#because cas is a weirdo and dean is in love

[their-we-go]

wow i can’t believe they’ve been canonically married for two years now that’s so wild

#yes those are peanut butter and jelly pancakes #because cas is a weirdo and dean is in love #happy anniversary to our boys #my art #supernatural #destiel #november 5th #castiel fanart #married destiel #domestic destiel #destiel fanart #spn #fanart #dean winchester fanart

[rubyrubyrubytuesday]

it's always so funny to see a hate post for a ship that somehow perfectly encapsulates why i ship it

#“cas is a samdean thirdwheel and dean will never love him more than he loves sam. they will never let him drive shotgun.” #girl you are so right i love destiel #you ever be in love with a man who will only fuck you because he can't fuck his sibling........ beautiful....... tragedy #this is why endverse cas is drugged #if you weren't a coward you could enjoy multishipping these weirdos #but i love seeing people bullying insufferable hellers so it's fine #rrrt blogs supernatural

[castieldelamancha]

"Marry me."

Dean huffs loudly, both at Castiel's occurrences and also at how difficult it is to navigate this forest in the middle of the night, carrying Castiel in his arms.

He feels the need to laugh, but it may come out as something bordering hysteria.

"Really, Cas, you are asking me that right now?" Both of them covered in dirt and blood, Dean silently praying whoever is listening they make it to the car in time, Sam following close behind, covering them in case the monster they just killed, and that almost kills Cas before that, didn't have a friend lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to pounce and finish the job " you haven't lost that much blood yet."

That gets him an upset huff from Cas, who rolls his eyes, "I'm not asking because I'm delirious, I am completely in my right mind, I just -"

"You aren't going to die," he cuts him off, forcefully, "you don't get to make a big declaration and die on me." The again is loud and clear there, even if Dean doesn't say it out loud. He cradles Castiel even closer to his chest, praying even harder, walking even faster.

"I read somewhere," Castiel says, quietly, a calm sea that clashes with Dean's inner ragging storm, "that when the moment is right to ask you simply know it. I thought you and I, what we have, was above such simple human tags and conventions, but I was wrong." He sounds a bit out of breath now, and Dean is about to tell him to shut up and not waste his energy, but Castiel is quick to add, "It would be nice to celebrate our love, find another way," his voice shakes a little, is he cold? is the wound getting to him as the adrenaline wears off? Their eyes met and while Dean can see the faint ghost of pain there, he doesn't see any fear, like Castiel is sure Dean won't let anything else happen to him on his watch and that trust is the greatest gift he has ever received, in his entire life, "to express how much I appreciate you, your love, your care," he raises a hand, slowly, the movement sluggish, he presses his fingertips to Dean's lips, "I know you don't do any of it because you expect something back, not even a thank you."

"You don't even have a ring, man." Dean says, as soon as Castiel moves his hand back, letting out a watery laugh, feeling a mix of emotions rush through him, an immense love for the man in his arms, a great relief since he can see the impala, waiting for them.

Castiel manages a sheepish smile, a light shrug, "that's true, but I can offer you everything else that I have, everything I am."

"I will marry you, you weirdo." He dips his head down, pressing a kiss to Castiel's forehead, he gets a bright, albeit tired smile back, a muttered I love you than he answers with one of his own.

"Uh, guys, congratulations?" Sam says after a beat of silence.

"Thanks Sam." Castiel smiles over Dean's shoulder at him.

"Yeah, thanks, whatever." Dean grunts. "Couldn't wait not even five damn minutes to ask me." He mutters under his breath, shaking his head, smiling to himself.

"You have to agree I have given us a great story to tell people." Dean laughs lightly.

"You totally have, sweetheart."

#destiel #smh at myself #ficlet #vanessa writes #i have reached a whole new level of cheesiness gotta love this for myself #long post #tuserpris

[shallowseeker]

As a follow up to my previous message about Dean’s grief being colored through Sam’s vision, it’s striking in that *that’s* the full circle moment of the show the writers were leaning to. Sam was initially the viewers eyes into learning about the supernatural and the Winchester family. We learn they support their lifestyle by running credit card scams, as an example. While undoubtedly Dean became the main character, after over 300 episodes, we wind back to Sam and see Dean through Sam’s eyes. He deflects about losing Cas. We get just the tiniest glimpse things aren’t right with Dean when he’s by himself - that hug with Miracle, getting up and leaving the bed unmade - but ultimately that’s it. Everything else Dean experiences in the remaining 20 minutes of the episode where he’s still alive, he’s with Sam.

And speaking of visions, I almost wonder that what we see of Sam’s life might not actually be what happens but rather a daydream of where he might go from here. He could marry a faceless random woman, have a kid - if it’s a boy, definitely name him after Dean, and try to hide away from the hunting lifestyle. If he doesn’t put pictures up, maybe the images of people like Cas and Jack, Jody, etc will fade from his mind. He’ll teach the importance of family to his son. We know that’s important to Sam by the enlarged picture of his parents and Dean (from Lebanon promo pics) in the middle of it all. And he’ll definitely keep the Impala.

And that might be what happens in Sam’s life. Or it might not. We really don’t know what happened after he closed the bunker doors.

"I almost wonder that what we see of Sam’s life might not actually be what happens but rather a daydream of where he might go from here."

❗❗❗❗❗❗❗

OH MY GOD. THE DREAMY LAST SEQUENCE AS SAM'S DAYDREAM WHILE DRIVING HIS WAY TO THE NEXT HUNT. See, Sam's listening to Carry on My Wayward Son, but in his mind, it becomes...this.

I friggin' love that idea, though! Like, when you lose someone, you do find yourself thinking, "I'll see them again, someday. They're probably in Heaven right now. Jack fixed it, so it's better. Cas helped. Everyone is together. I'll probably meet him on a bridge...when I too cross over." That's so...normal.

"He could marry a faceless random woman, have a kid - if it’s a boy, definitely name him after Dean, and try to hide away from the hunting lifestyle. ...And he’ll definitely keep the Impala. And that might be what happens in Sam’s life. Or it might not. We really don’t know what happened after he closed the bunker doors."

The woman is blurry, because Sam doesn't have a clear idea of it just yet, but she will be transformational and zen and so, so normal. Sam has a very poor idea of what aging will actually look like for him, too because none of his fam has ever actually made it that far. Which is why the wig looks so weird.

Sam has a very poor imagination of what "normal" looks like, because he is and has always been a weirdo. Like, he really thinks he'll be decrepit and elderly by the time his son is a young adult.

Not only do I love this, but I spent the last three minutes laughing at how Sam put his entire neurodivergent heart into his grief-fantasy, and it looks like that.

spectacular! @lemon--verbena

#asks #HELP I'm LAUGHING #spn finale #cw spn finale #sam stuff #sammy #sam + grieving #tfw + grieving #wayward on main street #fic brainstorming #file under best asks ever

[loserchildhotpants]

a little destiel drabble written for @atomicteaparty who posited (and im paraphrasing here) ‘what if Dean never hugged Cas after Lucifer stabbed him and he came back? he’d be really hot and cold w Cas bc he rationally thinks he should push Cas away to protect himself from ever being so hurt and lost again but also he gets pissy when Cas DOES pull away, so Cas is getting a lot of mixed signals and is secretly and quietly just v sad that Dean hasn’t hugged him - but then ofc something goes wrong on a hunt, and Dean sees a flash from far away or something and he thinks it was Cas’ Grace being burned out again and he rushes to him and Dean hugs him for like half an hour straight’

i took some creative liberty but here have a drabble of that What If:

_______

Breathlessly, Sam and Dean rush to Cas’ aid, and Dean knows the terror that must be writ across his face; he never learns.

Pushing away never works, pulling close is a death sentence, and with Cas, there’s never any in-between. But he’s known for a long time now that he’d rather have Cas around than not, and so if it’s all or nothing - for Cas? He’s all in.

And he should’ve made that clearer in recent weeks. 

He never learns.

Dean and Sam are shouting Cas’ name across the open field behind the barn Cas disappeared around; out in the boonies like this, it’s like the night and woods can swallow up all the sound. It’s like shouting into space; the sound doesn’t even seem to travel anywhere.

Eventually they find him, though, standing in tall grass.

Bodies are scattered across the ground with burned out eyes, and some with heads that appear to have imploded.

Lovely.

And not Dean’s immediate concern.

He sees Cas standing in front of the carnage, splattered with some blood, but otherwise looking okay, if a little uncharacteristically exhausted.

