's kiss btw 🥺🙏😚) i could help but think about what he would do if he got his hands on your body after the "incident". The heavy denial could lead him to believe or pretend that you're just asleep, passed out, in a coma and taking responsibility for your care. Keeping you warm, happy, and clean. People try to convince him that you are dead and passed on but he refuses to listen as he's convinced himself into the false narrative.

Bonus: your spirit, ghost, what have you, whispers to him from time to time, further driving him into the delusion.

,,,,,, just like that in front of everyone?,,,, /teasing

no one except anon is watching. this is a threat /half serious

sleeping beauty

... the heart will perish. the waves will howl. I will reward you with love.

content warnings: heavy unhealthy relationship (mutual obsessiveness, clinginess, you can't leave him and he can't give up on you). interspecies relationship. mention of necrophilia (more like touching and not being able to accept death than sex; 1 kiss). delusional thinking. mind break / brainwashing. pet names (puppy).

dead!reader, vengeful cursed spirit!reader?, Yuuta generally loses his sanity (however he does not feel too sad), you deserve each other </3 /pos

Yuuta is a much more delusional type than seems — and it gets even worse if he thinks you don't mind.

More precisely, at first he does not even think about whether you would mind or not when he sees your body, which does not show signs of awakening. But then, when the bitter wave of emotions recedes, exposing something intimately timid? He hopes that you will understand him — and this hope becomes blind confidence.

You wouldn't... blame him, would you? You're not like that at all. You have always tried to convince him that there is nothing wrong if he takes a bigger piece, or is not so polite and apologetic, or thinks about himself at least once before doing something. You were ready to take care of him where he himself could not do it.

Weren't you a blessing from heaven? After all, you've been together long enough to understand each other — not quite 'intuitively', of course, but enough to know the weaknesses and strengths.

If you knew each other 'intuitively', maybe Yuuta would be sleeping right now, not you. But it doesn't matter. Long battles take a lot of energy. You don't need to worry — if you are too exhausted, he can take care of you.

Do you remember how you took care of him when taught him to resist? Back then, he often fell awkwardly trying to catch you, but he always turned out to be the one who was deceived; forcing him to fall for the same trick until he began to become more patient, even if his body ached a little after each workout. But, although it sounds insulting, Yuuta is not offended at all! You always monitored his condition and took care of his wounds, especially later, when the fights became more and more threatening. Do you remember? You were cooing — or not cooing, but for some reason it always seems to him that you were so kind and affectionate with him — that fights harden a warrior, and the harder the training, the easier the battle will be.

... You don't have to answer. It's selfish to ask you for an answer, knowing how hard it is for you. It's his fault that he didn't come in time, that he didn't react in time, that he didn't anticipate in time — but now he's here! He will never leave you again. It was scary and creepy for everyone, but now everything is fine! Of course, there are several wounds and there are several victims, but no one died, so everything is fine!

... He loves you so much, you know that, right? He's so lucky to have you, definitely a blessing from heaven, and he has no idea how he would live if something happened to you. Fortunately, it's just exhaustion. You just need to rest. He's not crying at all- okay, okay, yes, he's crying, you made him nervous, but you're fine now! You promised you'd be with him forever! You always keep your promises!

Remember how you said that- ah, talks too much, right? You probably haven't heard him for a long time, or even too tired to tell him to shut up and not bother you, but he keeps on and on talking. He was just so scared. For a moment it seemed to him as if something irreparable had happened. But everything is fine! You're fine, and that's the most important thing!

Has he told you how much he loves you? Oh, so- how often did he tell you that? You know that what he says is the sincere truth, right?

What about where he would like to spend his vacation? Maybe the sea?

... Why are you trembling?.. Or is it not you?..

No matter.

Let's go home. You probably wouldn't like people looking at you when you're so defenseless.

He will take care of you.

... And yes, you may well consider it a threat, hahaha.

Yuuta would surely be so absorbed in obsessive concern for you — or, more precisely, about your sleeping body, so cold, as if dead, which is why he tries to warm you in any way. You can't overcool, it's bad for you. In addition, your body is so fragile that it needs the softest care and reverent attention.

Yuuta didn't even dare to dream before that he could touch you so shamelessly, without your permission and attention, and now he can, but for some reason it causes painful longing, which makes it difficult to breathe.

... Don't get him wrong, it's not a burden at all! He's not complaining at all! There's nothing wrong with a long rest — after all, it's indirectly his fault that you need so much time to recover! He also sleeps a lot if he works too much; this used to be the case when his "reservoir" was too small and his body often hurt... but that day you probably spent more energy than you could accumulate. Besides, isn't he indirectly to blame for the fact that then you were left alone and had to cope with what was happening alone?

The least he can do is make sure that when you wake up, you will be satisfied. Maybe you'll apologize for sleeping so long. Or you will scold him for not taking care of himself at all. Or blame him for being fine, and you were forced to sacrifice yourself — or will he blame you for not thinking about you, and you will apologize that you could not otherwise? For some reason, the latter seems the most likely of all. Unless, of course, he bursts into tears from feelings in the most pathetic way and his attempts to speak will not be interrupted by sobs and whining.

He's always been so pathetic compared to you, even though he used to think he could reach you — and stand proudly by your side to protect you and make you smile forever. But the most important thing is that you are alive. Yuuta has no idea what would happen to his life if you were... dead. It would be easier for him to die with you than to fight, knowing that he could not save the most precious and necessary.

... Although you wouldn't be happy with his thoughts like that. After all, Yuuta promised that he would become even better than he is.

And he got better, didn't he? You told him he was getting better. Everyone around him was telling him that he was getting better. Has he really gotten better?

Then why are you still not waking up?

You are not dead. You fell asleep. Of course, people often confuse one with the other — in ancient times, people even believed that in a dream the soul leaves the body, leaving an empty shell. There is nothing strange that this could be true — maybe your soul is wandering to return to him.

You are not dead.

If his reverse technique doesn't work — it doesn't mean anything. He couldn't even make sure that the person most important to him would be protected, how could he trust his strength? Maybe if they believed in you the same way he believes in you, everything would be better.

He's not asking for much.

He just wants you to wake up. He just wants you to warm up. He just wants to burst into tears, knowing that only he was right, waiting for you to wake up; that you just fell asleep, that you just needed a rest to cuddle him again and call him your devoted puppy. Look at him! Did he really believe that there would be a reason in the whole world for you not to return to him? To the love of your life? To the most important and precious thing you have? To your best boy?

Yuuta is so silly. No matter how serious he looks, he is still the same emotional tangle of stress and anxiety, crying from every little thing and believing in any stupidity. Didn't you teach him that he should always believe in you? You always have a plan — or an improvisation of it. In any case, everything you say is just a desire to help him. Because you love him and you will always touch him so gently, making him feel so loved.

But instead of your affectionate touches and dismissively tender words, he can only bury his nose in your stomach, remembering how gentle you were before you fell asleep.

You promised you'd give him a surprise. You promised that you would never make him feel abandoned again. And Yuuta doesn't feel abandoned at all! He just needs to wait a little longer, doing what is necessary.

... Wake up.

Hey.

You're as cold as ice. And just as frozen. Don't look anything like yourself before. But it's still you. Persistent, able to survive any obstacles — not at all like him.

They say you've been dead for a long time. He doesn't believes them. Or not. He doesn't know. He doesn't want to believe. Or he wants to believe. He doesn't know.

Maybe they're right. A little right. Just a little bit. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe it would be better if he believed them.

It would be better if he was definitely dead, and you are definitely alive.

You would surely be able to cope with the loss. You would have gone ahead. You would find people who would want to comfort you. You would have found someone more worthy. Not necessarily stronger, but willing to believe you no matter what others say around. Someone who would follow you to the ends of the earth, even if you couldn't go with them. Because Yuuta would also follow you to the end of the world, cross all the seas and mountains, descend to hell and ascend to heaven, go through all the circles and reincarnate so many times until he meets you.

He will do anything for you. But what can he do when nothing depends on him anymore?

Isn't he justifying himself right now by clinging to you and crying pitifully out of bitterness. It was you who should have lived, not him. Why can't he ever save those he loves? Why do they all end up like this? How can he get rid of this curse?

How can he get you back?

They tell him that you are dead. And he is not ready to believe them. Because he hasn't felt alive for a long time.

