#back on my bullshit etc etc

[secondbeatsongs]

iCarly Meta, Part 5: Socko, Nominative Determinism, and How I Spend My Free Time

so, you may remember that I've made four separate iCarly posts before, because I am just way too into this dorky, ridiculous children's show.

well, over a year ago, I wrote this fifth one. and after some introspection, some really deep self-evaluation about what I want and where I'm going in life, I've decided that it's time to share it with the world at large

so...let's talk about Socko's family!

to catch you up: Socko is Spencer's best friend, who designs all of the fun socks that Spencer wears! he's first mentioned in s01e07 (iScream on Halloween), though some of his socks are shown as early as s01e02 (iWant More Viewers).

(technical note: production-wise, s01e09 is listed before s01e07, and I think that was intended to be Socko's introduction, and it would make sense, considering how Spencer describes him in that ep. but I can't prove this, and so we move on.)

while Socko is mentioned consistently throughout the show, he's never fully shown on screen. but, he does technically appear in an episode, because you can see part of his arm in s04e11-s04e13 (iParty with Victorious) when he hands Spencer the keys to his van.

Spencer and Socko have known each other since at least 1999 (as mentioned in s02e12, iRocked the Vote) when Spencer would have been 17 or 18. and despite Socko almost never being shown, it's clear that he spends a lot of time with Spencer, and that they're close. if Spencer needs something, Socko is always willing to call in a favor from one of his family members.

and boy, does Socko have a lot of very interesting family members.

let's go over some of them real quick:

Bernie is a welder, Otto is a used car salesman, Tyler designs neckties, Taylor is a tailor, Rob is a thief, Arty is an artist, Isaac is an optometrist, and Ryder is a motorcycle enthusiast.

are we noticing a pattern here?

every single one of these is an aptronym – a personal name that is aptly or peculiarly suited to its owner. and since all of these people are in some way related, this is fascinating to me.

it seems like Socko's family is really into nominative determinism – the idea that people tend to gravitate towards areas of work that fit their names. whether or not this is true of people in real life is unclear, but in the universe of iCarly, this is something that Socko's family is all about.

when did it start, I wonder? who was the first in the family to have a job or hobby that related directly to their name? and who continued that pattern? because someone named Bernard going by "Bernie" and taking up welding is one thing, but an entire family of people going into fields that have to do with their names is unsettling.

is this on purpose, now? do the parents in Socko's family choose names for their children based on what they want them to be? is there an expectation that each child will have to choose a profession based on what their parents name them?

I think there is. and I think it's fucked up.

imagine growing up knowing that your name would control your future career options. that no matter how you felt about your name, choosing a career or hobby that matched it is what would make your parents happy. that at least some portion of your parents' love is tied to the idea that you will be what they named you.

and depending on the name, the kids aren't always left with a lot of options! someone named Bernie could be a welder, a woodburning artist, a firefighter, etc...but for Taylor, there's really only one path to take.

what if a kid is trans? I just have to wonder, would they be judged more for not identifying with their assigned sex at birth, or for changing their name?

and one of Socko's cousins is named Mary. think about that with me for a second – Mary.

imagine that the only dream your parents have for you is that you get married. and not just fall in love! no, you were given this name because their express purpose, their biggest hope for you is that you get legally married.

what if Mary had been gay? what if she grew up with fear in her heart, knowing that the only thing her parents had ever wanted from her wasn't possible, was actually illegal, because of who she was?

or what if she had been aro, or ace, or just otherwise not interested in relationships? or what if she was interested in relationships, but not the serious, legal commitment of marriage?

my hope here (my one fragile hope) is that Rob, Mary, and Josh are siblings, and that their parents were trying to escape this part of the family legacy. maybe they named their kids Robert, Marian, and Joshua, and tried to steer clear of any obvious career choices – but then their sons started going by "Josh" and "Rob" and causing trouble, and "Mary" started talking about her upcoming wedding, and they knew that they would never be free of the family curse.

'cause it's gotta be a curse, right? I feel like at this point, it has to be.

but hey, worry not! because I think there are some loopholes.