“Cas,” Dean breathes out, running to stand in front of him, “Cas, you okay? I - we saw a flash...”

“I was being swarmed,” Cas tells them both, glancing over at the bodies of shifters, “I deemed you were both a safe enough distance away that I could allow some of my trueform to disable them. It seemed a more efficient method than to use my blade on them all.”

“You look sorta pale,” Dean mentions, nearing him, standing close, wanting to be closer, “are you hurt? You need anything?”

Staring resolutely at Dean, Cas firmly plants his feet down, lifts his chin, and tells him, “... a hug.”

“... what?”

Dean thinks Cas must be joking, but, frankly, Cas isn’t that good at joking, and he looks entirely too serious.

“I don’t feel perfectly well. What will make me feel better is a hug.” 

When Dean huffs a half-laugh and rolls his eyes over to Sam, Cas specifies, “from you.”

Face flushing, Dean hates how pleased he is to hear Cas say that.

That’s idiotic, maybe. He’s been blatantly avoidant of Cas lately, and maybe this is just Castiel, the Rebel Angel, calling Dean on his bullshit, because when he sees an immovable object, he becomes an unstoppable force, and he becomes an immovable object when faced with an unstoppable force.

This is just what Cas does.

“... seriously,” Dean says more than asks.

“Yes.”

As if Sam’s surprise-slack face will provide any kind of out, Dean looks to him for help, but predictably is met with a shrug.

Turning back to Cas, whose eyes have not left his face for a second, Dean feels his heart thump hard, and that makes his embarrassingly warm face even warmer, which makes his hackles rise defensively.

Cas doesn’t say anything about Dean’s probably very obviously red face, though; he just stands there, waiting.

Dean doesn’t have any good excuse out of this, not when he’s being asked so directly.

“... God, fine, you little weirdo,” Dean mutters, stepping up close to Cas to take Cas into his arms.

Cas has this habit of hugging Dean around the neck, and, being that Cas is just a smidge shorter than Dean, it forces Dean down a little bit, maybe just an inch, but it makes Dean feel... big. 

It occurs to Dean in this moment that Cas maybe does that on purpose; he knows Dean, he knows Dean more intimately than any other being would or could, and not in the academic sense - he doesn’t know all of Dean’s funny one-liner’s or embarrassing childhood memories, but he knows the fabric of Dean’s soul.

He knows the often times contradictory and paradoxical desires that make up Dean’s impossible dreams; he knows Dean wants to feel big and strong, and Cas is a giant in that vessel - he’s stronger and larger than what Dean can fathom, and he hugs Dean around the neck, as if to make himself smaller. As if to give Dean a moment of feeling like he’s the one protecting Cas.

Cas does that now; his arms loop around Dean’s neck, and Dean’s hands waffle near Cas’ sides for a second, but then plant themselves as Dean inwardly chants to himself that this isn’t awkward (which is probably making it awkward).

After a few beats, he pats Cas’ back to signify the end of the hug, but Cas doesn’t pull away. 

Cas stays right where he is, and Dean suddenly realizes he’s hurt Cas’ feelings by avoiding him this long.

Oh, Dean thinks to himself, I was just thinking about myself again. I do that too much. Fuck. Did you think I wasn’t happy to see you? I could’ve leapt to the fuckin’ Moon when I saw you standing there, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch.

A little more repentant now, Dean slithers his arms more securely around Cas’ waist, gives him a proper embrace even as his hands start to shake, and he hears Cas sigh happily; Cas making that sound of relief is instant dopamine to Dean.

Their chests are pressed together, Dean thinks Cas can feel his heart beating harder than usual, but he tries not to mind Cas knowing; Cas would probably know even if Dean were at the bottom of the Atlantic.

“‘m sorry,” Dean mumbles quietly behind Cas’ ear, “... I’m sorry, Cas.”

“There is no need to apologize,” Cas assures him, his arms tightening, keeping Dean close, a hand coming to the back of Dean’s head, “I missed you very much, Dean.”

Beyond Dean’s control, tears well up in his eyes - he did miss Cas. He missed Cas more than he can safely say. He missed Cas so much, he wanted to fucking die. 

He missed Cas and Cas doesn’t even know, he doesn’t get the scope of it, he probably wouldn’t believe it even if Dean were to try and explain it (with words he is very sure he doesn’t possess), because Dean’s spent weeks avoiding him, arguing with him, never happy with Cas staying or going.

They curl more into one another, slotting into place like puzzle pieces, and Dean’s hands smooth across Cas’ back, feeling at the broad strength of him, dragging that holistic comfort into him like he could shove Cas into his ribcage and put him there for safekeeping. 

I’d quit hunting, Dean thinks to himself, nonsensically imagining Cas small enough to fit nestled next to his heart, I’d never put my life in danger again. I’d keep you right there, and I’d wear chest armor and I’d keep you safe with me, right there, forever. Part of me, where you belong, where I could protect you.

Dean knows that’s fucked up and codependent of him or whatever, but Cas never minds those fucked up parts of him. Cas is never fazed by how sick in the head Dean is, he barely ever bats an eye.

Even now - Cas isn’t letting go. He’s staying as long as Dean will keep him, and Dean knows he’s unwell, he knows his attachment issues are off the charts, but God, there’s such a profound comfort in the thought that as long as Dean keeps him, Cas isn’t inclined to stray.

If Dean doesn’t want to pull away, Cas won’t, because he wants however much Dean wants - or however much Dean is willing to take.

All this pent up, unspent tenderness rises up in Dean; he feels stupidly sentimental, protective, and much too comforted. 

The soft shush of their hands moving across clothing, the light scrape of Cas’ dull nails across the nape of his neck, how they breathe in tandem, never pushing one another away even by a centimeter; it’s a sedative like Dean can’t remember last having.

I missed you. I missed you like crazy, Cas, Dean thinks at Cas, pulling away in this slow, syrupy way that doesn’t actually indicate he wants to stop touching Cas, and Cas actually picks up on that subtle cue and keeps Dean in his arms, though loosely enough to let Dean’s nose trail across his stubbled cheek.

Up this close, there’s the smell of Cas, his vitals there for Dean to track, to keep count of, to let lull him into a dream-like state of calm.

He doesn’t mean to kiss Cas.

It’s like he’s sleepwalking; dazedly, he just turns his head, lets his nose and lips drag across Cas’ face, and he naturally slots into place there. He kisses Cas because Cas is there to kiss, and it only makes sense. It’s the only thing that makes any sense.

Not a single thought is crossing Dean’s mind when he does it. His eyes are shut, he’s breathing in deeply, moving his lips just so, sleepy, lazy, even. He doesn’t know where his hands are. He’s floating.

His tongue is met with zero resistance, his blood flashes hot across his body, his dick twitches with interest, and it’s like his whole body is thrumming with; Cas, Cas, Cas, smell of Cas, sound of Cas, taste of Cas, feel of Cas, Cas close, Cas good, Cas safe, Cas mine, safe with me, in my arms, need to touch, need to protect, missed him, love him, love him...

Something Dean does with his tongue in Cas’ mouth makes Cas’ breath hitch, and that’s when Dean’s frontal cortex comes back online and he realizes he is kissing Castiel on the mouth.

As if he’s stuck a fork in an outlet, Dean flies backwards, scrambling away from Cas, realizing with mounting terror what he’s just done.

His heart rate ratchets up, his stomach twists into knots, he remembers Sam is right fucking there, and he looks over at Sam, who’s looking at him in shock - having known each other all their lives, they have one simple exchange in silence.

Sam’s face says, I can’t believe you just did that!

Dean’s face replies, panicked, this is why I was keeping my distance. This is why I wouldn’t touch him. This is why I wasn’t supposed to touch him.

Sam’s face falls - Dean can’t tell who he feels sorry for, but either way, he hates it.

Too scared now to look back and see the state of Cas, Dean silently begs Sam, ... what have I done?

#destiel #deancas #melanie writes #melanie has friends #to be continued ...? #drabble

[lordstormageddidnt]

A Gown Shaped Like a Pastry

Ship: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Summary: A local pie bakery in Lebanon is giving out complimentary pieces of pie to married couples for Valentine’s Day. Dean’s plan to get fake married to Cas to take advantage of said free pie quickly spirals into a plan to get real married to him. Dean’s doing it for the pie, of course. No other reason. And Cas also just really likes the taste of pie molecules.

Word Count: 6.6k

Read on AO3

Despite that one year while Sam was in Hell, settling down was still an entirely foreign concept to Dean. But, somehow, with the Bunker, Dean found himself as close as he would probably get.