You sleep like you're dead. But even your eyelashes don't move. You said he shouldn't cry because of you. You feel sad when he cries. It suits him only to smile and laugh. You only want the best for him. You will do anything to keep him from crying.

Did you really say that or is it his nonsense?

You will never give him an answer.

You taste... tasteless. But he still can't get enough of a chaste kiss.

He's definitely gone crazy. Long ago.

Your skin is so cold it almost burns him. It doesn't matter.

They say you've been dead for a long time. That nothing can revive you. That you died a brave death and you're probably proud of it.

You probably aren't proud of him. Because he's ready to give up.

He just wants to embrace you again, warm and alive. Is it that much?

What is he paying for with your life?

He just wants you to come back to him.

You look different. Not at all.

When you touch his face, wet and swollen, flashing inhuman eyes, Yuuta is sure that he is delirious. It wasn't strange, you often came to him, but this time everything felt different. Like his brain can't handle the pressure from inside, throbbing with dull pain.

“Do you remember me?”

You feel different. Spicy. Almost bitter — makes his lips burn.

But he does not dare to push away, allowing your icy fingers to wrap around his wrists. Unlike you, he is feverishly hot — the whole room is icy, as if he is on a winter street, but he knows that he is too hot and wet. There's something wrong with him.

But you feel so real and good that Yuuta can't tell you to stop, even if tries to whisper "who are you" — but the sounds are interrupted by passionate hungry kisses, as if you want to eat him or make him a part of yourself, and Yuuta wants, desperately wants to cling to you, but it's like the rag body can't even move.

When you coo, “I'm your 'sweetheart', honey,” Yuuta can't hold back tears, realizing that he is in a dream again.

It would be better if you were a cursed dream spirit and killed him. But you just laugh and happily kiss him again, leaving light bites on his lips. And you kiss him again.

Yuuta feels intoxicated with honey.

Love is a curse.

Isn't that a promise?

When he laughs with tears in his eyes, you gently stroke him, whispering what a good boy he is. And Yuuta does not care what happens as long as you are next to him, allowing him to snuggle up to you like a dog that has found its owner.

They say you're dead.

This is the most blatant lie in his life.

If you're dead, then why are you still with him?

#.spicy♡ #❖.my jewelry #🥮 — jujutsu kaisen #✉.yuuta okkotsu #🧸.necro #🧸.xenophilia #🧸.established relationship #🧸.angst ish #🧸.delusional thinking #cw dark content #[ 🍬 ] — too much saccharin

[projectfiction]

Yooooooo, i really love your writings for Watanabe and Kamui 😭❤ May i please ask for Chrome? :') it could be fluff, angst, whatever you have in mind honestly. Thank you and have a nice day/night!

Hello, anon! Thank you for the ask (and kind words)! I'm sorry it took so long to get to this; life's been a bit of a bitch lately (><)

Since you didn't request anything in particular, I thought it would be a good opportunity to explore something I've had in mind for a while.

This is about the concept of grief, the myriad aspects of it, and the ever-changing spectrum of ways it can be experienced. I explored each facet using a colour of the rainbow because I think it's interesting to link something usually associated with happiness to pain. It's an explorative and somewhat introspective piece, and perhaps a little weird, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Take heed, it's a long one (3.8k)!

P.S.: if you don't like it, please feel free to submit another ask! I'm aware I may have taken a bit too much creative liberty with this one haha.

TW: major character death, angst.

Chasing Fire   //    CHROME

There are colours to grief. Sorrow is red and blue and violet, and everything in between. You can wear it like clothes, watch as it draws the eye and shuts the mouth. You can look through it like glass and see the world unfold. You can paint with it, stories and songs cradled in the empty space between your ribs.

You can breathe it in, but you can’t breathe it out.

Once you invite it in, it never leaves.

R E D   |   c h a s i n g   f i r e  

You lay in his arms, a broken doll weeping red. Blood had soaked through your shirt, inking your skin with tattoos of violence. There was so much of it. So thick it was smothering. So dark it was almost black. Chrome bit his lip and put more pressure on your wound. He couldn’t bear to look at your face, to see the pallor of it and know that death was calling. To know that he was the one who’d failed you. 

“Stay with me, Commandant,” he said, fighting to keep the panic from his voice. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m not asleep,” you slurred. Bloodless lips curled into the ghost of a smile. “Just resting my eyes.” Your breaths were rapid and shallow, in time with a hummingbird pulse that grew fainter by the minute.

“Tell me a story,” he said urgently. “The last book you read?”

Your eyelids fluttered, but didn’t open. It took you several long beats to answer. “We don’t have to do this, Chrome.” Your fingers closed around his wrist. “I know.”

He bit back the lies that curled on his tongue. He wanted so much to deny, to look away from the unbearable truth, but he couldn’t lie to you. He never could. He reached out to caress your face, thumb brushing over the swell of your cheek. You exhaled softly. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head weakly. “Not your fault.”

“How can you say that? I promised them I’d bring you home. I was supposed to protect you and--”

You pressed a finger to his lips. Chrome could taste the blood on your skin. “Shhh,” you said with some effort. “It’s okay. You’ll be alright.”

“It’s not okay,” he insisted, holding your trembling hand between his own. “None of this is okay.”

“Well… I forgive you anyway.”

Those words shattered something inside him. Like a dam breaking, tears streamed down his face, drawn from some deep well of anguish without end. The pain inside him was a hunger that could not be satisfied, and would not be contained. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t shape the words. Silent screams tore themselves from his throat, taking with them shattered pieces of his inhuman heart. Right then, he wasn’t a Construct; he was just a man with human hurts and human sorrows, mourning the loss of a human life. His grief called forth your own tears. They spilled down your cheeks in a bitter chain. Each staccato breath sent electric pain through your broken body, but you couldn’t stop. There was simply too much. Too much pain, too much regret. Too many things that needed to be said and not enough time to even begin. You could only cry and cry, and hope that Chrome understood. 

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged, head bent against yours. His voice was ragged and raw. “Please stay.”

“I want to,” you breathed against his lips. There were no more tears left in you. No space for grief. Only a dull ache and a growing numbness. “I’m scared. I don’t want to die.”

Chrome could have screamed. He could have ripped the world apart over the injustice of it all. But none of that would save you. He couldn’t kiss you better or change fate or reverse the flow of time. He could only hold you as you slipped from this world, as helpless as sand before the tide. 

“I would do anything to fix this,” he said, cradling your head between his hands. Your eyes were unfocused, the skin around them tight with pain. “I wish…” He blinked away the blurriness in his vision and tried again. “I wish I could have protected you.”

“What a… simple wish,” you rasped. “Lucky it already came true.”

“What?”

You smiled. Or tried to. It was hard to know what your body was doing anymore. “You protected my mind… My soul. That’s enough.” You swallowed thickly. It was getting harder to breathe. “Is it dark already? I’m so cold.”

Chrome gathered you to him gently. His arms around you were tight, but you hardly felt it. “I’m here,” he said in your ear, again and again. “I’ll always be here.”

Your head rolled back to rest on his shoulder. A chill was spreading through your body, as if ice had replaced the blood in your veins. It was uncomfortable, but you welcomed it. At least it didn’t hurt anymore. “Tell me something nice,” you said, letting your eyes drift shut. “A story… With a happy ending.”

A small sob escaped from Chrome. His breath quivered, dancing over your skin in small puffs of warmth. You wanted to wipe the tears from his face, to comfort him and be comforted in turn. But your body was no longer yours. It danced with death now, and you were simply a spectator in the stalls. You were so tired. You’d fought for so long. All you wanted was to sleep. Here, at the end of it all, you set down your burdens and let yourself rest. I’m listening, Chrome, you thought languidly, as the rhythms of your body slowed. 

-----------

Chrome felt like he was breaking apart at the seams, losing the very essence of himself to an uncaring world. All of his fleeting happiness felt so far away, like the remnants of an impossible dream. There was only a brief moment in time that was free of pain, brilliant and blinding like sunlight on waves. A lonely memory of kinder times. 

He returned to the landscape of his childhood, and began.

“Once upon a time, there was a prince who wanted for nothing. He had gold and gems and servants to fulfill his every wish. The world was at his fingertips, but he had no friends. He was lonely.” You gave a tiny hum. Chrome continued. “He searched high and low, but nobody cared for his formality and stiffness. They called him a robot, who didn’t know what it meant to be human. Then one day, he met a beautiful girl. She caught his attention immediately.” He pressed a kiss to your temple. “She treated the prince like any other person, without fear or judgement. And so she became his first and dearest friend.” 