Penny, for example, had a lot of choices – she could have minted coins, or built fences, or designed ball-point pens, or been a cashier (etc, etc). but she didn't do any of those things! she started a t-shirt company, and made shirts with fun phrases on them like "church pants" and "parole baby" and "chest words" (all shirts I would wear for real).

her job didn't have anything to do with her name – but she still followed the family pattern. she named her t-shirt company "Penny-Tees", and sewed a single penny into each of her shirts. instead of finding a name-based occupation, she made her own.

I really think it's brilliant – she got to do what she wanted, and her parents couldn't complain, because it still suited her name! and if this pattern is curse-based, she found a way around it by following it to the letter (but not exactly the spirit), and because of this, she got to make her own choices.

and speaking of jobs that may or may not suit one's name: let's talk about Socko.

early in the show when we're introduced to him, we know three things about him:

he knows where to find huge pumpkins

he sells Spencer all of his wacky socks

his name is Socko

but, thinking about that third point…is it?

like, is his name actually Socko?

let's look at Socko's family tree for a moment:

(ID in alt text)

(yes, I made this. it took over two days. I skimmed through many episodes, looked through a large amount of the old iCarly website on the Wayback Machine, and as far as I know, this is canon accurate.)

(shhh, this was absolutely a valuable use of my time. don't worry about it.)

look at his family. look at the names.

almost all of them are, well…normal names. names that could belong to any acquaintance, friend, or relative in your own everyday life.

the only real exceptions here are Freight Dog, Boomer, and Dr. Paxil – but if we're being real? "Freight Dog" is almost definitely a nickname, "Paxil" isn't that strange-sounding of a surname, and I have actually seen people named "Boomer".

so that just leaves…Socko.

"Socko" is not a people name. it sounds mean, but I don't know how else to word that – it's just not a name for a human person.

it would be a great name for a cat or a dog (especially if they had paws that were a different color from their body – man, that'd be so cute!), but it is not a name that many parents would willingly give to a human child. especially when all of the other siblings in the family have relatively normal names.

my theory, my hottest take: I don't think "Socko" is his legal name.

think about it: Socko and every single one of his siblings went into the fashion industry. even accounting for the fact that they probably wanted Penny to have a different career, would Socko's parents really want all three of their other children going into the same industry, especially one as tumultuous and challenging as fashion design?

I think not. I think they gave Socko a different name, one that they believed would lead him down a completely distinct career path. and then, like Penny, Socko found his own true calling – but instead of changing his occupation to match his name? he changed his name to match his occupation.

it is my belief that Socko's birth name…the name his parents gave him…

(drumroll please)

…was "Socrates".

now hold on, just stay with me here. because I swear that this does make sense, really!

so, back at the beginning of this post I mentioned nominative determinism, but that term wasn't actually used until 1994. before then, it was called "onomastic determinism" or "die verpflichtung des namens" ("the obligation of the name"), but it wasn't really…a thing? it wasn't something that people really studied, and when they did, nobody could seem to come to a solid conclusion about whether or not your name does actually influence your career choice.

I think that in some way, Socko's parents wanted an answer. they wanted an explanation as to why their family tree reads like a joke book. and by naming their kid "Socrates", they were sending that question out into the world, hoping for a response.

because there were really two options here – either Socko would grow up to be a philosopher, someone who could search for meaning in the pattern of family job-finding, or he wouldn't. and if he didn't, if he threw off the shackles of his name and did something else entirely, then that in itself would be an answer.

and sure, maybe his parents should have thought about how "Socrates" might be abbreviated. maybe they should have considered that he could grow up to design socks. but hindsight is 20/20, and I don't know if that's something any parent would expect of their child, so I won't hold that against them.

I will however, judge them for naming two of their kids "Taylor" and "Tyler" – like, my god. can you imagine how often people got them mixed up? it's inhumane.

even worse if they were twins! though actually, that would make some kind of twisted sense – to give twins names that not only match, but that would lead them to careers in the same industry. maybe they wanted them to go into business together? hoo boy.

anyway, sorry, I've gone off-topic. back to Socko – or should I say, Socrates.