Before, when people recognized him, it was because they were big fans of the FBI watchlist or because they were fellow hunters. It wasn’t like he could walk into a diner and have the waitress there know his order by heart.

But that was different now.

Dean was settling . He was a regular at places now. He was building a solid rapport with the teenage employees at the store where they bought rock salt. The main cook at the local hole-in-the-wall diner always slid a little extra bacon on his burgers. The nice old lady with a dog always waved hello to him on the street.

Of course, it wasn't always a good thing that the people of Lebanon were now very familiar with the weirdo trio who moved into the military bunker next door. 

Case in point: Margaret. 

Dean's jaw twitched. Margaret glared at him. Dean glared back with equally unwavering intensity, his hand never leaving Cas's.

"The sign says free slice of pie for married couples," Margaret insisted.

"We are married."

Beside Dean, Cas nodded, his eyebrows furrowed with adorable determination. "Dean and I are very much in love."

Keep Reading

#alfie #alfie fic #destiel #tayclown #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #this might be one of the silliest fics ive written

[denimshortsdean]

"country singer cas and his gay little songs" PLEASE tell me more

Anon this is one of my favourite ideas to rotate in my mind before I go to sleep, and is entirely the fault of the @cascultextraordinaire. Also sorry this took so long, I didn't forget, I just got knocked on my ass by life

For this concept I envision Cas as a somewhat niche country singer who's not particularly popular in mainstream music, but has a cult underground following who love him for his songs about nature, loving the earth, and every kind of love EXCEPT romantic. Enter Dean, a hyper-famous rock star with a reputation for breaking hearts who sings about sex, rock and roll, loving and leaving people, but never love.

Cas doesn't follow mainstream music, so he's never heard any of Dean's music, let alone seen a picture of him - so when Dean rolls through Cas' neck of the woods on tour, Cas doesn't clock that he's a famous mega-sensation. He thinks Dean is handsome, and tells him so when he bumps into him in on the outskirts of town. Dean is charmed by the hot country weirdo who doesn't seem to have a clue who he is. It's... refreshing. They end up spending all week together, Cas making space for Dean in his little life, and Dean making excuses to his entourage as to where he's going all the time. They share a kiss under the stars on Dean’s last night in town, Cas giving him a little something to remember him and the countryside by. When Dean packs up and leaves to finish the rest of his tour, Cas isn’t worried because he was just spending quality time with Dean, nothing more. But he soon finds the songs he’s usually so good at writing won’t come to him any more. He still loves the country and the sky sure, but his songs keep ending up songs about longing and missing someone, mourning what could have been.

As with a couple of the other wips, I'll say no more on this because I don't want to ruin it completely, but rest assured there's a chart-topping album, a publicity scandal, and an awkward awards ceremony involved!

pspspsps more wips here

#wip game #rb games #rach rites #rach replies #anonymous #anon i am actually fucking THRILLED about this wip thank you so much for asking about it!!!!

[castielsupernatural]

how do you think mulder and scully would get along with each member of tfw

DELICIOUS concept thank you so much i’m going to write a million words about this. okay actually i'm going to break this down.

SCULLY AND DEAN: i think scully would hate herself for it and it would haunt her for years after but i think she WOULD be sexually attracted to dean and moreover i think they WOULD hookup and both cry after and be like i’m in love with the dark haired weirdo in a tie actually :(

SCULLY AND SAM: she would not once acknowledge sam’s existence. see mulder and sam for context

SCULLY AND CAS: she would HATE cas she would argue with him about ethics and duty and preserving societal structure and he’d be like whatever killing is convenient for my personal agenda. he'd be like ghosts are real and i can shoot lasers from my eyes and she'd be like 😡 well i'm an md and i think you're lying

MULDER AND DEAN: these men hate each other. dean hates mulder first of all because he went to oxford second of all because he works for the fbi and third of all because he looks like the kind of man john winchester would call a homophobic slur. mulder hates dean because he's a serial killer with a bad attitude

MULDER AND SAM: he’s fucking sam. there’s no universe where these two men meet and don’t fuck. it's really good for both of them actually even though they're not romantically attracted to each other, it's more of a fuck buddy situation. they're roleplaying big blue or something

MULDER AND CAS: this one is the hardest for me to put my finger on but i'm just gonna say jesus/mary magdelene and leave it at that

in general like i think if they met on a case they could make it work but trauma would also take place

#if you disagree tell me why ig #but i feel good about this analysis #thank you so much for asking me this i thought about it all day #who was it that used to be xfilesnatural? can you tell me how i did??

[hornystiel]

hiii again gen z mutual from the other day here, i wanted to let you know that yes i did read everything and enjoyed too!

regarding the issue of using "old" too loosely and using it to make weird ageist comments, i understand your concern and i agree. although i haven't seen that much towards other people in the spn fandom but more towards actors like to wish a happy birthday to them i saw people saying "grandpa" and that was very odd (wasn't on tumblr though). also about your point about how busy adults have time for fandom, the way you wrote that was quite moving and very real.

regarding destiel you had a super insightful answer, which i was not expecting but was super appreciated i'm gonna try to reply slightly more in depth, sorry i don't remember the order but several points were made:

- 40 is absolutely canon dean age and in no way old and dying at any age below like 80 is quite young so yeah absolutely dean is not old

- regarding them getting old and being put in a heteronormative box, i agree on that so much and i hate those stereotypes with a passion too. i will say i get the appeal of the more white picket fence life, the suburban lifestyle or baby jack in art, it's downright delusional but it's the kind of dream that leads to seeing them happy which is heart-warming. thankfully there are wonderful exceptions that are realistic enough to want to indulge in them especially for AUs. i'm not immune to high quality fluff is all

- i LOVED the super realistic headcanons you had for dean and cas and i need you to know how incredibly interesting and CORRECT they are (the cas being too frustrated to garden too real)

long story short: no offense taken i appreciated your in-depth reply and if you read all this you're the hero ;)

(re this convo)

i am genuinely so happy my thoughts didn't look smth like 'old woman yelling at cloud' :') your answer is very sweet, thank you

the 'old' thing i mostly see on twt because here i follow those who'd never say smth like this in an ageist way but well even here some posts like this can still reach my blog through the vine but usually it's people already rightfully grumbling at the op so <3

about destiel - thank you again, usually people don't really like my way of thinking about them or are simply not interested in that (no offense to each their own) and i'm just doing my thing with a close circle of weirdos but sometimes it do be lonely. so you saying you find my thoughts interesting means a lot 💜 and of course, there are works (fics, art etc) that nail even the happy-fluffy-white-fence concepts and i enjoy them despite me not being a fluff loving person really. and sure, aus are literally for this - discovering different paths for the characters and if it's done in a compelling way - cheers

i can talk for a long ass time about all my hcs (hashtag just girl things) it's just i usually don't receive a lot of feedback on them so i keep them to one on one chats mostly, but you're always welcome to ask me stuff or just chat, i love chatting (even tho i guess i can be seen as an angry intimidating person sometimes because...well. i am angry at a lot of things sighhh)

anyway thank you again, i really enjoyed both answering your asks and reading your reply 🌷

#asks #anons #destiel hc #made my evening tbh

[what-if-i-just-did]

Destiel Prompt List 15. Human!Cas

Trigger Warnings: guns, implied seks, mentions of fake death, being a fugitive, nightmares, not having papers, blood loss, broken ribs, and concussions

Both Human, Both Happy

Cas is human now.

Cas being human means he sleeps. Which means Dean gets to wake up with a sleeping Cas by his side every morning. It means Dean gets to fall asleep snuggeling with Cas in a post-glory haze and just be able to smell him. It means he gets to crash into bed after a post-hunt shower and use Cas as a pillow. It means he gets to wake up from a nightmare to see Cas next to him, breathing deep and looking happy.

Cas used to smell like pretty much nothing. He didn't eat, he didn't wash his clothes, he didn't sweat. Now Cas smells like dirt, because he spends time in the garden. He smells like food, because he likes to watch Dean cook. He smells like gun powder, because Sam's been teaching him about different types of guns, and how to reload and how to shoot and and how to melt bullets.

Being human means Cas eats. Which means Dean gets to make him burgers, and pasta, and lasagne, and pie. Cas says he loves everything, but Dean's pretty sure he's biased. When Dean doesn't cook, Cas eats the weirdest things. Honey and cereal and cellery with peaches and peanut butter and grape jelly and Dean suddenly remembers that Cas was always gonna be a weirdo human, cause he was always a weirdo angel. And he loves him for it.