You mumbled something, though he couldn’t make out the words. “The two went on many adventures together, defeating great evils across the lands. Dark beasts and corrupt kings and disease. After their journey closed, the prince found that he’d fallen in love with her. He loved her beauty, her bravery, and her intellect. She was everything he wasn’t and more besides. Their marriage was celebrated across the kingdom. Together, they ruled fairly and--” His voice cracked, but he forced himself to continue. “And there was no more suffering in their lands. Everyone was happy, but none more so than the king and queen. The end.”

You were silent. Your tortured breaths had faded to pained little gasps like you were choking on air. Your body twitched in his arms, fighting enemies he couldn’t see. Chrome let out a broken sob. “Go then,” he said. “Go if it hurts. Go. I love you.”

That seemed to be the permission you needed. Your body stilled with a final exhale. You were slack and cold against his chest, a dead weight upon his soul. He struggled against the urge to scream. Chrome buried his face in your neck and breathed you in, lavender on blood mixed with a cloying sweetness. “Come back,” he whispered against your skin. “Please come back to me.”

His heart beat steadily in his breast, a perfectly inhuman thing that never wavered. But he could still feel it break.

He wept like his soul was being ripped apart. 

Grief is red, roses and thorns all at once. Like chasing fire, I reach for the warmth of memory, but there is only the burn of flame. There is no comfort here, only endless paths of pain.

-----------

O R A N G E   |   b u r n i n g   c o a l s 

Hassen sighed. “I understand you’re distressed,” he said. “But I won’t accept your resignation.” He held up a hand before Chrome could object. “People who want to be Constructs are rare. Those who are compatible are even rarer. If you leave, there’s nobody to replace you as leader of Strike Hawk.”

“Kamui or Banji are more than capable,” Chrome countered adamantly. “They’re just as experienced.”

Hassen raised a brow. “Surely I don’t need to tell you experience isn’t the only measure of competence.”

Chrome fell silent. He knew Hassen was right, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. His spirit was shattered. Picking up the broken pieces was a mountain he didn’t know how to climb. “I don’t know how to go on,” he said finally. “It’s too painful.”

“It’s painful now, but it’ll pass,” Hassen said. His breath hitched. “Trust me.”

Chrome didn’t think he could trust anyone ever again. Himself least of all. He nodded mutely. Hassen seemed satisfied with that. He turned to leave before pausing at the door. “You should attend the funeral,” he said after a moment. “It’ll help.”

Chrome felt like he’d been slapped. “No,” he said immediately. “I doubt Gray Raven wants to see the man who killed their Commandant.”

“They’ve had time to process. And grieve. I think they’ll want to see you.”

He said nothing. He could hardly look at the other man. Hassen sighed. “Just think about it.”

The doors hissed shut behind him. 

-----------

He couldn’t go to the funeral. He’d thought about it like Hassen asked, but there would be too much of you there. Too many reminders that you were gone, not even bones left to hold. He didn’t want to hear others talking of your life and glorifying your death. He couldn’t bear to hear of your bravery when all he could see was the fear in your face and the regret in your eyes. He still remembered the tremble in your hands, the way you’d clung to him and wept. Your words rang in his mind. Those words that chased him from day to night, and haunted him in hollow dreams.

I’m scared. I don’t want to die.

Chrome buried his face in his hands. The tears swept over the plains of his soul, trying to ease an unquenchable hellfire. He clenched at the sheets. Tore at his hair. He slammed his fist into the ground until sparks flew from metallic joints. 

But there was nothing that could heal the wound within. 

Grief is orange. Burning coals simmering under the surface, stirred to flame by the gentlest of reminders. It hides and it sleeps, but it never dies.

-----------

Y E L L O W   |   s e t t i n g   s u n

He stumbled, gasping for breath. His entire body hurt. Vital fluid leaked from a dozen places, but Chrome ignored it. Another swing, another slash. Corrupted hands reached for him like the groping hands of death. Something sharp dug into his shoulder. He grunted and swept his scythe in a blazing arc before yanking the blade from his body. His vision glitched. Warning signals flashed. Vital fluid loss. Stabilisation module damaged. Core processing unit under extreme strain. Chrome swept matted hair from his eyes. He didn’t need to be told his body was failing. He could feel it in the heaviness of his limbs, in the flaring pain that accompanied every movement. The world was dark around the edges. 

Is this how you felt, Commandant? Did it hurt like this?

His legs buckled. The ground rose to meet him even as the bright edge of a blade descended on his right. Chrome closed his eyes. 

“CAPTAIN!”

The clash of metal on metal was followed by the thunderous crash of something collapsing. Strong hands picked him up as his teammates slung his arms over their shoulders. “It’s not like you to be so reckless,” Kamui said with real fear. “It’s almost like you want to die.”

“I--” He broke off. Did he want to die? He hadn’t tried to defend himself at all. But he could have. He knew he could have. 

“Not yet,” Banji said quietly from his other side. “We still need you, Captain.”

Chrome hung his head. Shame and regret warred in his fragile heart. He didn’t know how to feel, but one thing was clear:

It wasn’t yet time. He’d have to keep you waiting a little longer. 

Grief is yellow. Soft and gentle, like the afterglow of a setting sun. Even when the flame has gone, it remains. It doesn’t burn anymore, but it haunts me all the same.

-----------

G R E E N   |   j a d e d   e y e s

The days were getting easier. He still felt the loss of you like a missing limb, but your phantom hands no longer suffocated him. Your lips no longer kissed to kill. You’d turned from a vengeful spectre into something softer, a shade that kept him company in the dark. He breathed, it seemed, for the first time in a long time. 

Yet his mind still caught at the smallest things. Lovers kissing in the dark. Two hands twined together. Laughter around the corner. He missed the warmth of your touch, soft and tender in a way only humans could truly be. He yearned for the press of your skin against his, intimate and secret in the lonely nights. He wanted to hear your voice and kiss your lips. More than anything, he wanted you beside him. Loving him as you could, the way he loved you. 

But there was only a shadow by his side, clinging to him with invisible claws. It held your shape and stole your face, but Chrome knew it for the monster that it was. 

“Congratulations,” he said politely, handing a beautifully wrapped present to the bride. “May your love be everlasting.”

The couple beamed at him, radiant in their happiness. Their gratitude was as real as his words were false. 

He turned away.

Grief is green. Envious eyes, jealous heart. I thought I was healing, but perhaps I am healing wrong. Who is the man in the mirror?

-----------

B L U E   |   o c e a n   d e p t h s 

Chrome, you said. Remember to breathe.

I am breathing, he thought, suddenly aware of the rising bubbles all around him. Big and small, wild and free, running towards the light above. Am I breathing?

You laughed. I’m not sure. I can’t tell.

He purposefully took a large gulp. Air flooded into his lungs despite the sunlit ocean around him. He laughed. That’s strange. Have I turned into a fish?

You’re very much not a fish, you confirmed. He couldn’t see you, but your voice was clear. Everywhere and nowhere all at once, like you were the very water itself. 

Where are you? He looked around, but there was only the endless sea. Crystalline waters vast and empty, and so beautifully blue. 

You sounded sad. Not with you, though I wish I was. 

Then come, Chrome said happily. I’ll pick you up. Just like always.

If only you could. But I think I’m a little too far away.

What do you mean?

You didn’t answer. The ocean was growing dark around him, black ink like oil rising from the depths. Smoky tendrils curled around his legs. He shuddered. Trying to kick them off only seemed to create more. He kicked towards the surface, but the sunlight was gone. The waters were ice against his skin, cold and unwelcoming. A black hand closed around his throat. 

Chrome thrashed desperately, but there was no escape. The blackness was complete, like the hand of night had crushed the world in its palm. There was no beginning and no end, no up or down. Only a darkness so deep it consumed all else. Help! Don’t leave! 

I can’t stay, you said. Your voice was already fading. Let me go, Chrome. 

Wait! He inhaled a lungful of grease. Come back! 

But you were gone. 

The sea swallowed him whole. 