"Socrates" is a pretty fun name. two parts of it are σῶς (sôs, “safe and sound”) and κράτος (krátos, “power”), which is an interesting name meaning for a dude who was executed for corrupting the youth.

(I'm talking about the philosopher here – as far as I know, Socko from iCarly was not executed for corrupting the youth. at least, not yet.)

and if we keep thinking about Socrates (the philosopher), I think there's another reason that this name fits: we know fuck-all about Socrates.

sure, he's well-known – lots of people know about his ideas, and the Socratic method – but…he never actually wrote anything. everything we think we know about him, we learned from somebody else.

all of Socrates' interests, his skills, his beliefs? they were all things we learned from Plato, Xenophon, or (I guess) Aristophanes. we have no idea what the dude was actually like, outside of that.

just like we have no idea what Socko is like, outside of what Spencer says.

Socrates is a vital figure in the history of western philosophy, but all of the things we know about him are altered by the opinions of other people, filtered through the lenses of their perception.

and Socko is a vital character in the show iCarly, but all of the things we know about him – his hobbies, his opinions, his wants – are things we've heard second-hand from Spencer.

(you're laughing. Spencer Shay is a stand-in for Plato, and you're laughing.)

so in a very fun way, Socko (Socrates) did live up to his name…by being unknown to us, the audience.

us, watching this TV show the way chained prisoners watch shadows dance on the wall of a cave.

continuing down this rabbit hole…does this mean that one of the iCarly crew is Aristotle?

no…perhaps that's taking it too far.

(it'd be Gibby)

final notes:

I haven't seen all of the iCarly reboot yet (I'm on episode 3! I have mixed feelings, but I think one of the writers ships the thing that I ship, so that's fun), so if it mentions something about Socko lore, I unfortunately do not know about it.

fun fact: the ancient Greeks did often have names that were meant to have sway on their lives! for example: Hedistē ("most delightful"), Demotimos ("honored among the people"), Hippodamas ("horse-tamer"), Nikomachē ("victorious in battle").

additional fun fact: I asked one of the mods of the iCarly wiki, and they said I could put the family tree I made on the page for Socko's Family! :D

look! it's my thing! the thing that I made! how cool is that?!

(I'll be real; I am way too proud of this)

yes, two of Socko's family members have inaptronyms instead of aptronyms: Harry (bald) and Jean (allergic to denim). but in my mind, they still count – the names are still weirdly suited to their specific lives.

since I'm pretty sure "Freight Dog" is a nickname, I also took a crack at what I think his legal name might be. my theory? "Aaron".

(get it? Aaron? because he's in the air? okay, I'll see myself out.)

anyway, my new hobby is coming up with more family members for Socko to have. descend with me into the deepest reaches of The Headcanon Zone, and behold:

Lisa: She's a landlord (she leases apartments). Socko hates her.

Barry: A big ol' bear of a man. Or he could work for Gund or Build-a-Bear or something. That could be fun!

Mike: Audio technician

Amy: Sharpshooter

Summer: Camp counselor

Tony: Orthopedist. (toe-knee)

Marty: Owns and operates a supermarket

and because it's fun, my friend @wonderbound joined in and came up with these super great ones:

Drew: Illustrator

Cody: Programmer or hacker

Pete: Bryologist (he studies moss!)

Norm: He's just a guy

Flo: Plumber – or maybe, an expert in fluid dynamics

Hattie: Milliner (she makes hats)

Howl: Werewolf (or perhaps, the owner of a moving castle 👀)

Will: Estate planning attorney (he writes wills)

anyway, I think that's about it. thanks for coming with me on this adventure! I hope it was as much of a rollercoaster to read as it was to write, because yeah, it was a weird one over here.

I mean, it started out normal? but then the next thing I knew, I had gotten invested, made nine edits to the iCarly wiki, and designed that whole family tree. so I think maybe I went a little overboard with this one. xD

tune in next time, for…I dunno. I think my brain needs a break after that. but, eventually I would love to write more meta! just…maybe not all for iCarly? I have some things to say about Gravity Falls that I think are gonna blow your minds.