Being human means Cas needs a surname. It barely takes a second for Dean to say, 'Winchester', so Cas Winchester it is. (It's never 'Castiel', now. Just Cas.) And Dean isn't stupid, he knows he can't ever actually marry Cas on account of Dean's officially dead and also the FBI's Most Wanted and Cas doesn't exist according to the government, but this way, it kinda feels like, yeah, they are married.

Being human also means Cas gets hurt easier. It means he scrapes his knees and bumps his toes and gets papercuts and colds. It means he gets concussions and broken ribs and blood loss when they hunt. It means Dean could lose him so easily now. But Cas heals, at a human rate, and Dean gets to make him tomato soup and order him to stay in bed and wrap his wounds softly and pamper him, so maybe it's not all bad.

Maybe Cas being human, means they both get to have the things they thought they never would. The things that make them happy.

#destiel #deancas #casdean #dean and cas #castiel #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #human cas #domestic destiel #domestic fluff

[castielcommunism]

Yeah while i like transmasc dean for the very simple reason of. I am trans so. he is trans. i like this. , i agree that it works way better for cas than dean esp considering how angels are supposed to be genderless beings. Hes technically trans tbh just sayinggggg. Whats your take on trans cas and how that relates to his relationship with a human identity and his vessel

I think Cas has multiple conflicting feelings about being a man because like first of all, it was an accident. Jimmy Novak just happened to be the closest, most convenient vessel for him to inhabit. I think he thinks about that CONSTANTLY because it was a pure coincidence and, to use his own words, angels are agents of fate. but Cas experiences humanity as a masculine subject. he forms a bond with Dean as a man, this inscrutable human being who he has a difficult time understanding, but one who calls him dude and man and buddy. as Cas’s doubts grow, as his own unique experiences of the world form, so does his identity. Cas rebels not as an angel but as a man, and he suffers the consequences by being trapped in his vessel. and even as he learns that he has tried this rebellion thing dozens of times before, the one time it worked is when he, as a man, fell in love with another man. I think he finds real meaning in that even if it is, again, a coincidence.

and I think he also finds it hilarious that he “became” a man and grew attached to this part of his own nascent identity because it also makes it impossible (in his view, at least) to have a relationship with Dean. had he taken a female vessel instead would they be lovers by now? does Dean reject Cas because he’s Cas, or because he’s a man? It’s probably both, but the man thing definitely doesn’t help his case. Cas sealed his fate as a fallen angel and his tomb is the body of a man, and his punishment is that he cannot use that body to touch the man he loves. Cas thinks that’s hilarious! he’s such a cosmic fuck up he can’t even rebel correctly.

and finally I think Cas still views it separate from himself in a way. he is a perpetual foreigner on earth, inhabiting a vessel instead of being a person who exists fully in three dimensional space. gender is a specific lens through which he experiences the world, and while he has significant attachment to it and likes the way it feels, it’s still an extension of his self, like a tool.

so like Cas ultimately enjoys being a man, he doesn’t understand all the various demands masculinity imposes on him but he doesn’t generally find those troublesome because people still view him as a man even if he’s being a weirdo about it. he has a hard time understanding social rules in general anyway so like who cares. he thinks it’s funny that something that has become so centrally important to his identity happened by accident, and that that accident has (again, supposedly) barred him from being with the person he became a man for in the first place.

#cas.txt #asks #cas studies

[castieldelamancha]

It's almost an accident, how Castiel comes to this particular realization. He is using his hands on Dean's cheeks to check his face for any injuries that may need cleaning or even stitching lately, moving Dean's head gently from side to side, when, as he is about to let go, Dean wordlessly tilts his head down, letting the weight of his head be held by Castiel's open hands.

He does exactly that, their eyes meeting for a brief second, his thumbs caressing Dean's cheekbones.

Another thing, he tells himself, he wants but will never allow himself to ask for. No the first one he has found out about, and it won't certainly be the last one either.

He reverently cradles Dean's face for a moment and from then on, it feels like he never lets go. He does it before leaning in to kiss his forehead, right after Dean shaves too, his skin smooth to the touch, and he still does it when he decides he wants to grow a beard (he will claim later on Castiel's opinion on it isn't a valid one because he simply smiled at him and told him he always looks handsome to him, with or without facial hair). He does it to pull Dean closer for a kiss, right as his laughter is slowly fading because apparently Castiel keeps being, without even trying to, hilarious.

"What do you need?" He asks in the dark, as he usually does after Dean has a nightmare, because that's what Dean asked him the first around he had one, he is sure Dean won't say anything, he will shake his head and tell him to go to sleep.

He doesn't.

Instead trembling hands close around Castiel's wrists and gently tug at them until Castiel gets what he means and closes his hands over the sides of his face. Dean has his eyes closed, but Castiel watches them anyway, moving rapidly under his eyelids, his thumbs caressing his cheekbones. He feels proud, he doesn't know if it's at himself for becoming such a safe haven for the one that needed one the most, or if it's at Dean, for being brave enough to ask for what he wanted.

"Thank you," he mutters and Dean scoffs lightly at that, opening one eye to look at him.

"Should be the one saying that, you weirdo." Dean hasn't let go of his wrists yet, he gives them a light squeeze, he leans in, even closer, and the kiss he gives Cas is full of said gratitude and a love he can feel his own heart echoing back at Dean's.

#started 3 different drabbles had a meltdown wrote this instead que aproveche #destiel #vanessa writes #ficlet #weirdo is like dean's fav pet name for cas #is in retaliation because sometimes cas calls him chickpea garbansito

[lokidokeyartichoki]

When you find the destiel fic that addresses how unhingedly obsessed they are with each other to the point of destruction of self? The fic that addresses some of Deans possible hang ups but how they’re things he’d do for Cas because he loves him? A fic that shows they’re absolute WEIRDOS about each other in a way only they can be? I found it yall. (Yes there’s worshipful sex, yes there are wings (but not in a wing!fic way), yes most of it is porn but it is so perfect)

#izzy at home #that late night bullshit #it was 15k and it was BEAUTIFUL

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Southern Comfort (8x06)

Soooooo much to unpack in this episode. Settle in, this could be a long one...

Ok so the brothers have a brief but heated conversation about Benny that amounts to

Sam: He's a vampire, why is he still "alive"?

Dean: He's my friend, idk.

Sam: What about Amy? Remember MY friend that YOU killed?

Dean: Character growth? 🤷🏼‍♂️

Not a great conversation for resolving anything, but it dragged some things out into the light of day, so it's a start. And it showed that Dean is working on developing some layers to his worldview, slowly, painfully, but he is working at it.

And then there's Garth. Gotta love the scrawny little weirdo. In his fringed jacket, joyful enthusiasm seeing Sam & Dean, ridiculous ringtones, and doing his best to fill the gap in the hunter community left when Bobby died. But Garth is always a good touchstone for the brothers, oddly astute and more aware of them than they are, and he gives them something to align on, namely, their shared reaction to him. And even though Garth was getting all Bobby's idiosyncrasies wrong, he did make a damn good point...

Garth: Bobby belonged to all of us, Dean – not just you and Sam. 

Because while Bobby was second dad to Sam & Dean, they aren't actually the only people in the world, a fact that Dean frequently forgets. It's not Dean's fault that even in his mid-30's he still lacks emotional maturity, he had a shitty childhood that set him way behind the curve on developing that way. He's working on it.

Then an Amelia flashback scene that finally shows us something sympathetic about her character. Of course it's a parallel to Sam & Dean, because of course it is. Her husband went and joined the military, without consulting her first and then got shipped off and died. Oof, that sucks. So she was adrift, exactly like Sam was, and they just happened to drift across each other's paths. No wonder they gravitated towards one another, they were licking the same wounds. The difference was that Sam's lost loved one comes back. Oh and her husband was named Don, similar enough to Dean for ya?

Sidenote: I love all the digs at the confederacy bs, because, yeah, they lost the war. I do not care who is offended by my thoughts on this either. Unfollow me.

Garth: Hey, uh, Sam. If you ever need to talk, I just want to let you know that I'm here. About anything – you know, life, uh, Dean, you.

Sam: I'm okay. Thanks.

Garth: I mean, it just seems like you and Dean are talking but nobody's listening to each other.

Garth gets it, he sees it. Oh boy, 'nother Amelia flashback. Yep, matching sets of issues.