-----------

Chrome woke with a start. The room was still grey; his alarm hadn’t gone off yet. He rubbed a hand over his face and stared at the sheets tangled around his feet. There was no black sea after all. Just twisted linen and hopeless dreams.

He rose and got dressed. 

Grief is blue. Endless like the ocean and just as deep. Vaster than the sky and just as curious. Always it finds new shapes to take, and new ways to hurt me.

-----------

I N D I G O   |   s c a r   t i s s u e

He’d taken to wearing your engagement ring on a chain around his neck. Always tucked away so nobody could see. Always there, warm against his artificial heart. He fingered the polished metal. It was a simple band. No diamonds or gold, not that there was any left to be had. But you’d smiled at him all the same, accepting his proposal with a giddy joy that had kindled his own. 

Chrome had secretly recorded the moment, intending to play it at your wedding. That was a shattered dream now, but he couldn’t bring himself to delete the data. He watched the clip again, smiling softly at the happy grin on your face. You peppered his face with kisses, arms and legs wrapped around his body. There was no audio, but he could hear every word.

He flicked the video off. Things like this no longer bothered him. Distance and time had dulled the pain and stitched his wound closed. The knife’s edge of memory was almost a comfort now, barely a scratch when it used to be a stab. Still, though he no longer bled, the scars lingered. And they would never let him forget. They would never let him forgive. 

No amount of time would ever wipe the stain of your blood from his soul. 

Grief is indigo. It’s what emerges at the edge of night, when the heat of day has passed. It’s the scar tissue that remains when the wound has closed. Even when it no longer hurts, I’ll always carry the memory of that pain.

-----------

V I O L E T   |   u n s e e n   s o u l

“If we attack from here, we can catch them in a pincer move,” Chrome said, pointing to the map. “Our chances of success will increase.”

“I agree,” she said, flashing a smile at him. Her hand rested close to his, so close he could feel the heat of her on his skin. “Looks like the majority agree with Chrome.” She nodded. “Great. That’s the plan then. Meeting adjourned.”

Chrome made to leave. “Wait, Captain.”

He turned. She smiled at him, clearing her throat awkwardly as she waited for the others to file out. Someone winked at him as the room emptied. His heart sank. 

“So,” she started when it was just the two of them. “You really took charge of that meeting.”

“Just doing my job,” he said lightly. “Can I help you with something else?”

She hesitated before meeting his eyes. They were large and earnest, so like yours. And yet so very different. His heart squeezed painfully. “I was wondering if you’d like to catch up for lunch sometime?” she asked shyly. Her voice was small and uncertain, so different from the proud Commandant of minutes ago. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking away. “I’m unavailable.”

She deflated immediately. “Really? I thought… I was told that you didn’t have anyone at the moment. Is it just me then?”

“It’s not you. It’s...” He trailed off. There really was no way to say it. “I’m not looking for anything right now.”

“Is it… Is it your fiancee? I heard about what happened.”

Chrome said nothing. She studied him and sighed. “It’s been three years since then, hasn’t it? This could be the start of something new.”

He smiled ruefully. “It could,” he admitted, brushing his fingers across her cheek. “But it won’t. I’m sorry.”

-----------

Chrome returned to his room. Your ring gleamed on the table, scuffed and bent after all the battles it’d seen. You’d loved that thing like it wasn’t just a piece of scrap metal. It carried a piece of your soul and would always be beautiful for it. Because it wasn’t just a fragment of you, it was the part of you that had been given to him freely in love and acceptance. And now, it was the only thing left to him. A dead thing that had taken your place in his heart. 

He sighed and sat on the bed. His room was the same as ever. The same four walls, the same white sheets. The same desk and lights and air. Only you had changed, leaving your physical body behind for a ghost that haunted him. But even that was gone now. There was only your ring, and the ash of his memories. 

Chrome thought back to the woman. He couldn’t deny that there was a part of him that was drawn to her, but there was a bigger part of him that couldn’t let you go. The Gray Ravens had gotten a new Commandant two years ago, one they treated with as much respect as they had you. Neither Kamui nor Banji had mentioned your name in years. The world had moved on while you slept. 

If he joined them and looked to the future, if he allowed himself to forget… You really would disappear. Just another grave. Just another statistic. He couldn’t bear that. Even if the world forgot, he wouldn’t. 

So long as he remembered, some piece of you would remain here, with him. 

So long as he remembered, he could pretend that life was still worth living. Because deep down, Chrome knew that while his body still moved and his heart still beat, the pieces of him that made him whole had died with you. 

And you would always be gone. 

Grief is violet. I can’t always see it, but it’s always there. The hidden seventh, an unseen soul. My love, one day, we’ll meet again. And I’ll tell you a brand new story.

#pgr #punishing gray raven #战双帕弥什 #パニシンググレイレイヴン #pgr chrome #pgr chrome x reader #chrome x reader #pgr x reader #pgr chrome fic #pgr chrome fanfic #pgr reader insert #pgr fic #pgr fanfic #pgr request #anon asks #pgr angst

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Beautiful?

A Halstead!Sister

'But they don't know. They don't know what it's like to be you. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for.

A body nobody wanted.'

Warnings : eating disorder, body insecurities, body dismorphia

Requested : Yup, by anon , 'could u do a fic where she has an eating disorder? and doesn’t tell jay but then one day she passes out at school and has to tell him?'

Word count : 1.7k

Note : this took too long I don't know why 😭but yall Guess who's thankful that yall bear with my English ? me. :) and ps this is my first request!! And yall please please know that all of you are so freaking beautiful and worth fighting for. Know that you are loved and it is never, ever weak to ask for help.

**************************

The constant pain and sleepless nights were paying off. Your eyes sparkled when you saw your new numbers. It was working.

You took your diary, crossing out breakfast on the to do list after eating a banana.

This was going to be simple. check what you eat, check your weight and repeat . You knew that if you tried really hard, you would be the one in control.

Control. That's all you wanted. Such an easy, yet painful thing.

You looked to the mirror, as your hands hovered over your ribs sticking to the skin . You'd never felt so beautiful in your life. But your eyes roamed down to your thighs. The flesh of your legs were touching. It wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

'' Y/n , come on ! Move your ass! I need to get to work!! '' Jay shouted for you, from downstairs.

'' Shut uppp I'm comingg'', you yelled back.

Ever since your mom had died, dad always kept to himself leading you to stay with your brothers. It had become a routine. Jay  would drop you off at school and Annie's mom would give you a ride home.

Lucky for you , Jay was constantly busy with cases. He hadn't noticed your new diet or the mood swings.

**************************

Your teacher had started the lesson. And slowly you sensed something wrong. Your head was pounding. God why is she so blurry? You look to Anne sitting next to you and she's Blurry too. You felt your body giving up to the swaying ground.

'' y/n!! '' Annie shreiked as your limp body crashed to the floor.

****************************

'' Chuckles!? '' Trudy called out,climbing the stairs to intelligence. "Do I look like a cocktail waitress to you? Where have you been??"

"Morning to you too, sarge" Jay sighed. "and its detective"

" Well , Detective , Y/n fainted at school and wanted you to pick her up"

"What ?" he asked shocked, aldready beginning to pick up his jacket.

"Sarge" he said, looking to Voight for approval, although he would leave nonetheless. "Go."

*****************************

"Mr. Halstead" the school nurse addressed him, as he entered the clinic.

"Call me jay. Y/n, are you okay? what the hell happened?" he asked you worried.

You had never fainted before and apart from the flu every couple of years, you had a clean bill of health, as far as he knew.

"Jay, I promise I'm fine. Just got a little dizzy, that's all" you answered knowing how overprotective he can get. Now all you could hope for was that he would let this slide.

"I tried getting some food in her but she told me she was fine" the nurse explained to Jay.

God No. the the salad she offered you had so many calories.  you had made too much progress nothing was going to stop you especially a simple fainting episode. It was a minor setback but you were sure you could continue your weight loss diet.

" What, WHY? " he questioned, but just  as you were thinking of a better reply " You know what, I'm gonna take her home." he interrupted your thoughts as he spoke to the nurse.

" Only if you are sure, you're good"

" I am Jay. One hundred percent." you replied, happy to skip the rest of the school day.

It's not like you've been paying attention any ways. You'd zone out a lot during class and  your constant hunger and cramps didn't help either. But you drowned these feelings away with small sips of water and occasional slices of cucumbers.

