#because Mordred is nothing in comparison - Arthur is everything to him

[kateis-cakeis]

Okay okay thinking about it, really thinking about it. My post from the other day (here) I said "you see him slip into this version of himself that is hardly recognisable, even when you compare him to his characterisation in S4" talking about S5 Merlin.

And then I really thought about, okay but what if say S1 Merlin was put into S5 Merlin's shoes, would he do any different? Would he?

Honestly, think about it.

Let's take him at the end of S1, where he was ready to give up his life for Arthur completely to save him. I mean sure he did that in S1Ep4, and tried to do it in S1Ep11, but Ep13 is where it really hits. He said goodbye after all.

This is a Merlin that was ready to tell Arthur about his magic, but was locked out of the possibility after Will lied as he died to protect him.

This is a Merlin who already tried to kill Mordred. Or well, let him die really. Not so much kill.

So let's look at lines from S1EP8 about Mordred dying vs Arthur dying, shall we? ...

"Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?"

"One of them's bad, really bad. And the other, it's...unthinkable."

"For once, you don't have to worry. I'm going to do nothing."

I cut out Gaius's replies because Merlin's lines are more important here. The 'something terrible' and the one that's 'bad, really bad' refer to letting Mordred be executed.

Meanwhile the 'something even worse' and 'it's unthinkable' refer to Arthur's death in the future.

He decides to do nothing as we know, he decides to let Mordred die, right up until Mordred pleads with him through telepathy.

That's the S1 Merlin we're dealing with.

Maybe if you took him from Ep1 or pre-S1 yeah he'd act differently, but S1 Merlin is as much defined by Arthur's impending death as S5 Merlin is.

The only difference is between them, S1 Merlin has destiny propelling him forward just a little more than S5 Merlin does. Whether by love or sheer dedication, S5 Merlin is even prepared to push aside his own freedom to save Arthur's life, just to condemn Mordred to death.

Would S1 Merlin do any different?

No, no I don't think he would. Not if he saw the vision, not if he saw Arthur fall.

S5 Merlin is defined by what he saw in the pool, he's defined by seeing what he believes is Arthur's death (not yet knowing he would survive for days after acquiring that wound)

If S1 Merlin, or even S2, 3, or 4 saw that same vision? I don't think they would do any differently.

Maybe he had more hope earlier on, sure, but that would be missing the way that S5 Merlin hopes. He tells both Mordred and Finna that it "won't always be like this". He hopes for freedom as much as S1 Merlin does, he's just more prepared to prioritise Arthur.

But isn't that what he's always done? S2, when he struggles to lie, but still does lie to Arthur about Morgause and his mother - He's thanked for reminding Arthur that sorcerers are evil.

The way he acts just before telling the lie is so similar to his expressions when he's about say "There can be no place for magic in Camelot" in S5Ep5.

That's the thing. I know I bang on about how S5 Merlin is so much darker and he is, he grew up after all. But I truly think if S1 Merlin saw that vision, nothing would have changed.

Nothing. Not even his actions with the Disir. Why would he, if there's a chance to try and kill Mordred Merlin always took it. Or tried to as much as he could.

S2 Merlin, put in S5 Merlin's shoes, might even edge closer to murder, that man tripped that kid up in the hope that two guards would kill him, and instead watched as Mordred killed the guards instead.

What, Merlin was innocent back in earlier seasons? That boy, that man, he was never innocent, man was down to murder from his very first day in Camelot.

So yes, S5 Merlin has ten years give or take of saving Arthur and setting aside his freedom, and that did indeed darken him and change him and mould him, but S1 Merlin already had enough experience that nothing would change.

Merlin was always going to condemn Mordred, he barely knew him early on after all, and later, he already had the knowledge of the vision.

Let's not forget that in S5, Merlin says he likes Mordred, but that he can't ignore what he saw. That he can't save the life of a man destined to kill Arthur, that he can't ignore what the dragon said. That Finna was right, he cannot trust Mordred, not after all he's been told.

I don't think any Merlin could do any differently if he was told all that, and shown Camlann.

There's no such thing as an innocent Merlin, not when it comes to Arthur's life. We can say he became too blinded, but in S4 he killed Agravaine, used dark magic to lock away Morgana's magic for a time, and took away Arthur's free will. S3 is a little harder, but he did command Kilgharrah against his will. S2 Merlin is easy, he tried to kill Mordred, and morbidly held Morgana as she was dying to the water he poisoned. S1 Merls is just people dying left and bloody right. Nimueh, god should we ever forget about the way he killed Nimueh. She fucking exploded.

All this to say, S5 Merlin didn't abandon his values because he already did that when they all first met Mordred. He just became more and more set, darker and darker over time. But if any version of himself was given that vision by the Vates, it's over, it's so over, because that's all it took.

To see Arthur fall, that's all it took. It's all it would ever take.

#bbc merlin #merlin #look look just hear me out here #s5 merlin might go brrrr on the whole matter of Arthur #in a way that is different #but like i dont think if he was put in those shoes earlier on that it would be different #like really thinking about it - Merlin was always down to try and get Mordred killed #that's like his whole thing with Mordred #and I understand that #I don't blame him I cant because I understand the difficult position he was in #here's this kid and later older boy/man who is gonna kill someone who he's really close to #friends with soulmates with you know #like yeah he's gonna put Arthur above Mordred every day of the week #because Mordred is nothing in comparison - Arthur is everything to him #there's sometimes i feel like over the years i read things in this fandom about how it's all Merlin's fault for condemning Mordred but it's #like okay cool - but he was never gonna act differently that's just not in his character #He would never turn his back on destiny or prophecy visions and whatnot #in fact it's often Gaius saying there are many futures that steers Merlin wrong #silly Gaius not knowing of Arthur's fate - the never ending circle :P #still it's important to really look at Merlin and appreciate this is just how he is #from the very moment Kilgharrah implied that Mordred would be Arthur's death - Merlin was set to do everything he could #and the second Mordred came back into their lives - after he saw the vision - what could he do? what could he bloody do? #im still surprised to this day that he didnt just try directly - i mean i know why he still has morals but i think he was close #Merlin would have always done this that's the thing no matter at what stage - this was exactly who he was #someone prepared to do anything to protect the people he loves - not just Arthur - like again Nimueh Nimueh Nimueh #oh my god Nimueh - do you guys ever watch Merlin kill her from time to time - it's so brutal - I think that's the moment he's at his #scariest like even some of the darker S5 scenes dont match up to that

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Long Lost Prince Part 2;

Merlin leads his people home and Arthur grapples with whether he should keep his feelings to himself or not.

Part 1

Just like Arthur promised, a portion of Camelot's army mixed with around fifty of Merlin's knights are marching towards the Dragonlands within a month.

Merlin and Arthur lead the way, Sir Thornway, Sir Leon, and Sir Mordred following closely behind. It was decided fairly quickly that Hunith and Gaius would stay in Camelot; they were desperate to get home, but they weren't fighters, and whilst the chance of attack was fairly low considering the army behind them and the two dragons circling ahead, Arthur and Merlin were unwilling to risk it.

At a quick pace, Arthur reckons they could've made the journey in a week, but the army is slow-moving, and it takes them almost three to reach the border. They don't hear a peep out of anyone as they move through the countryside, though Arthur does raise an amused eyebrow at Merlin every once in a while, as and when the Warlock chuckles at Kilgharrah whispering in his head about all the various pathetic mercenaries and bandits running away screaming at the sight of his silhouette against the clouds.

The Dragonland, in comparison to Camelot, was a very small kingdom, but it’s capital city was near the far border, backed by miles and miles of towering mountains. In one of the many sessions of reminiscing that Merlin, Thornway, and Kilgharrah have in the evenings, they discuss the mountains at length. They were mostly uninhabited by people, even before the purge, they were far too treacherous for those without a guide and strong magic, and even then the paths were still dangerous.

The great mountains were where the Dragon’s resided; in a network of twisting tunnels and great caverns carved with fire and magic. Merlin vaguely remembers being taken there a few weeks before... before they left. Thornway told him that retreating into the mountains was one of the back up plans, if Uther’s army was too big and there was no hope of escape through the countryside.

(Arthur frowned at that. He was frowning at a lot nowadays, but Merlin just squeezed his leg under the blanket they were sharing (Leon did NOT smirk and Arthur did NOT blush) and whispered, yet again, that he was not his father.)

The escape through the mountains was planned to be a last ditch effort though, even with the dragons leading them and their strongest sorcerers protecting them, the perilous paths, with their knife edge drops and loose rocks and harsh snow, would have taken too many casualties to count. Though, in the end, escaping through the countryside had been just as deadly.

Arthur also used the journey to think about what Leon had said. Though Merlin and The King stuck close by for the whole trek, conversation was sparse (though the silences were comfortable); Arthur was unsure how to bring up the inevitable change in their relationship, though he knows that, for his own peace of mind if nothing else, he should.

They were deep into the Kingdom, having passed all the now doubly abandoned outer villages (Arthur was right in thinking that two dragons and a marching army scared away all the various mercenary groups and bandits) and now only a day’s ride from the capital, that Arthur asked Merlin the question that had been plaguing his mind for weeks. The two of them were sat against a fallen log, the night flourishing around them. The silence over the rest of the camp was tense, the knowledge that they were close hanging in the air, but the silence between Merlin and Arthur was comfortable, peaceful:

“What are you planning on doing?”

Merlin took a noticeably deep breath and Arthur turned to him, trying desperately to keep the worried frown off his face:

“I don’t know. I didn’t really discuss it with ma, we just... wanted to get home, and work from there, see what happens I guess.”

Arthur nodded, gulping slightly before he responds:

“Do you think she wants the throne? Your mother? Or will you become King?”

Merlin chuckles, but Arthur clenches his hands and looks away at the humourless lilt the noise has:

“I’d love to see her back in her crown, on her throne, but it’s been a long time. She did everything with my father by her side, I don’t know if... if she would want to do it on her own. I don’t know that she would cope.-”

The Warlock turns to face Arthur, and it strikes The King how close they are when he can feel Merlin’s breath on his cheek. He turns to meet his gaze once more:

“-What would you do, Arthur? In my place?”

Arthur can only hold his stare for a few moments before he looks to his lap, shaking his head slightly:

“I don’t know, Merlin. Tell me what’s on your mind, I... I can’t promise that I’ll have the answers, but maybe saying things out-loud will help.”

Merlin nods as he shuffles in his spot slightly, and Arthur likes to think that he was moving closer:

“I... I’m desperate to get home. But at the same time, I waited. I waited for twenty years, I’ve built myself a life in Camelot, I’d... given up on ever returning home, and I was just about coming to terms with the fact that Camelot was my home now. And then... this. I have to lead my people back, I know that, I owe it to them, it’s my job to protect them and give them back their heritage-”

Arthur interrupts quietly:

“Your heritage.”

Merlin sighs:

“-yeah, my heritage. My mother, and Gaius, and my people, and... and I, we deserve to go home. But I was only six when we left, I never got all the lessons on how to be a Politician, a King. Yes, I’m the heir, yes, I remember home and the crown and being a little Prince, but I am not built to be a King, Arthur, I don’t want to- I can’t fail my people, but I fear I will. I... I’ve been putting up a brave front for my mum, for Thornway, but I’m terrified. I have no idea what I’m doing, Arthur. What if I mess up?”

Arthur allows a small smile to slip onto his face as he takes Merlin’s fidgeting hands in his own. He shakes his head as he huffs out a short laugh and Merlin looks at him incredulously:

“You couldn’t possibly, Merlin. I know you well, do I not?-”

Merlin nods his head vigorously:

“Better than anyone.”

Arthur fights the blush:

“-And I’m telling you, that you have nothing to worry about. You may not have had official lessons, but you have the mind for politics.-”

Arthur glances to his lap briefly as he takes a fortifying breath, stroking his thumbs over the back of Merlin’s hands, still clutched in his, and looking up to him again:

“-I had all those lessons. All that training, and practicing, and tutoring. But I was still so... lost when I became King. I don’t think I ever told you, Merlin, but the only thing that got me through was you, always by my side. Because I knew that you would never let me fail, because I trusted you to see my shortcomings and make up for them without fuss, without fault. And you did, without asking for any thanks, or recognition, like you do with everything. To this day, you think I’m a good King because of destiny, but that’s utter bollocks and I’ve always known it. I’m a good King, Merlin, because you made me a good man first. And on days when I doubt my own rule, I remind myself of how much faith you have in me, and it gives me strength, because I know you would never allow me to fail, and on the off chance I fall, I know you would catch me. Every good King who cares about his people has doubts, Merlin, but however much faith you have in me? I have the same amount, if not more, in you. You’ll do just fine.”