(not really; I just think it's great)

#icarly #icarly meta #socko #spencer shay #id in alt text #back on my bullshit etc etc #this is probably one of the best things I've ever written #I solidly lost my mind for a week and then woke as if from a dream #thinking...hey. maybe...I'm onto something here? #like maybe I connected the dots. I connected them #xD #but yeah. it took a while and a lot of thinking #but I did decide to put this on tumblr and not just on patreon #I think I'm okay with it now #tbh. the reason that I kept it only on patreon to begin with #was because there was going to be some weird overlap with a fic I wrote #one I never finished or published. a long time ago #but I decided...to not finish that fic #at least not now #so there's no risk of you finding my ao3 because of this post #and there won't be for a while. maybe not ever #that's what I was worried about #I try to keep my main fandom life separate from this blog #that's just how I like it to be #but now I think I can relax about that for a bit #and let you enjoy this post

[jazzypizzaz]

it’s hitting me, yet again, that quark and odo kissed IN ACTUAL FILMED FOOTAGE but that we only know about it because twenty fucking years later it was shown offhand to like a hundred people at one con and out of those people one noble soul had the wherewithal to pull out their phone and share it. twenty years of that blooper not existing?? the theory that fandom retroactively willed it into existence by sheer passion, 100%. proof of a chaotic universe

#i know ive either made or reblogged this exact post before but you know #back on my bullshit etc etc #quodo #it's actually the perfect context #because if they/showrunners etc made any big deal about it #it'd have been a Big Joke #instead we can ignore any homophobia involved kljdsklj #sssssshh #ds9 blacklist tag #just renee & armin embodying their characters like pros

[chrollohearttags]

meg baby, I promise we’ll all look the other way if you decide to strangle that chimera ant built bitch. I promise we won’t say nothing.

#nicki got to be one of the nastiest bitches I’ve ever seen in my life #you ain’t had a fucking hit in 10 yrs good enough to act the way you do #it’s crazy it took her being so vile to meg for ppl to get it #it’s always ‘protect blk women’ w/her until it’s somebody she don’t like lmao #and her only beef with her is that she collabed with cardi #the only one who stuck by her side mind you so ofc she #she’s been terrible and I remember back in 2017 when ppl jumped me for ‘defending a Latina woman’ over her #the same bitch that co opted a hashtag meant for missing and murdered blk women for her own bullshit #while cardi was using her platform to speak up for breonna Taylor and police brutality? oh okay #she’s a nasty witch and her karma will come #rap beef aside #‘how you got 3 Grammys and can’t stay on beat?’ #how are you the supposed queen and been rapping since Jesus was in Jerusalem but have zero? #bringing up her dead mother..you deserve to rot #cherry chats 🍒 #I’m so happy cardi no longer feeds into her bullshit and lets her stupid ass talk to the wall #all the new girls are outshining her and I’m so glad they don’t have to grovel to her #the fact that these girls just came out and are her competition says more abt nicki than it does Meg cardi latto or anybody else #her peers should be missy kim queen latifah etc #and yet she’s linking up with 23 year olds and beefing with girls 20 years her junior #guess that predator spirit run in the family huh

[soup-of-the-daisies]

cannot stop thinking about that meta that’s like “voldemort’s ultimate goal was to simply destroy the british wizarding world” because it makes so much sense. tom riddle was a poor, orphaned, assumed muggleborn boy with a (most likely) ‘commoner’ accent and a distaste for humanity who sorted into slytherin, the hogwarts house infamous for being filled with loud rich bigots. tom riddle, with his background, could not have possibly been very popular those first few years of his schooling. tom riddle would’ve loathed the lot of them, all those arrogant, spoiled rich kids boasting about their family line. finding out he was the heir of slytherin would have been both a relief (he has something to fit in) and a jackpot (if they knew, they’d bow before him). and he uses that heritage later, when ‘tom riddle’ has disappeared and a stranger called ‘voldemort’ appears in his place. the fanatics literally kiss his feet.