And now Dean is possessed. There is a whole lot in the conversation, so I'm just going to compile the highlights...

Dean: You should have looked for me when I was in Purgatory. You never even wanted this life. Always blamed me for pulling you back into it. Everything you've ever done since you climbed into my ride has been to deceive me. Drinking demon blood, check. Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you're doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes, Sam. Those are choices! I might have lied, but I never once betrayed you. I never once left you to die. And for what, a girl? You left me to die for a girl? Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you've ever been! That's right. Cas let me down. You let me down. The only person that hasn't let me down is Benny.

Sam actually didn't have much to say, he admitted that he's made mistakes, but he doesn't push back too hard against Dean. Two very good reasons for this.

Dean has a gun aimed at him and is currently possessed by a nasty spectre who is out for blood.

Sam actually feels guilty for exactly what Dean is upset with him for after all, to his credit, he doesn't argue about it that much. This is not to say that Sam doesn't have valid beef with Dean, but in this case, Sam's conscience agrees with Dean. Sam's just still processing all of it.

And then, of course, Garth saves the day by punching Dean (ballsy move for our scrappy little hunter) and he pinpoints precisely wtf is up between the brothers.

Garth: You can't change the past, amigo. Stop being a idjit! With Bobby dead, you and Sam are all each other has. And that's not so bad, man.

Ugh, another flashback. I always forget how many flashbacks there are in this season. Like, yes, a well-timed flashback is a great narrative tool, but they are way over used here. I love the show, but at a certain point I wish they'd just give us the whole story and move on. Whatever, that's a me problem.

#spn 8x06 #so many brother issues dragged into the open in this episode #just talking the episode through to get it all straight in my head

[plush-froggo]

my take on a Destiel High School AU

Content Warning: language, and a slur

I feel like everyone expects for Cas to be the loner and Dean to be this really popular jock kid? But it would actually be like, the other way around? Like, yeah, Dean’s popular, but at the same time he knows he won’t be there for any longer than like, two months max because he’s in a military family and they’re constantly on the move, so Dean has basically said ‘fuck it’ to making any connections with anyone. He does get on the football team though, and he’s doing tryouts and stuff and that’s when he first meets Cas, because the coach put them head to head to test Dean’s skills. And Dean’s pretty damn good at the game, but Cas is better and Dean’s kinda just like “holy shit, this kid is hot AND he’s kicking my ass? holy fuck” 

Cas is only on the football team because it’s what his father is expecting from him, and he could really care less about playing sports and doing all that normal high school bullshit. Cas would prefer to go lounge about in the library, reading dramatic novels and going out to animal shelters to play with the cats, but instead he’s here on the football team because he’s still living the life his father always wanted for him. And then he’s face to face with Dean Winchester, some new kid who just moved into town and goddamn he’s pretty, but Cas isn’t about to let that make him put his guard down

Dean has made a friend, Benny, who knows a lot about the Novak family; he’s in the same grade as Castiel’s older brother Balthazar, and they talk together a lot. Cas and Benny aren’t close; in fact, Cas doesn’t really seem close with anyone other than his family—and even then, they don’t really seem all that close. Dean manages to get on the team(because he held his own against one of the team’s best players, and he damn near won a few times too)and afterwards, Dean chases Cas down just before they can get to the locker rooms and Dean asks Cas for a few pointers, because he’s never met anyone who could play like Cas before. Cas kind of hesitantly agrees and suggests they meet up later in a park where they can practice in peace and Dean agrees

When they get there, Dean’s dressed in a band shirt, a flannel, and some ripped jeans, meanwhile Cas is wearing like, this full on nerdy-ass striped sweater and Dean almost doesn’t recognize him for a minute. Dean’s like “dude, are you seriously about to play football wearing a sweater when it’s like, 80 degrees out” and Cas is like “ofc not” and takes off the sweater(he’s got a tank top on underneath)and he’s kinda fucking ripped and Dean’s kinda just bi panicking for a bit until Cas is like “are you going to fucking focus here or what” and Dean snaps out of it

Dean starts practicing with Cas like this every day, and they start talking a bit more in school too. It’s by doing this that Dean learns that Cas has basically no idea how to interact with other people; he’s the most social awkward dorky little guy anyone could ever meet. The only people who’ve ever really bothered to talk and get to know him are his family, and they’re all just as fucking weird. One time, after they’re finished practicing in the park for the day, Dean notices an ice cream stand and gets lowkey hyped before remembering he didn’t bring his wallet, and Cas just goes up and buys them both an ice cream. 

And they sit down and start talking. About anything and everything and nothing at all. And it’s around this point in time that Dean thinks he may be starting to fall in love with this weirdo kid and he ends up being way more honest than he ever meant to be with Cas—but how can you not, it’s almost like the guy can read Dean’s mind for Christ’s sake. Dean admits that he hates moving from town to town like this, that he hates never having any connections with people, no real friends. That he hates having to get up and move around over and over again, that he’s always the new kid and that he knows high school is never going to get better for him because of all this. And Cas does his best to comfort Dean, even though he’s not very good at it, but it doesn’t matter that he’s not very good at it—it means the world to Dean just the same

And it’s silent for a few minutes before Cas finally admits that he’s only playing football and on the honor roll and all that stuff because it’s what his father wants from him. He’s expected to be the perfect son, just like his siblings, and he’s scared of rebelling because of the way his brothers were treated when they rebelled, but at the same time he’s sick of not being able to live his own life. “These moments with you—they’re all I have,” Cas admits, and at this point their ice cream is gone and they’re sitting under the shade of a tree in 84 degree weather and they’re both still covered in sweat and a layer of dirt from their practice. “I wouldn’t…give them up for the world.” And it’s almost like Cas wanted to say something different, but he won’t tell Dean that. Not just yet. 

They never act on their feelings for one another, because they both know that Dean’s leaving and it’s only a matter of time before he’s packing up and sent away to another school, but they’re enjoying their time together as much as they can. During football practice, Cas cracks jokes that only Dean can hear, and Dean gets in trouble for laughing so hard, and Dean tries to explain himself but no one can believe that serious, stoic Cas would make a joke—a dick joke, no less—and Cas has the slightest of smirks on his face while Dean, still laughing, calls him a dick. Dean gets benched for disrupting practice, and Cas immediately follows him over despite the coach yelling for Cas to get back there. Cas and Dean crack jokes and laugh together on the benches as the other students practice drills, and they both realize that they’ve never had anything like this and that they’ll likely never have anything like this again once Dean is gone

A few students start talking about how close Dean and Cas are getting these days, and one is bold enough(stupid enough) to call them ‘fags’ as they’re walking down the halls together. Dean is ready to bash the guy’s face in, but he can’t even do anything before Cas throws his bag at the fucker and starts raining hell down upon this kid, who can hardly fight back due to the shock. It’s the first time Cas has ever gotten detention and everyone’s staring at him in shock, then he turns back to Dean who grins and says “That was awesome!”

Later, while Cas is in detention, Dean begs Benny to help him get Cas out. So Benny grabs Balthazar and says ‘hey, your kid brother is in detention and his boyfriend wants help bailing him out’ and Balthazar’s like ‘Cas never mentioned anything about a boyfriend’ and Dean’s all flustered and stuff, but then Benny asks “Wasn’t that what the whole fight was about? Whether or not you and Cas are dating?” And Dean says ‘no, it wasn’t, the kid called us a slur’ and Benny and Balthazar kinda just share a look

While Cas is sitting in detention, he’s bored out of his mind, and then all of a sudden, Balthazar comes in and starts absolutely berating the teacher like “how dare you put my brother in detention! don’t you know he’d never do anything wrong in his life! cas could never hurt a fly!” and the teacher’s sitting there arguing with him like “he broke another student’s nose!” and Balthazar just adamantly denies all of this. Benny comes in and starts the argument that if Cas was in detention, the other kid should be too, because he was the one who started in by throwing slurs around and the teacher can’t find any room to argue and Cas is all confused by all this until he feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up and Dean is grinning down at him

Dean grins down at Cas and asks “Wanna get out of here?” and Cas takes a moment to register that Dean’s here, and he’s grinning down at Cas in this way that makes Cas’ heart flutter and he gives Dean a soft smile and nods. Dean grabs Cas by the shoulder and stands him up and then they run out of the room while the teacher is still distracted, and they keep running until they make it to the park and they’re both panting and laughing and they just barely manage to collapse under a tree(the same tree they shared ice cream under)and they just lay there in the grass and laugh for a little while longer. “I just saved your ass, Cas,” Dean says with a bright grin, and Cas smiles this smile that has Dean grinning even wider as his stomach does flips

“Thank you,” Cas says, before giving another laugh. “You saved me from perdition.” And Dean laughs as well, because of course Cas would say some weird, dorky shit like that. Cas just stares at him and that’s when he realizes just how in love he is with Dean Winchester, and he realizes how much more it’s going to hurt when Dean has to leave. The one he loves is so close to him and yet Cas can only have him for a little while before he’ll be ripped away, and Cas will be alone all over again. This is the one person other than his family who has gotten to really know Cas for who he really is, and Cas desperately doesn’t want to lose that, but he knows there’s no other option. And he silently resigns himself to that, not knowing that Dean is doing the same thing

They knew each other for a week before they fully fell in love, and everyone says that Dean Winchester is a bad influence on Castiel Novak, but Cas thinks he’s the best influence and he’d follow Dean to the ends of the earth if it just meant that they could be who they really are. They’re both aware of the feelings they harbor towards one another, and in some aspect, they’re aware that the other harbors feelings towards them, but neither one of them act on it. They’re both content to just be in each other’s presence for now

And then comes the day when Dean has to leave. 