Merlin looks at him with wide, teary eyes, and Arthur flushes under the scrutiny. The King goes to say something, maybe a flippant joke to de-charge the atmosphere, but before he can utter even a word, Merlin throws himself at him, wrapping tight arms around his shoulders and burying his face in his neck. Arthur almost falls back, but he holds steady, chuckling slightly as he returns Merlin’s hug with equal intensity. Merlin’s muffled voice from his shoulder has Arthur tightening his grip:

“Will you catch me? If I fall?”

Arthur moves a hand up to cradle the back of Merlin’s head:

“You won’t fall. But I’d spend the rest of my life stood below you with my arms out ready, Merlin, if that gave you just a fraction of the belief in yourself that you should have.”

Neither pulled away for what felt like hours, and by the time Thornway wondered over to check on them, they had fallen asleep against the log, arms still firmly wrapped around each other.

He smiles mournfully as he drapes a blanket over them. You would have to be blind to miss the odd moroseness that had overtaken them both, and the old knight knew that his Prince was dreading having to leave Arthur, and that Arthur was dreading the same. They shuffle in their sleep, and Thornway freezes, worried that he had woken them, but when Arthur just mutters Merlin’s name and moves impossibly closer to the other man Thornway sighs. This is going to be... painful for the two of them, and he’s not quite sure how he can help.

~

After another day of travel, they find themselves moving through the capital city, towards the castle sitting at the foot of the mountains.

The army was left with orders to methodically clear the city whilst Arthur, Leon, Thornway, and Mordred headed straight for the citadel gates. Though the city had fallen into disrepair, the castle looked like it had barely been touched, even by the elements, and Thornway explained that powerful enchantments laid over the ancient building, preventing it from being invaded or damaged by even the strongest of armies:

“It was meant to be a stronghold, somewhere we could hide and keep our people safe in emergencies, but we knew if we did that we would have backed ourselves into a corner. Uther was taking over more and more of the city every day, if we locked ourselves in... we would have just starved. Trying to escape through the city and out into the wilderness was our only hope.”

Merlin nods absent-mindedly as he stares up at the main door:

“Can we even get in?”

His voice is quiet and shaky, and Mordred steps forward to put a hand on his shoulder as Thornway replies with a small smile:

“You’re the heir, the doors will always open for you, Little Falcon.”

Merlin replies with a weak smirk and flushed cheeks:

“You know, I’m not all that little anymore.”

Thornway barks out a laugh as he shakes his head slightly, ruffling Merlin’s hair as the younger man pouts:

“Well, you’ll always be littler than me.-”

Merlin goes to retort, but before he can, his knight steps back and gestures to the great doors in front of them:

“-Go on, it’s time for us to finally come home, I think.”

Merlin gulps and nods, and Mordred lets his hand fall back to his side as the older Warlock takes the steps two at a time, hesitating only slightly before he wraps his hand around one of the doors’ metal rings. It twists easily in his grip, and the door swings open. Merlin has to take a step back and cover his mouth with his sleeve as he coughs, the billowing clouds of dust being disturbed for the first time in two decades making it almost impossible to see into the dark hall.

It settles after a few moments and Merlin takes a deep breath, reaching behind him wordlessly and relaxing only when he feels Arthur take his hand. The blonde King gives his hand a comforting squeeze, and Merlin takes his first shaking steps across the threshold.

He walks through the dark corridors slowly, one hand tightly clenched in Arthur’s, the other trailing along the wall next to him. The rest of the group is silent as they follow him, and nothing can be heard bar their muffled steps over the dusty rugs, and the deep breathing of Merlin and Thornway.

Merlin seems to know where he’s going, so no one questions the corners he turns and the rooms he passes without second thought. The deeper into the castle they get, the darker it becomes, until finally Merlin stops, a long hall stretched out in front of him. His eyes flash gold and the torches lining the walls flare up, illuminating the corridor in golden light. Arthur turns to look at the Warlock beside him, empathetic tears gathering in his eyes as he sees tracks on Merlin’s cheeks. 

Merlin turns to glance at Thornway, whose in a similar state, before closing his eyes and flattening his free hand against the wall, digging his fingertips into the cracks as his voice comes out quiet and raspy:

“I know these halls, this stone.-”

Thornway takes a deep stuttering breath, muttering Merlin’s name. Merlin steps away from the wall, looking back to his knight with a weak, teary smile:

“-Do you remember? Chambers filled with golden light, vast halls bustling with people and dragons and magic?”

Thornway gulps and nods, slowly moving towards Merlin and putting a hand on his shoulder:

“I remember.-”

He nods down the corridor, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat before asking:

“-You remember what’s down there?”

Merlin smiles and nods, squeezing Arthur’s hand and leading the group down the hall, obviously impatient to get to wherever their destination is, but unwilling to walk any quicker.

Leon and Arthur share a confused and slightly concerned look but don’t say anything, allowing Merlin and Thornway to lead the way. Once again, Merlin hesitates only slightly before pushing the door at the end of the corridor open. and the six of them gather inside the immense chamber. Like the rest of the castle, it was dusty, but untouched; unlike the rest of the castle, it was bathed in colourful light. The walls were high, the ceiling obviously stretching far above the surrounding rooms, and the afternoon sun shone brightly through giant stained glass windows. 

Reds and blues and greens and every other colour imaginable were splashed across the stone floor, painting pictures of dragons and flowers and family, but everyone’s eyes skip over the colourful artwork, instead being drawn to the two golden thrones sat on a dais at the other end of the hall. Merlin lets go of Arthur’s hand, walking towards the thrones with wide eyes as the others stay back, watching with a mix of pride and grief. Thornway follows after a few moments and Leon has to put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, shaking his head slightly when the King looks at him. Arthur clenches his hands and looks away, but stays by the door, wanting more than anything to be with Merlin through this but also understanding that it wasn’t his place.

Merlin finally reaches the thrones.

He wipes the thick dust from the armrests with shaking, but reverent hands before sitting down on the steps, slightly to the side of the golden seats. He runs his fingertips over the stone, remembering every bump and crack and texture, and Thornway stands behind him, in line with the thrones, putting a hand on his shoulder and muttering:

“Now this brings back memories.”

Merlin nods, looking up at him, tears no longer flowing, but still gathering in his eyes:

“I... I don’t remember much, but I still... know. I know this is where I sat, with you behind me, ma and dad next to me on their thrones. I remember dad promising that when I was older, they’d have a throne made for me, so I could sit with them.”

Thornway nods, slowly moving to sit beside him, ignoring the creaking in his bones as he lets his weight fall onto the stone steps:

“Hmm. foreign royalty and dignitaries thought it odd that the King and Queen let you sit in on meetings, even as a young child, but they were always adamant; they didn’t want to hide you away. You were always safe, of course, but they wanted you exposed to the people and the people exposed to you. I suppose they wanted to nurture a natural love and protectiveness of your people in you; how could they expect you to serve the Kingdom well if you were only doing so out of duty, and not genuine love?”

Merlin hums thoughtfully before smiling briefly up at Arthur, still stood on the other side of the room. When Arthur tentatively returns the smile, despite not hearing the hushed conversation, Merlin looks to Thornway next to him, bumping shoulders with a short giggle:

“Probably why I’ve always been so disrespectful to Arthur, everyone in here was equal, no matter what. I guess that’s why the treatment of servants and commoners was such a shock when I moved to Camelot, I don’t really remember much of home, but it definitely felt different.”

Thornway nods as Merlin stands, holding out a hand to the knight and pulling him to his feet. Merlin’s gaze moves around the room, though he stays rooted to the spot, and Thornway asks his question quietly:

“What do you want to do? Do you want to finish clearing the castle and the city first, or fetch your mother and uncle first?”

Merlin gulps before taking a deep breath, staring at the floor and saying in a small voice:

“I don’t know... what do you think I should do?”

Thornway chuckles and shakes his head:

“This is your decision, Little Falcon. You are the Crown Prince, this is your Kingdom, your city, your people, trust your instincts. What should be done?”

Merlin looks to Arthur once again, reminding himself of the King’s promise to catch him should he fall, before looking back at Thornway with a determined expression:

“Send Kilgharrah to fetch ma and Gaius. We no longer need him as a deterrent, and we’ll still have Aithusa. He can make the journey to Camelot and back in a week at most, knights, even on horseback, will take at least twice that. It’s been a while since either of them went flying, but they’ll remember soon enough, and I trust Kilgharrah to keep them safe. We can keep clearing the city and start rough plans for rebuilding whilst we wait.”

Thornway grins and nods proudly:

“Exactly what I would have suggested. See? You’ll be just fine.-”

Merlin returns his grin shyly, blushing slightly as he rubs the back of his neck. Thornway rolls his eyes good-naturedly before gesturing to the others:

“-Come, My Lord, we should let the others know and head out to send Kilgharrah off as soon as possible.”

Merlin pushes the older knight’s shoulder playfully at the use of a title, but Thornway just smirks and waves Merlin ahead of him.

~

Arthur, Leon, and Mordred were told of the plan as the group made their way out of the castle again, having to cover their eyes when they step into the bright sunlight. They all smiled fondly as they saw Merlin’s growing confidence, though Arthur had to stamp down the growing anxiety swirling in his stomach; he refused to be sad for himself.

Kilgharrah was flying back towards Camelot within the hour, and Merlin was separating the army into groups and assigning tasks with a strong voice and straight back, taking every question and suggestion in his stride and organising hundreds of people without issue.

Arthur knew that there was still a conversation to be had between himself and Merlin, though with every day that passed he questioned whether it was the right thing to do. He wasn’t oblivious enough not to notice the way Merlin always asked for his council, even when he didn’t need it, always searched for his eyes in the crowd when he addressed his people, but that didn’t mean that his... affections, were returned.

Everyone, even Thornway now, kept shooting him pitying looks, and he figured out fairly quickly that he wasn’t as subtle as he’d like to believe. Leon was the only one he could rely on to convincingly pretend nothing was wrong, and Arthur used that to back up his deliberate ignoring of his stupid emotions.

Six days had passed and the clearing of debris from the lower town was well on its way when Kilgharrah landed in the castle courtyard, his two passengers tense and teary. Only Hunith, Gaius, Merlin, and Thornway took the journey through the castle this time; the others continued to help with the work in the town, not quite feeling that they would be welcome on the emotional tour.

Hunith decided fairly quickly that she would move on to become Queen Mother. Merlin would be crowned King (though he put his foot down and insisted that it wouldn’t happen until everything was properly sorted, and the people were settled back in the city), and though Hunith would still be the most senior of the royals, Merlin would technically have the most power. 

Arthur had mixed feelings about that. 

As King, Merlin would be a lot busier, would have a lot more responsibilities, but equally, he would have much more control over the use of his time; somehow making it both harder and easier to organise visits between the two of them. Though Arthur, of course, didn’t mention such feelings, just pulled Merlin into another tight hug and congratulated him with a grin.

With the help of Merlin and Mordred’s magic, and the few sorcerers scattered throughout the army they had brought, clearing the town of debris and rebuilding what they could with whatever was left went fairly quickly. Soon enough, the blacksmith’s and an infirmary were up and running, and the farms were ready for work to commence, just as soon as the resources from Camelot arrived.

The castle, whilst it had been fully explored by Merlin, Hunith, Thornway, and Gaius, had yet to be opened up to others or cleaned properly, but no one mentioned it. The gang slept happily in homes rebuilt in the upper town, and accepted Merlin’s excuse of wanting to focus on the people’s infrastructure first.

It was a week or so after Hunith and Gaius had arrived, Kilgharrah and Aithusa had disappeared into the mountains with Merlin’s approval, and Arthur once again found Merlin stood in the otherwise empty, still dusty throne room, staring at the golden seats with his hands in his pockets and his face tense.

Years ago, Arthur would’ve been wrong in his assumption that Merlin hadn’t heard him approach, but just this once he knows that he’s right. Arthur had slowly become an expert on picking up Merlin’s ticks, and even in the low light of the evening the blonde could tell that Merlin had no clue he was there.

Arthur didn’t want to feel like he was intruding, so cleared his throat quietly, only walking closer to the other man when his head whipped around, smiling slightly when he saw it was just Arthur.

Arthur stepped up next to him, and they both stared at the thrones in silence, shoulders brushing ever so slightly. Everything had been so busy in recent weeks that, other than the conversation two weeks earlier, Arthur and Merlin had spent barely any time together, just the two of them; every other time Arthur had found Merlin alone in the throne room he had shut the door quietly behind him and left, too afraid to intrude, not quite ready to start a conversation. The conversation.

After a few minutes, he clears his throat again and speaks in a quiet voice, not looking to the Warlock next to him:

“What’s on your mind?”