You Craved the Emptiness. the feeling of being lighter. The feeling of being....... perfect. It was intoxicating.

Taking your school bag, Jay wrapped a study arm around your shoulders , guiding you through the school corridors and towards his truck.

"God, I can't wait to go to bed", You said climbing the truck and fastening your seat belt.

"Yeah right. I'm taking you to med" he stated. "WHAT? Jay, what the hell ? I told you, I'm fine!!"

You knew Will was working and didn't want either of your brothers to know about your new diet or how much weight you had lost. It was too late to quit. The disgusting image in the mirror was slowly getting better..... getting thinner, prettier.

"You've never fainted before Y/n, and I promise I'll get Will to run the exams and do all the tests" he assured you.

****************************

"Y/n, I thought I told you I never wanted to see you here again.", Maggie greeted, pointing a finger at you.

"Awwww  but I missed you", you pouted, " No don't do that. your brother's waiting in treatment room 3 so you better get going." she instructed and you dropped your school bag near the nurses station.

You and Jay enter the room, to a very worried Will. "Y/n, what happened?" he asked , gesturing you to sit on the bed.

"did you hit your head when you fell? Did you fall in the bathroom or something like that?", he continued, not giving you time to answer.

"what did the nurses say? are you stressed about school?" " Will-", you interrupted his rambling " I'm fine, just..... got a little dizzy."

You watched , as he took his pen light to your eyes. "Ah! Will, stop!!" You said, trying and failing to refrain him.

"You know, it'll be easier if you stop squirming" Jay commented with a smug smile. "Your not going anywhere"

"Shut up" you groaned.

You need to get out of here. What if they gave you food. What if they found out you were hungry all the time. They'd never stop making fun of you. They'd tell you that you were overreacting and that all this was so unnecessary.

But they didn't know. They didn't know what it was like to be you. They didn't have floppy arms or fleshy thighs. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for. A body nobody wanted.

******************************

"Jay" Will called out, seeing him outside your room. It had been a couple of hours since you were bought in.

Will had ordered some tests, being the ass he was.

Wonderful. You just hoped that all the tests would be normal and you could get the hell out of there.

"yeah man? just needed to text Hailey, Why, what's wrong?" Jay asked, studying the worried expression on his brother's face

"It's Y/n. "

***************************

You were fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt when your brother's walked in, staring at you, as if you were a ghost.

"Y/n," Jay croaked out his voice laced with dread, "how long?"

No. No. No. This can't be happening. God, you knew that they were going to hate you forever.

"what the are you talking about?" you needed to try to get them to back away."Is something wrong?"

They were standing on either side of your bed. Jay came closer and sat down on your right the beside your knees, eyes never leaving yours.

"Your tests-" Will started, "They came back showing you have severe deficiencies. That your body is struggling to survive. That it's not getting enough food." he broke away from your gaze.

"We um-" Jay, as if almost on queue, continued."We looked through your school bag and found your diary. "

You sucked in a sharp breath and shook your head. No. He knew. They knew.

All your calorie counts, the amount of calories you can have in a day, your research on diets, workouts, to do lists, hell, even your Period Tracker was written down. (although you barely had it anymore)

That book was the reason you were finally becoming happy with yourself. Your body.

'I'm sorry', you mouthed "I'm so, so sorry" This was it. Your voice hitched, as tears flowed down your cheeks. "I was finally happy"

In an instant, your brothers were by your side.

Jay engulfed you into his chest, your words circling his mind. 'Finally?' God, you lived together! You were his sister! His baby sister! How could he have let this happen to you? How could he not have noticed that you were drowning? That you were starving yourself. What kind of brother was he?

Will rubbed your back, until your sobs became quieter. He was a doctor. A damn doctor! God knows how long this has been going on, but at the end of the day.... he failed. He failed to be there,..... when you needed him.

"Y/n, you don't have to do this. You're beautiful Y/n. You really are. And I'm sorry that anyone else has convinced in otherwise" Jay breathed out, hoping you heard him, in his embrace.

"It felt good, Jay" your voice was muffled by his shirt, but to your brothers, your voice was loud and clear.

"Did it?" You turned to Will, "Did the hunger feel good?" his heart broke saying the words out loud.

'Yes', you wanted to answer. Of course it felt good. You were getting so many compliments from your friends at school. Boys started acknowledging you now.

It was like you finally existed. You felt...... worthy.

But with all the strength you could muster up, you couldn't get the words out. Because there was always one voice that told you to quit. The voice you'd been drowning out for so long. The voice that told you, that you were in fact, beautiful.

Your mother's.

"No" you said, realizing that Will had tears in his eyes as well.

But you couldn't find a hint of shame in them, no matter how much you searched. Instead, you were met with the immense worry and guilt of your brother.

"We can help, Y/n" Will said, as he took your hand in his, "We will help and we'll be there every step of the way."

"Every step" Jay assured and you turned to him. "All you need to do, is let us in"

You weren't prepared for this. You had no idea what to say.

You didn't want to feel tired all the time, always craving for food. But the idea of going back - back to all that shame - that's what scared you.

"Y/n," Will spoke up, seeing as you were struggling to answer, "I promise you, we are going to make you feel better...... and we'll fight those thoughts of yours together."

You took a shaky breath.

Thoughts.

Your thoughts.

You had let them consume you for a long time now. Too long. maybe..... Maybe the right voice to follow, was your mothers'. "okay-" you sobbed, "okay", and once again you found yourself in Jay's arms.

You, clinging to him like your life depended on it and him holding you tight, because it did. His hand rested on your head, tangled with your hair.

Will saw a tear make its way down his brothers cheek, something he hasn't witnessed often.

Your brothers sat silently, listening to you cry. Taking in the conversation, only having a glimpse of the pain you were in.

You had a long, long road ahead but as you sat in your brother arms, you felt a sense of peace, comfort maybe.

******************************

Masterlist

#jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead one shot #will halstead #will halstead fanfic #will halstead oneshot #will halstead imagine #jay halstead × reader #jay halstead × you #jay halstead × y/n #will halstead × reader #will halstead × you #chicago med #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd imagines #halstead brothers #halstead sister #halstead!sister #tw eating disorder #eating disoder mention #eating disoder recovery #body dismorphia #mental disorder

[eerna]

When I first played botw back in 2017, I was actually scared that once you reached the castle and beat ganon, Zelda would also be a ghost like the champions, this idea was so heartbreaking to me, and I also kept thinking what it would mean for Link being the only survivor, his only connection to his past and memories, the voice that first guided him to his journey, and his only hope at the end of his difficult adventure to have been gone all along...I always felt while playing that Link must have been so ecstatic and nervous at the idea of meeting the girl of his memories, having remember bits and pieces of her personality and their relationship all along his journey through Hyrule, like an Ariadne's thread and even if he doesn't remember everything, she's the only alive person that can understand his grief, about losing their friends, their families and their kingdom as they knew it, their whole roles and lives have been turned upside down, living out of their time. And she's probably the only one that can provide him some answers about his past.

But the sad truth too is the fact that the calamity causing the downfall of the kingdom and its pressure, and the loss of their "officials" positions as the Princess and as the Hero, is possibly one of the only ways they can actually be truly free and happy, I mean both Link and Zelda were suffering pre-calamity, Link stopping to express himself completely and Zelda taking out her frustration, buckling under all this pressure and expectations, I'm glad that in the end they could share their burdens together and support each other before the calamity hit, sorry I lost track a little bit but as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about these sweets children haha...

Anyway, considering all of this, this supposed ending would have been heartbreaking for Zelda, struggling so hard to reach her powers almost all her life, facing so much pressure, being forbidden to pursue her research on sheikah tech the only thing she enjoys and feel good at, and then losing everyone, betrayed by the very technology she studied, and it took almost losing Link for her powers to manifest, then right after, having to reach all alone the castle while crossing through the devastated Hyrule and Castle town, and then fighting and being stuck with a demon for an hundred years, she's honestly so strong ! Please this girl deserves an happy ending ! And just imagining Link who wrote inside his journal how much he wants to see her smile again and who listened to Kass' song, being so ecstatic to finally meet her in person after hearing so much about her, ending up all alone...

Of course he met friends throughout his journey and made connections, but he also had to remember everything that he has lost, he had to remember his friends, then going into the divines beasts with an once of hope only to find them already dead, and he also had to face everything that he doesn't remember and the fact that he must have felt grief without understanding where it came from at first and having a really big responsability uppon his shoulder as soon as he woke up...