voldemort is canonically a genius. he would’ve known that non-magical blood doesn’t make you dirty or less talented, because he himself is the prime example of that. espousing the bigoted pureblood agenda was simply the easiest way to gain power over the ones in power—all to send society crumbling to the ground from the inside. he takes over the ministry and ruins it, taking the first steps in tearing down the establishment; he kills regardless of blood, implying he doesn’t give one flying fuck what your heritage is; he tries to destroy the sorting hat, which would render the concept of ‘houses’ void.

personally i think it’s very interesting and appealing to put this interpretation in the context of tomarry/harrymort. i’ve always HC’d that harry will grow tired when he’s older, after he’s saved the wizarding world once (at the expense of his own happiness and well-being) and sees that nothing has changed or will change. that voldemort was a symptom, not the disease. that he and hermione and ron keep struggling, working themselves to the bone to make their world more fair and to suppress and eradicate the rampant underlying bigotry, but that it just won’t take.

and with an older harry, an embittered one, turned caustic and cynical by the very world he once viewed as his sanctuary—i don’t really think their beliefs would differ all that much. they’ve both seen and experienced the injustices. they’re both annoyed and disenchanted. harry will always have a regard for life, and voldemort won’t ever, but if anyone would have a wish to tear society down and build it back up again it’s them both.

#can you tell i’m back on my bullshit again #tomarry #harrymort #voldemort #tom riddle #harry potter #‘you took everything from me and destroying you won’t bring them back but i’ll give me the satisfaction of revenge’ etc #harry is inherently a hopeful and fiercely loving person and that’s what makes him Not Tom #and also morally a way better person LMAO #but i think this would be so fun to explore

[moongothic]

WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

So normally we only get fullblown, extended and dedicated flashbacks for heroic characters in One Piece, the characters who we're meant to root for. The literal only TRUE exception we've had to this rule was Big Mom's flashback. Even fucking Doflamingo's flashback was tied to Law and Rosinante's

So the fact that we haven't gotten a single fucking GLIMPSE at Crocodile's backstory is?!?

Like sure, we haven't gotten like a Moria flashback, but you know, he literally told us all we needed to know himself, AND we got to see glimpses of him in the Wano flashbacks. Arlong didn't get a flashback of his own, but he did get to cameo in Fisher Tiger's flashback. And Rob Fucking Lucci got a flashback that was 6 whooping panels long

BUT CROCODILE?? Not only do we know almost Fuck All about his story, but also have never gotten as much as a glimpse at it? But his backstory has been HINTED and TEASED at multiple times??

GUYS. FELLAS

Like. I am SURE the "Full Backstories for Heroes Only" rule is going to get broken again, but with Imu and Blackbeard already there just BEGGING to have their beans spilled, can we even be sure Sir Fucking Crocodile is somehow going to become A Villain So Dangerous To The Narrative that he ALSO should also recieve a Full Fucking Backstory?? For his Nefarious Schemes?? AT THIS POINT??

Y'all

I think it's more likely Oda's been saving up Croc's backstory because it might just completely recontextualize his entire character

#CROCODAD REAL?! #UNIRONICALLY #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Crocomom #OP Meta #Moon posting #Sleep Deprivation opened my third fucking eye I can see the fucking Matrix #Unironically this is the thing that has pushed me back into actually believing in Crocodad despite the timeline #Because I genuinely can not imagine how else Crocodile could be turned into an (anti) hero if it's not Crocodad #And I can not imagine his villanous schemes needing a backstory to explain them at this point- not over BB and Imu #And I mean sure maybe we could get three whole Extended Villian Backstories for Imu Blackbeard and Croc #But I just feel like it'd be so unnececary #Because there is no fucking way Crocodile is going to become The Ultimate Villian of the Story again #Not without some Darth Vader bullshit happening #But since he's supposed to be based on Wagnas from Romancing SaGa 2 and Wagnas wanted to SAVE the world #Look I have a whole different post about that waiting in my drafts I'll post it later #Point is!! I can't imagine him becoming The Final Villian!! Not at all!! #Also yes there are characters like Mihawk who have like histories etc that I'm sure many people would love to learn about #The only difference is that we've never gotten as much as a hint at what kind of a backstory Mihawk might have #Meanwhile Crocodile Having A History is something that's been hinted at every arc he's appeared in pre-timeskip #Like we KNOW he has a story we just don't know what it is