Merlin responds almost immediately, but like Arthur, he speaks quietly and doesn’t move his gaze from the thrones:

“Nothing, everything. I’m... doing ok, I think.-”

Arthur nods with a small smile, but Merlin continues before he can say anything:

“-But I’m scared that I’m only doing well because you’re here. You have to go back to Camelot eventually and... it sounds stupid, but I... I don’t want you to go. I need you, Arthur.”

Arthur gulps, finally looking to Merlin’s sorrowful face, though the other man refuses to meet his gaze. He takes his hands out of his pockets, fiddling with them roughly, rubbing his knuckles together and scratching his palms harshly. Arthur clenches his jaw, taking one of Merlin’s hands in his own gently and running soothing fingers over the younger man’s callouses:

“I know what you mean.-”

Merlin looks to him in surprise, his eyes widening, and Arthur continues with a small smile:

“-I told you, Merlin, I’m only a good King because of you. I’ve never had to rule on my own before and I’m dreading going back to Camelot without you.-”

Merlin shakes his head roughly, but Arthur continues once again, before he can disagree:

“-No, Merlin, don’t argue, it’s true. I... I need you as well, I don’t want to be without you, and I’ve no clue how I’m going to cope with a week’s ride between us. Leon tried talking some sense into me back in Camelot, and I know he was right, that all relationships take effort and we’ll have to work incredibly hard to stay in each other’s lives in any significant capacity, and I’m absolutely willing to do anything to keep you close, if not physically then... otherwise, but I’m still...-”

Arthur sighs and looks away, his cheeks just a little bit pink as he continues quietly:

“-I’m still scared to be without you.”

Merlin gulps and squeezes Arthur’s hand in his own, waiting for the blonde to finally look up at him again. The Warlock smiles at the eye contact and Arthur returns it weakly as Merlin finally replies:

“The last ten years of my life have revolved around you, completely and utterly, and I know it’s selfish of me to... not want that to change. I know I’m staying here, with my people, as their King. I would never consider abandoning them, not really, but I desperately want to, just so I can stay with you. We... we’ll figure something out, find some way to communicate quickly. I’m magic incarnate, there has to be a way, I... I’ll make a way, if I have to.”

The tears in Arthur’s eyes finally overflow at Merlin’s determined tone, but before the other man can say anything about it, Arthur pulls him into a tight hug, clutching his cloak in shaking fingers and burying his face in his shoulder, for once feeling grateful for the extra inch in height that Merlin has on him. Merlin returns the hug without hesitation, closing his eyes against the tears, though not managing to stop them from falling as he quietly speaks, his voice thick:

“I promised that I would stay with you until the day I died, but I... I have to leave, I... I can’t-”

Arthur tightens the hug as he interrupts him:

“No, Merlin, you owe me nothing, you don’t have to explain. You’ve already given me my kingdom, now it’s my chance to return the favour. I would never ever ask you to leave this behind just for me.”

Arthur can feel Merlin’s body shaking with silent sobs, and he runs a hand through his hair softly, breathing deeply in an effort to hold in his own bawling. 

They stand wrapped in each other for a while, neither willing to let go even when their tears dry up and their breathing evens out. Eventually Merlin rasps out a whispered:

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Arthur pulls back at long last, but doesn’t go far, leaning his forehead against Merlin’s and closing his eyes before replying:

“You won’t. We’ll take turns hosting Yule celebrations, and I can visit on your birthday, and there’ll be tournaments of course, and trade routes, and shared patrols near the border. I refuse to let you slip from my grasp, Merlin, you’ll never be without me, not for long anyway.”

Merlin huffs out a gentle laugh, and Arthur thinks the flutter of his breath over his cheeks and through his eyelashes is the most beautiful thing he’s ever felt. Both of them open their eyes, but they don’t move away from each other, even as they stare, becoming increasingly aware of the very little amount of space between them. Arthur’s brows crease slightly but he ignores the concerned question in Merlin’s eyes, instead lifting a hand to gently cup his jaw, gulping as Merlin’s expression falls into a soft smile.

The King takes a deep breath as he summons his courage, eyes filling with tears again as he clears his throat, whispering so quietly that it’s a miracle Merlin hears him, even with only inches between them:

“Merlin, I... you mean a great deal to... I mean I... -”

He cuts himself off with a quiet huff, and Merlin smirks at the slight blush dusting his cheeks, patiently waiting for him to continue. Arthur shuts his eyes tightly, taking another deep breath before opening them with a newfound determination. He meant it, he’d come this far, he was not going to let Merlin slip away:

“I love you, you are the single most important person in my life, and I would go to the ends of this world just to see you smile. I owe you my life, and so much more than that; you’ve been making promises and swearing oaths to my crown for years-”

Merlin interrupts him quietly:

“To you, to Arthur, not the crown, to you.”

Arthur huffs slightly and rolls his eyes:

“I’m trying to confess my undying love here Merlin, and I’m not very good with this whole... expressing shit, so shut up and let me finish.-”

Merlin snorts but stays otherwise silent, raising an eyebrow to prompt Arthur to continue:

“-Like I was saying. You’ve been swearing things for years, and now it’s my turn.-”

Arthur steps back, taking Merlin’s hands tightly in his own as he lowers himself to one knee, pressing his forehead to the Warlock’s knuckles:

“-I swear on my crown and in the name of Camelot, that I will always love you, that I will always be ready catch you, and that I will never stop putting the work in to make sure I don’t lose you, that you don’t lose me.”

The blonde can hear Merlin’s stuttered breathe and barely has time to process Merlin’s whispered-

“I accept your oath.”

-before he’s being pulled to his feet and urgently kissed.

One of Merlin’s hands settles on the side of Arthur’s neck and the other grips his hip. Arthur’s arms flail for only a moment in his shock before he moves to clutch Merlin’s collar tightly, closing his eyes and kissing back, pushing as much of his devotion into the action as possible and wanting nothing more than to sooth the stress-induced bite marks on Merlin’s lips.

They pull back far too soon, as far as both of them are concerned, once again resting their foreheads against each other as they catch their breath. Arthur’s face slowly morphs into a grin as he says:

“And to think I was stressing over whether I should tell you for weeks.”

Merlin rolls his eyes in response, snorting in amusement as he admits, much to Arthur’s chagrin:

“Believe me, I already knew, you weren’t very subtle. You’ve been sulking.”

Arthur lets out an incredulous huff and pulls back, still holding Merlin’s collar but staring at Merlin’s amused raised eyebrow with wide eyes:

“I am a King, Merlin, I do not sulk.”

Merlin chuckles:

“Well so am I, and yes you do.”

Arthur narrows his eyes slightly:

“Not yet you’re not. That’s besides the point, if you knew... why didn’t you say anything?”

Merlin’ face falls slightly, and if Arthur had to guess, he’d say that Merlin looked a little guilty. The blonde furrowed his brows but pulls his Warlock close again, stroking his jaw softly with his thumb as he waits for an answer:

“I... I love you, Arthur, more than anything, but... I wanted see if you would do anything about it. I knew I would do anything for you, but I needed... I needed to know if you thought I was worth the distance, the effort. If I said something first, I never would have known... I would always be second guessing if you were about to... to break it off, because you didn’t want to put in the frankly ridiculous amount of effort it’s going to take to keep things... good.”

Arthur smiles and shakes his head disbelievingly, landing a quick kiss to the tip of Merlin’s nose and smirking at the way his face scrunches in response:

“Well, now you do know. I will do anything, everything, to keep you happy and safe and loved. You will always be in my heart, if not by my side.”

Merlin smiles, and the two of them resolutely ignore the tears gathering in their eyes as he whispers his reply:

“As will I. I’ll talk to the Druids, Kilgharrah, Thornway, I’m sure we’ll be able to figure out some magical way to communicate.”

Arthur just smiles and nods, taking Merlin’s hands in his own once more:

“Ready to head to sleep? It’s late, and I know you’re tired.”

Merlin takes a deep breath, glancing to the thrones before walking towards the door, keeping Arthur’s hand securely in his:

“Yeah. Though unless we sneak past the others I doubt we’ll get to sleep for a while. Morgana’s been speaking to me in my head and teasing me for weeks and my mum keeps hinting at how politically beneficial a marriage between the kingdoms would be.”

Arthur doesn’t even try to hide his snort, but nods in agreement and squeezes Merlin’s hand, following him out into the star-lit evening with a newfound enthusiasm to see what the future will bring.

~

THE END OF PART 2!!!

I think I’ll write one more reeeaally short part, a ten years later sort of thing, just because I have a few more ideas about this, but no real huge plot points, just cute little things I want to add in but haven’t found space for yet.

This took a little longer than I expected to come out, but I hope y’all enjoyed it!!

(and yes, I may have taken a little inspiration from The Hobbit movies, sue me (pls don’t, I’m kidding))

#merthur #bbc merlin #merlin #good mordred #good morgana #merlin/arthur #arthur knows about merlins magic #court sorcerer merlin #arthur is pining #arthur #king arthur #king merlin #balinor #royal!merlin au #royal merlin au #prince merlin #arthur pendragon #leon #sir leon #protective leon #mordred #morgana #gaius #hunith #sir mordred #kilgharrah #aithusa #magic is legal #dragonlord merlin #the last dragonlord

[kob131]

Morgan Le Fay (Alter Ego) My Room Lines

Morgause

“Master~ Can we stay here please? A moment’s rest may bring you far after all!”

“Ah, you really like to work don’t you? No no, I’m not accusing you of anything. I know your drive after all...”

“No matter what, it doesn’t seem I’ll get use to fighting. I wonder if either of those two would-ah. nevermind!”

Bond 1 “...Oh, sorry Master! I was spacing out there for a moment. I’m...not really use to being...heh, nevermind me!”

Bond 2 “Your magecraft seems a little shaky lately. Are you sure you’re feeling well? You eating well? Maybe a nice plate of meat and potatoes will make you feel better? ...Wh-what do you mean that’s too heavy?!”

Bond 3 “How strange.  I’m still here. Usually I can’t remember where I’ve been or how I got where I am because...because...

...Well anyway, I can’t say it’s bad after all. I’d certainly be worried if one moment I was here with you and the next you left my sight. That-that can get rather scary...”

Bond 4 “... ... ... I can still feel them inside me, you know? ‘The Lady of The Lake’ and ‘The Fairy Witch’. My...other selves.

... Why? Why? WHY? Why do they have to exist? Why are they inside me? It’s not fair! I lost so much to them! So much of my life- Take, STOLEN from me by them! And even worst, they took my home away! I’m Morgause Pendragon, the daughter of Uther Pendragon! I am human! Not a fae! Not a witch! I. Am. HUMAN, ME! 

So why can’t they just leave me alone?!”

Bond 5 “... I won’t be here for long. Even if this body were to see the end of your journey, I-I might not be the one in it. I was the first to fade away after all. It’s simply my fate...to be used and discarded by everything I love. 

...Even so, I won’t run. As weak as I maybe in comparison to them...I won’t surrender a second of my time with you. With anyone. I’m here now. I am me.”

To Gawain “My son...my darling son. P-please don’t turn away! Please. I-I lost so much time with you. I can’t-I have to. Please, come embrace your mother. Before I’m gone.”

To Gareth “Gareth...my little pup. Look at you, you’ve grown up so much. I bet you had the lords at your beck and call. ... I wish I could have been there for you.”

To Agravain “Oh Agravain. It hurts to see you look at me so. And yet, it’s all my fault. If only I were stronger, if only I could overcome them. My little knight...I’m sorry.”

To Arturia “Arthur-no, Arturia isn’t it? To think I felt so bitter about what our father wanted...when there was so much to lose to that envy. I...I shall take my leave.”

To Mordred “Master, that knight over there?? That...wouldn’t happen to be Sir Mordred correct? ... Yes I assumed so, given her glares at me. Le Fay’s child with my own brother...There’s nothing I can do to help her, is there?”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “You there, the witch. You have quite the nerve to show your face here. You, who abandoned her humanity for the sake of a kingdom. Your kingdom was a shame and deserved it’s fate. Glare at me all you wish, without the three of us you would be nothing.”

Likes “What do I like? Well, I always liked cooking. It was always such a treat to see my children’s faces light up when I cooked with all my heart!”

Dislikes “...Lake fae and evil witches.”

Holy Grail “Even if it is a heresy, I would like to wish upon it. Then maybe, I can finally be free.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vivian

“Master, come. We have much to do still. ...I know you must be tired, I understand your weariness. But still, we must persist.”

“There’s no need to worry about me. An adventure like this-it is a simple matter. Compared to guiding those troublesome fae...”

“Quiet, quiet, quiet. ...Sorry Master, I was...having some difficulties with...the others. Le Fay especially...”

Bond 1 “So, you have stayed by my side? How strange, most humans simply leave the lakeside after so long.”