And I think it's also part of the beauty of botw, this game make you truly enjoy the beauty of the wild, of liberty, and of life in general, a journey of rediscovering life and travelling the country, meeting and helping peoples as best as you can while also having fun shield surfing from time to time but it's also bittersweet, because this liberty is also the result of loss, and it's a constant throughout the game... The bright happiness and joyfullness is underlain with deep sadness and sorrow... And the music of the game is perfect for conveying these feelings, I just think it's truly beautiful ! Honestly if anyone tell me botw lack story, I will come for them, because the story is everywhere if you think and search enough, I don't know if it's just me but throughout the game I always imagined how Link would feel and react to everything, dialogues, memories and such, but anyway back to my first point, I was so scared to finish the game for this very reason, and I was holding my breath during the last cutscene, I'm very glad this didn't happen haha ! Zelda and Link deserve everything honestly, please Nintendo let them be happy during the sequel !

Anon, you said it all so well!!!! BotW is the epitome of contradiction. The beauty of the nature is the result of the apocalypse which caused the green to retake the carved stone. The freedom is caused by everyone who would care about titles or roles being dead. I too was terrified Zelda was going to be dead- heck, that shot in the end when she appears shrouded in light almost stopped my heart haha. They deserve to be happy and I love them and this game so much

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk loz #such a good analysis

[geminil0vr]

without me? | ron b. weasley (request)

summary; you and ron say goodbye.

tagged; @partr1dge <3

word count; 1.6k

content; this is really fucking sad, arguing, angst galore, making out, mention of horcruxes, no foreplay y'all i'm sorry, unprotected sex (let’s say she’s on birth control), sad sex (smut), riding, fluff/angst.

a/n; i know this is serious but now i can't stop thinking about all those fuckboy memes like "a haha..... fuck, without me?" also this physically hurt me to write !! i'm sorry anon, this is way too sad, and i know you mentioned them having their first time, but i hope you don't mind that i changed the story a little so they were together for the ‘last time’ !!

you and ron had been arguing, and yelling, and crying, for hours now. it wasn't intense, nor heated. it was cold, it was brash, it was heartbreaking and earth-shattering. you could feel a harsh weight in your chest much akin to a gaping hole that made your limbs feel heavy, and your head hot. that made you feel utterly weak. your face felt warm and swollen from all the tears that had run down it, and his cheeks were flushed pink, face blotchy.

you think, now, that you weren't really that angry, just desperate. you just wanted an excuse, to create an argument, an argument that could very well have been your last. and you wanted to make him feel the way that you did, being left here while he went off to get himself killed, at least a little bit. but not too much. merlin, you wouldn't have wished this feeling of hopelessness on anyone else.

ron weasley had a strong heart, so strong that it chipped away at himself with every person he loved. his friends, his family, you.

and he had a strong head on his shoulders, determined, courageous, yet burdened by endless insecurity.

and you loved him.

your voice cracked for what felt like the millionth time, as the argument reached its shallow peak, where you two were just silent, before finding another reason to argue again, "why can't i just go with you, please, ron?"

"you wouldn't be safe! i've told you this, it's bloody dangerous!"

"you say that as if i haven't always gotten you out of something dangerous! i was there when you got those stupid scars up your arms, i was there for you —"

"i know, i know —"

"merlin, ron, i'm always there! i've always been there when you do stupid shit with harry and hermione!" you pointed to your side, as if an invisible audience were observing you, "why on earth is it — is it up to you to decide now that you want to protect me?"

"because i don't want you to get hurt, not because of me!"

"well, you're doing a pretty fucked up job of that."

you both swallowed, then sighed heavily, sitting down on his bed. he sat, hands clasped in his lap, body tensed. you pressed your hands into the mattress, leaning over it and letting your hair fall down into your face. this was so messed up. reaching over silently, without looking up, you took his hand in yours.

"don't go," you croaked, "i love you."

"i love you too." he whispered, not trusting his voice not to crack if he spoke any louder. but he didn't give you an answer. he didn't need to. you both knew there was no turning back on his decision, that it was something he had to do, that it was something you'd have to accept.

sniffling, you finally lifted your head, looking over at him with tears blurring your vision. you picked up his hand in yours, brushing your lips over it, and shutting your eyes.

he took you in his arms, gently grasping your jaw and kissing you softly. when he pulled away, you carefully pushed him back to you, fingers ghosting the nape of his neck as you both tilted your heads, breathing ragged, cheeks wet. you could taste the salt in your mouth as your tongue swiped over his, not in a battle for dominance, but a cautious waltz of need.

you climbed into his lap, bending down to meet his lips, arms wrapped tightly around the nape of his neck, desperate to just be close. he clutched your waist, kissing down your jaw to your neck, not feverishly, tenderly — he wanted to memorise every piece of you, and guard it with his life. for you, he would. for you, it was worth it. it was worth everything.

sliding down your tank top to your hips, he placed more wet kisses to your exposed breasts, paying attention to the way your chest rose and fell, licking over your nipples and suckling gently on the buds as you slowly rolled your hips into his.

you didn't want to think of it as a goodbye. but he'd left you no choice, informing you just a day before his departure that he'd be going to hunt for horcruxes to help his friends. and it was such a selfless thing to do, and it was so ron, running into a battle with no armour on. it was an act of wavering courage. yet you couldn't help but feel fury burst through you, entangling with your worst fears, your pity, your desperation, your sadness.

you wanted to keep ron weasley protected, away from everyone else, away from hurt, away from the trials of life and death. it was unrealistic, but you craved it nonetheless, and you let that want course through your veins, blood burning. you could feel it in your wrists, at your pulse, at your throat, in your stomach, simmering. these were shallow, scalding waters that you waded through, knees giving in, heart giving out.

he moved you to the centre of the bed, taking off his shirt and letting it fall to the ground; you studied him for a moment, broad shoulders, freckled skin — you thought he was beautiful. then you eyed his arms as he leaned over you, covered in deep, white scarring, circling up to his bicep, the cause of the scars even having lashed out at his waist, licks of ivory decorating the sides of his torso. and, pulling your tank top and shorts down, his eyes devoured all the newly exposed skin too.

you didn't speak — you couldn't speak. your hearts were still aching and this was merely a distraction, a last dance.

he trailed desperate kisses down to your waistline, then hooked your panties down, kissing over your inner thighs, making you squirm. then to your hips, and your waist, lengthening the distance between you and what you wanted most.

not wasting another second, he kicked off his own pants and underwear, and slowly dragged the head of his cock over your slit.

he found his voice somewhere, buried in the pit of his stomach.

"are you ready?" he rasped, swallowing.

"mhmm." you nodded, and wrapped your legs around him, hands grasping his shoulders as he eased himself in, just like he'd done many times before.

you groaned quietly together, closing your eyes and savouring the feeling one last time. you clenched tight around him as he set a slow pace, hips gently thrusting against you, both letting little moans slip from your mouths, throats dry from all the shouting and crying. the feeling of fullness enveloped you as he thrust in as deep as he could go, making you gasp and wrap your arms around him tighter.

“so good for me, love. feels so good.” he muttered between pants, the words only making you pulse around him tighter. you had a bizarre urge to both cum and hold off as long as you could so this would go on as long as possible, as long as you needed him on you, inside you.

the sex was soft, bittersweet, filled with random kisses, both rolling your hips against each other. sometimes with ron, it was urgent, needy, desperate, brutal. and despite feeling all of those things at once, you grasped onto each other and never picked up the pace, clammy hands and warm skin, quiet groans and pounding hearts.

“ronnie, i wanna ride you.” you mumbled against his lips, as he allowed you to ease off him, finally straddling his hips once he was slouched against the headboard. you lazily rocked your hips against his, dragging your soaked folds over his shaft, finally letting up and sliding onto his cock once he pinched at your hips and gave you a desperate look.

“fuck, y/n. so tight around me, riding me like that.” he groaned, warm breath fanning over the shell of your ear as you wrapped your arms around his neck for support, head buried in the crook of it, bouncing steadily and moaning every time the new position made the thick head of his cock hit your g-spot.

“i love you.” you groaned, hips meeting his and no longer bouncing, just rocking back and forth, rolling your hips against his slowly.