Dean practically begs his mother to let them stay here, to even just let Dean stay there. He begs her day and night, he begs his father over the phone to let them stay, he screams into his pillow at night and Sam is the only one there who sort of understands what’s made Dean start acting this way. Sam might be Dean’s kid brother, but he’s also the only one who knows exactly what Dean’s going through, and he’s the only one who Dean talks to anymore—other than Cas, of course. The one thing he’s never told Sam about is Cas—so even though Sam understands, there’s still this disconnect between them. But Mary and John refuse to leave Dean there, and Mary tells them that they need to be packed up by morning because they’re leaving out by lunchtime. Dean locks himself in his room and calls Cas and starts ranting over the phone, but before he can really do anything Cas hangs up and Dean just stares at the phone, his heart hurting. Dean takes to throwing about the things in his room in his emotions, and he does this for a good few minutes before finally sitting down and he slowly just starts crying because now the one person who he so desperately wants to talk to just hung up on him and he feels so truly alone in that moment. 

Then he realizes that someone’s opening up his window and before he even has time to register what’s going on, Cas is in his room, wearing sweatpants, a loose band shirt, and tennis shoes, and his hair is a mess like he had just gotten out of bed, and he’s panting so hard and Dean realizes that Cas ran to get here. Dean doesn’t even have time to ask Cas what he’s doing there when Cas grabs him by the shoulders and hugs him. Dean hugs back and breaks down into tears, telling Cas he doesn’t want to leave this town, he doesn’t want to just up and move again. Cas holds him while he cries, and it isn’t until something warm and wet falls onto Dean’s shoulder that he finally realizes that Cas has been crying too. 

When Dean’s finally done ranting and crying, Cas holds on for a bit longer, before he pulls away. “Dean,” he starts, his voice raspy and his eyes ringed with red but still so vibrantly blue, “I told you that I wouldn’t trade the moments we shared together for the world, right?” Dean nods, a bit confused. “I told you I wouldn’t give them up for the world. I wouldn’t give you up for the world either.” Dean’s eyes begin watering up again and so do Cas’. “I know it’s probably too late to say this, but-” 

“Don’t,” Dean cuts him off, a tear sliding down his cheek. “Don’t do this, Cas. Not now. Please.” 

“I love you, Dean,” Cas continues anyways. He’s crying again, but he’s wearing this smile as he looks Dean dead in the eyes. “I love you, and I always have from the second I saw you. And no matter what happens, no matter where you go, I will wait for you.” Dean breaks down again, because he loves Cas too and that’s what hurts so much about leaving. He doesn’t give a shit about the town, and yeah he’ll miss Benny but he’s lost friends before, but with Cas, it’s different. He may have been able to convince himself before that Cas was just another friend, someone he could get over, but now he can’t. And then Cas kisses him and they’re both still crying, and the window’s open letting in cold air and Dean’s room is a mess and he still hasn’t started packing, and he feels like his world is falling apart around him. But Cas pulls away, and he’s still holding onto Dean, keeping him held together. The smile on Cas’ face shudders a bit as he looks Dean in the eyes, and begs “Tell me you love me too.” 

“I love you, Cas,” Dean croaks. And that’s why it hurts so much. To know that tomorrow morning, Dean will never see Cas again. To know that he’ll never know what it’s like to hold hands with Cas as they walk down the street looking through stores, to know that he’ll never know what it’s like to hear Cas’ laugh again, to know that he’ll never be there to ask Cas to Prom and that there’s no chance they’ll get to dance together like idiots because Dean has no idea how to dance. Dean tells this to Cas and more, and that’s when Cas stands up. He pulls Dean up with him and looks over to the stereo in Dean’s room. 

“So we dance here,” Cas decides. “We can’t have a Prom night? Fine. We can dance together here. One last hurrah before our worlds fall apart.” And Cas walks over and puts in a Led Zeppelin mixtape into the stereo and presses play, before turning the volume up. He turns to Dean, his eyes still red and puffy, but he smiles and holds his hand out. Dean stares at Cas for a minute, before he starts laughing. Cas stares at him in confusion before Dean takes Cas’ hand and pulls him in closely. 

“I was gonna give you this mixtape,” Dean says. They start dancing—swaying, really—and moving about the wreckage of Dean’s room. Dean laughs again as he looks into Cas’ eyes. “My dad, he, uh, he gave my mom a Zeppelin mixtape. So, I thought, uh-” 

“You’d make one for me?” Cas asks, a smile forming on his face once again. And with that they’re both laughing. “I hope you know you’re a sap.” Dean leans his forehead against Cas’ forehead, staring into those brilliant blue eyes. 

“I’m your sap,” he mutters, and Cas’ smile widens. 

“That you are,” Cas muses. “And I’m yours.” 

When the mixtape is over, they stop dancing, but they still hold each other for a few minutes longer. Finally, Dean pulls away and begins looking around at his room. “I guess I need to pack up,” Dean mumbles, and all at once he’s reminded that he’ll never get to have a moment like this with Cas ever again. 

Cas moves one hand from Dean’s shoulder and takes Dean’s hand into his own. He squeezes it tightly, getting Dean’s attention. “Let me help,” Cas offers. It’s more of a beg than either of them realize, a desperate plea to eke out as much time together as they can manage; even if it’s a reminder of the fact that Dean’s about to leave. 

Cas helps Dean pack, and they put on other mixtapes and sing along badly to the music. More than once, they catch the other with tears in their eyes as they pack away Dean’s belongings into a suitcase and a duffel bag. They finally get everything packed up and sit down on Dean’s bed in silence. Dean grabs Cas’ hand and holds onto it, trying to remember what it feels like so he doesn’t forget. 

Then Dean gets up and he takes the Zeppelin mixtape. He stares down at it for a minute before returning to Cas’ side and handing it to him. Cas takes it, staring down at the tape for a bit. Then he reaches up to the back of his neck and unclasps a chain. He pulls a necklace out of his shirt, before handing it to Dean. It’s a pair of wings, Dean realizes. “This is something that’s passed down in my family,” Cas says. “Your family has Led Zeppelin and mine has wings. So if you’re giving me what’s yours, I’ll give you mine.” And Dean nods a little, before putting on the necklace. 

They sit and talk until long past midnight. Long past time for the both of them to be in bed and sleeping away for their big days tomorrow. “You gotta promise me something,” Dean says. 

“Of course, Dean. Anything.” 

“You gotta promise me that you’ll stop living the life your dad wants you to live. You do what makes you happy, Cas. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should live your life other than you. I won’t be around to break you out of detention anymore, and I won’t be around to drag you out to the park for ice cream. You gotta do what makes you happy, not what makes him happy, you understand me?” Cas nods. 

“I understand.” There’s a bit of a silence after that. “Thank you, Dean. For everything.” 

They finally realize how late it’s getting and they’re both exhausted but neither one wants to leave, because leaving now means you’ll never see him again and they both so desperately want to stay—Dean, in this town, and Cas, in Dean’s room—but they know that can’t happen. It’s 3 AM when Cas finally sneaks out of Dean’s window, not before they tell each other “I love you” again, and not before a parting kiss, and Dean watches as Cas begrudgingly walks away from Dean’s house. Dean wants nothing more than to chase after Cas, to run out after him and away from his family, just to stay here with Cas. But instead, he closes his window and shuts off his light and curls up in bed and just cries, wanting Cas by his side. 