Bond 2 “Your heart is weary. There is no point in lying. I know that feeling well myself. Perhaps I have been pushing you too hard. Come, rest. All need reprieve after all.”

Bond 3 “It seems my time has not come yet. Good. I cannot-I will not fade like before. I refuse to let things end like before.”

Bond 4 “It is so tiring. To have their thoughts, their minds inside me. Always, always a reminder. That I am more than the fae ‘Vivian’. The human princess and the raging witch-

...No. No. NO! I am here now! I will be the one to fight! I will be the one to guard the Human Order! I will be the one protect the Age of Man that Father wished for! Not the human Morgause! Not the witch Le Fay! 

I am Me, Vivian, The Lady of the Lake!”

Bond 5 “Even though I am the fae Vivian, an existence incompatible with mankind. It was always the humans I loved most of all. The fae, so fickle and cruel. I guided and guarded them out of duty alone.

Why you may ask? Because it was mankind that my father Uther loved. He protected them to his last breath. And so shall I. Even if I may never see the Age of Man, I will protect and guide it. Especially you, my Master. I shall ensure your safety to death and beyond.”

To Lancelot (Berserker) “Master! Th-that figure cloaked in black! I-it can’t be! My son! This is what became of you? ... Who did this?”

To Lancelot (Saber) “I knew it. Of course my son would be here. There was no chance he wouldn’t answer the call to protect mankind. He grew into a splendid knight after all.”

To Mash “This feeling... You there, young lady with the shield. Come forward, let me take a good look. ...It really is, isn’t it? Don’t be scared young lady. I shall never hurt you. Now, come with me. I have much to discuss with you.”

To Fae Servants “*Sigh* It seems there are some troublemakers in this place isn’t there? Worry not Master, I know how to keep them on a tight leash.”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “Ruler of the fae, huh? How pathetic. To have resorted to such evil. I do not care what your excuses are. I lead and guarded the fae myself. I sacrificed my place in the world. I expect no less of you.”

To Arturia (Archer) “How cute, thinking that little spruit is alike to my magic. Here, let me show you what a true Excalibur Vivian can accomplish.”

Likes “Besides mankind? ...I do enjoy watching the forest creatures prance about. The little bugs especially.”

Dislike “Lazy princesses and malevolent witches. That is all I’ll say.”

Holy Grail “It is a false wish granting device isn’t it? Still, if supplied with enough mana, it might just be enough to grant my wish To gain my freedom.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morgan Le Fay

“Careful now, Master. One wrong step and things will certainly go wrong. I know how much fun it is to lose yourself in the throes of battle. Hehehe...But your goal must come first.”

“That fire...that determination. Very well, I’ll join you in the fray. After all, I haven’t nearly indulged enough myself.”

���Your magecraft is rather lackluster isn’t it? Hm, whatever you call your ‘talents’, that doesn’t matter. Practice, practice, practice. Experience breeds excellence. I didn’t match Merlin with pure talent after all.”

Bond 1 “I must say, staying this way at will without being subject to the fickle whims fate...it’s rather nice. Thanks Master.”

Bond 2 “Fate is cruel. I know your pain better than most. Forced into the impossible by the will of others. But don’t let your heart waver. Through will and guile, you will gain your freedom.”

Bond 3 “Don’t hesitate to give me tasks. I find myself with more time than i know what to do with. Preferably with you around...”

Bond 4 “I’m sure you’ve heard about this before but...My other selves are still here. Deep inside, I can still here them. Their woes, their uncertainty, their hatred. All mine...

...Bwahaha! What a joke! As if I would let them trend upon me. It was my loathing that struck fear into Camelot. It was my malice that twisted the Green Knight. It was my love for Britian that allowed me to stomach sharing a bed with that liar. I am no feeble princess or passive fae. I am me, Morgan, the witch that loved Britian!”

Bond 5 “So here we stand still. I’m sure you caught on but I hate the Age of Man. Tearing away all the work I put out, fading everything I’ve done into legend. Acting as though I was never here. For it’s sins, I will always spur it.

So why am I here? Because I would rather have an Age of Man with Britian than not. Be it the destruction of history or man, I will not stand for it. I will rage and hate and burn until all is done. So long as we stand on the same ground, I will be here. I can’t trust the other two to get the job done after all.”

To Mordred “Hm, that defect of a homonculus is here? Master, you are best off sending it away. It’s incapable of following orders or performing tasks sufficiently. I would love to fix it but that’s beyond my reach.”

To Arturia (Alter) “Tch, that liar dares to attach my name to something so weak. She preaches that the strong rule over the weak, shall I teach her who is truly strong then? Gwahaha!”

To Merlin “Ah, Teacher is here too. How unusual, that fickle asshole couldn’t be asked to cut a blade of grass, let alone save humanity. He’s not even really here is he?”

To Fairy Knight Tristan “Master, this annoying brat won’t leave me alone. Acting all familiar and friendly with me... Maybe I’ll teach her what it means to truly be sadistic. Perhaps by rending her limbs asunder...”

To Arturia “So the King of Liars has come as well. Maybe a trip into Hell will teach her the place where she belongs...but that will have to wait, won’t it? She still has her uses after all...”

To Oberon-Vortigern “That mana. Another embodiment of Britian is here?! It feels like that failure Vortigern...yet...it’s so different. I must dissect him, to know!”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “Ah yes, that other me. Heh, what a fool she turned out to be, no? She rages against man, fae and knights, wasting all her efforts in the process. Focus, my dear. Focus is the key to victory. I did not waste my time with man or fae, I put my all into the slaying of Arturia. And which of us succeeded, hm?”

Likes “A rough night with a man below me, of course.”

Dislikes “My other selves. Unlike them, I will not hide the truth.”

Holy Grail “Hm, I have no need for such a thing. Unlike them, I will not cling to a false hope. It will be my hand that cuts them out like the parasites they are.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bond 10 CE: I Am...?

One minute *I’m* home with my children One minute ^I’m^ guarding those troublesome fae One minute -I’m- cackling as I tear into his flesh

The next I’m not.

It is my duty to *lead*/^guard^/-destroy- my kin No, That is *my*/^my^/-my- duty. No, it’s *mine*/^mine^/-mine-!

...Is it?

No, I am a *princess*/^guardian^/-witch-! That is not what *I*/^I^/-I- am! Stop it! This is who *I*/^I^/-I- am!

I am *me*/^me^/-me-! I am *Me*/^Me^/-Me-! I AM *ME*/^ME^/-ME-!

I am... I...am... I...

....Who am I?

#fate series #fate grand order

[camelotsheart]

Alright. I’m watching 1x11 and trying a new way of liveblogging. Which is just me writing random paragraphs. Enjoy.

A creature of magic mourning the loss of a creature of magic 😭

“Arthur is a hunter. It's in his blood. Whereas you are something entirely different.“ reminds me of “He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature.“ “You are wrong.” Especially with the way that Arthur then proves what is in his heart by the end of the episode, and how his ‘heart’ is shown to constantly guide him towards the ‘correct’ choice in s5 (e.g. “My heart says do anything I can to save Mordred.“)

“You've got a face like a wounded bear ever since we got back from that hunting trip." Arthur means bear. I have no idea what to do with this information.

The unicorn as a metaphor for those sorcerers who “do no harm” and thus Camelot serves no purpose in killing them. Especially since people like the Disir and Alator describe the purge as a “hunt”.

The drought serving as a parallel to the events that happened before the purge to Uther, in that Arthur sees all the harm that “magic” is doing to the land and his people, just like Uther witnesses Ygraine’s death. Arthur initially refuses to accept that what happens is caused by him, just like Uther does. But unlike Uther, Arthur is able to acknowledge his mistakes given time (it’s interesting how in the book adaptation of 1x02 merlin makes this comparison too)

“If it is magic, it's more powerful magic than I possess.“ So unicorn magic is more powerful than Merlin’s magic. Would dragon magic be more powerful too? Is that why Merlin couldn’t heal Arthur from the poison of Mordred’s sword tha was forged in a dragon’s breath?

Merlin not understanding hand signals is my life 😂💖

Ok I can literally draw so many parallels between Anhora and Arthur’s first conversation, and Nimueh and Uther’s conversation in 1x09. Especially from how both Arthur and Uther seem completely unable to understand how the ‘curse’ that happened to Ygraine and Camelot was technically their fault.

“And could you bear for your children to see you be executed?“ The way in which Arthur says this breaks my heart because he does understand the feeling of blaming himself for the loss of a parent, just like those hypothetical children would. This is highlighted more by the fact that Evan later plays on Arthur’s insecurities about being his father’s son.

“If you're tested again, you have a chance to end your people's suffering. I know you want that more than anything." Reminds me of what Bradley says about Arthur putting Camelot above everything, even his personal relationships. Compare this to Lancelot and Merlin, who’s “something that is more important than anything” is a person (or people, in the case of Lancelot).

I LOVE S1 MORGANA. S1 AND 2 MORGWEN WOULD HAVE MADE A PERFECT QUEEN DUO FIGHT ME.

Merlin’s face when Arthur says he’s going to the forest to seek Anhorra out 🥺 Also the way he looks back like he wants to see the exact moment Arthur figures out that he’s eating rat meat 🤣 Merlin’s sarcastic little nod. Arthur’s shit-eating grin. This is what I mean by sibling dynamics.

AND THEN THEY TURN ON MORGANA ASDJSAJASLDKKLDJSA. MERLIN. ARTHUR. NO 🤣🤣🤣

“The King must wonder if you are even his son.“ I absolutely do not like how Anhora chose to do the test with Evan here. I hate it. But it does prepare Arthur for a lot of things. It prepares him to do things his father normally would not do. It prepares him to ignore when people compare him to his father (not that it worked with Agravaine, but Arthur does eventually come around most of the time with Merlin’s help). I find it like a mini 5x03 in a way. Also the fact that Arthur doesn’t even try to defend himself by saying that the looter would have been executed by the law of the land anyway; because deep down he knows that reasoning is wrong. What needs to be changed currently is Arthur’s arrogance in regards to his honour, not his internal morals. He has already proven his internal morals with saving Mordred, laying down his life in 1x09, as well as rescuing Ealdor and his reaction to finding out Will was a sorcerer in 1x10. Right now, Arthur needs to be able to accept that he is wrong.

“Besides I would rather starve than beg my enemies for help! What of our kingdom's reputation? Have you no pride?” “I cannot think of my pride when our people go hungry. They're all I can think of.” I’m screaming over the fact that what ends up beating sense into Arthur is his love for his people. I want to cry. He loves his people so much that his battle cry is “for the love of Camelot” 😭❤️

“Very well. But if you'd caught the sorcerer, I would not have to. That's your responsibility! One day you will understand what it takes to be King!” One day, Uther, you’ll learn to blame yourself for other people’s suffering.

“My people are starving. Camelot is on the verge of collapse. And it is all my doing.“ IT DIDN’T EVEN TAKE ARTHUR A DAY TO LEARN THIS I WANT TO CRY 😭 FUCK YOU UTHER YOU DON’T DESERVE ARTHUR AT ALL. (also the fact that Arthur fiddles with Ygraine’s ring as he says this 😭❤️)

“I trust Arthur with my life” the fact that arthur proves that trust right both in this episode by drinking the goblet and in the previous episode by admitting that he “of course” would not kill Will despite thinking he was a sorcerer.

Why the hell does Anhora use a sword to cast the vine spell.

“I thought I told you to stay at home.” Every time Arthur calls Camelot ‘home’ for Merlin I 🥺

Are those carvings... horseshoes...? Making the shape of a heart....? I--

(Sorry guys. By this point it’s 200% certain that my shipper brain is going to take over. Please expect a lot of screaming)

“What kind of ridiculous test is that? What does that prove?” “What it proves is for you to decide.” Which means that by the end, Arthur realizes what this test proves. And he proves what is truly in his heart by sacrificing his life for merlin. Remember “To sacrifice his life to save Gwen’s... I can’t imagine any man loving me so much.” “I certainly can’t imagine that either” “That’s because you’re not like Merlin. He’s a lover” “Yeah? Maybe that’s because I haven’t found the right person to love”. Remember how in the book adaptation this episode, it says that Arthur proves that there is love in his heart by giving his life for Merlin? Remember “there was magic at the heart of Camelot”? Remember how in the book version Arthur doesn’t deny having love in his heart when Anhora says so when the Unicorn lives again, and instead turns his head to smile at Merlin--

“I’m glad you’re here, Merlin.” @thebookluvrr1816​ More 1x11-finale parallels to scream about 😭 The book version describes Merlin’s surprise at this statement, and how he thought it was “ironic and unfair” that they understood each other "at the very moment that death was about to tear them apart.”