“i love you too. so fucking much. never wanna leave you.”

“don’t.” you sniffled again, eyes filling with tears once more.

“i don’t want to.” you began riding him properly again, slowly, as he met your thrusts, rutting up into you. the crack in his voice was evident, and you avoided sobbing again by pressing your head even further into his neck, kissing the pale skin softly.

moaning, you bit your bottom lip, “i’m gonna cum, baby.”

“cum for me.” he breathed as you obliged (without much choice), body twitching as your orgasm washed over you powerfully, eyes screwed shut, thighs squeezing against his.

sensitive, he kept rocking up into you slowly, shallow moans building up from the back of his throat, voice raspy, “gonna cum, shit.”

you felt the sudden warmth as he pumped load after load of cum into you, and you kept your eyes closed, holding onto ron tighter than you thought possible as his trembling hands caressed your waist.

“can we stay like this, a sec’?”

his cock began to soften inside you, and he mumbled against your shoulder after a moment, “yeah.”

so you just held each other, breathing and hearts slowing down.

you mumbled into his neck. "promise you'll be safe?"

you could feel him smile softly against your shoulder.

“if it means coming back to you? i promise."

#harry potter #n*sfw #n*fw #smut #angst #harry potter x reader #angst smut #sad smut #soft smut #harry potter fic #hp #hp fic #ron weasley #ron x reader #ron weasley x y/n #ron weasley x you #ron weasley x reader #ron fic #ron weasley fic #ron smut #ron weasley fluff #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley angst #horcrux #horcruxes #ron weasley smut

[elegiesforshiva]

Hi there, the anon from the last question, so uhm, you wised me a happy weekend and... my dad passed away lol 🙃 not feeling the greatest but it's kind of nice that there's a world outside this cruel and coating grief

In regards of Ghosts, I really hope you finish it. I really hope that even if it takes years, it comes to an end. Or, if not, if you would even consider sharing with us how you intended to finish it, how things would evolve and so on, but hey, I truthfully hope you one day find the will to continue, I know how hard it can get to come to terms and peace with your very own writing and ideas and everything in between, so wishing you a happy day, week and life. Excited for your answer, btw!!!

I'm sorry I took so long to respond to this, I kind of didn't have the emotional bandwidth to answer earlier, that first part was a lot to hear. And I know whatever I felt receiving that news isn't even a fraction compared to what you're holding. I'm so sorry, I don't know what sort of relationship you had with your dad or the circumstances of his passing, but even in the most estranged father-child relationships, I think most people would still feel really misplaced after a death like that. I'm holding you. I hope the grief moves through you with as much grace as possible. Thank you for all the kindness and well wishes too!! I really hope so too. I think someone else actually once asked to see the notes for Ghosts, I'm so embarrassed by them though...most likely because of the nature of the work itself. I feel like angst has SOOOOOOO many cringe pitfalls and like if you don't flesh out an idea properly it comes off as really fucking dumb and juvenile LOL. idk maybe i'm just overly critical and this is some internalized shit about discounting the pain of yourself and others as a negligible joke, but either way, i def prefer the delivery to have some intelligence attached than what my notes can provide lol. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for a long awaited continuation... I loved this series and I love writing, and there's still a long way to go from here, it'd seem like such a waste. But time will tell. Thank you again for reaching out!!! Sorry for the wait again...Sending you all the love I can muster and then some ❤️

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

EARLY BIRD

Angel Reyes x Reader

Anon asked: could you write an imagine with angel Reyes in which you think he’s gonna break up with you because he’s been distant with you.

Word Count: 1.9k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @starrynite7114 ​ ✨

Author comments: I'm sorry it took me so long! I just needed some time away from my phone, 'cause I was feeling somewhat sick, but I'm back! I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Another morning, waking up in an empty bed and the next side to yours totally cold. You snort turning your body above it, pulling your hair away from your forehead with a hand. There's any noise outside of the bedroom, the one you were supposed to share with Angel because, probably, he left the house stealthily some hours ago. You don't know what's going on. You don't know what's happening between you. And at any time you have tried to talk with him about it, he only says that everything is okay and you're just a little paranoid. You want to believe him. You really try with all your efforts, but there's a bunch of insecurities getting stuck inside your chest oppressing it, that doesn't let air through.

✉: “hey, early bird”

You haven't thought about it, grabbing your phone to know if he is still alive, leaving it on the pillow where your head is resting. Some minutes laters, when you're almost falling asleep again, the advice dings turning on the screen.

✉: “eh”

That's all. And he keeps saying that nothing has changed. For sure.

✉: “you free 2nig?”

✉: “i think so”

      “y?”

✉: “we could have a night in”

     “dinner and movie”

     “hang out for beers”

✉: “am into first”

✉: “k! 7? 8?”

✉: “8 good”

✉: “k! ily”.

✉: “back”

You know he's not going to come, but at least you try it.

When the night is about to fall down plunging Santo Padre into the darkness of the desert, you begin to set up ready in case a miracle happens. Putting the steaks you bought at pops, in the pan with some oil and salt over low heat, you leave the kitchen to change your clothes. Wearing nothing but his favorite shirt, you spread on your neck and collarbone that fruity and fresh perfume he loves the most. And picking up your hair in a ponytail, you walk barefoot back to the kitchen. It's flooded by the delicious smell of the meat cooking slowly, turning them to the other side when it's getting golden. Leaving the food in the background, you go next to the freezer checking that the cold beers are ready to be drinked. You have popcorn, candies and chocolate for later. Everything is on point, even if you don't have much faith that he's going to come.

You weren't wrong.

At half past nine you're sitting on the couch, eating the cold steak you cooked and drinking the third beer. Angel didn't answer any of your messages, nor your calls. So, after trying to contact him for almost one hour, you decided to have dinner alone.

Another night.

The desire to cry floods you with leaps and bounds, grabbing the last piece from the fork in a bad mood before leaving the dish on the table and drinking your beer till it's empty. You fall asleep on the sofa some minutes after with your eyes filled with tears.

Although the door closes silently, you open your eyes getting up, stretching once you sit up. Angel looks like shit, tired and upset with his hair made a mess. Noticing sideways that the sun is almost shining, you don't say anything when he's about to apologize. Leaving him alone with the word in his mouth. You don't even pick up dinner stuff, going back to bed and throwing away the shirt you're on to wear yours. Covering your head with the blankets, you can hear Angel's heavy steps following to the bathroom to get locked in. The water running down the shower.

A fist hitting the marble.

And finally, a weary snort when the mattress sinks a little next to you.

“I was arrested.”

No words from you. He knows you're awake. Once your eyes are opened, it's impossible for you to fall asleep again.

“I really wanted to spend last night with you, mi amor.”

Nothing.

You don't even move.

“I'm so sorry.”

You try to get up, pulling away the blankets tired of hearing bullshit. Not understanding why he just doesn't tell you it's all over, assuming he doesn't because he hates loneliness and no matter how much he despises you, that you're going to come back once and again like a beaten dog faithful to its master. He never was like that, he just changed from nothing. From being the loveliest man to a ghost in your life. Angel grabs your wrist, stopping you from leaving him alone, but you can't look at his face.

You can't fall again.

“Stay, please.”

“I needed you to stay a lot of times, and you weren't even here.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, you already said that.”

With a heavy snort being spitted by your lips, you sit on the edge of the bed rubbing your face with both hands. Getting up and holding your phone in a hand, you guide your feet to the door looking for some coffee in the kitchen, to serve it inside a big mug.

“Emily is back and I am just trying to save EZ's ass. I didn't see I was abandoning you.”

Sounds like an explanation, but you don't really care. This hole between you two isn't going to get closed with some apologies and some kisses. He's going to have to make it up to you.

Hard.

“And when I’m saying I’m sorry, it's because I'm really sorry (Y/N).” He takes three steps closer towards you, with his hands keeping down inside the pockets of his short sweatpants. “I fucking love you. Nothing and nobody could change that. I swear on my mom.”

You have a sip of your coffee, closing your eyes when he names his mother for the first time in that way.

“Listen, I got to be back at the scrapyard in four hours. But this afternoon we're gonna go to a place.”

“Which place?”

“You'll see. And I know you're gonna like it.”

“But?”

There's always a ‘but’.

“But first I have to pick up a buddy, I promise him that he could stay with us”.

“What the fuck, Angel?!”