[everyones-least-favorite-bard]

penitent

#after a full week ish im finally back on my horrible kim dokja bullshit #more to come. maybe. idk man #anyways uh catholic guilt kdj etc etc #orv #omniscient reader #omniscient readers viewpoint #kdj #kim dokja #bard draws

[dissentersrising]

SOMEWHERE IN NEVADA, THE ICON OF SIN

#flight rising #frfanart #/etc/art time #/dragon/hank j wimbleton #//blood #THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF MY MADCOM BULLSHIT DIDJA #WRONG! I’M BACK ON IT AGAIN BABEYYYYYYYY

[snailvee]

why didn’t you stop me? - mitski

#artvee #back from vidcon back on my bullshit etc etc #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #luis sera #luis serra #luis serra navarro #serennedy #resident evil 4 #re4 #re4r #re4make #re4 leon #re4 luis #resident evil

[seveneyesoup]

ngl i’m still worried. like i Do have complete faith in ncuti gatwa but what i Don’t have is much faith at all in rtd’s writing about race

#which id managed to sort of convince myself was maybe #it’s been like 15 years he’s had time to learn better #but the comment Immediately about ‘different colors’ in todays ep #and w the toymakers past. #i’m hoping for the best i really actively am but i’m hesitant #not even writing about race just writing that has anything to do w it #i will never forgive him for martha jones #and my cynicism is saying bringing dt back for three eps and specifically being pretty good about trans people and disabled people #is a good favor investment so he can keep a progressive image and get away w racism #i don’t actually believe that for the record #i’m just worried ncuti gatwa is gonna have to deal with Some Bullshit that’s gonna get blamed on him instead of rtd yk #which is bad for him bc it means a bad working environment and also like. taking the blame for something he didn’t even do #or that if he pushes back on something bad he’ll get branded as difficult to work with etc #anyway. worry once suffer twice or whatever and i think i said all this when the announcements were made #it’s just on my mind again #i want the best for the show and the people making it yk?

[ghosts-of-love]

god I love writing trans Pat so MUCH

#my man is getting his shit schlonged you know what I mean #strap sucked silly etc #I'm back on my bullshit and my bullshit is pwp #bbc ghosts #patcap

[juniperhillpatient]

the task: write a plotline ever that doesn’t in some way center Jet & Azula’s friendship & how integral it is

the status: impossible

#Jetzula #I’m certainly happy with all the aspects of this chapter which features a lot of dynamics #but always this friendship seems to be at the center of this fic I simply can’t help it #matched set do not separate etc #u know this is making up for my next fic in which they actually despise each other right up until the end 😂 #I’m sure after scream au ends I’ll be back on my Jetzula besties bullshit though lol #I love them what can I say #ahhh next happenstance is making good progress :) #but it’s late I think I’m done writing for the night

[maiaacchiato]

thinking thoughts

#mia's ramblings #thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond #like i literally just. stood up. started walking away #i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick #for some reason idrk #also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just #didnt go to school #obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean #its a half truth? atleast ??? #and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk #the moment she starts up conversation i just #put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit #i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe #but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no #-mentally drained yk? #like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people #-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just #let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function #i think its called being overstimulated? yea #which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting #-a fever too #which like??? idk why it happens??? #and its not like i dont want to talk to them either #like #obviously i do #but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation #which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well #i want to?? #and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea #this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing

[lemeute]

apaladinagain.tumblr.com > lemeute.tumblr.com

#tumblring business #yes this is a les mis url. back on my bullshit. #I haven't updated all my links etc yet sorry

[lynaferns]

School is draining any small motivation I had for art

or creativity in general

(tw: I got pretty much depressive in the tags but I needed to dump this somewhere and this may not be the best place but is where I feel better talking about my problems or insecurities, so feel free to ignore)