“No, I will drink it!” “As if I’d let you.” Someone stop these dollopheads from having a domestic about who will die for the other i beg

“You know me, Merlin. I never listen to you.” reminds me of “I’m the king Merlin, you can’t tell me what to do.” “I always have. I’m not going to change now.” Also, in the books Arthur actually says “farewell, Merlin” after this. Book Arthur is way more suave just saying.

HOW ARTHUR LOOKS INTO MERLIN’S EYES IN HIS FINAL MOMENTS UNTIL HE ISN’T PHYSICALLY ABLE TO ANYMORE. SOMEONE HELP ME 😭

“This was Arthur's test, not yours.“ idk but this reminds me of the fisher king saying “For this is not Arthur's quest, it is yours.“

“You've killed him! I was meant to protect him!” This is going to sound harsh but by this point I think Merlin was still putting Arthur’s destiny above Arthur himself. In the books, there’s a distinct difference in how he feels about Arthur’s death in this scene compared to 1x13 (I’m amazed at how fast his feelings changes, actually). Here, I feel like he focuses more on his own failure to protect Arthur as part of his destiny, but in 1x13, he says that the idea of destiny not being fulfilled was nothing compared to the idea of not being by Arthur’s side. I wonder what happens between this and 1x13 for Merlin’s feelings to change so much.

THIS HAS PROBABLY BEEN STATED MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE BUT “HE HAS PROVEN WHAT IS TRULY IN HIS HEART“ AS THE CAMERA FOCUSES ON MERLIN. PRODUCERS YOU AIN’T SNEAKY.

Merlin’s smile as he looks down at Arthur sleeping 🥺

Arthur looking at Uther’s hand on his shoulder as if he’s trying to identify a foreign object 🙂 I can never say this enough but fuck you Uther.

“When he who kills a unicorn proves himself to be pure of heart, the unicorn will live again.” this is a stretch but it reminds me of “when Albion’s need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.”

And that’s done! I have a small meta that ties the theme of Arthur and magic in this episode to the same themes in 1x10, but I might do it on a separate post since this one is already so long 😂

#bbc merlin #merlin meta #long post #1x11 #merthur? merthur #someone stop me from having 4 spirals every episode #this is why my chronological watches take me so long

[panharmonium]

@once-and-future-gay​ asked: 

how do you think will would react to how merlin treats mordred were he alive??

Okay, I LOVE this question.

And my honest answer to it is that I think if Will were alive, things would never have gotten to a point where Merlin felt like he needed to treat Mordred like that in the first place.

(more details under the cut, because this got long!)

The reasons why Merlin ends up in a place where he is able to make those kinds of cold decisions about Mordred are obviously super complex.  But in the end, I think most of it comes back to the fact that by Season 5, Merlin has come to see himself as a tool.  The ultimate fallout of Merlin being constantly told about his role in Arthur's life is that he comes to see himself as an instrument of destiny, not a person in his own right.  His life isn't his own.  He has no inherent worth, no inherent self, just a purpose to fulfill.  His life was always earmarked for someone else.  His value, in his own mind, is inextricably tied up with whether or not he can succeed in his mission.  He doesn’t think he is allowed to have more than that.  He doesn’t think he deserves to have more than that, frankly - every time he tries, something terrible happens.

This isn’t the case, earlier in the show.  In the early days, Merlin still has hopes and dreams for himself.  He still longs for a day where he can be known for who and what he is.  He still chafes at having to hide.  He still thinks he deserves better than what he has.  He's still invested in his own life, as a person who is worth something just by virtue of existing.   But as time goes on, those feelings start to slip away.  He's still fighting, but for other people, not himself.  He stops asking Gaius, "When do I get to reveal myself?"  He doesn't expect that to ever happen now.  He starts defining his worth as how well he can fulfill his “destiny,” and stops seeing himself as a person in his own right.  He's been told so many times that his life belongs to someone else - that his only reason for living is to serve a higher purpose - that he now believes it.  And that makes him more willing to do things (in service of that destiny) that he would have balked at when he was younger, before he lost his sense of selfhood, before he became just a tool to ensure that events unfolded as they were “supposed” to.

In the earlier seasons, we see Merlin defy Kilgharrah's directives on multiple occasions.  He saves Mordred.  He forces Kilgharrah to teach him how to heal Morgana, even after she's been revealed to be a traitor.  He's not yet willing to do things he feels uncomfortable about to bring about “destiny.”  He still thinks things can be better than that.  But as time goes on (read: after Will dies, and especially once Lancelot is also dead) Merlin becomes so isolated from anything that isn’t The Mission.  He has no “real” friends anymore.  Which, as I've discussed before, isn't to say that he doesn't have meaningful, caring relationships with other people, just that every one of those relationships is, for him, undergirded by the knowledge that the friendship is conditional - aka, “if they actually knew me, they would hate me.”  He has nobody to meet his most elemental need for connection - to be seen and loved for who he is - and by the later seasons, Merlin has been deprived of that kind of care for so long that he just stops trying to find it anywhere anymore.  Every time he has had somebody to love him like that, it has gone horribly, terribly wrong, and by the time we reach S5, Merlin just feels like it's better for everyone if he stops feeling these "selfish" desires for real companionship and just focuses on the job he's meant to do, no matter how painful it is for him.  It doesn't matter if he's miserable, as long as he's be able to bring about the better world that has been promised.

Lancelot is able to serve as a buffer against this, briefly, while he’s alive.  His presence is a huge part of why Merlin is so happy in the S4 opener.  Finally, Merlin has a friend to know him, to share his burdens, and everything is changing for the better.  Arthur is basically running the kingdom, and it's only a matter of time before he actually becomes king.  Traditions are already changing, by Arthur's command - now Camelot's most respected knights are commoners!  The Crown Prince is publicly courting a servant!  This is a moment where Merlin really feels that the moment he has been waiting for is right around the corner.  He thinks they're almost there.  He has so much hope, at the beginning of Season 4.  

And then Lancelot dies - for Arthur - and everything starts spiraling.  Lancelot dies on the altar of Merlin's destiny the same way Will does, and that breaks something in Merlin.  He stops trying to make things better for himself.  “Destiny” is going to take everything from him anyway.  He gives up and accepts that the only worthwhile thing he can actually do with his life is to make sure that Arthur lives to create the better world that has been promised, and that he himself is always going to be alone.

And then Merlin is alone, for the next three years.  And that's who he is when we meet him in S5 - disillusioned, desperately isolated, all of his personal needs subsumed for far too long.  The only thing keeping him afloat is his mission, and he will do anything to make sure it succeeds, now, because if he starts doubting it, then that means that everything terrible that has happened has been for nothing.    

And this is really why I feel that having Will around would change things, to a degree where I honestly can't imagine we'd ever wind up in a position where Merlin would have been self-abnegating like this for years, or would have allowed Kara's execution or told Arthur to reject magic just to ensure that Mordred would die (TO BE CLEAR - I'm not putting the blame on Merlin for what Arthur decides to do in 5.05.  Arthur's a grown man; he's seen enough to have more nuanced opinions on sorcery by now).

Will is just....I know he was only in the show briefly, but his presence in Merlin's life was so much more important than that one episode, and his ABSENCE is more disastrous than is made apparent on the surface of things.  Will is Merlin’s anchor.  He gives Merlin something that Merlin cannot access from anybody else, Lancelot included.  He is the only person in Merlin’s orbit who is not somehow connected/beholden to Arthur and Camelot.  All of Merlin's other friends become knights, or become queen, or are deeply invested in Merlin's destiny and the emergence of Albion (eg, Gaius).  Every single relationship Merlin has is with people who are committed to Arthur and Camelot in the same way that Merlin himself is.  He has nobody to tell him “this is wrong; you're sacrificing too much,” because everyone he knows is on the same page as him.  All of his companions are sworn to die for the realm.  Will is the only person whose existence reminds Merlin “you mattered BEFORE you went to Camelot and got this magical homework assignment from the gods.  You were just as much of a person back then.” 

Will is the only friend Merlin has who links him back to his original self, who connects him to who he was before destiny buried its hooks into him.  Merlin in S5 has been so alone and so put upon for so long that he believes his only purpose in life is to be an implement of destiny, but Will, if he were alive, would throw a fit every time Merlin started saying things like “his life is worth a hundred of mine” or “I was born to serve [Arthur].”  Merlin might think he's a tool and that his life doesn't matter outside of its ability to usher in the new world, but Will wouldn’t tolerate that attitude.  Will would tell him you are NOT a tool; you are a person, one who likes to read and whose favorite fruit is apples and who gets the hiccups when he eats too fast.  You don't have to do everything somebody tells you to just because they told you to do it.  That's the kind of wrong-headed thinking that got my father killed.

Will would never let Merlin arrive at a spot where Merlin felt like his life and his principles were disposable or worthless in comparison to the success of the “mission.”  And Will would never let Merlin get away with doing questionable things in the name of keeping Arthur alive, either.  Will, in canon, is the person who serves as Merlin's moral compass - in 1.10, Will is the one who's telling Merlin “it is WRONG for you to consider letting all of these people die in order to keep your secret safe.”  Even Merlin's own mother won't tell him that - when she realizes that Merlin is planning to use his magic to help during the battle, she tells him not to do it, despite the fact that there is literally no way the village can defeat Kanen without Merlin's help.  She advocates for Merlin to protect his own secrets, even at the expense of other people's lives.

Will, though.  Will refuses to compromise.  Will wants Merlin to be safe, too, but not at the expense of what makes Merlin who he is.  Will KNOWS that sacrificing others for the sake of his secret isn't what Merlin really wants to do.  Will knows Merlin is better than that.  He tells Merlin to smarten up.  He tells Merlin to do the right thing.

So like - having Will alive would change things for the following two reasons: 1) Will, in canon, is the person who tells Merlin “you deserve better than this,” and 2) Will, in canon, is also the person who tells Merlin “you ARE better than this.  you can do better than this.”  I don’t think Merlin would have made the same choices with Mordred if Will had been present for the previous five seasons, because Merlin would never have fallen so far into the “i don’t remember who i used to be and i can only see one purpose for my life now” hole.  Will would not have let him get to that place.

Possibly more importantly - I honestly think if Will were alive, we might never have ended up in a position where Merlin had to make choices like that about Mordred in the first place.  Will living would change the entire story.  Now Arthur doesn’t just get to sweep the whole “oh man an Evil Sorcerer died/almost died saving my life; that really challenges my worldview; hope I don't have to think about it too hard” issue under the rug, like he does in canon.  He’d have to be confronted with that continuously, every day.  And he would not be able to just project his anti-sorcery beliefs onto Merlin like he does in canon, either - he would know that Merlin's best friend is a sorcerer, and that Merlin continues to stand by said sorcerer even after the sorcery itself has been revealed.  

In canon, Arthur and Merlin avoid this topic forever, and I think Arthur honestly tries to forget it ever happened, because it's easier for him and makes him less uncomfortable, but if Will had lived, they would have been forced to deal with that friction every day, and Arthur would have been constantly confronted by the cognitive dissonance of “sorcery is supposedly evil, but how can it be, when this guy so obviously is not?”  

Will being alive would mean Arthur had to confront his prejudices sooner, because a) I fully believe alive!Will would have eventually followed Merlin anywhere, even to Camelot, and b) once he was there, Will would absolutely have kept up the pretense of being a sorcerer.  He would never have allowed Merlin to be endangered by him abandoning the ruse.  So Arthur would have had to deal with that, and honestly, I’m not sure Camelot’s policies on magic wouldn’t have already changed by the time Mordred showed up again, in this timeline.

There’s one other thing that I want to be clear about when it comes to any question that deals with Merlin’s interactions with Mordred (or many of Merlin’s late-season decisions, to be honest).  

The way Merlin ends up dealing with Mordred is obviously something that we all are watching the screen being like "IF YOU WOULD JUST BE NICER TO HIM EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY."  Even before I finished Season 5, I typed up my thoughts/worries/predictions, and I said that I was concerned Merlin's behavior was going to be the thing that ultimately created the exact future with Mordred that he was trying to prevent.  We all know it's a messed up situation.

But I also personally find it absolutely imperative to recognize the unique situation Merlin is in, and that Merlin doesn't react this way to Mordred just for the hell of it, or even because he wants to.  

This is something I want to make sure I address, because when talking about the potential for alive!Will to have changed Merlin’s behavior, it’s too easy for the discussion to be framed like “Will would be able to stop Merlin from doing all those stupid/irrational things, like mistrusting Mordred,” and it’s also VERY easy for the discussion to slide into, “Everything that happens at the end of BBC Merlin happens because Merlin was so consumed by how much he cared for Arthur that he was willing to sacrifice everything to keep Arthur alive (and perhaps Will could have snapped him out of it).”  But I want to be very careful not to give either of those impressions.