You're drowning in coughs, leaving the cup to hit your chest with a palm.

“(Y/N), trust me, okay? You will love him.”

“You're a fucking jerk.”

“Mi amor, listen.” He grabs your forearm, stopping you. “Trust me”.

“I can't fucking trust you. Not today. Not after telling me you were fucking arrested, and now telling me you're gonna bring a ‘buddy’ to our fucking house without asking me.”

“You're gonna regret those words this afternoon.”

“Yeah, but for that, you have to be here and you're not gonna come.”

Letting go yourself, you walk away from him. You can't believe this is truly happening, getting worse as the minutes go by.

Driving through the desert, you don't know where the hell you're going, hoping he's not bringing you to Vicki's place because one of the girls needs to hide. Even if he talked to you about a guy. Angel is giving you the directions you have to take, making your blood boil whenever you ask him about it and he just smirks at you with that kind of smile you would like to punch out.

And yes, it's a surprise when you reach Grace's kennel. Frowning at him as you stop your car, you try to keep calm.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Am I a fucking joke to you, Angel?”

“What?”

“I'm not gonna fucking bring a junkie to my house!”

“We're n— We're not he—”. He can't even talk, breaking into laughs stirring on his seat. “Step out of the car, mi amor.”

“No! You know what? We're fucking done! I can't! I can't handle it!”

You're getting so nervous you don't know what you are saying. Collapsing. Exploding. But seems like the oldest Reyes doesn't give a fuck if you are on the verge of an anxiety attack, when he takes off your seat belt before grabbing the keys of your car. Angel doesn't say anything, getting out of it and walking to your side. After opening your door, he holds your hand pushing you into him. And you just let him do what he wants with you.

“You ok?” Grace asks you somewhat confused and worried, looking at your pale face. Pursing your lips, you shrug your shoulders.

Seems like you're in shock, not understanding anything that is going on around you while your boyfriend guides your steps to the backyard of the kennel. You find a big black dog lying on the ground with a plastic cone covering his head from his neck and some bandages on his paws and his tail. Tail that he begins to move full of happiness walking with some difficulties close to Angel.

“See, buddy?! I told ya I was coming back for ya'!” Your boyfriend squats towards the dog to hug him, whilst the animal is crying a little, stirring and trying to lick his face.

“What? What's that?” You point at the dog with a finger.

“I was driving on my way back home, and I saw a fuckig shithead dragging him by the paws with a bike. I was arrested because he ended up unconscious”.

Pursing your lips, you can't help but cry slightly bending over the floor and stretching a hand on air, just wanting that he can smell you to see you don't want to hurt him. The dog brings his snout closer, sniffing your fingers for some seconds taking two steps next to you. His tail starts to move again, imagine that he's also smelling Angel's scent on your clothes.

“Hey, buddy. Nice to meet you”. Using a soft and low tone, the dog shortens the distance licking your face without expecting. That makes you laugh loudly.

“I know you feel alone when I’m riding and he doesn't have a home.” Angel says, waiting for you to finish spinning the matter by yourself. “See? I knew you were gonna regret your words.”

“Ugh, shut up.” You growl, drawing a smile to your new friend with his head rested on your chest, as you caress one of his sides.

“Is he okay?” Your boyfriend asks Grace, getting up as he does, being followed by the dog.

The women nods.

“He's strong. But I'll give you some pills for pain, in case he complains. And you should change the bandages every day. Bring him back next week and I'll check him.”

“Done. How much do I own you, sweetheart?”

“Nothing. Just take him to his new home.”

“Thank you, Grace.” You say before hugging her tightly.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” She said then, nodding at her.

“So, what's his name?” You ask Angel, walking back to the car with the dog practically glued to your legs.

“Caco”. He answers holding your hand, leaving a kiss on the back of it.

“So, I'm assuming the place where we’re going next is a pet shop, to buy him a lot of things.”

“Shit, mi amor, I got fucking horny every time you show me how smart you are.”

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes

[losers-yurio]

Micky Dolenz x reader smut 

sub!Micky with hair pulling 

requested by anon (that I've grown v attached to hshsh)

taglist:@makemeyourwife-loveofmylife

Reblogs>likes 

FINISHED AT 11:30 HA, I'll go over spelling and grammar in the morning y'all deserve this right now

After a long day at work seeing your pretty boy sitting on the couch with tussled hair and a look of concentration

Coming home to him was one of your favorite things

Hearing you come in he looked up

You tossed your keys on the counter and walked over to the couch to take a seat next to him

You probably should have been too tired to be this aroused but it was the soft look on his paired with his messed up hair and the opening of his shirt that reached the middle of his chest that did you in

Sure you've seen it all before but it was I sight you never tire of seeing

Aperently Micky could see how dark your eyes were becoming with lust

He turned so that he could put his guitar up against the side table on his right

"What's on your mind y/n?" You let out a short breath before responding "You"

Turning back to look at you this time with a look of confusion playing on his features

When he didn't say anything you continued leaning in to place a small kiss to his cheek before the words left your lips

"you and your stupidly beautiful face, and how I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to have you begging under me so desperate for your release that'd you'd do almost anything to get that bliss"

This time it was his turn to let out a breath accompanied by a soft "wow"

You started to trail more light kisses down his neck, across his collarbone and down his chest to the end of the opening in his shirt

From there you moved so you were sitting completely in his lap now with his legs stretched out behind you

Out of reflex his hands imeadietly went to your hips before they made an attempt to untuck your blouse from your skirt that settled in an almost halo around you

Though before he could you took his wrists and pinned them to the arm of the couch

"oh no you dont, I'm in control tonight."

At this his eyebrows shot up in surprise

To his credit he wasn't as hesitant to give up control as you thought he would be

"Do you think you can come with me hardly doing anything like a good boy?" "Y/n..."

With the feeling of your thinly clothed core against his prominent bulge you weren't sure if that was a cry of protest or pleasure

Quite possible that it was both

You restituted yourself once more so that you were now holding both of his wrists in your left hand and you were sitting on his torso

Luckily It wasn't to difficult to shuck off his pants and briefs with only one hand especially when he was eager to help

Slowly the tips of your fingers began to ghost down his thigh being careful as to not touch his length on the way down

After reaching his knee you applied a little more pressure and slid back up a bit so that the tip of your finger was straight across from his tip

Poor thing was red and leaking pre-come

It didn't take long of fleeting touches and ones that left far too soon for his liking that finally pushed him over the edge

With a loud groan he finally reached his release with it landing on his lower abdomen

You reached over him to the tissue box in order to clean him up

"now since you've been such a good boy how about you get on your knees and remind me what that mouth of yours can do"

He had a big dopy grin

How easily he could make you come undone with just his mouth was something he was extremely proud of

You let him move out from under you making his way so that he was kneeling in front of the couch

And Infront of you

Still not exactly sure what to do while being in control of this specific situation, you just ran with it

Letting him hook his hands behind your knees to pull you closer

Still a little too high he dropped from his knees to be more level with your cunt

Moving his hands from the back of your knees to your ass he didn't hesitate to connect his mouth to your core after pressing a light kiss to the inside of your thigh

Out of habit your hands flew down to grip his hair

"fuck mick"

You'd hoped he hadn't noticed how much you were grinding on his thigh earlier but he probably had

With any luck he'd just use the fact that you were already desperate to get you off quicker and harder and maybe jokingly mention it later

Though you were still in charge it didn't feel like it

Especially when you weren't sure if he was planning to get revenge for all the teasing

You quickly pushed the thought from your mind though as you began to feel that familiar feeling in your stomach

You look down and even though you can only see part of his face your still convinced that he's the most beautiful man you've ever seen

Knowing how he liked the validation you tugged on the hair that was between your fingers Wich caused him to moan into you

Feeling your climax fast approaching you crossed your legs behind his back in an attempt to bring him closer

Getting the message his movements became faster easily being Exactly what you needed to push you over the edge

Still panting you looked back down at Micky who now looked exhausted

"come on babe let's get you into bed, you did phenomenally tonight and you need some rest" "but what about dinner?"

"We can always do a late night snack, besides I'm not hungry" he nodded before answering

"Hey y/n?" "Hm?" You should do that more often"

#if we ignore the roadtrip fic this is the longest one ive ever written #oops- #my writing #the monkees #the monkees x reader #micky dolenz #micky dolenz x reader