They’re gone before lunchtime. Cas quits the football team the same day. He skips the rest of school and instead goes to the park where he and Dean would practice, where they would talk and eat ice cream together, where they were free to be honest with each other. Where he realized he had fallen for Dean so hard, he wasn’t sure he could ever recover from it. And he just cries. For hours. Balthazar’s the one to find him and bring him home well after dark, when Cas is just mentally and emotionally exhausted. Chuck berates Cas for quitting the football team, for getting a detention, for skipping school, but Cas just walks past him and upstairs to his room. He gets out an old stereo—one he hardly ever used anymore—and he puts in the mixtape. Cas listens to it on repeat for hours on end until he finally cries himself to sleep. 

Dean never removes the necklace. Not to shower, not for football practice at another school, not to sleep. He keeps Cas’ wings just over his heart, always. They promised not to forget about each other, and they don’t. But they move on. Over time, they move on, and they don’t even realize it. 

Dean moves out at 20, when he’s saved up enough money for a decent house and he’s got a stable job. Cas is kicked out at 17, for causing problems in school and getting into constant fights with Chuck. He moves in with his older brothers, Lucifer, Gabriel, and Balthazar, who willingly welcome him in. Dean becomes a mechanic. Cas doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, so he begins working at various jobs while he attempts to discover himself. They’d never admit it, but they both think of their first love every day—Dean, when he notices the silver wings in the mirror just before he goes to shower, and Cas, when he plays an old mixtape on his way to and from work. 

Dean’s 22 when he gets a new girlfriend. She’s beautiful and loves baking, but her eyes are such a vibrant shade of blue that Dean thinks of someone else before he thinks of her. They last a month before they break up. Dean tries again with another woman, and another, and another. 

When Dean’s 26, his brother is in college and Dean considers stopping by for a visit. He drops into town, stops by Stanford, and meets Jessica, who he really likes. She’s sassy, she’s a sweetheart, and she’s gorgeous; perfect for Sam. He’s sitting down with Jess and Sam for dinner one day, and he doesn’t even realize that the necklace is showing when Jess asks about it. Dean is silent for a bit. He runs his hand down his face as he thinks of a dark-haired, blue eyed boy who gave him this necklace ten years ago, and a somber smile grows on his face. “My first love gave me this necklace,” he tells her, and he’s not lying. And Jess smiles with him and asks about it. But he can’t bring himself to talk about Cas. To share what made Cas so goddamn special to him with anyone else, because no one could really get what made Cas so…Cas.

Dean and Sam get drunk later that night. “What was her name?” Sam asks. 

“Cas,” Dean says, and the name is somehow sweet on his tongue. “His name was Cas.” 

And Sam gets this look on his face. And Dean recognizes it, he thinks he does anyways. It’s the same look that was on his father’s face when Dean first considered the fact that he might be bisexual. A look of disgust. But that’s not the look on Sam’s face. “What was he like?” Sam asks. And Dean breaks down crying again, for the first time in 10 years he breaks down sobbing just like he did that night with Cas, back when he would have to leave Cas for good. 

All the while Dean tells Sam about Cas, Sam has this odd little smile on his face. One that Dean can’t really place. He can’t really figure if Sam is being condescending or not either, but he continues. He doesn’t share his and Cas’ more intimate moments, like the moment Cas gave his wings to Dean and when Dean gave a mixtape to Cas, but he tells Sam enough. Enough so that Sam gets an idea of who Castiel is—was. 

In the morning, Dean is very much hungover. Sam still manages to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, and he takes great joy in blaring Metallica right in Dean’s ear to get him to wake up. Jess leaves out for work not too long after Dean was rudely awoken, and he hardly has time to process the mind-numbing headache he has before Sam is throwing clothes at him. “We’re going out to get some coffee,” Sam tells him. 

“What, you don’t have coffee here?” Dean asks. Sam just shrugs on a jacket, giving Dean a small grin. Dean begrudgingly gets dressed and follows Sam out into the daylight. He follows him into a small cafe that’s practically empty save for the barista. Dean goes to collapse in one of the booths while Sam orders two coffees. Dean can hear Sam chatting with the barista as the coffee is brewed, although he hardly pays attention to it. He’s got one hand pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes screwed shut as he attempts to deal with this hangover. 

It takes a few minutes before Dean hears Sam telling the barista “Why don’t you join us? There’s no one else around right now; you’ve got nothing better to do.” Dean internally groans to himself—he was in no mood to meet one of Sam’s friends, especially when it felt like his skull was splitting open. 

A quiet but deep voice responds, low enough that Dean can’t hear it over the sounds of the coffee machines. Sam continues trying to convince the barista to join them, while Dean rubs the rest of the sleep from his eyes. Finally, the barista seems to mumble out an agreement, which seems to please Sam. 

Sam joins Dean at the booth, setting down a plain black coffee in front of Dean. Rather than sitting across from Dean however, he sits next to Dean. Dean doesn’t have time to question it before a dark haired, blue eyed man sits down across from him. “I wanted you to meet my brother, Cas,” Sam says, smiling. Dean’s heart thumps loudly in his chest as familiar vibrant blue eyes swivel over to him, before lighting up in recognition. 

“Hello, Dean,” the man, Castiel, greets. Dean swallows thickly, and all at once, his hangover seems to be gone. 

“H-Hey, Cas,” Dean replies. 

“Oh, you know what?” Sam bursts. “I just remembered, I have to talk with one of my professors about something. I have to go if I want to make it in time for his office hours.” Sam stands up, taking his coffee with him. “I’ll see you later, guys!” Sam leaves, and Dean and Cas stare at each other. 

It’s a bit awkward at first. Dean hardly knows what to say. “I wasn’t expecting to run into you here,” Cas finally admits. 

“Yeah, me either,” Dean mumbles. He clears his throat. “So uh, what uh, what happened to you?” 

Cas tells him. About quitting the football team, about getting kicked out, and moving in with his brothers. About searching for himself and for what he wanted, and about wondering if he should ever try to find Dean again. But he had figured that it would be pointless. “Ten years had passed by—what happened with us was a long time ago. I figured that you would’ve forgotten about me, or moved on.” 

“How could I forget?” Dean asks, pulling the chain out from underneath his shirt. The wings sparkle in the sunlight, reflecting in Cas’ eyes. “You left me with a part of you, after all.” And Cas smiles, and Dean finds his heart fluttering again just like it had all those years ago. They talk, and it’s easier to slide into conversation than Dean first thought it would be. It’s only interrupted when someone enters the cafe again, and Cas is forced to go back to work. He tells Dean when he gets off work, though. 

Dean is waiting outside the cafe for Cas, and once Cas is out the door, Dean drives them to a park. They find a tree and sit under it and talk about anything and everything and nothing at all. Before Dean realizes it, it’s getting dark and he’s driving Cas back home. Cas moves to get out of the car when Dean stops him. “I’m leaving town tomorrow,” Dean says. He reaches over to the glove box and pulls out a notepad and a pen. “But I’m not leaving here until I can make sure we’ve got some way to get back in contact again.” He writes down his phone number, tears the paper from the notepad and hands it to Cas. 

Cas turns to him with a smile. “Thank you, Dean,” he says. “It’s been…wonderful to see you again.” Dean nods a bit. 

“Yeah, you too,” he says, unable to keep a smile off his own face. 

Dean leaves town, and Cas calls almost as soon as Dean arrives home. Dean saves Cas’ number in his phone immediately, and soon enough, they’re talking on the phone for hours on end after their work is done. It becomes a routine of theirs. 

When Dean goes up to visit Sam again, he visits Cas just as, if not more often. Sam teases him about it relentlessly, but he’s just happy that his brother is happy. It isn’t too much longer before Dean is reminded of why he fell in love with Cas in the first place, and it just so happens to slip out one night when he’s dropping Cas off at home. He blurts it out on instinct, and then immediately realizes how stupid it was to say that. But Cas just smiles and says “I love you too,” before shutting the car door and walking back into his house. Dean stares after him for a moment, before finally pulling out of the driveway. 