There are two things that I am dead set on remembering when I think about any and all of the decisions Merlin makes, including his decisions about Mordred: first, that Merlin does not suspect/reject Mordred (or support/protect Arthur) in a vacuum.  And second, that he doesn't do either of these things solely on Kilgharrah's advice, either. 

Merlin, on a personal level, does not want to be in conflict with Mordred.  He still relates to Mordred as kin, even at the beginning of the Disir (“It won’t always be like this.  One day we will live in freedom again.”)  He LIKES Mordred, even, he tells Gaius.  But when he says so, he expresses it like this: “I like him myself - but I can't ignore what I saw.”

To get into this in a little more detail - why does Merlin struggle with Mordred in the first place?  Because he's been shown that Mordred is going to be instrumental in Arthur's death.  And why is Merlin fixated on preventing Arthur's death?  Because Merlin has been told, by multiple magical and/or godly powers, that Arthur is the key to establishing peace in Albion and returning magic to the land.

This is a non-negotiable point for me when I read things about Merlin's decision-making.  I've written plenty myself about the messed-up place Merlin gets into in S5, where keeping Arthur alive at all costs has overridden every other aspect of his better judgment, but it is ESSENTIAL to me that we recognize that this is not something that happens solely because Merlin has a personal attachment to Arthur.  He does care deeply about Arthur, obviously; he loves him - but that is NOT why Merlin in S5 is slipping into the murky waters of “save Arthur no matter what, even if it means doing things that go against my conscience.”  His decision in the Disir - any decision he makes about Mordred, quite frankly - is not made because of a selfish, personal desire to keep Arthur alive.  It is made because Merlin has been told, repeatedly, from all corners of the magical world, that keeping Arthur alive is the only way to establish peace in the world and liberate magic.  And thus, by the time S5 rolls around, Merlin will do anything to achieve this, even things that seem on the surface to be working against these goals.  He does not make his decisions because he is choosing Arthur OVER his people's liberation, but because he has been told that choosing Arthur IS the way to his people's liberation.

Merlin does not develop his obsessive fixation on keeping Arthur alive because his personal attachment to Arthur becomes so strong that he's willing to just let the rest of the world burn.  He develops it because he has been told that Arthur is the key to creating a world where all people can be free.  And it is ESSENTIAL to recognize that Merlin is not foolish for believing this, either.  He isn't just listening to some random dragon spout nonsense at him.  He has literal gods speaking to him, calling him by the name the Druids gave him and telling him his “time among men is not yet over”; he still has work to do.  Druid prophets show him the future (Mordred killing Arthur) and urge him to “alter the never-ending circle of [Arthur's] fate.”  Alator recognizes the legend Gaius speaks of as true and immediately offers Merlin his support.  Bendrui like Finna (aka the remnants of Morgana's own sect, the High Priestesses) offer Merlin the assistance of further prophecies and tell him “without you, Emrys, Arthur cannot build the world we all long for.”  The Catha pass on “ancient knowledge” about Arthur's fate that they've guarded for hundreds of years, in the hopes that it will help Merlin save Arthur’s life.  The Fisher King recognizes Merlin as Emrys and tells him “I have been waiting all these years for the arrival of a new time: the time of the Once and Future King” - and then he gives Merlin the means to enable Arthur's victory in the S3 finale.  

It's not just Kilgharrah telling Merlin about Arthur's destiny.  It's the wider magical world - and bits of the divine world, too.  Merlin is not stupid, gullible, or deluded to believe that Arthur's role in the prophesied future is true.  It IS supposed to be true, in the Merlin BBC-verse.  (And, once again, this is why the finale is, narratively speaking, garbage.  But that's a topic for another day.)

All of that said - the fact that Merlin has legitimate reasons to believe what he believes and fight for Arthur's survival does not mean that every single sacrifice he makes in the name of achieving that goal is necessarily the only way he could go about things, and that, I think, is where Will being alive would have made a difference.  Will, who loves Merlin more than life itself but does not care about Arthur or Camelot at all, would be a counterbalance to all the messaging Merlin receives about “destiny and Arthur over everything.”  Will would have pulled Merlin back from the brink, with his stubbornly honest, “All right, so you have to do this, but not like this.  Listen to yourself.  This isn't you.  This isn't the you I know.”  

I don’t think anyone else could have done that for Merlin.  Even at the very end of the show, after Merlin has been in Camelot for years, Will is still the longest-running relationship Merlin has ever had (excepting his mother, of course).  Will is the only relationship Merlin has that both predates Camelot and isn’t even slightly concerned with Arthur Pendragon’s well-being.  Will is the only one who isn’t beholden to Arthur or sworn to serve Camelot.  Will is the only person who cares about Merlin instead of Arthur, not along with Arthur.  Merlin has other people who love him, yes, definitely, but Will is the only one who says, “You, over everything else.  You are the only thing on the map for me.”   

The part Will played in Merlin’s life is not something that could be performed by somebody else.  That loss is a hole that cannot be filled, even by other people who know Merlin’s secret.  The history is unique.  Merlin can’t just grow up again with someone else.  Will was irreplaceable; the role he fulfilled in Merlin’s world was singular.  Without his influence, Merlin is perpetually off-kilter.  

Merlin needed someone like that in his life.  He needed somebody to balance out the perpetual focus on Arthur+Destiny, which all of his other relationships encouraged, to varying degrees.  The perpetual focus on Arthur+Destiny is what ultimately led Merlin to make the kind of decisions that he made with Mordred, but if Will had been around to push back on that, then I can’t imagine that things would have unfolded in the same way.

#very long answer for a short question i know #you can see why this would not fit in the message box #XD #thank you so much for asking; i enjoyed writing this up! #replies #meta #the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #merlin S5

[heartslobbf]

after a painstaking amount of time, i’ve finally decided to do it: i’m writing my kilgarrah essay.

i know that a lot of people love kilgarrah. he’s a mysterious, crusty dragon that has some pretty fucking raw dialogue with merlin. all of his scenes are chilling, the interactions between the two characters and their dynamic are something special and intrinsic about the show. but, kilgarrah isn’t really helping merlin.

he’s a morally grey character. he’s not meant to be the angel or the devil on merlin’s shoulder, simply an unbias bearer of knowledge. except he isn’t. kilgarrah doesn’t tell merlin that morgana and mordred are redeemable characters, that they can be helped in peaceful and constructive ways. he definitively tells merlin to ‘kill the witch’ and says that as long as mordred lives, arthur is unsafe. he has an agenda, and he uses merlin to achieve it. his opinions trickle through in his words, and merlin, maybe even the audience, take them as the judgement of the gods. not kilgarrah, interpreting vague prophecies and destinies he’s aware of.

because, it’s kilgarrah that convinces merlin to poison morgana, and it’s kilgarrah that, in the end, influences merlin’s decision in 5x05. merlin’s destiny is to restore magic to camelot, and when arthur literally hands him that on a golden plate, he smacks it away to let mordred die. why? because kilgarrah said mordred had to die for arthur and merlin to succeed. and anyway, complacently letting someone die, for your own personal gain, is something the young boy that walked into gaius’ chambers all those years ago would never do. merlin tells gaius he’s grown up, but he hasn’t: he’s changed to suit kilgarrah’s agenda, become ruthless with ensuring he does not fail.

and in the end? he does fail. and kilgarrah tells him this has been foretold since the dawn of time, which leaves me wondering why he spent all of this time trying to make merlin suffer through something inevitable. if arthur’s death is destined no matter what, why force merlin’s hand and turn morgana against him, why sacrifice returning magic to camelot for the sake of letting mordred die? why take this sweet, compassionate young boy bounding over that hill in the first episode with a smile on his face, and cripple him with a destiny that can’t be truly fulfilled for thousands and thousands of years?

so much of merlin’s emotional turmoil and distress stems from kilgarrah. even if he doesn’t mean to, he makes things awful for him. i’m not saying kilgarrah is evil, because he isn’t, but he’s certainly manipulative. he has questionable morals, questionable ideologies, and he uses those to aid merlin in fulfilling his destiny. it’s his opinion, and his opinions on what to do cause suffering, misery, death, leave merlin alone with nothing left to live for, because all kilgarrah ever told him was that arthur was his other half, the sole reason for his existence.

kilgarrah and merlin do share some beautiful, heartfelt scenes though, particularly towards the end of series 5. kilgarrah is weakening in 5x10, and merlin notices almost immediately. merlin offers to heal him, but he insists it is just ‘the circle of life’. this moment sticks out to me because it reminds me of in 5x13, during merlin’s last interaction with gaius, where he says he’ll have his favourite meal waiting for him when he gets home. it’s a subtle way of gaius begging for merlin to come home, because he already knows arthur will die, and he already knows that merlin’s devotion to arthur is so strong he won’t return to camelot when that happens. kilgarrah is dying. he has taken a step back, and acknowledged the same thing: merlin has no self-worth. already, he is trying to soften the blow that arthur will die by telling merlin you cannot meddle with this circle of life.

and then, merlin asks, ‘what will i do without you?’ to which kilgarrah replies, ‘you will remember me.’ it echoes merlin in 5x13, saying he can’t lose arthur. merlin does not know what to do with himself when someone that important to him dies, and despite everything, in 5x10, kilgarrah is trying to prepare merlin for that grief. he’s teaching him such a simple lesson, something that shouldn’t even be a lesson because it’s so simple: when someone dies, you carry on living your life. you carry their memory around tenderly in your back pocket. but merlin doesn’t know that. he can’t imagine not having kilgarrah or arthur in his life, and that’s because he believes they are both intrinsic to his very existence.

at the end of the scene, merlin asks when he will see kilgarrah again, but instead of answering, he just flies away. it’s left ambiguous, purposefully. arthur will rise from the lake of avalon in albion’s greatest time of need, but that time is unspecified. merlin and kilgarrah’s next meeting is left unspecified too, for that very same reason. kilgarrah is trying desperately to reverse what he’s already done to merlin. he is trying to save him from himself, this man, now, who fundamentally doesn’t care about anything in comparison to his loyalty for arthur.

and this is what i don’t get about kilgarrah: does he even care about merlin at all? it’s impossible to place how he feels about it all. i like to think he comes to truly care for merlin after all this time, even if their relationship is dysfunctional and kilgarrah should never, ever give anyone advice about anything life-or-death. it’s almost as though he’s accepting his own responsibility in arthur’s death and merlin’s downfall when he says ‘there is nothing you can do.’

that line has always hit me hard. just the delivery of it, the one time kilgarrah has truly been honest and said it straight for what it is, what the druids would say: there is nothing merlin can do. there is nothing kilgarrah can do. they have both made mistakes, and they both wish to amend them but they can’t.

i don’t think i could ever love kilgarrah, but i don’t hate him either. he does so many things that are so detrimental to merlin, but i don’t think he always does them consciously, with his own agenda in mind. it’s just that a lot of people see kilgarrah as the ultimate source of all knowledge, the undoubtable and unchallengeable word. he isn’t. he isn’t a god. he’s a crusty old dragon who is bitter and has been deeply wronged by mankind. it’s in his personal interest that merlin restores magic to albion so he can live his best life, but eventually he comes to have a genuine connection with the boy. he has opinions and ideologies and a moral code that merlin does not initially share.

never forget that kilgarrah is not always right. never forget that kilgarrah is the catalyst for morgana turning against merlin and all of camelot. never forget that despite that, kilgarrah isn’t evil.

#crying about series 2 #crying about series 5 #shut up daisy #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #kilgarrah #thank u for coming to my ted talk

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Can you do Merlin (I know again but I like reading your metas) and Harry Potter for the ask meme? 😊

5 things I’d change about Merlin:

1. Morgana’s entire arc. I briefly discussed this in the previous ask you sent where I talked about characters I couldn’t sympathise with, but I feel like Morgana’s entire arc across the series was handled terribly. The idea of Morgana transitioning from a protagonist to an antagonist was interesting and I’m perfectly happy with that, but it needed to be written so much better than it was. I think more attention needed to be given to Morgana’s internal processes and motivations. How did she change so drastically from such a compassionate and caring person to such a hardened and ruthless villain? I can’t pinpoint what specific event caused that rapid change and I think that’s the problem with Morgana. The development needed to unfold a lot slower and there should’ve been a clearly traceable line of events and growing of thoughts and feelings that led her to where she ended up. I know that she did have certain pivotal events that changed her - meeting Mordred, discovering she had magic and living with Uther’s hatred for magic, Merlin poisoning her, finding out Uther was her father and had been lying her all those years, meeting Morgause - but I still feel like none of that fully justified the sudden change in her character. I think the writing of her character in the later seasons needed to be more sympathetic and instead of reducing her to a villain, there still needed to be some level of insight into Morgana as a person. Ultimately, Morgana’s actions were driven by her desire to make magic legal, put an end to Uther’s persecution of those with magic and take her rightful place on the throne. All of that is completely understandable and even reasonable, but it gets lost in the mess of trying to make her the worst villain in the world and Merlin and Arthur’s archenemy. 