#vent in the tags #tw vent #i'm tired #and I hate that I'm tired #everytime I try to finish education is worst than the last time. my head can't take any sort of information from the class #no matter how many times they try to explain me or how many times I read and reread the same text #I can't focus. I can't memorize anything. I'm just sitting there in the classroom waiting for the 4 hours to finish to go back home #and spend the rest of the night just doing nothing. staring at the walls or doomscrolling till I have to go to bed and wake up again #for another day of fighting against an stupid anxiety attack in class because I'm going to fail this again #I hate school. I fucking hate it. the most boring stressing overwhelming way of learning #having the teacher talk for 1-2 hours straight and the student listening the whole time not saying anything is stupid #it's so fucking stupid they only want them to be mindless sheeps that only listen #because if you say anything 'no. you're wrong. I'm the teacher and I know better' fucking bullshit #this system is bullshit #and how am I supposed to study a whole school year of history. biology. math etc in less than 4 months?? #everybody was like #'oh it's just 4 months and you'll be out of school!' 'in 4 months you'll get the education!' 'you can finish this in just 4 months!' #I fucking can't! I can't do this in such short time! I can't. focus. on 6. subjects at the same time. my brain can't! #and it's so fucking depressing. I have 4 opportunities to finish this. the longest it could take me is 2 years #I could just focus on 1 or 2 things each time but if I fail too many times I won't have another opportunity like this ever again #and I won't be able to finish highschool education and I. just. can't. #I'm tired of giving my biggest effort and not being enough. I'm tired of getting no satisfaction from any achievement I get #I hate so many things right now #and I have a lot more things in my head right now but I better shut up #you don't have to comfort me. it's ok. I'm not searching for confort. I just needed a place to dump my frustration or something #idk #you can ignore this #I might delete this later

[yeehawbvby]

BREAKING: The Apple is unpeeled!!!!!

#first time drawing her without the jacket etc!!! #i care her so much #i'm SO back on my spiderverse bullshit #two arts within an hour or two...... who am i anymore #oc apple spider #crisart #spiderverse #atsv oc #itsv oc #spiderverse oc #spidersona #spiderman oc #spider person

[fellhellion]

90s run PAD has this rlly annoying trend where he very often write a female character being in love w miguel and suddenly her entire character shrinks down to the scope of what drama this provokes and it's near continually in service to the narratives of men (Gabriel and Miguel interpersonal drama for example). even when there are actually interesting things to be mined from this angle like w lyla its like. this is a pattern w you dude.

#my GOD we lost kasey nash in the wars skdfhjkdshfkjs #like. it sucked. the fact she goes from a revolutionary to primarily a wedge between gabri and miguel SUCKS. #for some reason its like folks pretend PAD also literally wasnt writing the kronom arc where character assasination is happening #left and right to prop up dana as a martry. when like he was literally just writing that. #like im sorry i love the 90s run too and i have a lot of sympathy for the strain the team wouldve been under while corp bullshit was #exploding above their heads but like. the fact PAD appears to like. just not be fucking bothered to explain what #danas thought processes are flipping from one belief to a wildly opposing one is just bad and tbh LAZY writing #and this is happening dozens of issues before the worst irl circumstances for the team even cropped up #tunes talks critical #can u tell im on my period lmao #tunes talks 2099 #like even regarding xina. i think she escapes the worst of this writing treatment from PAD but like. the fact that the dimension PRIMARILY #explored in the text w her is around her relationship w miguel is honestly really disappointing. i LIKE that dimension yes but there is so #much more to explore with her! does she have friends outside of miguel (and if not does this tie into her apparent isolation from alchemax) #how does xina operate as a relatively independant and implied self employed individual in this world of corp monopolies #she CARES about the truth and fighting back against false narratives spun to consolidate power and profit so how does this extend into her #normal life? does she know about downtown when education wise this seems to be something utterly ommitted? what does she think about it? #what kind of hope did she hold regarding angela's work? #if she believes miguel to still work at alchemax why is this not a point of conflict between them? does she fear losing him? did she give #up trying? etc etc etc there are SO many compelling dimensions to explore w her and the text keeps them #largely sublimated to background details in the art. or what we can interpret as sublimated conflicts the characters dont want to address #but in terms of what is in the TEXT i want more. i want more as someone who really loves this fucking thing lmao