Cas finds the time to visit Dean down in Kansas, and eventually Dean convinces him that it would be a good idea for him to move in with Dean. Sam teases Dean even more about this. Dean finally realizes just how happy is he to have Cas by his side again. They dance to the Zeppelin mixtape Dean made so many years ago, and this time they don’t have to worry about the other one leaving. They fall into a routine together, although nothing is really specified until they’re out shopping for groceries one day and someone asks them if they’re together. Cas is a bit hesitant to reply at first, and so is Dean. Sure, they live together, they occasionally share the same bed and they kiss each other, but they haven’t really said anything about establishing a relationship. So Dean decides he’ll do it then and there, by grabbing Cas’ hand and intertwining their fingers and he tells the person “Yes, we are.” And he certainly doesn’t miss the smile on Cas’ face, because it’s mirrored on his own. 

Dean and Cas are invited to Sam’s wedding, although Cas is initially hesitant. “I’m not sure your father would want me there,” Cas says to Dean. 

“Fuck him,” Dean replies, before leaning over and kissing the tip of Cas’ nose. “You were invited, and no way in hell I’m missing my baby brother’s wedding. No way in hell I’m leaving you behind again, either. Besides, Sam wants you as a groomsman. How can you say no to that?” 

They attend the wedding, and they avoid John. Dean is Sam’s best man, and he gives a speech that makes almost everyone laugh(and Sam bury his head in his hands). Cas congratulates Sam and Jess, and Sam hugs Cas tightly. Cas is a bit taken aback at first, until Sam pulls away with tears in his eyes. “I want you to know that you’re like a brother to me, Cas,” Sam says. “And I’m so happy for you and Dean.” 

Dean gets a bit too buzzed on the margaritas at the bar, and Cas is dragging him away from the reception sooner than they thought. They make sure to pass by Sam and congratulate him one last time before returning to their motel though. Cas drives back to the motel and helps Dean into bed. He considers getting a coffee for himself when Dean sits up and grabs him by the sleeve. “Cas, I’ve been wanting to ask you a question,” Dean says. His tone is serious, and when Cas looks back at him, he looks dead sober. 

“Of course. What is it, Dean?” Cas asks. 

“We’ve been through a lot together. Hell, we’ve been through a lot apart, too. But ever since I ran into you again, I’ve been thinking about how much I want to spend time with you. I don’t want to risk letting you go again. The moments we have together, I wouldn’t give them up for the world.” Cas cracks a small smile and sits down next to Dean on the bed. “I’m just saying, you know…I love you, Cas. Leaving you was one of the worst things I’ve ever had to do. I want you by my side, now and forever. This question has been on my mind almost since the day we met at that cafe, I’ve just been waiting for…I dunno, the perfect moment, I guess.” 

Cas’ eyes widen as Dean talks. “There’s so many things I love about you,” Dean continues. He goes on to list them; the way Cas smiles, the color of his eyes, his bedhead, the careful way he tends to the flowers in the yard, the sound of his laugh, the sound of his voice, the way his eyes light up when he sees Dean, the way he wraps his arms around Dean so tightly when they hug, the way he’s learned to stand up for himself, the way he sasses off characters in the soap operas they watch, the way he falls asleep on Dean’s shoulder, the way he looks when he listens to Dean talk, the way he’s always willing to help even if he has no idea what to do, the way he always does his best to do the right thing, the way he broke out of his shell and carved his own path as a person, and so much more. Dean barely has the ring box out of his pocket and the words “Will you-” out of his mouth before Cas is kissing him. He pulls away briefly to say ‘Yes’ before he smashes his lips onto Dean’s again. 

They fall asleep in each other’s arms, like they had wanted to do so many years ago. They plan to dance to a Zeppelin song at their wedding, and their rings have wings engraved in them. Dean asks if they can have a pie replace their wedding cake, and Cas suggests they can have both. Dean considers inviting John, if it’s alright with Cas. Cas says it’s fine. Cas considers inviting his family, and his father. Dean persuades him to send the invites. 

All of Castiel’s brothers arrive to attend the wedding, even those who had seemingly disowned him. John does not attend the wedding, and neither does Chuck. But to Dean and Cas, it doesn’t matter. They have each other, and the family that really matters was already there. Sam is Dean’s best man of course. It’s Dean’s first time meeting Cas’ family, and all of them threaten to kill him if he ends up hurting Cas. Cas barges in between them, defending Dean from their threats, and growing exasperated when Gabriel ruffles his hair, saying “We’re just trying to make sure he treats our little brother alright!” 

A little while later, Balthazar and Dean are alone. “You’ve always made him happy, since the day you first met him,” Balthazar remarks to Dean. “I trust in you to keep doing that.” 

“I’ll do my best,” Dean replies. Balthazar smiles at Dean, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Good. It’s in your best interests.” 

Dean and Cas’ honeymoon is what anyone would expect. Steamy and hot, yes; but afterwards, they spent the whole night cuddled together in bed, talking. Talking about anything and everything and nothing at all. They’re both happy. They’re both free. They know they’ll never leave the other ever again. They fall asleep in each other’s arms, a Zeppelin song playing quietly on the stereo, a pair of wings over Dean’s heart, and a ring on their fingers. They’re at peace. And they’re happy. And it’s good.

#Destiel #supernatural destiel #supernatural #supernatural au #SPN #spn au #dean winchester #castiel #cw: slurs #cw: language #i was having some destiel feels one night #and i wrote this up over the course of a couple of hours #deancas #castiel novak #high school au

[mediawhorefics]

1, 18 and a wildcard of your choice for the behind the scenes ask, pls and thank youuuuu!! if those don’t spark joy, or you’ve already done them, feel free to swap them out for something else! xox

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

written AND posted? one direction/hl. before that? i wrote some paragraphs of hp stuff back in the day. nothing i ever finished or ever posted anywhere. the 1d fandom was the first time i engaged in fandom as anything other than a reader/passive consumer.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

i'm really proud of this bit from for which no words exist.

Dean looks at his hands, soft on Castiel’s back. They’re strong sturdy hands, made for hard work and they have worked hard. They’ve killed and they’ve beaten; they’ve tortured and they’ve threatened; they’ve caused a lot of harm in the name of the family business. Carved by his father’s hands into his father’s hands. Dean can’t look at them without seeing his old man, fingers wrapped around a drink or a weapon. The older he’s gotten, the worst it is; the same calluses, the same veins, the same knuckles, the same wrinkles. Even the lines in the palms, unique to all, echo the one who taught him to tighten his hand into a fist and hit. Sometimes, irrationally, Dean envies Sam’s hands. They’re not Winchester hands. They’re Campbell’s or someone else’s up their line, but they’re not John Winchester’s, the fingers longer, the palm narrower… 

But maybe, Dean thinks as he very carefully, very tenderly, washes Cas’ back, his fingers barely a pressure on Cas’ skin, attentive to every tremor as he rinses the soap off, maybe they are Castiel’s hands too, remade by him bone by bone, tendon by tendon, pore by pore, infused with his grace, with his belief, when he raised Dean from hell. Not unlike Eve made from her lover’s ribs. Maybe, now that Chuck is gone, Dean can finally let his hands be good for this too. 

Maybe, when he looks down, he can stop seeing John Winchester’s hands. 

funnily enough, i wrote the bulk of this fic half asleep at like... 4am. i woke up inspired and kind just grabbed my phone and opened a note and most of the emotional bits of that story were written that way. maybe i should write sleep deprived more because i'm really proud of that one haha.

the inspiration for this passage is a bit weird and actually from my own life... i've always hated my hands, ever since i was little, and it wasn't until i realised that they were my grandfather's hands that i started loving them, esp. now that he's passed away. we were really close and while sometimes i do wish my body looked different, i have a real fondness for my hands now that i see them as a gift from someone i loved very much.

ofc this passage doesn't quite describe the same thing but i wanted to convey the idea of lineage, of what that can mean physically to have reminders of your lineage, and ofc the concept of reclaiming something and giving it new meaning. i don't think it's a secret that i'm a slut for hands imagery anyways and i've always liked the dichotomy of dean's character, both a very violent man but also a caretaker, so his hands in that story/that passage become a symbol of that. and then ofc there's a fair bit of comparison b/w dean and his father in spn, that whole dean spent so long imitating an angry man that he became one etc etc. so i used the idea of them having the same hands to illustrate that parallel, with the caveat that castiel has had a hand (wink wink) in remaking dean. and how through loving castiel he can then step away from the comparison and see his hands/himself as something else. idk why i'm explaining it, the metaphor is pretty self-explanatory but yeah shoutout to my grandad who was a weirdo who didn't care what anyone thought of him and who didn't give a crap about authority/hierarchy and saw everyone as on the same level. this passage IS dedicated to him.

#about me #writing