2. Arthur finds out about Merlin’s magic before the finale. We all knew from day one that Arthur had to find out about Merlin having magic at some point, but to make us wait until the very last episode was cruel and a pretty poor decision. There was so much development involved in Arthur discovering Merlin’s secret. It was the one massive barrier that was constantly between them and by making Arthur find out in the finale, they had to cram an entire season’s worth of disbelief, confusion, angst and acceptance into one episode. Arthur learning about Merlin’s magic represented the turning point for him. Already throughout the series we saw that he didn’t hold the same harsh beliefs that Uther did about magic and that he was a lot more open minded and forgiving than his father. To find out that Merlin had magic would’ve completely turned his world upside down and make him question the beliefs, morals and principles he’d carried his entire life. The prophecy of Merlin and Arthur creating a golden age never truly happened because it couldn’t happen as long as Arthur was in the dark about Merlin’s magic. It’s only through finding that out and coming to accept Merlin’s magic as being part of who he was that the two of them could’ve truly become a partnership and worked towards building a better and brighter kingdom. It’s only through understanding Merlin’s struggles and experiences with magic that Arthur could’ve come to make the decision to make the practice of magic legal in Camelot and stop the persecution of those that practised it. The central conflict throughout Merlin is essentially one between those with magic and those without it, and Merlin and Arthur are the embodiment of that. Arthur is the king, he’s the one with the power to govern the kingdom and make the laws that Camelot lives by, he doesn’t have magic and has an ingrained prejudice against those that do that’s passed down to him from Uther. Then there’s Merlin, the most powerful warlock of all time that has so much magic yet is completely powerless when it comes to making the decisions that impact the kingdom. Like the show said, they were two sides of the same coin and only together could they bring the peace and balance between magical and non-magical people. But as I said above, in order to do that Arthur needed to know everything and have his eyes opened to the fact that magic was not the enemy, and that if it hadn’t been for Merlin’s magic he would’ve been dead in the pilot and the entire kingdom would’ve fallen to ruin. 

3. ARTHUR LIVES, Gwaine lives, Lancelot lives, everybody lives! I appreciate that Arthur’s death was temporary and there’s some level of comfort to take from that, but it still felt like everything that happened was for nothing. All of the blood, sweat, tears shed and sacrifices, pain and devotion Merlin endured to protect Arthur and fulfil their destinies felt utterly pointless. I don’t even care if it’s too idealistic and too much of a fairytale ending, the finale should’ve been Arthur and Merlin side by side in the castle looking out over Camelot, the sun setting in the sky and Kilgarrah narrating that they fulfilled their prophecies and it truly was the beginning of a golden age of Albion. Killing Arthur was unnecessary and a very unsatisfying and devastating conclusion to the story. The only ending that would’ve made sense to me is Merlin and Arthur together at the end, having overcome all the obstacles and evil they’d faced and created a united Camelot where magic was able to thrive in a new way, with the future ahead of them and endless possibilities for all the good they’re going to do together. As for Gwaine and Lancelot, I think they both should’ve survived until the end. Gwaine’s death was even more unnecessary than Arthur’s, there was just no impact or reason for it. I’ve always loved Lancelot and think he was killed way too prematurely, and should’ve been a part of the round table. I also disliked the way he was resurrected by Morgana to be used against Arthur and would completely scrap that plot.

4. Merlin and Morgana’s relationship. By this, I don’t mean I think Merlin and Morgana should’ve had a romantic relationship, but I think there was sooo much potential where Merlin and Morgana were concerned. Just as Merlin and Arthur’s destinies were entwined, so were Merlin and Morgana’s, and I think there were so many layers to their relationship that could’ve been explored. Morgana’s number one fear was Emrys and in keeping her in the dark about Merlin being Emrys, it simplified the storyline a lot and made something that could’ve been incredibly interesting pretty boring. I think Morgana should’ve definitely learned about Merlin’s magic before Arthur and that Merlin should’ve been there to try and help her adjust and teach her about how to control her magic. I also think that Morgana’s transition to the dark side could’ve involved Merlin a lot more with Morgana trying to turn Merlin against Arthur by preaching that Arthur would never accept him for who he really was and that only with her on the throne would they ever truly be free and magic not be a crime. This could’ve also provided some interesting development for Merlin with him being genuinely torn between his loyalties to Arthur and Morgana, and his desire to protect Arthur and maintain his duties to Camelot and his want to be free and for magic to have free reign too. By maintaining that friendship between Merlin and Morgana for longer, it also would’ve created much more conflict when Morgana found out that Merlin was Emrys. This would also tie into the first point I discussed about Morgana’s arc, because it would’ve kept Morgana more human by building on that relationship with Merlin and having her connect with the protagonist on a deeper level. It also would’ve complicated her role as a villain, because she would still have loyalties and affection for Merlin. Whether or not that relationship could’ve gone to the romantic level, I really don’t know. I’m not a Mergana shipper, but I’m not opposed to it either. I think it would’ve worked incredibly well whether it remained a friendship or if it turned into a romance. 

5. Gwen and Arthur have a baby. This is quite a simple one in comparison to the others, but I always felt like Gwen should’ve been pregnant at some point on the show. I don’t think it necessarily would’ve made sense for the baby to be born in the middle of the series because it would’ve detracted from the main story, but there definitely should’ve been an announcement that Gwen was pregnant in the last season. The reason for this is that it would’ve been a huge celebration of the continuation of Arthur’s family line and provides a nice image of a future with mini Arthur’s and Gwen’s, but also it would’ve been another huge milestone that Arthur and Gwen had overcome after facing so many obstacles and being told that their love could never be. 

5 things I’d change about Harry Potter:

1. REMUS, SIRIUS AND DOBBY LIVE. I understand that death is part of life and in a series like Harry Potter where there’s an actual war there’s inevitably going to be casualties but not Sirius and Remus. Sirius was killed way too prematurely and still had so much to offer. He’s one of the best written and complex characters in the series and would’ve added so much to the story if he’d have lived. It’s exactly the same with Remus. He was such an interesting character that was an unnecessary sacrifice and I will never accept that Teddy had to grow up an orphan just like Harry. It’s too tragic. As for Dobby, why would anyone ever want to kill Dobby? It’s too sad and although I do think his death is effective in evoking the kind of emotion JKR wanted us to feel, I just love Dobby too much and can’t help but wish he’d lived. Also, poor Hedwig too. Let her live. Poor baby.

2. The entire epilogue. I’m pretty sure every HP fan will agree with me on this one. The epilogue in Deathly Hallows was just so awful. After everything that happened to write such a wishy washy happy ending like that was ridiculous. It wasn’t necessary for us to know that and it would’ve been so much more effective if what came afterwards was left to the readers’ imagination and interpretation. We were already given a happy ending with the defeat of Voldemort and there really wasn’t any need for JKR to take it that step further. 

3. Snape’s entire arc. As a writer myself, I can just feel that not much thought was put into Snape’s character. JKR wanted to create a villain that wasn’t really a villain but failed spectacularly. The idea that Snape was always on Harry’s side and protecting him behind the scenes completely undermines his behaviour and actions across the 7 books. And his reasoning being that he was in love with Lily just has no weight to it. Is he really so pathetic that he spent the rest of his life obsessing over a woman who never wanted him and married another man, and waded into her son’s life because he somehow felt that brought him closer to her? There’s just something incredibly disturbing about it and it’s a weak character arc. 

4. The general portrayal of villains - particularly Voldemort and the Malfoy’s. JKR has tried to defend herself numerous times about the way she wrote the houses, with the general opinion being all Gryffindors are pure hearted heroes and all Slytherins are evil whilst Ravenclaws are somewhere in the background reading and Hufflepuffs just go with the flow. JKR falls into the trap of using stereotypes and makes her villains one dimensional. Voldemort is the obvious example here. What made him become so utterly evil? I mean, there really is nothing redeemable about him yet from flashbacks we learn that he was a pretty normal, even charming child. What could possibly cause that drastic turn to the dark side? The idea of wanting to create horcruxes does not in itself mean he was evil, in fact, it’s pretty in-keeping with the ambition associated with Slytherins - he wanted to be as powerful and strong as he possibly could be. Yet the moment he learned what had to be done to make it happen why didn’t he decide against it? Why did human life mean less to him than being immortal? Draco is another example. Draco is arguably one of the most intriguing characters in the series, but his struggles are not gone into in enough depth. Obviously, there’s restrictions with how far JKR was able to go with it since the books are from Harry’s POV, but just how I discussed Morgana and Merlin’s relationship, Harry and Draco’s relationship had a very similar dynamic and could’ve been built upon so much more to make the story even more interesting. Even though Draco was supposed to be Harry’s archenemy, there’s a bond there between the two boys, a sense of familiarity and obligation that means when Harry first understood the extent to which Draco was involved with Voldemort it could’ve create so much more conflict than we got. JKR did go there, but she just didn’t take it far enough. Similarly, the rest of the Malfoy’s are portrayed as being evil but why? You’ll notice that I’m one of those people that just can’t accept someone being evil and the only explanation being because they are. Very few people are actually born evil, only psychopaths, but surely all of these villainous characters can’t be psychopaths? So what is their drive? What went so wrong in their past that they behave this way? In my opinion it is so hard to write a realistic and strong antagonist and JKR is one of the many writers that fails to do any villain justice. 

5. The time-turner. Although the time-turner was great in that it allowed Harry and Hermione to save Sirius and Buckbeak, the introduction of time travel completely detracts from the entire story. I saw this meme years ago: 

and distinctly remember laughing out loud because it’s so true. JKR can preach whatever philosophical crap she wants about how messing with time could have disastrous consequences and that’s why they couldn’t use the time turner for any other purpose, but with the power to time travel why wouldn’t the characters simply go back and change the key events in their lives that they want to erase? Why wouldn’t Harry go back to the night his parents were killed to save them and kill Voldemort for good in the process? Any rational human would and say to hell with the consequences. From Harry’s perspective there was nothing to lose in doing that, in fact, it would solve all of his life’s problems. It’s just ridicilous that McGonagall would give such a powerful and potentially earth destroying object (if it fell into the wrong hands) to a young teenage girl just so she can take on extra classes. There is no logic in it and there is no satisfying or adequate reason as to why Dumbledore thinks it’s perfectly okay to go back in time to save Buckbeak and Sirius but that it would be abhorrent to use it for any other reason. 

Wow, so that’s it. Sorry this got so long, I really wanted to put a lot of thought into it. It’s so hard to narrow it down to just 5 things and to cast my mind back to the entire series to recall what I didn’t like. For Harry Potter I was going to say I’d change all of the romances, but then the point about the epilogue kinda does that for me. Anyway, thanks for asking again, Tasneem, you know how much I love writing these kind of metas! :)

#answered #my meta #merlin meta #hp meta

[thessaliah]

What are favorite and least favorite portrayal of Servants in Fate?

Uhh, there’s a lot?  I’ll assume with portrayals, you mean how legends or historical backgrounds were adapted and reinvented and if I like them?  Keep in mind there are a lot I like and a lot I’m lukewarm I don’t mention here. Some get me more passionate than others. 

Favorites (in no particular order).- Arturia, Merlin and most Round Table. You can tell that Nasu adores Arthuriana stuff and knows it deeply to come out with twists that make sense. Arturia and Mordred are one of the few genderbends who aren’t inherently lazy in Type Moon (unlike others made to just cash in Arturia’s design popularity and get no effort to explain why nobody thought they were women or ignored this - note, this doesn’t mean I dislike them, because I’m fond of Nero and the rest too, but it’s a strike down when you want to talk about this subject). Camelot is, to date, my favorite thing Nasu wrote next to Garden of Avalon because he has such grasp in these characters to make them unique, flawed and tragic. He isn’t afraid to make his female characters here in the wrong, something I deeply appreciate because makes them more sympathetic. The Lion-King was a gift. Yes, sure sometimes isn’t perfect (the characterization switch of Saber Alter from cooly angry tyrant to kuudere), but he usually takes a great care about their portrayal in a serious manner.- Oda siblings, Nobunaga and Nobuyuki:  Guda Guda 2 was so good to turn Nobunaga from a joke character to a serious one with layers, she along with Arturia and her son, became the third serious genderbent, where she suffered the consequences of being a woman and it explains her ascension to power as damyo through Nobuyuki’s sacrifice who she found out later, in the event, never rebelled against her but was trying to expose her detractors and with his sacrifice, he was showing nobody should defy his sister. They hurt my heart.- Solomon: He’s a departure of the Judeo-Christian Solomon, but because a lot of him seems taken off the Islamic version (where he’s literally the world most perfect ruler ever, literally Godsent to build an ideal kingdom which would only last as he lived). He follows Nasu’s most complex king character of the recent years (I like Nero but she lacks ‘something’ for me to see her as a ruler character) to stand next to Arturia and classics, addressing old Fate questions about rulership, humanity, and heroism. I appreciate that, just like Arturia, Nasu obviously knew what he was doing and only adapted his background to Nasuverse to keep it creative but fresh.- Asterios: This is how you write a classic mythological monster and keep him sympathetic without erasing what he was, just give an explanation, and not try to portray the hero who slain him as a ‘loser’.  Theseus was the first one who saw Asterios as a human being in his short published backstory and tried to comfort him when he died. - Leonardo Da Vinci: Her portrayal isn’t perfect, but it’s refreshing to see old theories come to life about Da Vinci (homosexuality, transsexuality). Da Vinci has the honor of being one of the few characters who actually has a love life that doesn’t involve sucking up to the main character or their love interest in life, goals that don’t involve the main character as the center of their lives, and has an exploration of her issues with loneliness and isolated she feels without involving the main character in her interlude (it’s a monologue). In other words, she’s allowed to be more than just Servant arm candy which is rare for a FGO original.- Florence Nightingale: I absolutely love Nightingale portrayal as Berserker, not so much without ME (we see her in Dantes event), but this asexual, aromantic, completely madwoman, in a good and bad sense, who is focused, intense and eloquent when she wants, intimidating men and women with her one-track mind mission to heal and purify, shows a bit how war takes the sanity of even the most saintly of people and yet they still remain themselves to the core.- Edmond Dantes: Nasu told everyone to watch Gankutsuou one day and said “come up with a Count of Monte Cristo who is nothing like that one”, and they did it. They did it and managed to make him iconic in portrayal too, without the stigma of having to compete with the Gonzo show classic. Against all odds, like poor publicity, limited event, Daganrompa design, he became one of FGO’s most popular originals, because they explored his entire personality and issues in a character-focused event, plus his backstory fits in with Nasuverse, expanding on the character without erasing any of his classic elements.- Most Victoriana characters: Sherlock Holmes, James Moriarty, Frankenstein,  Nursery Rhyme, Jekyll&Hyde, Helena, etc. I’m putting them in the same bag because they got a creative twist for Nasuverse characterization that was well handled, IMO, and were changed for setting purposes and to explore a concept rather than pander a fetish.- Lobo: Great adaptation and portrayal. A literal wolf got more development and introspection than the majority of Epic of Remnants appearing characters. This will never cease to be funny.- Tomoe Gozen: I don’t care much about her character, but gets a honorable mention because they actually keep her true to her legend and background instead of removing it to make her a pure sword waifu who loves the protagonist as they did with a number of characters.

Least favorite (controversial talk and triggers ahead):- Sherezade: I can’t even bring myself to explain how much they botched her and how much I absolutely loathe her. Any other characters in this list annoy me or irk me at very worst, but this one makes me angry. Her entire character is so offensive I can’t articulate it now or this would become far too long. She was one of my favorite childhood heroines, so it makes me extra salty. Let’s just say that they took one of world’s most memorable feminism icons as a nerves of steel creative woman who earned her happy ending and got everything in life to portray her as a mix of broken coward (and a joke after Agartha) full of misandry and internalized misogyny, who kidnapped and brainwashed people, including women, to be murderers and rapists to live her twisted fantasy, but wait, she was ‘cured’ by a good man’s spinning rainbow giant drill while she was told her purpose in life was to make babies. And her happy ending was the result of that man’s wish. Yes, she could have been a take of a broken pedestal who actually overcame her issues and became heroic after a growing up process (even if I disliked that interpretation), but instead of that, she was saved by boy Fergus, and this action is even referred on her profile: her happy ending has resulted of his wish. This is a thing that happened. I have no words to say how utterly crushed I feel regarding her. How they destroyed the core of her character appeal, twisted it and didn’t even allowed her the agency to earn her happy ending.- Altera: Or how to take a fairly interesting warlord and historical figure, remove everything that makes him Attila the Hun to pretend a bland robotic alien weapon waifu was him, even though all her struggle and ‘arc’ isn’t even focused on it, it just becomes an excuse to make her a Servant. Imagine if Arturia’s struggle in Fate wasn’t about her King Arthur related stuff and Camelot fall but about “oh my I’m a dragon hybrid who sided with humans in the end of the age of mystery, Shirou!”, something Nasu could have done since it’s also an aspect of her character, but had the good sense to focus on the fact she’s bloody King Arthur. That her arc is a literally a rehash of “robotic waifu becomes a person, goes against her program” which was already done by Sakura and BB (and Arc a decade before them) masterfully not so long ago, in Fate/Extra CCC, but they were actually well written (in comparison to Extella) so it makes her look extra bad. She was also inserted into the story out nowhere, just like this Velber thing which it’s not even mentioned once in all Extra (the Beasts were, ironically!) and stole the spotlight of characters who were your allies and Servants before, like Gilgamesh and Archer. When Sakura and Gilgamesh got added in CCC, Nasu never removed the focus on the three originals, rather he worked to give everyone their own routes. Extella was a reminder of those fanfics that retcon previously established canon to warp the plot focused on a new OC Mary Sue character who is more special than others with the entire plot orbiting around them, and you can’t escape this. Fortunately, she underperformed so badly as a main heroine of Fate in Japan that Nasu might think twice about pulling this again.- Medusa: I have a hate/love thing with Medusa, because as a character on her own, she started ok, beyond the gross sexual assault thing they never acknowledge as bad and irks me (but this is common in most female characters of TM, and some male ones like Shiki). I like her in FHA, her relationship and devotion to Sakura. However, yeah, she’s Medusa my all-time favorite Greek figure whom I adored since I was a child and her portrayal as a version of Medusa leaves a lot to be desired: removing her sexual relationship with Poseidon (which some versions involve rape, but in most of them they were lovers) to make her ‘pure’ and then portray her as ‘seductive’ was the worst decision Nasu could take in FHA when she was meant to parallel with Sakura’s domestic and sexual abuse, in FSN, so the character became kind of confusing to me. It just feels her character was overwritten to appeal purity-waifu lovers and twisted a bit. Her design (the BDSM outfit) is just ridiculous too. I can’t forgive there weren’t snakes, but with the appearance of Gorgon, this is salvaged that a bit (enemy gorgon is better looking than the playable one too, fff). Gorgon is what I wanted Medusa to be, but sadly that kitty-hood wearing “Ana” comes along with Gorgon (with her dog collar!). I don’t hate her, I have some kind of complicated relationship because my standards for Medusa are higher than usual and her character got overwritten as much as Gilgamesh with the years so it gets confusing (but without giving the attention Gilgamesh got too, so makes it harder to grasp what Nasu is doing now). The Perseus-bashing stuff also get me because, like Medusa’s portrayal, isn’t consistent. See, Medusa was originally Perseus, Nasu just genderbent him in FSN because he needed more girls. Their personalities are extremely alike based on what we see him in Prototype and he’s called like Shinji in FHA when he wasn’t at all (just to make her more sympathetic than the hero who actually killed her was ‘bad’ See why Asterios is a good example and why Medusa isn’t about how to handle this, it’s like she was a test run, IMO)? But in leaked FGO lines reveals Medusa is fine with Perseus now, except for Gorgon who wants to kill him, but she wants to kill everyone even the protagonist. This “characterization marches on” makes it all muddy and confusing. Gilgamesh has a similar problem, but I wasn’t attached to him, so I don’t care much.-Artemis (and Orion): Does this need an explanation?-Fionn and most Irish heroes, but Fionn is the main offender: From a mix of Irish King Arthur and Merlin in legends to a complete joke character whose entire kit and powers get stolen by you know who. Fionn is a disgrace to his legendary counterpart. Diarmuid was ok in Zero (not in FGO tho), Cu is fine (and even gets his noncon old habits called out in FHA!), Medb is one of the few female villains who don’t get whitewashed (though she loses a lot of layers of her mythical counterpart), the rest is… eh. -Kiyohime: Not the worst offender, but becomes a proof how the obsession with “pure” waifu-ideal for insecure otaku ruins a potentially interesting character and makes her super gross and problematic without owning up what she is by the fandom and, sometimes, canon. In legend, Kiyohime was a scorned woman whose lover, a monk Anchin, abandoned her after he regretted their relationship (which includes sex, several times). That’s the thing: they were in a relationship with a promise to stick together and he dumps her and runs off. She becomes enraged by his actions that become a serpent who chases him, but she was the one wronged, even if his death was extreme, it portrays her as a tragic character who lost it after a real betrayal. What does FGO does? Oh boy, FGO Kiyohime is just a crazy stalker creepy yandere who killed a monk (who was gay, by the way) who rejected her when she nightcrawled to his room (in case this gets lost in translation, google what is “nightcrawling” to get the extra disgusting implication), but because she insisted as the creepy obsessive woman she is, he promised her to meet her again to get her off his neck and escape, even though he had already made clear he wasn’t into her (or women) at all. She gets offended when he, the victim, runs away, chases and kills him. Now imagine if Kiyohime was a creepy stalker guy who slipped into a lesbian nun’s room when she sleeps to demand sex and a relationship and she tells him to sod off, but he doesn’t get the memo and chases after she escapes and burns her to death when she’s hiding because he was jilted. Now you get why her character is beyond gross. I shouldn’t even need to genderflip the story, but it seems some fans are too easily mislead by a cute waifu antics teehee. It’s fine to like her as long as you’re aware of her a problematic character and not a “cinnamon roll”. She rubs me wrong because it’s obviously an attempt to cash in with yandere-fans by twisting a story of a scorned woman who is lost in grief and anger which causes a tragedy. But it seems that otaku would take a gay man-burning crazy stalker over a nonvirgin. On the other hand, I REALLY love her design. It feels like a complete and absolutely tragedy of a waste character because I love her VA, her Art and classy design (summer and normal version) and NP, but the change made to her character was really appalling. -Beowulf: I don’t have strong feelings about him, but he’s one of the most world-famous heroes and yet he’s a footnote whose appearances consist on lose the fight to some of Nasu’s favorites (Li Shu Wen and Martha). He feels less than a character and more “That guy Nasu uses to show off how tough his favorites are in a fist fight”. Also his design sucks, his art is good but I just dislike the ‘modern’ look unless you’re going all hammy about it like Kintoki.-Caligula: He’s not a character, he’s just Nero’s accessory and blind worshipper for no reason. If they bothered to keep up with his historical background, he’ll be more into his horse and Iskandar, and, maybe, Iskandar’s horse. He has no real personality beyond NERO NERO NERO. Kind of a shame because his design is ok, and he is potentially interesting as a gross unhinged emperor.-Siegfried: Siegfried is… a good boy, but he became an unfunny joke that I can’t longer take seriously as a character thanks to FGO. He’s in serious need of a makeover. Introducing Kiemhild and Hagen could be a good start, he’s savagable, just not so fond of what he is now.-Elizabeth Bathory-Carmilla: Not so much that I dislike them as characters, but it kind of rubs me the wrong way the one that should be an older woman with a torture fetish is portrayed as a dragon idol while Carmilla, the one immortalized as a young girl by Le Fanu, is the older woman. If they switched designs, and made Carmilla a catgirl instead of a dragon girl, preferably, but I don’t mind them at all, just this kind of irks me because they kind of switched their usual thing? It’s not dislike, just confusion.- Mephistopheles:  Or let’s take a famous devil in a classic to make him a murderous clown. What could go wrong? What’s even the point of this character, really? I love his artist and his VA, but this takes the cake of the most wasted character in FGO and has zero to do with his portrayal. I mean, I get the adaptation about homunculus stuff, but it was kind of too jarring switch because none of his traits are like Mephistopheles, like AT ALL. Erik was kind of wasted and made a bishie cosplaying Freddy Krueger, but at least he keeps the Christine stuff and a mask, to say “Oh right this is the Phantom of the Opera.” Nothing about Mephistopheles makes me think “This is Mephistopheles!” It’s like Nasu and his boys were talking about character concepts and one was “Hey, guys, I just rented It, and I want to add an evil clown in FGO!”, “Sounds great, but who can be? We can’t just steal Pennywise, he’s copyrighted.” “I know, let’s make him Mephistopheles!” “Why?” “Er, it sounds like how a devilish clown would call himself” and boom. Something like that.

#fate grand order #fate series #favorite and least favorite portrayals #opinion #angra mainyu is my favorite servant #but I can't put him there #I think